0:00:02 > 0:00:04Talking of great things, we've had millions of letters,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07most of which have been full of praise, cheering us up,
0:00:07 > 0:00:09and encouraging us to make these programmes.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10I'm sorry, I can't reply to them all,
0:00:10 > 0:00:11there's just been too many,
0:00:11 > 0:00:13but thanks for all your lovely invitations
0:00:13 > 0:00:16and all your kind offers, especially that, er...
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Anyway, the other trouble is, we've had a few complaints too.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20And people keep saying,
0:00:20 > 0:00:24"What's all this cream, butter, cholesterol, and all that business?
0:00:24 > 0:00:26"It's most unhealthy, and you drink far too much."
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Look, we only make six programmes a year -
0:00:29 > 0:00:31it's like six dinner parties a year.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Obviously, if you ate like that every day, you'd be ill,
0:00:33 > 0:00:34of course you would.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36But every now and again, it does you good.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Um, and then there's this other thing about my casual attitude.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42I wouldn't have said I was terribly casual, actually.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44But, I mean, it's just for fun!
0:00:44 > 0:00:47And it's not just a cooking programme, I mean,
0:00:47 > 0:00:48tune into the others
0:00:48 > 0:00:51if you want to really painstakingly follow the CSE course.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55This is to inspire you and cheer you up, have a laugh, have a slurp.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58And then they say things like, um, other people say,
0:00:58 > 0:01:01"You keep abusing the BBC personnel."
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Well, who ever said they were human, anyway?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And they're not here against their will, you know.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08I mean, they do have to actually do what they're jolly well told.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Do you understand? And I think the other...
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Do you not think we've had enough letters?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Is that all right?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Do you want to do one more? Can we get off the letters fairly quickly?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Er, that's enough letters! Oh.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21MUSIC: "Waltz In Black" by The Stranglers
0:02:00 > 0:02:03If I'd carried on eating fish like I was doing in the last series
0:02:03 > 0:02:04I'd have developed fins by now, by now.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And, actually, I'm bored to death with fish,
0:02:06 > 0:02:10and I want to get back to some simple peasant cooking and some red meat.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13And for those of you who are vegetarians, switch off,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15because this programme is really going to upset you.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Richard, who is our cameraman here, come down,
0:02:17 > 0:02:20look at the ingredients, and I'm going to show you what it all is.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23This is some lovely, fatty and gristly shin of beef.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27It's important that it's shin, because the veins and the gristle
0:02:27 > 0:02:30make it a very unctuous flavour when it's finally cooked.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I've picked in some little holes,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35and stuffed in some garlic into all of them.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37That's quite an important thing to do.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Over we go, Richard.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Little shallots, beautifully peeled.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Fresh garlic.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Orange peel.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48An onion stuffed with cloves, can you see that all right?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Just three cloves in an onion, like that.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Some very fresh herbs, rosemary, a dried bay leaf,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55that's not a fresh herb!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Fresh thyme and fresh parsley.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Some chopped-up tomato, OK?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Some fatty pork or bacon...
0:03:04 > 0:03:07and some bacon without any fat on it.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10And a bowl of mushrooms.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12But because this is a Floyd programme,
0:03:12 > 0:03:14and we always cook in lemonade,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17as you know, one of the most essential things is going to be
0:03:17 > 0:03:20a bottle of good, strong red wine,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23because you'll probably need half a bottle to go into the dish
0:03:23 > 0:03:26itself, and you're going to need half a bottle to go into yourself
0:03:26 > 0:03:28to make things really cheerful.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37So, with a little olive oil and our lean and our fat bacon,
0:03:37 > 0:03:41we get the pan up to frying speed. Highly humorous, isn't it?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Frying speed.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46And whack it, now that it's golden-brown, leaving the fat behind,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50into our marmite, which is this lovely earthenware pot,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53from which slow-cooking beef really benefits,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55from being popped into that kind of thing.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57But if you really have to use aluminium or tin,
0:03:57 > 0:03:58it doesn't really matter.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Then, into the fat we put our pieces of beef,
0:04:00 > 0:04:06which, you'll remember, I stuffed little cubes of garlic into.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08This is the importance of frying speed, you see,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11because it quickly browns the meat. BEEF SIZZLES
0:04:11 > 0:04:14And there's a little tip here - we're going to put some salt on,
0:04:14 > 0:04:16but you never put salt on...
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Isn't this crackling noise loud? It's funny, isn't it?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21It's real cooking, you see.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Um, you never put salt on meat until it has been sealed.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Otherwise it lets out all of the flavours.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Salt on like that.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Black pepper like that.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Really hard round.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40That's obviously got to cook for a moment or two.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I'll have a quick slurp...
0:04:45 > 0:04:46..and then, you see...
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Come back, Richard, you're too far away, please. Come back.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53You've got that nicely sealed and browned,
0:04:53 > 0:04:56and it goes straight away - now, this is quite difficult.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Can you see into this pot?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01We lift it into the bacon, which is already there.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05One... There's a piece per person here, by the way.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07One piece per person.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09"Give them plenty," my old sergeant major used to say.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11"One per man per day."
0:05:11 > 0:05:15There we are. There is the first part of our daube.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Now we add the rest of our ingredients.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Richard, you'll have to follow me back.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Because all of these other things have to go in.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25And the first thing is a trig's potter. OK?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Trig's potter.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31A little land mine - no, a sea mine. An onion with its cloves.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33The four or five pieces of orange peel.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Plateful of little shallots.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Or small pickling onions, if you haven't shallots.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Some of these mushrooms, like that.
0:05:44 > 0:05:51OK. Then one sprig of rosemary can go in.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54This is looking rather pretty, actually. A bay leaf has gone in.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58A spriglet of thyme - don't overdo the herbs.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02And a little paquete, as we say in French, of parsley.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Cover the lot with the tomatoes, like that.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06I'll just lift that to you, so you can see.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Looks rather attractive - like the front of an Elizabeth David book.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Actually, I shouldn't insult her like that,
0:06:11 > 0:06:15she's one of the finest cooks there ever was. And then...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17in with our...
0:06:17 > 0:06:21lovely bottle of wine.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26All you now have to do is put the lid of that onto that, and into the oven.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30And I'm off, and you're off, for some magical trips around Newquay.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34'20s JAZZ PLAYS
0:07:02 > 0:07:03My correspondents tell me
0:07:03 > 0:07:06that there are some of you that don't like me very much.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08You complain about me, but some people really do like me,
0:07:08 > 0:07:10like the Ms from Muswell Hill
0:07:10 > 0:07:13who sent me this splendid iridescent green bow tie.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15And also, I've been hearing, from Winifred Walton-Thomas
0:07:15 > 0:07:18and others, you've been having trouble with your pollocks.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Now, pollocks, for those of you who don't know what they are,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23are rather humble little fish, or large fish,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26that people who would really love to catch bass or a cod
0:07:26 > 0:07:27always end up with.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29And they write to me, the expert on fish, hah...
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Er, demanding, praying,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34pleading for information on how to deal with a pollock.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36A boring little thing, actually, full of bones,
0:07:36 > 0:07:37and often not very nice.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41But, happily, Valerie and Marianne Farrar-Hockley,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44who seem to live in the Cameroon, but holiday in Dorset, have the answer.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49They have sent me, from the Cameroon, some pepper paste.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51And with that, I will relieve your pollocks problems.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Come with me.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00Very simply, in this pan we have a fillet of pollock,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02which has been sauteed gently in butter.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06We're going to add a little lemon juice to that.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Fresh lemon juice, I hasten to add.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12And, by the way, yes, I have put salt and pepper on the fish.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18Then I put a little spoonful of my pepper paste -
0:08:18 > 0:08:22"Peter Piper picked some peppers from the Newquay shore..."
0:08:22 > 0:08:28Stirred it in, added some beautiful double cream, stirred the while...
0:08:28 > 0:08:33till it became pale green and bubbled, and well-amalgamated,
0:08:33 > 0:08:37and then, using a simple left-handed action over a right-handed sieve,
0:08:37 > 0:08:42poured the simple hot pepper sauce over the pollock.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44# Fish fish
0:08:44 > 0:08:45# Gotta have some
0:08:45 > 0:08:46# Fish fish
0:08:46 > 0:08:47# Gotta have some
0:08:47 > 0:08:49# Fish fish fish fish
0:08:49 > 0:08:51# Gotta have some fish
0:08:51 > 0:08:52# Fish?
0:08:52 > 0:08:53# Fish. #
0:08:53 > 0:08:57So, while my vegetarian cameraman takes a big deep breath,
0:08:57 > 0:09:01turn to page six of the Radio Times and scratch and sniff the sachet.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03OK, for the Floyd daube.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Doesn't that look wonderful?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Wonderful. Anyway, you've seen that, haven't you?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I want to introduce you to our hostess today, who's Trish.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14She made the fatal mistake, and she'll never do it again,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16I'm sure you won't, of saying, "You can use my kitchen any time,"
0:09:16 > 0:09:19know what I mean? And we did. And we've wrecked it, eh?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21But thanks a million for that, Trish, here's to you.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23You're welcome. Thank you very much. Cheers.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Now, what I'd like you to do...
0:09:25 > 0:09:28And I'm not going to pinch you, or anything like that, is to - ow!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30That's hot.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Is to taste this and tell me, honestly...
0:09:33 > 0:09:37We always say this, and we edit it out afterwards if you don't agree,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40have a little go at this very simple, humble
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Provencal beef daube.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Here's a little bit for you.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Have a tuck into that.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48See what you think. I'm going to help myself.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51By the way... Richard, come back to my plate so we don't embarrass Trish.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55She's not used to eating in front of a load of people like that.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57This isn't a thickened sauce.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01You can see it's deliberately thin, but it has all the flavours of
0:10:01 > 0:10:05wine and beef and the pig's trotter and all those excellent things.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08How is it tasting? It's good. It's all right, is it? Let me have a go.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Oh, it is good, isn't it? Mm.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Anyway, we've got to go now
0:10:13 > 0:10:16cos the producer's getting in a bit of a flap.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18There you are. Cheerio, see you next time.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29So, you're going to have a bit of your own...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Please.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33No bread? No, thank you. Why not?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I prefer eating cheese with fruit.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38SHE LAUGHS You're absolutely mad.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Actually, the whole thing about this programme is mad, isn't it?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45I go to supermarkets and shops and you see these dazzling wedges,
0:10:45 > 0:10:47multicoloured chunks of cheese, or are they wax?
0:10:47 > 0:10:48We don't really know
0:10:48 > 0:10:51because they never let us taste it before we buy it.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54So the BBC in its generosity said,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56"Come down to the shop and farm where they make really good cheese."
0:10:56 > 0:10:59So I've driven down here to meet Isabella here,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01who's an immediate friend of mine.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I'm a bit surprised I haven't found any cheddar,
0:11:03 > 0:11:07I haven't found any west country cheese, I've found a kind of a brie.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09What's that all about? What are we doing making brie,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12if it is, cos that's what it looks like, in the middle of Devon?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Well, it's a Coulommiers, farm house Coulommiers
0:11:15 > 0:11:18and it's made from unpasteurised Jersey milk.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Look, it's slightly runny. Should it be runny like that?
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Mm.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25They can be eaten either very young or,
0:11:25 > 0:11:30depending on how strong you like it, you can eat it as it matures.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I don't like the idea of English cheese having everything
0:11:33 > 0:11:34squeezed out of it.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I like a soft cheese with a lot of moisture
0:11:37 > 0:11:42and where you're closer to the original milk that it's made from.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44And so the shape of this cheese enables it taste in the way
0:11:44 > 0:11:45that you want it to taste.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Anyway, listen, believe it or not despite our little merry time
0:11:48 > 0:11:50here, Isabella's got some work to do.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53There's a man coming in a minute, isn't he?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55He's going to come and buy some of your cheese.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Hi, nice to meet you. Who are you? I'm Randolph Hodgson.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12This is a small selection of what we've got today.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18These I'd like you to try. This is a Devon garland, which I got earlier.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Garland and herbs through it.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22It's a bit young to eat now, so we'll have some of these.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24You must have an absolutely incredibly good lifestyle -
0:12:24 > 0:12:27just charging round the country buying cheese. Hard graft.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30What do you mean it's hard graft? 13 hours a day driving.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Cor!
0:12:31 > 0:12:32RANDOLPH LAUGHS
0:12:33 > 0:12:34What have you got here?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36You're going to have to come in and look at this lot
0:12:36 > 0:12:38and we're going to have to unwrap things.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40You're going to have to tell us all about it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42There's a nice soft sheep's milk cheese
0:12:42 > 0:12:45here from Round Oak near Mendip.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Another one of their goat's milk cheeses.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50A small smoked cheese which they do as well,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53which is delicious. Would you like to try? I'm desperate to try them,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56particularly that small smoked cheese. Is that sheep or goat or cow?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59That's a sheep, that's the same as this but just smoked.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Brilliant.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03It's really rather lovely.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Quite delicately smoked. It's not too dark.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Thank you very much indeed. Isa, you have some too.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Oh, wow! Very moist, very delicate.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18If you ever are stupid enough to buy those little brown Austrian sausages
0:13:18 > 0:13:22in supermarkets when this kind of stuff is available, you're a lunatic.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23This is brilliant. Delicious.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25So what else have we got?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Well, there's rather a nice hard goat's cheese, also from the Mendip.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30From Slate Farm.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32That's quite a nice crusty one.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Have a look at that. It's about three months old.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36I've been travelling all over the South West,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I've never seen one of these in the shops,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I've never seen one anywhere. Why can't we...?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42You feel as though you could play a sport with this,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45hurling or some kind of strange game, don't you?
0:13:45 > 0:13:47It's like a stone. Very robust.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49It's brilliant. Can we taste it? Yes, let's bite into that.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I think that's going to be quite a special one.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I ironed it earlier and it's got a little bit of blue in it,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56which is quite unusual.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Better tell everybody what ironing means. I'll do it.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00I've got my iron here.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02When I try the cheeses, first of all
0:14:02 > 0:14:04we just take a little core out of it. There.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Take a core. You see, that's how it normally is.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12It's a nice white, smooth, creamy cheese.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14But this one has got a little bit of blue coming into it.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Now is that good or bad? Can be either. Matter of taste or...?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Matter of taste, but quite often it's too blue or bluing
0:14:22 > 0:14:25not in the correct way, and that's not acceptable.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28But I think this might be quite nice and delicate. May I have a taste?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Have a little taste. Thank you.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Not too much.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Mm, I'd go for that. I think that's excellent.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Anyway, what else have we got?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I'm going to put the iron in. I can see a piece of cheddar.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Now my favourite meal is from the olden days
0:14:43 > 0:14:45when they used to put a wire through a truckle
0:14:45 > 0:14:48and slice a piece off, was to have a piece of toasted cheese.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49As a kid I used to live on it.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Since then, sadly, I haven't really tasted much good cheddar cheese.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56What should you look for in a good cheddar cheese and is that one?
0:14:56 > 0:15:00This is. This is from Quicks near Exeter.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02It's one of their extra mature cheeses.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Over a year old.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08They've recently... They're quite a big creamery
0:15:08 > 0:15:14and they've just recently started making unpasteurised cheeses for us.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16They're sort of trying it out for us.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19They've really come on very well. I think you'll find this quite nice.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Isabella, are you going to comment on the cheddar?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Oh, that's beautifully strong.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Now the one thing I'm really fascinated by is this blue cheese.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Ah, that's made very nearby.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35At Sharpen Barton by Robin Condon. It's a sheep's milk cheese.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37That's a very rare cheese then.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42It's a blue sheep's milk, which is even rarer - very difficult to make.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Similar to a Roquefort.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Which is a highly expensive cheese and highly esteemed, of course.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48As is Robin's.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Have a little piece of that.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52That's very, very difficult to cut.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Oh, that's beautiful. Sheep's cheese...
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Hands up everybody who's had a sheep's cheese.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I bet you haven't, but if you can get some, it's well worth trying.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07One thing I'd like to say to you all is this cheese is available.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10If you live somewhere near a farm that makes it, go and buy it.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Go to your supermarket, demand that they stock it because they will.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15They want your business.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18You've got all these people around us here doing their best
0:16:18 > 0:16:21to get it to you. Randolph, Isabella, that's absolutely fantastic.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I have to say to you, really corny though it is,
0:16:23 > 0:16:24cheese.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Here's one of me in my new boots. Like them?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39You know, it's not easy to find the culinary craftsmen of yesteryear
0:16:39 > 0:16:41when England was truly merry,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44but my spies tell me here in ancient Frome there is one -
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Margaret Vaughn, with whom I'm going to have a teddy boy's...
0:16:47 > 0:16:49I mean teddy bear's picnic.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52As you can see with Richard's brilliant camera work here,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I'm in the baker's kitchen.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56This is bread.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59One of the worst expressions that has crept into the English
0:16:59 > 0:17:01language is "The best news since sliced bread."
0:17:01 > 0:17:03There has been NO good news since sliced bread.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06It was the most terrible thing that ever happened to us.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10This is the living... And bread is a living organic thing.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14This is the living proof of the mistake we as a nation
0:17:14 > 0:17:16and the bakers of the new vogue have made.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18My friend, I know nothing about bread.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Look at this - Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, I think.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Does that come from there? But my friend Margaret... Margaret, hello.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Hello. Tell me all about this wonderful bread.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29There are so many varieties, I don't know any of them.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I know I'm an expert in many things, bread isn't one of them.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34What have we got here? Everything.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Everything. What is this one, for example.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38That's a vegetable bread. That's tomato bread.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Tomato. A tomato loaf, just made with pure tomatoes.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45A white dough and tomatoes. Brilliant. This one?
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Yes, that's rather fun. That's a cheese... An onion. An onion loaf?
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Can you come really close for us?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54You can see the flecks of onion around in there. Can I rip this open?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Yes.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Smell it, smell it.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59You can see the pieces of onion.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Oh, gosh, that's beautiful.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04That's lovely toasted for supper with a slice of cheese on it, Keith.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Or dripping. Oh, absolutely marvellous. First class.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09This is the cheese loaf. This is a cheese loaf?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11That's a very light one. That's beautiful.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Very, very light. I wish you could smell. Can we have...?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Can we afford some little sachets to be attached to the Radio Times,
0:18:16 > 0:18:20please, so they can break them open and smell what we can smell here?
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Half the joy of breaking bread is wafting it out. Mm.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Everybody comes past the bakery in the morning...
0:18:26 > 0:18:27SHE INHALES
0:18:27 > 0:18:29..it's a great temptation to come in.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Now this one, you know, in the days when...
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I've been baking bread for a long time.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35You don't look old to have been doing it for very long.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Oh, I do love you, Keith. HE LAUGHS
0:18:37 > 0:18:39You're one of my newest, nicest friends.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41You're my best friend... Ever.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Well, I use... I remember once we were having a party
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and I didn't have any tins, it seems extraordinary now,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I remembered being friends with an old village baker
0:18:50 > 0:18:53and he told me they used to bake them in terracotta.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56So I bake these in the flowerpots. Wonderful. They're tremendous.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00You get this lovely crust here. Just look at this.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Just feel it. Oh, it's superb, isn't it?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04You've got to rip that one, Keith,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07because inside you get this beautiful continuity.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09It is slightly... It's quite extraordinary.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12It does taste different. And the crust is heavenly.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14You've never read Private Eye? When people go on too much,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16the editor says in brackets afterwards,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18"(That's enough bread - Ed.)" Oh! No more bread now?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20No more bread now, cos we've got to do a little work.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22We need some dough. We're going to...
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Richard, if I can just smile gently at you...
0:19:24 > 0:19:28There's a very special thing that happens to Margaret's bread,
0:19:28 > 0:19:32and she makes things called trenchers. And this is a trencher.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35And this is what people used to eat their food from
0:19:35 > 0:19:37before plates were invented.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Hence the "trencherman", cos he was the guy who kept these warm
0:19:40 > 0:19:42whilst spit-roasting the meat.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Keeping these warm. you'd slice your meat,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46put it on there and you had a trencher.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48And that is where a "trencherman" comes from.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Which brings me on to a little pet hobby of mine.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53This is not dissimilar to a pizza.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56In this country, we think pizzas have only just been invented.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Throw me over some pizza dough. Thank you very much.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Handmade dough, by the way,
0:19:59 > 0:20:02which Margaret's going to show me how to roll out in a moment.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03We all think that pizzas,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06which have become, in my view, a kind of gastronomic dustbin,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08a kind of pastry case filled with yuk,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10is nothing to do with where pizzas originally came from.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14They were made by a baker one day who had a little bit of dough left,
0:20:14 > 0:20:17rolled it out and put nice things on it.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20But we've been doing that in this country since the Middle Ages,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23before the Middle Ages! You see? Nothing new under the sun.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26While Margaret makes us a trencher, I'm going to make us a pizza.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29And you're going to have to talk me through this,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32because I've never done this before. Oh, well, I'm sure you have.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34You've made pizzas, haven't you? I've made pizzas, yes,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37but not with an expert baker overseeing what I'm doing,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39so I'm bound to roll it out the wrong way.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41I never feel very expert. I'm an amateur.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44What do you mean, an amateur?! Well, I am really.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Doesn't it feel lovely? It's beautiful. Very sexy, isn't it?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48I always feel I want to make love to it! Yes!
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Very sensual. Later, dear, later. Is that a promise?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Oh, no jokes about buns in the oven, OK? From ANYBODY.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58But it is a very sensual thing, isn't it? It's delightful, isn't it?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00You're teasing me now. Have you got a roller? Yes.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Now, you really have to go at this. It's not like pastry.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06You know, it's just like most lovers.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09It tries to get away from you to start with
0:21:09 > 0:21:11and then you really get hold of it.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Stop, Margaret! I can't take any more!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15LAUGHTER
0:21:15 > 0:21:17You passionate beast, you!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I've always said on this programme,
0:21:19 > 0:21:21we've never had anybody on this programme
0:21:21 > 0:21:23who's never been full of love and happiness,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25often wine as well, it's true to say.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I haven't had any wine. Yes, you have! Oh, have I?
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Yes, course you have. Did you pour me one?
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Of course I did, my darling. I was too busy getting the dough ready.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36I have been standing rather a long time. I've only got a wee one.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39That's great. Mine's going to go on a small plate.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43But mine's shrinking back again. What the hell...? Margaret!
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Well, obviously you're not a gentle enough lover.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51How dare you cast nasturtiums upon my...! You have to coax it.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Right. Now then, I think... That is coaxed.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Right. Now then, I think... That is coaxed.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Can you pass me a fork, please, Andy, from behind you there?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01There is a thing called a docker.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03All the bakers watching are going to be saying,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05"Oh, my goodness!" This is docking.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Yes, but we're not all professionals at what we're doing.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10It's nice to know the terminology, which is for pricking it...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12For pricking it, yes. It's called docking.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Yes, it's docking. Which is very important.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17We're putting these onto plates with a little bit of flour
0:22:17 > 0:22:20and...lard underneath? Yes. Yes.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23And the vegetarians amongst them, of course, can do vegetable...
0:22:23 > 0:22:25They can use vegetable oil.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26But then they're going to spoil the flavour of the things.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Well, I think so. Do you know, I used to make bread originally,
0:22:30 > 0:22:35and we used to get real good dripping from the butcher.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Sorry to interrupt you, Margaret. For my little bit,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I hope it's self-explanatory what I'm doing here.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Tomato crushed up onto the...
0:22:44 > 0:22:46onto the bread...
0:22:46 > 0:22:47anchovy fillets...
0:22:48 > 0:22:52..and a simple pizza should have no more than things like this on it.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55It's not meant to have artichoke hearts and sweetcorn
0:22:55 > 0:22:56and all the junk.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Elizabeth David very correctly spoke of the wonderful quiche Lorraine
0:23:00 > 0:23:03that in the Sixties was degenerated into a culinary dustbin,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and I regret to say the same applies to the pizza.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11It's become a travesty of its original, simple, delicate flavours.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13And what's the bottom of them made of?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15They're sort of hard cardboardy things.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17And you get this lovely gooey stuff on the top.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Well, sometimes it's lovely. It goes through this lovely Gruyere cheese.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24What cheese are you putting on? Oregano... Oh, grated Gruyere.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28Ah! OK? And a bit of olive oil to make that look...
0:23:28 > 0:23:30for it to shine a little bit later.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32A fraction too much there, but never mind.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Can I have the docker? You can have the docker. Can I be your docker?
0:23:35 > 0:23:37You can be my docker! Great!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39That's the final bit, you see.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Into your sexy dough we'll make a few marks with this fork.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45So, they're ready, but they can't go into the oven for...what?
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Oh, I would say about ten minutes. They ought to prove.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52What does "prove" mean? Well, you've still got this live yeast in there,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55and it has to come to its full maturity. It has to rise.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It has to rise, yes! OK!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Now, there's a marvellous old test, very quickly, a marvellous finish.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I think a lot of people who are making bread
0:24:02 > 0:24:04get really worried about how long to prove it.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07A tiny piece of the dough, the same dough, pop it into tepid water.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10It goes to the bottom, and when it comes to the top,
0:24:10 > 0:24:12it's ready to put in the oven. OK. Simple as that.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Well, by the magic of television, that has come back to the top.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18No, not quite. I know it hasn't, but by the magic of television it has.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22And so off this goes. Bring the spatula in, bring our baker in.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25There we go. The peel, the peel! The peel! Yes!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Right, run along with the peel and into the oven, please.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Thank you, Robin.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31'Trenchers are great, it's true,
0:24:31 > 0:24:35'but with a slice of beef and a drop of real gravy, they're BRILLIANT.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38'But of course, the Beeb couldn't afford a joint this size,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41'so I've bought it myself... with the fee from my last series.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45'A bit extravagant, but you can't beat a good British roast, can you?'
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Right, Margaret and I would like to register a protest
0:24:47 > 0:24:51that we don't approve of lean bread beef,
0:24:51 > 0:24:53and we don't think housewives really want it, either.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55We think that they've been conned and hyped
0:24:55 > 0:24:57by the doctors and advertising world.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00It's beautiful. Just those veins through it like that,
0:25:00 > 0:25:02just to give it the flavour.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Delicious. It's not quite ready, but...
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Well, let's pop it back in the oven. It needs to go in.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08I would suggest without the top.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Without the top now, cos the vegetables have got to brown,
0:25:10 > 0:25:13and so on. Thank you, my darling.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Oh, that looks lovely! Looks all right, doesn't it? Yes!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Do you know, I think even my... Aren't you clever? Yeah!
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Even my Italian friends, who make real pizzas, would approve of that.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30You've taught me something today.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34I mean, I'd never made a pizza. I suppose we have the trenchers...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37It's the same thing! Exactly the same things. Of course they are!
0:25:37 > 0:25:41You are so clever. There we are, there's a little bit for you.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43See if you like that. Thank you very much.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Oh, is it too hot? Oh, it's terribly hot! Have a quick swig of wine.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Cool your fingers down.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Here, here's a little tiny bit.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55See how that is. I like your filling. Oh, I've missed my olive. Oh!
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Oh, now that's a real crust! Can you tell? It's real!
0:26:02 > 0:26:06And the middle is soft and gooey. Look at that!
0:26:06 > 0:26:07That's excellent, isn't it?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10And of course it's doing exactly what the trencher does.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13It's all soaking in, look, Keith, instead of it all sitting on the top
0:26:13 > 0:26:16and you cut through and you get that hard piece of cardboard. Right.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Aren't you clever? I'm pleased. Oh, do you know...
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Oh, I think you're brilliant. ..all we need to complete a brilliant day
0:26:22 > 0:26:25is, as they say, "If music be the food of love, then play on".
0:26:25 > 0:26:28A little music, a little relaxation would be the thing.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31How lovely! Could we? We could. I think we've earned it, don't you?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Oh, I would like to. Shall we go? Yes.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00..imagine you're making love to it. Terrifying!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Oh, that's marvellous! Yippee! Thank you very much.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Thank you, David, that was absolutely brilliant. That was our lutanist.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Oh, yes, thank you, David! I love the music. It was gorgeous.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13"Lutanist" sounds a bit like a strange religion. It certainly does!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Oh, yes. It really does! Anyway, this is the business, chaps. Richard?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19You can have some, since you've been such a good cameraman.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20In the good old-fashioned way -
0:27:20 > 0:27:23you put the meat and I'll put the vegetables. Right.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25You hum it and I'll play it, darling, all right?
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Did you cook that fairly high?
0:27:28 > 0:27:32You did, I noticed my oven was quite high when you put it in.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34That's all unctuous. Bound to be delicious.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37And the goodness has come out of these. Mm.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Lovely.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Anyway, here's to us
0:27:40 > 0:27:45and here's to everybody who loves food and friendship and fun.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47We don't know when we'll be back. Probably next week,
0:27:47 > 0:27:50with another crazy programme. It might be goat's cheese. See you then.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53With the serving wenches.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54You've got to be a serving wench.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57You've got to become a serving wench. Come on!
0:27:57 > 0:28:00MUSIC: "Peaches" by the Stranglers
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd