0:00:08 > 0:00:10Hi there, good morning.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Do you know, this is the very last programme in the current
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Floyd series. Sad, isn't it? Terribly sad.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17But, the BBC are a generous lot.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20They have invited me for a little BBC self-catering mini break
0:00:20 > 0:00:21here on Jersey.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23And so, to make the thing really authentic,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26they went to a lot of trouble in their Research Department to find
0:00:26 > 0:00:28the original potato farmer's
0:00:28 > 0:00:30costume, which I am wearing here today.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34The light, white silk jacket, pale boots, the mandatory spotted
0:00:34 > 0:00:36silk handkerchief, and of course, a bowtie.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Anyway, enough of all of that.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41What Jersey is really all about is the potato.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Over 100 years ago, a guy named Delahaye, I think it was, had
0:00:44 > 0:00:48a huge potato weighing about four pounds, but it had 16 eyes in it.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50So, he cut these 16 eyes out and planted them.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52A remarkable thing happened.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55It founded a whole economy on a potato
0:00:55 > 0:00:58they call the Jersey Royal Fluke. Anyway, enough of that.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59This isn't a history lesson.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I've got a very important man coming to lunch.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03So, I'd better get the rest of lunch together.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47One of my duties as a kid on Sunday mornings,
0:01:47 > 0:01:49when I lived near Wiveliscombe,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51when we had our big feast of the week,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53in the week itself was dripping and Shepherd's Pie and pig's
0:01:53 > 0:01:57trotters and things like that, but Sunday was a really, really...
0:01:57 > 0:01:59PAN SIZZLES LOUDLY
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02..was a really great day
0:02:02 > 0:02:05because just as the lunch was coming to the final, ultimate,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07the succulent roasting, you would go into the garden,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09dig the potatoes,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12and pick the Brussels sprouts, which still had frost on them.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I can remember to this day my fingers, blue with cold,
0:02:14 > 0:02:17but I can still remember the superb taste of that fresh kind of food.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19And that's what I've got here.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21I mean, you saw me dig the potatoes out of the field,
0:02:21 > 0:02:24away with the lid, no kitchens here, you see, just the field.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Beautiful Jersey New potatoes, and I've fried a bit of liver,
0:02:27 > 0:02:32and into the juices of the pan I've put a little glass
0:02:32 > 0:02:34of Jersey white wine,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37to make a very, very simple and elementary sauce.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42Now I'm going to add some beautiful Jersey cream to that.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Keeping stirring the thing the whole time.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50You know, in real cookery programmes they have seven home economists,
0:02:50 > 0:02:55a studio, 18 backup men, 14 examples of the same dish, but
0:02:55 > 0:02:59we're just going to do this because we're a very talented sort of lot.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Some fresh chives, which we picked on the way here this morning.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04We did ask permission, as well, I can tell you,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06which I put into my pan.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08And, because I want this to be super duper good,
0:03:08 > 0:03:11because I've got a very important man coming for lunch today,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I told you, he's a senator, you'll recognise him, because
0:03:14 > 0:03:17senators were togas and togas and laurel leaves, don't they?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19And I won't do this for him.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22So, I put my bit of egg yolk into the sauce.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25So, one thing is for sure about this meal, hey, look, come and see me,
0:03:25 > 0:03:29one thing for sure about this is you won't get a fresher dish anywhere.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Now, back onto here. Thank you, Richard.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35The beautiful chive and cream sauce over there.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Turn off the gas so we don't blow the countryside up.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Put the potatoes on here.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Hoping they're not going to crush and crumble as I put them on.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I don't care who you are, but I don't think you could get
0:03:48 > 0:03:51a better, simpler little dish than that.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Which, if you don't mind, my man awaits me,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57my bottle of wine awaits me. I'd better have a quick slurp.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58And off I go.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02# Spuds, spuds, spuds, # Spuds, spuds, spuds,
0:04:02 > 0:04:06# Spuds, spuds, spuds... #
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Here we are, Your Majesty.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09New Jersey potatoes... It's not Majesty, is it?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12It's Lord? No. What are you? Senator!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Well, it's a bit disappointing, no toga and no laurel leaves.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16I did ask for them, you know.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Well, I'm afraid the toga's being dry-cleaned at the moment,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22and the laurel leaves, I think, are caught by the frost.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24It's been a funny winter, hasn't it? It has, extremely.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Has it affected the business of the island? It has to a point.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Our beautiful potatoes are a little bit later than they normally
0:04:30 > 0:04:34would have been, but other than that, we're managing OK, thank you. Great.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Tell me, the popular conception of Jersey is in fact
0:04:37 > 0:04:40an island of fun, of high-rise banking offices with sinister men
0:04:40 > 0:04:44in Mercedes-Benz and tinted sunglasses and stuff like that,
0:04:44 > 0:04:47who whisper to each other. But, that's not the whole picture, is it?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I mean, what is your job?
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Well, my job is to be responsible for agriculture in all its aspects
0:04:54 > 0:04:57in the island, and that of course is probably the most important
0:04:57 > 0:04:59part of the island economy.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Not necessarily money, I might add, it's the character.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Jersey wouldn't be what it is without it.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06What is this business about the Fluke?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09I mean, these potatoes were a fluke, weren't they? Yes, they were.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Excuse me while I sit down. OK.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13They were fluke.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I believe you know the story, the chap had the 16-eyed potato
0:05:16 > 0:05:18and he planted it in the ground,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20and he produced this remarkable strain of potatoes
0:05:20 > 0:05:23on which the island's economy has been based for a number of years.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26And when I look back, I think it's a remarkable thing.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29First of all, that he should realise what an important discovery
0:05:29 > 0:05:32he made, and secondly, imagine if he'd been a very greedy person
0:05:32 > 0:05:35and eaten them all instead of putting them back for more seeds?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38The island's history may have been changed by a single meal.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40What do you think of my setting, of my little restaurant here?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43You like it? I think it's fantastic. I'd like to come here every day.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46It really is a beautiful place. But a very serious point.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48What is it like being a lord or a senator or a king?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I mean, do you eat in cloistered halls with rusty
0:05:51 > 0:05:56servants in green dinner jackets shambling, perhaps a club-footed one
0:05:56 > 0:06:00dragging the trolley of the baron of beef as the band play in the food?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I mean, what's life really like for you?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04No, that sounds like the BBC canteen.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07As far as we're concerned, we don't go in for that sort of thing at all.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09It's a very ordinary sort of existence.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11We do our job to the best of our ability.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14But at the same time, we get certain advantages.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16If I wasn't a senator, I wouldn't be sitting here with you.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19And I must say, I'm enjoying it very, very much, and I thank you for it.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Well, I actually think that's enough senators.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I mean, he's been plugging this Jersey Island for the last 15
0:06:24 > 0:06:25minutes or something like that.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28I reckon it's time we got on with what Floyd is all about,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31which is a slurp and a mouthful, and hope that you enjoy
0:06:31 > 0:06:34what is going to be a magical, but very sadly last programme.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Bye now.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39That was great, Peter, thank you very much. Oh!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I forgot to say one thing! The senator has a name!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45He's called Pierre Horsfall.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50Lord, Senator, President Pierre Horsfall, King of All Tomatoes,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52and all the potatoes on this island.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59I wondered about a bit on my own,
0:06:59 > 0:07:02and as I strolled through these fields on my tod,
0:07:02 > 0:07:05strange visions of the director's parenthood filled my mind,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08as I strived to make my words rhyme.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11But even with a slurp, there was no doubt,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Floyd, leave the poetry out.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16It won't reach the parts it should, so here's a note on Jersey.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17That's good.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Observe that the cows are neatly dressed in barbers,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29and the fields in nylons.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31But happily, the tide rushes in,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34bringing with it a link for the next sequence, which is eels.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Shallot, orange leaves, Marigold leaves, parsley and thyme,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43plain flour, a quart of milk, I like that.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47And a pint of green... Oh, good heavens, you're here again already.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48I hadn't realised.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51And you've caught me at my favourite tipple as well,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54because actually, I only swig this lot down to wind you up.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Like I sometimes think you wind me up.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I was in the pub the other day, a big fishermen came up to me
0:07:58 > 0:08:01and said, "Ever eaten Conger eel and flowers, John?" I said,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04"Conger eel and flowers? You're putting me on."
0:08:04 > 0:08:05He said, "No, I'm serious.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07"It's a very, very old dish. Very famous here in Jersey."
0:08:07 > 0:08:09On these programmes,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11we've trundled around really looking for what we've
0:08:11 > 0:08:14decided are a dying breed of regional specialities.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16There aren't going to be any soon!
0:08:16 > 0:08:19And that's why I'm so thrilled to cook this Conger eel dish.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21The reason I'm reading it from here is,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23A, I'm at a distinct disadvantage.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26I have never cooked it before, and I've never eaten it before,
0:08:26 > 0:08:27so I'm really on the line.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Let's have a quick, no further ado,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30a quick whiz around what we've got here.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33We've got my favourite old mother-in-law, here, the old
0:08:33 > 0:08:35trout, with flowers and peas up her nose like that.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38And all I did was cut off the head and tail,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41and I popped it into water, and I simmered it for an hour,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44I took the head out, leaving the stock, which I will show you.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Now, Richard, come over to here.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I'll show you the ingredients that we have, most remarkable.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Chopped cabbage, a few peas, some borage, no,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55these are marigold leaves, I beg your pardon.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Marigold leaves. Chopped borage.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02Dried marigold flowers, chopped shallots, petals of marigold
0:09:02 > 0:09:05for a garnish later, to make it look really superb.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Fresh parsley, and fresh thyme. I've also got some flour and butter.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Come back to me, Richard, I'm feeling a bit lonely here.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Flour and butter to thicken the whole thing up. Right.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16The endangered species, get your notes ready,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18your pencils ready, I'm going to be asking questions,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21and if anybody on Jersey would like to challenge me on this recipe,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23be kind to me, I've never done it before,
0:09:23 > 0:09:25and none of you have ever offered it to me before.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27But, it's going to be for real.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29So, over here, Richard, into our fish stock
0:09:29 > 0:09:33first of all we put the cabbage, OK?
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Cabbage goes on. The peas go in.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I bet people in Jersey are reaching for their pens
0:09:39 > 0:09:42and telephones right now to say he's doing it all in the wrong order,
0:09:42 > 0:09:45all the wrong way round. That is the marigold leaves going in.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48This is the borage going in, it's absolutely splendid.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51This looks like saffron. In fact, it's dried marigold petals.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54They're going in. Give those little stir round.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Oh, nearly set fire to the recipe!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Not to worry. So, in we go with the shallots.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01A bit tedious, all of this, isn't it? Here I am stirring.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Only two more things to go. But you know, it's a curious soup, isn't it?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06These folk tales are wonderful.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'm creating something which is 400 years old. I'm only 40.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I'm a 10th of all of that! I've never heard of it before. Great.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Anyway, as I say,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15sorry to be a bit boring about that kind of thing.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16And the parsley.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Now, this is the bit where I reflect,
0:10:18 > 0:10:22I reflect deeply on the meaning of life. Conger eel and flowers.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Will they be telling me next they have seagulls roasted for Sunday lunch?
0:10:25 > 0:10:26I don't know.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28But I'll have to leave the director to get me
0:10:28 > 0:10:31out of this treaty sequence while this simmers away for an hour so.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I'm going to have another glass of milk.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47That was really interesting, wasn't it?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49You know, how he dreams up these brilliant little interludes,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I shall never know.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Not sure that I really care.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Anyway, while you've been away enjoying yourselves,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57I've thickened the soup with a mixture of flour and butter,
0:10:57 > 0:11:01added some thick, rich Jersey milk to it, it is delicious.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04And if you cast your mind back to the beginning of the programme,
0:11:04 > 0:11:06where the senator was there laying on a bit like,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08"I run the agriculture of this island.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12"Everything that happens is all down to me." Well, it isn't really true.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15He, like any other politician, is only a minister, really.
0:11:15 > 0:11:20And behind him there is a real expert, a real man, who grades
0:11:20 > 0:11:25every potato, tastes every tomato, measures every strip of calabrese,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28susses out the scallops and fiddles with the eels and things like that.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Or whatever he does.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Anyway, he's the man I need to test my soup, and he's called Francois.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Francois, it's great for you to come along on the show. Hello.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Thank you very much. Not at all.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Now, you've got to be really straight with me.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42You are a Jersey man, born and bred. Yes, I am.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I have reason to believe that you have eaten this in the past?
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Oh, yes, yes. In fact, in this very house.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Great Auntie used to make that soup.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54So, when you get to taste it,
0:11:54 > 0:11:57and I'm going to float my little marigold leaves on the top...
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Richard, just come in close to that.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Marigold leaves on top, that's lovely.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Francois, it's down to you. This is Floyd versus Jersey.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Could you please taste it, and tell me what you think?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12This is a very worrying moment, chaps. Worry for me. Pray, pray.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Oh, superb! Is that true?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Superb! No, it is, it is.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24And is it better than your granny used to make? No, it's good.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27It's as good. It is superb!
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Well then, I'm very thrilled.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Now, I know you like this, and I like it, you're an old Jersey hand,
0:12:31 > 0:12:32you reckon it's great.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36But, have we, in fact, resurrected a culinary dinosaur?
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Do people, do real people still eat Conger eel and marigold?
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Of course they do, of course they do.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Not so much as they used to in the past.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48I think because we've got a cosmopolitan population now,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51we don't have so many of the Jersey people left, as it were.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54But there are still quite a number who love this.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57What are we going to do to stop, I mean, wouldn't it be better
0:12:57 > 0:13:00if the States of Jersey, instead of not making cheese, which is
0:13:00 > 0:13:02another little bone I want to pick with you in a moment,
0:13:02 > 0:13:06by the way, propagated the ancient Jersey dishes?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I mean, we're going down a hamburger and chips road.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Well, I'm not.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I prefer my wife to do all things fresh
0:13:13 > 0:13:17and she, in fact, makes lovely vegetable soups, all fresh,
0:13:17 > 0:13:20not out of packets, that's no good at all. All right, that's very fine.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22But, I'm still going to pick this bone with you,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24what about the Jersey cheese?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26You have got brilliant milk, why aren't you making any cheese?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28And the other thing I want to complain about,
0:13:28 > 0:13:31and I mean this quite sincerely, Jersey is a fabulous island, but
0:13:31 > 0:13:35all of its butter is an little tiny packets and I really resent that.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Oh, that's not true! It is.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Why can't we, in the restaurants, have slabs of this fabulous
0:13:39 > 0:13:42butter not these naff little packets? Ask the hoteliers.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44That's not me. Not you. Right. Your fault is the cheese.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46What about the cheese?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Well, I think, we tried it, you see, we tried it once.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52The Milk Marketing Board here tried an experiment, and it didn't work.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I think, and it's only my opinion, I think
0:13:55 > 0:13:59it's because our milk is too rich.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01The cream is too rich.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Guernsey do it, and they get a lovely cheese, I'm afraid to say.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I love Guernsey Cheddar.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Yes, but aren't you... you're a bit of a hypocrite,
0:14:08 > 0:14:11because the last time I was here when I met you
0:14:11 > 0:14:13and we were doing the reccy, you said,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16"What really cheers a Jerseyman up is to turn into the sunset
0:14:16 > 0:14:19"and see Guernsey on fire."
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Oh, wait, wait, wait, come off it! I didn't quite say it like that.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24You did!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Anyway, you quite liked my soup.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Tell me you think my soup's OK in patois or argot or whatever..
0:14:30 > 0:14:34La soupe d'andgulle, c'etait superbe!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Absolument merveilleux.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39There you go. Another day, another dinner. I think we've cracked it.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47My mother, who was a brilliant cook,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50one said she would rather dally in a butchers than a dress shop any day.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Well, I feel the same about markets.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56I prefer one of these Victorian cathedrals of gastronomy to the
0:14:56 > 0:14:59local museum, or the local Roman bars.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02And isn't it good that Jersey has taken the trouble to restore
0:15:02 > 0:15:04the splendid hall to its original glory?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07A lesson that would be easily learned by councils
0:15:07 > 0:15:09throughout the British Isles who have pillaged our heritage
0:15:09 > 0:15:12for the sake of car parking and double glazing stalls.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I can think of one and South Moulton, for example,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17a beautiful market there should be restored.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Anyway, that's not I'm why here, to witter on.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I'm here looking amongst this wonderful fish for a very shy
0:15:22 > 0:15:25and retiring species which I hope to cook.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33Aha! There we are, the end of the quest. The elusive ormer.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Did you know, years ago,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37there were thousands of these available in Jersey.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39They only cost two shillings a dozen or something like that.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Now, they are about one pound each.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44And the other thing is, not only have they overfished them,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46but these are very highly-strung little things, very sensitive.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49And you have to go creeping up to them into the water
0:15:49 > 0:15:51and grab them before they notice you.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53No heavy boots or things like that or they go, clunk!
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Onto the rock, and you can't get them.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Anyway, once you have got them, and we got these at great expense,
0:15:58 > 0:16:01as I said, they're nearly a pound each these days, you take these
0:16:01 > 0:16:03leathery little molluscs out,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05beat the living daylights out of them with a hammer,
0:16:05 > 0:16:09fry them in butter with onions, carrots, white wine,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12and parsley, chicken stock, and things like that.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Put them in the oven overnight for about 24 hours.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17And then when you come back from a hard day in the pub
0:16:17 > 0:16:19or at the allotment or something like that,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21you call out the old trout, "Where's my supper?"
0:16:21 > 0:16:23And she brings out of the Aga this wonderful dish,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26unctuous dish, of these things swimming in rich gravy which.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29when you've eaten these, you dip your bread into,
0:16:29 > 0:16:32swill it down, plate of mashed potato, and have a really fine time.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34And, if you're really lucky, I'm going
0:16:34 > 0:16:37to cook these and you'll see exactly how to do it.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38If I don't forget, that is.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Frank Knight in Rutley would probably want about three
0:16:49 > 0:16:51quarters of a moon for this little pile, but we're not proud,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53and anyway, beggars can't be choosers.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I only wanted to use the kitchen for the afternoon,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58so I phoned up Caroline Briggs and said, "Hey, what about it?
0:16:58 > 0:17:00"Can I use one of your 97 rooms to cook some ormers in?"
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Hello, I'd like to welcome you to my humble fisherman's cottage,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08the sort of thing that typical Jersey fishermen have
0:17:08 > 0:17:10lived in for centuries, especially
0:17:10 > 0:17:13since they invented things like money, gold, and stuff like that.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Anyway, we've borrowed it,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17as we always do on this programme, because we're skint.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20And we're so skint that we're going to have to cook ormers, which
0:17:20 > 0:17:23years ago, as I told you earlier, were a totally peasant dish.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Today, they are for the rich and famous, people like me and you.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Here they are, nasty, disgusting-looking things,
0:17:28 > 0:17:30rather as if they were sawn off elephants' feet.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33And the first thing you've got to do is to scrub them
0:17:33 > 0:17:34into a presentable state.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38And you can't do that without invoking the products and the craft
0:17:38 > 0:17:42of a centuries-old tradition here in Jersey of the ormer brush.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Notice its hand-carved shape, and the thumb-gunnel there
0:17:45 > 0:17:47for correct grip.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51You walk over to the sink, you take one of these nice-looking
0:17:51 > 0:17:54things, they don't actually smell very nice, I'll tell you that.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55And you scrub and scrub and scrub.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59And you do that until you get really bored. And I'm really bored, OK?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02So, you come back over here, where you see a pristine,
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Alice in Wonderland-style mother of pearl shell, which they
0:18:05 > 0:18:09also use for building garages I mean, the ormer, not the shell.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11You throw that away, you take it out, and you beat it.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14And I've just muddled that up a tiny bit, but that doesn't matter,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16because sometimes you can make mistakes on television,
0:18:16 > 0:18:19so I have to pick that one back up again, slide it out of the shell,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22and at the risk of damaging the recording equipment and the
0:18:22 > 0:18:26sound engineer's ears, I have to beat it really hard until it's flat.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29But, by the magic of television, Richard, come over here,
0:18:29 > 0:18:33I have a load of them already beaten out, rather like veal schnitzels or
0:18:33 > 0:18:36something like that, a piece of veal or a piece of pork that's beaten up.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39That is the thing. Other bits of ingredient...
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Are you looking at me, or the food? Thank you.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46..is garlic, carrot, onion, and tomato. Is that...?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49God, you're a thick cameraman. Is that tomato, or onion? Onion!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Thank you, onion.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Right, just checking you were paying attention.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55And some chopped parsley, butter,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57rich, yellow, Jersey butter, beautiful.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59A bit of ordinary flour,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01I don't think they grow wheat over here, and salt and pepper.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03That's all we need.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06The only other thing we really need before we reset the lights,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09rearrange the camera things, is for me to have a slurp,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11you to get your notebooks and pencils,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14turn to page 73 for the scratch pack on the Radio Times
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I want you to savour the smell when it's all cooked.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18See you in a moment.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21# Slurp, slurp, slurp # Slurp, slurp, slurp
0:19:21 > 0:19:23# Slurp, slurp, slurp... #
0:19:23 > 0:19:26There you are. That's the carrot, the onion, the bacon, the garlic,
0:19:26 > 0:19:27frying away in butter.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I don't need to explain that to you, after all,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31you are BBC Two watchers, aren't you?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Anyway, Richard, as you pan over here, you're coming to the ormers,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37which are frying until they're golden brown in butter.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40This is the ormers. You see that.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43You're on the right dish, aren't you?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Yes? Answer me when I'm speaking to you. Yes, yes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47That's fine, that's great, right.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Well, now, we've made those golden brown,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51we now have a few little simple things to do,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53so if you can wind that machine back onto the two dishes,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56it might be difficult for you, stay with them while
0:19:56 > 0:20:00we put some red wine into the ormers, some chicken stock,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and those observant members of you who... Come back again, come back.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Because you weren't all paying attention. I didn't have chicken stock in the other sequence, did I?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You forgot to notice. There it is. It's in. Come back again.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Then we put some parsley into that.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16That's the red wine, the chicken stock. Not confusing the camera any
0:20:16 > 0:20:19more than we have to, we tip... What are these called, Richard?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Those are the other bits. Those are the other bits you see.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25He's really learning very well. Now all that goes into...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Come back, come back. Goes into an earthenware
0:20:27 > 0:20:30dish into the oven for, and you're not going to believe this,
0:20:30 > 0:20:33it's a very simple dish of course, goes in there for 14 hours.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Which has completely wrecked our plans here on Jersey. We've had
0:20:37 > 0:20:39to have an extra overnight. That's a lot of money for the crew.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42We've had to cancel our flight and it means that
0:20:42 > 0:20:45I am going to drink Jersey dry between now and then.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02And now the moment of truth.
0:21:02 > 0:21:0514 hours, 14 long tedious hours have passed
0:21:05 > 0:21:07and this much vaunted Jersey
0:21:07 > 0:21:10dish is about to be sampled by us all here.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I tell you what, Richard, come up.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16While those 14 hours have been going by I've been doing good works.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17You know, lecturing to Boy Scouts,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20opening Women's Institute fetes and things like that,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22but much more importantly I've pulled the most
0:21:22 > 0:21:23beautiful bird on the whole island.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Who in her own right is a fabulous cook.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It's Caroline and it's her kitchen that we've pinched for the afternoon.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32And she is the unfortunate or lucky victim of this tasting session.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Caroline, have a bite of that.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Let me know what you think of it all.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41It is rather splendid. What I'm going to tell you about Caroline,
0:21:41 > 0:21:43is that she is a superb cook and if you are in Guernsey
0:21:43 > 0:21:46later on this year you are in for a super duper treat,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49but I can't really say things like that because this is the BBC.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50But you'll work it out for yourselves.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51But you'll work it out for yourselves.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53What do you reckon, my darling?
0:21:55 > 0:21:56It's very good.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59It's got an interesting flavour.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03What do you mean, interesting? Meaty.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05What do you mean, interesting?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07SHE LAUGHS
0:22:07 > 0:22:11I'll tell you what. If this is the dish we've all come for, quite frankly, John, I can
0:22:11 > 0:22:12leave it out.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16I'd rather have a plate of ox tongue and gravy and gherkins.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Jersey, I'm really sorry, maybe I blew it, maybe there's been a mistake,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22but quite frankly I'd rather spend the rest of the day with you.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I never liked mixing business with pleasure.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I always try and keep my work away from home,
0:22:46 > 0:22:48but on this occasion, it's the end of the series,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52and it's the end of the whole bit and my director comes from, what shall I say, fairly humble origins.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55He was going on the other day about, "It isn't fair,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57"all the Dynasty programmes and Dallas and all that lot,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00"they have swimming pool shots and Cadillacs and things."
0:23:00 > 0:23:03So I thought just to cheer him up I'd invite him home.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Anyway, sorry about the mess by the way, but I have been terribly
0:23:05 > 0:23:08busy all day and in fact I've got some more cooking to do tonight.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10I've got friends coming round. It never stops for me.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12It's absolutely dreadful. But listen.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14This is the last programme
0:23:14 > 0:23:16and the one thing I want to say is it's jolly hurtful for me
0:23:16 > 0:23:19around about the time it gets transmitted to see buses full
0:23:19 > 0:23:23with people, cars whizzing by. I know many of you don't even watch the programme.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I think that's a bit mean because we've put our heart
0:23:25 > 0:23:28and soul into it. Like today for example. What have we done for you?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30We've done new potatoes.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Really interesting, you know. We've done conger eel soup.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36We've done ormers and they were delicious I can tell you.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37What else have we done?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Well, I've got, as I said, these friends coming for dinner
0:23:40 > 0:23:43so there's nothing to it. No peace for the wicked at all.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I better go and get up a bit of frying speed.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Welcome to a magical evening. The rain is dripping down fairly steadily.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57It's dark, it's cold, it's the end of April
0:23:57 > 0:23:59and I've never seen weather like it. And what do we do?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Well, we do like all the rest of you do.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Mad gastronauts that you are, we surround ourselves with luxury,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08with fitted carpets, Rolls-Royces, minibuses, the whole bit,
0:24:08 > 0:24:12refrigerators, Magimixes and microwaves, and what do we do?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14We set fire to some twigs and have a barbecue.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17By the time we've cooked the food which is usually just sausages on sticks
0:24:17 > 0:24:20and hamburgers, which is quite disgusting, our friends have got fed up.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22They've gone, they've driven over the lawn
0:24:22 > 0:24:25and made a mess of the whole thing. But this is the Floyd programme.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27And it isn't like that here.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Richard, let me reveal to you a little snackette
0:24:29 > 0:24:32we've got arranged for you this evening.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Starting over here we have some prawns skewered with fresh thyme.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Then we've got some simple pieces of fresh monkfish which I've
0:24:39 > 0:24:43simply wrapped in bacon rather like this. I'll fumblingly show you that.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Fumbled onto there and stuck onto the end of a skewer.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Over here we similarly have some very fresh scallops wrapped in bacon.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54There's a brilliant book over there. I learned a lot from that.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57And then some Mediterranean prawns with mint.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00So with no further ado what we must do is get a little cooking
0:25:00 > 0:25:02going because people are hungry.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Now you can't just cook dry things like that.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07What you also have to have is a little marinade,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10which I have made here of fresh olive oil and fresh thyme,
0:25:10 > 0:25:12black pepper, salt, and a squeeze of lemon juice.
0:25:12 > 0:25:17And I simply paint a little of this on to my prawns
0:25:17 > 0:25:20and I put them onto this grill.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Ignore the one that's already there.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23This is a test piece
0:25:23 > 0:25:25because we weren't quite sure how hot the barbecue was.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27And they go there for a while.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29While those are going on, Richard come back over here again,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33and I'll prepare another one. This time of monkfish.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I'm not walking too fast for you I hope.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Paint that with oil
0:25:38 > 0:25:41similarly
0:25:41 > 0:25:43and pop that on.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45And really, up to me, up to me,
0:25:45 > 0:25:46it's sort of in the lap of the gods now
0:25:46 > 0:25:49because the coals are on, the fire's burning,
0:25:49 > 0:25:53the cameraman is here, you're the cameraman. The sound recorder is there, the director is there,
0:25:53 > 0:25:57my glass is in my hand. All we can do is wait for a few moments for those to cook away.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01In the meantime what I've got to do is check up on a few
0:26:01 > 0:26:05recipes to see how I can really make this work. Yes.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07It's not often I see such a brilliant book, but there it is.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10It's a fine book. I've done it right. Everything is OK.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11See you in a sec.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14# Slurp, slurpity, slurp, slurp slurp slurp. #
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I'm going to start this piece with a strange hush.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18The director's been rather taken by the moon.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21He had the cameraman swinging about the skies looking for it.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I don't know who he thinks he really is. Anyway, that's enough of all that nonsense.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28The point is the unidentified barbecuing objects are ready.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31My friend's here, Caroline Griggs, Helen and Ron Hickman,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34whose house this is, and a few other people have come together tonight to
0:26:34 > 0:26:37enjoy what we have been cooking. We hope they going to enjoy it.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41So if they'd like to come on in and have a taste of this.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I don't know how it is. It might be a little overdone.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46It might be a little underdone. Here they are.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49This is the gastronomic get-along gang. There are all smiling happily.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52They haven't had a drink all night. Hold your plate,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54because I can't do it all.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57And have a little. That's a scallop,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00for you there. Not much help here is there?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Goodness gracious me.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04It smells wonderful. I'm pleased you like the smell.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07So a couple of scallops for you. Oh sorry, didn't mean to...
0:27:07 > 0:27:08There is a... CLINK
0:27:08 > 0:27:11..here but it wasn't on the end of that.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16And there's another scallop for you. A couple of these prawns.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21You see we've got them in a perfect sterile television position.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23A glass in one hand, a plate in the other,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26and no possible chance of being able to eat it.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Which is what this programme... Actually, come back here.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31The programme is about food. I'm doing this
0:27:31 > 0:27:34so they can disengage themselves from the embarrassing
0:27:34 > 0:27:36situation the director has got them into.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38So now they're all ready again.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42No they're not. Ron is still frozen solid here.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Here you go. Eat away.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Let me take that. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll relieve you of that.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50It would only be bad for you.
0:27:51 > 0:27:56I must have one myself. what do you think of your barbecue? Scrumptious. Really is. Mm.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01They are very good. Would you like one, Richard? Here you are. Fantastic.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04See if they are... They're absolutely excellent. What is that?
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I don't know if the camera can see it,
0:28:06 > 0:28:08but there's a very strange,
0:28:08 > 0:28:12I don't know if it's a mushroom or a pair of embracing ladies,
0:28:12 > 0:28:15but there's a bizarre piece of sculpture at the end of the garden there.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Can the camera see that? Answer in your own words. Yes. Yes.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20What's that, Ron?
0:28:20 > 0:28:24That's done by a local sculptor, Geoffrey Thornton,
0:28:24 > 0:28:26and it's called The Embrace.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29I don't what the hell you thought it was. Not two ladies.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32I'm a bit short-sighted and I didn't bring my glasses,
0:28:32 > 0:28:34but there is this extraordinary protuberance at the end
0:28:34 > 0:28:39of this manicured lawn and on that I think it's time that we got
0:28:39 > 0:28:42on with a bit of fun and we should see things like, to Ron Hickman...
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Oh, he's gone.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48To Ron Hickman and Helen his beautiful wife
0:28:48 > 0:28:51and to the bird I've pulled, Caroline, who will be
0:28:51 > 0:28:54married by the time this programme is out, or if not she shortly will be.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Thank you very much for making this end of term party a great
0:28:57 > 0:29:00and brilliant success.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02I'd like to drink to you all. Thank you. Will you promise to come again?
0:29:02 > 0:29:05Most definitely. Right.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08God bless you all. And Jersey too.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:44 > 0:29:46MUSIC COVERS SPEECH