0:00:14 > 0:00:16Good evening,
0:00:16 > 0:00:20and a particular welcome to all of you who said just moments ago,
0:00:20 > 0:00:24"Well, I know one TV channel where I can escape the bloody World Cup."
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Nope, not a chance.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29But come, come, my sport phobic chums, be big about this.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31The Greeks did not set out to Troy with such an attitude.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34And the fact is, over the next 60 minutes,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37there will actually be very little football played.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40What we intend to do instead is put under the microscope all
0:00:40 > 0:00:42the attended hoopla, rigmarole, folderol
0:00:42 > 0:00:46and palaver that comes with this, the most mammoth of modern circuses.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49England's here, we're here, this is magic.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51The greatest thing in the world!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Tea and toast. And jam.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55# Eenie weenie, soccer-eenie Uh-ah-ah
0:00:55 > 0:00:57# Hacha-tacha, cucaracha Uh-ah-ah
0:00:57 > 0:01:00# Ish billy, rodentoni Unahada rodentoni
0:01:00 > 0:01:02# Unahada rodenton Chilly-bop-ow! #
0:01:02 > 0:01:04I know they fixed it!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06And I got well drunk.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Like lifting the trophy itself, I promise you,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11the rewards for all viewers this evening will be lush.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15For example, here is a special bonus for everyone currently
0:01:15 > 0:01:16watching in 3D.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24The ballyhoo for the World Cup is just starting.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Football, football, football.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- The World Cup.- What World Cup?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I love football like I love my mum.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Will you be watching the match tonight, Ma'am?
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Well, I don't know what time it is.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- Eight o'clock.- Oh, dinner party. - Will you be cheering on England?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Well, I think one should.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47We've won the World Cup once and we got to the semi-final once,
0:01:47 > 0:01:48so we're not very good.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- Are you taking your chin to Mexico this year?- I am indeed.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41The World Cup is the greatest competition in the world,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43that is in the football world,
0:02:43 > 0:02:47and certainly it is a great occasion for all in this country.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Mr World Cup himself, Sir Alf Ramsey,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52whose mouth moved like a Thunderbird's puppet
0:02:52 > 0:02:55and whose clipped diction was entirely self-taught.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Yeah, an Essex boy by birth, Sir Alf totally reinvented himself
0:02:59 > 0:03:01as a minor branch of the Royal family,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03and rarely let the mask slip.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Fact - he was once asked where his parents lived, and answered,
0:03:07 > 0:03:10"Dagenham, I believe."
0:03:10 > 0:03:11I believe!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14That's the sort of dedication that won England the World Cup,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17because, not sure if you know this, they did win it once.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19How? Through rigorous training methods
0:03:19 > 0:03:22so advanced we still don't quite understand them today.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26THEY YELL
0:03:30 > 0:03:31And they're ready!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Ready, set, go!
0:03:34 > 0:03:35And they're off!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39All the way.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- Hold it, hold it. For God's sake, hold it. Right?- Yeah.- Now then...
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Oh, my God.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49# Mr Ramsey soccer man of England
0:03:49 > 0:03:51# Heroes all are they
0:03:51 > 0:03:55# We were with them all the way
0:03:57 > 0:04:01# Mighty men Let's name them all again
0:04:01 > 0:04:05# And sing about them night and day. #
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Alf Ramsey took us down to Pinewood Studios,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12and Sean Connery was making a film.
0:04:14 > 0:04:20# You only live twice
0:04:20 > 0:04:26# Or so it seems. #
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Yep, in 1966, professional footballers prepared themselves
0:04:30 > 0:04:34with horseplay, golf and ligging about with other famous people.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36God, we've come a long way.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38But just how did we get here?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Well, it's a strange road that has led the game from its crude,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43violent cave-man beginnings
0:04:43 > 0:04:46right up to the finished article that is Joey Barton today.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52In 1390, Chaucer records that illuminated soccer manuscripts
0:04:52 > 0:04:55were being painstakingly created by monks in monasteries
0:04:55 > 0:04:58as disparate as York and Tintagel.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Tragically, none of these scholars were aware of the toils of their
0:05:01 > 0:05:04brethren, and so they were all turning out histories
0:05:04 > 0:05:05of Bolton Wanderers.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Football started in England in the 11th century,
0:05:08 > 0:05:12when an English peasant, digging in a wood, found a skull,
0:05:12 > 0:05:16which he realised must have belonged to one of the hated Danes.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21As the Danes had been their former conquerors,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24they started kicking the skull around to show their contempt.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29Soon, this game called kicking the Dane's head became very popular,
0:05:29 > 0:05:30with hundreds on each side,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33and the skull was kicked from town to town, causing much damage.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Worse than that,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38men were neglecting their compulsory archery practice
0:05:38 > 0:05:39to kick the Dane's head.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Between the eighth and 16th centuries,
0:05:42 > 0:05:44the Maya Indians and the Aztecs
0:05:44 > 0:05:48used to play what was probably one of civilization's first ballgames.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51It was called pok ta pok
0:05:51 > 0:05:55and it involved keeping a tiny rubber ball off the ground
0:05:55 > 0:05:57without using one's hands or one's feet.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01This was a considerably more difficult game than football.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06Such was the honour of winning this game that the winning captain,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09immediately after the end of the game,
0:06:09 > 0:06:13went to a religious altar and was decapitated, because the honour
0:06:13 > 0:06:17of winning a game meant that you could join the gods immediately.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21If it is any consolation to the team captains in Mexico at the moment,
0:06:21 > 0:06:26the 20th century gods of soccer are just a little less demanding.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Pok ta pok has since been discredited as a true ancestor
0:06:28 > 0:06:30of the modern game,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32although the practice of decapitating the winning captain
0:06:32 > 0:06:34did survive into the 1950s,
0:06:34 > 0:06:38when it finally succumbed to the onslaught of television.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42And with TV, came an expansion in the coverage of football,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45though obviously we were still a long way from the gung-ho
0:06:45 > 0:06:49"England Team Leave For Rio!" mania the modern media churn out.
0:06:53 > 0:06:5617 of England's soccer players are seen about to leave
0:06:56 > 0:06:59London airport for their flight to Rio for the World Cup contest.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Billy Wright speaks for the team.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03The lads are in very good spirits
0:07:03 > 0:07:05and I'm going to say that we're going to try our very,
0:07:05 > 0:07:09very best to bring the World Cup back to England for you.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Then, off they go, 17 of the best,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14and the whole bunch in charge of one air hostess.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Yep, we do like to see our squads at least set out on these foreign
0:07:21 > 0:07:25adventures, even if they usually have to sneak back in again
0:07:25 > 0:07:28underneath tarpaulins on midnight tugs from Belgium.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29There they go!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32And where the players lead, their proud army of foot-soldiers
0:07:32 > 0:07:34are sure to follow.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38It's basically a horse box and we've converted it and, basically,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41we've put some, as you've seen, bunk beds in the back
0:07:41 > 0:07:45and then we've put a mattress down below.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48And I think we sleep seven comfortably.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53I've got about 1,000 yen and a handful of shrapnel.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Yeah.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57That's all he's got left after travelling thousands of miles
0:07:57 > 0:07:59from Hampshire for the World Cup.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01The cost of living here has left many destitute,
0:08:01 > 0:08:05and Michael is sharing this tiny room in a youth hostel with three
0:08:05 > 0:08:07other fans - it's all they can afford.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09It's England in the World Cup.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11And we're doing superb, the boys are playing well.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14And that's where it is, you can't regret it. I'd spend...
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I'd spend twice as much.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18It's not very wholesome, but it's cheap.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20The cheapest packet you can get.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23As Michael prepares breakfast, he is desperately hoping a new
0:08:23 > 0:08:26credit card will arrive today or he is sleeping in the park.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34The credit card never came - a park bench will be Michael's bed tonight.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36There will be some with little sympathy for a man who has put
0:08:36 > 0:08:39football above food, soccer above sanity.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42But for Michael and many others, England's odyssey in the Far East
0:08:42 > 0:08:46is something they wouldn't, couldn't miss for the world.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48As the excitement builds,
0:08:48 > 0:08:52one ten-year-old boy has taken his love of the game a little too far.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Tom Sylvester chose to go bald before his years to
0:08:55 > 0:08:57look like his hero Sven.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59And here I am.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01There are quite a lot of people in the school who dress
0:09:01 > 0:09:05up as David Beckham, and I thought, "Heck, Sven would be different."
0:09:05 > 0:09:07(SWEDISH ACCENT) "I come from Sweden."
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Not only does he look and sound like Sven,
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Tom can also play a bit marvellous.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Monterrey has more than mountain views to offer, there is
0:09:14 > 0:09:17a pub or the Bulldog spirit still lives on.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Inside, they are doing their best as well.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24The reception has impressed one of the first English fans to arrive.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28They've treated us, they've treated me, you know, like...
0:09:28 > 0:09:29You know.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Just quite, you know?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I've, you know, got respect for them and they've got respect for,
0:09:33 > 0:09:37you know, me, even though there is a bad reputation about hooligans.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40SHE SINGS
0:09:45 > 0:09:47SHE BLOWS A HORN
0:10:01 > 0:10:04SHE SINGS
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Ole, ole, ole! Ole, ole!
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Ole, ole!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Ole, ole, ole, ole!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Ole, ole!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Ole!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26The first time I saw that fan in a pram, I was unnerved.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28SHE SINGS
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Then I realized what we were watching was nothing short
0:10:31 > 0:10:34of The Barmy Army meets Samuel Beckett.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Indeed, it is the second most heartening thing ever to happen
0:10:37 > 0:10:39in international football. The first is this.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43In the final analysis, there was only one memorable shot in the game.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53For younger viewers, that clip's not from some knockabout old comedy.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56That proud chap, Ken Bailey, was England's mascot
0:10:56 > 0:10:59long before mascots where the norm.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02All right, he was a bit self-styled and an egomaniac,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04but he was a trail blazer,
0:11:04 > 0:11:06strutting his stuff for old Albion.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09And then, wouldn't you know it, some bloke knocks his hat off
0:11:09 > 0:11:12with the remains of a fish and chip dinner.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19That's right, pop it back on, John Bull,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21but watch out for the saveloys.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Are you getting a glimpse now of why it's the world's greatest trophy?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28That said, it's no wonder we do have to clamp down hard
0:11:28 > 0:11:30on these hell raisers.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33The Spanish police are stressing a low-profile for all
0:11:33 > 0:11:38the 30,000 officers who will be involved in policing the World Cup,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41a competition that will be all the better
0:11:41 > 0:11:43if these men never have to do any work.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Vandalism by football fans is becoming more and more common.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52All too often, when they return from the match, they leave behind them
0:11:52 > 0:11:56a trail of smashed windows, broken basins and wrecked luggage racks.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Why does this sort of thing happen?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Look at this child.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06He has been given a new toy and, at first, he shows it affection.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Along comes an adult and starts to beat the doll around.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24The boy watches it all, and now what is he going to do?
0:12:24 > 0:12:25He's going to say, "Mum,
0:12:25 > 0:12:29"it isn't Yogi Bear's fault that Dad ran off with the au pair."
0:12:31 > 0:12:34He's copying the violence he's just seen.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Is this what spectators do?
0:12:36 > 0:12:40And we're just getting reports of sporadic violence in Torquay,
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Ipswich and London following England's World Cup defeat.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Scotland Yard said they'd been called out
0:12:45 > 0:12:50to 18 incidents in London, including youths damaging German-made cars.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Quite honestly, I think it's lack of education.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Yes, indeed. - I think it's just the football pitch
0:12:55 > 0:12:56is used as a bit of a battleground for it.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Yes, precisely.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Also, don't you think maybe it's where young kids
0:13:00 > 0:13:02don't have somewhere to get out aggression?
0:13:02 > 0:13:05What they need is somewhere they can punch a bag or something.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07They can always go to Millwall.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09LAUGHTER
0:13:12 > 0:13:15There's a prospect of our football grounds being used as pop venues
0:13:15 > 0:13:18and all other stuff that's going on there.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23What I'd like to talk about is this. Just a second, ma'am.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26She's lovely. What I'd like to say is that...
0:13:26 > 0:13:28I just want to say one thing.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I want to talk to the fans on the terraces.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33In 1988, I went to see Colin Moynihan
0:13:33 > 0:13:35and I agreed on the ID cards.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I was for the ID cards in 1988
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and then I went round the terraces dressed as a panda.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Now, I'm the official Football League mascot,
0:13:44 > 0:13:45the Panda of Peace,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48and what I saw changed my mind.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50There's a man there from Millwall.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51I've been to Millwall.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54If you think there's trouble on the terraces, go to Millwall!
0:13:54 > 0:13:55I've been to Arsenal.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57If you think there's trouble on the terraces, go there.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59There's a man there from Chelsea.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00I've been to Chelsea. I've walked 80...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- VOICE INTERRUPTS - Listen!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I've walked 80 Football League...
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Let me talk! Let me say something for the fans on the terraces.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- They never get a chance! - The fans...- The grounds today...
0:14:09 > 0:14:11THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:14:11 > 0:14:13The family enclosures today, Robert...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Are you looking at what you're doing?
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Just a minute, are you talking for the fans?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18The fans that I know on the terraces
0:14:18 > 0:14:20won't want you doing what you're doing now.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- The fans on the terraces... - I'm sorry, no!
0:14:22 > 0:14:23No!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Absolutely not. You're not speaking for the fans that I know.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- SHOUTING:- The fans on the terraces...
0:14:28 > 0:14:29The Peace Panda there.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Possibly so-called because it's very difficult for him to find mates.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34'Fans on the terraces...'
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Just why do football fans, and let's not pretend,
0:14:36 > 0:14:40male football fans, feel the need to go on a rampage?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Is there not a better way to channel all that aggression?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45MATCH OF THE DAY THEME AND TAP-DANCING
0:15:11 > 0:15:12No, not that.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14That was bordering on the farcical.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Besides, a recent survey carried out amongst fans of Stoke City
0:15:17 > 0:15:20showed barely 70% of them cared for interpretive dance,
0:15:20 > 0:15:24and less than half that number would attend a Bob Fosse retrospective
0:15:24 > 0:15:26if Stoke had a match on the same day.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31No, we need something a little more sympathetic to the terrace mindset.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34We were flattered very much the other day when the telephone rang
0:15:34 > 0:15:36and who should be on the other end but Peter Shilton.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39He was ringing, not to ask us to play for Leicester City.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42He wanted John and me to go and join him on one of his training sessions.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44'Peter uses an assault course at the camp
0:15:44 > 0:15:46'for the first part of his programme.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48'Here he trains under the careful eye
0:15:48 > 0:15:50'of PT instructor Sergeant Major Scott.'
0:15:50 > 0:15:52A bit more spring in your jump. Come on, jump up!
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Yeah, good, well done.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59'The assault course is only the beginning of Peter's day.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02'The really exhausting part of his training
0:16:02 > 0:16:03'comes afterwards in the gym.'
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Sprint! Let's see you sprint.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Five, six, seven,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13eight, nine, ten...
0:16:13 > 0:16:15THEY YELP AND GROAN
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Come on, get it down. That's it, yes.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19All right, change over, change over.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Over the top, come on. Right over the top.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Push it out, push it out.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Come on, lads, come on.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30GROANING
0:16:31 > 0:16:33A bit more effort!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35- I'm falling off.- Last one.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41GENTLE POP MUSIC
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Pete, thanks very much for letting us join in in your training.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59It's been a hard day, though, hasn't it?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Yes, well, I think you need to work very hard
0:17:01 > 0:17:03to be a professional footballer, John.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04I'm sure you do, Peter.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Thanks very much for coming along on Blue Peter today.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Good luck to you and Leicester for the rest of the season.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Thanks very much, and I enjoyed it very much.- Good.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Better, but wasn't that a bit steamy for Blue Peter?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Let's find out.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18This is my gay friend from Tennessee, Baylen Leonard,
0:17:18 > 0:17:22who you may recall advises me on any homoerotic subtexts
0:17:22 > 0:17:23I might not have registered.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Baylen, you're not much of a football fan, are you?- I am now.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- But you wouldn't recognise Peter Shilton, would you?- I would now.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32And I take it you're not really a Blue Peter viewer, then?
0:17:32 > 0:17:33I am now.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Good, here's some more.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37One of the most unusual artists
0:17:37 > 0:17:39we've ever come across is Sylvia Gardiner,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42who specialises in three-dimensional fabric portraits
0:17:42 > 0:17:44like this model of Prince Charles,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47which she brought to the studio two years ago.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Well, now, Sylvia, by working out things from old tights
0:17:51 > 0:17:53and bits of foam rubber,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56has finally decided to turn her hand to a famous sporting face -
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Kevin Keegan, the fourth-division Scunthorpe player
0:17:59 > 0:18:02who's risen to the dizzy heights of captain of England
0:18:02 > 0:18:05and European Footballer of the Year.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Now, Sylvia is really a stickler for detail
0:18:07 > 0:18:09and looking at this model of Kevin,
0:18:09 > 0:18:10I really think she's surpassed herself
0:18:10 > 0:18:12with those familiar, wavy locks,
0:18:12 > 0:18:14the friendly smile and, of course,
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Kevin is in his all-England strip and if you look closely,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19you'll see what I mean about detail - in his V-neck,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22you can even see there there's a few hairs on his neck.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25In addition to that, Sylvia's even managed to put on
0:18:25 > 0:18:26his big gold wedding ring there,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29looking very distinctive on his finger.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32If we look down the model, you can even see the lump just there -
0:18:32 > 0:18:35the outline of his shin pads underneath his socks,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37and if I twist one of his elegant feet round,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41you'll see he's even got studs on his football boots.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I think the model is an excellent likeness and now it's your chance
0:18:44 > 0:18:46to compare it with the real Kevin Keegan himself.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Welcome to Blue Peter, Kevin.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- Delighted to have you with us. - It's nice to be here.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Well, what do you think of your twin?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55It's tremendous - the hair,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57there's a few hairs here.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00It's almost life-sized, and even down to the boots,
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I think she's done a tremendous job with it.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I'm glad you like it, because Sylvia would very much like you
0:19:05 > 0:19:07to have it as a present, so let me pass it over to you.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10What do you think you'll do with it? On the mantelpiece?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Well, I'd like to put it on the mantelpiece at home,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14cos my little girl would probably keep pulling it down
0:19:14 > 0:19:16and it'd make up for all the times we're away,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19but I don't think my wife would like to see two of us round the house.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Well, top marks to everyone there for getting through that
0:19:21 > 0:19:24without rolling about on the studio floor.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Of course, you know who it really looked like?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28# My name is Tommy Cooper
0:19:28 > 0:19:29# I was sitting in my flat
0:19:29 > 0:19:31# I thought I'd make a record
0:19:31 > 0:19:32# So I made it...
0:19:32 > 0:19:33# Ha! Just like that... #
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Kevin Keegan, the real Kevin Keegan
0:19:35 > 0:19:38and not the one famously played by Tommy Cooper,
0:19:38 > 0:19:42was once, thanks to a slip of the tongue by commentator Brian Moore,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45rechristened on live TV as "Keggy Keegle".
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Most civilised people call him Keggy Keegle even today.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53So, while we're here, let's have another couple of taps of the Keg.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55I used to carry the football, I used to...
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I used to take my brother as a goal post quite a lot,
0:19:57 > 0:19:58stick him in the pram.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Nothing new for him to get hit by the ball in the face
0:20:00 > 0:20:02and tell my mum we'd used him as a goal post.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07If I'm playing draughts against my little baby, I'll still try and win.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09That is the way I'm made.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10My loser's medal?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12No, you can have it if you want it.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14That's how I feel about it.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16You really do feel that? You'd give it away?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Well, I wouldn't, cos my mum wouldn't let me.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22You can talk to these dogs. This dog understands every word you say.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25If I was to say to him now, "Ollie, out",
0:20:25 > 0:20:27he'd jump straight off this chair
0:20:27 > 0:20:28and he'd go out.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Keegle on the couch, there, displaying that elusive blend
0:20:34 > 0:20:39of ease and steeliness that soon saw him crowned King Keg of the Pundits.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42And what's more, in an era when punditry was untamed,
0:20:42 > 0:20:45raw, where studios were battlegrounds
0:20:45 > 0:20:46and every desk a foxhole,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49when giants ruled the turf.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53I don't think there's a need for any substitute at all at the moment.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56I must confess I didn't understand what Brian was saying when he says
0:20:56 > 0:20:59it's inevitable that we're going to play all down the left-hand side.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I don't understand that at all.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03With the composition of the side.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I don't really believe you can have a player of the ability and skill
0:21:06 > 0:21:09of a Trevor Francis stood wide on the right-hand side doing nothing
0:21:09 > 0:21:12waiting for balls coming in on the right-hand side...
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Er, from the left-hand side.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16All right, let's discuss that further after we've taken a break.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27The discussion during the commercial break was between John and I
0:21:27 > 0:21:31as to why we're playing down the left-hand side of the field
0:21:31 > 0:21:34and the fact that he can't see why rather puzzles me,
0:21:34 > 0:21:38because we have Sansom, Woodcock and Rix.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Now, John said, "You must have been watching a different game to me."
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I'd like him to decide if I have been.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Well, all those people at home are going to listen and say,
0:21:47 > 0:21:52"Cloughie's won the European Cup twice, so he must be right."
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- John...- All of a sudden, now...
0:21:54 > 0:21:58- Let me just say...- If it was a discussion and not a row...
0:21:58 > 0:22:00I don't want to be between the two of you when there's a row.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Jimmy Greaves pouring oil onto troubled comb-overs there.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Best stay on neutral subjects, like the weather.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08How can you talk about a storm
0:22:08 > 0:22:13and it not be a hurricane when you have 60-foot oak trees...
0:22:14 > 0:22:18..picked out as though it was a bit of watercress
0:22:18 > 0:22:23and the whole tops of forests taken off and all levelled?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25It's got to be more than a storm, Mike.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28I've lived through storms before in my life.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29I've lived through everything
0:22:29 > 0:22:32and the fact is that the weather people this year
0:22:32 > 0:22:33have got nothing right,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35absolutely nothing.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37If you remember January and February -
0:22:37 > 0:22:39"A couple of inches of snow".
0:22:39 > 0:22:40I couldn't get in one day
0:22:40 > 0:22:43because there was two feet the following morning.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46The whole of the summer has been a total disaster.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50The biggest problem is that the Met Office now doesn't seem
0:22:50 > 0:22:53to be as boring and as efficient as it used to be.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Most of them are too interested in going on Blankety Blank
0:22:56 > 0:23:00and bloody Call My Bluff and things like this
0:23:00 > 0:23:02and they're paying no attention to the weather.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04And the whole thing...
0:23:04 > 0:23:09And, if you know, when Trish and the other gink was sat here,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12there was no apologies. It was all excuses.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15"Oh, well, it's not our fault that we didn't predict this.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18"They didn't predict it in Holland." Holland, for Christ's sake?
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Have we got to listen to Radio Hilversum now
0:23:19 > 0:23:21to get the weather forecast or what?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Jimmy, I understand your anger, but I think we must...
0:23:24 > 0:23:25You don't, Mike.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27If I came on here and said,
0:23:27 > 0:23:32"Right, on Wednesday we've got Minder and The Bill"
0:23:32 > 0:23:34and said it week after week,
0:23:34 > 0:23:36and we had totally different programmes on,
0:23:36 > 0:23:40the Wizard of Oz upstairs would call me in and he'd sack me.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Jack's immediate view was that it was a bad and a dangerous tackle.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Derek believed it was no worse than many he received
0:23:46 > 0:23:47in the course of a season.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49They argued fiercely on the programme,
0:23:49 > 0:23:52and as you'll see, it went on after the programme as well.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55JACK CHARLTON: You can have ten quid and we'll run it back on the slow-mo,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57we'll get the bets on and I'll take them all.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- DEREK DOUGAN:- Thanks a lot. Thanks very much.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- I'll take all the bets. - Thanks very much indeed.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05PADDY CRERAND: Diabolical. Do you want to get it on again?
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Where do we go from there?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09There's no-one in the world watching that can say
0:24:09 > 0:24:10he didn't go over the ball.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12The thing really is, he's been on the giving side of it.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I was always on the receiving side of it
0:24:14 > 0:24:18and I'm absolutely convinced, absolutely convinced,
0:24:18 > 0:24:20that that was blatant obstruction.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I think there's a little bit of collusion
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- going on here this afternoon. - No collusion.- No collusion.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26There's no doubt, I will stick to my guns
0:24:26 > 0:24:28and I will actually defend Pereira.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I've had one advantage than you -
0:24:30 > 0:24:32I've played against the guy for 90 minutes.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I wanted the views of the professionals on the panel,
0:24:34 > 0:24:36not the lads behind the cameras, the professionals.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I've got four professionals on my side,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- you've only got yourself. - You've only got three professionals.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- I've got four. - You've got three professional
0:24:43 > 0:24:44and I happened to talk to...
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Half a dozen fellas on the floor agreed with me.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- They're amateurs. - They're entitled to their opinion.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- They're cameramen, not footballers. - Sorry, Derek, to break in.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54It is inconclusive.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56I think the jury has got to be the millions who are watching us
0:24:56 > 0:24:58at this moment and I think the idea might be for you
0:24:58 > 0:25:00to send us in a postcard to say
0:25:00 > 0:25:02whether you're going to vote for Jackie Charlton
0:25:02 > 0:25:04or whether you're going to vote for Derek Dougan.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05What? Eh?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08That is punditry red in tooth and claw,
0:25:08 > 0:25:10and 'tache.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11And just look what we have today -
0:25:11 > 0:25:14an airbrushed, milquetoast, facsimile of an opinion.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Thanks a lot, Gen-Xers.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19As Johnny Rotten once said, ever get the feeling you've been cheated?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22And by the way, Derek Dougan - hard-man, no-nonsense,
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Wolves-leading Derek Dougan.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27How come I never noticed he went through a sartorial phase
0:25:27 > 0:25:30saluting fellow Belfast cowboy Van Morrison?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32MUSIC: "Jackie Wilson Said" by Van Morrison
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Anyway, how did that public vote turn out?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38We asked you to be the jury and vote,
0:25:38 > 0:25:41and the result was...
0:25:45 > 0:25:48What about that? That's a massive majority, Derek.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50The people were wrong in 1970 before...
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Why don't you answer a different question?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55They were wrong before the voted for a Tory government
0:25:55 > 0:25:57or a socialist government in 1970.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00How can you put it to politics?
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Then again, I hold my hand up
0:26:01 > 0:26:05and I go with the 78% whose judgment I respect and admire,
0:26:05 > 0:26:06but I will still stick with the 22%.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09I don't believe that was a vicious, over-the-top...
0:26:09 > 0:26:13So there you go, the public voted Jack, 78 to 22.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16That's a combov... I mean a walkover!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Actually, when you look at the data,
0:26:18 > 0:26:19I think I was right first time there.
0:26:22 > 0:26:27There you go! Are you deceived, my friends? Are you buying it?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29What was that Santana song from the time?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31MUSIC: "Oye Como Va" by Carlos Santana
0:26:31 > 0:26:33That's the one. Very '70s.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Of course, not everyone in UK sports broadcasting had...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Oye como va... #
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Well, actually...
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Well, just to give you a little idea, this is the sort of thing
0:26:42 > 0:26:47they've been listening to on their trannies in Rio and Buenos Aires.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51RAPID SOUTH AMERICAN COMMENTARY
0:26:58 > 0:27:02COMMENTATOR HOWLS
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Argentina!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Ar-r-r-r-gentina, uno!
0:27:10 > 0:27:15Go-o-o-o-o-o-ol!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Ar-r-r-gentina!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- SINGING:- Ole! Ola!
0:27:26 > 0:27:28HE CONTINUES SINGING
0:27:32 > 0:27:34And you lot think you can talk.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36You haven't started yet, let me tell you that.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Well, if you sometimes disagree
0:27:38 > 0:27:42with the way British commentators operate, just count your blessings -
0:27:42 > 0:27:44it could be so easily just like that.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46To be fair, you've done really well,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48because I thought you would struggle after Take That.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I really did think...
0:27:50 > 0:27:53I thought, "Anybody who can't play, who can't write,
0:27:53 > 0:27:54"who can't play guitar..."
0:27:54 > 0:27:56I thought, "Really struggle."
0:27:56 > 0:27:59- Gary Barlow probably kept the band together.- Ricky Martin!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Hold on, I'm telling you now, you've done brilliantly.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Apart from that, you've got a lot of talent.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Thank you very much. Apart from that, what have I actually done?
0:28:06 > 0:28:07You've done brilliantly.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10The Angels song was top-class, I have to say that.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12British pundit panels -
0:28:12 > 0:28:14what we lack in naked Latin passion
0:28:14 > 0:28:16we make up for in hopelessly gauche encomiums
0:28:16 > 0:28:19that make everyone in the studio wish they were dead.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Then again, who do you think you are, Robbie Williams?
0:28:22 > 0:28:24How dare you sit on the soccer sofa!
0:28:24 > 0:28:25You were only born in 1974.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27We didn't even qualify that year.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28If you had any talent at all,
0:28:28 > 0:28:32you'd have been nine years old in 1966, like I was.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Oh, it was really something.
0:28:34 > 0:28:35We welcomed the world.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Businessmen coming, for example, from Brazil,
0:28:38 > 0:28:42will bring their ladies with them and they'll expect decent amenities.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44One of the questions I did ask going there was,
0:28:44 > 0:28:47"What are the ladies lavatories and powder rooms like?"
0:28:47 > 0:28:50I'm sorry to say they were almost non-existent on most of the grounds.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54Birmingham, in common with many other big cities in this country,
0:28:54 > 0:28:57is not well-off for hotels, considering the size of the city
0:28:57 > 0:29:01and the fact that the Queen's Hotel, a first-class establishment
0:29:01 > 0:29:04and one of the oldest, is to close in the end of this year,
0:29:04 > 0:29:06won't help matters for next July.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Because of the hotel problem,
0:29:08 > 0:29:11football clubs have appealed to boarding house keepers.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16This room in Sheffield will be offered to fans by Mr Herbert Sykes.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19I've seen Sheffield before when there's been a big match on.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21They're just walking about like spare parts.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23They don't know what to do with themselves.
0:29:23 > 0:29:27In Middlesbrough, Mrs Noreen Walters speculates on her guests.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Oh, they don't worry me one little bit.
0:29:30 > 0:29:32I'd only be having two or three
0:29:32 > 0:29:34and it isn't as though I was going to marry them.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38As long as they don't start sleepwalking,
0:29:38 > 0:29:39we should all get on quite nicely.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41What view, then, do foreign agents take
0:29:41 > 0:29:43of the World Cup hotel situation,
0:29:43 > 0:29:45and what are they planning to do about it?
0:29:45 > 0:29:48We've even spoken with the merchant marine of the Soviet Union
0:29:48 > 0:29:51to find the possibility of bringing a ship
0:29:51 > 0:29:53for our Soviet tourists to live on board.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58We'd also like to charter a boat, like this here,
0:29:58 > 0:30:00for the World Championship in England
0:30:00 > 0:30:03because of the troubles we have with accommodation in your country.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06It would be possible that 800 persons
0:30:06 > 0:30:08will visit the three first matches
0:30:08 > 0:30:11of the German team and stay aboard the boat at night.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15Sheffield's entertainment man is Mr Eddie Holland.
0:30:15 > 0:30:19Well, already plans are in hand for a nightclub in the City Hall.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21We're going to decorate the streets with flowers
0:30:21 > 0:30:24and have illuminations up and bands playing.
0:30:24 > 0:30:29I would like to see the shops remain open till ten o'clock or midnight.
0:30:29 > 0:30:30We should have umbrellas
0:30:30 > 0:30:33and tables in the street so that people can dine outside.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Other things I think might be worthwhile -
0:30:35 > 0:30:39we could have a beer garden in the garden next to the town hall,
0:30:39 > 0:30:42a girlie show at the Lyceum starting at ten o'clock at night,
0:30:42 > 0:30:48but above all, late-night drinking and dining in the hotels
0:30:48 > 0:30:50and existing restaurants which we have,
0:30:50 > 0:30:52so that they go on till two o'clock in the morning.
0:30:52 > 0:30:56On a rather different plane, Councillor Leonard Cope.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59The Sheffield Experimental Theatre Group
0:30:59 > 0:31:02are proposing to do late-night revues
0:31:02 > 0:31:05and we're negotiating and hope to get the services
0:31:05 > 0:31:08of the Georgian State Dance Company from Russia.
0:31:08 > 0:31:14It is indeed a pleasure to take part in an international competition
0:31:14 > 0:31:16in the home of football.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19We have already enjoyed many matches in Britain.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25We look forward to meeting and making many new friends.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Yeah, well, when I say "Welcomed the world",
0:31:27 > 0:31:30what I mean is we kept the pubs open an extra half-hour.
0:31:30 > 0:31:35Oh, and put an umbrella next to that tea stall in Sheffield Market.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38I think the mayor's missus bought a bunch of daffs too.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Anyway, stone the crows, Birmingham.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Surely you could have found a better backdrop
0:31:42 > 0:31:44to show us off to the planet than this.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47I mean, at least splash out on a litter bin, look at it.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49And couldn't he have put down his Daily Mirror
0:31:49 > 0:31:51while he was addressing a global audience?
0:31:51 > 0:31:55Of course, promising the world flyblown bomb sites in Birmingham
0:31:55 > 0:31:56will only get you so far.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00The cup was the thing. "Let us see the cup!", they said.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02"All right!", we said. "We shall show you the cup."
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - "The cup...
0:32:04 > 0:32:07"Right, what did we do with it?"
0:32:07 > 0:32:10The thieves broke in by forcing the padlock on the main doors
0:32:10 > 0:32:12at the back of the building.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Then they got into this stand over a hessian shield at the back
0:32:15 > 0:32:20and took the lock off the back of this case and got away with the cup.
0:32:20 > 0:32:26Gentlemen, I'm terribly sorry that I'm afraid, at this present moment,
0:32:26 > 0:32:29I am unable to make any real form of statement.
0:32:29 > 0:32:33I must ask you to appreciate the amount of pressure
0:32:33 > 0:32:35that I have been under for the last 30 hours.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38They were watching it all the time, in fact, theoretically.
0:32:38 > 0:32:39If they were watching it the whole time,
0:32:39 > 0:32:41one of them must have taken it,
0:32:41 > 0:32:44so therefore they couldn't have been watching it the whole time.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48Once I have had a chance to gather my somewhat scattered wits,
0:32:48 > 0:32:50then I will indeed talk with you
0:32:50 > 0:32:53and give you everything that I possibly can.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55Come on, England, seriously.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58As the saying goes, you were given one job.
0:32:58 > 0:32:59If you are trusted
0:32:59 > 0:33:02with one of the most precious icons in modern culture,
0:33:02 > 0:33:04don't display it in a Jerry-built fish tank
0:33:04 > 0:33:07secured with one of them locks you stick on a suitcase.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09No wonder people want to do this to us.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13That was the World Cup in England -
0:33:13 > 0:33:17comically stolen and then even more comically recovered.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21The cup was suddenly found, but not by the police or the men
0:33:21 > 0:33:24who were involved in the hunt for it, but by Pickles,
0:33:24 > 0:33:25and here we've got Pickles.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Come on, boy! Come on, Pickles!
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Come on! Come on! I'll have to go get you.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32There's a good boy. Come on, Pickles.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Oh, Pickles and Patch together. Come on.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37Stay, Patch.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39You stay. Well, this is Pickles.
0:33:39 > 0:33:40No!
0:33:41 > 0:33:44Pickles was sniffing away at a rather large parcel,
0:33:44 > 0:33:48and when Mr Corbett picked it up, he saw a gleam of gold.
0:33:48 > 0:33:53I pulled the top off and I could see the top of the statue.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55I look back at the base and I see Brazil, '62,
0:33:55 > 0:33:59and that's what sort of clicked in my mind.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Pickles certainly won't be forgotten, because he's already got a medal.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06- REPORTER:- ..naming him Dog Hero of 1966.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10There was a more substantial prize - almost £5,000 of reward money.
0:34:10 > 0:34:11We'd lost trace of Pickles.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12We didn't know if he was alive or not,
0:34:12 > 0:34:14and as soon as we came off the air,
0:34:14 > 0:34:17our phones just didn't stop ringing with people telling us
0:34:17 > 0:34:19that his owner definitely was still alive
0:34:19 > 0:34:21and was working for the GPO at Redhill,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23so we were able to contact Mr Corbett there by telephone
0:34:23 > 0:34:25and he told us a rather sad story -
0:34:25 > 0:34:27that just about three years ago,
0:34:27 > 0:34:31Pickles developed the extremely bad habit of chasing local cats
0:34:31 > 0:34:34and on one occasion, he shot after one,
0:34:34 > 0:34:36his lead caught on to something,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39and poor old Pickles actually broke his neck.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Serves him right for chasing cats. Oh, dear.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45Peter Purves, seen there surrounded by members of the BBC Trust,
0:34:45 > 0:34:47not sugar-coating it at all there for the under-tens.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49Serves him right for chasing cats.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52Now at this point, I know what many of you are saying.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56"Oh, England, Pickles, 1966.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58"Frank Bough's variable-geometry comb-over."
0:34:58 > 0:35:00# Oye como va... #
0:35:00 > 0:35:02"What about the rest of Britain?
0:35:02 > 0:35:04"Aren't we ludicrous on the international scene also?
0:35:04 > 0:35:07"Aren't our fiascos equally noteworthy?
0:35:07 > 0:35:08"We're rotten too, you know!"
0:35:08 > 0:35:10Well, of course you are, my friends.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12And now your time has come.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15PRODUCER: OK, stand by.
0:35:17 > 0:35:19MUSIC: "Ole Ola" by Rod Stewart
0:35:25 > 0:35:29# When the blue shirts run out in Argentina
0:35:29 > 0:35:32# Our hearts will be beating like a drum... #
0:35:32 > 0:35:34Scotland goes just to win.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36It's daft and it's sad
0:35:36 > 0:35:39and it's very, very beautiful.
0:35:39 > 0:35:40Scotland, level-headed,
0:35:40 > 0:35:43only because it's got a chip on both shoulders,
0:35:43 > 0:35:46is going to Argentina on business
0:35:46 > 0:35:48- and to win.- Ally MacLeod,
0:35:48 > 0:35:49manager of Scotland,
0:35:49 > 0:35:53the only team in Britain to qualify for the World Cup finals.
0:35:53 > 0:35:57Oh, I was over the moon. I had to go and change my trousers.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00Fingers crossed, God willing, we'll not let Britain down.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02I'm a Scotsman and I'm proud of it.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04THEY CHEER
0:36:04 > 0:36:08Really proud. And England's not there, we're there. This is magic.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10- LAUGHTER - The greatest thing in the world.
0:36:10 > 0:36:11When we bring the World Cup home,
0:36:11 > 0:36:13the world will recognise us as a separate nation.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15We'll get our independence a lot quicker.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19# We'll support you ever more
0:36:19 > 0:36:21# Bonnie Scotland
0:36:21 > 0:36:23# Bonnie Scotland... #
0:36:23 > 0:36:27I'm here at one of Mexico's most famous landmarks.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30These are the Pyramids of the Moon.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34Now, 2,000 years ago, they believed that if you brought men here,
0:36:34 > 0:36:35they turned into gods,
0:36:35 > 0:36:37so we, of course, have brought Charlie Nicholas.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42MEXICAN FLUTE PLAYS
0:36:47 > 0:36:51We manufactured about 100,000 of the shirts and we sold them very well
0:36:51 > 0:36:53until Scotland started playing and losing.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55Have you been able to sell any since?
0:36:55 > 0:36:57Yes, we've got shops selling them at £1
0:36:57 > 0:37:00and there's various suggestions about what to do with them -
0:37:00 > 0:37:02wear them inside out as a vest or whatever.
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Excuse me, sir, would you buy one of these?
0:37:06 > 0:37:08No.
0:37:08 > 0:37:09Would you buy one of these?
0:37:10 > 0:37:11Er, yes.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13- You would?- Certainly.
0:37:13 > 0:37:14Anything to help the public.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21The difference between success and failure is minute.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Now, it all gets down in the end
0:37:23 > 0:37:25to putting the ball in the back of the net.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27I'm Welsh and wearing an England shirt,
0:37:27 > 0:37:32so I don't know why I'm bothering doing it, but I've got caught up
0:37:32 > 0:37:36in the momentum, I think, and they're reasonably priced.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39The World Cup has created an awful lot of excitement in Spain,
0:37:39 > 0:37:41even since last summer
0:37:41 > 0:37:44and some of the words that are used, sporting terms,
0:37:44 > 0:37:47would be easily recognised by an English speaker,
0:37:47 > 0:37:52such as "el passing shot", for someone to pass the ball to you,
0:37:52 > 0:37:54and, of course, the thing that Northern Ireland want most -
0:37:54 > 0:37:56"el gol", a goal.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59The first half-hour of the session had been quiet and relaxed
0:37:59 > 0:38:02at a small local football ground at Alcobendas,
0:38:02 > 0:38:04about six miles from Madrid.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07The session was under the direction of Billy Bingham, the Irish manager,
0:38:07 > 0:38:11and watched by hundreds of children on this Spanish public holiday.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14There did seem a lack of order and security,
0:38:14 > 0:38:16and suddenly came the trouble.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21Two men walked on to the pitch hurling abuse at the players
0:38:21 > 0:38:23and claiming John O'Neill, the Leicester City defender,
0:38:23 > 0:38:25had kicked a child on the touchline.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Billy Bingham failed to calm them.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32As the police arrived to restore order,
0:38:32 > 0:38:35Bingham and his players retreated to the centre circle.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38The Irish manager tried humour where reason hadn't worked.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44But the protest grew more angry, and then violent.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46The players continued to watch and wait,
0:38:46 > 0:38:48their training session in chaos.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52The game we're playing isn't available in the shops yet.
0:38:52 > 0:38:53There's only one set.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57It belongs to the man who devised it, Billy Hamilton.
0:38:57 > 0:38:58Well, I had a lot of time on my hands
0:38:58 > 0:39:00at the start of the season through injury,
0:39:00 > 0:39:03so instead of sitting in the armchair doing nothing,
0:39:03 > 0:39:04I came up with this game.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06It's a journey through the life of a professional footballer.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08You start off as an apprentice,
0:39:08 > 0:39:11you do all the hard, menial tasks an apprentice does,
0:39:11 > 0:39:13you move on to be a professional player.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16Eventually, the winner is the first one to win the World Cup.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21"You are seven pounds overweight. Lose two skill."
0:39:21 > 0:39:24Billy, just on a serious note, you have had a rotten season.
0:39:24 > 0:39:25It would be marvellous to finish it
0:39:25 > 0:39:27by playing in the World Cup
0:39:27 > 0:39:28and doing well, wouldn't it?
0:39:28 > 0:39:30Yeah, it's been a very frustrating season.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33There were times when I didn't think I would make it to the World Cup.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35Look, it's Billy Hamilton's board game -
0:39:35 > 0:39:38possibly the worst-selling World Cup spin off
0:39:38 > 0:39:40since Peter Beardsley's love songs album
0:39:40 > 0:39:44or Graham Poll's stainless steel referee's retina brush.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46The point being, gripping though the tournament is,
0:39:46 > 0:39:48it's all meant to be fun.
0:39:48 > 0:39:49Isn't it?
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Remember World Cup Willie, vintage 1966?
0:39:52 > 0:39:56A not-very-fierce and obviously thoroughly tame lion.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58What's worrying the minister this time
0:39:58 > 0:40:00is that the British bulldog 1982 variety
0:40:00 > 0:40:02projects quite the wrong image.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05Mr Macfarlane, Bulldog Bobby surely is typically British,
0:40:05 > 0:40:08bulldog breed, Churchillian spirit -
0:40:08 > 0:40:09what do you object to in him?
0:40:11 > 0:40:13Can you hear me, Neil Macfarlane?
0:40:14 > 0:40:15Let me try again.
0:40:15 > 0:40:19You're looking extremely interested, but can you hear me, Mr Macfarlane?
0:40:21 > 0:40:24Well, there's an absolutely frustrated minister.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26He can't hear me and I can't talk to him.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29We'll see if we can get him, but in the meantime, here's Richard.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33- FAINTLY:- Well, details...
0:40:33 > 0:40:35STATIC
0:40:35 > 0:40:37- ..mental hospital... - STATIC
0:40:37 > 0:40:38We have given voice to Mr Neil Macfarlane,
0:40:38 > 0:40:41the sports minister, who's upset about the image
0:40:41 > 0:40:44presented by Bulldog Bobby, the England World Cup mascot.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46What are you concerned about, Mr Macfarlane?
0:40:46 > 0:40:50I really think that that cartoon caricature of an animal,
0:40:50 > 0:40:54and it's something I've always personally had some doubt about
0:40:54 > 0:40:57as to whether or not we should ever humanise animals in that way,
0:40:57 > 0:41:00and here we have a bulldog standing on its hind legs
0:41:00 > 0:41:03with a football at one of its paws and whether or not this is going
0:41:03 > 0:41:06to personify all that is best in British football, I doubt very much.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08I think he looks rather soft and stupid
0:41:08 > 0:41:10rather than belligerent, don't you?
0:41:10 > 0:41:12- Well, I think that's a matter of opinion.- Oh, dear.
0:41:12 > 0:41:16Lighten up, Chuckles - it's a cartoon dog, not our man in Moscow.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18It is indeed a pleasure...
0:41:18 > 0:41:20Tell you what, I'll show you something funny.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23Do you want to see Trevor Francis getting hit on the head
0:41:23 > 0:41:25by a spring-loaded coach door.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- Oh!- See!
0:41:29 > 0:41:32That's why the national squad has cartoon characters representing it.
0:41:32 > 0:41:33Here it is again.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38And if you think we're padding this show out with irrelevant slapstick,
0:41:38 > 0:41:41then you are totally missing the deeper subtext.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Showing things like this...
0:41:44 > 0:41:45..this...
0:41:47 > 0:41:48..and this...
0:41:49 > 0:41:51..is actually a clever and frankly subversive comment
0:41:51 > 0:41:53on the corporate emptiness
0:41:53 > 0:41:56at the heart of this insidious soccer sideshow.
0:41:56 > 0:41:57Don't you see what we're saying?
0:41:57 > 0:41:59The World Cup is the ultimate example
0:41:59 > 0:42:02of man's fruitless search for meaning,
0:42:02 > 0:42:05desperate empiricist padding on the way to purgatory.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Padding of the soul, padding of the senses,
0:42:08 > 0:42:11but most of all, padding of the TV schedules.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Welcome to the middle of nowhere.
0:42:15 > 0:42:16You don't get the impression here
0:42:16 > 0:42:18that the World Cup is about to break out,
0:42:18 > 0:42:21but that's hardly surprising because we're still in Malta.
0:42:21 > 0:42:25In fact, the Irish lads won't arrive in Italy until Friday's ceremony...
0:42:25 > 0:42:26HE TUTS Shit.
0:42:28 > 0:42:29Done this too many times now.
0:42:32 > 0:42:33Yeah. I think we're, erm...
0:42:35 > 0:42:37We're losing the impact.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39I wanted them all here, really, you see.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44SHEPHERD MUTTERS TO SHEEP
0:42:45 > 0:42:47All right, roll it now, roll it now, while he's talking.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53Welcome to the middle of nowhere.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57INTERPRETER SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:42:58 > 0:43:01MANCINI SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:43:13 > 0:43:15- MANCINI:- Nicol.
0:43:15 > 0:43:16INTERPRETER: Steve Nicol.
0:43:16 > 0:43:20Talking about Mo Johnston, saying that they're both very good players.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23- INTERVIEWER:- Does he think Scotland can do well in the finals?
0:43:23 > 0:43:26INTERPRETER SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:43:28 > 0:43:33MANCINI SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:43:33 > 0:43:35INTERPRETER: Yeah, he thinks that they can go through
0:43:35 > 0:43:38from the first phase to the eighth finals.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41And what about Brazil and Sweden, will they both go through as well?
0:43:41 > 0:43:44INTERPRETER SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:43:44 > 0:43:46MANCINI SPEAKS ITALIAN
0:43:50 > 0:43:53- REPORTER:- Marco Polo discovered it in China a few centuries ago
0:43:53 > 0:43:56and we've been trying to unravel its secrets ever since -
0:43:56 > 0:44:00- pasta.- No, no, no, tomato.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02The Irish lads love a pasta -
0:44:02 > 0:44:04Cannelloni Cascarino,
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Tagliatelle Townsend and Macaroni McCarthy -
0:44:06 > 0:44:08but there's method in their madness.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11Its energy-giving qualities have long been valued
0:44:11 > 0:44:14by marathon runners and Tour de France cyclists.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16Ruud Gullit even wears it on his head,
0:44:16 > 0:44:18Rasta pasta.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21We have the lasagnes as well with the pasta,
0:44:21 > 0:44:23so it's not just spaghetti.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26And the ravioli we have, so it's...
0:44:26 > 0:44:27It's come a long way, hasn't it, Jim,
0:44:27 > 0:44:31since we used to get it out of a tin and put it on a round of toast.
0:44:31 > 0:44:32Howdy, partners,
0:44:32 > 0:44:37and welcome to a place you'd be happy in - cowboy country.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39This is the end of the Santa Fe Trail.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42This is the place all those guys in covered wagons ended up
0:44:42 > 0:44:45after avoiding the Red Indians. BULLET RICOCHETS
0:44:45 > 0:44:48It's also the place where Billy the Kid was finally gunned down
0:44:48 > 0:44:53by Pat Garrett and your predecessors, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,
0:44:53 > 0:44:57they used to roam about in them, thar hills.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01Now it's the place where the Scotland World Cup wagon has rolled in.
0:45:01 > 0:45:04They're preparing here before they meet three nasty tribes -
0:45:04 > 0:45:08Denmark, Uruguay and West Germany in the World Cup shoot out.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Santa Fe is not much different now from the days
0:45:11 > 0:45:13when guys who looked like John Wayne rode into town.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15I've been hanging about here all week
0:45:15 > 0:45:18expecting Clint Eastwood to appear round the corner.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21The Indians are still here.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24Alex Ferguson has already hit the back of the net
0:45:24 > 0:45:26and found out what running at this height really means.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31How do you feel after that?
0:45:31 > 0:45:36Oh... That was amazing, you know.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38We had a couple of shots there,
0:45:38 > 0:45:40after you have the shot, you go like that.
0:45:40 > 0:45:41HE PANTS
0:45:41 > 0:45:45Alex Ferguson might be happy, but he's only the football manager.
0:45:45 > 0:45:47I'm the important guy round here, the sheriff.
0:45:47 > 0:45:50We're doing our own version of Spring, which is
0:45:50 > 0:45:53the first Concerto from that.
0:45:53 > 0:45:54It's especially for Italy.
0:45:56 > 0:45:58One, two, one, two, 10.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00THEY PLAY VIVALDI'S "SPRING"
0:46:26 > 0:46:28FOGHORN BLOWS
0:46:32 > 0:46:35The World Cup is beloved across our planet.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39Because it offers a chance for people from around the world
0:46:39 > 0:46:43to be judged not by the place they grew up, the colour of their skin,
0:46:43 > 0:46:45or the way they choose to worship,
0:46:45 > 0:46:48but by their spirit, skill, and strength.
0:46:50 > 0:46:55Soccer is going to be great in the United States. It's becoming strong.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57Sobering stuff.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00And suddenly, you realise in a wider sense,
0:47:00 > 0:47:02there really isn't anything at all funny about this.
0:47:04 > 0:47:08But wasn't it always simply bread and circuses?
0:47:08 > 0:47:12Or was 1966 really some kind of pure football Eden,
0:47:12 > 0:47:15where things moved at a slower kind of pace,
0:47:15 > 0:47:17and even the England manager
0:47:17 > 0:47:21was content to let the 90 minutes of the match do all the talking?
0:47:30 > 0:47:33Well, come on, Alf! Give us something!
0:47:33 > 0:47:38How far are you prepared to go to win? I'm thinking now ethically.
0:47:42 > 0:47:43Oh, dear.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49Now, let's be fair about this.
0:47:49 > 0:47:51I would not think in terms of doing anything...
0:47:54 > 0:47:56..anything that would be unpleasant.
0:47:56 > 0:48:01In terms of playing tiddlywinks and draughts and things such as that,
0:48:01 > 0:48:05I wouldn't do... I wouldn't cheat.
0:48:05 > 0:48:07I wouldn't cheat.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10Well, I don't think I would cheat.
0:48:10 > 0:48:14I think we're all, you know, somewhere,
0:48:14 > 0:48:17we've all cheated a little sometime.
0:48:17 > 0:48:20I think this most certainly is true of I.
0:48:20 > 0:48:25I don't think I would cheat at draughts or tiddlywinks.
0:48:25 > 0:48:26It's difficult to cheat at darts
0:48:26 > 0:48:28unless you're taking your own scores.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31EVIL LAUGHTER
0:48:31 > 0:48:33Hmm. A great man.
0:48:33 > 0:48:35But plenty of pointers there
0:48:35 > 0:48:37to his true linguistic roots, weren't there?
0:48:37 > 0:48:40I would not think in terms of doing anything.
0:48:40 > 0:48:44"I would not think of doing anything." That was a big one.
0:48:44 > 0:48:49And, "I think that is true of I," is bordering on the Rastafarian!
0:48:49 > 0:48:51- # Dangerous... # - The overall accent?
0:48:51 > 0:48:54Dagenham, I believe.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Being kind, we could say it was just another way
0:48:56 > 0:48:58he was ahead of the curve.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01Most managers today don't speak in their first language either.
0:49:01 > 0:49:03Wasn't always like that, of course.
0:49:03 > 0:49:04Mr Winterbottom,
0:49:04 > 0:49:08do you think that English football is slipping for good now?
0:49:08 > 0:49:09Oh, heavens, no.
0:49:09 > 0:49:11I mean, we've got to face up to it,
0:49:11 > 0:49:14we're getting stronger challenge now by football the world over.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17In South America particularly it's highly developed.
0:49:17 > 0:49:19'A lecturer in sports science,
0:49:19 > 0:49:22'Winterbottom felt success would only come
0:49:22 > 0:49:25'by adopting a scientific approach to football.'
0:49:25 > 0:49:29He was a prophet. And he taught me a lot.
0:49:29 > 0:49:33He convinced me, when I was an England player,
0:49:33 > 0:49:35that I should continue as a coach.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Tea and toast and jam, or something like that.
0:49:37 > 0:49:38That will suit us.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41They don't particularly want to eat too much before the match,
0:49:41 > 0:49:45so tea, toast and jam, and there are 17 people.
0:49:45 > 0:49:48Norwich City are coming to your hotel at teatime?
0:49:48 > 0:49:51Oh, that's absolutely ridiculous. What time are they coming?
0:49:51 > 0:49:53What time?
0:49:55 > 0:50:00Oh! Talk about flirting with the enemy, this is just plain suicidal.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04I wish Mr Fletcher had mentioned that to me or Trevor Lucas,
0:50:04 > 0:50:07I never dreamed they would be coming that early and going to your hotel.
0:50:07 > 0:50:11I certainly don't want to mix with them at this stage.
0:50:16 > 0:50:21Hello, it's Mr Robson, Mr Wood. Ipswich Town football club.
0:50:23 > 0:50:28I'd like to bring the players, 17 in number, to the Post House
0:50:28 > 0:50:31if that's possible for quarter to five today.
0:50:31 > 0:50:36For a light snack before our match, before Norwich City today.
0:50:36 > 0:50:40Now, is that possible? Can you accommodate us?
0:50:41 > 0:50:43Well, all we want really is very simple,
0:50:43 > 0:50:45all we eat is tea and toast. And jam.
0:50:47 > 0:50:48Cyril.
0:50:48 > 0:50:50- Change of plans.- Mm-hmm.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54I've just discovered that Norwich City are going for tea
0:50:54 > 0:50:57to the Copdock, so it's ridiculous us going there.
0:50:57 > 0:51:00So I've changed the venue, we're going to go to the Post House,
0:51:00 > 0:51:02you know, don't you, on the right-hand side.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05- Same time, 4.45.- Yeah, fine. - OK?- Yeah.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30They're matches that we can win. If we win, we're top of the league.
0:51:30 > 0:51:33Once you're there, anything can happen, once you've got there.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36So what an incentive it is for you tonight.
0:51:36 > 0:51:39You know, as I say, it's not just a match, it's an exceptional match.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43Don't let the atmosphere get on top of you, keep calm.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47All right, all the best. Stick together, work hard.
0:51:47 > 0:51:51One of the problems we might have in the match is the fact that,
0:51:51 > 0:51:53and I've got a report about Derby County...
0:51:53 > 0:51:55'Before every match, the team gets together
0:51:55 > 0:51:58'to hear Robson's assessment of the day's game.
0:51:58 > 0:52:02'Robson himself admits that it's hard to bring inspiration to a talk
0:52:02 > 0:52:04'that he's given hundreds of times before.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07'It's just one part of the pre-match ritual.'
0:52:07 > 0:52:10Definitely. Yeah.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16OK.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19Everything else quiet, Bill. All right. Bye.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22You get ten of them on a Sunday.
0:52:22 > 0:52:26We do this every Thursday morning, for the last 11 to 12 years.
0:52:28 > 0:52:30I feel it's been a great thing to them,
0:52:30 > 0:52:33cos it just relaxes them a little bit.
0:52:33 > 0:52:37And gets the tension out of the muscle before the Saturday match.
0:52:37 > 0:52:40And we often say, if we had a pound for each one we've massaged, Bob.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42We'd be wealthy men,
0:52:42 > 0:52:45because we massage them on a Monday before the Wednesday game also.
0:52:45 > 0:52:48And I think they look forward to it.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50The one on the table now is Paul Reaney.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53When you think of disappointments that we've had,
0:52:53 > 0:52:57we've missed many trophies and things like that, but the first sickening
0:52:57 > 0:53:01disappointment I had was when Bobby Collins broke his leg in Turin.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03So we decided to come here for the last five years,
0:53:03 > 0:53:05for our steaks and beans and toast and tea,
0:53:05 > 0:53:06and then we always play bingo,
0:53:06 > 0:53:09we've played bingo 13 years at Leeds United.
0:53:09 > 0:53:1275. On its own, number five.
0:53:12 > 0:53:17All the sixes, 66. Four and three, 43.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19Five and six, 56.
0:53:20 > 0:53:24- Any strong views about Barry Manilow? - No, not really.
0:53:24 > 0:53:28I enjoy his singing enormously, he gets lots of flack, doesn't he?
0:53:28 > 0:53:29Must be the big hooter he's got.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31People either love him or hate him, it's strange.
0:53:31 > 0:53:36I've seen him in concert in actual fact, he was very impressive.
0:53:36 > 0:53:38The wife took me out to see him.
0:53:38 > 0:53:41There we are! The ladies always do the leading.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43Put the nappy on, put the nappy on, Glenn!
0:53:43 > 0:53:47- Could you tell me, what is an antiseptic?- Put it in a needle.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50Yeah. Right, off you go!
0:53:50 > 0:53:53The letter W. Down here, we've got a stunt for you, mate.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Get the chicken leg out the rice pudding!
0:53:56 > 0:53:59The plastic chicken leg out the rice pudding. He's done it!
0:53:59 > 0:54:02- You cut everything out? - Yeah, we just have a lot of tea,
0:54:02 > 0:54:04honey, toast.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06I just sort of have a plain chicken.
0:54:06 > 0:54:07But a handful of the brave souls
0:54:07 > 0:54:11who've attempted to steer England's squad to victory down the years.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13And yet, may the record show,
0:54:13 > 0:54:15when it came to actually landing the trophy,
0:54:15 > 0:54:18the only Brits to have done that are Dagenham Alf...
0:54:18 > 0:54:21- This most certainly is true of I. - ..and a dog called Pickles.
0:54:21 > 0:54:24- There's a good boy, Pickles. - And yet, this year.
0:54:24 > 0:54:25This year... Am I wrong for hoping?
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Am I deluded for thinking that, come July,
0:54:28 > 0:54:31we will all once again be witnessing this sort of thing?
0:54:31 > 0:54:33Britain's World Cup team has come home.
0:54:33 > 0:54:36This is what Billy Wright had to say.
0:54:36 > 0:54:37Can I say how disappointed we are
0:54:37 > 0:54:40that we haven't brought the World Cup back with us.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43Oh, push off, reality! No, I meant the sort of thing.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46CHEERING
0:54:55 > 0:55:00The thing I remember is going out on the night to Danny La Rue's club...
0:55:00 > 0:55:03# His name was Rico, he wore a diamond... #
0:55:03 > 0:55:06He used to have a club in Hanover Square.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08I'd arranged for four or five of us to go, me, Bally,
0:55:08 > 0:55:12John Connelly, the Burnley winger.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14Nobby Stiles and Martin.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17Martin Peters, at the last minute after the celebrations at the hotel,
0:55:17 > 0:55:20decided, I phoned and said, "Are you coming?"
0:55:20 > 0:55:22And he said, "I'm staying in."
0:55:22 > 0:55:24I'm amazed that he stayed in, him and his wife Cathy.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27I'll never forget that to my dying day.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30It was a long day, it was a very emotional day,
0:55:30 > 0:55:32a very physical day with the extra time.
0:55:32 > 0:55:35I haven't seen my wife for a number of weeks.
0:55:35 > 0:55:39And so, it was just, er... the thing that I wanted to do.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42I didn't want to go out, shouting and screaming,
0:55:42 > 0:55:44and drinking and whatever. I wanted to be quiet.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47I'm amazed that he stayed in.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50Had a few quid in my pocket, never spent a bean.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52Everywhere we went, it was all, bottles of champagne,
0:55:52 > 0:55:55and God knows what. And I got well drunk.
0:55:55 > 0:55:57And I believe there's a story that you finished up
0:55:57 > 0:56:01in a house in East London and met an old friend?
0:56:01 > 0:56:04Something like that, yeah. We were... It was strange.
0:56:07 > 0:56:10I've met the people couple of times that I met that night since,
0:56:10 > 0:56:14a fella called Lenny and his wife. I don't know where they live now.
0:56:14 > 0:56:16But I remember in the morning on the Sunday morning,
0:56:16 > 0:56:20me and Jimmy Moss had slept on the settee in the living room.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23In the morning we went out in the garden,
0:56:23 > 0:56:26and I remember sitting having a cup of coffee in the garden.
0:56:26 > 0:56:29There was a wall, and all of a sudden a head came over a wall,
0:56:29 > 0:56:33and a woman went, "Hello, Jackie!" And I went, it's Mrs Maither!
0:56:33 > 0:56:37She lived opposite us in Beatrice Street in Ashington.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40And she was... her son or something was next door.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42And she just looked over, went, "Hello, Jackie."
0:56:42 > 0:56:46And I said, "Hell flames!" You know, it was amazing.
0:56:47 > 0:56:49And I got back, my mother played hell with me
0:56:49 > 0:56:52for being out all night. But it was...
0:56:52 > 0:56:56I was in Leytonstone, I'd never been to Leytonstone before in my life.
0:56:56 > 0:56:59The only reason I know it was Leytonstone,
0:56:59 > 0:57:01because we asked where we were.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03CHEERING
0:57:13 > 0:57:15Yes, that's it!
0:57:15 > 0:57:17You see, it's happened before, and it can happen again.
0:57:17 > 0:57:21We can win this thing again. It's all about belief.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23Belief and giving 110%.
0:57:23 > 0:57:28And luck. Belief, 110%, and luck.
0:57:28 > 0:57:31Oh, happy days are here again, my friends.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34Book me on a plane to Rio, boys, I've got a date with destiny.
0:57:34 > 0:57:37Because ring it from the rooftops, once again,
0:57:37 > 0:57:40England are going to win the World Cup!
0:57:40 > 0:57:42Oh, thank you very much!
0:57:42 > 0:57:46Kids, ha ha(!) Good night.
0:57:46 > 0:57:48There's only one team going to win the World Cup.
0:57:48 > 0:57:52And that team who win the World Cup are going to be pleased.
0:57:52 > 0:57:54No more football.
0:57:54 > 0:57:55HE BLOWS WHISTLE
0:57:55 > 0:57:57# I'm in charge of this here match
0:57:57 > 0:57:59# With whistle, notebook and stopwatch
0:57:59 > 0:58:01# And I'll keep you up to scratch
0:58:01 > 0:58:03# Cos I'm the referee
0:58:03 > 0:58:07# Which side are you on, which side are you on
0:58:07 > 0:58:08# Which side are you on...
0:58:08 > 0:58:10# 20 years of dedication
0:58:10 > 0:58:12# Training hard to face the nation
0:58:12 > 0:58:14# Learning rules with application
0:58:14 > 0:58:17# That's what makes a referee
0:58:17 > 0:58:20# Which side are you on, which side are you on
0:58:21 > 0:58:23# If my notebook I display
0:58:23 > 0:58:25# You will soon be on your way
0:58:25 > 0:58:28# Remember if you want to play
0:58:28 > 0:58:29# That I'm the referee
0:58:29 > 0:58:31# Which side are you on
0:58:31 > 0:58:33# Which side are you on
0:58:33 > 0:58:35# Which side are you on
0:58:35 > 0:58:37# Tolerating aggravation
0:58:37 > 0:58:39# And preventing altercation
0:58:39 > 0:58:41# Cutting short procrastination
0:58:41 > 0:58:43# That's what makes a referee
0:58:43 > 0:58:47# Which side are you on, which side are you on... #
0:58:47 > 0:58:48- Cheers, King.- Cheers, mate.
0:58:53 > 0:58:55Still got to drink, ain't he?
0:58:57 > 0:58:58That's beautiful.