Bye Bye Birdie

0:00:19 > 0:00:24# Bye, bye, Birdie

0:00:24 > 0:00:27# I'm gonna miss you so

0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Bye, bye, Birdie

0:00:31 > 0:00:35# Why'd ya have to go?

0:00:35 > 0:00:37# Bye, bye

0:00:37 > 0:00:42- # No more sunshine - (Sunshine)

0:00:42 > 0:00:45- # It's followed you away - (You away)

0:00:45 > 0:00:49# I'll cry, Birdie

0:00:49 > 0:00:53# Till you're home to stay

0:00:53 > 0:00:57# I'll miss the way you smile as though it's just for me

0:00:57 > 0:00:59# And each and every night

0:00:59 > 0:01:03# I'll write you faithfully

0:01:03 > 0:01:07# Bye, bye, Birdie

0:01:07 > 0:01:11# It's awful hard to bear

0:01:11 > 0:01:15# Bye, bye, Birdie

0:01:15 > 0:01:19# Guess I'll always care

0:01:19 > 0:01:23# Guess I'll always care

0:01:23 > 0:01:28# Guess I'll always care. #

0:02:37 > 0:02:41Look! Look! Hey!

0:03:04 > 0:03:06# We love you, Conrad

0:03:06 > 0:03:08# Oh, yes, we do

0:03:08 > 0:03:10# We love you, Conrad

0:03:10 > 0:03:13# And we'll be true

0:03:13 > 0:03:16# When you're not near us

0:03:16 > 0:03:19# We're blue

0:03:19 > 0:03:23# Oh, Conrad, we love you... #

0:03:26 > 0:03:29This is John Daly reporting with the CBS mobile unit

0:03:29 > 0:03:32in front of the nation's capitol

0:03:32 > 0:03:36bringing you on-the-spot coverage of our current teenage crisis

0:03:36 > 0:03:39over the drafting of Conrad Birdie.

0:03:39 > 0:03:42Sociologists agree that Birdie is a phenomenon.

0:03:42 > 0:03:46For those few music lovers who have never attended one of his concerts

0:03:46 > 0:03:50here are some news photos tracing his meteoric rise.

0:04:30 > 0:04:34And that, that is our army's newest weapon.

0:04:34 > 0:04:38Private Birdie reports for his induction in ten days.

0:04:38 > 0:04:42His income drops from 2 million a year...

0:04:42 > 0:04:44to 78 a month.

0:04:44 > 0:04:48It could only happen in America.

0:04:50 > 0:04:52Why?

0:04:52 > 0:04:55Why did they have to draft him?

0:04:55 > 0:04:58Just when I finally write a song he's gonna do.

0:04:58 > 0:05:00The title song of his next picture.

0:05:00 > 0:05:03"Mumbo Jumbo Gooey Gumbo."

0:05:03 > 0:05:07Now there's no picture. There's nothing.

0:05:11 > 0:05:16Albert, I have your financial statement, if you really want to hear it.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20"Total assets: 312.08.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23"Liabilities: 4,030."

0:05:23 > 0:05:25You...

0:05:29 > 0:05:32Confidentially, you're a fiscal fiasco.

0:05:32 > 0:05:36Good-bye, Albert. It's a sad ending to a long association.

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Yeah. Oh, don't you want to say good-bye to Pidge?

0:05:45 > 0:05:49Almaelou's busted, Pidge. You better get yourself another meal ticket.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54In six years I never sold one lousy song.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57Maybe they weren't lousy enough.

0:06:00 > 0:06:02I don't care so much about myself...

0:06:02 > 0:06:05but I'm my mother's sole support.

0:06:05 > 0:06:07I've wasted every cent my father left Mama...

0:06:07 > 0:06:10It's not your fault. Your mother wants you to be a songwriter.

0:06:10 > 0:06:13You can make a good living as a biochemist.

0:06:14 > 0:06:18That's a wonderful profession, but Mama wants...

0:06:18 > 0:06:21Just because she was once in vaudeville

0:06:21 > 0:06:23doesn't mean you belong in show business.

0:06:23 > 0:06:27Confidentially, I respect my mother, but I do what I want.

0:06:27 > 0:06:31Well, Mama's sensitive. When I upset her, she faints.

0:06:31 > 0:06:35Why, with your ideas, you can make a fortune in chemistry.

0:06:35 > 0:06:37Chemistry.

0:06:38 > 0:06:42Chemistry. Chemistry? You sound like Rosie.

0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Where is she? Where's Rosie? - Oh, she phoned.

0:06:44 > 0:06:46She heard about Birdie being drafted. She's going to see Ed Sullivan.

0:06:46 > 0:06:51Sure, to get another job. Oh, a fine secretary!

0:06:51 > 0:06:55Why, we have been practically engaged, just waiting for an OK from Mama.

0:06:55 > 0:06:58Now when I hit bottom, Rosie deserts me.

0:06:58 > 0:07:01Quits before my body's even warm.

0:07:01 > 0:07:04Ed Sullivan!

0:07:05 > 0:07:08Would you send in Rosie DeLeon, please?

0:07:10 > 0:07:13Is it yes, Mr Sullivan? it's just got to be yes.

0:07:13 > 0:07:17- Rosie, it is yes. - Oh, hallelujah!

0:07:17 > 0:07:21I love you. Oh, that's marvellous. Oh, I love you too! I'm so glad!

0:07:22 > 0:07:24Miss DeLeon, I'd like you to meet our producer, Bob Precht.

0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Oh, hi. How are you? - Well, it's my pleasure.

0:07:27 > 0:07:30If you can overcome your shyness, tell me...

0:07:30 > 0:07:33what's our using Birdie on the show got to do with you?

0:07:33 > 0:07:34Let's face it, I'm a scheming woman.

0:07:34 > 0:07:36I have a promotion idea that'll knock you out.

0:07:36 > 0:07:39If you buy it, I want a little favour.

0:07:39 > 0:07:41All right. Let's try it on for size.

0:07:41 > 0:07:44How'd you like a terrific build-up before the show...

0:07:44 > 0:07:47that'll have every TV set tuned into you next Sunday?

0:07:47 > 0:07:50We will have. After all, we've got the Moscow Ballet and Birdie.

0:07:50 > 0:07:51- This is bigger. - Bigger?

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Before Conrad Birdie goes into the army...

0:07:54 > 0:07:57he bestows a farewell kiss on all the swooning girls...

0:07:57 > 0:07:58who worship him on your TV show.

0:07:58 > 0:08:02After all, it's only an hour show, and Birdie only gets four minutes.

0:08:02 > 0:08:05He kisses them all symbolically.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07- What'd you say? - Symbolically.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10- He'll only kiss one girl. - He kisses only one girl?

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Can't you see it? Birdie, their idol, their leader...

0:08:13 > 0:08:16kissing one fabulously lucky teenage Tessie?

0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Yeah! Yeah! - It'll melt every bobby pin in America.

0:08:18 > 0:08:21It's gigantic. The newspapers will eat it up. Think of the advance publicity.

0:08:21 > 0:08:23Get the Birdie's fan club file right away.

0:08:23 > 0:08:25- Get us a girl from Ohio. - Gotcha!

0:08:25 > 0:08:29We'll do it from the outdoor theatre, Columbus, Ohio, right after the ballet.

0:08:29 > 0:08:33- I'll get the girl. - The network will handle the details.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36And after the kiss, Birdie sings a big song.

0:08:36 > 0:08:39- That's where Rosie gets her payoff. - I don't get it.

0:08:39 > 0:08:42- The song is "One Last Kiss." - Never heard of it.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Hasn't been written yet. - Who is going to write this classic?

0:08:44 > 0:08:49Oh, who else, but my future husband, Mr Albert F. Peterson?

0:08:49 > 0:08:51Birdie's been wanting to give Albert a break for six years.

0:08:51 > 0:08:53I know he'll use the song, if you say so.

0:08:53 > 0:08:59Any song will do even though it's written by your ever-lovin' Albert.

0:08:59 > 0:09:00Thank you, Mr Sullivan.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03With a plug like this, that song will sell a million records.

0:09:03 > 0:09:07- Man, what royalties! - We can sure use the money.

0:09:07 > 0:09:10Any day now Albert and I will have another mouth to teed.

0:09:10 > 0:09:14Rosie, you're not even married yet. His mother! Bye.

0:09:14 > 0:09:17Carmine, get me the publicity department right away.

0:09:17 > 0:09:21This batch will do. Get them ready for mailing right away.

0:09:21 > 0:09:25Oh, hi, Marge. I need one of your fans from Ohio.

0:09:25 > 0:09:28You can have them all. Try file number six.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30OK. Six, here we go.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32I'm about to make some gaga little goof a queen.

0:09:36 > 0:09:37Hey, cute.

0:09:39 > 0:09:44Long distance? I want Miss Kim McAfee, Sweet Apple, 135, Sweet Apple, Ohio.

0:09:44 > 0:09:48Marge, isn't it amazing what a woman has to do to get a man to marry her?

0:09:48 > 0:09:50You mean you doped Albert's mother?

0:09:50 > 0:09:53No, but if this doesn't work, that's my next move.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55What, Operator? Oh, the line's busy.

0:09:55 > 0:09:58Never mind. I'll try later. Thank you.

0:09:58 > 0:10:03Oh, Marge, right now there's a kid named Kim McAfee in Sweet Apple, Ohio...

0:10:03 > 0:10:04gabbing on the telephone.

0:10:04 > 0:10:09Little does she realize I'm about to make her immortal.

0:10:13 > 0:10:16- Hello? - Hello, Urse. This is Kim.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18If I don't tell somebody, I'm just gonna burst.

0:10:18 > 0:10:22So, Ursula, you are the very first to know.

0:10:22 > 0:10:25I just got pinned by Hugo Peabody.

0:10:25 > 0:10:30Oh, no! Kim McAfee, you didn't! You really got pinned?

0:10:30 > 0:10:34You mean you and Hugo have a permanent understanding?

0:10:34 > 0:10:37Uh-huh. Oh, it's Hugo and I forever.

0:10:37 > 0:10:40Crazy! Crazy!

0:10:40 > 0:10:43Tell me, Kim, how do you absolutely feel...

0:10:43 > 0:10:47in your deepest secret soul?

0:10:47 > 0:10:51It's like... It's like I've been reborn.

0:10:51 > 0:10:55It's like all of my life until this very moment I was nothing.

0:10:55 > 0:10:58Kim, I must use the phone. I've got to call Grandma.

0:10:58 > 0:11:00In a second, Mom. Hey, listen, Ursula.

0:11:00 > 0:11:03I'm gonna have to get off. Where was I?

0:11:03 > 0:11:04- You were nothing. - Oh, yeah.

0:11:04 > 0:11:09And now I'm alive, fulfilled.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12Now I know what it means to be a woman.

0:11:12 > 0:11:14It should only happen to me.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17Kim, where did he pin you?

0:11:17 > 0:11:21On the backseat. Oh, bless that lovely yellow school bus.

0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Kim, hurry, please. - Hang up, so I can spread the word.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26OK, bye, Urse.

0:11:40 > 0:11:44# - Hi, Nancy - Hi, Ursula

0:11:44 > 0:11:47# What's the story, morning glory What's the tale, nightingale

0:11:47 > 0:11:49# Did you hear about Hugo and Kim

0:11:49 > 0:11:52# - Hi, Margie - Hi, Alice

0:11:52 > 0:11:56# - What's the story, morning glory - What's the word, hummingbird

0:11:56 > 0:11:58# Have you heard about Hugo and Kim

0:11:58 > 0:12:01# Did they really get pinned Did she kiss him and cry

0:12:01 > 0:12:05# Did he pin the pin on or was he too shy

0:12:05 > 0:12:07# - Well, I heard they got pinned - Yeah, yeah

0:12:07 > 0:12:09# - I was hopin' they would - Uh-huh

0:12:09 > 0:12:11# - They're livin' at last - He's gone

0:12:11 > 0:12:14# Hello, Mr Henkel This is Harvey Johnson

0:12:14 > 0:12:19# - Can I talk to Penelope Ann - Is it true about Kim

0:12:19 > 0:12:21# - Penelope - I just knew it somehow

0:12:21 > 0:12:22# - About the prom - I must call her right up

0:12:22 > 0:12:24# - Saturday - I can't talk to you now

0:12:27 > 0:12:28# - Goin' steady - You know it, man

0:12:28 > 0:12:30# - Goin' steady - it's crazy, man

0:12:30 > 0:12:32# - Goin' steady - You know it

0:12:32 > 0:12:35# - It won't last - Not at all

0:12:35 > 0:12:38# - He's too thin - She's too tall

0:12:38 > 0:12:42# Hello, Mrs Miller This is Harvey Johnson

0:12:42 > 0:12:46# Can I speak to Debra Sue

0:12:48 > 0:12:52# Hiya, Hugo Hiya, stupid

0:12:52 > 0:12:55# - What ya wanna go get pinned for - You don't know how to live

0:12:55 > 0:12:57# - Oh, you meathead - You'd get pinned if you could

0:12:57 > 0:12:59# - Lost your marbles - Kim and I are in love

0:12:59 > 0:13:00# - Are you nutty - Goin' steady for

0:13:00 > 0:13:03# Hello, Mrs Garfein Is Charity home from school yet?

0:13:03 > 0:13:06# - Did they really get pinned - Goin' steady

0:13:06 > 0:13:08# - I was hopin' they would - He's gone

0:13:08 > 0:13:10# - Now they're livin' at last - She nailed him

0:13:10 > 0:13:13# If ya gotta go that's the way to go

0:13:14 > 0:13:17# When they got ya hooked then you're really cooked

0:13:17 > 0:13:20# What ya gonna do What ya gonna do

0:13:20 > 0:13:22# - Well, I heard they got pinned - Oh, man

0:13:22 > 0:13:24# - I was thinkin' they would - Oh, man

0:13:24 > 0:13:26# Now they're livin' at last Goin' steady for good

0:13:26 > 0:13:30# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good

0:13:30 > 0:13:33# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good

0:13:33 > 0:13:36# He's in love with Kim Kim's in love with him

0:13:36 > 0:13:41# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good

0:13:42 > 0:13:44# That's the way it should be

0:13:44 > 0:13:46# - Oh, yeah - They'll be happy, I know

0:13:46 > 0:13:48# - Oh, yeah - Goin' steady for me

0:13:48 > 0:13:50# - Oh, yeah - That's the way it should go

0:13:50 > 0:13:53# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good

0:13:53 > 0:13:57# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good

0:13:57 > 0:14:00# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good

0:14:00 > 0:14:05# Goin' steady, oh...

0:14:05 > 0:14:06# Yeah! #

0:14:13 > 0:14:17Poor Pidge. He'll starve.

0:14:19 > 0:14:22Here, Pidge. Here, Pidgie. Here, boy.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27Albert!

0:14:27 > 0:14:29Albert, no! Honey, no!

0:14:29 > 0:14:33Don't jump! Don't jump! Albert, it's all right!

0:14:33 > 0:14:36Everything's all right! Come on back! Don't worry.

0:14:36 > 0:14:38Honey, come on.

0:14:40 > 0:14:44- Thank heavens I got here in time. - You almost pushed me out.

0:14:44 > 0:14:46It's all right. I just came from Ed Sullivan's office.

0:14:46 > 0:14:48- Sullivan? - Yes, Ed Sullivan.

0:14:48 > 0:14:52Go to work for Sullivan. Leap from the sinking ship while the house is on fire.

0:14:52 > 0:14:55But hear this, Miss DeLeon. I was loyal.

0:14:55 > 0:14:58All the years I employed you, I never looked for a job behind your back.

0:14:58 > 0:15:00- I went to Ed Sullivan's office... - Don't explain.

0:15:00 > 0:15:03You owe me nothing, even though you were moulded by me.

0:15:03 > 0:15:07- Moulded? - Like Eliza Doolittle from Pygmalion.

0:15:07 > 0:15:10- I was moulded? - What were you when I found you?

0:15:10 > 0:15:15Hostess at La Casa Enchilada Taco and Tamale Shop.

0:15:15 > 0:15:20Well, sorry I interrupted you.

0:15:20 > 0:15:22A man of my ilk does not commit suicide.

0:15:22 > 0:15:26I've had just about enough of your kind of ilk too.

0:15:27 > 0:15:32Suicide is for cowards. I don't desert the woman I love.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40Oh, Albert, I'm sorry.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45- I should have known. - Mama would never get over it.

0:15:45 > 0:15:47Mama?

0:15:51 > 0:15:52What's the matter?

0:15:52 > 0:15:54I'm the prize dope of all time...

0:15:54 > 0:15:58thinking I could pry you away from your mama's ever-lovin' tentacles.

0:15:58 > 0:16:01I will thank you to leave my mother out of this.

0:16:01 > 0:16:04- Maybe she does influence me slightly. - Slightly?

0:16:04 > 0:16:07- She is old and frail. - Which I will be, too, at this rate.

0:16:07 > 0:16:10I don't blame you. I was living in fantasy...

0:16:10 > 0:16:13telling myself you were serious.

0:16:13 > 0:16:15Oh, Rosie, I was.

0:16:15 > 0:16:18I am. In here.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20I've thought and thought about marrying you...

0:16:20 > 0:16:24every day, a lot of nights too.

0:16:24 > 0:16:27I've spent six years on Project Albert.

0:16:29 > 0:16:33Well, now I haven't got the right.

0:16:33 > 0:16:36I can't offer you security.

0:16:37 > 0:16:40A wonderful girl like you...

0:16:43 > 0:16:47You deserve more from a husband than just personality and good looks.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56But I'll always love you, Rosie.

0:17:01 > 0:17:06You'd better always love me, you nut...

0:17:06 > 0:17:08because you're stuck with me.

0:17:11 > 0:17:15Now, you've always worried about repaying your mother, right?

0:17:15 > 0:17:18Well, from now on, she'll be set for life.

0:17:18 > 0:17:22She can sit around on her big fat trust fund. We'll have our own little house...

0:17:22 > 0:17:25I don't care what Sullivan pays you. No woman is supporting Albert Peterson.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28- You're not listening, darling. - I am not a gigolo.

0:17:28 > 0:17:32Will you get to that piano and start composing?

0:17:32 > 0:17:36- Mary, I want Kim McAfee, Ohio. - I'm through composing.

0:17:36 > 0:17:38I was always through, but now I know it.

0:17:38 > 0:17:41That's right. You're a biochemist, but this is one song you can sell.

0:17:41 > 0:17:43- Huh? - OK, call me back.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45- As I was saying, huh? - Gee, you're slow today.

0:17:45 > 0:17:48Now, you are going to write a song called "One Last Kiss."

0:17:48 > 0:17:52Is this Albert's floor or is it the one below?

0:17:53 > 0:17:56"One Last Kiss." Now.

0:17:56 > 0:18:00# Oh, one last kiss There never was such bliss

0:18:02 > 0:18:04# I love your dentifrice

0:18:04 > 0:18:06- A little too clinical, I think. - Yeah, you're right, honey. Let's see.

0:18:06 > 0:18:09AL-BERT!

0:18:09 > 0:18:12Mama? She's never been to the office since she discovered canasta.

0:18:12 > 0:18:16Well, now's the perfect time to tell her about dissolving Almaelou.

0:18:16 > 0:18:18Yeah.

0:18:18 > 0:18:20- And about us. - Yeah.

0:18:20 > 0:18:22Albert?

0:18:24 > 0:18:26Sonny!

0:18:26 > 0:18:28- Mama! - Baby!

0:18:28 > 0:18:32What a nice surprise, and you're just in time for some wonderful news.

0:18:32 > 0:18:35- What's the matter? - Nothing, son.

0:18:35 > 0:18:37I just fainted in the subway. That's all.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39But I didn't fall down. It was too crowded.

0:18:39 > 0:18:42- I keep tellin' ya, take a taxi. - Taxis?

0:18:42 > 0:18:45Taxis are for my successful son.

0:18:45 > 0:18:48A dirty crowded subway is good enough for a mother.

0:18:48 > 0:18:50Mother's nothin' nowadays.

0:18:50 > 0:18:53- Who's that? - Mommy, you know Rose DeLeon.

0:18:53 > 0:18:59- And guess what. - This is that pretty Rose DeLeon?

0:18:59 > 0:19:02Oh, I don't believe it.

0:19:02 > 0:19:05Rose, what happened to ya?

0:19:05 > 0:19:08You had a fatal sickness or somethin'?

0:19:08 > 0:19:10It's nice to see you again.

0:19:11 > 0:19:14Always on the job. She's a credit to the firm.

0:19:14 > 0:19:16Look at her, son.

0:19:16 > 0:19:19I wonder some older man hasn't snatched her away.

0:19:19 > 0:19:22Personable matron.

0:19:22 > 0:19:24- Speaking of marriage. - A wonderful institution.

0:19:24 > 0:19:27Your poor father and I... That was a marriage.

0:19:27 > 0:19:30May he rest in peace.

0:19:30 > 0:19:31Don't worry, Lou.

0:19:31 > 0:19:34- Our only child is taking care of me.

0:19:34 > 0:19:38He'd never do anything to break my heart. What about marriage?

0:19:38 > 0:19:40If it was good enough for you and Papa, it's good enough...

0:19:40 > 0:19:44In time. You're just a baby.

0:19:44 > 0:19:46PHONE RINGS

0:19:48 > 0:19:51Hello. Yes, Operator. I'll hold on.

0:19:51 > 0:19:54And another thing, Mama, I'm thinking of dissolving Almaelou.

0:19:54 > 0:19:57Wait, Lou. I'm comin'. I'll be right up there.

0:19:57 > 0:19:59We can play canasta again.

0:19:59 > 0:20:02Mama? Mama, forget it. I'm sorry.

0:20:02 > 0:20:03- You're sorry? - Good-bye, sonny.

0:20:03 > 0:20:06Take care of yourself. Think of me on Mother's Day.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Good-bye, Rosie. - Good-bye, Mae.

0:20:08 > 0:20:11Call me Mrs Peterson. Wear your rubbers.

0:20:11 > 0:20:14That's right, Operator. Miss Kim McAfee.

0:20:20 > 0:20:24I'll tell her, Rosie, tonight.

0:20:24 > 0:20:26It's entirely up to you, Albert. The line is still busy?

0:20:26 > 0:20:29Yes, Hugo.

0:20:29 > 0:20:33Well, of course I'll always wear it on everything.

0:20:33 > 0:20:37Oh, except my gym blouse. Miss Turgnisht won't allow it.

0:20:37 > 0:20:40Tonight? Well, I have no plans.

0:20:40 > 0:20:42I think I can get out till about 10:00.

0:20:43 > 0:20:46Oh, you have to be in by 9:00.

0:20:46 > 0:20:48Well, c'est la vie.

0:20:48 > 0:20:49Until tonight then, mon amour.

0:20:49 > 0:20:51Bye.

0:20:59 > 0:21:03# When you're a skinny child of 15

0:21:03 > 0:21:07# Wired with braces from ear to ear

0:21:07 > 0:21:12# You doubt that you will ever be appealing

0:21:13 > 0:21:18# Then, hallelujah, you are 16 and the braces disappear

0:21:18 > 0:21:21# And your skin is smooth and clear

0:21:21 > 0:21:25# And you have that happy grown-up

0:21:25 > 0:21:28# Female feeling

0:21:35 > 0:21:38# How lovely to be a woman

0:21:38 > 0:21:41# The wait was well worthwhile

0:21:41 > 0:21:44# How lovely to wear mascara

0:21:44 > 0:21:47# And smile a woman's smile

0:21:47 > 0:21:51# How lovely to have a figure

0:21:51 > 0:21:54# That's round instead of flat

0:21:54 > 0:21:57# Whenever you hear boys whistle

0:21:57 > 0:21:59# You're what they're whistling at

0:21:59 > 0:22:03# It's wonderful to feel

0:22:03 > 0:22:05# The way a woman feels

0:22:05 > 0:22:09# It gives you such a glow just to know

0:22:09 > 0:22:12# You're wearing lipstick and heels

0:22:13 > 0:22:16# How lovely to be a woman

0:22:16 > 0:22:19# And have one job to do

0:22:19 > 0:22:23# To pick out a boy and train him

0:22:23 > 0:22:25# And then when you are through

0:22:25 > 0:22:28# You've made him the man you want him

0:22:28 > 0:22:31# To be

0:22:31 > 0:22:35# How lovely to be a woman

0:22:35 > 0:22:37# Like me

0:22:37 > 0:22:41# How wonderful to know

0:22:41 > 0:22:44# The things a woman knows

0:22:44 > 0:22:47# How marvellous to wait for a date

0:22:47 > 0:22:50# In simply beautiful clothes

0:22:50 > 0:22:53# How lovely to be a woman

0:22:53 > 0:22:57# And change from boys to men

0:22:57 > 0:23:00# To go to a fancy nightclub

0:23:00 > 0:23:03# And stay out after 10:00

0:23:03 > 0:23:07# How lovely to be so grown up

0:23:07 > 0:23:10# And free

0:23:12 > 0:23:19# Life's lovely when you're a woman

0:23:19 > 0:23:24# Like me. #

0:23:36 > 0:23:38PHONE RINGS

0:23:38 > 0:23:42Hello? Oh? Well, hold on, Operator.

0:23:42 > 0:23:44Kim, it's for you. She says it's long distance.

0:23:44 > 0:23:47- Thank you, Doris. - Who could be calling Kim...?

0:23:47 > 0:23:49- Did you say "Doris"? - It's the modern way, dear.

0:23:49 > 0:23:52Makes mother and daughter more like friends.

0:23:52 > 0:23:56Harry, I think you took the news about Hugo and I awfully well. Hello?

0:23:56 > 0:23:57- She called you "Harry." - Yeah.

0:23:57 > 0:24:01- Yes, this is Miss Kim McAfee. - Yesterday I was a mother.

0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Today I'm a friend. - Yes, I'll hold on.

0:24:04 > 0:24:07Well, maybe you could call me Mom. That's modern.

0:24:08 > 0:24:13Times are changing. You go along or else you're out of it.

0:24:13 > 0:24:15Harry, do you have a cigarette? I've run out.

0:24:15 > 0:24:18Oh, so have I. How about my pipe?

0:24:18 > 0:24:19- Hello? - Hello?

0:24:19 > 0:24:22- 'Kim McAfee? I have a great prize.' - Harry? Kids.

0:24:22 > 0:24:25'You have been selected from all the teenagers in the United States...

0:24:25 > 0:24:29'to be kissed by Conrad Birdie on The Ed Sullivan Show this Sunday night.'

0:24:29 > 0:24:32'We'll be in touch. Good-bye!'

0:24:32 > 0:24:34Conrad Birdie?

0:24:36 > 0:24:39To kiss me?

0:24:39 > 0:24:40Oh...

0:24:40 > 0:24:42Doris?!

0:24:44 > 0:24:46Mother!

0:24:46 > 0:24:49- Mommy! - Baby! What happened?

0:24:49 > 0:24:51Conrad Birdie's coming here to kiss me!

0:24:51 > 0:24:54- Isn't that nice? - You don't understand!

0:24:54 > 0:24:57Conrad Birdie's coming to Sweet Apple to kiss me!

0:24:57 > 0:25:00Oh, Mommy!

0:25:00 > 0:25:05I never thought I'd say it, but God bless Conrad Birdie!

0:25:05 > 0:25:08Conrad Birdie!

0:25:08 > 0:25:11Conrad Birdie's coming here to kiss me!

0:25:21 > 0:25:25Now, listen. Now, the absolute instant he appears...

0:25:25 > 0:25:27now I'll introduce Kim to him.

0:25:28 > 0:25:31Then we'll all recite our pledge of everlasting loyalty.

0:25:31 > 0:25:33The plane! The plane's almost landed!

0:25:38 > 0:25:42# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do

0:25:42 > 0:25:46# We love you, Conrad and we'll be true

0:25:46 > 0:25:49# When you're not near us we're blue

0:25:49 > 0:25:52# Oh, Conrad, we love you

0:25:52 > 0:25:56# We hate you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do

0:25:56 > 0:26:00# We don't hate anyone as much as you

0:26:00 > 0:26:03# Your singing makes us say, P.U.

0:26:03 > 0:26:07# Oh, Conrad, we hate you

0:26:07 > 0:26:11# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do

0:26:11 > 0:26:14# We don't hate anyone as much as you

0:26:14 > 0:26:18# When you're not near us we're blue

0:26:18 > 0:26:19# Oh Conrad

0:26:19 > 0:26:21# Oh Conrad

0:26:21 > 0:26:24# - We love you - We hate you. #

0:26:26 > 0:26:28Hugo wants to talk to Kim.

0:26:29 > 0:26:31That's if it's OK with Kim.

0:26:32 > 0:26:35- Certainly, Hugo. - Well, Kim...

0:26:36 > 0:26:37Yes?

0:26:49 > 0:26:51Hugo, what do you want?

0:26:53 > 0:26:57Gee, Kim, the fellows are makin' me do this.

0:26:57 > 0:26:59But just the same, they're right.

0:26:59 > 0:27:02Kim, you can't go through with this.

0:27:02 > 0:27:03Hugo, please be mature.

0:27:03 > 0:27:06Doesn't gettin' pinned mean anything these days?

0:27:06 > 0:27:11It means everything. it's sacred.

0:27:11 > 0:27:15Well, then how can you let another man kiss you and in public?

0:27:15 > 0:27:19- I assure you I won't even feel it. - Huh?

0:27:19 > 0:27:22- I'm just a symbol. - A symbol?

0:27:23 > 0:27:26Don't you see? This is bigger than us.

0:27:26 > 0:27:30Why, all this publicity for Sweet Apple.

0:27:30 > 0:27:32Thousands of people will move here.

0:27:32 > 0:27:36We'll have a population explosion.

0:27:37 > 0:27:42And just think what this will do for your father's undertaking business.

0:27:42 > 0:27:46- Hey, yeah, you're right. - Yeah.

0:27:49 > 0:27:52But you really don't go for that Birdie creep, do you?

0:27:53 > 0:27:56What do my eyes tell you?

0:28:04 > 0:28:06No, you don't. I can see you're all mine.

0:28:08 > 0:28:09Forever...

0:28:09 > 0:28:11starting right after The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night.

0:28:13 > 0:28:17Right after The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night.

0:28:17 > 0:28:18Hey, we'll be late!

0:28:19 > 0:28:21# One, two, three!

0:28:21 > 0:28:24# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do

0:28:24 > 0:28:28# We love you, Conrad and we'll be true

0:28:28 > 0:28:31# When you're not near us we're blue... #

0:28:38 > 0:28:40Well, I told her off, guys.

0:28:40 > 0:28:42- She knows where I stand. - But she's leaving.

0:28:42 > 0:28:46- That's to make the population explode. - Anyone for the reception?

0:28:46 > 0:28:50Gee, Mr Paisley, we think you're OK even if you are the English teacher.

0:28:50 > 0:28:52It should be a fascinating experience.

0:28:52 > 0:28:55- Yeah, but are you with them? - "With them?"

0:28:55 > 0:28:57Yeah, that Birdie creep... He's poisoned our women.

0:28:57 > 0:29:01It's bad enough the mayor's a fink, but you, Mr Paisley...

0:29:01 > 0:29:03Well, you see, fellows, as a teacher and a brand-new American citizen...

0:29:03 > 0:29:06with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge...

0:29:06 > 0:29:10I feel I should witness this unique sociological phenomenon, hm?

0:29:12 > 0:29:15Yeah, guys, suppose I do let Kim kiss him?

0:29:15 > 0:29:21I only want to see a unique soc... soc..

0:29:21 > 0:29:23phenomenon.

0:29:23 > 0:29:26- Hugo, the fink! - So long, fink!

0:29:26 > 0:29:30- Fink! - Oh, what a fink!

0:29:40 > 0:29:44Here are the gentlemen from the press. I'll handle them. You go find the mayor.

0:29:44 > 0:29:49We want him! We want him!

0:29:49 > 0:29:51Here's your speech. Learn it and hurry!

0:29:51 > 0:29:55We want him! We want him!

0:29:58 > 0:30:03- Look this way, please. - What's your name?

0:30:03 > 0:30:05- Conrad Birdie. - No, no, your name.

0:30:05 > 0:30:08Oh, McAfee..

0:30:08 > 0:30:10Kim...

0:30:10 > 0:30:12Kim McAfee.

0:30:12 > 0:30:14She doesn't even know her name.

0:30:23 > 0:30:24"We want him!"

0:30:30 > 0:30:34I beg your pardon. May I add a welcome from Sweet Apple?

0:30:34 > 0:30:36I'm Claude Paisley. Kim McAfee's my student in English.

0:30:36 > 0:30:39- How do you do? I'm Rose DeLeon. - Nice to know you.

0:30:39 > 0:30:42- And you're? - Hugo.

0:30:43 > 0:30:45I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.

0:30:45 > 0:30:49- Hugo Fink. - Hello, Mr Fink. How are you?

0:30:49 > 0:30:51Now, please don't think me forward.

0:30:51 > 0:30:54But if you do have any spare time during your visit...

0:30:54 > 0:30:58I'd appreciate discussing Mr Birdie with you.

0:30:58 > 0:31:02Well, I'm afraid I'll be very busy...

0:31:02 > 0:31:04but thank you.

0:31:08 > 0:31:11Watch it, Rube. Don't bend the fur.

0:31:11 > 0:31:16He's coming! Look, everybody! He's coming! Here he comes!

0:31:26 > 0:31:30# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do

0:31:30 > 0:31:34# We love you, Conrad and we'll be true

0:31:34 > 0:31:38# When you're not near us we're blue

0:31:39 > 0:31:43# Oh, Conrad, we love you... #

0:32:20 > 0:32:23Before you hear from the girl upon whom...

0:32:23 > 0:32:26you have chosen to bestow your final kiss upon...

0:32:26 > 0:32:30we will now recite the Conrad Birdie pledge.

0:32:32 > 0:32:35ALL: I, being of sound mind and body

0:32:35 > 0:32:37do hereby promise

0:32:37 > 0:32:42to be loyal, courteous, steadfast and true

0:32:42 > 0:32:46to Conrad Birdie and the United States of America

0:32:46 > 0:32:51both indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

0:32:51 > 0:32:54CHEERING

0:32:55 > 0:32:59As the fortunate girl whom you have selected

0:32:59 > 0:33:03to represent all my fellow girls, I welcome you.

0:33:26 > 0:33:28Now, Mayor, now.

0:33:28 > 0:33:29Speech here.

0:33:29 > 0:33:34And now I present this key to our city to our honoured guest

0:33:34 > 0:33:36Conrad Birdie.

0:33:36 > 0:33:38SHE SCREAMS

0:33:38 > 0:33:41He said it! He said the name!

0:33:41 > 0:33:43ALL SCREAM

0:33:43 > 0:33:48What happened? All I said was Conrad Birdie.

0:33:49 > 0:33:53Girls, you're going to have to stop that or I can't finish my speech.

0:33:53 > 0:33:56Who cares about your speech?

0:33:56 > 0:33:59We want to hear Conrad!

0:34:04 > 0:34:06He's not so much.

0:34:10 > 0:34:14# You gotta be sincere... #

0:34:14 > 0:34:17Edna, what's wrong?!

0:34:17 > 0:34:20# You gotta be sincere... #

0:34:20 > 0:34:22Birdie, what are you doin'?

0:34:22 > 0:34:25# You gotta feel it here

0:34:25 > 0:34:27# Cos if you feel it here

0:34:27 > 0:34:29# Well, then you're gonna be

0:34:29 > 0:34:34# Honestly sincere

0:34:38 > 0:34:42# If what you feel is true

0:34:42 > 0:34:46# You really feel it You make them feel it too

0:34:46 > 0:34:51# Write this down now You gotta be sincere

0:34:51 > 0:34:53# Honestly sincere

0:34:53 > 0:34:56# Man, you've gotta be

0:34:56 > 0:35:01# Sincere

0:35:02 > 0:35:06# If you're really sincere If you're really sincere

0:35:06 > 0:35:09# If you feel it in here then it's gotta be right

0:35:09 > 0:35:11# Oh, baby

0:35:11 > 0:35:12# Oh, honey

0:35:12 > 0:35:14# Hug me

0:35:14 > 0:35:17# Ah, suffer

0:35:20 > 0:35:24# In everything I do

0:35:24 > 0:35:27# Why, my sincerity shows through

0:35:27 > 0:35:32# Yeah, when I look you in the eye I don't even have to try

0:35:32 > 0:35:36# It's automatic I'm sincere

0:35:38 > 0:35:40# When I sing about a tree

0:35:40 > 0:35:43# Listen, why I really feel that tree

0:35:44 > 0:35:47# Yeah, when I sing about a girl

0:35:47 > 0:35:49# I really feel that girl

0:35:49 > 0:35:51# I mean, I really feel

0:35:51 > 0:35:57# Sincere

0:35:58 > 0:36:00# Why, if you're really sincere

0:36:00 > 0:36:02# If you're really sincere

0:36:02 > 0:36:05# If you feel it in here then it's gotta be right

0:36:05 > 0:36:07# Oh, baby

0:36:07 > 0:36:09# Oh, honey

0:36:09 > 0:36:11# Hug me Ah, suffer

0:36:11 > 0:36:15# Yeah, here we go now

0:36:15 > 0:36:18# Why, you gotta be sincere

0:36:18 > 0:36:22# Oh, you gotta feel it here

0:36:22 > 0:36:25# Oh, my baby, oh, my baby

0:36:25 > 0:36:26# Oh, yeah

0:36:26 > 0:36:29# Oh, my baby, oh, yeah

0:36:29 > 0:36:31# Go, girl, go... #

0:36:31 > 0:36:33Ursula! What are you doing?

0:36:36 > 0:36:39# Are you gonna be sincere Are you gonna be sincere

0:36:39 > 0:36:40# Yeah

0:36:40 > 0:36:42# Are you gonna be sincere Are you gonna be sincere

0:36:42 > 0:36:44# Yeah

0:36:46 > 0:36:49# Ah baby

0:36:49 > 0:36:54# Ah baby, oh yeah...

0:36:54 > 0:36:57# Are you going to be sincere?

0:36:57 > 0:36:59# Ah baby, oh yeah...

0:36:59 > 0:37:02# Ah baby, oh yeah...

0:37:02 > 0:37:06# Ah baby, oh yeah...

0:37:06 > 0:37:11# Ah my baby, oh yeah

0:37:11 > 0:37:15# Yeah, yeah!

0:37:15 > 0:37:16# Yeah! #

0:37:51 > 0:37:56# We love you, Conrad

0:37:56 > 0:37:59# Oh, yes, we do

0:37:59 > 0:38:03# We love you, Conrad

0:38:03 > 0:38:07# And we'll be true

0:38:07 > 0:38:11# When you're not near us

0:38:11 > 0:38:15# We're blue

0:38:15 > 0:38:20# Oh, Conrad, we love you... #

0:38:20 > 0:38:23Randolph, your father's warned you.

0:38:23 > 0:38:25If you make another bomb, you'll get spanked.

0:38:25 > 0:38:31- It was an accident, Mom. - Now, get this stuff out of here.

0:38:33 > 0:38:36Doris! Doris!

0:38:39 > 0:38:42Doris, what's going on here?

0:38:42 > 0:38:44Harry, where have you been since supper?

0:38:44 > 0:38:46In plenty of trouble, that's where. But I'm not now. No, sirree.

0:38:46 > 0:38:48You kids go home before I sick the constable on ya!

0:38:48 > 0:38:51Go on! Get that carnival oft my front lawn!

0:38:51 > 0:38:52I'll show them who's boss.

0:38:52 > 0:38:56Harry McAfee's not going to be pushed around by any roll and rocker.

0:38:56 > 0:38:59- Harry, they'll hear you. - Let 'em hear me!

0:38:59 > 0:39:03- Put those chemicals away and go to bed. - Yes, Papa.

0:39:05 > 0:39:09We're in trouble. He can't stand Conrad living here.

0:39:10 > 0:39:14Especially around his pretty young daughter.

0:39:18 > 0:39:20She's still under the magic spell.

0:39:24 > 0:39:27Dear little Conrad certainly has a devastating impact.

0:39:27 > 0:39:29He might make a terrific soldier.

0:39:29 > 0:39:31Turn him loose and the enemy will twitch itself to death.

0:39:31 > 0:39:33I don't care. I've changed my mind.

0:39:33 > 0:39:37My daughter is not going to be publicly kissed by that, that wiggler.

0:39:37 > 0:39:39The deal is off.

0:39:39 > 0:39:42But, dear, you know these adolescents. Kim will lose face.

0:39:42 > 0:39:45It I don't get rid of that Birdie, that's not all she'll...

0:39:47 > 0:39:52Hear this. I have decided that bunch of grafters is getting out of here.

0:39:52 > 0:39:56That is the unshakable decree that I have made as head of this household.

0:39:56 > 0:39:57- So you go upstairs and tell them. - Me?

0:39:57 > 0:40:00How can I tell Mr Peterson and that nice Miss DeLeon?

0:40:00 > 0:40:04Nice? I know that show business crowd, probably living in sin.

0:40:04 > 0:40:07Harry Lionel McAfee!

0:40:07 > 0:40:09I never told you, but one summer I worked for the circus.

0:40:09 > 0:40:12- Oh, those midgets, wild. - Not another word.

0:40:12 > 0:40:15She's been engaged to Peterson for six years. Don't tell me they...

0:40:15 > 0:40:19- We were engaged for five years. - He's not as stupid as I was.

0:40:19 > 0:40:20- Are you stupid, Pop? - Find out for yourself!

0:40:20 > 0:40:22That's the trouble with kids today! Lazy!

0:40:22 > 0:40:26Will you go up? Get up to bed!

0:40:26 > 0:40:30Oh, Harry, they'll be gone day after tomorrow.

0:40:30 > 0:40:33I'm a peace-loving man, a good father and husband.

0:40:33 > 0:40:36And the result?

0:40:36 > 0:40:41The home I hewed out of this wilderness with my bare hands is no longer mine.

0:40:41 > 0:40:43Tonight I had to wait until 6:00 for my supper.

0:40:43 > 0:40:47And that Peterson grafter, running up my phone bill with long-distance calls!

0:40:47 > 0:40:51- He offered to reimburse you. - I don't take Diners Club cards!

0:40:51 > 0:40:56Then that snake in a gold suit insists on parking in my beautiful living room.

0:40:58 > 0:41:01- Do you know where I've just been? - No, dear.

0:41:01 > 0:41:03To a meeting with the big boys, Kelsey, Judge Blanch, Joe Kipp.

0:41:03 > 0:41:07My biggest customers. They don't approve of this kind of notorious goings-on.

0:41:07 > 0:41:09Darling, they put pressure on you?

0:41:09 > 0:41:14If I don't cancel this whole Birdie deal, they'll starve me out of business.

0:41:14 > 0:41:18- Oh, my heavens! - It's them or us.

0:41:26 > 0:41:28- What happened? - Are you all right?

0:41:28 > 0:41:30- What's wrong? - It was just Randolph's chemicals.

0:41:30 > 0:41:33No, a mixture of iron sulfide plus two parts H2SO4.

0:41:33 > 0:41:36Smart boy you have there. It isn't every lad who can make a stench bomb.

0:41:36 > 0:41:40- Which brings me to Mr Birdie. - Mr Peterson is really a biochemist.

0:41:40 > 0:41:43- I couldn't care less. - I have one formula, a secret.

0:41:43 > 0:41:46It's miraculous because it increases the work output of domestic animals.

0:41:46 > 0:41:49- Now about this Birdie. - It speeds up the reflexes.

0:41:49 > 0:41:51An ox, for instance, could outrun a racehorse.

0:41:51 > 0:41:54By adding in his formula, a hen will lay three eggs a day.

0:41:54 > 0:41:56Three eggs a day? It that's so, you could make a million times...

0:41:56 > 0:41:58I've been nursing this compound for years.

0:41:58 > 0:42:02- Still needs more tests, but it works. - Aren't you in farming?

0:42:02 > 0:42:04- He's McAfee Fertilizer. - Oh, yes.

0:42:04 > 0:42:06- Been in it for 20 years. - Really?

0:42:06 > 0:42:08But I may be out if...

0:42:08 > 0:42:11If you and Albert got together, you could revolutionize farm production.

0:42:11 > 0:42:14Would you like a demonstration? Do you have a hen?

0:42:14 > 0:42:17- How about trying it on that? - A tortoise? I don't know.

0:42:17 > 0:42:19Sure! It won't bite. Here. Let me.

0:42:23 > 0:42:26Of course, there isn't much demand for turtle eggs.

0:42:26 > 0:42:30But if it really works on farm animals...

0:42:30 > 0:42:33maybe you and me could do some business.

0:42:34 > 0:42:38I'll sure need something if I let Kim go through with this Birdie stuff.

0:42:38 > 0:42:40Some of Harry's customers are against it.

0:42:40 > 0:42:42Yeah, and so I've decided it's absolutely out of the question.

0:42:42 > 0:42:44Your neighbours are just going to be thrilled...

0:42:44 > 0:42:49when they see the two of you on The Ed Sullivan Show.

0:42:49 > 0:42:51The Ed Sullivan Show.

0:42:51 > 0:42:55- We were saving that as a surprise. - Yes, a surprise.

0:42:55 > 0:42:57Me on Ed Sullivan?

0:42:57 > 0:42:59Oh, I'd die. What would I wear?

0:42:59 > 0:43:01- We'll find something. - Gee, Ed Sullivan.

0:43:01 > 0:43:03He's my favourite human.

0:43:03 > 0:43:05That's why I decided to let Kim go on in the first place.

0:43:06 > 0:43:08Me on The Ed Sullivan Show?

0:43:09 > 0:43:11# Ed Sullivan

0:43:13 > 0:43:16# Me, Harry McAfee appearing with

0:43:16 > 0:43:19# Ed Sullivan

0:43:19 > 0:43:21# Ed...

0:43:21 > 0:43:23# Ed Sullivan

0:43:23 > 0:43:30# Ed Sullivan

0:43:30 > 0:43:34# Ed

0:43:34 > 0:43:36# Ed Sullivan

0:43:36 > 0:43:42# Ed, Ed Sullivan

0:43:42 > 0:43:43# Ed Sullivan

0:43:43 > 0:43:46# Ed Sullivan

0:43:46 > 0:43:50# We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan

0:43:51 > 0:43:56# How could any family be

0:43:56 > 0:44:01# Half as fortunate as we

0:44:01 > 0:44:04# We'll be coast to coast

0:44:04 > 0:44:07# With our favourite host

0:44:08 > 0:44:13# Ed Sullivan

0:44:15 > 0:44:17# Ed Sullivan

0:44:17 > 0:44:20# Ed Sullivan

0:44:20 > 0:44:26# We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan

0:44:30 > 0:44:32# I've got a wonderful wife

0:44:32 > 0:44:37# Two swell kids a good business and now this

0:44:37 > 0:44:39# Someday we'll recall

0:44:39 > 0:44:43# The greatest day of all... #

0:44:43 > 0:44:45Ed, I love you.

0:44:45 > 0:44:52# Ed Sullivan... #

0:44:55 > 0:44:58PHONE RINGS

0:45:02 > 0:45:04Hello?

0:45:04 > 0:45:09Oh, yes. Harry, it's the mayor. He sounds mad.

0:45:09 > 0:45:12I'll handle this.

0:45:12 > 0:45:15Yes? Yes, Mayor?

0:45:15 > 0:45:17Yes, the boys talked to me.

0:45:17 > 0:45:20Yep, I've decided. Birdie stays right here...

0:45:20 > 0:45:23and Kim's on TV.

0:45:23 > 0:45:24And what's more...

0:45:24 > 0:45:29I'm gonna be on the show, too, with Eddy Sullivan.

0:45:29 > 0:45:33Now, listen, Harry. You saw what that crazy galoot did at the reception.

0:45:35 > 0:45:37It was a disgrace.

0:45:37 > 0:45:42Look, Mayor, you're gonna be on TV too.

0:45:42 > 0:45:45They want you to make a speech.

0:45:45 > 0:45:49They want me on Ed Sullivan?

0:45:51 > 0:45:54A short speech. Why, sure!

0:45:56 > 0:45:59I could become a statewide face.

0:45:59 > 0:46:01It's a deal, Mayor.

0:46:01 > 0:46:04Sure I'll plug you up for governor.

0:46:04 > 0:46:06Bye, Sam.

0:46:06 > 0:46:08What a hambo.

0:46:09 > 0:46:12Well, it's been a long day, so I think we'll..

0:46:22 > 0:46:24I'm thinking of calling them "Speed Up." You like it, Mr McAfee?

0:46:24 > 0:46:27"Feed up with Speed Up." I love it, partner.

0:46:27 > 0:46:31- How will Randolph catch his tortoise? - Just give him one of these.

0:46:31 > 0:46:34Hi, Mr McAfee. Gee, I just wanted to thank you.

0:46:34 > 0:46:38My dad said you're not letting Kim go on TV and kiss that, that...

0:46:38 > 0:46:44It can't be true. You wouldn't destroy Kim, your own flesh and blood!

0:46:44 > 0:46:46Sure he would. A father has a right, right?

0:46:46 > 0:46:50Hugo, my daughter's old enough to make her own decisions...

0:46:50 > 0:46:52so I've decided to let her do it.

0:46:53 > 0:46:57Well, in that case, your daughter is the former future Mrs Hugo Peabody.

0:46:57 > 0:46:59Oh, Hugo, stop acting like a child.

0:46:59 > 0:47:02Kim! Where is he? Can I see him?

0:47:02 > 0:47:04Conrad's asleep, poor dear.

0:47:04 > 0:47:07You may peek through his keyhole while I...

0:47:07 > 0:47:10while I discuss this tempest in a tea bag with Hugo.

0:47:23 > 0:47:25You're lucky people.

0:47:25 > 0:47:28What'd we ever do to deserve such a daughter?

0:47:28 > 0:47:30We got married.

0:47:32 > 0:47:33Marriage.

0:47:33 > 0:47:35- But, Kim... - Hugo...

0:47:35 > 0:47:37- Yeah, but, Kim... - I don't have time for a debate.

0:47:37 > 0:47:39Ursula's waiting. I've got to learn my speech for tomorrow's rehearsal.

0:47:39 > 0:47:43Wait a minute, Kim. Don't go yet, please.

0:47:45 > 0:47:47You don't know what I've been through with all the guys buggin' me...

0:47:47 > 0:47:49well, about you and that Birdie creep.

0:47:49 > 0:47:52- Oh, that. - Yeah, that!

0:47:52 > 0:47:57Why, that's silly. He means nothing to me.

0:48:01 > 0:48:03# One boy

0:48:04 > 0:48:08# One special boy

0:48:08 > 0:48:10# One boy to go with

0:48:10 > 0:48:14# To talk with and walk with

0:48:14 > 0:48:17# One boy

0:48:17 > 0:48:22# That's the way it should be... #

0:48:22 > 0:48:26Yeah, yeah, that's the way it should be.

0:48:26 > 0:48:28# One boy

0:48:28 > 0:48:30# One certain boy

0:48:31 > 0:48:32# One boy to laugh with

0:48:32 > 0:48:36# To joke with, have Coke with

0:48:36 > 0:48:39# One boy

0:48:39 > 0:48:45# Not two or three

0:48:47 > 0:48:50# One day

0:48:50 > 0:48:53# You'll find out

0:48:53 > 0:48:57# This is what life is all about

0:48:58 > 0:49:00# You need

0:49:00 > 0:49:04# Someone who

0:49:04 > 0:49:06# Is living

0:49:06 > 0:49:10# Just for you

0:49:10 > 0:49:13# One boy

0:49:14 > 0:49:16# One steady boy

0:49:16 > 0:49:18# One boy to be with

0:49:18 > 0:49:21# Forever and ever

0:49:21 > 0:49:24# One boy

0:49:24 > 0:49:30# That's the way it should be

0:49:30 > 0:49:32# That's the way

0:49:32 > 0:49:37# It should be. #

0:49:43 > 0:49:47Now is that the kiss of a woman interested in any other man?

0:49:50 > 0:49:53I don't know. How do I tell?

0:49:57 > 0:50:01- Ah, but he made you faint. - Oh, he did not!

0:50:01 > 0:50:05I was just exhausted, cramming for my English exam.

0:50:08 > 0:50:13You've got to try to understand me as a woman.

0:50:13 > 0:50:17Now, I might like Conrad as a friend...

0:50:17 > 0:50:19but when it comes to the real thing...

0:50:20 > 0:50:24..the grand passion...

0:50:25 > 0:50:28..well, that's something special, Hugo.

0:50:28 > 0:50:30That's you.

0:50:30 > 0:50:35# One day you'll find out

0:50:35 > 0:50:38# This is what life is all about

0:50:38 > 0:50:43# You need someone who

0:50:43 > 0:50:50# Is living just for you

0:50:50 > 0:50:53# One boy, one steady boy

0:50:53 > 0:50:56# One boy to be with

0:50:56 > 0:50:58# Forever and ever

0:50:58 > 0:51:01# One boy

0:51:01 > 0:51:06# That's the way it should be

0:51:08 > 0:51:11# That's the way

0:51:11 > 0:51:16# It should be. #

0:51:20 > 0:51:23Homework! Hey, I got homework to do.

0:51:36 > 0:51:41# When will he find out

0:51:41 > 0:51:47# This is what life is all about

0:51:47 > 0:51:53# Will he ever see

0:51:53 > 0:51:57# I need him

0:51:57 > 0:51:59# And he

0:51:59 > 0:52:03# Needs me

0:52:03 > 0:52:07# - One boy - One special boy

0:52:07 > 0:52:11# - One special boy - One boy to be with always

0:52:11 > 0:52:13# One boy to be with

0:52:13 > 0:52:18# - Forever and ever - Forever

0:52:18 > 0:52:22# - I love him - One boy

0:52:22 > 0:52:26# - Love him, I love - That's the way

0:52:26 > 0:52:29# - Him so - It should be

0:52:31 > 0:52:34# That's the way

0:52:34 > 0:52:38# It should be

0:52:42 > 0:52:47# That's the way

0:52:47 > 0:52:52# It should be. #

0:53:11 > 0:53:13Hello, Sweet Apple Drive-in?

0:53:13 > 0:53:15I'm looking for my mother, Mrs Peterson.

0:53:15 > 0:53:19Are you sure there's no-one left in your drive-in? OK, thank you.

0:53:19 > 0:53:22Don't worry, partner. Your mother will get along tine.

0:53:22 > 0:53:24Sweet Apple's full of friendly folk.

0:53:24 > 0:53:27If anything happens to her, I'll never forgive myself.

0:53:27 > 0:53:29- What kind of a dump is this? - "Dump"?

0:53:30 > 0:53:32Conrad. Let's humour him, partner.

0:53:32 > 0:53:36If he walks off the Sullivan show, we're sunk.

0:53:37 > 0:53:40I can't find no church key in my room.

0:53:40 > 0:53:44Church key? We've had a church here, but it's open.

0:53:44 > 0:53:49A can opener, man. You're from nowherelike.

0:53:59 > 0:54:01That's my favourite brand.

0:54:01 > 0:54:06Well, it's bedtime, huh, Conrad?

0:54:07 > 0:54:11OK for tonight, but tomorrow's Saturday...

0:54:11 > 0:54:15and that's my real tense night.

0:54:23 > 0:54:25Thanks, Mr McAfee.

0:54:25 > 0:54:29The next time I have a daughter, I hope it's a boy.

0:54:29 > 0:54:31I am a lucky man though, Albert.

0:54:31 > 0:54:34Meeting up with a biochemical wizard.

0:54:34 > 0:54:37Peterson and McAfee are going right to the moon.

0:54:37 > 0:54:41I've got to, not just for my mother, for Rosie.

0:54:47 > 0:54:50Well, I guess I'll get a little air and turn in.

0:54:50 > 0:54:52Take all the air you want, chum.

0:55:09 > 0:55:11Hi, Rosie.

0:55:12 > 0:55:16Rosie, you don't have to worry about Mama. She'll show up.

0:55:16 > 0:55:19- I'm certain she will. - Then you ought to be happy.

0:55:19 > 0:55:21Kim's on the show. Conrad does my song...

0:55:21 > 0:55:24and I promise I'll tell Mama about us.

0:55:26 > 0:55:28Come on.

0:55:39 > 0:55:42# Why look so awfully tragic

0:55:42 > 0:55:45# Put on a happy face

0:55:45 > 0:55:47# Smiling can work like magic

0:55:47 > 0:55:50# Put on a happy face

0:55:50 > 0:55:53# Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy

0:55:53 > 0:55:56# It's not your style

0:55:56 > 0:56:00# You look so good that you'll be glad ya decided to smile

0:56:00 > 0:56:03# Pick out a pleasant outlook

0:56:03 > 0:56:05# Stick out that noble chin

0:56:05 > 0:56:08# Wipe off the full of doubt look

0:56:08 > 0:56:11# Slap on a happy grin

0:56:11 > 0:56:16# And spread sunshine all over the place

0:56:16 > 0:56:20# Just put on a happy face... #

0:56:24 > 0:56:26Flowers?

0:56:26 > 0:56:28# Put on a happy face

0:56:31 > 0:56:33# Put on a happy face

0:56:34 > 0:56:36# Why do you mope around so sourly

0:56:36 > 0:56:39# It's such a strain

0:56:39 > 0:56:42# I always try to chuckle hourly

0:56:42 > 0:56:44# It clears the brain

0:56:46 > 0:56:48# I knew a girl so gloomy

0:56:48 > 0:56:50# She'd never laugh or sing

0:56:50 > 0:56:53# She wouldn't listen to me

0:56:53 > 0:56:55# Now she's a mean old thing

0:56:55 > 0:56:59# So spread sunshine

0:56:59 > 0:57:01# All over the place

0:57:01 > 0:57:04# Put on a happy

0:58:14 > 0:58:16# So put on a happy

0:58:16 > 0:58:21# Face... #

0:58:37 > 0:58:41Well, like I said, you're a genius, Dr Peterson.

0:58:41 > 0:58:43Oh, honey, you sure have put up with a lot.

0:58:43 > 0:58:45But this time we're gonna make it!

0:58:45 > 0:58:47Let's live in a small town like this.

0:58:47 > 0:58:50- Anything you say, dear. - OK?

0:58:50 > 0:58:53Wow, the last time we were alone together...

0:58:53 > 0:58:55last summer at Palisades Park.

0:58:55 > 0:58:56We went through the tunnel of love.

0:58:56 > 0:58:58Your mother sat between us.

0:58:58 > 0:59:01Oh, honey, I told you. From now on, things are gonna be different.

0:59:01 > 0:59:05- Yoo-hoo! Albert! - It's Mama.

0:59:05 > 0:59:07Mama?

0:59:11 > 0:59:14Boy meets girl, boy loses girl...

0:59:14 > 0:59:16boy gets mother.

0:59:21 > 0:59:25- Mama, where have ya been? - Neglected! That's where I've been.

0:59:25 > 0:59:27I tried to find ya. Have you had any dinner?

0:59:27 > 0:59:31A mother doesn't need food. Besides, I'd rather be with my famous son.

0:59:31 > 0:59:34Albert, what is it? Oh, it's your mother.

0:59:34 > 0:59:37- Oh, good evening! - How are ya, ma'am?

0:59:37 > 0:59:42How can I be? Ripped from my native land, alone in this jungle?

0:59:42 > 0:59:44Gosh, Albert, I wish we had room to put up your mother.

0:59:44 > 0:59:49Thanks. A motel mattress full of lumps is good enough for me.

0:59:49 > 0:59:51Comfort is for my loving son.

0:59:56 > 0:59:58I just came to tuck ya into bed.

0:59:58 > 1:00:01See, Mama's got a condition. She won't tell me what it is.

1:00:01 > 1:00:04Why worry a growing boy?

1:00:04 > 1:00:07OK. You insist?

1:00:08 > 1:00:11I got, maybe, one tenth a normal heart.

1:00:11 > 1:00:14A mother doesn't need a heart.

1:00:14 > 1:00:15Well, soon as Albert and I get our new deal a-rollin'

1:00:15 > 1:00:18you'll have the finest doctors in the country.

1:00:18 > 1:00:22Deal? What deal, Albert?

1:00:22 > 1:00:27Well, Mama, I'm quitting the music business and goin' back to chemistry.

1:00:27 > 1:00:31That Rosie! She's finally turned you against me!

1:00:31 > 1:00:33Oh, please, Mama. She didn't.

1:00:33 > 1:00:35Albert, go, desert me.

1:00:35 > 1:00:37But when I was expecting him in the maternity ward...

1:00:37 > 1:00:39three days I waited... did I desert him?

1:00:39 > 1:00:44No. I stayed right there so he wouldn't be alone when he was born.

1:00:44 > 1:00:47Mama, please don't excite yourself. Mama, you know I love ya.

1:00:47 > 1:00:50- It's just Rosie and I have plans. - OK!

1:00:50 > 1:00:54Lou, I'll be right up.

1:00:54 > 1:00:56Start dealing.

1:00:59 > 1:01:02Just bury me on your front lawn so Rosie can walk all over me!

1:01:05 > 1:01:08Mama! Mama, please!

1:01:08 > 1:01:10It's not gas. It's electric.

1:01:10 > 1:01:12Doris!

1:01:15 > 1:01:19Doris, how do you like it? isn't it exciting?

1:01:19 > 1:01:23No! I told you not to dye your hair!

1:01:23 > 1:01:25Oh, but I wanted to! Isn't it a gas?

1:01:25 > 1:01:29- You dare defy your mother? - But it's my hair.

1:01:29 > 1:01:32- Not till you're 21. - What's the matter, Papa?

1:01:32 > 1:01:36Young lady, you stay in your room till it changes back! Do you hear?

1:01:36 > 1:01:39- I won't! - I demand respect around here.

1:01:39 > 1:01:42- It's my hair! - Respect. Do you hear? Respect.

1:01:42 > 1:01:45- I respect you, Papa. - I don't want your respect.

1:01:45 > 1:01:48Who wants respect from a ten-year-old kid?

1:01:48 > 1:01:52# Kids, I don't know what's wrong with these kids today

1:01:52 > 1:01:57# Kids, who can understand anything they say

1:01:57 > 1:02:01# Kids, they are disobedient disrespectful oafs

1:02:01 > 1:02:04# Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers

1:02:04 > 1:02:06# And while we're on the subject, kids

1:02:06 > 1:02:10# You can talk and talk till your face is blue

1:02:10 > 1:02:13# Kids, but they still do just what they want to do

1:02:13 > 1:02:15# Why can't they be like we were

1:02:15 > 1:02:17# Perfect in every way

1:02:18 > 1:02:22# What's the matter with kids today

1:02:22 > 1:02:26# Kids, I've tried to raise you the best I could

1:02:26 > 1:02:30# Kids, all the things I've done were for your own good

1:02:30 > 1:02:35# Kids, can't you once appreciate how I've sacrificed

1:02:35 > 1:02:37# Working, slaving, scrimping saving pennies

1:02:37 > 1:02:39# And livin' with your father, kids

1:02:39 > 1:02:43# No-one knows the burdens I've had to bear, and in my condition

1:02:43 > 1:02:46# Kids, I'm a poor, sick woman and does he care

1:02:46 > 1:02:49# Ha! Go on, go on and kill me

1:02:49 > 1:02:51# That's what it's coming to

1:02:51 > 1:02:54# When a mother has kids like you

1:02:56 > 1:02:58# - Kids - All the chicken soup I made for you

1:02:58 > 1:03:00- Mama, take it easy. # - Kids

1:03:00 > 1:03:02# Now you throw me out like a worn shoe

1:03:02 > 1:03:03# Not in front of everybody

1:03:03 > 1:03:08# Mom, after all, I haven't been such an awful son

1:03:08 > 1:03:11# I never sass you back or leave a ring around the bathtub

1:03:11 > 1:03:13# And don't I always phone you - Kids

1:03:13 > 1:03:16# You can give your life to 'em night and day

1:03:16 > 1:03:19# Kids, then they go get married - Married?

1:03:19 > 1:03:21# And go away - Who's gettin' married?

1:03:21 > 1:03:22# Why do we have these children

1:03:22 > 1:03:26# Better to have a pet... # You know where you stand with a pet.

1:03:28 > 1:03:31# I never asked for nothin'

1:03:31 > 1:03:33# Nothin' is what you'll get

1:03:33 > 1:03:36# What's the matter with kids to... #

1:03:36 > 1:03:38I tried, Lou, but I failed.

1:03:38 > 1:03:40Oh, ya didn't, Mama. Ya didn't.

1:03:40 > 1:03:42Don't try to pay me back, sonny. I forgive you.

1:03:42 > 1:03:45So what if you're an ingrate? So long as you're happy.

1:03:45 > 1:03:47- I don't want to be happy. - Don't feel guilty.

1:03:47 > 1:03:51Just make believe I'm an old used car. Junk me. Leave me in the gutter.

1:03:51 > 1:03:53- I'll never leave ya. Never. - You heard him.

1:03:53 > 1:03:55- You're a witness. - I promise, Mama.

1:03:55 > 1:03:58- I never broke promise to my mama. - Good boy.

1:03:58 > 1:04:00# Why can't they be like Albert

1:04:00 > 1:04:02# Perfect in every way

1:04:02 > 1:04:03# What's the matter with kids

1:04:03 > 1:04:06# Yeah, what's the matter with kids

1:04:06 > 1:04:09# Nothing's the matter with kids today. #

1:04:12 > 1:04:15Mr Paisley, this is Rose DeLeon.

1:04:15 > 1:04:17You asked me to call it I had any free time.

1:04:17 > 1:04:20Well, I'm free.

1:04:20 > 1:04:22- Very free. - Rosie!

1:04:22 > 1:04:26Ten minutes? I'll be waiting for you.

1:04:29 > 1:04:32Don't worry, sonny. You can always get another secretary.

1:04:39 > 1:04:40Can you see him?

1:04:40 > 1:04:44- No. Babette, can you see him? - I can't see him.

1:04:44 > 1:04:47All I can see is the basketball hoop. Hey, Gretch, can you see him?

1:04:47 > 1:04:50Conrad Birdie in our gym!

1:04:50 > 1:04:53# Oh, oh, oh, give me one last kiss

1:04:55 > 1:04:57# One last kiss

1:04:57 > 1:05:00# Oh, one more time Mmm, baby, one more time

1:05:00 > 1:05:04# It really is sublime Ah, baby, so sublime

1:05:04 > 1:05:07# You know I need your love

1:05:07 > 1:05:11# Oh, oh, oh, give me one last kiss

1:05:11 > 1:05:14# One last kiss

1:05:14 > 1:05:17# Baby

1:05:17 > 1:05:21# Give me one last kiss

1:05:21 > 1:05:26# Baby

1:05:26 > 1:05:29# Give me one last kiss

1:05:29 > 1:05:36# Oh, one last kiss

1:05:36 > 1:05:37# Give me one last kiss

1:05:37 > 1:05:39# It never felt like this

1:05:39 > 1:05:41# Nah, baby, not like this

1:05:41 > 1:05:43# You know I need your love

1:05:43 > 1:05:45# - Oh, oh, oh... # - OK. Cut.

1:05:45 > 1:05:48We'll rehearse the song later, Conrad.

1:05:48 > 1:05:53- Al, what's the exact length? - Oh, uh, 1:20.

1:05:53 > 1:05:57Check. That gives us 2:40 for Sullivan's intro to Kim...

1:05:57 > 1:05:59Kim's good luck speech to Conrad.

1:05:59 > 1:06:01Then Conrad socks over a plug for Army enlistments...

1:06:01 > 1:06:05bangs into the song, and we top it off with the big kisseroo.

1:06:05 > 1:06:06- Kim? - Yes, sir.

1:06:08 > 1:06:11Beg pardon, but when do I make my speech?

1:06:11 > 1:06:13Speech? What speech?

1:06:13 > 1:06:17I promised Mr McAfee he could say a few words. After all, he's Kim's father.

1:06:17 > 1:06:20- Yes, he is. - Kind of a hello from a proud parent.

1:06:20 > 1:06:22All right, but ya can't have much time.

1:06:22 > 1:06:25In fact, all you can have is 20 seconds on the nose.

1:06:25 > 1:06:28Gotcha. I'll just say a few words, get some big laughs.

1:06:28 > 1:06:30- And introduce the mayor. - The mayor?

1:06:30 > 1:06:34- Ah, come on, Al. What is this? - I... We had a problem.

1:06:34 > 1:06:37I had to give the mayor a spot to humour McAfee.

1:06:37 > 1:06:41All right, but we'll have to take ten seconds away from McAfee.

1:06:41 > 1:06:44I imagine songwriting must be quite a lucrative profession.

1:06:44 > 1:06:48- Oh, yes it is. - How many records will they sell?

1:06:48 > 1:06:50Oh, about one or two million.

1:06:50 > 1:06:52You know, Claude, I had a perfectly wonderful time last night.

1:06:52 > 1:06:55- You really are a wonderful dancer. - Oh, I don't know.

1:06:55 > 1:06:57When one's heart sings, one's feet take wings.

1:06:57 > 1:07:00Oh, how lyrical. Is that Shelley or Keats?

1:07:00 > 1:07:02- That, my dear, is Paisley. - Really?

1:07:02 > 1:07:05- Uh-huh. - Oh, that's wonderful.

1:07:05 > 1:07:07- Shall we go? - Sure.

1:07:10 > 1:07:13OK, everybody. Take your places.

1:07:13 > 1:07:15Now come on, Kim. Just move right over there.

1:07:15 > 1:07:17Just read it like you normally would. OK.

1:07:17 > 1:07:21And we, your admirers, are proud that our military leaders have called upon...

1:07:21 > 1:07:23- Conrad, honey! - Please, Mrs Peterson.

1:07:23 > 1:07:25We're rehearsing.

1:07:25 > 1:07:27All right now, Kim.

1:07:27 > 1:07:29Could you move over one, please?

1:07:31 > 1:07:36Kim, you're talking too fast. Now once more, dear, but slower.

1:07:36 > 1:07:39- To express to you... - Tell me, Mrs Peterson.

1:07:39 > 1:07:42- What does your husband do? - I don't know. He's dead.

1:07:42 > 1:07:46And, and, and I want to say...

1:07:46 > 1:07:51on behalf of all the girls who are your devoted admirers...

1:07:51 > 1:07:54- Oh, I forgot what's next. - Come on, man. Let's go.

1:07:54 > 1:07:56- Hi, Hugo. - They don't want all this jazz.

1:07:56 > 1:07:58- Yeah. - They want Conrad.

1:07:58 > 1:08:02Look. There's the camera. I bail in, I sing up a storm...

1:08:02 > 1:08:04I give this chick the message...

1:08:07 > 1:08:09This is my best side.

1:08:09 > 1:08:10- Applause. - She's fainted.

1:08:10 > 1:08:13- I'll dig you later. - Hey, enough! I'm puttin' my foot down!

1:08:13 > 1:08:14My baby!

1:08:14 > 1:08:17Now I'm puttin' my foot down. She's not goin' on that show!

1:08:17 > 1:08:20Oh, yes, she is. You're not wreckin' my career.

1:08:20 > 1:08:23- Oh, what happened? - Tell him you're through...

1:08:23 > 1:08:26because you do not wish to humiliate your steady in this sordid fashion.

1:08:26 > 1:08:28Hugo Peabody, you take that back!

1:08:28 > 1:08:30I will not, but I will take my pin back.

1:08:30 > 1:08:33Oh, with pleasure.

1:08:41 > 1:08:44Conrad, I know you're tense, but we haven't finished.

1:08:44 > 1:08:47- The number's not ready. - Conrad's a trooper, like I was.

1:08:47 > 1:08:49- Us troopers get tense. - Yeah. Like she said, like.

1:08:49 > 1:08:52Conrad, why don't you and I go for a nice ride in the country?

1:08:52 > 1:08:56Uh-uh. Man, I hope I never get that tense.

1:08:59 > 1:09:02I never should have said that to Rosie.

1:09:02 > 1:09:05-Who does he think he is anyway? - Al, I got a wire here from Ed Sullivan.

1:09:05 > 1:09:08"Russian Ballet switching to different dance requiring additional four minutes.

1:09:08 > 1:09:12"Therefore, the entire Birdie spot must be cut to less than 30 seconds."

1:09:12 > 1:09:13- Cut? - "Tell Peterson and Rosie...

1:09:13 > 1:09:16"I'm sorry song is out, but no choice."

1:09:16 > 1:09:19No. They can't do this. They can't cut the song.

1:09:19 > 1:09:23They've already done it, kid. In 30 seconds all Birdie can do is take a bow.

1:09:23 > 1:09:26I'm awfully sorry.

1:09:26 > 1:09:28The Russians!

1:09:28 > 1:09:32First they take Czechoslovakia, and now they take my four minutes.

1:09:32 > 1:09:35- Oh, Mama. - Oh, baby!

1:09:35 > 1:09:38Well, that's, that's show business.

1:10:04 > 1:10:08# There are chicks just ripe for some kissin'

1:10:08 > 1:10:13# And I mean to kiss me a few

1:10:13 > 1:10:17# Man, those chicks don't know what they're missin'

1:10:17 > 1:10:21# I got a lot of livin' to do

1:10:21 > 1:10:25# Sizzlin' steaks all ready for tastin'

1:10:25 > 1:10:30# And there's Cadillacs all shiny and new

1:10:30 > 1:10:34# Gotta move cos time is a-wastin'

1:10:34 > 1:10:38# I got a lot of livin' to do

1:10:38 > 1:10:40# There's music to play places to go

1:10:40 > 1:10:43# People to see

1:10:43 > 1:10:46# Everything for you and me

1:10:46 > 1:10:50# Life's a ball if only you know it

1:10:50 > 1:10:54# And it's all just waitin' for you

1:10:54 > 1:10:59# You're alive so come on and show it

1:10:59 > 1:11:03# Yeah, we got a lot of livin' to do

1:11:03 > 1:11:06# There are men

1:11:06 > 1:11:09# With childhood behind them

1:11:09 > 1:11:12# Handsome men

1:11:12 > 1:11:16# From Yale or Purdue

1:11:16 > 1:11:19# Older men

1:11:19 > 1:11:24# And I'm gonna find 'em

1:11:24 > 1:11:28# I got a lot of livin'

1:11:28 > 1:11:31# To do

1:11:31 > 1:11:33# I'm a-gonna have fun

1:11:33 > 1:11:35# Gonna be wild

1:11:35 > 1:11:38# Have my own way

1:11:38 > 1:11:41# I may break

1:11:41 > 1:11:45# A heart a day

1:11:45 > 1:11:48# Drink champagne

1:11:48 > 1:11:52# As if it were water

1:11:52 > 1:11:56# Pink champagne

1:11:56 > 1:11:59# And after a few

1:11:59 > 1:12:02# Daddy dear

1:12:02 > 1:12:07# You won't know your daughter

1:12:07 > 1:12:11# She's got a lot of livin'

1:12:11 > 1:12:12# To do

1:12:18 > 1:12:20# Think I'll be

1:12:20 > 1:12:21# A ring-a-ding drummer

1:12:21 > 1:12:23# Make each week

1:12:23 > 1:12:25# A thousand or two

1:12:25 > 1:12:27# Gorgeous girls

1:12:27 > 1:12:29# Will beg for my number

1:12:29 > 1:12:34# Hey, I've got a lot of livin' to do

1:12:34 > 1:12:37# Yes, I'm gonna break out Gonna take off

1:12:37 > 1:12:39# Gonna be free

1:12:39 > 1:12:42# This town is awfully square for a cat like me

1:12:42 > 1:12:44# Or I'll be

1:12:44 > 1:12:46# A super jet pilot

1:12:46 > 1:12:48# Fly me high

1:12:48 > 1:12:51# Way out in the blue

1:12:51 > 1:12:53# And then they'll see

1:12:53 > 1:12:55# I'm no shrinkin' violet

1:12:55 > 1:12:58# Hey, I've got a lot of livin' to do

1:15:24 > 1:15:28# I got a lot of livin'

1:15:28 > 1:15:30# To do

1:15:49 > 1:15:52# - There's music to play - Places to go

1:15:52 > 1:15:54# People to see

1:15:54 > 1:15:59# Ah, everything for you and me

1:15:59 > 1:16:01# Life's a ball

1:16:01 > 1:16:03# If only you know it

1:16:03 > 1:16:07# Yeah, and it's all just waitin' for you

1:16:07 > 1:16:10# Oh, you're alive

1:16:10 > 1:16:12# So come on and show it

1:16:12 > 1:16:14# Yeah, we got a lot of livin'

1:16:14 > 1:16:16# Such a lot of livin'

1:16:16 > 1:16:18# Tonight's the night we're gonna fly

1:16:18 > 1:16:21# Let's kick this hick town into high

1:16:25 > 1:16:27# I want a taste of everything

1:16:27 > 1:16:30# Let's live it up and really swing

1:16:30 > 1:16:33# Got a lot of livin', livin'

1:16:33 > 1:16:35# Livin', livin'

1:16:35 > 1:16:37# Livin' to do

1:16:37 > 1:16:38# Live! #

1:17:25 > 1:17:28But you needn't bite my head off. I only ask a civil question.

1:17:28 > 1:17:30Ten times you've asked me.

1:17:30 > 1:17:33I don't know why they've changed to this slow dance for the TV.

1:17:33 > 1:17:35But if Albert can't get him to cut it shorter...

1:17:35 > 1:17:37tomorrow night I won't be on Ed Sullivan.

1:17:37 > 1:17:39Neither will Kim. You know how much it means to her.

1:17:39 > 1:17:41- How about m... - Well, anyway...

1:17:41 > 1:17:44Albert's still in with the managers, so that's a good sign.

1:17:44 > 1:17:47If Eisenhower couldn't handle the Russians, how is Albert?

1:17:48 > 1:17:51HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

1:17:51 > 1:17:55HE REPLIES IN RUSSIAN

1:17:57 > 1:17:59Da zdravstvujet Jack Kennedy.

1:17:59 > 1:18:02- Oh, long live Joseph Stalin. - Oh!

1:18:02 > 1:18:04I mean, Stalin lived too long.

1:18:04 > 1:18:06Long live Khrushchev.

1:18:12 > 1:18:14HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

1:18:18 > 1:18:23HE READS RUSSIAN

1:18:23 > 1:18:26Save your life? Me?

1:18:26 > 1:18:28My friend, if you are sick, see a doctor.

1:18:30 > 1:18:33If you're sick, see a doctor. You speak English?

1:18:33 > 1:18:35It saves time.

1:18:35 > 1:18:39What can I do for you, uh, Mr Peterson?

1:18:40 > 1:18:43Sir, I have come to appeal to you.

1:18:43 > 1:18:46That ballet, the one that you're doing on TV tomorrow night...

1:18:46 > 1:18:48Da, for Mr Ed Sullivan.

1:18:48 > 1:18:52Yeah. That's the one. Could you just cut that four minutes?

1:18:52 > 1:18:57Well, it's beautiful. I love it, but my life depends on it.

1:18:57 > 1:18:59Desecrate this classic?

1:18:59 > 1:19:02I need the time for Conrad Birdie to sing my song.

1:19:03 > 1:19:06Who sent you here? Senator Goldwater?

1:19:06 > 1:19:09Will you cut three minutes?

1:19:09 > 1:19:11Two minutes?

1:19:11 > 1:19:13A minute and a halt.

1:19:13 > 1:19:17To cut even ten seconds would be artistic sabotage.

1:19:17 > 1:19:20This ballet has historic significance.

1:19:20 > 1:19:23It was performed the same day as the funeral of the czar.

1:19:23 > 1:19:25Lenin himself made the arrangement.

1:19:26 > 1:19:29- Lenin arranged music? - No! Funerals!

1:19:35 > 1:19:40- Hello, Rose. - Oh, hi, Kim. You still up?

1:19:40 > 1:19:43Oh, I'm so miserable, Rose.

1:19:43 > 1:19:46I've lost Hugo, and now I'm not even going to be on TV.

1:19:46 > 1:19:48Why not?

1:19:48 > 1:19:53The ballet's taking tour extra minutes, so Birdie's song and the kiss are out.

1:19:53 > 1:19:56Oh, serves Albert right.

1:19:56 > 1:19:58Oh, now come on. Relax.

1:19:58 > 1:20:00Faithless men like Albert and Hugo...

1:20:00 > 1:20:03they're all alike... from puberty to stupidity...

1:20:03 > 1:20:05from Benedict Arnold to Mussolini.

1:20:05 > 1:20:09Men. We laugh at them, right?

1:20:09 > 1:20:14It's easy for you to pick up the pieces of your shattered dream.

1:20:14 > 1:20:17You've found a compensation.

1:20:17 > 1:20:21Ah, that Claude Paisley is just too much.

1:20:23 > 1:20:27He's too much, all right. But I won't mention of what.

1:20:27 > 1:20:30All that charm, so genteel,

1:20:30 > 1:20:33so educated, so underhanded!

1:20:35 > 1:20:38You mean Mr Paisley's like all the rest?

1:20:38 > 1:20:40I thought he was the marrying type.

1:20:40 > 1:20:42Oh, he is.

1:20:42 > 1:20:44He wanted to elope tonight.

1:20:44 > 1:20:47And you know what? He'd like to live in New York.

1:20:47 > 1:20:49Uh, not to teach... to be a songwriter.

1:20:49 > 1:20:51A songwriter?

1:20:52 > 1:20:55He's all the things I want to get away from.

1:20:55 > 1:20:56Oh, I'm sorry.

1:20:56 > 1:21:00I never dreamed that Mr Paisley, of all men...

1:21:00 > 1:21:04Oh, well. Men. They're only out to use us, Kim.

1:21:04 > 1:21:07I know. Hugo's used me since we were freshman.

1:21:07 > 1:21:10All those years I wasted on Albert.

1:21:10 > 1:21:13Rosie the dependable one, Rosie the patient one...

1:21:13 > 1:21:15Rosie the good girl.

1:21:15 > 1:21:18I know it sounds fashioned, but I'm not ashamed to admit it.

1:21:18 > 1:21:20- I'm still a good girl. - Rose?

1:21:20 > 1:21:23- Hmm? - So am I.

1:21:25 > 1:21:28No kidding?

1:21:28 > 1:21:31Well, you won't be sorry.

1:21:35 > 1:21:37- Are you going out so late? - Mm-hmm.

1:21:37 > 1:21:41My farewell to Sweet Apple... a night to remember. I'm going to Maude's Cafe.

1:21:41 > 1:21:45Maude's? That's a wild place.

1:21:45 > 1:21:48You're not gonna do anything rash?

1:21:48 > 1:21:50Whatever you hear about me, Kim...

1:21:50 > 1:21:54just tell them that she loved not wisely, but too well.

1:22:05 > 1:22:08This is the place, Albert... hottest spot in the county.

1:22:08 > 1:22:11- How do you know? - Oh, I heard, only heard.

1:22:11 > 1:22:14Albert, don't go in that place.

1:22:14 > 1:22:17- I must. it's the only way. - But drinking won't solve anything.

1:22:17 > 1:22:20He's frustrated.

1:22:20 > 1:22:23Good-bye.

1:22:24 > 1:22:25Thanks.

1:22:25 > 1:22:27I'd go in there with ya it I weren't a happy family man

1:22:27 > 1:22:29and not allowed to enjoy myself.

1:22:29 > 1:22:31Oh, please, Mister, I... Oh, my arm!

1:22:31 > 1:22:34- I just want to... - I'm telling you for the last time!

1:22:34 > 1:22:37- All I want is a drink. - No drinks! Now get lost!

1:22:37 > 1:22:41Well, just a pint of bourbon? Gin? Scotch?

1:22:41 > 1:22:43Well, how about a malted with a little vodka?

1:22:43 > 1:22:45Come back when you're 21.

1:22:45 > 1:22:50Oh, well, I'm way over 21. I only look young from too much drinkin'.

1:22:55 > 1:22:58Oh, look at me. Look at the shell of a human being...

1:22:58 > 1:23:00the monster you've created.

1:23:00 > 1:23:04Oh, I'm sorry about... Uh, Hugo, don't worry. You'll get Kim back.

1:23:04 > 1:23:08No, thanks. The bloom is off the rose.

1:23:08 > 1:23:12Rose. Little Rose...

1:23:12 > 1:23:15a precious flower that I trampled on.

1:23:30 > 1:23:32There you go.

1:23:32 > 1:23:35A toast to Mae. She's OK.

1:23:35 > 1:23:37I'm a songwriter too, huh?

1:23:37 > 1:23:40Would you call the McAfee house again and see if my Al... Sonny!

1:23:40 > 1:23:42Mama, what are you doin' in a place like this?

1:23:42 > 1:23:44We're playin' canasta. I got lonesome.

1:23:44 > 1:23:47- Did you cut the Russians? - And why are you consorting with him?

1:23:47 > 1:23:49- Glad to meet you. - Now looks ain't everything.

1:23:49 > 1:23:52Besides, Mr Maude is 100% gentlemen and a widower.

1:23:52 > 1:23:54Three times. Sit down, Albert.

1:23:54 > 1:23:58Any son of Mae Peterson is a friend of mine. Come. Sit down. Go on.

1:23:58 > 1:24:01Mama, get your things. We're taking the bus to New York tonight.

1:24:01 > 1:24:02Your song! it's all off?

1:24:02 > 1:24:06- It's dead, like I am. Let's go. - You ain't going, Mae. Say you ain't!

1:24:06 > 1:24:09- You unhand her. Come on, Mama. - OK, buster. Set 'em up!

1:24:09 > 1:24:13Double scotch and gin on the side and, uh, a bourbon chaser.

1:24:13 > 1:24:17Make that a triple chaser, and bring on the dancing boys!

1:24:17 > 1:24:20Well, come on. Make me the drinks, Meyer. We gotta put out this fire.

1:24:22 > 1:24:24# Everything is Rosie

1:24:24 > 1:24:25# Cha, cha, cha

1:24:25 > 1:24:27- 'Cause my name is Rosie - Oh, the poor thing.

1:24:27 > 1:24:30- Fifi, huh - She can't get over me.

1:24:30 > 1:24:32She's singing the song I wrote for her.

1:24:32 > 1:24:33You wrote her a song?

1:24:33 > 1:24:36Well, only eight bars, Mama. Somehow I never could finish it.

1:24:36 > 1:24:41Hey, what's with the red cap? You got a train inside?

1:24:46 > 1:24:48Where are you goin'?

1:24:48 > 1:24:50I'm gonna go down and see what the boys in the back room will have.

1:24:50 > 1:24:52Albert, where are you going?

1:24:52 > 1:24:54To save her from herself...

1:24:54 > 1:24:57To save her for me. She might get in trouble.

1:24:57 > 1:25:01Report on the charity bazaar we ran for the benefit of the old folk home...

1:25:01 > 1:25:07to wit net cash receipts, 840.06.

1:25:07 > 1:25:12Valuable goods contributed, two milk cows, live...

1:25:12 > 1:25:1480 lugs of fresh fruit...

1:25:14 > 1:25:1745 young cumquat trees...

1:25:17 > 1:25:20one ton of fertilizer...

1:25:33 > 1:25:36And now, before the recording secretary

1:25:36 > 1:25:38reads the minutes from last week's meeting

1:25:38 > 1:25:40I wish to bring up a subject

1:25:40 > 1:25:44that I know is on everybody's mind...

1:25:44 > 1:25:45tonight.

1:26:45 > 1:26:47As I was saying, gentlemen...

1:27:17 > 1:27:18Yeah!

1:27:49 > 1:27:50Yeah!

1:28:43 > 1:28:45No. Listen, fellas... Watch out!

1:29:43 > 1:29:45Rosie, baby.

1:29:51 > 1:29:53Good morning, darling.

1:29:53 > 1:29:55Way past noon. Sleep OK, honey?

1:29:55 > 1:29:58Mm-hmm. I tried not to.

1:29:58 > 1:30:01I wanted to keep reliving that wonderful moment...

1:30:03 > 1:30:06When my shining knight

1:30:06 > 1:30:08rushed into the sultan's cave

1:30:08 > 1:30:10and carried me off.

1:30:12 > 1:30:14Oh, that's just the beginning.

1:30:14 > 1:30:18Pack. We're takin' the bus to Niagara Falls.

1:30:18 > 1:30:19Oh, yes, dear.

1:30:26 > 1:30:31You never saw me in pyjamas before.

1:30:31 > 1:30:32You disappointed?

1:30:32 > 1:30:34Mm-mm.

1:30:37 > 1:30:39Are you?

1:30:47 > 1:30:52Let's take a plane to Niagara Falls, a jet!

1:30:57 > 1:31:00Albert, we came here to get your mother set financially...

1:31:00 > 1:31:03and our marriage wouldn't have a chance...

1:31:03 > 1:31:05if we started off feeling guilty about deserting her.

1:31:05 > 1:31:09That's right. It may be a long time before I make any money.

1:31:09 > 1:31:11Not if Birdie sang your song tonight.

1:31:11 > 1:31:14No chance. I pleaded.

1:31:14 > 1:31:17They won't shorten the ballet... not even ten seconds.

1:31:17 > 1:31:20it's the slowest dance I ever saw. They move like turtles.

1:31:23 > 1:31:24Albert!

1:31:24 > 1:31:27- What? - Randolph!

1:31:32 > 1:31:34Boys, those are really showstoppers.

1:31:34 > 1:31:37Frank, Dean and Sammy, come on out here and take a bow.

1:31:39 > 1:31:44Frank, Dean and Sammy McWilliams. Thank you, boys.

1:31:44 > 1:31:48Right now, here on our stage, the magnificent orchestra...

1:31:48 > 1:31:50of American composer-conductor Ray Block.

1:31:50 > 1:31:52Now, really. Let's hear it.

1:31:52 > 1:31:54Well, that ought to do it. Any questions?

1:31:54 > 1:31:56- No, sir. Not at all. - OK. I'm going backstage.

1:31:56 > 1:31:58Right.

1:32:02 > 1:32:04Don't know why I let that Albert drag us here.

1:32:04 > 1:32:07Rosie said she might have a big surprise for us.

1:32:07 > 1:32:10Maybe they'll show us sitting here on TV. I bet that's it.

1:32:10 > 1:32:14- Where did you get all that money? - I sold Mr Peterson my chemical set.

1:32:16 > 1:32:21- Two minutes, maestro. - Borov will be there.

1:32:21 > 1:32:24Have never been late for performance in whole career.

1:32:26 > 1:32:29- You say you from magazine? - Uh, yes. American Ballet magazine.

1:32:29 > 1:32:33We want a picture of the world's greatest conductor, Maestro Borov.

1:32:33 > 1:32:37You flatter me. So, shoot me quick.

1:32:37 > 1:32:40Uh, drinking this milk.

1:32:40 > 1:32:42- Milk? - Yes.

1:32:42 > 1:32:45We drink vodka, little flower.

1:32:45 > 1:32:49Oh, well, no, thank you. Please, maestro. This milk.

1:32:49 > 1:32:51You see, our president has asked us to drink more milk...

1:32:51 > 1:32:53and it would be a goodwill gesture.

1:32:53 > 1:32:55- President? - Yes.

1:32:55 > 1:32:59Oh, won't you, please, maestro to improve our relations?

1:33:01 > 1:33:03You are pretty enough to be un-American.

1:33:05 > 1:33:08All right. Here we go. Drink up. That's it.

1:33:08 > 1:33:13Now keep drinking until I frame you... Uh, frame you perfectly. All right.

1:33:13 > 1:33:16Bottoms up. That's it.

1:33:20 > 1:33:22Very good.

1:33:24 > 1:33:26You've got it. I mean, gotcha!

1:33:28 > 1:33:30See you after, could be?

1:33:30 > 1:33:34- I'll catch up with ya. - And for you I do not go too fast.

1:33:35 > 1:33:36We shall see.

1:33:38 > 1:33:40Good-bye. Thank you.

1:33:50 > 1:33:52Mission accomplished.

1:33:52 > 1:33:54- He drank it? - Yeah.

1:33:54 > 1:33:56My formula works on chickens and Randolph's turtle...

1:33:56 > 1:33:58but I don't know about humans.

1:33:58 > 1:34:00Well, if it doesn't, we're no worse off...

1:34:00 > 1:34:02but if it does, this will be the shortest ballet in history.

1:34:02 > 1:34:04And now, ready America and Canada?

1:34:04 > 1:34:07Because here we go out to Columbus, Ohio...

1:34:07 > 1:34:11where the Moscow Ballet dances "The Rose Adagio"

1:34:11 > 1:34:13from Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty

1:34:13 > 1:34:15conducted by Maestro Borov.

1:34:15 > 1:34:18Take it away, CBS Columbus, Ohio.

1:34:18 > 1:34:20We're on. Up on one.

1:34:27 > 1:34:30Lights.

1:35:34 > 1:35:37Camera two, can you move to your right just a couple of feet?

1:36:07 > 1:36:08Magnificent.

1:36:30 > 1:36:32It's not gonna work.

1:37:02 > 1:37:05MUSIC TURNS ERRATIC

1:37:14 > 1:37:17This is crazy. That's not the way it was rehearsed.

1:37:19 > 1:37:21What is it, sabotage?

1:37:24 > 1:37:26LAUGHTER

1:37:33 > 1:37:36LAUGHTER

1:37:38 > 1:37:41Borov!

1:37:52 > 1:37:55HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

1:37:57 > 1:38:00HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

1:38:17 > 1:38:20We'll have to fill some time. Put the Birdie song back in.

1:38:20 > 1:38:22Gotcha, Ed.

1:38:22 > 1:38:25Take over. Be prepared for the Birdie spot.

1:38:25 > 1:38:27LAUGHTER

1:38:31 > 1:38:34Albert, "One Last Kiss" is back in. Find Conrad. Rosie, get Kim.

1:38:34 > 1:38:37- Right. - Put the Birdie spot on stage. Let's go!

1:38:48 > 1:38:51McAfee, hurry up! Come on. Let's go. The song is back in!

1:38:51 > 1:38:53- A miracle happened! Let's go! - What? Come on!

1:39:16 > 1:39:18Are you crazy, Borov?

1:39:27 > 1:39:31CHEERING AND ANGRY SHOUTS

1:39:35 > 1:39:36Ay-yai-yai!

1:39:42 > 1:39:46I've never seen such speedin' dancers. Thank you, Moscow Ballet...

1:39:46 > 1:39:48for that brilliant and unexpected bit of burlesque.

1:39:48 > 1:39:50And now, another great treat

1:39:50 > 1:39:52Conrad Birdie. Ee-yo!

1:39:52 > 1:39:57GIRLS SCREAM

1:40:21 > 1:40:24On behalf of all the members

1:40:24 > 1:40:27of the Sweet Apple chapter of the Conrad Birdie Fan Club...

1:40:27 > 1:40:29GIRLS SCREAM

1:40:31 > 1:40:33..we wish to express to you

1:40:33 > 1:40:36our great pride in your brave deed.

1:40:36 > 1:40:39- Hiya, Ed. - Oh, no.

1:40:42 > 1:40:44Oh, hi. How are ya?

1:40:50 > 1:40:52I wish to convey our deep pride

1:40:52 > 1:40:54in your brave deed, namely...

1:40:54 > 1:40:57As a citizen, I'm proud to have Conrad

1:40:57 > 1:41:01defend my family and the McAfee Fertilizer Company.

1:41:02 > 1:41:04Conrad, sing!

1:41:06 > 1:41:10# Oh, one last kiss

1:41:10 > 1:41:11# Give me one last kiss

1:41:11 > 1:41:13# It never felt like this

1:41:13 > 1:41:16# Nah, baby, not like this

1:41:16 > 1:41:18# You know I need your love

1:41:19 > 1:41:22# Give me one last kiss

1:41:22 > 1:41:25# One last kiss

1:41:25 > 1:41:26# Oh, one more time

1:41:26 > 1:41:28# Mmm, baby, one more time

1:41:28 > 1:41:31# It really is sublime

1:41:31 > 1:41:33# Ah, honey, so sublime

1:41:33 > 1:41:36# You know I need your love

1:41:37 > 1:41:39# Give me one last kiss

1:41:39 > 1:41:42# One last kiss

1:41:43 > 1:41:47# Ba-a-a-aby

1:41:47 > 1:41:50# Give me one last kiss

1:41:50 > 1:41:56# Ba-a-a-aby

1:41:56 > 1:41:57# Give me one la... #

1:41:57 > 1:41:59Argh!

1:42:06 > 1:42:09Yoo-hoo! Albert!

1:42:12 > 1:42:15I saw it all on TV. "One Last Kiss" was a disaster.

1:42:15 > 1:42:17Who wants to buy a record of a guy with a glass jaw?

1:42:17 > 1:42:20Now will you take Mama's advice and get out of show business?

1:42:20 > 1:42:24I am! My song may be dead, but my chemical formula works on people.

1:42:24 > 1:42:26Shh. The Russians may have this place bugged.

1:42:26 > 1:42:30It was Albert's formula that made the orchestra leader go that fast.

1:42:30 > 1:42:32My genius!

1:42:32 > 1:42:35You gotta work on my cleaning woman. She gets a dollar an hour.

1:42:35 > 1:42:38Yeah. Mama...

1:42:39 > 1:42:40Mama...

1:42:40 > 1:42:43Rosie and I are going to Niagara Falls.

1:42:44 > 1:42:46Well...

1:42:48 > 1:42:50..it's about time.

1:42:54 > 1:42:57Oh, Mae! You have to come with us!

1:42:57 > 1:43:00No. I'm one mother, doesn't mix in. Maude!

1:43:00 > 1:43:03Don't tall in the pit, Maude.

1:43:04 > 1:43:05- Albert? - Yes.

1:43:05 > 1:43:08I would like to do things proper.

1:43:08 > 1:43:10So I would like the honour of becoming your stepfather.

1:43:12 > 1:43:14Is it all right, Albert?

1:43:14 > 1:43:16Mama, with my blessing!

1:43:16 > 1:43:19I'm glad because we just got married.

1:43:19 > 1:43:20Yes.

1:43:23 > 1:43:27- What a surprise! - How exciting! It's beautiful!

1:43:27 > 1:43:29- Congratulations! - Thank you very much.

1:43:29 > 1:43:32Let's go, Maudie! We're leavin' for Akron.

1:43:32 > 1:43:34Hubby has to open a new bar and he wants me to throw out the first beer can.

1:43:34 > 1:43:36Yeah! Good-bye, son!

1:43:36 > 1:43:38The falls are wet. Take your rubbers!

1:43:38 > 1:43:40- Bye! - Yes, Mrs Maude.

1:43:40 > 1:43:42How about that? Maude and Mrs Peterson.

1:43:42 > 1:43:44- Oh, ready here, Albert. - Be right with you.

1:43:44 > 1:43:47No hurry, partner.

1:43:47 > 1:43:49I promise you one thing, snookums.

1:43:49 > 1:43:51No matter how many millions I make sellin' Speed Up

1:43:51 > 1:43:54I'll still be the same, humble, lovable guy.

1:43:54 > 1:43:58And it any of those hicks try to push me around, I'll break 'em.

1:44:01 > 1:44:04# Everything is Rosie

1:44:04 > 1:44:07# Since I found my Rosie... #

1:44:07 > 1:44:09Same old words.

1:44:09 > 1:44:13# With a girl like Rosie

1:44:13 > 1:44:15# How could I be blue... #

1:44:15 > 1:44:17Same eight bars. Now what?

1:44:17 > 1:44:20# Hand in hand, we'll mosey

1:44:20 > 1:44:23# Me and little Rosie

1:44:23 > 1:44:26# We will be so cosy

1:44:26 > 1:44:29# By a fire built for two... #

1:44:29 > 1:44:31Oh, Albert, you're too much.

1:44:31 > 1:44:35# Oh, I once heard a poem that goes

1:44:35 > 1:44:39# A rose is a rose is a rose

1:44:39 > 1:44:41# But I don't agree

1:44:41 > 1:44:43# Take it from me

1:44:43 > 1:44:46# There's one rose sweeter than any that grows

1:44:46 > 1:44:48# And that's my Rosie

1:44:49 > 1:44:52# I'm so glad she chose me

1:44:52 > 1:44:55# Life is one sweet

1:44:55 > 1:44:58# Beautiful song to me

1:44:58 > 1:45:02# Everything is Hugo

1:45:02 > 1:45:06# I will go where you'll go

1:45:06 > 1:45:09# With a boy like Hugo

1:45:09 > 1:45:12# How could I be blue

1:45:12 > 1:45:17# We will be so cosy

1:45:17 > 1:45:21# Just like Al and Rosie

1:45:21 > 1:45:24# But we're gonna mosey

1:45:24 > 1:45:27# In a hot-rod built for two

1:45:29 > 1:45:32# - And that's my Rosie - Gee, how delighted we'll be

1:45:32 > 1:45:36# - I'm so glad she chose me - When you are cosy with me

1:45:36 > 1:45:40# Life is one sweet beautiful song

1:45:40 > 1:45:43# When love is right then what could be wrong

1:45:43 > 1:45:47# Life is one sweet

1:45:47 > 1:45:51# Beautiful song to me

1:45:54 > 1:45:56# Bye, bye

1:45:56 > 1:45:59# Birdie

1:45:59 > 1:46:03# The army's got you now

1:46:03 > 1:46:05# I'll try

1:46:05 > 1:46:07# Birdie

1:46:07 > 1:46:11# To forget somehow

1:46:12 > 1:46:15# No more

1:46:15 > 1:46:17# Sighing

1:46:17 > 1:46:20# Each time you move those lips

1:46:20 > 1:46:22# No more

1:46:22 > 1:46:25# Dying

1:46:25 > 1:46:28# When you twitch those hips

1:46:28 > 1:46:30# Your swivel and your sway

1:46:30 > 1:46:32# Your super-duper class

1:46:32 > 1:46:34# There's nothing left to say

1:46:34 > 1:46:38# But, Conrad, you're a gas

1:46:39 > 1:46:40# Bye, bye

1:46:40 > 1:46:43# Birdie

1:46:43 > 1:46:47# Ta, ta, ol' sweetie pie

1:46:47 > 1:46:49# Bye, bye

1:46:49 > 1:46:51# Birdie

1:46:51 > 1:46:55# Time for me to fly

1:46:55 > 1:47:00# Time for me to fly

1:47:00 > 1:47:04# Time to say good-bye. #

1:47:04 > 1:47:05Bye, now.