0:00:02 > 0:00:04# I went down in the valley to pray
0:00:04 > 0:00:09# Studying about them good old ways
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# And you will wear the starry crown
0:00:13 > 0:00:18# Oh, Lord, show me the way
0:00:18 > 0:00:23# Oh, Mother, let's go down
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Let's go down
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# Don't you want to go down?
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Oh, Mother, let's go down
0:00:32 > 0:00:36# Down in the valley to the pray
0:00:36 > 0:00:40# Well, I went down in the valley to pray
0:00:40 > 0:00:45# Studying about them good old ways
0:00:45 > 0:00:47# And you will wear
0:00:47 > 0:00:49# The starry crown
0:00:49 > 0:00:54# Oh, Lord, show me the way
0:00:54 > 0:00:58# Oh, Father, let's go down
0:00:58 > 0:01:02# Let's go down... #
0:01:13 > 0:01:15- SHE WHISPERS:- This is where they came.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16God...
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Oh, my God.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45I can't believe it. They came here...
0:01:45 > 0:01:49They came here week after week, day after day,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51spent loads of time here...
0:01:53 > 0:01:57God, they've got a lot to confess in this place, haven't they?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Two confessionals.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Shall we go in?
0:02:01 > 0:02:05You're not allowed in unless you're going to confession.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Says who?- It's one of the sacraments. Well, it's a sacrament.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11So unless there's a priest ready to hear your confession,
0:02:11 > 0:02:15you're not allowed in... Well, I don't think so.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18It's very holy stuff, confessing.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Can't I just have a look in?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Anyway, it'll probably be locked.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28WOMAN LAUGHS
0:02:28 > 0:02:30This is outrageous.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32You kneel on that little step,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- and there's a curtain.- God...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37You'll go to hell.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Are you really shocked that I looked inside the door?
0:02:40 > 0:02:45I have been, you know, brought up in that weird way.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48You cross yourself and then, if you die in the night,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51you won't go to hell as long as you're crossing yourself.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It's a fear of God early on.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00It goes really deep.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:03:04 > 0:03:08'My mum was conceived after a dance in 1946
0:03:08 > 0:03:11'to unmarried Catholic parents from County Clare.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15'In that tiny moment, a wave of trouble and shame
0:03:15 > 0:03:19'was unleashed on my family that would reverberate
0:03:19 > 0:03:21'through three generations.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26'My grandmother had to run away to England to have her baby
0:03:26 > 0:03:29'and avoid the nuns and the workhouse.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34'My mum was adopted by English Catholics
0:03:34 > 0:03:36'and grew up happily in Stoke-on-Trent
0:03:36 > 0:03:39'as a much-loved only child.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42'She didn't meet her birth mother until she was 40.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44'Her father is still a mystery.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49'But we've come to County Clare to try and change that.'
0:03:49 > 0:03:52You have to start, "Please, Father, I have sinned..."
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Well, I used to do that. I used to say to Trudy, "What shall I say?"
0:03:56 > 0:03:58She said, "Tell them you've been disobedient!
0:04:00 > 0:04:01"Cos you always have!"
0:04:03 > 0:04:05It's so funny that, for me,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09the Catholicism is what caused the adoption in the first place,
0:04:09 > 0:04:13yet it's been perpetuated throughout your life.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Yes, that's weird, isn't it?
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- It is quite weird.- Mm-hm.- And yet you're still slightly in the grip
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- of it, because it freaks you out. - I know. It does freak me out.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28It grips you and you can't kind of get rid of it, really.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- Look, it's all about the mother and child, for God's sake.- I know.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38If she'd kept me, her mother would have beaten her.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I was told...
0:04:42 > 0:04:46..when Trudy and Les went to collect me from the...
0:04:51 > 0:04:54..um...adoption place...
0:04:55 > 0:04:58..there was a priest... As well as the social workers,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01there was a priest there, when they did the handover,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03and the priest said...
0:05:05 > 0:05:08.."This, um...girl has a family,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11"a loving family,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13"that know nothing about this
0:05:13 > 0:05:15"and if they did know something about it,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17"they would welcome this baby."
0:05:20 > 0:05:22It's strange.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24It really is making me feel strange.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Is it?
0:05:26 > 0:05:27Yeah.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29I think I need to go.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- OK.- That's all right?- Let's go.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39I didn't go INTO the confession box.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Well, you opened the door. - I just looked in.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47You don't know, she might have wanted you then.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50It would have been complicated, wouldn't it?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- Maybe she was hoping he would marry her.- I'm sure she was.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Are you all right?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Yes. I need to get in the car and be safe.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01SHE LAUGHS
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- Weird, isn't it?- Very weird.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13'The Aran Islands, the coast of County Clare.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16'The little fields of the west enclosed in stone walls,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18'rich corn
0:06:18 > 0:06:20'and even richer meadows
0:06:20 > 0:06:25'that each small, white farm having only a few acres...
0:06:26 > 0:06:29'A land of piety and simple faith.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31'Music in the common speech,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34'and the lark in the clear air.'
0:06:34 > 0:06:38'After the adoption, my grandmother returned to Ireland,
0:06:38 > 0:06:40'where she married someone else quickly
0:06:40 > 0:06:42'and had eight more children.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44'She told no-one her secret.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49'When she was in her 40s,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51'my mum traced her half-siblings
0:06:51 > 0:06:54'and we travelled to Dublin to meet them.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57'I was 17 and developing an obsession
0:06:57 > 0:07:00'with filming everything on a camcorder.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05'My eight aunts and uncles welcomed us
0:07:05 > 0:07:08'but apart from my younger cousin,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11'they didn't want to be in my film.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15'I sensed at the time the shame attached to our existence.'
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I was excited to meet them. I was thrilled, really,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25because they were first... Apart from my children,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28they were the first relatives I'd ever met.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Relatives, if you haven't got any relatives,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33become important to you.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42'One of my aunts arranged for my mum to meet her mother,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45'but the reunion didn't go well.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50'Looking back, it's easy to see that they were both too traumatised
0:07:50 > 0:07:53'by the situation to get along.'
0:07:54 > 0:07:58We tried, but it didn't work out.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I think she didn't WANT to meet me.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I KNOW she didn't want to meet me.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07And so we were a bit tense about that.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11She felt that the whole thing had ruined her life,
0:08:11 > 0:08:14and I can understand why she felt that.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17She was very unhappy and...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20..she had eight more children,
0:08:20 > 0:08:23which is very hard, of course.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26My father was not mentioned ever,
0:08:26 > 0:08:30because I felt the tension when I asked questions.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32So it was a mystery.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37'The shame had stayed with my grandmother all her life
0:08:37 > 0:08:39'and she couldn't shake it off.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41'My mum never saw her again,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44'and I never got to meet her.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46'Her siblings were caught in the middle.'
0:08:48 > 0:08:51'However much welcomed I was,
0:08:51 > 0:08:56'I still felt a bit tense about things.'
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I felt very nervous
0:08:58 > 0:09:01because they'd grown up together
0:09:01 > 0:09:04and I felt a bit on show,
0:09:04 > 0:09:06really,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10and definitely an outsider, yeah.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14'One or two of them made it clear that we wouldn't be welcome
0:09:14 > 0:09:17'in County Clare, where they didn't want anyone
0:09:17 > 0:09:19'to find out we existed.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24'This forbidden place became an obsession for me,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27'the missing part of my identity.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48'20 years later, my mum and I have finally decided to disobey them,
0:09:48 > 0:09:52'and we've come to Clare to try and find out who her father was.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57'All we have to go on is a name - Tom Browne.'
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Oh, yeah. Brownes in...
0:10:02 > 0:10:05in...in...in...
0:10:09 > 0:10:10- Yeah.- They're still there.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- One moment.- Thank you.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14One second.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Now we're going to get in trouble.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19(He's pissed. He is pissed.)
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- They're Brownes.- They're Brownes?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- From Moyasta.- Moyasta?- Hmm.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- No.- No, no.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- Uh-huh.- Yeah.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- B-R-O-W-N-E?- Uh-huh. - With an E at the end, yeah.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Mmm.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Yeah.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- Right?- Yeah.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54He's the postman.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Thank you.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Weren't they nice in that pub? Nice men.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11I think I had a chance with the toothless one, actually.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13He was older than me, wasn't he?
0:11:18 > 0:11:23Why is it important to know who your father is?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Well, I think just to complete the picture, really.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Obviously, she was much more important,
0:11:29 > 0:11:33but she didn't want to have a relationship
0:11:33 > 0:11:35or even meet again...
0:11:36 > 0:11:40..so I suppose it's partly because of that.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I think if I had had a relationship with her,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I wouldn't have bothered to go any further,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48because, of course, she was furious with him,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50even all those years later.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Of course. I mean, a big impact on her life.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56'Now that my grandmother has died,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59'she can no longer be hurt by the scandal,
0:11:59 > 0:12:04'and one of her daughters, my mum's half-sister Siobhan,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06'has agreed to help me make this film.'
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I absolutely believe that you have a right to tell your story,
0:12:10 > 0:12:12however you choose to,
0:12:12 > 0:12:16and if people want to go along with you
0:12:16 > 0:12:19and take part in the telling of that story,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21hey, that's great.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- But it's not likely.- That's the best of all possible worlds.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I mean, you know, if you could get everyone on board.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- That would be amazing. - But it's a large family
0:12:33 > 0:12:35with different people. Let me just...
0:12:35 > 0:12:37BLENDER WHIRS
0:12:40 > 0:12:42It's funny, isn't it?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Because in our own lives,
0:12:45 > 0:12:49we have, you know...we have been brave,
0:12:49 > 0:12:53we have cocked a snook at all sorts of people
0:12:53 > 0:12:57and we have believed that we had a right to do that,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59and I still believe it
0:12:59 > 0:13:02so it is surprising.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04But...but, you know,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06but it's not, at the same time, Daisy,
0:13:06 > 0:13:10because, really, behind it, so very much,
0:13:10 > 0:13:13is love and regard for Mam,
0:13:13 > 0:13:18and...and wanting to protect her...
0:13:18 > 0:13:19um...
0:13:21 > 0:13:24..because of how SHE would have felt.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26BELL TOLLS
0:13:29 > 0:13:32In Catholic Ireland, it was a disgrace.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36People tut-tutted and said, "Oh, how awful!"
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Why did they do that?
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Did it just rattle the bars of the cage
0:13:42 > 0:13:47that the Catholic religion put us in?
0:13:47 > 0:13:52You know? Was it that? That they were afraid that... I don't know.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Maybe people felt safe...
0:13:58 > 0:14:01..living within the rules of the Catholic Church,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04and they were afraid of the priests.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Maybe they were afraid they would be excommunicated.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Religion was all people had.
0:14:12 > 0:14:19It was so interwoven with the fabric of the society
0:14:19 > 0:14:23that everybody lived in that you could not get away from it.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28It had an impact on every aspect of everybody's lives,
0:14:28 > 0:14:32and its power is waning in Ireland
0:14:32 > 0:14:35but it hasn't gone.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Everywhere in society, if people had known that
0:14:41 > 0:14:45my mother had become pregnant before she got married,
0:14:45 > 0:14:50and had a child, she would not have been able to hold her head up.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55The reaction of what it would mean
0:14:55 > 0:14:58went deep into everybody's bones,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02and they went deeply into Mam's bones,
0:15:02 > 0:15:05the shame of it, and she never, ever was able to acknowledge it.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11I just think that it broke her heart.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15'Western Ireland, County Clare.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17'School is over for today.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21'Down a rock-walled road, across the open countryside
0:15:21 > 0:15:24'go an Irish boy and girl,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26'home from school.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31'Sean O'Reilly, Mary O'Reilly.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35'And in his field over there, Mr O'Flaherty
0:15:35 > 0:15:37'in his potato patch.
0:15:39 > 0:15:44'Digging the dirt, loosening the soil around the growing potatoes.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48'Digging, loosening.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50'Home from school.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53'To the O'Reilly farm.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56'To the walled farmyard behind the whitewashed cottage,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59'where Sean and Mary live in County Clare.'
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Your great-grandmother made that.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07You know why they had these?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Because jugs of milk were kept in the farm.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12It was pre-fridge days.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15It's to keep the flies and the dust off.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17So I thought, "I'm going to put that out."
0:16:17 > 0:16:20'But here's Kathleen, an older sister,
0:16:20 > 0:16:24'come to make tea while Mother turns the griddle cake by the open fire,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26'where the turf is burning. Good Irish griddle cake,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28'crusty and fresh.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30'Tea for Mary
0:16:30 > 0:16:32'and tea for Sean.'
0:16:32 > 0:16:36'Do you know, I'm not actually sure that her own mother knew about it.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39'Her brothers and sister did,
0:16:39 > 0:16:43'but I'm not actually certain that Granny knew.'
0:16:45 > 0:16:48'Despite a sense of loyalty to her mother,
0:16:48 > 0:16:51'my mum and I can no longer repress the urge
0:16:51 > 0:16:53'to know more about her father.'
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I'm trying to think about how I would feel
0:16:56 > 0:16:58if I hadn't known my father.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I would want to know my father.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06It would be as though I didn't know myself
0:17:06 > 0:17:08until I knew who he was,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11even if it...if I ended up thinking,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14"I do not approve of you. I do not like you.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16"I think you're a whatever."
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I like...I like finding things out.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24I don't like mysteries. I don't like not being sure of what's going on.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29You kind of wonder where you've come from,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I suppose, in a way.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Like a cuckoo, really.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37In the nest.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40What do you know about him, Daisy?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Nothing.- Nothing?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- Nothing at all?- No.- Nothing AT ALL?
0:17:45 > 0:17:46- Nothing.- Just his name?
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- Tom Browne.- Yeah.- That's all I know.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51That's all you know.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Do you know anything?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Um...
0:17:55 > 0:17:56No.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I don't. All I know is what Mam said,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02and she did say that that was his name,
0:18:02 > 0:18:07and also, that he was a farmer...um...
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I think he wasn't a farmer -
0:18:10 > 0:18:14I think he would have been a farming labourer.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18But he must have belonged in the district.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23And how she got to know him, well, I don't know.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28I mean, the night the deed was done,
0:18:28 > 0:18:33it was at a local dance, or after a local dance.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38And I know that he was a fair bit older than her.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40If, say, she was about 25,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I think he would have been about 40.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46She always said he took advantage of her,
0:18:46 > 0:18:50and it was easy to do that because women were brought up
0:18:50 > 0:18:53to do what men asked them to do.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Even that.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Even that.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- And she WAS around 25, wasn't she?- Yeah.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10And, at 25 in those days, you were on the shelf.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Oh, Lord, yes. Erm...
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- So, I wonder.- Oh, really?- Yeah!
0:19:20 > 0:19:26I mean, what if, and this is an utter "what if", and I don't know at all,
0:19:26 > 0:19:30and I'm surmising, what if he paid her attention,
0:19:30 > 0:19:35eventually to the point of having intercourse with her?
0:19:35 > 0:19:39And the fact that she was, to all intents and purposes,
0:19:39 > 0:19:43on the shelf, probably would have made how much more vulnerable.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50'Siobhan shows me a photo of my grandmother,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53'the first one I've seen of her as a young woman.'
0:19:53 > 0:19:56It looks like my mum, doesn't it?
0:19:56 > 0:20:00- Pat looks more like Mam than any of us.- Oh, God!
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Actually, do you know something, Daisy?
0:20:02 > 0:20:08That's part of the reason that the family haven't wanted Pat to come.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Because, as I have said before, as soon as she puts one foot
0:20:11 > 0:20:17inside the county, everybody is going to know whose daughter she is.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Do you know why I'm a bit braver than you might have expected?
0:20:25 > 0:20:28It's because I'm getting older.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Is it?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32And time kind of runs out, doesn't it?
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- I think we're going to meet someone who knows...- I have a feeling, too.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38I have a weird feeling.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47- There's just that many people around.- Yeah.- In this pub.- Yeah.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I think someone's going to...
0:20:49 > 0:20:52After a while, when we've had a few drinks and spent a bit of money,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56we can ask for the telephone directory, can't we?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- Good idea, yeah.- I really want to do that.- OK.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02'And that's when my mum meets Martin.'
0:21:03 > 0:21:05You're so naughty, to buy us drinks.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07So bad.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You will let us get you one.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Just say yes.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Do you know of anybody...a postman called Browne, from Kilkee?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- No.- No, that doesn't ring a bell?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Yeah, Brownes in Moyasta, exactly.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Oh, well, those are the ones I'm probably looking for.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Yes.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Well, it's Moyasta where my mother came from,
0:21:40 > 0:21:42but she met my father in Kilkee.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46What were they like? What kind of family were they?
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Erm...
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Oh, really?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53That makes sense, doesn't it?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I'm afraid it does. I'm afraid it does.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Now, I'm glad you're being honest. I want honest.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02# That's how it is with me
0:22:02 > 0:22:05# And you'll always be
0:22:05 > 0:22:12# The only love I ever knew
0:22:12 > 0:22:19# I'll forget many things in my lifetime
0:22:19 > 0:22:26But my darling, I won't forget you
0:22:26 > 0:22:34# My darling, I won't forget you. #
0:22:34 > 0:22:36That's lovely.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37THEY SPEAK OVER EACH OTHER
0:22:37 > 0:22:40SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:22:45 > 0:22:51Hallo. My name's Pat, and I think that we might be related.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00There is Brownes out in Killimer.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07But everybody has blue eyes, don't they? Yours look greener.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11I was adopted many years ago and I'm looking for my family.
0:23:11 > 0:23:17And I wondered if you were a relative of mine, I suppose.
0:23:17 > 0:23:22- My grandmother, she got pregnant outside marriage.- Oh, yeah, right.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23How would people respond to that?
0:23:31 > 0:23:35I was adopted many years ago and I'm looking for my family.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I thought that maybe we were related, but maybe we're not.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48There isn't another Thomas Browne?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Because I think Tom Browne is MY father.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Well, he IS my father.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Well, thank you very much.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Look, look. That's a twosie, or something.- A twosie?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01What do you call it when you...?
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Oh, you mean a selfie?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- A double selfie. - A double selfie! Ha-ha!
0:24:09 > 0:24:13So you were born exactly nine months after Valentine's Day.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16So it would've been a Valentine's dance.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23'She was brought up so strictly.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26'I can't believe she would have done it with somebody
0:24:26 > 0:24:27'she'd just met at a dance.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31'I mean, I just can't believe she would do that.'
0:24:35 > 0:24:41In West Clare, a culture of secrecy and keeping up appearances prevails.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45The stationmaster at Moyasta is one of the brave few
0:24:45 > 0:24:47willing to reveal more.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52Pat's father, he got her mother pregnant, they say, after a dance.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Yeah.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55And this was in 1946.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Is that right?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- So they all did it?- Huh? - They were all doing it?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26They were all doing it in the hay barn?
0:25:27 > 0:25:28THEY LAUGH
0:25:29 > 0:25:32And some were lucky and some weren't?
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Did a lot of girls disappear at that time, to go and have their babies?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00'He doesn't think either the postman
0:26:00 > 0:26:02'or the so-called "odd" Brownes are the right ones.'
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Ah.- Right.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- That's interesting.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:26:33 > 0:26:38'With directions to the farm, only a lack of courage is stopping us.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42'We still feel shame and guilt about coming to Clare
0:26:42 > 0:26:46'without the blessing of some of my mum's half-siblings.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54'I wonder if the Brownes will want to keep us secret, too.'
0:27:01 > 0:27:05'Johnny Browne says he had an Uncle Tom who died in the '70s,
0:27:05 > 0:27:09'and even though he never heard of his uncle having a child,
0:27:09 > 0:27:13'the dates match up, and he seems pretty sure by the look of us
0:27:13 > 0:27:15'that we've got the right Tom.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19'The shock is a real one for Johnny.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22'In a place where respectability has long come first,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26'his family name might be sullied by these illegitimate cousins.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30'But he and his wife, Mary, make us welcome.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34'They strike me as people who wouldn't shut the door to anyone.'
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Oh, have you? Oh, wonderful.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- So, you'd be first cousins, then, Mum?- Yes.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49- You'd be first cousins? - Yes, we're first cousins, yes.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51- It's very close, isn't it? - It is close.- Yes.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Is that your aunt?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Aunt, yes. That's right, yes.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Oh, heavens!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Oh, this is wonderful! Oh!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11So that's Patrick Browne?
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Yes.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15He's very tall as well, isn't he, by the look of him?
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Oh, I see.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23- Oh, really?- Yeah.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- He's named after his uncle?- Yeah.
0:28:26 > 0:28:27That's, that's...
0:28:27 > 0:28:30That's Tom there, now. That's Tom, that's him.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33(Amazing.) Amazing.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44'Seeing a photo of Tom is overwhelming.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47'I can see my mum in her father's face.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52'Johnny explains that he left Ireland for America
0:28:52 > 0:28:53'in the late '40s.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57'He went to live with his elder sister, May, in New York
0:28:57 > 0:28:58'and worked as a baker.'
0:29:00 > 0:29:05Was he...was he...was he not one to be settled down?
0:29:07 > 0:29:09Was he wild? Was he wild?
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Being as most people tend to get married, don't they,
0:29:17 > 0:29:21did you ever say to each other, I wonder why he doesn't get married?
0:29:28 > 0:29:31SPORT COMMENTARY ON RADIO
0:29:35 > 0:29:36Love the photos.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40That was May Browne, Tom's sister.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Can you see?
0:30:11 > 0:30:13No, really.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16SPORT COMMENTARY CONTINUES
0:30:43 > 0:30:48The guy in the pub, Mary, he said, "Oh, those two are poets."
0:30:57 > 0:30:58What kind of songs?
0:31:00 > 0:31:02Really? Mm.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Can we hear it?
0:31:10 > 0:31:11It's paused, isn't it?
0:31:11 > 0:31:15CD: # There's a village and fair
0:31:15 > 0:31:18# That no place can compare
0:31:18 > 0:31:24# It lies between Doonbeg and Kilkee
0:31:24 > 0:31:27# And wherever you'll roam
0:31:27 > 0:31:31# There is no place like home
0:31:31 > 0:31:36# My Ballard, you're so dear to me
0:31:36 > 0:31:40# So I hope that some day
0:31:40 > 0:31:43# I will go back to stay
0:31:43 > 0:31:48# In Ballard, the place that I love
0:31:48 > 0:31:51# If only to greet
0:31:51 > 0:31:54# All the old friends I'd meet
0:31:54 > 0:31:58# At the chapel, the shop and the pub. #
0:32:02 > 0:32:04THEY LAUGH
0:32:06 > 0:32:08I can definitely see it.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Oh, right.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14'Everybody wonders who on earth they are, don't they? As they grow up.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17'And if you don't have anybody you're related to,
0:32:17 > 0:32:20'you think it much more. It's much more of a mystery.'
0:32:22 > 0:32:24Do you think you're like them?
0:32:26 > 0:32:27Yes.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Yes, I do.
0:32:31 > 0:32:32I feel like them.
0:32:34 > 0:32:39I feel I could switch myself into things there.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47'Tom had been to Australia in his 20s.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50'And on his way home, during the Second World War,
0:32:50 > 0:32:52'his ship was torpedoed.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59'He told Johnny he had to beat off sharks to survive.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03'He returned to Ireland penniless
0:33:03 > 0:33:06'and my mum was born a few years later,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09'before he set off again, for New York.'
0:33:14 > 0:33:17That's the photo that made me realise he was my father.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20When I was a little girl, my face looked like that
0:33:20 > 0:33:22and I thought, "Ah, so it is him."
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Because there's always a little doubt in your mind,
0:33:25 > 0:33:29not with the mother, but with the father, isn't there?
0:33:29 > 0:33:32That's him when he was older.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36Yes, that's a good one of the ears. Are my ears like that?
0:33:37 > 0:33:38Er...
0:33:38 > 0:33:39THEY LAUGH
0:33:39 > 0:33:41- Hard to say.- In other words, no!
0:33:41 > 0:33:44Well, yours don't stick out quite as much.
0:33:44 > 0:33:45Yeah, no.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Yeah. Looks dishy there.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50SHE LAUGHS
0:33:50 > 0:33:53And then that's when he's quite a bit older.
0:33:53 > 0:33:54I think he's gorgeous.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56- Yeah, do you?- I think he's gorgeous.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58- Yeah. He is dishy. - Is that a bit wrong?!
0:34:02 > 0:34:05Mary said he was like the Elvis of West Clare!
0:34:07 > 0:34:09- Well, that's nice.- Yeah.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12- Who wouldn't want to be the Elvis of West Clare?- Who wouldn't?!
0:34:12 > 0:34:17- Who wouldn't?- There's the Elvis. He looks like Elvis there.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20- Do you think so?- A bit. - I don't see Elvis, actually.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23But I think he looks handsome.
0:34:24 > 0:34:25Oh, and his shipwreck.
0:34:25 > 0:34:29He was shipwrecked and clung to a single plank, apparently,
0:34:29 > 0:34:30for a long time.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32And managed to survive.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37- That would help to attract the girls as well.- Yes!
0:34:37 > 0:34:38Well, that's what she said,
0:34:38 > 0:34:41that he'd been all round the world, he had lots of stories.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45Someone else told me he had so many interesting stories,
0:34:45 > 0:34:50because of his...the way he lived his life and the way he'd travelled.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01'I begin to spend time with Johnny, hoping to get to know
0:35:01 > 0:35:05'my grandfather, Tom, through him and the ways of West Clare.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08CATTLE LOW
0:35:08 > 0:35:10'Even the cows are saying, "Who the hell is that?" '
0:36:02 > 0:36:04INDISTINCT RACING COMMENTARY
0:36:09 > 0:36:12APPLAUSE AND COMMENTARY MINGLE
0:36:31 > 0:36:33'The house Tom lived in in the '40s is a ruin now.'
0:36:33 > 0:36:36Oh, my God.
0:36:37 > 0:36:42'But Johnny shows me a cottage restored to the old way of life.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53'He's proud of the traditions that he fears are dying out.'
0:36:59 > 0:37:04- You are. You're losing part of our history.- Yeah.- Exactly.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10'Over the summer, we become family.
0:37:17 > 0:37:18'Around this time,
0:37:18 > 0:37:22'I get a letter from one of my aunts on my grandmother's side.
0:37:22 > 0:37:26'She's not happy to hear I've been filming in Clare.
0:37:26 > 0:37:27'I read it to my mum.'
0:37:28 > 0:37:32"You are not welcome to use my home for the purposes
0:37:32 > 0:37:37"of preparations for, or in the process of filming
0:37:37 > 0:37:41"or making your forthcoming documentary about your story.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44"To be crystal clear, Daisy, I hereby ban you
0:37:44 > 0:37:47"from trespassing on my property, land.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50"You do not have my consent to stay or film there,
0:37:50 > 0:37:54"and I take any invasion of my privacy, as such, as trespass,
0:37:54 > 0:37:57"and will treat this accordingly."
0:37:57 > 0:38:01And then she starts talking about solicitors.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Well, doesn't surprise me. I mean...
0:38:05 > 0:38:08There's a lot of jargon involved, isn't there?
0:38:08 > 0:38:12- Well, she doesn't want me to do it. - She's just looked it up, hasn't she?
0:38:12 > 0:38:15I understand that, she doesn't want me to make a film.
0:38:15 > 0:38:21- It's aggressive, isn't it?- Yeah. - But what do you expect?
0:38:21 > 0:38:26I think that's the problem I've had, really, is...
0:38:30 > 0:38:33It kind of, and I'm quoting here,
0:38:33 > 0:38:36it's kind of like a double rejection,
0:38:36 > 0:38:40that every time anybody says, "You can't go here,"
0:38:40 > 0:38:42like, "You can't go to Clare,"
0:38:42 > 0:38:47I...well, partly it makes me want to go all the more, but partly...
0:38:47 > 0:38:53I...feel, "Oh, yeah, I'm not wanted," and not being wanted
0:38:53 > 0:38:56has always been a big problem for me.
0:38:58 > 0:38:59For obvious reasons.
0:38:59 > 0:39:04Anybody in my situation would tell you the same, it's just...
0:39:04 > 0:39:06You need to be wanted.
0:39:07 > 0:39:12The thing about shame is, it kind of...sticks to you, doesn't it?
0:39:12 > 0:39:14Yes, it does.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18It's a matter of being the product of someone else's disaster.
0:39:18 > 0:39:25And...anybody who's had a baby says, "Ohhh, she had to give her baby away,
0:39:25 > 0:39:27"it doesn't bear thinking about."
0:39:27 > 0:39:31It was a terrible situation for her.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35And they are protecting her.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40'Most of our family are on the fence over this.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43'But Siobhan is bravely supporting me.'
0:39:43 > 0:39:48It was Mam's story and she chose to keep it quiet.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51And that was respected while she was alive.
0:39:51 > 0:39:55She's not here now to say, "You may not tell my story."
0:39:55 > 0:39:57It boils down to that.
0:39:58 > 0:40:03That nobody has a right... to shut other people up.
0:40:05 > 0:40:12- Aren't you scared what trouble you will cause, though?- Erm, terrified!
0:40:12 > 0:40:16But I'm just going to have to stand up and take it!
0:40:16 > 0:40:20No, I will, because I think it's the right thing to do, I think.
0:40:20 > 0:40:24I think, I really believe you have a right to go there,
0:40:24 > 0:40:27to be there, to see it.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29If... Do you know,
0:40:29 > 0:40:34if somebody cut me out of my heritage that way,
0:40:34 > 0:40:36I would be so angry.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38I really would be so angry.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41I know everyone in my family would be furious
0:40:41 > 0:40:43and they would have plenty to say about it.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48- You lot have been awfully quiet!- Mm.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53What was your first thought when you saw us?
0:41:06 > 0:41:10Did you worry that we might not be telling the truth?
0:41:22 > 0:41:25There's a lot of shame around it, isn't there?
0:41:36 > 0:41:40So would you not tell people that we were Tom's,
0:41:40 > 0:41:44would you want to keep that quiet?
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Just for now, yeah?
0:42:03 > 0:42:06Or making a documentary about it?
0:42:21 > 0:42:23Yeah.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54- That's how I feel, too.- Yeah.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04My father, yes. Of the Brownes, yes.
0:43:06 > 0:43:07OK.
0:43:07 > 0:43:11IRISH JIG PLAYS
0:43:41 > 0:43:44'Can one night in the hay barn really be so shocking
0:43:44 > 0:43:47'that we have to hide forever?
0:43:47 > 0:43:50'Just when I'm running out of leads to Tom,
0:43:50 > 0:43:53'Johnny digs up an old letter from his Uncle Stephen
0:43:53 > 0:43:55'who was also in New York.'
0:44:17 > 0:44:20- HE LAUGHS - Oh, right!
0:44:28 > 0:44:31- Who's the Big Yank? Tom?- Tom.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34- The Big Yank!- How wonderful. - LAUGHTER
0:44:44 > 0:44:48Do you remember these pictures. He sent photographs that I showed you.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57'Thinking of the bunch of kids in the letter,
0:44:57 > 0:45:01'our cousins who'd be the same age as me now, I asked Johnny
0:45:01 > 0:45:05'if he'd consider going to New York with me to try and meet them.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14'It's a bit of a long shot,
0:45:14 > 0:45:17'as he's never been further than Limerick before.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19'But it might tell us more about Tom.'
0:45:42 > 0:45:46Do you think it's a bit too daunting?
0:45:51 > 0:45:53What do you think, Johnny?
0:46:14 > 0:46:18Johnny, how will you get on the plane?
0:46:36 > 0:46:38Did you ever want to go on a plane?
0:47:19 > 0:47:23'Johnny's never had a passport before and never been on a train,
0:47:23 > 0:47:25'let alone a plane.
0:47:25 > 0:47:28'New York will be as mind-blowing to him
0:47:28 > 0:47:31'as it would have been to my grandfather 60 years ago.'
0:47:34 > 0:47:37- Well, Johnny?- That should be fine. Fine.- Yep?
0:47:37 > 0:47:40MACHINE: Welcome to the picture kiosk.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43Touch the picture and then touch the edit button.
0:47:43 > 0:47:47Your picture has been automatically enhanced.
0:47:47 > 0:47:52Touch the picture you want to save. When you have finished, touch "done".
0:47:54 > 0:47:58These are the different edits you can make on your picture.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01Your picture has been automatically enhanced.
0:48:01 > 0:48:06Touch the picture you want to save. When you have finished, touch "done".
0:48:06 > 0:48:08When are you off, Mary?
0:48:29 > 0:48:32Sign here.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35- The start of your trip! - MAN CHUCKLES
0:48:56 > 0:48:59That's the precious passport, then?
0:49:04 > 0:49:07Oh, really, really?
0:49:08 > 0:49:11- Oh, yeah, that's a better picture, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:49:11 > 0:49:15Oh, fantastic. Oh, how exciting.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18That's made it kind of feel real.
0:49:19 > 0:49:23'Tom would have gone to New York by boat, which took three weeks.
0:49:25 > 0:49:29'In the '40s and '50s, thousands of Irish emigrated in this way,
0:49:29 > 0:49:31'looking for a living,
0:49:31 > 0:49:33'or, in Tom's case, running away.
0:49:34 > 0:49:37'The shipping log shows that he was headed
0:49:37 > 0:49:40'for his sister May's house in the Bronx,
0:49:40 > 0:49:43'leaving my pregnant grandmother behind.'
0:49:43 > 0:49:46Do you think she would have been hoping he might marry her?
0:49:46 > 0:49:49Daisy, I just don't know. And no-one can tell us now.
0:49:49 > 0:49:54All I do know is that she was so massively angry with him.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57And you've heard...about that?
0:49:57 > 0:49:59Not really.
0:49:59 > 0:50:03You know, I could tell you something here that was not very pleasant.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06- Tell me.- Are you OK with it?- Yeah.
0:50:06 > 0:50:13When she did tell him, he sent her a five pound note in an envelope.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15And that was it.
0:50:15 > 0:50:17Cut her dead.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19That was...
0:50:19 > 0:50:25And yet, OK, now...in fairness... maybe HE couldn't deal with it.
0:50:25 > 0:50:30Maybe he couldn't deal with... the dent to his social standing
0:50:30 > 0:50:35if it got about that he had made... my mother pregnant.
0:50:38 > 0:50:45Because he relied on... You don't think about these aspects of things.
0:50:45 > 0:50:48He relied on everyone around to give him work.
0:50:48 > 0:50:51What if they decided that he was a disgrace
0:50:51 > 0:50:54and HE should be pushed out of the community?
0:50:54 > 0:50:56What would happen to him?
0:50:56 > 0:50:58I don't know.
0:50:58 > 0:51:02Instead of assuming that the man was bad,
0:51:02 > 0:51:06which is how he has been presented to us,
0:51:06 > 0:51:08maybe there was another side to it.
0:51:08 > 0:51:12Maybe he couldn't cope either and he didn't know what to do
0:51:12 > 0:51:17and so he did that and it had that impact on my mother,
0:51:17 > 0:51:20it absolutely devastated her.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23'My mum decides not to come with us,
0:51:23 > 0:51:27'her courage about the filming a little shaken by the letter.
0:51:27 > 0:51:31'But she still supports my efforts to find out more about Tom.'
0:51:31 > 0:51:35This situation has set me back a bit.
0:51:36 > 0:51:41It upsets me, and I've had to think long and hard
0:51:41 > 0:51:45before taking part in the film, but I do feel that...
0:51:45 > 0:51:47- it has to be said.- Yeah.
0:51:47 > 0:51:53It can't be shoved under carpets and...nailed under linoleum.
0:51:53 > 0:51:57You've got to know, you can't go... living in ignorance
0:51:57 > 0:51:59and not knowing what's really going on.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01It's so important to know.
0:52:01 > 0:52:06Suppose he's mentally ill, or... unpleasant.
0:52:06 > 0:52:07Or a drunk!
0:52:07 > 0:52:11I mean, I imagine he had other children as well.
0:52:13 > 0:52:19- You kind of wonder what he got up to when he went to New York.- Yeah.
0:52:22 > 0:52:24Goodbye, Ireland!
0:52:24 > 0:52:26You're coming back, aren't you?
0:52:26 > 0:52:29I don't know! THEY LAUGH
0:53:37 > 0:53:41- Bit different to County Clare, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:53:58 > 0:54:02CAR RADIO
0:54:02 > 0:54:04CAR HORN BLARES
0:54:04 > 0:54:06It's fascinating, isn't it?
0:54:30 > 0:54:33- You've never been in a tunnel?- No.
0:54:33 > 0:54:37What do you think Tom would have thought when he landed here?
0:54:43 > 0:54:49Yeah, it was already... skyscrapers and...cars and...
0:55:08 > 0:55:13LOUD CHATTER
0:55:21 > 0:55:27- You can find some quiet little places to go.- Yeah, yeah.
0:55:27 > 0:55:31You pull it out like that and put it in the tea.
0:55:31 > 0:55:33You pull out the thing here.
0:55:36 > 0:55:38'It's starting to dawn on us
0:55:38 > 0:55:42'what a culture shock New York must have been for Tom.'
0:55:46 > 0:55:48SHE SINGS "DREAMS" BY FLEETWOOD MAC
0:55:48 > 0:55:53# I see the crystal visions
0:55:53 > 0:55:55# I keep a vision to myself... #
0:55:55 > 0:55:58MARY LAUGHS
0:55:58 > 0:56:01Now, now!
0:56:01 > 0:56:04# It's only me who wants to
0:56:04 > 0:56:07# Wrap around your dreams
0:56:07 > 0:56:12# And have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
0:56:12 > 0:56:16# Dreams of loneliness like a heartbeat, drives you mad... #
0:56:21 > 0:56:23I think he takes after his Uncle Tom.
0:56:30 > 0:56:35'Finding similarities between Tom and Johnny and I is irresistible.'
0:56:35 > 0:56:36LOCK BUZZES
0:56:40 > 0:56:42Do I?
0:56:59 > 0:57:01He looked like...
0:57:13 > 0:57:17'After the initial shock of the skyscrapers and noise,
0:57:17 > 0:57:22'New York City has an exhilarating effect on Johnny.'
0:57:22 > 0:57:26# So in dreams I love to ramble
0:57:26 > 0:57:29# Down the village street
0:57:29 > 0:57:34# To meet the boys and girls gathered there
0:57:34 > 0:57:39# And we sing the good old songs
0:57:39 > 0:57:43# Telling of old Ireland's wrong
0:57:43 > 0:57:49# Around the chapel gates in Corraclare. #
0:57:49 > 0:57:52APPLAUSE
0:57:52 > 0:57:54'Tom had lost his home
0:57:54 > 0:57:56'but he would have gained a bittersweet freedom.
0:58:00 > 0:58:04'Being in the bright lights seems to have liberated Johnny, too,
0:58:04 > 0:58:08'and he starts to talk about Tom more freely than before.'
0:58:22 > 0:58:24And they kind of, you know...
0:58:26 > 0:58:27He taught you that?
0:58:41 > 0:58:43The hip contact?
0:58:58 > 0:59:01You'll be taking after that yourself!
0:59:06 > 0:59:10My God! He must have dated hundreds of women.
0:59:10 > 0:59:12TRADITIONAL IRISH MUSIC
0:59:13 > 0:59:16INAUDIBLE
0:59:31 > 0:59:33'After some searching on the internet,
0:59:33 > 0:59:35'I'd found a great-nephew of Tom's,
0:59:35 > 0:59:37'our cousin Steve,
0:59:37 > 0:59:39'who still lives in New York.
0:59:41 > 0:59:44'Steve and I are getting on well on Facebook.
0:59:44 > 0:59:45'He's a very modern man,
0:59:45 > 0:59:49'a computer programmer and music producer,
0:59:49 > 0:59:51'who's just married his boyfriend.
0:59:52 > 0:59:54'I wonder what he and Johnny will have in common.
0:59:56 > 0:59:59'He agrees to come and meet us the following day.'
1:00:04 > 1:00:08- I just feel a little bit nervous now.- Yeah.- Yeah, but I'm...
1:00:08 > 1:00:11I'm really looking forward to meeting him.
1:00:18 > 1:00:21- I was really nervous coming to see you!- Yeah, yeah.
1:00:21 > 1:00:22Of course I was.
1:00:26 > 1:00:29Cousins.
1:00:29 > 1:00:31My cousin, Johnny Browne.
1:00:32 > 1:00:35From my grandma, Mary Browne.
1:00:35 > 1:00:39First I started reading your Facebook message and I'm thinking,
1:00:39 > 1:00:42"Oh, this is somebody who's doing identity theft or something!"
1:00:42 > 1:00:45- Did you?!- "Trying to get information out of me."
1:00:45 > 1:00:47But then when you sent the picture
1:00:47 > 1:00:49I said, "No, this is legitimate."
1:00:49 > 1:00:51I'm thrilled.
1:00:51 > 1:00:55You know, they're this very Old World couple.
1:00:55 > 1:00:57I mean...
1:00:57 > 1:01:01- They have...horses and cows and a farm.- Yeah.
1:01:01 > 1:01:03I milked a cow once with the machine.
1:01:03 > 1:01:05Worst experience of my life.
1:01:07 > 1:01:10'Steve's grandma May was Tom's elder sister,
1:01:10 > 1:01:13'who came to live in New York when she was 21.
1:01:13 > 1:01:16'She married another Irish Catholic
1:01:16 > 1:01:19'and they brought up their sons in the Bronx.
1:01:22 > 1:01:24'He takes us to the house where his grandma lived
1:01:24 > 1:01:27'what was seen as a respectable life.
1:01:27 > 1:01:30'It was Tom's first home in New York.
1:01:30 > 1:01:34'But he wouldn't have dared tell his sister his secret.'
1:01:37 > 1:01:39What a lovely house, though.
1:01:39 > 1:01:43And at the time it would have been considered probably enormous.
1:01:44 > 1:01:47But I don't think that anything up here was...
1:01:47 > 1:01:49was necessarily very expensive.
1:01:49 > 1:01:53My brother, now, he had the address off by heart, you know.
1:01:53 > 1:01:56And I had 7 Mount Vernon Avenue, where he went later on.
1:01:56 > 1:01:59- Oh, after this.- Yeah, do you know where that is?- I don't know...
1:01:59 > 1:02:02- I can look it up. - It's not far from here, I think.
1:02:02 > 1:02:05I'll plug the address into the GPS when we take off
1:02:05 > 1:02:07and we'll take a ride over.
1:02:07 > 1:02:09And if it starts to look dangerous when we get there,
1:02:09 > 1:02:10we'll turn around!
1:02:12 > 1:02:15So, Johnny, what did you make of Steve?
1:02:33 > 1:02:34Yeah.
1:02:34 > 1:02:36But you're not like that.
1:02:36 > 1:02:41How come you're so, like, you know, accepting and laid-back
1:02:41 > 1:02:44and everything about...
1:02:44 > 1:02:46you know, people being illegitimate or being gay
1:02:46 > 1:02:48or being, like, too...?
1:02:57 > 1:03:00Do you think that Tom had that quality?
1:03:13 > 1:03:15I know it sounds crazy to you,
1:03:15 > 1:03:19her family would like to still keep it secret.
1:03:19 > 1:03:22And no shame to the father?
1:03:22 > 1:03:24Well, not really.
1:03:24 > 1:03:26It's not the same. It's not the same.
1:03:26 > 1:03:29But also, you know, his life
1:03:29 > 1:03:31wasn't affected by it like hers was.
1:03:31 > 1:03:33No, of course not. It never is.
1:03:33 > 1:03:38- But you can't abandon a woman that you've...- But they think of it as...
1:03:38 > 1:03:41- ..you've gotten pregnant.- I know.
1:03:41 > 1:03:43I know.
1:03:43 > 1:03:46This place is not quite as romantic, is it?
1:03:46 > 1:03:48No, it's a little sad.
1:03:48 > 1:03:51But apparently it's very easy to pick up women!
1:03:51 > 1:03:53Looks like.
1:03:53 > 1:03:56- Oh, that was number 11. - Yeah, so 7...
1:03:56 > 1:03:58Now, that...
1:03:58 > 1:04:01For some reason I'm getting a little deja vu.
1:04:01 > 1:04:03Maybe my father used to drink there.
1:04:03 > 1:04:05- Really?- Quite possibly.
1:04:05 > 1:04:08He might have drunk there with Tom, then.
1:04:08 > 1:04:10Very possibly.
1:04:10 > 1:04:12- 7!- Oh, my goodness.
1:04:12 > 1:04:14Now it's an off...
1:04:14 > 1:04:16It's a church.
1:04:16 > 1:04:18- DAISY LAUGHS - It's a church!
1:04:18 > 1:04:22- Now it's a church.- It's hilarious.
1:04:22 > 1:04:25- If it was Tom's... - They've purified his love nest!
1:04:27 > 1:04:29- I can't believe it.- His "love nest"!
1:04:31 > 1:04:33- It would have been an apartment. - Oh, yeah,
1:04:33 > 1:04:35- perhaps he'd have lived upstairs. - Yeah.
1:04:35 > 1:04:38But he couldn't have lived above a church, surely.
1:04:38 > 1:04:41- Oh, my God, he's probably seducing the nuns!- The nuns, yeah.
1:04:46 > 1:04:47That's amazing, isn't it?
1:04:47 > 1:04:49I think that's the side door.
1:04:49 > 1:04:51They're saying Mass or something inside.
1:04:52 > 1:04:56'The reality of Tom's life in New York was far from romantic.'
1:04:56 > 1:05:00So you thinking of moving to New York, now?
1:05:00 > 1:05:01No, you're not!
1:05:04 > 1:05:05No, he's not.
1:05:07 > 1:05:08THEY TALK AT ONCE
1:05:20 > 1:05:21Did he?
1:05:27 > 1:05:32Yeah, I wonder if that came from some little bit of guilt about,
1:05:32 > 1:05:34you know...
1:05:34 > 1:05:37You know? About maybe what he'd caused.
1:06:17 > 1:06:20- But you know, it was an accident. - Yeah, yeah.
1:06:20 > 1:06:21- What could he do?- Yeah.
1:06:21 > 1:06:25It was either do what he did, or marry her, right?
1:06:51 > 1:06:57SLOW FIDDLE TUNE PLAYS
1:06:57 > 1:07:01'It's hard to be angry with Tom when his mistake cost him so dearly.
1:07:01 > 1:07:05'Although he wouldn't have suffered like my grandmother did,
1:07:05 > 1:07:08'he was in exile in New York.
1:07:08 > 1:07:10'His so-called sin prevented him
1:07:10 > 1:07:12'returning to Ireland until his 60s...
1:07:15 > 1:07:19'..when he retired to a tiny cottage near Johnny's farm.
1:07:19 > 1:07:25'He died alone from a heart attack at the age of only 71.
1:07:25 > 1:07:29'Two days before I was born.'
1:07:29 > 1:07:34INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO
1:07:37 > 1:07:39'The power of the Catholic Church
1:07:39 > 1:07:42'over both my grandparents' lives infuriates me.
1:07:43 > 1:07:46'As we head home I decide to celebrate
1:07:46 > 1:07:47'their night in the hay barn...
1:07:49 > 1:07:52'..and reject the way religion and society bullied them.'
1:08:07 > 1:08:09'Johnny's brother, Stephen, has been
1:08:09 > 1:08:12'over from London looking after the farm while we were going.
1:08:12 > 1:08:16'He tells us there's been a lot of people calling in
1:08:16 > 1:08:19'and asking questions about me and Tom.
1:08:19 > 1:08:21'Our secret is out.'
1:08:43 > 1:08:45- Know what I mean?- Yeah.
1:08:51 > 1:08:53That's a lovely thing to say, Steve(!)
1:08:59 > 1:09:03What, you mean, while we've been gone, everyone's talking?
1:09:03 > 1:09:06- Yeah, yeah.- Well, what are they saying about us?
1:09:14 > 1:09:18- They know who I am now, do they?- Yeah, yeah.
1:09:18 > 1:09:21- Is that OK with you, Johnny? - It is, yeah.
1:09:39 > 1:09:41HE LAUGHS
1:09:43 > 1:09:46Well, that's it now, then, it's out.
1:09:49 > 1:09:50No.
1:09:52 > 1:09:56I'm glad it's come out now. We don't have to hide.
1:09:56 > 1:09:57You've nothing to hide.
1:10:00 > 1:10:03Yeah.
1:10:03 > 1:10:06No-one will give you any bother, though, will they?
1:10:06 > 1:10:08- No.- No.- Why should they?
1:10:18 > 1:10:19It's kind of a relief.
1:10:21 > 1:10:26'Secrets have a way of burning away at you until they finally surface.
1:10:26 > 1:10:31'My poor grandmother even kept her pregnancy from her new fiance
1:10:31 > 1:10:33'until the very last minute.'
1:10:33 > 1:10:38Do you know how my father found out about it?
1:10:38 > 1:10:41The adoption went through around the same time
1:10:41 > 1:10:44as Mam and Dad got married, and guess what?
1:10:44 > 1:10:46The nuns sent a telegram
1:10:46 > 1:10:50and it got mixed up with all the wedding telegrams
1:10:50 > 1:10:52and was opened and read.
1:10:52 > 1:10:55And so they fell out on their wedding day.
1:10:55 > 1:11:01And she suffered at the hands of her husband,
1:11:01 > 1:11:05at the hands of her... her mother-in-law,
1:11:05 > 1:11:07at so many people's hands.
1:11:07 > 1:11:11You know, the whole world might as well have known about it
1:11:11 > 1:11:15for the pain and suffering that my mother went through.
1:11:15 > 1:11:18And then we suffered, of course we did,
1:11:18 > 1:11:23because they hated each other, and they never pulled together,
1:11:23 > 1:11:27and we got...you know, we fell in the middle of all of that.
1:11:27 > 1:11:31Why it is that we don't feel so cross with society
1:11:31 > 1:11:34and people who stand in judgment...
1:11:34 > 1:11:41All this...religious prejudice had the most terrible effect,
1:11:41 > 1:11:47but also there was a fallout with...future generations.
1:11:47 > 1:11:50Certainly in my mother's case.
1:11:51 > 1:11:54But when we went to services in Ireland
1:11:54 > 1:11:57there was a lovely atmosphere, I thought.
1:11:57 > 1:12:00Well, you're still a bit taken up with it.
1:12:00 > 1:12:04But did you not think it was a nice... Like when they did the dance that time?
1:12:04 > 1:12:06DAISY SIGHS
1:12:06 > 1:12:11But it's responsible for... a lot of heartbreak.
1:12:11 > 1:12:17That's for sure. We know. First-hand we know, don't we?
1:12:17 > 1:12:22Dammit! That's what I should, and do, feel angry about.
1:12:22 > 1:12:27Are you to hand...judgment and morality for your life
1:12:27 > 1:12:30into the hands of someone you perhaps don't even know,
1:12:30 > 1:12:33or who doesn't have the sense, the background,
1:12:33 > 1:12:37the intelligence or the heart to treat it as it ought to be?
1:12:37 > 1:12:41No. No.
1:12:44 > 1:12:48'A few weeks later Johnny agreed to meet up with Siobhan and my mum.
1:12:48 > 1:12:51'A brave refusal of the shame
1:12:51 > 1:12:54'both families have felt for over 60 years.'
1:12:54 > 1:12:57I'm just looking at that picture up there of the ship,
1:12:57 > 1:13:00and thinking about Tom being shipwrecked.
1:13:00 > 1:13:03So what is that story, Daisy?
1:13:03 > 1:13:05Johnny is the one who told us that he was shipwrecked.
1:13:05 > 1:13:07So what happened?
1:13:13 > 1:13:16Standing on a plank of timber?!
1:13:18 > 1:13:21That's why he was standing on the plank.
1:13:21 > 1:13:24- My God. My God.- Amazing story, isn't it?
1:13:24 > 1:13:30- We kind of can't help thinking... - How precarious is existence!- Yes! Precarious, exactly.
1:13:30 > 1:13:34Mary said he was a bit like the Elvis of West Clare.
1:13:34 > 1:13:36- Really?- So many women!
1:13:36 > 1:13:39LAUGHTER
1:13:39 > 1:13:40Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
1:13:40 > 1:13:42Bit of a devil.
1:13:42 > 1:13:45- But a handsome devil. - It tells you a bit about him.
1:13:59 > 1:14:01Ah, sure, what's the point of it?
1:14:11 > 1:14:13I just don't see the point.
1:14:13 > 1:14:17You know, it's human nature, it's a story as old as time.
1:14:17 > 1:14:21What's the point in apportioning blame?
1:14:21 > 1:14:26If you do that you get stuck in... and you don't move on.
1:14:27 > 1:14:29And when you know where you come from,
1:14:29 > 1:14:32and you know all your relations,
1:14:32 > 1:14:34they all bring a light into that room.
1:14:34 > 1:14:37And you know all about yourself.
1:14:37 > 1:14:39You know, no-one should be hidden away.
1:14:49 > 1:14:54FOLK MUSIC PLAYS