Jersey Girl

0:00:16 > 0:00:18Snooch to the nooch!

0:00:18 > 0:00:20HE GASPS

0:00:20 > 0:00:25This film contains some strong language.

0:00:25 > 0:00:27HE WHISTLES

0:00:30 > 0:00:32BELL RINGS

0:00:32 > 0:00:33WOMAN: Everyone, please take your seats.

0:00:33 > 0:00:34You heard the bell.

0:00:34 > 0:00:37You know what it means. Last week,

0:00:37 > 0:00:44the assignment was to write an essay about your family.

0:00:44 > 0:00:47Who they... CLASS: Are!

0:00:47 > 0:00:49And what they...

0:00:49 > 0:00:51CLASS: Mean to us!

0:00:51 > 0:00:53Excellent droning.

0:00:53 > 0:00:55So I want everyone to take out their essays.

0:00:55 > 0:00:59We're going to read them aloud to the class right up here.

0:00:59 > 0:01:07My mom says that me and my dad have very healthy appetites.

0:01:07 > 0:01:10My mom and dad are very religious.

0:01:10 > 0:01:12When they're in their bedroom at night,

0:01:12 > 0:01:15I always hear them yelling, "Jesus!"

0:01:15 > 0:01:21My mom says my dad's eyes are brown because he is so full of sh...

0:01:21 > 0:01:23< TEACHER: Brian!

0:01:23 > 0:01:25My brother Jack is in eighth grade.

0:01:25 > 0:01:27He told me to ask my dad who he voted for...

0:01:27 > 0:01:29for...for president.

0:01:29 > 0:01:32I did and my dad said he's a total Bush-man.

0:01:32 > 0:01:36That made my brother laugh really hard.

0:01:36 > 0:01:40Whenever my Uncle Stu comes over to play pool with my dad,

0:01:40 > 0:01:45my mom says the basement smells like a Cheech and Chong movie.

0:01:45 > 0:01:50Well...it's like this. My dog ate my paper.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52I checked, but he didn't poop it out.

0:01:52 > 0:01:54CLASS LAUGH

0:01:54 > 0:01:56What a lovely sentiment, Mr Etheridge.

0:01:56 > 0:01:59Maybe your dog can eat the zero you'll be receiving, too.

0:01:59 > 0:02:03Aw, man! BOY: Harsh. >

0:02:03 > 0:02:06Miss Trinke? It's your turn now.

0:02:18 > 0:02:21My dad says life can be split into two categories...

0:02:21 > 0:02:24New Jersey...and New York.

0:02:32 > 0:02:34MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:37 > 0:02:39GIRL: 'My dad was a Jersey boy who became the youngest

0:02:39 > 0:02:43and most successful music publicist in New York City.

0:02:43 > 0:02:47'By the time he was 27, he had 100 people working for him.

0:02:47 > 0:02:51'And even though they all loved him, he loved them even more.'

0:02:51 > 0:02:57My fellow flacks and spin doctors, salud.

0:02:57 > 0:02:58GIRL: 'Daddy loved his job,

0:02:58 > 0:03:01'but not as much as he loved my mom.

0:03:01 > 0:03:05'Mommy was a book editor in New York City when her and Daddy met.

0:03:05 > 0:03:07'Daddy said their jobs were kind of the same...

0:03:07 > 0:03:10'They made slight corrections for their clients.'

0:03:10 > 0:03:12Because George Michael is a pimp

0:03:12 > 0:03:16who is all about the ladies, my friend.

0:03:16 > 0:03:17Come on, "I want your sex"?

0:03:17 > 0:03:20That sound like he's singing to a guy?

0:03:20 > 0:03:22'Daddy worked so much that sometimes

0:03:22 > 0:03:25'Mommy could only see him late at night.

0:03:25 > 0:03:28'Daddy says that's why they both loved the city so much...

0:03:28 > 0:03:32'It never went to sleep.

0:03:32 > 0:03:35'And neither did him and Mommy.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37'But after a year of romance in New York City,

0:03:37 > 0:03:41'Daddy said it was time to show Mommy where he came from.

0:03:41 > 0:03:44'So he took her home to New Jersey

0:03:44 > 0:03:45'and put her through what he said

0:03:45 > 0:03:49'was the biggest test their love would ever face -

0:03:49 > 0:03:54' "introducing her to my pop." '

0:03:54 > 0:03:56Hey, how are ya? How're ya doin'?

0:03:56 > 0:03:58How're ya doin' yourself? This is Gertrude.

0:03:58 > 0:04:01Hi. Merry Christmas.

0:04:01 > 0:04:04And what do you do, Mr Trinke?

0:04:04 > 0:04:06Easy on the "Mr Trinke". It's Bart.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08I work for the borough for 30 years now.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10He's the only man in Highlands

0:04:10 > 0:04:12licensed to operate the street sweeper.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15Oh, man, I always wanted to ride in one of those things.

0:04:15 > 0:04:17Well, you continue seeing my son,

0:04:17 > 0:04:19I can probably get you a turn at the wheel.

0:04:19 > 0:04:23I was only gonna sleep with him a few more times and then dump him,

0:04:23 > 0:04:24but now, after an offer like that...

0:04:24 > 0:04:27Holy shit. Listen to the mouth on this one!

0:04:27 > 0:04:29Oh, yeah, they don't make 'em like Mom any more, do they, Dad?

0:04:29 > 0:04:31Now, listen, I'm goin' to the bar.

0:04:31 > 0:04:32What a shock.

0:04:32 > 0:04:34If you guys are gonna do anything while I'm gone,

0:04:34 > 0:04:36stay the hell off of my bed.

0:04:36 > 0:04:37You're going to a bar?

0:04:37 > 0:04:40Didn't he tell ya? I'm an alcoholic.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42Well, I wanna go to the bar, too.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44Oh, no. You don't wanna go to this bar.

0:04:44 > 0:04:45It's a bunch of old guys

0:04:45 > 0:04:47talkin' about how good they had it under Kennedy.

0:04:47 > 0:04:49The man was a goddamn saint.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51I'm goin' to the bar with your dad.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53You can come if you want.

0:04:53 > 0:04:55No, that's OK. I'll stay here and do the dishes.

0:04:55 > 0:04:57I only cooked. Why shouldn't I clean?

0:04:57 > 0:04:59Suit yourself. But don't wash that pan.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02I got a layer of juice built up for the pork roll,

0:05:02 > 0:05:04and I don't want you scrubbin' it off.

0:05:04 > 0:05:05That juice is called grease, Dad.

0:05:05 > 0:05:08It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.

0:05:08 > 0:05:11It's called juice, and it greases a father's insides

0:05:11 > 0:05:13so that he can better swallow

0:05:13 > 0:05:14the shit his son feeds him twice a year

0:05:14 > 0:05:17when he can be bothered coming to visit him.

0:05:17 > 0:05:21GIRL: 'So that night, Daddy took Mommy to Pop's bar,

0:05:21 > 0:05:24'where she got to meet pop's other children,

0:05:24 > 0:05:27'his best friends Greenie and Block.'

0:05:27 > 0:05:30Hey, your kid's cuttin' a rug.

0:05:34 > 0:05:35Who are you, Connie Chung?

0:05:37 > 0:05:42'Daddy said because Mommy survived her first trip to Jersey,

0:05:42 > 0:05:43'he knew she was a keeper.

0:05:48 > 0:05:52'He said they celebrated their engagement

0:05:52 > 0:05:55'by going out for pizza.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58'And that's how I got here.'

0:05:58 > 0:06:00Do we have enough of these at home, or should I steal some?

0:06:00 > 0:06:03If you're gonna steal something, steal some rubber gloves.

0:06:03 > 0:06:05KNOCK AT THE DOOR

0:06:17 > 0:06:21Thank you! You're welcome!

0:06:21 > 0:06:25'And with that, everyone lived happily ever after.

0:06:25 > 0:06:26'Almost.'

0:06:26 > 0:06:29Look, you've got two minutes, and then we have to go, OK?

0:06:29 > 0:06:31Or I'm gonna leave. Would you stop rushing me?

0:06:31 > 0:06:32I don't understand how somebody

0:06:32 > 0:06:34who had all day sitting around to get ready

0:06:34 > 0:06:36waits till 20 minutes before we have to leave!

0:06:36 > 0:06:38You try getting anything accomplished with this big gut in your way!

0:06:38 > 0:06:40This is one of the few days of the year

0:06:40 > 0:06:41that I can be fired for being late!

0:06:41 > 0:06:46Anytime that you wanna carry this baby, Ollie, you let me know. OK?

0:06:46 > 0:06:49I would be glad to go back to wearing regular dresses instead of this tent!

0:06:49 > 0:06:52The dress looks fine. It's gorgeous, OK? It's beautiful.

0:06:52 > 0:06:54Yeah, until I'm standing next to Janet Jackson or Sheryl Crow.

0:06:54 > 0:06:56Then you'll see how not fine it looks.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59Gertie, I asked you, please, to use your own brush, OK?

0:06:59 > 0:07:01Can you just not use my brush? Don't start.

0:07:01 > 0:07:02It's just that every time I wanna comb my hair

0:07:02 > 0:07:07I spend 15 minutes taking these long bushy hairs out of my brush.

0:07:07 > 0:07:08And I mean, you ask me to...

0:07:08 > 0:07:10SHE CRIES

0:07:10 > 0:07:12I'm sorry.

0:07:12 > 0:07:15Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

0:07:15 > 0:07:18You don't understand what it's like to be this fat!

0:07:18 > 0:07:21I've always been thin, and now I'm a disgusting pig!

0:07:21 > 0:07:24And it's my first time going to the video music awards

0:07:24 > 0:07:29and all the other girls are gonna be skinny, and I'm gonna look like a whale!

0:07:29 > 0:07:33Baby, baby, they're just skinny cos they're all coked-out whores.

0:07:33 > 0:07:35I wanna be a coked-out whore!

0:07:35 > 0:07:37OK, you can be a coked-out whore, too.

0:07:37 > 0:07:40You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.

0:07:40 > 0:07:42I'm sorry.

0:07:42 > 0:07:43I should be more sensitive. I'm sorry.

0:07:43 > 0:07:46I should be more sensitive, honey. I know.

0:07:46 > 0:07:48Yes. I know.

0:07:48 > 0:07:51Baby, we have to go now, OK? OK.

0:07:51 > 0:07:53I love you. We have to go now. OK.

0:07:53 > 0:07:55I love you, too. All right, let's go. OK?

0:07:55 > 0:07:58Just give me two minutes.

0:07:58 > 0:08:00OLLIE: What time is it? MAN: 20 after.

0:08:00 > 0:08:01She's gonna kill me!

0:08:01 > 0:08:04I need the quote for the Madonna release.

0:08:04 > 0:08:09OK. "Madonna trusts the public will judge for itself that...

0:08:09 > 0:08:12"this latest in a long line of breakthrough music videos

0:08:12 > 0:08:16"is not the tasteless sexploitation it's accused of being.

0:08:16 > 0:08:20"It's artistic expression." Of what?

0:08:20 > 0:08:24Of one woman's constant need to show the world...

0:08:24 > 0:08:25Her labia.

0:08:27 > 0:08:30Hey, can I use the word "labia" in a press release?

0:08:49 > 0:08:51See you next week.

0:08:53 > 0:08:57One of these days, I'll get me one of those husbands that show up for Lamaze.

0:08:57 > 0:09:00I'm sorry, babe. It was Madonna.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03So you were late because of another woman. That's nice.

0:09:03 > 0:09:04Come on. I still gotta do my job.

0:09:04 > 0:09:06And I still gotta do mine, too.

0:09:06 > 0:09:11But I was at Lamaze on time.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13Look, all I'm saying is

0:09:13 > 0:09:15that guy who used to spend all night at the office

0:09:15 > 0:09:17and barely live in his apartment...

0:09:17 > 0:09:19That's not you any more.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Now you have to be the guy who's done by six

0:09:21 > 0:09:25and comes home and hangs out with his family.

0:09:25 > 0:09:29That's the only way we're gonna work.

0:09:29 > 0:09:31OK?

0:09:33 > 0:09:34OK.

0:09:34 > 0:09:36OK. OK.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39OK!

0:09:40 > 0:09:42OK. OK.

0:09:44 > 0:09:46HE PANTS

0:09:46 > 0:09:49Can I help you? Yes.

0:09:49 > 0:09:51My wife's water broke. She's gonna have a baby.

0:09:51 > 0:09:53You're gonna have to check in, hon.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55Check in?! Where, at the concierge desk?!

0:09:55 > 0:09:58Why are you being so combative with me?!

0:09:58 > 0:10:01First of all, take your hands off my uniform.

0:10:01 > 0:10:05And second, I'm gonna need a patient here.

0:10:08 > 0:10:10This is my wife. This is the belligerent nurse

0:10:10 > 0:10:11that's being so difficult with me,

0:10:11 > 0:10:13giving me such a hard time.

0:10:13 > 0:10:14I'm sorry. He's a little panicky.

0:10:14 > 0:10:16Can I get a wheelchair?

0:10:16 > 0:10:18Let's get you up to delivery...

0:10:18 > 0:10:19And let him fill out the paperwork.

0:10:19 > 0:10:21OK. If we can trust him with a pen.

0:10:21 > 0:10:23Here, sweetie.

0:10:23 > 0:10:24OK, just relax, breathe. Remember, take it easy.

0:10:24 > 0:10:26I love you. I'll be right there, OK? I love you.

0:10:26 > 0:10:29I love you, too. OK, I love you.

0:10:29 > 0:10:30We've practised this a thousand times.

0:10:30 > 0:10:32It'll be great. How hard can it be?

0:10:32 > 0:10:34SHE SCREAMS

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Push. You're doing good.

0:10:36 > 0:10:38DOCTOR: You're doing real good.

0:10:38 > 0:10:39No, I can't! I can't do it!

0:10:39 > 0:10:41DOCTOR: Take a breath.

0:10:41 > 0:10:43It hurts! I know it hurts.

0:10:43 > 0:10:46It's OK, baby. Push. You can do it.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49Take a deep breath. In 5, 4...

0:10:49 > 0:10:52OK. Here you go. ...3, 2, 1.

0:10:52 > 0:10:55DOCTOR: Push. Push harder, Gertie. Push harder.

0:10:55 > 0:10:57The baby's crowning. I can see her. I just need one more push.

0:10:57 > 0:10:59Can you see her?

0:10:59 > 0:11:00Holy shit! I can see the head!

0:11:00 > 0:11:02DOCTOR: One more. Breathe.

0:11:02 > 0:11:04Push! It's almost there, baby.

0:11:04 > 0:11:06Push! You're doing it. Push!

0:11:06 > 0:11:06Push!

0:11:10 > 0:11:12DOCTOR: Here she comes! Here she comes!

0:11:12 > 0:11:14Here she is.

0:11:14 > 0:11:15Do you wanna cut the cord, Dad?

0:11:15 > 0:11:18Yeah. Scissors, please.

0:11:18 > 0:11:24Yes. And she's got all ten fingers, ten toes.

0:11:24 > 0:11:28We'll get her all cleaned up and then we're gonna check...

0:11:28 > 0:11:29Gertie?

0:11:29 > 0:11:32OLLIE: Baby, look. Gertie?

0:11:32 > 0:11:34Gertie!

0:11:34 > 0:11:36Gertie, can you hear me?

0:11:36 > 0:11:37She's OK. Sweetheart?

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Nurse, get Dr Mortimer right away!

0:11:39 > 0:11:41OLLIE: She's resting. Who's Dr Mortimer?

0:11:41 > 0:11:43Dr Mortimer!

0:11:43 > 0:11:44What's happening? She's unresponsive.

0:11:44 > 0:11:46NURSE: Gertie! Gertie. Gertie!

0:11:46 > 0:11:49Gertie, it's me! Gertie?

0:11:49 > 0:11:51DOCTOR: Healthy baby. Unresponsive.

0:11:51 > 0:11:52DOCTOR: Respiratory arrest.

0:11:52 > 0:11:54NURSE: Turn it around!

0:11:54 > 0:11:55What's happening to my wife?

0:11:55 > 0:11:57Let's open that IV, please.

0:11:57 > 0:12:01Baby, are you OK? Sweetheart, sweetheart, wake up!

0:12:01 > 0:12:04Please, someone take Mr Trinke outside. Please!

0:12:04 > 0:12:06I'm gonna have to intubate.

0:12:06 > 0:12:08Gertie, wake up, my love. Wake up.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11Gertie, please. Wake up.

0:12:11 > 0:12:14Get off me. Gertie!

0:12:14 > 0:12:17I wanna stay with my wife! Gertie. Gertie!

0:12:17 > 0:12:19What's happening?!

0:12:38 > 0:12:40Ollie...

0:12:40 > 0:12:42If I don't get to go in there right now, I swear to God!

0:12:42 > 0:12:43Ollie, calm down.

0:12:43 > 0:12:45Fuck you, calm down! OK?!

0:12:45 > 0:12:47I got dragged out of there, I haven't got to see my baby!

0:12:47 > 0:12:50Your baby is fine. She's healthy, she's normal.

0:12:50 > 0:12:51What's wrong with Gertie?

0:12:51 > 0:12:54I need you to calm down before I...

0:12:54 > 0:12:56Look, I'm calm! OK?!

0:12:56 > 0:13:00HE SIGHS

0:13:00 > 0:13:03I'm calm.

0:13:03 > 0:13:08We think Gertie had an aneurysm.

0:13:08 > 0:13:12Is she OK?

0:13:12 > 0:13:16We lost her, Ollie.

0:13:16 > 0:13:17The strain of the contractions

0:13:17 > 0:13:21and the pushing caused the aneurysm to rupture.

0:13:21 > 0:13:24There are rarely symptoms for aneurysms...

0:13:24 > 0:13:28MUSIC: "That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart" by Aimee Mann

0:13:28 > 0:13:32# I drew a picture of you

0:13:36 > 0:13:40# You and your anchor tattoo

0:13:42 > 0:13:46# And saw the face that I knew

0:13:48 > 0:13:52# Covered in shame

0:13:56 > 0:14:00# You drew the bird that was here

0:14:03 > 0:14:08# The kind of sweet chanticleer

0:14:10 > 0:14:15# But with a terrible fear

0:14:16 > 0:14:21# That the cage couldn't tame

0:14:26 > 0:14:33# That's how I knew the story would break my heart

0:14:34 > 0:14:38# When you're older

0:14:40 > 0:14:48# That's how I knew the story would break my heart... #

0:15:04 > 0:15:06OLLIE: You sure you're OK with this, Dad?

0:15:06 > 0:15:09What, OK? She's my granddaughter.

0:15:09 > 0:15:13Yeah, you can stay with me anytime, can't you?

0:15:13 > 0:15:15Yes, you can.

0:15:15 > 0:15:18Until you're a teenager, with the boys and a reefer.

0:15:18 > 0:15:21Then I don't wanna know about you.

0:15:21 > 0:15:24I wouldn't impose on you, you know.

0:15:24 > 0:15:30I just got a lot of work... Piled up from before and...

0:15:30 > 0:15:32I'll be back late tonight, OK?

0:15:32 > 0:15:34Yeah, take your time.

0:15:38 > 0:15:40Your daddy really misses your mommy, kid.

0:15:40 > 0:15:43I miss her, too.

0:15:43 > 0:15:45Especially right now.

0:15:45 > 0:15:48BABY FARTS Oh, Jesus!

0:15:54 > 0:15:56KNOCK AT THE DOOR

0:15:56 > 0:15:58Yeah.

0:15:58 > 0:15:59You wanted to see me, Ollie?

0:15:59 > 0:16:03Yeah, come on in.

0:16:03 > 0:16:05I didn't think you were gonna be in this week. How you doin'?

0:16:05 > 0:16:07You all right? I'm fine.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09Look, this piece in the post.

0:16:09 > 0:16:11Why didn't you call me when this broke?

0:16:11 > 0:16:13I had to read about it in New Jersey.

0:16:13 > 0:16:15I covered it. It's cool. The nurse is a fan.

0:16:15 > 0:16:16Will she still be a fan when the Enquirer

0:16:16 > 0:16:18flashes a stack of 50s in her face?

0:16:18 > 0:16:21Listen, something like this breaks, I'm not in the city,

0:16:21 > 0:16:24you find me or you find another job.

0:16:24 > 0:16:25Yeah, OK.

0:16:29 > 0:16:32OK.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34What else have we got?

0:16:34 > 0:16:36Um, Will Smith.

0:16:36 > 0:16:39Who? The Fresh Prince?

0:16:39 > 0:16:41"DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince." Fresh Prince?

0:16:41 > 0:16:43Yeah. > What about him?

0:16:43 > 0:16:44You remember the first album,

0:16:44 > 0:16:46the one with "girls ain't..."

0:16:46 > 0:16:48Rock The House. Yeah?

0:16:48 > 0:16:50Right. You remember on the cover of the album

0:16:50 > 0:16:52Jazzy Jeff is holding a model of a house?

0:16:52 > 0:16:54Vaguely.

0:16:54 > 0:16:57Will Smith is donating that house to the Hard Rock Cafe.

0:16:57 > 0:16:59Well, stop the presses. You put the word out yet?

0:16:59 > 0:17:01Date pending, yeah. Anybody give a shit?

0:17:01 > 0:17:03Every outlet wants in.

0:17:03 > 0:17:06You're kidding me.

0:17:06 > 0:17:09No. Even US News & World Report.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11Why? It's an eight-year-old album.

0:17:11 > 0:17:14Doesn't matter. Everyone loves that Fresh Prince TV show.

0:17:14 > 0:17:16He's got that movie coming out in a couple of weeks,

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Independence Day.

0:17:18 > 0:17:21Let the film division handle it.

0:17:21 > 0:17:22No, we can't. Will wants to keep

0:17:22 > 0:17:24his music career separate from his movie career.

0:17:24 > 0:17:29Like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is ever gonna have a movie career.

0:17:29 > 0:17:31Get me everything you can.

0:17:31 > 0:17:33I'll put together a press kit on him, and we'll just do it.

0:17:33 > 0:17:35OK. Patty, get me Kirsch.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37PATTY: Sure, Ollie.

0:17:37 > 0:17:39I can handle this Fresh Prince stuff

0:17:39 > 0:17:41if you wanna take a couple of days...

0:17:41 > 0:17:43Hey, Arthur, I can do my job.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45I'm all set, OK? You do your job.

0:17:45 > 0:17:47Go ahead. Patty, did you not hear me?

0:17:47 > 0:17:48I asked you to please get Kirsch on the phone.

0:17:48 > 0:17:49Ollie? PATTY: I'm trying.

0:17:49 > 0:17:51What, man?

0:17:51 > 0:17:54I know I told you at the funeral, but I'm really sorry...

0:17:54 > 0:17:55I'm fine. OK, Arthur. I am fine!

0:17:55 > 0:17:58Please go do what I asked you to do now.

0:17:58 > 0:17:59Kirschner on one.

0:17:59 > 0:18:00OK. Put him on the phone, then!

0:18:00 > 0:18:01How's the baby?

0:18:01 > 0:18:03The baby is fine, Arthur!

0:18:03 > 0:18:05Forget about the baby! I just wanna do my job!

0:18:05 > 0:18:07KIRSCH: Jesus Christ, Ollie!

0:18:07 > 0:18:09What the hell you screamin' about?

0:18:09 > 0:18:10Patty, was that...?

0:18:10 > 0:18:11TURNS INTERCOM OFF

0:18:22 > 0:18:23BABY CRIES

0:18:23 > 0:18:25OLLIE: I'm working on that right now. Don't worry.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27Just get there early and deal with the menu. OK?

0:18:27 > 0:18:30Hey. Are you deaf? The kid is cryin' up there.

0:18:30 > 0:18:32Can you deal with that?

0:18:32 > 0:18:34I'm doing something important. OK. Thanks.

0:18:34 > 0:18:36What the hell could be more important than your kid crying?

0:18:36 > 0:18:38I have a memorabilia donation ceremony in the morning

0:18:38 > 0:18:41that my company is treating like a royal wedding

0:18:41 > 0:18:42cos apparently the client's

0:18:42 > 0:18:44the most beloved American musician since Elvis.

0:18:44 > 0:18:47The kid's been screaming for the last ten minutes.

0:18:47 > 0:18:50If it bothers you so much, go up there and give her a bottle. OK?

0:18:50 > 0:18:52Sorry. It's a nightmare trying to work at this house.

0:18:52 > 0:18:57Jesus. Let me call you back, OK?

0:18:57 > 0:18:58What, Dad?

0:18:58 > 0:19:01Listen, kid. I lost a wife too, remember?

0:19:01 > 0:19:03So I get how you're feeling. But come on.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06You were married for what, 20 years? I got about 20 minutes.

0:19:06 > 0:19:09So you don't "get" how I'm feeling at all, OK?

0:19:09 > 0:19:11I'm sorry, Oliver, but that don't change the fact

0:19:11 > 0:19:12that you're a goddamn father now

0:19:12 > 0:19:15and you haven't acted like it since that kid got home from the hospital!

0:19:15 > 0:19:17I been calling in sick for a month

0:19:17 > 0:19:19to do the things you're supposed to be doin'!

0:19:19 > 0:19:23Jesus Christ, if Gertie could see the shit you've been pulling...

0:19:23 > 0:19:27Gertie doesn't see anything any more, Dad. She's dead.

0:19:28 > 0:19:33Yeah, she's dead.

0:19:33 > 0:19:36But you ain't. And neither is that kid.

0:19:36 > 0:19:39BABY CONTINUES CRYING

0:19:44 > 0:19:48HE DIALS

0:19:48 > 0:19:52Yeah. It's nothin'. Uh...

0:19:52 > 0:19:54All right, so I'm gonna do the kit. It's almost finished.

0:19:54 > 0:19:56You can deal with the menu.

0:19:56 > 0:19:58What time's Will getting there?

0:20:02 > 0:20:08BABY CRIES

0:20:08 > 0:20:10Dad, the baby's up!

0:20:13 > 0:20:15CRYING CONTINUES

0:20:15 > 0:20:18Dad, the baby needs to be fed!

0:20:21 > 0:20:22Dad!

0:20:30 > 0:20:32BART: What the hell...?!

0:20:34 > 0:20:36Are you nuts? What, are you trying to get killed?!

0:20:36 > 0:20:37What are you doing?

0:20:37 > 0:20:39Searching for Christ. What's it look like?

0:20:39 > 0:20:41It would have been nice

0:20:41 > 0:20:42if you'd told me you were leaving the house!

0:20:42 > 0:20:44That way, I could've given you the baby

0:20:44 > 0:20:47instead of driving all the way down here! NOW I'm gonna hit traffic!

0:20:47 > 0:20:49No, you ain't giving me the baby.

0:20:53 > 0:20:56Hey. Excuse me?

0:20:56 > 0:20:58I got uptown and downtown to do this morning.

0:20:58 > 0:20:59You're on your own with the kid today.

0:20:59 > 0:21:02What?! No. I have this press conference

0:21:02 > 0:21:04I have to do this morning, Dad! You know that!

0:21:04 > 0:21:06I got a job to do, too.

0:21:06 > 0:21:08If I don't leave right now...

0:21:08 > 0:21:10So leave! And do what with the baby?!

0:21:10 > 0:21:14Take her with you! Goddamn it. I...

0:21:14 > 0:21:17Look, I know I haven't been helping out that much with the baby...

0:21:17 > 0:21:19Listen to you. "Helping out that much with the baby."

0:21:19 > 0:21:20She's your daughter, for chrissake!

0:21:20 > 0:21:23What am I supposed to do with her?!

0:21:23 > 0:21:25Try acting like her father, shithead!

0:21:26 > 0:21:28Goddamn it!

0:21:59 > 0:22:02Folks, I'm sorry.

0:22:02 > 0:22:04Sorry. Steve.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06What the...?!

0:22:06 > 0:22:07I ordered diapers. Did they get here yet?

0:22:07 > 0:22:09You mean baby diapers?

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Why didn't you start half an hour ago? You shouldn't have waited for me!

0:22:11 > 0:22:12We're waiting for Will.

0:22:12 > 0:22:14Will's not here?! No.

0:22:14 > 0:22:16Are either of you guys... Trinket?

0:22:16 > 0:22:18Close enough. Where is he? We're not sure.

0:22:18 > 0:22:20Damn. That baby smells like shit. You know that, right?

0:22:20 > 0:22:22ARTHUR: It's a good thing you finally showed up, man.

0:22:22 > 0:22:23They're gettin' all rowdy out there.

0:22:23 > 0:22:25Oh, mother of God!

0:22:25 > 0:22:27What? Jesus... Ollie!

0:22:27 > 0:22:28Ollie, the guy from Rolling Stone...

0:22:28 > 0:22:31Holy shit! What is that smell?

0:22:31 > 0:22:32Grow up, Susan! It's a dirty diaper.

0:22:32 > 0:22:34What did the Rolling Stone guy say?

0:22:34 > 0:22:36If we don't start in five minutes, they're leaving

0:22:36 > 0:22:38to go cover the Blues Traveller signing at Tower.

0:22:38 > 0:22:39Jesus Christ!

0:22:39 > 0:22:41Hey, you're doing that wrong.

0:22:41 > 0:22:42What?

0:22:42 > 0:22:43You're doing that wrong.

0:22:43 > 0:22:45You're supposed to wipe front to back.

0:22:45 > 0:22:46You're wiping back to front.

0:22:46 > 0:22:50You do that, you're just wiping the poop into her...

0:22:50 > 0:22:51crevice.

0:22:51 > 0:22:54Get outta here! Beat it!

0:22:54 > 0:22:56Mark my words, you're gonna give her the crotch-rot.

0:22:56 > 0:22:57Would one of you do...? You do this.

0:22:57 > 0:22:58Oh, not me. No

0:22:58 > 0:23:00Will you do this so I can go out there?

0:23:00 > 0:23:03Why, because I'm a girl? I've never even seen a naked baby. No!

0:23:03 > 0:23:06Fine. Thank you very much. I'm gonna remember this.

0:23:06 > 0:23:07How much of this am I supposed to use?

0:23:07 > 0:23:08Should I get that guy back?

0:23:08 > 0:23:09He knew a lot about changing babies.

0:23:09 > 0:23:12If it's for the smell, I suggest you use a lot.

0:23:12 > 0:23:16Ooh. You gotta turn it. You gotta turn the top!

0:23:16 > 0:23:19Oh. Direct it at the baby.

0:23:19 > 0:23:20Thank you! Go out there, please,

0:23:20 > 0:23:22and tell them we're about to start!

0:23:28 > 0:23:30I'd say more.

0:23:35 > 0:23:36That's a lot.

0:23:36 > 0:23:39MUSIC PLAYS

0:23:39 > 0:23:41All right, the Fresh Prince is almost here.

0:23:41 > 0:23:44Is that blow on your shirt?

0:23:44 > 0:23:48What do you think, Stretch? This is show business.

0:23:48 > 0:23:50That was a joke, people.

0:23:50 > 0:23:51Where's the Fresh Prince?

0:23:51 > 0:23:53The Fresh Prince is on his way.

0:23:53 > 0:23:55It's crying. Will you take it? No. No.

0:23:55 > 0:23:59Is that Jazzy Jeff? ALL LAUGH

0:23:59 > 0:24:01This is bullshit! Where's the Fresh Prince?

0:24:01 > 0:24:03Will someone please shut that girl up?

0:24:03 > 0:24:06Enough with the romper room! Bring out the Fresh Prince!

0:24:06 > 0:24:09CHANTING: Fresh Prince! Fresh Prince!

0:24:09 > 0:24:10Please take her.

0:24:12 > 0:24:16I, er...

0:24:16 > 0:24:21Goddamn it. Christ! Give her to me! Give me the baby.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24CHANTING CONTINUES

0:24:31 > 0:24:35Would you people just shut the hell up with the "Fresh Prince" already?!

0:24:35 > 0:24:37He's a two-bit TV actor...

0:24:37 > 0:24:39Who won't be around any longer than it takes for the ink to dry

0:24:39 > 0:24:44on the pages of the worthless rags you jerk-offs write for!

0:24:44 > 0:24:48SILENCE

0:24:48 > 0:24:49Shit.

0:24:52 > 0:24:53That guy's toast.

0:24:53 > 0:24:54That's a hell of a quote.

0:24:59 > 0:25:03MUSIC: "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" by George Jones

0:25:03 > 0:25:04BABY CRIES

0:25:04 > 0:25:06# Well, I looked over Jordan

0:25:06 > 0:25:09# And what did I see? #

0:25:09 > 0:25:10It's all right, Arthur.

0:25:10 > 0:25:18# ..Comin' for to carry me home

0:25:18 > 0:25:21# A band of angels

0:25:21 > 0:25:25# Coming after me

0:25:25 > 0:25:31# Coming for to carry me home

0:25:34 > 0:25:41# Swing low, sweet chariot

0:25:41 > 0:25:46# Coming for to carry me home

0:25:46 > 0:25:53# Swing low, sweet chariot

0:25:53 > 0:26:00# Coming for to carry me home

0:26:00 > 0:26:07# Coming for to carry me home. #

0:26:14 > 0:26:16we won't be here too long, Dad.

0:26:16 > 0:26:19We'll be out of your hair as soon as I get another job.

0:26:19 > 0:26:22I have some feelers out to the other firms right now.

0:26:22 > 0:26:25As soon as this whole thing blows over...

0:26:25 > 0:26:28It's OK to stay here as long as you need to,

0:26:28 > 0:26:29till you get back on your feet.

0:26:29 > 0:26:31I appreciate that.

0:26:31 > 0:26:32On one condition.

0:26:32 > 0:26:33Here we go.

0:26:33 > 0:26:36You put the kid to bed every night.

0:26:36 > 0:26:39That's it? For starters.

0:26:39 > 0:26:43And no whores. I don't want no whores in my house.

0:26:43 > 0:26:47I'm not really a whoremonger, Dad.

0:26:47 > 0:26:48Here, the kid gets this.

0:26:48 > 0:26:52That's cute. 8 o'clock - you both get a bottle.

0:26:52 > 0:26:56Just shut the hell up and go be a father, would ya, please?

0:27:19 > 0:27:20No?

0:27:28 > 0:27:32HE CLEARS THROAT Yeah, this is only temporary, us...you know...

0:27:32 > 0:27:36Living with your grandfather here.

0:27:36 > 0:27:40So...

0:27:40 > 0:27:43How about that Fresh Prince thing, huh?

0:27:43 > 0:27:46It was quite a show.

0:27:46 > 0:27:50Your dad's one big horse's ass.

0:27:50 > 0:27:53Daddy's ex-bosses said the guys who did PR for Hitler

0:27:53 > 0:27:56have a better chance of working in this business again than Daddy does.

0:28:00 > 0:28:04So, OK...

0:28:04 > 0:28:06How're you doin'?

0:28:10 > 0:28:14Yeah. You know, you kinda look like your mom.

0:28:14 > 0:28:19Like a squishier, balder version of your mom.

0:28:23 > 0:28:25Man...

0:28:25 > 0:28:29I just wish you could've gotten to meet your mom.

0:28:29 > 0:28:32I know she wanted to meet you

0:28:32 > 0:28:36in a big, bad way.

0:28:37 > 0:28:40In a big, bad way.

0:28:43 > 0:28:48Sometimes, Daddy wishes he'd have died instead of Mommy...

0:28:48 > 0:28:51Because Mommy never would've...

0:28:51 > 0:28:55let work get in the way of...getting to know you,

0:28:55 > 0:29:02like Daddy has for the last...month or so.

0:29:02 > 0:29:08It's just that Daddy... He didn't expect mommy...

0:29:08 > 0:29:13HE SIGHS ..to leave the way she did.

0:29:13 > 0:29:16It's just really hard on Daddy,

0:29:16 > 0:29:18who's been trying to fill up his days with work,

0:29:18 > 0:29:22so he wouldn't have to think about Mommy never being around again.

0:29:24 > 0:29:28I just loved your mom so much. You know?

0:29:30 > 0:29:35She really lit my world on fire.

0:29:35 > 0:29:38When that happens...

0:29:38 > 0:29:40You kinda think it'll go on like that

0:29:40 > 0:29:44until one of you dies. You know?

0:29:44 > 0:29:47You just don't expect...

0:29:47 > 0:29:51I miss her so much. So, so much.

0:29:56 > 0:29:58And you're a little piece of Mommy,

0:29:58 > 0:30:01and that makes you really special to Daddy.

0:30:13 > 0:30:15Just don't go anywhere,

0:30:15 > 0:30:18cos you're the next best thing to Mommy,

0:30:18 > 0:30:21and I love you so much, and I'll always be here for you,

0:30:21 > 0:30:24and I'm sorry about the way I've been acting.

0:30:24 > 0:30:28I promise you... I'll be better now.

0:30:28 > 0:30:32I'm gonna be the best daddy in the world.

0:30:32 > 0:30:38Cos that's what Mommy wanted. And that's what you deserve.

0:30:38 > 0:30:41And that's all I am now.

0:30:41 > 0:30:44I'm just your dad.

0:31:01 > 0:31:05Your dad likes to run off at the mouth sometimes, you know.

0:31:05 > 0:31:06BABY SNEEZES

0:31:09 > 0:31:12Your mother wasn't a fan, either.

0:31:13 > 0:31:18You wanna see a picture of your mom. I have one.

0:31:18 > 0:31:22This was your mommy. She was really pretty.

0:31:22 > 0:31:26OK. You can keep it.

0:31:26 > 0:31:28Daddy's got a bunch.

0:31:30 > 0:31:32There you go.

0:31:43 > 0:31:44Goodnight, Gertie.

0:32:02 > 0:32:04BELL RINGS

0:32:04 > 0:32:09MUSIC: "Worlds They Rise And Fall" by Mike Heron

0:32:09 > 0:32:13# Worlds...

0:32:13 > 0:32:17# They rise and fall... #

0:32:17 > 0:32:18OLLIE: Gertie!

0:32:18 > 0:32:21# ..Within her eyes... #

0:32:21 > 0:32:25Your chariot awaits, princess. Let's go!

0:32:27 > 0:32:30We gotta go. Argh!

0:32:30 > 0:32:33# ..To fly in the sky... #

0:32:33 > 0:32:34How was school, good? Mm-hmm.

0:32:34 > 0:32:36You have a nice time? Yep.

0:32:36 > 0:32:38Remember to put your seat belt on. Know where to find it?

0:32:38 > 0:32:39Yep.

0:32:39 > 0:32:44Lock and load. Comin' around. Get ready.

0:32:53 > 0:32:55Ready? Punch it, chewy!

0:32:59 > 0:33:00Can we go see Cats?

0:33:00 > 0:33:02Absolutely not. Why?

0:33:02 > 0:33:03Cats was the second-worst thing

0:33:03 > 0:33:05that ever happened to New York City.

0:33:05 > 0:33:07Besides, Cats closed three years ago.

0:33:07 > 0:33:09We never do anything cool.

0:33:09 > 0:33:12You're ridin' in the Batmobile, aren't ya? How cool is that?

0:33:12 > 0:33:14Oh, my God.

0:33:14 > 0:33:15Look, no-one's more depressed than me

0:33:15 > 0:33:16that driving the street sweeper

0:33:16 > 0:33:19is considered the height of excitement in my life.

0:33:19 > 0:33:20I used to live in New York City.

0:33:20 > 0:33:23I could've gone to see Cats three times a day.

0:33:23 > 0:33:25It's not like I ever ask for anything.

0:33:25 > 0:33:26Oh-ho-ho!

0:33:26 > 0:33:29"And the Oscar goes to Gertie Trinke,

0:33:29 > 0:33:33"for her performance in Laying It On Thick For My Old Man."

0:33:33 > 0:33:35What is it with you and Cats all of a sudden?

0:33:35 > 0:33:38I wanna sing a Cats song in the big show like everybody else.

0:33:38 > 0:33:39What big show?

0:33:39 > 0:33:41There's gonna be this big show at school.

0:33:41 > 0:33:42All the people have to sing a song

0:33:42 > 0:33:44with people from their family.

0:33:44 > 0:33:46Are you inviting me to this big show?

0:33:46 > 0:33:48Duh. Yeah, you and Pop, too.

0:33:48 > 0:33:51Oh-ho. I'm sure that'll go over huge with your pop.

0:33:51 > 0:33:53Can Uncle Greenie and Uncle Block be in it, too?

0:33:53 > 0:33:54Those men are not your uncles.

0:33:54 > 0:33:57They're barely even your peers.

0:33:57 > 0:33:58Pee-ers?

0:33:58 > 0:33:59When is this big show?

0:33:59 > 0:34:01Right before Thanksgiving break.

0:34:01 > 0:34:03Does it have to be something from the Bible?

0:34:03 > 0:34:06I don't think so. Is Cats in the Bible?

0:34:06 > 0:34:07The Satanic Bible, yes.

0:34:16 > 0:34:17What?

0:34:17 > 0:34:19When you taking her to see the cats?

0:34:19 > 0:34:23Jesus, you, too? Gertie!

0:34:25 > 0:34:27Do you even know what Cats is, Dad?

0:34:27 > 0:34:29What, I don't read the papers?

0:34:29 > 0:34:31You don't read that paper.

0:34:31 > 0:34:33What are you doing with a New York Times?

0:34:33 > 0:34:34They ran out of the Ledger.

0:34:34 > 0:34:37They don't have the jumble in the Times, Dad.

0:34:37 > 0:34:38Shit.

0:34:40 > 0:34:40Where were you?

0:34:40 > 0:34:42I was in the bathroom.

0:34:42 > 0:34:43Why didn't I hear the toilet flush?

0:34:43 > 0:34:45Oh. I forgot.

0:34:45 > 0:34:48OK, march your butt back upstairs and flush that toilet.

0:34:48 > 0:34:49And when I say "no" about something,

0:34:49 > 0:34:52like, I don't know, Cats, maybe, I mean no.

0:34:52 > 0:34:53OK?

0:34:53 > 0:34:55Pop, you were supposed to be subtle!

0:34:55 > 0:34:57Why do you teach her words like that?

0:34:57 > 0:35:00You're gonna have to mow the park for me tomorrow. I can't do it.

0:35:00 > 0:35:01Why the hell not?

0:35:01 > 0:35:03I have an appointment in the city at 11.00.

0:35:03 > 0:35:05Jesus, kid, why do you keep doin' it to yourself?

0:35:05 > 0:35:07How many of these interviews you gotta go on

0:35:07 > 0:35:09before you get it through your thick head

0:35:09 > 0:35:11they don't want you in that business any more?

0:35:11 > 0:35:14For chrissake, you made fun of that Prince Charles guy.

0:35:14 > 0:35:16TOILET FLUSHES Thank you!

0:35:16 > 0:35:19First of all, Dad, I didn't "make fun" of anybody.

0:35:19 > 0:35:23I made one remark about Will Smith, the Fresh Prince.

0:35:23 > 0:35:25Sooner or later, everyone's gonna forget about that

0:35:25 > 0:35:27and I'm gonna go back to doing what I'm really good at,

0:35:27 > 0:35:28instead of sweeping streets

0:35:28 > 0:35:30and ploughing snow and picking up garbage.

0:35:30 > 0:35:32OK?

0:35:32 > 0:35:34If you're going into the city anyway,

0:35:34 > 0:35:36at least take the kid to see the cats.

0:35:36 > 0:35:38OLLIE SIGHS

0:35:38 > 0:35:39Oh, God...

0:35:39 > 0:35:42I'll tell you what. Since there is no more Cats,

0:35:42 > 0:35:44Gertie, why don't you come over here

0:35:44 > 0:35:47and pick out another play that you wanna see?

0:35:47 > 0:35:51Look through here. Anything you want. Go nuts.

0:35:51 > 0:35:53The cats is a show?

0:35:53 > 0:35:57Yeah, you read the papers.

0:35:57 > 0:35:59You think you're slick, don't ya, young lady?

0:35:59 > 0:36:01Next time you're lookin' for a partner in crime,

0:36:01 > 0:36:03you're gonna have to aim higher than your grandfather.

0:36:03 > 0:36:05(He's soft in the head.)

0:36:05 > 0:36:07BART: I heard that! >

0:36:09 > 0:36:12Here. Can we go see this show?

0:36:12 > 0:36:15Sweeney Todd. Do you know that this has a lot of singing?

0:36:15 > 0:36:16It's still a play.

0:36:16 > 0:36:18OK. I'm just checking.

0:36:18 > 0:36:21Your dad one time lost a bet with someone at his work,

0:36:21 > 0:36:23and he had to go see a singing play,

0:36:23 > 0:36:25done by people on roller skates.

0:36:25 > 0:36:25Cool!

0:36:25 > 0:36:27Your dad didn't think so.

0:36:27 > 0:36:30OLLIE: I handled primarily recording artists,

0:36:30 > 0:36:31but when I initially trained,

0:36:31 > 0:36:34I trained in film PR, so I can do that, too.

0:36:34 > 0:36:38I, er...took the last six or seven years off.

0:36:38 > 0:36:40I was raising my daughter in New Jersey.

0:36:40 > 0:36:44But I kept abreast, so... I'm pretty comfortable jumping back in.

0:36:44 > 0:36:47What else can I tell you guys? Uh...

0:36:47 > 0:36:49That's it. I can start, you know, right away.

0:36:53 > 0:36:55You guys all right?

0:36:55 > 0:36:57HE CLEARS THROAT

0:36:59 > 0:37:02Are you THE Ollie Trinke?

0:37:02 > 0:37:04The one who used to work at Mandel-Kirschner?

0:37:05 > 0:37:06Yeah, that was me...

0:37:06 > 0:37:08Son of a bitch! Yes!

0:37:08 > 0:37:10I told you, Reynolds! Pay up!

0:37:10 > 0:37:11REYNOLDS: I got it.

0:37:11 > 0:37:12Am I missing something?

0:37:12 > 0:37:15Nah, nah, he just bet me you were THE Ollie Trinke,

0:37:15 > 0:37:17the one who pulled "the Fresh Prince."

0:37:17 > 0:37:18They named it?

0:37:18 > 0:37:21Of course. Are you kidding? You're a legend, man!

0:37:21 > 0:37:24You did what every flack only dreams about doing!

0:37:24 > 0:37:25Which was what?

0:37:25 > 0:37:26You went apeshit!

0:37:26 > 0:37:28You trashed your client back to the Stone Age.

0:37:28 > 0:37:29Yeah.

0:37:29 > 0:37:30We bow to you, man.

0:37:30 > 0:37:31You're like a god around here.

0:37:31 > 0:37:33Yep, exactly. >

0:37:33 > 0:37:34God enough to get a job?

0:37:34 > 0:37:36No. Ha ha ha!

0:37:36 > 0:37:37What, are you insane?

0:37:37 > 0:37:39No chance, Trinke! THEY LAUGH

0:37:41 > 0:37:42Pop, I'm home!

0:37:42 > 0:37:44BART: Yeah, like I give a shit.

0:37:44 > 0:37:46You know, thanks a lot, Pop!

0:37:53 > 0:37:55That's what it looks like?

0:37:55 > 0:37:58I guess. What does yours look like?

0:37:58 > 0:37:59Not like that.

0:37:59 > 0:38:01Yeah. Let me see.

0:38:01 > 0:38:04All right.

0:38:04 > 0:38:07OLLIE: Gertie, it's time for Bryan to go home.

0:38:17 > 0:38:18OK...

0:38:25 > 0:38:27What are your intentions?

0:38:27 > 0:38:28Huh?

0:38:28 > 0:38:31What are your intentions with my daughter?

0:38:31 > 0:38:33Do you plan on marrying her?

0:38:33 > 0:38:35I don't know.

0:38:35 > 0:38:39Well, only married boys and girls, ahem...

0:38:39 > 0:38:41show each other their, er...

0:38:41 > 0:38:44their, you know, er...

0:38:44 > 0:38:47...parts. OK?

0:38:49 > 0:38:52OK, Bryan, you can go now.

0:38:52 > 0:38:54If you come back, come back with a ring.

0:38:54 > 0:38:56Yes, Mr Trinke.

0:38:56 > 0:38:57Bye, Gertie. Bye.

0:38:57 > 0:39:00Goodbye, Bryan.

0:39:02 > 0:39:08OK. Do you have any, er...

0:39:08 > 0:39:12questions about what you...

0:39:12 > 0:39:15you know...

0:39:15 > 0:39:17you know, whatever, saw?

0:39:21 > 0:39:24Do you have what Bryan has?

0:39:27 > 0:39:32Yes, I have one...too.

0:39:32 > 0:39:37Is yours as big as his?

0:39:39 > 0:39:42Sadly, yes.

0:39:42 > 0:39:44Can we rent a movie? Yes.

0:39:47 > 0:39:49So they wouldn't give you a job, huh?

0:39:49 > 0:39:51No. But apparently, Daddy's a legend.

0:39:51 > 0:39:54You don't need that job anyway. You already got a job.

0:39:54 > 0:39:57Yes, well, Daddy used to have a job

0:39:57 > 0:39:59where a nightly shower was an option, not a necessity.

0:39:59 > 0:40:01You know what job you should do?

0:40:01 > 0:40:02What's that?

0:40:02 > 0:40:04You should be a dance teacher, like Johnny in Dirty Dancing.

0:40:04 > 0:40:06I should?

0:40:06 > 0:40:08Should I say, "nobody puts baby in a corner"?

0:40:08 > 0:40:10Oh, can we rent Dirty Dancing again?

0:40:10 > 0:40:14Ohh...Dirty Dancing ranks one notch below Cats in my book.

0:40:14 > 0:40:15Can you pick out something else?

0:40:18 > 0:40:20Can we rent this?

0:40:20 > 0:40:22Absolutely not.

0:40:22 > 0:40:24Go pick out something from the children's section.

0:40:24 > 0:40:26All those movies suck.

0:40:26 > 0:40:28Watch your language.

0:40:55 > 0:40:57Nah, that's...

0:40:57 > 0:41:00No, I guess that's it. Yep, yep, that's it.

0:41:01 > 0:41:04I'll just take this and whatever the kid's getting.

0:41:04 > 0:41:09Just go ahead and put it in the bag. I'm all set. It's good.

0:41:12 > 0:41:17"Bi-bi Guys - featuring Curious Jordie"?

0:41:17 > 0:41:19Interesting choice.

0:41:19 > 0:41:21Does the wife know you're looking into your options?

0:41:21 > 0:41:24It's...I got the...

0:41:24 > 0:41:25I got the wrong box by accident.

0:41:25 > 0:41:26Oh, right.

0:41:26 > 0:41:29Would you mind exchanging that for me for something...

0:41:29 > 0:41:32Anything you can get your hands on that's, you know...

0:41:32 > 0:41:33So, then you want something...

0:41:33 > 0:41:35That's non-bi.

0:41:41 > 0:41:42Can I have your membership card, please?

0:41:42 > 0:41:44Yeah, sure.

0:41:44 > 0:41:46Would you mind if I asked you a few questions

0:41:46 > 0:41:48about your renting practices?

0:41:48 > 0:41:50Uh...sure.

0:41:50 > 0:41:51Really. Uh...

0:41:51 > 0:41:54Do you always rent adult titles with your daughter in tow,

0:41:54 > 0:41:56or is this the first time?

0:41:56 > 0:41:57Excuse me?

0:41:57 > 0:42:00When you rent porn, do you usually do it with family around,

0:42:00 > 0:42:03or is this like a, you know, special occasion?

0:42:04 > 0:42:06Do I have to answer this?

0:42:06 > 0:42:09I'm a grad student writing a thesis paper...

0:42:09 > 0:42:10"A Bird In The Hand -

0:42:10 > 0:42:13"the family man and the pornographic fixation."

0:42:15 > 0:42:17OK. I would rather not take part.

0:42:17 > 0:42:22Really. Frank, is Bi-bi Guys a one or a two-night rental?

0:42:22 > 0:42:23What are you getting, Daddy?

0:42:23 > 0:42:26Yeah, Daddy. Let's just take a look.

0:42:26 > 0:42:27Let's not, OK?

0:42:31 > 0:42:33Would you mind not asking me those questions

0:42:33 > 0:42:34when my daughter's with me?

0:42:34 > 0:42:37How about when you bring these back?

0:42:37 > 0:42:39That's...yeah.

0:42:39 > 0:42:41In an effort to get honest feedback,

0:42:41 > 0:42:44leave the kid and the wife at home.

0:42:44 > 0:42:47My mom's dead. She died when I was born.

0:42:47 > 0:42:49Oh, Jesus.

0:42:49 > 0:42:52Man, I'm sorry. I didn't...

0:42:52 > 0:42:55No, you didn't.

0:42:57 > 0:42:58Let's go.

0:43:00 > 0:43:02I'm sorry.

0:43:02 > 0:43:05Do I have to?

0:43:05 > 0:43:07Major Damage didn't have to go to bed

0:43:07 > 0:43:10when he fought the Tiki Terrors!

0:43:10 > 0:43:12MOM: Melvin! And do they...

0:43:12 > 0:43:13KNOCK AT THE DOOR I'll get it.

0:43:13 > 0:43:15You will not.

0:43:15 > 0:43:17You're not even supposed to be up this late.

0:43:17 > 0:43:19Watch your video.

0:43:19 > 0:43:22MELVIN: But, Mom! MOM: say, "OK, Mom."

0:43:22 > 0:43:25MELVIN: Ahh! MOM: Say, "OK, mom."

0:43:25 > 0:43:27Hi.

0:43:27 > 0:43:29Hey. You're the lady from the video store.

0:43:29 > 0:43:32Let's not use that term too loosely, OK?

0:43:32 > 0:43:34Go back and watch your video.

0:43:36 > 0:43:38Yes?

0:43:38 > 0:43:40I just wanted to come here and tell you

0:43:40 > 0:43:43that I'm really sorry about earlier tonight.

0:43:43 > 0:43:45I feel like shit about what I said

0:43:45 > 0:43:47and your daughter and everything.

0:43:47 > 0:43:50Well...you should.

0:43:50 > 0:43:52You know that kid was crying in the car the whole way home?

0:43:52 > 0:43:53Oh, no...

0:43:53 > 0:43:55GERTIE: No, I wasn't.

0:43:55 > 0:43:57Get back inside and watch your video!

0:43:57 > 0:43:59Nice. Real nice.

0:43:59 > 0:44:02See, now you have to let me interview you for my paper.

0:44:02 > 0:44:04Is that why you're here?

0:44:04 > 0:44:07I just think you'd make one hell of an interesting case study.

0:44:07 > 0:44:10The sympathetic widower who doesn't have time to date

0:44:10 > 0:44:12cos he's raising a kid, so he rents porn instead.

0:44:12 > 0:44:14I mean, I think that's very interesting stuff.

0:44:14 > 0:44:17Jesus Christ! You've got some nerve, lady.

0:44:17 > 0:44:20And besides, I'd really like to make it up to you,

0:44:20 > 0:44:23for what I said and for embarrassing you before that.

0:44:23 > 0:44:25You're really having a banner evening.

0:44:25 > 0:44:26You're batting a thousand tonight.

0:44:26 > 0:44:29You're Ollie, right? I'm Maya Harding.

0:44:32 > 0:44:33"Hi, Maya. Nice to meet you."

0:44:33 > 0:44:35Hi.

0:44:35 > 0:44:36Come on, why don't you let me take you

0:44:36 > 0:44:39out one day this week? You do eat lunch when

0:44:39 > 0:44:42you're not knee-deep in adult movies, right?

0:44:42 > 0:44:45I appreciate it, but, er...no, thanks.

0:44:45 > 0:44:48Ollie, come on, you're ruining my karma level here.

0:44:48 > 0:44:51What, buying me one lunch is gonna square you with Krishna?

0:44:51 > 0:44:54Hare hare!

0:44:54 > 0:44:57Is Monday OK? Sound good?

0:44:57 > 0:45:00I mean, I was thinking nothing fancy.

0:45:00 > 0:45:02I was thinking maybe, like, the diner.

0:45:02 > 0:45:05Around noon? No!

0:45:07 > 0:45:08Noon it is!

0:45:08 > 0:45:10Well...

0:45:10 > 0:45:13See you there. Bye!

0:45:15 > 0:45:17An incredibly strange woman.

0:45:17 > 0:45:19HORN TOOTS

0:45:26 > 0:45:29I did not hear the toilet flush.

0:45:34 > 0:45:35Thank you.

0:45:38 > 0:45:40Can we get popcorn?

0:45:40 > 0:45:42This isn't the movies, sweetheart.

0:45:42 > 0:45:43They don't sell popcorn here.

0:45:43 > 0:45:47This is Broadway. This is class.

0:45:47 > 0:45:50# And if you're beautiful

0:45:50 > 0:45:53# What then with yellow hair like wheat

0:45:53 > 0:45:57# I think we shall not meet again, my little dove

0:45:57 > 0:46:05# My sweet Joanna

0:46:05 > 0:46:08# Goodbye, Joanna

0:46:08 > 0:46:10# You're gone and yet you're mine

0:46:10 > 0:46:13# I'm fine, Joanna

0:46:13 > 0:46:17# ..I'm fine... #

0:46:17 > 0:46:19OLLIE: OK, now, you see that floor.

0:46:19 > 0:46:21Now look three windows in from the right.

0:46:21 > 0:46:22See that window?

0:46:22 > 0:46:24That's where we used to live before we lived with Pop.

0:46:24 > 0:46:27We'd still live there if we lived in the city.

0:46:27 > 0:46:31If Mommy was still alive? Yep.

0:46:31 > 0:46:32Dad? Yes?

0:46:32 > 0:46:35Do you miss Mommy?

0:46:35 > 0:46:37I do. Every day.

0:46:37 > 0:46:39What was she like?

0:46:39 > 0:46:42I've told you a million times what she was like.

0:46:42 > 0:46:44I know, but I forget.

0:46:44 > 0:46:45No, I don't think you forget.

0:46:45 > 0:46:46I think you just like to hear me tell you.

0:46:46 > 0:46:48Which is OK. It's all right.

0:46:48 > 0:46:49You can ask about your mommy as much as you want.

0:46:49 > 0:46:51So tell me already.

0:46:51 > 0:46:54Well, she was pushy, like you were right there.

0:46:54 > 0:46:58She was beautiful, like you are right now.

0:46:58 > 0:47:02And she was...smart...

0:47:02 > 0:47:05And strong, like you'll grow up to be one day.

0:47:05 > 0:47:07I'm smart now.

0:47:07 > 0:47:09I wasn't impugning your intelligence or anything.

0:47:09 > 0:47:11What's "impugning" mean?

0:47:11 > 0:47:13Oh, not so smart now, are you?

0:47:13 > 0:47:14That's a big word.

0:47:14 > 0:47:16Yes, you're right, it is.

0:47:16 > 0:47:18Let's see. To impugn means to criticise.

0:47:18 > 0:47:23So...pop's always impugning you, right?

0:47:23 > 0:47:24Well, he thinks he is.

0:47:24 > 0:47:27But he's just talking to make sure he's still alive.

0:47:27 > 0:47:31Pop is a very, very old man.

0:47:31 > 0:47:33What do you think? You like the city?

0:47:33 > 0:47:36It's OK. But I like Highlands better.

0:47:36 > 0:47:38You do? Yeah.

0:47:38 > 0:47:40My school's there, and my friends...

0:47:40 > 0:47:41And we can rent movies there.

0:47:41 > 0:47:43Well, if memory serves,

0:47:43 > 0:47:45you can rent movies here, too.

0:47:45 > 0:47:48Yeah, but not from that pretty lady at the video store.

0:47:48 > 0:47:49Oh, you think she's pretty, do you?

0:47:49 > 0:47:52Don't you. Isn't that why you're taking her on a date?

0:47:53 > 0:47:54It's not a date.

0:47:54 > 0:47:57The only girl I take on dates is you, OK?

0:47:57 > 0:47:59This is a date. We're on a date.

0:47:59 > 0:48:00We are? Mm-hmm.

0:48:00 > 0:48:02It doesn't feel like a date.

0:48:02 > 0:48:04It doesn't?

0:48:04 > 0:48:07Well, I can fix that.

0:48:08 > 0:48:09Sir!

0:48:27 > 0:48:28MAYA: So, er, question one...

0:48:28 > 0:48:31How often do you rent adult movies?

0:48:32 > 0:48:33Do I really have to do this?

0:48:33 > 0:48:35You have nothing to be ashamed about.

0:48:35 > 0:48:37Interest in adult film can be healthy,

0:48:37 > 0:48:39as long as it's not habitual.

0:48:39 > 0:48:40So come on, how often?

0:48:40 > 0:48:43Three or four times a week.

0:48:43 > 0:48:46OK, maybe I was wrong. You should be ashamed.

0:48:46 > 0:48:49You have a real talent for making the subject

0:48:49 > 0:48:51feel open and comfortable in a safe environment.

0:48:51 > 0:48:53So you're renting it presumably to masturbate to, right?

0:48:53 > 0:48:54Good God!

0:48:54 > 0:48:56Come on, don't be such a tight-ass.

0:48:56 > 0:48:57We're all adults here.

0:48:57 > 0:48:59I know I'm an adult. How old are you, exactly?

0:48:59 > 0:49:01I'll be 26 in March.

0:49:01 > 0:49:0226. You still haven't learned

0:49:02 > 0:49:04some things aren't polite to talk about in public?

0:49:04 > 0:49:08If it makes you feel any better, I do it, like, twice a day.

0:49:08 > 0:49:09Good God!

0:49:09 > 0:49:12What can I tell ya? I get bored easily.

0:49:12 > 0:49:14You're gonna get carpal tunnel syndrome.

0:49:14 > 0:49:16Don't get all judgmental with me.

0:49:16 > 0:49:17You're no slouch yourself.

0:49:17 > 0:49:19Well, no, I...

0:49:19 > 0:49:21I just have a healthy sexual appetite.

0:49:21 > 0:49:22Why don't you go out and get yourself a boyfriend?

0:49:22 > 0:49:25Why don't you just go out and get yourself a girlfriend?

0:49:25 > 0:49:27I work all day, I hang out with my kid all night.

0:49:27 > 0:49:29So you'd rather hang out with your kid than get laid?

0:49:29 > 0:49:30Yeah.

0:49:30 > 0:49:35Aw...that's kinda sweet.

0:49:35 > 0:49:37I'm kinda crushing on you right now, Trinke.

0:49:37 > 0:49:39OK. Can I go home now?

0:49:39 > 0:49:44No. When was the last time you had sex?

0:49:44 > 0:49:46I would rather not disclose that information.

0:49:46 > 0:49:48Oh, come on, don't clam up on me now.

0:49:48 > 0:49:50You're gonna remain anonymous in my paper.

0:49:50 > 0:49:54Ha. Anonymity doesn't concern me. Embarrassment does.

0:49:54 > 0:49:55Why would you be embarrassed?

0:49:55 > 0:49:57Because it's been a long time.

0:49:57 > 0:50:00How long? A long time.

0:50:00 > 0:50:03Come on, champ. Own it. Just put it out there.

0:50:03 > 0:50:06I swear I won't make any editorial cracks about it.

0:50:06 > 0:50:09Not in front of you, at least.

0:50:11 > 0:50:13Seven years.

0:50:13 > 0:50:15Seven years?

0:50:15 > 0:50:19Since my wife died, yeah.

0:50:19 > 0:50:22You know, a dumbfounded, mouth-agape look of shock

0:50:22 > 0:50:25might be construed by some as an editorial crack too.

0:50:25 > 0:50:27I'm sorry.

0:50:27 > 0:50:28It's OK. It's fine.

0:50:28 > 0:50:31No, it's not. I mean, it's not at all.

0:50:31 > 0:50:34With all due respect to your wife,

0:50:34 > 0:50:35you've gotta get back on the horse, man.

0:50:35 > 0:50:37No, I don't, actually.

0:50:37 > 0:50:38Yes, you do.

0:50:38 > 0:50:40No, I don't.

0:50:40 > 0:50:42Yes, you...get up.

0:50:42 > 0:50:43Are we done?

0:50:43 > 0:50:44With this, for now. But come with me.

0:50:44 > 0:50:47Lord have mercy.

0:50:47 > 0:50:48Where are we going?

0:50:48 > 0:50:52To your place. We're gonna have some sex.

0:50:55 > 0:50:56What, did you forget something?

0:50:56 > 0:51:00No. Look, I appreciate the offer.

0:51:00 > 0:51:04I'm very flattered. But I can't do this.

0:51:04 > 0:51:06What's the matter? Don't you think I'm cute?

0:51:06 > 0:51:07Of course I think you're cute.

0:51:07 > 0:51:09Well, then?

0:51:09 > 0:51:12Look, I'm not just celibate because of my daughter.

0:51:12 > 0:51:14There are a lot of emotional issues in it, too.

0:51:14 > 0:51:16I mean, my wife may be dead.

0:51:16 > 0:51:18I'm still very much in love with her.

0:51:18 > 0:51:20Hey, I respect that.

0:51:20 > 0:51:21I'm not telling you to fall in love with me here,

0:51:21 > 0:51:23and I'm not trying to replace your wife.

0:51:23 > 0:51:28I'm just talking about two consenting adults having some casual sex.

0:51:28 > 0:51:30Probably some really short casual sex,

0:51:30 > 0:51:32with you being a little out of practice.

0:51:32 > 0:51:34I can't do it, I'm sorry.

0:51:34 > 0:51:35What are you, a monk?

0:51:35 > 0:51:38God. Let's look at this logically, OK?

0:51:38 > 0:51:40You rent porn and touch yourself, right?

0:51:40 > 0:51:41Would you lower your voice?

0:51:41 > 0:51:44If you're not sweating how your wife would feel about you and porn,

0:51:44 > 0:51:47then you shouldn't sweat what I'm proposing

0:51:47 > 0:51:49cos it's the same thing.

0:51:49 > 0:51:50Only somebody else is doing the touching

0:51:50 > 0:51:54and you're saving a 2 rental fee.

0:51:54 > 0:51:56Come on, stud.

0:51:56 > 0:51:58Man cannot live on porn alone.

0:52:15 > 0:52:17Oh, God...

0:52:18 > 0:52:19I'm home!

0:52:20 > 0:52:21GERTIE: Pop?!

0:52:21 > 0:52:24Oh, my God... What do I do?

0:52:24 > 0:52:25Get in the bathroom!

0:52:38 > 0:52:41SHOWER RUNNING

0:52:42 > 0:52:44GERTIE: Pop?

0:52:44 > 0:52:46Uh, no, honey, it's me.

0:52:46 > 0:52:47Daddy?

0:52:47 > 0:52:50Why aren't you at work?

0:52:50 > 0:52:52Because I had to come home and do, er...

0:52:52 > 0:52:57I had to...come home and take a shower.

0:52:57 > 0:52:58Can we rent a movie?

0:52:58 > 0:53:00Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

0:53:00 > 0:53:02Soon as I get done up here and dry off, I'll come down.

0:53:02 > 0:53:05OK.

0:53:06 > 0:53:09Oh, my God. That was so close.

0:53:09 > 0:53:11What do we do now? I'm wet.

0:53:17 > 0:53:19Sorry, Dad, I forgot again.

0:53:19 > 0:53:20TOILET FLUSHES

0:53:20 > 0:53:22THEY SCREAM

0:53:22 > 0:53:24Shh!

0:53:31 > 0:53:34Hi, honey. You remember Maya.

0:53:34 > 0:53:37From the video store.

0:53:48 > 0:53:50What are your intentions?

0:53:50 > 0:53:52Excuse me?

0:53:52 > 0:53:54What are your intentions with my father?

0:53:54 > 0:53:56Like, do you plan on marrying him?

0:53:56 > 0:53:58Uh...I don't...

0:53:58 > 0:54:00Because I was taught that only married girls

0:54:00 > 0:54:03show their girl parts to boys. Right, Daddy?

0:54:03 > 0:54:07Uh...right. Yes.

0:54:07 > 0:54:09Mm-hmm.

0:54:09 > 0:54:12Can we rent all the movies we want for free?

0:54:12 > 0:54:13What?

0:54:13 > 0:54:16Can we rent all the movies we want for free?

0:54:16 > 0:54:19Yes. Yes, yes. For God's sake, yes.

0:54:19 > 0:54:21If it means we're not, you know,

0:54:21 > 0:54:23that we're not in trouble any more.

0:54:23 > 0:54:24And, er... Right, Maya. Yes!

0:54:24 > 0:54:27Uh, whatever you want. It's on the house.

0:54:27 > 0:54:28Even Dirty Dancing?

0:54:34 > 0:54:35Yeah.

0:54:35 > 0:54:38And we can do Sweeney Todd for the show at school?

0:54:38 > 0:54:39What?

0:54:39 > 0:54:41We can do Sweeney Todd for the show at school?

0:54:41 > 0:54:43No, honey, that's too grown-up.

0:54:43 > 0:54:49Really. Oh, man, what am I gonna tell Pop about you guys?

0:54:53 > 0:54:54Fine.

0:54:54 > 0:54:56We can do Sweeney Todd for the show at school.

0:54:56 > 0:54:58OK!

0:54:58 > 0:55:00Would you shut the hell up already?

0:55:00 > 0:55:01Christ, Greenie, you're always...

0:55:01 > 0:55:03Oh, Jesus. Oh!

0:55:03 > 0:55:04Christ Almighty.

0:55:04 > 0:55:09You wearin' a... wearin' a towel.

0:55:09 > 0:55:11Just as long as you didn't do it on my bed.

0:55:11 > 0:55:14Oh, Jesus Christ, it was one time in high school!

0:55:14 > 0:55:15You wanna let it go already?

0:55:15 > 0:55:17I banged a broad in my parents' bed once.

0:55:17 > 0:55:19It was nice.

0:55:19 > 0:55:21Terrific.

0:55:21 > 0:55:24Just so you know, we didn't "bang".

0:55:24 > 0:55:26Did ya get to third base?

0:55:26 > 0:55:28Not that it's any of your business, but we didn't do anything.

0:55:28 > 0:55:31We lost our heads for a second, then cooler heads prevailed

0:55:31 > 0:55:33and we stopped before we did anything we'd both regret.

0:55:33 > 0:55:35The kid busted in on 'em.

0:55:35 > 0:55:36BOTH: Oh.

0:55:36 > 0:55:37Let's talk about something else for a second,

0:55:37 > 0:55:38like this water main.

0:55:38 > 0:55:39How bad is it?

0:55:39 > 0:55:41Definitely needs to be replaced.

0:55:41 > 0:55:43Jesus Christ. If we gotta shut down Bay Avenue for that,

0:55:43 > 0:55:45this town is gonna throw a shit fit.

0:55:45 > 0:55:47I'm sure.

0:55:47 > 0:55:48Hey, kid, you haven't had to inconvenience

0:55:48 > 0:55:51the taxpayers on the job yet.

0:55:51 > 0:55:53They get like animals. Remember back in '88?

0:55:53 > 0:55:55South Peak Street.

0:55:55 > 0:55:58Holy shit, I thought they were gonna crucify us upside down.

0:55:58 > 0:56:00Like St Peter.

0:56:00 > 0:56:02Who are you, the Holy Father?

0:56:02 > 0:56:04Everybody knows I meant St Peter.

0:56:04 > 0:56:06You don't have to explain my shit.

0:56:06 > 0:56:07I'm just saying...

0:56:07 > 0:56:09When I was down there, how many cars did you wave around?

0:56:09 > 0:56:11Three or four.

0:56:11 > 0:56:14Three or four cars for the whole half hour I was down there?

0:56:14 > 0:56:15Well, it was rush hour.

0:56:15 > 0:56:17Yeah, I don't think the legion of commuters

0:56:17 > 0:56:19in the Highlands of New Jersey

0:56:19 > 0:56:21are gonna object to us closing down

0:56:21 > 0:56:23a small portion of Bay Avenue for a few days.

0:56:23 > 0:56:25THEY SHOUT

0:56:25 > 0:56:28MAN: One at a time, please! One at a time!

0:56:28 > 0:56:29We're doing the best we can.

0:56:29 > 0:56:31BART: You were saying?

0:56:31 > 0:56:33Why doesn't somebody just go up there

0:56:33 > 0:56:35and explain to them what's happening?

0:56:35 > 0:56:38Why don't you do it, Daddy? Wasn't that your old job?

0:56:38 > 0:56:41Making people like singers by saying nice things about 'em?

0:56:41 > 0:56:43Yes, baby, but...

0:56:43 > 0:56:45No, the kid's got a point there.

0:56:45 > 0:56:47As a guy who used to sling bullshit for a living,

0:56:47 > 0:56:50I nominate you to go up there and say something.

0:56:50 > 0:56:52Oh, you do, huh?

0:56:52 > 0:56:53Yeah. It can't hurt.

0:56:53 > 0:56:55Go ahead.

0:56:56 > 0:56:58Thanks, Pop.

0:56:58 > 0:57:00SHOUTING CONTINUES

0:57:00 > 0:57:03MAN: Control yourselves!

0:57:03 > 0:57:05He's goin' up there.

0:57:08 > 0:57:12Folks, one second. Please. Folks.

0:57:12 > 0:57:15My name's Oliver Trinke and I'm with the borough.

0:57:15 > 0:57:19So I guess that makes me the least popular guy in the room.

0:57:24 > 0:57:27I want to assure you that, er...

0:57:27 > 0:57:31This Bay Avenue job will be a very minimal inconvenience.

0:57:31 > 0:57:33It'll only take three days at the most.

0:57:33 > 0:57:36Bullshit. Bullshit!

0:57:36 > 0:57:38MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

0:57:38 > 0:57:40ANGRY SHOUTING

0:57:43 > 0:57:44GAVEL BANGS

0:57:44 > 0:57:48Folks, a little decorum! A little decorum!

0:57:50 > 0:57:54# In all this wonderment

0:57:56 > 0:57:58# In all this wonderment... #

0:57:58 > 0:58:00Folks, one second.

0:58:00 > 0:58:03I just have one more thing that I just want to add.

0:58:05 > 0:58:06# Ba-da-da

0:58:06 > 0:58:08# Ba-da

0:58:08 > 0:58:10# La-da-da la-da-da

0:58:10 > 0:58:12# La-da-da-da

0:58:12 > 0:58:13# La-da-da... #

0:58:13 > 0:58:15Look, I live in this town.

0:58:15 > 0:58:17I see you guys headin' to work every day...

0:58:17 > 0:58:21SONG CONTINUES

0:58:21 > 0:58:23SPEECH INAUDIBLE

0:58:42 > 0:58:44OLLIE: I'm telling you, it was amazing!

0:58:44 > 0:58:47And I get up there, and I weave this web of bullshit

0:58:47 > 0:58:49so profoundly mesmerising,

0:58:49 > 0:58:50I turn the entire place around!

0:58:50 > 0:58:52You silver-tongued devil, you.

0:58:52 > 0:58:55Everything I was saying was just right on the money, you know?

0:58:55 > 0:58:58Maybe that's cos you weren't actually slinging

0:58:58 > 0:58:59as much bullshit as you thought.

0:58:59 > 0:59:01"Get out there and play in the dirt"?

0:59:01 > 0:59:03I mean, what... I made that up!

0:59:03 > 0:59:04Sounds pretty good to me.

0:59:04 > 0:59:06Hey, Gert. GERTIE: Hi.

0:59:06 > 0:59:08The sad thing is, I had a greater sense of accomplishment

0:59:08 > 0:59:10from this stupid water-main thing

0:59:10 > 0:59:12than anything else I've done in the past seven years.

0:59:12 > 0:59:15I get it. You set out to do something and you did it.

0:59:15 > 0:59:16So you feel drunk with power now. Makes sense.

0:59:16 > 0:59:19That's just it. I was the youngest flack

0:59:19 > 0:59:20ever put in charge of an entire division...

0:59:20 > 0:59:22BOTH: ..In the history of Mandel-Kirschner.

0:59:22 > 0:59:24I know. That's an accomplishment.

0:59:24 > 0:59:26Convincing a town to approve something

0:59:26 > 0:59:27that's already in their best interest?

0:59:27 > 0:59:29That's just delayed common sense.

0:59:29 > 0:59:31Yeah, but that's your life now.

0:59:31 > 0:59:32I mean, being the youngest flack

0:59:32 > 0:59:34in the history of blah, blah, blah...

0:59:34 > 0:59:35That's not you any more.

0:59:35 > 0:59:37I mean, that might never have been you.

0:59:37 > 0:59:40Oh, it was me. It was me with my own apartment,

0:59:40 > 0:59:42me richer, me with more self-respect.

0:59:42 > 0:59:44Like it or not, this is you.

0:59:44 > 0:59:46I mean, forget about what you thought you were

0:59:46 > 0:59:49and just accept who you are.

0:59:49 > 0:59:51I guess I'll just get this.

0:59:51 > 0:59:53Gert, what are you doing?

0:59:53 > 0:59:55I distinctly remember your father telling you

0:59:55 > 0:59:56you could get Dirty Dancing.

0:59:56 > 0:59:58Oh, yeah. He did!

0:59:58 > 1:00:00Yeah.

1:00:00 > 1:00:04Thanks for that, by the way.

1:00:04 > 1:00:05Incidentally, she's been asking me

1:00:05 > 1:00:07when she's gonna grow boobies like yours.

1:00:07 > 1:00:10Oh, my God! She's seven, OK?

1:00:10 > 1:00:12If you want, I can give her the old "boobie" talk

1:00:12 > 1:00:14my mom gave me when I was a kid.

1:00:14 > 1:00:17Does that talk include using the word "knockers"?

1:00:24 > 1:00:29I'm glad there's no, you know, awkwardness between us.

1:00:29 > 1:00:34After the... Well, the thing that happened last week with...

1:00:34 > 1:00:37Ollie, I was gonna give you a mercy jump.

1:00:37 > 1:00:41The moment passed. It's no big deal.

1:00:41 > 1:00:42Just friends, right?

1:00:42 > 1:00:44Yeah, friends.

1:00:46 > 1:00:47HE SIGHS

1:00:47 > 1:00:50"Mercy jump." Stay away from my kid.

1:00:54 > 1:00:58ELECTRIC SAW WHINES

1:00:58 > 1:01:01No, that's too round. Shut up.

1:01:01 > 1:01:04Shut up. Shut up! Just make it...

1:01:04 > 1:01:05Would you shut the hell up?!

1:01:05 > 1:01:08All right!

1:01:08 > 1:01:11There's people gettin' their throats cut in this thing.

1:01:11 > 1:01:12Yep.

1:01:12 > 1:01:14And your father said you could do this for the show?

1:01:14 > 1:01:16Yep.

1:01:16 > 1:01:20Why the hell would he OK you singing this shit?

1:01:20 > 1:01:23Because I saw him and Maya naked in the shower.

1:01:23 > 1:01:25Oh, yeah.

1:01:25 > 1:01:27Heh-heh! That'll do it.

1:01:48 > 1:01:51OLLIE: Can I speak with an Arthur Brickman, please?

1:02:02 > 1:02:04Ollie. Arthur.

1:02:04 > 1:02:06Hey, man. How're you doin'?

1:02:06 > 1:02:07Good. How are you?

1:02:07 > 1:02:09Good. Good to see you.

1:02:09 > 1:02:13You know, the town voted unanimously, approved the water main, so...

1:02:13 > 1:02:15You were always great with a crowd.

1:02:15 > 1:02:18Well, except that... That once, of course.

1:02:18 > 1:02:20But that's it.

1:02:20 > 1:02:22It was the polar opposite of the Fresh Prince incident.

1:02:22 > 1:02:24It was like I was on the top of my game.

1:02:24 > 1:02:27Which is why I wanted to see ya.

1:02:27 > 1:02:29Uh, I wanna ask you a favour.

1:02:29 > 1:02:31Anything, man. What?

1:02:31 > 1:02:34Is there any way that you could get me

1:02:34 > 1:02:35an interview with your firm?

1:02:39 > 1:02:41You're serious?

1:02:41 > 1:02:44I thought it was weird that you wanted to eat here.

1:02:44 > 1:02:45Oh, I know it's gonna be tough...

1:02:45 > 1:02:47Tough?

1:02:47 > 1:02:51Ollie, you called a roomful of press a bunch of jerk-offs,

1:02:51 > 1:02:54and trashed a client who's one of the biggest movie stars on the planet.

1:02:54 > 1:02:55He wasn't big then.

1:02:55 > 1:02:57No, but he is now. You wanna know how big?

1:02:57 > 1:03:00When I left Mandel-Kirschner, there were some firms

1:03:00 > 1:03:02that wouldn't even look at my resume because I...

1:03:02 > 1:03:06No offence, but because I worked under you.

1:03:06 > 1:03:10I've only been at Angellotti a year now...

1:03:10 > 1:03:12You know what, man? Forget I asked.

1:03:12 > 1:03:13Don't worry about it. Seriously.

1:03:13 > 1:03:15It was stupid. I got carried away...

1:03:15 > 1:03:19No, let me finish. What I was gonna say was...

1:03:19 > 1:03:22I've been waiting years to be in a position

1:03:22 > 1:03:25to be able to help you out, and now I am.

1:03:25 > 1:03:27It's not gonna be an easy sell, but...

1:03:27 > 1:03:31I think I can get you in a room with Angellotti himself.

1:03:32 > 1:03:34Thank you so much. Of course.

1:03:37 > 1:03:39You know, you're a lot more affectionate than I remember.

1:03:39 > 1:03:43Ah, it's just... I miss it so much, you know?

1:03:43 > 1:03:46It's the only thing I was ever any good at.

1:03:46 > 1:03:48Oh, this is great. I can move back here...

1:03:48 > 1:03:52I can put Gertie in a really good, expensive private school...

1:03:52 > 1:03:55I can get her a nanny, you know?

1:03:55 > 1:03:58It'll be like that whole Fresh Prince thing never even happened.

1:03:58 > 1:04:02I'll work on the old man when I get back to the office

1:04:02 > 1:04:03and I'll call you tonight if it's a go.

1:04:03 > 1:04:05Oh, great.

1:04:05 > 1:04:07PIANO PLAYS GERTIE: # Excuse me

1:04:07 > 1:04:09# Dear, see to the customers

1:04:09 > 1:04:11Psst! # Guess what's the...

1:04:11 > 1:04:13Quick now! # My heart's a-flutter

1:04:13 > 1:04:15PHONE RINGS # ..When I pound the floor

1:04:15 > 1:04:16# It's a signal to show that I'm ready to go

1:04:16 > 1:04:20# When I pound the floor... # I have to get the phone.

1:04:20 > 1:04:23Come on, Pop! Do Dad's part.

1:04:23 > 1:04:24Me? < Yeah.

1:04:24 > 1:04:26You can do it.

1:04:27 > 1:04:30Hello. Hey, Arthur.

1:04:33 > 1:04:34You're kidding?

1:04:38 > 1:04:41# I'll pound three times Three times... #

1:04:41 > 1:04:43Why do I have to sing your dad's part?

1:04:43 > 1:04:45I'm supposed to be the guy who gets clipped.

1:04:45 > 1:04:47You are, but you're Dad's understudy, too.

1:04:47 > 1:04:49What the hell is that?

1:04:49 > 1:04:51It means if Daddy breaks a leg, then you do his part for him.

1:04:51 > 1:04:52So, come on, try it again.

1:04:52 > 1:04:54MAYA: You're doin' good.

1:04:54 > 1:04:56# I'll pound three times...

1:04:56 > 1:04:57# Three times! #

1:04:57 > 1:05:00Wait, wait, wait! I'm supposed to be the understudy now.

1:05:00 > 1:05:02I cannot work like this. I'm sorry.

1:05:02 > 1:05:03This is no way to run a show.

1:05:03 > 1:05:05You were good.

1:05:05 > 1:05:07You can go back to waiting in the wings, Tommy Tune.

1:05:07 > 1:05:10I'll be doin' my own singing henceforth.

1:05:10 > 1:05:11Who's Tommy Tune?

1:05:11 > 1:05:13Tommy Tune is a man that you can get a chance

1:05:13 > 1:05:15to see live and on Broadway

1:05:15 > 1:05:19when we move back to New York City!

1:05:20 > 1:05:21What? What?

1:05:21 > 1:05:23What? Yeah, what?

1:05:23 > 1:05:27I was just on the phone with an old friend that I worked with

1:05:27 > 1:05:29at Mandel-Kirschner. I had lunch with him and I asked him

1:05:29 > 1:05:31if he'd get me an interview with his new firm.

1:05:31 > 1:05:32Jesus, another interview, Ollie?

1:05:32 > 1:05:34Come on, when are you gonna learn?

1:05:34 > 1:05:37Well, smart guy, he just called me,

1:05:37 > 1:05:39said he sat down with his boss,

1:05:39 > 1:05:41sold me to his boss like I was the cure for cancer.

1:05:41 > 1:05:45It just so happens that a little spot has opened up in their music department.

1:05:45 > 1:05:48Boom. After six years of being a pariah,

1:05:48 > 1:05:50I'm gonna get back in!

1:05:50 > 1:05:51I'm talkin' about no more street sweeper,

1:05:51 > 1:05:54no more picking up garbage, and no more water main!

1:05:54 > 1:05:57I'm talking press lines, I'm talking about parties!

1:05:57 > 1:05:59I'm talking about a Westside address,

1:05:59 > 1:06:01I'm talkin' about a good school for Gertie!

1:06:01 > 1:06:03But I already go to a good school.

1:06:03 > 1:06:05Yes, honey, but you're gonna go

1:06:05 > 1:06:08to a way, way better school in New York City.

1:06:08 > 1:06:10You're gonna be able to take the subway to school. Won't that be fun?

1:06:10 > 1:06:14But the subway's full of junkies and mole-men.

1:06:15 > 1:06:16Well, they are.

1:06:16 > 1:06:17Don't listen to Pop.

1:06:17 > 1:06:19What do I tell you? He makes things up!

1:06:19 > 1:06:20You'll see. The subways are great.

1:06:20 > 1:06:21I don't wanna see.

1:06:21 > 1:06:23I don't wanna go to a school up in the city.

1:06:23 > 1:06:25I wanna go to my school.

1:06:25 > 1:06:27Honey, it's too far of a drive for me to come back down here

1:06:27 > 1:06:29to take you to school in New Jersey every morning.

1:06:29 > 1:06:30So let's not move to the city.

1:06:30 > 1:06:32Let's stay here with Pop.

1:06:32 > 1:06:36Sweetheart, I'm too old to be living with my father.

1:06:36 > 1:06:38I need to get my own place.

1:06:38 > 1:06:40And Pop... I mean, look at him, he's a mad-dog.

1:06:40 > 1:06:41He doesn't want us around here,

1:06:41 > 1:06:43getting in his way, crampin' his style...

1:06:43 > 1:06:44Do you, Pop?

1:06:44 > 1:06:46That's all horse shit.

1:06:46 > 1:06:48You know... Thanks, Pop.

1:06:48 > 1:06:51I don't wanna move to the city. I like it here.

1:06:51 > 1:06:53Pop says you can live here as long as you want.

1:06:53 > 1:06:56Baby, remember when I took you to see Sweeney Todd?

1:06:56 > 1:06:59How much fun was that? We had a good time, right?

1:06:59 > 1:07:01I mean, if we move to New York City, we can do that every night!

1:07:01 > 1:07:03Except for the nights you're working, of course.

1:07:03 > 1:07:05Know what? Why don't you shut up for a second, OK?

1:07:05 > 1:07:07I'm trying to talk to my daughter.

1:07:07 > 1:07:09You love New York City. You told me you loved the city.

1:07:09 > 1:07:11No, I didn't. Oh!

1:07:11 > 1:07:12I said it was OK.

1:07:12 > 1:07:13Jesus Christ!

1:07:13 > 1:07:14I said I like Highlands better.

1:07:14 > 1:07:17Why would you want some other job anyway, Dad?

1:07:17 > 1:07:18You get to ride the Batmobile!

1:07:18 > 1:07:21Baby, Daddy doesn't wanna drive the Batmobile!

1:07:21 > 1:07:24Daddy wants to eat sushi! Daddy wants to hail cabs!

1:07:24 > 1:07:26Daddy wants to have a doorman!

1:07:26 > 1:07:28Daddy wants to lord it over magazine editors!

1:07:28 > 1:07:33Daddy loved his old job, and he's missed it every day since he's been gone.

1:07:33 > 1:07:35Daddy wants to do that job.

1:07:35 > 1:07:37Daddy doesn't wanna pick up garbage forever!

1:07:37 > 1:07:40But you told everybody at the meeting that your job's good

1:07:40 > 1:07:42because you don't have to wear a suit.

1:07:42 > 1:07:44Yes, but daddy was just saying that

1:07:44 > 1:07:46to get them to say yes to a water main.

1:07:46 > 1:07:49So you were just lying to everybody?

1:07:49 > 1:07:52Look, OK, I'll tell you what.

1:07:52 > 1:07:53I'll go to the meeting, all right?

1:07:53 > 1:07:55If I don't like what the man says, then I won't take the job.

1:07:55 > 1:07:57Now you're lying to me!

1:07:57 > 1:07:58All right, look, young lady!

1:07:58 > 1:08:00I'm going to this interview Monday whether you like it or not.

1:08:00 > 1:08:02Wait, this Monday?

1:08:02 > 1:08:02Yes.

1:08:02 > 1:08:04Ollie, you can't go on Monday.

1:08:04 > 1:08:05Why?

1:08:05 > 1:08:09Because that's the day of my show!

1:08:09 > 1:08:14Oh, shit. It is, isn't it?

1:08:14 > 1:08:17Well, it's at four, so I can make it back in time.

1:08:17 > 1:08:19But my show's at five!

1:08:19 > 1:08:21On what planet are you gonna get back here by five

1:08:21 > 1:08:23if you've got a meeting in the city at four?

1:08:23 > 1:08:25Just lay off me for a second! I forgot about the show.

1:08:25 > 1:08:27How could you forget? What, are you stupid?

1:08:27 > 1:08:29Gertie, this job is very important to Daddy.

1:08:29 > 1:08:31What about my show? Isn't that important to you?

1:08:31 > 1:08:33Yes, honey, that's even more important to me.

1:08:33 > 1:08:35Then don't go to your stupid meeting

1:08:35 > 1:08:37about your stupid new job in the stupid city!

1:08:37 > 1:08:38That's enough, young lady!

1:08:38 > 1:08:40I don't even want you in the show!

1:08:40 > 1:08:42You're not even a good Sweeney Todd anyway.

1:08:42 > 1:08:44Pop's way better.

1:08:44 > 1:08:45Even Uncle Greenie and Uncle Block are better than you.

1:08:45 > 1:08:47Those men are not your uncles!

1:08:47 > 1:08:50But we're good enough to build sets for her show, right?

1:08:50 > 1:08:52Sorry, I didn't mean that. Where are you going?

1:08:52 > 1:08:53I don't wanna be around you!

1:08:53 > 1:08:55I don't even want you to come to the show to watch it.

1:08:55 > 1:08:56Oh, come on!

1:08:56 > 1:09:00I don't. I don't even like you any more!

1:09:00 > 1:09:03Get back here, young lady! Hey. I'm talkin' to you!

1:09:03 > 1:09:06Hey, young lady! Get back here, young lady!

1:09:06 > 1:09:07No. You can't tell me what to do!

1:09:07 > 1:09:09I don't have to do anything you say!

1:09:09 > 1:09:10Yes, you do! Why?

1:09:10 > 1:09:11Because I'm your father, that's why!

1:09:11 > 1:09:12So what?

1:09:12 > 1:09:13Don't you yell at me, Gertrude!

1:09:13 > 1:09:14I'll yell at you all I want!

1:09:14 > 1:09:17Blah. Blah. Blah. I'm not moving to the stupid city!

1:09:17 > 1:09:18All right, that's it! You are moving to the city

1:09:18 > 1:09:20and you're gonna like it, and that's the end!

1:09:20 > 1:09:22I hate you! I wish you'd died, not Mommy!

1:09:22 > 1:09:23I hate you right back, you little shit!

1:09:23 > 1:09:26You and your mother took my life away, and I just want it back!

1:09:36 > 1:09:38God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean...

1:09:38 > 1:09:39Get off me! I'm sorry...

1:09:39 > 1:09:40Get off of me!

1:09:48 > 1:09:51What the hell's the matter with you?

1:09:51 > 1:09:52Huh?!

1:10:01 > 1:10:03MUSIC: "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac

1:10:10 > 1:10:13# I took my love and I took it down

1:10:16 > 1:10:21# I climbed a mountain and I turned around

1:10:21 > 1:10:28# And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

1:10:28 > 1:10:32# Till the landslide brought me down

1:10:34 > 1:10:39# Oh, mirror in the sky What is love?

1:10:40 > 1:10:46# Can the child within my heart rise above?

1:10:46 > 1:10:53# Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

1:10:53 > 1:11:00# Can I handle the seasons of my life?

1:11:00 > 1:11:04# Hm-mm...I don't know

1:11:11 > 1:11:17# Well, I've been afraid of changing

1:11:17 > 1:11:24# Cos I've built my life around you

1:11:24 > 1:11:28# But time makes you bolder

1:11:28 > 1:11:30# Children get older

1:11:30 > 1:11:36# And I'm getting older too... #

1:11:44 > 1:11:47Hey. Hey.

1:11:47 > 1:11:48What happened to you the other night?

1:11:48 > 1:11:50You just sort of took off.

1:11:50 > 1:11:53It looked to me like you guys needed a little privacy.

1:11:53 > 1:11:55What I really needed was a little back-up.

1:11:55 > 1:11:58She's a kid, Ollie. Kids don't weather change well.

1:11:58 > 1:12:02I mean, in a few years, you won't be able to keep her out of Manhattan.

1:12:02 > 1:12:04But for now, she just wants what she knows.

1:12:04 > 1:12:05So do I.

1:12:05 > 1:12:08Yeah, but is that even what you know any more?

1:12:08 > 1:12:10Oh, Jesus. You, too?

1:12:10 > 1:12:11You want your old life back.

1:12:11 > 1:12:13Big-money job, out of your old man's house...

1:12:13 > 1:12:16It's not like it doesn't make any sense.

1:12:16 > 1:12:18Yeah. So?

1:12:18 > 1:12:20That's your life that you want back, not theirs.

1:12:20 > 1:12:22I mean, this is their life.

1:12:22 > 1:12:24What you're sort of saying to everybody who loves you

1:12:24 > 1:12:26is that what we have isn't good enough for you.

1:12:26 > 1:12:29So it's just upsetting everybody, you know?

1:12:29 > 1:12:31Everybody?

1:12:31 > 1:12:34Oh...what, me? I mean, it's not like

1:12:34 > 1:12:36we've got some big romance going on or anything.

1:12:36 > 1:12:38We're just friends, right?

1:12:38 > 1:12:44Did you ever wonder if... Maybe someday it might...

1:12:44 > 1:12:47Be more than that?

1:12:47 > 1:12:50For about two seconds,

1:12:50 > 1:12:53before you had me hiding in the shower from your kid.

1:12:53 > 1:12:55Look, Ollie, I like you, but...

1:12:55 > 1:12:58I'm not gonna be all heartbroken cos you're leaving town.

1:12:58 > 1:13:00I know.

1:13:00 > 1:13:02Even if I took this job in the city,

1:13:02 > 1:13:06I'd still come back down here and visit my old man.

1:13:06 > 1:13:08And you.

1:13:08 > 1:13:10Why. I mean, you think I'm gonna

1:13:10 > 1:13:13stick around here for much longer?

1:13:13 > 1:13:14Maya...

1:13:14 > 1:13:17Ollie...

1:13:17 > 1:13:19I gotta get back to work.

1:13:20 > 1:13:25If...if I don't...if I don't see you at the show,

1:13:25 > 1:13:28give me a call sometime when you get all settled up in the big city.

1:13:28 > 1:13:29Come on...

1:13:36 > 1:13:37Shit.

1:13:41 > 1:13:44MUSIC: "My City Of Ruins" by Bruce Springsteen

1:14:02 > 1:14:05# Now there's tears on the pillow

1:14:05 > 1:14:09# Darling, where we slept

1:14:09 > 1:14:14# And you took my heart when you left

1:14:14 > 1:14:20# Without your sweet kiss my soul is lost, my friend

1:14:20 > 1:14:26# Tell me how do I begin again?

1:14:26 > 1:14:30# My city's in ruins

1:14:32 > 1:14:37# My city's in ruins

1:14:40 > 1:14:43# Now with these hands

1:14:43 > 1:14:46# With these hands

1:14:46 > 1:14:49# With these hands

1:14:49 > 1:14:51# With these hands

1:14:51 > 1:14:53# I pray, Lord

1:14:53 > 1:14:55# With these hands

1:14:55 > 1:14:57# With these hands

1:14:57 > 1:14:59# I pray for the strength, Lord

1:14:59 > 1:15:03# With these hands With these hands

1:15:03 > 1:15:08# I pray for the faith, Lord... #

1:15:08 > 1:15:10Hi, Daddy.

1:15:10 > 1:15:13Hey, baby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up.

1:15:13 > 1:15:15It's OK.

1:15:15 > 1:15:20Listen. I'm sorry for yelling at you the other night.

1:15:20 > 1:15:21I was wrong.

1:15:21 > 1:15:25And I didn't mean any of the things that I said.

1:15:25 > 1:15:28I know. Neither did I.

1:15:30 > 1:15:31Daddy?

1:15:31 > 1:15:33Yeah?

1:15:33 > 1:15:37Did Mommy like living in the city?

1:15:37 > 1:15:40Yeah, she did. She loved it.

1:15:40 > 1:15:43Then I guess I'll love it, too.

1:15:44 > 1:15:47Thanks, sweetheart.

1:15:48 > 1:15:49Thanks.

1:15:52 > 1:15:55You know, I still might make it to your show tomorrow,

1:15:55 > 1:15:56if the traffic's not too bad.

1:15:56 > 1:16:01I won't be mad if you miss it. I understand.

1:16:02 > 1:16:05OK, sweetie. Go back to sleep. I love you.

1:16:07 > 1:16:09Good night, Daddy.

1:16:11 > 1:16:13Good night.

1:16:13 > 1:16:15# ..With these hands

1:16:15 > 1:16:17# I pray for my strength, Lord

1:16:17 > 1:16:22# With these hands With these hands

1:16:22 > 1:16:25# Come on, rise up

1:16:25 > 1:16:28# Come on, rise up

1:16:28 > 1:16:31# Come on, rise up

1:16:31 > 1:16:34# Come on, rise up

1:16:34 > 1:16:37# Come on, rise up

1:16:37 > 1:16:40# Come on, rise up

1:16:40 > 1:16:48# Come on, rise up... #

1:16:48 > 1:16:51George Clooney's office for Tony on line one.

1:16:51 > 1:16:54The Angellotti Company. One moment, please.

1:16:54 > 1:16:56Can I help you? Yes.

1:16:56 > 1:16:58My name's Oliver Trinke, and I'm here

1:16:58 > 1:17:00to see Arthur Brickman, er, and Mr Angellotti.

1:17:00 > 1:17:03OK. Mr Trinke is here.

1:17:03 > 1:17:05OK, I will.

1:17:05 > 1:17:06They're gonna be about ten more minutes.

1:17:06 > 1:17:08OK.

1:17:08 > 1:17:10You can have a seat.

1:17:10 > 1:17:12Right, right.

1:17:17 > 1:17:18Hello.

1:17:18 > 1:17:21Oh, my God. Hi!

1:17:21 > 1:17:23I'm here to see Brad.

1:17:23 > 1:17:26Yes! He's expecting you, sir.

1:17:26 > 1:17:28He apologises, but he's stuck in traffic.

1:17:28 > 1:17:29He's just a few blocks away.

1:17:29 > 1:17:31Why don't you just have a seat,

1:17:31 > 1:17:33and I'll let him know that you've arrived.

1:17:33 > 1:17:35Well, thank you very much.

1:17:47 > 1:17:50They love to keep you waiting, don't they?

1:17:52 > 1:17:53Excuse me?

1:17:53 > 1:17:56Oh, no, I was saying they love to keep you waiting.

1:17:56 > 1:17:58Right. Yeah, yeah, they do.

1:17:58 > 1:18:00I think they think it gives them

1:18:00 > 1:18:02the psychological edge, you know?

1:18:02 > 1:18:05Well, it's about to give 'em the edge of my ass,

1:18:05 > 1:18:07cos that's all they're gonna see

1:18:07 > 1:18:08when I'm walking' out that door.

1:18:08 > 1:18:10You know anything about these guys?

1:18:10 > 1:18:13Only that they're the fastest-growing...

1:18:13 > 1:18:15"..Growing firm in the business."

1:18:15 > 1:18:16Yes, I read that article, too.

1:18:16 > 1:18:19All right, well, you know as much as I do.

1:18:19 > 1:18:21I guess that means they know what they're doing.

1:18:21 > 1:18:23I suppose. Unless these publicists hire other publicists

1:18:23 > 1:18:25to get the word out for 'em.

1:18:25 > 1:18:28And then those publicists hire their own publicists

1:18:28 > 1:18:32to help spin the good publicity they created for these publicists.

1:18:32 > 1:18:33Of course, knowing publicists,

1:18:33 > 1:18:34they probably hire publicists

1:18:34 > 1:18:36to promote the fact that they spun the publicity

1:18:36 > 1:18:40that they hired the other publicists to spin. So...

1:18:40 > 1:18:42Oh, man! So what do you do?

1:18:42 > 1:18:45I'm a publicist.

1:18:45 > 1:18:48I didn't realise I was sitting here talking to an Angellotti man.

1:18:48 > 1:18:52Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not an Angellotti man.

1:18:52 > 1:18:54At least not yet. I'm here trying to get a job.

1:18:54 > 1:18:57These guys have been tryin' to steal me from my publicist

1:18:57 > 1:18:59ever since my last flick came out.

1:18:59 > 1:19:01Oh, the robot movie, right?

1:19:01 > 1:19:03Oh, yeah, you saw it?

1:19:03 > 1:19:04I haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm gonna...

1:19:04 > 1:19:07Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot for the support, though, man.

1:19:07 > 1:19:08I wanna see it...

1:19:08 > 1:19:10You know what? It's not that good.

1:19:10 > 1:19:13I have a kid. I don't get a chance to get out and see movies

1:19:13 > 1:19:15unless they have singing crabs in 'em.

1:19:15 > 1:19:18Singing crabs. I saw that one. That means you have a girl.

1:19:18 > 1:19:19That's right.

1:19:19 > 1:19:21How old is she? She's seven.

1:19:21 > 1:19:24Yeah. Cool. I got a girl and two boys.

1:19:24 > 1:19:26Three kids?

1:19:26 > 1:19:29God. How do you find time to make all those blockbusters?

1:19:29 > 1:19:30Shoot, if I didn't have all them damn kids,

1:19:30 > 1:19:32I wouldn't have to make these blockbusters.

1:19:32 > 1:19:34Right.

1:19:34 > 1:19:36Oh, man.

1:19:36 > 1:19:38It's cool, though, isn't it?

1:19:38 > 1:19:40Making blockbusters? You tell me.

1:19:40 > 1:19:44Bein' a parent, funny man.

1:19:44 > 1:19:46It has its moments.

1:19:46 > 1:19:48What's your daughter's name?

1:19:48 > 1:19:49Gertrude.

1:19:49 > 1:19:53Damn. Why'd you do that to that girl, man?

1:19:53 > 1:19:55Did you lose a bet? No.

1:19:55 > 1:19:56No, it was my wife's name.

1:19:56 > 1:19:59"Was"? OK, let me guess.

1:19:59 > 1:20:03She took you for half after she saddled the kid with the name Gert?

1:20:03 > 1:20:04I can't blame it on her.

1:20:04 > 1:20:06I saddled the kid with the name Gert.

1:20:06 > 1:20:09She died in childbirth. So...

1:20:11 > 1:20:13No, no, no, it's...

1:20:13 > 1:20:14I feel like an asshole, man.

1:20:14 > 1:20:15Don't worry about it.

1:20:15 > 1:20:17No, listen, I'm really sorry about that.

1:20:17 > 1:20:21I didn't see your movie, so we're even. Trust me.

1:20:21 > 1:20:23This is exactly why people don't talk to each other

1:20:23 > 1:20:25when they sittin' in waiting rooms, right?

1:20:25 > 1:20:27Probably.

1:20:27 > 1:20:29Although, I gotta tell ya, the simple fact

1:20:29 > 1:20:31that the guy who wrote Parents Just Don't Understand

1:20:31 > 1:20:35is now a parent himself I think completely makes up for it.

1:20:35 > 1:20:37Oh, man. We don't, though, do we?

1:20:37 > 1:20:39What's that? Understand.

1:20:39 > 1:20:41I mean, these kids today.

1:20:41 > 1:20:44From the door, man, they got it all over us.

1:20:44 > 1:20:47My daughter has it all over me, I can tell you that.

1:20:47 > 1:20:49Yeah, my middle one, my son?

1:20:49 > 1:20:51Every time I walk out of the house in the morning,

1:20:51 > 1:20:53he says, "Daddy, how far you love me?"

1:20:53 > 1:20:56I always pick somewhere close. "I love you to that table, man."

1:20:56 > 1:20:58"No, you don't.

1:20:58 > 1:21:01"You love me all the way to the moon and back down to the dirt."

1:21:01 > 1:21:03That's great.

1:21:03 > 1:21:07It take everything I got to walk out of that house.

1:21:07 > 1:21:09You get to spend time with them on the set though, right?

1:21:09 > 1:21:11Oh, yeah. But if I was a smart man,

1:21:11 > 1:21:13I wouldn't be sittin' here right now.

1:21:13 > 1:21:18I'd be at home playing in the dirt with my kids.

1:21:18 > 1:21:21But we all know that I'm not famous cos of my brains.

1:21:21 > 1:21:26It's cosy's, like, strikingly handsome, crazy sexy.

1:21:26 > 1:21:31And I'm, like, hung like it's ridiculous.

1:21:31 > 1:21:32Oh, man!

1:21:32 > 1:21:36But I'm definitely not the sharpest spoon in the shed.

1:21:38 > 1:21:40You know...

1:21:40 > 1:21:42It was really nice talking to you.

1:21:42 > 1:21:44Oh, hey, you, too, man. You out?

1:21:44 > 1:21:46I'm out. All right.

1:21:46 > 1:21:48Hey, you, er, recommend these guys?

1:21:48 > 1:21:52Only guy I can recommend is named Arthur Brickman.

1:21:52 > 1:21:54Other than that, I can't vouch for anybody.

1:21:54 > 1:21:56Whoa, whoa, hold up.

1:21:56 > 1:21:57You Brickman?

1:21:57 > 1:21:59No.

1:21:59 > 1:22:02I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.

1:22:15 > 1:22:19GERTIE: # Toby! Coming! Excuse me

1:22:19 > 1:22:21# Ale there! Right, Mum!

1:22:21 > 1:22:22# Quick now!

1:22:22 > 1:22:24(MAYA AND GERTIE) # God, that's good! #

1:22:24 > 1:22:26You want some rouge, or should I just pinch your cheeks?

1:22:26 > 1:22:28Pinch my cheeks, Greenie,

1:22:28 > 1:22:30kids show or not, I'll put you through the wall.

1:22:36 > 1:22:38APPLAUSE

1:22:38 > 1:22:42MUSIC: "High" by the Cure

1:22:42 > 1:22:46I'd like to welcome everyone to Saint Maria Goretti's

1:22:46 > 1:22:48student/family fall pageant.

1:22:51 > 1:22:55This is a celebration of your children and their talents,

1:22:55 > 1:22:57so we hope you enjoy the show.

1:22:57 > 1:23:02Our first act is first-grader Cynthia Bodnar and her mother Jane,

1:23:02 > 1:23:08performing the song Memory from the Broadway show, Cats.

1:23:12 > 1:23:17And now Tracy Colelli, from Sister Ann's kindergarten class,

1:23:17 > 1:23:22will perform with her parents Memory from Cats.

1:23:34 > 1:23:40And now, first-grader Martin Tobias and his mother will perform...

1:23:40 > 1:23:43Oh, boy, this is a popular song.

1:23:43 > 1:23:45..Memory from Cats.

1:23:57 > 1:23:59You gotta be kidding me!

1:24:15 > 1:24:17You couldn't make it easy on me, could you, Gert?

1:24:37 > 1:24:40Honey, it's gonna be OK.

1:24:40 > 1:24:43You're next, Gertie. Break a leg.

1:25:19 > 1:25:24And now, we have something not from Cats, thank God.

1:25:24 > 1:25:28First-grader Gertrude Trinke and her father, Oliver...

1:25:28 > 1:25:29Psst!

1:25:33 > 1:25:36Just my grandfather. Oh.

1:25:36 > 1:25:41I'm sorry. First-grader Gertrude Trinke and her grandfather

1:25:41 > 1:25:44will be performing what I can only assume is a hymn,

1:25:44 > 1:25:50entitled God, That's Good, from the musical Sweeney Todd.

1:25:50 > 1:25:53MUSIC STARTS

1:26:03 > 1:26:07# Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

1:26:08 > 1:26:10# Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well

1:26:10 > 1:26:14# At that delicate, luscious, ambrosial smell?

1:26:14 > 1:26:16# Yes, they are, I can tell

1:26:16 > 1:26:20# Well, ladies and gentlemen That aroma enriching the breeze

1:26:20 > 1:26:22# Is like nothing compared to its succulent source

1:26:22 > 1:26:26# As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course

1:26:26 > 1:26:30# Ladies and gentlemen You can't imagine the rapture in store

1:26:30 > 1:26:34# Just inside of this door... #

1:26:34 > 1:26:36LAUGHS

1:26:36 > 1:26:40# There you'll sample Mrs Lovett's meat pies

1:26:40 > 1:26:44# Savoury and sweet pies As you see

1:26:44 > 1:26:48# You who eats pies Mrs Lovett's meat pies

1:26:48 > 1:26:51# Conjure up the treat pies used to be

1:26:51 > 1:26:54# Toby! # Coming! Excuse me...

1:26:54 > 1:26:56# Ale there! # Right, Mum!

1:26:56 > 1:26:59# Quick now! # God, that's good!

1:26:59 > 1:27:00# Nice to see you, dearie

1:27:00 > 1:27:03# How have you been keeping?

1:27:03 > 1:27:06# Cor, me bones is weary Toby, one for the gentleman

1:27:06 > 1:27:10# Hear the birdies cheeping? Helps to keep it cheery

1:27:10 > 1:27:12# Toby, throw the old woman out!

1:27:12 > 1:27:13GREENIE AND BLOCK: # God, that's good!

1:27:13 > 1:27:18# What's your budget, dearie? No, we don't cut slices

1:27:18 > 1:27:21Take this off!

1:27:21 > 1:27:24# ...Me prices I'm a little leery

1:27:24 > 1:27:26# Business couldn't be better, though

1:27:26 > 1:27:28GREENIE AND BLOCK: # God, that's good!

1:27:28 > 1:27:30# Knock on wood

1:27:30 > 1:27:32Psst! # Excuse me

1:27:32 > 1:27:34Psst! # Dear, see to the customers

1:27:34 > 1:27:36Psst! # Yes, what, love?

1:27:44 > 1:27:46# Quick now! # Me heart's a-flutter

1:27:46 > 1:27:48# When I pound the floor... When you pound the floor

1:27:48 > 1:27:50# It's a signal to show that I'm ready to go

1:27:50 > 1:27:51# When I pound the floor... # When you pound the floor

1:27:51 > 1:27:54# Will you trust me? I just want to be sure

1:27:54 > 1:27:56# When I'm certain that you're in place

1:27:56 > 1:27:59# I'll pound three times

1:27:59 > 1:28:01# Three times

1:28:01 > 1:28:03# And then you...

1:28:04 > 1:28:07# Three times!

1:28:07 > 1:28:09# If you...

1:28:09 > 1:28:11# Exactly!

1:28:11 > 1:28:12# More hot pies! God!

1:28:12 > 1:28:13# More hot! Right!

1:28:13 > 1:28:16ALL: # More pies. More!

1:28:16 > 1:28:17# Wait!

1:28:29 > 1:28:31ALL: # God, that's good! #

1:28:43 > 1:28:45Shit.

1:29:07 > 1:29:09I love you, Daddy.

1:29:09 > 1:29:10I love you too.

1:29:10 > 1:29:12I love you so much.

1:29:12 > 1:29:14You were great. You too.

1:29:21 > 1:29:25You...guys... were...great!

1:29:25 > 1:29:26Ooh!

1:29:27 > 1:29:29Oh, God!

1:29:29 > 1:29:32Hey, Gertie! Come dance with me.

1:29:32 > 1:29:34Bye, Uncle Greenie. Bye, Uncle Block.

1:29:34 > 1:29:35Bye, sweetheart.

1:29:37 > 1:29:39I'm startin' to like show business. Yeah.

1:29:39 > 1:29:41Don't get caught up in the glory.

1:29:41 > 1:29:44Tomorrow you're on shithouse duty.

1:29:44 > 1:29:48You know, sometimes I just wanna... Uh-huh.

1:29:49 > 1:29:53I'm so tired of being your little geisha.

1:29:53 > 1:29:55You had me worried there for a minute.

1:29:55 > 1:29:56Yeah, who knew all those years

1:29:56 > 1:29:59you were nursing a case of stage fright.

1:29:59 > 1:30:03Not about that, smart ass. About the other thing.

1:30:03 > 1:30:05About moving away.

1:30:05 > 1:30:07Come on, Dad.

1:30:07 > 1:30:09Don't you wanna live alone again?

1:30:09 > 1:30:13Not as much as I don't wanna die alone.

1:30:22 > 1:30:23We're not going anywhere, pop.

1:30:23 > 1:30:27MUSIC: "Let My Love Open The Door" by Pete Townshend

1:30:31 > 1:30:33You wanna go over there and cheer up your pop?

1:30:33 > 1:30:37He's devastated about missing his big singing debut.

1:30:37 > 1:30:39Aw!

1:30:39 > 1:30:40Pop!

1:30:43 > 1:30:46Hey, princess!

1:30:46 > 1:30:49Look at you. Mr Big Hero of the night.

1:30:49 > 1:30:54Yeah, well, it might take me longer than some, but I, er...

1:30:54 > 1:30:56May I? Uh...

1:30:56 > 1:30:57OK.

1:30:59 > 1:31:03I like to think I come around eventually.

1:31:03 > 1:31:05Well, you showing up when you did like that?

1:31:05 > 1:31:09That was just about the most romantic thing I've ever seen.

1:31:11 > 1:31:13Honestly.

1:31:13 > 1:31:16Well...stick around.

1:31:18 > 1:31:20It may get even more romantic than that.

1:31:20 > 1:31:23Really? Yeah.

1:31:26 > 1:31:29See. How was that for romance?

1:31:33 > 1:31:34I'll think about it.

1:31:37 > 1:31:38Do that.

1:31:40 > 1:31:42Ollie Trinke...

1:32:05 > 1:32:07GREENIE: Hey...

1:32:07 > 1:32:10Your kid's cuttin' a rug with that Maya.

1:32:10 > 1:32:11Uh...

1:32:15 > 1:32:19The sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.

1:32:19 > 1:32:21You getting a dog?

1:32:27 > 1:32:29Maya?

1:32:29 > 1:32:30Can I dance with my dad now?

1:32:30 > 1:32:32If you must.

1:32:32 > 1:32:36Don't let him go, though, Gert. He's one of a kind.

1:32:37 > 1:32:38I know.

1:32:41 > 1:32:43Come here.

1:32:43 > 1:32:46You wanna dance? So, no city?

1:32:46 > 1:32:49No. No city.

1:32:49 > 1:32:51We're staying here with Pop?

1:32:51 > 1:32:54God help us, yes, we're staying with Pop.

1:32:54 > 1:32:56And you're taking me to see Cats?

1:32:56 > 1:32:59Oh-ho! Nice try, but no.

1:32:59 > 1:33:02Thank you, Daddy.

1:33:02 > 1:33:05Anything for you, Gert. You know why?

1:33:05 > 1:33:07Why?

1:33:07 > 1:33:11Cos you're the only thing I was ever really good at.

1:33:56 > 1:33:59MUSIC: "Jersey Girl" by Bruce Springsteen

1:34:20 > 1:34:26# I got no time for the corner boys

1:34:26 > 1:34:32# Down in the street making all that noise

1:34:32 > 1:34:37# Or the girls out on the avenue

1:34:37 > 1:34:44# Cos tonight I wanna be with you

1:34:44 > 1:34:49# Tonight I'm gonna take that ride

1:34:49 > 1:34:55# Across the river to the Jersey side

1:34:55 > 1:35:00# Take my baby to the carnival

1:35:00 > 1:35:06# And I'll take her on all the rides

1:35:06 > 1:35:11# Cos down the shore everything's all right... #