0:00:20 > 0:00:26This film contains some strong language.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04(HORN HONKS)
0:03:05 > 0:03:08(BOTH CHUCKLE)
0:03:09 > 0:03:12(Ssh! Ssh!)
0:03:16 > 0:03:18(GRUNTING / PANTING)
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Ralph! >
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- You've got three minutes. - Coming!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Ralph!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Coming!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05< Don't run.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Where's your father?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21(SIGHS) Cat got your tongue? What's the matter with you?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Regina, no lunch, thank you.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- We're eating at Government House. - Thank you, madam.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- You've scrubbed up well, Popeye. - Don't call me that, Dad.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Especially not in public. - Of course I won't,... Popeye.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Dad! - Ask your father for the car keys.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39They're in her handbag.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43You might just make an effort, just this once.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48I suppose that would be asking just a little too much, wouldn't it?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Take no notice. Let's go, Popeye.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:04:56 > 0:04:58(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:04:59 > 0:05:01(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:05:04 > 0:05:07(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:05:11 > 0:05:13(HONKS HORN)
0:05:24 > 0:05:29- May I open my window, please? - My hair will get ruined.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36To our trusty
0:05:36 > 0:05:40and well-beloved Harry Childs Compton
0:05:40 > 0:05:43for 22 years of exemplary service for education
0:05:43 > 0:05:46here in Swaziland.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58This 10th day of June, 1969,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01in the 18th year of our reign,
0:06:01 > 0:06:05by the Sovereign's command, Elizabeth II!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- Well done, Dad! - Thank you, Popeye.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- Well done, old bean. - Thank you, Charles.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Congratulations. - Hear, hear!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- And welcome to the club. - Thank you.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27- You're looking ravishing, June. - Oh, stop it! Really?- Yes, you are.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- Oh, Gwennie, I didn't see you there! - Oh, don't mind me.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Huge congratulations, Harry. - Thank you, Gwennie.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- I'm so proud of you. - Congratulations, Harry.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40You've got some bloody front, Traherne.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- You must be ever so proud - - Bugger off!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48(UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE)
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- Er, would anybody... like a cigarette?- Thank you, Gwennie.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04(CHARLES) Is this some new game?
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- (JUNE) Am I missing something? What's up?- Why don't you ask him?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Nine months.
0:07:16 > 0:07:21Nine months, no speaks. Go on, I dare you,
0:07:21 > 0:07:24just once break your epic bloody sulk!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Answer me this. Where were you last night?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Ow!- We all left the club at the same time.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Another flat tyre?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Think he doesn't know?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51(SIGHS)
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Regina, you can remove all these silly cards now, thank you.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- (SPEAKS SWAZI) - Yes, sir.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05How dare you contradict me in front of a servant?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Ah, the Sphinx has spoken!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13What's a gong, Dad?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- That stupid piece of metal they gave your father.- Take no notice.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Ask your mother to pass the salt.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Why is Daddy's medal stupid?
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Because all those idiots dressed up like bloody vanilla ice creams
0:08:40 > 0:08:42think that it's a suitable reward
0:08:42 > 0:08:46for enduring a lifetime of... boredom
0:08:46 > 0:08:51out here in this... middle of bloody nowhere, that's why!
0:08:52 > 0:08:55If anyone deserves a medal it's me.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- I need another drink. - Oh, I bet you do!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02You're pathetic.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07- Pathetic! Always have been, always will be!- Well, why is this house
0:09:07 > 0:09:12stuffed to the gunnels with cards and telegrams?
0:09:12 > 0:09:17Toadying arse-lickers, the lot of them! (CHUNTERS)
0:09:20 > 0:09:23(CRICKETS SING)
0:09:26 > 0:09:28(COCKEREL CROWS)
0:09:28 > 0:09:31(SLIDING) (GRUNTING)
0:09:45 > 0:09:47(Wake up, darling.)
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- (Ralphie.) - What?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53(This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say
0:09:53 > 0:09:57and there is no easy way to say this but, my darling,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Mummy is leaving.) - How do you mean?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05(You won't have to go to school today.)
0:10:05 > 0:10:10(It's just that I,... I,... I can't carry on any more like this.)
0:10:10 > 0:10:13(But I love you very, very much, my angel.)
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- Please don't go, I beg of you! - (I must.)- Then, take me with you.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Please! - (I can't.)
0:10:32 > 0:10:34(I'll call.)
0:10:40 > 0:10:43(CAR ENGINE STARTS) (GASPS)
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Dad?!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21(INHALES DEEPLY)
0:11:21 > 0:11:24< Ralphie?
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- When's she coming back? - I don't know, Popeye.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43A long time or a little time?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Maybe... a long time.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- Maybe never? - Maybe.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Doesn't she love me any more? - Of course she does.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Then, how could she leave?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:12:12 > 0:12:15(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- (SPEAKS SWAZI) - (SPEAKS SWAZI)- (LAUGHS)
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- (SPEAKS SWAZI) ..Mrs Compton? - She's, er, very well, thank you.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27This is Mr Compton. (SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- (CHILDREN) Morning, sir. - Good morning, class.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- You may sit down, thank you. - (SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- (CHILDREN GIGGLE) - (SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- (CHILDREN LAUGH) - Alright, let's see.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Erm...?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- (BOY) Elbow. - Very good.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- (GIRL) Finger. - Excellent.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- A very difficult one. Yes? - (BOY) Ears.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I'm begging you, begging you, Lauren, please.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Just give me a chance. Is that too much to bloody ask?
0:13:01 > 0:13:07"It's over. I'm never coming back. Where's Ralph?"
0:13:11 > 0:13:14He's right here. You ask her, Popeye.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Are you there already? - "Just got here, darling."
0:13:25 > 0:13:30- When are you coming home? - "Er, I can't, not for a while."
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- But I'll eat all my vegetables. - "I can't."- I promise!
0:13:34 > 0:13:40Please, Mummy,... I beg of you. Please.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43"It'll be much better once you are at boarding school."
0:13:43 > 0:13:47"I love you. I have to go. Bye-bye, Ralphie."
0:13:56 > 0:13:58(BOTH CRY)
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Thank you, Lord, for the love you give.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Thank you, Lord, for the life we live.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Please make my mummy come back again... and fix our broken family.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Amen.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18(CRICKETS SING) (SMASHING)
0:14:18 > 0:14:20(GASPS)
0:14:21 > 0:14:24# "Goodnight Sweetheart" - Al Bowlly
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Dad?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Dad!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Please, wake up!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Dad!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- Please don't be dead! - (GRUNTS)
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Don't worry, Dad. Don't worry. It'll be alright.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52It'll be alright. It'll be alright, Dad.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It'll be alright.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00(CHILDREN LAUGH)
0:15:05 > 0:15:10- Good morning, class. - (CHILDREN) Good morning, Mr Parker.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Stand up.
0:15:14 > 0:15:20Yes, you two. Read it out loud and clear.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Chop, chop, Compton. We're all waiting.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Well, speak up. We haven't got all day.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- Wh,... where's your mum? - Meaning?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Nothing, sir. - Clare?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- His mother's adulterated, sir. - Bugger you!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- (CHILDREN LAUGH)- Come back in here, young man! Be quiet!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Bugger you. No, bugger you.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- Bugger you both! - < Ralphie?- (GASPS)
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Can I come in?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Oh, this is marvellous!
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Absolutely marvellous. How did you make it?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Just out of an old shoe box and lollipop sticks.- It's very clever.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Show me how it works.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12What happened at school today, Popeye?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15I'm not cross, I just want to know, that's all.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Well, Mummy ran away, too. - That's different.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- She fell out of love with me. - Why did she leave me?
0:16:21 > 0:16:25One day you'll understand. When you're older.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- But you don't understand and you are older.- (CHUCKLES)
0:16:29 > 0:16:32That is very true, smarty-pants.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Hello?! >
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- Cooee!- Why does she have to come round all the time?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Auntie Gwen's very upset. Mummy went away with her husband
0:16:41 > 0:16:44and we are going to be very nice to her, alright?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Cooee!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Is anybody in?!
0:16:51 > 0:16:54(SHRIEKS)
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, you...! (LAUGHS)
0:16:56 > 0:16:59You gave me the fright of my life, you two did!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Come here and give your Auntie Gwen a nice big kiss!
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Mwah!
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- Hello, Gwennie. - Hello, Harry.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- Drink?- Oh, bless you, my angel! I could murder something soft
0:17:12 > 0:17:15with maybe just a teensie-weensie little squidge of whisky.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20- How are you, Harry?- You know, Gwennie, bearing up. Bearing up.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- And, erm, and you? - Oh, don't ask!
0:17:23 > 0:17:27Don't ask. I've cooked you boys a home-made curry!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Oh, you shouldn't have, really, Gwennie. You shouldn't have.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34No, it's a pleasure.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Oh, thanks, angel. Just what the doctor ordered.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Cheers.- Cheers. This is not too stiff for you, is it?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- No.- How's your sunstroke? - I beg yours?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Mummy said you had sunstroke.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Yeah, she said it made you speak slurry and walk all wobbly.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58- Is she back, then?- Of course she isn't. He's just pulling your leg.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- No, relax, Gwen.- Evening, chaps. - Ah, June!- Don't get up.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- Good to see you. - Hello, Gwennie.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11- Hello, June.- I spy with my little eye someone who has beaten me to it.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- One of your curries? - Yeah.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19Ooooh! Family allergy to all things curried after India, I'm afraid.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Can't stomach the stuff!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Where's your husband?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- (SOBS) - Not him, too?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- What, gone? I can't keep up. - Yes, I'm afraid so, June.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- You poor thing. Have a hanky. - Thank you.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Lauren's not back?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Phew! Well, at least I got that right.
0:18:42 > 0:18:47Now, I've baked you chaps... a Dundee.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53- Can't stay. Must trot. - That is so sweet of you.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Ta-ta.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I'll kill that bitch!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- (NEIGHS LIKE HORSE) - (ALL LAUGH)
0:19:09 > 0:19:12(SLURS) Oh, Harry Compton!
0:19:14 > 0:19:19I love you. I do, you know. I really do.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- I've come to say good night. - Ralphie.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Well, come and give your Auntie Gwen a good-night...
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- Are you alright, old girl? - Yeah. Yeah.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Yeah, I'm fine. - You're not my aunt.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Steady on, Ralphie. What's gotten into you, old boy?- Oh!
0:19:42 > 0:19:46- Ralphie, come here! Ralphie! - Oh!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Leave me alone! - I know this is hard, Popeye,
0:19:49 > 0:19:53but... Gwen's on our side, remember?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Only cos she's in love with you. - (CHUCKLES) Don't be daft!
0:19:56 > 0:20:00It's true! Mummy stole her husband and now she wants you!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03It's obvious!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- And Auntie June is after you, too! - (CHUCKLES) Nonsense!
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- We're all just a little upset. - Then, why are you laughing?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Because I... am not... going... to get... remarried.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Your breath stinks!- Enough backchat from you, young man. Go to sleep.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Mwah!
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Good night.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Morning! - Oh, morning, Gwennie!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- Good morning, all. - Forgotten all your manners?
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Regina, could you bring an extra cup and plate? Thank you.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Tea, Gwennie? - Oh, lovely.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43I'm sorry about last night. It was a touch of my sunstroke.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- What did I tell you? - I slept on the couch, you know.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52- Does madam eat the kipper? - Oh,... yes.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- Might be better if I did go to boarding school!- Done!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Ralphie, I didn't mean that, Popeye.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- You can't go, I'd be all alone. - Doesn't look like it!
0:21:38 > 0:21:40(TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS)
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I won't ever let you down, Popeye.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56I'll miss you so much.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- (TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS) - Alright, go. Go on.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52(APPLAUSE)
0:23:00 > 0:23:03(APPLAUSE) '(TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS)'
0:23:13 > 0:23:16(EXCITED CHATTER)
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- Popeye! - What happened?
0:24:06 > 0:24:10I'm so sorry I'm late. I'm so sorry I'm late.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Flat tyre.
0:24:13 > 0:24:19- How old are you?- I can't remember. - (LAUGHS) Neither can I.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- You look different.- Yes, I've, er,... I've got remarried.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27You've what?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Who? Auntie Gwen? - No, you daft fool.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33She's American.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- How long have you known her? - Six weeks.- Fuck!
0:24:40 > 0:24:44# "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" - Vera Lynn
0:24:47 > 0:24:51# When two lovers meet in Mayfair
0:24:51 > 0:24:53# So the legends tell
0:24:53 > 0:24:56# Songbirds sing
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- # Winter turns to spring... # - (HONKS HORN)
0:25:01 > 0:25:06- (SPEAKS SWAZI) You're a very big boy now.- (SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- Hi, Ralph, I'm Ruby. Hi, honey. - Oh, yeah?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- And I'm Neil Armstrong(!) - You are funny.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Oh, God, look at you! You are so handsome, too!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Fix me a drink, please, hun.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- How do you do? - Just fabulously.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34I have heard so much about you. I was worried about you guys.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38- What happened, honey?- Flat tyre. - Really? Again? Oh, God!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41You must be starving. First thing I'm gonna do
0:25:41 > 0:25:44is feed you guys up a little. You eat pasta?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46- What happened here? - You like it?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Here we go, darling. - I just love it.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- Bottoms up. - Isn't she just gorgeous?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- Excuse me, please. - Go right ahead.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- (CLATTERING)- Everything OK? I got a gift to welcome you home.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- You wanna open it? - I'd rather not just yet, thanks.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Take your time. Oh, don't worry, this is weird for me, too!
0:26:08 > 0:26:13And, please, don't call me Mom, just Ruby, OK? Or Rube. Whatever.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Alright, Popeye?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Puppets. Huh!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47(INHALES DEEPLY)
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Ralphie.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Listen, erm,...
0:27:01 > 0:27:04..I'm sorry you've chosen to take it this way, Popeye.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06I didn't have any choice, did I?
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- But what was I supposed to have done?- You could've warned me.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15Ruby is wonderful, you'll see. Just give it time.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- (UNDER BREATH) You mean, like you did?- What?
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Nothing.- No, no, you said something. Spit it out.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- She's not my mum. - True.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Yes, run!
0:27:41 > 0:27:46- When's your mum coming down?- What do you think? It's been two years.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48- Bloody hell! - Shush!
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I say! The sort of people who go caravanning.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56Can you imagine? Sleeping on four wheels by choice. I ask you!
0:27:56 > 0:27:59- (MIMICS WOMAN) (I ask you!) - Oh, very good.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Go get 'em, Harry!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Harry said I'd be bored stiff but I love it.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09- Hey, hi! - I beg your pardon?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- Granted. - Lady Hardwick is the wife
0:28:12 > 0:28:15of our resident High Commissioner, Sir Gifford.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18- Good for you, girl! - Lady Hardwick to you.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- And who might you be? - Gwen Traherne.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25My husb,... my ex-husband's the engineer.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29We have met. Four times.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34- Oh, I don't think so.- Oh, c'mon, girls, relax! I'm an American.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37How very hubbly-jubbly for you.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39(BOTH MIMIC LADY HARDWICK) (Hubbly-jubbly.)
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Excuse me.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46- What's with her? - That's our family done for.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49- Bollocks! - You watch.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51What am I doing, Gwen?
0:28:51 > 0:28:55- (There has been a to-do with Lady Riva.)- (Oh, good God!)
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- (Lady Riva's erupted.) - (What?!)- (Mm-hm.)
0:28:59 > 0:29:01(WHISPERS)
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- What did I tell you? - You're kidding me?
0:29:08 > 0:29:12- I'm being sent home. You guys want a ride?- (BOTH) Yeah.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Toodle-pip!
0:29:23 > 0:29:25Damn them! Damn them all!
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- Go, Ruby! - (ALL CHEER)
0:29:31 > 0:29:34'Lady Riva's upset? What about poor Gwen?'
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- She simply introduced me to the woman.- She's not a woman,
0:29:37 > 0:29:41- she's a lady.- Not by my reckoning. What was Gwen's crime?
0:29:41 > 0:29:45She spoke to Lady Hardwick first before waiting to be spoken to.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48Oh, c'mon! I've been to college! I've flown around the globe!
0:29:48 > 0:29:52You're telling me I have to hold my tongue
0:29:52 > 0:29:56- till old Lady Doodah speaks to me? C'mon!- For the sake of peace -
0:29:56 > 0:29:59- The only peace I'll give that witch is a piece -- Children present.
0:29:59 > 0:30:03- She was rude. - See, they were my witnesses.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08Right, well... (Er, by the way, Harry, you know who will be here
0:30:08 > 0:30:11- for the independence-handover brouhaha.)- Who, who?
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- Who is you know who? - Hush-hush, I'm afraid.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17- Toodle-pip, all. - Toodle-pip, Charles.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Toodle-pip.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22Toodle-pip? Toodle-pip and hush-hush?
0:30:22 > 0:30:26Why do they all speak in this snooty, baby talk all the time?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Blah, blah this, ta-da that, hubbly-jubbly, hoity-toity,
0:30:29 > 0:30:32toodle-oo, ding-dong.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Sounds like a load of old wah-wah.
0:30:34 > 0:30:39- Wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah, wah, wah, wah!- (BOYS LAUGH)
0:30:39 > 0:30:43(BOTH) Wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah!
0:30:43 > 0:30:46(JAZZY MUSIC)
0:31:12 > 0:31:14(ALL) Ta-da!
0:31:20 > 0:31:24- How very hubbly-jubbly. - (ALL LAUGH)
0:31:24 > 0:31:28- It's all just wah-wah to me. - (BOTH CHUCKLE)- (CLAPPING)
0:31:28 > 0:31:33- She's alright, isn't she? - Maybe,... maybe not.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36- Happiest I've ever seen your old man.- Maybe.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39It still feels weird, though.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42- Vernon, your mom wants you home. - Oh, thanks, Mrs Compton.
0:31:42 > 0:31:47- Call me Ruby.- Alright. Cheers, Ruby. See you, mate.
0:31:47 > 0:31:51- Glad you didn't throw those puppets away then, huh?- I'm sorry.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53No problem.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56- Can you remember the first time you did it?- Did what?
0:31:57 > 0:32:02- Oh. I've stopped. - Go on, I dare you. Just once.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08C'mon!
0:32:12 > 0:32:14- Agh!- Agh!- Agh!- Agh!- Agh!
0:32:14 > 0:32:20(BOTH TOGETHER) Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
0:32:25 > 0:32:28I'd say they're all out now, wouldn't you?
0:32:41 > 0:32:44(BOTH HUM)
0:32:47 > 0:32:51- Here come the porcupines! - (ALL CHEER)
0:32:51 > 0:32:56I have had the most incredible idea, how we might gift
0:32:56 > 0:33:02- the Swazi nation with a diddly- doozup swan song of our own.- Ooh!
0:33:02 > 0:33:05- Plain English, please!- I propose we mount a farewell musical
0:33:05 > 0:33:08- for Her Most Royal Highness. - What do you have in mind?
0:33:08 > 0:33:11- Camelot! - (ALL CHEER)
0:33:11 > 0:33:14- All those in favour say aye! - (ALL) Aye!
0:33:14 > 0:33:17- Can I be in it? - Which Royal Highness?
0:33:17 > 0:33:21I'm afraid that's still hush-hush, Gwennie. The good news is
0:33:21 > 0:33:24Tobias has agreed to produce the show.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26On condition we can find singers.
0:33:26 > 0:33:31- Oh, Tobias, of course we can! - Dozen sings like a dream.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34(SPEAKS SWAZI)
0:33:35 > 0:33:39I'm afraid it's for club members only.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42- Great. Well, I'll propose him, then. - Bravo! Hear, hear!
0:33:43 > 0:33:47- I take it, then, I have your support?- (ALL CHEER)
0:33:47 > 0:33:51You want to mount a medieval musical for a minor British royal?
0:33:51 > 0:33:55Aren't we supposed to be, er, celebrating African independence?
0:33:55 > 0:33:58- It's a symbolic gesture. - What do you think, Doctor Zim?
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Excellent idea. A perfect antidote for Princess Margaret
0:34:01 > 0:34:05before she endures a whole day of Swazi tribal dancing. (ALL GASP)
0:34:05 > 0:34:08- Princess Margaret?- Who told you it was Princess Margaret?
0:34:08 > 0:34:11You did. (ALL LAUGH) (BELL RINGS)
0:34:11 > 0:34:15< (MAID SHOUTS IN SWAZI)
0:34:15 > 0:34:17The other Mrs Compton is here.
0:34:23 > 0:34:28- Don't wish to intrude. Charles. - Hello, Lauren.- June.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32Sorry I'm late, Ralph. Excuse me, please.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40- Where's my husband?! - Come on.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42- Mum. - Where's my husband?!
0:34:42 > 0:34:45- What are you doing here? - I've been in a meeting
0:34:45 > 0:34:49with Shadler & Shadler trying to sort out my visiting rights!
0:34:49 > 0:34:52- Where's my husband?!- I thought you were coming next weekend.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55- Is that what he told you? Damn liar!- Answer me!
0:34:55 > 0:34:58- Oh, shut up! Keep out of this! - Where is he?!
0:34:58 > 0:35:01- I've warned you! - (BANGS ON ROOF)
0:35:01 > 0:35:04- (SIGHS) - I saw you, Mum.
0:35:04 > 0:35:08- I beg your pardon? - Two years ago with Uncle John.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12- Answer me!- That night in the car. - Where's my husband?!
0:35:12 > 0:35:15You're imagining things, darling.
0:35:17 > 0:35:21- (SIGHS) - I can explain!
0:35:21 > 0:35:23(BEEPS HORN)
0:35:28 > 0:35:32- Ralphie, are you alright? - Hang on. Shadler & Shadler.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43"Our client has experienced frustration and delay
0:35:43 > 0:35:46and the deliberate placing of obstacles
0:35:46 > 0:35:51in the way of exercising her rights of access to her child."
0:35:51 > 0:35:56- Bastard! Bastard! - I'm so sorry, my boy.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00- Why did Lauren show up today? - Don't you think for one moment
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- that I don't understand... - (DOOR BANGS OPEN)
0:36:05 > 0:36:08Sorry I'm late.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13- (SIGHS) So, what day is it today? - It's Saturday, sweetie.
0:36:13 > 0:36:17Then, it'll be the hen with its arse in the air.
0:36:17 > 0:36:21- No, thanks, sweetie, I'm not hungry. - Hey, honey, please.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25Yeah, why do we always have chicken on Saturday and beef on -
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- Regina can't read. - So dolly-boy's mother here
0:36:28 > 0:36:32taught her to do a different meal for each day of the week.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35- Got it? - Then, I'll teach her to read.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38- The bloody hell you will! - What's wrong with you, Dad?
0:36:38 > 0:36:42- Nothing wrong with me. - What is that supposed to mean?
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Listen to yourself! Look at yourself! You're nothing
0:36:45 > 0:36:49- but a bloody common ex-air hostess! - Fuck you, Harry!
0:36:53 > 0:36:55Sorry.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00Ta-da!
0:37:00 > 0:37:03Ah, quelle surprise, hen with its arse in the air(!)
0:37:03 > 0:37:06- Sit down.- You knew Mum was coming down to see me,
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- so why didn't you bloody tell me?! - Shut up!
0:37:09 > 0:37:14- No, you shut up! - Where do you think you're going?
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Hey!
0:37:17 > 0:37:21Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up,
0:37:21 > 0:37:23shut up, shut up, shut up,
0:37:23 > 0:37:26shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up,
0:37:26 > 0:37:30shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!
0:37:41 > 0:37:45- What happened? - Nothing.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48- Well, what, then? - Nothing. It doesn't matter.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53- Where's Uncle John? - Playing golf.
0:37:57 > 0:38:01- So, what do you want to do today? - Don't know.
0:38:01 > 0:38:05- Maybe drop me off at the club later. - Alright.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07What's on?
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Hello, mate. What are you doing 'ere?
0:38:15 > 0:38:19- Don't ask. - Here, have a gander at this lot.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22They can't sing, can't dance, all of them too old.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24- But we're not. Come on. - No chance.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Come on. (WOMAN SINGS)
0:38:26 > 0:38:30No, she won't do. We can't have a royal played by a commoner
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- with no neck. - At least she can sing.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- (Who's she?) - (Monica, the Taj Mahal's daughter.)
0:38:36 > 0:38:41- (How can she be? They look like different species!)- (BOTH LAUGH)
0:38:41 > 0:38:44Ssh! I say, do you mind?! We're trying to take notes!
0:38:44 > 0:38:48- Which of you little buggers is gonna bleat for us first?- Go on.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51- Not the one in stripes. - Go on, my boy.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Come on, Ralph, hurry up.
0:38:55 > 0:38:59- Bunny will give you the intro. - (BUNNY PLAYS PIANO)
0:39:04 > 0:39:08# All things bright and beautiful
0:39:08 > 0:39:12# All creatures great and small
0:39:12 > 0:39:15# All things wise and wonderful
0:39:15 > 0:39:19# The Lord God made them all
0:39:19 > 0:39:23# Each little flower that opens
0:39:23 > 0:39:27# Each little bird that sings
0:39:27 > 0:39:31# He made their glowing colours
0:39:31 > 0:39:36# He made their tiny wings
0:39:36 > 0:39:39# All things bright and beautiful
0:39:39 > 0:39:44# All creatures great and small
0:39:44 > 0:39:47# All things wise and wonderful
0:39:47 > 0:39:52# The Lord God made them all #
0:39:54 > 0:39:57- Well done, Ralphie! - Very good. Very good.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01- I did my audition. - Fabulous.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04- Did you get the part? - I have to wait and see.
0:40:04 > 0:40:08Over my dead bloody body. Where's the key?
0:40:09 > 0:40:11- Cat got your tongue? - Haven't you had enough?
0:40:11 > 0:40:15Stop trying to control me, woman. Where's the bloody key?
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Please, Dad, I'm asking you really nicely.
0:40:17 > 0:40:21- Give me the bloody key. - Please, don't have any more.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25- For God's sake.- Get me some ice! - Let's have an early night.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28- Are you deaf?! - Stop it, will you?!
0:40:28 > 0:40:33- Stop it!- Please, Dad, don't! Please don't! Dad! Dad!
0:40:48 > 0:40:52I suppose you think this is all so bloody easy.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54Well, wake up.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Just you wait until you lose everything.
0:40:58 > 0:41:03And I mean everything - wife, position,
0:41:03 > 0:41:06future, the whole damn kit and caboodle!
0:41:06 > 0:41:09Come independence we're all on the scrapheap!
0:41:09 > 0:41:11- So wake up! - Spare us the martyrdom.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15- You're drunk.- I've had enough of you, you pompous little shit!
0:41:15 > 0:41:18And forget about your fucking Camelot.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20And you're a liar and a loser!
0:41:20 > 0:41:23- I'll knock your bloody block off! - Liar, liar, liar, liar!
0:41:25 > 0:41:29Open this door! (BANGS ON DOOR) Open this bloody door!
0:41:29 > 0:41:31Ralphie!
0:41:31 > 0:41:36Open... this... door or else I'll knock your bloody block off!
0:41:36 > 0:41:42Open this door! Open this bloody door!
0:41:43 > 0:41:48Nothing that I said or... did last night...
0:41:50 > 0:41:52..was the truth.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55None of it.
0:41:57 > 0:41:59Is that clear?
0:42:03 > 0:42:06- That's what you always say, Dad. - It'll be different this time.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10- Is it because of me? - No.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15- Me? - No.
0:42:24 > 0:42:29Oh,... I must go. I'm,... I'm late for work.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37Did you mean what you said about Camelot?
0:42:37 > 0:42:40Of course not, no.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46I can't deal with this.
0:42:46 > 0:42:51I knew he drank but... doesn't everyone out here? (CRIES)
0:42:52 > 0:42:55Not like him.
0:42:57 > 0:43:01He gets really legless when no-one else is around except us.
0:43:21 > 0:43:26# Onward Christian soldiers
0:43:26 > 0:43:29# Marching as to war
0:43:29 > 0:43:33(DR ZIM AND WOMAN) # With the cross of Jesus
0:43:33 > 0:43:36# Going on before... #
0:43:36 > 0:43:39Bravo!
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- Charles! Charles! - What is it?
0:43:43 > 0:43:45(ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY)
0:43:48 > 0:43:50- What?! - (SILENCE)
0:43:50 > 0:43:53- Who is this Dozen person?! - Our gardener.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56- What?! - A, he's not a club member
0:43:56 > 0:44:00- and, B, Lancelot is supposed to be French.- French?
0:44:00 > 0:44:04- This is an outrage. Tobias!- A, Dozen is a club member as of today
0:44:04 > 0:44:07and, B, he is the only man who can stay in tune.
0:44:07 > 0:44:12You will not have the last word on this, that is my prerogative!
0:44:12 > 0:44:15- Charles! Chop, chop! - (CHUNTERS)
0:44:15 > 0:44:19I can't believe I'm playing the queen and you're playing Mordred!
0:44:19 > 0:44:22- Congratulations. - You, too.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25- Well done, Ralphie. - (ALL LAUGH)
0:44:28 > 0:44:30I think I'm in love, Vern!
0:44:30 > 0:44:34- You haven't got a chance, matey! - Watch me!
0:44:34 > 0:44:37Yeah! Whoo!
0:44:37 > 0:44:41- I got the part! I got the part! - Fabulous! I knew you would!
0:44:41 > 0:44:44- And Dozen's going to be Lancelot! - Oh, my God!
0:44:44 > 0:44:47- That'll teach the old bat! - Too right!
0:44:47 > 0:44:51- Who sanctioned Dozen to audition? - Oh, hush-hush, I'm afraid, Charles.
0:44:51 > 0:44:55- Drink?- That's not funny! I don't think you realise what you've done!
0:44:55 > 0:44:59Lady Hardwick is throttling for your blood right now!
0:44:59 > 0:45:02- Does Harry know about all this?! - < Know about what?
0:45:02 > 0:45:06- It's, er, hush-hush, I'm afraid, honey.- Oh, hush-hush!
0:45:06 > 0:45:11- Attagirl, you're catching on! - Whose side are you on, Harry?!
0:45:11 > 0:45:15OK, toodly-pip-pip-pip-pip-pip, Charles.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18- I got the part, Dad. - Oh, congratulations, Popeye!
0:45:18 > 0:45:21- Well done!- Can I stay at Vern's tonight? We've got rehearsals
0:45:21 > 0:45:25- and he lives closer to the club. - Your mom doesn't mind?
0:45:25 > 0:45:27- She's groovy. - I'll grab my bag.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Look and learn.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34Evening, Mrs Malaga.
0:45:34 > 0:45:38- Has anyone ever told you who you're the spitting image of?- No, love. Who?
0:45:38 > 0:45:42Elizabeth Taylor. Scout's honour.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46Look, I know it's an 18 but we're studying the book at school
0:45:46 > 0:45:49and wondered if you could make an academic exception,
0:45:49 > 0:45:52just this once,... Liz.
0:45:55 > 0:45:59These are on the house, love. But not a word to anyone.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02Thanks.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08You're shameless, you are.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10- Got us in, didn't it? - (Ssh! Sssshhhh!)
0:46:12 > 0:46:16- (That's disgusting! Where is Charlie's wife?)- (England.)
0:46:16 > 0:46:20- (How are we gonna get out?) - (Crawl out, just before the end.)
0:46:56 > 0:46:59- See you, Liz!- Thanks, Liz. (BOTH LAUGH)
0:47:01 > 0:47:06- P is for pot.- Pot. - Hey, Ralph, come here.
0:47:06 > 0:47:09- We'll do some more later. - Thank you, madam.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11- Where were you last night? - You know where.
0:47:11 > 0:47:14- Singing rehearsals. - Who was there?
0:47:14 > 0:47:17- The usual bunch. - What did you sing?
0:47:17 > 0:47:20- Songs from the show.- Don't lie to me, Ralph. I know where you were.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25Sit down.
0:47:25 > 0:47:29- What's eating you? Dad drunk again last night?- Answer my question
0:47:29 > 0:47:33- and don't be rude.- What's it got to do with you? You're not my mother.
0:47:33 > 0:47:36Oh, oh, oh, I've been waiting for that one!
0:47:36 > 0:47:39- Someone saw you, Ralph.- So? - So it's illegal.
0:47:39 > 0:47:43So what? You think an X-flick compares with anything
0:47:43 > 0:47:47- that goes on in this house? - I won't stand being lied to.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50We all lie. Everyone's bonking everyone round here
0:47:50 > 0:47:53but we pretend it's not happening.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56Like we pretend Dad's not a total drunk!
0:47:56 > 0:48:00- Bullshit!- What would you know? You are nothing but a common air hostess.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05- (ROOM DOOR CLICKS OPEN) - What's going on? >
0:48:05 > 0:48:07You deal with this.
0:48:08 > 0:48:13- She hit me.- For which I'm sure she's very sorry. Ruby is not the enemy.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15- She cares about you. - You can talk.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18- You were the one who called her common.- I did not!
0:48:18 > 0:48:22- Yes, you did! You were drunk! Ask her!- Right, you're grounded.
0:48:22 > 0:48:25- Go to your room. - (SLAMS DOOR)
0:48:33 > 0:48:37- (You can't stay. You have to scarper.)- (I can't. Let me in.)
0:48:37 > 0:48:39< Vernon, are you still in there?!
0:48:39 > 0:48:43- No, this is a recording! No, this is a recording!- (LAUGHS)
0:48:43 > 0:48:46- Since when did you smoke? - Since forever.
0:48:47 > 0:48:52- Want some?- I'll fall off my bike. - Suit yourself.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59- (COUGHS) - (CHUCKLES)
0:48:59 > 0:49:03- What'll happen now? - Only everything.
0:49:03 > 0:49:06- Vernon! - Here, Ralph, giz it back.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12- Vernon! - (CHUCKLES)
0:49:14 > 0:49:17And what are you two doing here?
0:49:17 > 0:49:21- What does it look like, Charlie? - That's Uncle Charles to you.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23- And I am not a Charlie. - Could've fooled me.
0:49:23 > 0:49:27- You're not my uncle, either. - Aren't you both grounded?
0:49:27 > 0:49:31- So it was you who grassed on us? - Course. Your pornographic behaviour
0:49:31 > 0:49:35is a direct consequence of seeing that filth. You ought to be ashamed.
0:49:35 > 0:49:38- Not half as ashamed as we were of you.- I beg your pardon?!
0:49:38 > 0:49:42- We saw you there. - With, er, what's her name?
0:49:42 > 0:49:45January, February, March,
0:49:45 > 0:49:48- April, May... - June! So what?!
0:49:48 > 0:49:50So, you're a married man, Charlie.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54- Snogging another man's wife, that's what.- You want seeing to!
0:49:54 > 0:49:57- Oh, don't beat us, sir! - (BOTH LAUGH)
0:49:57 > 0:50:01- You're late, late, late, late! Too late!- Sorry, Tobias.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Not good enough! I can hardly inform Her Royal Highness
0:50:04 > 0:50:07that Mordred has forgotten his song because he's too late.
0:50:07 > 0:50:11- I told you we shouldn't have cast him.- Please, Riva! Out!
0:50:11 > 0:50:15- Both of you!- I've already told them! Now, skedaddle!
0:50:15 > 0:50:19And I expect you to be word perfect and punctual next time!
0:50:19 > 0:50:21Understood?!
0:50:24 > 0:50:27- (SNIGGERING) - Dance!
0:50:27 > 0:50:30Alright!
0:50:30 > 0:50:33- Ready, Gwen?- Yes, yes. - Lovely long neck.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35And one, and two.
0:50:35 > 0:50:39(SLURS) Where the bloody hell do you think you've been?
0:50:39 > 0:50:45You've been grounded until further notice, Tarzan.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48- At rehearsals. - Rehearsals, my arse.
0:50:48 > 0:50:51You haven't even had the decency to apologise.
0:50:51 > 0:50:56Prancing around like a pansified little ponce.
0:50:56 > 0:50:59- Drop it, it doesn't matter.- Yes, it does. Who do you think you are,
0:50:59 > 0:51:03- Margot fucking Fonteyn? - No, your fucking son!
0:51:03 > 0:51:08- Stop it, both of you!- Stay out of this. This is between me and him.
0:51:08 > 0:51:11- I don't care about an apology. - Don't you ever
0:51:11 > 0:51:15use that language in front of me again, young man.
0:51:15 > 0:51:19- That understood? - Yes, sir, loud and fucking clearly!
0:51:19 > 0:51:24- And you're drunk, for a change(!)- Oh, what the hell is wrong with you?!
0:51:24 > 0:51:27- Stay right here!- No, you stay where you fucking are! I'm outta here!
0:51:27 > 0:51:31- Come back here, I'm talking to you! - Wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah,
0:51:31 > 0:51:34- wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah...! - Mark my words,
0:51:34 > 0:51:38this time I'll knock your bloody block off!
0:51:38 > 0:51:40Stay where you are!
0:51:40 > 0:51:43Ruby! Ruby!
0:51:43 > 0:51:48Ruby, open this door! Open the bloody door! Open up!
0:51:48 > 0:51:51Open up this bloody door! (BANGS ON DOOR)
0:51:51 > 0:51:54- Open up!- Go away! - Ruby!
0:51:54 > 0:51:57- (BOTH CONTINUE SHOUTING) - Bastard.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02Bastard! Bastard.
0:52:02 > 0:52:04Bastard.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06Bastard.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14And what do you think you're doing?
0:52:15 > 0:52:17(GUNSHOT)
0:52:20 > 0:52:22(PANTS)
0:52:24 > 0:52:27(GUNSHOT)
0:52:32 > 0:52:35- (GUNSHOT) - Stay where you are!
0:52:35 > 0:52:37Fucking fairy!
0:52:37 > 0:52:41Not so bloody smart now, are you?!
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Go on, do it.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50Shoot!
0:52:53 > 0:52:57(GUNSHOT) (WOMEN SCREAM)
0:52:57 > 0:52:59(CRIES)
0:53:00 > 0:53:02Go on.
0:53:02 > 0:53:06- (GUNSHOT) - (SOBS) Oh, God! Oh, God!
0:53:11 > 0:53:14Ralph! Ralph!
0:53:14 > 0:53:16Ralph!
0:53:16 > 0:53:20Ralph! Ralph!
0:53:41 > 0:53:43C'mon, please, Ralphie, get in.
0:53:52 > 0:53:57C'mon, please, Ralphie. He is desperate to talk to you.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03- I'm scared of him. - Oh, don't be scared.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06C'mon, get in.
0:54:12 > 0:54:16That monster isn't really him, you know that.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19- Then, why do you stay? - I love him.
0:54:19 > 0:54:23I love him. I love your dad with every fibre of my being.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27I love him, I can't help it. And I know you do, too.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30Why does he do this to us?
0:54:30 > 0:54:34- Honestly, you know, I don't think he can help himself.- But I can.
0:54:34 > 0:54:38- I'm getting out of here the day I finish school.- That may be, Ralphie,
0:54:38 > 0:54:43but... you never really get away, you know. It's called family.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45Maybe,... maybe not.
0:54:47 > 0:54:51Every time my mother makes any kind of contact he goes ballistic.
0:55:23 > 0:55:25Ruby told me what happened.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29I don't remember a bloody thing.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34I'm so terribly sorry, Popeye.
0:55:35 > 0:55:39I'm begging you for one... last... chance.
0:55:40 > 0:55:42Please, Popeye.
0:55:42 > 0:55:46- What do you say? - Nothing to say.
0:55:49 > 0:55:51Please, Popeye.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54Please.
0:56:14 > 0:56:16Come in.
0:56:16 > 0:56:19So,... how can I help you?
0:56:19 > 0:56:22- I don't know how to say this. - Don't you worry,
0:56:22 > 0:56:25there isn't much I haven't seen or heard in here.
0:56:25 > 0:56:28I think,... I think my dad's an alcoholic.
0:56:30 > 0:56:34Look, most of us have a bit of a tipple from time to time.
0:56:34 > 0:56:37- How much is a tipple? - It varies. The odd bottle.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40How about a bottle of Scotch per day?
0:56:42 > 0:56:44I had no idea.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48He tried to shoot me.
0:56:53 > 0:56:58- When did this start?- The night my mother left. Can you help me?
0:56:58 > 0:57:02Of course I will, but no-one else must know about this.
0:57:02 > 0:57:06He's too highly respected and loved for anyone else to find out.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11Thank you.
0:57:30 > 0:57:33- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - That you, my boy?
0:57:33 > 0:57:39- Don't get up.- Where's Dad? - Ralphie, he's at the hospital.
0:57:39 > 0:57:43Don't panic. He's had to see Dr Zim about something or other.
0:57:43 > 0:57:47- What's the matter?- Ralphie, I'm sorry to have to say this...
0:57:50 > 0:57:53..but Ruby's leaving.
0:57:53 > 0:57:56- What do you mean?- Well, she's staying with me at the moment
0:57:56 > 0:58:00till she gets herself sorted out, but she's asked me to tell you
0:58:00 > 0:58:04because she's just too upset to see you herself at the moment.
0:58:04 > 0:58:08- I've just come to collect the rest of her things.- (SIGHS)
0:58:08 > 0:58:11- This is all my fault. - Not at all.- (CRIES)
0:58:11 > 0:58:14It's nothing to do with you. Come here!
0:58:18 > 0:58:20(SIGHS)
0:58:20 > 0:58:23Oh, my angel boy.
0:58:44 > 0:58:47Dr Zim has prescribed these anti-booze pills
0:58:47 > 0:58:51which will make me sick as a dog if I so much as, er, touch a drop.
0:58:51 > 0:58:53How did he find out?
0:58:53 > 0:58:57I suppose Ruby must have told him before she left.
0:58:57 > 0:59:00- What are we going to do, Dad? - I don't know.
0:59:00 > 0:59:04Your mother has, er, has asked me for a second chance.
0:59:04 > 0:59:10- But you're married to Ruby. - Yes. Yes, I know, Popeye,
0:59:10 > 0:59:15but, erm,... it doesn't look as if she'll be coming back.
0:59:16 > 0:59:20She says the situation is too, er,... conflicted.
0:59:21 > 0:59:25So, for once I think your mother may be,... may be right
0:59:25 > 0:59:29and I don't want to stand in the way of that... possibility.
0:59:29 > 0:59:33But only if you agree, of course.
0:59:33 > 0:59:36- What am I supposed to say? - Yes.
0:59:36 > 0:59:39If that's what you want.
0:59:45 > 0:59:48Where is she?
1:00:14 > 1:00:16Ohhhh!
1:00:19 > 1:00:22I've missed you so much.
1:00:27 > 1:00:29You've really done a remarkable job.
1:00:29 > 1:00:32- This looks wonderful. - Thank you.
1:00:32 > 1:00:35Whose idea was all this?
1:00:35 > 1:00:37- Ruby's. - Oh.
1:00:37 > 1:00:40But everyone helped out.
1:00:43 > 1:00:47- Do you still use the puppets I gave you?- Of course.
1:00:50 > 1:00:53- You must do me a show sometime. - OK.
1:00:55 > 1:00:58I'll look forward to that.
1:01:09 > 1:01:11This looks lovely.
1:01:14 > 1:01:16Who did all this?
1:01:18 > 1:01:20Thank you.
1:01:23 > 1:01:26(RINGS BELL)
1:01:27 > 1:01:31Thank you, Regina. Er, what have we here?
1:01:31 > 1:01:35- Spaghetti, madam.- Ah. - I am learning to read.
1:01:39 > 1:01:43Could you ask your mother to pass the salt,... please?
1:01:46 > 1:01:49(SIGHS)
1:01:51 > 1:01:54(CHUCKLES)
1:01:54 > 1:01:56(LAUGHS)
1:01:58 > 1:02:00(CHUCKLES)
1:02:01 > 1:02:05- (CHUCKLES) - Sssshhhh!
1:02:12 > 1:02:14Don't move.
1:02:18 > 1:02:22# "Stay As Sweet As You Are" - Nat King Cole
1:02:32 > 1:02:37# Stay as sweet as you are
1:02:37 > 1:02:41# Don't let a thing
1:02:41 > 1:02:45# ever change you
1:02:45 > 1:02:49# Stay as sweet as you are
1:02:49 > 1:02:52# Don't let a soul
1:02:52 > 1:02:57# rearrange you
1:02:57 > 1:03:01# Don't ever lose
1:03:01 > 1:03:06# All the charm you possess
1:03:08 > 1:03:13# Your loveliness, darling
1:03:13 > 1:03:15# The way
1:03:15 > 1:03:20# you say yes
1:03:20 > 1:03:24# Stay as sweet as you are
1:03:24 > 1:03:28# Discreet as you are
1:03:28 > 1:03:32# You're divine, dear
1:03:32 > 1:03:36# Stay as grand as you are
1:03:36 > 1:03:39# And as you are
1:03:39 > 1:03:43# Tell me that you're mine, dear... #
1:03:43 > 1:03:45June.
1:03:51 > 1:03:55- I spy with my little eye... Hello, Ralphie.- Auntie June.
1:03:55 > 1:03:59- Morning, ma'am.- We haven't seen you at rehearsals lately.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03- I've had to miss a few. - Where's the American?
1:04:04 > 1:04:07Good morning, ladies.
1:04:09 > 1:04:14- Ralphie, you must come riding sometime.- I'd like to, thank you.
1:04:14 > 1:04:16- Toodle-pip. - Trot on.
1:04:18 > 1:04:21I'm not invisible, you know.
1:04:21 > 1:04:25No, you're a divorcee, which is far worse.
1:04:27 > 1:04:29Excuse me.
1:04:29 > 1:04:31We're leaving.
1:04:35 > 1:04:38(TYRES SCREECH)
1:04:45 > 1:04:49How dare they?! How dare they blank me?!
1:04:51 > 1:04:53And then judge me!
1:04:53 > 1:04:57None of them has got a monogamous bone in their bodies!
1:05:05 > 1:05:08I mean, what was I supposed to have done?!
1:05:08 > 1:05:12I thought that giving your father custody was the kindest option!
1:05:12 > 1:05:16You'd be at home! You'd have your friends! And now I'm being vilified
1:05:16 > 1:05:19like some,... some,... some scarlet woman!
1:05:20 > 1:05:24(SIGHS) I've been a damn fool to think I could ever come back in here
1:05:24 > 1:05:27and do battle with that coven of bitches!
1:05:27 > 1:05:30What did Uncle John have that Dad didn't?
1:05:30 > 1:05:33(SIGHS)
1:05:33 > 1:05:37He says what he means, unlike every damned Englishman.
1:05:37 > 1:05:41He hasn't got an ironic or effete bone in his body.
1:05:41 > 1:05:44- Is he going back to Auntie Gwen, then?- Don't be daft.
1:05:44 > 1:05:46He's been transferred to Peru!
1:05:46 > 1:05:48(SOBS)
1:05:56 > 1:05:58Please don't look at me!
1:06:23 > 1:06:26Ralph! Ralph!
1:06:29 > 1:06:31Come back!
1:06:32 > 1:06:35Please, come back!
1:06:36 > 1:06:38So that's why she asked to come back.
1:06:40 > 1:06:43- Where is she? - Who cares?
1:06:43 > 1:06:45(HORN BEEPS)
1:06:46 > 1:06:49Ralph?!
1:06:49 > 1:06:54Harry! Oh, Harry! (PANTS) I've lost Ralph!
1:06:54 > 1:06:57- You most certainly have. - What? What do you mean?
1:06:57 > 1:07:01- Why don't you tell me?- Oh, come on, Harry, don't play games.
1:07:01 > 1:07:03Is he here?
1:07:03 > 1:07:07- Where is he? - Why don't you try Peru?
1:07:07 > 1:07:09(SIGHS)
1:07:09 > 1:07:12- I see. - Oh, do you?
1:07:12 > 1:07:15Pity I didn't. I think it best that you leave.
1:07:15 > 1:07:18- Immediately. - Don't be ridiculous.
1:07:18 > 1:07:20God, you've changed your tune.
1:07:20 > 1:07:24- It wasn't that long ago you were begging me to stay.- Just leave.
1:07:24 > 1:07:27- I need to speak to Ralph! - He doesn't want to see you.
1:07:27 > 1:07:32- Don't be stupid, I'm his mother! - Were!- (BANGS ON DOOR)
1:07:32 > 1:07:37Harry! Let... me... in! Regina! Regina, let me in!
1:07:41 > 1:07:43(BANGS ON DOOR) Harry! Let me in!
1:08:06 > 1:08:08Ralphie? >
1:08:33 > 1:08:36How many friends do you have?
1:08:37 > 1:08:42My father claimed that if you had five true friends in your life
1:08:42 > 1:08:46you were a rich man. Hmnh!
1:08:47 > 1:08:52- Who do you truly love?- You make it sound so easy, Popeye. (CHUCKLES)
1:08:55 > 1:08:59It is easy, Dad. Just call her.
1:08:59 > 1:09:02- Who? - Who do you think?
1:09:09 > 1:09:11(SIGHS)
1:09:13 > 1:09:16(TOOTS HORN)
1:09:24 > 1:09:27# "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" - The Andrews Sisters
1:09:30 > 1:09:32- I'm so sorry. - Me, too.
1:09:40 > 1:09:43- Quits? - Quits.
1:09:44 > 1:09:48And, er, yes, I was an air hostess, oh, yeah,
1:09:48 > 1:09:52just long enough to learn how to deal with very difficult passengers.
1:09:52 > 1:09:56I hate to intrude, folks, but we do need Mordred back in rehearsals.
1:09:56 > 1:09:59Up to Ralph, right?
1:10:00 > 1:10:02- Are you sure? - Damn sure.
1:10:02 > 1:10:05Come on, then. Can we take the car? Thank you.
1:10:13 > 1:10:16(TOOTS HORN)
1:10:17 > 1:10:21I'd like to apologise for calling you by your first name, Uncle Charles.
1:10:21 > 1:10:23Gratefully accepted.
1:10:23 > 1:10:26When you turn 16, I shall invite you to drop the uncle.
1:10:26 > 1:10:29- Thank you,... sir. - (BOTH CHUCKLE)
1:10:29 > 1:10:32That is it! We simply cannot wait any longer, June!
1:10:32 > 1:10:36- Lancelot will have to walk on! - Don't shout, you will scare him!
1:10:36 > 1:10:39- (HORSE FARTS)- That... is... it! - (ALL LAUGH)- Out!
1:10:39 > 1:10:43- < I warned you about that horse, Tobias.- Excuse me, Lady Riva.
1:10:43 > 1:10:48I shall repair to the bar. Do I make myself clear?!
1:10:48 > 1:10:50- Well, I say! - I can't work like this!
1:10:50 > 1:10:54- It's gonna be so bad it'll be brilliant.- I heard that!
1:10:54 > 1:10:57- Let's take it from the top. Bunny. - (BUNNY PLAYS PIANO)
1:10:57 > 1:11:00- One, two, three, four! - (ALL) # Camelot
1:11:00 > 1:11:01# Camelot
1:11:01 > 1:11:06- # I know it sounds a bit bizarre - # La, la, la, la, la, la!
1:11:06 > 1:11:08# But in Camelot
1:11:08 > 1:11:10# Camelot
1:11:10 > 1:11:11# That's how conditions are... #
1:11:11 > 1:11:14- Hi. How were rehearsals? - Brilliant.
1:11:14 > 1:11:16- Tobias threw a fit. - What's new?
1:11:16 > 1:11:18- Where's Dad? - He didn't pick you up?
1:11:18 > 1:11:20We came back on my bike.
1:11:20 > 1:11:25- Maybe he had a flat tyre. - OK, I'll go call the club.
1:11:25 > 1:11:27- I better get going. - Thanks, Vern.
1:11:27 > 1:11:30- See you, mate. - See you.
1:11:35 > 1:11:38He's not there.
1:11:39 > 1:11:43He also refused to take his pill this morning. I knew
1:11:43 > 1:11:47- we should've made him swallow the damn thing.- (CAR ENGINE RUMBLES)
1:11:48 > 1:11:54- Just act normal, OK?- OK. - No matter what, OK?- OK.
1:11:55 > 1:11:57Ah, the welcoming committee!
1:11:57 > 1:12:01Perfect timing! Don't you want to know where I've been?
1:12:01 > 1:12:05- Where have you been? - To a post-independent educational,
1:12:05 > 1:12:10strategy and budgeting meeting, if you really want to know.
1:12:11 > 1:12:13Translation, please.
1:12:15 > 1:12:17They have asked me to stay on.
1:12:19 > 1:12:23Honorary adviser - full salary, full perks,
1:12:23 > 1:12:27- all post independence. What do you think of that?!- You bastard!
1:12:27 > 1:12:31- Ah, ah, language! - How could you do that to us?
1:12:31 > 1:12:36- And you thought I was back on the old you know what.- Oh, you bastard!
1:12:36 > 1:12:40- This is fabulous news, honey. - Yes.
1:12:40 > 1:12:44Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
1:12:45 > 1:12:49My mother wants to know which night you've booked to see Camelot.
1:12:49 > 1:12:52- First night. She can go see any of the others.- Are you sure?
1:12:52 > 1:12:54Absolutely.
1:12:55 > 1:12:58I am so proud of you.
1:12:58 > 1:13:01(SINGING ON STAGE)
1:13:01 > 1:13:04Can you help me with these buttons?
1:13:04 > 1:13:08- Hurry up, you're nearly on. I can't wait.- Let me help you.
1:13:11 > 1:13:13Ooh!
1:13:13 > 1:13:15Sorry.
1:13:30 > 1:13:32Quick.
1:13:32 > 1:13:35- Jammy bastard! How'd you do it? - Charisma, my man.
1:13:35 > 1:13:38- Charisma. - Smile as if your lives depend on it!
1:13:38 > 1:13:42Let's see you all courtesy deeply
1:13:42 > 1:13:44as Her Most Royal Highness
1:13:44 > 1:13:48- parades past you. - (ALL) Yes, Uncle Charles.
1:13:48 > 1:13:54It's going to be a triumph! A T-R-I-U-M-P-H! Triumph!
1:13:54 > 1:13:56(SHRIEKS / LAUGHS)
1:13:59 > 1:14:02- (GASPS) - (SNIGGERING)
1:14:07 > 1:14:11(NATIVES SING IN SWAZI / WHOOP)
1:14:11 > 1:14:15- It's like National Geographic! - Only better!
1:14:15 > 1:14:18- Countdown, my man!- Do you know where you're going next year?
1:14:18 > 1:14:21- Yeah, only bloody Bahrain. - Where's that?
1:14:21 > 1:14:24- Exactly. - (CHUCKLES)
1:15:08 > 1:15:11- (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Come on, we can't be late.- Come in.
1:15:11 > 1:15:14- Ruby!- Yeah, yeah, yeah, relax. I'm coming.
1:15:14 > 1:15:18- Dad, I have a big favour to ask. - Ask away, Popeye.
1:15:18 > 1:15:21Promise me you won't... you know what.
1:15:22 > 1:15:24- Thank you. - Had to be done.
1:15:24 > 1:15:27- He knows it wasn't me who called Dr Zim.- That was brave of you.
1:15:27 > 1:15:31Now, there's something you can do for me. Here.
1:15:31 > 1:15:35- I can't, Dad. - There's no such thing as can't.
1:15:35 > 1:15:38- Only one thing we want. - I know, Popeye.
1:15:38 > 1:15:40I promise you, I won't let you down.
1:15:40 > 1:15:43By the way,... good luck tonight.
1:15:45 > 1:15:48- How do I look? - Only fit to meet a princess.
1:15:48 > 1:15:50Right answer.
1:15:52 > 1:15:54Oh, God, you look beautiful.
1:16:00 > 1:16:02Oh, yeah!
1:16:02 > 1:16:04- Oh, yah!- (BOTH LAUGH) Come on.
1:16:04 > 1:16:07Now concentrate, concentrate and stay calm!
1:16:07 > 1:16:10You're all going to be magical!
1:16:10 > 1:16:14Her Royal Highness is on... her... way!
1:16:14 > 1:16:16(PANICKED SHRIEKING)
1:16:28 > 1:16:31- (Shit!) - Let's see.
1:16:31 > 1:16:35- Please don't, Auntie Gwen.- No, come on, Ralphie. Let's have a look.
1:16:37 > 1:16:39(Shit!)
1:16:39 > 1:16:42(Shit, shit, shit, shit!)
1:16:42 > 1:16:45(SILLY WARM-UP VOICE EXERCISES)
1:16:47 > 1:16:49Sssshhhh!
1:16:49 > 1:16:52Now, it's all up to you.
1:16:52 > 1:16:56Break a leg. I'll be rooting for you... in the bar.
1:16:56 > 1:16:59Thank you. See you later. Break a leg. Good luck.
1:17:02 > 1:17:08- Where's Gwen? Where is Gwen? - Wait! (MUTTERS)
1:17:08 > 1:17:10- Out for the count! - Oh, my God!
1:17:10 > 1:17:13Ralph, run to the bar and catch Tobias. Quickly!
1:17:13 > 1:17:18- Philip, ice and black coffee. Fast! - What the hell are you doing here?
1:17:18 > 1:17:22- Guinevere's a goner.- Oh, God, no! Not tonight of all nights!
1:17:22 > 1:17:24(APPLAUSE)
1:17:25 > 1:17:28- For heaven's sake! - Come on, Gwen.
1:17:28 > 1:17:32Come on, girl. Come on, Gwen.
1:17:32 > 1:17:36- Come on, girl.- I told you she was too common to play a queen.
1:17:36 > 1:17:39She has proved herself to be common beyond commonness incarnate!
1:17:39 > 1:17:43- Shut up, Riva! - (BURPS) Common I may be
1:17:43 > 1:17:46but you can't act, you can't cook,
1:17:46 > 1:17:51you can't even keep His Lordship's cock out of everybody else's clumps!
1:17:51 > 1:17:54- (ALL GASP) Oh! - Ice bucket! Quick!
1:17:54 > 1:17:57Bleurgh! (ALL) Urgh!
1:17:57 > 1:18:00- Get her on stage! Come on! - That's better.
1:18:00 > 1:18:03(ALL CHATTER)
1:18:04 > 1:18:07Give her some air!
1:18:10 > 1:18:14# Impossible deeds should be his daily fare
1:18:14 > 1:18:18# But where in the world is there in the world
1:18:18 > 1:18:22# A man so extraordinaire?
1:18:25 > 1:18:28# C'est moi, c'est moi, I'm forced to admit
1:18:28 > 1:18:31# 'Tis I, I humbly reply
1:18:31 > 1:18:34# That mortal who these marvels can do
1:18:34 > 1:18:36# C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I #
1:18:36 > 1:18:41- (APPLAUSE) - Oh, well done, Gwen!
1:18:42 > 1:18:45It's a triumph, a medieval triumph!
1:18:45 > 1:18:48- No, it's a bloody disaster! - I beg your pardon?!
1:18:48 > 1:18:51- What do you mean? - Her Royal Highness has departed!
1:18:51 > 1:18:54- How can she? It's only the interval. - Precisely!
1:18:54 > 1:18:57- Claims she has an upset stomach! - Probably the local water.
1:18:57 > 1:19:00- Water, my arse! - Tobias!
1:19:01 > 1:19:06- I'm very, very upset. - Ohhhh, honestly!
1:19:09 > 1:19:11(ON STAGE) # Camelot
1:19:11 > 1:19:12# Camelot
1:19:12 > 1:19:15# Now say it out with love and joy
1:19:16 > 1:19:19# Camelot
1:19:19 > 1:19:23- # Camelot! - # Yes, Camelot, my boy
1:19:24 > 1:19:29# Where once it never rained till after sundown
1:19:29 > 1:19:33# By 8:00am the morning fog had flown
1:19:33 > 1:19:35(ALL) # Don't let it be forgot
1:19:35 > 1:19:38# That once there was a spot
1:19:38 > 1:19:42# For one brief shining moment
1:19:42 > 1:19:45# That was known as
1:19:45 > 1:19:49# Camelot #
1:19:49 > 1:19:51Run, boy! Run!
1:19:54 > 1:19:57(ALL CHEER)
1:20:06 > 1:20:08(ALL CHEER)
1:20:10 > 1:20:13You were great. You were just so great.
1:20:13 > 1:20:17It was just so great. I am so proud of you. Mwah!
1:20:17 > 1:20:22Well... done, Ralphie! Splendid! Jolly good!
1:20:22 > 1:20:25You were just fabulous, Popeye.
1:20:25 > 1:20:27Marvellous!
1:20:27 > 1:20:31- Fancy the royal personage leaving in the interval.- I know!
1:20:31 > 1:20:34- Food poisoning, my arse! (POPS BALLOON)- (ALL LAUGH)
1:20:34 > 1:20:38- Wait till she gets a dose of tribal dancing.- (ALL LAUGH)
1:20:38 > 1:20:40Oh, my darling!
1:20:41 > 1:20:44My son did very well, didn't he?
1:20:51 > 1:20:53Hi, I'm Ruby.
1:20:53 > 1:20:57- He was great. - Aren't you going to Peru?
1:20:58 > 1:21:01- Come on, Ralphie.- I thought you were coming tomorrow night.
1:21:01 > 1:21:05- I wouldn't have missed this. - You've got the party, right?- Wrong.
1:21:05 > 1:21:09Just because you married my husband doesn't give you rights.
1:21:09 > 1:21:12And don't ever try and turn my son against me.
1:21:12 > 1:21:15- Are you coming, superstar? - I can't, Mum. I'm really sorry.
1:21:17 > 1:21:20- I've come all this way to see you. - Come on, mate, let's go.
1:21:20 > 1:21:23You guys stay as long as you like.
1:21:25 > 1:21:28(ALL CHANT) Puddle! Cuddle! Puddle! Cuddle! Puddle!
1:21:28 > 1:21:31(ALL WHOOP)
1:21:33 > 1:21:35- Thank you for saving me. - My pleasure!
1:21:39 > 1:21:42Goodbye, Swaziland!
1:21:42 > 1:21:44(CHEERING)
1:21:44 > 1:21:47# We're all buggered
1:21:47 > 1:21:50# All busted and bewildered
1:21:50 > 1:21:54# We've all got to get our arses
1:21:54 > 1:21:57# out of HERE!
1:21:57 > 1:21:59# They don't want us
1:21:59 > 1:22:02# To rule or cause a rumpus
1:22:02 > 1:22:06# They just want to kick our arses
1:22:06 > 1:22:09- # out of HERE!... - (ALL CHEER)
1:22:09 > 1:22:12# We're all buggered
1:22:12 > 1:22:16(ALL) # All busted and bewildered
1:22:16 > 1:22:19# We've all got to get our arses...
1:22:19 > 1:22:22Take it off! Take it off!
1:22:22 > 1:22:24# We're all buggered... #
1:22:24 > 1:22:26(ALL SING IN SWAZI)
1:22:59 > 1:23:02(ALL CHEER)
1:23:20 > 1:23:23- She's minute. - Isn't she just marvellous?
1:23:34 > 1:23:38- It's not quite Cheltenham.- I wish my mum was alive to see me now!
1:23:55 > 1:23:58(ALL CHEER)
1:24:12 > 1:24:14(CHEERING)
1:24:18 > 1:24:22No more la-di-dah, hoity-toity, hooty-snooty,
1:24:22 > 1:24:24- wah-wah any more! - (CHUCKLES)
1:24:24 > 1:24:28- Wasn't that just incredible? - Incredible.
1:24:28 > 1:24:32What do you think this little piece of metal is worth, Popeye?
1:24:32 > 1:24:35A big pile of money?
1:24:35 > 1:24:40Oh, no, just a lifetime, old boy. My lifetime.
1:24:40 > 1:24:43- You deserve it, Dad. - Oh, bollocks!
1:24:43 > 1:24:47- We are so proud of you. - Bollocks. (CHUCKLES)
1:25:04 > 1:25:06(SIGHS) Goddammit.
1:25:06 > 1:25:11I can't feel my,... I can't feel my bloody arm.
1:25:13 > 1:25:16- Go and lie down. I'm gonna call Dr Zim.- No, it's...
1:25:16 > 1:25:19- C'mon.- No, no, no, no, I'm,... I'm fine, really.
1:25:21 > 1:25:24Don't panic, I'm,... I'm fine, really.
1:25:25 > 1:25:28He won't be able to speak for much longer,
1:25:28 > 1:25:32pressure on the brain will be too great. Therefore, I propose
1:25:32 > 1:25:36that we operate immediately, try to remove the tumour,
1:25:36 > 1:25:40- buy him a little more time. - What are you saying, Dr Zim?
1:25:40 > 1:25:44At best we are talking about just another couple of months.
1:25:44 > 1:25:47- To what? - To what?
1:25:47 > 1:25:49To live.
1:27:20 > 1:27:25- So, we've decided to join forces. - What about your wife?
1:27:25 > 1:27:28Bolted, I'm afraid.
1:27:28 > 1:27:31- Staying in Blighty.- And you'll never guess where we're headed.
1:27:31 > 1:27:35Rhodesia. Isn't that something?
1:27:35 > 1:27:40I wonder, could you tell me exactly whereabouts...? She doesn't know.
1:27:40 > 1:27:43- I'm sorry, but he's still asleep. - Terrible business.
1:27:43 > 1:27:46One just has to brace oneself. Where's the American?
1:27:46 > 1:27:50Whatever you have to say, say it and say it fast.
1:27:50 > 1:27:53Look, I shan't pretend there's been any love lost between us
1:27:53 > 1:27:57but I've come to apologise as I won't be attending the funeral.
1:27:57 > 1:28:01Don't do them. I'd hate you to think I was snubbing it.
1:28:01 > 1:28:04He's not dead yet. Get out!
1:28:08 > 1:28:11(ALL LAUGH)
1:28:11 > 1:28:14(RADIO) "They say they wanted something different
1:28:14 > 1:28:17so I popped down to an agency in the Charing Cross Road,
1:28:17 > 1:28:21it was called Bona Performers. Hello? Anybody there?"
1:28:21 > 1:28:26- "Hello, I'm Julian, this is my friend, Sandy."- (CHUCKLES)
1:28:26 > 1:28:30- "We are your Bona performers." - "Bona performers we are."
1:28:30 > 1:28:35"Oh, it's Mr Horne! Oh, how nice to vada your dolly old eek again!"
1:28:35 > 1:28:37"What brings you here?"
1:28:37 > 1:28:40"I've been asked to organise a cabaret for the BBC
1:28:40 > 1:28:45- and I was wondering if you could fix me up."- "Oh, yes, duckie!"
1:28:45 > 1:28:49- (CHUCKLES)- "Oh, no, no, we'd be glad to fix you up any time."
1:28:49 > 1:28:52"Yes. Oh, BBC, is it?"
1:28:52 > 1:28:55"Well, you'll want something a bit risque for that mob."
1:28:55 > 1:28:58- "How about Queenie?" - "Queenie?"
1:28:58 > 1:29:02- "What does Queenie do?"- "She does striptease with a difference."
1:29:02 > 1:29:05"Normally she's the bearded lady..."
1:29:12 > 1:29:14Take my watch.
1:29:24 > 1:29:26Thank you, Popeye.
1:29:29 > 1:29:31I...
1:29:35 > 1:29:38I never stopped loving your mother.
1:29:47 > 1:29:49(SOBS)
1:29:54 > 1:29:56(SIGHS)
1:30:02 > 1:30:04(SIGHS)
1:30:08 > 1:30:10(THUNDER RUMBLES)
1:30:43 > 1:30:46(INHALES DEEPLY)
1:30:55 > 1:30:58So we say farewell to Mahlaganipani.
1:30:58 > 1:31:01Five friends
1:31:01 > 1:31:05was his measure of wealth
1:31:05 > 1:31:08and, judging by the numbers around me,
1:31:08 > 1:31:10he was indeed a very rich man.
1:31:10 > 1:31:12(ALL SING IN SWAZI)
1:31:24 > 1:31:26(SINGING STOPS)
1:31:31 > 1:31:34Toodle-pip, sweetie. (CRIES)
1:31:48 > 1:31:53- I loved him so much. - I know, Gwennie. I know.