Somers Town

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0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Wake up, you sleepy fly

0:00:26 > 0:00:29# Forget the debt you owe

0:00:32 > 0:00:35# We'll sing the sorrow song

0:00:37 > 0:00:40# We'll sing of all you know

0:00:43 > 0:00:45- Hello. - Hiya.

0:00:45 > 0:00:48You live upstairs, don't you?

0:00:50 > 0:00:52You in a rush?

0:01:03 > 0:01:06# Wake up, you sleepy fly

0:01:08 > 0:01:11# You gotta raise a vein

0:01:14 > 0:01:16# We gave you things to say

0:01:19 > 0:01:22# Believe yourself again

0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Excuse me, is anyone sitting there? - No, go ahead.- Thank you.

0:01:37 > 0:01:41- So did you travel from Glasgow or... - No, I live in Nottingham.

0:01:41 > 0:01:46- Nottingham? Cool. That's where I'm from.- Oh, is it?- Yeah.

0:01:46 > 0:01:50- You having a day out?- Well, I'm coming to stay in London for a bit.

0:01:52 > 0:01:54BOTH SPEAK POLISH

0:02:04 > 0:02:07I need to rush, I need to get a tube.

0:02:07 > 0:02:11I'm sorry, but you take care of yourself. It was nice to meet you.

0:02:11 > 0:02:14Nice to meet you. See you again soon.

0:02:15 > 0:02:19# There's a gem in the rock

0:02:19 > 0:02:21# That's been thrown

0:02:21 > 0:02:24# There's a vein of pure gold

0:02:24 > 0:02:27# In the stone

0:02:28 > 0:02:30# There's a vein of pure gold

0:02:30 > 0:02:33# In the stone

0:02:34 > 0:02:36# There's a vein of pure gold

0:02:36 > 0:02:39# In the stone #

0:02:39 > 0:02:42BOTH SPEAK POLISH

0:03:01 > 0:03:04IN POLISH:

0:03:07 > 0:03:11"Would you like Big Issues?" "How much big ones

0:03:11 > 0:03:13"when I go Manchester for cheap time?"

0:03:13 > 0:03:18- and, "You don't give shit about me yourself, dick."- Shit!

0:03:29 > 0:03:32Shit, bloody, eff-all, boobs.

0:04:53 > 0:04:57- Excuse me, will you go into the shop for us, please?- What for?- Carling.

0:04:57 > 0:05:00- How old are you?- Eighteen. - Get it yourself then.

0:05:00 > 0:05:04I can't, they won't believe I'm 18. I ain't got no ID. Pl...

0:05:10 > 0:05:14- Excuse me, will you go into the shop for me, please?- Get this joker.

0:05:14 > 0:05:18- What do you want?- Will you just get me four cans of Carling, please?

0:05:18 > 0:05:20Give me the money.

0:05:22 > 0:05:26- Cheers. - Is he getting you drink? For you?

0:05:26 > 0:05:29No, they're for my dad. No. I don't drink.

0:05:32 > 0:05:36- STRONG POLISH ACCENT:- "Dear Doris, I am seeing a lovely girl

0:05:36 > 0:05:39and we want to take thing to the next stage

0:05:39 > 0:05:42but I am afraid of hurting her because I'm...

0:05:42 > 0:05:47- ..too bit, too well endowed." - Endowed.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57"I'm 24, she's 23,

0:05:57 > 0:06:00and we've been together

0:06:00 > 0:06:04for four months, but previous girlfriends

0:06:04 > 0:06:06have said having sex with me

0:06:06 > 0:06:09has made them sore afterwards."

0:06:13 > 0:06:16"Is there anything I can do about it?"

0:06:16 > 0:06:20Um... "I think this girl's...

0:06:20 > 0:06:23..the one for me, and...

0:06:23 > 0:06:26..I don't want to hurt her." Doris.

0:06:30 > 0:06:32Hmm. Doris says,

0:06:32 > 0:06:36"Being well endowed can be much more tricky than...

0:06:36 > 0:06:40..than being small. Foreplay is extra important

0:06:40 > 0:06:44but as long as you make sure

0:06:44 > 0:06:47your girlfriend is completely aroused

0:06:47 > 0:06:52and are skilful, you can give her pleasure without pain."

0:06:52 > 0:06:55IN POLISH:

0:07:00 > 0:07:02HE LAUGHS

0:07:02 > 0:07:05KNOCK AT DOOR

0:07:14 > 0:07:16MORE KNOCKING

0:09:13 > 0:09:16No, no, no. Don't take pictures, son.

0:09:16 > 0:09:20I don't want everyone to know what's in here. What's your name?

0:09:20 > 0:09:23- Marek.- Marek. You and your dad settling in all right?

0:09:23 > 0:09:27- You live upstairs, don't you?- Yeah. - My name's Graham.

0:09:27 > 0:09:30Graham Cutler. I'm from a long line of Cutlers.

0:09:30 > 0:09:33I see you've got this lovely Man United shirt on.

0:09:33 > 0:09:37Let me tell you something, Marek, people round here,

0:09:37 > 0:09:39they don't really appreciate Manchester United.

0:09:39 > 0:09:43To keep you safe, Marek,

0:09:43 > 0:09:47- I wanna give you a little present. Wait there.- OK.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55I think you should put it on straightaway, without delay,

0:09:55 > 0:09:59- just for safety...- For me? - ..purposes. Yeah. Try it on.

0:09:59 > 0:10:00Yeah?

0:10:02 > 0:10:04- Here, give me your camera. - OK.

0:10:04 > 0:10:07There you go. Ta.

0:10:09 > 0:10:12Should fit. Try it on. Put it on over the other one.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22Yes! Much better!

0:10:22 > 0:10:25Arsenal! Champions!

0:10:25 > 0:10:28See that? That'll keep you safe.

0:10:28 > 0:10:31Now, you can keep that for nothing. That's free. All you got to do

0:10:31 > 0:10:36- is you gotta help me with a bit of unloading. Is that all right?- OK.

0:10:38 > 0:10:42Here, look. Take these and put 'em on the left in there.

0:10:42 > 0:10:47The left-hand side, just round there. Can you take two at a time?

0:10:47 > 0:10:51Yeah? Got it? You're a big, strong boy, ain't you? Yeah. Good.

0:10:58 > 0:11:01- You all right, mate? - How are you?

0:11:01 > 0:11:03What's going on?

0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Where are you from? Not from round here.- Midlands.

0:11:07 > 0:11:10Oh, OK. Not bad.

0:11:10 > 0:11:13- You got a beer?- No. - Nice hair you got.

0:11:13 > 0:11:16- What shampoo do you use? - Head & Shoulders.

0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Can I have some?- No. - I want some.

0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Don't take the piss. - Oh, be a good boy.

0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Nice? - Yeah.

0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Taste some of that. - Save me some of that.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33- That's buff, you should try that. - Don't mind if I have a bit?- No.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35Better not.

0:11:35 > 0:11:38- How's that? - That's good stuff.

0:11:38 > 0:11:40Finish that, finish that.

0:11:44 > 0:11:47- That's the way to do it. - That's the one.

0:11:47 > 0:11:51- You don't mind, do you? Cool.- You ain't got another one, have you?

0:11:51 > 0:11:56- So what brings you down here? - I'm just down here, just come down.

0:11:56 > 0:12:00- Just come down?- What for?- Just to, I don't know, see the sights.

0:12:00 > 0:12:04- Ain't to start trouble, is it? - No.- Good.

0:12:04 > 0:12:07- That's a nice jacket. Where'd you get that from?- Shop.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10- How much did it cost? - Don't know.

0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Let me, let me try it on. - Look at these.

0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Those trainers are nice, boy. - I gotta go.- Where you going?

0:12:17 > 0:12:21- I gotta wait for my mates.- I thought you said you was from the Midlands?

0:12:21 > 0:12:25- Where you going, man? - My mates are over there.

0:12:25 > 0:12:28- My mates.- Come here, man. - We only wanna talk.

0:12:28 > 0:12:31Come here! Hey, catch him! Catch him!

0:12:36 > 0:12:40What you running for? I said I wanted to talk to you!

0:12:52 > 0:12:56- Shit.- Come on, let's go! - Get the bag!- Go, go, go, go!

0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Loser!- Wanker!

0:14:06 > 0:14:07Jane.

0:14:08 > 0:14:11- All right?- Tomo?

0:14:11 > 0:14:15- What the hell happened to you? - Oh, it was three lads last night.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18Oh, Tomo.

0:14:18 > 0:14:21See? I told you, it's rough here.

0:14:21 > 0:14:26- Did you get mugged?- Well, they took my bag and some of my stuff.

0:14:26 > 0:14:28Did they take your money?

0:14:28 > 0:14:31Oh, Tomo. Are you all right?

0:14:31 > 0:14:34Jesus, God. Look at you.

0:14:38 > 0:14:42- There you go, sweetheart. Cheers. - Thank you. Thanks very much.

0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Here we are. You get that down you. - Thanks.

0:15:11 > 0:15:14So what you gonna do?

0:15:16 > 0:15:18I don't know.

0:15:22 > 0:15:24I've got nowhere to go.

0:15:24 > 0:15:27Nothing at all. No bag.

0:15:27 > 0:15:30No money. No clothes.

0:15:31 > 0:15:33Nothing.

0:15:33 > 0:15:36Won't it be better going back home?

0:15:38 > 0:15:41I hated it. I've got nothing at all.

0:15:42 > 0:15:46- What about your pals?- I don't have real mates, just people I know.

0:15:46 > 0:15:49Useless wastes of space, like me.

0:15:49 > 0:15:51Don't think like that.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55Well, it's true.

0:16:00 > 0:16:02Can you do me a favour, please?

0:16:04 > 0:16:07Can you lend me some money?

0:16:09 > 0:16:11I'll buy you a train ticket.

0:16:14 > 0:16:18What about if I pretended it was for a train ticket?

0:16:18 > 0:16:21You've got some cheek.

0:16:31 > 0:16:34- There's a tenner. - Thank you.

0:16:40 > 0:16:43- OK, I've got to go. I've got a meeting.- OK.

0:16:43 > 0:16:46- You gonna be all right? - Yeah.

0:16:51 > 0:16:54- See you again. - You take care.

0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Who are you? - Doesn't matter.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39It's my photograph.

0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Who's she? - It's not your business.

0:17:43 > 0:17:46She's pretty fit. Is she a model?

0:17:48 > 0:17:52- What?- I said she's quite fit. Is she a model?

0:17:53 > 0:17:55No.

0:17:56 > 0:18:00So you do things for magazines like pornos and...

0:18:00 > 0:18:02- ..sex magazines and that? - No.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06I was only asking.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08You should do.

0:18:08 > 0:18:11She should get in them.

0:18:13 > 0:18:15Oi! You lads, cut it out!

0:18:17 > 0:18:22- We was only messing about, mate. We're best mates.- Just calm down.

0:18:49 > 0:18:51Get back! Get back, cos I'll drop 'em.

0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Give me them back. - No. I just wanted to look.

0:18:55 > 0:18:58If you want my watch...

0:18:58 > 0:19:02- ..here you are. And bag.- I don't want your bag and watch, mate.

0:19:02 > 0:19:05I just wanted to look. I was only messing about.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08Here.

0:19:13 > 0:19:16- Who is she? - She? Maria.

0:19:16 > 0:19:20- Maria? She's pretty fit. - She is.

0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Where's she from? - France, Paris.

0:19:28 > 0:19:29Mint.

0:19:33 > 0:19:36- So where are you from? - Me?- Yeah.

0:19:36 > 0:19:40- In Poland. - Oi! What do you think you're doing?

0:19:40 > 0:19:44- Don't you know it's private here? - Yeah, we do.- Clear off then

0:19:44 > 0:19:47- or I'll call the police.- Shut up. - Don't tell me to shut up!

0:19:47 > 0:19:50- Clear off!- Wait! - Go on!

0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Wait! Oh, my God, you look big! - Hey, that's enough of that.

0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Shut up!- I'll remember your face! - Whatever!

0:19:57 > 0:20:00- I've got a photographic memory! - Yeah, whatever.

0:20:02 > 0:20:06- So what happened to your face? - I got beat up last night

0:20:06 > 0:20:09by three lads, down there.

0:20:10 > 0:20:13Nicked my bag and everything.

0:20:16 > 0:20:20- Where do you live? - Um, everywhere. Anywhere.

0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Just around here. - On the streets too?

0:20:24 > 0:20:26Mm.

0:20:26 > 0:20:31- Where do you live? - There. With my father.

0:20:33 > 0:20:37Which one do you live in? I'll come and call for you tomorrow.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39I show you later.

0:20:39 > 0:20:44What, do you want me to come with you? See your flat? Or your house?

0:20:45 > 0:20:48I don't know. If you want.

0:20:48 > 0:20:52Yeah? What, will... Your dad won't mind, will he?

0:20:53 > 0:20:57- What, he will mind? Or will he let me?- I don't know.

0:20:58 > 0:21:02- What's his name? - Dad's name?- Yeah.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04Mariusz.

0:21:04 > 0:21:07Cool. What's your name?

0:21:07 > 0:21:10- Oh, I'm Marek. - Tomo.

0:21:10 > 0:21:14- Nice to meet you, mate. - Nice to meet you.

0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Hey, Graham. - How you doing, Marek?

0:21:23 > 0:21:27- I am OK, thank you. - Nice to see you, mate.

0:21:27 > 0:21:29- Who's your side-kick, then? - My friend Tomo.

0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Tomo. all right, Tomo?- all right. - Where are you from?

0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Um, Nottingham.- Up north, eh? - Yeah. Well, Midlands.

0:21:37 > 0:21:41- Midlands. What bit of the Midlands is that?- East.- East. Hmm.

0:21:41 > 0:21:46Thanks for helping. I see you're wearing the shirt. Nice one, son.

0:21:46 > 0:21:51- What are you doing later? Do you wanna earn a fiver?- (BOTH) Yeah.

0:21:51 > 0:21:54Well, I was asking Marek, actually, to tell you the truth.

0:21:54 > 0:21:58Um, basically what it is, tomorrow,

0:21:58 > 0:22:01I want you to sit down, right, on a deck chair,

0:22:01 > 0:22:04with a big pile of deck chairs by you,

0:22:04 > 0:22:06and when someone wants to hire a deck chair,

0:22:06 > 0:22:11you stand up a couple of seconds, take the money and sit down again.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13- Sound easy enough? - Yeah.

0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Yeah? - Can I do it as well?

0:22:16 > 0:22:19Will you vouch for him? Is he a hard worker?

0:22:20 > 0:22:22- Yeah.- Yeah? - I think so.

0:22:22 > 0:22:26- OK, £5 each. Is that all right? Is that a deal?- Yeah.

0:22:26 > 0:22:30There's one little catch. See these deck chairs we got here,

0:22:30 > 0:22:33and these ones lined up over here? We gotta sand them down today

0:22:33 > 0:22:36so no-one gets splinters, so, um,

0:22:36 > 0:22:40if you wanna pick up the sandpaper and get going on it, son.

0:22:40 > 0:22:44So we get a fiver for this and a fiver for tomorrow? A tenner?

0:22:44 > 0:22:47He's a joker. No, £5. That's it.

0:22:47 > 0:22:50And you've got to prove yourself to me first. Understand?

0:22:52 > 0:22:55- OK. - Yeah? All right. Go on.

0:22:55 > 0:22:59No, no, no, no. Tomo, not that one, son. One of them over there.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01Pick one up.

0:23:01 > 0:23:04You gotta start your own chair. Go on, get a spurt on.

0:23:04 > 0:23:08- Have we gotta do 'em all?- Yeah, all of 'em. There ain't that many.

0:23:10 > 0:23:13The sooner you get a start on it, the sooner we'll do it.

0:23:13 > 0:23:16I know that he's a hard worker.

0:23:18 > 0:23:20There you go.

0:23:29 > 0:23:31Tomo.

0:23:31 > 0:23:35- Come on, wake up. - Maria.

0:23:37 > 0:23:39Your food.

0:23:40 > 0:23:43There isn't a lot there, mate.

0:23:44 > 0:23:48- There's only a little bit. - I can't give you more.

0:23:48 > 0:23:51Rest is for my dad.

0:23:51 > 0:23:53How much is your dad having?

0:23:54 > 0:23:56Eat.

0:23:56 > 0:24:01Oh, and why have you got so many pictures of Maria?

0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Is she your girlfriend or something? - Yeah, she is.

0:24:05 > 0:24:08So...have you had sex with her?

0:24:11 > 0:24:12No.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16Have you felt her bazookas?

0:24:16 > 0:24:18No.

0:24:19 > 0:24:23Well, obviously, her being your girlfriend, you've kissed her, yeah?

0:24:23 > 0:24:26Not yet.

0:24:26 > 0:24:29Look, mate, in England it's sort of like a...

0:24:29 > 0:24:32..a tradition for, like, a...

0:24:32 > 0:24:36..a girlfriend to kiss her boyfriend, so it sounds to me like

0:24:36 > 0:24:39you're not actually with her, you just like her.

0:24:40 > 0:24:43In Poland, we mustn't kiss to be together.

0:24:43 > 0:24:46And do you think only about one thing?

0:24:46 > 0:24:49But mate, we're not in Poland. This is England

0:24:49 > 0:24:53and so it sounds to me like she's not your girlfriend.

0:24:53 > 0:24:56So...I'm gonna try and get with her.

0:24:56 > 0:25:00So, when I get with her, I'm not gonna be comfortable with

0:25:00 > 0:25:03you having pictures of my girlfriend, so if you wanna give me them.

0:25:03 > 0:25:07No, door closed. You must go and find another girl.

0:25:07 > 0:25:11She's my girlfriend. And east fast, I must meet my dad.

0:25:13 > 0:25:18- Why can't I stay here?- You can't stay, you must eat and go out.

0:25:18 > 0:25:21- Where am I gonna go, mate? - I don't know.

0:25:21 > 0:25:24So you're just gonna let me out on the streets again?

0:25:28 > 0:25:30Please. I'm not gonna nick owt.

0:27:11 > 0:27:14(Tomo, it's me. Wake up.

0:27:18 > 0:27:21(Are you hungry? Eat.)

0:27:22 > 0:27:26- What's that? - Sausage. Polish. Kielbasa.

0:27:26 > 0:27:30Mate, I can't eat no more foreign food.

0:27:30 > 0:27:34I've... My insides are burning. I need a poo really bad.

0:27:34 > 0:27:37It's all the spiciness. I need the toilet.

0:27:38 > 0:27:41No, you can't go to the toilet.

0:27:41 > 0:27:45- My father is drunk. He will kill you.- Mate, it's important.- Wait.

0:27:45 > 0:27:48I've got idea. Wait!

0:27:48 > 0:27:52I give you plastic bag from kitchen.

0:27:52 > 0:27:56You do it in, then we throw it in the window.

0:27:56 > 0:28:00- What, here?- What? - Here?- Yeah.

0:28:03 > 0:28:06- Is there no way I can go to the toilet, please?- No.

0:28:06 > 0:28:10- What about toilet roll? - Only plastic bag.

0:28:10 > 0:28:15- What about what can I wipe my bum with? Please, mate.- No.

0:28:15 > 0:28:19- Will you get me some toilet roll? - Wait, I give you plastic bag. Wait.

0:28:19 > 0:28:22- Don't forget toilet roll, please. - Wait.

0:28:22 > 0:28:25- OK. - Please. Hurry up.

0:28:25 > 0:28:28- Don't forget toilet roll. - OK.

0:28:30 > 0:28:33FRENCH VOICES

0:28:39 > 0:28:45She is so fit. She's loads better than she looks in the pictures.

0:28:47 > 0:28:51What do you think she's talking about now?

0:28:51 > 0:28:54- Oi... Oi! - What?

0:28:54 > 0:28:59- I said what do you think she's talking about?- Probably France.

0:29:00 > 0:29:04I'd just love to take her out for a meal and...

0:29:04 > 0:29:08..just be with her and hold her and just eat together and...

0:29:08 > 0:29:12..maybe she'll feed me and she'll be saying at the end of the night,

0:29:12 > 0:29:17"Oh, Tomsy, I love you so much. I want to feed you

0:29:17 > 0:29:21- grapes and feed you bread and cheese and olives..."- Shut up!

0:29:21 > 0:29:24Hello. How are you today?

0:29:25 > 0:29:29- What happened to your face?- I just got into a fight with three lads.

0:29:29 > 0:29:33- Really?- Yeah, yeah. - Does it hurt, sweetie?

0:29:34 > 0:29:38- Nah.- Sure?- Yeah. If you think that's bad, you should see them.

0:29:38 > 0:29:42- Dominated all three of 'em. - Just be careful.

0:29:42 > 0:29:45- How are you, Marek? - Fine.

0:29:45 > 0:29:47- Thank you. And you? - I'm fine, thank you.

0:29:47 > 0:29:50- How did your pictures go? - Very good.

0:29:50 > 0:29:53You have to show them to me some time.

0:29:53 > 0:29:57So, er, do you like photography, arts and writing and things?

0:29:57 > 0:30:01- Yeah, I do, actually.- Cool. I mean, I am actually a painter myself.

0:30:01 > 0:30:04- Really? - Yeah, I do everything. I do...

0:30:05 > 0:30:08..glasses, wine bottles...

0:30:08 > 0:30:11- Anything. - Really?

0:30:11 > 0:30:14- You name something, I'll tell you if I've done it.- Um, a flower.

0:30:14 > 0:30:18Yeah, I've done flowers. I've done fruit, cakes. Yeah.

0:30:18 > 0:30:21So I do women sometimes.

0:30:21 > 0:30:24I actually did, like, a... It weren't awesome

0:30:24 > 0:30:28- but it was an OK drawing of the Eiffel Tower.- The Eiffel Tower?

0:30:28 > 0:30:30- Yeah.- Show it to me. - Course I will, yeah.

0:30:30 > 0:30:33Maybe I should do you some time.

0:30:34 > 0:30:36Maybe.

0:30:36 > 0:30:40- Definitely.- Do you want something to drink?- Lemonade, please.

0:30:40 > 0:30:44- Lemonade? And you?- I'm gonna stay off the fizzies, I reckon.

0:30:44 > 0:30:47Can I just have a... a still water, please?

0:30:47 > 0:30:50- No ice.- OK. - Cheers.

0:30:51 > 0:30:54- You're not a painter. - She's so fit. I am.

0:30:54 > 0:30:57- Yeah, I am. - No.

0:30:57 > 0:31:00- I've got loads of paintings, loads. - Show me one.

0:31:00 > 0:31:03- I haven't got my bag, have I?- Mm-hm. - Hm.- Course.

0:31:12 > 0:31:16Oh, come on. Someone sit down.

0:31:16 > 0:31:19We've been sat down for four-and-a-half hours.

0:31:23 > 0:31:27- Oh, come on, it's getting cold now. - No, it's not.

0:31:28 > 0:31:32- Can we not just call it a day?- No. - Tomo, shut up, please.

0:31:32 > 0:31:34You shut up.

0:31:55 > 0:31:58Right, so you're saying the guy who dropped it off has gone?

0:31:58 > 0:32:01- He's not here? - Yeah.

0:32:01 > 0:32:03Right, so which way did he go?

0:32:04 > 0:32:07- That way.- Right, so he went that way,

0:32:07 > 0:32:11- we'll go that way, yeah?- OK. - I'm just gonna go in,

0:32:11 > 0:32:14cool, natural, just be myself and I'll just pick it up

0:32:14 > 0:32:18and... Just watch and learn. Learn from the master. Don't worry,

0:32:18 > 0:32:22- I'll pull it off. - Shall I go with you, master?

0:32:22 > 0:32:25What for?

0:32:25 > 0:32:28I can fake heart attack or something like this.

0:32:28 > 0:32:32What do you wanna fake a heart attack for?

0:32:32 > 0:32:35If you just do it the way I'm gonna do it,

0:32:35 > 0:32:40then it'll, it'll, it'll happen. It's me, I can do everything.

0:32:40 > 0:32:44So just stay there a second. One minute. I'll be back. Don't move.

0:32:45 > 0:32:47Just gonna...

0:32:47 > 0:32:50..just get these for...

0:32:50 > 0:32:54..Uncle Ian. Ian'll get these. These'll get to Ian.

0:32:55 > 0:32:58Ian. Come on, hurry up.

0:32:58 > 0:33:00Come on!

0:33:11 > 0:33:13Tada!

0:33:13 > 0:33:17What's that, grandma's raincoat?

0:33:17 > 0:33:19What else is in there?

0:33:21 > 0:33:24A girl's blouse? No. What else is in there?

0:33:24 > 0:33:26Trousers.

0:33:27 > 0:33:30Rupert Bear trousers?! No!

0:33:30 > 0:33:33What else is in there? Pull out something decent.

0:33:34 > 0:33:36That's cool.

0:33:41 > 0:33:45- Like businessman. - Mate, you're not a businessman!

0:33:45 > 0:33:48Take it off, it's not a fashion show!

0:33:48 > 0:33:50I thought you said the person looked like me?

0:33:50 > 0:33:55Maybe he wash it for his grandparents, I don't know.

0:33:55 > 0:33:57That's nice, retro trousers.

0:33:58 > 0:34:02They're not retro, they're ridiculous!

0:34:02 > 0:34:04Mate, just get me my tracksuit, please.

0:34:08 > 0:34:11I'm gonna be stuck in that tracksuit for the rest of my life.

0:34:14 > 0:34:17- Is it dry? - Yeah.

0:34:17 > 0:34:20No, it's not, it's soaked!

0:34:22 > 0:34:26What the flippin' heck's that?! What you done to it?!

0:34:26 > 0:34:29- I don't know. It's not me. - You've wrecked my clothes!

0:34:29 > 0:34:31My only bits of clothes!

0:34:41 > 0:34:43Pen!

0:34:46 > 0:34:48God's sake!

0:34:49 > 0:34:52- Maybe this one? - Mate, it's a dress!

0:34:53 > 0:34:57- Put it in your trousers. - Why are you being stupid?!

0:34:57 > 0:35:00Why are you finding this funny?! I've got no clothes!

0:35:00 > 0:35:04- God's sake, grow up! - Don't be baby!

0:35:05 > 0:35:07Come back! Tomo!

0:35:21 > 0:35:25- Marek... Oi! - What?

0:35:25 > 0:35:30- I've chosen some clothes out the bag.- Show me.

0:35:30 > 0:35:34- Promise you won't laugh? - I won't.

0:35:41 > 0:35:45- Come on, mate. You promised you wouldn't laugh.- Sorry.

0:35:45 > 0:35:49- You look great. - I think I look like a female golfer.

0:35:49 > 0:35:51No!

0:35:52 > 0:35:53No.

0:36:00 > 0:36:02Honestly, you look fine.

0:36:09 > 0:36:12- What's that? - What?

0:36:12 > 0:36:14- What? - That.

0:36:14 > 0:36:18- Yeah.- It's a wheelchair. - Yeah, it is.

0:36:18 > 0:36:22- Whose do you reckon that is? - I don't know.

0:36:22 > 0:36:24Don't look like anyone's.

0:36:25 > 0:36:29- Shall we go get it?- OK. - I'll race you down.

0:36:29 > 0:36:31Come on, quick!

0:36:34 > 0:36:37- So do you think she'll like it? - Of course, it's flowers,

0:36:37 > 0:36:41umbrella and bell, everything. Don't worry.

0:36:41 > 0:36:45- I just don't want to serve him. - all right, I'll say something,

0:36:45 > 0:36:49- but just accept the fact he's a bloody idiot. - BELL RINGS

0:36:50 > 0:36:53Oh, God. Talking of idiots. Go on.

0:36:53 > 0:36:55Let me go see what they want.

0:36:55 > 0:36:59- Hi!- I'll see you tomorrow.- See you. Let me change the sign.

0:36:59 > 0:37:01Thanks.

0:37:01 > 0:37:04- Hello.- I had a car crash. - No, you haven't.

0:37:04 > 0:37:07- No, you're right, I haven't. - What's this?

0:37:07 > 0:37:11- Special taxi for you. - No. Really?

0:37:11 > 0:37:15- Yeah, door-to-door service. - But I live far away.

0:37:15 > 0:37:19- It doesn't matter. - We don't care. Come on, get in.

0:37:20 > 0:37:24Thank you very much, my darlings. I feel very honoured.

0:37:24 > 0:37:26- So which way? - This way.- OK.

0:37:29 > 0:37:31- Let's go. - Go, go, go!

0:37:48 > 0:37:50# Are you a gambler?

0:37:53 > 0:37:56# You gonna take a chance on this life?

0:37:58 > 0:38:01# Are you a strangler?

0:38:04 > 0:38:06# Are you gonna kill it all?

0:38:09 > 0:38:12# Are your friends and your lovers

0:38:12 > 0:38:15# Your God-fearing brothers all gone?

0:38:19 > 0:38:22# Is this is this all you got left

0:38:22 > 0:38:25# But you don't see it lasting that long?

0:38:35 > 0:38:37# Are you a whirlwind?

0:38:39 > 0:38:43# Do you suck in everything around you?

0:38:45 > 0:38:47# Are you a monster?

0:38:51 > 0:38:53# Do you destroy it all?

0:38:56 > 0:38:59# Are your friends and your lovers

0:38:59 > 0:39:02# Your God-fearing brothers all gone?

0:39:06 > 0:39:09# Is this all you got left

0:39:09 > 0:39:12# But you don't see it lasting that long?

0:39:22 > 0:39:25# Low, low, low

0:39:27 > 0:39:32# Low is the man So hard are the blows

0:39:32 > 0:39:35# Low, low, low

0:39:37 > 0:39:41# Low...are the punches

0:39:45 > 0:39:46# For you. #

0:39:46 > 0:39:48This is where I live.

0:39:48 > 0:39:50- Do you? Which one? - With the flowers.

0:39:50 > 0:39:53Oh, cool. They're pretty.

0:39:58 > 0:40:01Thank you so much for taking me home, boys.

0:40:01 > 0:40:05- Thank you.- Thank you. - This has been the best day.

0:40:05 > 0:40:09- It was our pleasure.- And I love the way you decorated my chair.

0:40:10 > 0:40:13Can I have a kiss now, please?

0:40:25 > 0:40:28And remember, I love you both the same.

0:40:28 > 0:40:30- Bye. - Yeah!

0:40:30 > 0:40:32See you later.

0:40:37 > 0:40:39- See you later. - Bye!

0:40:48 > 0:40:51- Tomo, hurry up! - What?

0:40:51 > 0:40:54- We have no time. - What do you want?

0:40:56 > 0:40:58- Hurry up. - Why?

0:40:58 > 0:41:03- My dad will be back soon. - Why? Your dad's just gone to work.

0:41:03 > 0:41:07- He only gone to the shop. - Two minutes.- He will catch you.

0:41:07 > 0:41:10- Just two minutes. - No, I am coming.

0:41:10 > 0:41:12Oh!

0:41:12 > 0:41:15Tomo! What are you doing?

0:41:15 > 0:41:17I'm lonely.

0:41:23 > 0:41:26Ow!

0:41:42 > 0:41:43KNOCKS AT DOOR

0:41:47 > 0:41:49Hurry up!

0:41:50 > 0:41:54- Who is it? - It's Tomo and Marek.

0:41:54 > 0:41:56- Who? - Tomo and Marek!

0:41:56 > 0:41:58Hurry up!

0:42:01 > 0:42:04Oh. What's wrong, boys?

0:42:04 > 0:42:06What?

0:42:06 > 0:42:09You know what time it is?! It's seven in the morning!

0:42:09 > 0:42:12- So? - What do you mean, so?

0:42:12 > 0:42:16- This is the middle of the night for me!- We've brought you some stuff.

0:42:16 > 0:42:20- Here, what about that? Brought you some clothes.- I don't want none!

0:42:20 > 0:42:25You woke me up at seven in the morning to bring me this rubbish!

0:42:25 > 0:42:29- Are you mad?!- We've brought you some clothes. Do you wanna buy 'em?

0:42:29 > 0:42:34- Birds' dresses? I don't want that! What for?- You can sell 'em!

0:42:34 > 0:42:37You can sell it all.

0:42:37 > 0:42:40- You can sell it all. - Retro trousers.

0:42:42 > 0:42:45You can sell 'em all.

0:42:46 > 0:42:49- I'll give you a fiver for the suit. - We're selling it together.

0:42:49 > 0:42:53- What?- You must pay all.- I don't want all of it, all I want is this!

0:42:53 > 0:42:58- Well you can re-sell it on the market.- So how much do you want?

0:42:58 > 0:43:01- 25, 20 quid. - 25 quid!

0:43:05 > 0:43:08Why is it... Urgh!

0:43:08 > 0:43:12Now piss off, and let me get back to bed, you.

0:43:12 > 0:43:15Seven o'clock in the morning. I don't know what you...

0:43:17 > 0:43:20Mint! Come on!

0:43:26 > 0:43:29We've got everything? Bread, wine,

0:43:29 > 0:43:31- grapes, cheese, onions. - Yeah.

0:43:31 > 0:43:35Things to sit on. It's gonna be ace. Just let me do all the talking

0:43:35 > 0:43:38- cos I'm better than you at it. - OK.

0:43:38 > 0:43:42- Hello.- Hello, lads.- Where is Maria? - I'm afraid she ain't in today.

0:43:42 > 0:43:46- She told us she was gonna be in. - No, she had to go home.

0:43:46 > 0:43:49- One of her family's sick or something.- No problem, we find her.

0:43:49 > 0:43:53No, no, lads. Not here home, Paris home.

0:43:53 > 0:43:56- Where? - France.

0:43:56 > 0:43:59- Well she didn't tell us. When did she go?- This morning.

0:43:59 > 0:44:03Don't worry, there'll be another little bird here next week.

0:44:10 > 0:44:12Not like Maria.

0:44:13 > 0:44:16What about all these things for her?

0:44:17 > 0:44:20I don't know, I don't care.

0:44:21 > 0:44:24Just do what you want with it.

0:44:48 > 0:44:51IN FRENCH ACCENT: "And remember, I love you both the same."

0:44:51 > 0:44:54Yeah, right. What a crock.

0:44:59 > 0:45:03It's really annoying that we spent a lot on this food and that.

0:45:03 > 0:45:07And the cheese... and bread, and grapes.

0:45:12 > 0:45:15She didn't even have the decency to tell us she was going.

0:45:17 > 0:45:20OK, give me a bottle.

0:45:21 > 0:45:23- You've had loads. - Please.

0:45:25 > 0:45:29- There's only half left. I've only had like two swigs.- Please.

0:45:29 > 0:45:32- Well, don't have loads then. - Thank you.

0:45:32 > 0:45:35By the way, have you ever drunk be...

0:45:35 > 0:45:38- Have you ever drunk before? - No.

0:45:38 > 0:45:42You've had like two swigs and you're all over the shop.

0:45:42 > 0:45:45You don't even know what you're saying. Look at you.

0:45:47 > 0:45:50What you staring at?

0:45:51 > 0:45:53You're out your head.

0:45:55 > 0:45:58Why does anything good never happen to me?

0:45:58 > 0:46:02Oh, stop crying, and don't be big baby.

0:46:02 > 0:46:06I'm not crying and I'm not a big baby, am I? It's called love, son.

0:46:06 > 0:46:09- You don't love her more than me. - Well obviously I do.

0:46:09 > 0:46:12You've got long hair and a stupid accent.

0:46:14 > 0:46:17- You've got stupid clothes. - So?- So?

0:46:17 > 0:46:20I could just go nick some from a shop. You can't change

0:46:20 > 0:46:23the way you speak.

0:46:23 > 0:46:26Anyway, let's not fall out over a girl.

0:46:31 > 0:46:33How much money have we got?

0:46:33 > 0:46:36I don't know, ten pounds.

0:46:36 > 0:46:38That's all.

0:46:39 > 0:46:41Just a tenner?

0:46:41 > 0:46:44OK.

0:46:44 > 0:46:47Right, then. Let's forget about Maria.

0:46:51 > 0:46:53Get wasted.

0:46:56 > 0:46:58DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:46:58 > 0:46:59No! No more!

0:46:59 > 0:47:01You look like a German!

0:47:02 > 0:47:05Mine!

0:47:10 > 0:47:12Yeah!

0:47:17 > 0:47:20Turn this up a bit. Where's the volume?

0:47:21 > 0:47:23Woo!

0:47:27 > 0:47:28Ooh!

0:47:33 > 0:47:35Three,

0:47:35 > 0:47:38two, one, go!

0:48:13 > 0:48:16Disco rave again! Disco! You've got a big...

0:48:16 > 0:48:18No! Ah!

0:48:38 > 0:48:41MUSIC STOPS He's turned the music off.

0:48:41 > 0:48:43Tomo.

0:48:43 > 0:48:46- Is this your dad? - I think so.

0:48:50 > 0:48:52All right, mate?

0:48:57 > 0:48:59What?

0:49:01 > 0:49:05What? Can you trans... transvariclate that for me?

0:49:30 > 0:49:31What?

0:49:44 > 0:49:46What?

0:49:53 > 0:49:57- I don't know who are you but... - I'm Tomo.- ..but...- Please.

0:49:57 > 0:50:02..I want put on your clothes and leave.

0:50:02 > 0:50:05- Yeah, mate. - At once.

0:50:08 > 0:50:11- I'm... I'll take myself out! - Hey! Out!

0:50:11 > 0:50:13- Please!- Out! - Please!

0:51:45 > 0:51:46Hello?

0:51:47 > 0:51:49Hello?

0:51:52 > 0:51:53Hello?

0:51:53 > 0:51:55Hello.

0:51:59 > 0:52:01- Where am I? - Barbados.

0:52:01 > 0:52:04Cup of tea there.

0:52:06 > 0:52:10Do you remember what happened last night?

0:52:43 > 0:52:46- It's nice, this. Great cooking. - Good.

0:52:49 > 0:52:51Blinding headache.

0:52:51 > 0:52:54Look, why don't you just go home, son?

0:52:56 > 0:53:01You're gonna get yourself into all sorts of trouble if you stay here.

0:53:01 > 0:53:04Yeah, well I can't go home. I like it here.

0:53:04 > 0:53:09What do you mean? If it's money, I'll lend you the money to get home.

0:53:09 > 0:53:13It's not money, I've just got nothing to go home to.

0:53:13 > 0:53:15- What, no home? - No.

0:53:15 > 0:53:19- No relatives or nothing? - No.

0:53:19 > 0:53:24Well, look, you can stay here for a bit but you're gonna have to help.

0:53:24 > 0:53:29I mean, when I say, "Jump", you're gonna say, "How high?"

0:53:29 > 0:53:30Yeah?

0:53:30 > 0:53:34Help me out, do whatever I say, whatever I tell you to do.

0:53:37 > 0:53:40- Yeah?- Well, what, in like a sexual way or something?

0:53:40 > 0:53:43Sex? No! Sexual way?

0:53:43 > 0:53:46What are you talking about? No, not a sexual way.

0:57:41 > 0:57:43OK.

0:59:26 > 0:59:29- Lovely day, ain't it? - Yeah.

0:59:31 > 0:59:33Sun is shining.

0:59:37 > 0:59:40Look at that station. It's amazing.

0:59:42 > 0:59:45- Very huge. - Massive.

0:59:48 > 0:59:52Maybe, like, one weekend we could save up some money,

0:59:52 > 0:59:58go... Obviously, because we're not even two minutes from the station.

0:59:58 > 1:00:02Just get on a train and just go for a weekend.

1:00:05 > 1:00:07Can you imagine that? Just us two.

1:00:07 > 1:00:11OK. If you want, I can ask my dad

1:00:11 > 1:00:14to get us cheaper tickets.

1:00:14 > 1:00:17- He works there. - Really?

1:00:19 > 1:00:22Cool. Definitely. I mean, it'd be fun, just be like

1:00:22 > 1:00:25a bit of a road trip between me and you.

1:00:26 > 1:00:30Like, just best mates going to Paris.

1:00:30 > 1:00:34See the Eiffel Tower, eat croissants,

1:00:34 > 1:00:37drink red wine, cheese, bread.

1:00:39 > 1:00:41It'd be good.

1:00:43 > 1:00:47And just see Maria and just have a laugh with her,

1:00:47 > 1:00:50like we did the other day.

1:00:52 > 1:00:56I mean, it wouldn't be hard to find her. She's a beautiful girl.

1:00:56 > 1:00:59- Yeah, she is. - Yeah.

1:00:59 > 1:01:02She must be popular in Paris.

1:01:04 > 1:01:07I just hope she hasn't got a boyfriend.

1:01:13 > 1:01:15Anyway...

1:01:15 > 1:01:18..I'm gonna get back to the, er, polishing.

1:01:18 > 1:01:22- Polishing. - The good old Brasso.

1:01:23 > 1:01:27- So, yeah. What you gonna do? - I am staying here.

1:01:27 > 1:01:31You're gonna stay here. All right then, mate,

1:01:31 > 1:01:34- I'll maybe come down in a bit, we'll go the park.- OK.

1:01:34 > 1:01:38- Just go out for a bit, yeah? All right, see you in a bit. - See you later.

1:01:38 > 1:01:40See you later.

1:01:48 > 1:01:53# They said the hand of God delivered the blow

1:01:54 > 1:01:57# But all that I know

1:01:57 > 1:02:00# It wasn't him that nearly killed you

1:02:03 > 1:02:07# I let you down I never carried you home

1:02:09 > 1:02:12# I left you alone

1:02:12 > 1:02:15# To fend there for yourself

1:02:47 > 1:02:51# I see you out sometimes enjoying the square

1:02:53 > 1:02:55# The mademoiselles

1:02:55 > 1:02:59# With faces filled with sadness

1:03:01 > 1:03:05# For all that you gained you still remember me

1:03:07 > 1:03:10# When I speak

1:03:10 > 1:03:13# I'll remember where I'm from

1:03:15 > 1:03:18# Well, it's a long way back

1:03:18 > 1:03:21# To the Medway

1:03:22 > 1:03:26# It's a long way back

1:03:26 > 1:03:28# To the school

1:03:30 > 1:03:33# It's a long way back

1:03:33 > 1:03:36# To the Coliseum

1:03:37 > 1:03:39# When we had

1:03:39 > 1:03:42# Faces too

1:03:44 > 1:03:47# When we had

1:03:47 > 1:03:49# Faces too

1:04:21 > 1:04:26# Sometimes I go back but I never stay

1:04:27 > 1:04:30# It's wasting away

1:04:30 > 1:04:33# The world that we grew up in

1:04:36 > 1:04:40# One day you will see me down on the Strand

1:04:42 > 1:04:44# And when you hear me speak

1:04:44 > 1:04:48# You'll remember where you're from. #

1:05:33 > 1:05:36E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk