0:00:22 > 0:00:24I write most of my stories in the first person,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26and I put myself centre stage
0:00:26 > 0:00:28in almost all of the stories that I write.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Sometimes I call the main character Michael
0:00:30 > 0:00:33because I can't think of anything else, I'm that pathetic.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I do put myself at the heart of a story,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39particularly if I have to feel that I'm there.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41For instance, I wrote a book called Private Peaceful.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45I wrote this book because of one thing I came across in a museum.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I went to a place called Ypres in Belgium,
0:00:48 > 0:00:52which is the site of a terrible battle in the First World War.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55There's a wonderful museum there called In Flanders Field.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58I was walking out of the museum in tears,
0:00:58 > 0:01:02because it's such a powerful evocation of the futility of war,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04as Wilfred Owen called it.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06So, you come out feeling wretched,
0:01:06 > 0:01:10and the last thing I saw was a little letter in a frame on the wall,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13and it said "Dear Mrs so-and-so,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17"we regret to inform you that your son, Private so-and-so..."
0:01:17 > 0:01:18with a number,
0:01:18 > 0:01:24"was shot at dawn for cowardice, on such and such a date, 1916."
0:01:24 > 0:01:31Just above the little letter was an envelope ripped open.
0:01:31 > 0:01:37And as I saw the rip, my mind went straight to the mother,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I could see her standing there,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41knowing that it was bad news, and then discovering,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44not only was her son dead, but the manner of his dying.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46How terrible that must have been.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50And then I thought "Hang on, it's not just good enough to feel this, find out more about it."
0:01:50 > 0:01:54I went to the man at the museum and said, "How many soldiers were shot for cowardice
0:01:54 > 0:01:55"in the First World War?"
0:01:55 > 0:01:58And he said "Over 300, and that's just on our side."
0:01:58 > 0:02:00And you just,
0:02:00 > 0:02:04you just can't imagine a world where that sort of thing could happen.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I found it shocking, and then what I discovered was
0:02:08 > 0:02:12that all these years later this country had not pardoned them.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16I thought "Write a story about it." How do you write a story about it?
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Somehow you have to find the voice that shines the camera,
0:02:20 > 0:02:24if you like, at the story in the most powerful way you possibly can.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28In this particular case, what I decided to do
0:02:28 > 0:02:31was to tell the story from the point of view of one soldier.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34There were two soldiers in my story, brothers,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37and you don't know in the story which of them is going to get shot.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40What you do know is that in the morning, at six o'clock,
0:02:40 > 0:02:44when it always happened, something terrible is going to happen.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49And you are with one of the soldiers, and I tell it in the first person.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52I'm going to read you just half a page.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56This was my attempt really to become a 17-year-old young man,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59writing, speaking in 1916.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01It begins...
0:03:03 > 0:03:09Five past ten. They've gone now, and I'm alone at last.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I have the whole night ahead of me,
0:03:11 > 0:03:15and I won't waste a single moment of it.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21I shan't sleep it away, I won't dream it away. I mustn't,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24because every moment of it will be far too precious.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29I want to try and remember everything, just as it was,
0:03:29 > 0:03:30just as it happened.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I've had nearly 18 years of yesterdays and tomorrows,
0:03:33 > 0:03:38and tonight I must remember as many of them as I can.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40I want tonight to be long, as long as my life,
0:03:40 > 0:03:45not filled with fleeting dreams that rush me on towards dawn.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Tonight, more than any other night in my life,
0:03:49 > 0:03:51I want to feel alive.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03It's tumbling upon things, you know. I was lucky enough,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07privileged enough, 35 years ago to meet, in my pub at home,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10in Devon, a soldier who'd been to the First World War.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I knew he was an old bloke, he was in his 80s by then.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17I knew he'd been there, but I didn't know any more about him, and I hardly knew him, really.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I sat down, and had half a pint with him, and I asked a question.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I said, "What regiment were you in?"
0:04:22 > 0:04:24He said "I was in the Devon Yeomanry."
0:04:24 > 0:04:29And then he said something wonderful, which I never forgot, he said "I was there with 'orses."
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I said "What do you mean, with horses?" He said "Well, cavalry."
0:04:32 > 0:04:35And then he started talking, and we started talking.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39He told me what it was like to be 17, to leave these shores, to go across
0:04:39 > 0:04:43with the Yeomanry, and find himself in this appalling, appalling war.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47How he felt petrified,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50and how he found comfort in talking to his horse each night
0:04:50 > 0:04:52when he went to feed it.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57And he would talk to that horse as if it was his best friend, because it WAS his best friend.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58And he meant it.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I felt, "This is the most extraordinary thing I've ever heard."
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Someone who talks to a horse.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Then I thought "I'm not sure anyone has told the story of a horse,"
0:05:07 > 0:05:10and maybe if you told it through the horse's mouth,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13you could tell the story, not just of the British side,
0:05:13 > 0:05:15or the German side, or the French side,
0:05:15 > 0:05:19but a story of the universal suffering of the First World War.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24You have to forget, when you're sitting in front of an empty page, I think, that you are writing.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26What I've discovered is the best way to do it
0:05:26 > 0:05:30is to do what most kids like doing, which is to talk a story.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33You talk it, from your head, where the dreamtime has been,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36down your arms, through your fingers and onto the page.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38You let it flow, mistakes and all.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42You don't worry about the spelling, you don't worry about punctuation.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45I'm sorry, but you don't. You just get the stupid thing down there.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I think it's rather like an artist sketching.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51When an artist is sketching, it's letting the line flow,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55capturing somehow the image of it. That's what I do when I first write.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59I tell it down onto the page, and then craft it afterwards.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07What I want to talk about this morning in this circus tent,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10outside a big castle, is happiness.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21In relationships, people go, "Oh, I just want to make you happy."
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Or "Why are you dumping me?" "I don't know, I just want to be happy.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Right? Or, as I read in the paper yesterday,
0:06:29 > 0:06:33"Excuse me, sir, why are you kayaking off this 30-foot waterfall?"
0:06:33 > 0:06:35"I don't know, it just makes me happy."
0:06:35 > 0:06:39I want you to do one thing - write, it might be a lie,
0:06:39 > 0:06:41but write "I am happy."
0:06:41 > 0:06:44That's all you need to do. "I am happy."
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Now, I want you to cross out the word happy, because it's rubbish.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50OK, I want you to replace the word "happy"
0:06:50 > 0:06:52with something that means happy.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54For instance, I am a golden pinball machine,
0:06:54 > 0:06:58or I am a diamond toilet seat, or I am a huge roast dinner,
0:06:58 > 0:07:00or I am a paper bag full of lights,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03or... What's your favourite thing in the world?
0:07:04 > 0:07:09I am Pokemon. Is that your favourite thing in the world?! In the world!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Oh, my God!
0:07:12 > 0:07:16A lot of the time in school, poetry is presented as something
0:07:16 > 0:07:19that is studious, or something that you have to decipher,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23like a crossword, or something that belongs on dusty shelves, in the past.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27So, that's perfect. I am a Dorito. I am a pizza, with what on top?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Pepperoni.- Bubblewrap, amazing. - Tomatoes.- I am a shoe.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36A few more. A few more. Father Christmas. Moo cow.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41Say eating hamburgers makes you happy, you wouldn't say
0:07:41 > 0:07:43"I'm eating a hamburger."
0:07:43 > 0:07:47You would just say "I am a massive hamburger." Do you understand?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Yeah, cool.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50Because a lot of the time, especially in poetry,
0:07:50 > 0:07:54people think it's a bit like, it has to mature, like cheese,
0:07:54 > 0:07:58and you can't really be taken seriously until you're 40, and you've got a beard.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02I am money in a bag, it feels better than, I am money, doesn't it?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Like a sculptor, you need a block of stone in order to carve
0:08:07 > 0:08:09something out of it, you know?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12You don't want to be afraid of writing rubbish.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Just get rid of the empty page, just write whatever comes into your head.
0:08:15 > 0:08:20- Chips to the power of two. It's all in the details.- And ketchup.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24And, is happy cows part of it? Or is that a second one?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Of course, of course, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Nothing is right or wrong, you know?
0:08:29 > 0:08:34We wrote as many images as we could, and made a big poem out of it.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37I'm an annoying spot on someone else's nose.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38It was electrifying.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43I am a Dorito, I am bubble-wrap I am music, I am mass destruction
0:08:43 > 0:08:47I am pizza with pepperoni I am money in a bag
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I'm a shoe
0:08:50 > 0:08:55I'm a kite I am the annoying spot on somebody else's nose.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57LAUGHTER
0:08:57 > 0:08:59I'm a red lava lamp
0:08:59 > 0:09:04I'm snowy days, I'm George Clooney in a leather Italian suit
0:09:06 > 0:09:09I am a chipmunk I'm high-pitched singing voices
0:09:09 > 0:09:14I am a turtle, I'm a piranha I'm an empty house thick with peace
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I'm a strawberry I'm a candy unicorn, I'm a carrot!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20LAUGHTER
0:09:20 > 0:09:22I'm Spongebob, I am Pingu I am Father Christmas
0:09:22 > 0:09:26I am a plethora of tall mountains I'm a rubber duck
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I'm a Mexican moustache I am a Lego man
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I'm a moo cow
0:09:31 > 0:09:35I AM THE TUNA THAT YOU FIND IN SANDWICHES!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37APPLAUSE
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Woo! That's you, that's you, I didn't write any of that.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I'm a novelist, and that means I have to write something long,
0:09:59 > 0:10:04and continual, continuous, and I have to do it every day.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I think poets work in a slightly different way.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09This may be why there is such a lot of First World War poetry,
0:10:09 > 0:10:10but no First World War novels.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13You can't write a novel in the trenches. You can't guarantee
0:10:13 > 0:10:18you're going to be there the next day, never mind being able to finish chapter 3, or whatever it is.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Because writing a novel is not a sprint, it's not something you do in a hurry,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25it's something you do over a long time. So, if you get discouraged,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29when you're doing a long piece of work, don't worry, accept it.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31That's part of the job. That's part of what writing is,
0:10:31 > 0:10:35this feeling that you don't know what to write next, and you're bored, and you're fed up,
0:10:35 > 0:10:37you hate it, you wish you'd never begun.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Good, you're doing the right thing, that's what it's like.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45I write about fantastical worlds because I'm lazy.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I can't be bothered to go and do the research about the real world.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51It's much easier, much less effort, to sit at my desk and make it up.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56I never pick a plan for a novel when I'm writing.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00But I do look forward to bits that I'm going to write.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I do think that when those two characters meet up,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I will enjoy that that bit.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Put yourself into the scene, what would you see if you were there?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11What is important about what you would see if you were there?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13The story is always the governor.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16In the book I'm holding here, The Amber Spyglass,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18which is the third part of His Dark Materials,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22there was a passage I was looking forward to writing.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25It's a passage when two important characters meet for the first time.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30The two characters that I'm talking about in this case were the boy Will,
0:11:30 > 0:11:31and the bear, Iorek Byrnison.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Now, Will is a boy from our world, a very ordinary boy,
0:11:34 > 0:11:36there's nothing special about him.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41He hasn't got a special destiny, or, or special powers, or anything like that.
0:11:41 > 0:11:46He's discovered a weapon, a knife. It's called the Subtle Knife,
0:11:46 > 0:11:49a knife that can cut through anything.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Now, Will and the bear have never met,
0:11:52 > 0:11:55they've never come face-to-face, but this is when they do.
0:12:01 > 0:12:07Will put his rucksack down and hoisted the helmet up on its end. He could barely lift it.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10It consisted of a single sheet of iron, dark and dented,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13with eyeholes on top, and a massive chain underneath.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16It was as long as Will's forearm, and as thick as his thumb.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20"So, this is your armour," he said.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22"Well, it doesn't look very strong to me.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25"I don't know if I can trust it. Let me see."
0:12:25 > 0:12:27He took the knife from the rucksack,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and rested the edge against the front of the helmet,
0:12:30 > 0:12:34and sliced off a corner as if he was cutting butter.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37"That's what I thought," he said. He cut another, and another,
0:12:37 > 0:12:41reducing the massive thing to a pile of fragments in less than a minute.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45He stood up, and held out a handful. "That was your armour,"
0:12:45 > 0:12:49he said, and dropped the pieces with a clatter on the rest by his feet.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52"And this is my knife, and since your helmet was no good to me
0:12:52 > 0:12:54"you'll have to fight without it.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58"Are you ready, bear? I think we are well matched.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02"I could take off your head with one blow of my knife, after all."
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Utter stillness. The bear's black eyes glowed like pitch,
0:13:07 > 0:13:12Will felt a drop of sweat drop down his spine, and the bear's head moved.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17He shook it, took a step backwards. "Too strong a weapon," he said.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19"I can't fight that. Boy, you win."
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Will knew a second later that people would cheer and whoop,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27so even before the bear had finished saying the word "win",
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Will have begin to turn and call out to keep them quiet.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33"Now, you must keep the bargain, look after the wounded people,
0:13:33 > 0:13:38"start repairing the buildings. Let the boat tie up and refuel." The bear spoke quietly,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41in a voice that seemed to throb as tightly as the ship's engines.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46"What is your name?" He said. "What do you seek?" "I'm Will Parry.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50"You're going up the river, and I want to come with you.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54"I'm going to the mountains, and this is the quickest way. Will you take me?"
0:13:54 > 0:13:55"Yes. I want to see that knife."
0:13:58 > 0:14:00"I will only show it to a bear I can trust.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02"There is one bear I've heard of who's trustworthy,
0:14:02 > 0:14:06"he is the king of the bears, a friend of the girl I'm going to the mountains to find.
0:14:06 > 0:14:12"Her name is Lyra Silvertongue, the bear is called Iorek Byrnison."
0:14:12 > 0:14:18"I am Iorek Byrnison," said the bear. "I know you are," said Will.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Write whatever you like to read.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24If you're interested in writing professionally,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26don't think of the market for one second.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Publishers always want to say,
0:14:27 > 0:14:31write something that was like the bestseller last year. We want another bestseller,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34therefore you write one like the one that is gone before.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I'd say the opposite, write only what you think.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Nobody else will be interested in the world but you, but write that,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43as that'll be the thing that will come deeply and truly out of you,
0:14:43 > 0:14:46and what will make the most impression on other people.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I think one of the most useful things that anyone ever said to me
0:15:03 > 0:15:05was a literary agent, and she said, "We wouldn't expect
0:15:05 > 0:15:07"a violinist to pick up a violin
0:15:07 > 0:15:10"and start playing a Bach sonata, and yet we do expect
0:15:10 > 0:15:13"writers to write this peerless prose without anything."
0:15:13 > 0:15:15You're allowed the nuts and bolts,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18just in the same way that a musician will have to practise their scales.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21With writing, as well, you can write about things,
0:15:21 > 0:15:25you can write about familiar things before you make yourself
0:15:25 > 0:15:30go off and do the really scary, difficult stuff.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Even just getting home from school, and getting straight on the phone to friends,
0:15:34 > 0:15:38if that's something that gives you pleasure, and is an important part of your life,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40then that's something you can use to write about.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42That's a starting point.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49Some writers like to plot it out, and know where they're going, have a lot of the stuff filled in.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I remember Hilary Mantel saying that when she first started writing
0:15:52 > 0:15:57she used to have a yellow Post-it notes on the wall, saying what was going to happen at each stage.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59And some writers just like to dive in, start swimming,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02and hope they don't sink, and that's what they like.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04I think it's horses for courses.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06I wouldn't want to say you've got to do it this way,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10it's all about giving people permission to find the way to write that works for them.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Go off, and in the next two days, just note down a bit of conversation
0:16:16 > 0:16:18that you've overheard between two people,
0:16:18 > 0:16:23and then use that as a starting point for a story or a play, or, you know, something.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26There's material all around us, all the time.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Dive right in to the character you are writing about,
0:16:32 > 0:16:34or the situation you're writing about.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38That's the only way to forget you as the author, as the writer.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41So, you think to yourself "OK, what is this character?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44"How does this character eat? How does this character think?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46"How does this character tie their shoe?"
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Or whatever, that was just an example.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50The only way to escape from yourself,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52is to lose yourself in whatever you are writing.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Some people write because they want to be heard.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Some write because they have something they really want to say,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03and some write because they just can't stop themselves.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Some people write because they want to change the world,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08and they're all really valid reasons.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11You only need to know why YOU want to write,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14you don't need to know why anyone else wants to write.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20We're going to concentrate on holidays, a holiday that you've been on.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25It might be like the holiday when you were three years old,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28or one when you were ten. Any kind of holiday.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31It could be a terrible holiday, or a really great holiday,
0:17:31 > 0:17:32it doesn't matter.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35The idea was to get the children writing some stories,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37it's as simple as that.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Hey, Daniel, what are you doing? - Belgium, innit.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45- What did you see in Belgium? - Trees.- There?- Yeah.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47You see trees and houses.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51We tried to start by giving them quite structured tasks to do, which would then lead in
0:17:51 > 0:17:55to an exercise where they literally had to sit down and write out a story.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59We went into the village, and we were in the shop,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02and it was really strange because they had all these puppets,
0:18:02 > 0:18:06and randomly one of them started going "I love you,"
0:18:06 > 0:18:11and then started laughing in an evil accent. It was so weird.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14That's fantastic, that's great. Often there's real gems there.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17You wouldn't necessarily get one with a beginning, middle and end,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19but you might get a great phrase or image,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22or something funny, or a great little character observation.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26I could feel the comfort softness of the ground below
0:18:26 > 0:18:29and taste the barbecued food through the hallway.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32The idea of what they could see, feel, hear and taste.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I remember smelling the fresh mountain tops,
0:18:34 > 0:18:35so pure it reminded me of peace.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39And then we gave them a genre. It's a comedy, or whatever you get given.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43And your celebrity, your celebrity is your main character in your story.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Simon Cowell was one, Beyonce was another, and they had to put
0:18:45 > 0:18:48those three elements together -
0:18:48 > 0:18:53their memories, the genre, and the famous person, and turn it into a story, simple.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- Right, what do we think? Kissing. - You could have people being tragic.
0:18:57 > 0:19:04- Tragic. Death.- We're going to do a tragic love story.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08A tragic love story, that's what we're thinking.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11You can write about anything. There are no no-entry signs.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14It's not like this really complicated thing,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16that only famous people can do.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Simon Cowell sped down the gloomy, menacing streets
0:19:20 > 0:19:25of San Juan, Ibiza, looking for that pathetic, greasy villain,
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Louis Walsh.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Louis was happy dancing the Macarena with a teacher called
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Miss Hughes, who yet just met at Oceania.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34LAUGHTER
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I don't know why that's funny!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40LAUGHTER
0:19:40 > 0:19:45OK, calm down. "Oh, look!" exclaimed Miss Hughes, "There's Simon Cowell."
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Louis took one look, turned, and ran to Simon's Roller outside.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Swiftly, he hotwired it, and raced off into the night,
0:19:53 > 0:19:54and crashed the car.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59"Got you now," smiled Simon, and quickly texted his mum
0:19:59 > 0:20:01the news that Louis was being done for drunk-driving
0:20:01 > 0:20:04knowing that the News Of The World would be reading the text
0:20:04 > 0:20:09within minutes, and he would get his popularity back for a start.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Now, what I want you to do, I want you to think of the two sides of your personality.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26One side of you might be pretty helpful, really want to just...
0:20:26 > 0:20:31The other side you might just want to stay in bed for ever.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33One side of you might really want to be kind to people,
0:20:33 > 0:20:37and really care whenever you see anyone else in pain.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42The other side might feel angry, and aggressive and
0:20:42 > 0:20:45"Oh, these people are so annoying!"
0:20:45 > 0:20:48OK, so, I want you to give a name to the two sides of your personality.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50It might be something simple like Jack and John,
0:20:50 > 0:20:54or something more complicated. Don't think too much about names,
0:20:54 > 0:20:57and write me a poem, each, telling me what they get up to.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02Go. There might be a moment when the two sides of you have to meet,
0:21:02 > 0:21:06or they come into conflict, or something happens,
0:21:06 > 0:21:10or there is a situation where one of them has to take charge.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14If any of you are really trying to rhyme it, and your getting this thing
0:21:14 > 0:21:18where you get "dog, log, fog..." just break out of the rhyme, because otherwise
0:21:18 > 0:21:22the rhyme ends up controlling you. I generally say don't bother rhyming.
0:21:25 > 0:21:30If you've finished, you can just sit there and stare into space, and think about how cool you are.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32OK, cool. Let's hear some.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Charlie likes to sing in the rain And dance away yesterday's tattooed pain
0:21:36 > 0:21:40but Ron likes to pick people up And dangle them 70,000 feet from a purple crane.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- Right.- Oh God.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Bill looked in the mirror Ben stared back, giving each other glares
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Bill liked talking to carrots
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Ben liked wrestling bears
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Bill loved riding his unicorn along the sea
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Ben liked using a plant pot as a head.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Woo!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59APPLAUSE
0:21:59 > 0:22:01It might not be perfect poetry,
0:22:01 > 0:22:05but actually it's poetry you can't write when you're older.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07This isn't the best poem I've written.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Sorry, you must never apologise before you read anything, ever, ever.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I'm not sorry for anything, OK?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15LAUGHTER
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Yeah, this poem says quite a lot about me, it doesn't rhyme,
0:22:18 > 0:22:20but yeah, don't expect anything too much.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22I'm sorry.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24LAUGHTER
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I take all that back!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31My soul is burning fiercely, never connected
0:22:31 > 0:22:33The embers are burning the metaphorical bridge
0:22:33 > 0:22:34the gateway of separation
0:22:34 > 0:22:39I'm bathed in a dark loneliness Yet I'm surrounded by friends and loving family.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42It was just lovely to see them all laughing,
0:22:42 > 0:22:48whilst writing really quite serious, and funny, and poignant stuff.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51My voice projects to you this very moment
0:22:51 > 0:22:54To say our blueprint is the same Let's put a full stop to the hate
0:22:54 > 0:22:56And let's put a full stop to the fighting.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59You know when you close your eyes, just before you fall asleep,
0:22:59 > 0:23:04and you have that kind of cinema rolling on your eyelids? Yeah? We all have a different cinema,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07a different film playing,
0:23:07 > 0:23:12and all of those pictures and memories, and dreams, and kind of,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15mad thoughts that you personally link stuff together,
0:23:15 > 0:23:17that's your material, what you use to write.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20What's the point of feelings otherwise?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23We're full of this stuff, but where do we put it?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Poetry gives us a place to put it. Thank you very much.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30APPLAUSE
0:23:30 > 0:23:31You've been amazing.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41One of the things that happens when you are a writer,
0:23:41 > 0:23:44and you kind of say to yourself that you are a writer,
0:23:44 > 0:23:46is that you get more faith in your own process.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51You think that after I've tackled this rubbish idea a few times,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55and after I've applied all of my best tricks to it, it will get better.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58There isn't any point in rattling around with the idea
0:23:58 > 0:24:03that you might be a writer one day, it might suddenly happen. You've got to start writing.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06What I wanted to write about is,
0:24:06 > 0:24:10we've all been today in this amazing castle.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13It's quite a strong place, with a strong personality,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16it's something that's worth writing about.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19We're going to be writing a poem, and for me,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22the basic unit of what a poem is, is an image.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27When you use a picture out of your senses,
0:24:27 > 0:24:31out of your concrete information about the world, to bring your idea alive.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33The other basic unit of a poem is a comparison, an analogy,
0:24:33 > 0:24:38when you say something IS something else, or is LIKE something else.
0:24:38 > 0:24:44We're going to be thinking about the things that this castle is like.
0:24:44 > 0:24:51If this castle was an animal, what kind of animal would it be?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Try and be really specific.
0:24:55 > 0:25:00If this castle was a kind of food, what sort of food would it be?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03If it was a pudding, what kind of pudding?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09If it was a joint of meat, what sort of meat are we talking about?
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I want it very specific. I want the adjectives in there.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I want the colour, I want the smell.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18If this castle was a time of day, what time of day is it?
0:25:18 > 0:25:25Is it a late-night place? Is it the middle of the night?
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Is it noon, is it late afternoon? Is it stormy?
0:25:29 > 0:25:37Is it a tranquil afternoon? Is this castle spring? Is it midsummer?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Late autumn? Is it in its winter?
0:25:50 > 0:25:54It is the dusk, just before the sunset, about 6pm,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58and the wedding cake looks like a rusty old bus.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Honey badgers roam the gravel driveways amongst the Ford Kas
0:26:02 > 0:26:04with their leather smell, and Rolls-Royces,
0:26:04 > 0:26:07parked up calm as sloths.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11The turkey has been thoroughly stuffed, the curry is thick
0:26:11 > 0:26:14with raisins, and if you listen hard,
0:26:14 > 0:26:16the castle is breathing like a dragon,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and whispering, "off with his head,"
0:26:20 > 0:26:23and, "Save me, I'm going to collapse."
0:26:23 > 0:26:28Nothing is real, and the English breakfast tea tastes cold but sunny.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30A silver plate crammed high with mussels,
0:26:30 > 0:26:34chips and lamb chops is carried past by an old, deaf butler.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38His hearing aid isn't arriving until Tuesday.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Everything is covered in dust, but the dust is clean,
0:26:43 > 0:26:47clean as the silver back of a gorilla.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Clean as the slice through the meat of a wild boar,
0:26:51 > 0:26:54when it's bleeding with red wine sauce.
0:26:54 > 0:27:00Darlings, let's sit here together, and smell the cigars.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04Cos nobody outside can reach us, and we can stay
0:27:04 > 0:27:10until the sun goes down, wearing old cardigans, eating sherry trifle.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13APPLAUSE
0:27:16 > 0:27:21I think if you are a writer, you have to live a really interesting life.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25You have to talk to people, listen to people, go places,
0:27:25 > 0:27:28read books like crazy, fiction, non-fiction,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30watch telly, watch movies.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Simply drink the world into your head,
0:27:33 > 0:27:37so that you have this huge well full of the events of your life.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40One of my favourite stories when I was a kid was about
0:27:40 > 0:27:43two siblings who shared a bedroom. They hate each other,
0:27:43 > 0:27:46and they put a skipping rope down the middle of the bedroom.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50So, one of them gets the window, and one gets the door, which immediately raises problems.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53I've never been able to find it again, but it's really stuck with me.
0:27:53 > 0:27:59Memory is very important. And the memory of what we felt like at a particular age.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Memory of what was the first kiss you ever had,
0:28:02 > 0:28:04the first time you ever heard a piece of music
0:28:04 > 0:28:08that later came to mean a great deal to you, things like this.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11If you keep those memories fresh you will be able to draw on them.
0:28:51 > 0:28:57Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:57 > 0:29:01E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk