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0:00:11 > 0:00:13- Ladies and gentlemen...
0:00:13 > 0:00:18- ..please welcome your MC - for the evening, Mr Daniel Glyn.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28- Thank you very much.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30- How are you all?
0:00:30 > 0:00:31- How are you all?- - Hooray!
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- Welcome to the sumptuous - Richard Burton Theatre.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- He's the worst theatre owner - in the world.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- We haven't seen him once today.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44- For health and safety reasons the - theatre'd like me to point out...
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- ..that tonight's show will feature - a comedian from Swansea.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55- He's one of the busiest comedians - on the circuit.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- You're in for a treat.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- He'll also be - signing autographs later...
0:01:01 > 0:01:05- ..because he's a gifted forger - - choose anyone you want!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- Please welcome Steffan Alun.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- Hello!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- Are you alright? Good evening.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- Hello, everyone. My name's Steffan.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27- I'm named after - Llanbedr Pont Steffan.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- That's not what my father - wanted to call me.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- My father was a minister and - wanted to give me a biblical name.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- I don't know if he was joking...
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- ..but he said the name he wanted - to give me was Moses Goliath.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- No-one in the world - is cool enough...
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- ..to warrant a name - like Moses Goliath.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- Well, no white person!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- But people in college - called me Moses anyway.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- The last thing on earth - I wanted to have to say was...
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- .."How do you know my name, guys?"
0:02:10 > 0:02:14- If I were a girl, I would've - been called Jezebel Delilah.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- He said, "There are - fewer female names in the Bible."
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Off the top of my head, Mary!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- I do a lot of gigs in England...
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- ..and they don't understand me - half the time.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- I much prefer doing gigs in Welsh.
0:02:36 > 0:02:42- In England I say, "Hello, my name is - Steffan. I'm named after Lampeter."
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Nothing. - Absolutely no comprehension.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- I live in Swansea - in an area called Hafod.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- It's a strong Welsh name, but - that's not what we call it locally.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Locally we call it LA.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- Lower 'Afod.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- We have a gang in Hafod...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- ..and the gang's called Hafod Boyz.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14- I know this because - on the wall outside the house...
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- ..someone's painted Hafod Boyz - in graffiti.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- You know they're a rough gang...
0:03:20 > 0:03:23- ..because they've spelt boys - with a Z.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- That's the scariest letter - in the world.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- It was too scary to be included - in the Welsh alphabet.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- But it's nice to see youngsters - in the local area...
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- ..pick up a tin of paint - and deface walls.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- It's nice - keeping Welsh traditions alive.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- We're obsessed with tradition.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- I went to university - in Aberystwyth...
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- ..and I got a phone call - from a friend one day.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- Well, I lived in Welsh halls, - so he announced it over the Tannoy.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- He said, "Steff, we're out tonight."
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- I asked him, "What's the occasion?"
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- He said, "It's Wednesday night."
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- I said, "What do you mean?"
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- He said, - "We're going to the Coopers Arms...
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- "..a couple of pints, - pizzas from across the road...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- "..and back to the lounge - for drinking games."
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- Then, he looked - straight into my eyes and said...
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- .."It's tradition."
0:04:36 > 0:04:42- For me, tradition is too strong - a word to describe a sesh.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- But he said, - "No, you don't understand.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50- "Cwps, pizza, drinking games, we've - done this every Wednesday night...
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- "..since we've been in college."
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Up to then, - we'd been in college a fortnight.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- In Wales, a fortnight is how long - it takes for a new experience...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- ..to become a tradition.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- A fortnight is all it takes...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- ..to go from being brand new to...
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- .."There we are then, - we'll have to do it forever now."
0:05:16 > 0:05:21- We embrace new things, we make - them Welsh and modernize them...
0:05:22 > 0:05:27- ..but the rest of the world moves on - whereas we maintain our traditions.
0:05:27 > 0:05:32- "Well it's not an eisteddfod without - the disco dancing competition."
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- If you're young enough - to compete in the disco dancing...
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- ..you're too young - to remember disco.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52- Fair play, the eisteddfod - is trying its best to modernize.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- During the Boncath Eisteddfod - two years ago...
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- ..they renamed the competition.
0:05:58 > 0:06:04- Its new name was the street, hip-hop - and disco dancing competition.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Something's gone wrong there.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- To start with, - that'd only happen in Wales.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- We're the only culture - in the world...
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- ..that thinks disco dancing, - hip-hop and street dancing...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- ..are more or less the same.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27- You can imagine the meeting.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- "We have to move with the times. - "What shall we do?"
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- "How about street dancing?" "Yes, - great. Bang on contemporary."
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- That's how the eisteddfod council - speaks. "Bang on contemporary."
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- "Yes, cool! Tick that box!"
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- "Let's get our youngsters - back in the fold."
0:06:53 > 0:06:55- "Street dancing. What next?"
0:06:56 > 0:06:57- "Hip-hop dancing." "Good."
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- For me, hip-hop dancing - isn't contemporary.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06- Hip hop is something from the '90s - but I'm prepared to accept it.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- For the eisteddfod council, - anything newer than a coloured TV.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14- "So we have street, - we have hip hop, what next?"
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- One voice at the back pipes up.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- "And what about the disco dancing?"
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- "We were going to leave that out. - That's the purpose of this meeting.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- "It's a little old fashioned."
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- "It's tradition."
0:07:47 > 0:07:52- I understand it's hard seeing things - die. It's hard having to move on.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- I remember 2001.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Goodnight!
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- I remember 2001 - when Cefn Gwlad ran out of farms.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- It's hard, but having said that...
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- ..it's healthy - that we move on from some things.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16- Some traditions should end, - like naming wedding anniversaries.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- I'm fine with gold and diamond - anniversaries - they can stay.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- But there are names for every one.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- You're meant to buy a gift - from the appropriate material.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33- My friend, who celebrated his - second wedding anniversary, said...
0:08:33 > 0:08:37- .."There we are, - it's a paper anniversary." Paper!
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- What present can you - buy your partner of two years...
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- ..that's made of paper?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- "There you go, here's a cheque."
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- My friend - bought his wife toilet paper.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- In return, she gave him - divorce papers, so...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- I got married - four or five years ago.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- I remember - my friend giving me advice.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- He said, - "It's a strain, it's difficult.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- "The period - before you get married is hard."
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- You're bound to - fall out with someone.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- Probably the last person - you'd expect. And he was right.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- My wife and I - quarrelled with Swansea Council.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- We visited the registrar - and she said...
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- .."You do realize - that we can't promise...
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- "..that the wedding - will be conducted in Welsh?"
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- We said, "Well, we can't promise...
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- "..that county hall - won't be set alight."
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- She said, "Only two of us - speak Welsh in the office."
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- I said, "We only need one registrar, - not Ant and Dec."
0:10:07 > 0:10:12- She said, "We may be on holiday." - I said, "Don't go on holiday."
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- This was six months beforehand.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20- If I'm booked for something - six months in advance, I do it.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- Tonight, I've come back - from Canberra to do this gig.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- I don't even know - where Canberra is, sorry.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- I've tried to find it - on the only map I have at home.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- A map of Wales from the Welsh shop, - and like all good maps of Wales...
0:10:38 > 0:10:43- ..there are three straight sides - and it's cut out along the border.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- And then a box in the corner. - Patagonia.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- She said, "We might be ill" - and I said to her...
0:10:55 > 0:10:59- .."If my family of nationalists - and I...
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- "..see this wedding - conducted in English...
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- "..you'll be extremely ill."
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- We made a fuss...
0:11:07 > 0:11:11- ..and we had our wedding in Welsh.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- And six months in prison.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Thank you, Cardiff. Goodnight.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29- .
0:11:30 > 0:11:30- *
0:11:30 > 0:11:30- *- - *
0:11:30 > 0:11:31- Ladies and gentlemen...
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- ..please welcome tonight's MC, - Mr Daniel Glyn.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- Hello, everyone.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Our next act also has a beard.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- You're really - going to enjoy her set.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- She's travelled all over Europe...
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- ..with people - like Russell Kane and Lee Evans...
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- ..and has appeared in a horror film - situated in Llanelli.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- It's scary, it's violent - and it's tense throughout.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- I've no idea what the film's about - but it should be good.
0:12:11 > 0:12:16- Please welcome to the stage - Dan Thomas.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- Everyone alright? Good.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31- Lovely to be here. - I come from Swansea.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33- Yay!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- Yay!- - Thanks, the three of you.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- The rest of you, sod off!
0:12:37 > 0:12:42- I love coming from Swansea but - it takes a lot to impress locals.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- I was in a pub in Swansea - called The Uplands Tavern.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- I was the only one in there - apart from two old men at the bar.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- This pub is around the corner - from where Dylan Thomas was born...
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- ..so you often get tourists in.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- Some are American tourists.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- I was sitting there 10 years ago - when Paul Newman walked in.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Genuinely now. Butch Cassidy - walked into The Uplands Tavern.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- He walked up to the bar and said...
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- .."I'm looking for - Dylan Thomas' house."
0:13:15 > 0:13:20- The two old men said, "Go out the - door, turn right, right again...
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- ..over the roundabout, can't - miss it, Dylan Thomas' house."
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- So he leaves.
0:13:25 > 0:13:31- I'm sitting there, thinking they've - just been speaking to Butch Cassidy.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- One of the men said, "Was that Paul - Newman?" The other said, "Yeah."
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- They just - don't give a shit in Swansea.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42- I do stand-up all over the country.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- I like asking people - in the front row...
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- .."What do you do? What's your job?"
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- People say, "I'm a doctor" - or "I'm a teacher." Normal jobs.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- I was down in Devon...
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- I was down in Devon and I - asked a woman, "What do you do?"
0:13:59 > 0:14:04- She said, "I'm a cat psychic." - What the fuck are you talking about?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- A cat psychic isn't a job.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- That's the easiest job in the world - to fake.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15- "Join hands now. We're all - in this circle. OK, Eileen?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- "I can feel him - coming through, Eileen."
0:14:18 > 0:14:22- "Can you feel him? - I can feel Mr Fluffy.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- "Mr Fluffy's in the room. - Can you feel his presence?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- "I can hear him, Eileen.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- "He's saying, "chchchchch".
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- "Does that - mean anything to you, Eileen?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- "I can hear it clearly. Chchchchch."
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- "Does that mean anything?" - "Yes, he always made that noise."
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- "Whenever he had a fur ball."
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- "Yes, how do you know that?" - "I'm a fucking cat psychic."
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- I've got children now.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59- Before children I really enjoyed - my life but that's over now.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- And that's fine.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06- They're lovely but after being in - the car with them for two hours...
0:15:06 > 0:15:11- ..and they've listened to Santa - Claus Is Coming for the 35th time...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- ..and it's July, - you're just like, "Oh, my God!"
0:15:15 > 0:15:19- The littlest one says, "Daddy, - what do you want for Christmas?"
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- "An embolism. - I want an embolism, OK?"
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- It's nice having children.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- My children are going to be - brought up differently...
0:15:31 > 0:15:32- ..from how I was brought up.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- My parents - were members of the Free Wales Army.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Yay!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- Yay!- - Whoa!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Welcome to the rally!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- They were members - of the Free Wales Army.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- One of you knows about it, - I'm not sure about the rest of you.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- It was like the Welsh IRA.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- The militant wing - of the Chuckle Brothers.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Basically.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- We had guns in the house.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- My sister and I would play - with these guns over the weekend.
0:16:03 > 0:16:09- There were no bullets involved, - we just pistol whipped each other.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- No permanent damage, it was fine.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- We thought it was normal - to have guns at home.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- We'd play with them on the weekend - and at school on Monday...
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- ..we said, "We played with guns - over the weekend.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28- "Don't you have guns?" - The other children were like, "No."
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- We were just like, - "Aw, maybe they're poor."
0:16:37 > 0:16:40- Obviously my parents were militant.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- I remember when I was small, - my mother said to me...
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- .."Just so you know, - assassination for political ends...
0:16:48 > 0:16:50- "..is always justified."
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- There was no context.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00- She might've been - tucking me in at bedtime.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- "Goodnight. Assassination for - political ends is always justified.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- "Love you."
0:17:09 > 0:17:11- My parents' friends - would call round.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16- An uncle, who wasn't really - my uncle, would tell me stories.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19- I remember - sitting on one of their laps.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- He said, "Do you know anything - about the bombing...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- "..at Llyn Clywedog reservoir - in 1966?"
0:17:26 > 0:17:28- I was nine at the time.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- I was like, "No."
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- He went...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- .."No, neither do I."
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- I try to be - more appreciative of things.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- I'm much more grateful - for the Internet now.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00- Some say the Internet makes - people more stupid, but it doesn't.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- Bits of it does, - like photos on Facebook.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- "If this picture gets 10,000 likes, - the toddler gets a free pancreas...
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- "..whether he wants it or not."
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Imbeciles! But the Internet - is handy for certain things.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- I'll give you an example. I was on - a date with my wife two months ago.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- We were at this restaurant - and another couple walked in...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- ..and sat at the table next to ours.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- We could hear them talking and we - guessed they were on a first date.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- "First date, lovely." - And then we tuned out.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- After 20 minutes my wife got up - and went to the bathroom.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- So I tuned back in again - - only 20 minutes had elapsed.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42- This was a first date...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- ..and this pair - started discussing...
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- ..which equipment - they liked to use in the bedroom.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- Not which sex toys but equipment.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- Heavy-duty, JCB, God knows!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- So I'm paying close attention now.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- They used two words - that I'd heard before...
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- ..but never together.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- The two words were chin, - which is fine, innocent...
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- ..and dildo.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- So I've tuned in now.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- My wife comes back and I say, - "They're talking about chin dildos."
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- She says, "What?"
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- "They're talking about chin dildos."
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- She says, "What?"
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- "They're talking about chin dildos!"
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- "What?" "Right, charades."
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Two words, first word...
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- "Chin. Yes, got that right.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- "OK, second word."
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- I don't know how to mime this one.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- "Sounds like..."
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- "I've got some bricks.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- "I'm cementing before adding - more bricks. What am I doing?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- "What am I doing?" "Constructing." - "No, not constructing."
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- "The Wenglish word - for constructing."
0:20:14 > 0:20:20- She says, "Bildo." "Yes." "Chin - bildo?" "Shut up, they'll hear you!"
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- That's why I'm happy - to have the Internet.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- I wouldn't know what a chin dildo - was before the Internet.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- How'd you find out? - Contact Directory Enquiries?
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- "Yes, I'm looking for a product.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- "I'll tell you what, - I'll spell it for you.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- "It's C-H-I-N.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- "Chin, - that is a perfectly innocent word.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- "And then D...
0:20:49 > 0:20:50- "..I...
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- "..L...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- "..D...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- "..O.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05- "No, that's not what I said.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- "You said that word I just gave you - a selection of letters."
0:21:09 > 0:21:14- In this restaurant, I could - just look it up on my phone.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- That was fantastic.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- I went to this website - called Toys In Us...
0:21:25 > 0:21:27- So I looked this thing up.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32- If you don't know - what a chin dildo is...
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- ..basically, - it's like a helmet you wear...
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- ..and on the chin part...
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- ..is a thing.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Basically, it looks like this. - One of these.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Thank God - they discussed a chin dildo...
0:21:49 > 0:21:54- ..before he turned up, wearing one, - hoping for the best.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05- "Sorry. I didn't know the restaurant - was going to be as posh as this."
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- I'd gone down a rabbit hole - with this Toys In Us website.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- Chin dildos weren't the only - products, there were tons of stuff.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- There were vibrators.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- One of them was so powerful, if you - took it into central London...
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- ..you'd have to pay - a congestion charge.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- It's been great - being on S4C for the last time.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- You've been great. - I've been Dan Thomas. Goodnight.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09- .