0:00:46 > 0:00:50'I don't know whether you've ever seen a map of a person's mind.'
0:00:51 > 0:00:55'Doctors sometimes draw maps of other parts of you
0:00:55 > 0:00:59'and your own map can become intensely interesting.'
0:00:59 > 0:01:03'But catch them trying to draw a map of a child's mind,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07'which is not only confused, but keeps going round all the time.'
0:01:09 > 0:01:11'There are zigzag lines on it,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15'just like your temperature on a card. And these
0:01:15 > 0:01:17'are probably roads in the island.'
0:01:17 > 0:01:22'For the Neverland is always more or less an island.'
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- What the hell do you think you're doing?!- No, it's OK! It's fine!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- HORN BLARES - Get off the beach, moron!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- What's your problem?! - What are you doing, you clown?!
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Take it easy. Relax. LAUGHS
0:01:38 > 0:01:41You're insane! Get that child off there!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- Whoo! Right on! - CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:01:49 > 0:01:52CHILD GIGGLES
0:01:53 > 0:01:57- Want to get wet? - No! I don't want to!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00You do, you love it. CHILD SCREAMS
0:02:05 > 0:02:07CHILD SCREAMS AND LAUGHS
0:02:09 > 0:02:11LAUGHS
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Whoo! CHILD SCREAMS
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Get off the windscreen, you horrible little monster.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24CHILD IMITATES GUN
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Whoo-hoo!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Whoo!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Whoo-hoo! Yee-hah! Whoo!
0:03:15 > 0:03:20'I wouldn't be the first to say that life is a journey
0:03:20 > 0:03:23'that must be travelled no matter how bad the road.'
0:03:23 > 0:03:27'When Artie's mother was alive, the place didn't look like this.'
0:03:27 > 0:03:31'The house was just so much more welcoming. Everywhere you turned,
0:03:31 > 0:03:34'Katy was there - in the smell of freshly picked rosemary
0:03:34 > 0:03:37'in the kitchen, the tomatoes from the garden,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39'the vase of flowers in the window.'
0:03:40 > 0:03:42'We miss that now.'
0:03:42 > 0:03:45'We do miss that.'
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- GIGGLES:- That's not washing your face! Are you crazy?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51"The Neverland is always more or less an island,
0:03:51 > 0:03:55"with astonishing splashes of colour here and there and coral reefs
0:03:55 > 0:03:59"and rakish-looking craft in the offing." Do you want to read some?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Here.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05"You could say of them
0:04:05 > 0:04:09"that they have each other's noise..."
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- CHUCKLES:- Nose.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14"..nose and so forth..."
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- CHILDREN SHOUT AND SQUEAL - That looks good, Mum.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- I hope I've made enough. - CAR HORN TOOTS
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- MAN: Katy, he's here.- Look, Artie, it's your long-lost father!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Daddy!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- Hello, stranger. - Hey, you.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- Daddy!- Hey, cheeky bum! Here's your pressie.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Welcome home, mate. - Digby.- Good copy.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- You liked the piece on Nadal? - How was the old country?
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Same old Wimbledon - strawberries with lashings of English rain. Hey.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- Hi. - Good to see you.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Hiya, Barbara.- Hi. - You've done all this for me?
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Oh, as if!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- That got my name on it, Tom? - Yep.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Kids, let's have an Olympic race.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- On your markies, get your car keys, go!- Go!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Come back for sunscreen when you're done!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08'And so we lived happily ever after.'
0:05:08 > 0:05:12'Now, you know that's not true, don't you?'
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Is this OK?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- You look great. - But?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- But what?- There's a but in your voice. You don't like it?
0:05:21 > 0:05:26- I do, it's just...- Just...what? - It's a little black number.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- What can I say? - What does that mean?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- I like this one. - Oh, for God's sake.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Do you want me to change? - No.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Then tell me you like this dress.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I'll tell you I love the dress, but only on the strict understanding
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- that you know I'm not telling the truth, OK?- Just tell me
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- what you think of it.- I love that dress. That dress is fantastic!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Thank you. At last!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53ALL CHATTER
0:06:00 > 0:06:04- Excuse me. Sorry. Hi. - How are you?- I need some air.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08We're just going to grab some air. Thank you. Nice to meet you.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13Oh, my God. You just saved me from the most boring man ever!
0:06:13 > 0:06:14SHE LAUGHS
0:06:22 > 0:06:24My God, you're beautiful.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28In a slightly spooky kinda way.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31SHE GASPS AND GROANS Katy?!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42These'll be safer with you.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11I'm so sorry.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Don't be silly.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- She'll be fine, I know she will. - How do you know?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- I know her. It won't defeat her. - What, you know she's immortal?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- No, I'm just saying... - Digby, she's sicker than shit!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32The cancer is rooted in her bowel and growing through her
0:07:32 > 0:07:36like Russian vine. She's got tumours in her intestine and liver,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38it's probably in her lungs.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41You don't have a clue what you're talking about.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46I'm so sorry.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48TOILET FLUSHES
0:07:49 > 0:07:52SHE WHEEZES AND GASPS
0:07:57 > 0:07:59SHE GASPS RAPIDLY
0:08:12 > 0:08:14GAS HISSES
0:08:21 > 0:08:23It's OK, sweetheart. Gently.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Ssshhh.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29HUMS QUIETLY
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Hey.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48ARTIE SINGS
0:08:49 > 0:08:53You know how Mummy's been getting more and more tired
0:08:53 > 0:08:55because she's been so ill?
0:08:57 > 0:09:02- We think that soon she's going to go into a very deep sleep.- I don't know.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07A sleep so deep that...
0:09:07 > 0:09:09we don't think she's ever going to wake up again.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16We think she's going to die.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19When?
0:09:20 > 0:09:25- Soon. - Will Mummy die by dinner time?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I don't know.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Will she die by...bedtime?
0:09:35 > 0:09:41- I don't know, sweetheart. None of us knows.- OK.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Whee!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02CLATTERING
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Katy?
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- Katy? - I'm making Artie's lunch.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- The way he likes it. - It's the middle of the night.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- What? - Artie's in bed, sweetheart.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30He's asleep.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- SIGHS:- No. - It's OK.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39SHE BREATHES SLOWLY
0:10:42 > 0:10:44SHE STOPS BREATHING
0:10:50 > 0:10:53SHE INHALES SLOWLY
0:10:55 > 0:10:58BIRDSONG
0:10:59 > 0:11:02WIND CHIMES TINKLE
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Did Mummy die last night?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Artie!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30See?! See?! I told you! I told you!
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- What did you tell me?- I told you Mummy would die last night.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Oh, love!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39GASPS
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- SOBS:- Oh, my baby!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45My baby!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49My baby! My baby!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54SHE SOBS
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Oh, my beautiful baby!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00SHE CONTINUES SOBBING
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- PHONE:- "If you want to leave a message for Felicity or Harry,
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- "speak after the tone." - BEEPING: Flick, it's Joe.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I guess it's about lunch time there. Could you call me as...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49'Dad?'
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Harry!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- 'Hi.' - I thought you'd be away at school.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00'Are you OK? What is it you wanted to tell Mum?'
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Katy passed away in the early hours of this morning.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09'Oh...
0:13:11 > 0:13:13'I'm so sorry.'
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- Could you tell your mother for me? - 'Of course.'
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Harry, can I call you back?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- 'Are you going to be OK?' - Yeah, course I am.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- I love you. - 'I love you, too.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42'Miss you, Daddy.'
0:13:43 > 0:13:46QUIET CHATTER
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Daddy? - Yes, sweetheart?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I want to die.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Do you?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Why? - So I can be with Mummy.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Don't worry, Daddy, I'll stay down here with you for now.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Thanks.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Take care. - I'll see you soon, all right?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50ARTIE IMITATES AEROPLANE
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Come on, Artie, let's get you into your jammies. Artie!
0:14:55 > 0:14:59B, leave him alone. Let him run around if he wants.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Do you really need that?
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- Well, at least you should try and eat something.- I can't do this.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38SOBS
0:16:48 > 0:16:50ENGINE STARTS
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Oh. What's that you're drawing?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21It's a man taking Mummy away on the tray. And here's a tree.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Dada! Guess what!
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Grandpa let me sit on the tractor! - Hey.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- Go and get your things together. - Why?
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- I thought we'd go away for a while, just you and me.- Where?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- I dunno. A road trip. - What will we do?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- What do you want to do? - Go to Splash Planet!- We'll see.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Go and get your stuff. - OK.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- Is this a good idea? - Well, I obviously think so.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Thanks for taking him.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- Where will you go? - I don't know yet.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- Running away is never the answer, Joe.- He sees me as someone
0:18:11 > 0:18:15who comes home after weeks away bringing presents.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- We need to spend some time together. - And afterwards?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Afterwards what?- Well, when you need to work. Will I have him?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- Not if you don't want to. - That's not what I'm saying.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I left my other boy when he was six to be with Katy. I need to know
0:18:29 > 0:18:33how to talk to him. I need to know how to comfort him.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37This isn't about a week on the road or about sweets and treats,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41this is about structure and routine and security.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I'm his father. It's my decision.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48- I think you're making a big mistake. - Wouldn't be the first time.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Give Nana a kiss.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Bye, Nana. - Bye-bye, darling.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Bye.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11# All the wild horses
0:19:15 > 0:19:20# All the wild horses
0:19:24 > 0:19:28# Tethered with tears
0:19:28 > 0:19:30# In their eyes
0:19:35 > 0:19:39# May no man's touch
0:19:39 > 0:19:40# Ever tame you
0:19:42 > 0:19:46# May no man's reins
0:19:46 > 0:19:48# Ever chain you
0:19:49 > 0:19:52# And may no man's... #
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Can we get a car like that? - A convertible?
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- One without a roof.- Why? So Mummy can see me in the car
0:19:59 > 0:20:01and drop down messages to me.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Can we?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11TAPPING
0:20:18 > 0:20:20TAPPING GETS LOUDER Hey.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23What are you doing? Stop it.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Artie, stop it.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Artie!
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Stop it!
0:20:35 > 0:20:40What is it? What's the matter? Are you hungry? You want a drink?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Talk to me, sweetheart. What is it?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53We'll go to the shop, OK?
0:20:53 > 0:20:58We'll go to the shop and I'll get you a juice and some crisps. Yeah?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Does that sound good?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Are you going to come in and help me choose?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- I don't want orange juice. - What? You always have orange.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- I said I don't want orange juice! - ARTIE GRUNTS
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Artie! Artie, it's all right.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Look. There's crisps, OK? You're hungry. Just eat some crisps.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28YELLS
0:21:29 > 0:21:31For God's sake...
0:21:39 > 0:21:42What can you do?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Pick him up. He's upset.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Comfort him. Give him a cuddle.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- He doesn't want me to. - Rubbish.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52He's having a fit. You don't cuddle people then.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- You're vile. - True.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00- I couldn't leave him like that. Talk to him.- It's not me he wants.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03It's you.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I'm sorry, sweetheart.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24That's all right.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39WATER SPLASHES
0:22:39 > 0:22:42What are you up to in there?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Artie?
0:22:46 > 0:22:47SQUEALING AND SPLASHING
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- LAUGHS:- Can I do it again, Daddy?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Oh, my God.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Can I, Daddy? Can I?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Please? Can I? Can I?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Yes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Here goes!
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- LAUGHS:- Again! Again! - Hang on, hang on,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12you need some more water. LAUGHS
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Big splash coming up! Whoo!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29TV CHATTER
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Artie?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Oh, sweetheart...
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Welcome back, travellers.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- I think it's a chocolate. - Here you go, mate.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Thanks. - What's the second number?
0:24:51 > 0:24:56- Eat up, Daniel. Come on. He won't eat, Mummy.- Digby... Thanks.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59OK. Back in a minute.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Come on, bubby.- You'll love this. - Excuse, darling.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04It's our little feeding ritual.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Come on, bubba. Ooh, some water in there!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Where's Daddy? Where is he? Here he is!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Where's Daddy? Look! Open up...
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Whoo! Yeah! Good boy! Good boy!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Oh, look at Daddy! What's Daddy doing? There he is!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Oh, good boy! - HE LAUGHS
0:25:26 > 0:25:29One more spoonful. Good boy!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32CHILDREN CHATTER
0:25:34 > 0:25:37"They don't live in the trees like we did."
0:25:37 > 0:25:41It looks like he's doing OK, considering.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Yeah, but what chance does he stand now?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- He's got you. - That's what I mean.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53Shouldn't the state intervene to make sure a woman looks after children?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Don't look at me.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I've got to do tricks on my lawn mower to get my child to eat.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01What do I know?
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Artie, come on. I can't be late.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Artie!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Oh, great. Let's go. - But I'm not dressed.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- I know. Why not? - Cos I haven't got any clothes.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Look on the line.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- Can I have a Mars bar? - No, you bloody can't!
0:26:40 > 0:26:44We just need you to undress straight into the washing machine
0:26:44 > 0:26:46and the system will be faultless.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- Artie, eat your toast. - It's got crusts.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58- What? - I don't like it with crusts.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00It's fine. Just eat it, OK?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02You know what happens when you don't eat.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12This is my kangaroo, Nibbles, and we rescue injured kangaroos
0:27:12 > 0:27:15and we keep them at home.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- Don't forget the parent meeting. - Sorry?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21In the hall after school if you can make it.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25And he eats kangaroo pellets, carrots,
0:27:25 > 0:27:28and we sometimes give him treats.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33And Nibbles sleeps in a pouch and when they are older,
0:27:33 > 0:27:37they don't need a pouch, they go in a big yard.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41And this one's still in a heated pouch.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46All right! What about you, Lucy? You want to talk about Tinka?
0:27:46 > 0:27:51Well, I learned to swim and she, erm, teached me
0:27:51 > 0:27:55- and I done the doggy paddle. - Aw...
0:27:55 > 0:28:00- All right, your turn, Johnny. Who you got?- This is my fish
0:28:00 > 0:28:04and I like it because it's looking at me right now for some reason
0:28:04 > 0:28:08and, erm, all my other fishes died.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Aw... Do you want to say something about the cat?
0:28:13 > 0:28:17Cat food looks better than it tastes.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18KIDS LAUGH
0:28:24 > 0:28:25All right, who's next?
0:28:33 > 0:28:37- It's all there. - Thanks.- Should be self-explanatory.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. We might as well start with sport.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Joe, what have you got for me?
0:28:46 > 0:28:48- No rush. - First up, cricket...
0:28:48 > 0:28:51No, no, not you. Joe.
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Yeah, we're, erm... We're... leading...
0:28:55 > 0:29:00..with the... Aussie touring party to India
0:29:00 > 0:29:05who were well and truly stuffed in Jaipur by the Rajasthan Academy 11.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08- ALL LAUGH - Good to have you back.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10- Good to be back. - OK, what's next?
0:29:23 > 0:29:27Hi. Joe Warr. Sorry I'm late.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29And thanks for sorting him out this morning.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32I promise you, he doesn't eat cat food.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34Not at home, anyway. We don't have a cat.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41SIGHS So, how do you think he's doing?
0:29:41 > 0:29:45I know it's only his first day back, but how does he seem to you?
0:29:45 > 0:29:46Erm... I'm...
0:29:46 > 0:29:49Everyone grieves differently, I suppose.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52There are some times where he plays happily
0:29:52 > 0:29:55and charts his mother's progress in heaven, and then other times...
0:29:59 > 0:30:03At some point every day, he collapses into a sort of coma.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06Sinks to the floor and just lies there.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09Half an hour later, he gets up and carries on like nothing's happened.
0:30:09 > 0:30:13He has some very weird moods. But then, so do I.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18- You do actually know I'm not Artie's teacher?- Hmm?
0:30:18 > 0:30:21I'm Lucy's mum. She's in Artie's class.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24- Right. - I'm waiting for Miss West myself.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27- But this morning, you were... - I was just helping out.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30- Of course you were. - Yeah...
0:30:33 > 0:30:37- Is that Miss West? - Mm-hm.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39She's a... different person altogether.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42I know. Spooky, isn't it?
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Right.
0:30:47 > 0:30:51Well, er, I'll just join the queue, then.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12- Are you sure you don't teach here? - Well, I do take them for art.
0:31:12 > 0:31:16- So, how did it go?- He seems to be doing rather better than I am.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24You know, if there's anything I could do,
0:31:24 > 0:31:27- if you ever want me to take him... - Really?
0:31:27 > 0:31:32Yeah. Absolutely. Three mouths are as easy to feed as two, so...
0:31:32 > 0:31:36- It'd be a pleasure. I'm in the buzz book.- Sorry?
0:31:36 > 0:31:39Here, give me your phone.
0:31:46 > 0:31:47PHONE RINGS
0:31:47 > 0:31:51There we are. Now we've got each other's.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01- HORN - What are you doing?
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- That hurt!- You never cross the road without me!
0:32:14 > 0:32:17Oh, come on, Artie, I said I'm sorry.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25- KATY:- He's hungry. - That's why I'm shopping.
0:32:25 > 0:32:29It's a bit pathetic, isn't it, both of you sulking like five-year-olds?
0:32:29 > 0:32:33How long are you planning on keeping this up?
0:32:33 > 0:32:36- I don't have any plans. - Why don't you take him to Mum?
0:32:39 > 0:32:43Why don't you ask for help?
0:32:43 > 0:32:45We aren't meant to do these things by ourselves.
0:32:45 > 0:32:49He's got no-one to go to and say how mean you're being.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55That's true. That is definitely true.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Hey, cheeky bum. Come up here and sit with me.
0:33:07 > 0:33:08Come on.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Now, you see that puddle?
0:33:13 > 0:33:16- Yeah. - You drive, OK?- OK.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- Are you ready?- Yeah! - Now, don't miss!- I won't!
0:33:19 > 0:33:21- Let's go! - On your markies,
0:33:21 > 0:33:23get your car keys, go!
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Whoa! ARTIE SQUEALS
0:33:30 > 0:33:32Again! Again!
0:33:35 > 0:33:37ARTIE SQUEALS
0:33:39 > 0:33:42'Now, you don't need to know anything about biology
0:33:42 > 0:33:47or fluid mechanics to deduce that Michael Fred Phelps III
0:33:47 > 0:33:51is built for speed. He just looks so racy.'
0:33:51 > 0:33:54'If you ran your hands over his naked flanks,
0:33:54 > 0:33:57and, let's face it, you know you want to,
0:33:57 > 0:34:01his skin would feel as smooth as his neoprene wetsuit.'
0:34:01 > 0:34:03'With his flipper feet and paddle hands,
0:34:03 > 0:34:06his six-foot-seven wingspan, he must surely be the result
0:34:06 > 0:34:09of some devilish American experiment in bionics.'
0:34:24 > 0:34:25DOORBELL
0:34:27 > 0:34:30- Oh, hi! How was Sydney? - Hey. Sorry I'm late.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33Hey! Look who's here! Giz a cuddle!
0:34:33 > 0:34:37He's been great. Haven't you?
0:34:37 > 0:34:40He's eaten really well and we washed Mac.
0:34:40 > 0:34:43Oh! That's where he was!
0:34:43 > 0:34:47Oh, look, he did these pictures at school today.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55Thanks, Laura. I really appreciate it.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57Any time.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Can I go and live at Laura's?
0:35:09 > 0:35:12- What? - Can I go and live at Laura's?
0:35:12 > 0:35:17I'll come back and visit you so you won't be lonely
0:35:17 > 0:35:20but I'll live at Laura's and Lucy's.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26You want to go and live there, do you?
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Fine. But if you're going to go, then you have to go tonight,
0:35:36 > 0:35:38so pack your bag and I'll take you back there.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44Daddy? Are you all right?
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Daddy?
0:35:55 > 0:35:57ARTIE SOBS
0:36:13 > 0:36:17- So, what do you want to do? - I'll do what you want me to do.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20- What? - Whatever you want me to do.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25I want you to stay here. I want you to live with me.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35It'll get better. I promise.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!
0:36:43 > 0:36:44ARTIE LAUGHS Rah!
0:37:02 > 0:37:05"Mrs Darling first heard of Peter
0:37:05 > 0:37:08"when she was tidying up her children's minds."
0:37:15 > 0:37:19"It is the nightly custom of every good mother after children are asleep
0:37:19 > 0:37:23"to rummage in their minds and put things straight for next morning,
0:37:23 > 0:37:25"repacking into their proper places
0:37:25 > 0:37:29"the many articles that have wandered during the day."
0:37:35 > 0:37:39- Don't stop. - Close those peepers.
0:37:39 > 0:37:43"If you could keep awake, but, of course, you can't..."
0:37:45 > 0:37:48'Harry was talking about you. He hasn't seen you since Wimbledon.'
0:37:48 > 0:37:51- I know. - 'He wants to come and see you, Joe.
0:37:51 > 0:37:55- 'A boy his age needs his father.' - What about school?
0:37:55 > 0:37:58'I've spoken to the Head. The school will be fine.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00'You pay them enough.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06'It's too much to ask. I should've known. I'll tell him you're busy.'
0:38:06 > 0:38:09DIALLING TONE No, it... Christ!
0:38:09 > 0:38:12KEYTONES
0:38:13 > 0:38:16RINGING TONE
0:38:16 > 0:38:18- Flick? - 'Yes?'
0:38:18 > 0:38:21Look, I'm sorry. Listen, he can come any time
0:38:21 > 0:38:24- and for as long as he wants. - 'Thank you.'
0:38:24 > 0:38:27You just tell me when. I'll organise everything.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29- 'I'll email you.' - OK.
0:38:33 > 0:38:37- How much taller will he be than me? - I'm not sure. Quite a bit.
0:38:38 > 0:38:42- How much older is he? - Nearly eight years.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45- So about eight inches? - More.
0:38:45 > 0:38:49- Will he like me?- Of course he will. What's not to like?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53- I've got nibbles. - What?
0:38:55 > 0:38:58- I've got nibbles. - Worried he won't like your nibbles?
0:38:58 > 0:39:01# I've got nibbles! I've got nibbles!
0:39:01 > 0:39:03# I've got nibbles! Oh, yeah!
0:39:03 > 0:39:06- # I've got nibbles! I've got nibbles! #- There he is.
0:39:06 > 0:39:10- Which one is he? - Come on. Put your T-shirt on.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17- Hey.- Hi. - How are you?- Fine.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24- So this is your little brother. This is Artie.- Hi, Artie.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- How was the flight? - Long.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36Let's get your bag.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38- How's your mum? - She's all right.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- School? - It's crap.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43Wow, it's boiling.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46This is nothing. It's not proper summer here
0:39:46 > 0:39:48until the steering wheel's too hot to hold.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54So...here we are.
0:40:03 > 0:40:06It didn't look like this when Artie's mother was alive.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09Your room's down here.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12FLY BUZZES, BIRDS SQUAWK
0:40:17 > 0:40:21# Hands up if you like sheep muck
0:40:21 > 0:40:23# Hands up if you like cow pee
0:40:23 > 0:40:27# Hands up if you like dog fart
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- # Hands up if you like...me! # - One of his own compositions.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36You tired? Want to rest?
0:40:36 > 0:40:38No, I'm all right.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44- Want to get changed, put on some shorts?- That's all right.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48- # Hands up if you like sheep muck - I'll make some lunch.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50# Hands up if you like cow pee
0:40:50 > 0:40:53# Hands up if you like me!
0:40:53 > 0:40:55# Hands up if you like...me! #
0:40:57 > 0:41:01I run a pretty loose ship. I've found that the more rules there are,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04the more crimes are created, so fewer rules.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Fewer but bigger rules.
0:41:06 > 0:41:09- No interrupting adults... - Why not?
0:41:10 > 0:41:12Very good. No swearing.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14- Why? - I don't like it.- Why?
0:41:14 > 0:41:18It's the mark of a limited vocabulary and a sign of laziness and egotism.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21Which is why it's a privilege reserved for adults.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25If it's a sign of small vocabulary, why are there so many swearwords?
0:41:25 > 0:41:28- Bloody, bleeding, buggery... - Moving swiftly on.
0:41:28 > 0:41:31As little lying and stealing as possible,
0:41:31 > 0:41:34no fighting except for fun, no wanton littering.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37As far as possible, be polite.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41Now, screaming insanely, running round the house making noises,
0:41:41 > 0:41:45throwing water bombs at the windows, all are actively encouraged.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Artie! In fact, really,
0:41:48 > 0:41:51there's only one rule - do as I tell you.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54It's just that I'm not going to tell you to do very much.
0:41:54 > 0:41:58The aim is something we like to call "hog heaven".
0:41:58 > 0:41:59OK.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01HISSING
0:42:01 > 0:42:03It's not funny!
0:42:08 > 0:42:11- Hey. You OK? - Yeah, just so hot.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14It's quite a shock. I remember when I first arrived.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17But it's a great place when you get used to it.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22"It has more things that will kill you than anywhere.
0:42:22 > 0:42:26"Of the world's ten most poisonous snakes, all are Australian."
0:42:27 > 0:42:30You'll be all right.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34Hope you manage to sleep.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36MORNING CHORUS OF BIRD CALLS
0:43:02 > 0:43:04JOE YELPS
0:43:04 > 0:43:06JOE WAILS
0:43:07 > 0:43:09GIGGLING
0:43:14 > 0:43:17- Do you submit?- No! - Do you submit?!- No!
0:43:21 > 0:43:22Geronimo!
0:43:24 > 0:43:26# I'm the king of the bed! I'm the king of the bed! #
0:43:26 > 0:43:30- Tag team, you and Artie versus me. - Yeah, yeah!
0:43:30 > 0:43:33- I'll pass, thanks. - You're not getting away that easy!
0:43:33 > 0:43:35Yeah!
0:43:35 > 0:43:37Dad! Dad! Jesus!
0:43:44 > 0:43:47KIDS LAUGH
0:43:57 > 0:43:59- Nice one. - Woo-hoo!
0:43:59 > 0:44:02Oh, my God. You've got to be kidding.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04Good, eh?
0:44:06 > 0:44:08- That is so high! - I know.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11- But if the wire breaks... - Don't worry, the wire's fine.
0:44:11 > 0:44:15I'm trying not to think of that branch falling on him.
0:44:15 > 0:44:16If he let go...
0:44:16 > 0:44:18That's why he's hanging on so tight.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21- Nice one. - Be careful!
0:44:21 > 0:44:26- I think you rather enjoy upsetting mothers.- What gives you that idea?
0:44:30 > 0:44:33- Only four weeks out of date. - You've been eating that?
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Hey, sweetie. Can you go get the fairy bread?
0:44:38 > 0:44:40- Should I cut them here? - Yes.
0:44:40 > 0:44:43- Hi, I'm Laura. - I'm Barbara.- Hi.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46- Arthur's grandmother. - Oh, pleased to meet you.
0:44:46 > 0:44:49- Is this one yours? - Yes.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51She's very pretty.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54Thank you.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57- Oh, Artie? - Oh, darling!
0:44:57 > 0:45:01- Hi, Nana!- Happy birthday. - Thank you, Nana!
0:45:03 > 0:45:06Hey. Glad you could come.
0:45:06 > 0:45:10- He'll put someone's eye out with that.- Thing is, constant warnings
0:45:10 > 0:45:14are maddening for anyone aspiring to be an overlord.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17- I would have done this for you. - Looks good, doesn't it?
0:45:17 > 0:45:20- If they eat this lot, they'll be climbing the walls.- Tea?
0:45:20 > 0:45:23Yes, thank you.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34Where is Harry?
0:45:38 > 0:45:41- Why has he come here now, do you think?- What do you mean?
0:45:41 > 0:45:44Perhaps your ex-wife thinks you're back on the market.
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Thank you.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52I remember Katy's seventh birthday party.
0:45:53 > 0:45:56We invited the whole class, 30 of them.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59They ran riot, it was a complete disaster.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06I still see her.
0:46:07 > 0:46:09In the street or...
0:46:09 > 0:46:12And not like in a dream.
0:46:13 > 0:46:15Actually there.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Me too.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Three million?! We'll be here for weeks!
0:46:33 > 0:46:36- Fifteen! - Now get ready, I'm counting to 100.
0:46:36 > 0:46:40One, two, three,
0:46:40 > 0:46:42four, five...
0:46:42 > 0:46:44RADIO PLAYS INDIE MUSIC
0:47:00 > 0:47:02..ninety-nine, a hundred!
0:47:03 > 0:47:06Coming, ready or not.
0:47:08 > 0:47:11Come on, little children. Come to Daddy.
0:47:11 > 0:47:16Cos I love to play with the little children and give them prezzies.
0:47:16 > 0:47:20- Oh, for God's sake, you're going to get yourself bloody arrested.- Ah.
0:47:20 > 0:47:24I think I see one of the little darlings.
0:47:24 > 0:47:26HE ROARS
0:47:26 > 0:47:30- Oh, I'm sorry.- No, it's OK. - You can't catch me!
0:47:30 > 0:47:33- Nah-nah!- Come here, you horrible little goblin!
0:47:35 > 0:47:38Boys, boys, look what you made me do.
0:47:38 > 0:47:41You made me angry.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44I didn't mean to shout at you.
0:47:44 > 0:47:46ALL YELP
0:47:48 > 0:47:51- Come and find me! - Ohh.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53I'm right here!
0:47:53 > 0:47:56I think I know that little voice...
0:47:56 > 0:47:59Got you!
0:48:03 > 0:48:06BOTH GIGGLE Happy birthday, birthday boy.
0:48:21 > 0:48:26- "Just say yes"?- Has the power to change the way you live.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28- Really? - Seems to work for us.
0:48:29 > 0:48:33- It's not just an easy way out? - It's not easy, it's difficult.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38Our kids ask us to do a range of unsuitable things
0:48:38 > 0:48:42and we just go, "No", we don't even think about it. That's the habit.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45Artie says, "Can we go and swim in the river?"
0:48:45 > 0:48:49I say, "No, I have to go and buy some milk."
0:48:49 > 0:48:52- You don't worry about spoiling him? - No.
0:48:52 > 0:48:55- It's what he needs. - You're a brave man.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59- Thanks for everything. - Bye.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25DELICATE GUITAR MELODY
0:49:29 > 0:49:31KNOCKS
0:49:42 > 0:49:43Yeah?
0:49:43 > 0:49:46What was that you were playing?
0:49:46 > 0:49:50- Just something I made up. - It sounded good.
0:49:50 > 0:49:52Thanks.
0:49:52 > 0:49:54RESUMES PLAYING
0:49:55 > 0:49:58- Did you and your mum ever play together?- Sometimes.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04I did love your mother very much, you know.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09Then why did you leave?
0:50:12 > 0:50:15Married couples of my mother and father's generation
0:50:15 > 0:50:19stayed together for the children. We divorced for the same reason.
0:50:19 > 0:50:21Are you saying you divorced for my sake?
0:50:23 > 0:50:26Or just cos you got another woman pregnant?
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Well, there was that too.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34We had some dreadful fights, you know.
0:50:37 > 0:50:40I was no match for your mother in combat.
0:50:44 > 0:50:46It can't have been all bad.
0:50:47 > 0:50:51- You had me.- No, of course not. In the beginning, it was great.
0:50:54 > 0:50:58Listen, there's something I want to ask you.
0:50:58 > 0:51:02Look, if you're imagining your mother and I would ever get back together...
0:51:02 > 0:51:04Jesus, Dad.
0:51:04 > 0:51:08- Her boyfriend's just moved in, for Christ's sake.- Really? When?
0:51:08 > 0:51:11Don't know, few months ago.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14How is that for you?
0:51:14 > 0:51:16I'm away at school mostly.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21What's he like?
0:51:21 > 0:51:23He's nice.
0:51:26 > 0:51:30Anyway... I just wanted to say thanks for all your help today.
0:51:32 > 0:51:34You were great.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11..it's a huge goal! Oh, it's a wonder strike!
0:52:11 > 0:52:14- It's a wonder strike. - I don't want to play soccer.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17Why not?
0:52:17 > 0:52:19'Funny thing, isn't it?'
0:52:19 > 0:52:23'The minute you think you're getting things sorted
0:52:23 > 0:52:26'is the moment it all starts to fall apart.'
0:52:35 > 0:52:37The ball goes the other way!
0:52:37 > 0:52:40For God's sake.
0:52:42 > 0:52:46Guys. Guys! Can you put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket?
0:52:46 > 0:52:49Oh, Jes... Do I have to do everything around here?
0:52:49 > 0:52:52- Daddy, can I have some coke? - Can I have some coke what?
0:52:52 > 0:52:55- Can I have some coke now? - Can I teach you some manners?
0:52:55 > 0:52:58N-O. Mind your own business!
0:52:58 > 0:53:01- You should have said yes. - Put some bloody clothes on.
0:53:01 > 0:53:04- Why?- You know why. Laura's bringing Lucy around.
0:53:04 > 0:53:08- Why are you so angry?- I'm not angry. What makes you think I'm angry?
0:53:09 > 0:53:11- Hey, welcome! - Hi.
0:53:11 > 0:53:15Guess what, one of our chooks had ducklings. Chickens that can swim.
0:53:15 > 0:53:17- And fly. - And shit on your head.
0:53:17 > 0:53:20- Can I come and see them? - Course you can.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23Drink? One glass. Family red.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26- I should get back. - One glass.
0:53:28 > 0:53:31- Leave those.- Are you sure? - Absolutely.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34I've discovered this amazing cupboard in the kitchen
0:53:34 > 0:53:39- which not only stores the dishes, it actually cleans them.- Really?
0:53:40 > 0:53:43The housework has come as a big shock, I have to admit.
0:53:43 > 0:53:46Even though I watched so much of it over the years.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49The cooking, the cleaning, the ironing, the shopping,
0:53:49 > 0:53:53- hoovering the carpets... - How'd you meet Katy?
0:53:54 > 0:53:56I interviewed her.
0:53:57 > 0:54:00She was an equestrian.
0:54:02 > 0:54:05I met her at some horse trials in England.
0:54:05 > 0:54:09She was with the Aussie team. I made her pregnant.
0:54:09 > 0:54:14She came back to be near her parents. I followed.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16What was she like?
0:54:16 > 0:54:19Uniquely endowed with intelligence,
0:54:19 > 0:54:22rowdiness...sex appeal,..
0:54:23 > 0:54:25..energy...
0:54:28 > 0:54:30..and, as it turned out, cancer.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53..and then one day Lucy asked me,
0:54:53 > 0:54:56- "Mummy, what is dope?" - And what did you say?
0:54:56 > 0:54:59I said, "Dope is a special name I like to call Daddy."
0:54:59 > 0:55:02- What is his name? - It's Bree.- Bree?
0:55:02 > 0:55:06- Like the runny cheese? - I haven't heard that one before.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08I've gotta drive.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13- So how are things since the divorce? - Fine.
0:55:13 > 0:55:16He was a terrible husband but OK dad.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18You know, now that he's clean.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23So what is it you want?
0:55:23 > 0:55:25Something I can't have.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30I mean...
0:55:30 > 0:55:34I know people I can do things with, just no-one I can do nothing with.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43Hi.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52We'd better be going, I think.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01I never want to see Lucy ever again.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03- What? - She spoils every game
0:56:03 > 0:56:07and she's always supposed to be big sister and boss me around.
0:56:07 > 0:56:10- I thought you wanted to live with them.- I don't any more.
0:56:10 > 0:56:12Laura's my friend, I'm not going to stop seeing her.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14We'll see about that!
0:56:15 > 0:56:20- DOOR SLAMS - He's not upset because of Lucy, it's because of you.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23He had you all to himself, then I came along.
0:56:23 > 0:56:26- And now Laura. - Laura?
0:56:26 > 0:56:29She's a friend. Can I not have friends?
0:56:29 > 0:56:32God, Dad, anyone can see how much you fancy her.
0:56:36 > 0:56:39Don't be so bloody precocious.
0:57:07 > 0:57:11- You wanted a word?- I see you've assigned coverage to Digby.
0:57:11 > 0:57:15- Yeah. I just thought he could bring - - I want you there.
0:57:15 > 0:57:18- I've done it the last four years. I thought -- Look, I cut you slack
0:57:18 > 0:57:22when Katy was...ill, you know, and then after she passed away.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25- Three months, Joe. - I know, and I appreciate it.
0:57:27 > 0:57:29PARPING SOUNDS
0:57:29 > 0:57:32Artie. Hey, cut that out.
0:57:33 > 0:57:36- Sorry, he's, erm, he's a bit under the weather.- I want you there,
0:57:36 > 0:57:40from the first point. I need my top sports writer covering top events.
0:57:40 > 0:57:43Otherwise you're not my top sports writer. Eh?
0:57:46 > 0:57:48Come on.
0:57:50 > 0:57:52TENDER GUITAR MELODY
0:58:22 > 0:58:27I've checked the airlines, there's no seats available for the boys.
0:58:27 > 0:58:30Well maybe I could drive. What is it, seven hours?
0:58:30 > 0:58:32Ditto hotels, everything's booked.
0:58:39 > 0:58:42So those are done. Now, erm...
0:58:55 > 0:58:58- Is everything OK? - Yeah. How are you?
0:58:58 > 0:59:01Oh, busy. We've got the winemakers here.
0:59:01 > 0:59:03Erm, listen, I'm in a bit of a jam.
0:59:04 > 0:59:08I was wondering if you might stay at the house with Harry and Artie.
0:59:08 > 0:59:10- Hm. When? - Next week.
0:59:10 > 0:59:13- I have to go away to cover the tennis.- This week?
0:59:13 > 0:59:16Shouldn't you have thought of this before?
0:59:17 > 0:59:21- I've been trying to take them but it's not possible.- Ask that girl.
0:59:21 > 0:59:25- What girl?- The one at Arthur's party. She looked perfectly at home to me.
0:59:25 > 0:59:28One minute Flick wants me, the next I'm seeing someone.
0:59:28 > 0:59:31- Well, aren't you? - No, I'm not.
0:59:31 > 0:59:34Look, we're stretched here, Joe, I can't go anywhere right now.
0:59:34 > 0:59:38Well is there any chance they could come here to you?
0:59:38 > 0:59:40I don't know. If it was just Artie...
0:59:40 > 0:59:44- Forget it. - I'm not saying -- It's fine.
0:59:44 > 0:59:48Joe... Please, come on, Joe.
0:59:53 > 0:59:56PHONE RINGS
1:00:07 > 1:00:10Artie, shoes. Come on.
1:00:14 > 1:00:19- Hey. Listen - - I need the loo, just wait.
1:00:32 > 1:00:34Artie!
1:00:38 > 1:00:43Defrosting. There's a dinosaur in the microwave.
1:00:47 > 1:00:51- Hog heaven becomes hog hell. - Think of the seven dwarves
1:00:51 > 1:00:55before Snow White showed up.
1:00:55 > 1:00:58- Does Harry never do any chores? - Not as such.
1:00:58 > 1:01:01Artie, hurry up.
1:01:01 > 1:01:04Please don't do that, he said, handing her the rubber gloves.
1:01:04 > 1:01:08- You've got them on the wrong feet. - These are the only feet I've got.
1:01:08 > 1:01:11Eat your breakfast and wipe your mouth.
1:01:11 > 1:01:16I have to change shoes, eat breakfast, I have to do everything!
1:01:16 > 1:01:19I'm turning into my mother. It's not supposed to be like this.
1:01:19 > 1:01:22What did you want to ask me?
1:01:24 > 1:01:28- What are your plans for next week? - What have you got in mind?
1:01:28 > 1:01:30I have to go away.
1:01:34 > 1:01:37- Where? - Melbourne. The Open.
1:01:37 > 1:01:40- You want me to have your kids? - Thought had crossed my mind.
1:01:40 > 1:01:45- Lucy's with her dad next week. - So you're free?- Excuse me?!
1:01:45 > 1:01:49What makes you think I'm not seeing someone?
1:01:49 > 1:01:53What makes you think I'm not spending next week having sex?
1:01:53 > 1:01:56Are you?
1:01:56 > 1:02:00We have skipped a couple of crucial stages in this relationship.
1:02:00 > 1:02:03We haven't been on a date and now we're juggling childcare.
1:02:03 > 1:02:08The seven dwarves, Snow bloody White!
1:02:08 > 1:02:10- Just a joke. - Well, jokes and crappy theories.
1:02:10 > 1:02:14Just excuses for laziness and responsibility.
1:02:14 > 1:02:18You drink too much and you live like a pig.
1:02:18 > 1:02:21Artie, Lucy, we're leaving now.
1:02:21 > 1:02:24Bye, Dad.
1:02:24 > 1:02:27See you.
1:02:29 > 1:02:32MUSIC: "Club Foot" by Kasabian
1:02:48 > 1:02:51As far as the outside world is concerned I'm not here.
1:02:51 > 1:02:55I don't want anyone to answer the phone.
1:02:55 > 1:02:58- I'm going to need some help. - OK.
1:03:17 > 1:03:22'In Melbourne today Venus Williams was comprehensively out-yelped
1:03:22 > 1:03:26'by her sister Serena. She ramped up the volume with shrieks
1:03:26 > 1:03:32'to a record-breaking 103 decibels.'
1:03:36 > 1:03:40'For me, sitting in the arena, the sun since set...'
1:03:40 > 1:03:45'Keep it up, Joe. Glad you got there. I thought I'd have to let you go.'
1:03:54 > 1:03:57- 30-40! - Deuce!
1:04:01 > 1:04:04Can you grab the ketchup?
1:04:27 > 1:04:32PHONE RINGING: Don't answer it.
1:04:32 > 1:04:36Hello?
1:04:36 > 1:04:38(I said don't answer it!)
1:04:38 > 1:04:41It's Digby.
1:04:41 > 1:04:44- Hey. - 'Thought you should know our editor
1:04:44 > 1:04:50- 'has tickets for the final. Better get your arse over there.'- Shit.
1:05:03 > 1:05:07- Have you taken the rubbish out? - Not yet. I will.
1:05:09 > 1:05:12You rarely get asked to do, but when you do I want you to do them.
1:05:12 > 1:05:16- Can't it wait. - I'll do it myself.
1:05:16 > 1:05:18I'll do it.
1:05:18 > 1:05:21I'll do it if it means so much to you.
1:05:21 > 1:05:24Just leave it. Christ!
1:05:24 > 1:05:26Where do you think you're going?
1:05:26 > 1:05:30- You said leave it. - Help me clear this up, please.
1:05:32 > 1:05:34And take that stupid bloody hat off.
1:05:38 > 1:05:41Jesus, don't start crying.
1:05:41 > 1:05:45- You're such a pile of shit! - Brilliant. Well done.
1:05:50 > 1:05:53Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
1:05:53 > 1:05:56HE SOBS
1:06:30 > 1:06:32I'm really sorry.
1:06:32 > 1:06:37Someone said something about chores and I fell for it. Stupid.
1:06:37 > 1:06:42I've been a bit stressed about work.
1:06:47 > 1:06:50I'm sorry.
1:07:04 > 1:07:07You have to go. You'll never get away with it. It's crazy.
1:07:07 > 1:07:12- I'll look after Artie. - No.- It's just a couple of nights.
1:07:12 > 1:07:15- I can do it. - No, Harry -- Trust me.
1:07:15 > 1:07:19I can do it. I promise.
1:07:23 > 1:07:26Don't answer the door. You've got all the numbers.
1:07:26 > 1:07:32- We'll be fine. - Call me if -- We'll be fine.
1:07:32 > 1:07:34OK.
1:07:34 > 1:07:38- Bye then. - Bye, Dad.
1:07:38 > 1:07:41- Look after him. Go. - Go, Daddy.
1:08:06 > 1:08:08So everything's fine?
1:08:08 > 1:08:12Everything's great. We're having dinner then Artie's going to bed.
1:08:12 > 1:08:17- Don't worry. Enjoy yourself. - Make sure you lock up properly.
1:08:17 > 1:08:21- I will. - I'll call you in the morning.
1:08:29 > 1:08:33- Hello, stranger.- I only wheel out for the final these days.
1:08:33 > 1:08:37Don't know who to root for. Long legs or big breasts.
1:08:37 > 1:08:42Suppose you could make a decision on the strengths of the athletes.
1:08:42 > 1:08:46Breasts. Got to be.
1:09:26 > 1:09:30- 'What's that noise? Where are you?' - We're down the beach with kids.
1:09:30 > 1:09:36- Let me say goodbye to Artie. - 'Hello.'- See you later, alligator.
1:09:36 > 1:09:40- Don't forget your toilet paper. - 'Don't be too late. Night.'- Bye.
1:09:45 > 1:09:50- Shouldn't you be in bed? - My dad's away.
1:09:58 > 1:10:05- You want to hear my favourite joke? - Do I look like I need cheering up?
1:10:05 > 1:10:09Maybe.
1:10:13 > 1:10:17- Are you OK? - Can I get in bed with you?
1:10:17 > 1:10:19If you want.
1:10:24 > 1:10:27There you go. What you got there?
1:10:34 > 1:10:37Hey, beautiful. Excuse me. Excuse me, beautiful.
1:10:41 > 1:10:43And they say the age of chivalry is dead.
1:10:43 > 1:10:47- What's your problem? - Never mind.
1:10:47 > 1:10:51- Who asked you, anyway? Huh? - Oh, please don't make me...
1:10:53 > 1:10:55Sorry. I'm sorry.
1:10:55 > 1:10:58"The boys on the island vary, of course, in numbers,
1:10:58 > 1:11:02"according as they get killed, and so on."
1:11:02 > 1:11:04BANG
1:11:04 > 1:11:08- Don't stop. - MUFFLED VOICES
1:11:14 > 1:11:18- What is it? - Back in a sec. Just stay there.
1:11:23 > 1:11:27- KNOCKING, CHATTER - Let us in!
1:11:27 > 1:11:30I think I've lost my bloody phone!
1:11:30 > 1:11:34- Does that hurt? - Yeah, it hurts!
1:11:34 > 1:11:37- I don't even know your name. - Mia.
1:11:37 > 1:11:43- Hey, Mia. I'm Doe. LAUGHS:- Hello, Doe.
1:11:44 > 1:11:49LOUD MUSIC
1:11:54 > 1:11:58Guys, I've found the booze!
1:11:59 > 1:12:04- I don't like them being here! Make them go!- I'll try.
1:12:04 > 1:12:08- Call Daddy! Call the police! - Go to my room and shut the door.
1:12:08 > 1:12:13- Hey, don't want you calling Daddy. - I need that. Give me my phone back.
1:12:20 > 1:12:25Did you look on the floor? OK. Thanks. Nope, no sign of it.
1:12:25 > 1:12:29My whole bloody life's in that phone.
1:12:29 > 1:12:33MUSIC BLARES, SHOUTING
1:12:38 > 1:12:40PHONE RINGS
1:12:44 > 1:12:47Come on!
1:12:52 > 1:12:56- 'Reception.' - Are there any messages for me?
1:12:56 > 1:13:00- 'No, sir.' - No. Thank you.
1:13:00 > 1:13:04If I can just get you to sign that one for me.
1:13:04 > 1:13:07So are you here for the men's final, Mr Walker?
1:13:07 > 1:13:10Joe? Joe!
1:13:12 > 1:13:14Airport, please.
1:13:16 > 1:13:19My God!
1:13:19 > 1:13:22Artie?
1:13:22 > 1:13:25Harry?
1:13:25 > 1:13:29BEEPING
1:13:29 > 1:13:34- 'It's Barbara. Artie's with me.' - What's going on?
1:13:34 > 1:13:38- Where've you been?- Where are they? - What have you done to your face?
1:13:38 > 1:13:42I don't think Artie should see you. Where were you last night -
1:13:42 > 1:13:45- Where's Harry? - At the airport.
1:13:45 > 1:13:49He wanted to go back to England. He was upset.
1:13:49 > 1:13:53- What?- He had talk with his mother and Tom's taken him.
1:13:53 > 1:13:58What the hell were you doing leaving them alone?
1:13:58 > 1:14:01Goodness knows what might have happened.
1:14:01 > 1:14:06Those kids overran that place. I had to turn them out.
1:14:06 > 1:14:11- Will you fetch Artie for me, please? - I think Artie should stay here.
1:14:11 > 1:14:14- Fetch him, please. - I could have called the pol-
1:14:14 > 1:14:17I want my son! Artie!
1:14:17 > 1:14:21Get out of that house! No. Not in front of the boy! No!
1:14:21 > 1:14:27- We're going. - Get out of my house!- He's my son!
1:14:27 > 1:14:31You can't replace your daughter with my son.
1:14:39 > 1:14:44- Did you hurt yourself? - A little bit.
1:14:46 > 1:14:51- You all right? - I walked into a door.
1:14:51 > 1:14:54Pretty big one by the looks of it.
1:14:54 > 1:14:59Your boy got off all right. It's what he wanted to do.
1:14:59 > 1:15:05- How was he?- Quiet. He said to tell you he's sorry he let you down.
1:15:07 > 1:15:10Thanks for sorting things out over there.
1:15:10 > 1:15:14I was Tiger Woman. I just stood by with a shotgun.
1:15:16 > 1:15:20Nana was very upset.
1:15:20 > 1:15:24She misses Mummy. We all do.
1:15:37 > 1:15:41Oh, no!
1:15:41 > 1:15:44Harry left his bear.
1:15:44 > 1:15:48- Is this bothering you, Daddy? - No, sweetheart.
1:15:48 > 1:15:51Is this bothering you, Daddy?
1:15:51 > 1:15:55- PHONE RINGS - 'Hello?'- It's Joe.
1:15:55 > 1:15:59- 'You are unbelievable.' - Is Harry there?
1:15:59 > 1:16:02- 'He doesn't want to talk to you.' - Flick, I... PHONE DIES
1:16:07 > 1:16:10Artie, bedtime.
1:16:10 > 1:16:13Artie?
1:16:22 > 1:16:25Artie?
1:16:33 > 1:16:37I miss him, too.
1:16:45 > 1:16:50Look after her. And, you know what? Just make sure it's only a week, OK.
1:16:50 > 1:16:53- Come on, Lucy. Let's go. - Bye, Lucy!
1:16:53 > 1:16:57- See you, Mum. - How was your day, sweetie?
1:16:57 > 1:17:00- Hey. - Ouch.
1:17:00 > 1:17:05- Is that the boyfriend? - No, that's runny cheese.
1:17:05 > 1:17:07Artie tells me he's going to England.
1:17:07 > 1:17:11Seems like the right thing to do. Maybe.
1:17:11 > 1:17:17- What do you want me to say? - I find nothing is often best.
1:17:17 > 1:17:21- And by the way, there's another thing.- Sorry?
1:17:21 > 1:17:26There is no boyfriend.
1:18:17 > 1:18:19Artie.
1:18:19 > 1:18:23Can you see which one's me?
1:18:23 > 1:18:26- The one with the football. - No, it isn't.
1:18:26 > 1:18:30- Yes, it is.- No, it's not. - Mr Warr?
1:18:30 > 1:18:36I've spoken to Harry. I'm really sorry.
1:18:36 > 1:18:40This is really rather awkward. He doesn't want to see you.
1:18:43 > 1:18:46- I see. - He has games.
1:18:46 > 1:18:50- Right. - We can talk. I have a few minutes.
1:18:50 > 1:18:53Not just at the minute. Thank you.
1:18:53 > 1:18:55Sweetheart?
1:19:10 > 1:19:13- Where are you going? Artie! - Harry!
1:19:13 > 1:19:17- Harry! Harry! - Artie, come back!
1:19:18 > 1:19:21Harry! Harry!
1:19:22 > 1:19:24Harry!
1:19:27 > 1:19:31- What are you doing here? - We want you to be with us again.
1:19:31 > 1:19:34- I'm really sorry. - I don't want to see you.- Harry!
1:19:36 > 1:19:38SHOUTING
1:19:49 > 1:19:51Come on.
1:20:00 > 1:20:03DOOR CREAKS OPEN
1:20:04 > 1:20:08- Hi, lads. What you having? - Coke and a squash, please.
1:20:08 > 1:20:13- Did you boys see Jonesie's tackle? - Yeah, he didn't get up for a while.
1:20:13 > 1:20:18- I wasn't going to take on the fullback.- Can't tell him from their coach.
1:20:18 > 1:20:20I'll get these.
1:20:22 > 1:20:26- We used to come in here after games. - £5.50, please.
1:20:28 > 1:20:30- Can we talk? - Thanks.
1:20:30 > 1:20:33I'll see you in a sec.
1:20:35 > 1:20:38- Where's Artie? - He's just there.
1:20:44 > 1:20:47I'm really sorry about what happened.
1:20:47 > 1:20:51I should never have left you guys alone. That was wrong.
1:20:51 > 1:20:56- And I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy Australia more.- I loved Australia.
1:20:56 > 1:21:01Well, it wasn't everything you wanted it to be.
1:21:03 > 1:21:05I need to ask you something
1:21:05 > 1:21:08and... I want you to listen to me.
1:21:08 > 1:21:12- Of course. - I mean, really listen to me.
1:21:12 > 1:21:14- I do. - No, you don't.
1:21:14 > 1:21:18OK. Well, I'm listening now.
1:21:18 > 1:21:25Why did you leave me... when you went with Katy?
1:21:25 > 1:21:28You know why.
1:21:29 > 1:21:31I fell in love with someone else, she was pregnant.
1:21:31 > 1:21:34No. Why did you leave me?
1:21:34 > 1:21:38I mean, why didn't you take me with you?
1:21:38 > 1:21:43I wanted you to take me with you. I wanted to be with you.
1:21:43 > 1:21:47I can honestly say the thought never crossed my mind.
1:21:50 > 1:21:54And you were so young. I thought a child should be with his mother.
1:21:54 > 1:21:56- Didn't you miss me? - God, yeah!
1:21:58 > 1:22:02But, you know, there was this new baby, I was trying to get it right.
1:22:02 > 1:22:06- So, you just left me with her? - With your mother.- Who hates me.
1:22:06 > 1:22:10- Don't be ridiculous. She adores you. - See, you don't listen.
1:22:10 > 1:22:14I try and tell you how I feel and you say I'm ridiculous.
1:22:14 > 1:22:17I'm sorry.
1:22:21 > 1:22:25- I had no idea. - How could you?
1:22:25 > 1:22:28You were playing happy families on the other side of the world.
1:22:31 > 1:22:36- You never wanted me. - No. That's not true.
1:22:39 > 1:22:45- I'm sorry you feel like this. - Yeah, well...deal with it.
1:22:58 > 1:23:02- Harry's bear! - We'll give it to him another time.
1:23:02 > 1:23:06- He's with his friends. You'll embarrass him.- I want to give him it!
1:23:21 > 1:23:23GENTLE MUSIC
1:23:42 > 1:23:45Daddy, there's a car here without a roof.
1:23:49 > 1:23:53A convertible. Like the one we need.
1:23:53 > 1:23:56(I must've been awful to live with sometimes.)
1:23:56 > 1:24:00Daddy. I'm trying to read but I can't do all the words.
1:24:00 > 1:24:05Katy? Don't abandon us now.
1:24:05 > 1:24:10Daddy! I'm begging you. I'm begging you with all my mouth.
1:24:10 > 1:24:12Coming, sweetheart.
1:24:16 > 1:24:18Where's that car?
1:24:19 > 1:24:22VIOLIN PLAYS
1:24:28 > 1:24:31DOORBELL
1:24:31 > 1:24:33Hi.
1:24:33 > 1:24:39- What are you doing here? - We've been to see Harry.
1:24:39 > 1:24:43- Yeah? How was that? - Not too good.
1:24:43 > 1:24:45I'm not surprised.
1:24:45 > 1:24:47- Why do you do things like this? - Things like what?
1:24:47 > 1:24:51- Who just turns up at the door? - Have you got a baby in your tummy?
1:24:51 > 1:24:54Yes, I have.
1:24:54 > 1:24:56My mummy's dead.
1:24:56 > 1:25:01- I know. - Congratulations.
1:25:01 > 1:25:04- Harry didn't tell you? - Not a word.
1:25:04 > 1:25:08Would you like something to drink, Arthur?
1:25:08 > 1:25:11- What have you got? - Come in and we'll have a look.
1:25:11 > 1:25:14- Don't you have a lesson? - Just come in, for God's sake.
1:25:14 > 1:25:18- Is Jason home? - Just come in.
1:25:29 > 1:25:31DOOR OPENS
1:25:32 > 1:25:34Thanks for seeing me.
1:25:36 > 1:25:39You want some tea?
1:25:43 > 1:25:47- God, I hated this school. - Really? I never knew.
1:25:47 > 1:25:50Your name's on every board.
1:25:50 > 1:25:52It was awful here then.
1:25:52 > 1:25:55- It's pretty awful here now. - Really?
1:25:59 > 1:26:03So, your mum's pregnant. You didn't tell me.
1:26:03 > 1:26:08- Going to be a girl. - That's nice.
1:26:08 > 1:26:12It'll be cool to have a sister, won't it?
1:26:14 > 1:26:18So where do you fit in, do you think?
1:26:18 > 1:26:23I'm not sure I do.
1:26:25 > 1:26:27OK, look, erm...
1:26:27 > 1:26:31I'm going to take Artie back to Australia.
1:26:32 > 1:26:35But what we want, both of us...
1:26:35 > 1:26:38is for you to come with us.
1:26:41 > 1:26:44Come and live with us.
1:26:44 > 1:26:49I saw your mum yesterday. We had a long talk
1:26:49 > 1:26:52and she wants what's best for you. She really does.
1:26:52 > 1:26:55So if you did want to come, she will support that.
1:26:55 > 1:26:59Artie and I have talked about it a lot and it's definitely what we want.
1:27:00 > 1:27:03He just adores you.
1:27:06 > 1:27:10Obviously it's a huge decision, so you don't have to decide this second.
1:27:10 > 1:27:12Didn't feel safe there.
1:27:12 > 1:27:18- What, the 10 most poisonous snakes? - No, Dad. You.
1:27:18 > 1:27:22You scared me.
1:27:22 > 1:27:26That won't happen again.
1:27:26 > 1:27:31Whatever you decide, I promise I'll be a better father from now on.
1:27:38 > 1:27:41I can't... Dad.
1:27:41 > 1:27:43I can't.
1:27:45 > 1:27:49All my friends are here.
1:27:50 > 1:27:53It's not fair on Mum.
1:27:57 > 1:27:59I'm sorry.
1:28:10 > 1:28:14- 'So when are we going?' - Tomorrow morning.
1:28:14 > 1:28:18When's Harry coming? Daddy?
1:28:18 > 1:28:21He's not coming with us, sweetheart.
1:28:21 > 1:28:27He's going to stay here. He'll come for holidays and stuff.
1:28:28 > 1:28:31- GRUNTS:- It's your fault!
1:28:46 > 1:28:49TANNOY
1:28:53 > 1:28:55TRAIN RUMBLES
1:29:23 > 1:29:25Artie?
1:29:33 > 1:29:36Artie?
1:29:40 > 1:29:42- Artie! - Daddy!
1:29:42 > 1:29:45SOMBRE MUSIC
1:29:54 > 1:30:00- Don't you ever check your messages? - We don't have much time.
1:30:17 > 1:30:20I won't lose him. I promise.
1:30:20 > 1:30:23Saving on the school fees alone is five trips back a year.
1:30:23 > 1:30:28- Thank you for saying that.- Good luck with the baby. Keep us posted.
1:30:28 > 1:30:30WHISTLE BLOWS
1:30:56 > 1:30:58GUITAR MUSIC
1:31:01 > 1:31:03JOE: 'So here we are.'
1:31:03 > 1:31:08'A father and two sons surviving in a household without women.'
1:31:09 > 1:31:12'Like a yearlong experiment in a satellite,
1:31:12 > 1:31:15'free from earthly influences.'
1:31:19 > 1:31:21Harry, did you just wipe your face with the dog?
1:31:23 > 1:31:26Wipe your face with your own dog!
1:31:28 > 1:31:32# See the pyramids along the Nile
1:31:34 > 1:31:35# Watch the sunrise... #
1:31:35 > 1:31:40'Given its inadequacies as a child-rearing unit...
1:31:40 > 1:31:42'I like it.'
1:31:43 > 1:31:47'It's Home Alone, except there's three of us.'
1:31:50 > 1:31:55# See the marketplace in old Algiers... #
1:31:55 > 1:31:57- I'm off!- Take that, Chuckles. - I'll be back by six.
1:31:57 > 1:32:00- Out.- In. - Out.- It was in. Referee?
1:32:00 > 1:32:04- Six-five to Artie. - Yes! Yes!
1:32:04 > 1:32:07- Bye, then. - Bye, Daddy.
1:32:07 > 1:32:09# You belong to me
1:32:11 > 1:32:15# I'll be so alone without you
1:32:16 > 1:32:20# Maybe you'll be lonesome too... #
1:32:20 > 1:32:21ARTIE GRUNTS
1:32:21 > 1:32:24- # And blue... - Come on! Vegemite! Liquorice!
1:32:24 > 1:32:26Come on!
1:32:26 > 1:32:30# Fly the ocean in a silver plane... #
1:32:30 > 1:32:33- KATY:- I don't think he brushes his teeth enough.
1:32:33 > 1:32:35I agree with you about that.
1:32:35 > 1:32:38- KATY:- Can't you get him to do it twice a day?
1:32:38 > 1:32:40Once a week would be an advance.
1:32:40 > 1:32:44Can't understand why they're so white, though.
1:32:44 > 1:32:47Is he brushing them in secret, do you think?
1:32:50 > 1:32:53What about his hair? When did he last wash his hair?
1:32:53 > 1:32:58They wash it when he gets it cut. And I'm rigid about that.
1:32:58 > 1:33:02He gets it cut twice a year whether he needs it or not.
1:33:02 > 1:33:05BOYS SHOUT, SQUEAL
1:33:05 > 1:33:08- DOG BARKS - He seems happy.
1:33:08 > 1:33:11I'd say he is usually.
1:33:12 > 1:33:15God, he misses you.
1:33:18 > 1:33:23- He still remembers me? - Of course.
1:33:23 > 1:33:26Don't ever think that we'll forget you.
1:33:26 > 1:33:29You'll always be his mother.
1:33:32 > 1:33:35- One more thing. - What's that?
1:33:35 > 1:33:39- Will you do one more thing for me? - Anything.
1:33:39 > 1:33:41Buy that convertible.
1:33:46 > 1:33:48I will.
1:33:48 > 1:33:51And if anyone asks, I'll tell them why.