0:00:05 > 0:00:08So, my little liver dumplings, it's time to set off on another
0:00:08 > 0:00:11BBC mini-break, this time aboard the Nouvelle Premiere,
0:00:11 > 0:00:16France's gastronomic express. Pity I forgot my trainspotters' guide.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20It takes the dipso... I mean, the diplomats and politicians
0:00:20 > 0:00:23between Paris and Strasbourg in supreme luxury, and offers them
0:00:23 > 0:00:25a standard of cooking and service
0:00:25 > 0:00:28equal to any starred restaurant in France.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33Of course, I know it's not a patch on the British Rail cheese toastie,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36but at least they're really trying!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39HE ORDERS FOOD AND WINE IN FRENCH
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Ha-ha! This is the life, lads!
0:01:29 > 0:01:36The train journeys east through splendid countryside to the vineyards of Champagne,
0:01:36 > 0:01:39past the world war battlefields.
0:01:39 > 0:01:44But let's look at food preparation. Take this choucroute.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49These meals are prepared daily at the station kitchen in Paris.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53They vacuum pack and chill them, then the chefs simply have to steam them and serve them.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57And believe me, the quality is superb and beautifully fresh.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Of course they charge like wounded buffaloes,
0:02:00 > 0:02:05which might have something to do with why the service packed up earlier this year - a great shame.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Journey's end, and the foothills of the Vosges Mountains are thickly clad in vines.
0:02:09 > 0:02:15Here in Alsace, the Riesling and Muscat grapes reign supreme.
0:02:26 > 0:02:32This is the town of Colmar, which is just a few miles from the German border.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35FRENCH ACCENT: Vairry interr-esting!
0:02:35 > 0:02:42What I really like is this wrought-iron work celebrating the charcuterie -
0:02:42 > 0:02:48Alsace's famous pates, sausages, terrines and foie gras.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Now, what has this building and the Statue of Liberty got in common?
0:02:55 > 0:03:03The answer is this man, who designed both the Maison des Tetes and the aforementioned statue.
0:03:03 > 0:03:10He's clutching a glass and bottle. A man RIGHT after my own heart!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14This is my new chum Marc. Say hello, Marc!
0:03:17 > 0:03:22I'm going to make some liver dumplings - quenelles de foie.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26The dish is simple, but liable to go very wrong!
0:03:26 > 0:03:32This is minced raw pig's liver with some fried onion and bacon.
0:03:32 > 0:03:38It's a nasty, gungy puree, to which I've added some salt and pepper.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Moving over, you've got semolina flour there,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46and to your right, a couple of beaten eggs.
0:03:46 > 0:03:54Over here, some finely-fried chopped shallots, some nutmeg, and some finely-chopped parsley,
0:03:54 > 0:03:58and some breadcrumbs soaked in milk.
0:03:58 > 0:04:06Let me explain. All you do is mould those into little tiny...shapes,
0:04:06 > 0:04:11and steam them or boil them in barely simmering water. Delicious!
0:04:11 > 0:04:16But what will probably happen with me is that they'll explode,
0:04:16 > 0:04:21looking like the water-processing works you see beside motorways!
0:04:21 > 0:04:25What I have to do is put my breadcrumbs in...
0:04:28 > 0:04:35..and my eggs in. I have no confidence in this dish at all. I don't believe it will work.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I mix in a little semolina flour.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48A little bit of the onion and the parsley.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Now we grate a bit of nutmeg in -
0:04:51 > 0:04:53noix de muscade.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57That water is probably boiling too fast behind me.
0:04:57 > 0:05:02Now this is where it's all, I'm sure, going to turn to rat.
0:05:02 > 0:05:08I'd have thought this needed to be a much drier, firmer mixture,
0:05:08 > 0:05:15but Marc, the chef here at the Maison des Tetes, assured me that was not a problem.
0:05:15 > 0:05:22I'll just have a swig, because this IS a very nerve-racking occasion.
0:05:22 > 0:05:30Now we'll see what kind of a fool I can make of myself, by putting this liquid mixture into here.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's bound to separate into...
0:05:32 > 0:05:38Oh, no, it's not. Look! Hey, it's working. Incredible!
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Now how do I get the damn thing off the spoon? I'm not very sure.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Marc! Ou est le chef?
0:05:48 > 0:05:53Chef! Je suis dans le merde! LAUGHTER
0:05:53 > 0:06:00I'm hoping the chef's going to help me, because I'm in real trouble here.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Qu'est-ce que je fais maintenant? MARC CHUCKLES
0:06:12 > 0:06:17Est-ce que tu as assaisonne? Oui, tout est assaisonne.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Il'y a du sel, poivre...
0:06:21 > 0:06:28This is just bad luck that I've screwed it up, but happily help is on hand.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Now watch very carefully.
0:06:32 > 0:06:39Ah! You just tip them in. You must all the time... Wash the spoon? Yes.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46I see! So it's really rather like poaching eggs. It's very simple.
0:06:46 > 0:06:53All you need is 20 years' experience in a real French kitchen to whack them out like that.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58Now to make a little sauce to go with my dumplings,
0:06:58 > 0:07:03my little liver dumplings, which I taught him how to make earlier on.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08Come down close to the pot, where we've got finely-sliced shallots.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13We add some white wine from Alsace and put it onto maximum heat.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Il faut le reduire, ca? Oui.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Now, we leave that to reduce, which will take a second or two.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22In the meantime, I will begin...
0:07:22 > 0:07:25CHEF SPEAKS TO HIM IN FRENCH
0:07:25 > 0:07:29..I shall begin to prepare these beautiful little liver dumplings on a plate.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Tip them up that way - they look neater.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38I'm going to make these look superb. That's reducing away nicely.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43These have been in simmering water for 12 to 15 minutes, by the way.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53Now, it's no good me saying that's ready, cos it isn't.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55It's not ready till there's almost no liquid left.
0:07:57 > 0:08:05Il faut etre presque sec. Oui. C'est lie avec l'oignon. Il faut mettre demi-glace. Bon!
0:08:05 > 0:08:10It's good to have someone who knows what he's talking about on hand.
0:08:10 > 0:08:17This is what we call "demi-glace". It's a stock pot which has been reduced slowly...
0:08:17 > 0:08:21flavoured... and then thickened.
0:08:21 > 0:08:27If you want to make a demi-glace, look it up in a cookery book.
0:08:27 > 0:08:34This is now sufficiently reduced. Have a good look at how rich and thick it's gone.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38This is not "nouvelle cuisine". This is "ancienne cuisine"!
0:08:38 > 0:08:43It's good to enrich that with a little knob of unsalted butter.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47That will make the sauce very shiny.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Now I just very gently beat in the butter.
0:08:55 > 0:09:00C'est bon comme ca? Bon. C'est bon pour l'assaisonnement? Oui.
0:09:00 > 0:09:06Maintenant une petite pouce de vin blanc. Maintenant? Juste un peu.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11I've to add a tiny drop, just to make the flavour come through.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16It's just to finish it off... and it does make a big difference.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Spoon. Spoon. Il faut les napper?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Oui, napper. Bien. Voila.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36Here we have a little bit of tomato,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39and very finely chopped chives.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43That's a good dish with potatoes.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Fried or boiled potatoes? Boiled.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50That's a bit too much salad, isn't it?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55There we are. Voila.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01OK, I deserve a round of applause for this.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06As you can see, I made it all by myself with no outside help.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I'll now eat it in front of you.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13But that's a little hot so I'll use THAT one!
0:10:15 > 0:10:18They're light and delicious.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23They're similar to the British faggot, but are much more delicate.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Comment vous le trouvez? Je veux le gouter.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Tres bien, Floyd. Presqu'un Alsacien. I'm nearly an Alsatian!
0:10:35 > 0:10:37There's an answer to that!
0:10:38 > 0:10:42MUSIC: "Horn Concerto" by Mozart
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Here we go again, with my musical chum Amadeus.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48And here's one of the production assistants, looking very anxious.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Colmar, despite being invaded three times since the Franco-Prussian war,
0:10:52 > 0:10:53is a resilient place
0:10:53 > 0:10:56and its citizens exude a genuine joie de vivre,
0:10:56 > 0:11:01which only those who've experienced utter hell show.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03And they make brilliant cakes,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05which they arrange on shelves in much the same way
0:11:05 > 0:11:08as a Bond Street jeweller displays HIS wares.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Of course, what makes the cakes of Alsace so good,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17although a Hungarian countess once told me the only place
0:11:17 > 0:11:22to enjoy cake is in Vienna - she was a bit of a snob, of course -
0:11:22 > 0:11:24is the painstaking care of small family businesses,
0:11:24 > 0:11:28who employ a couple of young apprentices who are very proud to learn and maintain
0:11:28 > 0:11:30the fine tradition of master cake-making.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33And they do make exceedingly good cakes -
0:11:33 > 0:11:34and croissants, of course.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40They're also brilliant at making sausages and, in a better world,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43we'd devote a whole series to this master sausage-maker.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45But it's a cruel world and, until now,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48the sausage-maker was one of gastronomy's unsung heroes.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# Saucissons Saucissons, si bon
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# Full of flavoursome meat
0:11:52 > 0:11:53# Very flavoursome meat
0:11:53 > 0:11:55# Such a succulent treat
0:11:55 > 0:11:57# It's a tasty treat
0:11:57 > 0:11:58# Stuffed and fit to burst
0:11:58 > 0:12:00# Bursting with every flavour
0:12:00 > 0:12:02# Saucissons Saucissons, si bon
0:12:02 > 0:12:04# And the French are the best
0:12:04 > 0:12:05# The French are the best
0:12:05 > 0:12:07# When it comes to the test
0:12:07 > 0:12:08# When they take the test
0:12:08 > 0:12:10# Ces saucissons, si bon
0:12:10 > 0:12:11# Sons, si, si bon
0:12:11 > 0:12:13# Ces saucissons, si bon
0:12:13 > 0:12:14# Sons, si, si bon
0:12:14 > 0:12:16# Ces saucissons, si bon
0:12:16 > 0:12:17# Sons, si, si bon
0:12:17 > 0:12:19# Ces saucissons, si bon
0:12:19 > 0:12:20# Sons, si, si bon. #
0:12:39 > 0:12:43This is what happens when your emotions rule your mind.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47My relationship with the director is based on trust and understanding.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I don't trust him and he doesn't understand me. He knows I hate flying
0:12:50 > 0:12:58and I have got no head for heights. But somehow he persuaded me to take a short flight for some good shots.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03The crew suggested I was yellow. I prayed for fog but to no avail.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23The bottom line here is that I do not like being in this balloon.
0:13:23 > 0:13:30I know it looks great on TV - sunshiny day, drifting over the Vosges Mountains,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32here in Alsace on our way to lunch,
0:13:32 > 0:13:37but we're 3,000 feet up! I've got a decent glass to cheer things up.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41When we do land, I'm going to cook pheasant in cabbage,
0:13:41 > 0:13:47and show you how they make the superb cheese, invented by Irish monks
0:13:47 > 0:13:50in their monastery here in Munster.
0:13:50 > 0:13:57Meanwhile, this is Keith Floyd, above the Vosges Mountains, terrified, for Floyd On France.
0:13:57 > 0:14:04It was just mind over matter. HE didn't mind and I didn't matter.
0:14:04 > 0:14:09But things went wrong, we ran out of gas and we crash-landed in the road. Ha-ha-ha.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19Andre Graf, my mad pilot, managed to save some gas for essentials.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23It is a champagne called a Cremant d'Alsace.
0:14:23 > 0:14:31Of course it's an old tradition since 1783 when the balloon was invented in France.
0:14:31 > 0:14:37So since this year, whenever there is a new flight,
0:14:37 > 0:14:41people who fly the first time in balloon,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44they have to drink champagne.
0:14:50 > 0:14:57Pity you didn't save the gas you used to cool down the champagne for the balloon.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02Yes, sure! We should have had the gas we used now!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06OK! Brilliant!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Then there is another tradition...
0:15:14 > 0:15:20but I guess we have to take care of the technical point of view...
0:15:20 > 0:15:24but THIS is the other tradition! LAUGHTER
0:15:24 > 0:15:26You sod!
0:15:26 > 0:15:33My rendez-vous was a remote farm in the Munster Valley where they sell cheeses.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38The rest of the journey I made on foot, entertained by Andre.
0:15:38 > 0:15:45It turned out that Andre was a distant relation of another of the valley's famous sons,
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Dr Albert Schweitzer, who said,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52"You'd never get ME up in a balloon, Sean!"
0:15:54 > 0:16:02Today I'm cooking a simple dish of pheasant rolled in cabbage and stewed in the local white wine.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07The reason French provincial cooking tastes so good all the time
0:16:07 > 0:16:11is they use the ingredients from their own area.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Clive, spin round the ingredients.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Here's a pheasant shot locally.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22Here's home-cured smoked bacon from this farm,
0:16:22 > 0:16:30carrots from the garden, juniper berries from Sainsbury's, bay leaves and garlic from the garden here,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33and proper home-made sausages.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37The dish tastes so good because they use the Riesling wine.
0:16:37 > 0:16:43They wouldn't buy Moroccan wine for it, like we would in England.
0:16:43 > 0:16:50Anyway, I've got to wrap up the rest of these little leaves around the pheasant.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I'm muttering my words a bit, but you have to put up with that
0:16:53 > 0:16:56because we were up very early this morning,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59getting shots and making cheese and all that sort of stuff.
0:16:59 > 0:17:06Then I have to fry off all my bits of ingredients in the frying pan, and mix it all up together.
0:17:06 > 0:17:13As you've seen that so many times before, all those shots of bubbling frying pans,
0:17:13 > 0:17:19why don't you go and have a look at the cheese-making? See you later.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26# When manufacturing Munster cheese No diseased ingredients, please
0:17:26 > 0:17:28# One vat of local rather fresh white curds
0:17:28 > 0:17:30# And all of this must be stirred
0:17:30 > 0:17:33# And thereupon that fire of wood
0:17:33 > 0:17:36# You have to warm it up real good
0:17:36 > 0:17:39# Until it gets so nice and heated
0:17:39 > 0:17:41# See that the mixture is carefully treated
0:17:41 > 0:17:44# Now add the rennet, make it all congeal
0:17:44 > 0:17:46# You must feel a little ill
0:17:46 > 0:17:49# Fish out the lumps Which now are nice and big
0:17:49 > 0:17:51# Then you must chop them quick...
0:17:51 > 0:17:53# Or you'll be far too sick! #
0:17:53 > 0:17:56RETCHING
0:17:56 > 0:18:03That was witty(!) The set cheeses are salted, stored and turned daily for up to three weeks.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07It's a strong and pungent cheese, but quite delicious.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12There we are. That's 4-5 minutes in the pan there,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16so it's lightly golden. Now, it's ready to go in the main pot.
0:18:16 > 0:18:23You don't HAVE to use pheasant. You could use old grouse, pigeons, all kinds of game birds...
0:18:23 > 0:18:27As long as it's the old and tough ones.
0:18:27 > 0:18:34It's a way of using up old toughies and not the succulent, tender ones you'd use for roasting.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Now it owes a lot to Alsatian cooking,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43and Alsatians owe a lot to me,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47because the reason I'm having this substantial dish today
0:18:47 > 0:18:53is after that nasty crash, we need something to build ourselves up.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55I did not enjoy that experience.
0:18:55 > 0:19:01Boats and helicopters are OK, but the balloon made me miserable.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06I'll bring this over to you to show you what is in there now...
0:19:06 > 0:19:11The packets of pheasant wrapped in cabbage, on top of their little bed of vegetables and bacon.
0:19:11 > 0:19:17The bay leaves go in, and some juniper berries plop in like that.
0:19:17 > 0:19:25You can't use those sausages you get with E-numbers in the supermarket.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29You've got to find somebody who makes a proper sausage.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I'll just give these a slight prick.
0:19:32 > 0:19:40You should never cook with wine that you can't drink. If the wine is not good enough to drink...
0:19:41 > 0:19:46..which this most certainly is, you mustn't cook with it.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47I'll pour myself one last slurp...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49It IS only the balloon pilot after all.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53The way he was interfering with that gas yesterday was very worrying.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56There. That goes in like that.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59The lid goes on to the top.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Seen the lid?!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06This you do very carefully,
0:20:06 > 0:20:11because the director will say, "Did we SEE the oven properly?"
0:20:13 > 0:20:16THEY CHAT IN FRENCH
0:20:19 > 0:20:24'I didn't realise so many people were coming to lunch!
0:20:24 > 0:20:29'I panicked when I saw these big farmers with enormous appetites.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34'It's a bit much to ask one pheasant to feed six people.
0:20:34 > 0:20:41'One pheasant is fine for two. The mad balloonist and I had to make do with cream cheese.'
0:20:41 > 0:20:44This cheese is not ripe at all
0:20:44 > 0:20:47and it is still a sweet cheese.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51So it is served with some cream
0:20:51 > 0:20:56and what we call in France "the small milk".
0:20:56 > 0:21:01It's what...drops from the... The whey, I think. Yeah.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05And so you take the kirsch... Yes.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08And you pour it on the cheese.
0:21:08 > 0:21:14This is very good with truffes du Perigord, or goose liver,
0:21:14 > 0:21:19or champagne... Something very well-known from France.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24But this one should be very well-known. It's very good.
0:21:24 > 0:21:31Would you take some sugar with it? You take some sugar with it. I guess there's already some on it.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34It is very fine.
0:21:35 > 0:21:42So all the gastronomy on the farms was originally... Beautiful!
0:21:42 > 0:21:47..so that people could stay all summer long on the mountain.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51They didn't need anything - only sugar.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55You had desires to invent cheese yourself, didn't you?
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Yes, this was a strange story.
0:21:59 > 0:22:05It's not a good story! I tried to make a mixing with Roquefort,
0:22:05 > 0:22:10that is the cheese from...er, west...south France,
0:22:10 > 0:22:12and with Munster cheese.
0:22:12 > 0:22:17And I took some bread, because we have to take some moulted...?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Mouldy! Mouldy bread.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25And I knew there was mouldy bread in the Roquefort, to make it blue.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29And I put some mouldy bread in one cheese.
0:22:29 > 0:22:35And I put it in the cellar with the other hundreds of cheese.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39You had asked the farmer permission to make this blue cheese?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43I had, but he didn't really realise.
0:22:43 > 0:22:50But I did it and I went to the cellar every two days to whisk up the cheese.
0:22:50 > 0:22:56You have to whisk up the cheese with salt and water,
0:22:56 > 0:23:03so that the mushrooms... You know it is all riped up by mushrooms,
0:23:03 > 0:23:07and these mushrooms have to develop correctly.
0:23:07 > 0:23:13So one day I went to the cellar and I found my cheese completely blue,
0:23:13 > 0:23:17and I was glad because it was like a Roquefort.
0:23:17 > 0:23:24But when I looked at the other cheese, all were blue! All the other cheese were blue!
0:23:24 > 0:23:29And so this was a really, really big story in this farm,
0:23:29 > 0:23:35because I had to stay days and days into the cellar,
0:23:35 > 0:23:42and I had to take off all the blue places on the cheese, and there were hundreds of cheese!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Mad as a hatter! There are more out than in, you know.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Meanwhile, back at the Maison des Tetes,
0:23:47 > 0:23:53they're busily preparing the great regional speciality - choucroute. Take it away, boys!
0:23:55 > 0:23:59JAUNTY FRENCH ACCORDION MUSIC
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Tout de suite! Tous tout de suite!
0:24:20 > 0:24:27Just to remind you what choucroute is - it's fermented cabbage, boiled
0:24:27 > 0:24:31and then heaped with slices of ham, bacon, pork sausages,
0:24:31 > 0:24:35liver dumplings and boiled potatoes. It doesn't half build you up!
0:24:35 > 0:24:39INSTRUCTIONS ARE BELLOWED IN FRENCH
0:25:00 > 0:25:02I was in the middle of cooking a very important dish
0:25:02 > 0:25:05when a couple of coachloads of German holiday-makers marched in
0:25:05 > 0:25:09demanding choucroute - and so my chicken in beer had to be put to one side.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I'll explain what I've done up to now.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14First, I fried chicken pieces in butter, flamed them with gin,
0:25:14 > 0:25:17added shallots and mushrooms, covered them with beer,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20pinch of salt and pepper and parsley and simmered them for about an hour.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Now's the time to finish the dish off.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Although the mice have been at my chicken during my absence,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27and some of these chaps behind me have been eating little bits of it,
0:25:27 > 0:25:31I would, in fact, like to continue with the cooking demonstration,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34if that's all right with the rest of Germany and this part of France!
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Right. So we lift out these portions of chicken into here
0:25:38 > 0:25:43and finish off the sauce by adding a little fresh cream.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Pull it back from the heat so it doesn't all curdle. Stay there.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51And then we enrich it with a knob of butter,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53as before, put it back on to the heat...
0:25:54 > 0:25:57..like that. I shall ask Marc to taste this in a minute, to see
0:25:57 > 0:26:01if he thinks it's any good or not. Melt the butter into that.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Check for seasoning. I think it needs another grind of pepper...
0:26:06 > 0:26:10..like that. I, then, think...
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I can simply pour that over there.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Bubble it up,
0:26:18 > 0:26:22sprinkle a little parsley on, and that is coq a la biere,
0:26:22 > 0:26:27a ma facon, ici a la Maison des Tetes in Alsace, OK?
0:26:28 > 0:26:33It's terribly dextrous to be able to carve a tomat... I mean, a mushroom or whatever it is,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36but it does nothing for the flavour. Why can't they leave things alone?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39And another thing - they didn't even ask me if I wanted these little tombstones
0:26:39 > 0:26:42put on top of my wonderful-looking dish, which I cooked on my own.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Looks silly like that.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47And now, of course, for the terrible moment of truth.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50As usual, the chef will be invited to taste it.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52If he says something nice about it, he stays in the film.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55If he criticises it, he gets cut. It's quite straightforward.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58He doesn't actually know I've said that.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Bon. Tu veux le gouter un peu, poir voir? OK, OK.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Dis-moi franchement! Ah, mais je dis franchement! Ca va.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Mm. It's very nice, Floyd.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33Perfect cooking. The sauce is all right, but...
0:27:33 > 0:27:37If you keep a little bit beer and you put it on the end,
0:27:37 > 0:27:41it brings a little... You know?
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Just brings the flavour... Much better.
0:27:44 > 0:27:45Much better. You see?
0:27:45 > 0:27:50We do it here and in other places, but it's very good.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Very good. Good. So what he's really saying there, in precise terms -
0:27:54 > 0:27:56although the sauce is made from beer,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59I should've saved a little bit of beer - fresh beer -
0:27:59 > 0:28:03to add at the last minute, just to bring back the flavour of the beer.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Otherwise, he said it was well cooked. You heard. You speak English as well as I can.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09All these chefs are smiling, they're drinking Champagne.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Everybody's being very happy.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15If he's such a nice bloke, then why is this in the kitchen, I would like to know?
0:28:15 > 0:28:17He says it's just for pointing at the orders,
0:28:17 > 0:28:20but you see chaps round here with bandages and things like that.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22This has been used quite a lot.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25What exactly is this for? That...
0:28:25 > 0:28:27HE CHUCKLES
0:28:27 > 0:28:31I can't tell you in English, but, er...
0:28:31 > 0:28:34You know when somebody's doing something wrong?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36He becomes a little bit...
0:28:36 > 0:28:40That is broken in two places and we have repaired it.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45Est-ce qu'il est si cruel et monstrueux, comme ca, des fois?
0:28:45 > 0:28:48Souvent. Ouais, ouais. Souvent.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52What I've always wanted to do is take a lesson from a master chef
0:28:52 > 0:28:56and have a go at my producer! Where is he?
0:28:56 > 0:28:58MUSIC: "Peaches" by The Stranglers