27/11/2011

:00:15. > :00:23.Good morning. Welcome to Sunday. We're live with you until 11.30.

:00:23. > :00:28.Joining us in the studio is writer, director and standup comic Stephen

:00:28. > :00:31.Merchant. And making a mad dash from the

:00:31. > :00:36.airport is Liverpool legend John Bishop. Where is he? He's on his

:00:36. > :00:41.way, rushing. Has he landed? I hope he has because otherwise, it's not

:00:41. > :00:45.going to be a very interesting intervau. He has a whole entourage

:00:45. > :00:50.with him - he's just any, normal bloke. I have heard that for years.

:00:50. > :00:53.We have cocktails, and of course, comedy, and we'll, as ever, be

:00:53. > :01:03.looking forward to the best of next week's telly. Yes, this is

:01:03. > :01:09.

:01:09. > :01:13.Good morning, and welcome to Something For the Weekend. John

:01:13. > :01:19.Bishop has landed apparently, private jet. Where do private jets

:01:19. > :01:23.go into? I think it's just downstairs. I wonder where he goes

:01:23. > :01:28.- it's just... He's such a nice bloke. I have known John for 20

:01:28. > :01:32.years. You're saying now he's horrible? Is that what you're

:01:32. > :01:36.saying? Now it's straight through to his PA now. He's changed.

:01:36. > :01:40.Really? Prawn cocktails at the march. His people call your people?

:01:40. > :01:42.Yeah. I am glad he's not here. We're not going to discuss

:01:42. > :01:47.Liverpool today because since the Something For the Weekend diary,

:01:47. > :01:51.there has been two huge matches, so we can't talk about it, and

:01:51. > :01:54.Chelsea... I must admit, when I was watching the game... You were

:01:54. > :01:58.watching the game? It was on, and I felt kind of weird because the

:01:58. > :02:05.first thing I thought was about you guys, and I thought, you're going

:02:05. > :02:09.to be gutted, and you're going to be so happy. As ever, Tim's phone

:02:09. > :02:14.after they were beaten with Johnson scoring in the last minute, Tim's

:02:15. > :02:18.phone didn't work. I got enough texts off him, I'll tell you. But

:02:18. > :02:22.then we went on to mid-week, we didn't do too well in the

:02:22. > :02:26.Champions' League either. How did you get on in the Champions' League

:02:26. > :02:30.football either? We're not in it this year, Tim. No, you're not.

:02:30. > :02:36.Have you ever won that? When was the last time you won the League?

:02:36. > :02:41.There is a lot of 20 smf something- year-old kids out there, Liverpool

:02:41. > :02:44.fans, never seen you win the League. I am glad we got that out of the

:02:44. > :02:53.way. Let's talk about dancing instead. It was Strictly last night.

:02:53. > :02:56.I am going Team Savage. I want him to win now because he's a

:02:56. > :03:00.footballer. We have some footage. Brendan. This is the third time he

:03:00. > :03:03.stepped in this series. Why? Because there's injuries? They're

:03:03. > :03:09.hurting themselves. They're obviously really going for it.

:03:09. > :03:16.Jason Donovan there. He's doing the Charleston. There he is - go on,

:03:16. > :03:22.Savage! Yes! Look at that. Ha, ha, ha! I don't know what to think.

:03:22. > :03:25.What? He's a funny player, a nice bloke. I admire him because to come

:03:25. > :03:30.out of sport and to go into something like that and really go

:03:30. > :03:35.into it... Is it harder for the football players than the rugby

:03:35. > :03:41.players and the cricket players? don't know. I would say footballers

:03:41. > :03:46.because I know how footballers are. I think it takes guts to get up and

:03:47. > :03:53.do that. Do you think Jamie would do that? I think he'd prefer to eat

:03:53. > :03:59.his arm. Does he dance? No. Does he ever take you on to the dancefloor

:03:59. > :04:04.and spin some shapes? After maybe 20 alcoholic benchs. I would think

:04:04. > :04:11.Jamie is a dancer. Move on. He's got rhythm. He plays football.

:04:11. > :04:14.got a little groove - no, no. right. As well as... He'll be

:04:14. > :04:18.mortified. Let's talk about our guest today. As well as doing

:04:18. > :04:22.stand-up and dancing like John Travolta in front of 400,000 people

:04:22. > :04:28.across the UK, John Bishop has just created and starred on a drama

:04:28. > :04:34.based on his youth in Liverpool. There he is with a bald head. He'll

:04:34. > :04:42.be telling us all about his busy projects and show when he arrives

:04:42. > :04:44.off his jet with his entourage. We're joined by Stephen Merchant,

:04:44. > :04:48.who following success with Life's Too Short and An Idiot Abroad is

:04:48. > :04:52.touring with his Hello Ladies show in an attempt to find a wife.

:04:52. > :04:56.was playing Wolverhampton last night. Did he find a Hello Ladies?

:04:56. > :05:06.I didn't ask him. But he says he's tired. If you have a question for

:05:06. > :05:12.

:05:12. > :05:16.either John or Steve, e-mail it via What have we got going on with food,

:05:16. > :05:19.Simon? It's winter, so it's a nice wintry dish. We're going to smoke

:05:19. > :05:28.some fish - smoked grey mullet - look at that we're just going to

:05:28. > :05:38.smoke it in a wok. Looks like pastry. Is that on coleslaw? Yeah,

:05:38. > :05:42.

:05:42. > :05:51.fennel and ram laud coleslaw and Blazing Bailey, we have never done

:05:51. > :05:57.this on the show before. That on is a gentleman's relish. Anchovy

:05:57. > :06:02.flavour with beet is delicious even though it sounds weird. Gentleman's

:06:02. > :06:07.relish? Yeah. Desert is an apple fudge cake. This is as tasty as

:06:07. > :06:12.Glen Johnson's left foot last week in the penalty area for Stamford

:06:12. > :06:18.Bridge - fudge, apples, cake, delicious. Finally, another winner,

:06:18. > :06:22.Bombay potato and spinach pie - layers of feta - feta? Filo

:06:22. > :06:26.pastry... Is it because you're reliving the moment of the score?

:06:26. > :06:33.That moment, that cross-field pass from Charlie - had it coming, then

:06:33. > :06:37.Glen just coming through and popping it up. It was a great

:06:38. > :06:43.moment. Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's going to be a great morning.

:06:43. > :06:50.can look up all of his recipes on the website, and hopefully try them

:06:50. > :06:54.yourself. But here is what else is happening on the show today.

:06:54. > :06:58.Warwick goes flat hunting in Life's Too Short. As far as the estate

:06:58. > :07:05.agent is concerned, I am just some cool dude with short arms and deep

:07:05. > :07:11.pockets. You can meet the American Nomads.

:07:11. > :07:20.didn't enjoy it very much. I could do it, but I wouldn't like it.

:07:20. > :07:24.There are robotic lution Frontline Medicine. This is the world's first

:07:24. > :07:29.bionic lower limb. OK. Wayne has abandoned us again to

:07:29. > :07:32.go and help with the Greek debt crisis, so we welcome back the King

:07:32. > :07:36.of science cocktails, Tristan Stephenson. What have you got for

:07:36. > :07:41.us? We're going to be doing a twist on a classic eggnog, but it's going

:07:41. > :07:46.to be served had one of these, an ice cream cone. Is it going to be

:07:46. > :07:54.ice cream? We'll be making alcoholic eggnog ice cream, yes.

:07:54. > :08:02.Look forward to that. What are you making us? We're going to smoke

:08:02. > :08:07.some beautiful gremallat. We have naip maple, but it could be oak,

:08:07. > :08:16.ash, sawdust, whatever flavour you want, really. We have some carrot,

:08:16. > :08:20.fennel, onion... Isn't this the all-important bit though? You go to

:08:20. > :08:24.places, and they say this is our all-important smoking technique?

:08:24. > :08:29.Yes. It is on all levels, but at the end of the day we're going to

:08:29. > :08:33.smoke this quite quickly. What are we smoking it with? This is maple,

:08:33. > :08:38.but you can use oak, whatever chippings you can get. Oak is

:08:38. > :08:43.probably the most popular one to do, but again, this is a very fast

:08:43. > :08:53.smoke. If you ever you thought to yourself, I could actually smoke

:08:53. > :08:56.

:08:56. > :09:03.something, this is how simple it is. I saw all about smoking at a museum.

:09:03. > :09:09.Are you joking? Disney is nothing when you can go to a sardine museum.

:09:09. > :09:12.You have not stopped talking about it since. "Ooh, dad, can we please

:09:12. > :09:17.go to the sardine museum?" Did you not hear about it? You might not

:09:17. > :09:20.have been on the show. You get a little plastic fish. You sit there

:09:20. > :09:25.with tins, and they get little plastic fish and they line them up

:09:26. > :09:31.in the tins. It's interactive. not even commenting on your day out.

:09:31. > :09:38.Take the kids down there. Take Jamie. He'll love it.

:09:39. > :09:43.LAUGHTER Great. Rock 'n' roll. We're doing

:09:43. > :09:48.gremallat. But you can do it with a piece of salmon or sea bass. It's

:09:48. > :09:52.delicious to smoke that. This is up to room temperature, then salt it.

:09:52. > :09:58.Get plenty of sea salt on there. Then sit it for ten minutes to draw

:09:58. > :10:04.a little bit of moisture out. home, it's going to make the house

:10:04. > :10:10.stink. Do it in the garden. We're all going to be going for three

:10:10. > :10:16.days after... Do it in the garden. That's why I often make Jamie do

:10:16. > :10:21.the fish or meat in the garden on the barbecue. He's out there with

:10:21. > :10:26.an umbrella cooking his salmon! yes, you could do this outside but

:10:26. > :10:30.you know what? Open the windows. Vent it well. It's smoked to

:10:30. > :10:34.preserve it? Yes. That's the traditional way of doing it. You're

:10:34. > :10:42.drying it out so it lasts a long time. Salt it. Leave it for five

:10:42. > :10:47.minutes or so, rinse it off, pat it dry. Then all you need, wok,

:10:47. > :10:52.chippings, into there. Put that on the stove top, let it get really

:10:52. > :10:56.hot, light it so it flames. This is a special smoking top so we've got

:10:56. > :11:01.vents in here, OK? What's going on underneath? No, because I don't

:11:01. > :11:11.want to reveal the beautiful finish. I'm going to slide it on. This has

:11:11. > :11:15.

:11:15. > :11:20.Ahh! It's a bit of a Pandora's box moment. So we slide that in there.

:11:20. > :11:25.Amazing! Wow. That will be about 12 minutes or so. What we're looking

:11:25. > :11:31.for now is a delicious flavour that'll come from it. The smell in

:11:31. > :11:38.here is amazing. So work for you, children - Lou, if you would add

:11:38. > :11:44.lemon juice, parsley and mayo in. Tim, shave off the carrots and the

:11:44. > :11:48.same with the fennel, and I'll chock a little bit of red onion.

:11:48. > :11:54.I went to Heston Blumenthal's restaurant the other night, and I

:11:54. > :11:59.had duck, and as part of the male, they had duck hearts. I was eating

:11:59. > :12:05.duck hearts. What was it like? tasted delicious, but they looked

:12:05. > :12:11.awful! They looked "offal"! It's a joke, Louise. Tim! It's a joke.

:12:11. > :12:16.They looked awful. They lookedny, actually. What was the best thing

:12:16. > :12:22.you it a? I quite liked that. It was interesting to eat duck's heart.

:12:22. > :12:27.If you're eating duck, I know whatever part of it you're eating -

:12:27. > :12:35.but do you not kind of think, this is the heart? I never mind that.

:12:35. > :12:41.don't mind. It's expensive, but my friend picked up "the bill" it's a

:12:41. > :12:45.joke, you see, because ducks have bills. Oh, no. I think I preferred

:12:45. > :12:51.the sardine museum! It was interesting. They're about the size

:12:51. > :12:56.of a mushroom stroke walnut. Have you had them, a duck's heart?

:12:56. > :13:00.Never. It's weird because it's slightly more chewy in texture than

:13:00. > :13:06.normal meat. I remember having hearts as a kid and really

:13:06. > :13:12.disliking them. It's that old-style food, isn't it? Offal, we used to

:13:12. > :13:17.use every bit of the meat. How about doing this with the fennel

:13:17. > :13:23.like this? Quite nice. It's a nice little implement. Everyone keeps

:13:23. > :13:27.asking me where I got it. I don't know. I have looked for one. I

:13:27. > :13:31.can't find it anywhere. Is that actually yours? No, it's the

:13:31. > :13:39.Something For the Weekend family, so we have had it a long time. It's

:13:39. > :13:44.a bit of a family air loom -- heirloom now. Would you like me to

:13:44. > :13:50.put this in now? It's interesting to eat. We have objection cheek

:13:50. > :13:55.later. I have never had that. exactly what it says - you think of

:13:55. > :14:00.the size of the cow's head - it's a great piece of meat. Would the

:14:00. > :14:04.reason for doing that is it is a tastier piece of meat? It is tasty,

:14:04. > :14:08.but it's about the cooking process, about cooking it really slowly, so

:14:08. > :14:14.what you have to do is break down the tissues of the meat, so it's

:14:14. > :14:19.really slow cooked. It turns out from being an FBI rouse piece of

:14:19. > :14:26.meat to something that falls apart. That's fine. Lou, chuck all of that

:14:26. > :14:31.into there and give it a good mix around. So what we've got is an

:14:31. > :14:35.intense smoky flavour of the fish and the acidity. We have that

:14:35. > :14:39.lovely combination. This is how our mullet starts - it's gorgeous. If

:14:39. > :14:44.you have never had mullet, if you like the flavour of sea bass, then

:14:44. > :14:50.there is a similarity in that flavour. Now, here is our beautiful

:14:50. > :14:55.moment... Ahh! Look - how gorgeous is that? So we go from the fish

:14:55. > :14:58.looking like that to looking like that, and the smell is...

:14:58. > :15:04.sawdust is different, though, right? We have bigger ones in here.

:15:04. > :15:09.A few chips in there, but you can do it with sawdust or chipping -

:15:09. > :15:14.it's easier if you do it on an open top like that. The sawdust will

:15:14. > :15:19.light more quickly. You have to work harder with the chippings, so

:15:19. > :15:23.it's chips of maple, sawdust. Sawdust? Yeah. That's all because

:15:23. > :15:26.we're just basically kind of smoking with - you can use tea as

:15:26. > :15:31.well. A really simple thing to do - you can do tea, sugar and a little

:15:31. > :15:37.bit of rice is a good smoking base as well. So a little bit of our

:15:37. > :15:42.lovely acidity there, and then we simply lift out this glorious...

:15:42. > :15:47.I'm quite excited about eating this. It does look amazing, like pastry.

:15:47. > :15:50.Yeah. The thing about it is, we've done this in realtime - or rather

:15:50. > :15:55.in a short space of time - 12 minutes to do that piece of fish,

:15:55. > :15:59.and you always imagine the smoking process - it takes hours and hours.

:16:00. > :16:08.Delicious, smoky. I have to say, as someone that was quite concerned

:16:08. > :16:12.for the smoke, it wasn't that smoky. No. Was it? In a short amount of

:16:12. > :16:17.time, you get that nice smoky flavour without it being hugely

:16:17. > :16:19.overpowering. You can do it with any piece of fish or meat. What are

:16:19. > :16:29.we doing for the main course? Braised ox cheeks with gentleman's

:16:29. > :16:30.

:16:30. > :16:35.all of today's recipes. I will ask you about that in a minute. Warwick

:16:35. > :16:43.Davis has decided to buy a new flat and clearly a strategy is needed to

:16:43. > :16:47.ensure success. This is Life's Too This is how we'll play it, you're

:16:47. > :16:52.my right-hand woman and you ask all the questions. It will seem like

:16:52. > :16:55.I'm too important even to talk. No- one knows what I'm thinking. As far

:16:55. > :17:05.as the estate agent is concerned, I'm just some cool dude with short

:17:05. > :17:27.

:17:27. > :17:31.Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. No. No? But it's him you have to please.

:17:31. > :17:37.What do you think? No-one knows what he's thinking. He doesn't even

:17:37. > :17:42.know what he's thinking. I know. knows. You need to find ou. Don't

:17:42. > :17:49.charge him too much because he has small little arms so he can't reach

:17:49. > :17:53.his pockets. That's not what I said. I have short arms and deep pockets.

:17:53. > :17:58.You can cringe with Warwick in Life's Too Short on Thursday at

:17:58. > :18:04.9.30pm on BBC Two. Our first guest cameos in Life's

:18:04. > :18:07.Too Short and also in an An Idiot Abroad. He has a string of writing

:18:07. > :18:12.credits including The Office and he's pretty good at stand up.

:18:12. > :18:18.am I doing stand-up comedy? First reason I'm doing stand-up is that

:18:18. > :18:22.any money I make, I don't have to share with you know who. Yeah.

:18:22. > :18:29.They're serving nachos in the cinema now. Where is it going to

:18:29. > :18:35.stop. Pock corn, nachos, a couple of Granny smiths, walnuts and rice

:18:35. > :18:42.Chris piz. It's mental. 21 years old frgs do you know when

:18:42. > :18:50.they were born? 1990. Who was born in 1990? I have tinned food older

:18:50. > :18:56.than that. She made her a way across through the crowd, "Excuse

:18:56. > :19:02.me are you going to be here for a while. "I I said "Yes, I am." She

:19:02. > :19:06.said, "Great because my friends and I have arranged to meet back at you.

:19:06. > :19:10."Welcome back to something for the weekend, Stephen Merchant. Thank

:19:10. > :19:16.you for having me back. Touring last night, Wolverhampton. How did

:19:16. > :19:19.it go? It was all right, OK, you know, it's just very tiring. I was

:19:19. > :19:22.talking to John Bishop about it. The gig is fine. That's fun. You're

:19:22. > :19:26.up there for an hour or whatever. It's the travel and the hotels. I

:19:26. > :19:32.thought it would be a lot more rock-and-roll. I thought there

:19:32. > :19:36.would be a lot more gentleman cuesies and beautiful, beautiful --

:19:36. > :19:42.jacuzzis and beautiful women. you putting it out there that you

:19:42. > :19:46.want that after your show? No, the show, the original concept was that

:19:46. > :19:50.I was going to talk about my search for a wife, which has not gone well

:19:50. > :19:53.over the years. Then I started getting quite creepy letters from

:19:53. > :19:59.women. I don't know how they got my address. I'm sure they're lovely,

:19:59. > :20:05.they would include photographs and what I can only describe as love

:20:05. > :20:10.CVs. Which had "I was in a relationship between '92 and 93 and

:20:10. > :20:13.now I live with 17 cats." It's not really a search for a wife it's

:20:13. > :20:18.more a discussion on why I've failed to find a wife. Not tempted

:20:18. > :20:22.by any of them? No, no, I'm going on dates with all of them. Carley

:20:22. > :20:27.says "I was at your Bradford gig the other night when a man in the

:20:27. > :20:31.audience offered you a woman." Is that the weirdest thing that's

:20:31. > :20:35.happened on tour, are you getting offered women? No a man stood up

:20:35. > :20:40.and seemed to offer me a lady. I couldn't ses stab lish who he was.

:20:40. > :20:44.I couldn't tell if he was a relative of hers, or just next to

:20:44. > :20:50.her in the theatre. It's that lovely Yorkshire manner, you know.

:20:50. > :20:54.We have women for you, enjoy. she says, go on, do my word for me.

:20:54. > :20:57.Just shout out in a room of a thousand people. You've gone back

:20:57. > :21:02.to stand up. You started by doing stand up, which some people aren't

:21:02. > :21:05.aware of. Have you changed your style since then? I had to. My

:21:05. > :21:09.original act was a bit more post- modern. Because known knew who I

:21:09. > :21:13.was back then. I was probably braver in a way. I started trying

:21:13. > :21:17.to do that act when I came back to it and it didn't make sense to them.

:21:17. > :21:21.I had to start from the ground floor really and work my way back

:21:21. > :21:25.to it. It's a bit like probably boxing or something, you have to be

:21:25. > :21:29.match fit. You have to get back in the ring and take the punches. I

:21:29. > :21:33.have been dabbling in small clubs around London for a couple of years,

:21:33. > :21:37.slowly building up to this moment. You'll never do it again? No, this

:21:37. > :21:43.is the debut tour and the farewell tour all in one. Unless there's a

:21:43. > :21:46.lot more jacuzzis. Do you enjoy, obviously you're well known for

:21:46. > :21:51.your writing and the programmes you've done, do you prefer the

:21:51. > :21:56.writing, is that where you feel most comfortable? There are

:21:56. > :22:02.different pleasures with all of it. The stand up, it's easy to get cos

:22:02. > :22:06.eted in the TV writing world. With stand up, you're there, it's raw.

:22:06. > :22:11.You're on the stage. It reminds you what makes people laugh. It helps

:22:11. > :22:15.with the writing. It feeds back into it. Remind us how you got to

:22:15. > :22:19.write with Ricky. I sent in a CV to this radio station that I found out

:22:19. > :22:23.was starting up. I'm pretty certain mine was the top one on the pile

:22:23. > :22:28.and they thought, this guy would be fine. He invited me up. He said to

:22:28. > :22:32.me, "Do you promise to do all the work, so I can swan around?" I was

:22:32. > :22:37.kind of young. That's what happened. He was my boss for a little while.

:22:37. > :22:42.I quickly realised he was going to get us both fired. I jumped ship

:22:42. > :22:46.and joined the BBC. A year later he got fired. You've been so

:22:46. > :22:51.instrumental in each other's success. That's true. There's a

:22:51. > :22:55.danger of romanticising it. I'm sure if I met anyone else, we would

:22:55. > :22:58.have had similar success. Scott in Devon says, because you write a lot

:22:58. > :23:02.with Ricky, there's a rumour there's a new show called Derek

:23:02. > :23:08.coming out and Sean Connery is starring in it. I've no idea about

:23:08. > :23:12.that. Based in an old people's home. That might be a project that

:23:12. > :23:18.Ricky's working on. I have no dealing was that or Sean Connery.

:23:18. > :23:23.Much as I'd love to work with Sean. Is the writing 50/50? We sit in a

:23:23. > :23:28.room and we just brain storm and throw ideas around. People tend to

:23:28. > :23:31.think it's more glamorous than Catholicclibgz. Last winter we were

:23:32. > :23:35.writing Life's Too Short. The heating broke, we were huddled

:23:35. > :23:38.round in our coats. It was like something from Dickens. It's lots

:23:39. > :23:42.of hard work, talking, bashing your head against a wall. You're going

:23:42. > :23:45.to the States, how does your stand- up go down over. There I never know

:23:46. > :23:49.if the Americans get our sense of humour or they don't. I've never

:23:49. > :23:53.done it over there before. I'm anxious about tkha for exactly that

:23:53. > :23:57.reason. I don't think the sense of humour is radically different.

:23:57. > :24:02.There's a lot of references. I'm amazed how they don't understand

:24:02. > :24:07.what I'm saying. I don't think I have a terribly broad West Country

:24:07. > :24:11.accent. It annoys me. I want to go, I'm speaking English. This is

:24:11. > :24:16.English. I'm from England. They get the programmes. The Office is big.

:24:16. > :24:21.They get the sense of humour that you carry in your stand up. I think

:24:21. > :24:25.it's the internet. I think the trade across the Atlantic of humour

:24:25. > :24:32.much easier than it used to be. Years ago you had to wait for the

:24:32. > :24:37.TV, now you watch stuff on u tube. Ricky has agreed to do the Golden

:24:37. > :24:41.Globes in American which has been a controversial thing. Sorry about

:24:41. > :24:45.that. Do you write that with him? contributed some jokes or worked

:24:45. > :24:50.with him on some jokes last time. I'd like to continue working in

:24:50. > :24:55.America, so I keep my head low. People ask me in that country, "I

:24:55. > :24:59.have no idea." Nothing to do with it. Karl Pilkington was on last

:24:59. > :25:04.week. I asked him to give a question for you. This is it: Now

:25:04. > :25:07.he's taken a third of my earnings off me, can we now draw a line

:25:08. > :25:12.under the 50p incident? Is this something we can discuss on the

:25:12. > :25:20.show? We were in a coffee shop, I gave him a fiver to go up to buy

:25:20. > :25:23.coughies. He came back right it was �4.50. There was 50p change. He

:25:23. > :25:28.kept it. It was something with the fact he helped me with free beer.

:25:28. > :25:32.He took it as some kind of payment. My argument is this, the 50p, it's

:25:32. > :25:41.my decision to give it to him or not. You don't just keep someone's

:25:41. > :25:45.change. I'm with you. It's my call, isn't it? Why does he think it's

:25:45. > :25:49.his? His argument is, it's only 50p, Steve, plus I helped you out with

:25:49. > :25:53.the free beer. Which is a completely separate incident and

:25:53. > :25:58.not involved with that at all. On the tour a number of people have

:25:58. > :26:02.come up to the stage door and given me 50p to hand to him to draw a

:26:02. > :26:06.line under it. Next time see him I will give him the damn 50p. I'm on

:26:06. > :26:10.your side as well. I wonder if anyone out there thinks that Carl

:26:10. > :26:14.is in the right. You can't take someone's money, agreed. It's like

:26:14. > :26:21.not getting your change back. It's not right. It was only 50p, oh,

:26:21. > :26:28.well. Where does it stop? Stephen is sticking with us to do some

:26:28. > :26:33.cooking. Keep the e-mails coming in. You can also tweet.

:26:33. > :26:43.I hope you have a good brain for nostalgia, because we need to know

:26:43. > :26:54.

:26:54. > :26:58.the year in today's Deja View. The coal board have been granted

:26:58. > :27:01.leave to bring an action for contempt against the miners union.

:27:01. > :27:06.Though flying pickets have been withdrawn this morning, the coal

:27:06. > :27:10.board reckons only 22 of the country's 175 pits are work.

:27:10. > :27:14.Cambridge set a unique record in the 130th university boat race.

:27:14. > :27:18.They sank before it began. They rammed a barge, smashing their bow

:27:18. > :27:21.and the race was called off until tomorrow. The Prince and Princess

:27:21. > :27:26.of Wales took their new baby son home this afternoon, just 22 hours

:27:26. > :27:36.after he was born and his name has been announced. They're Henry,

:27:36. > :27:39.

:27:39. > :27:43.You want me to turn them up? Turn up a few, preferrably with a print,

:27:43. > :27:48.something to give us a lead. Not for the Treasury, for me. Tie it up

:27:48. > :27:56.by lunch time, I'll buy you a drink. Jew pushing the boat out? Why not.

:27:56. > :28:00.-- Are you pushing the boat out? I got it right last week. I'm not

:28:00. > :28:09.going to do it this week. Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Liverpool's

:28:09. > :28:15.finest. A Liverpool band? They are. '88. I'm going '86. Some time

:28:15. > :28:20.around then. Mid to late 80s. Without football references we

:28:20. > :28:27.haven't got a clue. Struggling. now let's look at what you've

:28:27. > :28:31.cooked this week. This is Martin from Hayes in Middlesex, he made

:28:31. > :28:39.the sticky toffee chocolate puddings. That's a nice picture. He

:28:39. > :28:46.also wants to sell similaron, kolon the pool after last week's win

:28:46. > :28:51.against Chelsea. The sentiments of the gentleman may not be my

:28:51. > :28:59.sentiments. This is Emily and baby Fearne, which is fine. Do you know

:28:59. > :29:05.what Emily's husband's name is? what? Liam Gallagher. "the" Liam

:29:05. > :29:12.Gallagher? That remains to be seen. Where is she from? It doesn't say.

:29:12. > :29:19.Secret location. OK. Finally Alexander who is 24 and Max, 17

:29:19. > :29:26.from burli, and they're going to tuck into the milk poached pork

:29:26. > :29:31.shold -- shoulder. Everyone says it looked odd but tasted great. Nice.

:29:31. > :29:41.If you are going to cook anything we do on the show, do send the

:29:41. > :29:50.

:29:50. > :29:56.So exo cheeks - this is an exciting one. I am excited. Flour, red wine,

:29:56. > :30:00.stock. Are they expensive? I assume they're an expensive cut of meat?

:30:00. > :30:03.They should be a cheap cut of meat, but I think as they become more

:30:04. > :30:09.popular, then the price goes up, but yes, theoretically, they are.

:30:09. > :30:13.Seems to be a lot of chefs cooking them now. We're all using things

:30:13. > :30:18.like cheeks and skirt and shin - those slow-cooked - it all makes

:30:18. > :30:23.for beautiful food. In wintertime, we want nice, hearty dishes. Again,

:30:23. > :30:28.it's a commitment. Who can commit for cooking it for that length of

:30:28. > :30:32.time - how long do we cook it for? Two-and-a-half two three hours.

:30:32. > :30:39.It's a commitment. It's absolutely worth it. You can put it on at the

:30:39. > :30:45.start of Football Live in the morning... 90 minutes. Two hours.

:30:45. > :30:52.Your celebratory match, post-match. Then you're done. If you wait it

:30:52. > :30:57.like that it's easy. Then we're making gentleman's relish which is

:30:57. > :31:06.an anchovy-based buttery concoction. Is that what it is? I Googled it

:31:06. > :31:10.last night. Nice spread on toast. Anchovy paste. Indeed. We have

:31:10. > :31:15.Worcestershire sauce, nutmeg, cayenne, butter, lemon. I have

:31:15. > :31:21.never heard of it before. Have you not? No. It's a great thing.

:31:21. > :31:25.are you going to stick that on that? Beef and anchovy works well.

:31:25. > :31:31.Surf and turf. Always a good thing, Tim. Except these things probably

:31:31. > :31:37.don't swim in the sea. They do. They are small silvery fish. In

:31:37. > :31:42.southern Spain, it's one of their big industries... How do they catch

:31:42. > :31:47.those? Huge nets. So cheeks - chop those cheeks. Look at that it's

:31:47. > :31:52.lovely. It's quite fibrous. We want to break all of this down so there

:31:52. > :31:56.is lots of moisture and slow cooking, so cut that into six

:31:56. > :32:00.pieces, that into four. Why would it taste any different than any

:32:00. > :32:07.other part of the... It's not about taste. It's about texture. Cut that

:32:07. > :32:13.down the middle. What you want is big chunks, Tim. It's tough. That's

:32:13. > :32:18.exactly the thing. It's a tough muscle. Store that in your mind how

:32:18. > :32:22.tough it is, then when we come to eat the finished dish, then you can

:32:22. > :32:28.be excited at how deliciously tender... I bet this was really

:32:28. > :32:32.cheap at one stage. Like pork belly - you couldn't give that away even

:32:32. > :32:35.ten years ago. Now it's become popular, then supply and demand

:32:35. > :32:41.means that pork belly is now an expensive cut of meat. We're going

:32:41. > :32:46.to season up a little bit of flour. My grandparents used to eat lots of

:32:46. > :32:50.offal, sheep's heart and... When you were a kid - did you ever eat

:32:50. > :32:55.heart? No, I used to eat liver a lot. My parents used to give me

:32:55. > :33:00.that - liver and bacon a lot. that for my tea last night. It was

:33:00. > :33:04.delicious. Did you? Yeah. See, this is quite hard work, isn't it?

:33:04. > :33:09.You're having to commit to chopping, which you like, good butchery - all

:33:09. > :33:19.into the flour, toss it in the flour. This is going to give us a

:33:19. > :33:22.base for our sauce. You can see how you're ever thinking of buying

:33:22. > :33:26.braising steak and you think, I am just going to fry this, and you

:33:26. > :33:31.know how horribly tough it is - what we have to do now is break

:33:31. > :33:37.down the fibre of this meat, so we put a bit of flour on this, shake

:33:37. > :33:42.off the excess into a nice hot pan, then we go into a normal casserole.

:33:42. > :33:47.While I put this in, with the veg roughly chop the celery, the

:33:47. > :33:51.carrots and leeks. That's going to give us a base for our sauce. We

:33:51. > :33:56.want a bit of colour on it. You don't want to cook this out for too,

:33:56. > :34:01.too long. We're looking to seal it, get some flour in there. This, as I

:34:01. > :34:07.say, will be the base of our sauce. As this cooks away, give it a quick

:34:07. > :34:13.shuffle around, you get some nice colour on that. It is good to do

:34:13. > :34:18.exciting things, isn't it - I mean, new? Yeah. When I said I tried

:34:18. > :34:26.duck's heart, it's nice to try something different. If you can't

:34:26. > :34:31.get ahold of ox cheeks, with something like braced steak, any of

:34:31. > :34:37.the cheap cuts of meat, like shoulder or there is a lot of

:34:37. > :34:40.venison around at the moment - it's sinewy and slow, slow cooked. We

:34:40. > :34:45.have colour on there. Seal it for longer than I have done. Chuck all

:34:45. > :34:49.of that veg into here. Again, a little touch more oil in this. We

:34:49. > :34:53.have our carrots, celery and our leeks - a base for our sauce. Give

:34:53. > :35:02.this a little bit of a zir like that cook those out for a couple of

:35:02. > :35:10.minutes, a pinch of salt and pepper. Was they haveened, a -- they have

:35:10. > :35:14.softened, a few minutes ago, put a glug of wine in there. Give that a

:35:14. > :35:19.quick stir around. Smells good. Lovely. Start to reduce the wine a

:35:19. > :35:22.little bit, then we add a big load of strong beef stock - goes into

:35:22. > :35:29.there. That goes in, bring that up to the boil, then we pop the meat

:35:29. > :35:35.back in, drop it down to a simmer, pop a lid on it, then cook it out

:35:35. > :35:40.for at least two-and-a-half hours, a really long, slow cook. You can

:35:40. > :35:46.put it in the oven if you want or the hob, whichever way you want to

:35:46. > :35:50.do it. If you want to do this while watching football, put it in the

:35:50. > :35:54.oven. You don't have to worry about it bubbling dry. For the

:35:54. > :35:58.gentleman's relish, we need all the butter into there together with

:35:58. > :36:04.everything - we'll have the lemon juice. Just chop those anchovies in

:36:04. > :36:09.half. I am amazed you have never had this. I always think it's a

:36:09. > :36:14.Christmasy thing. If ever you get food hampers at Christmas, you

:36:14. > :36:18.often get it in there. It's the big week for me this week. Six months I

:36:18. > :36:22.have been trying to learn how to play tennis. I have been learning

:36:22. > :36:27.because we're trying to encourage people to play tennis. Have you

:36:27. > :36:33.ever played? I haven't played since I was 18. I love it. This week I am

:36:33. > :36:42.playing at the Royal Albert hall. I am partnering - is that right?

:36:42. > :36:49.going to go straight in with the anchovies. Who are you partnering?

:36:49. > :36:53.Lorraine Kelly. Lorraine is Scottish, so is Andy Murray, so I

:36:53. > :36:58.am hoping I have the advantage. Have you met with Lorraine? Yeah,

:36:58. > :37:02.played with her. She said on her show the other day I am taking it

:37:03. > :37:07.too seriously. Lorraine, sport is serious. You can't take sport too

:37:07. > :37:11.seriously. You know that. I want to make sure she puts the effort in. I

:37:11. > :37:15.don't want her mucking about. want to come and watch it. Royal

:37:15. > :37:25.Albert Hall. If you're coming Thursday, come early so you can

:37:25. > :37:26.

:37:26. > :37:32.watch us play. It will be fun. you e-mail in or Tweet in, we'll

:37:32. > :37:36.tell you about it. We have lovely, lovely flavours. Once that comes

:37:36. > :37:42.together, if you find you haven't softened the butter enough, add a

:37:42. > :37:51.little touch of warm water, then that'll actually help to blend it.

:37:51. > :37:55.Smells good. Smells really good. Then we spatulate all of this out

:37:55. > :38:02.and roll it into a sausage and pop it in the fridge, so what you end

:38:02. > :38:06.up with is a log of anchovy butter to all intents and purposes. Right?

:38:06. > :38:12.All that goes in. Thank you. Now, what we've got from our delicious

:38:12. > :38:22.ox cheeks is this. This is what happens - oh, my goodness - that is

:38:22. > :38:26.so lovely. All greasy! If you hold either end, Tim, and twist in

:38:26. > :38:34.opposite directions, you'll get that tension. Look at that! That's

:38:34. > :38:40.today's top tip, Tim, perfect. In they go and... Look. Pretty good,

:38:40. > :38:43.not too dissimilar. Tag team we have this lovely now hard,

:38:43. > :38:48.delicious anchovy paste or gentleman's relish. This has

:38:48. > :38:51.bubbled away for three hours. It's soft. It's falling apart. The sauce

:38:51. > :38:56.is delicious. What we do to serve - we have mashed potato - we have

:38:56. > :39:01.done this before - a little bit of cling film on to your spoon...

:39:01. > :39:09.Quinnel... And it means it won't stick. Is that with a Q? Here we go

:39:09. > :39:19.- a little bit of that on there, and then we spoon some of this

:39:19. > :39:23.glorious ox cheek on to there. excited about this. Honestly, the

:39:23. > :39:30.flavour and the texture... This has been cooking for two-and-a-half

:39:30. > :39:36.hours? A good two-and-a-half hours. We have a sprinkling of parsley on

:39:36. > :39:43.there to give it grassiness. cheek? What time is it? Half past

:39:43. > :39:47.10.00am? I normally have ox cheek at that time! 20 to 11.00am.

:39:47. > :39:55.Dig in. Remember, Tim, how that felt when you were cutting it. It

:39:55. > :40:01.was quite tough, but now... Wow! That is tender. That is tender.

:40:01. > :40:05.my grandmother would say, "You can suck it away," which apparently is

:40:05. > :40:09.a complement. Mmm. It's good, soft - we have gone from that hard,

:40:09. > :40:13.fibrous piece of meat, Tim, to something that is just falling

:40:13. > :40:19.apart. That is delicious. I am loving the gentleman's relish as

:40:19. > :40:26.well. Gentleman's relish? Yeah, gentleman's relish. Is that for us

:40:26. > :40:31.ladies, a little message, don't eat it? It's a gift, anchovy paste -

:40:31. > :40:35.it's heaven. I'll take your word for it. What's John going to be

:40:35. > :40:44.cook next? We're doing an apple fudge cake. Nice. That recipe is on

:40:44. > :40:54.our website. Keep Tweeting your questions in too at SFTW. Right.

:40:54. > :41:02.

:41:02. > :41:12.This is a road trip. These are travelling partner and a three-time

:41:12. > :41:12.

:41:13. > :41:22.world champion. They travel around in a white Chevy van with two other

:41:23. > :41:41.

:41:41. > :41:46.cowboys, and they themselves The world champion, three-time...

:41:46. > :41:51.America's original extreme sport invented by working cowboys in the

:41:51. > :41:56.1880s out of their skill of breaking wild horses.

:41:56. > :42:00.How many days a year you on the road? Over 200. It varies. There

:42:00. > :42:06.was a couple of years I was hurt for a couple of months or so, quite

:42:06. > :42:12.a few less rodeos, but I would say on average 220-240 days a year. My

:42:12. > :42:18.office is where I make it! What do you think would happen to you if

:42:18. > :42:25.you tried to work a 9.00am to 5.00pm job? I could do it, but I

:42:25. > :42:32.wouldn't like it! And you can watch American Nomads on Monday at

:42:32. > :42:36.10.00pm on BB - BB - BBC Four! Right. Our next guest has been

:42:36. > :42:39.having a busy year, has been doing stand-up Tuesday, has been in A

:42:39. > :42:42.League of Their Own and has written and directed and starred in Sky 1's

:42:42. > :42:47.series little. Welcome to the show John Bishop. Little Crackers - you

:42:47. > :42:51.didn't even know we had this clip on, did you? No. Little Crackers -

:42:51. > :42:56.I said, I look forward to seeing it myself. Before we show a clip, can

:42:56. > :43:03.you explain the concept of it? brilliant. It's a thing that Sky do.

:43:03. > :43:06.I got asked to do it. They did a series last year, and the it's 11-

:43:06. > :43:11.minute shorts, so last year the people they had doing it were Dawn

:43:11. > :43:14.French and people like that - all did one. This year I am doing one -

:43:14. > :43:15.I can't remember who else, to be honest with you. I don't really

:43:15. > :43:21.care who else. LAUGHTER

:43:21. > :43:25.But what happens is, they come up and they said, it's got to be a

:43:25. > :43:30.Christmas-themed story that you can condense into 11 minutes, so when I

:43:30. > :43:36.watched the ones last year like Catherine Tate and stuff, they were

:43:36. > :43:39.very much autobiographical, so I did a story about when me and my

:43:39. > :43:46.brother sold teddy bears around doors at Christmas. It's based on

:43:46. > :43:50.that, because my dad at the time had a little workshop - a unit

:43:50. > :43:54.making gates, but no-one bought gate at Christmas, so they

:43:54. > :43:58.convinced someone they could make Teddy bears. They got a big order,

:43:58. > :44:02.and the fella ran off and didn't pay them. So they just paid

:44:02. > :44:07.everyone in teddy bears, so we got teddy bears for wages and went

:44:07. > :44:12.around the doors selling them. wrote and directed this and acted

:44:12. > :44:18.it with a baldy hat on. Yeah, yeah. What character are you playing?

:44:18. > :44:22.dad's mate, Bobby. Because I wanted it to be real, Bobby was bald.

:44:22. > :44:26.There is only our family and Bobby's family that knows Bobby was

:44:26. > :44:31.bald. Everybody keeps going, "Why are you bald?"

:44:31. > :44:36.LAUGHTER Let's have a look.

:44:36. > :44:40.What do you mean? We can't find him. It looks like he's gone back to

:44:40. > :44:49.Africa. What does that mean? means there is no order. And no

:44:49. > :44:54.wages. What? Dad, who is Irish Mick? Just some big Irish lad with

:44:54. > :44:59.a nose. He's got - he used to have stalls on the market. Why has he

:44:59. > :45:02.gone to Africa? Because that's where he's from. Where is he called

:45:02. > :45:08.Irish Mick? Will you stop asking stupid questions? Listen, son, we

:45:08. > :45:12.have been trying to work things on, move some on. Any joy? Not really.

:45:12. > :45:17.The shops have already put their orders in. What are you going to

:45:17. > :45:23.do? It's Christmas next week. and Bobby have been talking. We

:45:23. > :45:28.thought we'd pay you in teddy bears. That looks brilliant. How exciting

:45:28. > :45:33.is it - your dad - It's great. Bobby has passed on now. It's great

:45:33. > :45:37.to immortalise him. It was great. That was filmed in a factory that

:45:37. > :45:42.was very much like the unit they had. They did all the other stuff

:45:42. > :45:46.on the road I grew up on. Was it weird seeing scenes acted out that

:45:46. > :45:49.you have obviously directed about your life? And Josh, the lad who

:45:49. > :45:52.played me, he never acted before. He was brilliant. We were very

:45:52. > :45:55.lucky with the cast. They were fantastic. It was great getting him

:45:55. > :46:01.because I got him doing the stuff, and you're looking at him, you want

:46:01. > :46:05.him to act, and you think - you want him to be yourself, but --

:46:05. > :46:12.himself, but a bit like you. that the first time you directed?

:46:12. > :46:16.Yeah. Did you like it? I loved it. It's something I am looking at

:46:16. > :46:20.again. It's great to do, to be honest. Although there is a bit at

:46:20. > :46:23.the end where he gets to kiss a girl -

:46:23. > :46:28.LAUGHTER And the girl is gorgeous. There was

:46:28. > :46:33.absolutely - she was absolutely gorgeous, and so - he's got to kiss

:46:33. > :46:38.this girl who is playing a 16-year- old who is actually 21, and he kept

:46:38. > :46:44.on messing it up so he'd have to do it again. At the end as a director,

:46:44. > :46:49.I had to go, this is what you're doing! So as a director, you can be

:46:49. > :46:53.a bit of a perv! Are you enjoying the acting? You're doing more of it.

:46:53. > :46:57.Is this something you're going to end up doing? The bedrock of

:46:57. > :47:00.everything I do is stand-up. Anything that comes out, it only

:47:00. > :47:03.happens because of the stand-up. The stand-up is the big thing. If

:47:03. > :47:07.opportunities come along, you have to take them. Let's talk about your

:47:07. > :47:17.stand-up. You have your DVD out. Where was it filmed? Have a guess.

:47:17. > :47:22.

:47:22. > :47:30.It was filmed in Liverpool at the You go to put the wobbly baby into

:47:30. > :47:38.the car seat. Then all of a sudden, that wobbly baby turns to a plank

:47:38. > :47:46.of wood. LAUGHTER

:47:46. > :47:54.Scousers, we need to swear. It's true. If we don't swear, we've got

:47:54. > :48:00.no punctuation. It's when we try not to swear that we make that

:48:00. > :48:06.other noise where we go errr... You're in Asda, and you think, I

:48:06. > :48:09.could do with one them. I know Gok Wan, but as far as I'm concerned if

:48:09. > :48:13.you're buying your fashion in the same place you buy your sprouts,

:48:13. > :48:19.it's not kicking it sister. You know what I'm saying. We mentioned

:48:19. > :48:23.at the beginning of the show, at the end you do a dance routine.

:48:23. > :48:27.come out as John Travolta doing night fever, dance ago way. It's

:48:27. > :48:32.quite nice, I was saying to the guys, it was something different.

:48:32. > :48:36.It was all of a sudden the music come ourbgts I wasn't expecting it.

:48:36. > :48:40.I was speaking to Stephen before, because I'm in big theatres and

:48:40. > :48:47.arenas, you came to the Albert Hall. The show is structured to build up

:48:47. > :48:52.to something. As an experience it was brilliant, a great tour.

:48:52. > :48:57.going to say, this show was lots about your family. I've met them.

:48:57. > :49:01.It all comes into place. People can relate to it so much because we've

:49:01. > :49:08.been in similar situations. Will you carry, will it be based around

:49:08. > :49:13.family life? Talking about my grand kids? I don't know. Will it be

:49:13. > :49:18.about the next step in your kids' ages. You don't want to get away

:49:18. > :49:23.from who you are. In essence, I never planned to be a comedian, so

:49:23. > :49:27.I'm not somebody who writes jokes. I can only talk about was going on

:49:27. > :49:31.in my life. I basically walk around all day, hoping something funny

:49:31. > :49:34.happens so I can tell people. I haven't got that sort of mentality

:49:34. > :49:38.so say right I'm going to sit down and just observe the world and make

:49:38. > :49:42.something funny of it. I can't imagine not being able to do stand-

:49:42. > :49:44.up that's not personal. Obviously, I have to respect the fact that my

:49:44. > :49:49.lads are now teenage lads and there's stuff they don't want to

:49:49. > :49:53.talk about. You're going to talk about it any way, aren't snu I know,

:49:53. > :49:57.when you cook with Louise you will probably speak about league of

:49:57. > :50:02.their own. The highlight, working with Jamie Redknapp, is that right?

:50:02. > :50:07.Without a doubt ah, part from this moment. Of course. Apart from that

:50:07. > :50:10.echo joke, it will be in the next tour. That show is going so well.

:50:10. > :50:13.It's been brilliant, a great experience. What's been good about

:50:13. > :50:19.it, we've done stuff this year that you wouldn't get an opportunity to

:50:19. > :50:25.do. What was the best bit of that? You've done so many... The diving.

:50:25. > :50:31.The diving was good. Penalties? penalties was amazing. Missing the

:50:31. > :50:34.penalty at Wembley in front of a stadium full of Man United and Man

:50:34. > :50:40.City fans, that waents the best thing. I've got to be honest with

:50:40. > :50:44.you. You should have made you do it again. That's what I thought. The

:50:44. > :50:48.Wembley groundsman was such a miserable man he wouldn't let us

:50:48. > :50:53.bounce the ball on the way to the thing in case you ruin it. That's

:50:53. > :50:56.what they're all like. It's their job. The gaffer, I've been doing

:50:56. > :51:00.filming at Old Trafford at Anfield and stuff and they won't let you

:51:00. > :51:04.near the pitch. The gaffer has a go in anyone goes on the pitch. I can

:51:04. > :51:08.see that, but yeah, they should have let me have another go. But

:51:08. > :51:14.what they did, we've got a special coming up. It was a lovely moment,

:51:14. > :51:18.it sort of wrapping up the series. The doc did it so -- they doctored

:51:18. > :51:22.it so that the shot goes in. I thought can do you that with all my

:51:22. > :51:28.life. John isn't just here to be funny and chat, he is here to cook.

:51:28. > :51:32.That's the only reason I'm here. That's why he's here with Mr Rimmer.

:51:32. > :51:36.Keep tweeting questions for him or Stephen Merchant.

:51:36. > :51:42.Or viate website. While you do this, this is still what's to come on

:51:42. > :51:52.today's show: There are technological leaps in Frontline

:51:52. > :51:52.

:51:52. > :51:58.Medicine. Slightly squeaky sound. Simon is cooking Bombay potato and

:51:58. > :52:08.spinach pie. It looks like reindeer in Frozen

:52:08. > :52:09.

:52:09. > :52:12.Planet. First they round up their strongest animals with lasoos.

:52:12. > :52:20.Ah, Louise and me can't decide who is doing this bit. Who do you want?

:52:20. > :52:24.Have a guess. Who would you rather have a good looking lady or

:52:24. > :52:33.somebody who supports a team you don't particularly like. Come on

:52:33. > :52:38.Louise, you're doing this item. I said. Come on. I'm loving that. I

:52:38. > :52:47.don't care if you cook. No, I don't want to do it.

:52:47. > :52:54.So, Just tell your man that things haven't worked out. Am I really

:52:54. > :52:58.doing this? What am I cooking. I was all prepared. Apple fudge cake.

:52:58. > :53:02.We've got all spice, cinnamon, flour, eggs, baking powder, fudge,

:53:02. > :53:07.little bit of milk. Then we've got little bit of milk. Then we've got

:53:07. > :53:13.butter and sugar that we've creamed, apples and more apples. Sounds good.

:53:13. > :53:19.Sounds good. When you have something like that fudge in front

:53:19. > :53:24.of you, what stops you eating it all. Rehearsals. I'm full of fudge

:53:24. > :53:28.now. I've had about four pounds. Have a piece. Can I, as well?

:53:29. > :53:37.That's why I wanted to do this piece. First job, peel an am.

:53:37. > :53:42.that's lovely. This is going to be a kind of upside down, are you all

:53:42. > :53:47.right mate? No-one saw me. Do you think it's all right that we make

:53:47. > :53:51.this up as we go along. different than a normal week. We

:53:51. > :54:01.will cut those into rounds, John, so it's kind of cutting across like

:54:01. > :54:02.

:54:02. > :54:08.that. What? Look at that. Throw that over your shoulder now. If it

:54:08. > :54:14.lands in an initial, that's who you're going to marry. It's an L.

:54:14. > :54:20.What are the chances of that Lou. Am I allowed another bit of this?

:54:20. > :54:23.If you had a corer, you would core it so you had a whole in the middle.

:54:23. > :54:28.You have everything else here. You're filming this in a shopping

:54:28. > :54:35.centre, go and get one. There you go. A bit of that. There's Tesco's

:54:35. > :54:45.across the road. I've got a quick tweet "What was your favourite

:54:45. > :54:51.venue on your tour? I loved the echo areen where we filmed the DVD.

:54:52. > :54:55.It's a great one. How many are there? 10,000. The Royal Albert

:54:55. > :55:05.Hall was memorable just because of where Catholicclibgz. It was lovely

:55:05. > :55:19.

:55:19. > :55:26.Then John, what we need to do. : We need to lay the rounds of apple.

:55:26. > :55:30.We're not going to eat this one, so we can pretend. We've got one done.

:55:30. > :55:35.You've ruined the magic of telly. Also, acting, are you just about to

:55:35. > :55:38.play a part in something called the accused, which is completely

:55:38. > :55:42.straight acting. Yeah straight acting. It's a series that Jimmy

:55:42. > :55:47.McGovern did for the BBC last year. It's all based around someone, a

:55:47. > :55:52.character, accused of a crime. I'm playing a part in that. You're

:55:52. > :55:56.going to turn into a big film star, aren't snu Can you imagine, how

:55:56. > :56:02.many film stars sound like this. Sean Connery gets away with. It

:56:02. > :56:07.That's great. That's not comedy. straight acting. Something you

:56:07. > :56:12.would like to do more of? I did the Ken Loach fm a year or two ago.

:56:12. > :56:19.That was great. All of this is a bonus. Stand-up is where my heart

:56:19. > :56:22.is. Anything else is a bonus. you feel you're playing a character,

:56:22. > :56:31.though, do you feel you're being someone different or that you are

:56:31. > :56:36.kind of, you slightly? That's an odd question, isn't it? It isn't

:56:36. > :56:40.real. I am pretending. You know when you're acting, I'm not one of

:56:40. > :56:45.those person who, I didn't walk around with a bald head with a week

:56:45. > :56:48.to get into it. But there's that bit where you're trying to, I

:56:48. > :56:53.suppose, I mean I can't talk about acting because I've never trained

:56:53. > :56:57.for it. I don't know. I can't give you the poncy actor's thing about

:56:57. > :57:00.getting into character. You just do it naturally. You've got to try and

:57:00. > :57:05.portray what you're supposed to portray. When you were in the film

:57:06. > :57:09.with Ray Winston were you conscious of being someone different? No, I

:57:09. > :57:19.just thought about what I was meant to be. What were you meant to be?

:57:19. > :57:19.

:57:20. > :57:25.Why are you laughing? That's lovely that. I love the idea of you being

:57:25. > :57:30.linked up with somebody who's not, in his own right, a goddess, you

:57:30. > :57:35.know what I mean? Look at Jamie, he's more of a woman than you R

:57:35. > :57:41.pleased you said that. Now we have a cubed apple with cinnamon and

:57:41. > :57:46.spices. Next job, John, is crack two eggs into there and then beat

:57:46. > :57:53.it like crazy. This is the tester isn't it? The egg is always the one.

:57:53. > :57:57.I bet you don't cook much at home, do you? What made you say that? You

:57:57. > :58:00.know what, my youngest lad's getting into cooking. Give that a

:58:00. > :58:04.good old beat. I'm going on a cooking course with him. I like the

:58:04. > :58:08.idea of it, I like the idea of doing a lot of things. Cooking

:58:08. > :58:17.course is a nice idea for Christmas for some people. Yeah. If in the a

:58:17. > :58:21.DVD. A DVD is better! A funny better -- DVD is better. You can

:58:21. > :58:26.get it on Amazon now while you're watching. Or maybe there's someone

:58:26. > :58:31.around here who does cookery courses. I sent you a text saying,

:58:31. > :58:35.if you're doing any cooking courses, let us know. He couldn't even get

:58:35. > :58:40.me into his own restaurant. I knew you were going to bring this up.

:58:40. > :58:45.and Melanie were going out. I said, "It's all right, I know the man."

:58:45. > :58:50.Melanie's like, oh, yeah. Get ready, we'll have a table. It's the first

:58:50. > :58:54.time ever, I couldn't get hum a table. You need a chef's table.

:58:54. > :58:58.He's fallen out with me over it. Tip in the flour and baking powder.

:58:58. > :59:01.We're making cake. I keep forgetting we're making cake.

:59:01. > :59:07.have so far we've got fudge, apple and then we've got cubed apple with

:59:07. > :59:12.spices in there. Nice action. Beautifully done. You're going to

:59:12. > :59:18.get it all down yourself. John and I went to polo in the summer.

:59:18. > :59:27.you tell John to hold it like this? Like a football. No, he's in

:59:28. > :59:32.character. I just need that bald win on. Is this the way to hold it?

:59:32. > :59:38.You can put it on the table, whatever works for you. I would get

:59:38. > :59:43.you to hold it, but then that would look odd. I see, it just needs to...

:59:43. > :59:47.There we go, now it's coming together. Now we're just cutting

:59:47. > :59:55.into Stephen Merchant's cooking time. Jew just need a professional

:59:55. > :59:59.to splash on the milk. Half of that into there. So we're building up

:59:59. > :00:06.layers here. It smells like Christmas. Yeah, it's a real, all

:00:06. > :00:09.of these things today are wintry. It smells lovely. What is making

:00:09. > :00:13.the smell? Cinnamon and all spice. Old spice?

:00:13. > :00:18.LAUGHTER I was going to say, I'm glad I

:00:18. > :00:23.didn't get a seat. If that's what you're feeding at your place, old

:00:23. > :00:28.spice. You only have that if you're sat on a bench. All of that goes in.

:00:28. > :00:31.Then we cook this. What happens is the bottom becomes deliciously

:00:31. > :00:36.fudgey and then when we turn it out, there we go, that's what we get.

:00:36. > :00:39.All the fudge has melted. We have lovely slices of apple. Will you be

:00:39. > :00:45.expected to make one of these when you get home. Absolutely, I'm

:00:45. > :00:52.taking that home. Going the match. We're rushing back, we're both

:00:52. > :00:58.going to Anfield this afternoon. Yeah. Big slab of apple cake.

:00:58. > :01:08.won't be at Anfield going "Hey, does anyone want to try my cinnamon

:01:08. > :01:28.

:01:28. > :01:32.was... Right. OK. Get some cream, everybody. Oh!

:01:32. > :01:36.fudge gives it a little bit of sweetness, stickiness. Sometimes

:01:36. > :01:43.you eat things, they make you happy. That makes me happy!

:01:43. > :01:50.LAUGHTER I like that. What are we making

:01:50. > :01:57.with Stephen? A Bombay potato and spinach pie. Right. It's time for a

:01:57. > :02:04.second crack at guessing the year in today's Deja View. Have some

:02:04. > :02:08.more of that. # When two tribes go to war

:02:08. > :02:14.# Money is all that you can score # When two tribes go to war

:02:14. > :02:19.# Money is all that you can score # The coal board have been granted

:02:19. > :02:23.leave to bring an action for contempt against the Miners Union.

:02:23. > :02:29.Although flying pickets have been withdrawn this morning the country

:02:29. > :02:33.reckons only 22 of 175 pits are working. Cambridge set a unique

:02:33. > :02:37.record in the boat race. They sank before it even began. They rammed a

:02:37. > :02:44.barge, smashing their bow. The match was called off until tomorrow.

:02:44. > :02:52.The Prince and Princess of ways took their new baby home this

:02:52. > :02:57.afternoon, just 22 hours after he was born.

:02:57. > :03:05.# When two tribes go to war # Two members of a local firm,

:03:06. > :03:14.Coverdale, otherwise known as Fat Henry and Bernard Downs, otherwise

:03:14. > :03:21.known as chlorofoam, occupy this flat, owned by one of the murder

:03:21. > :03:24.victims. We have information they have a lot of counterfeit money.

:03:24. > :03:27.Information suggests it could be several million pounds. OK. Prince

:03:27. > :03:31.Harry is born, the Cambridge boat crash and The Gentle Touch, series

:03:31. > :03:40.five, but what was the year? I went '88. Simon went '86. I don't know.

:03:41. > :03:45.I'll go '84 then. '84? What did you go? '88. I'm clueless. I'll go '85.

:03:45. > :03:55.OK. Now, if you're thinking that Wayne has changed here, you're

:03:55. > :03:56.

:03:56. > :04:06.right. He's in Athens, so our Mixsterthetrixster from The

:04:06. > :04:07.

:04:07. > :04:12.Whistling Shop -- Tristan Stephenson Probably one of the most

:04:12. > :04:20.uncool drinks is eggnog, so I'm trying to make it a little bit

:04:20. > :04:23.cooler. The ingredients are like you put in custard. Eggnog, it's

:04:23. > :04:29.bizarre because you can get it everywhere, but I have never tasted

:04:29. > :04:35.it. I haven't either. You're going to taste an interesting version of

:04:35. > :04:38.it because it will be frozen. The ingredients of it are like ice

:04:38. > :04:45.cream. It's frozen and doesn't taste quite as sweet. We're going

:04:45. > :04:52.to flick this on. I have two egg yolks in there at the moment, pop

:04:52. > :04:58.some sugar in there, 25 grams, then some double cream, a and 150 mil of

:04:58. > :05:05.milk. OK. This is pretty impressive if you go to somebody's house and

:05:05. > :05:09.they've done this for you, isn't it? You could do this at home with

:05:09. > :05:13.an ice cream maker or the traditional way of keep on whisking

:05:13. > :05:18.it in the freezer, but we have liquid nitrogen. We're literally

:05:18. > :05:23.going to pour this in here. It will start to freeze the ice cream, then

:05:23. > :05:28.thicken it up. No matter how many times I see it, it's bizarre how it

:05:28. > :05:33.works. Hello. What's going on here? Louise, you're going to start

:05:33. > :05:39.dancing! Get her a microphone - yes! Here we go. It's Top of the

:05:39. > :05:42.Pops all over again. Where do you get that stuff from? There's

:05:42. > :05:47.various providers who can provide you with this level of stuff. You

:05:47. > :05:53.need the right equipment to store it though, because it's dangerous.

:05:53. > :05:58.Really? Well, it's minus 166 Celsius. So I always liken it to

:05:58. > :06:05.chip fat. That's 250 degrees Celsius. It's that level of danger

:06:05. > :06:10.you need to be aware of. If we spilt that now... It would

:06:10. > :06:15.evaporate quickly. So all it's doing is cooling it? No flavour, no

:06:15. > :06:19.dilution. It literally just turns it into ice cream.

:06:19. > :06:29.You can see. Right. OK. Looks like cream.

:06:29. > :06:35.So we're just going to scoop some out on to a cone. We don't get

:06:35. > :06:40.hundreds and thousands on this, do we? You're going to get a grating

:06:40. > :06:43.of nutmeg on there because that's the traditional spice you would get

:06:43. > :06:47.in eggnog. Interestingly, eggnog actually originates possibly from

:06:47. > :06:52.another style of drink that's actually British that we associate

:06:52. > :06:55.it as being quite American, but there is an old drink called a

:06:55. > :07:01.posit that originated in East Anglia in the 19th century. It's

:07:01. > :07:07.one of the oldest mixed drinks we can lay claim to as Brits. We can

:07:07. > :07:11.do this at home, but we have to do the old-fashioned way of making ice

:07:11. > :07:16.cream. Exactly, yeah. It will take a little bit longer. You can buy

:07:16. > :07:20.makers that make ice cream. The problem you get is with the cognac,

:07:20. > :07:24.it kind of lowers the freezing point significantly, so when you're

:07:24. > :07:30.trying to freeze it down, you really need to use liquid nitrogen

:07:30. > :07:34.that really chills it properly. you add that? I am going to pour a

:07:34. > :07:38.little bit over the top at the end. Otherwise, it tastes really

:07:38. > :07:42.alcoholic. Isn't that the idea? That's what she likes! Slightly

:07:42. > :07:46.disappointing. I am going to put a cinnamon stick in there so it looks

:07:46. > :07:51.like a flake. We're not going to eat that, though. You wouldn't want

:07:51. > :07:56.to eat that. It's just the look. What you can do with the cognac is

:07:56. > :08:02.to pour flaming cognac over, and it gives a really nice effect. I am

:08:02. > :08:12.just going to pour a little splash over there, OK? Getting ready,

:08:12. > :08:13.

:08:13. > :08:22.preparing myself. Nap kip - there you go. Enjoy. Oh, thank you! Shall

:08:22. > :08:26.I be tasting? You start tasting? Yeah, you can taste the cognac.

:08:26. > :08:33.It's definitely a different twist on ice cream. I love it. It's nice

:08:33. > :08:37.to give something that looks quite summery. That's nice. I think I

:08:37. > :08:42.would like the cognac in it. It's nice because it goes into the wafer.

:08:42. > :08:45.You get that softness. Thanks, Tristan. If you want to impress

:08:45. > :08:45.your friends and family with this, you can go to

:08:45. > :08:48.www.bbc.co .uk/somethingfortheweekend. There

:08:48. > :08:53.is also a simplified version if you don't have liquid nitrogen lying

:08:53. > :08:59.around the house. OK. Last week they were in Afghanistan, but what

:08:59. > :09:03.happens when the troops come back in June? Here we meet the inventor

:09:03. > :09:08.of a new prosthetic limb in Frontline Medicine.

:09:08. > :09:17.Hello. I have come to see your legs. Fantastic - hopefully me as well.

:09:17. > :09:23.You as well, absolutely. Can I have a look? Sure.

:09:23. > :09:28.This is world's first bionic lower limb. Hugh lost his legs in a

:09:28. > :09:35.climbing accident, so he has a very personal interest in high-tech

:09:35. > :09:41.prosthetics. Let me chat about how it's attached. When I press this

:09:41. > :09:45.button, the leg comes off, so I can just pop it up, if you would like

:09:45. > :09:49.to... Oh, that's heavy, isn't it? Can you talk me through it? There

:09:49. > :09:57.is a motorised system in here that moves the ankle joint, and this is

:09:57. > :10:02.just packed full of electricitys. There's various computers --

:10:02. > :10:07.electronics. There's various processors inside. Hugh's system

:10:07. > :10:17.mimics the actions of the muscles and tendons in a human leg. Can we

:10:17. > :10:17.

:10:17. > :10:24.stroll around? Sure, if you give me my leg back. That is very neat!

:10:24. > :10:34.you think you can keep up? Wow! You're going so fast! A slightly

:10:34. > :10:40.

:10:40. > :10:44.squeaky sound. Yeah. Very screens tonight at 9.00pm on BBC

:10:44. > :10:47.Two. Three weeks ago Nicky Dean was here with her ten Christmas

:10:47. > :10:51.presents, suggestions for women. Now she's back. What are we looking

:10:51. > :10:57.at today? I can hear the joy in your voice. You're giggling already.

:10:57. > :11:02.We have boys' ideas now. We have football, football boots, we have

:11:02. > :11:10.tickets to football matches. Great stuff for you. Thank you, Steven.

:11:10. > :11:16.Power tools, chainsaw. Right. Shall we start with these? We have

:11:16. > :11:22.personalised footwear. These are completely customisable. We have

:11:22. > :11:25.had these made for you so you can wear these early in the week.

:11:25. > :11:32.is tremendous. Something For the Weekend-branded trainers? Do they

:11:32. > :11:36.come in a size 14? I am sure we can get those. How much are these?

:11:37. > :11:41.Those particular ones are �50, but you can put whatever you like on

:11:42. > :11:50.there. Can I put my own feet on there and give them to my friends

:11:50. > :11:53.and family. Karl was on last week with his trousers - the pumps...

:11:53. > :12:03.One of the worst inventions ever made. I quite like these. We have

:12:03. > :12:06.

:12:06. > :12:12.the hoodie buddie as well, expertly modelled by Stephen. You like this

:12:12. > :12:17.- grooving? IPod or other earphones are available. I am not making this

:12:17. > :12:25.up. How cool is that? It's concealed in the jacket. The wires

:12:25. > :12:32.go down here. Who wants that? looks super-cool. Maybe if you're

:12:32. > :12:39.13, I can see this working. Ah! Sorry. I am listening to some hip

:12:39. > :12:43.rap. Like it, new genre. How much are they? �39. Do you like that?

:12:43. > :12:49.Yeah. You can see it already. You can't not like this. This is the

:12:49. > :12:57.Lomography Sprocket Rocket camera. So going back to analogue now, very

:12:57. > :13:04.retro. It's got a panoramic photographs - you're clicking away

:13:04. > :13:10.- any 35 millimetre film it works with. We have moved from this to

:13:10. > :13:14.digital, then... Back to film. you still get 35 millimetre?

:13:14. > :13:18.can. Do you remember how exciting it was to take your film in? So we

:13:18. > :13:21.have already got bored of digital photography? So last year. That's

:13:21. > :13:27.�70. They're really cool. They have a bit of a cult following as well.

:13:27. > :13:31.They're good. Do you like those? I love them. He's on side. Moving on,

:13:31. > :13:37.we have the Conical Flask Oil and Vinegar Set - �20. They might be

:13:37. > :13:41.good for the Simon Rimmers if your life, in the kitchen. You can put

:13:41. > :13:49.other things in there presumably, chemicals... You can do, a little

:13:49. > :13:54.bit of science. My meth lab going. How much are they? �20. Shall I

:13:54. > :14:02.turn this on so you can hear it? It looks like a shower gel. It's

:14:02. > :14:07.actually an MP3 player. There is no fluid in there? No. I'd hoped there

:14:07. > :14:15.would be some gel in there, multipurpose. I don't take my

:14:15. > :14:19.glasses into the shower, so I would be trying to squirt this for hours.

:14:19. > :14:24.�29. It has batteries in there - obviously, totally waterproof,

:14:24. > :14:30.being in the shower. Like that? Oh, you do surprise me, Tim. Moving

:14:30. > :14:35.on, we have the vinyl coasters. These are �15. I could see younger

:14:35. > :14:38.boys liking this. I could see that. I like Stephen. He likes everything.

:14:38. > :14:43.No, I have been told to say that. Thank you! It makes a nice change.

:14:43. > :14:49.And we've got the bowl as well, which is �20, made from recycled

:14:49. > :14:52.vinyl. Oh, it's actually made from old vinyl. It is. Quite snazzy.

:14:52. > :14:59.What's next? Moving on, we're moving into James Bond territory

:14:59. > :15:06.now, we have the Swiss Army Knife, �283.50, so it's not cheap. Can I...

:15:06. > :15:11.Have a look. It's got your scissors, your nail file, blade. It's also

:15:11. > :15:16.got a 32-gig USB stick, which has encryption technology, which means

:15:16. > :15:23.that if you plug it into your computer... Give me your iPod.

:15:23. > :15:28.looks quite menacing, doesn't he? It only works using a certain

:15:28. > :15:33.technology, so unless you chop your finger off from the person you have

:15:33. > :15:37.stolen it from... Might use it in the shower. It's quite a good look.

:15:37. > :15:41.You be taking this home with you? Definitely. That's for the James

:15:41. > :15:48.Bond in your life, the man who has everything. There are cheaper

:15:48. > :15:54.options available, but you don't get the fingerprint technology...

:15:54. > :15:57.As opposed to the others - the man who has everything.

:15:57. > :16:01.This is Mr Jones' Around the World Watch. This might be good for a

:16:01. > :16:04.chap that likes travelling because it has eight different hands on

:16:04. > :16:07.with different time zones. If you're jet lagged this might be a

:16:07. > :16:12.little bit confusing, but obviously because we're in London, you would

:16:12. > :16:16.tell the time by looking for Big Ben, �150. You can't keep the smile

:16:16. > :16:19.off your face. Is that what you would like this year? I don't want

:16:19. > :16:27.any of this stuff. Food - you do like a bit of food. I do. Reindeer

:16:27. > :16:31.pate. I might as well. This is not for everybody. Shall I try some

:16:31. > :16:35.reindeer pate? �15.99 this will cost, but if you're stuck for

:16:35. > :16:39.something to buy and have a real foodie in the family that might be

:16:40. > :16:43.quite nice to get for them. I have tried reindeer before. It's quite

:16:43. > :16:53.nice, surprisingly so. All right? That's as much as we're going to

:16:53. > :17:02.

:17:02. > :17:09.have a foodie, maybe granddad might like that. Then Fee Brothers

:17:09. > :17:13.Cocktail Bitters, these are for the Wayne Collins in your life. �6-�10.

:17:13. > :17:17.Finally, a secret one here. A very wise man, I think it might have

:17:17. > :17:21.been you, once said that all any man needs tore Christmas is a

:17:21. > :17:25.football. That's it. All decent football teams were out of stock.

:17:25. > :17:30.So we've had to get a Chelsea one. That's a good present. Indeed.

:17:30. > :17:40.if you don't like football, that is a great present. Or basketball or

:17:40. > :17:41.

:17:41. > :17:48.anything. What's your favourite here? All of them. Finally man

:17:48. > :17:54.wrap... See you later. This is quite jazzy. Thanks for those. If

:17:54. > :17:59.you want details of those items, e- mail us via the website and we will

:17:59. > :18:03.get back to you. After weeks of freezing wildlife,

:18:03. > :18:10.David Attenborough has turned his focus to the humans who survive in

:18:10. > :18:18.the Poles. This is Frozen Planet. What's this programme?

:18:18. > :18:24.This is living at its most communal. Good relations with the in-laws are

:18:24. > :18:27.essential. Reindeer are so valuable that the people only eat them if

:18:27. > :18:35.they have no other choice. Their favourite food is raw fish, from

:18:35. > :18:42.the frozen rivers. Every week or so, these families have to travel to

:18:42. > :18:47.find new feeding grounds for their herds. First, they round up their

:18:47. > :18:57.strongest animals with lasoos, a skill that their ancestors brought

:18:57. > :18:59.

:18:59. > :19:09.with them, when they came north from central Asia. Then, literally,

:19:09. > :19:24.

:19:24. > :19:34.just a few hours. Over the year, they travel hundreds of miles like

:19:34. > :19:48.

:19:48. > :19:54.this, across the vast tund ra. -- Wednesday at 9pm on BBC within.

:19:54. > :19:59.Stephen Merchant is here it cook. What did you cook last time? Some

:19:59. > :20:03.kind of chocolate loaf. Was it the yule log. That wasn't the best

:20:03. > :20:08.thing I've ever cooked. It was kind of pornographic if I remember.

:20:08. > :20:14.you do much cooking? I like to cook. I just bought a vegetarian cook

:20:14. > :20:21.book actually. I was in Dublin giging, I twont a great vegetarian

:20:21. > :20:27.place -- I went to a great reg tairn -- vegetarian place.

:20:27. > :20:33.veggie dish is a Bombay potato and spinach pie. We have chilli, garlic,

:20:33. > :20:43.ginger, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, garam masala. We have honey,

:20:43. > :20:48.tach yoz, potato, and I need cubes of potato, so that kind of size

:20:48. > :20:53.really. However you feel you want to do it. I'm going to toast the

:20:53. > :20:57.cumin and coriander seeds. You would do this cold pan, let it get

:20:57. > :21:01.warm, oilles out, but we're going to do it more quickly than that.

:21:01. > :21:10.This comes from Callum, it's a tweet, "In Life's Too Short, did

:21:10. > :21:15.Johnny dep have any input in the script?" There were a lot of

:21:15. > :21:18.improve -- improv. You never know what to expect with the big stars.

:21:18. > :21:24.You don't know whether they're going to be moody or embarrassed or

:21:24. > :21:29.ashamed or whatever, often ashamed - but he was great. He came in all

:21:29. > :21:33.guns blazing. He did great. He did some things that were so crazy, we

:21:33. > :21:37.could never put it in the show. It was off the scale. He's really

:21:37. > :21:41.funny. That's one of the great things about those things, because

:21:41. > :21:44.I like, I was always a fan of movies. I like seeing these movie

:21:44. > :21:49.stars work. I like seeing the decisions they make. That's part of

:21:49. > :21:55.the fun for me. You don't have to mention anyone... I'm doing a

:21:55. > :22:00.terrible job. Do some of the people you ask to do it, do they just say

:22:00. > :22:05.absolutely not? I think, I seem to remember Keith Harris and Orville

:22:05. > :22:09.didn't want to be part of it. Orville was up for it. They do have

:22:09. > :22:16.disputes those two. It's amazing who you get in these things, isn't

:22:16. > :22:26.it? Someone like Johnny Depp. have this idea and Ricky smau gets

:22:26. > :22:32.hold of their e-mail address. He's lick a mob boss. -- He's like a mob

:22:32. > :22:40.boss. Check them into the hot oil. This will turn into the Bombay

:22:40. > :22:45.potato. I have toasted the coriander and cumin seeds. These

:22:45. > :22:50.will crisp up and then we we add our spices. Cook those for a couple

:22:50. > :22:55.of minutes to get a bit of colour on them. Then we chuck in our cumin

:22:55. > :22:59.and coriander. We chuck in the chilli and the garlic. We have a

:22:59. > :23:04.nice bit of salt and pepper goes into there as well, particularly

:23:04. > :23:08.salt. Then, once they've crisped up a little bit, we add the garam

:23:08. > :23:14.masala and ginger. Stir that around and plenty of oil. Cook those for

:23:14. > :23:17.round about 20 minutes or so. That makes our basic Bombay potato.

:23:17. > :23:27.We've rattled through that, it's a slower process. But we end up with

:23:27. > :23:30.

:23:30. > :23:34.that. That's what we get. So, the Bombay potatoes pistachios, now put

:23:35. > :23:43.those in there and give them a quick mix around. Then we will

:23:43. > :23:47.layer it up with Filo pastry. of e-mails saying, "Is there

:23:47. > :23:53.definitely never going to be an Office special again?" I don't want

:23:53. > :24:00.to say definitely. If I lose all my money to several ex-wives and Ricky

:24:00. > :24:08.becomes a drug addict and alcoholic, I'm sure we will, to raise much

:24:08. > :24:11.needed cash. Due say spinach as well? No. With his hands? What

:24:11. > :24:16.feels most natural for you. Basically, we're going to layer up

:24:16. > :24:23.the Filo pastry. One layer, butter, another layer, butter. I have three

:24:24. > :24:29.layers. We slp a load of butter on. Then about half of that mix onto

:24:29. > :24:34.the top of our Filo pastry. We have our base layer, Filo, which will be

:24:34. > :24:40.crispy, then our potatoes, then we'll just do the same again with

:24:40. > :24:43.spinach as well. You don't need to cook the spinach as well. It will

:24:43. > :24:51.just wilt down. It's great for the ladies when that moment happens,

:24:51. > :24:58.Stephen. Another layer of Filo on there. A load more butter on there

:24:58. > :25:05.and slap the rest of that mix on there. Go Tim, all yours if you

:25:05. > :25:11.want it. Nice flavour in there. All the spices from the potatoes,

:25:11. > :25:16.spinach and then we finish the final layer again is Filo pastry.

:25:16. > :25:21.Then a massive load of butter on the top. Then what you do to make

:25:21. > :25:27.it look pretty is a bit of action with the knife. We're trying to

:25:27. > :25:34.just line as cross, like that. It mean that's when it cooks...

:25:34. > :25:39.cutting through? No you're scoring it really. For some delicious

:25:39. > :25:44.flavour we pour over honey. That stickiness will go into our lovely

:25:45. > :25:51.Indian spices in there. We bake that for about 45mib its -- minutes.

:25:51. > :26:01.We end up with this fella here. You get all the gloss from the honey

:26:01. > :26:01.

:26:01. > :26:08.and from the butter. To serve, a nice big slab. Whilst you're doing

:26:08. > :26:14.that, back over to Louise and John, who's got the reveal of the date.

:26:14. > :26:21.Thanks Tim. The year when Harry was born, Arthur went on strike and

:26:21. > :26:30.Frankie said "war" was? Have we got the date? 1984. What did I say? I

:26:30. > :26:35.said that first. I got that bang on. I was 26. Have you got a tweet for

:26:35. > :26:41.John? Have I? Do you know what, I don't know. I will do this one.

:26:41. > :26:46.I have. After you. Go on. This is from Tony, how much do you credit

:26:46. > :26:52.Live at the Apollo with your rise to fame? Well it was a combination

:26:52. > :26:56.of things. It was Michael Macintire's show, live at the

:26:56. > :27:02.Apollo and the Jonathan Ross interview, I noticed things had

:27:02. > :27:05.changed. And obviously Something for the Weekend last year.

:27:05. > :27:08.massive part. Ashley says, what vice would you give to young

:27:08. > :27:13.writers wanting to get started and writers wanting to get started and

:27:13. > :27:18.make a career out of it? Do you have to go to stand-up first?

:27:18. > :27:22.think it helps you hone. It's about writing and rewriting and if you

:27:22. > :27:26.can collaborate, that makes it easy. Getting people to read it outloud

:27:26. > :27:29.in front of a small audience makes a big difference. Can you think

:27:29. > :27:34.you're hilarious, as John knows, until you get in front of an

:27:34. > :27:40.audience, you don't know. What advice would you give to people?

:27:40. > :27:44.Just do it. It's one of those things, comedy, if you want to be a

:27:44. > :27:48.stand-up, there's opportunities. You can rock up at a lot of these

:27:48. > :27:53.open mic nights and you'll get a go. There's no excuse for not doing it.

:27:53. > :27:56.How long did it take you before you were funny? I'm not sure I've got

:27:57. > :28:00.there yet. The first time you turn up, you didn't hit it immediately,

:28:00. > :28:04.did you? I never turned up intending to do it. I turned up

:28:04. > :28:07.because I was a bit depressed, drunk, halfway through a divorce

:28:07. > :28:13.and sad. I ended up on the stage telling people about. It I'm in the

:28:13. > :28:19.a good case to think of really. What happen sz you just find, it

:28:19. > :28:24.sounds noncy, but you find your voice. You know, I am funny, laugh

:28:24. > :28:28.at me, it's confidence. It's true, stand up is very much, it's like

:28:28. > :28:31.being a stripper, you can't pretend you're not trying to do what you're

:28:31. > :28:37.doing. You can't say something thaw think is funny and then just say oh,

:28:37. > :28:40.I was only joking. You can't take your clothes off and go oh, they

:28:40. > :28:45.fell off. You are totally exposed. Everyone think that's dying is

:28:45. > :28:49.terrible, but it's not. It's fine. These two have DVDs out at