0:00:00 > 0:00:00- Subtitles
0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- OK, which one of you - is doing the show tonight?
0:00:13 > 0:00:14- I'll do it.
0:00:15 > 0:00:23- Please welcome the one, - the only, the unique Phil Cooper.
0:00:29 > 0:00:30- Hello!
0:00:34 > 0:00:35- Is everyone OK?
0:00:36 > 0:00:40- Great, thanks for coming. - Look at that! Look at it.
0:00:40 > 0:00:46- S4C said, "We'll have your name - on the back, in huge letters."
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- I didn't expect them - to use child labour.
0:00:51 > 0:00:57- They've just gone into a school - and asked, "Who likes colouring?"
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- I'll start the show.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03- My name's Phil.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- I'm from the Rhondda.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10- That's an interesting reaction - to the Rhondda.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- I like to start a gig - by splitting the room.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- Is anyone here from the Rhondda?
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- There they are, the people who - are glad to come from the Rhondda.
0:01:22 > 0:01:28- The reason I ask is, we speak our - own version of Welsh in the Rhondda.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- It's unique to the Rhondda.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Some of the translations - might be a bit off, right.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39- For example, there's a small place - near where I live...
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- ..called Troed-y-rhiw.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- I thought that meant sex foot.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- It doesn't, right.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- That was a disappointing weekend.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59- That's what you can expect, - but I've been on tour to prepare.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- I've also been promoting - the show on radio...
0:02:03 > 0:02:05- ..on Jamie Owen's radio show.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Does anyone listen to Jamie Owen?
0:02:09 > 0:02:10- No, OK.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- The Rhondda's more popular - than Jamie Owen.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- I went on Jamie Owen's radio show - to promote the show.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- The problem is, - when you go on his show...
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- It is successful, it is popular.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- He gets 8,000 listeners, - sometimes ten.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30- Just ten.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- When I went on the show...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- ..he doesn't tell you...
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- ..when the studio chat ends - and the news starts.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42- He starts to read the news.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48- I thought that him reading the news - was just a part of the chat.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- I went in - and he said, "Alright, Phil?"
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- I said, "Yes, I'm fine.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55- "Was the traffic bad?"
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- "The M4 was pretty bad."
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- "A man has been killed after debris - landed on him during a storm."
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- And I went, "Oh my God, is he OK?"
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Live, to 8,000, - and I still didn't realize.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11- He was carrying on.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- "Parking prices are set to rise - in the city centre."
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- I said, "That's terrible, - but what about the guy who died?"
0:03:20 > 0:03:24- He was angry, - but he was reading the news.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- He got to the weather, - trying to shut me up.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- "It's going to be - stormy again tonight."
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- I thought it was a warm-up.
0:03:31 > 0:03:36- "I'll make sure - to wear a coat, Jamie Owen."
0:03:37 > 0:03:42- By now, he was really angry, - and the producer gave me a note.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- "You're on air, you prick!"
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- I thought - it was a message for Jamie.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56- He was finishing the weather, - "Another stormy night ahead."
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- I said, "You're on air, you prick!"
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Live, to 8,000 people.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- I'm stupid very often.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- I think it's because - I'm from the Rhondda.
0:04:09 > 0:04:14- I don't really feel - as if I fit in with Wales.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- I always feel like the odd one out.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- I grew up in the Valleys.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- There are expectations of you - when you grow up in the Valleys.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- I didn't realize until I went - to a christening some years ago.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- There was a baby at the christening.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- Of course there was a baby there.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- It would be weird if there wasn't.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- "I thought - you were supposed to bring..."
0:04:42 > 0:04:43- I don't trust babies.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45- You can't trust them.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- They don't trust us - and we can't trust them.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Have you noticed that babies - sometimes look at you...
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- ..as if you've just said - something racist?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Have you noticed them doing this?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- Don't look at me as if I'm racist. - Maybe you're racist.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- You haven't grown up yet.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- You haven't proved yourself.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- If you think about it...
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- ..Hitler was a baby once.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- Hitler used to be passed - around a room...
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- ..with everyone going - "Cootchy, cootchy, coo."
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Not as a baby, - that was how he started meetings.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30- Weird guy.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33- I was at this christening.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- This woman, the baby's mother...
0:05:37 > 0:05:38- Not a random woman.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- She was trying - to pass the baby to me.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- It was in her arms - and she was trying to pass it to me.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Now, you have to take a baby - if someone tries to pass it to you.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- You can't go, - "No, you're OK, thanks."
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- "I'm just here for the buffet."
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- You have to take it.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- To be honest, - this baby wasn't great.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Some babies are cute.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- This one, four out of ten, at best.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- That's no lie.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- She was trying - to pass the baby to me.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Everyone kept saying it was cute.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21- It was OK, but they'd dressed - the baby in a suit...
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- ..like a tiny businessman.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- A baby with a job, - but it wasn't qualified.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31- Not even a BTEC.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- She was trying to pass me - this baby in a suit.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- It was sweating, - and had a single dad hair.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49- When babies are bald and look old, - but they're not, they're babies.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- You know when that happens.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- Instead of looking like - a cute businessman in a suit...
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- ..it looked more like - a stressed-out '80s businessman.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01- Just a sweaty baby.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06- She was trying to pass it to me, - "Here, do you want him?"
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- I had to take it, - so I took it and held it.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- It was sweating all over my arm.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13- Great.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19- "How are you going to run a business - if this is how you act?"
0:07:21 > 0:07:22- I was holding this baby.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- All my family were there, - looking at the baby.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- "He's going to be - a real Welsh lad when he grows up."
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- I began to get jealous of the baby.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- No-one had ever said that to me.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45- Grandad was there, and I've - always tried to prove myself to him.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- He never told me, - "You're a real Welsh lad."
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Usually, it was, "I can see - you're trying really hard."
0:07:53 > 0:07:54- The odd one out.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- I was jealous of the baby.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- The expectation - of having to fit in with Wales.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- I've tried to fit in - with all the expectations.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- Sorry, I feel as if - I've dropped the baby.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13- It feels weird.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15- So...
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- There are expectations of you - if you grow up in the Valleys.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- You're expected to sing.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- When I grew up in the Rhondda, - everybody wanted me to sing.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29- The problem is, I really can't sing.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- Actually... no.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- I'd love to, but I really can't.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- And you're looking at me thinking...
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- ..how can not being able to sing - be such a problem in your life?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- I'll tell you when it's a problem.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- It's awkward when you go to your - girlfriend's grandad's house...
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- He's dying, he's ill, - in his final days...
0:08:53 > 0:08:58- Your girlfriend leaves the room - and he holds your hand and says...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- .."Sing for me, boy."
0:09:02 > 0:09:03- You have to do it.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- If someone who's dying asks you...
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- It's like the baby thing - all over again.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11- You have to do it.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16- If someone who's dying asks you - to do something, you can't go...
0:09:16 > 0:09:17- ..um, no.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- "Do you want to watch - The Chase instead?"
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- The Beast is on tonight.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26- You have to.
0:09:26 > 0:09:31- If you're dying, you have the power - to ask someone to do anything...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- ..and they have to do it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- I can't wait to take advantage - of that when I'm dying.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- When I'm dying, on my deathbed, - with my family there, I'll say...
0:09:43 > 0:09:44- .."Come closer."
0:09:46 > 0:09:47- "Closer."
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- I don't know why - they're so far away.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53- I'll tell my son...
0:09:53 > 0:09:59- .."When you go home, look under - the floorboards in the kitchen.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- "There's a box there with - information for your real parents.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- "Sorry for not telling you before."
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Then I die, - and my son will go home...
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- ..look under the floorboards - in the kitchen...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- ..and there'll be no box.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Just the bodies.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30- But the thing is, you have to do it.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- I had to sing to this man.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- So I said, - "What do you want me to sing?"
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- He said, "What do you have?"
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- "Do you want some Beyonce?"
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- He said, "I don't like the Irish."
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- "OK, what do you want?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- "An old Welsh folk song - would be nice."
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- I couldn't remember - any old Welsh folk song.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- It's really hard to remember - a folk song on the spot.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- But I had to try.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- I thought I'd try to make one up.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- I could remember one line...
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- ..bys Meri-Ann.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Something about her finger, - and that's all.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- I was going to riff it, - so I held his hand.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- # Meri-Ann - has problems with her fingers
0:11:28 > 0:11:32- # And the boys - are all drunk, drunk #
0:11:32 > 0:11:37- I was doing my own backing vocals - to try to add to the atmosphere.
0:11:39 > 0:11:44- # Old Dan Tucker has died
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- # And you can't trust that cat #
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- After I finished, I looked at him.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- He was looking at me.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- "Dear God."
0:12:00 > 0:12:01- As if I'd let him down.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- But think of the pressure - he put me under.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10- To provide the background music - for his final days.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- I've already started to think - about my last words.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- You need to prepare.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- Your last words - depend so much on the timing...
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- ..if you think about it, - and I've thought about it too much.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- They depend so much on the timing.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- If you get the timing wrong...
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- Imagine you're on your deathbed, - with your family around you.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- You've prepared - something nice to say...
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- ..and you want - to get the timing right.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43- "Come closer."
0:12:46 > 0:12:47- "Closer."
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- "I'm sorry about the box thing."
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- "I've lived a life full of love.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- "You can't measure my life - in years...
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- "..but if you measure it - in happiness, I can't really die."
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- Your family will be like, - "Whoa! That was nice."
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- Then the nurse comes in and says, - "Do you want a yoghurt?"
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- Then you say, - "Have you got any Froobs, please?"
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- Suddenly, your last words - were a request for Froobs.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- "He loved Froobs all his life."
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Imagine the funeral.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44- Everyone eating novelty yoghurts - as the coffin is lowered.
0:13:46 > 0:13:46- .
0:13:49 > 0:13:49- Subtitles
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- I worry too much about the future.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56- I'm also, like...
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- That's another way - I haven't fitted in with Wales.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- I can't sing, that's one.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- Another one is, I can't play rugby.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10- I had no interest whatsoever - in playing rugby while growing up.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- I had no interest - in being like Neil Jenkins...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- ..and the other one.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- When I was growing up, - I wanted to be a wrestler.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24- Hence that picture.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- A graph of the future!
0:14:27 > 0:14:31- I wanted to be a wrestler, - a WWF wrestler.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- Just to be clear, WWF now stands for - World Wildlife Foundation.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- I don't want to wrestle - endangered animals.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46- "OK, panda, think you're endangered? - Here's a chair to the face!"
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- World Wrestling Foundation.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- But no-one would wrestle with me.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56- I was alone in the garden trying to - come up with my wrestling identity.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- I called myself the Night Hawk...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- ..because when I was ten...
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- ..the two scariest things for me...
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- ..were one, night.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- That's quite scary.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16- Two, Dad leaving again.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17- But...
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- ..I thought that Night Divorce - was a bit abstract.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- ..for the wrestling world, - so I went with Hawk.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- I needed my own finishing move.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- I went for a move called - Hawk The Herald Angels Sing.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- To confuse people into losing, - Hawk The Herald Angels Sing.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- "It's July." "Exactly."
0:15:47 > 0:15:51- But I was alone in my garden, - wearing my own outfit.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- A yellow balaclava and gloves, - and red pants.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01- Like someone who'd joined Pride - and the IRA on the same weekend...
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- ..all by myself in the garden.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- I then found a wrestling partner, - Gavin Evans from down the street.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Gavin Evans - was one of those rough boys.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- He said random things like, - "You're not my real dad."
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- "I know, Gavin, stop saying that."
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- That's the kind of boy he was.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- But he was the only person - I could wrestle with.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- I went up to him and said...
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- .."Gav, do you want to come - and wrestle in my garden?"
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- "Is that fighting?" - "Yes, a little bit."
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- "But it's more artistic than that.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- "For example, - I'm called the Night Hawk.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- "You have to come up - with a name of your own."
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- "Evs." "Fair enough."
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- "And you need - a big finishing move."
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- "What's yours?" - "Don't worry about that for now."
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- "You need a move."
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- "I think I'm just - going to punch you.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- "Just punch you in the face."
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- "Fair enough, come over on Sunday."
0:17:09 > 0:17:15- So, it's a Sunday morning, 1999, - I was ten, Night Hawk versus Evs.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- I got my other friend, Dad...
0:17:22 > 0:17:23- ..to film it.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Dad agreed to film it.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- I think he was just happy - that I'd found a friend.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- Dad filmed Night Hawk versus Evs.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- It started with a bell, - or rather me going ding-ding.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41- We started, me trying to kick Evs.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- He was just punching me in the face.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- I tried to grapple with him...
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- ..and he was just punching me - for about ten minutes.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- It was really painful.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59- But I wanted to finish - with a big move, with a bang.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- That's what happened on TV.
0:18:02 > 0:18:07- I dreamt of a big finish, - something with a bit of pizzazz.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- I wanted to fall through a table, - but I didn't have one.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- So, I put one chair there...
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- ..and another chair here, - with a plank between them.
0:18:19 > 0:18:24- The idea was for Evs to throw me - off the patio and through the table.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25- Big finish.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- Now, wrestling isn't real.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- Sorry if some of you - are like, what?!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Gravity is real.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- I found that out, right.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- He threw me off the patio - through the air.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- I bounced off the table - into the flowers.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- All you can hear - on the camera is my dad.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- "Watch out for the begonias."
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- I had to go to hospital - because I'd broken several ribs.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- Me and my dad went to hospital.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Night Hawk and my dad - went to hospital.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- We went to hospital - and saw the doctor.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- The doctor didn't believe that it - was a wrestling match gone wrong.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19- He looked at us both and thought - that something else had happened.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- He got me alone - and left Dad in the corridor.
0:19:22 > 0:19:28- The doctor said, "Is there anything - you want to tell me...
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- "..that you can't tell your father?"
0:19:34 > 0:19:35- "Um...
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- "..I'm starting to grow hairs.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- "Some hairs."
0:19:43 > 0:19:44- "I didn't mean that.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- "Is there anything - you're afraid of?"
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- "The Night Hawk knows no fear."
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- He didn't get any sense out of me.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06- He took me back out and left me - at one end of the corridor.
0:20:06 > 0:20:12- I could see him and the nurses - talking to Dad at the far end.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- All I could see - was the doctor doing this...
0:20:17 > 0:20:18- ..and Dad doing this.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Then he brought out his Handycam...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- ..played the match back...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- ..and all I could hear was, - "Watch out for the begonias."
0:20:35 > 0:20:35- .
0:20:38 > 0:20:38- Subtitles
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- Then I grew up a bit - and lost interest in wrestling.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- I lost interest in it, - and gained interest in girls.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- It was time to move on...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- ..from broken ribs - to a broken heart, as they say.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- No-one says that.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00- Thanks, panto crowd...
0:21:01 > 0:21:02- ..for your sympathy.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- I got my first girlfriend - when I was 16.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- I made the weirdest mistake - that anyone has ever made.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15- I sexted the lad that my girlfriend - was cheating on me with...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17- ..thinking he was my girlfriend.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- How can that happen? I'll tell you.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- I was 16 - and she was my first girlfriend.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- Her name was Heulwen.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30- I know that translates - as Cheaty McBlackheart.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37- I'm fine, I'm over it now.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39- Definitely over it.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- I really thought - it'd be something nice.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- She was my first girlfriend...
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- ..and we had really similar - mobile phones.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Does anyone remember the Nokia 3310?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- We both had one of those.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- You could get up to eight texts - and watch a snake eating itself.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- What happened was this.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- Heulwen and I - were going to this party.
0:22:06 > 0:22:12- On the way there, she was cold - and I gave my jacket to Heulwen.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- FYI, I'd chosen a suede jacket...
0:22:14 > 0:22:18- ..because I thought - that's what girls liked.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19- Sixties cop.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- That was the look, - and you're thinking...
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- ..no wonder she cheated on you, - you looked like a nutter.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- Anyway, she was cold, - so I gave her my jacket.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- It's not funny, but it's important.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- It's like a bit from CSI Miami...
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- ..when the cameras crash zoom.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- Your gran goes, - "I bet she did it."
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- "I know she did, Nan, - she's covered in blood."
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- This is like that bit.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- Heulwen put her mobile phone - in my jacket pocket.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53- That's important.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Not funny, - but important to the story.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- Off we went, to my first party.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- I've never drank before, - I want to impress the older lads.
0:23:03 > 0:23:09- My first house party, sampling - the atmosphere, and really nervous.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- One of the older boys - produced a bottle of whisky.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- He said, - "Phil, how much whisky do you want?"
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- I didn't know how to answer that.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- I just guessed and said, "A pint."
0:23:26 > 0:23:31- Now, I knew that was wrong - because everyone began to clap.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- Clapping is a good thing at a gig.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42- But when you've asked for a drink, - something has really gone wrong.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- For a bit, I was the cool boy - with a pint of whisky at the party.
0:23:48 > 0:23:53- All the boys were, "Whoa, you're so - cool, you've got a pint of whisky."
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- But as I drank it, whoa...
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- Strong whisky!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- I was cool for five minutes, - with the older boys.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- "He's the pint of whisky guy."
0:24:07 > 0:24:13- Then, one boy started to shout, - "Down it, down it, down it."
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- I had to do it, like the baby thing.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- If people shout "Down it!", - you have to do it.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20- So, I started.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- After a quarter of a pint, - I thought...
0:24:25 > 0:24:26- .."I'm going to be sick."
0:24:28 > 0:24:32- Halfway through, - I knew I was going to be sick...
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- ..because I was sick...
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- ..back into the pint glass.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43- That's how everyone - at the party reacted.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- "Down it, ugh, you need to leave."
0:24:47 > 0:24:48- "You need to go."
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- I was cool for five minutes.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55- Like Icarus, - flying too close to the sun.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56- Sickarus!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- I had to leave the party.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- I had to go home, - there was no way I could stay.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10- As I was walking home, - the mobile phone rang in my pocket.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- I opened the phone, - thinking it was my phone.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- I read the first text.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22- It said, "Hey, babe, where are you? - I want to touch you."
0:25:22 > 0:25:23- Now...
0:25:24 > 0:25:29- ..this was a text from another boy - to my girlfriend, Heulwen.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- But because I was drunk - and a bit of an idiot...
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- ..I thought it was a text - from Heulwen to me.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40- I should have been heartbroken, - but instead, I was just horny.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- I was just, - ooh, she wants to touch me. Great!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47- It must be that pint I downed!
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- But we were - each other's first love.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- We shared experiences, - we lost our virginity together.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57- I hope.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03- When I read the text, - I thought it was Heulwen.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04- I texted back.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- "Oh, yeah, babe? - Where do you want to touch me?"
0:26:08 > 0:26:13- I added "mmm", and the right amount - of Ms is crucial...
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- ..in a sext.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21- Too many Ms and it looks - as if you're too keen.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- "Where do you want to touch me - mmmmmmmmm?" That's too many.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- Not enough, and it looks - as if you're not interested.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- "Where do you want to touch me m?"
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- I don't care, just touch me - if you want, so I stick to three.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- Then I got a text back.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46- "Don't worry, babe, this time - I'll touch you where it feels good."
0:26:47 > 0:26:48- Now...
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- ..that's interesting.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- What that means is...
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- ..she cheated on me before...
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- ..but that time, he touched her - somewhere it didn't feel good.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- But he's practised touching things.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- "Since last time, - I've been touching things.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- "I've got a touch lamp in the house, - I'm not allowed near the cat.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- "I've read a full Cosmopolitan, - I know all about women.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- "I'm not going near - your armpit again."
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- I think, great, I'm getting - touched where it feels good.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30- So, I texted back.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35- "Do you want to come round my house? - My parents aren't in."
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- My parents weren't in.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41- But Heulwen's parents were in.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- You should know this.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48- Her father's nickname - was Angry Mike.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53- For all the right reasons.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- He was an ex-miner, you know.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- By that, I mean - he used to work in the mines...
0:28:00 > 0:28:03- ..not he used to be a child.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09- He was the kind of man who'd punch - a microwave to get his food faster.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- He was a really angry man.
0:28:12 > 0:28:18- This lad turned up at Heulwen's - house at three in the morning.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- Angry Mike answered the door - and said...
0:28:21 > 0:28:24- .."Anything you do to her, - I'll do to you"...
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- ..then headbutted him in the face.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35- I know that happened - because of the next text I got.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38- "WTF. Why do you want to kill me?
0:28:39 > 0:28:41- "Your dad answered the door - in his pants.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45- "I can't see out of my left eye."
0:28:46 > 0:28:50- At first, I still hadn't - figured out what had happened.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54- I first read it and thought, Dad?
0:28:58 > 0:29:02- I know you and Heulwen - didn't get on, but this is too far!
0:29:03 > 0:29:07- Literally, how did you do it - when you're in Spain?
0:29:07 > 0:29:10- Did you fly back - just to headbutt her?
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- But that's not the saddest thing - I've seen in Wales.
0:29:15 > 0:29:19- This is the saddest thing, for me.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23- Do you know the EU?
0:29:23 > 0:29:26- If you don't, - the EU is like a schoolyard bully.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30- But instead of stealing - your lunch money...
0:29:30 > 0:29:33- ..it forces you to adhere - to the Human Rights Act.
0:29:33 > 0:29:38- They gave money for Pontypridd - to have a heated outdoor pool.
0:29:39 > 0:29:44- It's the best thing - to happen to Ponty for a long time.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48- It's a great family attraction.
0:29:49 > 0:29:50- I was excited to see it.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- They built it and it's great.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57- But the people of Pontypridd - voted to leave the EU.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00- Why did they do that?
0:30:00 > 0:30:03- They gave you - a heated outdoor swimming pool.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05- What were they thinking?
0:30:05 > 0:30:10- It's like they've gone, "No, - it's too much, we're not France."
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- But they need it because not much - goes on in Pontypridd.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17- This is the high street for you.
0:30:17 > 0:30:18- Two Shoe Zones.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22- That's too many, isn't it?
0:30:23 > 0:30:25- Why would you need two?
0:30:25 > 0:30:28- Or maybe one sells - right-footed shoes...
0:30:28 > 0:30:31- ..and the other one - goes out of business.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36- But there are local businesses.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39- There's a small cafe - called A Brunch In The Face.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46- I think that's too aggressive a way - to sell a late breakfast.
0:30:46 > 0:30:47- It's too much.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50- If you're ever in Ponty, - go in there.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53- This is what you get - at A Brunch In The Face.
0:30:53 > 0:30:58- Cheese on toast, egg on toast, - beans on toast and then just toast.
0:31:00 > 0:31:04- Which means that the owner - must have looked around...
0:31:04 > 0:31:05- ..run out of stuff...
0:31:06 > 0:31:08- ..and then gone...
0:31:08 > 0:31:11- .."Well, toast by itself - is a meal, isn't it?"
0:31:13 > 0:31:15- But it's not, right.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19- I went in once and asked - for cheese and beans on toast...
0:31:19 > 0:31:21- ..because I'm a maverick.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- The waitress - looked at me and said...
0:31:24 > 0:31:28- .."Oh, I'll see what we can do."
0:31:29 > 0:31:30- Do you know what?
0:31:31 > 0:31:32- I didn't get it.
0:31:35 > 0:31:36- Do you know what I did get?
0:31:37 > 0:31:38- Egg.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- Just an egg by itself.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- How do you get from cheese and beans - on toast to an egg by itself?
0:31:46 > 0:31:49- What was the conversation - in the kitchen?
0:31:49 > 0:31:53- "We've got a smart-arse - on table three, have we, Sandra?"
0:31:54 > 0:31:55- "Give him the egg."
0:31:58 > 0:32:02- "No, no, no, you give him the egg."
0:32:03 > 0:32:08- Another local business - I passed a week or two ago...
0:32:08 > 0:32:10- ..is a divorce lawyer.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- In the divorce lawyer's window...
0:32:13 > 0:32:16- ..he also advertises - his own papier mache art.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19- What's he trying to say?
0:32:19 > 0:32:24- To me, it says that you can't - trust him with either task.
0:32:24 > 0:32:25- Imagine going in.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29- "Things aren't working out - with my wife.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32- "Why are you making my prenup - into a tiny cat?
0:32:34 > 0:32:38- "The eyes are nice, - they look like a kitten's eyes.
0:32:38 > 0:32:42- "But the smile says she's leaving - and she's not coming back."
0:32:42 > 0:32:45- How can that possibly succeed?
0:32:45 > 0:32:49- So, it was great when we got - the outdoor heated swimming pool.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51- It's created jobs in Ponty.
0:32:51 > 0:32:52- Well, a job.
0:32:53 > 0:32:54- A lifeguard.
0:32:54 > 0:32:55- I say lifeguard.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00- He has to remind people - that a pool is different to a bath.
0:33:03 > 0:33:07- "Put your trunks back on, Bryn, - there's children around."
0:33:07 > 0:33:12- What will it look like when - the EU money isn't there any more...
0:33:12 > 0:33:14- ..and we can't heat the pool.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17- It'll just be a sad pond.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20- People will go down - to a really sad lake...
0:33:20 > 0:33:25- ..and instead of skimming stones, - just toss in their hopes and dreams.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28- Doob-doob-doob-doob.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30- I'll never own property.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34- Doob-doob-doob-doob.
0:33:34 > 0:33:39- A Brunch In The Face - was a silly idea for a cafe.
0:33:40 > 0:33:41- Doob-doob-doob-doob.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45- One or the other, - papier mache or divorce lawyer.
0:33:46 > 0:33:50- What'll it look like in the future - when there's no water in it?
0:33:50 > 0:33:53- A hole, with trolleys, - graffiti and Bryn.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57- School trips will come there, - like they go to Big Pit.
0:33:57 > 0:34:01- They'll turn up - and look at what could have been.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- Bryn will be there in his pants - offering guided tours.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07- "This is where I live now.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10- "In these bushes here.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12- "This is the pool...
0:34:12 > 0:34:14- "..and this is my assistant."
0:34:14 > 0:34:19- And the teacher says, "That's - a trolley, kids, get out of here."
0:34:19 > 0:34:23- I'm worried about the future - for Welsh children, I really am.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28- Before I did this job...
0:34:29 > 0:34:35- ..I used to work in a school - with autistic children.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39- One boy I worked with - was nine years old.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41- His name was Keith.
0:34:44 > 0:34:45- My problem is...
0:34:46 > 0:34:50- ..you can't be nine years old - if you're called Keith.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56- If I hadn't started by saying - I used to work with children...
0:34:57 > 0:35:00- If I'd said I used to work - with someone called Keith...
0:35:01 > 0:35:05- ..you'd all have gone, - "Oh, you were a plumber, were you?"
0:35:06 > 0:35:10- Driving a van, leering at women, - listening to Jeremy Vine.
0:35:10 > 0:35:14- I did do that. - That's why I'm not there any more.
0:35:15 > 0:35:20- Keith was one of these children - who are old before their time.
0:35:22 > 0:35:27- Physically, he was nine, - but mentally, he was 52.
0:35:27 > 0:35:28- You know those children.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- All the other children - arrived like this.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35- "Yes, come on, - bring on the day, I'm excited."
0:35:35 > 0:35:38- Keith came in, - hair slicked back, coffee...
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- ..as if he's waiting - for his PPI to come through.
0:35:42 > 0:35:43- "Any day now."
0:35:43 > 0:35:47- I'm not texting them, - they texted me and now nothing.
0:35:49 > 0:35:50- Sentences hang...
0:35:52 > 0:35:55- ..on whether you use - the name Keith.
0:35:56 > 0:36:01- "Keith, can you have that report - on my desk by Monday?"
0:36:01 > 0:36:03- That's fine, isn't it?
0:36:03 > 0:36:06- This sentence doesn't work.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10- "Keith, do you know - when you colour in that duck?"
0:36:15 > 0:36:18- "Can you keep within the lines - because it's a mess?"
0:36:19 > 0:36:24- "Look, mate, I've got a wife, - two kids and a mortgage at home."
0:36:24 > 0:36:27- I had awkward silences - with this boy.
0:36:27 > 0:36:32- You know, those awkward silences - you get if you work with someone...
0:36:32 > 0:36:35- ..that you don't know - but are trying to get to know...
0:36:36 > 0:36:38- ..but the chat gets so awkward?
0:36:38 > 0:36:41- You go in early - and it's just you and them.
0:36:41 > 0:36:42- Chats like this happen.
0:36:43 > 0:36:44- "OK?"
0:36:46 > 0:36:47- "Yes, fine, thanks."
0:36:50 > 0:36:51- "It's warm."
0:36:53 > 0:36:55- "It's warm, isn't it?"
0:36:57 > 0:36:59- "Yes, it is a bit warm."
0:37:17 > 0:37:19- "It's still boiling."
0:37:21 > 0:37:23- # The kettle's boiling #
0:37:23 > 0:37:24- No, I can't sing.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32- "But not as warm as yesterday." - "No, it's not."
0:37:32 > 0:37:37- I've probably recreated awkward - silences better during this gig!
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- I had another awkward silence - in a gents toilet...
0:37:41 > 0:37:45- ..when I phoned a friend to see - if he wanted something to eat.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48- There were two men - using the urinal at the time.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- As I walked in, I said...
0:37:51 > 0:37:54- .."Do you want to get - some fish and chips?"
0:37:54 > 0:37:56- One of the men went...
0:37:56 > 0:37:58- .."No, you're alright."
0:38:01 > 0:38:03- "No, I'm not talking to you."
0:38:04 > 0:38:05- And the other man went...
0:38:07 > 0:38:09- .."Yeah, go on then."
0:38:12 > 0:38:17- I've been seeing him for four months - and I don't know how to end it.
0:38:17 > 0:38:22- One day, on the schoolyard, - Keith was doing a plane impression.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26- You've all seen a plane, - I just like doing that.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32- I thought it was such a good chance - to get to know this boy.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- It's a topic - that I can talk to him about.
0:38:36 > 0:38:40- "Keith, when you grow up, - do you want to be a fighter pilot...
0:38:40 > 0:38:43- "..or an airline pilot - and see the world?"
0:38:43 > 0:38:44- He said to me...
0:38:45 > 0:38:48- ..with his nine-year-old face...
0:38:49 > 0:38:52- .."No, mate, this shit's - just for the playground."
0:38:58 > 0:39:00- "I think I'd like to work in IT."
0:39:02 > 0:39:02- .
0:39:06 > 0:39:06- Subtitles
0:39:06 > 0:39:08- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:39:09 > 0:39:12- I don't know if you know, - but a year or two ago...
0:39:12 > 0:39:15- ..NATO had a meeting in Newport.
0:39:16 > 0:39:17- Do you remember?
0:39:17 > 0:39:19- I don't know - why they picked Newport.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23- "We need to test out the stuff - and that's the best place."
0:39:24 > 0:39:25- NATO came to Newport.
0:39:26 > 0:39:27- I didn't realize...
0:39:27 > 0:39:31- I'm really stupid - and I don't realize things.
0:39:31 > 0:39:35- I had a gig in Taunton and parked - in Newport on the way back.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38- Taunton - is two and a half hours away...
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- ..which meant that I needed - my driving trousers.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45- Are you familiar - with driving trousers?
0:39:46 > 0:39:48- They're like normal trousers...
0:39:48 > 0:39:51- ..but you wear them - when you drive for over two hours.
0:39:52 > 0:39:53- Out and about trousers...
0:39:54 > 0:39:55- ..then driving trousers.
0:39:56 > 0:40:01- The problem is, when you change - from normal to driving trousers...
0:40:01 > 0:40:06- ..there's a point in the process - when you don't wear trousers at all.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10- I call it sexy legs limbo.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13- Just so that I feel less alone.
0:40:13 > 0:40:17- If you're caught - in a car with no trousers...
0:40:17 > 0:40:21- ..it looks like you've gone dogging - and no-one else has turned up.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24- "I'm sure they'll come soon. - I mean, I have."
0:40:26 > 0:40:29- "They said they were interested - on Facebook."
0:40:30 > 0:40:33- I was driving back and I parked - in a car park in Newport.
0:40:33 > 0:40:37- I parked ten feet from a tank, - without noticing it.
0:40:37 > 0:40:42- I took my driving trousers off, - and I was in sexy legs limbo.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46- There was a knock on the car window.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49- I looked up - and saw a man with a machine gun.
0:40:50 > 0:40:51- "I'm a Navy SEAL."
0:40:53 > 0:40:54- At first, I thought...
0:40:56 > 0:41:01- .."Bloody hell, Newport City Council - have upped their game."
0:41:02 > 0:41:04- "Usually, it's a fine."
0:41:06 > 0:41:09- What kind of a way is that - to reveal your job?
0:41:09 > 0:41:12- Just shouting out, - "I'm a Navy SEAL."
0:41:12 > 0:41:16- Imagine if you had another job - and just shouted it out.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20- If you worked at Pets At Home. - "I work in Pets At Home."
0:41:20 > 0:41:24- "Take two months off, Karen, - you do this every day."
0:41:24 > 0:41:27- Or maybe he lacks confidence.
0:41:27 > 0:41:30- Do you remember - when supply teachers came?
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- "I'll be your teacher - for the next two weeks."
0:41:33 > 0:41:37- "No, Mrs Jones, - I saw you crying in your car."
0:41:39 > 0:41:42- "I want to watch - Jurassic Park again, please."
0:41:43 > 0:41:45- "I'm a Navy SEAL."
0:41:45 > 0:41:46- Then he said...
0:41:46 > 0:41:49- .."Why aren't you - wearing any pants?"
0:41:50 > 0:41:52- I was wearing pants...
0:41:54 > 0:41:56- ..but I wasn't wearing "pants".
0:41:56 > 0:41:58- There's a difference.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01- I had nice pants, - a Christmas present from my aunt.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03- Dunlop, good elastic.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- I was trying to tell him...
0:42:07 > 0:42:10- .."I am wearing pants."
0:42:12 > 0:42:14- "We call them trousers here.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18- "These are off my auntie, - for Christmas, elastic, Dunlop.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20- "They're very nice."
0:42:21 > 0:42:24- Then he cocked his machine gun.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27- "Why aren't you - wearing any trousers?"
0:42:28 > 0:42:30- I really did think I might die.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33- He had his gun in my face.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36- "Why aren't you - wearing any trousers?"
0:42:36 > 0:42:39- I thought, - there's a bigger problem here.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43- I didn't have trousers, - but he had a machine gun.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45- One's worse than the other.
0:42:45 > 0:42:50- If you end your day - with no trousers on...
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- ..you've more or less - had a nice day.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57- But if you end the day - with a machine gun...
0:42:57 > 0:42:59- ..what's happened there?
0:43:01 > 0:43:04- That's a really bigger problem.
0:43:04 > 0:43:08- It's like going to your nephew's - birthday with blood on your face...
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- ..and going, - "Where's the cake then?"
0:43:13 > 0:43:14- So, I told him...
0:43:15 > 0:43:17- .."Why do you have a machine gun?"
0:43:21 > 0:43:25- "Because of NATO. Why aren't you - wearing any trousers?"
0:43:27 > 0:43:29- "Because of NATO?"
0:43:31 > 0:43:34- They could have been my last words.
0:43:34 > 0:43:35- "Because of NATO."
0:43:36 > 0:43:38- My last words on this earth.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- When NATO was in Newport...
0:43:44 > 0:43:46- ..Barack Obama came.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49- He took the time - to visit a local school.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51- A primary school.
0:43:52 > 0:43:57- That led to one of the funniest - Facebook statuses ever posted.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01- One father who had a boy - at the school posted this.
0:44:01 > 0:44:06- "Today, my eight-year-old son - met the President of the USA.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08- "Whatever will he do next?"
0:44:09 > 0:44:13- I really wanted to comment...
0:44:13 > 0:44:15- .."Probably colouring."
0:44:18 > 0:44:21- He's eight years old - and he's peaked.
0:44:23 > 0:44:27- This will be the best thing - that happens in his life.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29- Meeting Barack Obama.
0:44:29 > 0:44:31- Nothing else will beat that.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34- Imagine the next day at school.
0:44:34 > 0:44:37- "Today, I coloured in an octopus."
0:44:38 > 0:44:40- "Yesterday, I met Barack Obama."
0:44:40 > 0:44:42- But it'll be with him forever.
0:44:42 > 0:44:46- On his wedding day, he and his - partner will say their vows.
0:44:46 > 0:44:50- Committing to each other - for the rest of their lives.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54- He'll bring out a photo - of him with Barack Obama.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57- "It's just not enough."
0:45:01 > 0:45:07- That's the difference between - American and Welsh children.
0:45:07 > 0:45:11- American children want to grow up...
0:45:11 > 0:45:15- ..and be the president - or an astronaut or a cowboy.
0:45:16 > 0:45:19- Welsh children want to grow up...
0:45:19 > 0:45:22- ..and meet the president - or meet a cowboy.
0:45:23 > 0:45:27- My dream was to grow up - and meet an ambulance driver.
0:45:28 > 0:45:29- I made it come true.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- I do miss my grandmother...
0:45:33 > 0:45:37- ..but you just have to make - your dreams come true.
0:45:39 > 0:45:44- I feel as if I haven't - connected well with Wales.
0:45:47 > 0:45:50- I feel as if I've failed - to do that all my life.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52- Then I realized something.
0:45:53 > 0:45:56- When I went - to my grandad's funeral...
0:45:56 > 0:45:58- My grandad's dead, sorry, spoiler.
0:45:59 > 0:46:01- I felt as if I'd let him down.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04- That I hadn't proved myself.
0:46:04 > 0:46:07- That I hadn't connected - with him or with Wales.
0:46:07 > 0:46:11- But something interesting - happened at his funeral.
0:46:11 > 0:46:17- We were all getting ready - to stand and sing Amazing Grace.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20- I wasn't going to sing, obviously.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22- I really can't sing.
0:46:22 > 0:46:23- # Amazing #
0:46:24 > 0:46:25- Please be quiet, Phil.
0:46:27 > 0:46:31- We were singing Amazing Grace, - my grandad's favourite song.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33- We stood up and the piano started.
0:46:33 > 0:46:37- I wanted to look across - at the woman...
0:46:37 > 0:46:40- ..to thank her - for playing the song.
0:46:40 > 0:46:44- But I noticed that she wasn't - really playing the keyboard.
0:46:44 > 0:46:46- She'd pressed the demo button...
0:46:46 > 0:46:49- ..and was pretending - to play Amazing Grace.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55- Then she saw me - and my brother staring.
0:46:57 > 0:47:01- She accidentally pressed - the Samba Beats 52 button.
0:47:02 > 0:47:06- My grandad's final song - was Samba Beats 52.
0:47:07 > 0:47:08- # Amazing #
0:47:08 > 0:47:10- DRUMBEAT RHYTHM
0:47:11 > 0:47:16- She was trying to switch it off, - and our tears turned to laughter.
0:47:16 > 0:47:20- Then I realized, although - I can't play rugby or sing...
0:47:20 > 0:47:24- ..and that Wales let me down - in the way they voted...
0:47:24 > 0:47:26- ..the one thing....
0:47:26 > 0:47:30- ..the one thing we all share - is our sense of humour.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32- That's what united us that night.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36- It was nice to realize that, - and it made me feel much better.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39- That's the end of the show. Thanks.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04- S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.
0:48:04 > 0:48:04- .