0:00:06 > 0:00:08The most wonderful thing about Floyd programmes
0:00:08 > 0:00:11is you often meet a much better class of person.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13So why, if you've got nothing to do,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15won't you just tune in to your television set
0:00:15 > 0:00:19and see how you can make friends and influence pigs?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05So, my little gastronauts, you think you know what a pig is, don't you?
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Oh, Richard, sorry I am talking to the punters, all right ?
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Would you mind looking at me? Thank you very much. Right.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Today we are talking about pigs,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17I bet you there's not one in ten of you that knows what a real pig is,
0:01:17 > 0:01:20because you accept the real rubbish that the breeders
0:01:20 > 0:01:24of their injected, bloated, plastic-style factory-made pigs
0:01:24 > 0:01:26pass off as pork. Come back down here, Richard,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I have got a real piece of pig.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Look at that thick fat there,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33look at that little line of gristle under there,
0:01:33 > 0:01:37which makes the crackling. Look very close here, this is still rough,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40you could sandpaper the window ledges with this
0:01:40 > 0:01:43and that would make the mustard and salt and things to stick on there
0:01:43 > 0:01:45to get the crackling on a proper roast joint that you want.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47But as I said, most of you are such fools.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50You put up with the rubbish of supermarkets, hypermarkets,
0:01:50 > 0:01:54and pig breeders, you don't realise that here on Heale's Farm in Devon,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56you can get fabulous pig.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Enough of that, that is my lesson, my lecture, we're going to cook it,
0:01:59 > 0:02:01But before I cook it, it is very hot,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04the lights had been burning on me all morning...
0:02:04 > 0:02:08A sip of cider from a field right outside this kitchen window.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10And here is an interesting thing about this dish.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Not only is it simple to make, of pork, but, look at the ingredients,
0:02:14 > 0:02:17because it's significant. They all come from the same field.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20The pig lives off the apples, which, incidentally,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I have turned into a smooth apple puree there, by the way.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25In the adjoining field, there is a cow
0:02:25 > 0:02:28from which they made the milk, from which they made the cream.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30The apples are also turned into cider.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33The only foreign thing here is, that we couldn't make it ourselves,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36because it's against the law, we distilled cider to make calvados
0:02:36 > 0:02:39and then we have butter, also from the farm.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Foreign salt and pepper. Right, that is it, come on, over here, please.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45This is the frying pan, this is for Richard's benefit,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48he is our new cameraman. He is still feeling his way a bit.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50No! Stay over here! Right. Come on!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Into the pan, a little bit of pork, like that.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Stay with that, while I wander around.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59And a teeny-weeny bit of butter, notice the pan is hot already,
0:02:59 > 0:03:02as I always do.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Seal it quickly on both sides.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Because this is a real pig that has not been fed on additives
0:03:10 > 0:03:14and alleged nutrients and things like that, it is going to be tender
0:03:14 > 0:03:16and very, very delicious.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18That is too hot, so put that over there
0:03:18 > 0:03:20and let that cook away for a while,
0:03:20 > 0:03:25while I have a little slurp.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Great, so you see the pork is nicely cooked now.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Now, we add a little drop of calvados, like that.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Push it over on to the hotter of the two gases,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38immediately lift out the pork, because that is lightly undercooked,
0:03:38 > 0:03:42although it's crunchy on the outside, we don't want it to stew in the liquid.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47Then a bit of cider into the calvados, meat drippings...
0:03:47 > 0:03:49..stirred like that and now using the magical ...
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Richard, could you come to me a second, please.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Using those magical mixes we have on television,
0:03:54 > 0:03:56the next time you see this, the sauce will have reduced,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59five minutes will have gone by and the dish will be continued.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Perfect, isn't it?
0:04:01 > 0:04:05MUSIC: 'THE SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON'.
0:04:08 > 0:04:13# The sun has got his hat on, Hip, hip, hip, hooray...
0:04:16 > 0:04:20# All the little boys excited, All the little girls delighted,
0:04:20 > 0:04:25# What a lot of fun for everyone, Sitting in the sun all day... #
0:04:30 > 0:04:34So, there you see, that's reduced to almost a syrupy constituency now,
0:04:34 > 0:04:38the calvados and the cider, in we put a spoonful,
0:04:38 > 0:04:42I should think, of this beautiful apple puree,
0:04:42 > 0:04:46stir that in, well into the juices. At the same time,
0:04:46 > 0:04:50pour in this lovely Devon double cream,
0:04:50 > 0:04:52stir round, test for seasoning.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Oh, ah! Ah! Come here a minute, Richard.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58That is absolutely brilliant, I am really sorry
0:04:58 > 0:05:01that none of you will taste this, you'll have to take my word. Fantastic.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Over to the plate, over to the plate, beautifully liaised,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08pour that gently over,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11like that and there you have a dish
0:05:11 > 0:05:14that is called Pork Normande.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17In fact, we shall call this Pork, Heale Farm style,
0:05:17 > 0:05:21because it's the ingredients of the calvados countryside
0:05:21 > 0:05:23in northern France you can find here in Devon.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Since I am such a brilliant cook, first-class ingredients,
0:05:26 > 0:05:30there it is, Pork, Heale Farm style,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32fantastic, I'm going to eat it.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Do you know, I am a lucky fellow.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41As we charge around the countryside with Floyd and the BBC,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43who very kindly don't pay for the things that we have,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47because we have to beg and borrow and steal, even the kitchens we use,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50the hotels, the restaurants and stuff, we con our way in,
0:05:50 > 0:05:55like with Ann's kitchen here, this beautiful 13th century farmhouse.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Which has got oak beams, probably the same oak
0:05:57 > 0:06:00that Drake used for his ships for the Armada
0:06:00 > 0:06:04and also, Ann breeds the kind of pigs and make the kind of hams
0:06:04 > 0:06:06that probably Drake himself would have eaten.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Ancient breeds, collectors' items, the antique pig,
0:06:09 > 0:06:11that's what we are here looking at today.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Ann, do you think the vast plethora of piggy products
0:06:15 > 0:06:18that you have got around the place really does prove the point
0:06:18 > 0:06:20that a well-butchered pig leaves nothing but the grunt, doesn't it?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24I think you've proved that point, we have even used the grunt today!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27We have taken it a bit over the top in a way, perhaps.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31I enjoyed meeting them in the field. They are very friendly things.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35They can't be pets, but they've got this lovely warm feeling.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37They have. They're terrific personalities.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Some are more attractive than others, but in the main, they're super.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Why are you taking agricultural history back a hundred years?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48When we've got all these splendid ways, they tell us,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50of farming without getting muddy,
0:06:50 > 0:06:53of farming without getting wet or cold. You're up to your neck in it!
0:06:53 > 0:06:56We work from the ideal product backwards.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00We thought, "What ought to be in a sausage? Well, proper meat."
0:07:00 > 0:07:03That's what we have done.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05We've experimented, gone back to our recipes.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I'm going to tuck in, by the way. Have a chunk, yes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12That ham was cooked with Devon cider and spices and orange peel,
0:07:12 > 0:07:15which is an ancient recipe.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18and we find that everybody loves it.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Out of all the Floyd food programmes, people write and say,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23"It's well for you, you have all this expensive food,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26"we haven't really got the money to indulge ourselves,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29"in the way that I appear to be doing." Isn't it so,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31that if you use real produce, which is a little bit more expensive,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35you will not get the weight loss in cooking? Take bacon, for example,
0:07:35 > 0:07:39the stuff you get often, it doesn't fry, it boils.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41It has been injected with so much water,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44that if you weighed the cooked product, it is very expensive.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Anyway, I am getting a bit bored with this TV bit.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51We have been as good as gold, answering and asking questions,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53explaining country life, we've told them about pigs,
0:07:53 > 0:07:57we've told them about how crackling was invented, why don't we just ignore them?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I'll tell you what, the best way...
0:08:00 > 0:08:05..to cheer ourselves up is have a drop of the proper Devon cider.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07And forget that they ever existed.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10When does your husband come home? In about three hours time.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Come on, own up, this programme's got everything!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30A rerun from Animal Farm, a terrific performance by Napoleon there,
0:08:30 > 0:08:34good on you, Nap! It's wonderfully witty archive footage, style,
0:08:34 > 0:08:39elegance and taste, in fact, it's an everyday story of television folk! Ha, ha, ha!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I reckon that's enough commentary, don't you?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58The producer's love affair with our stormy coastline continues.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Thank heavens, it's too rough to go to sea, or he'd have me
0:09:01 > 0:09:04doing the shopping for the next scene by boat. 'Attention all shopping,
0:09:04 > 0:09:09'especially Sainsbury's, Safeway's and Tesco's.'
0:09:09 > 0:09:11And now back to Floyd on food and let's see
0:09:11 > 0:09:13if I can con a kipper for breakfast.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Hi, Martin, nice to see you. Hello, Keith.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18You know I've come for the stuff for Mary Flynn and it's in here.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23That is right, shall I get it out? Yes, that would be terrific.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Now, a-ha! I think she wanted some kippers, didn't she?
0:09:26 > 0:09:30She did indeed. Hey, is that a real kipper? That's a real kipper.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Why isn't it bright orange or yellow? We haven't used any colour.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Look at that, this is the beginning of the Floyd campaign
0:09:37 > 0:09:39for real kippers, OK?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Jack the Ripper as she was born,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44not a golden smoked thing with nasty chemicals in.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Brilliant. There we are. Great, thank you very much.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Come on in, Richard, we want to see into this oven.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Is it called an oven or a smoker. What's the proper term?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54It is a kiln. It's a smoking kiln. Right.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Here is what I like the look of very much,
0:09:56 > 0:09:58this is a smoked herring of some kind,
0:09:58 > 0:10:01but different to the others. It is a buckling.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Instead of being done without heat,
0:10:04 > 0:10:06these have been cooked in the same way as the mackerel have.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08So, they are ready to eat as they are.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10This is a delicacy in Scandinavia and Germany.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12That is correct. Yeah, delicious.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15You could eat that with some soured cream with chives chopped in it,
0:10:15 > 0:10:18or some horseradish sauce, slightly weakened with cream.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Now, Mary wanted some trout. Grand.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24What else do we have here? I also have an eel.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26A monster eel.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28A fresh-water eel. Isn't he smashing?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Yes, he is. The colours are slightly different here.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Can you change the colour with the texturing of the wood?
0:10:33 > 0:10:34What happens there?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Yes, if we want a darker colour, we can use more soft wood,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40though we don't want to use too much, obviously. Right.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Oak is the prime, or apple,
0:10:42 > 0:10:46but availability and the mix required to get the colour.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49So like a painter, you mix the pigments and colour the thing.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52That's right. Right, a smaller one. A smaller one.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Now, did you want a salmon?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57I think Mary wanted a salmon.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00For those who can afford it, that is delightful. Isn't that beautiful?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Smashing fish. Good-oh.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06We also have some trout in the same way, which is
0:11:06 > 0:11:10they're large trout which we smoke like salmon.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Which, I think, Mary's got already. Right. Now...
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Bit of bacon, cos I'm going to stuff a cabbage
0:11:15 > 0:11:18and I wanted some really good smoked bacon.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I could actually eat that raw, couldn't I?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24That's beautiful. I think you might cook it, but you could, certainly, in some places.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Yeah. That is delightful.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28That's going into my stuffed cabbage later on.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31And... The cold-smoked mackerel fillet.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Right. This is rather fun.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36It's a mackerel fillet smoked in the same way as that.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38You slice it in thin slices and eat it as it is.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42I'm overcome with hunger here - sorry about this.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46That is beautiful.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48That's a triumph, isn't it? It's lovely.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Mm! Have a go at those, damned good.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53And that about...
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Smoked chicken and pheasant, of course,
0:11:57 > 0:11:58which you've already got, haven't you?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Yes, we have. But that's what it would come out like.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04This is a chicken that has been smoked and cooked
0:12:04 > 0:12:08and slightly salted so that it's a firmer texture than you would
0:12:08 > 0:12:10normally expect from chicken.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13What a golden, natural feast that is.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15That's splendid. I've got right into colours.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Id like to be a painter, you see, but who needs to be a painter
0:12:17 > 0:12:20when you can prepare food like that? Absolutely fabulous.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24And just have a look, I can't emphasise how beautiful that
0:12:24 > 0:12:26little gibbet of Jack the Rippers are.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Isn't that fantastic?
0:12:27 > 0:12:31# Smoke a little kipper then you smoke a little trout
0:12:31 > 0:12:34# Smoke a little mackerel, that's what it's all about
0:12:34 > 0:12:38# And if you want to beat that old fish fry
0:12:38 > 0:12:43# You can smoke a little eel if you really try. #
0:12:43 > 0:12:45All this smoke has made me feel a bit eel.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Sorry about that.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49What we've done is we've begged our way, conned our way
0:12:49 > 0:12:52into a kitchen we couldn't afford to own, or even to rent,
0:12:52 > 0:12:56from Mary Flint. Mary, thanks for having us.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Let's start our little acquaintanceship as we mean to
0:12:58 > 0:13:01carry on, with a quick slurp of your wonderful wine.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02Nostrovia!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04And thanks for having me here.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05You love all this kind of fish.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Have a good look at this fish, Richard, please,
0:13:08 > 0:13:11cos I think these buckling, they're like golden bars.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13They look as though they've been dredged from
0:13:13 > 0:13:16the bottom of the sea from a sunken wreck.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Tell me all about this lovely fish and what you're going to on with it.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23OK, that's enough fish, Richard, back to us and my friend Mary.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26What're you going to do? I'm going to cut it up and put it on a platter
0:13:26 > 0:13:29and hopefully concoct a little hors d'oeuvre,
0:13:29 > 0:13:31before your other dish.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Do you want to get started on that?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Why not? I'll start with this. This is this fabulous eel, isn't it?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Yes.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43And I'm going to cut it in pieces, skin it and have it ready.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Just skin one bit right away so that people can see how that's done.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I'm going to take a larger knife, because...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52There we go.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Pay attention to this, Richard.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Just peel the skin off, you see.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58No problem, and heave that away.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Great, I think she deserves...
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Have a drink, Mary, have one on the firm there.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I think I'll have one too, not a bad idea.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Excuse me, I've got to roll my sleeves up to do a bit of work.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Right, quick slurp for me.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Cheers to me.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Cheers, Mary.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Now, little story here,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22a few weeks ago I was at a public exhibition
0:14:22 > 0:14:24and a fishmonger came up to me and said,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26"Would you mind putting your programmes on at the time
0:14:26 > 0:14:28"of the year that match the ways we catch the fish?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30"It's very annoying when you cook something,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33"people come to buy it the next day and it's out of season."
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Even worse this time, because this is the middle of winter, OK?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39This is the middle of winter, but when you see this cabbage,
0:14:39 > 0:14:43it'll probably be June or July and you won't be able to buy them.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Remember it for next time round.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Anyway, we're doing cabbages today.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50If you'd like to come round and have a look at what we've got here -
0:14:50 > 0:14:53some ground pork - minced pork - belly of pork, that is.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55The cheapest possible cut.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Then a little bit of chilli powder.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59A little crushed garlic.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Because it's winter, dried dill.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03If we could've got fresh we'd have preferred it.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Dried apricots.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Tomato puree.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Parsley and chopped onions.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Up and over I'm going to make a nice little mess.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15You can come down again as I chuck all these things into here.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18A bit of onion, like that.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Parsley in.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24These lovely pieces of thing...
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Ah! I'm getting some assistance here.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30A bit of dill, bit of garlic, in we go.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34And then, nice gungey tomato puree.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38And a little bit of the chilli powder - not too much of that.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41And my assistant is ripping me off, at this very moment,
0:15:41 > 0:15:45which he usually does, a piece of tissue so I can clean my hands.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48This'll provoke a load of letters, "He's used his hands again."
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Never mind. That's that.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Tissue, please, assistant director.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Thank you very much. See how good they are to me.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55They're excellent, aren't they?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Right. One of the things I did earlier on, was,
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I blanched this whole cabbage,
0:16:01 > 0:16:05so it's partly cooked and the heart's taken out.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09All I now do is whack a few leaves down like this.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12And put in my first...
0:16:13 > 0:16:17..little layer of my mixture.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Fold the leaf over.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23And I put another little bit on like that.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24I get another leaf out.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28And I expect you're all fairly bored with that process,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30but you go on assembling the thing...
0:16:31 > 0:16:32..in that way.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Now, great chefs, people like Auguste Escoffier, who,
0:16:38 > 0:16:42for me was a saint, were not only brilliant, but humble.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45This simple recipe I'm making today, I've ripped off from him.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49And what would be really good, if the BBC, you know
0:16:49 > 0:16:53all those wonderfully intelligent programmes they have like, um...
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Um... OFF-SCREEN: Omnibus. Arena.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Um...
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Arts programmes. Oh, yes. Yeah, I know.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02All those...
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Actually, he's got the heart of a cabbage as well.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07If they, instead of doing flutists and poets,
0:17:07 > 0:17:11devoted 40 minutes to the life and work of a great man like that,
0:17:11 > 0:17:13television would be all the better for it.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I'm going to get on with some coking. I'm going to have a slurp...
0:17:16 > 0:17:20and see you again in a moment. I'll carry on doing these.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Auguste Escoffier, held by some to be one of the greatest chefs,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37was born 1846, the son of a blacksmith.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40He was best-known in Britain via the Savoy for making super
0:17:40 > 0:17:41puddings for the petulant singers.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Every heard of peach melba?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Get it?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50With his friend Cesar Ritz,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52he fed the monarchy and superstars of his day.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58But, like many geniuses, he died a poor man,
0:17:58 > 0:18:02and although the culinary pendulum has swung far from his style,
0:18:02 > 0:18:05his spirit lives on in kitchens everywhere.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08So I'm sure you fell pretty enriched and happy by that.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Melvyn Bragg, eat your heart out.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Anyway, I've finished the cabbage.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Just tie it up with this piece of string so it doesn't fall
0:18:15 > 0:18:20apart and pop it in to a richly made chicken or veal or beef stock.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I'm walking slowly cos the cameraman can't keep up.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26In it goes for about 40 minutes.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29The next time you see it and me, I shall be sitting with Mary,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32bottle of wine, wonderful fish, wonderful cabbage,
0:18:32 > 0:18:34having a fine time.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39This is absolutely delicious and it's totally fre...
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I know it's smoked, but it's fresh.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42It's not out a horrible packet.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44No, no, no.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Are you going to give me some?
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Yes, what'll you have, some eel?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Some eel, yes. Right.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52This is the delight of the whole thing.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Great, wonderful.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Thanks to Martin and his wonderful smokery.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57A bit of...? Yes.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59That is the smoked mackerel.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Yeah. And that's nice and flavoursome.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Let me help you. That is quite different.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05A little bit of the trout.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Wonderful. OK.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08Really nice. Thank you.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I'll have a bit more eel.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Why are you so fond of eel?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Because it has this wonderful damp texture and taste.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I don't know how you'd describe it.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Tell me, what do you think of it?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I think it tastes like fishy truffles.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26It really does.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29It's got a long-lasting flavour behind it which isn't overpowering
0:19:29 > 0:19:35and it's not dry and heavy like a factory-produced smoked thing.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37It's still...
0:19:37 > 0:19:38It's still moist.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Very slightly oily.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43It's wonderful. Very good, indeed.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46One of the things that's funny on these programmes,
0:19:46 > 0:19:49and I am actually quite angry, we've spent quite a long time,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51when we should have been enjoying ourselves,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53sorting out a little problem.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56So I had a small row with the director.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Anyway, all that's better now and we're going to have the other
0:19:59 > 0:20:02bit of our meal, which is fabulous stuffed cabbage.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Can you see it all right, Richard?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07See how nicely layered it is.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09I wonder if it's going got taste all right.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13I've poured a little bit of melted butter over the chicken stock
0:20:13 > 0:20:14in which we cooked it.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18And for those of you who want to know how long it took,
0:20:18 > 0:20:22it took about 55 minutes to cook properly.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24That enough? Fine, thank you.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Ah, dear. Doesn't matter if it crumbles up.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33I think this is a lovely follow on from that luxurious
0:20:33 > 0:20:36part of the meal which was those beautiful smoked fishes,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38and now this very simple inexpensive thing.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39It's great, isn't it?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Smells rather good. I'm going to have a quick taste.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47It's all right, isn't it?
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Very good, indeed.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I'm thrilled with that.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I want to tell you something that really frightened me -
0:20:53 > 0:20:57this is the first time I've ever cooked a stuffed cabbage,
0:20:57 > 0:21:00and I wanted to do something really simple cos some
0:21:00 > 0:21:05of the programmes are extravagant and we like a nice balance.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07And I was happily making this, and you said,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10"Oh, you're going to be doing this little Polish number?"
0:21:10 > 0:21:11And I thought, "Oh, my God."
0:21:11 > 0:21:13How would you have made these?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I would have done them as individual parcels,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20but the effect would have been virtually the same.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Instead of making a big parcel, you make individual parcels.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26And you like the idea of a tomato sauce with that?
0:21:26 > 0:21:30Yes. And that is called golumpki , which well-known known,
0:21:30 > 0:21:32extremely good Polish dish.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35And slow, simple, peasant cooking.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Wonderful.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Doesn't need a lot of money, just needs patience...
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Love. Love.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Love. Love.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43I'll drink to that. And I too.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Cheers. Thanks very much, Mary.
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Great pleasure.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53CLASSICAL MUSIC
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Great moral uplift this music from the London Philharmonic,
0:22:00 > 0:22:04and I need it to, because armed with only food and wine, I am engaged to
0:22:04 > 0:22:09do battle with our oldest enemies, you've got it, the dreaded frogs.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Actually, it's jolly funny to find theses garlic-chewing matelots
0:22:12 > 0:22:14storm-bound, hungry and helpless,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17and down to their last tin of foie gras.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:22:20 > 0:22:24They have been here for four or five days, they've got no food, but they
0:22:24 > 0:22:28are gastronauts and they phoned The Samaritans, you see, so here I am.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29I'm going to cook for them.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Our colleagues across the water might have some dubious political motives from time-to-time,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35like Exocet - we're not talking about that.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38But they really love us when they're in trouble about food.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41And here I am to the rescue - Rule Britannia -
0:22:41 > 0:22:43mustn't say that - up the Marseillaise.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Because we're in a galley, it's cramped and difficult,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48I've started frying some chicken for them.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50We're going to have to put up with the difficulties,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54like they have to, if they were souls in peril on the sea.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56There's some chicken frying in olive oil.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I will make the point - this is a free-range, really good chicken.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03This tea towel is made from denim and denim comes from Nimes,
0:23:03 > 0:23:04in the south of France.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06De-nim - from Nimes.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Denim - get it?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Right. Here we are, our elegantly prepared ingredients.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17We have some red peppers, some green peppers, some onions,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20some garlic, some parsley, olives,
0:23:20 > 0:23:24a beaten-up couple of eggs for later use and some double cream.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29Also, we're going to use some canned tomatoes.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32They can't grow them on the mast on this ship.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Right. So it's a state of go.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36We've got to go with it.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Into this pan here, Richard, never mind the fumes.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Olive oil and put our onions in.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47OK, sizzle-sizzle the onions they go.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53And we stir those round till they're a bit brown.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56They're going brown already. Isn't it magic, how we can cook on a boat?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59A lot of you can't cook at home, even.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01In with the red peppers.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Stir those round.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Richard, come back to me.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You realise that my reputation's on the line here.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16They sent out and SOS - Mayday! Mayday! Send Floyd, send Floyd.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20But if I screw up this dinner, I've really had it.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Pray for me, OK?
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Come back.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27In we go with the whole garlic.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33A little branch of thyme is going to in with the chicken.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Into the chicken.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Now, that all has to settle
0:24:39 > 0:24:44and brown down for a moment or two before I can add the tomatoes.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Very necessary quick slurp there.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Things have progressed a bit, cooking going quite well.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54It's a rather delicate dish despite my rough handling of it,
0:24:54 > 0:24:59cos I'm under a certain amount of pressure here - the space, Richard having difficulty seeing things.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02You're going to have to take my word for what's going on in a lot of ways.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I must now go onto the second phase of the cooking, which is
0:25:05 > 0:25:07to add the tomatoes to the chicken.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Like that.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Now, using this wonderful cloth,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I must put all the peppers...
0:25:23 > 0:25:24..into the chicken.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26This is where I like to pass it to my assistant -
0:25:26 > 0:25:30the 20 or 30 people that are behind us, working away to help me.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34But I'll give it the director in the hope he burns his little fingers.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38OFF-SCREEN Ah! He did. Ha-ha!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40So I'll move that over nearer the cameraman.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45Sacrifice...all my problems.
0:25:45 > 0:25:50All I have to do now is let that cook for 25 or 30 minute with the lid on.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Talking of the lid, aren't the French an ingenious lot?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I'm having to hold this by a cloth as it's so hot,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58but they, as a wine-drinking nation utilise their corks to the limit.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01That will save you from burning your little fingers - rather good.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03That goes on.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06I have a little glassete.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Which will cheer me up enormously.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13And in a little while, 25/30 minutes, we'll come back have a
0:26:13 > 0:26:15game of cards with the lads and have a really good supper.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18See you later.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20SONG TO THE TUNE OF LA MARSEILLAISE
0:26:28 > 0:26:28THEY LAUGH
0:26:30 > 0:26:33THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Oh, they're impossible these French they make so much noise.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Anyway... HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:26:51 > 0:26:56Richard, while you were away I stirred in some cream,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58egg yolks and some olives, OK?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Now, we're going to feed the boys.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05Follow me round - be tricky in this cramped galley but it was they
0:27:05 > 0:27:10who cooked the rice, so if they really complain, it's their problem.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Right, chaps.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Thank you.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:27:27 > 0:27:29THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I don't know if this is going to help,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36they'll probably cancel the Channel Tunnel because of this.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38But I've done my best, it is the moment of truth.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42These are hearty trenchermen - they are loudmouthed, critical,
0:27:42 > 0:27:46arrogant Frenchmen, who are looking at me as if I've got green
0:27:46 > 0:27:49horns cos they think we have and I've come off the moon.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Boys... HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:27:55 > 0:27:58THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:28:10 > 0:28:15They're all experts, the French are experts on rugby,
0:28:15 > 0:28:18on Channel fixed-link crossings, in fishing. HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Which is in French, "Silence, if you please."
0:28:21 > 0:28:23They're experts on everything.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26He said to me, "I think you added the cream a bit too quickly."
0:28:26 > 0:28:30You can't win them all, but of we hadn't of fed them, they'd had starved.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31They're stuck in Newlyn.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35I would say England six - France five and a half.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37THEY LAUGH
0:28:39 > 0:28:47MUSIC: "Peaches" by The Stranglers
0:28:51 > 0:28:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd