0:00:00 > 0:00:00- 888
0:00:00 > 0:00:02- 888- - 888
0:00:07 > 0:00:09- 888
0:00:14 > 0:00:16- 888
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- 888
0:00:28 > 0:00:30- 888
0:00:33 > 0:00:35- Are there any farmers here?
0:00:36 > 0:00:37- Any farmers?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- They're a rare breed!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- Times have changed for us farmers.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- It's nice to come somewhere - like this for a change...
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- ..instead of filling in forms.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- A certain farmer - was obsessed with horse racing.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- Everyone keeps horses where I live. - Horses and computers.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- He loved horse racing. - He went to Ascot one day.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- He took his horsebox and horse.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- He entered his horse - in a race at Ascot.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Everyone laughed at him.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- They couldn't believe their eyes.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- The horse wasn't groomed.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- He needed a jockey. - All the jockeys ran for their lives.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- But he finally found - a jockey who no-one wanted.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- He got on the horse's back.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- "Is there something I should know - about the horse?" asked the jockey.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- "Any particular instructions?" - Dai replied...
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- "..Hold on tight...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- "..and let him go."
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- The race started. He shot off!
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- He passed the other horses...
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- ..as if he was running - through a cemetery.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- He was so fast, by the time - the second horse came in...
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- ..Dai's horse - was in the horsebox eating hay.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- Everyone was shocked. He was 1000-1!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- Dai put 1000 on him. - He was almost a millionaire!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- People surrounded the horse.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- A posh bloke said to Dai, "You've - got a fantastic horse. Amazing!
0:02:42 > 0:02:46- "I've never seen such a display! - How old is he?"
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Dai replied, "He's ten."
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- "Ten years old?!" said the bloke.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- "Why didn't you race him - before now?"
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- "Well, I couldn't," said Dai.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- "Why's that?" - "I had to catch him first."
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- A bloke went to the doctor's.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- "D'you have anything for hiccups?" - he asked.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- The doctor said, "Oh, yes."
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- Trying to be clever, he said, - "I've got something in this drawer."
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- "Boo!" said the doctor.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- "The hiccups have gone!" "My wife - has the hiccups, you fool," he said.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- Did you see the story on the news - and in the papers recently...
0:03:36 > 0:03:40- ..about the 65-year-old woman - who had a baby?
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- They can do that, - thanks to science, nowadays.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- I'm not saying 65 is old...
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- ..but having a baby at 65, - there are problems, I'm sure.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- She came home from hospital - after giving birth.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- Relatives came - to visit her and the baby.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04- She was sitting in the lounge, - in her nightie watching Countdown.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Her relatives asked her, - "How are you after having the baby?"
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- "Fine," she replied.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- "Have you got over it?" - "Yes," she replied.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- "Can we see the baby?" - "Yes, when he starts to cry."
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- "Can't we see him any sooner?" - "No," she replied. "Why not?"
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- "I've forgotten where I put him."
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- There are problems, aren't there?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Look at all the children here.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- I was in the garden the other day...
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- ..and I heard - someone crying next door.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47- PRETENDS TO SOB
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- I looked over the wall and saw - the boy digging a big hole.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57- "What's the matter, son?" I asked. - "My bunny has died!" said the boy.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58- Say "Oh!"
0:04:58 > 0:04:59- Say "Oh!"- - Oh!
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- "Your rabbit is dead so - you're burying it, are you?" "Yes."
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- But the hole was huge, so I asked, - "Why is the hole so big?"
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- He replied, "It's inside the dog."
0:05:21 > 0:05:26- # An old landlady - had the time of her life
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- # Keeping two pigs in her stall
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- # One had a tail on his backside
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- # The other sat in the corner, - without one!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- # Oh, good beer!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- # The best singing!
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- # Frolicking and drinking - night and day
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- # Oh, good beer!
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- # In Holywell, the beer was tasty
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- # A bit of new and mature brew
0:06:00 > 0:06:04- # He happily drank - 'til he could drink no more
0:06:05 > 0:06:09- # Until his head spun like a wheel!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- # Oh, good beer!
0:06:12 > 0:06:13- # The best singing!
0:06:14 > 0:06:19- # Frolicking and drinking - night and day
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- # Oh, good beer! #
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Hello, folks!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Ah, ah!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Ah, goodness me.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- How are ya, lads?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- It's nice to be back in Caernarfon.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52- You all look very smart - in your new Christmas clothes.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- I might ask one or two - of you for a date.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- You ladies - don't look too bad either!
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- You know what I got from Mam - for Christmas? A leather jacket.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05- Nice smell!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- The jacket, not Mam.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Fresh leather!
0:07:09 > 0:07:13- It's so fresh, there are - dung marks under the arms.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- When there are flies about...
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- ..I can't stop waving - my arms, like a tail.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- There are sexy women - in Cor Rhuthun.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- Bring them with you next time!
0:07:27 > 0:07:28- Pulling your leg.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- I wouldn't mind pulling - the legs of a few of you tonight!
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- I used to date - a girl from Cor Rhuthun.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- She used to sing scales - every time we made love.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- "Do you mind if I sing?" she asked.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- "Sol-fa, so good!" I replied.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Listen now, - I know I make fun of women.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55- But this last year, I decided - I was going to find a partner.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- I wasn't too sure where to go, so I - started going to the swimming pool.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- I joined an aqua aerobics class.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- I almost bloody drowned.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12- I couldn't get my mat to lie down - flat on the bottom of the pool.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- If there are any men here - who haven't had any...
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- You haven't been... - for a few weeks or months.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- A couple of you have that look!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- One or two of you here look - as if your glasses would steam up...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- ..if you saw a paint stripper.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- If you haven't been thingamijigging, - I've got the answer.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- I found it on the internet.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- Go Go Pheromone.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- It's Swedish aftershave, - with pheromone in it.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- It comes from reindeer glands. - Women go mad when they smell it.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- I saw it on the internet.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- "Guaranteed to get - you some action in three hours."
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- I bought some and put it on. - I didn't believe what they said!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- I went out and within two hours...
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- ..I was on Denbigh Moors...
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- ..in the back of the Mitsubishi - open-top pickup Truck...
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- ..having a threesome...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- ..with two reindeer.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26- That night, after going to Denbigh - Moors, I went to the pub in Llan.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- That's when I saw her.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Sandra, a single mother.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33- In good shape.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- She's had one of those boob jobs.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- She used to be 36B.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- She's 38FF now.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- It's like making love - to a bouncy castle.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54- She can pour a pint without - touching the glasses with her hands.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- I took her out a lot.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- We went to the cinema.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- She'd had Botox in her lips too.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Her mouth was like a sink plunger.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- When she kissed me, - I felt I was unblocking.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- I could feel my toes draining.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- They had to get - a tow rope to separate us.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- We kissed so much - in the back seat of the cinema...
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- ..when everyone else had ice cream, - I had a tonsillectomy.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- As I said, she was - a single mother from Manchester.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- She had a little boy.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45- When I moved in with her, I tried - my best to be a father to him.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49- I changed his nappy and fed him. - He didn't want to know!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- Well, he is thirteen.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- You know what the rascal did?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- He put wacky baccy in a Welsh cake.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- I was ill!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- Everything slowed down, - like in slow motion.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- Things were moving so slowly...
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- ..I thought I was - watching Pobol y Cwm.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- I phoned 999 for an ambulance.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- When the paramedics arrived, I said - it felt like 2 hours since I phoned.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- The bloke said, "That isn't the - wacky baccy, it has been 2 hours."
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- I got fed up of that Sandra - after a couple of weeks.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- You know when a chink appears, - all sorts of doubts creep in.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- The only thing against her - was the size of her rear.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- She had tattoos all over, - apart from her bottom.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- That was big enough - for the Edinburgh Military Tattoo.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- She was a bit hairy too.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- She didn't wax.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- She got the Community Service lads - in every two months with strimmers.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- When my folks found out - I'd moved in with a single mother...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- ..Mam was very ashamed.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- "What will people say in chapel?" - she said.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- "Not a lot!" I replied. - "Not many go there."
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- They banned me - from the house for ages.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32- In the end, after pleading - on bended knee, they let me return.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- As a token of my gratitude...
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- ..I decided to put a bit - of Go Go Pheromone in their tea...
0:12:41 > 0:12:42- ..on Boxing Day.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- At midnight, Mam was upstairs - looking for her fishnet stockings...
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- ..and the old man was on the sofa - snogging my leather jacket.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59- Thank you. Ta-ra!
0:13:07 > 0:13:08- .
0:13:11 > 0:13:11- 888
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- 888- - 888
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- Thank you!
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- Some of you probably know - that for most of my life...
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- ..I was a confirmed bachelor.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- But one Friday night, I was struck - by a thunderbolt. That was it!
0:13:33 > 0:13:38- I was a married man. And fair play, - I'm enjoying married life.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- People who've lived alone for a - long time can find it hard to adapt.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- You get used to doing things - your own way.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Years ago, - people were engaged for 40 years!
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- I'm sure you remember - couples in your area.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- A couple lived - in the north of Anglesey.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- After three years of married life...
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- ..heaven on earth - became a living hell.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- They kept shouting at one another.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- Living together was unbearable.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19- A neighbour suggested they saw - a marriage guidance counsellor.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- So they made an appointment.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27- The counsellor sat one side of - the desk, they were on the other.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- "Be totally honest with me," - said the counsellor.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- "Tell it as it is. - Don't try to hide anything.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- "I want to hear both sides. - You start, Mrs Hughes."
0:14:37 > 0:14:43- She started! She kept running him - down and wouldn't stop talking.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- She rabbited on - for five or ten minutes.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- No-one could get a word in edgeways.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54- She was still at it 25 minutes, - even half an hour later!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- The husband and counsellor tried - to interrupt her, to no avail.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- After half an hour, - the counsellor had had enough.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- He grabbed her, and put - her against a filing cabinet.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- He gave her a massive snog.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- He put her back in her seat.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19- She sat there, dumbstruck - but - with a silly grin on her face.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- "You see. That's what she needs - twice a week," said the counsellor.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- "OK. I'll bring her here every - Tuesday and Thursday afternoon."
0:15:34 > 0:15:35- Yes!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- But it reached a crisis point.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- They were driving through Gwalchmai.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- "I want a divorce," she said.
0:15:47 > 0:15:53- He gripped the steering wheel, - and increased his speed to 60mph.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55- They reached Llangefni.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- "I'm having an affair with - a travelling salesman," she said.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- His gripped tightened, - and increased his speed to 70mph.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- "I want the house and the farm," - she said in Llanfair.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13- He didn't say a word, - and reached 80mph.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- They were travelling at 80mph - towards Britannia bridge.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21- As they reached the bridge, - she said...
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- "..I want the bank account - and the cheque book."
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- He put his foot down once more.
0:16:28 > 0:16:33- He turned the car to face - a big concrete pillar on the bridge.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- "Well, don't you want anything?"
0:16:37 > 0:16:40- "No," he replied. - "I've got everything I want here."
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- "Oh? And what's that?"
0:16:42 > 0:16:47- As they hit the concrete pillar - doing 90mph, he said, "Airbag."
0:16:55 > 0:16:59- I live near a well-known beach - in Ceredigion - Mwnt.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- Students camp there in summer.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10- A student went to the beach - one fine summer evening...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- ..wearing only a sun hat, - shorts and sandals.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- There was no-one around...
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- ..so he went for a nude swim.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- But when he came out of the water, - someone had seen him...
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- ..and had hidden his clothes.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- But he was fortunate in one respect. - The sun hat was still there.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- He walked back to the campsite.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- It was quite a way, and fair play, - he held the hat...
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- ..in the appropriate place.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Two elderly ladies - were walking along the road.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- One had bad eyesight.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- She said, - "Who was that man who passed us?"
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- The other old lady replied, "One - of the student campers, probably."
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- "Well," said the first, - "He wasn't a gentleman.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- "He didn't doff his hat."
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- Driving is dangerous - when the weather changes suddenly.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- I was driving on the A55. - It passes near here, doesn't it?
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- There was terrible fog - you - couldn't see your nose. Serious!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- And you know how it is...
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- ..you see a red light on the car - in front and you follow it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- I was right on its bumper - for about six miles.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46- The next moment it stopped. Bang!
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- I crashed into its backend.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- Well, I was angry!
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- I got out and asked, - "What are you doing, you idiot?
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- "I've been following you in this - fog. Why did you stop so suddenly?"
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- "I had to," he replied. - "I'm back home - in my garage."
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Are there any doctors here?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- Is anyone ill?
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- Have you tried getting - a doctors' appointment recently?
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- Good heavens! I hope you have better - luck than me, there's a long wait.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- I phoned last week, - feeling poorly with a cold.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- "Can I make an appointment, please?" - "Yes, three weeks Monday," she said.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- "What if I die before that?" said I.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- "Get someone to cancel - the appointment," she said.
0:19:49 > 0:19:55- A woman with a baby went in before - me. The baby's nappy was dirty.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- You know her, do you?
0:19:59 > 0:20:00- What a smell!
0:20:01 > 0:20:06- The doctor asked her, "Is the baby - bottle-fed or naturally fed?"
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- The woman replied, - "He's fed naturally."
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- The doctor said, - "Maybe that's the problem.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- "Take off your shirt, - I'll have a look."
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- The doctor examined her, - phut, phut, phut!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- For a quarter of an hour!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- He asked, "Do you feel better now?"
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- "Yes, much better," she replied.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- "The only problem is, - this is my daughter's baby."
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- # Smile your smile for me
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- # Smile your smile for me
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- # The smile that cheers me up
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- # A-ha!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- # Don't worry, it'll be alright
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- # Start to smile, - and show what you've got
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- # Your friends are all around you
0:21:12 > 0:21:17- # There are lovely things - in your world
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- # Through a sea of troubles
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- # Happiness will ride the waves
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- # They say that you're sad
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- # But I think that you're happy
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- # Smile your smile for me
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- # Smile your smile for me
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- # The smile that cheers me up
0:21:47 > 0:21:48- # A-ha!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- # Smile your smile for me
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- # Smile your smile for me
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- # The smile that cheers me up
0:22:01 > 0:22:02- # A-ha
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- # Your home is between four walls
0:22:20 > 0:22:25- # Of all the copies - - you're the original
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- # You're the one!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- # You shine like a pure emerald
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- # The perfect picture - in your own world
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- # Forget the long face
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- # Things aren't that bleak
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- # There's a message on the line
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- # Happiness is calling you
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- # Smile your smile for me
0:22:57 > 0:22:59- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:00 > 0:23:05- # The smile that cheers me up
0:23:05 > 0:23:06- # A-ha!
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:14 > 0:23:19- # The smile that cheers me up
0:23:19 > 0:23:20- # A-ha!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:28 > 0:23:32- # The smile that cheers me up
0:23:33 > 0:23:34- # A-ha!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:39 > 0:23:41- # Smile your smile for me
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- # The smile that cheers me up
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- # A-ha! #
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- S4C subtitles by GWEAD
0:23:59 > 0:24:00- .