0:00:04 > 0:00:07Hello and welcome to Songs Of Praise -
0:00:07 > 0:00:10for one week only, with me, Ann Widdecombe.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14Presenting Songs Of Praise has been a bit of a dream come true for me
0:00:14 > 0:00:18and I'm going to be looking at something for which I'm famous.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21No, not as a Conservative politician
0:00:21 > 0:00:25and certainly not for my skills on the dance floor,
0:00:25 > 0:00:27but as one of Britain's well-known spinsters,
0:00:27 > 0:00:31I'm going to be exploring being single.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37On Songs Of Praise today - choosing a life of celibacy,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40life as a single parent,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43and being suddenly single after over 30 years of marriage.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Fiona Castle talks about life after Roy.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50Plus music from Kristyna Myles and some of my favourite hymns.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57MUSIC: "Wedding March" by Mendelssohn
0:00:57 > 0:01:03When I was young, I assumed I'd marry. It was simply the norm.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06When I was a student at Oxford, I was in love and, again,
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I assumed I'd marry.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10But it just didn't happen.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17So I've never walked up a church aisle in a long white dress.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22For me, being single was a matter of chance and choice.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Chance, because Mr Right didn't happen to come along,
0:01:25 > 0:01:30choice, because it was never a priority to go out looking for him.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Some people are single because they want to be,
0:01:36 > 0:01:40but, for others, they just haven't found somebody,
0:01:40 > 0:01:45or they've become suddenly single as a result of life's upheavals -
0:01:45 > 0:01:48divorce, perhaps, or bereavement.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Our first hymn reminds us
0:01:51 > 0:01:56that God is faithful through all the circumstances of our lives.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05# Great is thy faithfulness... #
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Father Christopher Jamison has been described as TV's favourite monk.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19He appeared in the BBC Two series The Monastery
0:04:19 > 0:04:23and is now the director of the National Office for Vocation.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Literally, a vocation is a calling and the person doing the calling,
0:04:28 > 0:04:33regarding a Christian vocation, is God, so it's what God calls us to.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38The church offers four basic states of life as four basic vocations -
0:04:38 > 0:04:42the vocation to be a priest,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45the vocation to be a monk or a religious sister,
0:04:45 > 0:04:51the vocation to be married and the vocation to be a single layperson.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54You, and many like you, decided from the outset
0:04:54 > 0:04:56you were going to be single,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59you were going to consecrate your lives to God,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02you were going to forswear any relationship
0:05:02 > 0:05:04or a family or grandchildren.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Are you glad you did that?- Yes, I'm absolutely delighted I did that.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11When I was 21, when I made that decision,
0:05:11 > 0:05:15my friends thought this was pretty strange and peculiar
0:05:15 > 0:05:19and they went off to get married and were full of the joys of married bliss.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I felt called to be a monk,
0:05:21 > 0:05:25but I felt very frightened at the idea of being celibate.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27But with the support of other people
0:05:27 > 0:05:32and by the grace of God I persevered in responding to that call,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35and it's that sense of fulfilling something very special in your life
0:05:35 > 0:05:38which sustains you through moments
0:05:38 > 0:05:41that might be difficult to remain faithful.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44It doesn't supply the intimacy
0:05:44 > 0:05:46but if you are in a monastery or in a convent,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49you are surrounded by other people all the time,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52you've always got somebody to talk to, to confide in.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56The single layperson doesn't have that.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I'm very happy in that state
0:05:58 > 0:06:01but most people think I'm quite mad. Am I?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Well, of course, whether you're mad or not, Ann, is a separate question!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06But whether you're mad because you live on your own,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I think the answer is no.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Because the Christian tradition has always valued...
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Going way back to the early church you see, actually,
0:06:15 > 0:06:18pictures of the great martyrs of the church
0:06:18 > 0:06:21and then the virgins of the church
0:06:21 > 0:06:25and there was this great valuing of those who could live the single life.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Of course, the most famous example of singleness was Christ himself.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Is that significant? - Yes, it's very significant.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37We know that in our Lord's day, most people got married.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42We also know that there was a significant but small number of single people
0:06:42 > 0:06:45who saw their singleness as a very special way
0:06:45 > 0:06:48of being dedicated to God and to the coming of the kingdom.
0:09:39 > 0:09:45As a single woman, I don't think my life is in any way incomplete,
0:09:45 > 0:09:48but some people assume I can't possibly be contented,
0:09:48 > 0:09:53that I must be missing out on something, and that's nothing new.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57William Shakespeare, in both The Taming Of The Shrew
0:09:57 > 0:10:01and in Much Ado About Nothing, referred to the old saying,
0:10:01 > 0:10:08that women who died unmarried were destined to lead the apes into hell.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12And still spinsters are portrayed as lonely and bitter,
0:10:12 > 0:10:14like Miss Havisham,
0:10:14 > 0:10:21or simply as just desperate for a man, like Bridget Jones.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Like Bridget, Julie Dunlop was keen to meet Mr Right,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30but it just hasn't happened.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I turned 40 this summer
0:10:33 > 0:10:36and I guess if you had asked me when I was growing up,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38even when I was 25, 30, even 35,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41how I would have felt if I was single at 40,
0:10:41 > 0:10:47I would probably say the prospect would have filled me with dread.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I was brought up in a Christian home,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55and my dad is a retired Baptist minister.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Being in the Christian world,
0:10:58 > 0:11:02I think there is more pressure to get married
0:11:02 > 0:11:04and to have a family
0:11:04 > 0:11:07but it hasn't worked out that way.
0:11:07 > 0:11:13Throughout my 20s and even 30s, I did date a lot of non-Christian men
0:11:13 > 0:11:19and what became very clear for me was that it was important for me
0:11:19 > 0:11:22to meet somebody that I can not only share my faith with
0:11:22 > 0:11:25but somebody who I can grow in faith with.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29It is difficult meeting Christian men.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32My dad talks about fishing in the right pools,
0:11:32 > 0:11:37and, as you get older, those pools tend to be smaller anyway, and also,
0:11:37 > 0:11:43you know, if looking for a Christian, that pool then becomes even smaller.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47'I go to a really amazing church
0:11:47 > 0:11:50'that is very inclusive.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55'Having said that, some of the churches I've been involved with
0:11:55 > 0:11:59'in the past have focused very much on the family
0:11:59 > 0:12:02'and if you are not married with children,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06'it was very difficult to feel part of the church.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12'For me, I can honestly say that I have found contentment
0:12:12 > 0:12:14'being on my own.'
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I think principally because I have realised
0:12:17 > 0:12:21the importance of the quality of relationships
0:12:21 > 0:12:25we have in our lives, as opposed to being in A relationship.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30By relationships I mean our relationship with God,
0:12:30 > 0:12:34our relationship with our families, with our friends.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37You know, I really would like to meet the right person.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Having said that, if it is God's will for me
0:12:40 > 0:12:44to be on my own for ever, I'm OK being single.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51# Now, there have been times
0:12:51 > 0:12:54# I've felt down
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# I didn't think anything
0:12:57 > 0:12:59# Would turn me around
0:12:59 > 0:13:02# But I know
0:13:02 > 0:13:05# That your healing hand
0:13:05 > 0:13:08# Can guide me back from
0:13:08 > 0:13:11# The path from which I have strayed
0:13:11 > 0:13:14# Now, I may gain power
0:13:14 > 0:13:17# Or money on earth
0:13:17 > 0:13:20# But if I don't have you, Lord
0:13:20 > 0:13:21# What is it worth?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23# What is it worth?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26# See, I may climb
0:13:26 > 0:13:29# My way to the top
0:13:29 > 0:13:32# But if I don't come up the ladder with you
0:13:32 > 0:13:34# I will surely drop
0:13:34 > 0:13:39# Your love, it takes away all pain, all fear
0:13:39 > 0:13:40# Gives me hope
0:13:40 > 0:13:46# Your love, it gives me strength to fight the fiercest of storms
0:13:46 > 0:13:50# Your love, I can do anything in my life
0:13:50 > 0:13:52# With you by my side
0:13:52 > 0:13:55# With your love, your love
0:13:57 > 0:14:01# And I see
0:14:01 > 0:14:05# A change in me
0:14:05 > 0:14:09# How I love, how I love you
0:14:09 > 0:14:11# Tenderly
0:14:11 > 0:14:18# I know why I've got a new-found strength in me
0:14:18 > 0:14:21# Because of your love, your love
0:14:22 > 0:14:28# Your love, it takes away all pain, all fear, gives me hope
0:14:28 > 0:14:34# Your love, it gives me strength to fight the fiercest of storms
0:14:34 > 0:14:39# Your love, I can do anything in my life
0:14:39 > 0:14:44# With you by my side
0:14:44 > 0:14:48# Because of your love, your love. #
0:14:53 > 0:14:57In 1995, David McCabe was happily married
0:14:57 > 0:15:00and expecting his first child.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04He never imagined he would become a single father.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I met my wife when I was 21 years old.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10I was in the Navy and met her on a night out and I thought,
0:15:10 > 0:15:11"Yeah, this is it."
0:15:11 > 0:15:17So I got married and nine years later we were expecting our first baby.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- So there you were, all excited... - Mmm.- ..rushing off to hospital...
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- Yeah.- What happened?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Everything was going OK for a while but then all of a sudden, Ann,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28things went seriously, seriously wrong.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Annalise was stillborn.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35They resuscitated her,
0:15:35 > 0:15:37and the doctor had said to me,
0:15:37 > 0:15:41"We don't think she's going to survive more than a couple of hours."
0:15:42 > 0:15:47Annalise did survive but she was left with cerebral palsy
0:15:47 > 0:15:51and Irene, David's wife, found the situation unbearable.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53The pressures of that
0:15:53 > 0:15:56took its toll on the marriage
0:15:56 > 0:15:57and, as sad as it is, she...
0:15:59 > 0:16:02..left the house and...
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- ..I was left holding... - And left you?- Yeah.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08And I was left holding the child.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11The couple divorced
0:16:11 > 0:16:14but Irene continued to help David with Annalise,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17who needed round-the-clock care.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Then tragedy struck again when Annalise was seven.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Irene was diagnosed with cancer and she later died.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30I felt I was completely on my own. I was isolated.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32So while you were in these dreadful circumstances,
0:16:32 > 0:16:37all on your own, how important was faith?
0:16:37 > 0:16:40At the time, Ann, I didn't have a faith.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43But it was when I went on a holiday with several other families
0:16:43 > 0:16:49in similar circumstances to myself, I met two families who were Christian.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52They had a relationship with Jesus.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Then I realised, Ann,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57that Jesus wanted to have a relationship with me
0:16:57 > 0:17:02at a time when I felt like nobody would ever want to have a relationship with me.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08'Finding faith released me from the feelings of being in a prison
0:17:08 > 0:17:14'and I felt more like it was a privilege to be Annalise's father.'
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Is this what you want?
0:17:16 > 0:17:19It was about four years
0:17:19 > 0:17:22after we had started going to the church
0:17:22 > 0:17:25that Donna walked in
0:17:25 > 0:17:28and I just went, "Wow."
0:17:28 > 0:17:33I'm afraid to say, Ann, it took me about a year before I asked her out
0:17:33 > 0:17:37and a couple of months after we'd started dating,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I asked her to marry me.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41And she said yes.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45# Love divine... #
0:20:37 > 0:20:41This arboreal delicacy was devoured in a record-breaking 89 hours.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44You haven't got a chocolate log, have you?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Roy Castle was the presenter
0:20:46 > 0:20:50of the BBC children's programme Record Breakers for over 20 years
0:20:50 > 0:20:54and generations of young people grew up watching him.
0:20:54 > 0:20:5822-year-old Fiona Dickson saw him on TV
0:20:58 > 0:21:00and knew she just had to meet him.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03It was through Eric Morecambe. I was at their home,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Joan, Eric's wife, and him,
0:21:05 > 0:21:08and Roy happened to come on the television
0:21:08 > 0:21:12and I just said to Eric, "Oh, if you ever do a show with Roy Castle,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15"can I come along? Cos I'd love to meet him."
0:21:15 > 0:21:18I was in love with him at that point!
0:21:18 > 0:21:21So eventually Eric did ring me
0:21:21 > 0:21:24and said he was doing television with Roy, would I like to go along?
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Just before the show started, Eric introduced me
0:21:28 > 0:21:31and I thought it was going to be the best moment of my life
0:21:31 > 0:21:35and it turned out to be the worst cos he just said, "Roy, this is Fiona, she's in love with you."
0:21:35 > 0:21:38It was so embarrassing.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41And then you were married for 31 years, you had a family in that time.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43We had four children, yes.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45It was a very happy marriage
0:21:45 > 0:21:49until at one time I got really low in my spirit,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51my self-esteem was rock bottom,
0:21:51 > 0:21:55and it was then that I cried out to God and just said,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58"Help, I can't go on like this any longer."
0:21:58 > 0:22:00I was, really, almost suicidal.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And that day I invited Jesus into my life
0:22:03 > 0:22:07and everything totally was transformed from that moment onwards.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12In 1992, aged just 59,
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Roy found out he had terminal lung cancer.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Roy was very matter-of-fact when he came home and told me about it,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22but I just felt as if I'd turned to stone, I couldn't move,
0:22:22 > 0:22:26and I started to pray and I just said, "God, what are you doing?"
0:22:26 > 0:22:30And it was almost as if I heard an audible voice at that moment,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33saying, "Stand back and see what I'm going to do through this."
0:22:33 > 0:22:36And suddenly I realised that God hadn't abandoned us,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40he still loved us and he was just going to see us through.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46# Lead, kindly light... #
0:25:27 > 0:25:33When TV presenter Roy Castle died in 1994, aged just 62,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36his wife Fiona found herself single
0:25:36 > 0:25:39after over 30 years of happy marriage.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Two days after Roy died I had to do an interview for GMTV
0:25:45 > 0:25:48and I'd never done anything like that in my life.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51And I panicked and I thought, "Oh, no,
0:25:51 > 0:25:55"I stammer and I can't get my words out and I'll make a mess of it."
0:25:55 > 0:25:59And so I started to pray, "God, you can't be expecting me to do this."
0:25:59 > 0:26:04And again it was like God spoke into my heart and just said,
0:26:04 > 0:26:06"Rise to the challenge."
0:26:06 > 0:26:09And it was a defining moment in my life,
0:26:09 > 0:26:12and I realised that I needed to rise to all the challenges,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15and it keeps me out of my comfort zone.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18I was absolutely hopeless at doing anything DIY,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20couldn't even knock a nail in a wall,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23and I was hopeless at paying any of the bills
0:26:23 > 0:26:25and those sort of things,
0:26:25 > 0:26:27and suddenly I was having to do all of that,
0:26:27 > 0:26:31as well as cope with a very busy life that that I had at that time.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34And also I found that, you know,
0:26:34 > 0:26:37when I'd had an interesting day, I'd come home and want to share it -
0:26:37 > 0:26:40there's nobody there to share it with.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43So those are the things you have to learn to deal with
0:26:43 > 0:26:45once you're single again.
0:26:45 > 0:26:50Not only must you have felt so alone when Roy died,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53but suddenly everything changes.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56What do you do now?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I'm still as busy as I ever was.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02But if I do have time to relax, I love to run.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06To just get out in the fresh air and I can pray
0:27:06 > 0:27:10and look at the sunshine or the showers.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Do you believe you're going to see Roy again?
0:27:13 > 0:27:17That's an interesting question, Ann, because I believe in heaven,
0:27:17 > 0:27:20I believe in eternal life.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22The Bible does say we'll have new bodies
0:27:22 > 0:27:26so whether we'll recognise each other or not, I don't know.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28But I think we'll be so taken up with Jesus and Heaven
0:27:28 > 0:27:31that we won't have to worry about things like that.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Are you expecting to stay single?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Yes.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I've had a few opportunities not to,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41but it just doesn't interest me at all.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45I'm totally content as I am right now.
0:27:45 > 0:27:50One of the things that I learnt through Roy was, he said,
0:27:50 > 0:27:54"We must never grumble. We've had a wonderful marriage, we've had a wonderful life together,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57"we've got nothing to complain about.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59"Let's be grateful for all we've had."
0:27:59 > 0:28:02And I followed that on after I was widowed
0:28:02 > 0:28:06and realised I had so much to be grateful for.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09And whenever I've looked, "Oh, poor old me,"
0:28:09 > 0:28:12I've turned it round to, "But thank you, Lord,
0:28:12 > 0:28:15"I've had this, this and this. I've had such a wonderful life."
0:29:56 > 0:30:00Father, we thank you that even in those times
0:30:00 > 0:30:05when we find ourselves alone, we are not alone if we know you.
0:30:05 > 0:30:10Thank you for supporting us through break-ups and bereavements
0:30:10 > 0:30:14and leading us when we don't know in which direction our lives are going.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20And, Father, show us how to fill our lives,
0:30:20 > 0:30:25and those of others, with friendship and love.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26Amen.
0:30:31 > 0:30:35There's no doubt that missing someone can be difficult,
0:30:35 > 0:30:38whether it's the soulmate you've never found,
0:30:38 > 0:30:39the spouse who's passed away
0:30:39 > 0:30:43or the partner with whom things just didn't work out.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49Our final hymn was written by a son wanting to comfort the mother
0:30:49 > 0:30:50who was missing him.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Joseph Scriven was in Canada
0:30:53 > 0:30:57when he sent these words to his mother in Ireland.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00What A Friend We Have In Jesus.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31Next week, on Remembrance Sunday, Eamonn is in Enniskillen
0:33:31 > 0:33:36where an IRA bomb exploded at the town's cenotaph 25 years ago.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39Local churches and choirs come together
0:33:39 > 0:33:41at St Macartin's Cathedral to sing hymns
0:33:41 > 0:33:46and remember those killed or injured in all conflicts, past and present.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05Subtitles for the deaf and hard-of-hearing by Red Bee Media Ltd