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0:00:33 > 0:00:36- A Miss Jones lives in every village.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41- This Miss Jones was a spinster - who lived on her own.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45- Being unable to sleep one night, - she became increasingly distressed.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- She looked through - her bedroom window.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- A dog and bitch were mating outside, - creating a disturbance.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01- She was so upset, she called - the vet from a bedside mobile phone.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- "Come quick," she said. - "I can't sleep.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- "Two dogs are mating - and making a racket.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- "Can you come to stop them?"
0:01:13 > 0:01:17- The vet replied, - "Don't you realise what time it is?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- "It's 2.30 in the morning."
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- "Please tell me what I can do - to stop them."
0:01:26 > 0:01:32- "Go out and tell them - I want them on the phone."
0:01:34 > 0:01:40- "Will that stop them?" - "Well, it stopped me."
0:01:52 > 0:01:56- A lad asked his father, - "Can I borrow a torch?"
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- "What for?" "To go on a date."
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- "I didn't need a torch years ago."
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- "Yes, but look what you got."
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- I love watching other people dance.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- One thing I've noticed is this.
0:02:18 > 0:02:25- You can tell what people do - from their dancing style.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- It's easy - I'll show you. You can - pick out farmers straight away.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- It's as if they're milking cows!
0:02:40 > 0:02:45- Have you seen how teachers dance? - Like this.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- This is how - bus and lorry drivers dance.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59- One very dear relation of mine - is a window cleaner.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- He dances like this.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08- But my favourite - is this sort of dancer.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- You see them sometimes. - They're politicians.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Even my friends, who are here - tonight, haven't heard me sing.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- Here's a first - me singing opera. - Have you seen opera on TV?
0:03:34 > 0:03:39- While a world famous opera singer - performs on stage...
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- ..viewers read - subtitles on the screen.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- I saw an opera on TV - two weeks ago.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52- It starred a big, 20 stone singer. - He came on stage and began to sing.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- 'I'm home,' stated the subtitle.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- After all the fuss!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- A soprano joined him in a duet.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32- 'Where have you been?'
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- The tenor returned. - He pulled out all the stops.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59- 'Out.'
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- How are you?
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- The name's Willy. - Everyone calls me Willy Bins.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- A new driver joined us this morning.
0:05:29 > 0:05:34- Don't mention him! His name's Dei, - Dei Double Vision.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- He can't see further than his nose.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- He's so shy, - he's never had a woman.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- He's daft as a brush.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- Where on earth are you, Dei? - Come on!
0:05:52 > 0:05:53- Come on!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Put that down.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- I told you he was stupid.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Hey, Dei! - Are you still looking for a woman?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07- Yes.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10- There are some pretty ones here.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11- There are some pretty ones here. - - I know.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- See that one there? She's nice.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- Smart. Shame about the moustache.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29- He's a man, idiot.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- Behave yourself. - Why don't you do some work?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Let's clear up this rubbish.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- Look what I've found. I haven't seen - one of these for years.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- You know what it is, don't you?
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- You know what it is, don't you? - - I wore one on my knees - to plant swedes.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Berk. That's not what it is!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- You don't get it, do you? - But don't tell anyone this.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- I go through these bins.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20- I can tell what the owners are like - and who they are from these bins.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- You'll learn a lot from me.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Take this bin. What's in it?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- An empty vodka bottle.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- An empty whisky bottle. - An empty brandy bottle.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- Guess where this bin has come from.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Guess where this bin has come from. - - The White Horse.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- The minister's house.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50- Come on!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- I haven't a clue what's in here.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- # Defaid William Morgan #
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- I wondered what happened - to that group.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- You're starting to enjoy this.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Here's another bin. - Guess where this one's from.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Look, an empty Viagra bottle.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- This one's from - the old people's home.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36- Up there?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Up the road.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- They say the matron's - behind this.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- She gives the old men a pill - every night at bedtime.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Why give Viagra to old men?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- It stops them - rolling out of bed at night.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Get on with it, - or we'll be here all day.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20- Wil!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- There's a woman in this bin.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- She isn't wearing those protection - pads for planting swedes either.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- The rugby team - had a good time last night.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- Come and talk to her, Dei.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57- Hello, how are you?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Hello, sexy!
0:10:20 > 0:10:21- I don't feel well.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24- What did she say?
0:10:24 > 0:10:25- What did she say? - - She's feeling ill.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- What's wrong with you?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30- What's wrong with you? - - I'm full of wind.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Darling, my foot's stuck.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42- What did she say?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- What did she say? - - Her foot's stuck.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Help her.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- You'd better go in to help her.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- No way! You're smaller than me.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00- We won't be long, love. - Hurry up!
0:11:00 > 0:11:01- Where is she stuck?
0:11:01 > 0:11:02- Where is she stuck? - - Her foot.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03- Where is she stuck? - - Her foot. - - Right!
0:11:07 > 0:11:08- Watch out!
0:11:10 > 0:11:11- Her foot?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- Go all the way down - to release her foot.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Help me!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- He'll never be the same again.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55- Are you OK?
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- They said these Meifod girls - were goers.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- I've never seen one - disappear so fast.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18-
0:12:21 > 0:12:26- Dogs are popular pets, - especially small poodles.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- They're smart little dogs.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- One was on Aberystwyth High Street.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- On the opposite side - stood a big old mongrel.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- He walked back and forth.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44- "Hello," he said. - "Hello," she replied.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- "Do you fancy some fun - in the backstreets?"
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- "I'm going to the poodle parlour," - she said.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- "I'm appearing in a show." "Oh."
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- "Would you like to accompany me?" - "No, I'll see you again," he said.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- A week later, the small poodle - bumped into the big mongrel.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- "How did you get on in the show?"
0:13:11 > 0:13:17- "Very good. I won 2 firsts, - 3 seconds and a highly commended."
0:13:19 > 0:13:24- "Very good. Excellent." - "How did you get on?" she enquired.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29- "Quite good. - I had 3 fights, 4 bitches...
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- ..and I'm highly contented."
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Do you hold - fancy dress parties here?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- They're popular where I come from.
0:13:46 > 0:13:51- I heard of a Halloween fancy dress - party where guests wore masks.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- A couple intended going - to the party in masks.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- The wife wasn't feeling very well.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- She told her husband, - "Don't you miss the party".
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- "I won't go without you." - "I'll be OK."
0:14:07 > 0:14:11- Off he went. - She took an aspirin and went to bed.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Within the hour, she felt better. - Much better.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- She decided to go to the party, - to see what her husband was up to.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- He didn't know which mask she had.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28- She arrived at the party - and recognised her husband's mask.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- She walked over to him. - "Do you want to dance?" she asked.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34- "OK," he said.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- They started to dance. - His hands were all over her!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- "How about a kiss?" she suggested. - "OK."
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- They kissed. "Would you - like to go out for a walk?"
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- "OK," he said. That's what happened.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56- She left before her husband - and was lying in bed reading a book.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- Her husband returned. "Did you enjoy - the party?" "No," he said.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- "What did you get up to?" - "Nothing much."
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- "Did you dance?" "Good grief, no," - he said. "What did you do?"
0:15:09 > 0:15:15- "At the party, I bumped into two old - mates. We played cards all night.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- "But I'll tell you one thing.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- "The bloke who borrowed my mask - said he had a hell of a good time."
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- Will my luck ever change?
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- I'm a hotelier in Llandudno with - Mary my wife and my grandfather.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48- About three months ago, - Mary ran away with the laundry man.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- It was sadder than that.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- Mary ran away with the laundry man.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- God, I miss him!
0:16:10 > 0:16:12- I hadn't suspected anything.
0:16:13 > 0:16:19- But looking back, I remember him - asking, "Is Mary easy to please?"
0:16:21 > 0:16:23- "I've never tried," I said.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- She came back, cleaner than ever.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- I'm glad she's back, because - we're quite busy in the hotel.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- Guests are always complaining.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- A big, unpleasant woman - stayed with us last week.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54- Her husband was an old man - and a messy eater.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59- The food went everywhere, - except his mouth.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- She was very sarcastic.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- "Have you a soup to match his tie?" - she asked.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- "No, but the gravy - will match his trousers."
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- She was horribly sarcastic.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- "How did you find your steak?" - I asked.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- "I picked up a lettuce leaf...
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- ..and it was hiding in the corner."
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- We didn't hit it off from the start.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- On her first night, she asked me, - "Do you serve crabs?"
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- "We serve anyone," I said.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12- "Would you like me to carry - your bags upstairs?" I asked.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- "I don't have any bags."
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- "What are those under your eyes?" - I asked.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- Every meal time, - something was wrong.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- "Is this trout fresh?" she asked.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- "Fresh? - It's still chewing the worm."
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- The following evening, she wanted - a hamburger without onions.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- "We haven't any onions. You'll - have to take it without tomatoes."
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- "Do you have any wild duck?"
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- "I've got a tame one," I said.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- "Shall I provoke her for you?"
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- There are two statues - in a London park.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- A naked man and woman, - staring into each other's eyes.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26- As far as I know, at least!
0:19:28 > 0:19:35- One day, a member of the Bardic - Gorsedd walked through the park.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- It could have been Bryn Terfel, - or Arfon Wyn maybe.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Or was it WJ, Llanbrynmair?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- They all look the same in frocks!
0:19:51 > 0:19:56- Their supernatural powers - allow them to perform miracles.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- He started to talk to the statues.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- "I'm going to turn you - into flesh and blood."
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- He succeeded in turning them - into flesh and blood.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11- One stood either side of him.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16- "After one hour is up, - you'll revert back into statues."
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- He walked away, - as these Gorsedd folk can do!
0:20:21 > 0:20:27- He left the naked man and woman - standing there.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- They weren't looking - into each other's eyes any more!
0:20:32 > 0:20:37- "Are you thinking what - I'm thinking?" he asked.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- "You bet!" she replied.
0:20:40 > 0:20:46- "Why don't we do it?" - "Yes! Let's do it now!" she agreed.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- They dived into park bushes.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Strange noises came from - the bushes for fifty minutes.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- Are these noises familiar to you?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- I'm enjoying this! - I must be an exhibitionist.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- They finally resurfaced.
0:21:12 > 0:21:18- "Did you enjoy that?" he asked. - "Oh, yes," she enthused.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- "Let's do it again. - There's ten minutes left."
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- "OK," she said, "but this time, - you hold down the pigeons...
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- ..and I'll do my business on them".
0:21:48 > 0:21:52- # Somebody's sending me flowers - But who, I don't know
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- # Every day more arrive - without fail
0:22:00 > 0:22:04- # I've no idea who I should thank
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- # They've appeared on the window, - Once they fell through the roof
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- # They've even been - squeezed through the keyhole
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- # My home resembles - the Garden of Eden
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- # The plants - are every shape and size
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- # I admire the flowers for hours
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- # There's no room to sit - in my own home
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- # Somebody's sending me flowers, - more than I've ever received
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- # But enough is enough, - these flowers are silly
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- # If I see another lily, - I'll lose my mind
0:23:13 > 0:23:19- # The first flower to arrive - was a pink and cream rose
0:23:21 > 0:23:27- # But the petals dropped off, - leaving only thorns
0:23:33 > 0:23:37- # A huge cactus was delivered. - Pretty and colourful, like heather
0:23:39 > 0:23:45- # A day or two later, - I was at the end of my tether...
0:23:45 > 0:23:48- ..when it accepted a piece of meat
0:23:50 > 0:23:56- # I was sent a complete patio - through the post
0:23:57 > 0:24:02- # And a ton or two - of the parish pebbles...
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- ..which made me feel quite ill
0:24:07 > 0:24:13- # Somebody out there loves flowers. - They love sending them to me
0:24:13 > 0:24:18- # But they are far too expensive...
0:24:20 > 0:24:26- ..because the bill for the lot - has arrived for me! #
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- Subtitles by- CYMEN