0:00:13 > 0:00:16Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone still up at this
0:00:16 > 0:00:24ungodly hour, we are not live and it's cheap as chips. With a
0:00:24 > 0:00:29washed-up cast of political has-been is.Do you know what we are doing?
0:00:29 > 0:00:35Have you been trained in this?And a line-up no one has heard of.I am
0:00:35 > 0:00:41sorry, but who are you?And an audience who should know better.Are
0:00:41 > 0:00:47we queueing for Graham Norton?There is only one reason to watch.More
0:00:47 > 0:00:51blusher.But where is Molly the dog?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Molly is the story of a dog, a presenter and a TV programme.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58It isn't a pretentious picture or an epic.
0:00:58 > 0:01:04It is too real, to human for high sounding adjectives.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07It is too real, too human for high sounding adjectives.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09This Week was poor, so poor it had to sell Molly.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13She was shipped hundreds of miles away to the French Riviera.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18Yes, she lived a dog 's life.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21She enjoyed the sunshine, french fries and champagne.
0:01:21 > 0:01:29But Molly never forgot the presenter, her home,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34her people, for a sniff of fame.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Finally, one day she ran away.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40She was going home.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Nothing could stop her.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Not President Macron.
0:01:44 > 0:01:50Nor Brexit.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Molly's story is a magnificent one.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55You will love every bit of it.
0:01:55 > 0:02:03Molly, come home.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Please welcome your host, Andrew Neil.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Evenin' all.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Welcome to This Week, a week when the Beast from the East
0:02:23 > 0:02:25blew unwelcomed into our country, causing widespread disruption,
0:02:25 > 0:02:29confusion and chaos across the land.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33But enough about Boris Johnson.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35The weather has been pretty grim too.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Speaking of the Foreign Secretary, his former Brexit best friend,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Environment Secretary Michael Gove, was back at his back-stabbing,
0:02:40 > 0:02:44duplicitous best this week.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47He announced he planned to ban plastic straws, thereby leaving
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Prime Minister Maybot with absolutely nothing
0:02:49 > 0:02:54to clutch at whatsoever.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57We know a leadership bid when we see one, Govey.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Over in the colonies, President Trump, attacking armed
0:03:00 > 0:03:04police for failing to tackle the Florida school shooter,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07said he would have taken him on with his bare hands.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Those of you who've seen the size of his hands will realise
0:03:11 > 0:03:17the shooter is unlikely to have been deterred.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20But nothing deters The Donald.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23He's announced he'll run again in 2020, after a Mr V Putin c/o
0:03:23 > 0:03:27the Kremlin signed his nomination papers and said he'd agreed
0:03:27 > 0:03:34to be his campaign manager...again.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Back in shivering Blighty, Dear Jezza's Labour Party showed
0:03:37 > 0:03:43just how all-inclusive and diverse it is when Deputy Leader Tom Watson
0:03:43 > 0:03:46refused to hand back the half-million quid in donations
0:03:46 > 0:03:50handed to him by a former fascist by the name of Mosley.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55And Shadow Equalities Secretary Dawn Butler appointed an advisor who says
0:03:55 > 0:03:59all white people are racist and that even white people who're homeless
0:03:59 > 0:04:02are still privileged.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Yes, with that sort of advice, I think we're all going
0:04:05 > 0:04:09to get along just fine.
0:04:09 > 0:04:14But the real news of the week is that, despite every impediment
0:04:14 > 0:04:17a fierce and unforgiving mother nature could put in your way,
0:04:17 > 0:04:23you have all made it tonight to the beautiful Rivoli Ballroom
0:04:23 > 0:04:25here in south London.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27What in Paris would be called the Rive Gauche.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32Or in our case just gauche.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35What Donald Trump, when he learned the US embassy had moved south
0:04:35 > 0:04:38of the river, called No Man's Land.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Well, there are plenty of men and women here tonight.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42We're delighted.
0:04:42 > 0:04:50Give yourselves a round of applause.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Fantastic!
0:04:56 > 0:05:01In recognition of this historic occasion, our 15th anniversary,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05we've put together a trio of talent unrivalled in the annals
0:05:05 > 0:05:08of late-night TV.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12You'll soon see that they really do have no rivals.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Please welcome, fresh from their sell-out performance
0:05:15 > 0:05:23at the Golders Green Branch of Hezbollah, Michael #choochoo
0:05:23 > 0:05:31Portillo, Liz #fourpercent Kendall and Miranda #she'slovely Green.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58And by special permission of the Cannes Film Festival,
0:05:58 > 0:06:06all the way from the Cote D'Azur, the star of our show, Molly the Dog.
0:06:12 > 0:06:21Come on, Molly. Molly, Molly. Molly, Molly, Molly.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27Molly, Molly. Sit, Molly. What a star! I hate being upstaged.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29And if all of that wasn't enough, we have a band!
0:06:29 > 0:06:31The incredible Swing ZaZou.
0:06:31 > 0:06:38Take it away.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03# She's got work and money # She's got the job and money
0:07:03 > 0:07:07# She's got fears and money # Because she's one of the many
0:07:07 > 0:07:11# She's got coffee and credit # She's got debt to pay
0:07:11 > 0:07:15# But she's got money in your pocket at the end of the day
0:07:15 > 0:07:22# She's got money, cabbage, cash # She's got scratch, rhino, Jack,
0:07:22 > 0:07:27Kayal # She's got spinach, sugar, blues
0:07:27 > 0:07:30and twos. # She's got berries, Kush, gravy,
0:07:30 > 0:07:38gold
0:08:00 > 0:08:05We will hear more from them as the programme goes on. Your moment of
0:08:05 > 0:08:09the week.The intervention of Sir John Major during the course of this
0:08:09 > 0:08:14week. My old mate, who called on the government to give a free vote to
0:08:14 > 0:08:17members of Parliament on Brexit. You may remember that when the boot was
0:08:17 > 0:08:22on the other foot and that we were busy integrating ourselves with
0:08:22 > 0:08:28Europe, there were no free votes whatsoever. Indeed, there was
0:08:28 > 0:08:31persecution and ostracisation and banning and suspension from the
0:08:31 > 0:08:36party. I thought it was marvellous to see Sir Bill Cash this week on
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Newsnight saving with great magnanimity, recalling that Sir John
0:08:40 > 0:08:45had put him through all of this, but not in any way being bitter. He is a
0:08:45 > 0:08:54great parliamentarian, Sir Bill Cash.Weren't you one of Mr Major's
0:08:54 > 0:09:01bustards?There was some dispute about that.Not in my mind!He
0:09:01 > 0:09:07talked about three. There were four candidates, Redwood, Lily, Portillo
0:09:07 > 0:09:11and Howard. So it's not entirely clear which of these four was left
0:09:11 > 0:09:18out.Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't you, but anyway!I hope it wasn't I
0:09:18 > 0:09:23that was left out, because it is a badge of honour.Liz, your moment of
0:09:23 > 0:09:34the week?The terrible explosion in Leicester, my constituency.Terrible
0:09:34 > 0:09:41event.Unimaginable horror. The people killed, more injured, people
0:09:41 > 0:09:45evacuated from their homes. We always praise the emergency
0:09:45 > 0:09:52services, but I cannot believe what they have seen and been through. And
0:09:52 > 0:09:55also, the local community, who came out, helped one another, helped the
0:09:55 > 0:10:00emergency services, sometimes despite what you think, most people
0:10:00 > 0:10:04want to do good and pull together and support one another. And I am
0:10:04 > 0:10:09very proud of my constituents this week.Annual constituency will be
0:10:09 > 0:10:15very proud of you and how you have handled it. Miranda, your moment?
0:10:15 > 0:10:22Well, I think it has to be Boris. Boris who?Boris Johnson, our
0:10:22 > 0:10:25fabulous Foreign Secretary, of whom we are all so proud, particularly
0:10:25 > 0:10:30Michael, who suggested that solving the knotty problem of the Northern
0:10:30 > 0:10:35Ireland border as we leave the EU would be as simple as using your
0:10:35 > 0:10:41smart card to travel from the London Borough of Camden to the London
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Borough of Islington, thereby raising quite a few eyebrows.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Obviously with Boris, we are not surprised when he says something
0:10:48 > 0:10:54like this, but it was possibly a new low.I may have missed it, but have
0:10:54 > 0:10:593000 people being killed fighting over the Islington- can do in
0:10:59 > 0:11:07border?I have also missed that, Andrew.Three moments of the week.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Now, here on This Week we pretty much say what we like.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Not that anybody takes much notice.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Which, given the level of drivel that's spewed forth every week,
0:11:14 > 0:11:15is probably just as well.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17But these days some folks are frightened to say anything.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19They worry that they'll use the wrong words,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21offend people they didn't mean to offend.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Set off a Twitter mob, or worse, against them.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25In a world where so-called safe spaces are spreading,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27virtue-signalling is rife and there's an epidemic of #metoos,
0:11:27 > 0:11:32when even Jerry Seinfeld has stopped doing his stand up
0:11:32 > 0:11:35routine at universities because the students are too
0:11:35 > 0:11:37politically correct, are we now in the grip
0:11:37 > 0:11:40of a new Puritanism?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43In these difficult times we turned for guidance to someone
0:11:43 > 0:11:46who is the epitome of balance, moderation, consideration,
0:11:46 > 0:11:50courtesy, civility and charm.
0:11:50 > 0:11:58Yes, it's historian David Starkey with his take of the week.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11The British political system of monarch, Lords and Commons is now
0:12:11 > 0:12:17almost 800 years old.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22It has survived because behind the fixed facade of Parliament,
0:12:22 > 0:12:27it's proved astonishingly adaptable to changing social realities.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30In continental Europe, the ancien regime had to be
0:12:30 > 0:12:33pulled down by revolution.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38In Britain, change came by evolution, as first
0:12:38 > 0:12:42the bourgeoisie, then the working class, and finally women
0:12:42 > 0:12:50secured a vote for and representation in Parliament.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Our parliamentary institution even survived the rise
0:12:54 > 0:12:57of the Labour Party, as the monarchy under George V
0:12:57 > 0:13:01and the Tory party under Stanley Baldwin went out
0:13:01 > 0:13:06of their way to welcome Labour ministers and trade unionists alike
0:13:06 > 0:13:12into the corridors of power, and Buckingham Palace itself.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14This is the world portrayed brilliantly
0:13:14 > 0:13:18in the film Darkest Hour.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22But everything in that world, the patriotism, the shared values,
0:13:22 > 0:13:26the importance of rhetoric, is now as dead and buried
0:13:26 > 0:13:34as Winston Churchill himself.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40For, in the last 20 years, we've had a revolution by stealth.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Not in our streets but in our values, as a generation brought up
0:13:44 > 0:13:50with no roots and no religion has lurched with quasi-religious fervour
0:13:50 > 0:13:56into a puritanical groupthink, where debate is stifled
0:13:56 > 0:14:03and difference of opinion cannot be tolerated.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Everywhere, it's back to the Middle Ages.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09In the universities, no platforming is a heresy
0:14:09 > 0:14:12trial without a stake.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16In law, the uncovering of historic sex abuse has turned from due
0:14:16 > 0:14:20process into a witch craze.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Accusation proves guilt, every victim must be believed.
0:14:24 > 0:14:32This is Salem.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35In politics, too, there is a new pseudo-religious intensity.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40Pro-Trump and anti-Trump, Remainer and Brexiteer confront each
0:14:40 > 0:14:45other in a sort of holy war.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49While in the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn, JC, plays
0:14:49 > 0:14:53the Messiah, and Momentum presents itself as a cross between
0:14:53 > 0:15:01the Jesuits and the Knights Templar.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04This does not bode well.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06The last time that religion so dominated politics
0:15:06 > 0:15:11was in the Puritan revolution which led to civil war,
0:15:11 > 0:15:16the abolition of Parliament and military dictatorship.
0:15:16 > 0:15:24Welcome to the millennials' millennium.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Our thanks to Westland London in Shoreditch,
0:15:34 > 0:15:38APPLAUSE Welcome David Starkey back to the
0:15:38 > 0:15:44programme. Are we in the group of a puritancle group think which doesn't
0:15:44 > 0:15:51tolerate difference or is that just the Shadow Cabinet?I think there is
0:15:51 > 0:15:59now a kind of moral or religious fever about a lot of the different
0:15:59 > 0:16:04positions, particularly around Brexit. In the end, I don't think
0:16:04 > 0:16:09that you win arguments by just shouting louder and louder. You have
0:16:09 > 0:16:14to try to understand. You are never going to - I'm never going to
0:16:14 > 0:16:19convince Nigel Farage that Brexit is wrong. But the reason that you
0:16:19 > 0:16:26engage in debates is to try and persuade the undecides to understand
0:16:26 > 0:16:32where people are coming from rather than just shouting people down or no
0:16:32 > 0:16:39platforming them.Michael?I thought David was probably exaggerating. The
0:16:39 > 0:16:42divisions over Brexit can be compared with the divisions over
0:16:42 > 0:16:46appeasement and the divisions over the reform of the House of Lords
0:16:46 > 0:16:49just before the First World War or indeed the divisions over Ireland
0:16:49 > 0:16:52just before the First World War. I think we've been here again and
0:16:52 > 0:17:00again. I think there are dangers. He takes an interesting idea that blows
0:17:00 > 0:17:04it up. Of the things he mentioned what bothered me the most is the
0:17:04 > 0:17:08idea that if you accuse someone, their name can be plastered over the
0:17:08 > 0:17:13newspapers. They can be arrested. They can be put on bail for a very
0:17:13 > 0:17:17long period of time. It takes very long time toll resolve the case. It
0:17:17 > 0:17:21is as though that person had been found guilty because in the year or
0:17:21 > 0:17:25two that that takes, their name has been all over the press and the
0:17:25 > 0:17:32media.The first bit of the new puritanism. We come to sex abuse
0:17:32 > 0:17:37allegations later. Michael said you are exaggerating. We have had this
0:17:37 > 0:17:42discourse before?He is right in one sense. In all the instances he
0:17:42 > 0:17:47mentioned. What I think is new now is the depth of this phenomenon. In
0:17:47 > 0:17:51other words, appeasement, the Irish question and so on. They weren't
0:17:51 > 0:17:56underpinned by new structures. We've now got new structures in the
0:17:56 > 0:18:03internet. Which prioritise extremes. The fact that you've got opinion
0:18:03 > 0:18:09expressed anonymously. This is the most dangerous of things. The whole
0:18:09 > 0:18:13internet seems to me to be founded on a complete misapprehension of
0:18:13 > 0:18:18human behaviour. It's founded on the notion, human beings are good. Where
0:18:18 > 0:18:23if we were allowed to behave badly and get away with it, you and I know
0:18:23 > 0:18:32we do. We do.Hold on!It's true. Come on!There are people watching.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36I hope one or two. I hope one or two. I don't know.There won't be
0:18:36 > 0:18:42unless you get to the point.I have got to the point. Where Michael -
0:18:42 > 0:18:47Anonymity.Where Michael is wrong is there are new structures
0:18:47 > 0:18:52underpinning this. This seems to me to be profoundly important. I think
0:18:52 > 0:18:57it's under cutting politics as we know it. This programme is nice and
0:18:57 > 0:19:01civilised people watch it. It's absolutely nothing to do with the
0:19:01 > 0:19:05fundamentals of what are going on onside. Liz has made the point, when
0:19:05 > 0:19:09she said, "we want reasoned debate." There is no reasoned debate.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Reasoned debate has died in public. Let me bring Miranda. What did you
0:19:14 > 0:19:18make of what Michael had to say about the sex abuse and the sex
0:19:18 > 0:19:23harassment claims that is in a way what Michael was saying has gone too
0:19:23 > 0:19:27far?I think it's always difficult to know which is the movement and
0:19:27 > 0:19:31which is the backlash. You get a backlash against the backlash. We
0:19:31 > 0:19:35are having a huge cultural discussion taking sides, some people
0:19:35 > 0:19:38changing their minds. I don't know where we will end up. I think it
0:19:38 > 0:19:44will be a different place from before the Weinstein scandal.
0:19:44 > 0:19:49Probably a better place.That is to be applauded.No, revolutions on the
0:19:49 > 0:19:54whole lead to worse. The history - Not a revolution.Oh, it is. You are
0:19:54 > 0:19:59wrong. It's a moral revolution.No. Where I would agree with you, David,
0:19:59 > 0:20:04I do think that there is a sort of obligation on people at the moment
0:20:04 > 0:20:09to kind of express moral certainty. That is exactly right.About an
0:20:09 > 0:20:14issue Raith rather than debate it. That is damaging to the quality -
0:20:14 > 0:20:21Discourse.There has been a moral revolution. I'm gay is now
0:20:21 > 0:20:26practically compulsory. 40 years ago, seriously, let's look -Is that
0:20:26 > 0:20:34the secret about me you are trying to tell the audience?
0:20:34 > 0:20:39to tell the audience?The I wonder! You blush.This civilised discussion
0:20:39 > 0:20:43is going well.Molly the dog as well.You keep Molly out of it.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48There has been a complete revolution of values between the sexes. I mean,
0:20:48 > 0:20:54look again at the whole business of transgendering. Am the unmentionable
0:20:54 > 0:21:00has become enforceable. There has been genuine inversions of moral -
0:21:00 > 0:21:05in our lifetimes, your lifetime and mine, because we are ancient, moral
0:21:05 > 0:21:11values use have inverted?I think it's true moral values have been
0:21:11 > 0:21:18inverted. I don't think the process has come to an end.What is a moral
0:21:18 > 0:21:23value that has been inverted?Our view of homosexuality has changed
0:21:23 > 0:21:28completely.Isn't that a plus?I think it is a plus, but I would also
0:21:28 > 0:21:33say that I think it leads us to... It should lead us to believe that no
0:21:33 > 0:21:38moral position is absolute or even to be relied upon for any period of
0:21:38 > 0:21:43time. Moral positions are changing now a days like fashions. Constantly
0:21:43 > 0:21:48changing.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54changing. Max Moseley apparently was the agent for a leaflet published in
0:21:54 > 0:22:011961. In 1961, the racism that was addressed in the leaflet was not
0:22:01 > 0:22:10illegal, but homosexuality was. That is an example in how 50 years the
0:22:10 > 0:22:14world has turned absolutely upside down.I am struggling to see the bad
0:22:14 > 0:22:19news that racism is not acceptable and the homosexuality is acceptable.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23There has been a revolution.It's been a hugely welcome one. I would
0:22:23 > 0:22:27really like to have grown up not being groped when I was a waitress
0:22:27 > 0:22:32and being told by the boss, "just get back out there and serve them.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35You are fussing about nothing". I think it's good if we get to the
0:22:35 > 0:22:39situation where that's not happening any more.Those things are good. I
0:22:39 > 0:22:43think the suspension of due process in law is not good and even
0:22:43 > 0:22:47organisations like the BBC are complicit in the suspension of due
0:22:47 > 0:22:51process by having helicopters hovering over Cliff Richard's house
0:22:51 > 0:22:54when he is being raided and arrested. There are things in this
0:22:54 > 0:22:59which are very, very worrying and the non-platforming of people in
0:22:59 > 0:23:03universities is extremely worrying. I agree with that.I don't think
0:23:03 > 0:23:07David meant to say that everything in this revolution is bad.I didn't.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11I just said it was a revolution. Revolution just means turning things
0:23:11 > 0:23:17upside down.Correct.Things have been turned upside down.On the
0:23:17 > 0:23:20attitudes towards sexual harassment and worse, that may not be a
0:23:20 > 0:23:25revolution, but it is a watershed in attitudes. Perhaps, as in all of
0:23:25 > 0:23:30these things, I mean to put it blunt ily, for years men got away with
0:23:30 > 0:23:36this.Yes they did.Now they don't. Called to account. In that change
0:23:36 > 0:23:39the pendulum in all these things it sometimes goes too far the other
0:23:39 > 0:23:43way. I've talked about the lack of due process. At some stage it will
0:23:43 > 0:23:47settle down somewhere and it will be a Bert place.I think that's true.
0:23:47 > 0:23:54Part of what David is warning about, if I understand him correctly, is
0:23:54 > 0:23:59against a change that would resemble something that that they have in
0:23:59 > 0:24:04America, were you end up dividing peopled and you end up with culture
0:24:04 > 0:24:10wars.We have.I don't think we have it quite yet. Like Michael, I think
0:24:10 > 0:24:15it's slightly over stated case. I think we can move on on this issue
0:24:15 > 0:24:20and others and avoid America's culture wars. If you are too certain
0:24:20 > 0:24:23that things changing... The fact that things are changing is bad you
0:24:23 > 0:24:31are actually taking a position in a culture war. You are sort of
0:24:31 > 0:24:34starting one of your own.Some American identity wars have come
0:24:34 > 0:24:39here. Is it really true, a lot of students now, this will give you the
0:24:39 > 0:24:42fine Allera word on, this they don't want to be exposed to opinions that
0:24:42 > 0:24:46trouble them or with which they don't agree?Yes. I think it is
0:24:46 > 0:24:51absolutely true. We are also getting a determination to rewrite the
0:24:51 > 0:24:56historical past. We are getting a shyness about any form of genuine
0:24:56 > 0:25:00national identity. One of the things that I worry about most is, without
0:25:00 > 0:25:06a clear notion of a national identity and a national story,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10there's no possibilities of genuine democratic political action.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Political action depends on the fact we all recognise certain things in
0:25:14 > 0:25:20common with each other. If we're to be divided into tribes, if we are to
0:25:20 > 0:25:24be divided into genders, if we are to be divided into races I'm afraid
0:25:24 > 0:25:30there is only one form of government that can hold the balance and it is
0:25:30 > 0:25:36in a throne like you who exercises imperial authority. Which you do so
0:25:36 > 0:25:42well! APPLAUSE
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Thank you.Pleasure. Thank you.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Now it's late.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Saint Michael of Assisi late.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Yes, as we mentioned earlier, our greener then
0:25:54 > 0:25:57the Greens Environment Secretary, the Sainted Govester,
0:25:57 > 0:26:00wants to ban plastic straws to reduce pollution in our oceans.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05He's even opined that said ban would prove easier
0:26:05 > 0:26:09once we leave the EU, provoking the Vice President
0:26:09 > 0:26:14of the European Commission to snap back that "EU legislation
0:26:14 > 0:26:16"on single-use plastics is coming before the summer.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19"#eudoesn'tsuck, ya green numpty".
0:26:19 > 0:26:27And we thought the Irish Border might be the final
0:26:27 > 0:26:29straw in the Brexit negotiations, when it actually
0:26:29 > 0:26:30turns out to be a straw.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Someone who's never been accused of being a straw man
0:26:33 > 0:26:35is the mighty Brian Blessed, star of stage, screen and shouting,
0:26:35 > 0:26:37who'll be putting "charm" under the spotlight.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Bless.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43And if you'd like to get in touch via the Tweeter,
0:26:43 > 0:26:49the Fleecebook, the Snapnumpty, my blunt advice is don't bother.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52You'd be better spending your lonely nocturnal hours preparing for that
0:26:52 > 0:26:55visit from your probation officer in the morning because I can
0:26:55 > 0:27:00assure you that parole is by no means a done deal.
0:27:00 > 0:27:07Take it away, Swing Zazou.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34INSTRUMENTAL # But he takes it slow
0:27:34 > 0:27:40# He's got no need for them highs and lows
0:27:40 > 0:27:47# He's a happy cat # Head held high
0:27:47 > 0:27:52# Ain't no people going to catch his eye
0:27:52 > 0:27:57# Ain't no jitterbug going to get him high
0:27:57 > 0:28:01# Ain't no flat boot going to make him spill
0:28:01 > 0:28:06# Ain't no dropper going to make that kill
0:28:06 > 0:28:14# Me's a wide boy # Would he do what he wouldn't say
0:28:14 > 0:28:18# He's a wide boy # Lapped it up and run away
0:28:18 > 0:28:26# He's a wild, wild boy # He's wide, wide boy
0:28:26 > 0:28:39# He's a wide, wide boy # He's a wide, wide boy... #
0:28:39 > 0:28:44APPLAUSE
0:28:46 > 0:28:49And there's more where that came from.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51The Siberian snowstorm currently enveloping our islands has brought
0:28:51 > 0:28:53with it a distinct chilling of our politics.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55The Tory rebels are more revolting than ever,
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Labour moderates are checking into the gulag before they find
0:28:58 > 0:29:01themselves hanging from the nearest lamp post, and Barnier of Brussels
0:29:01 > 0:29:06thinks if he huffs and puffs often enough then he can blow us all down.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Which, when you look at the fragility of the government,
0:29:08 > 0:29:10might not be that far fetched.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14So in these bitter and bitterly cold times we turned to Andrew Rawnsley,
0:29:14 > 0:29:18the Hack Who Went out into the Cold.
0:29:18 > 0:29:25This is his roundup of the week.
0:29:28 > 0:29:36It is very cold in Moscow, it is even colder in Mrs May's Cabinet.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Ah, there you are.
0:29:46 > 0:29:50Our friends over the river have given me the most difficult mission
0:29:50 > 0:29:54of my career in political intelligence - to penetrate
0:29:54 > 0:29:56the British Government and discover the Prime Minister's greatest
0:29:56 > 0:30:01secret.
0:30:01 > 0:30:07What does she really hope to achieve from Brexit?
0:30:07 > 0:30:11This is from one of my moles at the heart of the Cabinet.
0:30:11 > 0:30:16The cunning plan is "ambitious managed divergence."
0:30:16 > 0:30:20It must be some kind of fiendish code designed to be
0:30:20 > 0:30:23impenetrable to Brussels, and to the British public.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26I'm not sure even the wizards at GCHQ will be able
0:30:26 > 0:30:29to make sense of this one.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36Jeremy Corbyn, the rebel who came in from the cold,
0:30:36 > 0:30:40hopes to exploit Tory divisions by switching Labour's position
0:30:40 > 0:30:48on membership of a customs union.
0:30:49 > 0:30:53Labour would seek to negotiate a new, comprehensive UK-EU customs
0:30:53 > 0:30:57union to ensure there are no tariffs with Europe and to help avoid any
0:30:57 > 0:31:04need whatsoever for a hard border in Northern Ireland.
0:31:04 > 0:31:06Does this mean that the Labour leader, a career long
0:31:06 > 0:31:14eurosceptic, has been turned?
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Nyet comrade, he sees a juicy opportunity to defeat
0:31:19 > 0:31:20and damage the government.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Five Conservative former ministers and two of the party's
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Select Committee Chairs have already declared that they'll defect
0:31:25 > 0:31:31to the opposition lobby over the issue of a customs union.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34These Tory dissidents say they'll be doing Mrs M a favour,
0:31:34 > 0:31:39by helping her to stand up to the Brexit ultras.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42She'll then be able to turn around to the 62 who are sort
0:31:42 > 0:31:45of threatening to sort of force her into
0:31:45 > 0:31:47a leadership contest.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49It would enable her to explain the reality.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51The simple reality is this, that there isn't a parliamentary
0:31:51 > 0:31:55majority for a hard Brexit.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Given a free vote, what would be the majority for a customs
0:31:57 > 0:31:59union, do you think?
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Huge.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04She's right to suggest that quite a lot of ministers will be secretly
0:32:04 > 0:32:09toasting the Tory rebels, and quite possibly some
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Whitehall mandarins too.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15Sir Martin Donnelly, who used to be head of the Department
0:32:15 > 0:32:17of International Trade, suggested that life outside
0:32:17 > 0:32:24the single market and the customs union will be all salt and vinegar.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28You're giving up a three course meal, which is the depth
0:32:28 > 0:32:31and intensity of our trade relationships across
0:32:31 > 0:32:34the European Union and partners now, for the promise of a packet
0:32:34 > 0:32:38of crisps in the future if we manage to do trade deals
0:32:38 > 0:32:42outside the European Union, which aren't going to compensate
0:32:42 > 0:32:46for what we're giving up.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48Staying within a customs union would mean they'd be no
0:32:48 > 0:32:51further point to Liam Fox, no more long-haul globetrotting
0:32:51 > 0:32:58to exotic locations in search of independent trade deals
0:32:58 > 0:33:01for our man in Business Class.
0:33:01 > 0:33:05Funnily enough, he's not keen on that idea.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08It's unsurprising that those who spent a lifetime working
0:33:08 > 0:33:11within the European Union would see moving away from the European Union
0:33:11 > 0:33:16as being threatening.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19As rule takers, without any say in how the rules were made,
0:33:19 > 0:33:21we would be in a worse position than we are today.
0:33:21 > 0:33:26It would be a complete sell-out of Britain's national interests
0:33:26 > 0:33:32and a betrayal of the voters in the referendum.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Now, if you were looking for signs that foreign powers had placed
0:33:35 > 0:33:38sleeper agents at the heart of our government, with a design
0:33:38 > 0:33:42to disrupt the economy, undermine our alliances and make
0:33:42 > 0:33:47Britain look like a laughing stock in the world, who might
0:33:47 > 0:33:53fall under suspicion?
0:33:53 > 0:33:57The issue of the Northern Ireland border is being used quite a lot
0:33:57 > 0:34:02politically to try to keep the UK in the customs union,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04effectively the single market, so we can't really leave the EU.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06That's what's going on.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Boris, a bit un-British that name, not very red,
0:34:09 > 0:34:13white and blue at all, a bit Ruski.
0:34:13 > 0:34:18We certainly have to ask which side is this confusion agent playing for?
0:34:18 > 0:34:22Mrs May's insistence that there'll be no hard border in Ireland
0:34:22 > 0:34:26was undercut by a leaked letter from the alleged Foreign Secretary,
0:34:26 > 0:34:34arguing the opposite.
0:34:36 > 0:34:41Jeremy Corbyn used to be mostly cloak and not much dagger at PMQs,
0:34:41 > 0:34:43he's improved his trade craft lately and attempted some
0:34:43 > 0:34:48intelligence collection.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50The Prime Minister emerged from her Chequers away
0:34:50 > 0:34:55day to promise a Brexit of "ambitious managed divergence."
0:34:55 > 0:35:01Can the Prime Minister enlighten the rest of us as to which sectors
0:35:01 > 0:35:05of the Government wants to remain aligned and which
0:35:05 > 0:35:07they plan to diverge?
0:35:07 > 0:35:09He talks about people not having a clue.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12I'll tell him who hasn't got a clue about business and jobs,
0:35:12 > 0:35:14that's a Labour Party who wants to borrow £500 billion
0:35:14 > 0:35:18and bankrupt Britain.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20When sorrows come for a leader, they come not single
0:35:20 > 0:35:22spies, but in battalions.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24The former Conservative Prime Minister John Major was reactivated
0:35:24 > 0:35:29to issue a barrage of bleak and blunt warnings and to call
0:35:29 > 0:35:35for MPs to have a free vote on the ultimate Brexit deal.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38No one voted for higher prices and poorer public services,
0:35:38 > 0:35:42but that's what they may get.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44The emerging evidence suggests Brexit will hurt most
0:35:44 > 0:35:47those who have least.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50If Brexit is whipped through parliament, at a time
0:35:50 > 0:35:53when the public are so divided about it, voters will know
0:35:53 > 0:35:58who to blame if they end up poorer and weaker.
0:35:58 > 0:36:03So both democracy and prudence suggest a free vote.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07This operation is all a bit sideways at the moment, isn't it?
0:36:07 > 0:36:14Mrs May is scheduled to give a definitive speech
0:36:14 > 0:36:16on Brexit on Friday, the latest in a long line
0:36:16 > 0:36:19of supposedly definitive speeches.
0:36:19 > 0:36:27Have the codebreakers on stand by.
0:36:33 > 0:36:41APPLAUSE
0:36:41 > 0:36:45Andrew Rawnsley joins us. As we were coming on air, we learned
0:36:45 > 0:36:50they are still arguing about the contents of the parts of Mrs May A's
0:36:50 > 0:36:55speech, so I'm glad that has been resolved.There is loads of time! It
0:36:55 > 0:36:59is not like it has to be resolved by October and yet the government is
0:36:59 > 0:37:05still go shaking with itself. Michael, do you think Mr Corbyn has
0:37:05 > 0:37:09come out for a customs union because he believes in it, or because it's a
0:37:09 > 0:37:14clever way of putting the government on the spot?The latter. I don't
0:37:14 > 0:37:20have a great insight into his views but I assume he is pretty thoroughly
0:37:20 > 0:37:24Euro-sceptic, about as Euro-sceptic as I am, and I think he would value
0:37:24 > 0:37:27the opportunity of making trade deals outside the European Union,
0:37:27 > 0:37:32which would not be consistent with the customs union. But it does put
0:37:32 > 0:37:36the government on the spot. The arithmetic on bad vote looks very
0:37:36 > 0:37:40tight. I suspect the government will win the vote, because I think as MPs
0:37:40 > 0:37:43reacted to the emerging arithmetic there will be a couple of Labour
0:37:43 > 0:37:48rebels who will come over and vote with the government. But as we see
0:37:48 > 0:37:54at the moment there is only a vote or two in it.What do you think? Is
0:37:54 > 0:38:01it a principled position or a clever tactical ploy?He has probably
0:38:01 > 0:38:05listened to trade unions, party members, Labour supporters.
0:38:05 > 0:38:10Obviously, it does put the government under pressure, but I
0:38:10 > 0:38:15think it is a hugely welcome change in Labour's approach. It comes very
0:38:15 > 0:38:19close to solving the Northern Ireland issue and is obviously right
0:38:19 > 0:38:24in terms of jobs and the economy and money for public services. People
0:38:24 > 0:38:28have been making a strong argument that you cannot be anti-austerity if
0:38:28 > 0:38:32you are going to come out of the single market and Customs union,
0:38:32 > 0:38:37your economy takes a hit and you cannot invest in the NHS. I think it
0:38:37 > 0:38:40is growing number of reasons but it does put the government under
0:38:40 > 0:38:46pressure.Is at the right policy? Would the EU agreed to a bespoke
0:38:46 > 0:38:51customs union for the UK?It seems there are almost as many but not
0:38:51 > 0:38:55quite as many problems with the Labour position in terms of whether
0:38:55 > 0:38:59it is realistic in terms of striking a deal with Brussels, as there are
0:38:59 > 0:39:03with the government position. Both sides have been playing this game of
0:39:03 > 0:39:05playing voters against each other with a lot of constructive
0:39:05 > 0:39:11ambiguity. Clearly this was a huge move from Jeremy Corbyn and that
0:39:11 > 0:39:16action inside the Labour Party, frantic lobbying on both sides,
0:39:16 > 0:39:21particularly from the pro-EU faction in the Labour Party, has resulted in
0:39:21 > 0:39:26this quite significant change. But the question about whether he is
0:39:26 > 0:39:30sincere, Andrew's spying metaphor, has he been turned, of course not.
0:39:30 > 0:39:34When it comes to the crunch, will it make enough difference in terms of
0:39:34 > 0:39:40the deal that Britain can get? I have my doubts. Particularly because
0:39:40 > 0:39:44he seems to believe the caveats more than the offer. On the customs
0:39:44 > 0:39:48union, he is desperate to talk about, but we don't like European
0:39:48 > 0:39:53rules state aid. That will not change.He comes out of a customs
0:39:53 > 0:39:57union but once the freedom to do state subsidies.Very important to
0:39:57 > 0:40:01him and John McDonnell.Nothing wrong with that but it is the sort
0:40:01 > 0:40:08of thing the European Union does not like. He talks about having a say in
0:40:08 > 0:40:11EU free trade arrangements. That is difficult, since even individual
0:40:11 > 0:40:17countries do not have much of a say within the EU. I come back to my
0:40:17 > 0:40:21original question. Is it really a clever tactical ploy, because he has
0:40:21 > 0:40:27seen that the government is weak?I think we all agree that he has been
0:40:27 > 0:40:31a career long Euro-sceptic, founded in the old left-wing belief that the
0:40:31 > 0:40:35EU is a capitalist club, compounded by him and McDonnell thinking there
0:40:35 > 0:40:38are things radical Labour government would want which they might be
0:40:38 > 0:40:43prevented from doing by Europe. So they are thinking this is a juicy
0:40:43 > 0:40:46opportunity to potentially defeat and damage the government. I think
0:40:46 > 0:40:52Liz makes a good point. Jeremy Corbyn distrusts opinion polls and
0:40:52 > 0:40:56distrusts most of his parliamentary party, if we are honest. But he will
0:40:56 > 0:41:01have noticed that the polls say by big margins most Labour supporters
0:41:01 > 0:41:04want to remain not only in the customs union but also the single
0:41:04 > 0:41:11market and so do most MPs. One thing where there is a dislocation between
0:41:11 > 0:41:14Mr Corbyn and his devotees among Labour Party members, particularly
0:41:14 > 0:41:19the young ones, the Glastonbury crowd, they do not want to do Brexit
0:41:19 > 0:41:23at all and would certainly want a softer version of Brexit. He cannot
0:41:23 > 0:41:28allow to big a chasm to open between him and his members.If the
0:41:28 > 0:41:33government loses a vote on the customs union, what would happen to
0:41:33 > 0:41:37the government?It would be a very important defeat and the government
0:41:37 > 0:41:40would probably go back to the House of Commons the next day with a vote
0:41:40 > 0:41:47of confidence, which it would win, because the rebels, I assume, would
0:41:47 > 0:41:50not want to bring down the government. So as long as the
0:41:50 > 0:41:53government does not make the vote a vote of confidence, it will win a
0:41:53 > 0:41:58vote of confidence the following day.Which they cannot anyway. When
0:41:58 > 0:42:02your time with John Major, he had a problem with the paving bill and the
0:42:02 > 0:42:09Maastricht Treaty and had to turn it into a confidence motion to get it
0:42:09 > 0:42:10through. But the Fixed-term Parliaments Act separates confidence
0:42:10 > 0:42:15from bits of legislation. One thing Mrs May could do if she loses on the
0:42:15 > 0:42:19customs union is say, I am listening to Parliament and they say they want
0:42:19 > 0:42:23it as a negotiating objective, so I am sorry, Jacob Rees-Mogg, the
0:42:23 > 0:42:28majority of parliament has spoken and I will embrace that.The Prime
0:42:28 > 0:42:31Minister would be holed below the water line on that, surely, because
0:42:31 > 0:42:35she has said she is against the customs union, against Britain being
0:42:35 > 0:42:39part of it. To say, I lost the vote so this key part of my strategy I'm
0:42:39 > 0:42:46going to abandon...She has set the red lines which may bring her down,
0:42:46 > 0:42:51and she did not have too. There is a majority in parliament, I believe,
0:42:51 > 0:42:56for leaving the EU but along a Norway- style deal, which has high
0:42:56 > 0:43:01market access and high obligations. Norway is not in the customs union.
0:43:01 > 0:43:07But if there were a Norway plus with the customs union option...If you
0:43:07 > 0:43:11are in the single market and the customs union, you are in the
0:43:11 > 0:43:17European Union. What bit are you not in?There is a choice.The country
0:43:17 > 0:43:21took that choice, rightly or wrongly.We can go round and round
0:43:21 > 0:43:25with this. The type of Brexit was not on there. There is a way through
0:43:25 > 0:43:29for her which is to accept where the majority of the house would be and
0:43:29 > 0:43:33that would keep as much closer to Europe, but I don't think she will
0:43:33 > 0:43:37have the guts to take on the hardliners on her backbenchers.OK,
0:43:37 > 0:43:41she loses a vote along the way but eventually there will be a
0:43:41 > 0:43:44settlement with the European Union and that will be brought back to
0:43:44 > 0:43:47Parliament, and that would override whatever votes have occurred before
0:43:47 > 0:43:52that.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55Has Michel Barnier leading the negotiations on the Commission's
0:43:55 > 0:44:00behalf, coming out this week with the document which the Brexiteers
0:44:00 > 0:44:03claim is an attempt to annex Northern Ireland from the United
0:44:03 > 0:44:08Kingdom. Has he overplayed his hand? There were a few statements coming
0:44:08 > 0:44:13out of Brussels today which made it seem that they had realised they'd
0:44:13 > 0:44:17trod on some sensitive toes here in the UK with this document. On the
0:44:17 > 0:44:25Northern Ireland issue.Very diplomaticPrance I should retrain.
0:44:25 > 0:44:30A government with an overall Tory majority could never agree to that.
0:44:30 > 0:44:36A government dependent on the DUP could certainly never agree to that.
0:44:36 > 0:44:44With he have a series of unreasonable negotiation position.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47The UK Governments unreasonable negotiating position and Brussels,
0:44:47 > 0:44:52let's hope they see sense. What they row posed was moving a border into
0:44:52 > 0:44:57the Irish Sea which is intolerable in terms of the UK.Because they are
0:44:57 > 0:45:01so frustrated -Michel Barnier you mean.So frustrated to try and get
0:45:01 > 0:45:05clarity on what the British Government's position is, that he's
0:45:05 > 0:45:09done this, knowing that that couldn't be allowed to happen, but
0:45:09 > 0:45:12it sure grabs the British Government's attention?I think you
0:45:12 > 0:45:16are on to something there, Andrew. Ever since we triggered, or Mrs May
0:45:16 > 0:45:20and her Government triggered Article 50, which is going back some way
0:45:20 > 0:45:27now, the constant complaint you hear publicly and you hear more in
0:45:27 > 0:45:30private from European politicians and officials is - just tell us what
0:45:30 > 0:45:35you want? We can't negotiate with you sensibly until you spell out
0:45:35 > 0:45:44what you want. I do think it was... Give you a prod, we might find out.
0:45:44 > 0:45:49We might find out more from Mrs May's speech tomorrow in Newcastle.
0:45:49 > 0:45:54Briefly, I want to hear from all of you. As things stand, there has to
0:45:54 > 0:45:57be a deal done to get into the transition period by October at the
0:45:57 > 0:46:02latest.Very latest.What are the chances, as things stand now, you
0:46:02 > 0:46:06may not like the deal, it may be a bad deal, a good one, will it be
0:46:06 > 0:46:12done? What are the chances. Liz?I think it will be done because
0:46:12 > 0:46:16Conservative MPs will look over the precipice of no deal and think we've
0:46:16 > 0:46:20got to keep things as we are to protect the economy.It would be
0:46:20 > 0:46:24done but it's because the commune will look over the prep sis and
0:46:24 > 0:46:30think, it's got to be done.Andrew. They are both being rational. A deal
0:46:30 > 0:46:34must be done it's not in the interests of EU and Britain for this
0:46:34 > 0:46:38to be a disaster. The rational's person mistake to forget that
0:46:38 > 0:46:43sometimes Mmm beings and politicians can be very irrational. If you were
0:46:43 > 0:46:46to chat characterise this process would you say it's been rational or
0:46:46 > 0:46:49a lot has been irrational? I hope you are right.
0:46:49 > 0:46:54. Don't wish a disaster on Britain. We have to account for the fact that
0:46:54 > 0:46:59human beings aren't always rational? There is a group of nations, not
0:46:59 > 0:47:05least Sweden, the Netherlands etc who would like to not go down the
0:47:05 > 0:47:13Franco-German route in terms of the future Europe route. We are living
0:47:13 > 0:47:17in strange times where hotheads rule.We have them on tape with
0:47:17 > 0:47:22their predictions. In this programme they are invariably wrong. I take it
0:47:22 > 0:47:28from that no deal will be done if they all think it will be. You can
0:47:28 > 0:47:36hot foot it back to Moscow, Andrew Rawnsley. Let us hear some more from
0:47:36 > 0:47:38Swing Zazou.
0:47:52 > 0:48:01# She arrives with a certain smile # Turns her head and stops the
0:48:01 > 0:48:09# Not one for laying low # She spreads her wings right out
0:48:09 > 0:48:13# Kiss my feet # I'm on the way
0:48:13 > 0:48:21# Let me go # I wish that I could say a friend
0:48:21 > 0:48:31in need, a friend indeed # Oh, no
0:48:31 > 0:48:37# It makes me
0:48:37 > 0:48:38# It makes me low # Oh, no
0:48:38 > 0:48:42#. APPLAUSE
0:48:42 > 0:48:51Come here, Molly. Come here Molly. Have a treat because you deserve it.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54It was Albert Camus who said: "Charm is a way of getting the answer 'yes'
0:48:54 > 0:48:56"without having asked any clear question".
0:48:56 > 0:48:58At least I think it was Albert Camus.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00It could have been the pub bore in Albert Square.
0:49:00 > 0:49:04Anyway, though it's clear that charm in politics isn't everything -
0:49:04 > 0:49:07I mean just look at the careers of Liz and Michael -
0:49:07 > 0:49:09obviously it's better to have it than not.
0:49:09 > 0:49:14So we've called on our very own Prince Charming,
0:49:14 > 0:49:22the mighty Brian Blessed, as we put charm in the spotlight.
0:49:30 > 0:49:36It's snowing, and the kids are enchanted.
0:49:36 > 0:49:43Is winter's charm lost on adults?
0:49:43 > 0:49:46It's the worst winter that we've had for quite a while.
0:49:46 > 0:49:47Absolute mayhem.
0:49:47 > 0:49:48Hope it doesn't last too long.
0:49:48 > 0:49:49And what about MPs?
0:49:49 > 0:49:52As frost descends on Westminster, Big Bad John's usual
0:49:52 > 0:49:57charm has chilled.
0:49:57 > 0:49:58THE SPEAKER:
0:49:58 > 0:49:59Order, order.
0:49:59 > 0:50:00Resume your seat, Minister.
0:50:00 > 0:50:01End of it.
0:50:01 > 0:50:02You answer for government policy.
0:50:02 > 0:50:05You don't waste the time of the House by launching into rants
0:50:05 > 0:50:06about policies of other parties.
0:50:06 > 0:50:08I've made the point, and if the Chancellor
0:50:08 > 0:50:10is confused about it, he really is underinformed.
0:50:10 > 0:50:12I say to him, stick to your abacus, man.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15REPORTER:Prime Minister, who is going to blink first?
0:50:15 > 0:50:17Is snow making the Maybot's manners malfunction, too.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20Just calm down.
0:50:20 > 0:50:25Maybe MPs are just more agreeable outside Westminster.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28Charm us, Rebecca.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31The gentleman with the blue tie and the lovely blue jumper there.
0:50:31 > 0:50:32I love your blue sweater.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35It's very nice.
0:50:35 > 0:50:36Matching scarf on there.
0:50:36 > 0:50:37Trendy beard there.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39But can charm be creepy?
0:50:39 > 0:50:44Spare a thought for New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.
0:50:44 > 0:50:45Jacinda Ardern, what a great catch.
0:50:45 > 0:50:47Perhaps we can go fishing sometime.
0:50:47 > 0:50:48Yes.
0:50:48 > 0:50:54What exactly is the date the baby is due?
0:50:54 > 0:50:5517th June.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58It's interesting how much people have been counting
0:50:58 > 0:50:59back to the conception, as it were.
0:50:59 > 0:51:00Really?
0:51:00 > 0:51:03And are some people just totally charmless?
0:51:03 > 0:51:10I got to watch some deputy sheriffs performing this weekend.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12They weren't exactly medal of honour winners.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15I really believe that I'd run in there, even if I
0:51:15 > 0:51:16didn't have a weapon.
0:51:16 > 0:51:17This Week's alive!
0:51:17 > 0:51:19Brian Blessed's the consummate charmer.
0:51:19 > 0:51:27So, Brian, is charm the secret to political success?
0:51:32 > 0:51:37APPLAUSE
0:51:39 > 0:51:45Brian joins us now. Bless you for joining us.I've only one to say to
0:51:45 > 0:51:56you - Gordon's Alive!CHEERING Congratulations on the show. Hello.
0:51:56 > 0:52:00Two lovely ladies. Please speak.Can I go, ask a question.You can speak
0:52:00 > 0:52:06now.Very well. You are a modest chap, Brian.I am.Quiet,
0:52:06 > 0:52:10unassuming. Barely say a word in a room. Would you describe yourself as
0:52:10 > 0:52:14charming?I think I'm totally charming. Absolutely. I'm the most
0:52:14 > 0:52:19charming man in the world without doubt. Now I, I will prove it. I
0:52:19 > 0:52:25will use the audience here. When I raise my hand in a while I want you
0:52:25 > 0:52:31all to go gsh oh-oh. I will charm Michael Portillo. He has a charming
0:52:31 > 0:52:38face and a lovely smile. Here we go. The train goes running along the
0:52:38 > 0:52:43line. I wish it were mine. I wish it were mine. The engine driver stands
0:52:43 > 0:52:50in front. He makes it run. He makes it shunt. Up to the towns. Over the
0:52:50 > 0:53:01bridges and up to the sea.
0:53:01 > 0:53:04bridges and up to the sea.Oh-oh. That is for you Michael.Thank you
0:53:04 > 0:53:07so much, Brian. Thank you. APPLAUSE
0:53:07 > 0:53:12Wonderful.I look in the mirror in the morning, ladies and gentlemen, I
0:53:12 > 0:53:22think - bloody hell, I'm gorgeous. We think the same.I look down at my
0:53:22 > 0:53:25fellow actors and they are down there compared to my talent and
0:53:25 > 0:53:39beauty I. I know I look like a Yeti and a gorilla. You know that the
0:53:39 > 0:53:43strength of mankind is its women. So I'd like to say to our two young
0:53:43 > 0:53:55ladies here. Shall I compare they... What Michael and Liz? !Shall I
0:53:55 > 0:54:03compare thee to a lovely day. Thour more lovely and more temperate. They
0:54:03 > 0:54:12do shake the darling buds of May. That's charming I think...Ah!
0:54:12 > 0:54:17APPLAUSE I'd like to apologise to the
0:54:17 > 0:54:20researchers for writing all these questions because they are clearly
0:54:20 > 0:54:26going to be a complete waste of time.
0:54:26 > 0:54:30time. Do you find any politicians charming?I find them all charming.
0:54:30 > 0:54:38Find them all charming? That can't be true?No, no. I'm not a political
0:54:38 > 0:54:43animal in any shape or form. What is Brexit? It sounds like a bloody
0:54:43 > 0:54:48chocolate biscuit. I want to say. In protest from the people from New
0:54:48 > 0:54:53Zealand. We went into Europe many years ago and we abandoned New
0:54:53 > 0:54:59Zealand. New Zealand butter, New Zealand lamb when we come out again
0:54:59 > 0:55:11they will be waiting for us, won't they?In revenge.
0:55:11 > 0:55:16CHANTING
0:55:26 > 0:55:35Struggling to get to grips with this interview. Liz, is... Hold on, I'm
0:55:35 > 0:55:41going to ask Liz. Is Mrs May charming, is Mr Corbyn charming?I
0:55:41 > 0:55:47don't think Theresa May's very charming. I don't feel that she has
0:55:47 > 0:55:53much warmth.You need warmth to be charming, don't you?You do. You
0:55:53 > 0:55:58need some sort of connection.What about Mr Corbyn?He can be very
0:55:58 > 0:56:04charming.Really? You can be very diplomatic!
0:56:04 > 0:56:07APPLAUSE Michael. Mrs May or Mr Corbyn,
0:56:07 > 0:56:14charming?Michael Gove is an extremely charming man, they are
0:56:14 > 0:56:19both put in the shade. Controversial.You have been at the
0:56:19 > 0:56:23Blue Nun again, haven't you? Miranda, either of the two main
0:56:23 > 0:56:26party leaders charming, do you think? Does it matter?Well, you
0:56:26 > 0:56:33know there is a sort of puritancle view that it ought not to matter and
0:56:33 > 0:56:35politics shouldn't be about charisma. Of course it is. People
0:56:35 > 0:56:38like to feel a connection with somebody who wants their support.
0:56:38 > 0:56:43That is what politics is, right? I mean it's more than a personality
0:56:43 > 0:56:48contest.You have to a bit of charm? Have you to do a bit of charm,
0:56:48 > 0:56:53particularly in the modern era. People can tell when it's not
0:56:53 > 0:57:04authentic.People wouldn't get away with being Clement Attlee now.
0:57:04 > 0:57:08with being Clement Attlee now. If somebody has something to offer they
0:57:08 > 0:57:12won't get far.Do you think Michael was more charming as a politician or
0:57:12 > 0:57:21more charming now?I think he's got the eternal flame. I fancy him like
0:57:21 > 0:57:31mad! He's absolutely gorgious. Gorgeous. I love his jackets. I'm
0:57:31 > 0:57:36envious of Mrs May turns me on. I hate her husband.All right. You
0:57:36 > 0:57:45have said enough.I'm so sorry. . Before we are taking off the air I
0:57:45 > 0:57:49think there's a goodbye. Thank you for that. I haven't talked about
0:57:49 > 0:57:56gorillas.You are not going to. You might bring Mrs May back into it.
0:57:56 > 0:58:02It's our 15th anniversary programme. It could well be our last! That's
0:58:02 > 0:58:07your lot for tonight.
0:58:07 > 0:58:10We're heading north of the river to Lou Lou's, where it's
0:58:10 > 0:58:13the European Commission's weekly Bash-a-Brit night.
0:58:13 > 0:58:17But we don't intend to take our punishment beatings lying down.
0:58:17 > 0:58:22Inspired by the government's plan to use our young royals to win trade
0:58:22 > 0:58:26deals around the world, we intend to do our bit as well.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29So Michael is off to Paraguay to sell shares
0:58:29 > 0:58:33in his model railway set.
0:58:33 > 0:58:35It's so big it fills most of his bedroom, you know,
0:58:35 > 0:58:38so no doubt it will fetch a pretty penny.
0:58:38 > 0:58:46And, Liz, who has plenty of time on her hands these days,
0:58:46 > 0:58:49is on a slow boat to East Timor with a consignment
0:58:49 > 0:58:50of Turkey Twizzlers.
0:58:50 > 0:58:54As for me, well, naturally I'm off to the States to take this load
0:58:54 > 0:58:56of old broadcasting bollocks and sell it to Trump TV.
0:58:56 > 0:59:00APPLAUSE
0:59:00 > 0:59:01Nighty night.
0:59:01 > 0:59:09APPLAUSE
0:59:09 > 0:59:11I'm not sure whether it's good that's popular or not.
0:59:11 > 0:59:13I'll have to think about that.
0:59:13 > 0:59:15Anyway, nighty night, don't let the Barniers bite.
0:59:15 > 0:59:23Take it away, Swing Zazou.
0:59:44 > 0:59:46# The judge, the priest, the lawyer, the governor
0:59:46 > 0:59:48# The leader, the switch, the chain
0:59:48 > 0:59:50# The printing press, the telephone exchange
0:59:50 > 0:59:52# It's all hooked up, it's all done up
0:59:52 > 0:59:55# I said the banker, the broker, the health and safety
0:59:55 > 0:59:56#The ratchet, the meter...#
0:59:56 > 0:59:58Thank goodness that's over.