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0:00:13 > 0:00:17- Please welcome your MC - for the evening, Dan Thomas.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24- Hello!
0:00:24 > 0:00:28- I've worked with the next act - many times and he's always great.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30- You're going to love him.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- Please welcome Gethin Robyns.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43- 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. - Everyone alright?
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- Yay! My name's Gethin Robyns.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- I come from Anglesey. Yay!
0:00:50 > 0:00:54- Anglesey. We've given - the nation Margaret Williams.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- We've given you Hywel Gwynfryn.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- We've given the nation Aled Jones.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04- No wonder - the rest of you can't stand us!
0:01:04 > 0:01:09- Once upon a time on Anglesey - we all knew each other's names.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- Everyone knew each other's names.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- That's because up until 1998...
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- ..we only had - four names on Anglesey.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Aled, Huw, Bethan and Sian.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- We didn't need any more.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26- Everyone had a nickname.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- In Cemaes we had Aled Maes Mawr...
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- ..we had Huw Chips...
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- ..we had Sian Betws...
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- ..and we had Bethan Fingers.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40- Everyone liked Bethan.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- I'm a professional comedian...
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- ..but I like to do other things - in my spare time...
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- ..such as play football, golf...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- ..and teach full time in a school.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- It's a frustrating job.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08- Mainly because you spend - every single day with idiots.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- There's no other word - to describe them. Idiots.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- You just have - boring, childish chats...
0:02:15 > 0:02:19- ..and then the bell rings - and you're like, "Yes!"
0:02:19 > 0:02:24- Bag on your shoulder, leave - the staff room and head into class.
0:02:25 > 0:02:31- People say to me, "How do you deal - with the tough ones, the hooligans?"
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- The answer's simple.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- I banter with them - because you can't hit them any more.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- I have a bit of fun with them.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- I do that through football. - I support Liverpool.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Wahey!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- And they support Man U. Eurgh!
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- If Liverpool wins on a Saturday - afternoon and Man U loses...
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- ..I'm ready for them on Monday.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- Hey, lads! Lads! - How did Man U do on Saturday?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- They're ready for me too.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06- They're witty. They say to me, - "Shut up, you fat four-eyed freak!"
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- They're real characters.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- I've learnt over the years...
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- ..that in a town called...
0:03:23 > 0:03:24- ..Rhyl...
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- ..and if you've ever been to Rhyl...
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- ..you'll know even the tide - doesn't want to come in to Rhyl.
0:03:31 > 0:03:36- So I knew what kind of school it was - going to be on the first morning.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- I walked in and previously - I'd been used to kids...
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- ..having room to park their bikes - outside the entrance.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- But not here. There was room - for girls to park their prams.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- We don't have - parents' night in Rhyl.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- We have parent night.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- It's always the same.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58- The mother comes in...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- ..we start talking - and alcohol fumes fill the room.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- I look at her and think to myself...
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- ..I must stop drinking whisky in the - storeroom at two in the afternoon.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- Come on!
0:04:15 > 0:04:20- I like seeing the children in the - real world once they've left school.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25- For some reason I always say the - same thing to them when I see them.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Can I have a large - Big Mac meal, please?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- I thought - I was a product of my native area...
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- ..but Rhyl people - are something else.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- I wanted to educate them - about rural culture.
0:04:44 > 0:04:49- We headed out of town, past - Marine Lake, in the school minibus.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- We parked - in the middle of some fields.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- I said, "Right, everyone - tuck into your lunch boxes."
0:04:56 > 0:05:01- Before I had a chance to take a bite - a voice from the back shouted...
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- .."What the hell - is that thing over there?"
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- I sauntered to the back of the bus.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- It was like a circus.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Half of them were - hugging each other and crying...
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- ..the other half were - banging the window and pointing...
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- ..and the other half - didn't know what was going on.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27- I made my way to the back...
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- ..and there he was, - Axel, the school's tough nut.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- He was shaking like a leaf - and as white as a sheet.
0:05:38 > 0:05:44- He said, "Mr Robyns, what the hell - is that thing over there?"
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- So I take a look.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52- "That," I said, - "is a detached house."
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- Thank you very much, Cardiff.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- Goodnight!
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- The next comedian I'm about to - introduce is a wizard of wordplay...
0:06:15 > 0:06:20- ..as we found out when he negotiated - the contract for this show!
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- He gets to - take one of you home with him.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29- Sorry! Please give - a rousing welcome to Noel James.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Thank you.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43- It's a privilege for me to be here - in the Richard Burton Theatre...
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- ..and planetarium.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- Richard Burton. - Who would've thought it?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- I've no acting experience...
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- ..apart from the one play I did - called An Inspector Calls.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- I provided the voice. - "Tickets, please."
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- It's rumoured - that I appeared in a play...
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- ..called House On Sand, but - those rumours have no foundation.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- There's a big difference - between theatre and comedy.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- When actors are on stage, - they're pretending...
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- ..they're in a different space - and time, whereas a comedian...
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- ..is right here now, in the present.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29- At the moment I'm pretending people - are having fun in a comedy club.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- For those of you who haven't - laughed yet, I'm an ironic comedian.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41- So I'm not funny, unless - you've read Sigmund Freud's book...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- ..Jokes And Their Connection - To The Subconscious.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- It's not a funny book but - you may get funny dreams later on.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53- Personally, I prefer - Sigmund's younger brother, Schaden.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- But I wonder - what the Welsh word for irony is?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Smwddoni?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- At the doctor's I said, "Doctor, - Doctor" because he had two heads.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Probably one for the second opinion.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- I said, - "I think I'm an anglephile."
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- He said, "You love English people?"
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- I said, "No. I love Mr Urdd - because of his angles."
0:08:19 > 0:08:25- My fantasy is that Mr Urdd - inflicts pain on me and I enjoy it.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- The doctor told me - I was mascot-itistic.
0:08:31 > 0:08:37- Every morning I recycle my pee and - make a cup of coffee out of it...
0:08:37 > 0:08:41- ..because I've a cathetiere there.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- I think I'd better do visual comedy.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- For viewers at home, - you can turn off the subtitles now.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- They don't make sense either.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- As we're in - the Richard Burton Theatre....
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- ..I'd like to do an impression - of the famous actor, Robert De Niro.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Thank you very much.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- I can't do the voice, unfortunately.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- There's no need to be patronizing.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- I can do a Northwalian version - of Robert De Niro.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Are you talking to me?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- The moment you think - the Olympic Games are over...
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- ..they 'para' (continue).
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- I've got a cat that barks, - which is paws for thought.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- I keep an extinct bird as a pet.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Basically, it's an empty cage.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- Did you hear about - that extinct bird...
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- ..that was hunted - off the face of the earth?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- Do, do (Yes, yes).
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- I think - I've got over the shock of Brexit...
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- ..or Brallanfa, - to give it its Welsh term.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- But it's taken its toll on my body.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- My hair's turned grey - over the past year.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- Having brown hair - is but a fleeting memory now.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- I had a lot of brown hair - but now it's in the minority.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36- Every night I hear the hairs arguing - - the grey and the brown.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- "You're different from us.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- "You come over here - taking our roots."
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- In other words, - my hair's falling out.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- The Valleys - have changed a lot since Brexit.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- They've turned into - an anti-matter universe.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59- Talking of an anti-matter universe, - when I was at college...
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- ..my tutor was Stephen Hawking - and I'm indebted to him...
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- ..due to the government's policy - of abolishing the grants' system.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- Actually, - I'm hugely indebted to him.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- But he wasn't a brilliant tutor...
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- ..because what you want - when you're a student...
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- ..is for your tutor to give you - a gold star for your essay.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26- But Stephen Hawking goaded me. - He gave me a collapsed star.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32- I was sucked into - an anti-matter universe...
0:11:32 > 0:11:36- ..or to give it its Welsh term, - Merthyr Tydfil.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- I had to phone Stephen - in order to escape.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- I phoned him up. - Mr Hawking, are you there?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- I wanted a funny end to the set too.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- Hello? Mr Hawking? Stephen? - Are you there?
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- "The universe - is constantly expanding..."
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- ..he answered.
0:11:58 > 0:12:03- "Who would've thought that in the - early years of the 21st century...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- "..comedy matters - would be recorded...
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- .."like someone with a microscope - analyzing creatures...
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- "..that don't expand - within a water bubble."
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- "I'm not in at the moment.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- "Leave a message. BEEP!"
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- "Only joking."
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- "I'm here, it's me.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- "I'd like to do an impersonation - of Robert De Niro.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- "Are you talking to me?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- Are you talking to me?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- "Are you talking to me?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- "I'm sorry, I can't do the face."
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- I was hurt by what he said too - - not by what he said...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- ..but the way he said it.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Ladies and gentlemen, - enjoy the break...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- ..if you can enjoy a fracture.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- Make sure you don't crumble. - Thank you very much.
0:13:24 > 0:13:24- .
0:13:26 > 0:13:26- *
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- Please welcome back your MC, - Dan Thomas.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Hello, hello!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- The next act used to work in a bar.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- The Richard Burton Theatre bar.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- I only found him five minutes ago.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- He says his name is Steff - but his badge says Staff...
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- ..so I don't trust him.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- Please welcome Steffan Evans.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- Hello!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Hello!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- How are you? - My name's Steffan Evans.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- I come from Eglwyswrw, - Pembrokeshire.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11- Yay!
0:14:12 > 0:14:13- Whoo!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- Yay!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- Yay!
0:14:18 > 0:14:19- Thank you.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- We like things as they are.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- I'll give you an example.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33- Eglwyswrw - was bought for 7,000 in 1895...
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- ..and I'm happy to say - it's still worth 7,000.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- And it's still 1895.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46- We're taught from an early age that - we're no better than anyone else.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- No-one. The important thing - is to work hard, play hard.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- By play hard I mean go to the pub...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- ..and drink - till you shit out of our eyes.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- Dad was often in the pub.
0:14:59 > 0:15:04- He obviously worked hard - because he started work at 9.00am...
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- ..and finished at 11.00am.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Christ, he gets thirsty.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- The first three pints - are just to cure the dehydration.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- Dad does more miles per gallon - than his lorry.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- But he can't do it any more because - he didn't pass the emissions test.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31- One thing we do well in West Wales - is interesting characters.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36- One man called Space went to - the doctor's wanting a sex change...
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- ..only to come out - wanting to be a cowboy.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Another man is called System. - A Girl-Pulling System.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Get drunk, get double vision...
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- ..more women to choose from.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- Another man - punched a horse out cold.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- But to be fair, the horse - shouldn't have said what he said.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- We're a very sexual area.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- Only in Wales do you go to - a farming show expecting to shag.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17- No-one goes to the Chelsea Flower - Show thinking,'I'm getting laid.'
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- I lost my virginity - at the Haverfordwest Show.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- Up against a corrugated iron fence.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- It wasn't corrugated to begin with.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- I didn't know iron could curdle.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- But between us we managed it.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- And I was pleased I came.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Alright, I know I'm not perfect.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50- You've got eyes - look at me.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- I'm an aquarium - of bad decision making.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- I'm no better than anyone. - Fuck it, let's cut to it.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08- The English in Pembrokeshire - I'm - no better than them, they're twats.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- An Englishman - criticized me for talking too fast.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- I told him - he was listening too slow.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29- Then he said something - that will always stay with me.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- He said, - "I'm sorry you feel that way."
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- What kind of wanker says that?
0:17:38 > 0:17:43- You're sorry I feel this way? You're - the one making me feel this way.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Imagine I pushed him - down the stairs...
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- ..and he's lying there - in a crumpled heap.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- He looks up at me and says, - "I've broken me leg."
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- I look down on him and say, - "I'm sorry you feel that way."
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- I'm a country lad, I've been taught - I'm no better than anyone.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- But there are a few people I'm - better than - people who eat dogs.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- I'm not being racist, - I'm talking about Eglwyswrw people.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- You know who you are!
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- People who go to a pub - and order a coffee...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- ..and steal the free wi-fi.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- "I'm driving." Well go home, then!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- And then there are - the Welsh yuppies.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- There's a Cardiff community - of gentrified Welsh.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Most of them are lovely...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- ..but there are others - who grate on me.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- Those who dress their children - in North Face gilets.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- When I was a child - they called them bodywarmers.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- These bodywarmers cost 100.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- 100 for a two-year-old boy - called Goronwy to wear.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- Why stop there?
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- Get him an oxygen mask - for the climbing frame.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- What next? Does he need a Sherpa?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- Do you need a Sherpa?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- Satellite phone? A flare gun - to notify the authorities?
0:19:23 > 0:19:24- Twat.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- On top of that, - their parents feed them antipasti.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Cured meats, olives, - oil and vinegar...
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- ..artichoke hearts and cheese.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- When I was a kid, - we had Spam, burgers from a tin...
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- ..and cherryade for breakfast.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- We were so poor - we looked forward to the recession.
0:19:48 > 0:19:54- And then I left Eglwyswrw - to go to university in Cardiff...
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- ..to study criminology.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- I didn't graduate.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- I was too busy - doing another course. Riminology.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- They had a good track team.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- We ran cross country. I'd get lapped - three times on the way round.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- And then I travelled the world.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Well, Australia, - New Zealand and Thailand...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- ..bypassing North Wales altogether.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- I feel comfortable in pubs...
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- ..anywhere in the world.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- Some people don't, they're nervous.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41- If you don't want any trouble, - don't go into a pub and say...
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- .."Hi there, can I have a - caffeine-free soya latte, please?"
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- That's a punch!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- Don't order a fancy coffee in a pub.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- They're only on the menu as a test.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- The protocol is, - you go up to the barman and say...
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- .."Can I have - the strongest drink you've got...
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- "..that'll make me - shit out of my own eyes."
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- And he says, "Very well.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13- "I've got just the drink for you, - it's called aarrgh!"
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- "I'll have two of them, please."
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- "If you want food, - the menus are here.
0:21:23 > 0:21:29- "They're in Braille. You'll find out - why they're in Braille in a minute."
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- It'd odd being the other side - of the world because I love Wales.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- I love Welsh people.
0:21:39 > 0:21:45- When you find yourself somewhere and - you hear someone speaking Welsh...
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- ..you just - want to give them a big hug.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- A fellow Welshman.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- You go up to them - but sometimes it goes like this.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- Oh, fucking Northwalian!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- Well, - thank you very much for tonight.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- I hope you've enjoyed yourself.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- If you haven't...
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- ..I'm sorry you feel that way.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:22:38 > 0:22:38- .