0:00:02 > 0:00:04Imagine forgetting where everything is...
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- Where are you going?- Toilet.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Down that corridor.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17..being confused by a kettle...
0:00:17 > 0:00:19There's smoke coming from here.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25..and getting lost in your own home.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33For 55-year-old Chris Roberts,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36this is the reality of life with dementia.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39It's fine like that, isn't it?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41The person I miss most is me.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45For the last 18 months, Chris and his family
0:00:45 > 0:00:48have opened up their lives to the cameras.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50People say, "Oh, it's like losing somebody.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53"It's losing little bits of them all the time."
0:00:53 > 0:00:54It doesn't feel like that for me.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57It feels to me like he's leaving me.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00And there's nothing I can do about it.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10'I wouldn't say I was frightened of what might happen,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13'but it just the forgetting me.'
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Him not knowing who I am.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- Happy Christmas!- Happy Christmas!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20CCTV and video diaries...
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Dad? Do a cheers!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25..give a rare and intimate insight
0:01:25 > 0:01:29into a family adapting to dementia.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Oh, yes.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Put I would rather not die at home.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38So, what if you're at home when you become ill?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40I'd rather not die here.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43I may have dementia,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46but it doesn't have me...yet.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48HE YELLS
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I'd just like to say
0:01:54 > 0:01:55to all my family, I love you all.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I always will.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59For the days that I, um...
0:02:02 > 0:02:03..maybe can't say it.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17And it's in gear!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20We got pegs? All the way around.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Right, you need to thread the poles in where the colours are.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28Chris Roberts and his family arrive for their annual camping trip
0:02:28 > 0:02:30on the North Wales coast.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34It's always important to get the family together and make memories.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36It's nice, cos when you think about people,
0:02:36 > 0:02:37you think about the good times.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40So the more good times you can have, the better you think of people
0:02:40 > 0:02:43and the more you remember it.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45It's a chance for teenager Kate
0:02:45 > 0:02:47to catch up with her brothers and sisters.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49She's the youngest of five.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53It's been nice, all of us actually being together for a change.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Just doing what we used to do.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Chris and Jayne have been married for two decades.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02It's a welcome break from life at home.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Not too far because...
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Part of the fun of it is, when it's raining and it's bad weather
0:03:06 > 0:03:08and then the sun comes out.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11They're just out there having fun, like they should be.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Like an ordinary, normal family.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16So it's good. It's nice.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19So I'm hoping that they'll remember all that stuff,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22rather than what's going to happen later on.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27This family has been living with dementia for five years.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I'm surprised we got that up.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Tiring for anyone, isn't it?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35But it makes me...makes me cloudy, makes my dementia worse.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Do you want a trolley?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49We've been filming with the Roberts family
0:03:49 > 0:03:53from Rhuddlan in North Wales for more than 18 months,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55as Chris's dementia progresses.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I'm actually shaking.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Everything's pronounced.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Everything's exaggerated.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04All the noises, just the open spaces.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08It's forced them all to come up with ways to adapt and cope.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I've learnt to keep my eye on her
0:04:10 > 0:04:12and then I won't forget where I am.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14She reminds me that I'm here for a purpose,
0:04:14 > 0:04:16otherwise I can forget where I am.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I can go wandering off.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Right, this one's quiet.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24They began noticing changes in Chris three years earlier.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- Am I going too fast for you?- No.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30He was just becoming more and more unusual. Not himself.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Sometimes, he can get a bit short with us.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Just get very angry. Very, very cross.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Shouting at them, blaming them for things.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42And, um...it was totally out of character.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Peas! I do need peas.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48We'd started to bicker, and we've never rowed. We never argued.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I still put it down to changes that were going on
0:04:51 > 0:04:54and not being able to cope.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57You know, maybe it was a coping strategy. Shout!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59All done, all done. Let's go.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I was a bit shocked for a moment
0:05:02 > 0:05:05because where I thought he was going to sit, he went straight past.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I thought he'd gone wandering off.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11So I got that slight anxiety of, where is he?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Like you would with a child.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Chris has had to stop driving. It was a tough decision.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Everyone seemed to be honking their horns.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27Nothing was automatic any more.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31And unknown to me, I was concentrating so much on driving,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I wasn't... Junctions were mine, roundabouts were mine.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I was driving straight across.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39So this is where all the honking of the horns came in.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40They were actually honking at me.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I'd pull over in the car because I couldn't remember where I was going.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47And this is a lot of stuff that even the family didn't know.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Chris ran a custom motorcycle build-and-repair shop.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55He was a keen biker.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59One minute, you're going out with all your biker friends on a Sunday
0:05:59 > 0:06:02and then you don't live the same any more.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05My life completely changed the day I gave up my licence.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Completely changed.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- What year are we in?- 2015.- OK.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I've been saying '14 for some time.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- You said '14 last time, as well, but it's OK.- Oh, right.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Chris has volunteered to be tested every six months
0:06:24 > 0:06:27as part of a research project to assess
0:06:27 > 0:06:30how well he's living with his dementia.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32When you get given a diagnosis, the only thing you can cling to
0:06:32 > 0:06:36is a little bit of hope. And research gives you that hope.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38What I'm going to do now is give you three words
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- which I'm going to ask you to remember.- Mm.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43So the words are "lemon", "key", "ball".
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Lemon, key, ball.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47OK, good. So try to remember those.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Chris was given a similar test when Jayne took him to see his GP.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55It was "apple", "table", "penny".
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Repeat them back. So Chris repeated them back three times,
0:06:58 > 0:07:00then she said a few more questions,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03then she came back to, "What were those three objects?"
0:07:03 > 0:07:05And he could only get one.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07And alarm bells are screaming at the back of my head
0:07:07 > 0:07:10because two years later...
0:07:13 > 0:07:15..I can remember those objects.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19And in the space of five minutes,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22he was unable...unable to remember the objects.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Can you remember those three words I asked you to remember?
0:07:29 > 0:07:30- Lemon.- Good.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35- There's two more.- No.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- No?- No.- OK.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Chris was diagnosed with vascular dementia
0:07:40 > 0:07:45and young-onset Alzheimer's aged 50.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46So what I'm going to ask you to do next
0:07:46 > 0:07:49is to draw me a clock face with numbers on it
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and then put the hands at ten past five.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Um...clock.- Yep.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11They say to you, "Draw a clock," and then I'm stumped.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Like, what do I do first?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Do I do the dot first, do I do this first, do I do that first?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36And what about the hands? Do you want to put the hands in now?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- At what time?- Ten past five.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- No, I can't do that.- OK. No worries, no worries. Thank you.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48It sounds such a simple thing to do, but it's a very hard process.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Right, thanks very much, Anthony.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55I'm a bit relieved now it's all over. Whoof!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I like Anthony, but I'm always glad to see the back of him.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06The best thing you can do after your diagnosis is read up about it.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Find out all you can.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11It's the unknown that scares us.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Dad, do you want to grab the end of that?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Life goes on despite dementia.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Do you need, um...?- No.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- ..books, or something? - CHRIS AND KATE: No.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28But increasingly, Chris is on a short fuse.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30You're just annoying me.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34'It's much less easy now than it was six months ago.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37'Some days, it doesn't matter what I do, it's not going to be right.'
0:09:37 > 0:09:40This is square on this.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Yes, we've walked all the way around it
0:09:41 > 0:09:43and it's the same all the way around.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- This gap is the same all the way around.- Sorry.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50I don't know what you don't understand about what I just said.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53'I can't do right for doing wrong.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55'That's not my Chris, that is the Alzheimer's.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00'That's very, very hard, being criticised constantly.'
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Without the diagnosis, we probably would be this close to divorce now.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07And we love each other dearly.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- It goes right over, does it? - It does. I can actually fold it...
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Right, yeah, well, don't. - And then it...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I'm a teenager, that can be hard, not arguing back.
0:10:19 > 0:10:25But I just got on with it and learnt to not bite. Huh!
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Kate was 14 when her dad was diagnosed.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35'I wouldn't say I was frightened of what might happen,
0:10:35 > 0:10:38'but just him not knowing who I am.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40'That's the only thing, really.'
0:10:40 > 0:10:43I don't mind helping him if he can't do anything any more,
0:10:43 > 0:10:46when he needs a drink and I'll have to give it to him
0:10:46 > 0:10:48or if he needed to brush his teeth, I can do that,
0:10:48 > 0:10:50but it's just the forgetting me.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56It says at the front, if you get confused, ring IKEA.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58CHRIS AND JAYNE CHUCKLE
0:10:58 > 0:11:00It does say that, though.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Right, stand it on there.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04It's a bit big, isn't it?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- The job's nearly done.- Huge.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11But for a DIY expert like Chris, it's not as simple as it used to be.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I've got absolutely everything in here.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17It's just remembering what's what.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I don't know what half the stuff is, so it just gets...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23W-What is this? So it just gets put on one side,
0:11:23 > 0:11:25put on one side and put on one side.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Nothing gets hung up any more, nothing's arranged any more.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32By chance, he finds what he's looking for.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34DRILL WHIRS
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Well, that's good.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I'm...I'm nervous as hell now.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Stressed, anxious about the whole thing.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Even starting it, I was.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45I could quite easily have gone,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47"Do you know what? Let's get someone in."
0:11:47 > 0:11:51But I know, with the help of the others, I can get this done.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54And then it's... You've got the satisfaction afterwards.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56It makes you feel good again.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58It makes you feel worthy again.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05'I've always been a master blagger.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07'And I want to present as normal as I can.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11'I want to remain as normal as I can for as long as I can.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14'And I'm becoming quite good at that. I'm becoming very good at it.'
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Is that it?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Yeah, very happy.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20I'll make you a coffee now.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27It's nice for us to get out, isn't it?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Just to make sure you get home. - Yeah.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34The only driving Chris does now is his mobility scooter.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I want a bigger and a faster one now, though!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I don't go out much.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I tend to look about two or three foot ahead of me
0:12:41 > 0:12:43because I'm always looking for steps and kerbs
0:12:43 > 0:12:46and inclines and things like that that affect my balance.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I think it's quite sad when your 16-year-old daughter's
0:12:51 > 0:12:53turned into her father's carer.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I don't see it as caring, though, I see it more as, like...
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Looking after your dad.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Just keeping an eye.- Yeah.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04Kate's left school, giving her more time to "keep an eye" on her dad.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08'I'm the only one of his children living here now,
0:13:08 > 0:13:09'so I get all the time with him.'
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I have to have someone with me all the time, 24/7,
0:13:12 > 0:13:14because I don't understand sometimes
0:13:14 > 0:13:18about the dangers of going outside and being on my own.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Um...I can forget to leave the cooker on.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23It is a lot safer if someone's here all the time.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Do you want chicken, or chicken and mushroom?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Er...
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Erm...chicken, please.- OK.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34I find it very difficult making decisions.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37So it's a lot easier if she shows me.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Because I can see exactly what she wants me to make the decision about,
0:13:40 > 0:13:44rather than trying to remember, "What did she say first?"
0:13:44 > 0:13:47So I usually end up going for whatever they said second.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50And we've...we've learnt that ourselves.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Do you want any bread? - No, thank you.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59So, you had some bread, then?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- Did I say no?- Yeah.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Everyday tasks are becoming more challenging
0:14:08 > 0:14:11as Chris's vision and co-ordination are impaired.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14It takes a lot of thought to peel a potato.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18It takes a lot of thought process to hold the potato,
0:14:18 > 0:14:23move your hand alternately to what the other hand wants to do.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26It's quite a struggle to peel a potato.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30You're going to have to peel them. I'm struggling to peel.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35'People don't realise that you don't see so well any more with dementia.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37'I don't see potatoes very well.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40'And I know in care homes, they've started using coloured crockery now
0:14:40 > 0:14:44'to show up the potatoes, to show up the cauliflower cheese.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46'And people are eating better.'
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I'm done now, anyway.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Yeah, it's quite enough for me.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53I don't eat much these days.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Some people try and hide from their dementia.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Hiding is easier than facing up to it sometimes.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09But you can only run for so long.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Dementia WILL catch you up.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13You WILL have to face it.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15You WILL have to live with it.
0:15:22 > 0:15:27Chris is one of 850,000 people living with dementia in the UK.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- It's in the car, isn't it? - It's miles to walk.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32One of the first things he did after diagnosis
0:15:32 > 0:15:34was to choose his own care home.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Today, he's going in for some respite care,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40for him AND the family.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44I've looked for a care home, I've made the decision
0:15:44 > 0:15:46and it's my choice.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48This is entirely my plan.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- But I have got dementia! - HE LAUGHS
0:15:56 > 0:15:57HANDLE RATTLES
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Locked, isn't it?
0:16:01 > 0:16:02- See you later.- See you later.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- Ta-ra.- What time?- I don't know.- OK.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Whatever time you want to come and get me.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Jayne is finding the prospect
0:16:11 > 0:16:13of leaving him in a care home overwhelming.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17SHE SOBS
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I struggle with it.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29(Sorry.)
0:16:36 > 0:16:41There are more than 40,000 people under 65 in the UK with dementia.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45I'm 53. I was diagnosed with dementia about three years ago.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I've got vascular damage and Alzheimer's.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Chris and Jayne have thrown themselves
0:16:50 > 0:16:52into raising awareness of the disease.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Folk who are not prepared at this time can suffer a lot of shock
0:16:56 > 0:16:59and anxiety. I know I did.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02'It actually makes us a team again. It brings us closer together.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06You can fall through the net quite easily,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10and that's why I decided to give dementia a voice.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Thank you.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- Thanks very much. - That was excellent.- Thank you.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Tiring, but good. I think it went well.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22We got a nice round of applause, so that's an indicator.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24If it went badly, we wouldn't get anything.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- SHE LAUGHS - Yeah.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Chris finds night-time journeys particularly challenging,
0:17:29 > 0:17:31so he wears sunglasses.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36My sunglasses - because, then, the lights aren't as bright
0:17:36 > 0:17:38and so I don't get as scared.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I'm not looking out of the front window.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44The lights look like they're coming straight towards you.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45It's just quite scary.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49DO BARKS
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Home at last.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Jayne locks up for the night.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I've closed the curtain, but I've also put the alarm on.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00If Chris does get up in the night,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02the curtains have so far stopped him
0:18:02 > 0:18:04seeing the door and going through it,
0:18:04 > 0:18:06but there is an alarm in case he does go through the curtains,
0:18:06 > 0:18:08and it should hopefully wake one of us up
0:18:08 > 0:18:10and alert us to Chris going out.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12With the dementia mind, if you can't see the door,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15you don't know to go through it.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Chris was once discovered walking in the street in his dressing gown
0:18:18 > 0:18:20at 4.00 in the morning.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Luckily, this policeman found him and brought him back.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I went down and I was, like,
0:18:25 > 0:18:27"Are you OK?" And he was, like, "Get away from me!"
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Like he didn't who anybody was.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32He didn't know where he was in the house, or anything.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38I've just got up. No-one's in the house.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Wandered around, shouting,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44searching. Can't find anybody.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Trouble is, I don't know whether I'm dreaming or not.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Can't find any notes.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It's really strange when you don't know what's real and what isn't.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10The family has allowed us to install seven cameras in their home.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24They capture the impact on family life behind closed doors...
0:19:30 > 0:19:33..as things become more confusing for Chris.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39I can get lost in my own house.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43I can walk into a room and nothing is familiar about it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I don't know where anything is in the house any more.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54It's like someone's moved you out for a couple of years
0:19:54 > 0:19:56and moved you back in again.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I just have no memory of where things live any more.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I have to open all the drawers and cupboard doors
0:20:06 > 0:20:08and search for everything these days.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Instead of hanging his coat up, Chris puts it in a kitchen cupboard.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32He was, like, "All right, OK."
0:20:32 > 0:20:34And he was sat there with me, went through...
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Two days later...
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Night-times can be a problem for Chris.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04PIANO NOTES PLAY
0:21:09 > 0:21:13The curtains across the front door are doing their job...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18..but he tries every other door that he finds.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I find it very difficult to sleep now.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32It's really confusing when you get lost in your own house.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35And it looks so different at night-time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- Chris?- Mm?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51It's 7.45. We've got to get up.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Today, Chris is going for another day's respite in the care home.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01- I've got coffee here for you. - Thank you.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05But mornings are often a challenge for him.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Saturday morning, I woke up and wasn't sure
0:22:07 > 0:22:09if it was Jayne next to me or not.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11But then I thought, "No, it has to be. Don't be silly."
0:22:11 > 0:22:14And then she spoke, so I realised it was.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Can you take the coffees?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Could you take them both? It's burning me.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Take that one first.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Sit up.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27'When you wake up, first of all,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29'you've got to remember what comes next.'
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I've actually laid there and I've had to be prompted to get out of bed
0:22:35 > 0:22:37because Jayne's come in, "Oh, you're awake".
0:22:37 > 0:22:39"Yeah, I've been awake for some time."
0:22:39 > 0:22:41"Well, why didn't you get up?" "I didn't think to."
0:22:43 > 0:22:44- Are you taking a coat?- No.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- Do you not think you need one?- No.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- Give me two ticks.- Why? You can have that when you come back.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- I don't need any money, do I? - You're just taking me down the road.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56'I used to be a very patient man.'
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I would hardly ever, ever, ever lose my temper.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02But now I lose it quite, quite daily.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- You ready?- Yeah.- Huh!
0:23:06 > 0:23:10I am looking forward to having a day off. It's been a very hectic month.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12So I'm looking forward to it.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15No-one's going to be asking me any questions,
0:23:15 > 0:23:16no-one's going to be asking
0:23:16 > 0:23:19if I want a coffee or something to eat or...
0:23:20 > 0:23:23They're just going to leave me alone, which is nice.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- All right, I'll see you later. - All right. Ta-ra.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Chris has been coming to this care home
0:23:30 > 0:23:32on occasional day visits for seven months.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38I was having trouble dropping my husband off for day respite,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41but now, actually, it does us both good.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I'm much better about it now
0:23:43 > 0:23:46because he's that bit much more advanced.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50It also gives me that time off from treading on the eggshells.
0:23:50 > 0:23:55Dropping him off, him going through the doors, I breathe.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58'It's relaxing.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02'No dog, no wife, no children.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04'And it works.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07'I need to come here more often. Definitely.'
0:24:10 > 0:24:13But the disease is taking its toll on their relationship.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16'There's a distance between us that wasn't there before.
0:24:16 > 0:24:21'There is no physical affection between us any more.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24'I think that could be because I've stopped trying.'
0:24:24 > 0:24:26You know, I'll kiss him at night in bed,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29but I'm kissing a cheek that isn't even offered to me.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34We don't have that intimacy that was going six months,
0:24:34 > 0:24:36but at least it was still there.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38That's very difficult.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45'While Jayne's away, I try and think about what she looks like
0:24:45 > 0:24:48'and I have no recollection. I can't get the image in my head.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51'All I get is how she sounds, more than a picture.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55'And that doesn't take long.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57'She can just be gone an hour and I think to myself,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59' "What does Jayne look like?" '
0:25:01 > 0:25:04It's the end of the day and time to pick Chris up.
0:25:05 > 0:25:06I've had a good day.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I don't know if you can hear it in my voice.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Yeah, some me time.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16When I go in, I have to almost introduce myself, if you like,
0:25:16 > 0:25:21rather than him not recognising me or not being sure who I am,
0:25:21 > 0:25:22or any embarrassment like that.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I just go in and let him know it's me.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Chris?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- Hiya. It's me.- Hiya. - You all right?- Yeah.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Kate knows her dad is struggling to recognise her, too.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44It was a shock, because your parent doesn't forget who you are.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I'm getting to know the face he does when he doesn't remember me now,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51which is quite upsetting.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55If there is a face that he, like, does when he forgets who people are,
0:25:55 > 0:25:58I shouldn't recognise it for being me that he's forgotten,
0:25:58 > 0:26:00it should be people he doesn't see.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- You getting in the front? Do you know who I am now?- Yeah.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- THEY LAUGH - Yeah.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11That insight, that remnant of me, is becoming less.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14It's definitely becoming less and less.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17I'm becoming a new me, which I don't particularly like.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20The person I miss most is me.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Mum's back on Saturday, not Friday.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Oh, OK. How do you know?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- I texted her.- OK.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Kate's in charge for the next few days while Jayne has some time off.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Chris quickly accepts life without her.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I'm not bothered.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48I know Jayne was ready for a break.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I'm not emotional like that any more.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Yeah. It hasn't bothered me in the least,
0:26:55 > 0:26:58which is not a very nice thing to say, but there you go.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00That's what it's like.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Two, please.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Each time Jayne goes away,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09she fears what might await her when she returns.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13One of the downsides to having a week off
0:27:13 > 0:27:16is that you come back full of it
0:27:16 > 0:27:18and then nothing's changed.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21In fact, it might have progressed a little bit more.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24People say, "Oh, it's like losing somebody.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26"It's losing little bits of them all the time."
0:27:26 > 0:27:28It doesn't feel like that for me.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31It feels to me like he's leaving me.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I don't let things like that...
0:27:35 > 0:27:39I try and be indifferent to them, because that's my coping mechanism.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Being indifferent to it.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44So it's not that I'm losing all my emotions,
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I'm having to lose them, as well.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49The saying around here is, "That's your problem, not mine."
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- I've got enough problems of my own. - SHE CHUCKLES
0:27:52 > 0:27:53And that's just it.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57If somebody is leaving you, it's your problem and...
0:27:58 > 0:28:00..they just leave you. They can't comfort you better
0:28:00 > 0:28:03because they're making the choice to leave you.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05I know this isn't Chris's choice...
0:28:06 > 0:28:08- ..but that's how it makes me feel. - Mm.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12And there's nothing I can do about it.
0:28:30 > 0:28:36I may have dementia, but it doesn't have me...yet.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49It's Chris and Jayne's 21st wedding anniversary.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51- Is that all right? - CHRIS CHUCKLES
0:28:53 > 0:28:56She hasn't got me one because she thought I'd forgotten.
0:28:56 > 0:29:00He didn't have a clue when I said happy anniversary to him.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04As good as he was at covering it, I could see he didn't know.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08So that shows an advancement to me.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10I did get Jayne a card.
0:29:10 > 0:29:13My daughter texted me this morning and reminded me - card.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16So I sent my other daughter out for a card.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20Cos I don't go out on my own these days, I'm not very good with money.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22In fact, I don't even carry money these days.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27She'll open it thinking it's yours!
0:29:27 > 0:29:30And I know for a fact she hasn't got me one.
0:29:30 > 0:29:35Because she thinks I'll forget and I won't get one, which is great.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37That gives me a lot of satisfaction.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Remind me afterwards. Remind me.
0:29:43 > 0:29:48Just for once, I've got the edge on the memory thing, which is great.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Makes me feel like I haven't got dementia at all. I'm cured today!
0:29:51 > 0:29:53Chicken chow mein?
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- Yes, please. - That's what I usually have.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58That looks really nice.
0:30:00 > 0:30:04I'm like that, so I can get the sound into my ears!
0:30:04 > 0:30:05It works!
0:30:05 > 0:30:10Just go like that and then you hear better.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14He's chosen his favourite Chinese restaurant for a reason.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17'I'm not very good at cutting my food up these days.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19'I can't use a knife and fork any more.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23'I've problems coordinating my hands.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26'So I usually try and choose something that's already chopped up
0:30:26 > 0:30:29'and not having to pass my plate to someone else for them to do it.
0:30:29 > 0:30:33'It spoils the atmosphere when people see that.'
0:30:35 > 0:30:39But as the evening wears on, Chris is finding it hard.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44'It can be very difficult to keep up with people's conversations.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47'I tend to just quieten off, to be honest,
0:30:47 > 0:30:49'because I can't hear anybody.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52'You end up just retiring, and keeping to yourself.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57'Being on your own in a crowded room.'
0:30:59 > 0:31:03Back home, Jayne finally gets her card.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06Brownie points all round!
0:31:06 > 0:31:08Excellent, I can still do some things right!
0:31:13 > 0:31:17"Trust" has become quite a big word in my vocabulary at the moment.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20I'm having to trust.
0:31:20 > 0:31:25Trust that today is Friday, trust when I'm told I'm taking my tablets.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29Trust when a fact I believe in hasn't actually happened.
0:31:29 > 0:31:33So "trust" is a huge word at the moment.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36- You want anything to eat?- No.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38- Have you had your tablets?- No.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47Are you sure?
0:31:47 > 0:31:50- I put them there. Did you just move them?- I don't know.
0:31:52 > 0:31:54It's Friday, no, you haven't.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58- SHE LAUGHS - It's Thursday!
0:31:58 > 0:32:01Chris, I think you've already had them.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03- What?- Yeah! - SHE LAUGHS
0:32:06 > 0:32:09As Chris's dementia symptoms increase,
0:32:09 > 0:32:12life at home becomes more demanding for Jayne.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36'I forget to eat and I actually don't get hungry any more either,
0:32:36 > 0:32:38'so I'll eat when it's given me,
0:32:38 > 0:32:41'because I have no recollection of when I ate at all.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48'If it wasn't for Jayne or Kate, I'd probably be in a care home now.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51'There's no way I could look after myself.'
0:33:02 > 0:33:05With Jayne taking more and more responsibility,
0:33:05 > 0:33:08difficult decisions have to be made.
0:33:08 > 0:33:12You can put I would rather not die at home.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15"I would prefer not to die at home."
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Put that in.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Chris is writing his Lasting Power of Attorney,
0:33:20 > 0:33:23for when he can no longer decide for himself.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26So what if you're at home when you become ill,
0:33:26 > 0:33:28if you haven't already gone into a nursing home?
0:33:30 > 0:33:34- What?- Would you be happy to stay here or want to go into hospital?
0:33:34 > 0:33:36HE SNIFFS
0:33:36 > 0:33:38I'd rather not die here.
0:33:39 > 0:33:43'I've got no control over my death. I haven't chosen a death.'
0:33:43 > 0:33:46That's what little control I have.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49I've chosen what little control I have over it.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51And the more decisions I make,
0:33:51 > 0:33:53the less decisions my family have to make,
0:33:53 > 0:33:56so it's protecting them, really.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58That's why I make a lot of decisions.
0:33:58 > 0:34:03So if you were in a...seriously ill, it would be right
0:34:03 > 0:34:07- to let you go to hospital? - Yeah, yeah. Why not?
0:34:07 > 0:34:09I was asking, that's all.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12They're not the sort of questions I would have thought of.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16But then I don't want treatment either, so...
0:34:22 > 0:34:25- So we would have to...- Tell them.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33'I think it's better if I don't die at home.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38'Then there's not a room where I died.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40'And I know what Jayne is like, and I think
0:34:40 > 0:34:43'she'd cope with it a lot better if I died somewhere else.'
0:34:47 > 0:34:52This has made him think even more seriously about a longer stay
0:34:52 > 0:34:53at his care home.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58Not just during the day, but overnight, too.
0:35:21 > 0:35:25I think no more denying the fact I've got Alzheimer's
0:35:25 > 0:35:27or pretending everything's going to be OK.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34I really just have to get used to this new life.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40Stop yearning for the old one. I must try and live in the now.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45'Make the now as good as possible.'
0:35:45 > 0:35:46Is it down there?
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Yours is staying up now.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56'It's getting worse now, my memory is starting to fail a lot.
0:35:56 > 0:36:01'It's just difficult because I know that I'm progressing.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05'I'm getting to maybe another stage, and then that means I'm not far
0:36:05 > 0:36:08'away from other stages which I don't want to think of yet.'
0:36:09 > 0:36:13It's day two of the family holiday in Llanbedr, North Wales.
0:36:15 > 0:36:20Student Sadie admits her dad's diagnosis hasn't quite sunk in.
0:36:20 > 0:36:26'I've not really got upset about it yet, I'm just living in the moment.'
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Yesterday's homecoming felt bittersweet.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Her dad didn't recognise her.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33I've been in uni and I haven't come home for ages
0:36:33 > 0:36:35and I turned up as a surprise.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38And she run in the room, put her stuff down, "Hiya!"
0:36:38 > 0:36:41and I thought, "Be polite!"
0:36:41 > 0:36:42"Hello."
0:36:42 > 0:36:44"Hiya."
0:36:44 > 0:36:46And he was like, "Just come in."
0:36:46 > 0:36:48And she went, "It's Sadie,"
0:36:48 > 0:36:51because I think it dawned on her and I went, "Yeah, I knew."
0:36:51 > 0:36:54He wasn't expecting me or didn't know I was there.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57But it wasn't really much, it was just like, "Why's she here?"
0:36:57 > 0:37:00I had no idea, no idea.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02Which is sad. It's always sad.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06It gets to my heart every time that happens, every time.
0:37:06 > 0:37:07And it happens a lot.
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Don't forget the children.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15The children also need to know what's going on.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18They might come up with all kinds of ideas,
0:37:18 > 0:37:21they might even be upset without you even realising.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24Don't forget the children.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28'I was a bit sad today, watching them.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32'I don't enjoy things any more. But it's good to see them doing it.'
0:37:33 > 0:37:36I'm probably the lucky one in all this because I'll forget.
0:37:36 > 0:37:37They won't have that luxury.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Do you light it in all the corners? Whoo!
0:37:44 > 0:37:46- KATE:- 'It's been nice, all of us actually being together
0:37:46 > 0:37:48'for a change.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51'He's had a good sleep last night so he's really himself today.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54'So it's not like we've had a holiday and had to look after him.'
0:37:54 > 0:37:57It's like we've had a holiday with his old self.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01'I probably shouldn't drink at all, really.
0:38:01 > 0:38:06'It makes me more confused, it has more of an effect on me nowadays,
0:38:06 > 0:38:09'but it's the last thing I've got left in life.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11'It's the last vice I have!'
0:38:15 > 0:38:19Eldest son Christian is still coming to terms with his dad's diagnosis.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24'Very big shock, it's not nice to hear.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26'You don't think it's going to happen to your own family,
0:38:26 > 0:38:29'especially at his age, as well.'
0:38:29 > 0:38:33He's kind of turning into someone else. It's... I don't know,
0:38:33 > 0:38:37he's not the guy he was before, I don't think, now.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41It's changed him, as a person, a lot.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45When you look at him, you see he's different. Like he's somebody else.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49'I think get-togethers are important,
0:38:49 > 0:38:51'spend time together as much as we can.'
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Cos obviously things are only going to get worse.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57'And I love him to bits.'
0:39:07 > 0:39:11Dementia doesn't exist here. Which it doesn't - look.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14They're all having a nice time, they're playing card games.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16That's how it should be.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19For Jayne, the holiday has brought home how much
0:39:19 > 0:39:22she needs a break away from Chris's dementia.
0:39:23 > 0:39:27I'm on edge a lot at home, all the time,
0:39:27 > 0:39:29so it's... That's how I know it's time.
0:39:29 > 0:39:33I need respite, and I didn't think I'd ever say that.
0:39:33 > 0:39:38He wants to go in and have respite overnight for himself.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40I'm not ready to let him do that,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43and one of my biggest worries is that...
0:39:43 > 0:39:45I won't want him to come home.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47I might like him being there.
0:39:51 > 0:39:55So I... I can't risk him going in for week
0:39:55 > 0:39:58and me not wanting him back.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02And that's how it is.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09Well, the seasons are progressing.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12Autumn's here. Appeared very quickly.
0:40:13 > 0:40:18Didn't even see the signs. Just went dark overnight.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22Same as dementia does, really. My dementia is progressing.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Sometimes it goes dark, literally, overnight.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29OK, when I hold it like that...
0:40:32 > 0:40:35Kate has hit a landmark birthday.
0:40:36 > 0:40:42But there's no escaping her dad's dementia, even on her special day.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46THEY SING Happy Birthday
0:40:49 > 0:40:51So how did you feel about last night?
0:40:51 > 0:40:55It was all right, but towards the end, it was more like...
0:40:55 > 0:41:00I'm not being selfish, but... More keeping an eye out on Dad.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03Chris got lost in the restaurant.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08I stood up because we were on the second level and I waved at him
0:41:08 > 0:41:12and he looked at me, but then I don't know
0:41:12 > 0:41:15if he just didn't see me, or if he saw me and didn't know.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20When he doesn't know who I am and I'm actually there, I'm a bit upset
0:41:20 > 0:41:24about it, but when it does click in, it's like he's still there.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26It takes the upset away.
0:41:26 > 0:41:30Yeah. But later on, it's just like, why us?
0:41:30 > 0:41:32Yeah.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34When you're talking to your friends, or...?
0:41:34 > 0:41:36I don't talk to them about it.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38Not at all? What about Ashley?
0:42:01 > 0:42:05- That's the bottom, isn't it?- Yeah. - Plug the next bit into it, please.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07I want to put that bit in there.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09It won't go in there because the wires won't let you.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12- It was never this hard last year. - You've never done it before.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14- I'm sure I did last year. - You didn't.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18Chris is becoming increasingly agitated.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20What are these bits, Dad?
0:42:20 > 0:42:22We don't need them.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25'I'm just very anxious at the moment.
0:42:25 > 0:42:26'I'm not in a good place.'
0:42:26 > 0:42:29You haven't tightened the bottom, have you?
0:42:29 > 0:42:31I can see it wobbling.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32Over the last two, three months,
0:42:32 > 0:42:35it's got progressively worse. I'm not in a good place at all.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39Probably one of the worst places I've ever been.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42And one day, tempers reach boiling point...
0:42:52 > 0:42:55..in a row about jobs around the house.
0:43:11 > 0:43:16That evening, Chris tries to make sense of what's happened.
0:43:35 > 0:43:37Then the argument flares up again.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07HE YELLS
0:44:09 > 0:44:13'We heard Chris let out a yell and went in, and he just dissolved.'
0:44:25 > 0:44:29So overwhelming for him that he just cried for help.
0:44:40 > 0:44:44That is the only time that he's ever been unable to deal with it.
0:44:54 > 0:44:58And then, after the event, life goes back to normal.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23All these need folding out.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25- Do you want to help?- No.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29- Are you looking forward to Christmas?- No.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31It's just stressing me.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33I don't know why. It's just stressing me.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37If I had my way, I'd cancel it.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40It's all the decorations and the cats jumping around
0:45:40 > 0:45:45everywhere, and mess and hassle
0:45:45 > 0:45:46and change.
0:45:48 > 0:45:49It's just...nightmare.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51Nightmare.
0:45:51 > 0:45:55Having to change what you're doing and where you're sitting
0:45:55 > 0:46:02- and...- Well...- ..getting ready and putting things together and wrapping
0:46:02 > 0:46:04- and...- You don't have to wrap.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06No, it's all just... It's just mithering me.
0:46:06 > 0:46:08- Thinking about it?- Yeah.
0:46:13 > 0:46:17You will make the effort on the day, won't you? We've got guests.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Well, I'll have to, won't I?
0:46:49 > 0:46:52DOORBELL RINGS
0:47:00 > 0:47:03- GUESTS:- # We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year! #
0:47:05 > 0:47:07LIVELY CHATTER
0:47:09 > 0:47:11LOUD POP
0:47:24 > 0:47:27Christmas actually didn't turn out as a bad as I thought.
0:47:29 > 0:47:33I wasn't really in mood to eat, so I left most of my dinner,
0:47:33 > 0:47:36but quite enjoyed just being sat there, watching everybody else
0:47:36 > 0:47:38enjoying themselves.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41Quite enjoyed it, actually,
0:47:41 > 0:47:43considering all the fuss I made.
0:47:45 > 0:47:48So...didn't turn out so bad, at all.
0:47:52 > 0:47:54New Year -
0:47:54 > 0:47:56not doing so much this year.
0:47:56 > 0:47:58Keep it a bit tighter, I think,
0:47:58 > 0:48:00and see how things go.
0:48:08 > 0:48:09I must stop rocking, Jayne.
0:48:09 > 0:48:12I know. I didn't want to tell you, though.
0:48:13 > 0:48:16I've got an irritating habit... habit of rocking now.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19It...it...it calms me down.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23Chris is entering a new phase in his dementia.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28We're a bit disappointed the way things are moving
0:48:28 > 0:48:32so quickly, and I'm becoming less able to do anything now.
0:48:32 > 0:48:37So, I'm glad I did what I've done. I've tried to stay in control of it,
0:48:37 > 0:48:41but dementia is... is getting a grip now.
0:48:44 > 0:48:47It's becoming much harder for him to process information.
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Jayne says, "I'm sure your hearing's going."
0:49:10 > 0:49:13And it's not that I don't hear it - I don't understand her.
0:49:13 > 0:49:15So, I have to ask again
0:49:15 > 0:49:17and then I can sort of understand.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57The dementia symptoms are more pronounced.
0:49:57 > 0:50:00We know we only have a window of time,
0:50:00 > 0:50:02before it all goes pear-shaped.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11There is one thing Jayne's pleased Chris HAS forgotten.
0:50:11 > 0:50:16He did want to go in and have a rest overnight, and now
0:50:16 > 0:50:20that overnight respite seems to have been put back.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23He hasn't mentioned it for a while and, you know,
0:50:23 > 0:50:25I'm not going to remind him.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30I'm actually starting to notice my symptoms less, to be honest.
0:50:30 > 0:50:35I haven't got the same insight as I used to have.
0:50:35 > 0:50:40I've got the easier part of the illness now, I think, to come.
0:50:43 > 0:50:47Took a big hit this year when I realised I was starting
0:50:47 > 0:50:50to struggling with my reading. That really got me down.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53Um... Nearly as bad as losing my driver's licence.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56But it's just another thing, isn't it?
0:50:56 > 0:51:00Just got to move on and concentrate on what you can do.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03But these days, it's getting...not a lot.
0:51:05 > 0:51:08The whole experience is getting difficult.
0:51:08 > 0:51:10I think you can live with dementia,
0:51:10 > 0:51:13but I'm not sure about living well any more.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19I was diagnosed, when I was 50, with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.
0:51:19 > 0:51:21I'm now 54...
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Chris has come to a big decision.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28He is going to bow out of the conference circuit.
0:51:28 > 0:51:34..So, this is probably my last formal speaking engagement,
0:51:34 > 0:51:37but I will carry on with committees and research groups
0:51:37 > 0:51:41and Dementia Friends. I will carry on for as long as I can.
0:51:43 > 0:51:47I'm feeling quite relieved, cos I don't have to do that again.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49I am going to carry on doing something or other.
0:51:49 > 0:51:53I have to, otherwise I'd be doing nothing
0:51:53 > 0:51:55and I think nothing will then increase
0:51:55 > 0:51:58the progression even more.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00But our story is not finished yet.
0:52:00 > 0:52:05We do know how it will end, and it will not be a happy ending.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08'Jayne has turned into a brilliant speaker.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10'We need to get her out doing it more.'
0:52:10 > 0:52:15We, after all, know how precious time is - and our clock is ticking.
0:52:15 > 0:52:16Thank you.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19'So, that's what I want to do now. I want to travel with Jayne!'
0:52:21 > 0:52:23I can sit back and watch HER do some speaking.
0:52:29 > 0:52:31DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:52:31 > 0:52:34- Why have you got your fingers in your ears?- I can't hear.
0:52:38 > 0:52:42'On Friday, we went to a wedding - my cousin's.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44'And it was nice to see Dad chatting a bit,
0:52:44 > 0:52:48'cos his balance is not very good at all any more.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50'He didn't want to dance at all.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53'So, I had to sit down and be with Dad for a little bit.'
0:52:55 > 0:52:59The father of the bride was doing a speech about the old times
0:52:59 > 0:53:01and it got me quite upset, because I think maybe my dad
0:53:01 > 0:53:03won't be able to give me away.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05Or if he's even here.
0:53:12 > 0:53:1312 hours later...
0:53:20 > 0:53:23Woke up, really, really...
0:53:26 > 0:53:30um...erm...poo...poo...poorly.
0:53:30 > 0:53:33Really bad head.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Nauseous.
0:53:35 > 0:53:38I couldn't swallow properly
0:53:38 > 0:53:42and had trouble with speech.
0:53:48 > 0:53:53His speech is dreadful - very difficult to get out.
0:53:54 > 0:53:58Yeah, I know what... what to say...say,
0:53:58 > 0:54:02but I can't.... can't do...do it...it.
0:54:07 > 0:54:10With Chris admitted to hospital, it's a tense time.
0:54:11 > 0:54:17It's brought it home to me just how fragile life is.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20We'd had a fabulous family wedding.
0:54:20 > 0:54:23Within three hours, your life's changed - again.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Providing Chris is going to be OK, everything else can be sorted out.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30And Chris WILL be OK.
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Um...he always is.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41After four days, Chris is back home.
0:54:41 > 0:54:46I think I had a mild stroke...
0:54:46 > 0:54:52and...affected area that's already damaged.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58My first thoughts were,
0:54:58 > 0:54:59"What now?"
0:54:59 > 0:55:01HE LAUGHS
0:55:01 > 0:55:04"What now? What's being thrown at me now?!"
0:55:07 > 0:55:12'Speech getting better... so we're on the up. On the up.'
0:55:13 > 0:55:17Just another...another hurdle. Another obstacle.
0:55:25 > 0:55:26Where are we going?
0:55:26 > 0:55:28I'm thinking Ilkley Moor,
0:55:28 > 0:55:31because I took the dog on Ilkley Moor before,
0:55:31 > 0:55:33but the problem with the moor was the dog fell in a bog!
0:55:33 > 0:55:36LAUGHTER
0:55:37 > 0:55:41A month later and they are back on the road.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43- Ooh, Worcester sauce! - Throw it by here, Kate,
0:55:43 > 0:55:46so it goes on the floor. That's it.
0:55:46 > 0:55:50Whatever dementia throws at them, Chris and his family
0:55:50 > 0:55:53are determined to enjoy life together...
0:55:53 > 0:55:55for as long as they can.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58I really hope that the programme helps people
0:55:58 > 0:56:00and doesn't scare them.
0:56:00 > 0:56:03I haven't done this to scare anybody.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05So, go like that.
0:56:05 > 0:56:10'You've seen that I still live. I still have a life.'
0:56:10 > 0:56:12Yeah.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14Just different quality.
0:56:14 > 0:56:16- I'll just make sure you get home. - Yeah, yeah.
0:56:16 > 0:56:21It is all changing. It's changing quickly, but...
0:56:24 > 0:56:26..what can you do?
0:56:26 > 0:56:27Ah!
0:56:29 > 0:56:32We have so many laughs. Like, we don't laugh at Dad,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35we laugh WITH Dad. But there is so many things that have happened
0:56:35 > 0:56:38because of it, which have, like, given us extra memories.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41So, it's not ALL doom and gloom.
0:56:44 > 0:56:47- Have we been...?- We've been across the valley before. When Kate...
0:56:47 > 0:56:51'It is so, so important to make the very best of the time
0:56:51 > 0:56:53'that we have got, and we HAVE to enjoy ourselves,'
0:56:53 > 0:56:56because otherwise, we are going to be sad...
0:56:56 > 0:56:58We're definitely going to be sad later on.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01Let's not be sad now and bring it too early.
0:57:03 > 0:57:06Is your hair...darker?
0:57:06 > 0:57:08- Yeah, I coloured it with a dye. - It looks different.
0:57:10 > 0:57:15Don't be scared. Don't be scared. Live life.
0:57:19 > 0:57:22Take it by the danglies... and run with it.
0:57:26 > 0:57:28I bet that doesn't get shown!