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0:00:22 > 0:00:23- I remember this boy.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32- I remember this girl too.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- Bernard Thomas - is at the Aberfan cemetery.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46- This boy was in my class.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- This guy here - had a pretty good singing voice.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Bernard is 59 years old.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Many of his childhood friends - are buried here.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- This girl lived - on the street next to mine.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- For 50 years, - he's been trying to come to terms...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- ..with the devastation - in his village.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- I have aged. They haven't.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30- They're all still nine years old, - eight years old, seven years old.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Some over here were - just seven years old at the time.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- No chance.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49- No hope.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Tonight, - we follow Bernard's battle...
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- ..to live with the scars - of the Aberfan disaster.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Bernard is on his way - to Merthyr Tydfil today.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- He doesn't own a car.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- He catches the bus from - Aberfan to Merthyr regularly.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35- 50 years ago, he lived through - one of the darkest days...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- ..in recent Welsh history.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42- In trying to cope with his memories, - he has, at times, turned to alcohol.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- I tend to drink quite a bit.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- I do silly things to be honest.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- He's been out of work - for over a decade.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- Despite facing periods of hardship - and illness...
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- ..he says he has now managed to - control his alcohol intake.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- I've got a little handle on it.
0:03:13 > 0:03:19- A few times a week, I'll have a - couple of glasses of wine.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- Not every day.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- He turned 59 years old - at the end of June.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32- On his birthday, he came to this - Wetherspoon in Merthyr to celebrate.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- I came here for a drop of wine - and to have a chat.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- I had to have a - one-man birthday party.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- One-man birthday party.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- 50 years ago, Bernard...
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- ..like these children - was on his way to school in Aberfan.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- He had no idea - what would face him...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- ..on the morning - of the 21st of October 1966.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- I got up in the morning with my - brother and we had breakfast.
0:04:15 > 0:04:21- We started walking to school - between eight and half past.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- On that morning, 240 children - walked through the doors...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28- ..at Pantglas Junior School.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- That was the final Friday - before autumn half term.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- We went in to the class.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- We were all given tasks to complete.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- I was reading a book.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Bernard was a nine-year-old boy - at the time.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- The next few minutes would scar - the rest of his life.
0:05:05 > 0:05:11- We could hear this noise, - this rumble coming.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17- I thought it was either - a thunder clap or a jet over head.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24- The next thing we knew, - the teacher told us to run...
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- ..it was pandemonium in the class.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- We looked up to the left - toward the windows.
0:05:33 > 0:05:40- There was a wall of black stuff - descending on the school.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47- The next thing I knew, it had lifted - me up, desk chair and everything.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52- It pushed me - as if I was on a tidal wave.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01- A part of no.7 tip on the edge of - the village had slipped.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- It destroyed Pantglas School - and some houses nearby.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09- Hundreds came to help as word - spread of a disaster in Aberfan.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- Amongst the first to arrive - was Rev D Ben Rees...
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- ..who was the minister at a chapel - in the next village.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24- There were hundreds of miners - arriving at the same time as me.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- They came from Merthyr Vale - coal mine.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31- I didn't have one, but was given a - shovel by one of the miners I knew.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37- We had nothing but shovels - to try to find the children...
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- ..buried amongst the slurry - in the tip that came down.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- The older boys from the local - grammar school were sent to help.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- Wyn James was amongst them.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- He was filmed as he helped to clear - rubble away in buckets.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00- You can see him here in the - spectacles, white shirt and tie.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- When we were working - with these buckets...
0:07:05 > 0:07:10- ..behind the school - on the tips above us...
0:07:10 > 0:07:16- ..I remember me and others - looking at the tips...
0:07:16 > 0:07:23- ..because we didn't know if - something else would happen.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- Inside the school, - the fear was very real.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- The first thing I heard...
0:07:33 > 0:07:38- ..was the other children - screaming and shouting.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39- It was terrible.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- Something had stopped the slurry - from going over me.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- I was up against the wall like this.
0:07:49 > 0:07:55- I sat and looked around and saw - the class teacher, Mr Williams.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- He helped me out - through the top of the door.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- He smashed the small panes of glass.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- He helped me out - through the top of the door...
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- ..and out - through the hall's windows.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- They were open by this point.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- I climbed on to the windowsill.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- I was helped down - by a man on the outside.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Bernard was taken - to St Tydfil's hospital.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- He'd been knocked - unconscious briefly...
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- ..but hadn't suffered - any serious physical injuries.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- At the school, the efforts to find - his friends alive continued.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- Every now and then there would be a - whistle sounded...
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- ..and it would be followed - by an eerie silence.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56- There would be so much activity - and then everyone would be quiet.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- Someone would be straining - to hear under the slurry...
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- ..if someone was shouting - or some signs of life.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Despite some escaping - with their lives...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- ..after 11.00am - no survivors were found.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- 144 people were killed - in the disaster.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- 116 of those were children.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- Today, a memorial garden stands on - the site of the old Pantglas school.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- Bernard comes here sometimes...
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- ..to think about what happened - at his school.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- The girl who sat next to me died.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- A lot of the children - in my class were killed.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- I'm here through luck and fate.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- If I was somewhere else - in the school...
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- ..the corridor or this side - or that side.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Even if I'd been - standing or sitting...
0:10:30 > 0:10:34- ..at a different desk - in the same room, I would have died.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- Bernard lost his best friend - and cousin...
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- ..who lived opposite him - in the disaster.
0:10:43 > 0:10:48- Thinking about the horrible way - they died still scars his memories.
0:10:53 > 0:10:59- I still can't believe how the stuff - was like mud and water one second...
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- ..as it flowed down and in...
0:11:02 > 0:11:09- ..and when it settled and the water - drained away it was like concrete.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13- It was terrible.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- I can't imagine it myself...
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- ..the suffering they went through.
0:11:26 > 0:11:32- Apart from the fear of what was - going on. Just the sheer fright.
0:11:39 > 0:11:39- .
0:11:42 > 0:11:42- Subtitles
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Bernard Thomas has always lived - in the same house...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- ..on Heol Ynys Y Gored, Aberfan.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07- Four children from this street never - returned home from Pantglas School.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- For the past 50 years, Bernard - has found it difficult to live...
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- ..amongst the families - of those who died.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- It's only in the last few years that - I've spoken to a couple of people.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- It's taken that long.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- Nearly half a century.
0:12:28 > 0:12:33- It was difficult to face - the brothers and sisters...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- ..of those who had died.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- And the parents too.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- I've been through - what is called survivor guilt.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- I still suffer in some ways.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- This is the path Bernard took - to Pantglas School...
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- ..on the morning of the disaster.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- He says that local people knew - the tips could be dangerous.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- Some of them presented petitions...
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- ..about the safety of the waste tips - before 1966.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09- They were warned time and again - that something would happen one day.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13- There were concerns...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- ..because other tips had slipped - before this tragedy.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24- The water that flowed under the tips - to make them unstable...
0:13:24 > 0:13:25- ..can still be seen today.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- You can hear the water now.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- These were the streams that flowed - underneath spoil tip Number 7.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- You can hear the water.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- That's the sound of the water.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- But no-one had imagined - the waste tips could be so deadly.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- With the government closing coal - mines in Wales during the '60s...
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- ..no-one wanted - to make too much of a fuss.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- I admit that I, - like all the others...
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- ..was caught up in the big dilemma - of work versus no work.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- That was everyone's fear.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- We were afraid that Merthyr Vale - Colliery would be closed down.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- D Ben Rees was active within the - Labour Party in the area in 1966.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- After the disaster, the Labour - Government set up a tribunal...
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- ..which concluded - that the National Coal Board...
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- ..was to blame - for the loss of life.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36- The Coal Board tried to blame - the heavy rain of the previous days.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42- But the rain wasn't responsible - and neither was God.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- It was human negligence...
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- ..and the fact - that these men had not realized...
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- ..that they needed to be - much more careful...
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- ..about where waste was thrown.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- But no-one was punished or held - to account for these failures.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- This makes Bernard's blood boil, - even today.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16- The children and adults who died - were murdered.
0:15:18 > 0:15:25- And no-one was held to account - for those murders.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- They got away with it scot-free.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Thomas, Bernard. That's me.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Today, Bernard is at home - with his mother.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- For the first time, - he's seen a file we've found.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- It contains records of four - psychiatric assessments...
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- ..carried out after the tragedy.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- His younger brother, Andrew...
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- ..also made it out - of Pantglas School alive.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- That's a photo of me - and there's my brother.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- However, his cousin - and his best friend were killed.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- The reports state - that this affected him.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22- The psychiatric said that Bernard - lacked confidence after the tragedy.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26- He was scared of going upstairs - without a torch or light.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- He lost his temper with his family - and had trouble sleeping.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Getting off to sleep. Yeah.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- That's right too. I couldn't sleep.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- The records state - that he had EEG scans...
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- ..which showed abnormality - in his brain.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- One report says, "The EEGs confirm - the original opinion...
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- "..that he has been suffering from - a post-concussional syndrome...
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- "..and also are strongly suggestive - that he may develop...
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- "..post-traumatic epilepsy - at a later date."
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- But one document shows - that Bernard's father...
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- ..didn't believe - there was much wrong with him.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- Yes, that's true.
0:17:07 > 0:17:15- My father didn't think - my condition was serious.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- But this doctor - could see something different.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- A later report says, - "It now appears probable...
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- "..that his future performance - at school...
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- "..and in subsequent employment - may be significantly affected...
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- "..as a result of his experiences.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- "The outlook for complete recovery - can only be considered as fair."
0:17:40 > 0:17:46- In 1973, Bernard's family - received 550 in compensation...
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- ..for the damage caused.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- Receiving that money didn't undo - any of what had happened.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00- It didn't take away those memories.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- No amount of money in the world...
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- ..could do right - for something like that.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Despite the memories, - Bernard has never left Aberfan.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- The mental scars of that day - remain with him today.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- I can't forget - the children's screams.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- It affects me even now.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36- It's still with me.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- It's still in my head.
0:18:44 > 0:18:51- Despite not being badly injured - physically, it was more in the mind.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- The effect was mental.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00- At the end of the 1990s, Dr Dave - Williams led a study on PTSD...
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- ..Post-traumatic stress disorder...
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- ..with survivors - of the Aberfan disaster.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- Bernard Thomas found out then - that he suffered from the condition.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- What we found was that - even after 30 years...
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- ..significant numbers - of people were...
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- ..if not suffering from the whole - post-traumatic disorder condition...
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- ..were suffering from post-traumatic - stress disorder symptoms...
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- ..that were troubling - and concerned them.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Of particular concern - is those intrusive thoughts...
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- ..the equivalent of having - the disaster replayed to you...
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- ..without you owning - the off or on switch.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43- The report showed that about - half of those who were children...
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- ..at the time of the disaster had - suffered from PTSD at some point.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- A third still suffered - from the condition.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- If you are suffering in this way...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- ..and having anxiety - on a day to day basis...
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- ..over the years, alcohol - and other drugs have been a problem.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- We see it in people - who've survived from Aberfan.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- We see it in groups of people - like veterans...
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- ..who struggle to get the traumatic - memories out of their head.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- Bernard has tried to seek solace - in alcohol at times.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- He feels that the effects - of the disaster...
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- ..have influenced - all aspects of his life.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- He worked in the Hoover factory - in Merthyr for 14 years.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- But he was made redundant - at the beginning of the 1990s.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- For 18 months, he worked - in a solicitor's office.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46- But to all intents and purposes, - he's been unemployed for 25 years.
0:20:47 > 0:20:54- I have some hidden symptoms. - You can't see them on the outside.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58- I have diabetes, glaucoma. - I have trouble with my eyes.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- I also have high blood pressure.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- There is always stigma - linked to PTSD...
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- ..as there is - with any mental health issue.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19- He now receives just over 100 - a week in benefits.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- He feels that politicians - could have done much more...
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- ..to secure opportunities - for people like him.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Most of them, - even those in the Labour Party...
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- ..come from a privileged background.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41- They're out of touch - with people like me.
0:21:42 > 0:21:49- Many people tend to blame people - like me. They think it's our fault.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- It's really down to the situation.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- Despite the problems Bernard's had - during his life...
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- ..he still considers himself - to be lucky.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- This book is a record of the - birthdays of all the children...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- ..who never came home that day.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- I'm still here. They're not.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21- They're only here in the memories - of their parents and their friends.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Those people who remember them.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Nearly half - of Pantglas School's pupils...
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- ..were killed on 21 October, 1966.
0:22:31 > 0:22:36- The day that Aberfan - lost a generation.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- I always think about what - all those children would be doing...
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- ..if they were still here.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Which ones would have got married?
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- Where would they have worked?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Fifty years after that tragic day...
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- ..Bernard's battle to cope - with his mental scars continues.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- But he's determined - to remember those...
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- ..who were less fortunate than him.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13- I must remember. - I must keep the memory alive.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24- Lest we forget, as they say.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.
0:23:59 > 0:23:59- .