Doubt

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0:00:08 > 0:00:11Hello there, and welcome to Songs of Praise, which today

0:00:11 > 0:00:15comes from my home city of Belfast.

0:00:15 > 0:00:18Later we'll be going to the Parish of St Thomas

0:00:18 > 0:00:19in the south of the city.

0:00:19 > 0:00:22Thomas, the Apostle who gives his name to the church,

0:00:22 > 0:00:25is better known as Doubting Thomas,

0:00:25 > 0:00:27but Thomas turned from doubt to belief,

0:00:27 > 0:00:30and that's the theme of this programme.

0:00:32 > 0:00:34Coming up, music from L'Angelus,

0:00:34 > 0:00:37and Schola Cantorum.

0:00:39 > 0:00:42The nun who has never doubted God.

0:00:43 > 0:00:47And some wonderful hymns accompanied by the New Irish Orchestra.

0:00:57 > 0:01:01That stained glass window shows Thomas the Apostle,

0:01:01 > 0:01:04who didn't believe Jesus had risen from the dead.

0:01:04 > 0:01:07He was only convinced when confronted by the evidence

0:01:07 > 0:01:11of the crucifixion and as a result, he became a man of great faith.

0:01:11 > 0:01:14Well, our first hymn proclaims great faith with the words

0:01:14 > 0:01:16"No more we doubt thee".

0:01:16 > 0:01:19It's a rousing tune from George Frideric Handel

0:01:19 > 0:01:22and a favourite on Songs Of Praise, Thine Be The Glory.

0:04:41 > 0:04:44When things are going well, it's easy to have faith,

0:04:44 > 0:04:46but when we have to face painful moments,

0:04:46 > 0:04:50like the death of an only son, it can be a very different story.

0:04:50 > 0:04:56David Lyle is the chief executive of an award-winning advertising agency, and here's his story.

0:04:58 > 0:05:02Matthew was a lovely, witty lad,

0:05:02 > 0:05:05and I'm not just saying that myself because I was his father.

0:05:05 > 0:05:07The letters we received about him

0:05:07 > 0:05:11after his death were heart-breaking because they were

0:05:11 > 0:05:14unanimous in painting this picture

0:05:14 > 0:05:17of a joyful, friendly, affable,

0:05:17 > 0:05:22kind, generous person, but yet he was a tormented soul.

0:05:22 > 0:05:27Drugs and addiction cursed his life and brought him to terrible places.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31It's a normal reaction for anyone

0:05:31 > 0:05:33faced with the terrible tragedy

0:05:33 > 0:05:37of losing your only son to ask the question, "Why?"

0:05:37 > 0:05:40Why us? Why me?

0:05:40 > 0:05:41But we came through that,

0:05:41 > 0:05:48and indeed my wife was very clear in her thinking that God is sovereign.

0:05:48 > 0:05:50We were given new strength

0:05:50 > 0:05:55to come through that terrible period in our lives.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58Faith held us through it and brought us through it

0:05:58 > 0:06:04and through all the doubts and the problems that you face

0:06:04 > 0:06:08with this, and the crushingness that you go through.

0:06:08 > 0:06:11And the times when you feel utterly broken.

0:06:11 > 0:06:14And it was faith,

0:06:14 > 0:06:17it was the love of Christ that brought us through it.

0:06:19 > 0:06:21I think it's very important in terms of

0:06:21 > 0:06:24dealing with the death of your only son

0:06:24 > 0:06:29that you actually celebrate the good memories you have,

0:06:29 > 0:06:34and I found that this is an important part of faith,

0:06:34 > 0:06:36and Biblical faith,

0:06:36 > 0:06:40that we are to approach everything with thanksgiving.

0:06:40 > 0:06:43I give thanks for Matthew's life.

0:06:44 > 0:06:48My wife Helen and myself started the website for Matthew

0:06:48 > 0:06:54because he had such important things to say about drugs and addiction.

0:06:54 > 0:07:00And his own words about how addiction had captured his life,

0:07:00 > 0:07:03and enslaved him and destroyed his life.

0:07:03 > 0:07:05His own words are so powerful. This reality

0:07:05 > 0:07:07needed to be brought out to people,

0:07:07 > 0:07:10in the hope that even one life might be saved

0:07:10 > 0:07:14from this misery that drug-taking brings.

0:07:14 > 0:07:17And not long after the website was up and running,

0:07:17 > 0:07:20David faced another crisis of conviction.

0:07:20 > 0:07:24Helen was diagnosed with terminal cancer

0:07:24 > 0:07:31and I think that was another shocking blow for us as a family.

0:07:31 > 0:07:36It just came in a flash, and she was gone.

0:07:38 > 0:07:43And so then we had the same fundamental issue to deal with.

0:07:43 > 0:07:44Why us? Why Helen?

0:07:44 > 0:07:48When you're not expecting it, a sudden memory will trigger,

0:07:48 > 0:07:53you know, a deep sense of loss and brokenness.

0:07:53 > 0:07:57The way to deal with it is to celebrate the good memories,

0:07:57 > 0:07:59the positive memories, happy times together,

0:07:59 > 0:08:02and that's how to deal with it, in thanksgiving.

0:08:02 > 0:08:09In life, we are always dealing with the certainty of the unexpected.

0:08:10 > 0:08:12That is the biggest single reality

0:08:12 > 0:08:15that everybody watching this programme faces,

0:08:15 > 0:08:19and I think that faith in the love of Christ,

0:08:19 > 0:08:21faith in the risen Christ,

0:08:21 > 0:08:27is an important way of dealing with the certainty of the unexpected.

0:11:03 > 0:11:07This monastery is home to an enclosed order of nuns.

0:11:07 > 0:11:11It was founded by St Clare, and the nuns observe a strict routine

0:11:11 > 0:11:15that has remained relatively unchanged in over 800 years.

0:11:15 > 0:11:19Dedicating their lives to prayer, each Poor Clares sister

0:11:19 > 0:11:23takes a vow of poverty, chastity, obedience and enclosure.

0:11:23 > 0:11:25And for Sister Paschal,

0:11:25 > 0:11:29this convent and these grounds have been her life for nearly 60 years.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33Sister Paschal, lovely to see you.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35- Are you keeping well? - Wonderful, thanks.

0:11:36 > 0:11:41My faith today is as strong as ever it was...

0:11:42 > 0:11:45..since the first moment I experienced God's call to me.

0:11:47 > 0:11:50I am the youngest of a family of eight.

0:11:50 > 0:11:54I enjoyed life, and I was working very happily.

0:11:54 > 0:11:57I loved social life, travelling,

0:11:57 > 0:12:00but I realised that there was more to life.

0:12:00 > 0:12:02I began to say,

0:12:02 > 0:12:07"I wonder, would God mean me to have an avocation to religious life?"

0:12:07 > 0:12:09BELLS RING

0:12:09 > 0:12:14I felt so strongly that this was a call from God,

0:12:14 > 0:12:18and I never doubted my vocation.

0:12:22 > 0:12:25Even though the order of Poor Clare nuns follows a daily routine

0:12:25 > 0:12:28of prayer and worship, their enclosure doesn't stop them

0:12:28 > 0:12:31feeling in touch with life beyond the convent walls.

0:12:31 > 0:12:36THEY SING

0:12:36 > 0:12:40It's not an introverted style of life at all.

0:12:42 > 0:12:48When we hand ourselves over to God, he guides us, and praying constantly,

0:12:48 > 0:12:54we're not preoccupied with our own interests, our own fulfilment.

0:12:54 > 0:12:56We bring in the world.

0:12:58 > 0:13:01People come up with worries and troubles and anxieties

0:13:01 > 0:13:06and very often, they're just wanting to pour out

0:13:06 > 0:13:11and unload their worries to someone they know can bring it in prayer.

0:13:11 > 0:13:14We bring them before God and ask, "Lord, be with them.

0:13:14 > 0:13:17"You're the only one who can solve their problems."

0:13:19 > 0:13:26Very, very often they go away relieved. Not released, but relieved.

0:13:27 > 0:13:31Our benefactors are very, very dedicated to us.

0:13:32 > 0:13:37They would bring us the necessities on account of our vow of poverty.

0:13:38 > 0:13:41We call it the privilege of poverty.

0:13:41 > 0:13:44We're very particular about the use of everything.

0:13:46 > 0:13:47We're never in want at all.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52Our Filipina sisters in particular,

0:13:52 > 0:13:57they have a great programme of exercising.

0:13:57 > 0:13:58We have a large garden,

0:13:58 > 0:14:02beautiful pathways around and just ideal for cycling.

0:14:02 > 0:14:05I would in the past have cycled the whole circle

0:14:05 > 0:14:08of the monastery garden maybe three or four times.

0:14:10 > 0:14:15I feel free, and all the sisters, living among ourselves

0:14:15 > 0:14:19and sharing with each other when we come to meetings. It is tremendous.

0:14:21 > 0:14:25The Lord is leading me, as he has led me all these years.

0:14:27 > 0:14:32I don't feel that I have doubts at all. I must follow this way of life.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37It was an invitation, and you can't put aside an invitation.

0:14:39 > 0:14:44The day I left home to enter the Poor Clares, I remember my mother just

0:14:44 > 0:14:50saying, "Now, if you change your mind about it, you can always come home.

0:14:50 > 0:14:52"The door is always open for you."

0:14:52 > 0:14:54But I have never looked back since.

0:14:55 > 0:14:58This is my family now, this is my home.

0:15:00 > 0:15:03I have received more than I ever gave up.

0:15:12 > 0:15:16# Ave

0:15:16 > 0:15:19# Ave

0:15:19 > 0:15:26# Verum corpus

0:15:26 > 0:15:29# Natum

0:15:29 > 0:15:39# De Maria virgine

0:15:39 > 0:15:43# Vere

0:15:43 > 0:15:47# Passum

0:15:47 > 0:15:53# Immolatum

0:15:53 > 0:15:59# In cruce

0:15:59 > 0:16:07# Pro homine

0:16:19 > 0:16:27# Cujus tus

0:16:27 > 0:16:34# Perforatum

0:16:34 > 0:16:41# Fluxit aqua

0:16:41 > 0:16:47# Et sanguine

0:16:49 > 0:16:57# Esto nobis

0:16:57 > 0:17:03# Praegustatum

0:17:03 > 0:17:07# In mortis

0:17:07 > 0:17:12# In mortis

0:17:12 > 0:17:18# Examine

0:17:18 > 0:17:34# In mortis

0:17:34 > 0:17:47# Examine. #

0:18:01 > 0:18:04The choristers of Schola Cantorum

0:18:04 > 0:18:07in the impressive setting of St Peter's Cathedral.

0:18:08 > 0:18:11On an equally grand scale and designed to impress,

0:18:11 > 0:18:17St Thomas' is one of the finest examples of high Victorian gothic ecclesiastical architecture.

0:18:17 > 0:18:21There are many fine stained-glass windows throughout the church,

0:18:21 > 0:18:26illustrating scenes from the life of Christ and biblical passages.

0:20:24 > 0:20:27Life is often unfair, there's no two ways about it,

0:20:27 > 0:20:30and we can all suffer some cruel blows.

0:20:30 > 0:20:34Remembering a happy time or place has traditionally been used

0:20:34 > 0:20:37to good effect by those who find themselves in a painful place.

0:20:37 > 0:20:41Well, Dr Susan Phoenix uses her own experience of life

0:20:41 > 0:20:44to help others through their difficult times.

0:20:44 > 0:20:45I was born in England

0:20:45 > 0:20:48over 60 years ago now, and I suppose in those days

0:20:48 > 0:20:50we all thought of ourselves in England

0:20:50 > 0:20:51as little Christian children -

0:20:51 > 0:20:54be kind to our fellow man. And that was my life.

0:20:54 > 0:20:58But I always felt I should be doing something for somebody.

0:20:58 > 0:21:00I always knew I wanted to be a nurse.

0:21:00 > 0:21:04I became a member of the Queen Alexandra's Royal Army Nursing Corps.

0:21:05 > 0:21:09I was a dedicated career girl. But then I met an Irish man.

0:21:09 > 0:21:11Ian was probably more committed to a faith than I was,

0:21:11 > 0:21:16because he felt he was working for peace in Northern Ireland,

0:21:16 > 0:21:18even though he was a policeman in those days.

0:21:18 > 0:21:23We had friends of Catholics and Protestants and we all lived and worked and had fun together.

0:21:23 > 0:21:25But any time things went right, he used to say,

0:21:25 > 0:21:28"I think we should go to church and say thank you."

0:21:28 > 0:21:32And that is a beautiful ethos. Because we do forget to say thank you to whoever or whatever.

0:21:32 > 0:21:35I talk now about the God of your heart,

0:21:35 > 0:21:39and to me it doesn't matter which god you worship - Buddhist, Catholic, Protestant, whatever.

0:21:39 > 0:21:44I think it's very important we remember to say thank you for the good things. And he did.

0:21:46 > 0:21:48This is Inside Ulster.

0:21:48 > 0:21:5125 senior Northern Ireland security officials

0:21:51 > 0:21:54died in the Scottish helicopter crash.

0:21:56 > 0:21:59The day my husband was killed on the Mull of Kintyre,

0:21:59 > 0:22:03on that day, I had waved him off with great love.

0:22:03 > 0:22:06I can see his face now, I can see his back walking away from me

0:22:06 > 0:22:08as he got into the Chinook.

0:22:08 > 0:22:11I knew I was surrounded by love then, and so did he.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14His 50th birthday had been the year before and he had said,

0:22:14 > 0:22:17"Well, boys, if I die tomorrow, I've had a great life.

0:22:17 > 0:22:22"I've known great excitement, great love and I have had a good life. What more could you want?"

0:22:24 > 0:22:27At the time when Ian died, of course I probably had doubts.

0:22:27 > 0:22:29It was traumatic.

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Within six more months, my mother and my father all died.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35So within six months, I'd lost all of my roots.

0:22:35 > 0:22:39I had my children, but I had to start and look at my life,

0:22:39 > 0:22:42and finding out who I was was very, very...

0:22:42 > 0:22:45What's the word? Traumatic, difficult.

0:22:45 > 0:22:49But I did it in the best way I possibly could.

0:22:49 > 0:22:53I wrote his life story, and that absorbed me.

0:22:53 > 0:22:55It was a bit like completing his final task.

0:22:55 > 0:22:58It was really very dynamic, and thrusting forward.

0:22:58 > 0:23:02And then I went down the tubes on year three.

0:23:02 > 0:23:05And many bereaved people now tell me that year three is the year

0:23:05 > 0:23:10people just go, "Well, they're not coming back, are they? What happened?"

0:23:10 > 0:23:12So there was a difficult year.

0:23:12 > 0:23:15And I now help other people through that.

0:23:15 > 0:23:17I think by studying psychology it gave me

0:23:17 > 0:23:19a much more analytical brain, which helped me

0:23:19 > 0:23:23when I started to analyse cures around the world

0:23:23 > 0:23:26for depression after bereavement.

0:23:26 > 0:23:29And that was something I have dedicated 17 years to,

0:23:29 > 0:23:33to look across the world at different philosophies.

0:23:33 > 0:23:35Using our intuition, trusting ourselves, is OK,

0:23:35 > 0:23:38and it doesn't matter which religion you are,

0:23:38 > 0:23:40to have that spiritual emphasis

0:23:40 > 0:23:42is very important to any religion or no religion.

0:23:44 > 0:23:47You have a responsibility to do something with this life.

0:25:50 > 0:25:54BELLS RING

0:26:01 > 0:26:04These bells have been ringing at St Thomas' for 140 years.

0:26:04 > 0:26:06The Angelus is the name of a prayer.

0:26:06 > 0:26:10It is usually accompanied by the ringing of a bell,

0:26:10 > 0:26:12a call to prayer and to spread goodwill.

0:26:12 > 0:26:15BELLS RING

0:26:17 > 0:26:20And like prayer, music has always been a unifying force.

0:26:20 > 0:26:22It brings families together,

0:26:22 > 0:26:27just like these brothers and sisters from Louisiana - L'Angelus.

0:26:40 > 0:26:43# This day God gives me

0:26:43 > 0:26:46# Strength of high heaven

0:26:46 > 0:26:52# Sun and moon shining Flame in my heart

0:26:52 > 0:26:54# Flashing of lightning

0:26:54 > 0:26:57# Wind in its swiftness

0:26:57 > 0:27:00# Deeps of the ocean

0:27:00 > 0:27:03# Firmness of earth

0:27:04 > 0:27:07# This day God sends me

0:27:07 > 0:27:10# Strength as my guardian

0:27:10 > 0:27:13# Might to uphold me

0:27:13 > 0:27:16# Wisdom as guide

0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Your eyes are watchful

0:27:19 > 0:27:21# Your ears are listening

0:27:21 > 0:27:24# Your lips are speaking

0:27:24 > 0:27:28# Friend at my side

0:27:54 > 0:27:56# God's way is my way

0:27:56 > 0:27:59# God's shield is round me

0:27:59 > 0:28:02# God's host defends me

0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Saving from ill

0:28:05 > 0:28:07# Angels of heaven

0:28:07 > 0:28:10# Joy from me always

0:28:10 > 0:28:13# All that would harm me

0:28:13 > 0:28:16# Stand by me still

0:28:42 > 0:28:45# Rising, I thank thee

0:28:45 > 0:28:48# Mighty and strong

0:28:48 > 0:28:51# King of creation

0:28:51 > 0:28:54# Giver of rest

0:28:54 > 0:28:57# Firmly confessing

0:28:57 > 0:28:59# God in three persons

0:28:59 > 0:29:02# Oneness of Godhead

0:29:02 > 0:29:05# Trinity blessed

0:29:05 > 0:29:08# Firmly confessing

0:29:08 > 0:29:11# God in three persons

0:29:11 > 0:29:16# Oneness of Godhead

0:29:16 > 0:29:20# Trinity blessed. #

0:29:49 > 0:29:53May Christ, amid your doubts, strengthen your faith.

0:29:53 > 0:29:57May he assuage your fears.

0:29:57 > 0:30:01May he bring you to that divine day when you behold his face.

0:30:01 > 0:30:05And may the blessing of God Almighty, the father,

0:30:05 > 0:30:09the son and the Holy Spirit,

0:30:09 > 0:30:13rest upon you and upon your families and your friends

0:30:13 > 0:30:18and remain with you now and forever more.

0:30:18 > 0:30:20ALL: Amen.

0:30:24 > 0:30:26And that's almost it from Belfast.

0:30:26 > 0:30:29It seems to me the people we've met today -

0:30:29 > 0:30:31David, Sister Paschal and Susan -

0:30:31 > 0:30:33share an acceptance,

0:30:33 > 0:30:36that they've placed their trust in a higher power.

0:30:36 > 0:30:41And that's the hardest prayer. Not MY will, but THY will be done.

0:30:41 > 0:30:43Until the next time, bye-bye.

0:33:13 > 0:33:15Next week, for Advent Sunday,

0:33:15 > 0:33:17Diane-Louise Jordan introduces festive hymns

0:33:17 > 0:33:19that herald the Christmas season...

0:33:20 > 0:33:22..and unravels the mystery

0:33:22 > 0:33:26of how the birth of Jesus was predicted centuries before.

0:33:41 > 0:33:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:33:44 > 0:33:47E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk