0:00:02 > 0:00:07Introducing Blackbeard as Dad... Mum is Mother Goose...
0:00:07 > 0:00:13and their kids - Princess Belle and Idle Jack...
0:00:13 > 0:00:15not forgetting Granny...
0:00:17 > 0:00:20..in Pantocracy!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30So, you know how everyone you know has a role or thing,
0:00:30 > 0:00:34so you'll have your super-organised friend, or a cousin who's always complaining?
0:00:34 > 0:00:37My thing is telling people what to do. Dad's thing is being an angry pirate
0:00:37 > 0:00:41and Gran's thing is being a clumsy fairy godmother. But what if you didn't like your thing?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Had a proper think about it and decided your thing wasn't a good thing to have and was
0:00:44 > 0:00:47just a thing that other people had given you, like an old tissue?
0:00:47 > 0:00:51That your thing was actually a massive sad face made of sadness?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Like, totally unfair.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Well, things really heated up for my family when it turned out
0:00:56 > 0:01:00we were going to be receiving a very special guest.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02If you could make a cake, that would be lovely.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Something without meat in it this time.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Does chicken count as meat?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Yes. A fruit cake or something.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Is trout a fruit?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14I'll do it myself.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Darling, if you could give the front door a new lick of paint?
0:01:21 > 0:01:25I don't think the skull and crossbones gives the right impression for a royal visit.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28What's wrong with a skull? It's the flag of my people, that is.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30People died for that flag.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33I mean, they died cos we killed them, but they were deaths.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Just do it.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39OMG, Mum, it's only Prince Charming. No-one even fancies him since he got divorced from Cinderella.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Don't you talk like that, young lady,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44You need to make a good impression. You should write a speech!
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That'll be a lovely way to welcome him.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I refuse - REFUSE -
0:01:48 > 0:01:51to write a speech for someone who has actual buttons on their shoes.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53I could do it.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55A little support round here would be nice.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- I'll write the speech. - I can't be bothered, Mum.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59I said I could do it.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Nice one, Jack.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Why couldn't I do it?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06I'd write something that's pure nice and really smart and that.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I think it's pretty cool that we're getting a real prince in the house.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14Don't be daft, Jack. That's not the kind of thing you do.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15You should draw the Prince a picture
0:02:15 > 0:02:17and I could pretend to give it to him.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- I really think I could do it. - You don't need to. You're Jack!
0:02:20 > 0:02:25He'll love you because you're cuddly and funny. Now, shut up!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Fine, I won't even talk to Prince What's-his-face.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31It's "Charming". Now, we all know what jobs we have to do.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34We want to make this the best visit he's ever made.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Don't worry, love. We'll do you proud.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I don't have a job yet. I could do something.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43I know, I could show him my collection of tea towels.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Chill out, Jack, you're not the one who has a chore list as long as Rapunzel's scratty hair.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Stop whining, Belle. It's your duty as a princess.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Now, we all know what jobs we have to do.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58Bloomers! I need to get myself some lovely new bloomers.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Ugh!
0:03:00 > 0:03:04# Oh, four and 20 and a boat... piddle-liddle-liddle-eh!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06# Two giraffes and a drunken stoat...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Hey, Dad.- Oh, you gave me a fright, son. You all right?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Have you sat on your hamster again? Because I don't know how many more times the little fella can take it.
0:03:13 > 0:03:18Nah, it's not that. I've just got some questions.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Oh, right. OK. Well...
0:03:20 > 0:03:24when a man and a woman love each other very much,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26they go find a mermaid...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Dad, stop. Not those kind of questions!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Thor be praised!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34It's all this Prince Charming stuff.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I'm just...I feel a bit left out.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Left out?- Yeah. Everyone's got something to do except me.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41It wouldn't even matter if I wasn't there.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42I just want to be part of it.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Son, stop right now. You'll make yourself miserable
0:03:45 > 0:03:47trying to be something you're not.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Just accept who you are. That, my son, is what happiness is.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Really? It seems a bit unfair.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59Trust me, son. No good ever came from thinking.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Mm.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Hey, loser, have you seen my glass slippers anywhere?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06I suppose I ought to wear them for Princey Boy.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Why do you always call me loser? Is that what you really think of me?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12What? Don't be an idiot. You're my brother.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14It's my job to call you a loser.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17And anyway, you can take it - you're a loser!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I don't know. It never used to bother me,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21but just with all this stuff going on...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23What stuff? Princey Pants?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25You see, you're not even excited about it,
0:04:25 > 0:04:26but you get to do loads of stuff for it.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31- You can do stuff for it.- I can't. Everyone thinks I'm useless.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Jack. Are you, like, seriously, properly sad?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I've never seen you like this before. It's weird.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Kinda just...
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I just don't feel like I'm treated the same as everyone else.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45I feel like I'm the pet dog and you expect me to do a wee on the carpet at any moment.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47OK. In that case, I've got some advice for you,
0:04:47 > 0:04:52which I got from Snow White's book - Livin' With The Little Guys.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54You have to believe in yourself
0:04:54 > 0:04:57before other people will believe in you.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01She was actually talking about ghosts, but I think it still stands. Do you know what I mean?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05I think so. Yeah, I just don't know how to go about it.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08It's simple. They won't let you do anything because they don't trust you.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09You've never helped before.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13So, start by doing things and showing them they can trust you.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Toot-toot-toot-toot!
0:05:48 > 0:05:49PARP!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I'm the one who replaces the flowers in this house, not him.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Do I laze about all day watching cartoons?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01No! They were lovely carnations, as well.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02What is Jack up to?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Where is this coming from? It's unsettling.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07He nicked my skooshy cream!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I can't deal with his nonsense right now.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Which is why I've decided he can't be there to meet the Prince.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17What?! I can't believe just cos you're a little bit annoyed
0:06:17 > 0:06:19you're not going to let him meet the Prince.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21You're not going to let me meet the Prince? Oh, come on!
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- You'll just get in the way, Jack. - You're a loose cannon. Too risky.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Jack, I'm so sorry. They're being so stupid.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30You're getting above yourself.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Why can't you just be happy being Idle Jack?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36OK. But at least let me meet him.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Fine. Fine, you can meet Prince Charming.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Just to say, "hi", but don't do anything at all.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- OK. - In fact, that goes for all of yous.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Well, if he's going to meet him, he should come to the rehearsal.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54I believe our princess has finally agreed to write a speech.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Did you put the fee in my account yet?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58The next £100 will be in tomorrow.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03PARP!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Right. Let's have a wee practice of and what to do
0:07:05 > 0:07:07and how to behave when the Prince comes.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- Now, Mother, you pretend to be the Prince.- Splendid.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I'll greet you at the door, and curtsey,
0:07:12 > 0:07:17and maybe sing a little song about dreams, or lambs or something,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20and then, Belle - you give your speech.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I would like to take this opportunity to offer a warm welcome
0:07:25 > 0:07:28to his Royal Highness, the Prince Charming.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30It is a great honour to have you in our humble home
0:07:30 > 0:07:34and I hope we can offer you a slice of warm family life today.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39We like to think that we're a proper, loving and caring family.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43It's really great that even someone with buttons on their shoes,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46is able to see the possibility in simple things.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48And I know that, even though you are a prince,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51you take pride in seeing beyond appearances,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55even though it didn't work out with you and Cinderella.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59My brother Jack is going through a bit of a tough time right now.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- And he'd like to say something. - No, no, no...
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Sorry, Mum. It's a deal-breaker. Either Jack talks or I walk.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07On you go, Jack.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- HIGH-PITCHED:- Hi there, Mr Prince...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Sir.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22My name's Jack and I know that people feel it's OK to write me off
0:08:22 > 0:08:24as an idiot, I get that.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28But...what I need to know from you is,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30where do I find the strength?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34The strength to keep dulling down my ambitions? You know?
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Maybe kill a few dreams and accept failure's a total certainty.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Cos that's what you're all telling me to do.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44In all honestly I'd rather face the biggest giant,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46than live my life like that.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50So, Gran, please tell me,
0:08:50 > 0:08:54where do I find the courage to meet your low expectations, eh?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Mum? Dad?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I just wanted to be treated the same as everyone else.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I know I'm lazy sometimes,
0:09:03 > 0:09:06but it doesn't mean I'm worth less than any of you.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16And I want a bike with a monkey on...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18You'll get more pocket money, son
0:09:18 > 0:09:20That's quite enough empowerment for one day.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- What about the monkey on the bike? - We'll talk about that later.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28So, that was it.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Princey Boy came and was, like, I knew he'd be,
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Boredom Central.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34He kept going on about Jack's fighting spirit
0:09:34 > 0:09:37and strong, youthful arms, which made Mum a bit miserable,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39and slightly confused.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42And we let Jack do the speech. It was, like, terrible.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47But he did it, and the Prince really loved his tea towel collection.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Like, a weird amount.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53And from that day on, we lived a little bit more equally ever after.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Tell you what, living in a house with my family,
0:10:10 > 0:10:14these creatures can be a right to-do and a hoo-hah.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18You need rules. Well, a necessary evil,
0:10:18 > 0:10:21but who makes the rules, hmm?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Feet!- What are them? - They're slippers.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33JACK CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- POSH VOICE:- All right, Mater. All right, Pater.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37What are you watching?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- What are you after? - What do you mean?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42You haven't called me "Mater" since you were about eight.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45You haven't called me "Pater" since you burned my Susan Boyle tickets.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Remember?- You've no really let me forget...
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Have you done something to your beard, Dad?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- No.- Are you sure?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Might have had it straightened. One-Eyed Phil's got GHDs.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Other ceramic hair straighteners are available.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02It's not the point. You want something.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- Well, I was wondering...- Yes?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05- I'd pay for it myself...- Yes?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- Calum and Robbie and Omar have all got one...- SPILL IT!!!
0:11:08 > 0:11:09A tattoo.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12I knew this day would come.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Nooooooo!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Why not?- Oh, what's the reason again, Mother? It's on the tip...
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Because I said so!
0:11:23 > 0:11:27What? So, that's it? No discussion? No debate? Just, "no"?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Debate, you say? All right, present your case!
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Right.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39I'd like a tattoo because...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44..because Calum and Robbie and Omar have all got one.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46That it?
0:11:46 > 0:11:47All right.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Noooooooo!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- Mum?!- Sorry, sweetie. I'm with your dad on this one.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Well, at least let me Facebook the crew,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57tell them my parents are pure dictators.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Uh-uh-uh! That's enough internet.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01What are you talking about?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03New house rule. One hour a day.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Since when?- Since I just decided. I did say, "new", didn't I?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- Mum?- Sorry, son, I'm with your dad on this one, too.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13So, not only can I not get a tat, but I can't even tell my pals?!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Just tell them tomorrow. With your mouth and your face.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18What am I? Amish?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20I hate this house!
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Tried knocking?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Dad's rationed the internet!- What?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Hang on, I thought you were going out tonight?
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Dad said I wasn't allowed.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36"No midweek nights out any more, arrrrr".
0:12:36 > 0:12:38What do you mean he's rationed the internet?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40One hour a day, he's suddenly decided!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Well, you know what, bro? He can't stop the internet.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45No-one can stop the internet.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Tried knocking? - My house, my doors.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Just to let you know, that's me stopped the internet.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- And how did you manage that? - I switched off that router thingy.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Oh, and er...do us a favour.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Lose the make-up, love. It's like Madame Tussauds in here.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Ooh! Ow!
0:13:07 > 0:13:12Ugh! Every time! Right, what's up with the internet?
0:13:12 > 0:13:13I just lost Breaking Bad.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15We need to have a word, Gran.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Oi-oi. You lot look thick as thieves.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26There's scrambled eggs here if you want some.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Are you sure about that, Mother? Are you sure?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Or have you just given them all to Dad?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34No, they're definitely there.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Right. What's all this about?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39The children and I have been having a discussion that they feel
0:13:39 > 0:13:42you've been a bit strict-y digestives with them recently.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Right. And what do you think?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Well, I have to say I'm inclined to agree.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Five squares of toilet paper per visit? Really?!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- And what business is it of yours? - Blackbeard!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57What do you mean, "What business be it of mine?" I'm their granny!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59I have granny's rights!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02No, you don't. You don't have any rights. You just live here.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Rent-free, I might add. It's not you that pays the mortgage.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Neither do you! You told us you plundered this house
0:14:08 > 0:14:09from the previous owners!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12No, you spawn-faced macaroon! I just done that for show!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14I paid the Mazzolinis the full asking price.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Which is why I gets to set the rules.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Erm, aren't you forgetting someone?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Actually, I'm with him on this one.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Well, I know you don't think I have rights, but I do live here,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27as does him and her.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Yeah. And we want to change the house rules.- Yeah.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35All right, then! Let me just fetch the book of house rules.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Now, where did I leave them? Where did I...where did I...where did I...
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Oh, that's right, they don't exist!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Well, then, we want to write a set of house rules.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Yeah? Well, I don't want to. And what I say, goes. End of.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Well, we want a vote. End of.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I suppose I can't argue with that.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Fair's fair. We should make it legal, though, eh?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Pirate's promise!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02BLACKBEARD SPITS
0:15:03 > 0:15:07There you go, my hearties. Lovely. Right, that's all above board, then.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Right. So, here's how it's going to work, right?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12You get to vote, you get to vote.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16As the householders, your mother and I will get ten votes each.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Now obviously, FG, it's different for you.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21You're an elderly stateswoman, a figure of respect.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24You've met minor royalty. So you get...
0:15:24 > 0:15:28two votes. So let's do this.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Motion - to write up a new set of house rules. Votes for?
0:15:33 > 0:15:34And votes against?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43There you are. 20 votes to four against.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Motion denied, me hearties! Ha-ha! Oh...
0:15:47 > 0:15:48I've got something for you.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56This power's totally gone to his head, man.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59He's become, like, totes unbearable.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03He always was totes unbearable. He's become totes impossible.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Of course, you know what the French did to their tyrannicalistic leader?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Was he a dinosaur?
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Cut his head off.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15You're not seriously suggesting we cut your father's head off?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17No, of course not!
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I dunno, maybe just like...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- a toe or something?- Hmm.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35It's not your father we need to focus on...
0:16:37 > 0:16:39It's the dinosaur.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46So, if you agree to support us,
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Belle promises to do a full house Hoover on a bi-weekly basis,
0:16:51 > 0:16:56and Jack promises to rub your feet on a tri-weekly basis.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59And do you promise to stop rearranging the kitchen stuff?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01- But it makes more sense to keep the herbs next to the...- Gran!
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Yes, fine! So, do you agree to vote with us?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10I have waiting for an hour - an HOUR - for my hot chocolate
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- with the marshy-mallows and the skooshy-whooshy cream.- Oh...
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Which one of yous is...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- What's going on here?- We're writing up the new house rules.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- Eh? You lost the vote! - We demand a recount!
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Right, fine. Motion - to write up a new set of house rules. Votes for?
0:17:26 > 0:17:27And votes against?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Well, actually, there's one more vote for. Well, ten, technically.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36That don't count for nothing!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Pirate's promise?
0:17:38 > 0:17:39ALL SPIT
0:17:54 > 0:17:55HE GAGS
0:17:59 > 0:18:02So, is the dress actually in the rule book?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Yes.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Where are the kids?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Have you not read your precious rules?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09It's Anything Goes Thursday!
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- It's a bit late for a weekday.- Arr.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Hiya!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Ooh! You missed a bit there, Dad!
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- What time do you call this? - A great time!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Where's your brother?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Hi, guys! Bye, guys!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Stop right there, Jack! Show me your neck.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Other side.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- Oh!- Right. You all had your fun with Dad,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40and that's fair enough - he deserved it.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43But this - this is a step too far.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53From now on, this house will be a democracy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Everyone has a say. An equal say.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58A proper vote. A secret vote.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02With an independent observer, appointed by the UN.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Is everyone in agreement?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06ALL: Yes.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Good.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I hope somebody wrote that down.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17So, there you go. Sorted itself out in the end.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Although, who made Mother Goose Chief of Police?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24And where was Muggins when this was discussed?
0:19:24 > 0:19:28I'm going to write a very strongly worded letter to my MP.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39WHISTLE BLOWS
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Oh, every time.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Decision day is here.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Hot topic - where shall we go on our holidays?
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Lucky us, you might think? This should be a treat.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Well, not in our family, it's not.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57The gloves are off, it's going to get messy.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Bring it on!
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Settle down, everybody.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Right...you all know the rules.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08There will be no waffling, no endless warbling
0:20:08 > 0:20:10and no mud-slinging.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Everyone gets to put forward their ideal holiday
0:20:13 > 0:20:17and I shall tot up the score. Everybody ready?
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Aye-aye.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Uh-huh.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Oh, yes.
0:20:23 > 0:20:29And remember, we will all show each other respect.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32So, let's begin with last year's winner.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Hm! In fact, the winner for the past four years, Blackbeard.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Thank you, Ref.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Right, now, as reigning champion -
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- and might I just add how proud and honoured that makes me feel... - Get on with it!- Sorry.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I would like to propose the very healthy, long-life
0:20:48 > 0:20:51safari holiday dream destination.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53ALL: Aww! Again!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56FANFARE ON TAPE PLAYER
0:20:58 > 0:20:59POP
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Right, now, as everyone knows, safaris are good for you
0:21:05 > 0:21:07and they helps you live longer!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:21:09 > 0:21:10What did you just say?
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- I said, "Pfff"! - It is not "pfff". It's a true fact!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- Helps you live longer. - It's not a true fact.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18How can sitting in the back of a bumpy Jeep
0:21:18 > 0:21:21watching a rhino's wobbly bum possibly help you live longer?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24You leave rhinos out of this, young lady, I loves a rhino, me!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Mum? Jack? Hello? Am I the only one here with a brain?
0:21:27 > 0:21:31We can't let him pull this "live longer safari" guff
0:21:31 > 0:21:32for five years in a row!
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Jack, for pity's sake - say something!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Mince.- Ha! See? Even Jack thinks it's ridiculous.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42No, no, that's just what I fancy for my dinner tonight.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Mince. Lovely mince.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Arrrgh...that's it! I've had enough.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50This is rubbish, you're talking complete rubbish, Dad.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53You stupid... LOUD BLAST
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Respect! No mud-slinging!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Yellow card!- Oh, come on, Ref!
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It's five minutes in the doghouse for you, Belle.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- You know the rules. - Yes, Gran.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12'Ah, Belle, don't blow it now.
0:22:12 > 0:22:17'Think of all that total work you've put in. All that research.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19'You can do it, girl.'
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Not the best of starts, people. Let's try again.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Right, now, where was I, before I was so rudely interrupted
0:22:29 > 0:22:30by Princess Pie-Mouth over there?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- Respect!- Sorry.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Right, like, as I was saying, safaris are good for you.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42Everybody loves them and they help you live longer. Fact!
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Wow! That is amazing! Fascinating!
0:22:46 > 0:22:50The things you know, Dad. You're, like...inspirational!
0:22:51 > 0:22:55'It's in the bag! Safari, here we come!
0:22:55 > 0:22:58'Rhino-tastic! Five in a row!
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- 'Championee! Championee!' - Tell us, please,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- where did you find out about this?- Huh?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06You know, the fact that safaris help you live longer?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- I don't know, I read it somewhere. - Of course. Where?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- What?- Where did you read it?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14In a...in a magazine.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I don't suppose you recall the name of the magazine?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Well, I don't know, do I?
0:23:18 > 0:23:23It was Seashells, or Plunder, or what's that other one...?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26No, that's right, yeah. It was an old copy of Plunder
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I read in the dentist just the other day.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Just the other day? But you've been telling us
0:23:31 > 0:23:35about this safari health benefit thingy for four years now!
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Did I say the other day?
0:23:38 > 0:23:42I meant four years ago... the other day.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Well, I've just downloaded the last ten years of Plunder
0:23:46 > 0:23:48and done an associated word search
0:23:48 > 0:23:50for "health", "live long", "safari" and "rhino",
0:23:50 > 0:23:54and I have come back with... diddly-squat! Nada, nothing.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57My father lied to me.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00All my young faith and idealism snuffed out in one tiny moment.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Goodbye, childhood. Hello, uncertain future.
0:24:02 > 0:24:09Yellow card for Blackbeard, presenting opinion as fact.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Or as I like to call it, making stuff up. Next speaker.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Mother Goose, next up. She's been a little quiet, pre-season.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Not exactly what you'd call match fit.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22- I heard that!- Sorry!
0:24:24 > 0:24:25You're on!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Well, I haven't given it much thought, really,
0:24:28 > 0:24:29but I guess what I'd like
0:24:29 > 0:24:33is some good old-fashioned sun, sea and sand.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37A beach holiday! Like you see on the telly.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Oh, I can just picture it.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Hot sun, blue skies, azure waters lapping at the sand...
0:24:42 > 0:24:46The smell of freshly applied suntan lotion on your skin,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49glancing up as a family pass by.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Ooh! That lady looks a lot like Kerry Katona.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54I wonder if they're staying in the same hotel as us?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Flip-flops on hot sand as you paddle to the water's edge...
0:24:57 > 0:24:59THEY SNORE
0:24:59 > 0:25:03The most important aspect of the humble beach towel is, for me,
0:25:03 > 0:25:05the colourful patterns which adorn them.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Here are some of my favourites.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10'Ooh! Show them that one you got in Majorca,
0:25:10 > 0:25:13'the one with the cheeky donkey and the castanets!'
0:25:16 > 0:25:21So, in a seashell - L-O-L - sun, sea, sand.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26But like I said, I haven't thought about it much.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Well done, Mum. That was a whole four hours shorter than last year.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Really? Oh, I forgot the slide show!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Moving on! Jack.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Yes?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Well, it's your turn. Dream holiday?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Oh, yep. I'm on it.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51HE MUMBLES THROUGH SNORKEL
0:25:55 > 0:25:59I would like to swim with the fishes.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Is that it? I thought you'd been preparing.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I have been. I watched that Blue Planet.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Let me tell you, some of the fishes on that programme,
0:26:09 > 0:26:10they'd blow your mind.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14There's one, right, I like to call him the big, daft, disco fish.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18He's amazing. Oh, and then I bought the snorkeler.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Is that all you have for us, Jack?
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Well, it can't be some place too hot. I burn rather easily.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26It has to have Wi-Fi. And, er...
0:26:26 > 0:26:28'Banana bread.'
0:26:28 > 0:26:30..and banana bread!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34So, moving on, finally, to you, Belle.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:26:39 > 0:26:42First of all, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46opinions, useful facts. But most of all,
0:26:46 > 0:26:50thank you for sharing your dreams. Now, this is my dream -
0:26:50 > 0:26:52the Snow White Seven Mountain Ski Trip.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56But after listening to all of your wants and needs,
0:26:56 > 0:26:59I have decided that this holiday decision is too important
0:26:59 > 0:27:00for only one of us to win.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04Somehow, this is something that all of us have to win.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06So, I'm going to risk going off-piste.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10That's a winner for me, Belle. I love a bit of vino de plonko!
0:27:10 > 0:27:14I'm going to dispense with my carefully prepared notes.
0:27:14 > 0:27:19And, if I may, respond from my heart to the dreams I have heard today.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Oh, she is good.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Let's start with you, Mum, the sun worshiper.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26That's me. Guilty as charged!
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Well, think on this, Mum.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31You're standing on top of one of the seven snowy mountains.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33The sky is blue, the sun is beaming down
0:27:33 > 0:27:36and reflecting off the pure white powder snow.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Instant tan.- Really?- Really.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42And what's more, all the celebs go skiing.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43I'm talking the Beckhams,
0:27:43 > 0:27:46I'm talking at least one Kardashian. Possibly two.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Sounds like heaven.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- Jack. You love the water.- Do I?
0:27:53 > 0:27:57You do. And what is snow but frozen water?
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- Buzz! Point of order, point of order!- Oh, be quiet. Whisht!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03It's all right, Gran - let him speak.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Water is nothing like snow.
0:28:04 > 0:28:10It's a blatant lie. Water falls down from the sky, but snow...
0:28:10 > 0:28:12- Oh, kippers. - If I may continue.
0:28:12 > 0:28:18- Also, Jack, while skiing, the wearing of goggles is compulsory.- Really?!
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Totes.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25But what about the fishes?
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Well, how about this? We'll stay in a village
0:28:28 > 0:28:32which is only a cable car ride away from...an aquarium!
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Oh! Does it have the big daft disco fish?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36There's only one way to find out!
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Ooh! Please, please, please.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Which just leaves you, Dad.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Give it your best shot.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49The pirate. Standing strong on the high seas.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Peril and danger, your constant companions.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Your heart pounding, the blood rushing. And just like when
0:28:55 > 0:28:59that Jeep bounced over the savanna, following that enchanting rhino,
0:28:59 > 0:29:02you've never felt more alive than now,
0:29:02 > 0:29:05as you hurtle down the mountainside on your skis faster and faster
0:29:05 > 0:29:07towards an almost certain catastrophe...
0:29:07 > 0:29:10Yes! Death or glory!
0:29:10 > 0:29:13Skiing, Dad.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Skiing is danger, skiing is peril,
0:29:17 > 0:29:20skiing can leave you with broken bones.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Broken bones, you say?
0:29:22 > 0:29:25Oh, that's danger all right!
0:29:25 > 0:29:29In conclusion, you will find brochures, photos and information
0:29:29 > 0:29:31in this file, which you are welcome to have a look at.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Please feel free to check all the facts,
0:29:33 > 0:29:36or if you wish, you may download the presentation from my website.
0:29:36 > 0:29:37Thank you for listening.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39WHISTLE BLOWS
0:29:39 > 0:29:42Game over. Well done, everybody.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44I shall be back in half an hour with the results.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48Oh, what's the point? We know who's won this.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52My darling princess. She's stormed it. We've got us a new champion!
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Belle, you were brilliant!
0:29:55 > 0:29:58Big daft snowy disco fish...
0:30:00 > 0:30:03"Dear Gran, having a wonderful time here!
0:30:03 > 0:30:08"Mum is browning nicely. Jack has hardly been out of the aquarium,
0:30:08 > 0:30:10"and Dad has broken two legs!
0:30:10 > 0:30:12"But sadly not his own.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15"Everyone is so pleased they picked my idea.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17"Much love and kisses, Belle."
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Respect!
0:30:30 > 0:30:34A wrong has been committed. The consequences have been grim.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37A fight has been fought and the battle won.
0:30:37 > 0:30:42By me, the hapless son.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Let me take you back.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49MARCHING-STYLE DRUMS
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Enough is enough.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59Oh! And just where do you think you're going
0:30:59 > 0:31:01with that flame-thrower, young lady?
0:31:01 > 0:31:05Oh, hi, Gran, it's Jack's room, it's, like, so disgusting.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08There's weird gurgling sounds, scratchings in the night.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10I think there's something living in there.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13Yes, of course there is, Belle. It's your brother!
0:31:13 > 0:31:16No, something else. Something...unearthly.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19And it totally stinks. I can smell it from my room.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22Jack's a boy. Of course it stinks!
0:31:22 > 0:31:24OMG. This is, like, way worse than that.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26And he refuses to clean it, so I'm going in.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28With a flame-thrower?
0:31:28 > 0:31:31Gran, this is, like, way beyond dusty. I don't have a choice.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33- Do you have his permission? - Yeah, right(!)
0:31:33 > 0:31:36Beware the consequences, Belle. That's all I'm saying.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39Well, I'm a big girl. I can take them.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41Out the way, old lady.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46Old lady? I'll give her old lady!
0:31:49 > 0:31:51Uh! Does it have to be Dirty Dancing again?
0:31:51 > 0:31:53No-one puts Baby in a corner.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Oh, don't sulk, my love. What would you rather watch?
0:31:56 > 0:31:58Pirates Of The Caribbean. First one's a classic!
0:31:58 > 0:32:01Not the later ones. They're a bit far-fetched.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- Well, we've got all afternoon, let's watch both!- Deal!
0:32:07 > 0:32:10HE WHISTLES
0:32:10 > 0:32:13HE SPLUTTERS AND COUGHS
0:32:13 > 0:32:15My room!
0:32:16 > 0:32:22- BOTH:- # I've had the time of my life... #
0:32:22 > 0:32:26Mum, Dad, Belle's been in my room! She's burnt it to a crisp!
0:32:26 > 0:32:29Everything's incinerated. All my stuff's gone!
0:32:29 > 0:32:31Ah, how do you know it was me?
0:32:31 > 0:32:33Er, who else knows how to use a flame-thrower?
0:32:33 > 0:32:36Well, you got me there, Sherlock.
0:32:36 > 0:32:37And now she's sitting there smirking!
0:32:37 > 0:32:41What are you going to do about it? She needs to be punished!
0:32:41 > 0:32:44Banished to the Freaky Forest and slowly eaten by woodland creatures
0:32:44 > 0:32:46who haven't eaten since last week.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49Ooh, a weekend in the Freaky Forest. I'm so scared(!)
0:32:49 > 0:32:53- Mum!- We'll deal with it later, Jack, after the film.- Dad!
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- HE SOBS - What your mother said.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57I'm sure Belle was only playing.
0:33:00 > 0:33:04Right, that's it! No-one ever listens to me.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06I quit! I'm leaving!
0:33:06 > 0:33:08Thanks, Steve.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12I'm leaving this house.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Don't be late for tea.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17I'm going now, forever. Look, I've already packed.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Shut the door on the way out.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21Right, I will. You'll be sorry.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Leaving home again, Jack?
0:33:27 > 0:33:30Belle's destroyed my room. Can you believe that?
0:33:30 > 0:33:33And Mum and Dad, they're too busy to do anything about it.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36That's fine. I'll make my own way in the world.
0:33:36 > 0:33:40I hear you, Jack. But, you know, you do run away a lot.
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Almost every day.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44Yeah, it's all got a bit "boy who cried wolf".
0:33:44 > 0:33:47You know, if you really want their attention,
0:33:47 > 0:33:50you need to try something a bit more eye-catching.
0:33:52 > 0:33:53Tell me more.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Hurry up, Jack, I'm busting here.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01How long are you going to be, anyway?
0:34:01 > 0:34:03As long as it takes, Dad.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05- WHISPERS:- As long as it takes.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14How long as he been in there, anyway?
0:34:14 > 0:34:15Since Saturday, I think.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18Three days?! Right, I'm going to the sink.
0:34:18 > 0:34:19You will not, you filthy animal!
0:34:19 > 0:34:21You can go in the kennel like everyone else.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24- There's a bucket in there.- Kennel?!
0:34:24 > 0:34:29Eurrgh! Has Belle been shaving her legs in here?
0:34:29 > 0:34:31Aye.
0:34:31 > 0:34:32HE GAGS
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Oh, Jack! I'm so proud of you.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39Though I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised
0:34:39 > 0:34:42things have dragged on for so long.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46I thought the press and media would have been all over this ages ago.
0:34:46 > 0:34:47The press?
0:34:47 > 0:34:53Jack? You have told your mum and dad and the press why you're doing this?
0:34:53 > 0:34:54SHE SIGHS
0:34:54 > 0:34:58Leave it to me. I have friends in the media.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04Hallooo! Catriona?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Have I got news for you!
0:35:11 > 0:35:13HE SNORES
0:35:17 > 0:35:24Oh! I tell you what, if we had a plank, I'd be walking it by now.
0:35:35 > 0:35:36SHE SNIFFS, THEN SIGHS
0:35:38 > 0:35:42Dad, I need a shower. It's not fair!
0:35:42 > 0:35:46- TV:- 'And support is growing for a local boy's so-called dirty protest.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49'Tonight we report on the plight of Idle Jack...'
0:35:49 > 0:35:52Whoa, whoa! I'm watching this. Mother!
0:35:52 > 0:35:54'His protest has seen him locked in a lavatory.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56'Oh, dear, what can the matter be? I hear you ask.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59'Well, a statement released just moments ago puts
0:35:59 > 0:36:01'the blame on his manky sister,
0:36:01 > 0:36:04'Princess Belle, for torching his bedroom...'
0:36:04 > 0:36:06- Belle!- Sssh!
0:36:06 > 0:36:09'..and his weak-willed parents for not sorting her out.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11'Idle Jack completely exonerated
0:36:11 > 0:36:13'his unusually youthful Gran from all blame.'
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Enough! Switch it off.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19So, that's what this is all about. The cheek of it!
0:36:19 > 0:36:22I hope no-one we know has just seen that.
0:36:22 > 0:36:27THEIR MOBILE PHONES RING
0:36:29 > 0:36:32Yes? You're cancelling my entire winter season?
0:36:32 > 0:36:36You can't do that! Oh, yes, you can?
0:36:36 > 0:36:39You can't throw me out of Seafarer's Golf Club!
0:36:39 > 0:36:42I've been a member since I was a cabin boy!
0:36:42 > 0:36:45SHE GASPS You can't pull my sponsorship.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47I can't live without free shoes!
0:36:49 > 0:36:53Right. It's time we listened to his side of the story.
0:36:53 > 0:36:54Find out what he wants.
0:36:57 > 0:36:58I'm going in.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03- FROM OUTSIDE:- So, to recap.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06You will come out if, A - you get a lock for your bedroom...
0:37:06 > 0:37:07With only one key.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10With only one key, of course.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13And B - you get exclusive use of Belle's room while yours
0:37:13 > 0:37:17is being redecorated in any style you chose.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20And C - while your room is being redecorated,
0:37:20 > 0:37:23Belle must sleep in a tent in the garden
0:37:23 > 0:37:26as suitable punishment for...
0:37:26 > 0:37:29..the wrongs that she has committed. Yes.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32Son, I think we have a deal.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Great, I'll be out in a minute.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38Yes! I'll let everyone know.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45Oh! Oh, Jack. Well done!
0:37:45 > 0:37:49You showed incredible strength, sticking to your guns like you did.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52I'll be honest, I never thought you'd last this long.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55Neither did I. To be equally honest, though,
0:37:55 > 0:37:57it's only cos I lost the key to this a week ago.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Hang on...
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Oh, ya numpty!
0:38:10 > 0:38:11SHE TUTS
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Oh, Jack!
0:38:19 > 0:38:22# Oh, we set our sails For the South of France
0:38:22 > 0:38:23# Deedle-deedle-deedle dee-ee
0:38:23 > 0:38:25# And became straight back Cos we left our pants
0:38:25 > 0:38:28# Deedle-deedle-deedle dee-ee. #
0:38:31 > 0:38:34OWL HOOTS That...kennel...stinks!
0:38:37 > 0:38:41Yep, that's right. Victory is mine.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45I nailed my colours to the mast and I saw it through to the end.
0:38:45 > 0:38:50So, people - some valuable lessons have been learned here today.
0:38:50 > 0:38:55Not least of which is - you don't mess with Jack's stuff.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13So, I don't like to complain.
0:39:13 > 0:39:17Well, I DO like to complain, and if necessary, I'll take action
0:39:17 > 0:39:19to encourage people to do the right thing.
0:39:19 > 0:39:23But, with my family, they just seem to love bickering.
0:39:27 > 0:39:28Ooh!
0:39:28 > 0:39:32I've had it up to here with them and their stupid faces.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35- Up to where? - Up to at least here.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39- That's not that high. - Are you saying I've got stubby legs?
0:39:39 > 0:39:42Cos my legs are as high as they could possibly be.
0:39:42 > 0:39:44You know, I've been doing exercises off the internet,
0:39:44 > 0:39:46but they just make my feet go bigger.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49Mum, learn to stick to the point. Who are you upset with?
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Our stupid next door neighbours.
0:39:52 > 0:39:53The Ghosts?
0:39:53 > 0:39:56Aye. That Mrs Ghost, she thinks she's so brilliant,
0:39:56 > 0:39:57but I can see right through her.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- Honestly! She just had a right go at me.- About what?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02- Your gran.- Gran?
0:40:02 > 0:40:06Aye. She says she's out of control, that she's gone "toooooo faaaar".
0:40:06 > 0:40:09Mum, I don't think you should make "ooo" noises
0:40:09 > 0:40:11when you're talking about ghosts. That's quite racist.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15She says that she's turned their dog into this.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18Is that Cinnamon? The yappy, little rat thing?
0:40:18 > 0:40:20The one that sounds like Miley Cyrus?
0:40:20 > 0:40:23Mm. She says your gran can't be trusted out by herself any more,
0:40:23 > 0:40:25and we should confiscate her wand.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28They can't make us do anything, Mum. It'll be fine.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31I'm so annoyed! She was all, like, "Oooooooh"!
0:40:31 > 0:40:35Seriously, Mum, stop with the "oooh"s. Have you spoken to Gran?
0:40:35 > 0:40:36What am I going to say to her?
0:40:36 > 0:40:39"Hi, Mum. I like your hair. By the way, we've all decided
0:40:39 > 0:40:41"you're cracking up, so hand over your wand"?
0:40:41 > 0:40:44- That'll go down well(!)- Mm...
0:40:44 > 0:40:47Er, Mum, you can't tell Dad about this.
0:40:47 > 0:40:50Seriously, he's been wanting to siege the Ghosts for years.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53I think you'll find I'm the parent here,
0:40:53 > 0:40:55and I'll decide what I tell my husband, thank you, young lady.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58And if I choose to tell him that a ghost-y lady wants to have
0:40:58 > 0:41:02my mother arrested, then that's my business, so get out of my grille.
0:41:02 > 0:41:07What?! I knew those Ghosts would do something like this one day.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09I'm going to siege them!
0:41:09 > 0:41:11Wait! Wait! Wait, Beardy!
0:41:11 > 0:41:13Oi! What are you doing?
0:41:13 > 0:41:15- Oh! Ow! - COMMOTION
0:41:15 > 0:41:18For the love of Penzance, stop starting sieges!
0:41:18 > 0:41:22- Violence is not always the answer! - Not the face, love!
0:41:22 > 0:41:25When we got married, you made a promise - a pirate's oath -
0:41:25 > 0:41:28not to attack our friends, family or neighbours
0:41:28 > 0:41:31unless I absolutely gave you permission, and I don't.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Darn, that unbreakable pirate oath!
0:41:33 > 0:41:35You never let me siege anyone any more.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38That's cos your reasons for sieging are rubbish!
0:41:38 > 0:41:39Arrr...but not in this case.
0:41:42 > 0:41:43Thanks, Janice.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47Then there's the issue of their tree. Big massive tree,
0:41:47 > 0:41:50dropping its stupid acorns dropping all over the place
0:41:50 > 0:41:54Oh, and then those aggressive notes they leave everywhere:
0:41:54 > 0:41:57"Can you please not park your car here?"
0:41:57 > 0:42:00"Can you please make sure you take your bins back in?"
0:42:00 > 0:42:04"Can you please stop your kids going up the shops in their jammies?"
0:42:04 > 0:42:07We're not the only ones in the street with a problem with them.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Really? Is she like this with other people, too?
0:42:09 > 0:42:12They're a nightmare! All the neighbours have been wanting
0:42:12 > 0:42:16someone to take action for ages now. It's well documented.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Seriously, Dad, you need to calm, like, down.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23Go on, love. A quick siege, put the frighteners right up them.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Then the whole street would be a nicer place.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Go on, give us your permission. Then you won't have to
0:42:28 > 0:42:30worry about your mum getting taken away and locked up.
0:42:30 > 0:42:32A siege isn't the answer.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34We need to think of other ways of handling this.
0:42:34 > 0:42:38All right. We could egg their house!
0:42:38 > 0:42:40But we use eggs AND chickens.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42They'll be so caught up trying to work out
0:42:42 > 0:42:45which one happened first, they'll collapse with confusion.
0:42:45 > 0:42:49Then we'll get rats to poo in their cereal bowls!
0:42:49 > 0:42:52And we'll toilet paper all their toilet paper!
0:42:52 > 0:42:53What's going on?
0:42:53 > 0:42:56We're going to war, son. With the Ghosts next door.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Come on, we'll get some doubloons and buy some eggs.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01I in no way give you my permission.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Mum, think about this for a second.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05The neighbours are allowed to be annoyed.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Gran did turn their dog into a gnome. The truth is, we're all too busy
0:43:08 > 0:43:10and we're not looking after Gran like we should.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13Maybe - and I know this seems totally harsh - but maybe
0:43:13 > 0:43:16we should think about putting Gran into a home.
0:43:16 > 0:43:17She's not going into a home!
0:43:17 > 0:43:19I've been on the internet and there are people
0:43:19 > 0:43:21in the fairy godmother retirement business
0:43:21 > 0:43:24who can give her the right support. She could go there during the week.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26They get trips out and everything.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29- Really?- This way there doesn't need to be a war.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31The neighbours will be happy,
0:43:31 > 0:43:33and we'd be doing the right thing for Gran.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36Well, perhaps I could at least take a look.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'll decide when my mother-in-law
0:43:39 > 0:43:41is due to get locked up.
0:43:41 > 0:43:45- You're being weak!- I have to think what's best for everybody.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Perhaps I should just apologise.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50And admit you're wrong? THEY'RE wrong!
0:43:50 > 0:43:53They're wrong about no trampolining on a Sunday,
0:43:53 > 0:43:56- and they're wrong about this! - Mum, listen...
0:43:56 > 0:44:00- Don't listen to her, she's just a child.- Oh! I am not a child!
0:44:03 > 0:44:06If I wants a Sunday bounce, I'll have a Sunday bounce.
0:44:07 > 0:44:11- This war idea is so stupid. - Dad knows what he's doing. He's Dad.
0:44:11 > 0:44:17Have you ever thought about this? Using your own actual thoughts?
0:44:17 > 0:44:19I don't need to, Dad's done all the thinking.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22Though I've got no idea what he was talking about yesterday.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25It was this thing, it was like a zoo just for bees and birds.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28But this war thing - now, I totally understood that.
0:44:28 > 0:44:32- Also, Dad's promised me a new bike. - Don't fall for that again.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35Remember when he said he'd get you a new laptop?
0:44:35 > 0:44:36What did he actually get you?
0:44:36 > 0:44:39A typewriter with a calculator strapped to the side.
0:44:39 > 0:44:41And when he said he'd take you on a lovely trip?
0:44:41 > 0:44:44He just pushed me into a bin, then put the photos on his blog.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47And then he filmed it and put that on the school website.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49And you think this man can be trusted?
0:44:51 > 0:44:52Hang on.
0:44:57 > 0:44:59Hi, it's me.
0:44:59 > 0:45:02My sister says I should think for myself, what do you think?
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Uh-huh?
0:45:04 > 0:45:07Oh, right. Yep. OK. OK.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10Erm, blue... No, no! Red!
0:45:10 > 0:45:14Yeah, yeah, red. With wheels and a bell,
0:45:14 > 0:45:16and a basket to put my monkey in.
0:45:16 > 0:45:20OK, right, thanks, Dad. Bye-bye!
0:45:20 > 0:45:25Did you actually...actually just ask Dad if you could think for yourself?
0:45:25 > 0:45:27Yes, I did.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29Wow.
0:45:29 > 0:45:32Fine, if he wants to play it like that.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36Agree with me and get Mum onside with the old folks' home,
0:45:36 > 0:45:40- and you can have Gran's bedroom. - Really?
0:45:40 > 0:45:42Really. And you know I deliver.
0:45:42 > 0:45:46Do the right thing, Jack. Think for yourself.
0:45:46 > 0:45:48I'd better get back in there.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51Oh...
0:45:51 > 0:45:53I don't know what to do, now.
0:45:53 > 0:45:57Bike or a room?
0:45:57 > 0:46:01Bike or a room?
0:46:01 > 0:46:02Ow!
0:46:08 > 0:46:11"Babe, you seriously need to sort out your gran,
0:46:11 > 0:46:14"otherwise we won't be able to see each other again.
0:46:14 > 0:46:19"Gary." Gary? Gary Ghost!
0:46:19 > 0:46:21Why can't I see Gary again?
0:46:21 > 0:46:25Is he upgrading his ghostiness? Is he here now?
0:46:25 > 0:46:26Ow!
0:46:34 > 0:46:37"Not you, you idiot. That last note was meant for your sister.
0:46:37 > 0:46:40"Your hair looks nice, by the way. Gary."
0:46:40 > 0:46:43Oh. Thanks, babe!
0:46:45 > 0:46:48So, my feisty plum, just give us permission. You know you want to.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Don't do it, Mum. You need to hear what Jack has to say.
0:46:51 > 0:46:53That's the first sensible thing you've said.
0:46:59 > 0:47:03- I've decided I'm definitely against the war.- What?!
0:47:03 > 0:47:06- Really, Jack? Why's that? - Well, this way everyone wins.
0:47:06 > 0:47:09Dad doesn't need to bribe me with a new bike,
0:47:09 > 0:47:10Gran gets dumped in a home,
0:47:10 > 0:47:14I get her big bedroom, and Belle can keep snogging Gary Ghost.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16Yay! Everyone's a winner!
0:47:16 > 0:47:19Gary Ghost? The Ghost's son?
0:47:19 > 0:47:21I'm disappointed in you, Belle.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24- It wasn't...- You were just looking after yourself.- Snogging the enemy!
0:47:24 > 0:47:28ALL TALK AT ONCE Coo-ee! It's only me.
0:47:28 > 0:47:33Oh, thank you, Belle, dear. That's just what I was after.
0:47:33 > 0:47:36I've agreed with the Ghosts to lift my spell on Cinnamon.
0:47:36 > 0:47:38Carry on yelling!
0:47:43 > 0:47:48So, thanks to my little spell, the Ghosts have been persuaded
0:47:48 > 0:47:53to poop scoop - it's a victory for clean feet everywhere!
0:47:53 > 0:47:54Right, Cinnamon.
0:47:54 > 0:47:56Oh, what was that spell again?
0:47:56 > 0:47:58I shake you once, I... SMASH
0:47:58 > 0:48:01..shake you twice.
0:48:01 > 0:48:02Ooops!
0:48:14 > 0:48:16I tell you something, landlubbers.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19If I learned anything from my many years on the high seas,
0:48:19 > 0:48:23'tis this - you got to know your arrr from your elbow. Ha-har!
0:48:23 > 0:48:26And, if you wants to get the treasure,
0:48:26 > 0:48:30you can't stay on the boat sitting on your hands. No!
0:48:30 > 0:48:34You gots to get off the boat. You gots to dig.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Gots to get your hands dirty.
0:48:36 > 0:48:40This be what's called an extended metaphor, me hearties. Arr.
0:48:40 > 0:48:42Get your peepers round this.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52Seriously, son? Crisps for breakfast?
0:48:52 > 0:48:53Er...?
0:48:53 > 0:48:56Yeah, but this is pure protein. That's just carrrrbs.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58"That's just carrrrbs"!
0:49:00 > 0:49:03Why don't you have cereal like your sister?
0:49:03 > 0:49:05There's no Chocolate Ninja Stars left.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09Oh, right. Did someone forget to buy them?
0:49:09 > 0:49:12Please tell your father that someone was too busy scrubbing and cleaning,
0:49:12 > 0:49:16while someone else doesn't even know his way to the supermarket.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17Yeah?
0:49:17 > 0:49:21You tell your mother that someone was busy travelling the seven seas
0:49:21 > 0:49:24putting his life on the line to provide for his family.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28Well, you tell someone that someone better change the record!
0:49:28 > 0:49:30Well, you tell someone that it's just a bit of
0:49:30 > 0:49:32scrubbing and cleaning. How hard could it be?
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Sorry - who are we actually talking about here?
0:49:36 > 0:49:39Belle! That's no way for a princess to behave!
0:49:39 > 0:49:42A pirate, maybe, but not a princess.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Why did I marry a pirate?!
0:49:44 > 0:49:46Why did you?!
0:49:46 > 0:49:50- Oh, dear. Are those two still a bit fighty biscuits?- Mm-hmm.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Right, you - fire up that computer.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55Like it, Granny! Online solutions.
0:49:55 > 0:49:57Fix my marriage-dot-lurrve!
0:49:57 > 0:50:00No, Ryanair-dot-com.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03Other airline websites are available.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06- FG is getting outta here.- What?!
0:50:06 > 0:50:09Tinker Bell has been asking me for ages to visit her in Neverland.
0:50:09 > 0:50:13And with those two kicking off, now seems like a very good time.
0:50:13 > 0:50:16- You're not going, Gran. You can't! - You have to sort it, Gran!
0:50:16 > 0:50:19- Why is it always left to me to sort it?- I'm not getting involved.
0:50:19 > 0:50:20- Why not?- I'm too young!
0:50:20 > 0:50:24Yeah! We've got... What do you call them? Children's rights!
0:50:24 > 0:50:28What? The right to not get off your bahookie and do something?
0:50:28 > 0:50:30- Yeah.- Exactly.
0:50:30 > 0:50:31Oh, for the love of...
0:50:31 > 0:50:34Look - are you happy with the situation?
0:50:34 > 0:50:37No. I hate it when they fight.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39- Well, then. Get involved! Engage!- How?
0:50:45 > 0:50:48Oh, close.
0:50:48 > 0:50:52- It's all in there.- It's massive. How are we supposed to read this?
0:50:52 > 0:50:56May I suggest you start somewhere in the vicinity of Page One?
0:51:00 > 0:51:02"Chapter One -
0:51:02 > 0:51:05"establishing a line of communication with the injured parties."
0:51:09 > 0:51:12- Where are you off to, my love? - Out.- Who with?- You don't know them.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14- You got any homework, son?- No.
0:51:14 > 0:51:18- That's a lie, isn't it?- Aye.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20I reckon that's about as much conversation
0:51:20 > 0:51:21as I can handle with the parentage.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24I know. Imagine having to discuss their love life.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29I say we choose the path of least resistance.
0:51:29 > 0:51:33Yeah. Either that, or just do nothing.
0:51:33 > 0:51:34It'll probably just blow over.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Yeah. I mean, how bad is it really, anyways?
0:51:42 > 0:51:45Please tell me you've washed my PE kit.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48Sorry, son. Your father is now in charge of cleaning and laundry.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50I can see that.
0:51:50 > 0:51:53Please tell me you've washed my emerald green ball gown.
0:51:53 > 0:51:54Newsflash.
0:51:54 > 0:51:58From this afternoon, due to a severe lack of respect,
0:51:58 > 0:52:02- your father will be moving out of this house. - THEY GASP
0:52:02 > 0:52:04- Into the back garden. - THEY SIGH WITH RELIEF
0:52:04 > 0:52:07Before moving to Madagascar, taking Jack with me as cabin boy.
0:52:12 > 0:52:14- Right. Where is it? - What you up to, bro?
0:52:14 > 0:52:18What do you mean? Things have gone too far!
0:52:18 > 0:52:21I know, you're not the only one who had to wear a onesie to school.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Forget the onesie, Belle. I'm talking me - Madagascar? Cabin boy?
0:52:24 > 0:52:29- Ah, there it is! - I know, I'm well jeal.- What?
0:52:29 > 0:52:33Are you kidding? Natural tan, coconut water on tap, those wee lemurs...
0:52:33 > 0:52:36I can't be a cabin boy. I hate the ships,
0:52:36 > 0:52:39I hate the sea, I hate the food, I hate the vomiting.
0:52:39 > 0:52:40Do you mind if I get your room?
0:52:40 > 0:52:42I've got a bit of a shoe overspill situation.
0:52:42 > 0:52:46Belle, please. Help me, here. I can't do this myself. Please.
0:52:46 > 0:52:47Look, I know it's a big change,
0:52:47 > 0:52:50but maybe it's just what Mum and Dad need right now.
0:52:50 > 0:52:51Let's just...go with the flow.
0:52:53 > 0:52:56So, it's just going to be us two here together. All girls.
0:52:56 > 0:52:59Me and my wee scullery maid!
0:53:02 > 0:53:03Let's do this.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31How are you getting on with this?
0:53:31 > 0:53:35Oh, aye, it's...you know, the bit where he does the...
0:53:35 > 0:53:36It's total gibberish, man.
0:53:36 > 0:53:39I've read the same page, like, 50 times, I still don't understand it.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42- Not you as well? - Aw, no. You're kidding?
0:53:44 > 0:53:49'Sorry kids, rubbish service in Neverland. Found a hot spot, though!
0:53:49 > 0:53:51'How's it going?'
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Terrible. Your book was rubbish.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56'Oh. Kids today. You've forgotten how to read books,
0:53:56 > 0:53:59'that's your problem. Honestly. If it hasn't got a charger...'
0:53:59 > 0:54:01Very good, Gran. We're on a meter here.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04What do we do? I don't want to be a scullery maid!
0:54:04 > 0:54:06I don't want to be a cabin boy!
0:54:06 > 0:54:11'I know. It's no life, son. No Wi-Fi round the Cape of Good Hope.'
0:54:11 > 0:54:14Noooooooo!
0:54:15 > 0:54:18'I'm sure it won't come to that. your dad's threatened to
0:54:18 > 0:54:21'leave home before, and he's never actually done it.'
0:54:21 > 0:54:25- Sorry. Just the thought of no Wi-Fi. - But what do we do now, Gran?
0:54:25 > 0:54:28'If you really can't think for yourselves,
0:54:28 > 0:54:30'have you considered trying to consult your peer group?'
0:54:30 > 0:54:33Considered the why with the what with the who, now?
0:54:33 > 0:54:34'Duh! Talking to your friends.'
0:54:34 > 0:54:37I'm not talking to my friends about this. They'll think I'm a total dork.
0:54:37 > 0:54:41'So, it's OK to tweet them about the retro spag bol you just ate,
0:54:41 > 0:54:44'or to Instagram a cat that looks like Benedict Cumberbatch,
0:54:44 > 0:54:48'but when it comes to this, something that actually matters...
0:54:48 > 0:54:51'You haven't got much time! Do it! Do it!
0:54:51 > 0:54:52'FG, out.'
0:54:55 > 0:54:58What did Snow White do when she was getting hassle off her step-mum?
0:54:58 > 0:55:01I'm not talking to her, she's a total dork.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05I'll message her.
0:55:07 > 0:55:10Look, there's whole forums here about this stuff.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13BillyGoatGruff98. "To get parents together,
0:55:13 > 0:55:17"create common enemy by hiring a troll to terrorise your bridge."
0:55:17 > 0:55:20It's a nice idea, but we've not got the time.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Scroll down a bit. Look!
0:55:23 > 0:55:25RumpelstiltskinFace.
0:55:25 > 0:55:28"Spin hair into gold and make your parents a fortune."
0:55:28 > 0:55:30Mm, it's a bit far-fetched.
0:55:30 > 0:55:35UglySister02. "Set your mum up with a really rich BF."
0:55:35 > 0:55:36No.
0:55:36 > 0:55:40- Right, here you are.- Hi, Dad. - What yous looking at?
0:55:40 > 0:55:43- BOTH TOGETHER:- Sneezing panda. - Cat with bread on its...
0:55:43 > 0:55:44Right.
0:55:44 > 0:55:48You OK with the whole Madagascar cabin boy arrangement thing, son?
0:55:48 > 0:55:50I'm no ecstatic,
0:55:50 > 0:55:53but we had a chat with Gran and I feel a lot better now.
0:55:53 > 0:55:58- Good, good, good. Cos we leave in two hours.- What?
0:55:58 > 0:56:02Favourable winds, etc. Plus, I can't take any more of your mother.
0:56:02 > 0:56:04Best start packing, eh? You won't need much.
0:56:04 > 0:56:09Just toothbrush, pants, anti-vomiting tablets.
0:56:09 > 0:56:13BELLE SOBS
0:56:22 > 0:56:25RINGTONE FANFARE
0:56:25 > 0:56:28Hang on, look. Snow White tweeted us back.
0:56:28 > 0:56:33She says, "Ignore the rest, the best advice is on Page 642."
0:56:39 > 0:56:41"It's not rocket science,
0:56:41 > 0:56:44"just ask them what's wrong."
0:56:48 > 0:56:50So, in general,
0:56:50 > 0:56:55Mum would like to ask Dad to appreciate her work round the house.
0:56:55 > 0:56:58Dad would like Mum to appreciate his work in the seven seas area.
0:57:00 > 0:57:03With regards to the incident which sparked this unfortunate episode,
0:57:03 > 0:57:06Mum would like to express her displeasure at receiving
0:57:06 > 0:57:08a petrol canister for her wedding anniversary.
0:57:12 > 0:57:16Dad concedes this, but would like to point out his intended present
0:57:16 > 0:57:18was the Neelanjali Ruby,
0:57:18 > 0:57:20which turned out to be booby-trapped,
0:57:20 > 0:57:22causing the death of three of his men.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25The canister was a last-minute petrol station panic purchase
0:57:25 > 0:57:27in order to replace it.
0:57:29 > 0:57:32Furthermore, Mum would like it to be known
0:57:32 > 0:57:34that she doesn't want Dad to go.
0:57:37 > 0:57:38Dad would concur with this.
0:57:49 > 0:57:51So, likes I said,
0:57:51 > 0:57:55if you don't mind picking up the spade, you WILL find the treasure.
0:57:55 > 0:57:57Just like my kids helped me find mine.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02Our work here is done.
0:58:04 > 0:58:07Ugh! Get a room!
0:58:07 > 0:58:09Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no!