0:00:02 > 0:00:04APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:04 > 0:00:06DRUMROLL
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17boys and girls,
0:00:17 > 0:00:19please welcome to the London Palladium,
0:00:19 > 0:00:22your friend and mine, the man of the moment,
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Mr Robbie Williams!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:36 > 0:00:38# Hey, hey, hey
0:00:43 > 0:00:45# Hey, hey, hey
0:00:50 > 0:00:52# Hey, hey, hey
0:00:58 > 0:01:01# Hey, heeeey. #
0:01:11 > 0:01:13# Have you seen the well-to-do
0:01:13 > 0:01:16# Up on Lenox Avenue?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18# On that famous thoroughfare
0:01:18 > 0:01:21# With their noses in the air
0:01:21 > 0:01:23# High hats and Arrow collars
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# White spats and 15 dollars
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# Spending every dime
0:01:27 > 0:01:30# On a wonderful time
0:01:30 > 0:01:33# If you're blue and you don't know where to go to
0:01:33 > 0:01:36# Why don't you go where fashion sits
0:01:36 > 0:01:38# Puttin' on the Ritz
0:01:39 > 0:01:42# Spangled gowns upon the bevy of high browns
0:01:42 > 0:01:45# Down on the levee, all misfits
0:01:45 > 0:01:48# Puttin' on the Ritz
0:01:49 > 0:01:52# That's where each and every Lulu Bell goes
0:01:52 > 0:01:57# Every Thursday evening with her swell beaus
0:01:57 > 0:01:58# Rubbing elbows
0:01:58 > 0:02:01# Come with me and we'll attend the jubilee
0:02:01 > 0:02:04# See them spend their last two bits
0:02:04 > 0:02:06# Puttin' on the Ritz
0:02:45 > 0:02:48# Have you seen the well-to-do
0:02:48 > 0:02:50# Up on Lenox Avenue?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52# On that famous thoroughfare
0:02:52 > 0:02:54# With their noses in the air
0:02:54 > 0:02:57# High hats and Arrow collars
0:02:57 > 0:02:59# White spats and 15 dollars
0:02:59 > 0:03:02# Spending every dime
0:03:02 > 0:03:04# On a wonderful time
0:03:04 > 0:03:07# If you're blue and you don't know where to go to
0:03:07 > 0:03:10# Why don't you go where Harlem flits
0:03:10 > 0:03:11- CROWD:- # Puttin' on the Ritz... #
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Yeah!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16# Spangled gowns upon the bevy of high browns
0:03:16 > 0:03:20# Down on the levee, all misfits... # Everyone!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23# Puttin' on the Ritz
0:03:23 > 0:03:27# That's where each and every Lulu Bell goes
0:03:27 > 0:03:31# Every Thursday evening with her swell beaus
0:03:31 > 0:03:32# Rubbing elbows
0:03:32 > 0:03:35# Come with me and we'll attend the jubilee
0:03:35 > 0:03:39# And see them spend their last two bits
0:03:39 > 0:03:47# Puttin' on the Ritz! #
0:03:47 > 0:03:50APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Thank you, everybody!
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Good evening, the London Palladium.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Good evening to all of you at home.
0:04:10 > 0:04:16And it's an honour to play for you tonight. Hey, the cheap seats!
0:04:16 > 0:04:17CHEERING
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Looking good!
0:04:21 > 0:04:27I'd like to sing for you a song from when I was really famous.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30It goes like this.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32We love you, Robbie!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:04:38 > 0:04:40# Oh, it seemed forever stopped today
0:04:40 > 0:04:43# All the lonely hearts in London
0:04:43 > 0:04:46# Caught a plane and flew away
0:04:46 > 0:04:48# The best women are married
0:04:48 > 0:04:53# The handsome men are uhh You feel deprived
0:04:53 > 0:04:57# Yeah, are you questioning your size?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01# Is there a tumour in your humour Bags under your eyes?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05# Do you leave dents where you sit? Are you getting on a bit?
0:05:05 > 0:05:06# Will you survive?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09# You must survive
0:05:09 > 0:05:12# When there's no love in town
0:05:12 > 0:05:17# A new century is bringing you down
0:05:17 > 0:05:21# All the places you have been
0:05:21 > 0:05:25# Trying to find a love supreme
0:05:25 > 0:05:28# A love supreme... #
0:05:28 > 0:05:30What do you think of the tails?
0:05:30 > 0:05:31APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:05:34 > 0:05:38# Oh, what are you really looking for?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42# Another partner in your life to abuse and to adore?
0:05:42 > 0:05:46# Is it lovey-dovey stuff? Do you need a bit of rough?
0:05:46 > 0:05:47# Get on your knees
0:05:49 > 0:05:52# Yeah, turn down the love songs that you hear
0:05:52 > 0:05:56# Cos you can't avoid the sentiment That echoes in your ear
0:05:56 > 0:05:57# Saying love will stop the pain
0:05:57 > 0:06:01# Love will kill the fear Do you believe?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04# You must believe
0:06:04 > 0:06:07# When there's no love in town
0:06:07 > 0:06:11# A new century is bringing you down
0:06:11 > 0:06:15# All the places you have been
0:06:15 > 0:06:19# Trying to find a love supreme
0:06:19 > 0:06:23# A love supreme... #
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Hey, folks!
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Hey, boys! How are you feeling, people?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Good evening, ladies. Hey, Steve, you're looking good.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40# When there's no love in town
0:06:40 > 0:06:44# A new century bringing you down
0:06:44 > 0:06:48# All the places you have been
0:06:48 > 0:06:52# Trying to find a love supreme
0:06:52 > 0:06:55# A love supreme
0:07:01 > 0:07:02# A love supreme
0:07:08 > 0:07:14# A love supreme... #
0:07:14 > 0:07:17APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:24 > 0:07:29# A love
0:07:29 > 0:07:33# Supreme. #
0:07:33 > 0:07:36APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Wow.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45HUBBUB
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Everybody, could we have some quiet, please?
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Could everybody just calm down? We have a show to do here!
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Gonzo! Gonzo, what are you doing?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I'm supervising chickens.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57OK, whatever.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59HUBBUB
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03What's going on? Is everything all right?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Yes, of course, Robbie. Absolutely.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- It just seems a bit odd in here. - Well, we get that a lot.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Listen, Robbie, there is absolutely nothing to worry about.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14We couldn't be more organised, right, guys?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16And everything is going according to plan.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20See? That was part of the plan!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Are you sure you've done this before?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Well, sure, many times.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Listen, Robbie, this is nothing
0:08:26 > 0:08:29compared to all the TV shows and movies we've done.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- Really?- Like our recent one, Muppets Most Wanted.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Yes.- Did you just plug your own movie?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Kind of.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Listen, Robbie, don't you worry about a thing.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Just enjoy the show, focus on your performance,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- and we have everything under control.- Right, then.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- I'll leave it with you guys.- OK.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50OK, guys, going live in 3...2...1!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55- Oops.- It's going to be a long night. - Somebody get a fire extinguisher.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57THUMP
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Somebody get an ambulance!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08We love you, Robbie!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Thanks, Mum.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12HE BEATBOXES
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Whistling.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25HE WHISTLES
0:09:34 > 0:09:36# I knew a man Bojangles
0:09:36 > 0:09:39# And he'll dance for you
0:09:41 > 0:09:45# In worn-out shoes
0:09:45 > 0:09:47# Silver hair, ragged shirt
0:09:47 > 0:09:49# Baggy pants... #
0:09:49 > 0:09:52There's been a murder. LAUGHTER
0:09:52 > 0:09:55# He would do the old soft shoe
0:09:57 > 0:10:00# He would jump so high
0:10:00 > 0:10:03# Jump so high... # Hi!
0:10:03 > 0:10:09# Then he'd lightly touch down
0:10:12 > 0:10:15# He told me of a time he worked with
0:10:15 > 0:10:18# With minstrel shows
0:10:18 > 0:10:22# Travelling throughout the south
0:10:22 > 0:10:25# Spoke with tears for 15 years
0:10:25 > 0:10:29# How his, how his dog and he
0:10:29 > 0:10:35# They would travel about
0:10:35 > 0:10:38# But his dog up and died
0:10:41 > 0:10:44# He up and died
0:10:44 > 0:10:48# And after 20 years he still grieved
0:10:50 > 0:10:52# He said "I dance now
0:10:52 > 0:10:54# "Every chance in honky tonks
0:10:56 > 0:10:59# "For my drinks and tips
0:10:59 > 0:11:05# "But most of the time I spend behind these county bars
0:11:05 > 0:11:10# "You see, son I likes to drink a bit"
0:11:12 > 0:11:17# Then he shook his head
0:11:17 > 0:11:22# Oh, Lord when he shook his head
0:11:22 > 0:11:25# I swear I heard somebody saying please
0:11:25 > 0:11:28# That's Mister Bojangles
0:11:31 > 0:11:34# Mister Bojangles
0:11:36 > 0:11:39# Mister Bojangles
0:11:39 > 0:11:42# Come back and dance, and dance
0:11:42 > 0:11:46# And dance, please dance
0:11:47 > 0:11:51# Mister Bojangles
0:11:53 > 0:11:56# Mister Bojangles
0:11:56 > 0:11:59# Oh, Mister Bojangles
0:11:59 > 0:12:02# Come back and dance
0:12:02 > 0:12:07# And dance, and dance Please dance... #
0:12:08 > 0:12:13Come back and dance again, Mister Bojangles.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Good evening.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23HE WHISTLES
0:12:34 > 0:12:38APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:57 > 0:13:01# I'm the king of the swingers, oh The jungle VIP
0:13:01 > 0:13:04# I reached the top and I had to stop
0:13:04 > 0:13:06# And that's what's bothering me
0:13:06 > 0:13:09# I wanna be a man, mancub
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# And stroll right into town
0:13:11 > 0:13:16# And be just like the other men We're tired of monkeying around
0:13:16 > 0:13:21# Oh, ooh-be-doo I wanna be like you
0:13:21 > 0:13:26# I wanna walk like you Talk like you too-oo-oo
0:13:26 > 0:13:30# You see it's true An ape like me
0:13:30 > 0:13:35# Can learn to be hu-u-uman too
0:13:46 > 0:13:49# And don't try to kid me, mancub
0:13:49 > 0:13:51# I made a deal with you
0:13:51 > 0:13:54# What I desire is man's red fire
0:13:54 > 0:13:56# To make my dream come true
0:13:56 > 0:13:58# Now, give me that secret, mancub
0:13:58 > 0:14:01# Come on, clue me what to do
0:14:01 > 0:14:04# Give me that power of man's red flower
0:14:04 > 0:14:05# So I can be like you
0:14:05 > 0:14:10# Oh, shoo-be-doo I wanna be like you
0:14:10 > 0:14:15# I wanna walk like you Talk like you too-oo-oo
0:14:15 > 0:14:17# You see it's true
0:14:17 > 0:14:20# An ape like me
0:14:20 > 0:14:25# Can learn to be hu-u-uman too
0:14:25 > 0:14:30# I'm the king of the swingers, oh The jungle VIP
0:14:30 > 0:14:33# I reached the top I had to stop
0:14:33 > 0:14:35# And that's what's bothering me
0:14:35 > 0:14:38# I wanna be a man, mancub
0:14:38 > 0:14:40# And stroll right into town
0:14:40 > 0:14:43# And be just like them other men
0:14:43 > 0:14:46# We're tired of monkeying around
0:14:46 > 0:14:49# Oh, ooh-be-doo I wanna be like you
0:14:49 > 0:14:54# I wanna walk like you Talk like you too-oo-oo
0:14:54 > 0:14:57# You see it's true
0:15:00 > 0:15:03# Sweep to the left Sweep to the right
0:15:03 > 0:15:05# Put your hands up if you love your life
0:15:05 > 0:15:08# I love your life Do you love your life?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10# Loving life
0:15:10 > 0:15:13# Sweep to the left Sweep to the right
0:15:13 > 0:15:15# Put your hands up if you're feeling nice
0:15:15 > 0:15:18# You feeling nice? You're feeling nice
0:15:18 > 0:15:20# Feeling nice
0:15:20 > 0:15:25# Ooh-be-do I wanna be like you
0:15:25 > 0:15:29# I wanna walk like you Talk like you too
0:15:29 > 0:15:32# You see it's true
0:15:32 > 0:15:35# An ape like me
0:15:35 > 0:15:39# Can learn to be Like someone like you
0:15:39 > 0:15:45# Can learn to be Like someone like you
0:15:45 > 0:15:49# Can learn to be Like someone like you. #
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Where did everybody go?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Whoa! We're so near the stage.- Yeah.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07How did we get these seats for tonight's show?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- There was a Robbie Williams competition.- We won?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11No! We lost!
0:16:11 > 0:16:12THEY CHUCKLE
0:16:16 > 0:16:21Hey, kids! Make some room for your Uncle Rob.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Thank you very much. Shall we do some singing? Yeah.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- Is this your first time on telly? - Yes!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- Are your folks at home watching? - Yeah.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Are they going to tape it? SILENCE
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Taping, something we did in the '80s. No? Nothing?
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Never mind. Welcome to showbiz, kids!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Now let me tell you something about showbiz.
0:16:42 > 0:16:47There's going to be some wonderful, wonderful highs.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51But there's also going to be some terrible, terrible lows.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54But if you remember the words to this song, you'll be fine.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Are you ready?
0:16:56 > 0:16:591, 2, 1-2-3-4.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02# Next time you're found with your chin on the ground
0:17:02 > 0:17:09# There's a lot to be learned so look around
0:17:09 > 0:17:12# Just what makes that little old ant
0:17:12 > 0:17:15# Think he'll move that rubber tree plant?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19# Anyone knows an ant can't
0:17:19 > 0:17:21# Move a rubber tree plant
0:17:21 > 0:17:25- # But he's got - High hopes
0:17:25 > 0:17:28# He's got high hopes
0:17:28 > 0:17:35# He's got high apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes
0:17:35 > 0:17:38# So any time you're feeling low
0:17:38 > 0:17:39# Instead of letting go
0:17:39 > 0:17:42# Just remember that ant
0:17:42 > 0:17:46# Whoops, there goes another rubber tree
0:17:46 > 0:17:49# Whoops, there goes another rubber tree
0:17:49 > 0:17:53# Whoops, there goes another rubber tree plant... #
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I think you've got it! Tell me a bit more.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59# When troubles call and your back's to the wall
0:17:59 > 0:18:01# There's a lot to be learned... #
0:18:01 > 0:18:06- Timber! - # That wall could fall
0:18:06 > 0:18:09# Once there was a silly old ram
0:18:09 > 0:18:13# He thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
0:18:13 > 0:18:16# No-one could make that ram scram
0:18:16 > 0:18:20# He kept buttin' that dam Cos he's got
0:18:20 > 0:18:22# High hopes
0:18:22 > 0:18:25# He's got high hopes
0:18:25 > 0:18:32# He's got high apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes
0:18:32 > 0:18:35# So any time you're feeling bad
0:18:35 > 0:18:37# Instead of looking sad
0:18:37 > 0:18:39# Just remember that ram
0:18:39 > 0:18:43# Whoops, there goes a billion kilowatt
0:18:43 > 0:18:47# Whoops, there goes a billion kilowatt
0:18:47 > 0:18:51# Whoops, there goes a billion kilowatt dam... #
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Why? # Yeah, he got
0:18:53 > 0:18:56# High hopes
0:18:56 > 0:18:59# He's got high hopes
0:18:59 > 0:19:02# He's got high apple pie
0:19:02 > 0:19:05# In the sky hopes
0:19:05 > 0:19:08# All problems, just a toy balloon
0:19:08 > 0:19:10# They'll be bursted soon
0:19:10 > 0:19:12# They're just bound to go... #
0:19:12 > 0:19:13HE POPS HIS CHEEK Ow!
0:19:13 > 0:19:16# Oops, there goes another problem, ker...
0:19:16 > 0:19:20# Oops, there goes another problem, ker...
0:19:20 > 0:19:24# Oops, there goes another problem, kerplop. #
0:19:24 > 0:19:25# Kerplop! #
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Yes!
0:19:26 > 0:19:30APPLAUSE AND CHEERING The kids! Come on! Give it up!
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Ah, kids today.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Nice to see 'em singing instead of spending
0:19:38 > 0:19:39all their time on the internet.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Yeah, what a waste of time that is.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43You know, apparently on the internet,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46there's this thing they do called "trolling".
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- Trolling?- Yep. You just sit and abuse everyone in show business.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53What's wrong with that? We've been doing it for years!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- THEY CHUCKLE - Good point!
0:19:55 > 0:19:59I'm going to bring somebody else up on stage right now.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I love this person, I think she's amazing.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04MRS...Lily Allen.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Hello, London.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26# Stars shining bright above you
0:20:27 > 0:20:32# Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
0:20:33 > 0:20:37# Birds singing in the sycamore tree
0:20:37 > 0:20:41# Dream a little dream of me
0:20:43 > 0:20:49# Say nighty-night and kiss me
0:20:49 > 0:20:54# Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
0:20:54 > 0:20:58# While I'm alone and blue as can be
0:20:58 > 0:21:03# Dream a little dream of me
0:21:05 > 0:21:10# Stars fading but I linger on, dear
0:21:10 > 0:21:15# Still craving your kiss
0:21:15 > 0:21:20# I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
0:21:20 > 0:21:26# Just saying this
0:21:26 > 0:21:31# Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
0:21:31 > 0:21:37# Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
0:21:37 > 0:21:41# But in your dreams wherever they be
0:21:41 > 0:21:46# Dream a little dream of me. #
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Mrs Lily Allen!
0:21:48 > 0:21:52APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:22:10 > 0:22:15# Stars fading but I linger on, dear
0:22:15 > 0:22:19# Still craving your kiss
0:22:20 > 0:22:25# I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
0:22:25 > 0:22:31# Just saying this
0:22:31 > 0:22:35# Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
0:22:35 > 0:22:41# Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
0:22:41 > 0:22:46# But in your dreams wherever they be
0:22:46 > 0:22:50# Dream a little dream of me
0:22:54 > 0:23:00- # Do-do-do-do-do-do - # La-la-la-la-la-la
0:23:00 > 0:23:05# But in your dreams wherever they be
0:23:05 > 0:23:10# Dream a little dream of me
0:23:13 > 0:23:20- # Ba-do-do-do-do-do - # La-la-la-la-la-la
0:23:20 > 0:23:24# But in your dreams wherever they be
0:23:24 > 0:23:30# Dream a little dream of me. #
0:23:30 > 0:23:32APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Thank you very much, London.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Have a lovely evening.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Ladies and gentlemen, Statler and Waldorf are here.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- Oh, yeah!- Thank you! - Yes, hello, hello, everybody!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Thank you very much.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54You two are the most grumpiest members
0:23:54 > 0:23:56of any audience I've ever had.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58THEY CHUCKLE
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Well, then you haven't seen our wives!
0:24:00 > 0:24:02THEY CHUCKLE
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Is there anything about the show that you're going to enjoy?
0:24:05 > 0:24:06What about my last song?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Well, as long as it actually IS your last song.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10THEY CHUCKLE
0:24:10 > 0:24:13AUDIENCE BOOS
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Yeah, boo you!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Yeah, we agree! We agree!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19But if I'm so rubbish, why did you bother coming?
0:24:19 > 0:24:22The only reason we came down here tonight is that we thought
0:24:22 > 0:24:24we might see Gary Barlow.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26THEY CHUCKLE CHEERING
0:24:26 > 0:24:28OK... Listen, lads,
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I've got a song that even you are going to enjoy.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Would you mind doing some audience response with me?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- Not at all. Of course. - Are you going to join in with me?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38CHEERING
0:24:44 > 0:24:46# Yeah, yeah
0:24:49 > 0:24:54# Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhh... #
0:25:03 > 0:25:05AUDIENCE WHOOPS
0:25:09 > 0:25:11# Let's get down
0:25:11 > 0:25:13# To the nitty-gritty
0:25:13 > 0:25:18# I came here to entertain this city
0:25:18 > 0:25:21# And are you loud like Wembley?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25# Open up your holes, repeat after me
0:25:25 > 0:25:28# Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
0:25:28 > 0:25:30# Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
0:25:30 > 0:25:32# Whoa-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho
0:25:32 > 0:25:35# Whoa-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho
0:25:35 > 0:25:37# Ah-hee-de-hee-de-hee-de-hee
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# Ah-hee-de-hee-de-hee-de-hee
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
0:25:43 > 0:25:48# I am the okey-dokey Stokey blokey
0:25:48 > 0:25:51# A little bit chubby
0:25:51 > 0:25:53# A little bit cokey
0:25:53 > 0:25:57# Been around the world and this is what I've found
0:25:57 > 0:26:01# David Seaman is in the prettiest crowd
0:26:01 > 0:26:03# Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- # Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi - # Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
0:26:05 > 0:26:07# Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho
0:26:07 > 0:26:09# Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho
0:26:09 > 0:26:11# Ah-hee-de-hee-de-hee-de-hee
0:26:11 > 0:26:14# Ah-hee-de-hee-de-hee-de-hee
0:26:14 > 0:26:16# Aho-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho
0:26:16 > 0:26:18# Aho-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho
0:26:18 > 0:26:23# Folks, this is the story 'bout Minnie the Moocher
0:26:23 > 0:26:27# She was a red-hot hootchie-cootcher
0:26:27 > 0:26:32# She was the roughest, toughest frail
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
0:26:37 > 0:26:38# Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi
0:26:38 > 0:26:39# Ho-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho
0:26:39 > 0:26:40# Ho-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho
0:26:40 > 0:26:41# Yahoo, yahoo!
0:26:41 > 0:26:42# Yahoo, yahoo!
0:26:42 > 0:26:43# Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:26:45 > 0:26:46# Whoa-ho-ho-ho
0:26:46 > 0:26:47# Whoa-ho-ho-ho
0:26:47 > 0:26:48# Wah-ha-ha-ha
0:26:48 > 0:26:49# Wah-ha-ha-ha
0:26:49 > 0:26:51# Yea-hhhh
0:26:55 > 0:26:57# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:27:00 > 0:27:03# Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
0:27:06 > 0:27:08# Poor Min
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# Poor Min
0:27:12 > 0:27:18# Poor little Minnie. #
0:27:18 > 0:27:21APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Aww!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33How wonderful. How are you doing, Steve?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Got a good audience this evening, haven't we?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37LOUD CHEERING
0:27:40 > 0:27:4613 months ago, a very special person came into my life.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48CHEERING
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Her name is Theodora Rose Williams, and she's my daughter.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55CHEERING
0:27:57 > 0:27:59She's the best thing that ever happened to me.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03She's the love of my life.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07I wrote a song about her, and this is it.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12This is for Teddy Rose Williams, and it's called Go Gentle.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14CHEERING
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# You're gonna meet some strangers
0:28:31 > 0:28:33# Welcome to the zoo
0:28:35 > 0:28:38# Bitter disappointments
0:28:39 > 0:28:41# Except for me and you
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# Some of them are angry
0:28:47 > 0:28:49# Some of them are mean
0:28:51 > 0:28:53# Most of us are twisted
0:28:55 > 0:28:57# Few of us are clean
0:28:58 > 0:29:03# So when you go down to the disco Dancing with young men
0:29:05 > 0:29:07# Just keep it simple
0:29:09 > 0:29:12# You don't have to kiss, though
0:29:14 > 0:29:19# Don't waste time with the eejits that think that they're heroes
0:29:21 > 0:29:23# They will betray you
0:29:24 > 0:29:28# Stick with us weirdos
0:29:28 > 0:29:35# For all your days and nights
0:29:36 > 0:29:38# I'm gonna be there
0:29:40 > 0:29:44# I'm gonna be there, yes, I will
0:29:44 > 0:29:50# Go gentle through your life
0:29:51 > 0:29:55# Knowing I'll be there
0:29:55 > 0:30:00# I'm going to be there for you
0:30:04 > 0:30:06# Don't try to make them love you
0:30:07 > 0:30:10# Don't answer every call
0:30:11 > 0:30:14# Baby, be a giant
0:30:15 > 0:30:19# Let the world be small
0:30:19 > 0:30:22# Some of them are deadly
0:30:23 > 0:30:25# Some don't let it show
0:30:26 > 0:30:29# If they try and hurt you
0:30:30 > 0:30:32# Just let your daddy know
0:30:34 > 0:30:39# When you go giving your heart Make sure they deserve it
0:30:41 > 0:30:43# If they haven't earned it
0:30:44 > 0:30:48# Keep searching, it's worth it
0:30:49 > 0:30:55# For all your days and nights
0:30:56 > 0:30:59# I'm gonna be there
0:31:00 > 0:31:04# I'm gonna be there, yes, I will
0:31:04 > 0:31:11# Go gentle through your life
0:31:11 > 0:31:15# If you want me, I'll be there
0:31:15 > 0:31:21# Say my name and I'll be there for you. #
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Nice one, folks!
0:31:23 > 0:31:24CHEERING
0:31:24 > 0:31:28HE WHISTLES MELODY
0:31:39 > 0:31:45# Go gentle through your life
0:31:46 > 0:31:49# I'm gonna be there
0:31:50 > 0:31:54# I'm gonna be there, yes, I will
0:31:54 > 0:32:00# If all your days are nights
0:32:02 > 0:32:05# I'm gonna be there
0:32:05 > 0:32:12# Say my name and I'll be there for you. #
0:32:12 > 0:32:15APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Well, that's overwhelming.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30Thank you, folks.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Ahh...
0:32:38 > 0:32:39Hmm-hmmm-hmmm!
0:32:41 > 0:32:43HE KNOCKS ON DOOR
0:32:43 > 0:32:44Entrez!
0:32:44 > 0:32:46Hey, Miss Piggy. I'm sorry to bother you.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49- I just wanted to pop by and say... - Where are the other four?
0:32:49 > 0:32:51The other four? I'm not with the other four.
0:32:51 > 0:32:52I'm doing my own stuff.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54Did you read my contract?
0:32:54 > 0:32:57I specifically requested FIVE handsome males.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01I mean, you're good... you may even count as two...
0:33:01 > 0:33:04Miss Piggy, I really want you to be happy, but...
0:33:04 > 0:33:09- Good! Then where are my daffodil leaves?- Daffodil leaves?
0:33:09 > 0:33:12Spread all over the floor so my feet don't touch the ground.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Are you not used to having royalty here in London?
0:33:15 > 0:33:19Sorry, Miss Piggy. I do think there's been some kind of misunderstanding.
0:33:19 > 0:33:20Yeah, I'll say!
0:33:20 > 0:33:23I feel like I just got booked on Butcher Of The Year on BBC Three!
0:33:23 > 0:33:27Oh, no, no, no, Miss Piggy. You see, I AM Robbie Williams.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30Oh, how wonderful for you(!)
0:33:30 > 0:33:32What's a Robbie Williams?
0:33:32 > 0:33:35I'm a singer. You know, erm...
0:33:35 > 0:33:36Let Me Entertain You.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38OK, go ahead, then.
0:33:38 > 0:33:39Oh, erm...Candy!
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Oh, don't mind if I do. Have you got any chocolate?
0:33:42 > 0:33:44No, it's a song.
0:33:44 > 0:33:45Erm, how about this one - Angels.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48# And through it all... #
0:33:48 > 0:33:50Ow! Ow! Stop singing!
0:33:50 > 0:33:51Stop it! Stop it!
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Oh, good! Oh, I'm so glad you two have met.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Kermie, I'm so glad you're here.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58This intruder came into my dressing room.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Piggy, this is not an intruder, this is Robbie Williams.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Yeah, that's what he keeps saying. - No, he is the star of the show.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06- Him?- Me.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08- YOU?!- Him!
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Robbie Williams is the biggest ever British solo artist.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12He's won 17 Brit Awards.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15Why, he is a proper pop star.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17Oh, THAT Robbie Williams!
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Of course! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
0:34:19 > 0:34:22I just wanted to come in and say that it's really amazing
0:34:22 > 0:34:23that you're doing the show.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Oh, Robbie! You make moi blush!
0:34:26 > 0:34:28SHE GIGGLES
0:34:28 > 0:34:32- Don't you have somewhere else to be? - Uh...yeah, yeah.
0:34:32 > 0:34:33Yeah, I...I guess I do.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Now, Roberto, DARLING, why don't you sing for me again?
0:34:37 > 0:34:39- Just...not the one about the angels. - Oh...
0:34:41 > 0:34:46# I come from a land of kebabs and curries
0:34:46 > 0:34:50# Second helpings, no worries
0:34:50 > 0:34:55# Pile the carbs upon the plate
0:34:55 > 0:35:02# Then one day, it's too late
0:35:06 > 0:35:10# No breakfast, no luncheon Just carpets I'm munching
0:35:10 > 0:35:15# A thimble of self-esteem
0:35:15 > 0:35:19# Glazed nothing for afters An absence of laughter
0:35:19 > 0:35:24# The saddest that I've ever been
0:35:24 > 0:35:28# You just can't be portly Not this side of 40
0:35:28 > 0:35:33# Showbiz, a single-chin game
0:35:33 > 0:35:37# Scum paparazzis and weight police nasties
0:35:37 > 0:35:42# Have narrowed the hall of fame
0:35:42 > 0:35:47# No-one likes a fat pop star
0:35:47 > 0:35:51# Pop is a place for the thin
0:35:51 > 0:35:55# No-one likes a fat pop star
0:35:55 > 0:36:00# We want to hear thin people sing
0:36:00 > 0:36:04# When I get faint I chew through my restraints
0:36:04 > 0:36:08# It's the best meal that I've had all week
0:36:08 > 0:36:13# If I could eat my own words I'd tear through the verbs
0:36:13 > 0:36:17# But nobody pays me to speak
0:36:36 > 0:36:41# No-one likes a fat pop star
0:36:41 > 0:36:45# Pop is a place for the thin
0:36:45 > 0:36:50# No-one likes a fat pop star
0:36:50 > 0:36:54# We're sorry, we can't fit you in
0:36:54 > 0:36:59# Now you've upset me I feel like a snack
0:36:59 > 0:37:04# A packet of Minstrels A pie and a nap
0:37:04 > 0:37:12# So what's wrong with that?
0:37:16 > 0:37:22# No breakfast, no luncheon Just carpets I'm munching
0:37:22 > 0:37:26# A thimble of self-esteem
0:37:26 > 0:37:31# Glazed nothing for after The absence of laughter
0:37:31 > 0:37:36# The thinnest that I've ever been. #
0:37:36 > 0:37:38Thank you.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:37:44 > 0:37:48- Huh! I've never seen anything like this before.- Neither have I.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51And I never want to see anything like this again!
0:37:55 > 0:37:59I think the next song that I'm about to sing encapsulates how
0:37:59 > 0:38:04I feel on my days off, when I'm not being Showbusiness Robbie Williams.
0:38:04 > 0:38:09It's from one of my favourite films, and that film is The Wizard Of Oz.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13And the song is If I Only Had A Brain.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15CHEERING
0:38:15 > 0:38:20# I can while away the hours
0:38:20 > 0:38:23# Conferring with the flowers
0:38:24 > 0:38:28# Consulting with the rain... #
0:38:29 > 0:38:31It's like velvet!
0:38:31 > 0:38:34# And my head I'll be scratching
0:38:34 > 0:38:38# While my thoughts were busy hatching
0:38:38 > 0:38:43# If I only had a brain... #
0:38:43 > 0:38:45CHEERING
0:38:46 > 0:38:50# I'd unravel every riddle
0:38:50 > 0:38:55# For any individual
0:38:55 > 0:38:58# In trouble or in pain
0:39:02 > 0:39:06# With my thoughts I'll be thinking
0:39:06 > 0:39:10# I could be another Lincoln
0:39:10 > 0:39:14# If I only had a brain
0:39:18 > 0:39:26# Oh, I could tell you why
0:39:26 > 0:39:32# The ocean's near the shore
0:39:33 > 0:39:40# I could think of things I never thought before
0:39:40 > 0:39:43# And then I'd sit
0:39:44 > 0:39:49# And think some more
0:39:51 > 0:39:54# I would not be just a nothing
0:39:55 > 0:39:58# My head all full of stuffing
0:39:59 > 0:40:02# My heart all full of pain
0:40:06 > 0:40:10# Perhaps I'd deserve you
0:40:10 > 0:40:15# And be even worthy of you
0:40:15 > 0:40:19# If I only had a brain. #
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Mr Dave Hartley.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54# I could while away the hours
0:40:54 > 0:40:59# Conferring with the flowers
0:40:59 > 0:41:01# Consulting with the rain
0:41:04 > 0:41:08# And my head I'd be scratching
0:41:08 > 0:41:12# While my thoughts were busy hatching
0:41:12 > 0:41:14# If I only
0:41:15 > 0:41:17# If I only
0:41:21 > 0:41:25# Had a brain. #
0:41:25 > 0:41:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:39 > 0:41:43- Oh, Mr Williams! Come over here! Take a seat!- Hey, fellas!
0:41:43 > 0:41:46- Hey, Gonzo! You OK, Fozzy?- Have some water.- Oh, thank you very much.
0:41:46 > 0:41:51- Thank you.- Yeah. Mr Williams, we need to talk.- Oh, what about?
0:41:51 > 0:41:54- There'll be plenty of time for talking after the show.- It's, er...
0:41:54 > 0:41:55- Well, uh...- ..about the show.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58What about the show? Don't you think it's been great so far?
0:41:58 > 0:42:00- We have some suggestions to improve it.- What?!
0:42:00 > 0:42:03- Well, we think we can make it better.- Hmm. Better.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06- I think I'm needed on stage. - No! No! No! No! Sit down.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08We think your show needs some variety, that's all.
0:42:08 > 0:42:12- Yeah, I mean, your songs are amazing.- We love the songs.
0:42:12 > 0:42:13Love 'em!
0:42:13 > 0:42:15But songs plus other things...
0:42:15 > 0:42:19- That's even amazinger. - Amazinger.- Other things?
0:42:19 > 0:42:23What are you going to do? Shoot me into the audience?
0:42:23 > 0:42:24- Who told you?- Oh, no.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26You see, that's exactly what we're going to do.
0:42:26 > 0:42:30Right in the middle of one of your songs, we put you into a cannon
0:42:30 > 0:42:32and we shoot you up into the audience,
0:42:32 > 0:42:33and you finish the song up there.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35It's only failed twice before.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37Well, how many times have you tried it?
0:42:37 > 0:42:38Twice.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40I'll get back to you on that, Gonzo.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43What about you, Fozzy, are you going to tell some of your terrible jokes?
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- Who told you?- No thanks, fellas.
0:42:46 > 0:42:47Wait, wait, what about this one.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50Yesterday I cancelled my gym membership.
0:42:50 > 0:42:51Just didn't work out.
0:42:51 > 0:42:54Aah! Wocka wocka!
0:42:54 > 0:42:56- Tell him the one about the chicken. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:42:56 > 0:43:00Oh, this is a good one. Why did the chicken cross the internet?
0:43:00 > 0:43:01To get to the other site.
0:43:02 > 0:43:07- That was incredible, Fozzy. - Oh, thanks!- I love that.- Robbie?
0:43:07 > 0:43:09- Robbie?- Robbie?- Where did he go?
0:43:10 > 0:43:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:16 > 0:43:18# Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk
0:43:18 > 0:43:19# I'm a woman's man
0:43:19 > 0:43:21# No time to talk... #
0:43:21 > 0:43:24I had to go off to get my Britney Spears microphone.
0:43:25 > 0:43:30I think it's time I brought someone else up on stage.
0:43:32 > 0:43:36I'm so excited that he's graced my album with his talent.
0:43:36 > 0:43:42I think this guy is one of the best songwriters of the last 20 years.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47Please put your hands together and welcome on stage Mr Rufus Wainright.
0:43:50 > 0:43:52- Hello!- Hello, darling!- Palladium.
0:43:52 > 0:43:56- Robbie!- You look amazing.- I know.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58- You look fine.- Oh, thank you.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01- Showbiz kisses.- Yes. Mwah.- Mwah.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03- Come on, dear. - This is such an honour...
0:44:03 > 0:44:05- You play, I'll sing.- ..to be here.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07And you just slapped my ass.
0:44:14 > 0:44:19# I'm coming out of my sandbox
0:44:20 > 0:44:24# You'll get covered in dog doo
0:44:24 > 0:44:28# I'm gonna get off the see-saw
0:44:28 > 0:44:30# Say goodbye to your mama
0:44:30 > 0:44:31# Oh, yeah
0:44:31 > 0:44:35# Let's get high on some pop rock
0:44:35 > 0:44:39# Pop rock and coke
0:44:39 > 0:44:42# I'll blow your sock off
0:44:42 > 0:44:47# Teach you how to laugh at daddy's dirty jokes
0:44:48 > 0:44:51BOTH: # Don't hedge your bets Double down
0:44:51 > 0:44:56# If you want to get ahead in Tinsel Town
0:44:56 > 0:44:59# Turn that smile upside down
0:44:59 > 0:45:02# Happy people don't have sex
0:45:03 > 0:45:06# Now, Robbie
0:45:06 > 0:45:14BOTH: # Everybody swings both ways
0:45:16 > 0:45:18# From the butchest, the bandits,
0:45:18 > 0:45:20# The fairest, the...
0:45:20 > 0:45:24BOTH: # The singers with everything they need
0:45:24 > 0:45:28# Everybody swings
0:45:28 > 0:45:32# Both ways
0:45:32 > 0:45:34# Face it, Robbie
0:45:34 > 0:45:35# Uh-huh?
0:45:35 > 0:45:37# You're a little bit gay. #
0:45:37 > 0:45:38Oh, just a little bit.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40- Shall we dance?- Sure.
0:46:10 > 0:46:14# I'm getting hot on the pavement
0:46:14 > 0:46:17# Can you find me some grass
0:46:17 > 0:46:21# I have a certain arrangement
0:46:21 > 0:46:24# Up the Khyber Pass
0:46:24 > 0:46:25# Oh, yeah
0:46:25 > 0:46:29# Let's get high on some fruit cake
0:46:29 > 0:46:33# Fruit cake and tea
0:46:33 > 0:46:37# And after you've done her
0:46:37 > 0:46:40# Well, you can do me
0:46:40 > 0:46:41# All right!
0:46:42 > 0:46:45BOTH: # Don't hedge your bets Double down
0:46:45 > 0:46:50# If you want to get ahead in Tinsel Town
0:46:50 > 0:46:53# Just follow me, you enormous clown
0:46:53 > 0:46:56# Clever people don't have sex
0:47:04 > 0:47:07# Everybody
0:47:07 > 0:47:13# Swings both ways
0:47:15 > 0:47:17# The bully, the bigot, the giant
0:47:17 > 0:47:22# The midget and singers with everything they need
0:47:22 > 0:47:23# Everybody
0:47:23 > 0:47:31# Swings both ways
0:47:31 > 0:47:33# Face it, Robbie
0:47:33 > 0:47:34# Uh-huh?
0:47:34 > 0:47:37# You're a little bit gay
0:47:39 > 0:47:41# Oh, face it, Palladium
0:47:41 > 0:47:43# You're all a little bit
0:47:43 > 0:47:46# G-A-Y
0:47:46 > 0:47:51# Because we wanna. #
0:47:54 > 0:47:56Mr Rufus Wainright!
0:47:56 > 0:47:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:02 > 0:48:05Do you remember when Robbie did that show at the Royal Albert Hall?
0:48:05 > 0:48:08- Sure, it was a showstopper. - Oh, yeah?
0:48:08 > 0:48:10Then how come it didn't stop this show?
0:48:17 > 0:48:18Thank you, everyone!
0:48:20 > 0:48:23The next song that I'm going to sing,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26my last song with the amazing
0:48:26 > 0:48:29and most beautiful Miss Nicole Kidman.
0:48:32 > 0:48:38I never thought I'd get to sing that song again with somebody so kind,
0:48:38 > 0:48:42so elegant, so attractive...
0:48:42 > 0:48:48But tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I have the honour of doing just that.
0:48:49 > 0:48:55I'm delighted to introduce one of the biggest stars of all time.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:05 > 0:49:09- Oh, Roberto.- Oh, Miss Piggy! Enchante.
0:49:13 > 0:49:14# I know I stand in line
0:49:14 > 0:49:17# Until you think you have the time
0:49:17 > 0:49:19# To spend an evening with me
0:49:22 > 0:49:24# And if we go some place to dance
0:49:24 > 0:49:26# I know that there's a chance
0:49:26 > 0:49:29# You won't be leaving with me
0:49:31 > 0:49:35# And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
0:49:35 > 0:49:38# And have a drink or two. #
0:49:38 > 0:49:40Or three or four.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42# And then I go and spoil it all
0:49:42 > 0:49:44# By saying something stupid
0:49:44 > 0:49:47# Like I love you
0:49:49 > 0:49:50# I can see it in your eyes
0:49:50 > 0:49:53# You still despise the same old lines
0:49:53 > 0:49:56# You heard the night before
0:49:58 > 0:50:00# And though it's just a line to you
0:50:00 > 0:50:01# For me it's true
0:50:01 > 0:50:05# It never seemed so right before
0:50:07 > 0:50:11# I practise every day to find some clever lines to say
0:50:11 > 0:50:14# To make the meaning come true. #
0:50:14 > 0:50:16Say something clever, Robbie!
0:50:16 > 0:50:20# And then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late
0:50:20 > 0:50:23# And I'm alone with you
0:50:25 > 0:50:26# The time is right
0:50:26 > 0:50:28# Your perfume fills my head
0:50:28 > 0:50:29# The stars get red
0:50:29 > 0:50:32# And oh, the night's so blue
0:50:32 > 0:50:34# Ooh, woo, woo, woo!
0:50:34 > 0:50:36# And then I go and spoil it all
0:50:36 > 0:50:38# By saying something stupid
0:50:38 > 0:50:41# Like I love you
0:50:43 > 0:50:46# I love you
0:50:48 > 0:50:51# I love you
0:50:52 > 0:50:55# I love you
0:50:56 > 0:50:59# I love you
0:51:01 > 0:51:04# I love you
0:51:04 > 0:51:08# Yooouuuuuu
0:51:08 > 0:51:12# I love you. #
0:51:12 > 0:51:15Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Miss Piggy!
0:51:17 > 0:51:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:51:32 > 0:51:34# Do nothing till you hear from me
0:51:36 > 0:51:39# Pay no attention to what's said
0:51:40 > 0:51:45# Why people tear the seams of anyone's dreams
0:51:46 > 0:51:48# Is over my head
0:51:49 > 0:51:51# Do nothing till you hear from me
0:51:54 > 0:51:56# At least consider our romance
0:51:58 > 0:52:02# If you should take the words of others you heard
0:52:03 > 0:52:05# I haven't a chance. #
0:52:05 > 0:52:07Ladies and gentlemen, Pete, my dad.
0:52:07 > 0:52:12# True, I've been seen with someone new
0:52:12 > 0:52:16# That doesn't mean I've been untrue
0:52:16 > 0:52:19# While we're apart
0:52:19 > 0:52:21# The words in my heart
0:52:21 > 0:52:24# Reveal how I feel about you
0:52:24 > 0:52:26# Some kiss may cloud my memory
0:52:28 > 0:52:31# And other arms can hold a thrill
0:52:33 > 0:52:37BOTH # But please do nothing till you hear it from me
0:52:37 > 0:52:41# Baby, you never will. #
0:52:41 > 0:52:42Come on, Dad!
0:52:52 > 0:52:55- Wow!- Look at this, the Palladium!
0:52:55 > 0:52:57The Palladium!
0:52:57 > 0:53:01- Morecambe and Wise!- Frank Sinatra!
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Robbie Williams!
0:53:18 > 0:53:22# True, I've been seen
0:53:22 > 0:53:23# With someone new
0:53:23 > 0:53:25# That doesn't mean
0:53:25 > 0:53:26# That don't mean
0:53:26 > 0:53:28# I've been untrue
0:53:28 > 0:53:30# While we're apart... #
0:53:30 > 0:53:31Let me have a go!
0:53:31 > 0:53:32# The words in my heart
0:53:32 > 0:53:36# Reveal how I feel about you
0:53:36 > 0:53:38# Some kiss may cloud my memory
0:53:40 > 0:53:42# And other arms may hold a thrill
0:53:44 > 0:53:48# But please do nothing till you hear it from me
0:53:49 > 0:53:52# And baby, you never will
0:53:54 > 0:53:58# Please do nothing till you hear it from me
0:53:58 > 0:54:05# And baby, you never will. #
0:54:09 > 0:54:14Pete! My dad!
0:54:14 > 0:54:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Thank you so much, everybody.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39This has been an amazing evening in my life.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41It's proper fantasy stuff.
0:54:41 > 0:54:43God bless you, the Palladium.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45Thank you for having me.
0:54:45 > 0:54:50And thank you, everybody at home for not turning over.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52I'm going to leave you with Mack The Knife.
0:54:54 > 0:54:57# Oh, the shark, babe
0:54:57 > 0:54:59# Has such teeth, dear
0:55:00 > 0:55:04# And he shows them pearly white
0:55:05 > 0:55:08# Just a jack knife
0:55:08 > 0:55:12Has ol' MacHeath, babe
0:55:12 > 0:55:16# And he keeps it out of sight
0:55:17 > 0:55:21# You know when that shark bites
0:55:21 > 0:55:22# With his teeth, dear
0:55:23 > 0:55:28# Scarlet billows start to spread
0:55:29 > 0:55:32# Fancy gloves, though
0:55:32 > 0:55:35# Wears ol' MacHeath, babe
0:55:35 > 0:55:39# So there's never, never no trace of red
0:55:41 > 0:55:44# On the sidewalk
0:55:44 > 0:55:47# Oh, Sunday morning, don't you know
0:55:47 > 0:55:52# Lies a body just oozing life
0:55:53 > 0:55:58# And someone's sneaking round the corner
0:55:59 > 0:56:05# Could that boy be Mack the knife
0:56:05 > 0:56:11# From a tug boat down by the river Don't you know
0:56:11 > 0:56:17# A cement bag is just dropping on down
0:56:17 > 0:56:19# Those cements there
0:56:19 > 0:56:23# It's there for the weight, dear
0:56:23 > 0:56:25# Five will get you ten
0:56:25 > 0:56:28# Ol' Macky's back in town
0:56:28 > 0:56:30# Did you hear bout Ayda Williams?
0:56:32 > 0:56:35# She disappeared, baby
0:56:35 > 0:56:40# After spending all of my hard-earned cash
0:56:40 > 0:56:43# And now MacHeath spends
0:56:43 > 0:56:46# He spends just like a sailor
0:56:46 > 0:56:50# Could it be, could it be our boy's done something rash?
0:56:52 > 0:56:55# Oh, Jenny Diver
0:56:55 > 0:56:58# Miss India
0:56:59 > 0:57:01# Look out, Miss Polly Peachum
0:57:01 > 0:57:04# And, oh, Lucy Brown
0:57:04 > 0:57:09# Oh, the line forms on the right, babe
0:57:10 > 0:57:15# Now that Macky's back in town
0:57:16 > 0:57:18# I said Jenny Diver
0:57:18 > 0:57:23# Oh, Sukey Tawdry
0:57:23 > 0:57:25# Look out, Miss Lotte Lenya
0:57:25 > 0:57:28# And, oh, Lucy Brown
0:57:28 > 0:57:33# Yeah, the line forms on the right, babe
0:57:34 > 0:57:38# Now that Macky's
0:57:40 > 0:57:47# Back in town
0:57:49 > 0:57:51# Look out, old Macky is back
0:57:51 > 0:57:54# Yeah. #
0:57:54 > 0:57:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:58:15 > 0:58:18Just when you think this show couldn't get any worse,
0:58:18 > 0:58:20something wonderful happens.
0:58:20 > 0:58:21- What?- It ends.
0:58:28 > 0:58:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd