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0:00:36 > 0:00:41- I enjoy reminiscing about - characters I've met in my time.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47- Cardigan has no shortage of them! - Benji was a Brynaman character.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- If he found work, - he moved to the next village.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- "How's it going?" I asked him. - "Not bad," he replied.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03- "I've got a job." "Doing what?" - "I work in a dominoes factory.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- "What d'you do?" I asked him. "I - paint white dots on the dominoes."
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- "What's it like?" "Alright.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- "I get Friday afternoons off." - "How come?"
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- "That's when they do - the double blanks."
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- Our barber had a bad habit - of spitting on the shaving brush.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- One of the lads told him, "Hey! - There's nothing hygienic about you."
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- "What d'you mean?" - "Spitting on the brush."
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- "You're lucky I know you, - or I'd spit on your face."
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- A friend of mine - lives in Caernarfon.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- He recently got a job driving buses. - He's only 5 foot.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- He was given - the Caernarfon to Llanberis run.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- On his very first day, he drove - to Llanberis without a problem.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- A huge bloke walked on in Llanberis.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Everybody else had paid - and sat down.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24- "Big Dafydd doesn't pay, OK?" - said the huge bloke.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- He sat in the back.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- My friend didn't know what to do.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- He felt he should say something - but he was bigger than him.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- He drove back to Caernarfon thinking - everybody was looking at him.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- They probably thought he wasn't - brave enough to stand up to him.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- It happened every day for weeks.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- He walked on the bus and said, - "Big Dafydd doesn't pay, OK?"
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- He always sat in the back. My friend - realised something had to be done.
0:02:57 > 0:03:03- 'Be a man, and stand up to him,' - he thought. But he was 6 foot.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09- My friend learned how to box - in the town's boxing club.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- He also mastered karate.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- After weeks of weight lifting - he had massive muscles.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- The day arrived - when he felt he was ready.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- He decided to stand up to him.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- Big Dafydd walked towards the bus.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- "Big Dafydd doesn't..." - "Stop right there!"
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- The driver stood up. "You've caught - the bus for weeks without paying.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- "Why shouldn't you pay, - when everyone else does?"
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- Big Dafydd replied, - "Because I have a bus pass."
0:03:47 > 0:03:51- An elderly neighbour of mine - decided to get married.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- Nothing wrong with that! - I'm not young.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- He married a young girl. - A beautiful thing happened.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- They were expecting a baby.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- Wil visited her - at Aberystwyth hospital.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- She gave birth to twins.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- Wil was in a state! He wanted - to know who fathered the other one.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- The Pope came to Wales.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- He headed for Cardiff - from Valley in Anglesey.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- It's quite a trek - from Anglesey to Cardiff in a day.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42- His chauffeur drove him - - but the Pope was impatient.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- "Go quicker! Put your foot down!"
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- "I can't go any faster," - replied his driver.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- "Speed cameras are everywhere." - I smile at them on a daily basis!
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- They stopped in Pont Abraham - for a bite to eat.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- They tucked into beans on toast.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- They drove to Cardiff on the M4.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- The Pope wanted to go faster. He - shouted until his driver had enough.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- "You drive - I'll go in the back," - he said.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- They drove past Sarn Park - doing 140mph.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- The police stopped them.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- The policeman had his pad - and biro ready. He had a good look.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- "Well, well, well!" he said.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- He got on the phone.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- "Sergeant, I've stopped a man doing - 140mph." "Book him," he replied.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- "I can't. He's an important man." - "What d'you mean?" "Very important."
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- "More important than me?" - asked the sergeant.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- "You're no-one. - He's extremely important."
0:05:56 > 0:06:02- "Who on earth is he?" "I don't know, - but the Pope's his chauffeur."
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- I was thinking about law and order.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- A bloke appeared in court - in front of a Judge.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- The Judge asked him, - "What do you do?"
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- "This and that," he replied.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- "Who d'you work for?" "So and so."
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- "Where do you work?" - "Here and there."
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- The Judge said, "Send him down - to the cells. Lock him up."
0:06:37 > 0:06:42- The bloke shouted back, "When can - I come out?" "Sooner or later."
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- I've spotted farmers - in the choir and the audience.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02- I thought there were!
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- Isn't there - a mountain of paperwork nowadays?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- Farmers must follow everything up - with paperwork.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17- As an auctioneer, - I receive the returned forms.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20- They're fun to read!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- Some are very good! - I was reading one the other day.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- 'Number of Animal.'
0:07:27 > 0:07:28- '123.'
0:07:30 > 0:07:31- 'Breed.' 'Charolais.'
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- 'Sex.' 'No, too busy lambing.'
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Llysfasi College - is experimenting at the moment.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- They're crossing - an elephant with a kangaroo.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- Honestly! - Crossing an elephant and a kangaroo.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- They'll use that animal - to cross with sheep and cows.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- They want big enough ears - to hold all the tags...
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- ..and a pouch for the paperwork - when you come to the auction.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25- # Twm and Nancy Jones sat - by the fire one evening.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- # He downed two bottles of wine,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- # Whilst she sipped her Ovaltine.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- # He looked over - and gave her a wink
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- # Before taking - the dishes to the sink.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- # Her heart sank
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- # When she heard - the same old cry again.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02- # "Well, Nancy, - d'you fancy a little how-do-you-do?
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- # "You know - I'd take you to Timbuktu.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12- # "I'd even remove my dentures - to please you.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- # "Nancy, give me a chance!"
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- # "I fancy that maybe - I'm too old for this.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- # "I'm sick of love-making, - My sexy bloomers are in the bin.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32- # "My back hasn't been - the same since I started jogging,
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- # "No, there's no chance for you."
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- # "Nancy, d'you fancy - being primitive for the day?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- # "You can play around - and let everything hang out.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- # "Give me a kiss, - Be Jane to my Tarzan!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- # "Nancy, give me a chance."
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- # "I don't fancy it - and - don't accuse me of being sedate.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- # "I'm weak and tired, - I've passed my sell by date!
0:10:06 > 0:10:11- # "For the past fortnight, I need - an epidural before you come near me!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- # "No - there's no chance for you."
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- # "Nancy, d'you fancy - trying aromatherapy?
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- # "I want to sweat - and create an aroma with you.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29- # "I'd spread massage oil - all over your lower parts.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- # "Nancy, please give me a chance."
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- # "I don't fancy it, - and don't say I'm old-fashioned.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42- # "Lotions and potions - bring me out in a rash.
0:10:43 > 0:10:48- # "If you want to rub - - clean the chip pan!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- # "No, you haven't got a chance!"
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- # "Nancy, - how about turning on the heat?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- # "It would do me the world of good.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- # "My passion is killing me, I'd - go on forever - like Hogia'r Wyddfa,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- # "Nancy, please give me a chance."
0:11:09 > 0:11:13- # "I don't fancy - messing about with that nonsense,
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- # "I'd much rather - a cuppa and a mini roll,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- # "No holding, no touching, - Let me listen to Cliff Richard,
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- # "No, there's no chance for you."
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- # "Oh, Nancy, d'you fancy - hanky-panky on the mat?
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- # "I'll rock and roll - in Marigold gloves and an apron,
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- # "You can watch NOSON LAWEN - the same time!
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- # "Nancy, give me a chance. - Nancy, give me a chance.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- # "Nancy, give me a chance!" #
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- "Oh, go on then!"
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- 888
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- I'm having trouble with the wife. - You've no idea.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23- I'd had enough!
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- I decided to go with a gang of lads - to Blackpool for the weekend.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- We drank beer - and chased after girls.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- She looked furious - when I returned on Sunday night.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43- "How would you like it if you didn't - see me for three days?" she asked.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- Well. I didn't see her - on Monday or Tuesday.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- But by Wednesday, - my swollen eye was better.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- I could just make her out - from the corner of my eye.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- How many of you like hot curries?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- D'you like hot curries - in Pentrefoelas?
0:13:12 > 0:13:17- I find there's a certain problem - with hot curries.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- It's hot both ends, isn't it?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Hot going in.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31- Remember to put a toilet roll in - the fridge after you've eaten one.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- I ordered a vindaloo last week.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43- When I went to the toilet, my - backside went down for some water.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48- Anyway, in the afternoon...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- ..I was walking around Bala.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- At about 1.15pm, - I felt my stomach churning.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- It was the sort of feeling - that doesn't give you much notice.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- I reckoned I had about 20 seconds...
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- ..before I'd be - the Daily Post headline.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- The nearest place was the public - lavatories on Bala High Street.
0:14:19 > 0:14:25- I dived in. I know from experience - that the cubicles are very small.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- I was afraid I wouldn't have time - to remove my trousers...
0:14:31 > 0:14:35- ..so I pulled them down outside, - and reversed in.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- I wanted to save time.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- I walked backwards and sat down.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- I can't describe it to you!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- I just made it.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Just made it. - I happened to look down.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- I could see four feet.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- There was obviously - someone there before me!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- I went out as quickly as I could.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- "I'm sorry," I said.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- "I couldn't help it."
0:15:22 > 0:15:27- "I'm sorry - I didn't mean it." - "Don't worry," replied the man.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- "I saw you backing towards me.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- "I was quick enough to pull up - your trousers before you sat."
0:15:41 > 0:15:48- Pensioners can enter museums - and exhibitions for free nowadays.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- A certain old lady - took advantage of this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- She visited every exhibition - because it was free.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- There was a Modern Art exhibition - at Carmarthen.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- She went to see - the various pictures.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10- She saw one framed picture - with nothing inside.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- Nothing!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- The artist himself sat nearby.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- "Excuse me," she asked him.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- "What's this picture of?"
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- "A cow in a field."
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- "Oh," she replied. - "Where's the grass?"
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- "The cow ate the grass."
0:16:41 > 0:16:42- "Where's the cow?"
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- "Cows don't hang around - after they've eaten the grass!"
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- We all have days - when everything goes wrong.
0:17:02 > 0:17:08- A man sat by the bar, - staring at his glass.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- He'd been there for half an hour.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- He was depressed.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22- Suddenly, a fellow with a pierced - nose, ear and tongue appeared.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- He grabbed his glass, - and drank it down in one.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- "What are you going - to do about that?" he asked.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37- "Not a lot," replied the bloke. - "I'm having a bad day.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- "I got into work late today.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- "I lost my job. - It's been one of those days.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- "Someone stole my car.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- "Such an unlucky day.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- "I walked home because - I didn't have any money. What a day!
0:17:57 > 0:18:02- "I arrived home to find - my wife in bed with another man.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- "I sat there all afternoon - before deciding to come here.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- "I called at the chemist - to buy the poison, strychnine.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- "I poured it into my whisky.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- "I'd considered topping myself.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26- "But it's been an unlucky day - because you've drunk it all!"
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Three friends of mine - are characters!
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- They go out every Saturday - to a grand hotel.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- As it happens, a while back, - a large raffle was being drawn.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- The lads bought - a ticket each to help the cause.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59- They won a prize each.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- The first won a crate of champagne.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- The second won a joint of meat.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- The third wasn't so lucky. - He won a toilet brush.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18- They met the following Saturday - to compare notes.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- "My prize is wonderful," - said the first.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- "I've had champagne every night - with supper. Wonderful."
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- "My meat is delicious," - said the second.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36- "We had a roast on Sunday, and - ate cold slices of meat all week.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- "What about the toilet brush?" - he asked the third.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- "Not too good. I think we'll go - back to using paper next week."
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- # When I was a year or so younger,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06- # When I was a naive, - rosy-cheeked lad,
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- # I went to school, - like every good boy,
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- # Through rain or fog, - in summer and winter.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- # In school I had History lessons,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- # Geography lessons,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- # English lessons all the time.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- # The odd lesson was in Welsh - - fair play,
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- # Because I was a young Welsh lad.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- # Mam called out - every morning at 7.00am.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- # She shouted in Welsh, "Get up - and have a slice of bacon!"
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- # After waking and having my food
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- # My parents bid farewell - to me in Welsh.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- # But in school - I had History lessons,
0:21:14 > 0:21:15- # Geography lessons,
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- # English lessons all the time.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- # The odd lesson was in Welsh - - fair play,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- # Because I was a young Welsh lad.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- # At night, - I'd go for a walk in the woods,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- # That's where I courted - for the first time.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49- # Under the bushes, - I gave her my heart,
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- # And I whispered 'I love you' - to her in Welsh.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- # But in school - I had History lessons,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- # Geography lessons,
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- # English lessons all the time.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- # The odd lesson was in Welsh - - fair play,
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- # Because I was a young Welsh lad.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- # On Sunday, it was - my privilege to go to chapel,
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- # I read William Morgan's Bible.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- # Jesus spoke Welsh for all I knew,
0:22:40 > 0:22:44- # And Welsh was certainly - the language of all prayers.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- # But in school - I had History lessons,
0:22:49 > 0:22:50- # Geography lessons,
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- # English lessons all the time.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- # The odd lesson, the odd lesson,
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- # The odd lesson, the odd lesson,
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- # Was in Welsh - fair play!
0:23:07 > 0:23:12- # Because I was - a young lad from Wales. #
0:23:26 > 0:23:28- S4C Subtitles by- GWEAD
0:23:28 > 0:23:29