0:00:02 > 0:00:07So, if life isn't crazy enough, this, on the last programme of Floyd on Fish, where are we?
0:00:07 > 0:00:12We're racing for a grand in the Plymouth fishermen's trawler race.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15I've got to do some cooking as well.
0:00:15 > 0:00:20I've got a selection of fish. I'm going to make a fish stew if I can.
0:00:20 > 0:00:25I've got soles and saithe and lobster. Monkfish and stuff.
0:00:25 > 0:00:31I'm gonna make a stew to dedicate to the fishermen of the country
0:00:31 > 0:00:34who've helped us to make this series fabulous.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36If anything goes wrong,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39I have the unidentified frying objects.
0:01:19 > 0:01:25OK, this is great, isn't it? Sorry I'm looking a bit wobbly,
0:01:25 > 0:01:29it's not what you think it is - this is a dry ship!
0:01:29 > 0:01:34Anyway, here on the good ship Valdee, which we've borrowed,
0:01:34 > 0:01:39we're going to cook them a fish stew for making us feel welcome.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43I've also been told not to tell the cameraman off -
0:01:43 > 0:01:47but Clive, could you come down? Stand still, man!
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Come onto a little bit of fish we've got - a bit of red mullet,
0:01:51 > 0:01:56pollack, ling, some scallops, which are plentiful here,
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Lobster - a treat for the captain, and a bit of hake.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Come over here - we're wandering all over the place.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06A few chopped onions, leeks and carrots.
0:02:06 > 0:02:11Here in this other hand, I've got some olive oil,
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Ooh, yes, that's olive oil - I'm not allowed to drink!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18So olive oil into the galley,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21This is what they call wide-eyed and legless.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24So that goes into there.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26And we throw that in.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Hygienic wooden spoon...
0:02:28 > 0:02:34We've had some letters saying, "He uses his fingers for cooking."
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Sorry about that - I'm gonna keep using them.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Do you wear gloves when you're making sandwiches?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Now I'll put my little bits of fish in.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Clive, please come over here. Thank you.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Fish into there - all these little bits.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54The gas is on maximum.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58At home, in the sanctity of your beautiful kitchen,
0:02:58 > 0:03:03you'll find no trouble in making a stew like this using any fish.
0:03:03 > 0:03:09We've taken what we had on board - you can use whatever you like.
0:03:09 > 0:03:15Chop it into the olive oil, the leeks and carrots, and let it cook.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19That's the first phase. You can go away because it has to cook.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I'll come back for the next stage.
0:03:29 > 0:03:35I wonder if I could get an ordinary job - like cooking on breakfast TV?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38They don't get lumbered making stews on a trawler
0:03:38 > 0:03:42with a bunch of bananas who've gone completely guys!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I wish I'd brought my hymn book.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Number 47 would fit the bill. # For those in peril on the sea. #
0:03:50 > 0:03:55What I've got to do is thicken this fish soup.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I'm preparing a mixture of butter and flour
0:03:58 > 0:04:03which I'm gonna knead together in a golf-ball sized dumpling,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07which, when I've got all the juices into the pan...
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Sorry about this, it's very difficult.
0:04:10 > 0:04:15I'm making a golf ball of flour and butter to drop into the stew,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19piece by piece and thicken the juices from it.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24It's easy to do this at home, but we are in the middle of a race.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Going flat out at 15 knots, it's a bit tricky.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32But you get the idea. Knead the flour into the butter,
0:04:32 > 0:04:37using up all the flour. And you don't just use this for fish stews,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41you can use it to thicken anything - even your Sunday roast.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Thickening the gravy with rolled butter and flour like that,
0:04:45 > 0:04:49which the professionals call buerre manie.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53That would thicken any stew or gravy. Better than packet stuff.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Ah. That's bubbling away rather nicely.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Things are more or less cooked.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Now we add our herbs and flavourings
0:05:04 > 0:05:08which is quite tricky at 15 knots.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Little bit of parsley.
0:05:11 > 0:05:16Just to be on the safe side, a little squirt of tomato puree.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20A bit of paprika to give it a little spiciness.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24And a bit of a sage leaf I've got in here somewhere.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I like a bit of sage to make things cheerful.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30A grind or two of pepper,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33And I've got 20 minutes of the race left -
0:05:33 > 0:05:36I hope I'll get this finished before we get in.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Stir it gently round a bit.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43It's looking quite good.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46And I need, if we can get it, a drop of water.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51Very seldom you see us using water, but what are you supposed to do?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54There we are - good.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58You still with me, Clive? We're all over the place.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Bit more of that, bit of saffron to cheer things up really well.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08Stir it round, better have a taste, see how things are going.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Mmm.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15It's coming on well.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20So I'm going to thicken the sauce with my buerre manie. Pop it in.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24It's difficult to see, but stir it gently in.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Another little bit, like that.
0:06:27 > 0:06:32Stir it in and it'll melt and you can see it thickening already.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37OK, so that's thick. Two things I'm gonna do -
0:06:37 > 0:06:42I'm gonna serve myself some, and I'm gonna ask Billy, our skipper,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44to come and taste it.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48I don't have any of the things that you have
0:06:48 > 0:06:51to stop me burning my fingers.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56Let's tip a bit out - get some lobster in there.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01We don't normally eat lobster - we haven't had it on the whole show.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03So it's a treat to have one.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07Now, the proof of the pudding as always...
0:07:07 > 0:07:12I know it's slopping around, but let's see how it tastes.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17I think it's jolly nice. Billy can tell me what he thinks.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22Billy if I could interrupt. Have a go at the fish stew.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Tell me exactly what you think - no need to tell fibs.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35That's very nice. It's all right?
0:07:35 > 0:07:40You can taste all the different ingredients,
0:07:40 > 0:07:43all the different seafood, uh...
0:07:43 > 0:07:49I'd well recommend it. Thanks. And thanks for driving us.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Who's driving at the moment? It's driving itself!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01'We didn't win the race.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05'We came sixth...out of several.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08'Anyway, there's lots to do. I've got to have a quick haircut.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11'Eating so much fish makes it grow very quickly, as you'll see.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15'And you've got a cooking lesson with Chikaka. You remember her from last week.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18'And if you don't, it's off to bed with no supper.'
0:08:18 > 0:08:20And this is your present from me.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25It's an apron because you're gonna cook a paella today.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27For me and all of them too.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32Let's get to work, cos you know how expensive television time is.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35They have no understanding of our art and our fun!
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Let's go for it. Have you ever had a paella before?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Yes. Where did you have it? In Japan.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45And what is a Japanese paella?
0:08:45 > 0:08:51It's like a Spanish paella but we use different materials.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55The rice is different because it's Japanese rice.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59What is so different about Japanese rice?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Japanese is more sticky rice, which we like.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07But English or whatever, we call foreign rice,
0:09:07 > 0:09:12is not sticky. That's different. We'll make ours fairly sticky,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15because we're gonna cook this paella properly.
0:09:15 > 0:09:21The Spanish can't cook paella. Have you eaten a good paella in Spain?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Chikaka makes them in Japan, I make them in England,
0:09:24 > 0:09:31A paella has three requirements, and if Clive can follow me round, I can tell you what a paella needs.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36A paella needs a paella. This pan is a paella.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40By the way, this is not a wok. There are programmes with woks in,
0:09:40 > 0:09:43but THIS is not a wok.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47The other very important thing is rice.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51And the rice - I'll bring it over to you - here it is.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54That's the essential other ingredient.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57The third ingredient is saffron.
0:09:57 > 0:10:03Everything else can go into a paella - fish, shellfish, rabbit, whatever.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07It's a peasant dish, it's not a gastronomic experience,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10except it's good and fun.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15What is nice for me is the opportunity to use some octopus.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20Would you use octopus in your Japanese version? Quite a lot.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I'm going to put some rabbit into mine,
0:10:23 > 0:10:28and some chicken and later on, some mussels.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Incidentally, the ones that are open are not edible,
0:10:31 > 0:10:35unless you can resuscitate them by massage.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37If they close down, that's OK.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42But if mussels are open, don't use them cos they're not good.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45If they close back again, they're OK.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50We're going to have some large Mediterranean prawns or langoustine,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53or any other shellfish, lots of garlic,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56tomato and peppers and onion.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00and finally a little garnish of pine nuts.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05You can pick up a recipe from the BBC if you need the details.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10So shall we start? Yes. You get the stove going. I'll start chopping.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Is it on all right? Yes.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18You stay on there, doing it? I'll just do the work,
0:11:18 > 0:11:23and you start chopping these pieces of chicken which we'll cut up.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28In Japanese and Chinese cookery, the smaller the things are,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31the quicker they cook.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Do you want to chuck those in? Perhaps a bit of salt and pepper.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Then our pieces of red pepper.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45It's a rich sunshine dish, so we want quite a lot of garlic,
0:11:45 > 0:11:49which I'll bring over in just a second.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Garlic is something that frightens the British -
0:11:52 > 0:11:54frightens a lot of people actually,
0:11:54 > 0:11:59but if it's chopped coarsely, it will release lots of lovely flavour.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04It'll enrich it and give it that Mediterranean taste.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Be prepared to go over the top.
0:12:06 > 0:12:12I'm enjoying being a commis chef to a talented cook
0:12:12 > 0:12:15and a beautiful lady. It's rather fun.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20So that's all going along quite nicely.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25Once we get those - can you turn them over to brown them?
0:12:25 > 0:12:29..A little bit of parsley,
0:12:29 > 0:12:33and then, what we have to do
0:12:33 > 0:12:39is, now those are nice and golden, we'll put in some water or stock.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41As you like.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45And we'll let that cook away for a little while.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50Now I'll add some rice. How much rice do you think we ought to use?
0:12:50 > 0:12:56We're making a feast for eight people, so let's put one, two...
0:12:56 > 0:13:01You need never be really accurate about paella measurements.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Let's put five lots of rice. Would you agree?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07That's fine, yeah.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10And some saffron.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Let's put lots in.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16So we need to let that cook for a little while.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21When the rice has started to fill out, we'll add our shellfish.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29The smells in this kitchen!
0:13:29 > 0:13:33The paella's coming up already, it's making me feel hungry.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37I'm gonna take a leaf out of Chinese cookery here -
0:13:37 > 0:13:42I'm going to use a piece of squid which as you know is beautiful raw,
0:13:42 > 0:13:46but unless it's blanched in boiling water first,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49it will never get tender - it'll be like rubber.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54We'll chuck in this and the octopus tentacles, we don't get that often,
0:13:54 > 0:13:59and we'll drop them into the boiling water to blanch them,
0:13:59 > 0:14:03before we add them to the main body of the paella.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I'll let those go for a second.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Let's get the mussels in.
0:14:08 > 0:14:13We want to bring those in while there's still liquid in the rice.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16In fact, we can add more liquid
0:14:16 > 0:14:20because these mussels are going to cook in the rice
0:14:20 > 0:14:24and impart their own flavour to the rice part.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Chikaka, pass me the water. Do you want to chuck a bit in?
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Water is perfectly all right, cos we've got the chicken and the rice,
0:14:33 > 0:14:39the peppers, garlic and saffron, we've got plenty of flavours.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43The important thing is, by blanching the squid,
0:14:43 > 0:14:47and the octopus into boiling water,
0:14:47 > 0:14:51it saves us this business of it being all rubbery and tough.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Strain it carefully,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58and chuck it into the paella.
0:14:58 > 0:15:03And we'll also add... Now these prawns are already cooked,
0:15:03 > 0:15:07so we'll add those on the top so they'll steam through.
0:15:07 > 0:15:13We don't want them to be overcooked, and become soggy and nasty.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17You can see the mussels are opening. You there, Clive?
0:15:17 > 0:15:22See how the mussels are beginning to open under the steam,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26We want - this is my own personal addition -
0:15:26 > 0:15:31a few pine nuts to make the whole thing splendid.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Bit of parsley. Shall we taste it?
0:15:34 > 0:15:39I think a little salt, what do you think? Taste it and see.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41See if you think you need more salt.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44A little bit more salt.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47And a little more pepper.
0:15:47 > 0:15:53And a little Spanish piece de la casa - whatever they say in Spanish.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58A little bit of ground pepper paprika,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00which we can stir in.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Anything else you'd like to add in?
0:16:02 > 0:16:07A little bit of lemon. I don't want to. If you want to, do it.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10It's Japanese paella, you see.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I like lemon for cooking.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Do you like squeezing them - it's lovely to squeeze.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18It's very sexy.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I'm going to have a drink.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23We leave. We leave it.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Let it bubble away.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30'Wow, that paella was absolutely fantastic.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35'Honestly, the best I've ever eaten. Sorry you couldn't have any.'
0:16:42 > 0:16:46'Now, my little poissons, here's a little riddle for you.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50'What seaside town starts with W and ends in TH?'
0:16:50 > 0:16:53# Big girl in the red dress She's just trying to impress us
0:16:53 > 0:16:57# And she's got the barley fever But she doesn't make a sound
0:16:57 > 0:16:59# She's just hanging around. #
0:16:59 > 0:17:03'This is the travelogue-y bit. Interesting, isn't it? Anyway, you're quite right. It's Weymouth,
0:17:03 > 0:17:07'where I'm happy to say I can smell the tempting aroma of boiling crabs.'
0:17:07 > 0:17:09If you... Sorry about the steam here.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12If you take a walk along the average seafront,
0:17:12 > 0:17:16you'd be hard-pressed to imagine that real crabs and fish exist.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19With the smell of chips and hamburgers,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22you don't get this wonderful smell of freshly boiled crab.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25All these theme pubs and wine bars and things
0:17:25 > 0:17:29who serve packets of frozen crab in their sandwiches ought to be shot.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Especially when you can come into a proper old-fashioned place like this
0:17:32 > 0:17:34and buy a real one.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Nobody likes cleaning them as it's jolly hard work,
0:17:37 > 0:17:41but we'll show you how to do all of that, and we'll have a glass of wine with it, too.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44So, crabs.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Hammers. Two essential ingredients for a really good lunch.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53The hammer is useful for many things - apart from cracking claws.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58It's useful for biffing the bloke who complains cos I use my fingers.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02I really can't help it, I'm not going to change, I'm sorry!
0:18:02 > 0:18:07The first thing is shattering the silence -
0:18:07 > 0:18:09smash the claws.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13This is a messy and irksome business.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Get your husband in to clear up the bits on the floor!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20And also...
0:18:20 > 0:18:23picking the little bits out of your eye.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Tedious work this, it's a bit painstaking.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32I've a blunt knife, or a knife without a sharp point.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35It's very good for feeding the meat in.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40This is where the other people on television suddenly stop.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43They get halfway through filling a bowl,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47the next thing they have a dressed crab!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I'll go back to that in a moment,
0:18:50 > 0:18:54next we open up the thing.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58This is where many people don't feel happy about eating crabs,
0:18:58 > 0:19:04because they don't know what they can eat. I'll show you.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08These are the dead man's fingers.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11You don't need those - just pull those off.
0:19:11 > 0:19:16Pull off everything that's detachable, if you can.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Then, with your knife, poke into these cavities,
0:19:20 > 0:19:23and pull out the flesh.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26It's difficult to do, but it's the sweetest part.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31You carry on while I turn to this nasty piece.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35I've got to move to the sink, if the cameraman could follow.
0:19:35 > 0:19:41And these bits of, sort of, what would you call that?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Skin. You want that out.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46And little bits of membrane - take those out.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51Then you're left with this nice, brown edible mixture
0:19:51 > 0:19:54which I will tip into me bowl,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56using my fingers, you see.
0:19:56 > 0:20:01Sorry about the finger business but there's nothing we can do about it.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05The pinky bits of meat are nice stuff.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09And this is where I've dropped a real clanger,
0:20:09 > 0:20:13I'm getting a spoon - actually, it's a fork I want!
0:20:13 > 0:20:18You get so tense doing those programmes, it's very confusing.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21So, we've got our brown meat there,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24mashed up, and our white meat there.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28And the claws you see - peel off the shell
0:20:28 > 0:20:32and poke out the meat.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37This is the ideal job to get everyone else in the family doing.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42You should be relaxing and ring a bell to get someone to bring it.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Right, there's that bit.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Over to the sink, I'm going to rinse that out.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52I'm going to put the crab into this.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04You continue mashing up the brown meat.
0:21:04 > 0:21:10You have the white meat one side of the shell and start to feed it into the centre.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Make them look fat and plumpscious.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Serving your dish in the shell makes it look fine.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21Talking of shells, it does worry me that some people
0:21:21 > 0:21:25use shells again. Seafood is a highly delicate thing.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28You can't risk it going off.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Using an old shell to re-serve food is bad.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35People write and say, "Don't use your fingers."
0:21:35 > 0:21:40We all have clean fingers. Pay more attention to fundamental hygiene -
0:21:40 > 0:21:43like not using a shell twice.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Anyway, stuff this in beautifully.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48There's a lot of meat here.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51It's a real feast for one person.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54A little snack for two or three.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Stick it onto an elegant little plate. Add a bit of lemon.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Piece of bread and butter as well.
0:22:01 > 0:22:07I've got some nice... I know you know what it looks like...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09This is the ideal lunch.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Let me show you the perfect lunch.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Butter... and then of course...
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Just a little glass of wine.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Anyway, I've still got more work to do
0:22:24 > 0:22:27because, while I was fiddling about in the kitchen here,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29when we were out shopping this morning - great fun,
0:22:29 > 0:22:33everybody saying, "Hey, you're Floyd on Fish, we enjoy the programme," love all of you -
0:22:33 > 0:22:40we bought beautiful melon. And what could be better with a bit of the crab that we had left over?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43To pour that in, stuff that beautiful fresh crab into there,
0:22:43 > 0:22:44To pour that in, stuff that beautiful fresh crab into there,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47then - I'm in trouble, trouble, director pass me a dish, no, it's all right.
0:22:47 > 0:22:53Look at him, he doesn't do a thing. Put bit of that beautiful fresh mayonnaise into there.
0:22:53 > 0:22:58You've got to stay with this. A bit of tomato puree,
0:22:58 > 0:23:02a little bit of Worcestershire sauce,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04a little squeeze of lemon juice,
0:23:04 > 0:23:08a little bit of mustard, like that.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Whisk all of that up until it goes slightly pink.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Sauce rose. This is not a prawn cocktail, all right?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18It's not that pink nasty muck you get out of your bottles.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Because I've made it with real eggs and real oil,
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I have a perfect sauce there.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29Which is superb just to pour over like that. OK?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31A little bit of fresh parsley.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Now I'm going to show off a tiny bit
0:23:33 > 0:23:36just to - stay down here with me, cameraman -
0:23:36 > 0:23:39and I'll make something really pretty for you
0:23:39 > 0:23:43just to show you that I'm actually sensitive, creative and artistic
0:23:43 > 0:23:45and everything like that as well.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48so I thought we put a little rose on top of the prawn cocktail.
0:23:48 > 0:23:53You saw how I just deftly peeled that tomato skin.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56It's not a prawn cocktail, it's a crab. I know it isn't!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I said it isn't prawn cocktail, that's the whole point.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02I mean, it's not the prawn cocktail, as in the way of bottled sauces and frozen prawns.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05It's a melon stuffed with fresh crab
0:24:05 > 0:24:08with a beautifully prepared pink sauce over it.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Now we just make this little rose.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13The director's learnt quite a lot about cooking on this programme.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15You notice how swiftly he picked up my little mistake.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19He established the difference at once between crabs and prawns.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21So I hope you're all benefiting in the same way.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Look at this. This is real art, isn't it?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28This is where, when I witter on about the love of food,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31this is how you can take advantage of love.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34You've got a little rose there.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35And then using a chive,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38which we picked from this lady's garden, Rachel's garden.
0:24:38 > 0:24:44Lovely woman. We've conned our way, as usual, into here, we will put on the little rose stem.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50Like that. We'll call this melon farci a la Rachel, whose kitchen this is.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52PHONE RINGS
0:24:52 > 0:24:54'Look here, I still wish to complain about him using his fingers
0:24:54 > 0:24:56'and there's a filthy cat in the kitchen
0:24:56 > 0:24:58'and there's a dead fly on the melon.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01'And why he keeps on picking on me, I don't know...'
0:25:01 > 0:25:04JOLLY MUSIC
0:25:39 > 0:25:42I must say, I can't really understand what they see in windsurfing.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44This is much more fun, you know.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47He lied with a light smile playing on his fat and fulsome lips.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Up to your knees in freezing salted water,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53backbreaking work, looking for cockles.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Come and you have a look at the damn things. This is what I'm here for.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58That is a cockle. And it's beautiful, isn't it?
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Absolutely wonderful.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Do you know, you can buy a jar of these in the pub.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I'd much rather be in the pub doing it, to be honest with you.
0:26:04 > 0:26:10Anyway, never mind, we have to, here on Floyd on Fish really do the real stuff
0:26:10 > 0:26:12because I've got to get them back and cook them.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Freshly boiled, they should be absolutely delicious.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18And there's another.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Actually, on a more serious note, these little dreams, like some other people I know,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25need purging - no names, no pack-drill.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29And to purge them, you put them into a bucket of fresh clean water overnight.
0:26:29 > 0:26:3112 hours, or something like that.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Then they open and close during the night when you're not looking. Don't look or they won't do it.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40And they cleanse themselves of the sand and other little predatory molluscs and things
0:26:40 > 0:26:42that inhabit inside their shells.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Very important thing to do, that.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Still, I'd better fill the damn thing up. Here's some more.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Just my luck, I'm going to lose the bucket in a minute!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57When the mist goes, we should be able to see.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Yes, cockles exactly like mussels.
0:27:00 > 0:27:06Put them in a drop of water, bring them to the boil till they're open and pull them off.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09You mustn't overcook these things,
0:27:09 > 0:27:12you can easily overcook them.
0:27:12 > 0:27:17The second they come to the boil, tip them into a colander.
0:27:17 > 0:27:23Now my expert... The director is so frantic about cockles
0:27:23 > 0:27:26that he's conned all sorts of people to be here,
0:27:26 > 0:27:31to cook them for us. I didn't actually cook these myself,
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I'll rinse them under fresh water.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38You've got to check them for bits of sand, small crabs
0:27:38 > 0:27:41and other parasitic crustaceans.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Talking of that, my director's a bit of a parasite.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49He is determined to have cockles in the programme.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I really like them - not too keen on them warm.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56But what better way to enjoy a dull holiday
0:27:56 > 0:27:59than to find a bit of food for nothing!
0:27:59 > 0:28:03If you can get them for free, it's worth doing. Pick these out.
0:28:03 > 0:28:08Keep looking at those. I need the vinegar. That's the important bit.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13Real malt vinegar, and although I object to those already in bottles,
0:28:13 > 0:28:18this way, they're actually very nice indeed.
0:28:18 > 0:28:23Really very nice. You happy I've done a nice thing about cockles?
0:28:24 > 0:28:27I thought it was OK.
0:28:27 > 0:28:34I didn't think it was brilliant. I don't like them. It's hard for me to get enthusiastic about cockles.
0:28:34 > 0:28:39This is how you cook them if you want to. Or you can buy a jar.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41I don't like 'em. Or the director.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48And now the end is nigh, etcetera, etcetera.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Sniffs, sniffs.
0:28:50 > 0:28:55Takes onion to cheek, sniffs again... Sorry, I was rehearsing.
0:28:55 > 0:29:02You see, it's the end. Before I go, I want to leave you with a glimpse of all the sufferings I've endured.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05Au revoir my little crustaceans, Bye-bye.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08HE SPITS
0:29:11 > 0:29:16I hate oysters! I hate fish, I've had enough!
0:29:16 > 0:29:20I want some hamburgers and chips! CREW LAUGH
0:29:40 > 0:29:43Subtitles by BBC Broadcast