:00:00. > :00:07.issues. The show is produced by the BBC's disability strand, Ouch!, and
:00:08. > :00:17.he strong language. -- and it contains strong language.
:00:18. > :00:26.Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the host but tonight, Sofie Hagen.
:00:27. > :00:34.-- your host for tonight. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello and
:00:35. > :00:43.welcome to BBC Ouch! Storytelling Live. The stories we are going to be
:00:44. > :00:47.hearing tonight are about love and relationships, and I do have a very
:00:48. > :00:56.long massive relationship with my psychologist. Am I right, BBC Ouch!
:00:57. > :01:01.People? High five! I have been seeing him for ten years now. --
:01:02. > :01:05.she. She is always tried to get me out of my mental health issues. And
:01:06. > :01:08.that is quite a view. We have depression, we have anxiety, and
:01:09. > :01:13.binge eating disorder, which is the cool one. I do not you know about
:01:14. > :01:17.that. It is when you eat so that you can't feel anything. Write Mac
:01:18. > :01:23.because there is a lot of pain inside, because, you know, you can
:01:24. > :01:28.feel the bones, and to swallow them, and there is a lot of pain in my
:01:29. > :01:31.throat after a good piece of chicken... My psychologist is
:01:32. > :01:34.amazing. She is a very good psychologist. An incredible
:01:35. > :01:39.psychologist. Those who can't see me, I am fat. And that is not a bad
:01:40. > :01:43.thing. I like being fat. I love my body. I think everybody should love
:01:44. > :01:49.my body. Because... Why wouldn't you? So that means that sometimes it
:01:50. > :01:53.will give me advice on how to lose weight. It will be like, you need to
:01:54. > :01:58.stop eating sugar. I am like a cannot. Because then I will feel. I
:01:59. > :02:03.will feel. That is the reason I eat. So that I don't feel feelings. Eight
:02:04. > :02:06.have depression and anxiety. I do want to fill my feeling. My
:02:07. > :02:10.psychologist tried to fix as one. We were trained to deal with some of
:02:11. > :02:14.the feelings that I can't show, like anger. I don't know how to express
:02:15. > :02:19.anger. So when I do express anger, it kind of explodes, right? So she
:02:20. > :02:25.tried to fix that. She said to me, you know,, next time you feel angry,
:02:26. > :02:30.train express it. I said, oh no. I don't think that... I don't think
:02:31. > :02:34.there is enough food in the world for me to feel angry. I'm sorry,
:02:35. > :02:40.that will not happen. She said, next time you feel anger, said the words
:02:41. > :02:45.I am angry. I said OK, this is a new. I went from that session, I was
:02:46. > :02:50.very pleased with what I was about to do. I was like, I am going to go
:02:51. > :02:55.out and try and feel my anger, and I to train express it. I was
:02:56. > :03:01.practising the sentence, I am angry. Blee but it happened. I can set out
:03:02. > :03:05.loud. And my best friend, it she is a very optimistic and happy person.
:03:06. > :03:11.She is away smiling. Like, she believes in things they love... What
:03:12. > :03:15.an idiot, right? And she met me the station, and I hoped her. And she
:03:16. > :03:20.said my God, I am happy to see you. I said I was happy to see her. She
:03:21. > :03:25.said you were to go to dinner? I Shaw. She said what you feel like
:03:26. > :03:31.eating? I said I don't know. Asked. She said she wanted Greek food. And
:03:32. > :03:36.then I punched in the face. I punched in the face. I saw this
:03:37. > :03:40.happen in motion. I could just see my first... I was like I am
:03:41. > :03:46.expressing feelings, and my heart was like, don't do it. This is what
:03:47. > :03:51.we were afraid of! I saw my first just hit her stupid smiling face,
:03:52. > :03:59.and she never once stopped smiling. She was just like, OK, we will get
:04:00. > :04:04.pasta. I felt so bad. I did not know what to do. I hit my friend. I do
:04:05. > :04:08.want to be that kind of person. I felt bad and she was looking at me
:04:09. > :04:15.with her big blue eyes. I did not know what to say. And ideas that, I
:04:16. > :04:18.am angry. -- and I just said that. And I stopped feeling feelings for
:04:19. > :04:22.the rest of my life. That is somewhat of a fairytale. I would
:04:23. > :04:26.love to introduce you to the first person in the stage. Are you up for
:04:27. > :04:36.being very, very nice? Of course you are. Give it up for your first
:04:37. > :04:41.guest. Everyone has taken all the good disabilities. So I got left
:04:42. > :04:46.with dyspraxia. It is a developmental co-ordination
:04:47. > :04:49.disorder. It is the less sexy cousin of dyslexia, which you will have
:04:50. > :04:54.heard about. It largely affects motor control and speech and memory
:04:55. > :04:59.and information processing. What generally happens as I fall over a
:05:00. > :05:08.lot and cock everything out. As warning. Watch this space. I love
:05:09. > :05:12.living alone, because people. So my favourite activity is sitting on the
:05:13. > :05:17.server on my pants, watching the telly. I am all about that. I can't
:05:18. > :05:21.keep pets or houseplants alive, so certainly can't keep love and
:05:22. > :05:24.affection life. It is far too much affection to make responsibility. I
:05:25. > :05:27.thought about online dating. It plays on your insecurities. It is
:05:28. > :05:31.terrifying, because you're waiting there to meet the state, and you
:05:32. > :05:35.have written your profile, and you're thinking, well, maybe taking
:05:36. > :05:39.ten years off my age was too much. I did use flattering photos, and
:05:40. > :05:42.pretend that I was not actually mental. Site because of their
:05:43. > :05:46.worried about what they go dipping. So you're waiting to see him, and
:05:47. > :05:49.you are thinking his could be right. Because people are better than that.
:05:50. > :05:53.And in mainstream media would have us believe everybody is shallow and
:05:54. > :05:56.observes that how you look, but I find in my experience that real
:05:57. > :06:00.people will be able to see behind the method you really are, and
:06:01. > :06:04.realise you're a beautiful person. And like that. So is feeling buoyed
:06:05. > :06:12.up about it. I see him come out of the station. I clock on, and I
:06:13. > :06:16.thought, you minger. And with dyspraxia, I was very loud is wary
:06:17. > :06:21.and scary. Especially that no people, I get a bit overpowering and
:06:22. > :06:25.overwhelming. People get nervous around it. This is what they said.
:06:26. > :06:30.Obviously, it is nonsense, and I will fight anyone who says
:06:31. > :06:33.otherwise. But this is just a classic dyspraxia symptom. I didn't
:06:34. > :06:38.realise. As the ghost is this fascinating person with all these
:06:39. > :06:44.quirks and so interesting, but it was very upsetting to find out that
:06:45. > :06:50.I'm entirely 2-dimensional. Just take condition. So the state already
:06:51. > :06:54.looks nervous. And that is before it all comes out. Just the presentation
:06:55. > :06:58.alone is scaring the guy. I thought of thought we would go to the
:06:59. > :07:03.nearest pub. And I am stumbling over, to be over, as they do. And we
:07:04. > :07:10.try to get into the bouncer says you cannot come in. And the guy says you
:07:11. > :07:17.are too drunk, you cannot come in. I get this a lot. Not always 1-iron
:07:18. > :07:25.drunk. So turn to the guy and as you know, arguably bouncer, it you
:07:26. > :07:31.always win. -- not always when I am drunk. So I am not being gracious in
:07:32. > :07:39.defeat. I am just wearing a stumping off, having ago and vindicating him
:07:40. > :07:43.under my breath. But I thought I was looking good because I was in my
:07:44. > :07:47.high heels. I put them on a specially. I can't walk in high
:07:48. > :07:52.heels. Cannot. Cannot stand in them. But this doesn't stop me. I am in
:07:53. > :07:56.denial. I imagine that makes it look like some girly delicate flower, all
:07:57. > :07:59.sanguine and sexy. Not like the angry tractor that are usually look
:08:00. > :08:07.like. And evidently, we are going along and I fall. And I don't fall
:08:08. > :08:12.in the wet I would fall in my head. -- the way. That is how I would like
:08:13. > :08:15.to fall. No, I come along and stuck it on the pavement. It is just as
:08:16. > :08:24.terrible mess of rigging. Everybody is aware of it. My advice is don't
:08:25. > :08:32.start out. Just a on the ground. I have done it; is. You stay down,
:08:33. > :08:42.they start to worry. They think, oh, hang on. -- just stay on the ground.
:08:43. > :08:47.Stay on the ground. You have your pride. Stay on. So my day pics above
:08:48. > :08:58.the ground, and I was quite amazed he did not let it -- stoppered in
:08:59. > :09:02.the first place. So I go in and the landlady city bleeding everywhere,
:09:03. > :09:08.and comes with toilet paper to say the furniture. I am sitting there
:09:09. > :09:16.with blood and tissues, because that as to the ambulance of a sexy date.
:09:17. > :09:22.-- meals. So at this point, I am covered bed drinking and crying. --
:09:23. > :09:26.ambience. And I am just asking why it is happening to me. This part of
:09:27. > :09:29.the day, your message out. Smalltalk conversation, I can't do. I don't
:09:30. > :09:35.understand. I had written to use up my arm and tried to pass it off as a
:09:36. > :09:39.trouble to do. So I am chatting away. What do you do? Where do you
:09:40. > :09:48.live? Pause for response... I think, no. Every bit as scintillating as
:09:49. > :09:55.you might imagine. So we decided to leave, of our own volition, which is
:09:56. > :09:59.excellent. Not being asked to leave. So just get back home in traffic at
:10:00. > :10:03.all about it, watch cartoons, sit on the sofa in my pants, watching
:10:04. > :10:09.television. Equilibrium is restored. In a few days later, the date texts
:10:10. > :10:13.me and wants to see me again. Why? Why would you put yourself through
:10:14. > :10:17.that? What sort of person would want to experience is that all again?
:10:18. > :10:22.What sort of self-esteem problems do have, large? Absolutely ridiculous.
:10:23. > :10:31.I do know anyone who wants a go at me again. -- lad. What a loser. This
:10:32. > :10:35.might be the reason I been single for ten years. -- I do not know
:10:36. > :10:41.anyone who wants to go with me again. Thank you. You have been
:10:42. > :10:52.fantastic. My God, that was her first time ever on stage. I have
:10:53. > :10:57.slept with worse comedians than that. That was amazing. We are about
:10:58. > :11:06.to have another storyteller on the stage. Are you ready for that? Yes!
:11:07. > :11:12.Give an amazing round of applause for Mick Scarlett! Now, when I first
:11:13. > :11:18.discussed with the BBC ouch team what I would be talking about today,
:11:19. > :11:23.I asked to talk about how I met my wonderful wife, who is sitting quite
:11:24. > :11:26.there. -- Ouch! . This arresting her across the gas law and how I
:11:27. > :11:30.immediately knew she was the one for me. No, they said. No, that is
:11:31. > :11:35.really boring. What we want is something edgy. Sabena will push
:11:36. > :11:42.boundaries. And I thought, I know, I will talk about my Willy, and sex.
:11:43. > :11:48.Because that is edgy, isn't it? -- willy. I work up on the day my
:11:49. > :11:51.Germanotta level, and my legs hurt. And I fell over every, to
:11:52. > :11:55.understand. And embolus was called and I was rushed to hospital. It
:11:56. > :11:59.transpired that my spine has collapsed. Yes, it is true, you can
:12:00. > :12:07.break your back in your sleep. I just thought I would tell all you
:12:08. > :12:10.biped is that you make your day. Eventually, at out-of-hospital, and
:12:11. > :12:14.as you can tell, I had lost the ability to walk. -- bipeds. There
:12:15. > :12:18.was no more standing for me. There was also no more standing to
:12:19. > :12:23.attention down there. I had lost what the doctors called erectile
:12:24. > :12:27.function. I knew that would happen. Complete silence. I thought, that is
:12:28. > :12:34.aired. Game over. I thought that was it. I got really down and depressed.
:12:35. > :12:38.I thought, I would become the best male friend. And all my girlfriends
:12:39. > :12:41.would come around and do their hair and do their make-up, and I were
:12:42. > :12:45.dressed all up, and then I would send out on dates. Normally, with
:12:46. > :12:52.blokes wearing leather jackets, which is why I always wear one, they
:12:53. > :12:56.don't want pets, and if they are real bustards, they own a Ford
:12:57. > :13:00.Capri. And that was a giveaway sign that it would be bad. And then what
:13:01. > :13:04.would happen is that she would come back at the end of the night and
:13:05. > :13:09.cry. She was a he had sex with me and dumped me, why could they be
:13:10. > :13:13.late you? I, of course, did not see this as what I would now recognises
:13:14. > :13:17.a come on. I saw the thought that they would never want to be in the
:13:18. > :13:22.because I cannot tell. So I thought, or you, it you'll be fine excite. My
:13:23. > :13:26.best e-mail friends said they had met this girl, adding she is great.
:13:27. > :13:30.What you Country Party admit her and all of the President of course. So
:13:31. > :13:34.of course I was the one where the most make-up and a room. We are all
:13:35. > :13:38.getting along all famously. As was the fashion, back then, we played
:13:39. > :13:42.again. Drew Butera. We played it at every party. I don't know why
:13:43. > :13:45.because it always ended with a row. Normally because we'll always
:13:46. > :13:50.truthful or two daring, too truthful, but I thought this could
:13:51. > :13:54.be at. This could be my chance. I could tell my secret. Up till then,
:13:55. > :14:00.I had kept it quiet. My brother did not know, might parents did not
:14:01. > :14:07.know, even my doctor didn't. I was going to admit to Mr Floppy. What a
:14:08. > :14:13.sympathetic and caring? Not at first. You know when people have bad
:14:14. > :14:17.thing, where it is not funny any more, they are just upset. But
:14:18. > :14:23.eventually, my friend wiped away her tears, got her breath back, wiped
:14:24. > :14:30.her tears away, and likely across the head. She said we are girls, we
:14:31. > :14:35.don't have willies. We make love to girls and do it well. I easily had
:14:36. > :14:41.not worked that out. Which kind of shows how innocent I was as a
:14:42. > :14:44.teenager. So at the time, lesbianism and feminism were very closely
:14:45. > :14:48.associated, and very radical, these girls were. And they truly believe
:14:49. > :14:51.what was wrong with the planet was men and their wrecked function and
:14:52. > :14:58.penetration. All can treasure and was bad. So suddenly, I was this new
:14:59. > :15:02.type of man, a man who... The next revolutionary leap, according to the
:15:03. > :15:07.skills! They thought it was great! I really like these girls. Cool. And
:15:08. > :15:12.they took me under their wing. And they even made me and I'm very
:15:13. > :15:16.lesbian. And as to go on lesbian marches. There was me and a load of
:15:17. > :15:20.girls and just this bloke wearing lots of make-up and looking like boy
:15:21. > :15:27.George on wheels. Down with men, men are bad! And they also taught me how
:15:28. > :15:33.to make love to a woman like a woman. I wonder how many people out
:15:34. > :15:37.there are matching it with pornographic thing. No, I'm still a
:15:38. > :15:42.guy. They still wouldn't go near me, but they just taught me, told me,
:15:43. > :15:46.with words, not actions. Sadly, but there you go. And when I was telling
:15:47. > :15:50.the BBC about this, they said Aegerter tell you in? Even tells of
:15:51. > :15:56.a circus that a dinner tell us? Please tell us! Well I won't. No.
:15:57. > :16:00.I'm afraid I will not let you know, because that would be betraying the
:16:01. > :16:05.sisterhood. -- are you going to tell last? And let it as it was out. So
:16:06. > :16:07.girls, if you want to know it is like, you will have to make love
:16:08. > :16:17.dormant. That was amazing. I think everybody
:16:18. > :16:25.could learn from that story. Everybody. Everybody! If anybody
:16:26. > :16:28.wants to buy me a pint I will be at the bar. Ready for another
:16:29. > :16:32.storyteller? Pick your hands together and give it up for the
:16:33. > :16:38.amazing Sean Lucas. -- put your hands.
:16:39. > :16:45.Hello. So, I grew up with hearing loss. It means that essentially I
:16:46. > :16:51.cannot function in society without my hearing aids. The funny thing is
:16:52. > :16:57.that I didn't wear them until I was about 20 years old. So for the first
:16:58. > :17:04.20 years of my life I didn't hear much. So how did I get by? I
:17:05. > :17:13.essentially hung out with a lot of lovely people. I grew up in Italy,
:17:14. > :17:18.so, I mean... You have heard some of those people over there. I come from
:17:19. > :17:22.a family, we are 14 people. Everybody is really loud. You can't
:17:23. > :17:29.understand how loud they are. Every time I go back for Christmas I have
:17:30. > :17:35.to take my hearing aids off. It is just crazy. So, I had a girlfriend.
:17:36. > :17:41.Her name is a lease. She is the Tisch, from Newcastle, but she does
:17:42. > :17:44.not have a Geordie accent otherwise I would not understand what she is
:17:45. > :17:51.saying. She speaks very badly and moves her hands a lot. As an Italian
:17:52. > :17:56.I find this very attractive. The only thing is, she can speak quite
:17:57. > :18:01.fast. When we moved in together, communication was a little bit
:18:02. > :18:06.complicated. The colours she is not used to speaking to somebody who has
:18:07. > :18:12.hearing loss. -- because shears. So she speaks to me like have perfect
:18:13. > :18:17.hearing. Even if I have my hearing aids, I cannot hear 100%. If I am in
:18:18. > :18:21.the kitchen, cooking, and you walk into the room and start talking to
:18:22. > :18:25.me right away when I am not seeing you. I cannot hear, very likely,
:18:26. > :18:31.that the year of what you just said. Even worse, if you speak to me from
:18:32. > :18:35.a different room. So I had to tell Elyce, when you speak to me, don't
:18:36. > :18:40.cover your mouth, don't mumble, and don't speak to me from another room.
:18:41. > :18:50.But Elyce will forget. So I had to come up with a new strategy. So my
:18:51. > :18:57.strategy was, a sickly, I was going to train Elyce as if she was a dog.
:18:58. > :19:01.-- basically. So every time I could not hear how I would interrupter and
:19:02. > :19:08.tell her what she did wrong. Elyce, you didn't speak while facing me.
:19:09. > :19:13.Elyce, you are mumbling. And I'm annoying myself now, so imagine how
:19:14. > :19:18.annoying I was to her. So obviously I thought this was a great idea and
:19:19. > :19:23.I kept going. I took it one step further and introduced the marks on
:19:24. > :19:27.the wall. We had a chalkboard at home and I said, Elyce, every time
:19:28. > :19:31.you make a mistake, we are going to make a mark on the wall. Which
:19:32. > :19:36.didn't work out, because believe it or not, I realised one day that she
:19:37. > :19:40.wasn't a dog. What really work, we decided on a couple of ground rules.
:19:41. > :19:46.The first rule was that we would always speak in the same room, no
:19:47. > :19:51.exceptions. The second rule was the attention rule. Elyce would always
:19:52. > :19:54.try to get my attention first and I would always give my attention to
:19:55. > :19:58.her, so I would stop doing something and tune in. This worked because we
:19:59. > :20:02.were both relaxed and we were open to accepting criticism. It wasn't
:20:03. > :20:12.like I was trying to interrupter all the time. -- interrupted her. Elyce
:20:13. > :20:16.came up with ways of getting my attention instead of calling my name
:20:17. > :20:20.all the time. What she did was start using filler words. So before
:20:21. > :20:25.starting to speak to me she would start seeing, by the way, all, you
:20:26. > :20:31.know what? This was great, because it gave me the time to tune in. I
:20:32. > :20:35.miss much less now, but I still miss things, but a beautiful thing is
:20:36. > :20:36.that I don't get frustrated any more it is I know that she cares. Thank
:20:37. > :20:53.you. Amazing. That's so good. We have one
:20:54. > :20:57.more storyteller this evening. Are you up for that? You have been
:20:58. > :21:00.great, everybody has been great so far. The spec storyteller is
:21:01. > :21:03.somebody I am very proud to know. You will love him. Please start
:21:04. > :21:11.cheering and applauding for the amazing Harriet Dyer.
:21:12. > :21:17.I am wearing an outfit that sums up metal health, you are welcome.
:21:18. > :21:21.That's my thing. I've got bipolar and it has caused some mayhem in my
:21:22. > :21:28.relationships. I've got a boyfriend at the moment and he is proper, it
:21:29. > :21:32.is absolutely lovely. Before this understanding boyfriend, that guy I
:21:33. > :21:37.was seeing before had a problem with me doing stand-up comedy, beakers, I
:21:38. > :21:45.think, he thought it attacked his masculinity. He kept telling me that
:21:46. > :21:51.his job was more important and all of that. One day we were in bed and
:21:52. > :21:56.he was telling me how good he would be at comedy. So he was pretending
:21:57. > :22:01.there was a front row of women, they were women in the front row, and he
:22:02. > :22:05.was seen, if you do not laugh at my jokes, you are obviously lesbians.
:22:06. > :22:12.That is who I was dating. And then he has seen my medication, by my
:22:13. > :22:16.bed, and he asked what it was. I am an open book so I said what it was
:22:17. > :22:25.and he goes, does that mean you are going to kill me in the night? It
:22:26. > :22:32.didn't mean that, but if you carry on talking... The first time I
:22:33. > :22:35.thought I was in love I was at university and this guy, I just
:22:36. > :22:41.couldn't leave that somebody like him would be interested in me. --
:22:42. > :22:46.believe. He was so good-looking. There were signs that maybe it was
:22:47. > :22:51.not to be. This was a sign. Once in the bad I woke up in the middle of
:22:52. > :22:56.the night with a very wet back. And I thought, why is my back wet. He
:22:57. > :23:06.said, sorry, babe. I dreamt you were arrayed urinal. He dreamt that I was
:23:07. > :23:10.a urinal, and he three weed on my back in the middle of the night.
:23:11. > :23:13.That is not a keeper. At university there was this girl, I worshipped
:23:14. > :23:16.the ground she walked on. I thought she was wonderful, really strong and
:23:17. > :23:21.independent and funny, I really liked. So she became my best friend.
:23:22. > :23:25.After a while, going out with this guy, I said to my friend, something
:23:26. > :23:30.doesn't sit right with me. I don't trust him. She is my best friend, so
:23:31. > :23:33.I opened up about stuff and all of that. She said, no, this is just
:23:34. > :23:37.your mental health telling you this, it is all in your head. So I
:23:38. > :23:42.thought, all right. When I spoke to him about it he said the same thing.
:23:43. > :23:46.So I said, OK, that is what has happened. They were together, right?
:23:47. > :23:51.They were getting together. And when I properly caught them, they were
:23:52. > :23:54.doing the whole, yes, this is because of your childhood, Harriet,
:23:55. > :24:00.dissent about. It was not even what they had done, it was the fact they
:24:01. > :24:05.using that against me. I was livid. I was livid. They started lying to
:24:06. > :24:11.me, and I punched them vote in the face, but, because I am not a
:24:12. > :24:19.fighter, I have punched them both in the forehead, and I have broken both
:24:20. > :24:23.my hands. Honestly. And then, because they were such horrible
:24:24. > :24:28.people, that was not enough, I have gone home and then she has rang the
:24:29. > :24:32.police. So the next morning I am in my residence, and I get woken up why
:24:33. > :24:40.the police and they arrest me. So I have then been carted to a prison
:24:41. > :24:44.cell, they just put me on the cell with this guy, and he had one tooth,
:24:45. > :24:52.and he was just chatting nonsense to me. He told me he invented
:24:53. > :24:55.toothpaste, right? I said, what are you on about? It made me laugh,
:24:56. > :25:00.after all this nonsense. I have gone, mate, I don't think you did
:25:01. > :25:04.invent toothpaste. And he's gone, no, if you think about it. If
:25:05. > :25:10.somebody with lots of teeth invented toothpaste, it would be called
:25:11. > :25:15.teethpaste. And I thought, you can't really argue with that, really. And
:25:16. > :25:19.that is, honest to God, that is on my record forever. I used to do
:25:20. > :25:31.teaching, and that is just so sad that is on my record. Thank you ever
:25:32. > :25:38.so much. Cheers. Harriet Dyer! Give it up for all the stories you have
:25:39. > :25:57.heard tonight. You have all been lovely. Have a good night!
:25:58. > :25:59.There will be some chilly nights this weekend.
:26:00. > :26:03.There will be frost for some of us as the weekend begins,