0:00:02 > 0:00:14This film contains strong language.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39SNORES
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- LOUD MUSIC PLAYS - Oh, for f...
0:00:53 > 0:00:55LV!!
0:00:55 > 0:00:56(Shit!)
0:00:56 > 0:01:02# Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
0:01:03 > 0:01:07# If you can use some exotic booze
0:01:07 > 0:01:10# There's a bar in far Bombay
0:01:10 > 0:01:15# Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
0:01:17 > 0:01:22# Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru
0:01:24 > 0:01:27# In Lamaland there's a one-man band
0:01:27 > 0:01:30# And he'll toot his flute for you
0:01:30 > 0:01:35# Come fly with me, let's take off in the blue
0:01:35 > 0:01:38# Once I get you up there... #
0:01:38 > 0:01:41LV, will you shut that up!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44# Up where the air is rarefied
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- # We'll just fly... #- Come on then!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50# Starry eyed
0:01:50 > 0:01:54# Once I get you up there...#
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Come on now!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57# I'll be holding you so near
0:01:57 > 0:02:01# You may hear
0:02:01 > 0:02:03# Angels cheer
0:02:03 > 0:02:05# Cos we're together
0:02:05 > 0:02:10# Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
0:02:11 > 0:02:18# Just say the words and we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay
0:02:19 > 0:02:24# It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
0:02:24 > 0:02:30# Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away... #
0:02:37 > 0:02:38LV, cull it!!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46# Weather-wise... #
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Oi!
0:02:46 > 0:02:50# It's such a lovely day
0:02:51 > 0:02:58# You just say the words and we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay
0:02:58 > 0:02:59# It's perfect
0:02:59 > 0:03:04# For a flying honeymoon, they say
0:03:05 > 0:03:09# Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly... #
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Bugger.
0:03:11 > 0:03:17# Pack up, let's fly away! #
0:03:18 > 0:03:22We're late, thanks to you and tweetie pie back there.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I was worrying about Duane, not work.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Duane?
0:03:25 > 0:03:30Aye. There's a big race today. They start off from France at nine.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35Strong winds forecast. Doesn't like winds, doesn't Duane.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Duane's a pigeon, right?
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Aye.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Where's the first call?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Shipley St. Domestic installation.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- TOILET FLUSHES - Are we nearly done?
0:03:49 > 0:03:54Ooh, I'll be wired up to the world soon, me. In touch with all parts.
0:03:54 > 0:04:01Nearly done!
0:03:55 > 0:04:01Goodley. I spend me life and fortune in them slot boxes, really I do.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Ooh, them uniforms are not very becoming.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08You look like you've been chucked in a tool bag, you.
0:04:08 > 0:04:13Put me right off, that has. And I always liked a man in a uniform.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18I bet you did!
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Watch it, Sparks. Sparkler. Speaking of sparks, you don't know
0:04:18 > 0:04:23nothing about electrickery? Only the wires of me home's crackling up.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26No, no, we're just phone boys, us.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33He's quiet. Is anyone there? Or has he been disconnected?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33HE LAUGHS
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Been cut off? My daughter's like that.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41Like one of them answering thingies, you can only leave messages.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Say hi, Bill.- Hello.
0:04:41 > 0:04:47Bill? Hey, you're not the famous Phone Bill, are ya?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47THEY LAUGH
0:04:47 > 0:04:52But look at you in that bag. You should complain.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Good looking on top and then that.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57Clark Gable in a bag. Or should I say "Clark Cable"?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Ooh, look at them two looking. This one doesn't speak neither.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05You two could go out for a silent night, holy night.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Or stop at home for a quiet night in. Be a real riot, that would.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13DOOR SHUTS
0:05:10 > 0:05:13What did I say? What did I say?!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Look at the red on him now. Lookie.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Oh, dear.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19LIVE RECORDING PLAYS
0:05:19 > 0:05:25That's all you get when she's upset. Crappity records, full blast! Hey!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Trash the calypsoooo!!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30# Rain or come shine
0:05:30 > 0:05:33# High as a mountain
0:05:33 > 0:05:36# Deep as a river
0:05:36 > 0:05:40# Come rain or come shine... #
0:05:41 > 0:05:46We're all done. I'll just ring through and test the line.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Oh. Here, let me, go on, let me, let me.
0:05:48 > 0:05:54What's the number again? No, don't tell me, I remember.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Start of the war, Bobby Moore.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Thirty-nine, sixty-six, and me age, twenty-eight.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00What are you laughing at?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02PHONE RINGS
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Music. Music ringing in my bloody ears.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Hello, me.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13# Or come shine
0:06:13 > 0:06:16# Happy together
0:06:16 > 0:06:20# Unhappy together
0:06:21 > 0:06:24# Won't it be fine
0:06:24 > 0:06:26# Days may be cloudy
0:06:26 > 0:06:28# Or sunny
0:06:29 > 0:06:34# We're in or we're out of the money
0:06:35 > 0:06:39# I'm with you always I'm with you rain or shine... #
0:06:39 > 0:06:45Stupid, isn't it? Cooped up there in the dark, like a bird trapped in the rafters.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50Steady. Billy's fond of his birds.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50He doesn't look the shirt-lifting type.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51No, feathered variety.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56Pigeons and that.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56You what? Oh, frig me, no. I can't be doing with that.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01All that cooing and flapping and shitting. They want shooting.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04The only good pigeons are in pies!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06SWITCH BUZZES
0:07:11 > 0:07:18If you could just sign this, Mrs..?
0:07:13 > 0:07:18Hoff. Mari Hoff. Crappity name. My late husband Frank left it me.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23You can imagine me feelings on signing t'marriage register.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Mr and Mrs F 'Off.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27See ya.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Thanks very much, Mr Cable.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31See ya, then.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37SHOP BELL TINKLES
0:07:37 > 0:07:42What's it like, then, eh, to watch a master at work?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Did you not see her? Legs of jelly she had for me.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Husband dead and out the way an' all, eh?
0:07:50 > 0:07:55Oh, bloody hell. Here's me imagining all sorts of slap and tickle
0:07:55 > 0:07:58and all you can dream about is bloody Duane.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11LV, are we out of bacon?
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Recent bacon, I mean.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, come on, phone, ring.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Here, make me a cup of tea, LV, love.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Come on, look after me.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Eh, give us that paper here.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Oh, take it back. I don't like the front.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Oh,
0:08:37 > 0:08:42shove something on, something for me, love. Go on. Slap some food about for me.
0:08:43 > 0:08:49What's that you're eating anyway? A brown envelope? What's on telly?
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- TURNS ON TV - Oh, sod that! - TURNS OFF TV
0:08:53 > 0:08:58Oh, sod this. I'm off down the cafe. I can't start the day without some dribbling fat.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Speaking of which, I can call Sadie.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05That'll freak her flabby arse. Eh, and listen, you.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07If anyone phones before I return,
0:09:07 > 0:09:11tell 'em I'll be back in five minutes. All right?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13All right?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Are...you...receiving...me?!
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Aye. Sadie, it's me, calling long distance.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28That I am, sexy. Well and truly plugged in. Eh, listen.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32You, me, cafe, now. Last one pays, all right?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36OK. Leg over and out.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Five minutes tell 'em. All right? Toodle pip.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43SHOP BELL TINKLES
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Fuck me! Mention bacon and eggs
0:09:46 > 0:09:51and she shifts like Linford friggin' Christie! How are you, sexy?
0:09:50 > 0:09:51OK.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55You look a bit on t'peckish side to me. Move it.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01'You stick with me, Son. You'll learn a few tricks.'
0:10:01 > 0:10:07Reading matter. That's the best one. Next day, when hubby's out,
0:10:07 > 0:10:12you go back with the reading matter. Leaflets and that. Works every time.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Bedtime reading I call it.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Bangers and bubble and a fuck hot tea, ta. Twice.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Bangers, mash, fuck hot tea times two.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Sadie, what a night I had, me, last night.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38What a friggin' championship night. You should've seen me.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Queen for a night I was. You'll never guess who.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Ray Say.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47MUSIC: "The Wonder Of You" by Elvis Presley
0:10:47 > 0:10:50'Ray friggin' Say. You know him.
0:10:50 > 0:10:56'He's agent to the stars. King of cabaret, manager of miracles.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00'He's down at Mr Boo's nightclub all the time.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03'Has that slight look of Elvis about him.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08'You know him, everyone knows him. And he knows everyone.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12'It were Mr Boo himself introduced us the other night.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15'Two seconds, Sadie, I fib you not,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18'two seconds and his hand's on me arse.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21'My arse, my golden old arse in Ray Say's hands
0:11:21 > 0:11:25'while he stands there telling jokes to Mr Boo.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28'Well, I saw him again last night.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33'The music was in our heads. In our heads and in his wandering hands.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35'He'll make it in anything.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38'He's one of them loveable twat sort of types.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42'Driving me round in his lovable twat mobile.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46'He motored me round about a million miles an hour.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49'Me heart in me mouth, his hands up me skirt
0:11:49 > 0:11:52'and my mind on his meat and veg. Listen,
0:11:52 > 0:11:57'then it's down to the harbour for a snog. Lip lapping like old hell.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01'But at least he knows how to slide and dart and take a throat.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04'At least there's a thick wad of his wallet
0:12:04 > 0:12:06'up against your tit for comfort.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10'Ohh, up and down and down and up
0:12:10 > 0:12:13'and under the bloody stars!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17'Ohh, heaven it were, Sadie.'
0:12:17 > 0:12:18CREAKING
0:12:18 > 0:12:21CUTLERY CLATTERS
0:12:21 > 0:12:25What's up with you lot? Never had a shag in a Chevy?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29PHONE RINGS
0:12:35 > 0:12:37DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Hiya.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44PHONE CONTINUES RINGING
0:12:44 > 0:12:50Forgot to leave you, er, reading matter about services and all that.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Your phone's ringing.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Would you like me to get it for you?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Hell...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Dead.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31I-I-I...
0:13:31 > 0:13:34What's this, then? One of them rave thingies?
0:13:34 > 0:13:39Oh, stop it. Me ears won't take it. I thought you were done, you.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43You remember a socket you haven't plugged, eh, Telephone Bill?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Little Birdy Boy.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I forgot to leave this reading matter. It...
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Did he ring? Did he ding-a-ling? Eh?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Oh, for fuck's sake, speak, girl.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57We just...
0:13:57 > 0:13:59missed a call.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I can do 1471. It tells you who was ringing.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10It's one of the services mentioned i-in the reading matter.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15There you go.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19It don't give a name?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19No. We're not quite that advanced yet.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24You'd best advance on out then. Ta very much, but just flap off.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- SHE DIALS - Bloody hell, I don't even know who I'm ringing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31..Hello?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Booze?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35You what?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Oh, MR Boo's.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43Oh, hello, um, is Mr Say there presently, please?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45It's Mari Hoff.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Ray Say.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Oh, hello, love.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Oh, just working. Giving Mr Boo here a shufti at me clients.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Course, love. I'll see you at the Red Lion. All right, see ya.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Are you messing with Mari Hoff?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Hoff and on!
0:15:02 > 0:15:04More on than Hoff I should imagine.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Excuse me. Are you watching this or what?
0:15:07 > 0:15:12She'll go far, this one.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Yeah. Scunthorpe if she's lucky.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14You're not interested? Good nipples.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Heating's off, that's why. Mine are the same.
0:15:17 > 0:15:24OK, love. Thank you. You'll love this next lot, Mr Boo. Singing combo, five lads.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27All built like Buddha.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28What are they called?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Take Fat.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34# I get knocked down but I get up again
0:15:34 > 0:15:36# You're not ever gonna keep me down... #
0:15:36 > 0:15:38SEAGULLS CRY
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Hello, Billy, lad.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Arthur.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Hey, did he win?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48He's, er, he's not in yet.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Not in yet? That's not like your Duane.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Don't worry, Billy. He'll be in before dark.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Aye.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I'll see you, Billy.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01See ya, Arthur.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06# No more that all time thrill
0:16:06 > 0:16:12# Boy, you've been through the mill #
0:16:12 > 0:16:14PIGEONS COO
0:16:14 > 0:16:19# And never a new love
0:16:20 > 0:16:23# Will be the same
0:16:27 > 0:16:30# Good riddance, goodbye
0:16:33 > 0:16:35# Every trick of his
0:16:36 > 0:16:42# You're on to
0:16:43 > 0:16:47# The road gets rougher
0:16:47 > 0:16:49# It's lonelier
0:16:49 > 0:16:51# And tougher... #
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Right, you.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57You got a fucking second to get in shape. Perk, girl, perk!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Aye, come in, Ray, come in.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Here he is, Mr Ray Say.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Here it is.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Me home.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Me walls, me telly, me phone, and me daughter.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13How do you do?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Ray. Sun Ray,
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Sting Ray, Ray gun. Me very own Ronnie Ray gun.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24Oh, I'm just friggin' into him so!
0:17:26 > 0:17:31Say hello. Oh, she's a misery. A miserable bloody misery.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33What are you havin', Raymondo?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35What you got?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Everything your throbbing throat could desire, lover boy.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40All right?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42GLASS CHINKS
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Ta-daaa!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I'll have...a cup of tea.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50You what?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- THEY LAUGH - You'll have a cup of tea!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Don't just go off like that, you rude...
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Leave her, she's all right!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01No, it's not all right!
0:18:01 > 0:18:05She spoils everything. I'm trying to make an impression
0:18:05 > 0:18:10and she can't even be swivel to a friend. The tiny little slit!
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Oh, what am I doing? And in front of you.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25Well, that's it, I give up. This is me crappity home and this is how I am!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28No gracey airs. If you don't like it you can piss off!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Hey, stay calm. Don't get mad at me.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I never said anything about anything.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Eh?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Come on, then,
0:18:40 > 0:18:42let's roll about. Mmm...
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Mmm...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47SPRING PINGS
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- LOUD MUSIC PLAYS - Here we go, on and on and friggin'...
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Cut that racket, girl!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Calm down. She's all right.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Oh, you, you little raver!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01# That's a dream of romance on the scene
0:19:01 > 0:19:05# Where the villain is mean
0:19:05 > 0:19:07# That's entertainment
0:19:07 > 0:19:09# The lights... #
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Ohh!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11# On the lady in tights
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# Or the bride with a guy on the side
0:19:14 > 0:19:17# Or the ball where she gives him her all... #
0:19:17 > 0:19:21I'm not having this! You can't bloody concentrate.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Cull it, will ya?!! Think of the fucking neighbours!!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27# A gay divorcee who is after her ex... #
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Right, sod the bitch! We'll have our own on.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36MUSIC: "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones
0:19:39 > 0:19:43# It's not unusual to be loved by anyone... #
0:19:43 > 0:19:46# Who is doing him dirt... #
0:19:46 > 0:19:49# It's not unusual to have fun with anyone... #
0:19:49 > 0:19:53# The world of entertainment... #
0:19:53 > 0:19:58# It's not unusual to see me cry... #
0:19:58 > 0:20:00POPPING
0:20:00 > 0:20:02# I...wanna...die... #
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Hey, you, you've blown me fuse.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06THEY BOTH LAUGH
0:20:06 > 0:20:09SINGING UPSTAIRS CONTINUES
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Shhh, shhh!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18SHE CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh?
0:20:21 > 0:20:26What...what's...what's...that? She got her own radio up there?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28No, that's her. That's LV.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30What?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Nah.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Yeah. Mwah! Mwah!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Nah.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Yes. Mwah!
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Nah.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Yes. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
0:20:40 > 0:20:45# For you've been through the mill
0:20:45 > 0:20:49# And never knew love
0:20:50 > 0:20:53# Will be the same... #
0:20:53 > 0:20:55I don't believe it.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59She plays records all the time. Every God sented sec!
0:20:59 > 0:21:04They're stuck in her head and she can sing 'em and it gets on my wick.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07End of story. Now come on, Ray, let's roll.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09# Fools will be fools
0:21:09 > 0:21:14# And where's he gone to
0:21:14 > 0:21:17# The road gets rougher... #
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Eh, come on, lover, I'm mad for it here.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Sshh! I'm listening.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27# Tomorrow he might turn up
0:21:27 > 0:21:30# There's just no let up
0:21:31 > 0:21:36# The live long night and day... #
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Oh, sod it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I'm off then.
0:21:42 > 0:21:47# There is nothing sadder
0:21:47 > 0:21:50# Than
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# A one-man woman
0:21:54 > 0:21:56# Looking for the man
0:21:56 > 0:22:03# That got a-way... #
0:22:16 > 0:22:18WINGS FLAPS
0:22:18 > 0:22:20PIGEON COOS
0:22:27 > 0:22:29HE SIGHS
0:22:34 > 0:22:36LOUD SNAP
0:22:36 > 0:22:39# It's...not...unusual to go out at any time
0:22:39 > 0:22:42# But when... #
0:22:42 > 0:22:44TURNS OFF RECORD PLAYER
0:22:55 > 0:22:56POPPING Ohh!
0:22:56 > 0:23:01Normal service resumed. Bit of grey matter and a bit of grey matter.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06Bit of nous, bit of coat hanger and bingo, let there be light.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11But you wanna get this lot seen to. Could bring the house down.
0:23:11 > 0:23:16Hey, so could you. With what you did last night, you know?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Bloody marvellous. Who else you do? Don't go.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I'm just interested, what with being in show business myself.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Didn't your mum tell you? No?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Never mind. Let's plonk you down here.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Like the twinkling star you are.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Let me rustle up one of Ray Say's famous breakfassays.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I do 'em for my artists when we're on foreign engagements.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41It's not all glamour, this game.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Fucking hell!
0:23:44 > 0:23:49RADIO: # For you are beautiful
0:23:49 > 0:23:51# And I loved you dearly...
0:23:51 > 0:23:53'Marvellous, up there'
0:23:53 > 0:23:56in the dark. Something I'll never forget.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Fuck!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01What do you say,
0:24:01 > 0:24:06we continue our little conversation down the cafe, eh? No?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09What, and me all dressed up and no place to go?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11SHE SNIFFS
0:24:11 > 0:24:13RADIO ON
0:24:15 > 0:24:17'There you go.'
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Best I can do. Une tasse de tea a la Ray.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22SEAGULLS CALL
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Yeah?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Go on, love, fire away.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39In show business...
0:24:41 > 0:24:43In show business, yeah?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47In show business...
0:24:49 > 0:24:51..did you ever meet...
0:24:53 > 0:24:55..Shirley Bassey?
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Shirley? Dear old Shirley? Shirley, Shirley, Shirley.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02To be honest, I don't think our paths ever crossed.
0:25:02 > 0:25:07I did meet Des O'Connor though, and Charlie Williams.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Freddie "Mr Parrot Face" Davis?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I suppose the biggest name
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I ever met was Monro.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Marilyn?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Matt. Do you remember him?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23The singing bus conductor. No?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26You like Marilyn, yeah?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Yeah.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Can you do her as well?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Go on, I bet you can.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Well, there you go.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42"I have this thing about saxophone players. I don't know what it is."
0:25:42 > 0:25:46"My spine turns to custard, I get goose pimply all over."
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Frig me.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52That's... That's amazing.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Christ, I don't believe that.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57HE LAUGHS
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Listen, LV. Listen.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02You are my discovery.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07I found you, right? Me.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Always remember that.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13As a matter of fact, here, take one of me new cards.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I left it for you in case I missed you.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Look,
0:26:17 > 0:26:18it's gold.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31I wouldn't give one of these to just anyone, you know.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Now look, I know you're a bit on the quiet side,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46but I'm a big noise in these parts and together, you and me,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49we could set this place on fire.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56You're a star, you.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06You're a nutter!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08No, it can't wait, no.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Hold him there. I'm coming down now. Mari, you look...
0:27:12 > 0:27:13SHE GROANS
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Don't speak for a minute.
0:27:15 > 0:27:21I've gotta go, Mari, but what can I tell you. It's happened at last, eh?
0:27:21 > 0:27:25It's like at the races when you know you're on to a certainty
0:27:25 > 0:27:29and you're feeling, this is it. She's the one.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- DOOR SHUTS - I am the one?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Give us another one, Ray.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40Honest, I can't believe it. It's what I've been looking for for ages.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44It's just one of those once-in-a-lifetime things.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48I've never felt like this before, about anyone.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I'll see you at The Seabirds later.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52TOOTS HORN
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Yes!
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Bloody hell, Sadie, the bastard wants me!
0:27:57 > 0:28:02Too bloody right, Sadie! Get up there and get it on.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Our fave bloody rave!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07MUSIC: "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps
0:28:07 > 0:28:11At last, yes, yes, I shall go to the ball!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Oh, you darlings from the sky!
0:28:13 > 0:28:15SHE CACKLES
0:28:19 > 0:28:22# Burn, baby, burn!
0:28:22 > 0:28:24# Burn, baby, burn! #
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Ooh! Oh, what a life life can be!
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# Burn, baby, burn! #
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Ooh, ooh, ooh!
0:28:30 > 0:28:33# Burn, baby, burn!
0:28:33 > 0:28:35# To my surprise...
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Mari!
0:28:37 > 0:28:39# One hundred... #
0:28:39 > 0:28:41SPRING PINGS AND RECORD STOPS
0:28:40 > 0:28:41DOORBELL RINGS
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Oh, bloody hell! What now?
0:28:45 > 0:28:48I forgot to leave you this. Reading matter.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52I only ordered a phone, not a mobile library!
0:28:52 > 0:28:54What?
0:28:54 > 0:28:55Young birdy boy has done all that.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59Come on, off out of it. Make way for a woman in lust.
0:29:05 > 0:29:10Hey, you, you twat! What d'you think you're bloody playing at?!
0:29:10 > 0:29:11Feeding.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Screwing around more like. You come on all quiet
0:29:15 > 0:29:19like you're only interested in these things here,
0:29:19 > 0:29:24but really you're a devious bastard! You know what I'm on about.
0:29:24 > 0:29:28Reading matter. Ah, yes, you little bastard. Though what you
0:29:28 > 0:29:31wanna get your leg over that for I'll never know.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Old enough to be your grandma.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35I went to see the girl.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37The one with music.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41What, her up...? Ahh, Jesus. I thought...
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Just to talk to her, like.
0:29:43 > 0:29:44Oh, aye.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Yeah. I thought
0:29:46 > 0:29:47she were interesting.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50Like off her bloody rocker?
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Didn't I say to you, though, Sadie, eh?
0:29:55 > 0:29:59I knew there was summat down for us, me and red hot Ray.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02I just had that feeling in me twat bone.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05And you know me. I can predict rain with that.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07THEY BOTH LAUGH
0:30:07 > 0:30:14I'm wearing me share price knickers tonight. Down as likely as up. And some shit-tight bloody bra.
0:30:14 > 0:30:20Cos I'm one high razzmatazz in here today, me! It's like there's...
0:30:20 > 0:30:24- ECHOES:- ..A circus parade passing over me paps!
0:30:26 > 0:30:30MUSIC: "My Heart Belongs To Daddy" by Marilyn Monroe
0:30:30 > 0:30:33# While tearing off
0:30:33 > 0:30:35# A game of golf
0:30:35 > 0:30:39# I may make a play for the caddy
0:30:39 > 0:30:41# But when I do
0:30:41 > 0:30:43# I don't follow through
0:30:43 > 0:30:47# Cos my heart belongs to daddy
0:30:48 > 0:30:51# If I invite a boy some night
0:30:51 > 0:30:54# To dine on my fine finnan haddie... #
0:30:54 > 0:30:56HE WHISTLES AND SHE GASPS
0:30:56 > 0:30:59I'm checking to see if your wires are OK.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02# His asking for more, but my heart... #
0:31:02 > 0:31:04I'm seeing if they're OK!
0:31:04 > 0:31:08# Yes, my heart belongs to daddy... #
0:31:08 > 0:31:10I'm just seeing if...
0:31:10 > 0:31:12If your wires are all right.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16# Yes, my heart belongs to daddy... #
0:31:16 > 0:31:18HE WHISTLES
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Do you go out much?
0:31:20 > 0:31:22No.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24HE WHISTLES
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Are you a telly fan?
0:31:26 > 0:31:28No.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30Going anywhere on your holidays?
0:31:30 > 0:31:32No.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35# That my heart belongs to daddy... #
0:31:35 > 0:31:37There are no wires.
0:31:37 > 0:31:38Eh?
0:31:38 > 0:31:41I finished work hours ago.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Oh, I don't know what to say now.
0:31:47 > 0:31:51I'm Billy. Can I ask you your name?
0:31:51 > 0:31:53LV.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Oh, does that stand for something?
0:31:55 > 0:31:58Little Voice.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01Oh, on account of being soft spoken?
0:32:05 > 0:32:06Nice tune, that.
0:32:08 > 0:32:09"My Heart Belongs To Daddy".
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Oh, right.
0:32:13 > 0:32:19Marilyn Monroe.
0:32:14 > 0:32:19Oh, yeah, right. Eh, your mam's a live wire, ain't she?
0:32:19 > 0:32:22Bloody hell! Not fond of pigeons neither.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24- Pigeons?- I keep 'em. Homing pigeons.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Oh.
0:32:26 > 0:32:30I love 'em. I'm up Pigeon Hill all t'time, where lofts are.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32Feed and exercise twice a day.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Exercise?
0:32:35 > 0:32:38You let 'em out, they fly around and come back.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40That's what homing pigeons do. Except Duane.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42Duane?
0:32:42 > 0:32:46Aye, my best bird. Not back from France yet.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50What's he doing in France?
0:32:50 > 0:32:52# My heart belongs to my daddy... #
0:32:52 > 0:32:54He's coming back here.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Oh.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00# So I want to warn you, laddie... #
0:33:00 > 0:33:04Anyway, it can be boring to the non-enthusiast.
0:33:04 > 0:33:05No, you're all right.
0:33:05 > 0:33:10When you let 'em go and see 'em fly, and better still see 'em back, well,
0:33:10 > 0:33:14it's dead exciting. Come up there with me, LV. See for yourself.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17Oh, I... I don't go out.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20What, never?
0:33:20 > 0:33:21FOOTSTEPS
0:33:21 > 0:33:24I'd best go, Billy. Bye.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26I'll see you again somewhere. Eh?
0:33:29 > 0:33:31# That little old man, he... #
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Talking to yourself now?
0:33:33 > 0:33:35No.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38Aye, well, I'm off out on the razz.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40You have a nice night in with your pals, eh?
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Where you been? I said eight.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Aye, but look at me.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58Eh? It takes time to get dressed up like this.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Arndale Centre weren't built in a day.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03And with half as much plaster.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05You smooth talker.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08You know Mr Boo, don't ya? This is Little Voice's mum.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Aye. Once in a lifetime thing, Ray says.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14Never felt like this before about anyone.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17We'll have a few drinks then it's off to your place for a listen.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20A spot of "who do you do" for Mr Boo.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23What are you having, love?
0:34:23 > 0:34:24Eh?
0:34:24 > 0:34:27Gin. Double.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29And a Campari chaser.
0:34:36 > 0:34:40You make me sick, you lot! First that little phone fart
0:34:40 > 0:34:44and now you all drooling over that little stick of shite!
0:34:44 > 0:34:48I got tits an' all, you know! And a gob on me for every occasion!
0:34:48 > 0:34:51Tits, gob and an arse to die for, me!
0:34:51 > 0:34:53Good looker, eh, Boo?
0:34:53 > 0:34:55Just as well, with that mouth.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57No, the car, Boo. The car.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Oh, aye, yeah. Very nice.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Put her in the back.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06I'm stopping here!
0:35:06 > 0:35:09MUSIC: "The Dicky Bird Hop" by Gracie Fields
0:35:09 > 0:35:15# Oh, the chirruping of the birdies on the sycamore tree
0:35:15 > 0:35:18# They're lucky to be so happy and free
0:35:18 > 0:35:23# I know that they're chirruping out a little ditty to me
0:35:23 > 0:35:27# I hear them saying early every morning, get up... #
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Get up, you. Ray wants you downstairs.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34What for?
0:35:30 > 0:35:34You've got him thinking you can do something.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37He wants you down. Show Mr Boo what you can do.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39It's private.
0:35:39 > 0:35:43Private, my privates! You're just damn selfish and useless!
0:35:43 > 0:35:47You can do nothing but whisper and whine like your father.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51Couple of bloody nothings, the pair of you. Look at it.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55Just a pile of junk no fucker wants. Come on downstairs!
0:35:55 > 0:35:58Don't you dare touch these! Ever!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00CLUNK!
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Up yours, stick leg!
0:36:06 > 0:36:08She'll not come down.
0:36:08 > 0:36:09What?
0:36:09 > 0:36:13Well, just like I said. She'll not sing. I told you.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Dad.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20Dad.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24Sorry, but I'm busy. I've got to be off. Got other acts to see.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26Acts that can be bothered. 'Night.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Boo! Boo!
0:36:30 > 0:36:34Hold on, Boo. It won't take a minute. Honest. She's special.
0:36:34 > 0:36:39Listen, I didn't get where I am today by wasting my time...
0:36:39 > 0:36:42listening to singers that don't sing.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46She might stand an outside chance as a mime act.
0:36:49 > 0:36:50SWITCH BUZZES
0:37:02 > 0:37:04(Dad...)
0:37:32 > 0:37:34# Somewhere
0:37:34 > 0:37:36# Over the rainbow
0:37:37 > 0:37:41# Way up high
0:37:42 > 0:37:44# There's a land
0:37:44 > 0:37:48# That I heard of
0:37:48 > 0:37:53# Once in a lullaby...
0:37:54 > 0:37:56'You know me.'
0:37:56 > 0:37:59I wouldn't bring you down here for nothing...
0:37:59 > 0:38:03# Somewhere over the rainbow
0:38:05 > 0:38:09# Skies are blue
0:38:10 > 0:38:12# And
0:38:12 > 0:38:17# The dreams that you dare to dream
0:38:18 > 0:38:21# Really do come true
0:38:24 > 0:38:28# Some day I'll wish upon a star
0:38:28 > 0:38:31# And wake up where the clouds
0:38:31 > 0:38:35# Are far behind me
0:38:37 > 0:38:41# Where troubles melt like lemon drops
0:38:41 > 0:38:45# Away above the chimney tops
0:38:45 > 0:38:51# That's where you'll find me
0:38:51 > 0:38:53# Somewhere... #
0:38:53 > 0:38:55That's never her.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57It is.
0:38:57 > 0:38:58No.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Yeah.
0:39:00 > 0:39:01No.
0:39:01 > 0:39:02Yeah.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06No.
0:39:06 > 0:39:07- Yeah.- Oh, here we go again.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09You got Judy Garland in there.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12She's round here all the time, her and Shirley Bassey,
0:39:12 > 0:39:15drinking our bloody cocoa(!)
0:39:15 > 0:39:17You have a remarkable daughter.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19Aye, don't I bloody know.
0:39:19 > 0:39:23We must have her. There's the makings of a first-class act.
0:39:23 > 0:39:29We could do a lot with that.
0:39:24 > 0:39:29Me and Boo are off up the pub. Talk finer details and finances.
0:39:29 > 0:39:30Leave the latch off, eh?
0:39:30 > 0:39:33What about me, then? Where do I fit in?
0:39:33 > 0:39:35Me, the fucking second-class act!
0:39:35 > 0:39:40Er, mine's a double Scotch, Boo. I'll see you up there, eh?
0:39:40 > 0:39:45What are you saying? I'm telling you, you're sitting on a gold mine.
0:39:45 > 0:39:49Not over the bloody rainbow but up there. In that bedroom.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Dreams that you dared to dream, eh?
0:39:54 > 0:39:58# Over the... #
0:39:56 > 0:39:58She can make them come true.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00# Rainbow
0:40:02 > 0:40:04# Bluebirds
0:40:04 > 0:40:07# Fly
0:40:09 > 0:40:12# Birds fly... #
0:40:12 > 0:40:14She's our chance.
0:40:14 > 0:40:18We've been shovelling shit long enough, you and me.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21Now's our chance to step out of it.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25Our chance?
0:40:23 > 0:40:25I'm going nowhere without you, girl.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Oh, Elvis breath.
0:40:35 > 0:40:38Come on, then, lead us to the dotted line.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41THEY LAUGH
0:40:44 > 0:40:50# If happy little bluebirds fly
0:40:53 > 0:40:57# Beyond the rainbow
0:40:59 > 0:41:01# Why
0:41:01 > 0:41:05# Oh why
0:41:06 > 0:41:12# Can't I? #
0:41:29 > 0:41:31DRUNKEN LAUGHTER
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Love, luvvy, don't worry,
0:41:34 > 0:41:39it's only us, me and Ray, coming bearing good news, lady.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Stupendous news, actually.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45Mr Boo would like you to sing at his club, on stage.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47Sing what you like.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47No.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49He'll pay. Could be up to 50 quid.
0:41:49 > 0:41:50That's just the start.
0:41:50 > 0:41:51No.
0:41:51 > 0:41:55Ray'll look after you. He knows all about showbiz.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58All you have to do is sing. Sing!
0:41:58 > 0:42:02Like what you do best anyway. You might feel shy...
0:42:02 > 0:42:05Nothing wrong with that. Had a girl recently,
0:42:05 > 0:42:09wouldn't say boo to a goose. She's top of the bill at the Reform Club.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12Who's that? That stripper?
0:42:12 > 0:42:14It's similar. A similar case, Tina.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16Please go.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19It's not healthy being cooped up...
0:42:17 > 0:42:19JUST GO!
0:42:19 > 0:42:23Bloody hell. That's gratitude for you.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30You great long
0:42:30 > 0:42:34streak of piss! You are bloody doing it, girl!
0:42:36 > 0:42:38'You can do better than that.'
0:42:38 > 0:42:41How are you all doing? Alreet?!
0:42:52 > 0:42:55Do you want that condo on your bill?
0:42:55 > 0:42:59The duck says, no, what sort of duck do you think I am?
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Hey, true story, this.
0:43:01 > 0:43:06All you've gotta do is stand here and sing.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09Like at home, eh?
0:43:10 > 0:43:12Just stay calm and relaxed.
0:43:12 > 0:43:16What are you talking about, relaxed? Look at her.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18Think about... Judy.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22Think about... Shirley.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Think about...
0:43:28 > 0:43:31Marilyn.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35On with the show, ladies and gentlemen. As you know,
0:43:35 > 0:43:39Boo braves anything, goes anywhere, in his perpetual quest
0:43:39 > 0:43:43for fresh talent to spice up your midweek merriment.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47Guess which exotic part of the world I came across tonight's star turn?
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Shipley Street.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52Saves on travel expenses, don't it?
0:43:53 > 0:43:59Anyway, pretty people, enough of me. A talent, an undiscovered treasure,
0:43:59 > 0:44:04an act of wonder, ladies and gentlemen. A little girl that's big,
0:44:04 > 0:44:08a Northern light, a rising star. Hush and order
0:44:08 > 0:44:11for the turn of turns, the one, the only,
0:44:11 > 0:44:16Little Voice, ladies and gentlemen! Little Voice!
0:44:16 > 0:44:18CYMBALS CRASH
0:44:18 > 0:44:20APPLAUSE
0:44:26 > 0:44:28(Go on!)
0:44:28 > 0:44:30(You're on!)
0:44:31 > 0:44:35Go on. Go on, sing. I'll do anything. Just sing.
0:44:35 > 0:44:40Sing for fuck's sake. Sing!
0:44:40 > 0:44:42The lights.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44It's the lights.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46Turn out the lights.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49CLUNK
0:44:52 > 0:44:54AUDIENCE MURMURS
0:44:58 > 0:45:02# I don't know why
0:45:02 > 0:45:06# But I'm feeling so sad
0:45:06 > 0:45:09# I long to try
0:45:09 > 0:45:12# Something I've never had
0:45:12 > 0:45:16# Never had no kissing
0:45:16 > 0:45:19# Oh, what I've been missing... #
0:45:24 > 0:45:26Get off!
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Do another one. Go on. Do some more.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31SHE MIMICS JUDY GARLAND: More?
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Do you really want more?
0:45:34 > 0:45:37Oh, aren't you tired? Well, we've got...
0:45:37 > 0:45:42We've only got one more. We... We'll do... We'll do "Chicago".
0:45:42 > 0:45:45# Chicago, Chicago
0:45:45 > 0:45:48# That toddlin' town, toddlin' town
0:45:48 > 0:45:50# Chicago, Chicago
0:45:50 > 0:45:52# I'll show you around
0:45:52 > 0:45:55# I love it, bet your bottom dollar you lose the blues
0:45:55 > 0:45:58# In Chicago, Chicago... #
0:46:02 > 0:46:04(What have you stopped for? Don't stop now.)
0:46:04 > 0:46:06(Do anything.)
0:46:06 > 0:46:09(Anything, and Jesus, look happy!)
0:46:10 > 0:46:12# Happy
0:46:12 > 0:46:15# Birthday
0:46:15 > 0:46:17# To you
0:46:17 > 0:46:20# Happy birthday
0:46:20 > 0:46:22# To you... #
0:46:22 > 0:46:24GLASS SMASHES
0:46:24 > 0:46:27This is crazy. The punters can't see.
0:46:27 > 0:46:30# Happy birthday, Mr President... #
0:46:30 > 0:46:35All right then, get 'em back up. Get the lights back up.
0:46:35 > 0:46:37# Happy birthday to... #
0:46:37 > 0:46:39LAUGHTER
0:46:39 > 0:46:41SADIE APPLAUDS
0:46:48 > 0:46:53Thought things couldn't go downhill with you, Ray. What am I gonna tell 'em?
0:46:53 > 0:46:57Tell 'em she'll be back.
0:46:57 > 0:47:02Embarrassing! One hundred bloody chunk embarrassing, that!
0:47:02 > 0:47:05I'm shown up, which was more than she was in t'dark!
0:47:05 > 0:47:07He wasn't there.
0:47:07 > 0:47:11And what was she singing?! She could've made an effort!
0:47:11 > 0:47:15I told you you was wasting your time on her!
0:47:15 > 0:47:20She did the whole thing to spite Mother. I know her. Drop her off!
0:47:20 > 0:47:22Dump her home! Let's go eat.
0:47:25 > 0:47:27Now then.
0:47:26 > 0:47:27HE GASPS
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Oh, Jesus!
0:47:29 > 0:47:32Guess what? I've just seen your bird.
0:47:32 > 0:47:33Where?
0:47:33 > 0:47:34On stage, down at Boo's.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36What?
0:47:37 > 0:47:39Oh, no, not Duane.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42I meant the other one. That lass.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50PHONE RINGS
0:47:54 > 0:47:55Hello?
0:47:55 > 0:47:56'LV?'
0:47:56 > 0:47:58Hello.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01Listen, I-I heard about what you did tonight,
0:48:01 > 0:48:03'at Boo's Club.'
0:48:03 > 0:48:04They made me.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Who made you?
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Him and her. They go on till you do.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11Will they make you do it again?
0:48:11 > 0:48:14She didn't like it. Won't be doing it no more.
0:48:15 > 0:48:19Oh, but, Ray, it were crap awful, weren't it?
0:48:19 > 0:48:23She's not what you'd call a performer, I'll grant you that.
0:48:23 > 0:48:27But I can take care of that. She just needs a big band
0:48:27 > 0:48:32to boost her confidence. A flashy set, bright lights, a bit of glitz.
0:48:32 > 0:48:33Snazzy frocks, all that.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37I love it when you talk swanky.
0:48:37 > 0:48:38Has Duane come home?
0:48:38 > 0:48:41No. No, not yet.
0:48:41 > 0:48:44'Happens sometimes. Once they're out,'
0:48:44 > 0:48:46flying free,
0:48:46 > 0:48:49they like it.
0:48:49 > 0:48:53'You should try it sometime, LV.'
0:48:54 > 0:48:56SHOP BELL TINKLES
0:48:56 > 0:48:59I've got to go. I've got to go. Bye.
0:48:59 > 0:49:00'LV?'
0:49:06 > 0:49:08What was she like?
0:49:10 > 0:49:15Well, if it's a roller coaster of unbridled excitement you're after,
0:49:15 > 0:49:19I reckon you're better off up here.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24CLOCK TICKS
0:49:25 > 0:49:27You're all right, love.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29It's only me.
0:49:33 > 0:49:35Been working on the act.
0:49:35 > 0:49:40Planning. Got Boo to let us have another go. I've worked it all out.
0:49:40 > 0:49:45You'll love it. Everything tailored to your personality.
0:49:45 > 0:49:49All you've got to do is step on from the side.
0:49:49 > 0:49:51What's up?
0:49:51 > 0:49:56Hey, you're not gonna let a little hiccup like tonight put you off?
0:49:56 > 0:49:58It happens to the best of them.
0:49:58 > 0:50:03If you could ask her, her, or her, they'd all tell you the same thing.
0:50:03 > 0:50:07They've all had nights like that. Isn't that right, Judy?
0:50:07 > 0:50:09"It sure is." What about you, Marilyn?
0:50:09 > 0:50:11"Too too true, boo boo be doo!"
0:50:11 > 0:50:13Don't!
0:50:13 > 0:50:18Seriously, it'll never happen again. Not with this. It's foolproof.
0:50:18 > 0:50:20Believe me. Let's do it, eh?
0:50:24 > 0:50:27You won't even look at it?
0:50:28 > 0:50:30Well, never mind then, eh?
0:50:30 > 0:50:34Never mind. That's it then, eh? No problem.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38Pas de problemo.
0:50:38 > 0:50:40Got it nice here, haven't you?
0:50:40 > 0:50:43Clean and tidy. That's nice.
0:50:44 > 0:50:47All your records all around you.
0:50:47 > 0:50:52Your dad must have spent years building up a collection like this.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54He did.
0:50:54 > 0:50:58I'm not one for collecting things myself. Only debts.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05I had an auntie once who was, though.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10You'll never guess what she collected.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13Go on.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Bluebirds.
0:51:17 > 0:51:20Honest. Wild bluebirds.
0:51:20 > 0:51:22Flying all over her house.
0:51:22 > 0:51:27Marvellous with them she was. Even taught one of 'em to talk.
0:51:27 > 0:51:31Timid little thing it was. No bigger than your thumb.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Too scared even to leave its cage.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36But what she did was so simple.
0:51:37 > 0:51:43All she did was keep it shaded and safe at all times.
0:51:43 > 0:51:46And then sing to it
0:51:46 > 0:51:49and stroke it very, very soft
0:51:49 > 0:51:51every day.
0:51:51 > 0:51:55And, after a while, it gave her its heart.
0:51:55 > 0:51:57And later,
0:51:57 > 0:51:59when it grew strong,
0:51:59 > 0:52:01she set it free.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06But before it flew to its freedom, it stopped
0:52:06 > 0:52:09on the window ledge,
0:52:10 > 0:52:12then it turned to her
0:52:13 > 0:52:15and, to her great surprise,
0:52:15 > 0:52:17sang.
0:52:19 > 0:52:25# There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover... #
0:52:25 > 0:52:27See, there she goes.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31True story, that.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37Which were your dad's favourites?
0:52:37 > 0:52:39Them three there.
0:52:39 > 0:52:42Oh, good. You know what we'll...we'll...
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Oh, no. No.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46What?
0:52:46 > 0:52:50I-I was just thinking, we could've included them in
0:52:50 > 0:52:54the, you know, the act. But we're not doing it now.
0:52:56 > 0:52:59I bet your dad would've liked that though, eh?
0:52:59 > 0:53:03A tribute to his life's loves. One love, his songs,
0:53:03 > 0:53:08sung by his only other love, his daughter.
0:53:08 > 0:53:09Huh?
0:53:09 > 0:53:13That would've really been something, eh?
0:53:13 > 0:53:15Yeah, shame.
0:53:17 > 0:53:21Cos the man and his music, they don't get much respect, do they?
0:53:22 > 0:53:24You know what I mean.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31Ray?
0:53:31 > 0:53:33Hm?
0:53:36 > 0:53:37Nothing.
0:53:37 > 0:53:40Whoops. There she goes again.
0:53:40 > 0:53:44The bluebird, under the moon and over the stars.
0:53:48 > 0:53:50I'll do it.
0:53:50 > 0:53:52Do what?
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Oh, that. Oh, OK.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58Just once.
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Yeah.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02Whatever, whatever.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05I'm pleased.
0:54:06 > 0:54:09I'll just pop down and get my cigarillos.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Won't be a tic.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19MUSIC: "Goldfinger" by Shirley Bassey
0:54:23 > 0:54:26"Little Voice" running along the top.
0:54:26 > 0:54:28# Goldfinger... #
0:54:28 > 0:54:30I want it like Las Vegas. Plush up the bandstand.
0:54:30 > 0:54:33# He's the man, the man with the Midas touch... #
0:54:33 > 0:54:37Musical notes up the back, a bank of lights along the top.
0:54:37 > 0:54:39On the stage we want a gold cage.
0:54:42 > 0:54:45# Such a cold finger
0:54:48 > 0:54:53# Beckons you to enter his web of sin
0:54:53 > 0:54:57# But don't go in
0:55:01 > 0:55:04# Golden words he will pour in your ear
0:55:04 > 0:55:08# But his lies can't disguise what you fear... #
0:55:08 > 0:55:10Hold on.
0:55:10 > 0:55:14# For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her
0:55:14 > 0:55:17# It's the kiss of death
0:55:17 > 0:55:22# From Mr Goldfinger
0:55:25 > 0:55:29# Pretty girl beware of this heart of gold
0:55:30 > 0:55:34# This heart is cold... #
0:55:34 > 0:55:37Bloody hell. All right, all right.
0:55:37 > 0:55:40# Golden words he will pour in your ear
0:55:40 > 0:55:44# But his lies can't disguise what you fear... #
0:55:44 > 0:55:47This has come to a lot more than I thought.
0:55:47 > 0:55:51# For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her... #
0:55:51 > 0:55:53There you go, Mr Say. Thanks a lot.
0:55:53 > 0:55:57# It's the kiss of death from Mr Goldfinger
0:55:59 > 0:56:02# Pretty girl
0:56:02 > 0:56:06# Beware of this heart of gold
0:56:06 > 0:56:11# This heart is cold
0:56:11 > 0:56:14# He loves only gold
0:56:16 > 0:56:19# Only gold
0:56:20 > 0:56:27# He loves gold! #
0:56:30 > 0:56:33'Well, a man with a plan or what, eh?'
0:56:33 > 0:56:38My Ray. Worked it all out he has. Gonna take us all to Tarby land.
0:56:38 > 0:56:43I had me doubts about her doing it again at first, but, well,
0:56:43 > 0:56:45he won me over. Try as I do,
0:56:45 > 0:56:50I cannot say no to that man. What a tongue he has on him, eh?
0:56:50 > 0:56:51Half raspberry,
0:56:51 > 0:56:54half razor. Oh, I dunno, Sadie.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57Maybe, this once, that fucker
0:56:57 > 0:56:59fate's smiling down on us, eh?
0:57:00 > 0:57:04Ohhh, liquor. Lacquer, liquor, lacquer.
0:57:04 > 0:57:07Ow! Bloody hell!
0:57:07 > 0:57:09Oh, my God, I've blinded me god!
0:57:09 > 0:57:11No, I'm... I'm all right.
0:57:11 > 0:57:15I'm all right. Here you are. I got you something.
0:57:16 > 0:57:18Oh, Raymondo!
0:57:20 > 0:57:24Looky here, little sparkle neck, me.
0:57:24 > 0:57:26See, Sadie,
0:57:26 > 0:57:29it's a love token. That's right, in't it, Ray?
0:57:29 > 0:57:33Some ways I wish I could lash it round me finger.
0:57:33 > 0:57:38You look stunning, Sadie. We gonna have a dance down there later, eh?
0:57:38 > 0:57:40SHE SNORTS
0:57:40 > 0:57:44Go upstairs, Sadie. See if star turn's ready.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46I can't wait. I'm buzzing fit to burst.
0:57:46 > 0:57:51Big crowd, proper job. I've even got a talent scout coming down.
0:57:51 > 0:57:55Give us your lips, you, and double me palpitations.
0:57:58 > 0:58:00Fuck me.
0:58:00 > 0:58:03Not now, Ray, we got a show to do.
0:58:10 > 0:58:13Right, are we set then, or what?
0:58:13 > 0:58:19Let me open that front door. The door that leads to success.
0:58:19 > 0:58:22'Welcome, welcome, welcome, yea thrice welcome to Mr Boo's.'
0:58:22 > 0:58:24Knock-knock.
0:58:23 > 0:58:24ALL: Who's there?
0:58:24 > 0:58:26Boo.
0:58:25 > 0:58:26Boo who?
0:58:26 > 0:58:28Don't be so fucking pathetic.
0:58:28 > 0:58:31So, how are you all doing? Alreet?
0:58:31 > 0:58:36You can do better than that. How are you all doing?! Alreet?!
0:58:36 > 0:58:38ALL: Aye!
0:58:38 > 0:58:41We've pulled out all the stops for you.
0:58:41 > 0:58:44We haven't had a band in here this big since VE Day.
0:58:44 > 0:58:49In fact, by the look of them, it's the same band. S'OK, they know me.
0:58:49 > 0:58:53We're in for a grand night tonight! So smack one hand against th'other
0:58:53 > 0:58:58for the turn of turns return, the voice of a thousand stars,
0:58:58 > 0:59:01the girl with the great queuing up in her gullet!
0:59:01 > 0:59:04The one, the only, Little Voice!
0:59:04 > 0:59:11Liiiiii-tttttttle Vooooiiiiice!
0:59:11 > 0:59:13APPLAUSE
0:59:57 > 1:00:00# The minute you walked in the joint
1:00:00 > 1:00:04# I could see you were a man of distinction
1:00:04 > 1:00:06# A real big spender
1:00:06 > 1:00:09# Good looking, so refined
1:00:09 > 1:00:13# Say, wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind?
1:00:13 > 1:00:16# So let me get right to the point
1:00:16 > 1:00:20# I don't pop my cork for every man I see
1:00:21 > 1:00:23# Hey, big spender!
1:00:24 > 1:00:27# Hey, big spender!
1:00:28 > 1:00:32# Hey, big spender!
1:00:32 > 1:00:40# Spend a little time with me...
1:00:43 > 1:00:45# Yes! #
1:00:45 > 1:00:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:01:01 > 1:01:04# I wanna be loved by you
1:01:04 > 1:01:06# Just you
1:01:06 > 1:01:08# And nobody else but you
1:01:09 > 1:01:14# I wanna be loved by you alone
1:01:14 > 1:01:16# Boo boo bi doo
1:01:16 > 1:01:19# I wanna be kissed by you
1:01:19 > 1:01:21# Just you
1:01:21 > 1:01:23# And nobody else but you
1:01:24 > 1:01:29# I wanna be kissed by you alone
1:01:29 > 1:01:32# I couldn't aspire
1:01:32 > 1:01:36# To anything higher
1:01:36 > 1:01:39# Than to feel the desire
1:01:39 > 1:01:41# To make you my own... #
1:01:43 > 1:01:46MUSIC: "Falling In Love Again" by Samuel Lerner
1:01:46 > 1:01:49# Men cluster to me
1:01:49 > 1:01:53# Like moths around the flame
1:01:54 > 1:01:57# And if their wings burn
1:01:57 > 1:02:02# I know I'm not to blame
1:02:03 > 1:02:07# Falling in love again
1:02:07 > 1:02:10# Never wanted to
1:02:11 > 1:02:14# What am I to do?
1:02:15 > 1:02:18# I can't help it... #
1:02:18 > 1:02:22# Sing as we go and let the world go by
1:02:22 > 1:02:26# Singing a song we'll march along the highway
1:02:26 > 1:02:30# Say goodbye to sorrow
1:02:30 > 1:02:33# There's always tomorrow to think of today
1:02:33 > 1:02:38# Sing as we go although the skies are grey
1:02:38 > 1:02:41# Beggar or king you've got to sing a gay tune
1:02:41 > 1:02:45# A song and a smile making life worthwhile
1:02:45 > 1:02:49# So sing E-o-e-o-e-o-e! #
1:02:49 > 1:02:55HIGH-PITCHED: # As we go along! #
1:02:55 > 1:02:59MUSIC: "When You Smile" by Ralph MacDonald/William Salter
1:03:05 > 1:03:08# Forget your troubles come on, get happy
1:03:08 > 1:03:11# You better chase all your cares away
1:03:11 > 1:03:13# Shout Hallelujah come on, get happy
1:03:13 > 1:03:16# Get ready for the judgement day
1:03:16 > 1:03:18# The sun is shining come on, get happy
1:03:18 > 1:03:22# The Lord is waiting to take your hand
1:03:22 > 1:03:25# Shout Hallelujah come on, get happy
1:03:25 > 1:03:27# We're going to the promised land
1:03:27 > 1:03:30# We're heading across the river
1:03:30 > 1:03:33# Wash your sins away in the tide
1:03:33 > 1:03:37# It's all so peaceful on the other side
1:03:37 > 1:03:41# Forget your troubles come on, get happy
1:03:41 > 1:03:43# You better chase all your cares away
1:03:43 > 1:03:46# Shout Hallelujah come on, get happy
1:03:46 > 1:03:48# Get ready for the judgement day
1:03:48 > 1:03:52# Forget your troubles come on, get happy
1:03:52 > 1:03:54# Chase your cares away
1:03:54 > 1:03:57# Hallelujah, get happy
1:03:57 > 1:03:59# Before the judgement day
1:03:59 > 1:04:03# The sun is shining come on, get happy... #
1:04:03 > 1:04:06Who's on the phone?
1:04:04 > 1:04:06It's Bunny Morris.
1:04:06 > 1:04:08Bunny Morris?
1:04:07 > 1:04:08That's right.
1:04:08 > 1:04:11# We're gonna be going to the promised land
1:04:11 > 1:04:16# We're heading across the river wash your sins away in the tide
1:04:16 > 1:04:21# It's quiet and peaceful on the other side
1:04:21 > 1:04:24# Forget your troubles, get happy
1:04:24 > 1:04:26# Your cares fly away
1:04:26 > 1:04:33# Shout Hallelujah, get happy get ready for your judgement day #
1:04:33 > 1:04:34Woo!
1:04:34 > 1:04:38# Come on, get happy chase your cares away
1:04:38 > 1:04:41# Shout Hallelujah come on, get happy
1:04:41 > 1:04:43# Get ready for the judgement day
1:04:43 > 1:04:46# Sun is shining, come on, get happy
1:04:46 > 1:04:48# Lord is waiting to take your hand
1:04:48 > 1:04:52# Hallelujah, come on get happy
1:04:52 > 1:04:54# We're going to the promised land
1:04:54 > 1:04:59# Heading for the river throw your sins away in the tide
1:04:59 > 1:05:02# It's all so peaceful
1:05:02 > 1:05:05# On the other side
1:05:05 > 1:05:08# Shout Hallelujah come on, get happy
1:05:08 > 1:05:11# You better chase all your cares away
1:05:11 > 1:05:13# Shout Hallelujah come on, get happy
1:05:13 > 1:05:16# Get ready
1:05:16 > 1:05:18# Get ready
1:05:19 > 1:05:24# Get ready for the judgement day! #
1:05:24 > 1:05:27WILD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:05:35 > 1:05:38That's my fucking daughter!
1:05:59 > 1:06:02CHEERING CONTINUES
1:06:02 > 1:06:05- CORK POPS - A star is born or what, eh?
1:06:05 > 1:06:08Guess who I just spoke to? Only Bunny Morris.
1:06:08 > 1:06:09Never.
1:06:09 > 1:06:11Aargh!! Who's Bunny Morris?
1:06:11 > 1:06:14The fixer. Bunny "Mr Star Maker" Morris.
1:06:14 > 1:06:18Any new star, he got 'em started. He puts 'em in all the big clubs.
1:06:18 > 1:06:20If he rates 'em, that's it.
1:06:20 > 1:06:24Nobody says no to Bunny Morris. Neither did I.
1:06:24 > 1:06:25He's coming here tomorrow night.
1:06:25 > 1:06:27No.
1:06:27 > 1:06:30He is, honest. Gotta pick him up at the Grand at 7.
1:06:30 > 1:06:31We on tomorrow night?
1:06:31 > 1:06:33Yeah.
1:06:33 > 1:06:37I cancelled Silverados and Gringo Hodges. They were going mad tonight.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39Once, we said.
1:06:39 > 1:06:42When Bunny sees her, that'll be it. We'll never be off TV. MFI Friday,
1:06:42 > 1:06:45Letterman, he'll fix 'em all.
1:06:45 > 1:06:47Just once, we said.
1:06:47 > 1:06:49Today this crap house, tomorrow the world.
1:06:49 > 1:06:53Route bloody one. London, Leeds, Las Vegas.
1:06:53 > 1:06:55Yee-ha!
1:06:55 > 1:06:59Remember where you got your start. My crap house. And you don't
1:06:59 > 1:07:02shit on folk on t'way up cos you'll meet 'em on t'way down.
1:07:02 > 1:07:04But we're not coming down.
1:07:04 > 1:07:07Up to the sky we're going. Up to the sky!
1:07:07 > 1:07:11Here's to the rise and rise of Little Voice.
1:07:16 > 1:07:17'God,
1:07:17 > 1:07:20the little bird's bleated and died of shock!
1:07:20 > 1:07:22It's OK. She's just tired.
1:07:22 > 1:07:24Bright lights and all that.
1:07:24 > 1:07:27Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.
1:07:27 > 1:07:30But when? Don't push her too hard.
1:07:30 > 1:07:31She needs pushing.
1:07:31 > 1:07:34I've seen a lot of talent wasted in my time.
1:07:34 > 1:07:37Don't come the fucking impresario with me!
1:07:37 > 1:07:40You run a club no-one wants to go to,
1:07:40 > 1:07:43tell jokes no-one wants to laugh at. You're a nothing.
1:07:43 > 1:07:47It's me with the contacts and friends in high places.
1:07:47 > 1:07:50Remember that. It's Ray who's the big shot.
1:07:52 > 1:07:54You lot want a ride home?
1:07:54 > 1:07:56Yeah.
1:07:56 > 1:07:59I may not have friends in high places,
1:07:59 > 1:08:03but I've got 'em in the fucking used car business!
1:08:16 > 1:08:18LV!
1:08:19 > 1:08:21I know you're there, LV!
1:08:22 > 1:08:24You did it again, didn't ya?
1:08:24 > 1:08:27And again tonight it says.
1:08:27 > 1:08:29LV!
1:08:29 > 1:08:32LV, I'm worried! Are you all right?!
1:08:32 > 1:08:35Look, just don't let them do it to you!
1:08:35 > 1:08:37I know you're there, I just want...
1:08:37 > 1:08:40WINGS FLAP
1:08:40 > 1:08:42PIGEON COOS
1:08:42 > 1:08:44- Duane? - WINDOW OPENS
1:08:44 > 1:08:46Eh, fuck off, Romeo!
1:08:46 > 1:08:48You want to see her?
1:08:48 > 1:08:52Then sod off down t'club and pay like everyone else!
1:08:55 > 1:08:58We can be doin' without that sort of crap just before show,
1:08:58 > 1:09:01when you need to be concentrating your mind.
1:09:01 > 1:09:04Come on, love, enough of this, eh?
1:09:04 > 1:09:07You've not opened your beak all day to eat or squeak.
1:09:07 > 1:09:12And even you squeak from time to time, don't ya?
1:09:12 > 1:09:13Eh, come on, love.
1:09:13 > 1:09:15Squeak to me, eh?
1:09:18 > 1:09:20SHE MAKES BIRD SOUNDS
1:09:23 > 1:09:24SHE SIGHS
1:09:24 > 1:09:26COOING
1:09:34 > 1:09:36Duane...
1:09:39 > 1:09:40Steady, steady...
1:09:40 > 1:09:43Steady.
1:09:48 > 1:09:51A long time since I've been dragged to the Northern clubs.
1:09:51 > 1:09:54Better be good. Bloody hell!
1:09:54 > 1:09:56Great, eh? Come in.
1:10:00 > 1:10:04I thought you'd be showing up here sooner or later. Are you going in?
1:10:04 > 1:10:07Dunno. Hello, you must be George's wife.
1:10:07 > 1:10:10Wife? You bastard!
1:10:11 > 1:10:13Oh, sorry, George. Sorry.
1:10:13 > 1:10:17For one not known for his over usage of words,
1:10:17 > 1:10:19you don't half pick 'em, do ya?
1:10:19 > 1:10:22Got a spare ticket now if you want one.
1:10:22 > 1:10:24Sorry.
1:10:24 > 1:10:28'She's not moved. She'll have to in a minute,
1:10:28 > 1:10:30'otherwise she'll be going on like she is.'
1:10:30 > 1:10:34I bet Judy Garland never went on stage in her bloody pyjamas
1:10:34 > 1:10:37so I don't know why she wants to!
1:10:37 > 1:10:42Come on, LV, love. Whatever it is that's bugging you, just let it stop
1:10:42 > 1:10:47for a few hours cos we're cutting things a bit fine now. Ray'll be
1:10:47 > 1:10:52here in a minute and I'm getting just a bit fucking irate, ALL RIGHT?!
1:10:52 > 1:10:55'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, please,
1:10:55 > 1:10:58'on this night of all nights,'
1:10:58 > 1:11:01the compere of all comperes,
1:11:01 > 1:11:03the world's finest MC,
1:11:03 > 1:11:07the funniest man never to have been on television,
1:11:07 > 1:11:12the man the Northern Echo called "quite amusing",
1:11:12 > 1:11:14the chuckle bag himself,
1:11:14 > 1:11:17your very ow-w-w-wn
1:11:17 > 1:11:20Mist-er Boooooo!
1:11:20 > 1:11:22APPLAUSE
1:11:26 > 1:11:29Welcome to Mr Boo's. I'm Mr Boo.
1:11:29 > 1:11:33Don't shout my name too loud, I'll think you don't like me.
1:11:33 > 1:11:36So how are you all doing? Alreet?
1:11:36 > 1:11:39You can do better than that. How are you doing?
1:11:39 > 1:11:42- CROWD MURMURS - That's more like it.
1:11:42 > 1:11:44Have we got some entertainment for you.
1:11:44 > 1:11:46Have we got some for 'em?
1:11:46 > 1:11:50Course we have, and we all know what that is.
1:11:50 > 1:11:54Tonight, for the second consecutive night in a row,
1:11:54 > 1:11:56sees the return of young Little Voice.
1:11:56 > 1:11:59- APPLAUSE - Thank you.
1:11:59 > 1:12:05'Thank you. That's all in the future. That's to look forward to.'
1:12:05 > 1:12:07'Oh, Ray's going to kill me.'
1:12:07 > 1:12:11He's gonna throttle me. Then what'd you be like,
1:12:11 > 1:12:15with me murdered? Oh, it'll be up and about then, happy as a lark.
1:12:15 > 1:12:19There'll be no crooning for your dead mum, oh no, oh no.
1:12:19 > 1:12:21Oh, no, he's here!
1:12:21 > 1:12:24He's here! Oh, Jesus, Jesus!
1:12:24 > 1:12:29Oh, come on, LV, love, please. Eh, do it for your mum, eh?
1:12:29 > 1:12:31SHOP BELL TINKLES
1:12:31 > 1:12:34Oh, do summat for me, for Christ's sake,
1:12:34 > 1:12:38instead of that lousy, dopey drip of a dead dad! Fuck!
1:12:46 > 1:12:49Darling...
1:12:49 > 1:12:53All right, Mari. OK? Bloody hell.
1:12:53 > 1:12:56This is it, eh? Where's she, then?
1:12:56 > 1:12:58LV?! Management is here.
1:13:00 > 1:13:02Ray, love, there's, um, a bit of, er...
1:13:02 > 1:13:06It's LV, love. She's dead tired. She's really...
1:13:06 > 1:13:09Aren't we all. She'll be OK once she gets on there.
1:13:10 > 1:13:13'Now, ladies and gentlemen,'
1:13:13 > 1:13:18our first act. Five Grimsby lads who have a history of touching arseholes
1:13:18 > 1:13:23I said "our souls", madam. The biggest thing in rock,
1:13:23 > 1:13:25Take Fat!
1:13:25 > 1:13:28# We'll be singing when we're winning
1:13:28 > 1:13:30# We'll be singing
1:13:32 > 1:13:35# I get knocked down but I get up again
1:13:35 > 1:13:37# You're never gonna keep me down
1:13:37 > 1:13:39# I get knocked down but I get up again
1:13:39 > 1:13:41# You're never gonna keep me down
1:13:41 > 1:13:43# I get knocked down but I get up again... #
1:13:43 > 1:13:45Could she not have this night off?
1:13:45 > 1:13:50This night off? What do you mean? Bunny Morris is there waiting.
1:13:50 > 1:13:54This night off? This night?! This is THE night, love!
1:13:54 > 1:13:57- FUSE SIZZLES - Fucking hell! Fucking house!
1:13:57 > 1:14:00Oh, but, Ray...
1:13:58 > 1:14:00Ray, Ray, what?
1:14:00 > 1:14:03D'you get her dress from the dry-cleaner's OK? Yeah?
1:14:06 > 1:14:08Sadie, love, you pick up the dress?
1:14:08 > 1:14:10Oh, no, you forgot it.
1:14:10 > 1:14:12I've been so busied with her, Ray.
1:14:12 > 1:14:14Jesus Christ!
1:14:14 > 1:14:16- Watch me furniture! - Furniture?!
1:14:16 > 1:14:21Now, then, a novelty act noveller than any I know.
1:14:21 > 1:14:23So please give a big Mr Boo welcome
1:14:23 > 1:14:25to Brenda Bailey
1:14:25 > 1:14:29and her farmyard frolics!
1:14:29 > 1:14:31APPLAUSE
1:14:33 > 1:14:35- BOTH LAUGH - Fuck that.
1:14:35 > 1:14:38You only had to do two things. Get the dress and have her ready.
1:14:38 > 1:14:40I know. I'm sorry, darling.
1:14:40 > 1:14:44Don't be crossy with your rolling puss puss.
1:14:44 > 1:14:45Never mind all that crap.
1:14:45 > 1:14:47Good boy.
1:14:47 > 1:14:51Where's LV? Have you seen Ray Say or LV?
1:14:51 > 1:14:55Christ. Trigger, you'd better string it out a bit,
1:14:55 > 1:14:57do an extra five minutes.
1:14:57 > 1:14:59I'll do my blindfold bit.
1:14:59 > 1:15:01Ohh, no...
1:15:01 > 1:15:05Give that the once over with th'iron.
1:15:05 > 1:15:06What, she's not even dressed?
1:15:06 > 1:15:09I'll have to get someone else to look after her.
1:15:09 > 1:15:12Ray, no. What are you saying?
1:15:24 > 1:15:27You're too quiet to be me friend, you. Fuck off!
1:15:32 > 1:15:34Eh, I'm doing it now,
1:15:34 > 1:15:36Ray, love. Yes, I am.
1:15:39 > 1:15:42'So a big welcome, please, to Wild Trigger Smith'
1:15:42 > 1:15:44and the lovely Elaine!
1:15:44 > 1:15:47# Rolling rolling rolling! Rolling rolling rolling!
1:15:47 > 1:15:52# Rolling rolling rolling, rawhide! #
1:15:54 > 1:15:56Leave it! Aargh! Fuckin' house!
1:15:56 > 1:15:58Oh, Ray, Ray...
1:15:58 > 1:15:59What?! What?!
1:15:59 > 1:16:00Kiss me.
1:16:00 > 1:16:02We haven't got time!
1:16:02 > 1:16:03Hey, lover...
1:16:03 > 1:16:07Stop clinging! You're all over me, all the time, like the bloody pox!
1:16:07 > 1:16:10Don't spoil it, Raymondo.
1:16:10 > 1:16:12We go so well together.
1:16:12 > 1:16:18We go nowhere. For a start, you're past it. Your body's gone.
1:16:18 > 1:16:22When your clothes go it's all over the place.
1:16:22 > 1:16:26There's no way you're coming with me and her to better things, no way!
1:16:26 > 1:16:28LV, You've got ten fucking seconds!
1:16:28 > 1:16:33AS MARILYN: "I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop."
1:16:39 > 1:16:42All you're doing is getting in the way.
1:16:42 > 1:16:46You were in the way the first night I heard her.
1:16:46 > 1:16:50And you're still in the way now.
1:16:50 > 1:16:53Christ, do you think I don't have birds I go to?
1:16:53 > 1:16:58Don't you think it's like putting my face in flowers after you?
1:17:01 > 1:17:02You've had it, Mari.
1:17:02 > 1:17:04For God's sake,
1:17:04 > 1:17:06wise up, woman, eh?
1:17:06 > 1:17:08Eh?
1:17:09 > 1:17:11(And fuck off.)
1:17:14 > 1:17:16# Rawhide! #
1:17:16 > 1:17:18Elaine, are you still there?
1:17:21 > 1:17:22Get them off. You go on.
1:17:22 > 1:17:25They're doing fine.
1:17:24 > 1:17:25< Aaah!
1:17:25 > 1:17:27Curtains!
1:17:28 > 1:17:33Ta. A big hand, ladies and gentlemen, for Wild Trigger Smith
1:17:33 > 1:17:36and the lovely, lucky Elaine!
1:17:37 > 1:17:40SHE SOBS
1:17:42 > 1:17:44Sadie!
1:17:46 > 1:17:50What are you doing? Here, get this on.
1:17:50 > 1:17:54Come on, I've had enough of you lot tonight. Dress on, now. Move it!
1:17:54 > 1:17:58AS CILLA BLACK: "Hello, No 1. What's ya name and where do you come from?"
1:17:58 > 1:18:00What?
1:18:00 > 1:18:04"Hello, everybody. This is Mrs Norman Maine."
1:18:04 > 1:18:06Stop messing. We're late.
1:18:06 > 1:18:08# So hurry up before they shut the gate. #
1:18:08 > 1:18:10Save it for the punters.
1:18:10 > 1:18:13# Click clack. There's music in the clatter of the clogs. #
1:18:13 > 1:18:14I'm warning you!
1:18:14 > 1:18:17AS JUDY GARLAND: "I'll sing 'em all and we'll stay all night."
1:18:17 > 1:18:19AS MARILYN: "See what I mean? Not very bright."
1:18:19 > 1:18:22HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL
1:18:22 > 1:18:24"Run, Toto, run!"
1:18:24 > 1:18:25Stop it, LV.
1:18:25 > 1:18:28# When you smile, smile, smile, smile, smile... #
1:18:28 > 1:18:31Don't crack now. We're on our way.
1:18:31 > 1:18:32# Happy together!
1:18:32 > 1:18:34# Unhappy together! #
1:18:34 > 1:18:36Why?
1:18:36 > 1:18:39# Because because because because, because of the wonderful things he does.#
1:18:39 > 1:18:42- I warned you.- "Shame on you!"
1:18:45 > 1:18:48"Never mind your teeth, leave 'em out!"
1:18:51 > 1:18:54- SWITCH CRACKLES - Fucking house!
1:19:02 > 1:19:04SIZZLING
1:19:04 > 1:19:08"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"
1:19:08 > 1:19:11"LIONS and TIGERS and BEARS, OH MY!"
1:19:11 > 1:19:13"I'm frightened, Auntie Em!"
1:19:13 > 1:19:16'Phew, now we're cooking.'
1:19:16 > 1:19:20Did you hear about this chicken, went into a library in Essex?
1:19:20 > 1:19:22No, er...
1:19:22 > 1:19:24No, that weren't a chicken.
1:19:24 > 1:19:26Er... Er...
1:19:26 > 1:19:29Oh, it's gone.
1:19:29 > 1:19:30< Bollocks!
1:19:30 > 1:19:32# Look what you started
1:19:32 > 1:19:35# Conflagration, baby, that's what
1:19:35 > 1:19:37# Don't let the flames go out
1:19:37 > 1:19:39# Some like it hot! #
1:19:39 > 1:19:42'She's a redhead, my wife.'
1:19:42 > 1:19:43No hair, just a red head.
1:19:43 > 1:19:47I love her terribly. That's what she says anyway.
1:19:47 > 1:19:49AUDIENCE HECKLES
1:19:49 > 1:19:53Calm down, calm down. She'll be along in a sec. What did I tell ya?
1:19:53 > 1:19:56I said if you didn't laugh at my jokes, I'd sing.
1:19:56 > 1:20:01Boo's a man of his word, I'm afraid. Bunny, bear with me.
1:20:01 > 1:20:04Er, anyway, as they say in the business,
1:20:04 > 1:20:06this, ladies and gentlemen, is me.
1:20:06 > 1:20:11# Your baby doesn't love you any more...
1:20:11 > 1:20:13Two, three, four...
1:20:13 > 1:20:15Ray!
1:20:17 > 1:20:20I had something, ladies and gentlemen.
1:20:20 > 1:20:22I had something really special.
1:20:22 > 1:20:26"This is my room, and you're all here.
1:20:26 > 1:20:29"And I'm not gonna leave here ever, EVER again.
1:20:29 > 1:20:31"Because I love you all."
1:20:31 > 1:20:35# Golden days before they end... #
1:20:35 > 1:20:38End? They never bloody started! Bunny Morris!
1:20:38 > 1:20:43Bunny "Star Maker" Morris. Fuck off, you jumped up little prat!
1:20:43 > 1:20:46# Your baby
1:20:46 > 1:20:48# Won't be near you
1:20:48 > 1:20:50GLASS SMASHES
1:20:48 > 1:20:50# Any more... #
1:20:50 > 1:20:52Just as well, cos they always fuck it up for you.
1:20:52 > 1:20:56# Tender nights before they fly... #
1:20:56 > 1:20:58Well, mine has.
1:20:58 > 1:21:02# Send falling stars that seem to cry... #
1:21:02 > 1:21:06'That's because they can't fuckin' hack it!
1:21:06 > 1:21:09'Ladies and gentlemen, I had a dream.'
1:21:09 > 1:21:13"There's no place like home. There's no place like home..."
1:21:13 > 1:21:15# It's over... #
1:21:15 > 1:21:18'When I think of what might have been.'
1:21:18 > 1:21:23# It breaks your heart in two... #
1:21:23 > 1:21:25Finished! Fuckin' finished, me!
1:21:25 > 1:21:29# To know that she's untrue
1:21:29 > 1:21:33# But, oh, what will you do? #
1:21:33 > 1:21:35What will I do, eh?
1:21:36 > 1:21:39What the fuck am I gonna do?
1:21:43 > 1:21:46# We're through
1:21:46 > 1:21:48# It's over... #
1:21:48 > 1:21:51"There's no place like home..."
1:21:51 > 1:21:52# It's over!
1:21:52 > 1:21:53LV?! >
1:21:56 > 1:21:59# It's over... #
1:21:57 > 1:21:59SIREN WAILS
1:22:01 > 1:22:04# All the rainbows in the sky... #
1:22:04 > 1:22:07Over the fuckin' rainbow, eh?
1:22:07 > 1:22:10# Start to weep then say goodbye... #
1:22:10 > 1:22:12Good fuckin' bye!
1:22:12 > 1:22:15# You won't be seeing
1:22:15 > 1:22:19# Rainbows any more... #
1:22:19 > 1:22:21SIREN
1:22:21 > 1:22:24OK.
1:22:32 > 1:22:35GLASS SHATTERS
1:22:37 > 1:22:38LV! My baby. No!
1:22:38 > 1:22:40It's OK, everybody's out.
1:22:43 > 1:22:47# It's over, it's over
1:22:47 > 1:22:49# It's OVER!
1:22:51 > 1:22:54# IT'S OVER!! #
1:23:05 > 1:23:08AUDIENCE IS SILENT
1:23:15 > 1:23:19The adorable Mr Ray Say, ladies and gentlemen,
1:23:19 > 1:23:23with a little song about his show business career,
1:23:23 > 1:23:25called "It's Over".
1:23:29 > 1:23:32So how are you all doing? Alreet?
1:23:47 > 1:23:49There you go.
1:23:49 > 1:23:51Oh.
1:23:51 > 1:23:53Thanks, Billy.
1:23:53 > 1:23:56You're OK, it's just old stuff from the van.
1:23:56 > 1:23:58No, I mean...
1:23:58 > 1:24:01thanks for getting me out.
1:24:01 > 1:24:05Oh, that's all right. Hey, you should get out more often.
1:24:15 > 1:24:18Er, why did you want to come down here?
1:24:19 > 1:24:22Me dad used to bring me here.
1:24:22 > 1:24:24Listen to concerts.
1:24:28 > 1:24:30LV, er...
1:24:32 > 1:24:37there's people other than your dad who, well, other people who...
1:24:39 > 1:24:42Who might think something of you and...and...
1:24:42 > 1:24:44Other people who are, well,
1:24:44 > 1:24:46still alive.
1:24:46 > 1:24:49SHE GASPS Billy...
1:24:49 > 1:24:51I've got to go.
1:24:51 > 1:24:53LV?
1:24:56 > 1:24:59Tsk! I didn't handle that very well.
1:25:20 > 1:25:21SHE GASPS
1:25:21 > 1:25:24What happened here, then, little matchgirl?
1:25:24 > 1:25:29The little stick who wrecks everything. I can't start again,
1:25:29 > 1:25:35can I, now? Who'd want me anyway, hmm?
1:25:35 > 1:25:37Who'd want me?!!
1:25:38 > 1:25:40Oh...
1:25:40 > 1:25:45Wait a minute. What do you want anyway?
1:25:45 > 1:25:48Oh, I know.
1:25:48 > 1:25:50Your records.
1:25:50 > 1:25:54Well, all t'salvage crap's out on t'back roof, LV, love.
1:25:54 > 1:25:57Maybe they'll be there.
1:26:26 > 1:26:28What's up? Cat got your tongue?
1:26:32 > 1:26:34AAAARRGH!!
1:26:34 > 1:26:38AAARRRGH!! Can you hear me now, Mother?!! My dad,
1:26:38 > 1:26:44you drove him as fast as you could to an early grave!!
1:26:44 > 1:26:47With your men and your shouting
1:26:47 > 1:26:50and your pals and your nights
1:26:50 > 1:26:52and your nights and your nights
1:26:52 > 1:26:58and your nights and your nights and your nights of neglect!!
1:26:58 > 1:27:00Oh,
1:27:00 > 1:27:02when he had his records on
1:27:02 > 1:27:05he sparkled.
1:27:06 > 1:27:08Not dazzling like you
1:27:08 > 1:27:11but with fine lights.
1:27:12 > 1:27:14Fine lights.
1:27:16 > 1:27:20He never spoke up to ya cos you would never listen.
1:27:23 > 1:27:25I never spoke up to ya
1:27:25 > 1:27:29BECAUSE I COULD NEVER GET A WORD IN!
1:27:33 > 1:27:35DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE
1:27:41 > 1:27:44Little Voice...
1:27:45 > 1:27:47My name's Laura.
1:28:13 > 1:28:15SEAGULLS CALL
1:28:30 > 1:28:32SHE WHISTLES
1:28:36 > 1:28:38Everything all right, then?
1:28:38 > 1:28:40Fine.
1:28:40 > 1:28:43Is that Duane?
1:28:43 > 1:28:46Aye. Just about back to normal now, I reckon.
1:28:46 > 1:28:48Yeah, I think I know how he feels.
1:28:52 > 1:28:54Do you want to give me an 'and?
1:28:55 > 1:28:58With exercise?
1:29:01 > 1:29:02Yeah,
1:29:03 > 1:29:05all right.
1:29:05 > 1:29:07Let's fly, come on! Let's go for a fly.
1:29:07 > 1:29:10Shoo, shoo, fly, fly.
1:29:10 > 1:29:12Go on! Come on!
1:30:19 > 1:30:22Subtitles by IMS