0:00:27 > 0:00:30The French have said au revoir to the Franc,
0:00:30 > 0:00:33the Germans have said auf wiedersehen to the Deutschmark,
0:00:33 > 0:00:38and the Portuguese have said...whatever to their thing.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42- Go!- Now it's our turn to say goodbye to Sterling.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46This Christmas, we are going to get the euro.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50Goodbye, old pounds. Everyone says we'll miss you.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Faster, faster! Come on!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- I can't see you. Where are you? - I'm over here!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03This is the main drag along here.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05That's Portland.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Bisecting that at right angles, is Lundy on that side.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12On this side there's Fastnet.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- What's yours?- Cromarty.
0:01:15 > 0:01:20Cromarty and German Bight... Cul de sacs. Over here.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- I've come through. - Come on!
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Come on, Damian! There's a train coming!
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Keep pedalling. Come on!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Faster!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Beat ya!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Come on!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I'm gonna call it Serendipity.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- What does that mean?- I don't know.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Anyway it's number twenty.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Upstairs!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- This is my room.- And mine. Get your own room.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55The patron saint of house removals is Saint Anne. Did you know that?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57No, I didn't know that, no.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Yeah, she lived in the desert, obviously.
0:03:00 > 0:03:06- And when she wanted to move house, Angels came, picked up her house and took it to Italy.- Handy.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15She was Our Lady's mother.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- What you on about, Damian?- Saint Anne.
0:03:18 > 0:03:23- I've got a picture. Look.- I don't care, just get in the car, will ya? We're going'. Go on! Get in the car!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Was she in it at the time?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Who?- Saint Anne.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- When the angels did the... you know the airlift?- I don't know.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Start with the money. That's what our Anthony says.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16That's what people want to know about.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Like if you're moving house...
0:04:18 > 0:04:22you don't say "we're moving house and the new one has got a green door."
0:04:22 > 0:04:24You say how much you're paying. How much you got for the old one.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Mortgage. Interest rates. Stamp duty.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Solicitor's fees.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32How much you'll get if the new one goes up in value.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33That's called equity.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Personally, I think, "So what? Money's just a thing."
0:04:36 > 0:04:38And things change.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41One minute something's there and you can cuddle up to it.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44The next minute it's gone. Like a Malteser.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46That goes in the kitchen.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Is this fantastic or what?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Surprisingly spacious, with attractive views.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57And anyway, in the end, it turns out it wasn't about the money after all.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Good lad.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01That's it, lads. Up to the main bedroom.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Has anyone seen where the phone points are?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Eh, where do I plug this in? Oh, right, yeah.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Right this is what we're having' tonight, yeah?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Before Countdown, put the oven on.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07- After Countdown, get a packet of these, put them in there with some oven chips, yeah?- It's for mum.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- The time is on here, yeah.- Ok. - That's how long they have to stay in.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13By the time they're ready, I'll be back.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16She may already have won ten thousand pounds.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Her name has been entered in a draw. All she has to do is...
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Hands? Other sides.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Let's go. Come on!
0:06:31 > 0:06:32That's you.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Get your bags.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37And your book bag, Damian. Keys!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Now remember - it's no good being clever, you've got to be the cleverest, yeah?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- All right. See ya Dad.- Good luck lads.- See ya.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Are you nervous?- A bit.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01So everybody sitting up nicely? Excellent.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Now we are talking, today, about people we admire. Dominic?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Roy Keane, Sir, Manchester United. - Very good, Roy Keane.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10What about you, Barry?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Van Nistelrooy, sir.- Anyone got any heroes who don't play for United?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Jack?- Robbie Fowler, Sir, City.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Alright, that's enough. Tricia?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I don't know any footballers, sir.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Well, it doesn't have to be a footballer, it could be...anyone.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Don't know sir.- No? Damian?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Saint Roch, sir.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Who's he play for?- No-one sir, he's a Saint.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Oh, that's better, go on.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38He was so worried that he might say something bad,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41that he said nothing at all for twenty years.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44We could do with a couple like him in this class. Thank you, Damian.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47I like a lot of virgin martyrs too. Like Saint Agatha.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51She ripped her own eyes out, so she wouldn't have to marry this man.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Or Saint Katherine of Alexandria.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57They tried to kill her by crushing her to death on a wheel.
0:07:57 > 0:08:04But she made the wheel explode and all the splinters killed people in the crowd.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08The patron Saint of fireworks. That's where we get the Catherine wheel from.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I did say thank you, Damian.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I've brought in this picture.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16This is a hero of mine. Who knows who this is?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Nelson Mandela.- Fantastic.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21VOICES FADE
0:08:31 > 0:08:33BELL RINGS
0:08:33 > 0:08:36You should be careful what you talk about.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Try talking about football or something.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Keep off the weird stuff.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Just don't be conspicuous or you won't fit in.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Aero and a Yorkie, please. And five juicy lips.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22- Haven't seen you two here, before. - We just moved here. Our mam's dead.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- Yeah, well, go on, you're all right. - Thanks.- God bless. Who's next?
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Works every time. Tell them your mam's dead and they give you stuff, every time.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I'm your community Policeman.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Obviously, there is no community here as yet,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51not to speak of, but you know...
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Anyway, the first thing to say is,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57these new houses and Christmas coming up,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00statistically, you're going to get burgled.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Now, not all of you, but some of you, soon.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Probably this week, next.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11When you are, call me.
0:10:12 > 0:10:19I'll give you a crime number, and then you can make a claim on your insurance.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Building maintenance?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Yeah, that's right, yeah.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Yeah, I'm usually right, it's a knack.
0:10:28 > 0:10:33Do you mind me asking? Is the kettle actually on? I'm...
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Oh, sorry.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- Yes?- Isn't the problem here, that our houses are built on sand?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Sand? No. They're not, are they?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45If you store up your treasure on earth, it will be stolen.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48But if you give it away, then it can't be stolen.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Mormons?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Well, Latter Day Saints.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58- Saints? I know all... - Er, Damian, go and give Terry a hand in the kitchen, will you?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01You too, Anthony, off you go. Good lads.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Now, some of you are going to be burgled.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09There are things I can tell you that will lower the odds of it being you personally.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14It's a bit anti-social, because if it isn't you, it'll be next door, but there you go!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Our mam's dead.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Here. Go on, help yourself.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Take as many as you like, son.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Result.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Is it completely honest?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Completely dead, isn't she?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27KNOCK AT DOOR
0:12:27 > 0:12:29What?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34What do you want?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Can't you see I'm busy? Just go away.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59I don't like having my own room.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20UNFAMILIAR ECHOING VOICE
0:13:20 > 0:13:22VIBRATING TRAIN TRACKS
0:13:29 > 0:13:32RUMBLING
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Clare of Assisi, 1194 till 1253?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48That's right.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I used to have a hermitage, myself, once.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00I used to go and hide up there.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03If anyone needed me, I'd send them a vision, sort them out.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06That's why I'm the patron saint of television.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I was like...human television.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13- You're the patron saint of television?- Keeps me busy. You know.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- Are you allowed to smoke then?- You can do what you like up there, son.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23It's down here, you have to make the effort.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Do you ever come across a Saint Maureen?
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- She hasn't been there long. - Don't ring a bell.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Then again, it is infinite up there.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Absolutely bloody infinite.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Listen...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Dad!
0:15:26 > 0:15:30What is it anyway? What are you doing with all these boxes?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- What's that?- Wait and see.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Where did you get that? - You can see it too then?
0:15:47 > 0:15:54Well, you know, sometimes you see things, don't you, and other people can't see them.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56What?
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Well, you know, sometimes, but this is real though.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04This is real. This is real.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Can't wait to tell Dad.
0:16:06 > 0:16:13- You can't tell Dad about this. You can't tell anyone about this. - Why not?- Tax.- Oh.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17If the Government find out about this, they'll take 40% of it away.
0:16:17 > 0:16:2140%! Do you know how much that is?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Nearly all of it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Shall we count it before we go?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36No, we can't, we're really late.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- How much? How much? - There's thousands.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Ten thousand. - Fifty thousand.- Seventy.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50- Two hundred thousand. - Millions even.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Patch. Jenga.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Oink-oink! Oink-oink!
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Agh!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- Promise not to tell anyone. - What is it?
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- How much is it?- Thousands. - Hundreds. It's just hundreds.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13No-one else knows so if anyone finds out, we'll know it's you, OK?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Come on.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Anyone finds out, we'll know it's you.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25- No-one else knows, just me and you. Here you are.- Thanks.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Just keep it shut.
0:17:37 > 0:17:42£229,520 minus...
0:17:42 > 0:17:45£100 each spending money leaves...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48229,320.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50And we're going to give all that to the poor.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- Where you going to find poor people? - There's loads of poor people.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Not round here. The house prices keep them out.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Go on, go, go!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Go on. Go. Go. Go on. Go. Go. Go. Go on.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47BELLS RING
0:18:48 > 0:18:52Francis of Assisi, 1181 till 1226?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54You did this didn't you?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57My first act as a Saint.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06What was your next one?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Washing a leper.- A leper?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11You could just help the poor, Damian.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Big Issue. Help the homeless.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Big Issue anyone?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Oh, hello.- And keep the change.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Oh, thanks, mate, I've had nothing to eat all day.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Oh, we're going to Pizza Hut - want to come?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32No! No, she doesn't. She just wants more money.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- We haven't got any more. - No, I fancy pizza, actually.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Can I bring my friend?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Meat feast, deep and juicy, stuffed crust, mate.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- Two meat feast, thin and crispy. - A big New Yorker.- A combo platter.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56- Do us a farmhouse. - I'll have some garlic bread, love. - We'll all have garlic bread.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58And Dippin' Chicken. To share.
0:19:58 > 0:20:04This is great. Anthony thought there were no poor people round here because of the house prices.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Well, they're not from round here. I come in on the bus.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- I come in on the train. - I couldn't afford to live here.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- Who exactly is paying for all this?- We are.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18- You must be minted!- Yeah, we are. - No! No, we're not.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21It's birthday money. His birthday money. He saved it.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23- Puddings?- YES, PLEASE!
0:20:25 > 0:20:30£168. Know how many times we'd have to visit Pizza Hut to get rid of all the money?
0:20:30 > 0:20:341,303.517 times. It's just not practical.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39We should buy property. See this house? We could buy two like that,
0:20:39 > 0:20:41if they knocked some off the asking price.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46If we did buy property, that'll go up in value so we'd have even more money. ..Damian?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49WHISTLING
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Excuse me?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Are you poor?- Beg your pardon?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Are you poor? - Are you asking for money?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Me? No.- Because we don't have any.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09We live in a community, you know, it's very basic.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13We don't have a dishwasher for instance or a microwave.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15And there's no cash kept on the premises.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17So you are poor?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20In a sense, yes.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Brilliant!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38St Nicholas of Myra?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48It won't all fit.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03Saint Nicholas? Do you ever come across a Saint Maureen?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Saint Maureen. She's new.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Skin care. She worked on the make-up counter at Selfridges.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24CHRISTMAS MUSAK PLAYS
0:22:25 > 0:22:31It's less than a fortnight to E-day when Britain completes transition to the European Monitory Union,
0:22:31 > 0:22:32the EMU.
0:22:32 > 0:22:38With twelve days left to E-day, my true love said to me.
0:22:38 > 0:22:44The transitional exchange rate is fixed at 67p.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Oh! Well all I can say is... ding dong!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52After E-day your old money will no longer be legal tender.
0:22:52 > 0:22:57- Wish pounds goodbye and euros...- Hello!
0:22:59 > 0:23:02GOSPEL-TINGED POP MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:35 > 0:23:37WHISTLE BLOWS
0:23:57 > 0:23:59We don't have to queue up.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Here we go.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- How much have you actually got? - Plenty.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Anthony Cunningham. - Where's your dad?- My dad?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- Well, he's not coming.- Eh?
0:24:22 > 0:24:26- He's not coming yet. He said to start without him. - Start what without him?
0:24:26 > 0:24:31- The job is to show him around the apartment. How can I, if he isn't here?- He gave me this.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36Show me around and I'll fill him in afterwards. It's what we usually do.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43We're looking at this for our portfolio. Not as a residence.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48- Has it kept it's value? - It's gone up 20% in the last two years. It's the schools.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53He does send you to school, or do you just look at photos of them?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Flood lights. Scoreboards. Stadium.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02It's the dogs bollocks, this, family heirloom. 50 quid.
0:25:02 > 0:25:0550 quid? We could buy a proper football team for that.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10- I could buy Crewe Alexandra for that.- Yeah, but this has managers.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15- Don Revie and Malcolm Allison. - Never heard of him. Deal.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
0:25:17 > 0:25:22- You said you would for five quid. - I didn't know you were going to get five quid, did I?
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Ten quid then? Look, I've got a good body.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Twenty quid, last offer.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Martyrs of Uganda, 1881? - That's right.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Oh, sorry about that.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I was beheaded. See.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Before that I was in construction.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07I don't know who built this, but they were a right cowboy.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I built it myself.
0:26:09 > 0:26:15- Well, you'll see what we can do. But I can't promise anything. - Why not? There's plenty of you.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Yes, come on, welcome.
0:26:26 > 0:26:27Hello.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34WORKERS SING AFRICAN SONG
0:26:34 > 0:26:36What are they singing?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43They are praying for rain.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49Where I come from people have to pay a tenth of their daily income on water.
0:26:49 > 0:26:56It's so expensive that they can't afford to wash their hands so they get disease.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02You don't need fancy hospitals or medicines to make life better, just a well.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07And you can build a well for as little as £100.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09That's fantastic. Thanks.
0:27:23 > 0:27:28- I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.- Mutual that, then.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31This yours?
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Nice.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Near the railway.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- What's in there?- Nothing really.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03- What's this? - A dress. It was my mum's.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Oh.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16What are you looking for?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Money.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Are you poor?
0:28:24 > 0:28:25What?
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Damian, come in. Anthony to Damian.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- Damian, where are you?- What's that? - My brother. I've got to go.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I'll come back. I've got loads. Just wait there.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Loads of what?
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Money. Just wait there.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47- Who's that?- A poor person and you said there weren't any. - I know, but who is it?
0:28:47 > 0:28:52- I don't know. Just someone. - What do you mean "someone"?
0:28:52 > 0:28:57- Did he do anything to you? - What sort of things?- Never mind.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01Look, people are weird. You've got to be more careful.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- You shouldn't really talk to them. - Anyway I've told him now.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07- Told him what? - That we have tons of money.
0:29:08 > 0:29:09He's poor.
0:29:10 > 0:29:11What?
0:29:15 > 0:29:18Nothing. Nothing. Leave it to me.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30- Where is he then?- I don't know. He was here a minute ago.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45See. Loads of money.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48We've been saving it up for ages.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51You can have it if you need it.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Come on, Damian.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58You'll have to change it quickly.
0:30:07 > 0:30:11- Do you think that was really enough? - More than enough.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14That's him completely sorted out.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Right. Have you given money to anyone else?
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Not really.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43- KNOCK AT DOOR - What?
0:30:45 > 0:30:49It wasn't that much. Just like a bagful.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56- What's that?- Scuba scooter.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59It goes at ten mile an hour for up to five hours.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02We could have one of them. We could have one each.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06- We could have a whole fleet. - She's nice.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Huh! I've seen better. Close the door.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Look, you can see it protruding.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23- What is it?- It's a nipple.
0:31:23 > 0:31:24What's it for?
0:31:25 > 0:31:28Well, it's for feeding babies.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32- Did mum have one? - Two. They've all got two.
0:31:32 > 0:31:36- And did she feed us with them? - Yeah, course she did. I remember.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38You can't remember when you were a baby.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42I don't remember her doing it to me. I remember her doing it to you.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46- Anthony?- >
0:31:49 > 0:31:50What?
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- You've not done the washing up? - I did it!
0:32:08 > 0:32:11SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
0:32:12 > 0:32:14HORN BEEPS
0:32:14 > 0:32:17- Hello, what's your name?- Keegan.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20All right, K, what's happened to your finger?
0:32:20 > 0:32:24That's quality. Pure scary, pure scary.
0:32:24 > 0:32:28Hey, give me your money! Come on, empty your pockets!
0:32:28 > 0:32:31Hey you! Excuse me, excuse me!
0:32:31 > 0:32:35Give me all your money! Come on, every copper!
0:32:38 > 0:32:42Who feels sorry for poor children? Correct answer.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Everybody sitting up nicely?
0:32:47 > 0:32:51OK, so, as you know, we're going to have new money in the New Year.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55Does anybody know how much a euro is worth in pounds?
0:32:56 > 0:33:00- Yes.- 67p.- Spot on.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Here, there's a little prize for you. It's your own euro converter.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Now! Who else wants one? Anybody?
0:33:06 > 0:33:08ME! Oh! Everybody! OK.
0:33:08 > 0:33:12So, who can tell me how much two pence is worth in euros?
0:33:14 > 0:33:17Mmm. Well, I'll tell you.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20It's worth...
0:33:20 > 0:33:23not very much. Almost nothing. To you.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26But if we all put our two pences together,
0:33:26 > 0:33:30then we'll have a lot of two pences, won't we? YES.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33How many people are there here? One...
0:33:33 > 0:33:37ALL: ..Two, three, four,
0:33:37 > 0:33:40five, six, seven, eight...
0:33:40 > 0:33:43- 250.- Sorry?
0:33:43 > 0:33:47- There's 250 in the school. - Oh, clever clogs head master!
0:33:47 > 0:33:48OK, 250,
0:33:48 > 0:33:54so if you each gave me two pence, then I'd have five pounds.
0:33:54 > 0:33:59It's not that much here, but in Ethiopia five pounds could feed a family for a week.
0:33:59 > 0:34:03If you all gave me two two pences, then we'd have a tenner.
0:34:03 > 0:34:08That's enough to provide that village with a source of clean water forever.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11It's no good to you, so chuck it in the bin.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13HORN BEEPS
0:34:13 > 0:34:16Excuse me. Give me all your money! Come on, every copper!
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Get out of my way. Hey you!
0:34:19 > 0:34:22Hey, give me your money!
0:34:22 > 0:34:25Come on. Empty your pockets.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33- Hello, what's your name?- Damian. Hi, Damian, I'm the Bin.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37- Hello, Bin.- Damian, you'll give me some money, won't you?
0:34:42 > 0:34:43Yeah.
0:34:48 > 0:34:49SHE MOUTHS
0:34:58 > 0:35:01What did you do? You did it again, didn't you?
0:35:01 > 0:35:06- What?- I saw what you did. How much?- Not much. She's nice.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09I've been thinking. Why don't we give the money to her?
0:35:09 > 0:35:11So, how did it go?
0:35:11 > 0:35:12Well...
0:35:14 > 0:35:18A thousand?! What did you bring a thousand to school for?
0:35:18 > 0:35:20Can't you see that's suspicious?
0:35:20 > 0:35:23It's not suspicious. It's unusual.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26How can it be suspicious? It's our money.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29Right, you lot, outside! Come on! >
0:35:29 > 0:35:35- That's enough messing around. - Do you know, in Africa, you can build a well for as little as £100?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Just listen.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46It was the most daring, most brilliant,
0:35:46 > 0:35:51cleverest and biggest robbery on record, ever. The train was here.
0:35:53 > 0:35:57'The train, the one with the money. Used notes. Right?
0:35:57 > 0:36:00'The van comes in onto the platform, here.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04'It's a railway van so no-one takes any notice.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07TYRES SQUEAL 'Until...
0:36:16 > 0:36:20'..they jump out of this van and someone got hold of the driver.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22'Some of them start shifting the money.'
0:36:22 > 0:36:25By this time, Rapid Response has been mobilised.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28SIREN BLARES
0:36:29 > 0:36:32All right, let's go. Come on!
0:36:32 > 0:36:35SHOUTING
0:36:44 > 0:36:48The van drives off with a reckless disregard for life.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Rapid Response goes after it.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53There's armed units, dog handlers. Helicopters.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56'They throw everything at them. The train stays here.
0:36:56 > 0:37:01'An ambulance comes, takes the driver to hospital. They get another driver.
0:37:01 > 0:37:05'CID count the bags. There's only one missing.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08'Then Rapid Response corner the van.
0:37:15 > 0:37:16'Trapped.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19'The robbers dropped the lot and they leg it!
0:37:19 > 0:37:22'They've got no chance, except...
0:37:22 > 0:37:25'Newcastle United versus Arsenal, at Highbury.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29'1-1. Disappointing result for the Gunners.'
0:37:29 > 0:37:32Please advise car, I think we've lost them.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35'They don't catch the men, but that's all right
0:37:35 > 0:37:39'because when they get back to the van...
0:37:39 > 0:37:42'there's the missing bag.'
0:37:42 > 0:37:44How do you know all that?
0:37:44 > 0:37:45His uncle works for the police.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48The van is gone, the train is in the station.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52'And the cops are in the cop shop making tea. Where are the robbers?'
0:37:52 > 0:37:56Where's the last place you're going to look?
0:37:56 > 0:37:59- Our house?- Maybe.
0:37:59 > 0:38:03So the train moves off with a new driver and all the money.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04On the train.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07The money was on the train, and so was a robber?
0:38:07 > 0:38:09Lateral thinking.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15'The money stays on the train, and so does a robber.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37'He sits tight.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40'Every time the train comes to a slow bend, he chucks a sack of money out.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44'They've got people waiting all over the country.'
0:38:44 > 0:38:48It could be Stafford or Crewe. It could be Preston or Wigan.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Runcorn, it could be.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52Or it could be here.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24DOOR SLAMS
0:39:24 > 0:39:28Damian! Damian, calm down. It'll be all right.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30No-one knows it was us.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33I don't care. Leave me alone. What you have to tell me for?
0:39:33 > 0:39:37- Because I wanted you to know the truth.- We have to give it back.
0:39:37 > 0:39:41No... No, we can't do that. They were going to burn it.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44Now, come on. It isn't the money's fault it got stolen.
0:39:44 > 0:39:47I thought it was from God.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49What?!
0:39:49 > 0:39:51You know, sometimes you tell people about Mam
0:39:51 > 0:39:55and they give you money or sweets? Well, I told God and...
0:39:55 > 0:39:59- Well, who else would have that kind of money?- Well...in a funny...
0:39:59 > 0:40:04God doesn't rob banks, all right?! God does not rob banks.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06DOOR OPENS
0:40:07 > 0:40:09Office.
0:40:10 > 0:40:11Now!
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Your father's on his way.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22KNOCK ON DOOR
0:40:22 > 0:40:24'Come in.'
0:40:27 > 0:40:28The Mormons?!
0:40:30 > 0:40:32'You stole money from Mormons?!'
0:40:32 > 0:40:35Would you like to tell us why you did it, Anthony?
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Our mam's dead.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46HE SOBS
0:40:52 > 0:40:56Hey. Hey! Hey, Anthony, come here. Anthony, Damian, come here.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58ANTHONY SOBS
0:40:58 > 0:41:00OK.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02Team talk.
0:41:04 > 0:41:05Your mother...
0:41:05 > 0:41:06Mm-hm.
0:41:06 > 0:41:12She would not want you to stand around crying...or to steal things.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17She wants you to get on with your lives
0:41:17 > 0:41:20and do the best you can. Make her proud, son, eh?
0:41:20 > 0:41:22And not, you know...
0:41:24 > 0:41:26..cry.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31OK. So let's stop crying, eh?
0:41:31 > 0:41:36And stealing things. Let's stop that, too. Get in the car.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45Don't ever do that to me again.
0:41:45 > 0:41:50I'm really sorry it was me. I didn't mean to cause any trouble, or anything.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53No, you did right. They stole it, what could you do?
0:41:53 > 0:41:55They did give it to a good cause.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58I wouldn't have done that at their age.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00They must be...
0:42:00 > 0:42:03You did a good job.
0:42:03 > 0:42:04Thanks.
0:42:09 > 0:42:11Are you from the social?
0:42:11 > 0:42:13No. I'm just a visitor.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16I go round the schools collecting for this water thing,
0:42:16 > 0:42:19making sure the kids understand the changeover.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21Does anyone understand it?
0:42:21 > 0:42:24Sometimes they are a bit confused, until I talk to them.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26And then...
0:42:26 > 0:42:28BOTH: They're really confused.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34I'm sorry. They're very sorry.
0:42:34 > 0:42:35I've sent them to bed.
0:42:35 > 0:42:39I want you to know that it won't happen again.
0:42:39 > 0:42:45- Do you mind me asking how you had so much cash in the house?- It was a donation, left here anonymously.
0:42:45 > 0:42:49And you weren't suspicious about that?
0:42:49 > 0:42:50No, we pray a lot,
0:42:50 > 0:42:53and we thought it was the answer to our prayers.
0:42:53 > 0:43:00Only it has been mentioned that you spent close to £5,000 in Comet a few days ago.
0:43:00 > 0:43:01Digital television.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03PING! >
0:43:03 > 0:43:05Microwave oven. Dishwasher.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10Foot spa.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13Did you actually pray for all of these things?
0:43:13 > 0:43:18We were praying for comfort and encouragement.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21I think we felt comforted AND encouraged.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23By the foot spa?
0:43:23 > 0:43:25And the dishwasher.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Hmm-mm.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30Samaritans...
0:43:30 > 0:43:33Oxfam...Christian Aid...
0:43:33 > 0:43:37For Christ's sake, don't tick them little boxes.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40The ones about putting you in touch with like-minded organisations.
0:43:40 > 0:43:44- You'd be besieged, man. I'm telling you!- St Peter, died AD 64?
0:43:44 > 0:43:46All right, don't remind us.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48The money...it's robbed.
0:43:48 > 0:43:49I know!
0:43:49 > 0:43:53Patron saint of keys, locks and general security, man.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57Including up there. I'm on the door.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00Is it still all right, if it's robbed?
0:44:00 > 0:44:05Can you still do good with it or should you give it back?
0:44:05 > 0:44:09I thought it was a miracle, but it is just robbed.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Damian. Listen.
0:44:11 > 0:44:16One day, I was with you know who - Jesus.
0:44:16 > 0:44:20And he went up into the mountains and thousands of people followed him.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22The police said 5,000.
0:44:22 > 0:44:235,000?!
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Everybody knows this story.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28Loaves and fishes.
0:44:28 > 0:44:31See, I knew you'd say that. That's what everybody says.
0:44:34 > 0:44:36This yours?
0:44:36 > 0:44:38It's the key to the old house.
0:44:38 > 0:44:43Jointed pin-tumbler. Engineering perfection.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47Anyway, this kid comes up to us, about your size,
0:44:47 > 0:44:50His name was... No, I have forgotten.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52I still see him sometimes.
0:44:52 > 0:44:57Anyway, he comes up with these loaves and fishes. Sardines.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01And Jesus blesses them and passes the plate round.
0:45:01 > 0:45:04Now, the first person he passes it to, passes it on.
0:45:04 > 0:45:08He doesn't take anything. He just passes it on. Do you know why?
0:45:08 > 0:45:12Because he had a piece of lamb hidden in his pocket.
0:45:12 > 0:45:16And as he is passing the fish, he sneaks a bit of meat out
0:45:16 > 0:45:20and pretends he's taken it off the plate. Do you see what I'm saying?
0:45:20 > 0:45:23And the next person, exactly the same story.
0:45:23 > 0:45:27Every single bastard one of them has their own food!
0:45:27 > 0:45:30And every one of them is keeping it quiet.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Looking after number one.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36But as that plate went round with the sardines on,
0:45:36 > 0:45:39they all got their own food out and started to share.
0:45:39 > 0:45:44And then that plate went all the way round and back to Jesus,
0:45:44 > 0:45:47and it'd still got the fish and the loaves on it.
0:45:47 > 0:45:50I think Jesus was a bit taken aback.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52He says, "What happened?"
0:45:52 > 0:45:55And I just said, "Miracle."
0:45:55 > 0:45:58And at first I thought I'd fooled him.
0:45:58 > 0:46:03But now I see it WAS a miracle, one of his best.
0:46:06 > 0:46:08But this little kid had stood up and...
0:46:08 > 0:46:11everybody there just got bigger.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18Do you understand what I'm talking about?
0:46:18 > 0:46:19Not really.
0:46:19 > 0:46:22I'm talking about you.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24Now I'm really lost.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26You're trying too hard.
0:46:26 > 0:46:30That kid, he wasn't planning on doing a miracle.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33He wasn't planning anything... except lunch.
0:46:33 > 0:46:37Something that looks like a miracle turns out to be dead simple.
0:46:37 > 0:46:40But what am I going to do with all this?
0:46:42 > 0:46:45I just want to be good.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48Look, I can't say too much about this,
0:46:48 > 0:46:53because of that whole free will thing. Right? But...
0:46:56 > 0:46:57See this key?
0:46:57 > 0:47:00Keep it safe. All right?
0:47:04 > 0:47:06And I'll have a word upstairs...
0:47:06 > 0:47:11see if I can get somebody on your case more permanent.
0:47:13 > 0:47:18With three days left to e-day, my true love said to me...
0:47:18 > 0:47:22Convert your change, or donate to charity.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25Hmmm, marvellous.
0:47:25 > 0:47:28'There are just three days left to e-day.
0:47:28 > 0:47:31'Remember, the money in your bank account has already been converted.
0:47:31 > 0:47:35'The easiest way to change any cash you have is to pay it into your account.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38'Sterling becomes euros the moment it's paid in.
0:47:38 > 0:47:41'If you don't have an account, why not open one today?'
0:47:41 > 0:47:45- Can I help?- We'd like to open an account. - Is your mum and dad with you?- No.
0:47:45 > 0:47:48Well, I need an adult signature. I need proof of who you are.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51Oh, we've got that. Leisure pass.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56I'm afraid you're going to have to ask your mum to come in.
0:47:56 > 0:47:59- This isn't enough. Just ask your mum to come in.- We can't.- Why not?
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Our mam's dead.
0:48:10 > 0:48:13There's two free euros in 'ere...
0:48:15 > 0:48:19..and you can keep the rest of your money in it. It's the best I can do.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27I told you we should have bought a house!
0:48:27 > 0:48:31Right, if we can't hide it, at least we can spend it.
0:48:34 > 0:48:37MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:48:37 > 0:48:39- Hello?- Now, that is quality.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42That is amazing. I can see you. Can you see me?
0:48:42 > 0:48:43Yeah.
0:48:43 > 0:48:44Not here, on there!
0:48:44 > 0:48:46Not as well.
0:48:46 > 0:48:50- I can see you in mine. This is fantastic.- Anthony,
0:48:50 > 0:48:53why don't we give the money to the lady with the bin?
0:48:53 > 0:48:57It's not ours, and we're never going to spend it all. She could do good with it.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00We just gave her a grand and look at the trouble it caused.
0:49:00 > 0:49:04If we gave her 200, we'll end up in jail. We're on our own now, Damian.
0:49:04 > 0:49:07Don't let me down.
0:49:18 > 0:49:21Hello! The speaker went on my bin.
0:49:21 > 0:49:26Your dad said he'd fix it, so I said I'd cook for him, so you get a decent meal for once.
0:49:26 > 0:49:30I'm a fantastic cook. Aren't I a fantastic cook, Damian?
0:49:30 > 0:49:34The size of that school bag. You'll get a hernia. Is that all homework?
0:49:34 > 0:49:35- No!- Yeah!
0:49:35 > 0:49:40Um, costumes for the Nativity play. I suppose it IS homework, really.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43I love a Nativity play. Can I see them?
0:49:43 > 0:49:44- Yeah.- No.
0:49:44 > 0:49:48It's private. Private property... of the school.
0:49:48 > 0:49:52- It will spoil the surprise. - Am I going to go, too?
0:49:52 > 0:49:56- Are you going to get me tickets? - Well, I suppose so. - I didn't even know they were in it.
0:49:56 > 0:49:59I get told nothing, you know. Nothing.
0:49:59 > 0:50:02Are you going to come and do some chopping?
0:50:02 > 0:50:05It's lasagne, your favourite.
0:50:09 > 0:50:14ON TV: 'Where was the highwayman Dick Turpin hanged in 1739?'
0:50:14 > 0:50:16- York.- How did you know that?
0:50:16 > 0:50:18- It's York.- 'Glasgow...Carlisle...'
0:50:18 > 0:50:21He knows everything, your dad. '..Norwich...York...'
0:50:21 > 0:50:24Why don't you go on it? You'd be great. Wouldn't he?
0:50:24 > 0:50:27- '50-50, please.'- It's York!
0:50:27 > 0:50:31You'd be a lot less frustrated if you went on yourself. Damian, tell him to go on.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33You'd like to have a £1 million, wouldn't you?
0:50:33 > 0:50:37It's not £1 million. It's 1 million euros. That's only about...
0:50:38 > 0:50:42..623,100 at today's prices.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45At least somebody has been listening.
0:50:45 > 0:50:47Told you it was York.
0:50:47 > 0:50:51'Jim, I'm so sorry. The answer is York.'
0:50:51 > 0:50:54We're supposed to go to bed when this is finished.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Yeah, right, go to bed.
0:50:56 > 0:50:59But you're supposed to read us a story.
0:51:02 > 0:51:04- I'll get off.- I'll see you out.
0:51:04 > 0:51:06I'll see you out, too.
0:51:15 > 0:51:16Come again soon!
0:51:16 > 0:51:19- Sucker for women. - Sucker for men.
0:51:22 > 0:51:27- Don't forget, I want to see that Nativity play. Your dad'll forget. - Go and get your pyjamas on.
0:51:27 > 0:51:28They're good lads.
0:51:30 > 0:51:34- Nice to have someone to talk to once in a while, though.- Yeah.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Thanks. I had a great evening.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39I know what she's after.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43We can't leave it here. We're going to have to keep it with us...
0:51:43 > 0:51:46all the time. Fill your school bag.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49And don't let it out your sight.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52- Guard it with your life, whatever happens. OK?- OK.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Damian?
0:51:54 > 0:51:56(Have you any room?)
0:51:56 > 0:52:01- Have you any room?- No, Damian. He's tired.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04He's walked here all the way from Nazareth.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06- He's tired. He's very, very tired.- Well...
0:52:06 > 0:52:10- Tired.- The walk from Nazareth, people did that all the time.
0:52:10 > 0:52:14And he was a carpenter. So he was very fit.
0:52:14 > 0:52:15He wasn't tired. He was excited.
0:52:15 > 0:52:20- His wife was going to have a baby. They weren't expecting to go to sleep.- OK.
0:52:20 > 0:52:24You say excited. I say tired. Let's try nervous.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27OK? Shall we start again?
0:52:45 > 0:52:48Joseph the Worker, first century, dates uncertain?
0:52:48 > 0:52:53I wouldn't have said nervous. I would have said focused.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07- Well, have you any room? > - Hmm.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12What did he want to bring HER for?
0:53:12 > 0:53:14You invited her.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21Beginners. Beginners positions. Damian, come on.
0:53:30 > 0:53:33LOUDLY: The word went out from Julius Caesar...
0:53:33 > 0:53:36Caesarus...
0:53:36 > 0:53:41Caesar Augustus that everybody had to go to their home town to be taxed.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44So Mary and Joseph set out for Bethlehem.
0:53:44 > 0:53:46PIANO PLAYS
0:53:49 > 0:53:54CHILDREN SING: # Little Donkey, Little Donkey
0:53:54 > 0:53:57# On the dusty road... #
0:53:57 > 0:54:02Do you know how much a piece of gold that big would be worth today?
0:54:02 > 0:54:03A lot. An awful lot.
0:54:03 > 0:54:07I wonder what happened to it? Cos he was poor after that.
0:54:07 > 0:54:11- I wonder what he spent it on... - Can we lose the anachronistic bag?
0:54:11 > 0:54:14I don't think they had Adidas in the first century!
0:54:14 > 0:54:18< Far away to the East, three wise men saw a star.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Thanks, girls.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22Look a star! Let's follow it.
0:54:24 > 0:54:29# Come, they told me Par um pa pa pa pum
0:54:30 > 0:54:35# A new born King to see Par um pa pum pum... #
0:54:35 > 0:54:39ECHOES OF CHILDREN SINGING
0:54:43 > 0:54:45No, Saint Maureen. >
0:54:45 > 0:54:49I don't think I have heard of her. Is she a virgin martyr?
0:54:49 > 0:54:51I don't think so.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53HE GASPS
0:54:53 > 0:54:55MAN TUTS
0:54:57 > 0:55:00Here he is. He's always got those bags with him.
0:55:00 > 0:55:02# Pom pom pom... #
0:55:04 > 0:55:08Do you remember me? Mm...?
0:55:08 > 0:55:10I'm the poor man.
0:55:10 > 0:55:11DOOR BANGS
0:55:13 > 0:55:17Damian Cunningham, what are you doing there? Come on, where should you be?
0:55:17 > 0:55:21Where should you be? You should be in Bethlehem, come on.
0:55:21 > 0:55:25I can't believe you've got... No, go back, go back. As for these!
0:55:25 > 0:55:28What have I told you about these? I've told you before - Sshh!
0:55:28 > 0:55:30(Back out! Back out! Back out!
0:55:30 > 0:55:32(Shhhhh! Back on! Back on!)
0:55:32 > 0:55:35NARRATOR: They tried first at one inn.
0:55:35 > 0:55:37Do you have any room at this inn?
0:55:37 > 0:55:39No, sorry, we're fully booked.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42Do you have any room at THIS inn?
0:55:42 > 0:55:44We haven't any room, but we've got a stable.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52So he took them to the stable... >
0:55:52 > 0:55:56Oh, this is nice and cosy, Joseph.
0:55:58 > 0:56:00Cosy, Joseph!
0:56:03 > 0:56:08I said, "This is nice and cosy, Joseph."
0:56:08 > 0:56:10(Damian? Damian?)
0:56:12 > 0:56:16- FALSETTO:- Yes, this is where our Lord Baby Jesus will be born.
0:56:18 > 0:56:22And so our Saviour came, bringing peace to all the earth.
0:56:23 > 0:56:27# Silent night, Holy... #
0:56:27 > 0:56:29Quick, come on!
0:56:29 > 0:56:31DISTANT APPLAUSE
0:57:31 > 0:57:33KEYS JANGLE
0:57:44 > 0:57:45You stay there.
0:58:51 > 0:58:54DOORBELL RINGS INCESSANTLY
0:58:56 > 0:58:57Oh, no! The keys!
0:59:20 > 0:59:22DOOR CLOSES
0:59:48 > 0:59:50MOBILE RINGS
0:59:50 > 0:59:51Oh, no!
1:00:02 > 1:00:04Aaaaaargh!
1:00:05 > 1:00:07- Damian! What you doing?- Dad!
1:00:07 > 1:00:09Come here! Oh God! Come here!
1:00:09 > 1:00:11Come here! It's all right.
1:00:11 > 1:00:13Let's get you down. What were you doing?
1:00:13 > 1:00:17- Is he all right, Dad? - There we go.- What's he doing?
1:00:24 > 1:00:26Well, he found it!
1:00:26 > 1:00:30It just fell out of the sky. Right in front of me.
1:00:30 > 1:00:32I thought it was from God.
1:00:32 > 1:00:35From God?
1:00:35 > 1:00:39It's not really his thing is it, handing out cash?
1:00:39 > 1:00:42Why would God hand out...
1:00:42 > 1:00:46£229,320.
1:00:50 > 1:00:51Blimey.
1:00:51 > 1:00:56I was going to give it to the poor, but it was really hard.
1:00:58 > 1:00:59Why didn't you tell me?
1:00:59 > 1:01:03Anthony said not to because of the tax.
1:01:03 > 1:01:08- We could keep some of it though couldn't we, like a reward?- Get in.
1:01:08 > 1:01:09Oh!
1:01:09 > 1:01:12So what are we going to do with it then?
1:01:12 > 1:01:15We're going to hand it in. All of it.
1:01:15 > 1:01:17What else can we do? It's not ours, is it?
1:01:56 > 1:01:57Hello?
1:01:57 > 1:02:02I called round, the door was open. I've called the police.
1:02:02 > 1:02:04I thought you might have come home.
1:02:19 > 1:02:23Everyone gets burgled at Christmas, Dad.
1:02:23 > 1:02:26PC: This will be your crime number.
1:02:26 > 1:02:30So you can get on to your insurance company.
1:02:30 > 1:02:33They can't really recompense you for this.
1:02:33 > 1:02:35They can't give you your Christmas back, can they?
1:02:35 > 1:02:38Be next Christmas by the time you get anything...back.
1:02:39 > 1:02:44I don't suppose you've got any... serial numbers,
1:02:44 > 1:02:46security codes, anything like that?
1:02:46 > 1:02:49No? Well...
1:02:49 > 1:02:52Wouldn't make any difference. It's very rare we get anything back.
1:02:52 > 1:02:54Very rare.
1:02:57 > 1:03:00'We know the stolen currency is around here somewhere.
1:03:00 > 1:03:03'That's what this is all about, but they can't do anything about it.
1:03:03 > 1:03:08'All the banks have been warned to look out for anyone making any large deposits.
1:03:08 > 1:03:14'And, of course, it's only one day or two, before they realise that the money is worthless.'
1:03:14 > 1:03:16PC LAUGHS
1:03:48 > 1:03:50What's that?
1:03:50 > 1:03:53It's nothing, it's nothing. It's just my stuff.
1:03:54 > 1:03:56Oh, Dad, don't!
1:03:56 > 1:03:59Oh, my God!
1:04:04 > 1:04:06This is what they were after.
1:04:06 > 1:04:10That's a lot of money. Where did it come from?
1:04:10 > 1:04:13They took our Christmas. We'll take their cash.
1:04:13 > 1:04:16- You can't keep it. - You're going to keep it?
1:04:16 > 1:04:18It belongs to the government!
1:04:18 > 1:04:22They were going to burn all this money, that's a crime if you ask me.
1:04:22 > 1:04:24- Definitely.- But stealing's wrong.
1:04:24 > 1:04:26You have to steal it FROM somebody.
1:04:26 > 1:04:29- Who are we stealing it from? - It's not right!
1:04:29 > 1:04:35My house has just been ransacked! I work every second God sends just to give you a decent home.
1:04:37 > 1:04:38And now it's been wrecked.
1:04:38 > 1:04:41I am owed this.
1:04:41 > 1:04:44- But...- Go to bed.
1:04:44 > 1:04:46Now.
1:04:55 > 1:04:57HE EXHALES
1:05:15 > 1:05:16Do you want a story?
1:05:16 > 1:05:18It's wrong.
1:05:18 > 1:05:19Who says?
1:05:19 > 1:05:21God.
1:05:21 > 1:05:23Yeah, well...
1:05:25 > 1:05:28Yeah, well what?
1:05:28 > 1:05:31- Don't you want to go to heaven? - Look around you, Damian.
1:05:31 > 1:05:35We're on our own. No-one is smiling down on us, Damian.
1:05:35 > 1:05:39No-one is looking out for us. So we're looking out for ourselves.
1:05:39 > 1:05:40But Mam...
1:05:40 > 1:05:43..is dead.
1:05:43 > 1:05:46She's dead, Damian.
1:05:47 > 1:05:49You'll never see her again.
1:05:49 > 1:05:52And neither will I.
1:05:56 > 1:05:59And the money...is ours.
1:05:59 > 1:06:01We'll take it to town tomorrow
1:06:01 > 1:06:04and change it and spend it, do you hear me?
1:06:04 > 1:06:07All of it, because it's ours.
1:06:23 > 1:06:25THUDDING
1:06:34 > 1:06:36HE GASPS
1:06:38 > 1:06:41I know you've got it.
1:06:41 > 1:06:42It's mine.
1:06:44 > 1:06:47And you're going to change it tomorrow.
1:06:47 > 1:06:50And that's a good thing.
1:06:51 > 1:06:52OK?
1:06:57 > 1:07:00HE DIALS
1:07:00 > 1:07:02When you come back...
1:07:04 > 1:07:07..I'm going to call you on this phone.
1:07:07 > 1:07:09Open the front door.
1:07:09 > 1:07:12Let me in.
1:07:12 > 1:07:14And we'll take the money.
1:07:14 > 1:07:19And you won't have to worry about it any more.
1:07:22 > 1:07:23Understand?
1:07:42 > 1:07:44You make sure your phone's switched on.
1:07:51 > 1:07:55- You take one side and we'll take the other and then swap.- All right.
1:07:55 > 1:07:59OK, change what you can and what you can't change spend. Have a ball!
1:07:59 > 1:08:03You do realise, you just kissed goodbye to the money.
1:08:03 > 1:08:05Come on, let's get cracking.
1:08:05 > 1:08:07She's going to run off with it, you must know that?
1:08:07 > 1:08:09- Come on! - How can she? She's got Damian.
1:08:09 > 1:08:13She'll kidnap him, hold him to ransom for the rest of the money.
1:08:13 > 1:08:16No, Anthony, that's what you'd do. Come on.
1:08:25 > 1:08:27OK, you wait here, all right?
1:08:34 > 1:08:36MAN: 'It's mine.'
1:08:42 > 1:08:44- We'll have to change more than this. - No!
1:08:44 > 1:08:46- What?- That's the whole point.
1:08:46 > 1:08:50Do it in small amounts and no-one will be suspicious.
1:08:50 > 1:08:53Look at the queue! We'll be lucky to get round three banks.
1:08:53 > 1:08:57- You'll be lucky to stay out of jail. Go on!- What?
1:08:59 > 1:09:01It's quite a lot in the circumstances.
1:09:01 > 1:09:04It's £5,000. It's the front half of a Ford Fiesta.
1:09:04 > 1:09:06Is this a bank or a sweet shop?
1:09:09 > 1:09:11- What?- I need a wee.
1:09:11 > 1:09:12Tell her that.
1:09:12 > 1:09:16- Can we use your loo?- Well, I'm not sure...- I'm not queuing up again!
1:09:16 > 1:09:22The poor kid's been in here half an hour. You must have a loo. What do you do when YOU need to go?
1:09:29 > 1:09:31OK, just this once.
1:09:38 > 1:09:41- You'll have to go here. - I don't really need one.
1:09:43 > 1:09:45You little belter.
1:09:48 > 1:09:50I just can't see why it's so difficult.
1:09:50 > 1:09:52I need a wee.
1:09:54 > 1:09:57It's the front half of a Ford Fiesta! That's...
1:09:57 > 1:09:59I need a wee. I need a wee!
1:10:12 > 1:10:16NEWS: 'Today's the day that Britain enters a new currency era.
1:10:16 > 1:10:19'You must spend or bank any remaining old money today.
1:10:19 > 1:10:22'It's now or never. Use it or lose it.
1:10:22 > 1:10:25'At midnight tonight, it's euros only for British business.
1:10:25 > 1:10:28'Well, if you say so for business...
1:10:28 > 1:10:30'Business is... What was your name?'
1:10:32 > 1:10:34- What?- I've got an idea.- What?
1:10:34 > 1:10:36Dollars.
1:10:36 > 1:10:39Change it into dollars now and change it into euros whenever.
1:10:39 > 1:10:43Once all the excitement's over, the euro will most likely drop in value.
1:10:43 > 1:10:46So we'll probably get a better exchange rate this way, too.
1:10:49 > 1:10:51What?
1:10:51 > 1:10:54- Where did- I- get you?
1:10:58 > 1:11:01They've got a bank in there. It stays open late.
1:11:01 > 1:11:03You know everything, you do, don't you?
1:11:03 > 1:11:05Yeah.
1:11:08 > 1:11:10What's wrong?
1:11:13 > 1:11:16How did you know about the bank?
1:11:19 > 1:11:23Is this where your mum worked? In here?
1:11:26 > 1:11:32Stay there then. You'll be all right, I'll come straight back for you. I'll do this one. OK?
1:11:47 > 1:11:50Don't look.
1:11:54 > 1:11:57This is where your mum used to work.
1:12:00 > 1:12:02Nice...
1:12:06 > 1:12:08Best get a move on, eh?
1:12:12 > 1:12:14Go on...
1:12:39 > 1:12:41Damian, what you doing?
1:12:43 > 1:12:44Hey, what's up?
1:12:48 > 1:12:51Did you think I'd run off and left you?
1:12:51 > 1:12:54Did you? Well, I didn't, did I?
1:12:54 > 1:12:59No, you didn't. The bank's upstairs.
1:12:59 > 1:13:02It's closed.
1:13:02 > 1:13:05And I've had a much better idea!
1:13:05 > 1:13:09Come on, let's go and stuff our faces.
1:13:22 > 1:13:26Ooh, could have had me eye out!
1:13:26 > 1:13:29- Damian wants to give his to the poor!- Do you?
1:13:29 > 1:13:33They won't be poor any more once you've given it to them.
1:13:33 > 1:13:35What'll you do then? Take it back?
1:13:35 > 1:13:39Speaking of which... Right...
1:13:39 > 1:13:42Mystery activity. Champagne...
1:13:42 > 1:13:44Follow me.
1:13:55 > 1:13:59She opened the door in her nightie and I thought, "Funny place to keep a door".
1:14:00 > 1:14:04- This is your fault, this.- What is?!
1:14:04 > 1:14:08Don't even know, do you? You brought her and you don't even know.
1:14:08 > 1:14:11- What are you on about?!- Can you hear 'em laughing? Even he's laughing.
1:14:11 > 1:14:12Listen.
1:14:17 > 1:14:20Once she's got what she came for, she'll piss off again.
1:14:20 > 1:14:27- Then he won't be laughing, will he? We'll start again, like when Mam died.- Maybe she'll...stay?
1:14:27 > 1:14:32Oh, great! Much better! Is that what you want?! Her in there with him instead of Mam?
1:14:32 > 1:14:36- Why are you angry with me?- You did it. You and your weird stuff.
1:14:36 > 1:14:39Chucking money away, talking to yourself, seeing things.
1:14:39 > 1:14:43I don't. Maybe I do, but...
1:14:43 > 1:14:47And me sticking up for you, for what? Truth is, you're a loony.
1:14:47 > 1:14:51- Don't say that, Anthony, please, don't say that.- You're just a loony.
1:14:51 > 1:14:52You should be locked up.
1:15:08 > 1:15:11'Be at the front door with the money in 10 minutes.'
1:16:02 > 1:16:08Damian! We were... I was just...
1:16:21 > 1:16:24DOORBELL
1:16:27 > 1:16:30Dad, don't answer it.
1:16:30 > 1:16:33- Dad, don't!- What is going on? - Please!
1:16:33 > 1:16:35See these little girls? My girls.
1:16:35 > 1:16:39The girls Santa Claus forgot. You're our last hope.
1:16:39 > 1:16:44- We haven't got our bus fare. There's no point going back if you don't help - he'll chuck us out.- Just...
1:16:44 > 1:16:47- Who is it?- Excuse me. Hedgehogs like these need your help.
1:16:47 > 1:16:5050% of families with a chronically ill child break up.
1:16:50 > 1:16:54You're maybe asking yourself - why does Waterloo Station need friends?
1:16:54 > 1:16:58- Well, let me explain. - This is the middle of the night. This is a private house!
1:16:58 > 1:17:01Who are you?! Get out, please. Do you mind just leaving?
1:17:01 > 1:17:05Go on, you and your hedgehogs! Get out!
1:17:05 > 1:17:08VOICES CLAMOUR
1:17:18 > 1:17:20Just shut up, will you?
1:17:41 > 1:17:43Damian? Damian?
1:17:56 > 1:18:00This is the same donkey after just a few months in our sanctuary.
1:18:00 > 1:18:03- I think you'll agree...- All right, love. Put him down. Shall we?
1:18:17 > 1:18:19You'd better tell me how this started.
1:18:19 > 1:18:23- I've no idea.- Someone must have said something strange.
1:18:23 > 1:18:26- Digital?- Yeah that's right, yeah.
1:18:26 > 1:18:30How do you find it? I'm yet to be convinced.
1:18:30 > 1:18:34- You can have a look, when you get rid of that lot.- One step at a time, eh? Any chance of a bit of toast?
1:18:34 > 1:18:37You do that, I'll have a look around.
1:18:43 > 1:18:44Evening, lad.
1:19:16 > 1:19:17You.
1:19:21 > 1:19:23- Where is he?- I don't know!
1:19:23 > 1:19:26- Huh? Where is he?- Upstairs.
1:20:11 > 1:20:14Peaceful, isn't it?
1:20:14 > 1:20:17Who are you?
1:20:17 > 1:20:19Who am I?
1:20:23 > 1:20:24Who are you?
1:20:24 > 1:20:26We're the police.
1:21:15 > 1:21:17Oh!
1:21:17 > 1:21:22I know you're only a dream. But I don't care.
1:21:22 > 1:21:25It's nice to see you. Even if you're just a dream.
1:21:27 > 1:21:30The money just makes everything worse.
1:21:30 > 1:21:34I've got something for you.
1:21:34 > 1:21:35From Readers Digest. Here.
1:21:38 > 1:21:41You may have already won £10,000.
1:21:44 > 1:21:46Please will you talk to me?
1:21:49 > 1:21:50Five minutes. OK?
1:21:56 > 1:21:59Now, don't interrupt. I'm dead.
1:21:59 > 1:22:01I know what I'm talking about, OK?
1:22:01 > 1:22:05You need to use conditioner on your hair. Your dad won't think of that, but it makes all the difference.
1:22:07 > 1:22:09Me?
1:22:09 > 1:22:12You are not to worry about me.
1:22:12 > 1:22:16You have been worrying about me, haven't you?
1:22:17 > 1:22:19I'm fine.
1:22:21 > 1:22:25Anthony, he seems to have taken it better than you.
1:22:25 > 1:22:29But he hasn't. He's got a good heart, he just...
1:22:29 > 1:22:33- he doesn't know where it is.- Damian?
1:22:33 > 1:22:36He's going to need you. Be good to him.
1:22:36 > 1:22:37Dad doesn't believe.
1:22:37 > 1:22:45- Doesn't believe what? - Any of it. Anything. He mustn't do, or he wouldn't.
1:22:45 > 1:22:49- Couldn't you talk to him? - He can't see me.- Oh.
1:22:49 > 1:22:54- Is it because of the money? - In a way. The money makes it harder to see what's what.
1:22:56 > 1:22:58You know that already.
1:23:04 > 1:23:07Never really win with those things anyway.
1:23:07 > 1:23:10You just end up with books about the building of the American Railways.
1:23:13 > 1:23:15It's her, isn't it?
1:23:17 > 1:23:19Your dad and her?
1:23:21 > 1:23:23Damian...
1:23:27 > 1:23:31..you know how complicated the money was?
1:23:31 > 1:23:35Well...people are even more complicated.
1:23:37 > 1:23:41You need to remember that there is nearly always enough good around to be going on with.
1:23:41 > 1:23:43You've just got to have a bit of faith, you know.
1:23:43 > 1:23:46And if you've got faith in people, that makes them stronger.
1:23:46 > 1:23:50And you, you've got enough to sort all three of you out.
1:23:52 > 1:23:56Hey? That's why I'm counting on you.
1:23:58 > 1:24:00I haven't really been worried about you.
1:24:00 > 1:24:03I've just been missing you.
1:24:03 > 1:24:05That's allowed.
1:24:07 > 1:24:09Are you really a saint?
1:24:09 > 1:24:15Well, the criteria's very strict.
1:24:15 > 1:24:17It's not just a case of doing good and all that.
1:24:17 > 1:24:21- You do have to do an actual miracle.- So...
1:24:21 > 1:24:24I'm in there. Course I am.
1:24:24 > 1:24:26What was your miracle?
1:24:26 > 1:24:29Don't you know?
1:24:30 > 1:24:32It was you.
1:24:44 > 1:24:46Hey!
1:24:46 > 1:24:48Aren't you going to say goodbye?
1:24:57 > 1:24:58Bye.
1:25:43 > 1:25:45Did you see her?
1:25:45 > 1:25:47What did she say?
1:25:48 > 1:25:52She said to tell you not to worry. It's all going to be all right.
1:25:54 > 1:25:56She's looking out for you.
1:25:58 > 1:25:59Come on!
1:26:11 > 1:26:15Well, it was fun while it lasted, eh?
1:26:25 > 1:26:32Look, there's no easy way to say this, but I put a bit to one side, for me, to spend.
1:26:32 > 1:26:34You can have it back.
1:26:34 > 1:26:37'Dorothy, 6,310 euros.'
1:26:37 > 1:26:38All for the best, eh?
1:26:41 > 1:26:45Dollars. It's just a few grand.
1:26:45 > 1:26:46'Dad.'
1:26:46 > 1:26:50- Ten, really.- '11,400.'
1:26:50 > 1:26:53I was going to tell you. I sort of kept them by mistake.
1:26:55 > 1:26:56'Anthony.'
1:26:56 > 1:27:02I just enjoyed having a wedge. It wasn't really the money. I just liked having it.
1:27:02 > 1:27:05'4,780 euros.'
1:27:05 > 1:27:09'Dorothy wanted a holiday of a lifetime.
1:27:09 > 1:27:13'Dad wanted to pay off all his credit cards.
1:27:13 > 1:27:16'Anthony wanted one Gameboy Advance SP,
1:27:16 > 1:27:19'one PlayStation 3, a Shogun new BMX bike,
1:27:19 > 1:27:22'a Rekia 500 super quad bike,
1:27:22 > 1:27:25'Nimbus 2000 electro-magnetic stair rider.
1:27:25 > 1:27:29'a table-top candy floss maker. An iPod, obviously...
1:27:29 > 1:27:31'An iBook, obviously.
1:27:31 > 1:27:36'And a hydraulic rocket capable of attaining altitudes of over 100 metres.'
1:27:37 > 1:27:41Three...two...one...
1:27:54 > 1:27:57'That's how Anthony would want this story to end.
1:27:57 > 1:28:02'With big piles of stuff. But it's not his story. It's mine.'
1:28:02 > 1:28:05Oh, regarde ca! Qu'est-ce-que c'est?
1:28:05 > 1:28:07'This is where I want it to end.'