0:00:00 > 0:00:00- Subtitles
0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:00:17 > 0:00:22- I went home the other day and - there was a note on the television.
0:00:22 > 0:00:27- It was from my wife and it said, - "It's not working. I'm leaving you."
0:00:27 > 0:00:28- What did you do?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30- What did you do?- - I plugged it in and it worked fine!
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- # Should the summer - never arrive in Tresaith
0:00:37 > 0:00:40- # And should the spring - stay away too
0:00:41 > 0:00:45- # And should no-one else - come down to the beach
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- # Our village will be heavenly #
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- Down in Tafarn Y Rhos, my friends!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- In Strumping Tavern, - Ffos Y Farton...
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- ..they sing a song - which has become a bit of an anthem.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- Wimbush My Ferret.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05- # Mmm!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- # There's a hole - in Blaenbwrgyn hedgerow
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- # And a black hole at that
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- # It's a hole for the badger - and a hole for Mot the dog #
0:01:15 > 0:01:16- Yes!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- # Rabbits and hares - love to go down the hole
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- # But Wimbush the ferret - went down there bottom first
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- # Wimbush, Wimbush, - my faithful, silly ferret
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- # Wimbush the ferret
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- # He got stuck down the hole #
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- Old fashioned, Welsh fun. - Isn't that right, lads?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- # Should the summer - never arrive in Tresaith
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- # And should the spring - stay away too
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- # And should no-one else - come down to the beach
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- # Our village will be heavenly #
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- I saw you and Yvonne - in town this morning.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01- Did you?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- Did you?- - You always hold her hand.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- If I let go, she goes shopping!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- If I let go, she goes shopping!- - Vivian!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- # The bald bobby each summer - comes to the village
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- # To book the stupidly-parked cars
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- # A ticket for every car - with GB on its rear
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- # He calls it a tourist tax
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- # Should summer - never dawn in Tresaith
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- # And should spring stay away too
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- # And should no-one else - come down to the beach
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- # Our village will be heavenly #
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- Clear orf!
0:02:48 > 0:02:53- This was certainly among the - most challenging roles of my career.
0:02:55 > 0:03:01- Fortunately, maturity and - a wealth of theatric experience...
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- ..bolsters one's performance - at times such as these.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- As Gandhi said, - treading the boards is invaluable.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- When all's said and done, - to quote Gandhi...
0:03:15 > 0:03:16- ..the line is the key.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- That's what - brings the character to life.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- The line came to me - in the dead of night.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32- I remember turning to whomever - was sharing my bed that evening...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- ..it may possibly - have been my wife...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- ..and telling her, "I've got it!"
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- That Eureka moment.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- What was that line, William?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Who fancies a cup of tea?
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- 66 Chemical Gardens - is the tale of an ordinary family...
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- ..in an ordinary village - somewhere in the Rhondda Valley.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Tom Cruise is Joblot, the father.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Cameron Diaz is Bogel, the mother.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Maggie Smith is Elsan, the daughter.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Gareth Lewis is Rhych, the son.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- MALE VOICE CHOIR SINGS CWM RHONDDA
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- MALE VOICE CHOIR SINGS CWM RHONDDA- - Shut your cakeholes!
0:04:28 > 0:04:29- Bloody static!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- Bloody male voice choirs!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- I wasn't talking to you!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- What? You've stopped my dole?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- You've stopped my bloody dole?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- I'll report you to Nye bloody Bevan!
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- And tell that schoolgirl - who stopped my dole...
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- ..that Lloyd George knew my father, - not bloody Boy George!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- You're ponces and perverts - and I'll kill you all!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- And then, I'll kill the bloody pig!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- (CHOIR) # Feed me now and evermore #
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- Oh, come in!
0:05:13 > 0:05:14- Hello, father!
0:05:14 > 0:05:19- It's me - your dear, - long-lost but perverted son.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Bloody static!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Rhych, is that you?
0:05:26 > 0:05:27- Rhych, is that you?- - Father.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32- Elsan.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- Mummy!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- Who fancies a cup of tea?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- We haven't seen you...
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- ..since Christmas Day 1904.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- You stuffed me in a sack...
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- ..and threw me - into the sea that day.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- We did it for your own good, Rhych.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05- Why are you here?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- What have you - been doing with yourself?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- I don't do it myself any more, - I have a topless...
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- I have a girl from Denmark - to do it for me.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26- How do you do? I'm his father - and he calls me Daddy.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Would you like a nice cup of tea?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Don't waste your English on her. - She speaks Welsh.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- I haven't seen a Dane since the - Hindenburg flew over the house...
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- ..in 1943.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43- Sit down.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44- Sit down.- - Thank you.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46- Not you, you pervert!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Here you are, my love.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51- What's your name?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- What part of Denmark are you from?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57- I may know your mother.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Eh? Eh?? Eh???
0:07:00 > 0:07:01- Eh?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- I'm collecting for the WI.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05- Pardon?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Pardon?- - I'm collecting for the WI.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09- I can't hear you.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- I'm collecting for the WI, Dai!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- I can't hear a thing.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17- Oh, get stuffed!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20- The WI can get stuffed too!
0:07:30 > 0:07:31- Cue Beti!
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- Hello and welcome - to a brand new series.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- It's called Beti A'i Pherson.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44- Christmas tape!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- Beti A'i Pherson.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- A series where I, Beti, - will interview a person.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57- Today, I'm joined by one of rural - Wales's most colourful characters.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Yes, it's Ei.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Good hay to you, Beti!
0:08:01 > 0:08:02- Good hay to you too.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04- I've seen you on my television.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05- I've seen you on my television.- - Yes.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- I've seen you on the internet too.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13- S4C.co.uk./clic-tiddly-om-pom. - betiaipherson.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Do you like the internet?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Yes.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- I particularly like Skype and Viber.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- Do you use Twitter? Do you tweet?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- No, but I do sing in the bath.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Where did you learn - to use a computer?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- Laptop.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37- I see. Can you use a desktop? - Do you have a tablet?
0:08:38 > 0:08:39- No, no!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- Laptop taught me.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Laptop?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- The village policeman.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Why do you call him Laptop?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Why do you call him Laptop?- - He's only five foot three.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- That means he's a small PC!
0:08:56 > 0:08:57- Play a record!
0:08:59 > 0:09:00- Good hay to you.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06- It's me!
0:09:06 > 0:09:07- Your dear...
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- Your dear...- - BLEEP
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- It's not working.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13- The television?
0:09:13 > 0:09:14- The television?- - No! Shut up!
0:09:15 > 0:09:16- Give me a large G and T.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Good afternoon, Mansell!
0:09:19 > 0:09:20- The mouse fell off!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- It's a good job it wasn't a bottle.
0:09:27 > 0:09:27- .
0:09:31 > 0:09:31- Subtitles
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- Yes, indeed! In Tafarn Y Rhos.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- The next song is a Welsh classic...
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- ..which has been in the family - for centuries.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49- Aunty Dilda sang it to me - in Ffos Y Dicw when I was a boy.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55- # Mm!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- # I was down with Mari - from Derwen Y Stwmp
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- # Her cribdle and her mellum - raised my cromp
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- # She pressed her fingers - on the feralt of my cromp
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- # Mari, Mari, Mari! What a feralt!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- # Hey!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- # Hey!
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- # Hey, Mari, Mari, Mari! - My feralt is cromped
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- # Don't stop your cribdle! - My ferum is cromped
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- # Remember to always - yank your crecks
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- # And stroke mell mokers - on the bellun of my trumps #
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Good, natural, Welsh fun!
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- On we go to Tafarn Y Rhos!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Isn't that right, Pussy?
0:10:41 > 0:10:42- Pussy?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46- Good hay to you!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- I thought I'd lost that!
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- I was watching Match Of The Day - the other night.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Then, in came my wife in a negligee.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00- She said, "Do you want to come - upstairs for a bit of howdy-do?"
0:11:00 > 0:11:01- Howdy-do?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03- What did you say?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- I said, - "I'm watching Match Of The Day."
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- She said, "Why don't you record it?"
0:11:09 > 0:11:10- What did you say?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- "Get the video camera. I'll be - upstairs straight after the match!"
0:11:16 > 0:11:17- Put that one on Twitter!
0:11:25 > 0:11:30- Wales is famous for being - the land of poetry and of singers...
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- ..according to our national anthem.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- But now, thanks to the efforts - of one great man...
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- ..we can add another description.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48- The land of translators - and interpreters of songs.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- This genius has elevated - the art of translation...
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- ..to what could almost be - an Olympic sport.
0:11:57 > 0:12:02- "The truth shines like a beacon - when I listen to my headphones."
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- His words, not mine.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- This is the special - Ricky H tribute...
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- ..to his friends who support - the England rugby team.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- This is Swing Low Sweets Char Yacht.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- He was the creative force behind - the classics Caca Caca Bang Bang...
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- ..Rudolph Y Coch Nabod Glaw Drud...
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- ..Gwyrdd Gwyrdd Gwair Ty Ni...
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- ..and the unforgettable - Rhinestone Buwch Grwt.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46- Ricky Hoyw is alive!
0:13:49 > 0:13:55- # Swing low sweets char yacht
0:13:55 > 0:14:01- # Coming four to curry me home
0:14:02 > 0:14:08- # Swing low sweets char yacht
0:14:09 > 0:14:15- # Coming four to curry me home
0:14:20 > 0:14:28- # Coming four to curry me home #
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- The Ricky H album is not available - in any good record shops.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38- Look out for details...
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- ..of how to download - Ricky H - Man Of The Century.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Vivian! Give me a large G and T!
0:14:47 > 0:14:48- Good afternoon, Mansell!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- Good afternoon, Mansell!- - Sorry, Vivian! Good afternoon.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- I was in the hypermarket earlier - but I lost my wife half way around.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57- Yvonne?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Yvonne?- - Yes. The name rings a bell.
0:14:59 > 0:15:04- I met man further up the aisle - and he told me he'd lost his wife.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- I told him I'd lost mine too.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08- What a coincidence!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- What a coincidence!- - Yes, Mansell.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- I said, "Describe her. - I'll help you look for her."
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- He said - "She's tall, blonde, and gorgeous.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- "She has got long legs - and she's wearing short shorts."
0:15:21 > 0:15:22- "Describe your wife," he said.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23- "Describe your wife," he said.- - What did you say?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- "Forget her. - Let's both look for yours!"
0:15:27 > 0:15:28- Vivian!
0:15:30 > 0:15:35- Superman wears his suit with pride - As he brushes his enemies aside.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- It's a mystery to me. - How does he pee-pee?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- He wears his pants on the outside!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- Blodeuwedd, Siwan...
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- ..Esther and Cresyd.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51- Those, until now, - were the most challenging roles...
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- ..for the female actors of Wales.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- There are other roles, of course...
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- ..but nothing springs to mind - at this precise moment in time.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- When I read the part of Elsan...
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- ..the layers of the character - resonated with me.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17- She crystallizes the experience - of the woman throughout history.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22- Her affair with Mr Crawshay - and being the mother of twins.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27- She had no option but to - raise them in that tiny house...
0:16:27 > 0:16:32- ..with her mother, her father - and her perverted, spiteful brother.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Rhych is not spiteful!
0:16:34 > 0:16:35- I'm sorry.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37- Rhych is not spiteful.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- Thank you.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Through it all, - she blossoms and she grows.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Her personality sparkles.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51- Oh, Elsan!
0:16:53 > 0:16:54- Elsan.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Sorry.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00- No more.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- AEROPLANE
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- Who fancies a cup of tea?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- No! I'm going out the back - to kill the dodo.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- You've already killed all the dodos.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- You've already killed all the dodos.- - D'oh! D'oh!
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Right! - I'm going out to kill the hens.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- No, no, no, no.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25- No, no, no, no.- - No? The hamster?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28- Koalas?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- Koalas?- - Yes.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- I'm going to kill the koalas.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- I'm going to kill the koalas.- - No! You all have to listen to me.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37- I have something to say.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39- Yes, sweetheart?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Yes, sweetheart?- - I'm going to change my name.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- Yes, I'll change my name - from Elsan Crawshay...
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- ..the twins' mother...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- ..to Katherine Jenkins.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- Oh, that's nice! Stop doing that!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Don't you want to know why?
0:18:01 > 0:18:02- Don't you want to know why?- - No.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- I'll tell you anyway.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- I've heard that somebody...
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- ..put a story on the internet - claiming that I bonked...
0:18:15 > 0:18:20- ..Hillary and Tenzing just before - they climbed that mountain.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- Everest.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- No, I refuse to let it rest!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- I can't rest until I find out - exactly who...
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- ..did it.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- TO BE CONTINUED...
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- The light, Beti! The light!
0:18:45 > 0:18:46- Cue!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- Cue, Beti!
0:18:48 > 0:18:54- Hello! I'm Beti and tonight's person - is Deiniol Parry Morris.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- You're known as Handy Deiniol, - of course.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06- You're the most famous ventriloquist - in Wales, of course.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- You have two friends with you.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- You have two friends with you.- - Yes, Beti on my right hand... no!
0:19:17 > 0:19:18- You have two friends with you.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19- You have two friends with you.- - Yes, Beti.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- On my right hand but on your left, - we have Mot the lion.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25- ROAR
0:19:26 > 0:19:27- A lion?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- A lion?- - Yes. He does lots of impersonations.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- COCK CROWS
0:19:34 > 0:19:35- What's on the other side?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- What's on the other side?- - My left hand.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38- DONKEY BRAYS
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Your left hand but on the right - for me and the viewers.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- On my left hand, we have...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Me - Elin Fflur.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- Elin Fflur.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- I heard that!
0:19:53 > 0:19:54- Welcome, Elin.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Welcome, Elin.- - Thank you. It's good to be here.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- I listened to you - interviewing Hilary Clinton.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- Shut up, lion! - Who do you think you are?
0:20:04 > 0:20:05- Ouch! Ouch!
0:20:12 > 0:20:13- Stop it!
0:20:13 > 0:20:14- Stop it!- - Shut up!
0:20:19 > 0:20:25- # You are the seagull's cry - as it hitch-hikes on the wind
0:20:27 > 0:20:33- # You are the painting from Harrods - which costs 300
0:20:36 > 0:20:44- # You are the silver swallow - which rests on its journey
0:20:46 > 0:20:52- # You are the Morris Minor - which Dad drives home from work
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- # You're the only one
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- # The only one for me
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- # You are the prayer before the dawn - and the rhyme in the song
0:21:13 > 0:21:18- # You are my first beer of the night - and Welsh cake crumbs
0:21:22 > 0:21:30- # You are the autumn leaves - and the rainbow above the mud
0:21:32 > 0:21:39- # You are the socks by the fire - to wear on my feet
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- # You're the only one
0:21:44 > 0:21:49- # The only one for me
0:21:51 > 0:21:56- # You are the smell of sunshine - and the tears in the sea
0:22:00 > 0:22:05- # You are the polly parrot - which lives with Uncle John
0:22:08 > 0:22:16- # You are the beautiful spring - and the mines in the south
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- # You are the sweet Pakistani man - who drives the bus to town
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- # You're the only one
0:22:30 > 0:22:34- # The only one for me #
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- His translations - are the stuff of legend.
0:22:50 > 0:22:55- He interpreted you as maharen (ewe) - and I as llygad (eye).
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- He is the author behind Ricky...
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- BLEEP
0:23:08 > 0:23:09- Ricky Hoyw.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- LAUGHTER
0:23:15 > 0:23:16- # My sweetheart... #
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- Oh, I forgot my bloody stick!
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Look at the camera, Wil!
0:23:33 > 0:23:33- .
0:23:38 > 0:23:38- Subtitles
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- # Down by the sea. - Down by the sea #
0:23:46 > 0:23:48- Hello, Ei. Are you alright?
0:23:48 > 0:23:49- Hello, Ei. Are you alright?- - Yes. Alright, Mans?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- I've been reading this book.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54- It's called Anti-Gravity.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Anti-Gravity?
0:23:56 > 0:23:57- Anti-Gravity?- - Yes. I can't put it down!
0:24:00 > 0:24:04- Deiniol, I understand - you have a party piece.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- Yes, Beti.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10- It's a tribute to Richard Burton - in Where Eagles Dare.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- My right hand, on your left, - plays Burton in the snow.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17- CHATTERING TEETH
0:24:17 > 0:24:22- My left hand, on your right, - plays the top brass back in Britain.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- I'll stay in the middle - to do the sound effects.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27- Ready?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- To quote Gandhi, take it away!
0:24:31 > 0:24:32- WIRELESS CRACKLES
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- Broadsword to Danny Boy.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40- Broadsword to Danny Boy.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- Danny Boyle to Broadsword. - We're here.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- It's Danny Boy, not Danny Boyle!
0:24:46 > 0:24:47- It's Danny Boy, not Danny Boyle!- - I'll play a record.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- Danny Boyle to Broadsword. - We're here.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- On we go to Tafarn Y Rhos.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- This song has been in my family - for centuries.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- My great-uncle imported fruit - from the Caribbean.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- Good, old-fashioned seaside fun.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- Uncle Dick's Banana.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13- # Mm!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- # It was a boonkar dodder morning
0:25:18 > 0:25:19- # In the harbour at Crwm Cric
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- # When the good ship Mwrcath sailed - with cargo for Uncle Dick
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- # Primchards, brickasles, - crumprotters and crics
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- # But all everyone wanted - was Uncle Dick's banana
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- # Well!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- # Uncle Dick's banana, - Uncle Dick's banana
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- # Peel it and swallow it
0:25:44 > 0:25:49- # Uncle Dick's banana #
0:25:50 > 0:25:52- Good, clean countryside fun.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- On we go to Tafarn Y Rhos.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- A boy from Abercwmgirt - wore stiletto heels and a skirt
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- His lips red and spangly, - his earrings all dangly
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- In a squeaky voice he did flirt.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10- Actually, it may have been a woman!
0:26:13 > 0:26:18- I heard the director was casting the - part of Rhych in Chemical Gardens...
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- ..and I knew - it would shape my future.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- The part was made for me.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- When I saw who else was reading - for the part at the audition...
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- ..doubts did creep into my mind, - to be candid.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- Ian McKellan - Sir Ian these days.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Robert Pattinson, - Denzel Washington...
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- ..and Ieuan Rhys.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- In the end, Sir Ian and I were - called back for a second audition.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56- Ian based his performance - on Prospero from The Tempest.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- It was extraordinarily powerful.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- But, Gareth, - you ended up getting the part.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05- Why?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Because he can't speak Welsh.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Previously, - on 66 Chemical Gardens...
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- ..Elsan announced - she'd changed her name to...
0:27:16 > 0:27:17- ..Katherine Jenkins.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- She did it because someone - put a story on the internet...
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- ..saying she'd slept with - Edmund Hillary.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- And Tenzing!
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- Who was responsible?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- You were responsible - weren't you, Rhych?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- He'd never do that, Elsan!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- Katherine!
0:27:38 > 0:27:39- Katherine!- - Sorry!
0:27:39 > 0:27:43- You'd never ever, ever, - ever do that would you, Rhych?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- Well...
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- Well...- - Of course he would!
0:27:48 > 0:27:49- It's my turn!
0:27:50 > 0:27:51- Of course he did it.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56- Have you forgotten the lodger - who lived with us for two years?
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- That lovely Mr Zuckenberg - from Silicone Valley.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03- How Green Was My Valley!
0:28:05 > 0:28:06- Never mind all that.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10- Zuckenberg and his mets - corrupted Rhych.
0:28:13 > 0:28:14- Mets?
0:28:16 > 0:28:20- Mates! Zuckenberg and his mates - corrupted Rhych.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24- It's lucky I have - an antivirus... and Uncle Wil!
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- Antivirus and Uncle Wil?
0:28:27 > 0:28:30- Quiet! Be quiet!
0:28:30 > 0:28:32- That's enough!
0:28:32 > 0:28:34- AEROPLANE
0:28:36 > 0:28:40- Rhych, my perverted, spiteful - and ugly son.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43- I'm not spiteful, father!
0:28:44 > 0:28:47- He is the author of Rhychileaks.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57- He is the author of Rhychileaks.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03- Oh, no! Not Rhychileaks!
0:29:03 > 0:29:07- Oh, I'm in shock! - Who fancies a cup of tea?
0:29:09 > 0:29:10- Tea?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13- Tea? I like this bit!
0:29:14 > 0:29:17- Come here, you pervert! - I'll teach you a lesson.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20- Bloody static!
0:29:21 > 0:29:25- I knew it! He works for - Robert Murdoch Jones from next door.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29- That lovely man off the TV - who wears a suit and owns Golwg?
0:29:30 > 0:29:31- And Sky Sports.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33- And Sky Sports.- - And S4-bloody-C!
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- TO BE CONTINUED...
0:29:39 > 0:29:41- When's the programme on?
0:29:41 > 0:29:42- When's the programme on?- - At half-past seven.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45- No, the news is on at that time.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47- That's why I record it.
0:29:52 > 0:29:57- # Sometimes, at night, - you hear their voices
0:30:01 > 0:30:06- # Lost friends who come to you - between dusk and dawn
0:30:09 > 0:30:14- # Sweet whispers which hark back - to your childhood years
0:30:18 > 0:30:22- # Calling you in peace - down from Heaven
0:30:26 > 0:30:31- # Spirits on the wind - with lullaby memories
0:30:34 > 0:30:39- # Friends who have departed - and gone far from your world
0:30:43 > 0:30:48- # Names on the stones - have worn away
0:30:51 > 0:30:56- # Faces deep in your memory - which remain with you forever more
0:31:01 > 0:31:05- # You are the salt of the earth
0:31:09 > 0:31:13- # You are the bread of the world
0:31:18 > 0:31:23- # Darkness shall not plague you
0:31:26 > 0:31:31- # Your light shines brightly
0:31:33 > 0:31:39- # If only I could escape - back to the break of dawn
0:31:41 > 0:31:46- # And slip towards the sunset - with you
0:31:49 > 0:31:54- # On a cold moonlit night, - somebody calls
0:31:58 > 0:32:03- # A distant voice calls your name - and yet it's so clear
0:32:07 > 0:32:11- # Fears of the black darkness - just melt away
0:32:15 > 0:32:20- # Every star in the sky - shines a candle to the truth
0:32:25 > 0:32:29- # You are the salt of the earth
0:32:33 > 0:32:37- # You are the bread of the world
0:32:42 > 0:32:46- # Darkness shall not plague you
0:32:50 > 0:32:55- # Your light shines brightly
0:32:57 > 0:33:03- # If only I could escape - back to the break of dawn
0:33:05 > 0:33:10- # And slip towards the sunset - with you #
0:33:13 > 0:33:16- Guess who's back soon, - with lots of act... oh!
0:33:16 > 0:33:18- BLEEP
0:33:19 > 0:33:20- # My sweetheart... #
0:33:21 > 0:33:23- I'm just going to sing that bit.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27- # Down by the sea #
0:33:30 > 0:33:32- Have you got a telly, Dai?
0:33:33 > 0:33:35- No, or I'd shout all the time.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39- You do have a telly!
0:33:40 > 0:33:40- .
0:33:45 > 0:33:45- Subtitles
0:33:45 > 0:33:47- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:33:50 > 0:33:52- On we go to Tafarn Y Rhos!
0:33:52 > 0:33:55- My great-grandfather - was a great poacher.
0:33:55 > 0:34:00- He poached salmon, trout, rabbit - and he poached a few eggs!
0:34:00 > 0:34:04- He also caught foxes, killed them, - ate them and stuffed them.
0:34:05 > 0:34:06- Countryside fun!
0:34:07 > 0:34:10- His favourite hobby - was catching grey squirrels.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14- This song has been in the family - for centuries.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19- # Mm!
0:34:20 > 0:34:23- # Where is Granddad - on Sunday and Monday nights?
0:34:24 > 0:34:27- # There's a crunkod in his poke - and he has a sharp driver
0:34:28 > 0:34:31- # River Bwrtbrwmpat - is up to the stump
0:34:32 > 0:34:36- # And he stuffs his squirrel - up his crump
0:34:36 > 0:34:38- # Hey! Up his crump
0:34:38 > 0:34:40- # Up his crump
0:34:41 > 0:34:45- # He stuffs his squirrel - up his crump #
0:34:46 > 0:34:48- Good, old-fashioned Welsh fun.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50- That's how it's always been.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52- On we go to Tafarn Y Rhos!
0:34:54 > 0:34:56- I saw the doctor this morning.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00- He told me - I have three months to live.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02- I said, "I can't pay you."
0:35:02 > 0:35:04- I said, "I can't pay you."- - What did he do?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06- He gave me another three months.
0:35:06 > 0:35:07- He gave me another three months.- - Well!
0:35:08 > 0:35:11- Who built this set? - My granny could do a better job!
0:35:12 > 0:35:14- The light, Beti! The light!
0:35:17 > 0:35:18- Cue! Cue!
0:35:18 > 0:35:20- Welcome to Beti A'i Pherson.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- We meet a special person - in each programme.
0:35:25 > 0:35:29- Someone who makes - a lasting impression on Wales.
0:35:29 > 0:35:33- Tonight, we welcome the DIY expert, - Iwan Iwan.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35- It's good to be here.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39- We know you as a DIY expert - on many popular TV shows...
0:35:40 > 0:35:45- ..including Sgriwan Gydag Iwan - and Iwan Yn Sgriwan Yn Erbyn Y Cloc.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48- What exactly does DIY mean to you?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51- DIY means Did Iwan Yawn!
0:35:53 > 0:35:55- I'm just kidding.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57- It means Do It Yourself.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00- I believe - everyone can do it themselves.
0:36:01 > 0:36:06- If you need it, get some help from - your wife, your partner or a friend.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08- Do it yourself. You can do it.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- Where did your interest in DIY - come from?
0:36:12 > 0:36:14- I started by watching Granddad.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17- It was like - watching an artist at work.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20- I learned the nitty-gritty - by watching Dad.
0:36:21 > 0:36:24- Dad was a carpenter - and Mam was a plumber.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26- I started with some screwing.
0:36:26 > 0:36:32- Then, when Dad said I was ready, - I got into shelving. The big league!
0:36:32 > 0:36:34- Where's that statue?
0:36:34 > 0:36:37- Do you prefer screwing or shelving?
0:36:37 > 0:36:40- Shelving, Beti. Definitely!
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- My wife and I were shelving - last night. We love it.
0:36:46 > 0:36:47- Is she a plumber?
0:36:47 > 0:36:49- Is she a plumber?- - No, she's quite pretty.
0:36:50 > 0:36:55- Shelving isn't as easy as it looks - but screwing is straightforward.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57- Push the tool in the slot and go.
0:36:58 > 0:37:03- Any Tom, Dick or Harry can screw - but shelving demands more finesse.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05- Come by, Geronimo!
0:37:05 > 0:37:07- Come by! Come by!
0:37:07 > 0:37:09- Hello!
0:37:09 > 0:37:11- I have a friend.
0:37:11 > 0:37:12- I have a friend.- - I can't believe it, Ei!
0:37:12 > 0:37:14- He's an addict.
0:37:14 > 0:37:15- Is he really?
0:37:16 > 0:37:17- Addicted to what?
0:37:17 > 0:37:18- Addicted to what?- - Brake fluid.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20- Brake fluid?
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- Brake fluid?- - Yes. He drinks gallons every day.
0:37:23 > 0:37:24- Ooh! Really?
0:37:24 > 0:37:28- Yes, but he tells me - he can stop any time he likes.
0:37:28 > 0:37:29- Stop!
0:37:30 > 0:37:31- I don't get it.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34- HEARING AID SQUEAKS
0:37:35 > 0:37:37- Do you have a big telly, Dai?
0:37:38 > 0:37:40- Yes, but I always wear a truss.
0:37:43 > 0:37:48- Length is vital but so is thickness. - People tend to forget that.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- It gives you stability.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53- If a job's worth doing, - you need the right tool.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56- The right tool?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58- The right tool?- - Yes, the right tool for the job.
0:37:58 > 0:38:02- If you've got the wrong tool, - you'll make a mess...
0:38:02 > 0:38:04- ..and leave people unsatisfied.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07- You're a multitalented man.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11- What else is in your toolbox?
0:38:11 > 0:38:13- Do you have a drill?
0:38:13 > 0:38:15- Do you have a drill?- - Drill? Yes, I love to drill.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18- I could drill all night, Beti.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22- When I'm up at night, - I go for a good drilling.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27- The important thing about drilling - is you need a steady hand.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30- You must be careful - as you go in and out.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34- Sometimes, you go too fast - and you make a massive cock-up...
0:38:34 > 0:38:37- ..and there's - stuff everywhere, Beti.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41- Iwan, I've learned a lot tonight.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44- Tell me about - the record you've chosen.
0:38:45 > 0:38:48- Rhaid Yw Eu Tynnu I Lawr - by Chwyldro.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50- Perfect!
0:38:50 > 0:38:52- Do you have a cold, Beti?
0:38:58 > 0:39:02- Myself and the great director - we had, may he rest in peace...
0:39:03 > 0:39:08- ..had been searching for actors to - take part in Torri Gwynt for months.
0:39:08 > 0:39:13- We found William, Nia and Gareth, - who were all quite experienced.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18- William had trodden the boards, - to quote Gandhi...
0:39:18 > 0:39:22- ..Nia had won awards - and Gareth had some nice jumpers.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26- All three had one thing in common.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32- They were cheap.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36- They were desperate for work - and they did it for peanuts.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41- Joblot rigged the pig - like a booby trap...
0:39:42 > 0:39:44- ..in case the CIA caught him.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48- Now, Rhych must defuse the bomb.
0:39:49 > 0:39:50- Scalpel!
0:39:52 > 0:39:54- Bloody static!
0:39:57 > 0:39:58- THE PIG SQUEALS
0:39:58 > 0:40:00- Forceps.
0:40:04 > 0:40:05- Thank you.
0:40:10 > 0:40:11- Tea.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13- Tea.- - There you go.
0:40:13 > 0:40:14- Thank you.
0:40:17 > 0:40:19- The pig's safe now.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32- Oh, no! This is terrible!
0:40:34 > 0:40:38- Where are the tablecloths? - There are nun on the table!
0:40:41 > 0:40:43- CHOIR SINGS CWM RHONDDA
0:40:43 > 0:40:46- Here you go, Steff. Thanks, buddy.
0:40:49 > 0:40:50- Shut your cakeholes!
0:40:50 > 0:40:52- Bloody Morriston Choir!
0:40:54 > 0:40:56- Bloody static!
0:40:58 > 0:41:00- Give us a song, Katherine.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03- Sing something operatic.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06- No! I can't sing opera.
0:41:08 > 0:41:13- But you're Katherine bloody Jenkins, - so you can sing opera.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17- I see. That's how it is, is it?
0:41:17 > 0:41:20- I lost my job down the pit - and I lost my dole.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24- I have an ugly, perverted, - spiteful son.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26- I'm not spiteful.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28- My wife dreams about Paul Robeson.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32- My wife dreams about Paul Robeson.- - # Old man river, that old man... #
0:41:32 > 0:41:36- And my daughter - refuses to sing opera to her father.
0:41:36 > 0:41:41- And beyond that, - it's winter in the Rhondda Valley...
0:41:41 > 0:41:43- ..in 19-bloody-22 bloody!
0:41:44 > 0:41:47- Maybe you suffer from SAD, Dad.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49- SAD?
0:41:50 > 0:41:54- SAD - seasonal affected disorder.
0:41:55 > 0:41:56- A lack of sunshine.
0:41:57 > 0:41:59- You can't see the light.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01- What can I do about it?
0:42:02 > 0:42:03- KNOCK ON DOOR
0:42:05 > 0:42:08- Oh, come in!
0:42:15 > 0:42:16- Who was that?
0:42:16 > 0:42:17- Who was that?- - Fed, my ex!
0:42:18 > 0:42:19- Package for you, Rhych.
0:42:20 > 0:42:21- Oh, thank you.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26- This will cure your SAD, Dad.
0:42:27 > 0:42:31- I bought this lamp off I Bay. - It's lucky it got here just in time.
0:42:32 > 0:42:37- Rhych, my son, - I'll never call you spiteful again.
0:42:38 > 0:42:39- And now...
0:42:42 > 0:42:44- ..I'm going to the shed.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- And now, I'm going to the shed.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04- I'm going to record - a Christmas album.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08- That's nice! Light opera? Crossover?
0:43:08 > 0:43:09- That's nice! Light opera? Crossover?- - Crossover.
0:43:09 > 0:43:14- A few songs from the musicals - and a couple of Welsh songs.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16- Old Man River?
0:43:16 > 0:43:17- Old Man River?- - No.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22- I wonder how Father's getting on - with the new lamp.
0:43:28 > 0:43:29- What was that?
0:43:30 > 0:43:32- Bloody static!
0:43:37 > 0:43:39- Ricky H is back!
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- This is his tribute - to country and western music.
0:43:43 > 0:43:45- Yeehah!
0:45:04 > 0:45:07- # Don't tell my hat, - my a key break key hat
0:45:07 > 0:45:10- # I just don't think he'd understand
0:45:12 > 0:45:15- # And if ewe tell my hat, - my a key break key hat
0:45:16 > 0:45:19- # He might blow up - and kill this man, ooh!
0:45:20 > 0:45:23- # Don't tell my hat, - my a key break key hat
0:45:24 > 0:45:25- # I just don't think he'd understand
0:45:27 > 0:45:31- # And if ewe tell my hat, - my a key break key hat
0:45:32 > 0:45:35- # He might blow up - and kill this man, ooh!
0:45:35 > 0:45:38- # Don't tell my hat, - my a key break key hat
0:45:39 > 0:45:42- # I just don't think he'd understand
0:45:43 > 0:45:47- # And if ewe tell my hat, - my a key break key hat
0:45:47 > 0:45:50- # He might blow up - and kill this man
0:45:50 > 0:45:52- # Ooh! #
0:45:54 > 0:45:55- APPLAUSE
0:46:00 > 0:46:02- I knew it!
0:46:02 > 0:46:05- He's working for Rupert Murdoch!
0:46:05 > 0:46:07- Look at his face!
0:46:07 > 0:46:11- He called the manager - and complained about my wife.
0:46:11 > 0:46:13- No, about my brother!
0:46:13 > 0:46:15- Absolutely.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17- Oh, he's good! Very good!
0:46:17 > 0:46:22- I haven't seen a Dane since the - Hindenburg flew over the house...
0:46:22 > 0:46:24- ..in 1943.
0:46:26 > 0:46:27- Sorry! Once again.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30- Welcome to Beti A'i Phobol.
0:46:34 > 0:46:36- No, no, no, no, no-no, no!
0:46:38 > 0:46:40- # Mm!
0:46:40 > 0:46:44- # Hei noni noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:46:44 > 0:46:48- # Hei noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:46:49 > 0:46:53- # Hei noni noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:46:53 > 0:46:57- # Hei noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:46:57 > 0:47:01- # Hei noni noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:47:02 > 0:47:06- # Hei noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:47:06 > 0:47:10- # Hei noni noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no
0:47:11 > 0:47:15- # Hei noni noni, noni noni no. - Hei noni noni, noni noni no #
0:47:16 > 0:47:21- Another show over. Remove the - make-up and wash the dishes.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24- Put the cat out, - though it was never on fire.
0:47:24 > 0:47:26- To quote Gandhi, goodnight to you.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30- If you're watching a recording - of the show, goodnight.
0:47:31 > 0:47:32- This autocue's fast!
0:47:33 > 0:47:36- S4C subtitles by Eirlys A Jones
0:47:36 > 0:47:36- .