0:00:17 > 0:00:21CeeJay is 17 years old and lives in London.
0:00:21 > 0:00:26Her early teenage years were troubled and she began mixing with the wrong sort.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30When I first started off I was with a group of girls.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33I started to hang around then with older boys who you could say were
0:00:33 > 0:00:39gang-affiliated and that's what got me on to selling drugs and stuff.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42CeeJay is one of a growing number of vulnerable young women
0:00:42 > 0:00:44drawn into gang culture.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47It didn't take long for her to get caught up
0:00:47 > 0:00:49in a dangerous criminal lifestyle.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Once you see someone make money through that, I don't know,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55drugs, and you see how easy it is, you think, "I can do that."
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Drug-dealing may look like easy money, but it came at a high price.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06CeeJay's life started spiralling out of control.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08She lived in a constant state of fear.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11The relatives who cared for her didn't realise how dangerous
0:01:11 > 0:01:14her life had become, until it was almost too late.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17He left a knife in my room.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20We kind of relied on it at times because we needed it.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Because, like, you could get robbed at any moment.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Getting robbed, you don't know, you could get stabbed at the same time.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Something could happen. People go to all extremes.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32We left the knife in my room. My grandma took it.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36She called Uncle Tony and he said, "What do you need a knife for?"
0:01:36 > 0:01:40I was like, "We need it." Obviously, we showed him the rock of cocaine.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Well, it was crack cocaine.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46He just was like, "Whoa."
0:01:46 > 0:01:49The episode brought matters to a head for CeeJay
0:01:49 > 0:01:52and the relatives who cared for her,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55but despite the problems she had caused them, they rallied round
0:01:55 > 0:01:58and helped her find the strength to move away from her former associates
0:01:58 > 0:02:01and begin the first stage of recovering a normal life.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I pushed my family to breaking point. I really did.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Everyone just gave up on me. I didn't really care.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I woke up one morning, I thought this is not the way forward.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17Because the way you go, you end up in either prison or death.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18I don't want to go to prison.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I don't want to die, but that's what happens in that life. It's a cycle.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Once you are stuck in it, you go round and round and round,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27and that's not the way that I want to go.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Almost a year on, CeeJay has moved away from her drug-dealing past
0:02:32 > 0:02:36and the gang-affiliated individuals that influenced her,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38but it's been a hard and lonely road.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42It's meant severing ties with people she's been friends with for years.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49The experience has made CeeJay realise that she may need
0:02:49 > 0:02:53some specialist help to ensure she can cope with the change
0:02:53 > 0:02:54and remain on track.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- You all right?- Nice to meet you.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Gwenton Slowly is a former notorious gang member.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04He is the living embodiment of how to perform an about-turn
0:03:04 > 0:03:05and change things up.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Gwenton now advises the Metropolitan Police Force's
0:03:08 > 0:03:12most senior officers on their anti-gang strategy.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15He also runs a project that rehabilitates young gang members,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18finding them jobs and homes in return for them
0:03:18 > 0:03:20staying on the right side of the law.
0:03:20 > 0:03:26- So how long have you been on this road?- For about three years now.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29We were all sat down thinking about firearms.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31That's how deeply we were in it.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34We just thought if we are going to do this, we need to do it
0:03:34 > 0:03:37properly, we need protection because what if we get robbed?
0:03:37 > 0:03:38What are we going to do?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41See, this is the mentality that I have,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44but I just need to forget about it now, it's not good.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Despite how far CeeJay has travelled,
0:03:48 > 0:03:52she is still only the beginning of her journey away from gang life.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56You are actually in the transition stage.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58It is very, very dangerous right now.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01It's a long road, and the temptation's going to come.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03What if I was to say to you, break your SIM card?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Oh, I don't know about that, my SIM card?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09If you are going to walk away from the road,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11you have to get rid of all your old friends.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14I went through that same transition myself.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Cos that temptation is always there.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18All it takes for someone to ring you one of them lonely days
0:04:18 > 0:04:20and that's it, you are gone again.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22When you start getting to that point when you feel like,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"You know what? I'm going to do a madness."
0:04:24 > 0:04:28You have certain people like me who you can phone and whoever else
0:04:28 > 0:04:31that is positive in your life, cos, trust me, it's going to come.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Right now, I don't know.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35I don't know.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48CeeJay is beginning to realise how hard it is to completely
0:04:48 > 0:04:50break free from the past.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55To help her move on, she visits a psychotherapist
0:04:55 > 0:04:56in her search for answers.
0:04:57 > 0:05:03Can you say a little bit, CeeJay, about home life with Mum and Dad?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I have never lived with my mum or dad.
0:05:05 > 0:05:10So we can see maybe movement towards maybe some of the gang culture,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12the search for family.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Maybe whatever that took, whether that meant crime...
0:05:16 > 0:05:21- I made another family, really. - Like an extended?- Yeah.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25I thought like I had brothers and sisters that weren't actually my blood-related,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28but they would be there for me like brothers and sisters.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31CeeJay struggles to come to terms with the seriousness
0:05:31 > 0:05:33of her past life.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38When we started selling it, like selling drugs,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41that's when I kind of realised how deep I was in it.
0:05:41 > 0:05:47- Are we talking about making it up to sell it?- Yeah, yeah, like...
0:05:47 > 0:05:49SHE LAUGHS
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Oh, God!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53This is bad.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57I can see that it is slightly uncomfortable for you, CeeJay.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Maybe in a way, the laughter is a defence,
0:06:00 > 0:06:05but now in hindsight looking back, it maybe something that is
0:06:05 > 0:06:09an uncomfortable feeling around what was going on then.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Doing that, the people you're around,
0:06:14 > 0:06:18you are never safe at any point.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Yes.- But really, we were actually like really scared most of the time.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25I am going to tell the truth, sometimes you get scared, but...
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Yeah.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29..once you'd actually done it,
0:06:29 > 0:06:32you don't boast about it at all, it is nothing to be proud of.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34It's just horrible.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Even the job itself of being... working with
0:06:39 > 0:06:43and selling drugs as well, the job itself is not nice.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Cos you just... You are just... It's no fest.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Her experience with Mei Chung has helped CeeJay to confront
0:06:52 > 0:06:54the criminality of her drug-dealing past,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57and to come to terms with the issues that made gang life
0:06:57 > 0:07:01and its criminal exploits so attractive to her.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04'I feel kind of stupid, actually, for putting myself through all that.'
0:07:04 > 0:07:06You kind of scar yourself for a little bit.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Because the things that you witness and stuff,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11the things that you do, you never forget.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15In order to fully move on from a gang-affiliated past,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17CeeJay meets with Isha.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Hiya, how are you? I'm good, how are you?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23A former member of a south London girl gang,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26whose high octane exploits almost got her killed.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I got into trouble when I was at school.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I got involved in a girl gang.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Drugs, you know, guns and that sort of life.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40I've had a very, very close friend that died, that got shot. You know.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44I had it look at myself and say, "Do I really want to be doing this?"
0:07:44 > 0:07:46"Do I really like what I'm doing right now?"
0:07:46 > 0:07:48What do you think about that sort of lifestyle now,
0:07:48 > 0:07:50do you think it is worth it?
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- It's not worth it at all.- Why?- The outcome is either death or prison.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I'm not looking to die young
0:07:56 > 0:07:58and I'm not looking to waste my life in prison.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01You want to look back at your life and say, "Yeah, it was worth living."
0:08:01 > 0:08:03You don't want to look back at your life and say,
0:08:03 > 0:08:05"No, I've flopped and where am I now?"
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It's been really good meeting you
0:08:07 > 0:08:10because along your journey I was probably there at one stage.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Obviously, I haven't gone as far,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15but it's good to know you can come out of the other end OK.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- So, it's cool.- You can come out the other end more than OK.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22You can come out of the other end and be on top.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Everything that I have done on the road,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27I put it in a positive way and I went far with it.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I have found out that I'm a good speaker, a good listener,
0:08:30 > 0:08:35a good adviser, I'm a good businesswoman all round.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38So the same things that you were striving for
0:08:38 > 0:08:40when you were on the road, still strive for that,
0:08:40 > 0:08:41but do it in a positive way.
0:08:43 > 0:08:49'Meeting Isha today was like proper putting the cherry on the cake.'
0:08:49 > 0:08:53I'm not the only one who has changed my life and is trying to get where I need to get.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57So it's made me feel very confident about the future
0:08:57 > 0:09:00and me changing. Yeah.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd