0:00:14 > 0:00:16Hello and welcome.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19I'm Gary Clean, joined as always by Alan Handsome
0:00:19 > 0:00:22and looking like an old school Mark Lorimullet - Mark Lorimullet.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- I've got a white shirt on.- So have I.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26I've got a white shirt on, too.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Bet you're glad you've joined us.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30What a treat we've got for you tonight -
0:00:30 > 0:00:32all the best of the sports
0:00:32 > 0:00:34that didn't quite make it into the London Games.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Thanks, Gary. Yes, tonight, we bring you a dodecahedro-thon
0:00:40 > 0:00:43of magnificent sports from around the world -
0:00:43 > 0:00:46sports that have never officially been recognised
0:00:46 > 0:00:48as anything other than plain crazy.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02For example, we've got camel jumping in the desert,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04pan bending in the garden
0:01:04 > 0:01:09and, on the streets, it's the urban decathlon with Maxime Renard.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Now there's a sport you really shouldn't be trying at home!
0:01:20 > 0:01:24So let's take a look at today's action from the much-anticipated
0:01:24 > 0:01:26world backyard watersliding championships
0:01:26 > 0:01:28at the Sports Direct Estate, Tyneside.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Dipping his toe into the paddling pool for us today,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33our commentator, Chris Twaddle.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Well, the action is happening on a rather nice council estate.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44It certainly doesn't seem to be beset by the problems
0:01:44 > 0:01:47of some inner-city council estates.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I cannae see any pitbulls or devil dogs or, I don't know,
0:01:50 > 0:01:54semi-literate people willing to kill you at the drop of a hat.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57The crowd take their seats in eager anticipation
0:01:57 > 0:02:00and first up is the Italian, Hasta La Vista.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01I think he's going too fast.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06And he's overshot, and that's a shame.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Next up, the Dutchman Eden Van Damme.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11He's decided to go barechested.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14He's hit the rim and the crowd love it!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18And now it's the favourite, Czechoslovakian Nedved Nedved,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21who's coming down the slide face first.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Aye, he's a big lad! Excellent water displacement.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30He's a showman, he's posing for the camera like a movie star,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32like, I don't know, Chuck Norris.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Or maybe somebody more current.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37So, surprise gold medal there for the Czech Republican.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Alan, weren't you banking on
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Louis Felipez Hernandez de los Rios Paranoias Hasta La Vista Ibiza
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- of Italy to pick up the gold?- I was.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- So was I.- Be quiet, you.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I had my money on the Italian, but as soon as I saw him,
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I thought pace. It's all about pace, and he's got his pace all wrong.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55He should've been here.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58He's missed it completely, he's ended up there. Rubbish.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Rubbish!- Shut it, you.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I like the Czech's lovely smile.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- Look at his lovely smile. Don't you love his lovely smile, Alan?- No.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I've got a lovely smile, too.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12But, seriously, paddling poolside technology has got to come.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14It's got to come.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Got to come.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17And what's happened to the American?
0:03:21 > 0:03:22LAUGHTER
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- He didn't even start, he was all over the place.- All over the place.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Coming up next, the barrel-blowing-up semi finals
0:03:28 > 0:03:31find Serbia lined up against Serbia,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33the Serbian team from Serbia
0:03:33 > 0:03:35and, of course, the favourites,
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Serbia, in what proved to be
0:03:36 > 0:03:39a gripping display of pyrotechnical sportsmanship.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Welcome to this lovely, rolling hillside, full of fine-figured,
0:03:46 > 0:03:51fully moustachioed fellows with a wonderful command of explosives.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54They really are my favourite type of people.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Dragavan - ten metres.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Radavan - 20 metres.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, Campervan fails to ignite!
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Slibberdanslobberdan - 15.2 metres.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Slobberdanflobberdan - 18.4 metres.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Oddervanmorrisonovic - 14 metres.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Oh, Drakovwhitov will be disappointed.
0:04:16 > 0:04:2016.2 metres - good for him.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23John Malkovich... Oh, goodness me, I don't know where that one's gone!
0:04:23 > 0:04:26And that concludes things from...
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Ouch!- Ooh, that's got to hurt!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Don't worry, she'll be fine.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- She'll have a bruise.- Great banter.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37That's a great result for Serbia.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40But just look at the Serbians, that's where it's supposed to be.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Now look at that - it's all over the place. Poor.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I agree with Alan. (About everything.)
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Great insight from these two reprobates!
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- MARK CHUCKLES - This guy's crazy!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55And confirmation of the results there -
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Radavan winning it with 20.31.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Slobberdanflobberdan with 18.4
0:04:59 > 0:05:03and Campervan down the bottom there, failing to make an impression.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05HE TUTS
0:05:10 > 0:05:13But enough hilarity, as we're going over live now to see
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Great Britain's first chance of a gold medal in these games.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Our commentator, Simon Sisterton.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Murray Andies of Great Britain, the Great British hope for these games.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29And the Scot has fallen over and let us all down.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34To sunny Sidmouth now where the sandalastics freestyle event
0:05:34 > 0:05:37was won by Saudi Arabia. Here they are in action.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43The ancient sport of sandal surfing has once again
0:05:43 > 0:05:46been completely dominated by the Saudis.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48No-one can touch them.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49I mean, look at these guys!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51It's just grace personified.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01And it's interesting to note that this sport was
0:06:01 > 0:06:05once played by William IV, when he visited Riyadh in 1783.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Beautiful display. Balletic.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- I love Billy Elliot.- Who doesn't?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- I've seen 16 times.- So have I.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23I loved it, too. Seen it...18 times.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Now it's time to start bathing in the glory of the sporting present
0:06:27 > 0:06:31and cast our minds back to the, er, sporting future!
0:06:31 > 0:06:32HE SNIGGERS
0:06:36 > 0:06:39If you are just some of the new sports - future sports,
0:06:39 > 0:06:42as we like to call them - which are seeking approval for
0:06:42 > 0:06:46next year's games, like the futuristic chicken boxing.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49It's boxing, with chickens on your hands instead of gloves.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53MUSIC: "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5
0:07:30 > 0:07:31HE CHUCKLES
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Those barrel slammers look like they were having a barrel of laughs!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Great banter! Great banter!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40And that bloke should never have won the chicken boxing. That was
0:07:40 > 0:07:42definitely a FOWL!
0:07:42 > 0:07:44HE TITTERS
0:07:44 > 0:07:47And that street tubing - WATER sport that is!
0:07:47 > 0:07:48HE TITTERS
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- No!- Oh.- Poor.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54HE WHIMPERS
0:07:54 > 0:07:57And now to camel jumping and in the ringside seats, Phil Withnail
0:07:57 > 0:07:59and Bill Nye from CBNBCBeebies.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Hi there, I'm Phil Withnail. - And I'm Bill Nye.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09- We're Withnail.- And Nye.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- Why are we here, Bill? - We're here for the oil, Phil.- Sure!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- But why are we also here, Bill? - For the camel jumping, Phil.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- That's right.- But primarily for the oil.- Ha! Let's take a look.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23First up, Magic Heels Saheed. Just look at him run!
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Looks like he's running on oil, Phil!
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- And over he goes, that's a good leap!- That's a great leap.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29That's a leap of 9.9 feet 90.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Second up, Saheed Hoppy Heels.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Looks like he's running on oil, Phil.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Ho-ho! Over he goes, that's a good leap.- That's a great leap.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41That's a leap of nine feet nine inches, 99, 1999.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Third up, Saheed Super Sneakers Mohammed. Just look at him run.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- Looks like he's running on oil, Phil.- And over he goes.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- That's a good leap. - That's a great leap.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54That's a leap of 9 inches, 99 feet, 99, 99, 9, 9.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Where do we stand on the table, Bill?
0:08:56 > 0:09:01Saheed Mohammed with a 99 point lead and a hump differential of 9.9,
0:09:01 > 0:09:0399, 99.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Surely we're here for humanitarian reasons as well, Bill.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09We're here for the oil, Phil.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Great stuff. I hope nobody got the hump!
0:09:15 > 0:09:20- You wouldn't catch me doing that. I'd get the hump.- Great banter.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Classic stuff. Next we go south to Northampton.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Like what you did there, Gary. South, north - clever.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28No, lazy, rubbish.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32As I was saying, now we go south to Northampton where
0:09:32 > 0:09:36the decathlon is already underway and one man is leading the pack.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Let's see how that man, Maxime Renard, is progressing
0:09:39 > 0:09:42in road-skiing. Probably his weakest event.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52He's the hot favourite. It's Maxime Renard of France.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54The world leader in the urban decathlon.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Watch him go!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Oh, and that's a shame.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Not one of his strongest events,
0:10:04 > 0:10:08but Maxime is definitely still in the running...possibly.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Let's so to Dan Smiley at the speedway slalom in Tunbridge wells.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Dan, how's things?
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Hi, Gary.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20It's a lovely afternoon down here in the garden of England, Kent...
0:10:22 > 0:10:26- Looks like we've lost Dan there. - He's always arsing about.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30- I was going to say that. - Oh, sorry.- Nice.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Let's go live to the quarter finals of violence against things.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42HE SCREAMS
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Sum Ti Bride representing Thailand, a great athlete who comes
0:10:46 > 0:10:50from a long line of tree-haters and is, ironically, a vegetarian.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Alexander Fleb is the fisrt generation go his family who
0:11:03 > 0:11:07has fought this very lamp post and every one of them has lost.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Not one had an IQ of over ten.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17And finally, Serbian chair-hater Radovan Kasparovich, seen here
0:11:17 > 0:11:20biting his grandmother's dining chairs.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Oh, and he's thrown it over his head.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Spectacular violence against chairs, there.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38And so to the eagerly-awaited bedspread plunging finals
0:11:38 > 0:11:41from Dagenham, Wales.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Our airborne reporter, Chris Twaddle.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52And there he goes, the lad from the Wirral. He's got his bedspread on.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Very similar in colour and design to one I had when I was a nipper.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00I'd often throw meself off the wardrobe, onto the bed, like.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I've hit me head once, and it hurt.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05But this is like, y'knaa, real big boy stuff.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I was probably only about four foot seven at the time.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Maybe four foot eight, I don't know. Anyway.
0:12:11 > 0:12:16He'll be looking for a soft landing, like a haystack or a pond maybe.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Or, I don't know, an enormous pile of... Crikey!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21What a stroke of luck.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Let's look at that again -
0:12:23 > 0:12:26a big pile of cardboard boxes right in the middle of the field.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Some amazing individual talent there.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35A bit like a certain sportsman you might remember - never been booked.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Whoa, Gary. You were really quite something in your pomp.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Rubbish. No pace whatsoever. Too many crisps.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47HE CHUCKLES
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Let's see you in action, Alan.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- Those were the days. I'd less cellulite then.- I think you're trim.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06You may laugh, but here's some footage of you in action.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Now in the old days of the Soviet Union, every four years,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17we used to wet ourselves laughing as army sergeants from
0:13:17 > 0:13:21the Eastern Bloc used to pass themselves off as women.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Thankfully, those days are back.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Ludmilla Steroidavitch. Wonderful stuff.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Look at that technique.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39And she has taken the bronze, yes.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Ta-da!
0:13:43 > 0:13:47The silver went to Amanda Caperberry.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50There she is, powerful girl.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56The gold, of course, went to the favourite.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59East Germany's Drugtesta Fayliur.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03The heat was really on there.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I hope not, otherwise I would have got burned.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I can't do this. It's teflon.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13He's teflon. Nothing sticks to him. It's not so easy, is it?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- I think I've got weak wrists. - Give it here.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I'll show you what to do with it.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Great PANTER.
0:14:22 > 0:14:27Over now to Dan Smiley in the Trossachs for the uphill sledding.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Thanks, Gary.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I've got my stopwatch, so I know exactly when they're coming.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Here they come now. Down the hill. Oh, it's very...
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Well, maybe we'll catch up with Dan later.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41For the latest from the decathlon, let's see
0:14:41 > 0:14:44if Frenchman Maxime Renard is still golding into that lead.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54And Renard is extending his lead.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57He's really out on his own in this event.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00What a priviledge to watch this Gallic, big-nosed Wiggo.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Aah-ah!
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Aaah!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Ohhh!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18A great result.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20The Frenchman is never one to shy away
0:15:20 > 0:15:22from incredible sporting endeavour.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Did someone just say "incredible sporting endeavour"?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33How right you are. It's mind-blowing stuff.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Thanks, Gary. We're live at the
0:15:36 > 0:15:39brick-carrying world record attempt.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41This sport is dominated by Indonesia
0:15:41 > 0:15:43and the world record
0:15:43 > 0:15:45currently stands at 21 bricks.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Can Ernest Bangbang beat that?
0:15:48 > 0:15:51He's on 16 at the moment.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54There's 18. Another pair makes it,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56by my reckoning, 20.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58He's very close now.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Another two and... Go on, my son!
0:16:01 > 0:16:0222, a new world record
0:16:02 > 0:16:06and I'm off to take a shower.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07More gold medals now.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11This one from a sport that I find even more interesting than cricket.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Mind ball.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22Mind ball - an intense sport, played literally with the mind.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24And a ball.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Every competitor has at least three PhDs,
0:16:27 > 0:16:29in what subject, we don't know.
0:16:29 > 0:16:35But the object of the game is to move the ball towards the opponent.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Or away from the opponent.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40No-one's quite sure.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44As you can see, it requires intense concentration and is followed
0:16:44 > 0:16:48by a group of highly-educated fans who literally love mind ball.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Look at them not going wild there. Extraordinary scenes here.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Ah... Ah... Yes!
0:16:56 > 0:17:02SCREAMING
0:17:02 > 0:17:05And there's the winner - Rita Touchinhum.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Or is it the bloke, the bald one at the other end? We don't know.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Some confusion there, but a result of some sort
0:17:14 > 0:17:17and certainly a better one than the one Dan Smiley experienced
0:17:17 > 0:17:20when he tried to play mind ball earlier this week.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25Thanks, Gary. Oww! It's hot in here. Can't stop. Aagh!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27He's having a tough week, that lad.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Time now for the latest heat of paper aeroplane throwing.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40Paper planes being thrown from a council estate into a rubbish bin.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42A metaphor for the youth of today.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Oh, no. Mine failed.- Yay!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52In the bin, in the bin. Come on.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57THEY LAUGH
0:17:57 > 0:17:59In the bin. Go on. Go on.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04In the bin. Go on. Go on.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Come on. Come on. Come on.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Crikey, he's got it in!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Alan, what a result for Denmark.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Aye, but the other two, they moved into space.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- It was just a wrong space. - Nowhere to be seen.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Course they could be seen.- Oh, yeah. - He just didn't make it.- Sorry.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28If you look at the replay, look. There they are.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Oh, yeah.- Being seen! - Sorry, Alan.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33As you can see when we stop the action here.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35The plane's there, when it should be here.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- Nowhere to be seen in the graphic yellow circle.- That's better.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- I really am very sorry, Alan. - Seriously, 84 degrees.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46That's no angle, but he's got away with it by the skin of his teeth.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Didn't know teeth had skin! Heh-heh-heh.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Classic stuff.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53As we've all been reading about in the papers,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Team GB has been beset by disappointing results,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00leading to the team manager, Harry Bedknapp, being sacked mid-games.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02We caught up with him earlier.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Well, you know, you know how it is in this game.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Oh! Err, oh...
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Great character.- Love Harry.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15- Love Harry.- Great character. - Love him.- Love him. Tremendous.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Brilliant.- Even though he's rubbish. - Rubbish.- Rubbish.- Dreadful.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22- Terrible.- Woeful. - What about his replacement?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25It's the first time Team GB have been managed by a foreigner.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27And Arsene Wenger of all people.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I think he's already doing a fine job.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31He's bringing in lots of young talent.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34The future is looking bright for Team GB. Two sugars.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37The lad Jack Whitehallshere, too young?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44You'll never win anything with kids.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47What about this lad, Wayne Looney? Too young?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56You'll never win anything with kids.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Tell you what, this lad Wayne Looney could do with a hair transplant.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I don't need a hair transplant. I've got luscious hair.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07So have you, Alan, you've got luscious hair too.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- Aye.- What about my hair?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Well, you're not bald.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Great banter. Ping-pong star Theo Walmart, too young?
0:20:25 > 0:20:30- You'll never win anything with kids. - I don't think so either.- No.- No.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Plenty still to come, so don't touch that remote.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Please, please, don't touch it. Put it down.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Catching marshmallows in your mouth.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48A great sport and a great way
0:20:48 > 0:20:52to while away the hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I'm not a particular fan of marshmallows myself.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57I find they make your mouth a bit dry.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59I certainly wouldn't want to eat one
0:20:59 > 0:21:02that had been in someone else's sweaty palms.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Blimey, that was a good catch.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- Tremendous stuff. - Absolutely tremendous.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Absolutely tremendous.- What's special is that this will inspire
0:21:11 > 0:21:14an entire generation of young people to eat marshmallows.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19MUSIC: "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin
0:21:23 > 0:21:25That was heavenly.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Takes me back to Anfield. In the '80s.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33And now in reverse order,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36the results of the Trick of the Tournament.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04# Body rock is in the house tonight
0:22:04 > 0:22:08# Everybody just have a good time
0:22:08 > 0:22:12# And we gonna make you lose your mind
0:22:12 > 0:22:14# We just wanna see ya
0:22:14 > 0:22:15# Shake that! #
0:22:20 > 0:22:22So, who's your winner, Alan?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25For me, it's bread in the toaster every time.
0:22:25 > 0:22:30- What made it stand out for you? - I like toast.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33You should be on Live At The Apollo, that is brilliant.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38But I do, I really love it. I love toast. Love it. I love it.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I love it.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Jumping ahead now, with freestyle pole vaulting.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Simon Sisterton vaulted over to Leamington Spa
0:22:45 > 0:22:47to watch the action unfold.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54And here he is. A lot riding on this fellow.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Murray Andies of Great Britain. Great Britain's Murray...ah!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00The Scot has botched it!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03And here he is again, his second attempt.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06We're right behind you, Murray, from Land's End to John...oh!
0:23:06 > 0:23:11Not again! The Scot has let his Scottish country down again.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15Murray Andies, the miserable Scot from Scotland,
0:23:15 > 0:23:17with yet another futile attempt.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20He really is a dour fellow, won't engage in... Yes!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22He's done it!
0:23:22 > 0:23:26Murray Andies has won the gold for Great Britain and England.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Let's see what's happening in the big fight
0:23:29 > 0:23:31in Madison Square In The Night Garden.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41Welcome back. Hey, guys, how's the euro doing?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- I'm Phil Withnail... - And I'm Bill Nye.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- We're Withnail...- And Nye! Boy, am I looking forward to this fight.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Yup. It's Teething Tony Gillander up against Kid Gums Aronson.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Let's look at the stats of these two tiny, tiny, tiny warriors.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Teething Tony tips the scales at 9 pounds 99,
0:23:59 > 0:24:04while Kid Gums has a slight weight advantage at 9 pounds 99.99.99.9.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06It's anybody's fight.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09The gloves are off, but thankfully, the diapers are on.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13And straight away, Kid Gums steals the dummy.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Tony steals it right back. That's one apiece.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23Teething Tony's lost it as Kid Gums steals it back. It's 2-1.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Can Tony do the steal?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Yes, he can, with a left hook! It's two apiece.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Things are getting tense.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Kid Gums makes the steal to make it 3-2. But no, wait,
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Tony takes it back and we're all square at three steals each.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41That looked kind of fun, what those guys were doing, didn't it?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Give me my microphone, you freak. What's the matter with you?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Thanks, boys, and let's see how the decathlon is progressing.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Is that French fox, Maxime Renard, still out in front?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Maxime Renard,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05his lead is now unassailable. As long as he doesn't lose control
0:25:05 > 0:25:08in the downward pole plunging,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11the gold medal is in his French lycra pocket.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17HE GROANS
0:25:17 > 0:25:20And if any viewers are worried, let me reassure you
0:25:20 > 0:25:22that the camera is absolutely fine!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Now, we can go over to Tokyo for a nice walk.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Thanks, Gary. As we all know,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37nice and orderly walking had its origins in the Tokyo rush hour
0:25:37 > 0:25:41and it's now become one of the fastest growing sports in the world.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45This team, the Travel Agents, are fairly new to the sport,
0:25:45 > 0:25:49but as you can see, their walking is both nice and orderly,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51precisely how it should be.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56Next up, the Black Suits and this team really do dominate the sport.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59They've won gold six times at the World Championships
0:25:59 > 0:26:02and it's not difficult to see why.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04MAN SHOUTS COMMANDS
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Just watch this next move - the two groups pass through
0:26:08 > 0:26:12one another without touching, a bit like water through a sieve,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15or pedestrians passing other pedestrians in the street.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Really is a marvel to watch. And look at them doing it backwards!
0:26:19 > 0:26:24Tremendous stuff here in Tokyo. What a country!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32What do you make of that, Alan?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Very poor, no pace, bad positioning.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37He shoulda been here, he shoulda been there, he shoulda been here,
0:26:37 > 0:26:39he shoulda been there, he shoulda been here, he shoulda been there,
0:26:39 > 0:26:42he shoulda been here, he shoulda been there, he shoulda been here,
0:26:42 > 0:26:45he shoulda been there, he shoulda been here, then it might,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47and I mean might, have worked!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Now, a poignant part of the show
0:26:50 > 0:26:54and let's take a moment to remember the sports we've lost this year.
0:26:59 > 0:27:04A number of these fairly unimportant sports passed away this year
0:27:04 > 0:27:06and we mourn their loss.
0:27:06 > 0:27:11MUSIC: "Con Te Partiro" by Sartori and Quarantotto
0:27:42 > 0:27:45That's truly, truly, truly...
0:27:45 > 0:27:48..move the prompt up a bit...
0:27:48 > 0:27:49heartbreaking scenes.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53I've not cried so much since I scratched me Mamma Mia DVD.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56It's all right, you can borrow mine. It's in great condition.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Well, that's it, I enjoyed it. Did you enjoy it, Lorry?
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Yeah, I loved it, thanks, Gary. Had the time of me life.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Did you enjoy it, Alan?
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Classic stuff. Goodnight.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd