0:00:00 > 0:00:04Hello, red button viewers. Thanks for joining me.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07So you have heard the story of ballerinas through history.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11Now I'm going to share my own story of life as a ballerina.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20I remember Kenneth always saying, "Have you ever been in love, Darcey?"
0:00:20 > 0:00:22I was like, "I'm not going to tell you."
0:00:24 > 0:00:26In front of the whole audience, I burst into tears.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29And that was heart- breaking,
0:00:30 > 0:00:32I actually believed I was going to leave the company.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54'Darcey Bussell was a principal dancer with the Royal Ballet
0:00:54 > 0:00:56'for nearly 20 years.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59'During her career, she performed all over the world
0:00:59 > 0:01:03'and with some of the greatest names in dance.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06'But it is fair to say, her debut didn't immediately mark her out
0:01:06 > 0:01:08'as the star she would become.'
0:01:08 > 0:01:14My first experience performing on a stage was when I was 11.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And I was a stork, and I had a very long beak
0:01:18 > 0:01:21and I had to go around on one leg a lot, which obviously
0:01:21 > 0:01:24didn't have a lot of dancing if I was on one leg a lot!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27I remember totally going blank at one point,
0:01:27 > 0:01:31and as soon as I turned around and looked at all the other kids
0:01:31 > 0:01:34on the stage with me and realising, "Oh, my God, where do I go next?"
0:01:34 > 0:01:37But of course then you're pushed and shoved into the next space.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41'But Darcey's mind had been made up since childhood
0:01:41 > 0:01:43'and her heart was set on going
0:01:43 > 0:01:45'to the Royal Ballet School at White Lodge.'
0:01:45 > 0:01:47I just thought, "Well, hang on a minute, there's not a lot
0:01:48 > 0:01:50"I can do at this arts school. The only thing I seem to be able
0:01:51 > 0:01:54"to get right is my ballet classes," that we did twice a week -
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I don't remember doing it more than that -
0:01:56 > 0:01:58and telling the teacher that I really wanted to go and audition
0:01:58 > 0:02:01but my mum wouldn't let me cos she hated it. She thought
0:02:01 > 0:02:05it would be too strict and I'd rebel even worse than I had.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07So I just persuaded my mum.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09I think we missed the first audition when I was 11,
0:02:09 > 0:02:14and then I found out that there was one last audition when I was...
0:02:14 > 0:02:17just before I was 13, and she said, "OK, if you still insist."
0:02:17 > 0:02:20And so we went for this audition. It was like four days
0:02:20 > 0:02:23and I just remember knowing that I had to touch my toes
0:02:24 > 0:02:26and I had really tight hamstrings, I could hardly touch my toes.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29I could do the splits, so I remember practising and practising
0:02:29 > 0:02:31before my audition to be able to touch my toes
0:02:31 > 0:02:32cos I knew we had to do that.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I remember going wrong a lot in my audition
0:02:35 > 0:02:38where all the dancers would go that way and I'd go that way.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40But, amazingly enough, they took me.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Most of the dancers there had all been there for two years before me,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46so I was really far behind everybody else.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50I had this lovely image of being able to do everything
0:02:50 > 0:02:52that I've always wanted to do
0:02:52 > 0:02:54and work with a whole lot of dancers
0:02:54 > 0:02:57and perform and do school shows and all that.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59As soon as I joined, I suddenly realised how far behind I was
0:02:59 > 0:03:03from everybody else and that I might have made the biggest mistake,
0:03:03 > 0:03:07you know, telling my mother that this is what I wanted to do.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10But I knew I couldn't actually go back on my word,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13cos I couldn't let my mother have the benefit of the doubt.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Luckily I was quite stubborn, so that kept me through
0:03:16 > 0:03:21but my first teacher in year three
0:03:21 > 0:03:23actually said that this probably isn't right for me
0:03:24 > 0:03:27and I didn't have the head for it or the...just the determination.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I did cry a lot and feel sorry for myself
0:03:30 > 0:03:33that I couldn't do any of the steps and everybody was way ahead of me.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37So my first year was quite traumatic, to say the least.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43'After those early ups and downs, Darcey grew to love her training
0:03:43 > 0:03:47'and became more and more determined to pursue a career on stage.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49'But it wasn't always plain sailing.'
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It was really, really tough
0:03:52 > 0:03:56when you get into your last year at White Lodge, fifth year,
0:03:56 > 0:04:00and you know the auditions to get into the Upper School...
0:04:00 > 0:04:03And everybody, I think, believes, you know, when you're in the school,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06you're automatically going to get into the Upper School,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08but there's no way. I mean, so many...
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I mean, half the amount of you get into the Upper School
0:04:10 > 0:04:15and that is terrifying, and you'd seen it happen years before you
0:04:15 > 0:04:20with so many, what you thought were great dancers and they didn't get in.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22They do an interview with you as well,
0:04:22 > 0:04:26and they tell you basically where your weaknesses are
0:04:26 > 0:04:29and that was horrible, to hear all that.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34And then I remember going in for my interview
0:04:34 > 0:04:38and sitting on my hands because I was so nervous about
0:04:38 > 0:04:41trying not to fidget, and I was sat like that and I just remember
0:04:41 > 0:04:44not being able to move my hands afterwards cos they were so numb.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48In my year, I think only... out of 20 girls,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I think only five of us got into the Upper School.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56'Having made it into the Upper School,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59'Darcey won a solo part in a school production.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04'The ballet was Concerto by legendary choreographer Sir Kenneth MacMillan.'
0:05:04 > 0:05:07It's quite terrifying cos everybody has to be really clean
0:05:07 > 0:05:09and all together and all those things.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13And I remember my corps de ballet, we used to have classes...
0:05:13 > 0:05:16corps de ballet classes, where you had to keep in line
0:05:16 > 0:05:19and in synch with everybody else and I was hopeless at that.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21So I was quite lucky I was doing a solo really!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25But it was one of those pieces that was very strenuous
0:05:25 > 0:05:29and, you know, I didn't... I hadn't really learnt then either...
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I wanted to do everything 100%
0:05:31 > 0:05:34and I didn't know how to pace myself at all.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38So I did totally die and I remember not being able to feel my feet
0:05:38 > 0:05:41or my hands, everything kind of would go limp
0:05:41 > 0:05:43and you'd go, "Oh, my God, I can't point them, I can't point them!"
0:05:43 > 0:05:46'It was Darcey's first role for Kenneth,
0:05:46 > 0:05:51'a choreographer who went on to make a lasting impression on her career.'
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I think about two weeks before we had our school performance,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Kenneth actually came in to watch us rehearse.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00And I remember being incredibly deflated
0:06:00 > 0:06:04because I'd slightly pulled something,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I think a hamstring or something, and I could only half-mark my solo.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10So I wasn't allowed to do any of the jumps, I could only do the turns.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13So there he was, sitting there, and I couldn't even prove that I...
0:06:13 > 0:06:17he chose the right girl, which was horrible
0:06:17 > 0:06:21because he doesn't show any facial expressions at all when he sits down
0:06:21 > 0:06:25and sits through a rehearsal, which was quite humiliating, sadly.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28'After all that training,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31'the ballet students still needed to find a job.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34'In the UK at that time, their options were limited
0:06:34 > 0:06:36'to either the resident company of the Royal Opera House,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39'or the touring company based at Sadler's Wells.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42'But there were no guarantees.'
0:06:42 > 0:06:45You're all aiming to get into the resident company
0:06:45 > 0:06:47because you know it's the bigger company
0:06:47 > 0:06:51and they have the bigger tours and the bigger repertoire, supposedly,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54and the touring company is seen to be the company
0:06:54 > 0:06:57that doesn't have a home as much.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59They had Sadler's Wells Theatre
0:06:59 > 0:07:01but they shared that with many other companies.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I got a job with Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet
0:07:04 > 0:07:06and they said, "We want you to go there
0:07:06 > 0:07:08"because you'll get more experience sooner,"
0:07:08 > 0:07:11and I thought, "Wow, they're telling me that I'm going to get,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14"you know, some work," so I thought, "That's amazing."
0:07:14 > 0:07:17I didn't actually think that I got a duff deal at all.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I was really happy with going into Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24A lot of people came up to me and said, "Oh, I just presumed
0:07:24 > 0:07:28"you were going to get into the resident company," and I was like,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30"Oh, I'm just happy I got a job."
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I mean, I think that it was so rare to get jobs
0:07:33 > 0:07:35that you were just chuffed that you'd got one,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38because there was a lot of dancers that didn't get jobs
0:07:38 > 0:07:39and did have to then go abroad.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43'When Darcey joined Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46'the artistic director was Sir Peter Wright,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49'who guided her through her early professional performances.'
0:07:49 > 0:07:53He was very forthcoming, as in he would speak to you
0:07:53 > 0:07:58and after every performance, you know, however little your role was,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01he'd give you some input, and that was amazing.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03But my first - I have to say this -
0:08:03 > 0:08:07my first part in Sadler's Wells Royal Ballet
0:08:07 > 0:08:12after training for eight years, I had a walk-on role as a skeleton.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16So I came on in a mask and covered in black
0:08:16 > 0:08:20and Galina Samsova was performing and she was the queen,
0:08:21 > 0:08:22I think she was Queen Elizabeth or something
0:08:22 > 0:08:26and it was...oh, it was the worst part I've ever had.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I had never felt so deflated in my life. I thought, "Oh, my God!"
0:08:29 > 0:08:31And this was the first ballet I did with the company
0:08:31 > 0:08:33and I was a skeleton.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36'Thankfully, the roles soon improved
0:08:36 > 0:08:40'and Darcey went on an international tour with Sadler's Wells.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42'But everything was about to change.'
0:08:44 > 0:08:48At the end of my first year, we were just finishing the season,
0:08:48 > 0:08:52and I got called in to the office and I thought, "Ooh, what could this be,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54"this is a bit scary, have I done something wrong?"
0:08:54 > 0:08:57And he said, "Oh, I've got good and bad news for you."
0:08:57 > 0:09:02And I was like, "Oh, God!" Very worried.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Um...Peter said... I said, "Well, tell me the bad news."
0:09:06 > 0:09:09He said, "Well, you are leaving the company
0:09:09 > 0:09:12"and I'm really sad about that." And I went...
0:09:13 > 0:09:14.."OK, why?"
0:09:15 > 0:09:19He went, "Because Kenneth MacMillan wants to make a ballet on you
0:09:19 > 0:09:21"and you're going to the resident company."
0:09:21 > 0:09:25And I was like, "Do I have a choice in the matter here?"
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I mean, obviously, it was an extraordinary honour
0:09:28 > 0:09:32and suddenly, you know, I was taken outside
0:09:32 > 0:09:35and I was photographed in the local paper and everything
0:09:35 > 0:09:38and...saw me being pushed into the resident company.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42And I remember they said, "We have to promote you."
0:09:42 > 0:09:46That was the weirdest thing, "We have to promote you, sadly,
0:09:46 > 0:09:50"to soloist because you're doing this main role with Kenneth."
0:09:52 > 0:09:55'The beginning of Darcey's life at the Royal Ballet, aged 19,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58'just like the beginning of her time at White Lodge,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00'six years earlier, wasn't easy.'
0:10:00 > 0:10:02There was a lot of disgruntled dancers
0:10:02 > 0:10:06that believed that I hadn't done my years,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08and normally you wouldn't become a soloist
0:10:08 > 0:10:11until maybe three years, four years in a company.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15So I knew that I was standing on a lot of people's toes.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20So suddenly I came in to the company after being only one year away
0:10:20 > 0:10:23and was in solo class with all the principals
0:10:23 > 0:10:27which was absolutely terrifying cos nobody knew the hell who I was
0:10:27 > 0:10:30and...
0:10:30 > 0:10:35really didn't help because they were all very disgruntled.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37I don't even remember getting a smile from anybody.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39They just thought I was far too young
0:10:39 > 0:10:41and I was going to burn out very fast
0:10:41 > 0:10:42and I was being pushed by Kenneth
0:10:42 > 0:10:45and that I wasn't going to make it, basically.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49I think it was so unusual to push somebody
0:10:49 > 0:10:50before they'd gone through the ranks,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54um, and Kenneth had done this a couple of times, I think,
0:10:54 > 0:10:55with Alessandra Ferri and people,
0:10:55 > 0:10:59but generally they had never done as well as they should have.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01So I think they were just waiting for me to burn out
0:11:01 > 0:11:04and it all to be a big mistake.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I was told to go at the back of the class
0:11:08 > 0:11:10and stand there and follow
0:11:10 > 0:11:12and I even remember the teacher coming in,
0:11:12 > 0:11:14wonderful teacher, Gird Lasting,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17and she said to me, "I really don't like your name."
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Cos we were all called by our surname.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24"I can't call you Bussell, I really can't call you Bussell."
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I was like, "What's wrong with Bussell?"
0:11:27 > 0:11:30"I'm going to have to call you Darcey," like this,
0:11:30 > 0:11:32and that was like, "Oh, she's going to be called by her first name!
0:11:32 > 0:11:36"Oh, my God!" And I remember that...being slightly odd as well.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39But also being... She actually told...
0:11:39 > 0:11:42She stopped class at one stage and said, "Sorry."
0:11:42 > 0:11:45And she turned around and she looked at me and said, "Darcey,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47"you are in the resident company now,
0:11:47 > 0:11:51"you're not in that touring company any more.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53"We do things properly here."
0:11:53 > 0:11:57I was like, "What? I'm doing it just exactly the same
0:11:57 > 0:12:01"as you would do, we would do, it's no different."
0:12:01 > 0:12:03And she said, "So, you've got..." You know, I think she was just
0:12:03 > 0:12:06giving me a correction, but it's just the way she put it,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08she went, "You're not in the touring company any more."
0:12:08 > 0:12:10And I knew the touring company was brilliant.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16'Darcey's first solo role with the Royal Ballet
0:12:16 > 0:12:19'was the Lilac Fairy in Sleeping Beauty.'
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I had to work side by side with my director, Sir Anthony Dowell,
0:12:23 > 0:12:28who was playing Carabosse, and I knew none of the company knew
0:12:28 > 0:12:30if I was any good, they'd only seen me in class
0:12:30 > 0:12:32and then suddenly I had to go on stage and do this solo
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and it's a really hard solo as well.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39But the worst bit for me was the mime against Anthony
0:12:39 > 0:12:43cos Anthony, you know, was a really friendly director,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47but still incredibly nerve-racking cos if he didn't like something,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49he could...it would... you'd see it all across his face.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52So his face would totally change and he'd go...like that,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55after being like that, and go, "Oh, God, what's she doing?"
0:12:55 > 0:12:57And it would just... and he'd be like...
0:12:57 > 0:13:01I'd be doing this mime and looking at him and going,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03"Oh, my God, I don't know what to do next!"
0:13:03 > 0:13:05And like, I'd just freeze. It was this awful...
0:13:05 > 0:13:09These nerves would come over me and I'd have other fairies...
0:13:09 > 0:13:12We had all these fairies in Sleeping Beauty, going,
0:13:12 > 0:13:13"To the right, to the left, to the left.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15"You've got to say that she's little and then she grows up
0:13:15 > 0:13:18"and then she goes to sleep and she pricks her finger and..."
0:13:18 > 0:13:21And I remember I would get all the mime in there
0:13:21 > 0:13:24but it wouldn't always be in the right order.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25And that was the worst bit.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26I didn't mind doing the solo,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29but I do remember just shaking all the way through that
0:13:29 > 0:13:32and then as soon as I got a couple of shows under my belt,
0:13:32 > 0:13:33then it was...it settled down,
0:13:33 > 0:13:36but it was really tough, really tough.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38And just trying to prove myself
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and getting the company to accept me was really tough.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46Why I was coming into the Royal Ballet was to do this ballet
0:13:46 > 0:13:50that Kenneth had wanted to create for many, many years,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52and it was called Prince Of The Pagodas.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I was coming in as the main role
0:13:55 > 0:13:58of the young girl, which is Princess Rose.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02But I knew it was a marathon, I did know that.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Kenneth just loved just working me over and over again,
0:14:05 > 0:14:06so we would just rehearse something,
0:14:06 > 0:14:12so I would never pace myself at all - we would just go over everything.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Jonathan Cope was the only one that actually spoke to me
0:14:15 > 0:14:16all the way through all those rehearsals -
0:14:16 > 0:14:20I never got any input from Kenneth or Anthony Dowell, the director,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23on saying how to handle a role like this.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26It was like coming into the Royal Family!
0:14:26 > 0:14:29It was that feeling of, "Is anybody going to tell me how to cope?"
0:14:32 > 0:14:36After the curtain went down, the director came on stage
0:14:36 > 0:14:39and came straight up to me and said, "We are promoting you to principal."
0:14:39 > 0:14:42And I went, "Oh! Are you sure?"
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I was like, "No, no, no, no, you can't do this today!"
0:14:45 > 0:14:48And that was amazing.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52'Darcey felt at home in MacMillan's pieces,
0:14:52 > 0:14:54'but no dancer could be at the Royal Ballet
0:14:54 > 0:14:57'and avoid the work of Sir Frederick Ashton,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00'another one of the great 20th-century choreographers.'
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I remember when I first got in the company, I didn't understand
0:15:02 > 0:15:07why all the ballerinas or soloists would wear pastel colours.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10And I found out - because Ashton loved them
0:15:10 > 0:15:14in pale blues and pale pinks and they all wore pale colours,
0:15:14 > 0:15:16and I thought, "My God, nobody ever wears those!"
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Um, but in the Royal Ballet they did because of Sir Frederick Ashton.
0:15:20 > 0:15:26Um, but watching him rehearse, when I was a student, was amazing.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29You know, he wouldn't get... let anything go past him.
0:15:29 > 0:15:35He was fanatical about movement and how you used your whole body.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39And that, I learned a lot, just from watching his ballets
0:15:39 > 0:15:41and how they were meant to be done,
0:15:41 > 0:15:43and that you used your whole waist
0:15:43 > 0:15:48from, you know, en croix, you know, all the way round,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52you would show your back in every move you could with Ashton,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54and that was brilliant.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57And I did love that, and how he got everybody to touch the floor
0:15:57 > 0:16:01on every port de bras or renverse, you know,
0:16:01 > 0:16:05with balance, he'd be getting everybody to touch the floor.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09And we would always laugh and go, "Oh, this is so silly."
0:16:09 > 0:16:12But actually, when you stood back in the auditorium
0:16:13 > 0:16:15and would watch the stage call and watch them all move,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17you'd go, "Oh, my God, of course," you know.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19"It's exactly why he's asking for it,"
0:16:19 > 0:16:22because of the movement that is created. It was beautiful.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25But he was terrifying cos he chain-smoked
0:16:25 > 0:16:27the whole way through rehearsals.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30And so there was this little puff of smoke, and you knew where he was
0:16:30 > 0:16:33cos Sir Fred's over there cos the smoke was coming out.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36He was terrifying, and I think he was from that old school
0:16:36 > 0:16:39where, if a dancer wasn't producing what he wanted,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41they would just be out of that role.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45And there would be no question or explain why.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48You'd just be out and the next person would be in.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51And that's why everybody just looked up at him and just went,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53"Oh, my God, I just want to make sure I stay in that part,
0:16:54 > 0:16:55"I don't want to lose my role."
0:16:55 > 0:16:59And I did see a principal dancer get thrown out of a part,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03in front of the whole company, in full costume and make-up,
0:17:03 > 0:17:07with the orchestra, and said, "No, that's not good enough, you're off."
0:17:07 > 0:17:11And the undercover had to come on and do the whole piece.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16'Darcey had an unusual frame for the British ballet style,
0:17:16 > 0:17:20'but she wouldn't let that stop her performing her dream roles.'
0:17:20 > 0:17:24I think, basically, I was tall and I was very physical
0:17:24 > 0:17:30and so I wasn't a typical British dancer frame
0:17:30 > 0:17:33and I think a lot of people didn't think I was going to make it
0:17:33 > 0:17:35because I wasn't typically English.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39You do get told a lot, "This is what you're good at, OK?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41"This is what you're not good at."
0:17:41 > 0:17:44And, of course, being a bit stubborn, I always wanted to try and prove
0:17:44 > 0:17:47that I could be good in the small, fast roles...
0:17:47 > 0:17:51and look young and not look tall and lanky
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and all those sort of things, and move well, and all those things.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59Um, and so I did...I loved doing, like, Ashton's Cinderella.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10It was just so musical and was kind of magnetic,
0:18:10 > 0:18:14I really enjoyed act two and how it built.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I loved being able to do your solos before your pas de deux,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20things like that. And, um...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22it was just...it was a real magical...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24You really got it, what the audience were getting from it,
0:18:24 > 0:18:28and you felt that you were producing a bit of magic on that stage.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Somebody like Sylvie Guillem, who, when I was first in the company,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44came and guested, and she was a tall girl, just like me,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47an incredible dancer, very strong, physical,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50but she did all the classics.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54So she did Aurora and, I mean, Swan Lake is more obvious,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56but she did Giselle, um...
0:18:56 > 0:18:59and she did a lot of the romantic ballets, even being a tall girl,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02and I have to say, I think that opened a lot of doors for me
0:19:02 > 0:19:05because I think the company really believed that they hadn't
0:19:05 > 0:19:09really had a tall, strong dancer. They hadn't had many, basically,
0:19:09 > 0:19:14and a lot of the repertoire didn't really have a place for me
0:19:14 > 0:19:18and...and with Sylvie coming in and doing a lot of those classics,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21it just, I think, opened many more doors for me
0:19:21 > 0:19:23and they thought, "OK, Darcey could do that, then."
0:19:24 > 0:19:27'But there was one role Darcey was determined to try,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31'even if the Royal Ballet director was less than keen on the idea.'
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Anthony Dowell, I mean, did say to me, "You'll never do Juliet.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37"You know, for me, you're not a Juliet,"
0:19:37 > 0:19:41and it was only Kenneth that actually said, "No, I want her to do Juliet."
0:19:41 > 0:19:44And to get that ability to actually prove
0:19:44 > 0:19:47that I could be a Juliet was amazing
0:19:47 > 0:19:50and he did actually say, "I can take all that back,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52"you know, you have proved yourself."
0:20:00 > 0:20:03That was brilliant, cos I never, ever thought I was going to get that part.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08And I'd seen Sylvie Guillem do it and I thought, "Oh, you know,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10"I could be a 14-year-old, easy!"
0:20:10 > 0:20:14I remember Kenneth always saying, "Have you ever been in love, Darcey?"
0:20:14 > 0:20:16And I was like, "I'm not going to tell you."
0:20:16 > 0:20:19But it was one of those things where, you know, he wanted to know
0:20:19 > 0:20:22if you'd experienced having your heart broken,
0:20:22 > 0:20:24if you'd experienced this, or had you experienced that.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27And it was really important, cos then he didn't actually believe
0:20:28 > 0:20:30you could actually put that into the role then.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33And he did, he wanted you... every experience that you'd had,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35to put it into a role.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37To put your own twist on it was really hard,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39and not to look like one of the other ballerinas
0:20:39 > 0:20:42that had done it in the past, and that was the toughest thing.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45You'd watched videos of great dancers do these roles
0:20:45 > 0:20:48and you thought, "Oh, I love how they... Oh, I like that..."
0:20:48 > 0:20:51But you wanted your own thing, and that's tough,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54and convincing people, "Can't I do it like this?"
0:20:54 > 0:20:58You know, and, "Oh, no, the timing changes then, you can't do that."
0:20:58 > 0:21:01You're like, "Oh!" like that. So that was slightly deflating.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13'Manon is one of the most dramatic roles for a ballerina,
0:21:13 > 0:21:15'and Darcey was desperate to take it on.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17'But initially it looked like
0:21:17 > 0:21:19'she would never get the chance to perform it.'
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I had quite an odd experience when I first learnt it,
0:21:22 > 0:21:27cos I was down to do it with Irek Mukhamedov,
0:21:28 > 0:21:29who was a Bolshoi star,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32who'd been in the company for probably about two years.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33And we'd had a ballet made on us,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35that had been very successful - Winter Dreams -
0:21:35 > 0:21:38and that was all great and brilliant
0:21:38 > 0:21:40and I really enjoyed working with him.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44But he probably was...probably a little bit too small for me.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47We probably weren't suited for the classics, especially.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Um, but Kenneth, I think, thought,
0:21:50 > 0:21:52because of the success of Winter Dreams
0:21:52 > 0:21:54that we'd be perfect in Manon, together -
0:21:54 > 0:21:56and it's a totally different ball game.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59He'd never done the role before, I'd never done the role before,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01and there we were down to do the first night.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06And I think two weeks before, we just...both of us knew...
0:22:06 > 0:22:09"Oh, my God, this is not working, we can't do these pas de deux,
0:22:09 > 0:22:13"this is agony and...and..." It was just basically
0:22:13 > 0:22:16that our proportions were not suited to each other.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19And so I got taken out cos I was the younger dancer.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21And that was heart-breaking.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I actually believed I was going to leave the company.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27At that time, I'd just guested with New York City Ballet
0:22:27 > 0:22:30and they'd offered me a job and I thought, "Perfect, I'll go there,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32"that's fine, I don't care."
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I did really, really think about going to New York
0:22:35 > 0:22:39and going to the company there and I thought, you know, sadly,
0:22:39 > 0:22:42their repertoire just isn't big enough, and I know we have
0:22:42 > 0:22:45one of the best repertoires in the world, the Royal Ballet Company.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46And I thought, "I've got to stay."
0:22:59 > 0:23:02But I was devastated that I didn't get to do Manon that first time.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05But luckily I got to do it again, I think the following year,
0:23:05 > 0:23:07and it was a brilliant role to play.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11I think, cos she goes through... Manon goes through
0:23:11 > 0:23:14this massive transformation during this three-act ballet -
0:23:14 > 0:23:16from this young girl that's come out of a convent,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18who's naive to the world -
0:23:18 > 0:23:21and then is taught all these horrible things -
0:23:21 > 0:23:25er...how to gain money, how to gain love,
0:23:25 > 0:23:29just to manipulate her life or be manipulated.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32And she goes through hell, basically.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36I mean, it's incredibly dramatic and she grows up incredibly fast,
0:23:36 > 0:23:40and gets used and uses others, um...and then dies at the end.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43So it is probably one of the most perfect roles
0:23:43 > 0:23:45to have played for a ballerina,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48because you experience every emotion within three acts.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56It's funny, I've done it nearly everywhere around the world
0:23:57 > 0:23:58and with other companies.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00And, er...but one of my best experiences was
0:24:00 > 0:24:02when I did it in La Scala, in Milan.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06And, um...you know, being a British dancer
0:24:06 > 0:24:09and going, "Yeah, we've got guts as well. We know how to be dramatic,
0:24:09 > 0:24:11"and throw a wobbly on stage."
0:24:11 > 0:24:13And that was the best thing, cos I could never be a diva
0:24:13 > 0:24:15but I could be a diva when I played Manon.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23'But all good things must come to an end.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26'And in 2006, Darcey decided
0:24:26 > 0:24:29'the time had come to hang up her pointe shoes.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34'Her final performance on the Royal Opera House stage was in June 2007.'
0:24:34 > 0:24:37I think I'd been planning for ages to try and retire gracefully.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I was very fortunate. I'd had my second child,
0:24:40 > 0:24:43and she was about three years old.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46And I knew I really was pushing the boundaries now -
0:24:46 > 0:24:48to have two kids and still be doing all the principal roles -
0:24:48 > 0:24:51and I hadn't cut anything out, I was still doing all the classics.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55And I just thought, "OK, how can I be a little bit more picky and choosy
0:24:55 > 0:25:00"on the roles I do and slightly, you know, roll it down, basically?"
0:25:00 > 0:25:02So I became a guest principal,
0:25:02 > 0:25:06and I thought, "This is perfect, I can choose what I want to do
0:25:06 > 0:25:09"and I can nip out and do performances abroad
0:25:09 > 0:25:11"with other companies and stuff."
0:25:11 > 0:25:15And I thought, "This is a really nice way of...you know, tuning out
0:25:15 > 0:25:17"and...and retiring."
0:25:17 > 0:25:19And it's very weird,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22because it all depends on what roles come up with the repertoire.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24And I kept thinking, "Oh, I really want to do that.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27"It would be great if that came in the repertoire," you know.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30So of course you could have kept going. I could have kept dancing
0:25:30 > 0:25:33for probably another five years, quite comfortably.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Um, but suddenly...Monica Mason,
0:25:36 > 0:25:40that was director at the time, when I decided to retire...
0:25:40 > 0:25:45And the repertoire in the last year, suddenly there was
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Song Of The Earth that came up.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50And I went, "Wow, I haven't done that for 18 years."
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I thought, "What an amazing piece." It affected me so much
0:25:53 > 0:25:55"when I was first in the company
0:25:55 > 0:25:57"and I got thrown into the role by Kenneth,
0:25:57 > 0:26:00"and everything I've been through with Kenneth.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02"What a lovely piece to finish on."
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Then everybody was like, "No, no, no, you...
0:26:04 > 0:26:06"If you're going to finish, you do a Swan Lake
0:26:06 > 0:26:08"or you do a Sleeping Beauty,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10"you do a big classic to finish your career on."
0:26:10 > 0:26:13And I'm like, "No, this is the role that's going to make
0:26:13 > 0:26:16"the biggest meaning. The big impression on me
0:26:16 > 0:26:17"is Song Of The Earth."
0:26:17 > 0:26:22So I just, um...I said to Monica, I said, "I'd like to do this role."
0:26:22 > 0:26:25And she went, "Oh, I really wanted you to do Checkmate."
0:26:25 > 0:26:29And I went, "No, I'd like to do the role in Song Of The Earth.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31"Please, please, please, please,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34"and I would like it to be my last show."
0:26:34 > 0:26:36And she's like, "What? Are you sure?"
0:26:36 > 0:26:39You know, "Don't make any decisions now,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41"but that's fine, you can do Song Of The Earth.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43And then, as closer and closer it came to it,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I just said, "Perfect. This is it. I'd like to finish."
0:26:46 > 0:26:48And I knew I'd been lucky all the way through my career,
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I'd done so much.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I'd had a lot of injuries, but I'd always come back
0:26:52 > 0:26:53and I'd always come back stronger
0:26:53 > 0:26:55and I'd had two kids and I couldn't have been luckier.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58So I knew I didn't want to test that luck any more,
0:26:58 > 0:27:00and I thought, "Perfect way of doing it."
0:27:00 > 0:27:05But I think you never really know how it's going to affect you.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08And all I wanted to do was finish with a really good performance,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I think I had three, four, shows of Song Of The Earth,
0:27:11 > 0:27:15and my last one was on the 7th of June and I thought,
0:27:15 > 0:27:17"God, if that could just be the best one, please, please, please!"
0:27:17 > 0:27:19I wanted it to be really good
0:27:19 > 0:27:22so I could really remember going out on a high.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26I remember all the way through doubting bits of technique
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I was doing, and I kept looking into the wings
0:27:29 > 0:27:32and the wings would get fuller and fuller of company members
0:27:32 > 0:27:34and people. I was going, "Oh, so many people in the wings,"
0:27:34 > 0:27:37and I was trying to just being focused and doing it.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40And by the end, it was packed
0:27:40 > 0:27:42and I think I was slightly taken aback.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Because I recognised, you know,
0:27:44 > 0:27:46old people that used to be in the company were there.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48And it suddenly, suddenly hit me.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:05 > 0:28:07So it was really a special performance.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12And then I realised that the whole audience weren't going to sit down,
0:28:12 > 0:28:15and I was kind of dumbstruck where all these flowers came on
0:28:16 > 0:28:18and then Anthony Dowell came on
0:28:18 > 0:28:22and dancers and coaches and everybody I'd worked with during my career
0:28:22 > 0:28:24were all there, and I just cracked.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26And I never believed I'd crack.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28I don't know, I always felt, "I am strong,
0:28:28 > 0:28:31"I can compose myself, I'll be able to handle this."
0:28:31 > 0:28:35And, um...in front of the whole audience, I burst into tears.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40And then I couldn't actually contain myself, which was even worse,
0:28:40 > 0:28:43so I didn't recover either, and I thought I'd recover.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45But I think I was on the stage for about ten minutes,
0:28:46 > 0:28:47blubbering my eyes out.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51And I purposely asked for my kids not to be there for my last show,
0:28:51 > 0:28:53cos I was...I'd be self-conscious
0:28:53 > 0:28:56and worried about them if I knew they were watching.
0:28:56 > 0:28:57And apparently they were there.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00And so they were brought on and then I blubbered even more.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04And I remember my three-year-old going, "Why are you crying, Mummy?"
0:29:04 > 0:29:06I was like, "I'm crying with happiness," like this.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08But it was a very odd experience
0:29:08 > 0:29:11and nothing will ever, ever feel like that ever again.
0:29:11 > 0:29:16I think it's that sense of relief and loss, it's weird things.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18And I know it's only a career,
0:29:18 > 0:29:21but, you know, it was everything to me. That was only...
0:29:21 > 0:29:25The only thing I knew about myself was that career as a dancer.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27And I was sort of stepping into the unknown.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30But, you know, I felt ready, really ready,
0:29:30 > 0:29:35and it was an incredible piece to do for my last show.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37And, you know, everybody said,
0:29:37 > 0:29:40"Oh, you'll make a comeback, Darce, you'll make a comeback."
0:29:40 > 0:29:42And I thought, "No, I can't, I can't. This has been perfect."