0:00:04 > 0:00:07Are we ready for another two-wheeled adventure, mate?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Ready? I'm ready for a cuppa.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12Well, we're heading for the right place, then.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14The Henley Royal Regatta.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Let's bake up a proper tea.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Ooh! Going posh, then, are we?
0:00:18 > 0:00:21I need to dust off my blazer and boater.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27On this trip, we're going to get out the best china,
0:00:27 > 0:00:30and put out a fancy tea for the guys from the Tees Rowing Club.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32That's my neck of the woods, that.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35On the menu, super-chocolatey cookies baked right there
0:00:35 > 0:00:36on the river's edge.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40It's a tea-time treat to end all treats.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42It's a tea-time treat for toffs.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53We've decided to seek out the golden rules of baking from the WI,
0:00:53 > 0:00:55the Women's Institute.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01Here, baking is practised to benchmark perfection.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09If you've not made it this way before, we're going to weigh the eggs in their shells.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Dude, she's weighing her eggs. That's a worry.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16So, whatever ingredients, that's your fat, flour and sugar,
0:01:16 > 0:01:17will weigh exactly the same.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20She's only got four. We've got seven in ours.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Ours'll be richer, it works.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27Within these corridors of culinary power, one learns
0:01:27 > 0:01:31that the WI's Victoria sandwich is always made with raspberry jam
0:01:31 > 0:01:34and dusted off with castor sugar, never icing sugar.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Tough bunch of ladies, these, for a couple of free form bakers like us.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Right, tips learned, pinnies on, time for a right hairy
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Victoria sandwich with a few naughty extras.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Well, nothing I thought we'd get a black mark for.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50- Oh!- Tight. - LAUGHTER
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Being given the opportunity to wear this pinny,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55it's like being accepted.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- By you?- Well...them.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- What...the WI?- Aye.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Here we go, step one.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Sugar, butter, unsalted. Loads of it.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- That means flavour.- Flavour.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Just start off nice and gently and what we're looking for, it needs to go pale.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22It needs to go virtually white.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26It's gone white, like a polar bear's bum.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31By using seven eggs, naughtier but nice.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Just to give it a bit more flavour. I've got some vanilla extract.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Just whisk this in. Nobody'll know.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Wait a minute.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Go.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51'Fold in the self-raising flour to add some air.'
0:02:51 > 0:02:54The thing about making a cake like this,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56you kind of love it, don't you?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59You take it and possess it. It's lovely.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Forget meditation, forget yoga.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Bake a cake.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07'Then splodge equally into the baking tins.'
0:03:09 > 0:03:11It's good, that cockerel.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Never let me down yet.- Nope.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20- Da da-da da.- Right, we need to make our butter cream cinnamon icing.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22(Don't say it too loud. Sh.)
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Jam as well.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Cinnamon. Cinnamon.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Butter cream icing. Icing sugar. Half a pack of butter.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Bit of warm water.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42'Mix it all up till it's a lush paste like a posh face cream.'
0:03:42 > 0:03:44We're doing this which is dead cheeky.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46We're putting some cinnamon in, it's great.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Like passion cake, it's got that cinnamon butter cream icing.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It's not strictly right, but it's dead tasty.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Right, lads, how you getting on...? - Ooh, hello, Cath.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Smashing, the cakes are in and it's gone perfectly fine.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- And your timer?- Yeah.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Yeah. We're ready, we're ready.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- We'll be jamming up later when the sponges come out.- Jamming up.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Whoo! Bob Marley. We're jamming.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16# Can't you see?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- # How happy we will be...? # - Ready?- They're perfect.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Yes! Absolutely perfect. Look at them.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30And just as the dust settles over your cooled cake,
0:04:30 > 0:04:31the heat goes on.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Time to whip out a doily
0:04:33 > 0:04:36and sandwich your sandwiches, then just hope that your cake
0:04:36 > 0:04:39makes the grade for judge Jill.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46Dear, oh, dear. The thing is all the other ladies' cakes are like pillows,
0:04:46 > 0:04:48big and fluffy and gorgeous.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Ours is like a carpet tile. Now on with the butter icing.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Go on, layer it up.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59'Mm. Might get marked down for that butter icing.'
0:04:59 > 0:05:02# With tea for two
0:05:02 > 0:05:05# And two for tea
0:05:05 > 0:05:07# Just me for you... #
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Ours has got cream in it.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12You're not supposed to tell the judge what's in it.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Kingy, the only judge you ever spoke to has been behind a bench.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Don't worry, Dave, I've got this judge wrapped round my little finger.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27So, what's the verdict on our hairy Victoria sandwich with cinnamon butter cream?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29You've given me a problem, you two.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30What do you mean?
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Well, this cake is not according to schedule.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- It was on time.- It was. Aye, what's the matter?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40It's not a Victoria sandwich.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I beg your pardon, madam.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- 'So just...' - HE BLOWS RASPBERRY - '..let the taste buds decide.'
0:05:51 > 0:05:52But as a cake, it's lovely.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54With that lovely cinnamon flavour.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57As a Victoria sandwich...
0:05:58 > 0:06:00it's not quite there.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Because it's got the added extras.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Perhaps, you know, if you renamed it or something.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Biker...sandwich.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Love you. I quite like that.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13CHUCKLING
0:06:13 > 0:06:15You haven't finished yours. What's the matter with it?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17What's the matter with it?
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Rah! Disqualified for a layer of butter cream.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Outrageous.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Our tea-time journey has given us such a sugar rush,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I think Si and I could pedal our bikes to Henley.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45The Henley Royal Regatta has been part of the summer season
0:06:45 > 0:06:47since 1839.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50The team we were here to cheer on were in the red tops,
0:06:50 > 0:06:54the Tees Rowing Club from Si's neck of the woods.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56They'll need some feeding up.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58They're doing all right, the Geordies.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01They're not Geordies, man, they're Teesiders.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06Whatever, northerners. They think the chip shop's shutting, they're putting a spurt on.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Go on, boys, go on. - Chips, chips, chips.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- Stottie, chips and peas.- The Post Office must be open for their grants.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13THEY LAUGH
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Go on, boys. - Come on, the Tees!
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Come on, lads, we've got better pies up north. Come on!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Apparently, the Teesiders have reduced the stroke.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32To half a length. Don't understand lengths.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I've got no idea at all what's going on.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38You just have to dress up as a berk and bake cakes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44This rowing lark's a whole new world for Dave and me.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47But them that's in the know say the Henley course is a straight mile
0:07:47 > 0:07:49and takes seven minutes to cover.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51With eight mates and a handful of oars,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53that's hungry work.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Aaaargh!
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Aaargh!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00That's me upper-class roar.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05Whilst the racing continues, we'd better crack on with the finishing touches
0:08:05 > 0:08:07to our afternoon tea for the rowers.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13Ooh hoo! Our tea-time table treats is building up bazonkers.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- It's brilliant.- I've just chopped this chocolate. Nice and chunky.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Nice white chocolate, lovely dark chocolate.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22That's not cheap chocolate, is it? That's proper chocolate.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24You need posh chocolate for our cookies.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27They're laced with sour cherries, cherry brandy,
0:08:27 > 0:08:32white chocolate, dark chocolate. If Rich Tea biscuits are at one end of the scale of frugality,
0:08:32 > 0:08:35these super-chewy sour cherry cookies are at the other.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39These are an opulent cookie, the big one.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43The basis to any good cookie or cake is our sugars.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- And our fat.- It's creaming your fat with your sugar.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48So, I've got some dark brown muscovado sugar
0:08:48 > 0:08:50to go into the golden castor.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Between you and me, the secret to super-chewy cookies is oil.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58The sort that are cooked but they're still a bit soft.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Put a couple of spoonfuls of sunflower oil,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03nice and pure, into the mixture.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Cream away, Horatio.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08It should cream slightly easier, actually, with the oil in it.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13'We're adding two tablespoons of vanilla paste to an egg,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16'then stirring that into our sugars and butter.'
0:09:16 > 0:09:20You know...it's a tea-time treat to end all treats.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22It's a tea-time treat for toffs.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28'Lush. So, dry ingredients.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30'Some flour, baking powder for lift-off,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32'a tad of salt,
0:09:32 > 0:09:33'and mix it all up.'
0:09:33 > 0:09:36'Then you get the basis of your cookie dough.'
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Now these are dried soured cherries.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42They're not dry now cos we just soaked them in a bit of water
0:09:42 > 0:09:43just to rehydrate them.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47To drain these, I just hope it doesn't splash on me flannels.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49To cheery up the sour cherries,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53a splash of good, French cherry brandy.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Look at that. Go on, go on, don't be shy.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Now...whip those into your dough.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Next ingredient is a handful of slivered almonds.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06And now some chopped hazelnuts.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Don't forget my chocolate chopping board.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Chocolate chunks.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Fit for a king.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Like dead men's teeth.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22Now, this has to be the most luscious dough on the planet.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23It's extravagant, isn't it?
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Roll it out about a centimetre thick.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Keep it quite thick cos when they bake, they'll spread.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35If you want big cookies, use a big pastry cutter,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39they'll come out bigger, they'll come out like soup plates.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41But we're at Henley, so we want quite dainty ones.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46We use a glass because it's nice and there's one to hand always.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47And just pop 'em out with this.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Right now. On a non-stick baking tray,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53you can put them said cookies on 'ere.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57So, all we do now is stamp, lift...
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Two trays of perfectly-formed cookies.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02There we are. To the fiery furnace.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Just in time. Perfect.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21We've got to get a move on, Kingy, because the rowers are coming over in a minute.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Thing is here at Henley, they pause for tea.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27They don't "take tea", they "pause" for tea.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- One thing.- What's that? - We have no savouries.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31A-ha!
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Cucumber sandwiches, thinly sliced.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43# Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic... #
0:11:51 > 0:11:52- Tea!- Tea's ready.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Did your mam used to call you in? Come on, your tea's ready.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04The 60,000 million dollar question. Tees rowing club, did you win?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Yes!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- There you are, look at that.- Oh-ar!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19So, do you lads have a special diet? Do you have to watch the calories?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Or do you just go for it and bulk up weight?
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Thankfully, I fall into the heavyweight category where you try and eat as much as you can.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- 6,000, 7,000 calories a day.- What?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32So, plenty of cream, anything rich.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Chocolate, fat.
0:12:33 > 0:12:366,000 or 7,000 calories a day?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Body's a temple, dude, body's a temple.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Yeah, that's what we do, but you've got to go rowing to get rid of it.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45We should do that. We could be like this. It's not too late.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Oh!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05All this whingeing on about rowing, I don't know what the problem is.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Nor me. Look, get an engine.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Then you really can have your cake and eat it.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14It's hard work when you're cox-less.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Oh, tell you what. Does this join on to the Tyne?
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