0:00:08 > 0:00:18When I found you, I saw raw, untamed power.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22And beyond that...
0:00:22 > 0:00:31Something truly special.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Tonight on This Week: War and conflict is tearing the
0:00:34 > 0:00:43galaxy apart.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Tim Skywalker Shipman dusts off his light sabre, and tries
0:00:45 > 0:00:50to cut through the mystery of Westminster.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54May, Corbyn - can anyone save us from the dark side,
0:00:54 > 0:00:58whatever that is?
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Princess Kate McCann travels through hyperspace
0:00:59 > 0:01:03for this week's round-up.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05On planet politics, peace and harmony seems a
0:01:05 > 0:01:11long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15And Jedi John Culshaw wonders if This Week will even make it to
0:01:15 > 0:01:17the next sequel.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20I sincerely hope not, Darth Neill.
0:01:20 > 0:01:25The show's already gone on for a long time.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28There can be only one winner on This Week
0:01:28 > 0:01:29tonight.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Which one of us is the bad guy?
0:01:31 > 0:01:36I am.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39May the Force be with you.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Fulfil...
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Your...
0:01:44 > 0:01:50Destiny.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Evenin' all.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Welcome to This Week - the week in which Theresa May
0:02:02 > 0:02:08finally discovered what the "U" in DUP stands for.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Yep, Unionist.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Who'da thunk it?
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Though you might have thought the Leader of
0:02:11 > 0:02:15the Conservative And Unionist Party could have guessed.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Perhaps there's a certain metropolitan snobbery -
0:02:16 > 0:02:19a Home Counties hauteur - when it comes to dealing
0:02:19 > 0:02:22with the Democratic Unionist Party.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26The London political and media establishment tends to regard
0:02:26 > 0:02:29the DUP with all the affection it accords Red Necks from Alabama.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Religious fundamentalists, provincial hicks with strange
0:02:31 > 0:02:34accents, obsessed with identity and possessing unfashionable,
0:02:34 > 0:02:38even antediluvian, social views.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40It's a point of view, I suppose.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43But just because you disagree with them is no reason to disrespect
0:02:43 > 0:02:46them, especially if you're a Tory and they're keeping you in power.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48These are folks who've come up the hard way.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50The party's leader, Arlene Foster, saw her father gunned down
0:02:50 > 0:02:53by the IRA when she was a child.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58A few years later terrorists blew up her school bus.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00A rather more testing political genesis than the one experienced
0:03:00 > 0:03:04by your average shire Tory.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07So it's probably not wise to underestimate the DUP or assume
0:03:07 > 0:03:10it can be dragooned into line at your convenience
0:03:10 > 0:03:12and at the last moment, as the PM discovered,
0:03:12 > 0:03:14to her peril, this week.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Tonight the DUP is subjecting her to Belfast's version
0:03:17 > 0:03:18of Chinese water-torture, even as the mood music
0:03:18 > 0:03:21turns more positive.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Speaking of those who've been consistently over-estimated
0:03:25 > 0:03:28throughout their modest careers, I'm joined on the sofa tonight
0:03:28 > 0:03:31by two pundits who between them constitute their very
0:03:31 > 0:03:34own Coalition of Chaos.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I speak of course of Michael #sadmanonatrain Portillo,
0:03:36 > 0:03:45and Alan #sadmanontheleft Johnson.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Michael, your moment of the week? Well, I suppose the moment that will
0:03:50 > 0:03:54live the longest in history is the decision by Donald Trump
0:03:54 > 0:03:54live the longest in history is the decision by Donald Trump to move the
0:03:54 > 0:04:01American embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. Jerusalem is a city of
0:04:01 > 0:04:15profound importance to Muslims, Christians and Jews. It Tel Aviv is
0:04:15 > 0:04:17a much larger city with an international airport and the
0:04:17 > 0:04:21seaside. In Jerusalem, you are aware of how stressful situation is. It
0:04:21 > 0:04:25will be more stressful now. There wasn't much hope for peace in the
0:04:25 > 0:04:30Middle East, I think, but they're sure isn't any now.It may not
0:04:30 > 0:04:33happen, because the move won't happen until after 2020, but
0:04:33 > 0:04:39nevertheless...An important symbol. A very important symbol, and it has
0:04:39 > 0:04:45caused a lot of anguish. Alan? Theresa May had a bad week over
0:04:45 > 0:04:52Brexit so far.Not over yet!She has had a terrible week on the social
0:04:52 > 0:04:57issues, the burning injustices.The social mobility commission.They
0:04:57 > 0:05:02have resigned en masse. It was a juicer rowan tree foundation report
0:05:02 > 0:05:06that said that 400,000 more children have fallen into poverty since 2013.
0:05:06 > 0:05:11The Institute for Fiscal Studies that might be jealous of Rowntree
0:05:11 > 0:05:21foundation. On top of the social policy -- the Joseph Rowntree
0:05:21 > 0:05:28foundation. A report has been with Government for a year and nothing
0:05:28 > 0:05:32has been done about it. There seems to have been complete in action from
0:05:32 > 0:05:36what was her stated priority on the steps of Downing Street.They said
0:05:36 > 0:05:40that it looked like Brexit was taking up all the bandwidth.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Politics has never seemed more unpredictable - or precarious.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44For months we're told that the Brexit negotiations
0:05:44 > 0:05:47will come unstuck over the money - only for that largely to be
0:05:47 > 0:05:49resolved and for them to be scuppered, at least for now,
0:05:49 > 0:05:50by the Irish border.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Expectations of Theresa May's demise grow by the day but she ploughs
0:05:54 > 0:05:56on in her very own version of the Bataan Death March,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00leaving behind casualties strewn by the wayside.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Recent polls give Jeremy Corbyn a comfortable lead but Corbynistas
0:06:03 > 0:06:07fret that he may yet be denied the early election that they think
0:06:07 > 0:06:14would guarantee his victory.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16At uncertain times like these, psephologists, pollsters and pundits
0:06:16 > 0:06:18are proving to be pretty useless.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Perhaps what we need are mathematicians
0:06:19 > 0:06:21versed in chaos theory.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Of course here on This Week we cannot afford that
0:06:24 > 0:06:26sort of expertise.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28So here's cheap as chips Tim Shipman of The Sunday Times
0:06:28 > 0:06:30with his take of the week.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47So the DUP torpedoed phase one of Brexit talks on Monday.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51"Couldn't run a piss up in a brewery", Ed Miliband tweeted.
0:06:51 > 0:06:57But it's very difficult to do anything properly as Prime Minister
0:06:57 > 0:07:00when your squabbling Cabinet is out to get you, you're personally not
0:07:00 > 0:07:03great under pressure, and you're at the mercy
0:07:03 > 0:07:10of the ruthless DUP.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13It's not just the heavy lifting of Brexit that looks chaotic.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17The Tories can't even get the simple stuff right.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20We were left to EU sources to explain the draft deal that had
0:07:20 > 0:07:22been proposed on the Irish border.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Why didn't the Brexit department quickly communicate
0:07:24 > 0:07:33what they thought it meant to British journalists?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36And why can't the Cabinet keep their conflicts under wraps?
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Charging the Chancellor to use RAF planes and calling
0:07:40 > 0:07:42the Defence Secretary Private Pike doesn't look like a strong
0:07:42 > 0:07:46and stable government.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50But is it time to stir rumours of government collapse?
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Concerned that her Brexit red lines need an extra coat of paint,
0:07:54 > 0:07:59as Jacob Rees-Mogg put it, the Eurosceptics are revolting.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02The best hope for May is that they, the Cabinet and the DUP
0:08:02 > 0:08:05all remember their shared objective, keeping Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party
0:08:05 > 0:08:10on the opposition benches.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12May's chances of clinging on and fighting the next election
0:08:12 > 0:08:17are helped by Labour's incompetence.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Corbyn and his team failed to rub salt in May's wounds on Monday
0:08:21 > 0:08:22after her embarrassment.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Why?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Because Labour is just as divided and confused on Europe
0:08:25 > 0:08:27as the Conservatives, and they always miss
0:08:27 > 0:08:29an opportunity to twist the knife.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Thanks.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37So amidst all this chaos, is there an opportunity
0:08:37 > 0:08:39for the Remainers to block Brexit?
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Don't bet on it.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42In an age without effective leadership, politicians
0:08:42 > 0:08:48are led by public opinion.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50And British attitudes to the European Union show
0:08:50 > 0:08:51no sign of changing.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Deal or no deal, we're leaving Europe.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Thanks to the Bianca Road Brewery in Bermondsey.
0:09:02 > 0:09:12Tim is here - as sober as a judge, of course.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19At least, he told me to say that! Good to see you. Michael, is it all
0:09:19 > 0:09:27as chaotic as Tim claims?No, it's pretty chaotic, but I think Brexit
0:09:27 > 0:09:31is advancing fairly well. Despite the famous splits in the
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Conservative party, amazingly, the money went through the Conservative
0:09:35 > 0:09:42party with hardly a murmur. The deal that was scuppered last week was
0:09:42 > 0:09:47scuppered by the DUP, not the Conservative party. They have
0:09:47 > 0:09:50accepted the sort of Irish solution there was going to be. Even the EU
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Commission seems keen to move onto the next stage, and I think the
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Irish question will be settled, probably in the next few hours, but
0:09:57 > 0:10:01anyway, in the next few days, and we will get onto talking about the
0:10:01 > 0:10:07trade deal. Despite experience of -- despite the appearance of chaos, I
0:10:07 > 0:10:12think it will work. The chances of there being a deal are much better
0:10:12 > 0:10:17than 50-50. It is becoming what we expect - there was going to be a
0:10:17 > 0:10:23deal.Allen, as we broadcast tonight, the Prime minister's plane
0:10:23 > 0:10:28is on the runway ready to take her to Brussels, and there was talk of a
0:10:28 > 0:10:30press conference was Jean-Claude Juncker, the president of the
0:10:30 > 0:10:35commission. There is a Chinese water torture going on with the DUP, but
0:10:35 > 0:10:42when we wake up, it could be that Brexit does mean breakfast, after
0:10:42 > 0:10:47all, in Brussels.Yes, and I think Tim is wrong in thinking there is
0:10:47 > 0:10:52any hope of pulling the fat out of the fire on leaving the EU. The big
0:10:52 > 0:10:56question is whether we stay in the single market and Customs union.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01This deal, part of it of course is about EU citizens, so we don't know
0:11:01 > 0:11:09the role of the ECJ yet.We do almost, because I've seen the draft.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12It may have changed. What it says is that the British courts,
0:11:12 > 0:11:19particularly the Supreme Court, will be free to consult the ECJ. And that
0:11:19 > 0:11:26will be time limited, I have, tonight, to ten years.Theresa May
0:11:26 > 0:11:31is the author of her own problems. Apparently, she decided, with her
0:11:31 > 0:11:34advisers, with no reference to Cabinet even, that our policy would
0:11:34 > 0:11:38become out of the single market and Customs union without keeping
0:11:38 > 0:11:45options open, and now she is running into reality. It is either a
0:11:45 > 0:11:50separate deal for Ireland and a border in the Irish Sea, or there is
0:11:50 > 0:11:54a hard border in Ireland, or they remain part of the customs union,
0:11:54 > 0:12:00and that solves the problem.Tim, don't we in the media spend too much
0:12:00 > 0:12:08time chasing ghosts? We get far too excited about matters that end up
0:12:08 > 0:12:11being quietly resolved.That would be the argument Downing Street is
0:12:11 > 0:12:14trying to make this week. The Berlin there are saying, this will blow
0:12:14 > 0:12:18over. As Michael says, we will get a deal and everyone will be happy. I
0:12:18 > 0:12:22think what has upset members of the Parliamentary Conservative party is
0:12:22 > 0:12:28the way it has been handled. They think it has been chaotic and
0:12:28 > 0:12:32incompetent.They are quite grateful to the DUP.Indeed, and not all the
0:12:32 > 0:12:36MPs have spoken to have been relaxed about some of the things suggested.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41Iain Duncan Smith this week, a guy who has been loyal to Theresa May
0:12:41 > 0:12:43for months, and he has broken cover and said he doesn't like the
0:12:43 > 0:12:48direction things are going in. Theresa May has been having crisis
0:12:48 > 0:12:51meetings in the last two days with Boris Johnson and Michael Gove to
0:12:51 > 0:13:00Gove to try to get them on board. It has not been straightforward, and
0:13:00 > 0:13:02throughout, the Government has failed to communicate what it is
0:13:02 > 0:13:04trying to achieve.I understand. It is almost a self-inflicted mess,
0:13:04 > 0:13:09again, by failing to square the DUP. Doesn't this always happen with the
0:13:09 > 0:13:14EU? I followed the Greek bailout talks closely. That was endless
0:13:14 > 0:13:19setbacks and walking away, but in the end, it was bailed out.You
0:13:19 > 0:13:24know, the expectation is that she will get there.Do you agree with
0:13:24 > 0:13:28her?I think it is likely they will get there fairly soon. The problem
0:13:28 > 0:13:32is, the way it has been handled has unnerved people who think the Prime
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Minister has shown again that she is not fully on top of her game. That
0:13:37 > 0:13:40has made probably what happens over the next year more difficult. There
0:13:40 > 0:13:45are people saying we should get rid of her by Christmas, and that hasn't
0:13:45 > 0:13:49happened since the party conference. Journalists obsess about the latest
0:13:49 > 0:13:53drama, but only because we are getting calls from Conservative MPs
0:13:53 > 0:13:57were obsessing about it themselves. It is a function of Theresa May's
0:13:57 > 0:14:01lack of authority since the election. But she is still there.
0:14:01 > 0:14:12Yes, we know why she is still there. It is even acquiring a certain
0:14:12 > 0:14:18amount of longevity or permanence, actually. Part of the discussion is
0:14:18 > 0:14:22slightly unfair. We did have at one time to have reached this stage in
0:14:22 > 0:14:26October, but since then, we have expected to reach it now, in
0:14:26 > 0:14:31December. What was unexpected was the flurry early this week when
0:14:31 > 0:14:34suddenly the briefing from the commission was that we would have a
0:14:34 > 0:14:39deal that day, which was unexpected. We didn't expect to have it until
0:14:39 > 0:14:42tomorrow. I think that caught the British unaware and they were
0:14:42 > 0:14:45bounced into a position from which they were not ready, they didn't
0:14:45 > 0:14:49have the DUP on board, but that is because the timing had been changed
0:14:49 > 0:14:53on the British. Now, we're back to the timing we thought we were run
0:14:53 > 0:14:59the first place, and it looks like we will have a deal Friday.We have
0:14:59 > 0:15:03monitored quite carefully, because it is the Government, the Tory
0:15:03 > 0:15:07chaos. Pinning Labour down on its position on the single market of the
0:15:07 > 0:15:12customs union is pretty difficult too, depending on who you speak to.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16I want to put this to you, Alan. If Labour were to win a snap election,
0:15:16 > 0:15:20and there could be one -- a snap election, and there could be one, do
0:15:20 > 0:15:27you think they would end up trying to stay in the EU?
0:15:27 > 0:15:32I don't think so. The policy would change, much as they would seek
0:15:32 > 0:15:37extra time to negotiate Article 50, during which time we would remain in
0:15:37 > 0:15:42the customs union and single market. The Tories were talking about a
0:15:42 > 0:15:48bespoke deal for that period and it was Keir Starmer who said no. But
0:15:48 > 0:15:50there are voices like John McDonnell and Barry Gardiner who have said we
0:15:50 > 0:15:55should be out of the customs union and the single market. But me, they
0:15:55 > 0:15:58have been good for Britain and you can remain in them if you are
0:15:58 > 0:16:03outside the EU, which is the starting point of ensuring the
0:16:03 > 0:16:11British economy does not suffer.If Labour did get into power, Tim and
0:16:11 > 0:16:15others, we have all looked at the divisions in the Tory party, but in
0:16:15 > 0:16:21government, would there be the danger of an almighty row between
0:16:21 > 0:16:23the pro-Europe Social Democrats in the Labour Party and the anti-Europe
0:16:23 > 0:16:31Marxists.Good question. I'm not sure. I do know the vast majority of
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Labour supporters are in favour of Britain remaining in the European
0:16:34 > 0:16:40Union. Two thirds voted to remain in the European Union in every
0:16:40 > 0:16:47constituency. So the position of the party is clear. The people you are
0:16:47 > 0:16:53talking about, they saw that and shied away, even though their heart
0:16:53 > 0:16:57is not in it, they still believe we should be out of the EU and they
0:16:57 > 0:17:01frankly don't give a toss about the issues. Whether they are strong
0:17:01 > 0:17:08enough, through their fan club to create those divisions, you might be
0:17:08 > 0:17:12right.Let's come back to the Tory divisions, because they are the ones
0:17:12 > 0:17:16in power. If there is no agreement, supposing the plane does not leave
0:17:16 > 0:17:21in the middle of the night for Brussels, does not leave at all,
0:17:21 > 0:17:30because they can't get agreement, if they don't get to the next stage of
0:17:30 > 0:17:34negotiations, will the Tory Brexiteers become more vocal in
0:17:34 > 0:17:40saying to the government, let's walk away?Absolutely. Some have broken
0:17:40 > 0:17:43cover. You have seen Owen Paterson saying that and Nigel Lawson saying
0:17:43 > 0:17:49much the same. Lots of people have been phoning journalists this week
0:17:49 > 0:17:54saying, she needs this deal, or else. I have never seen why we need
0:17:54 > 0:17:57it by the weekend. I would have thought next Thursday at the summit
0:17:57 > 0:18:04be adequate. But there are forces circulating that if the Prime
0:18:04 > 0:18:09Minister does not get this nailed down she will have a distinctly
0:18:09 > 0:18:14uncomfortable Christmas.I certainly agree on the Friday Thursday point.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Tomorrow is another artificial deadline. The other point is that it
0:18:17 > 0:18:21isn't at the moment a failure to get a deal with the European Union, but
0:18:21 > 0:18:29a failure to get deal with the DUP. That changes the context.The big
0:18:29 > 0:18:33change this week is that Brussels, the commission, wanted to get on
0:18:33 > 0:18:40with it. That is a big change.That is a huge change. Some in the
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Conservative Party will see the DUP as important flag carriers for their
0:18:44 > 0:18:47point of view, but others will see this as a rather wretched result of
0:18:47 > 0:18:55being stuck in a coalition.The pressure on Theresa May, from the
0:18:55 > 0:18:59people who had been driving the Brexit bus, the hard Brexiteers, and
0:18:59 > 0:19:03she is to blame because she rode on the bus with them, they are looking
0:19:03 > 0:19:09to see how much we are paying, does the ECJ have any role, does it mean
0:19:09 > 0:19:14even a hint of us staying in the customs union? That is her problem
0:19:14 > 0:19:19and what encourages me this week is the voices of the sensible
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Conservatives who, I think, are still the majority in the
0:19:22 > 0:19:28Conservative Party, pragmatic, get a deal, let's move on to trade, they
0:19:28 > 0:19:34seem to be more emboldened.We are almost at Christmas and it has been
0:19:34 > 0:19:37the most remarkable political year just in Britain alone, never mind
0:19:37 > 0:19:44anywhere else. But the Prime Minister calling the election
0:19:44 > 0:19:49promised a strong and stable government and we joked that it was
0:19:49 > 0:19:52weak and unstable. But actually, it has turned out to be weak and
0:19:52 > 0:20:01unstable. We never saw that coming! The thing that is keeping everyone
0:20:01 > 0:20:05in line, the one thing that pulls all these people together, is that
0:20:05 > 0:20:10they do not want to see Jeremy Corbyn as Prime Minister. That is a
0:20:10 > 0:20:16significant factor which keeps the DUP in line.On the whole, we talk
0:20:16 > 0:20:19about the possible general election, that would normally follow a vote of
0:20:19 > 0:20:24confidence. If there were a vote of confidence, every Tory and DUP would
0:20:24 > 0:20:28vote for the government, because the DUP certainly do not want to see
0:20:28 > 0:20:35Jeremy Corbyn in. In the context of history, if we delayed by a week, by
0:20:35 > 0:20:37a dispute in Ireland, in the historical context, that would be
0:20:37 > 0:20:43minimal. Ireland has been so disruptive for the British and
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Britain has been so disruptive for the Irish, you have to put it in
0:20:46 > 0:20:53context. Our policy has often been determined, for water damned messed
0:20:53 > 0:20:59up by our relations with Ireland. The one major cause of future
0:20:59 > 0:21:03uncertainty was alluded to at the beginning, that we still don't know,
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Brussels still does not know the end state of what the government wants
0:21:08 > 0:21:14in a new relationship with the EU, and that is yet to be resolved.They
0:21:14 > 0:21:18still say the Prime Minister will have that conversation with cabinet
0:21:18 > 0:21:22before Christmas. That will be a difficult series of meetings. The
0:21:22 > 0:21:26one issue Alan did not latch onto when he was talking through this is
0:21:26 > 0:21:32how aligned we are with the European Union going forward. What caused the
0:21:32 > 0:21:37problem with the Brexiteers this week was the suggestion that Theresa
0:21:37 > 0:21:41May, in aligning with Dublin, would put the UK in permanent alignment
0:21:41 > 0:21:49with the EU.Ireland brought the alignment issue to the fore.We want
0:21:49 > 0:21:54to be outside the EU and to have free trade, and to know whether 50
0:21:54 > 0:22:01billion is enough to buy that.On that noncontroversial point, your
0:22:01 > 0:22:05book is out which catalogues this amazing year. Every political
0:22:05 > 0:22:11stocking should have won.If you have a thick stockings.It is a big
0:22:11 > 0:22:12book.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13It's late.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Doctor Who late.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17We were shocked, this week, to discover that the trans-gender
0:22:17 > 0:22:19regeneration of our favourite sci-fi hero, from gnarly old Scotsman
0:22:19 > 0:22:21to feisty young Yorkshire lass, was delayed for several years.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24So what dark forces conspired to bar a female time lord
0:22:24 > 0:22:26from the police box for so long?
0:22:26 > 0:22:27A Dalek invasion?
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Nope!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30A Sontaran death ray trained on Pinner?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Nope.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Apparently the delay was all down to Brexit voters being hostile
0:22:34 > 0:22:35to the idea of a woman Doctor.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38At least, that's what the show's producer is claiming.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I know.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42As excuses go, it's pretty weak.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44But he's from Paisley.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Excuses are not our forte.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Someone who's not going to be phased by the Doctor's sex change -
0:22:48 > 0:22:51and has even done impressions of the previous incarnations -
0:22:51 > 0:22:54is impressionist Jon Culshaw, who'll be putting "posturing"
0:22:54 > 0:22:57under the Spotlight.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00And if you're still insisting on getting in touch via the Tweeter,
0:23:00 > 0:23:03the Fleecebook and the Snapnumpty, then beware.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05I may have been lying about the Sontaran death ray,
0:23:05 > 0:23:10but I'm still capable of zapping you right in the Dimblebys!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Now, we all like a bargain, especially in the
0:23:12 > 0:23:14run-up to Christmas.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16America's purchase of Alaska from the Russians in 1867
0:23:16 > 0:23:20was clearly a snip at $7 million, but not as big a bargain
0:23:20 > 0:23:23as Michael's shirts, which Primark will pay you to remove
0:23:23 > 0:23:26from their shelves.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Or volume 47 of Alan's memoirs, which is not just being discounted.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33It's being remaindered.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36And what about Momentum's election spending, which has been logged
0:23:36 > 0:23:38at just over £38,000?
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Yes, Jezza's imperial stormtroopers very nearly pulled off the political
0:23:42 > 0:23:45coup of the century for less than the price of a
0:23:45 > 0:23:49high-end Volvo estate.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I can't believe those grumpy mugwumps at the Electoral Commission
0:23:52 > 0:23:56are investigating the expenses of the Corbynista
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Revolutionary Guard.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59They should be put in charge of the Treasury.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Anyway, here's Kate McCann from the Telegraph with her
0:24:01 > 0:24:03round up of the week.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22After some pretty heated Brexit negotiations, what could be more
0:24:22 > 0:24:27refreshing than Alpine air? Time to replace red lines with red runs. At
0:24:27 > 0:24:31the beginning of the week, it seemed the PM was on a home run. We were
0:24:31 > 0:24:36braced for a historical day on Brexit, agreement on a crucial
0:24:36 > 0:24:41sticking point, the Irish border, had been reached. But not so fast,
0:24:41 > 0:24:50what about the DUP?We have been very clear. Northern Ireland must
0:24:50 > 0:24:54leave the European Union on the same terms as the rest of the UK and we
0:24:54 > 0:25:00will not accept any form of regulatory divergences which
0:25:00 > 0:25:02separates Northern Ireland, economically or politically, from
0:25:02 > 0:25:10the rest of the UK.And with her boot firmly in, snowy optimism
0:25:10 > 0:25:15turned to slush and the Irish PM said he might even veto trade talks
0:25:15 > 0:25:25meant to start in Brussels next week. The PM's phone call with the
0:25:25 > 0:25:28DUP leader on Wednesday morning failed to produce results in time
0:25:28 > 0:25:36for PMQs. An opportunity for Jeremy Corbyn, but one he let slide.18
0:25:36 > 0:25:38months after the referendum the Prime Minister is unable to answer
0:25:38 > 0:25:44the question. And on Monday, as she thought she was coming here to make
0:25:44 > 0:25:54a statement, it was vetoed by the leader of the DUP. The tale really
0:25:54 > 0:26:01is wagging the dog here.B will ensure we leave the European Union
0:26:01 > 0:26:05in March 2019. We will leave the internal market, we will leave the
0:26:05 > 0:26:10customs union at the same time, we will ensure there is no hard border
0:26:10 > 0:26:17between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland when we do it.
0:26:17 > 0:26:24At least the PM had her backbenchers onside, right?Will she apply a new
0:26:24 > 0:26:28coat of paint to her red lines because on Monday they were
0:26:28 > 0:26:33beginning to look little pink.Would it help if I came over to Brussels
0:26:33 > 0:26:44with you to sort them out?If PMQs did not shed light on our departure,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46MPs were stunned when David Davis tried to explain the impact
0:26:46 > 0:26:53assessments.The government has not undertaken any impact assessments on
0:26:53 > 0:26:58the dangers of leaving the EU for the British economy. So there isn't
0:26:58 > 0:27:05one, for example, on the automotive sector.Not that I'm aware of.
0:27:05 > 0:27:20Aerospace?No. The answer is going to be no to all of them.Right.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Brexit was also blamed this week for leaving the government without the
0:27:24 > 0:27:29bandwidth to help those left out in the cold, after the social mode to
0:27:29 > 0:27:34Czar quipped. Emotions ran high in Parliament as Labour MP Frank Field
0:27:34 > 0:27:39explained the impact of universal credit on one of his constituents.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43For the first time, a gentleman rose after we had spoken and I tried to
0:27:43 > 0:27:49persuade him not to commit suicide. Such was the desperate mess that he
0:27:49 > 0:27:55saw in the future for himself. And I realised that the hand that shook my
0:27:55 > 0:27:59hand was wet. He had been crying.I don't know where to start after
0:27:59 > 0:28:07that. I am humbled by the words from my honourable good friend. No
0:28:07 > 0:28:12government is perfect, no benefit system is perfect, no debate, no
0:28:12 > 0:28:22motion is perfect but we work together and make this better.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26Parliament at its best. Speaking of which, Damian Green's colleagues
0:28:26 > 0:28:30rallied round this week after a former police officer, himself
0:28:30 > 0:28:34perhaps a little guilty of staring, said he was left in no doubt that
0:28:34 > 0:28:38the first Secretary of State had accessed pornography on his
0:28:38 > 0:28:44parliamentary computer. As accusations of vendettas flew, the
0:28:44 > 0:28:48Met Police said the former police officers can be prosecuted.This is
0:28:48 > 0:28:53a case from nine years ago. Police officers know they have a duty of
0:28:53 > 0:28:59confidentiality, a duty to protect personal information. That duty, in
0:28:59 > 0:29:04my view, clearly endures after you leave the service. So it is my view
0:29:04 > 0:29:08that what they have done, based on my understanding of what they are
0:29:08 > 0:29:21saying, what they have done is wrong, and I condemn it.Apres ski,
0:29:21 > 0:29:27and the chance to catch up with a magazine while Alan and Michael are
0:29:27 > 0:29:32in the hot tub. What is a hostile takeover? As Labour councillors
0:29:32 > 0:29:40complained of purges, there is a more positive narrative.This is
0:29:40 > 0:29:43about democratisation of the Labour Party and there is a correlation
0:29:43 > 0:29:47between that and improved electoral performance, empirically. It is
0:29:47 > 0:29:53observable. I would say this is instrumentally vital to a
0:29:53 > 0:29:58reinvigorated party membership. Speaking of invigoration, it is time
0:29:58 > 0:30:01to hit the slopes. I hear Philip Hammond needs a new mode of
0:30:01 > 0:30:10transport. These are strong and stable.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22Merci beaucoup, Apres London at the Flat Iron in London.
0:30:22 > 0:30:27Fresh from the winter sun we are joined by Kate McCann.
0:30:27 > 0:30:37Welcome. Have you managed to discover why the DUP was so
0:30:37 > 0:30:40mishandled?Know, and I think it's one of the biggest questions of the
0:30:40 > 0:30:44week. It goes to the heart of what Theresa May's problem is, because if
0:30:44 > 0:30:49you look at the issues she has had as a Prime Minister of her short
0:30:49 > 0:30:53leadership, a lot of them come back to the inability to control the
0:30:53 > 0:30:56media narrative. While you might not think that is important, at the
0:30:56 > 0:31:00start of this week, she let one story run away with her without
0:31:00 > 0:31:03trying to control it at all. The Government could have got on the
0:31:03 > 0:31:07front foot when the Irish Government came out and said, we have a great
0:31:07 > 0:31:10deal and it will look really good for us, that was obviously
0:31:10 > 0:31:13frustrating for Arlene Foster and that is what scuppered it. Theresa
0:31:13 > 0:31:19May could have done something to prevent that from happening. She
0:31:19 > 0:31:24could have tried to rein it in, and she didn't.She is leader of the
0:31:24 > 0:31:31Conservative and Unionist Party. What bit of that didn't she get?And
0:31:31 > 0:31:35she is in a coalition with the DUP as well. At the risk of repeating
0:31:35 > 0:31:42myself, I think the speed of events, we were all very surprised. I
0:31:42 > 0:31:46remember the surprise in the voice of the BBC correspondent when they
0:31:46 > 0:31:49suddenly said, we are getting all these positive noises out of the
0:31:49 > 0:31:52commission and it looks like we will get a deal today. The commission was
0:31:52 > 0:31:59ready but the British won't. The British hadn't squared it. Settling
0:31:59 > 0:32:05the two halves of the island of Ireland is very difficult. You like
0:32:05 > 0:32:09the point is, she knew she was going out on an issue did with Ireland,
0:32:09 > 0:32:17and she relies on those ten votes for confidence and supply. You would
0:32:17 > 0:32:21have thought she would have made absolutely sure she had nailed this
0:32:21 > 0:32:25down. You may be able to tell us Kate, but she didn't even need
0:32:25 > 0:32:29Arlene Foster rendered DUP. She left it to an inexperienced chief whip on
0:32:29 > 0:32:33the Sunday together and talk to them. And then there was the leaking
0:32:33 > 0:32:41to the Irish media and all that. She is maladroit. She is the author of
0:32:41 > 0:32:46her own problems. She would have had a triumph on Monday, instead of
0:32:46 > 0:32:51which, she may have a triumph tomorrow, but it will be diminished
0:32:51 > 0:32:59by the farce.That may be true, but she also is almost like the Arnold
0:32:59 > 0:33:03Schwarzenegger in the terminator. It doesn't matter what happens, you
0:33:03 > 0:33:07press it into a little metal ball, it melts, then suddenly it all comes
0:33:07 > 0:33:14together again and she is still there.Nobody else wants it. Brexit
0:33:14 > 0:33:17is a poisoned chalice. Whoever was in Theresa May's position now would
0:33:17 > 0:33:21have to grapple with these issues. There are people on the backbenches
0:33:21 > 0:33:25who talk a good game, but they don't want it until this is over and done
0:33:25 > 0:33:30with, because it won't look good for whoever is holding the baby when we
0:33:30 > 0:33:42leave the EU, because of things like Northern Ireland and the border and
0:33:42 > 0:33:44because they are so complex. You're right, there are grumblings about
0:33:44 > 0:33:47her, and she seems to be getting it wrong frequently, but I still think
0:33:47 > 0:33:49she's not going to be.Allen, in your view, does it look more likely
0:33:49 > 0:33:52than not that she won't get through the winter?I have been dining out
0:33:52 > 0:33:56on saying she will be gone by Christmas. I thought David Davis,
0:33:56 > 0:34:01who has one chance and really wants it, would be the main protagonists.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04What Michael said earlier on about the one wanting a general election,
0:34:04 > 0:34:10including the public, by the way, is right. That is why the Conservatives
0:34:10 > 0:34:19will probably there until 2022. -- will probably be there. Everyone
0:34:19 > 0:34:24thought she was toast and it was just about when she came out of the
0:34:24 > 0:34:28toaster. Maybe they will leave it until after March 20 19. I think she
0:34:28 > 0:34:32will definitely be gone. You are right, Andrew - the more she goes
0:34:32 > 0:34:39on, the more she seems to be stoical. It might well be that she
0:34:39 > 0:34:46stays.It is like the first tack-mac terminator movie. What has happened
0:34:46 > 0:34:54to David Davis?At the committee this week.He looked a rather
0:34:54 > 0:34:57forlorn underpowered figure. Somebody said to me he has been cut
0:34:57 > 0:35:01out of the loop quite a bit now.I think he is an interesting one,
0:35:01 > 0:35:05because there are people who say he wants to be the next leader of the
0:35:05 > 0:35:07party and wants to be prime minister, and I'm not sure that is
0:35:07 > 0:35:11the case. If you look at the way he behaved that the committee this
0:35:11 > 0:35:15week, and that previous ones, he has not got the full grasp of the
0:35:15 > 0:35:19detail. People asking questions he should know the answer to, and he
0:35:19 > 0:35:23doesn't. I don't feel like that is because he's not capable, I think it
0:35:23 > 0:35:27is because he's coasting. I think he is grateful to be in the position he
0:35:27 > 0:35:31is in, and I think he enjoys it, but I don't get the impression he thinks
0:35:31 > 0:35:44he's going to be the next prime minister. What could
0:35:46 > 0:35:49happen, and what may happen, is that he could end up being the interim
0:35:49 > 0:35:52and handing over to someone you from annual intake at some point later.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55That would only be the case, I think, if Mrs May went in the near
0:35:55 > 0:35:57future.If there were some crisis. What do you make of his performance
0:35:57 > 0:36:08now?I agree that he doesn't look very hungry for it. I think he has
0:36:08 > 0:36:13wisdom. I think he has gravitas. He looks stable coming has a sense of
0:36:13 > 0:36:18humour and a lot of qualities, but he doesn't look to me like he is
0:36:18 > 0:36:21going for it.I think the move of Ollie Robinson, the senior civil
0:36:21 > 0:36:25servant with whom you didn't get on in the Brexit Department, his move
0:36:25 > 0:36:30to the Cabinet office next to the Prime Minister, I think power has
0:36:30 > 0:36:36moved that way as well. Damian Green, Michael, will he survive?
0:36:36 > 0:36:41Should he? What do you make of this business?I don't know the will, but
0:36:41 > 0:36:50I think he should. David Davis said he will resign.I think he rode back
0:36:50 > 0:36:58on that quite quickly.Neil Lewis, the police officer who gave the
0:36:58 > 0:37:02interview to the BBC last week, I was disturbed that the BBC broadcast
0:37:02 > 0:37:05this interview. We have heard from Cressida Dick on the programme
0:37:05 > 0:37:10saying she thought it was disgraceful and there may be grounds
0:37:10 > 0:37:16for a prosecution. It is worth remembering that the alleged
0:37:16 > 0:37:20information was gathered by the police during a raid in which they
0:37:20 > 0:37:23used anti-terrorist powers investigating a leak. They happened
0:37:23 > 0:37:29to attack, as it were, a member of the Parliament, but it could have
0:37:29 > 0:37:34been in this building on any of the computers here.There was outrage in
0:37:34 > 0:37:39Parliament.There should have been outrage in the BBC. For the BBC then
0:37:39 > 0:37:44to broadcast this fellow's interview in order just to make trouble for a
0:37:44 > 0:37:53Government minister...But this is news. The BBC is just the messenger.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56It was illegitimate news because it was gathered in a fishing expedition
0:37:56 > 0:38:04in Ammancomputer. -- a man's computer. There is an issue of some
0:38:04 > 0:38:13policemen behaving as this if -- as if this were a police state.I get
0:38:13 > 0:38:20the point Michael is making about evidence gathered in a particular
0:38:20 > 0:38:26operation suddenly, years later, comes out in an area...I agree with
0:38:26 > 0:38:36that.I agree with that completely. Here is the parallel: I was Home
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Secretary and came in just after they got that information. It was
0:38:39 > 0:38:43passed by a civil servant who disgracefully took home office
0:38:43 > 0:38:49documents and pass them over to the opposition front bench. I'm not
0:38:49 > 0:38:53criticising Damian Green and David Davis for taking that.What do you
0:38:53 > 0:39:02make of the role of the police? You're criticising the BBC for
0:39:02 > 0:39:06taking a piece of news.I am more interested in your view as a former
0:39:06 > 0:39:12Home Secretary.Michael is right, it was disgraceful, and Cressida Dick
0:39:12 > 0:39:17was absolutely right to condemn it. I have a deep affection for the
0:39:17 > 0:39:21British police, and how they have always operated. As Michael says,
0:39:21 > 0:39:27this takes us too much down the police state line.Cake, in the
0:39:27 > 0:39:30final few seconds, we have been saying the prime minister's plane is
0:39:30 > 0:39:34on the runway ready to go. What is the latest in your view? Will she
0:39:34 > 0:39:42make it in time for Brussels breakfast? A Brexit breakfast?We
0:39:42 > 0:39:46are poised to get on the Eurostar in the morning.It will be too late by
0:39:46 > 0:39:50then. Remit but we will be there in time to catch the press conference,
0:39:50 > 0:39:54if there is one. The thinking at the moment is possibly that she may go
0:39:54 > 0:39:57early, and there might be a later statement if she does go. Fingers
0:39:57 > 0:40:06crossed.Lets hope they have paid the RAF bill, or she won't be
0:40:06 > 0:40:08leaving.Like the Chancellor.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10Some unkind soul once said politics was showbiz for ugly people.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12But I think that unfair to ugly folks.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15It's also demonstrably untrue - just look at these two
0:40:15 > 0:40:16posturing political peacocks.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19Handsome as the day is long.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22And watching them in action can sometimes make the day feel really,
0:40:22 > 0:40:25really long indeed.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28But most politicians have been guilty of posturing at some
0:40:28 > 0:40:30stage in their careers, which is why we're putting posturing
0:40:30 > 0:40:37in tonight's Spotlight.
0:40:40 > 0:40:47The winner of the Radio 1 Teen Award for Best TV Show is...
0:40:47 > 0:40:49Good news for the BBC this week as Towie star
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Gemma Collins backed down from threatening to sue
0:40:51 > 0:40:53the corporation over her dramatic exit, stage
0:40:53 > 0:40:58centre, at the Teen Awards.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00But as one celebrity falls off the runway,
0:41:00 > 0:41:02another falls onto it.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Jeremy Corbyn struck a pose for GQ magazine this
0:41:04 > 0:41:05week.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08But did the camera love Jezza as much as his voter base?
0:41:08 > 0:41:10The shoot itself was quite tortuous.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12It was as difficult as shooting any Hollywood
0:41:12 > 0:41:15celebrity, actually.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17Really?
0:41:17 > 0:41:18It seems, then, that everyone has had
0:41:18 > 0:41:20enough of PR stunts.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24After all, Emmanuel Macron...
0:41:24 > 0:41:26Not all babies want to be kissed.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Meanwhile, Labour MP John Healey says politicians
0:41:29 > 0:41:34should stop talking the talk and get back to the job in hand.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36100 more homeless children for every Conservative press release.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39And what's needed now is action to deal
0:41:39 > 0:41:41with the root causes of this rising homelessness,
0:41:41 > 0:41:48not more warm words.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51And what of Donald Trump's posturing in the Middle East?
0:41:51 > 0:41:53The US President's decision to recognise
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Jerusalem as the Israeli capital this week provoked a diplomatic
0:41:55 > 0:41:59storm.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02This decision by President Trump is clearly one of the most
0:42:02 > 0:42:04irresponsible decisions taken by American
0:42:04 > 0:42:05Presidents vis-a-vis the
0:42:05 > 0:42:11region and the chances of peace.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14Given his track record on calming international disputes, we shouldn't
0:42:14 > 0:42:16have too much to worry about.
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Very sad, this is nothing like me.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20They have made me into a giant terracotta
0:42:20 > 0:42:21novelty candle.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24That's a disgrace.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27Impressionist Jon Culshaw knows a thing or two about political
0:42:27 > 0:42:30posturing.
0:42:30 > 0:42:32But is there just too much of it about?
0:42:32 > 0:42:41# We'll still have fun!#.
0:42:41 > 0:42:47John Culshaw joins us. Welcome back to the programme. It has been too
0:42:47 > 0:42:50long. Let's be honest, political posturing is a dream for you because
0:42:50 > 0:42:56it emphasises and builds everything up, doesn't it?It gives us more
0:42:56 > 0:43:02clues. Armando Iannucci said that reality outperforms comedy in many
0:43:02 > 0:43:06instances, but it never fazes the comedy writers. It just empowers
0:43:06 > 0:43:10them even more. It is so interesting watching the bluster of Donald
0:43:10 > 0:43:16Trump, because he seems... Well, he is clearly so miscast and out of his
0:43:16 > 0:43:25depth. The way he gets himself out of things, just with plaster, and if
0:43:25 > 0:43:29at any stage she gets founder, fake news, that's terrible, get it out of
0:43:29 > 0:43:34the. If you would reported accurately...It is always our
0:43:34 > 0:43:41fault! When is saying things like, this is going to be so great, he is
0:43:41 > 0:43:46looking for the ward often.I can't believe how great it is, it will be
0:43:46 > 0:43:49so fantastic so I will say it is going to be great again until I
0:43:49 > 0:44:01found that, I found it, I forgot it. Is that posturing, though?
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Posturing, to me, is someone trying to be something they're not, and
0:44:04 > 0:44:09that seems to me to be entirely what he is.It is interesting with Trump.
0:44:09 > 0:44:15In front of audiences, you can only do two or three jokes. State visit,
0:44:15 > 0:44:22I'm going to Stratford-upon-Avon, the birthplace of William Shatner,
0:44:22 > 0:44:26to witness the wedding of Prince Harry and Angela Merkel, is going to
0:44:26 > 0:44:29be beautiful. You can have a few jokes and then the audience go, will
0:44:29 > 0:44:39you stop that now, please?Is Mrs May is involved in posturing?Very
0:44:39 > 0:44:48controlled, clenched, cautious and uneasy, scripted, and Deborah
0:44:48 > 0:44:52Stevenson does a good impression of her too. That catch in the back of
0:44:52 > 0:44:57the voice, the fear of tripping up at any moment.Jeremy Corbyn, he has
0:44:57 > 0:45:02never been thought the posture, but the GQ magazine cover was a kind of
0:45:02 > 0:45:08posture.His form of posturing is often to be much quieter, to be
0:45:08 > 0:45:12sitting back, to be nodding rather like an ornament on the parcel shelf
0:45:12 > 0:45:18of a Morris Minor, in this way, very laid-back, controlled and
0:45:18 > 0:45:23understated. If you want to know my policy statement, it will be made
0:45:23 > 0:45:28available on Betamax and as a mix tape will stopnot an eight track?
0:45:28 > 0:45:33We will look into that and reach that advanced stage in due course,
0:45:33 > 0:45:42Andrew.I suppose Trump overwhelms everything. It is a character than
0:45:42 > 0:45:49not even Central Casting could have invented.Tom Jamieson, one of the
0:45:49 > 0:45:53Dead Ringers writers came up with the joke that sums up the feeling:
0:45:53 > 0:45:57We are working our way through the worst crisis in American history
0:45:57 > 0:46:05since the 110 minutes ago. And so it goes on. Than the crisis ten minutes
0:46:05 > 0:46:10ago.Does the news cycle encourage posturing, if you want to break
0:46:10 > 0:46:14through?No, I think here is another reason for a Brexit. British
0:46:14 > 0:46:19politicians on the whole do not posture, and politicians on the
0:46:19 > 0:46:23continent do. All this stuff about the great European vision about
0:46:23 > 0:46:27where they were going to arrive in 20 years, this is one of the
0:46:27 > 0:46:35reasons...Years off-again!We're culturally completely different. --
0:46:35 > 0:46:48he is off again.Michael, if you go too far, becomes Dale Winton. Keep
0:46:48 > 0:46:54it just here, just right.What are you up to?I have voiced an audio
0:46:54 > 0:46:58book called the beautiful poetry of Donald Trump, which pulls together
0:46:58 > 0:47:05his quotes into problems. They form algorithms bizarre nonsense.Is Dead
0:47:05 > 0:47:11Ring is coming back?Were recorded a special on Saturday.Thank you for
0:47:11 > 0:47:12being here.
0:47:12 > 0:47:13That's your lot for tonight, folks.
0:47:13 > 0:47:14But not for us.
0:47:14 > 0:47:17Inspired by the runaway success of Vladimir Putin's new calendar
0:47:17 > 0:47:19and Jezza's striking makeover on the cover of GQ,
0:47:19 > 0:47:21we're off to our very own photo shoot at Lou Lou's,
0:47:21 > 0:47:25where the DG has promised to whip out his old Box Brownie and give us
0:47:25 > 0:47:27the full Annie Leibovitz.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30Choo Choo plans to channel his inner Putin by stripping to the waist
0:47:30 > 0:47:33and pretending to shovel coal into the engine pulling the London
0:47:33 > 0:47:36to Glasgow night sleeper.
0:47:36 > 0:47:39I haven't the heart to tell him it was electrified years ago.
0:47:39 > 0:47:44And Sad Man will pose in his best Samuel Pepys outfit as he writes
0:47:44 > 0:47:48Volume 48 of his memoirs with his favourite quill pen.
0:47:48 > 0:47:52He's very high tech, y'know.
0:47:52 > 0:47:57Nighty-night - don't let Arlene bite.
0:48:02 > 0:48:14#All I want for Christmas is... Leaving the European Union as a
0:48:14 > 0:48:21whole. # I don't want a lot of Christmas
0:48:21 > 0:48:26# There is just one thing I need # I don't care about the presence
0:48:26 > 0:48:41# I don't need the Christmas tree #...
0:48:51 > 0:49:01# All I want for Christmas is you #. Northern Ireland must leave the
0:49:01 > 0:49:09European Union on the same terms as the rest of the United Kingdom.