Part 3

:00:11. > :00:16.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING now, sit up straight, and welcome

:00:16. > :00:22.one of Britain's finest, who will be giving you all the relief you

:00:22. > :00:32.need, so go ape for the beautiful, gorgeous, super, smashing great,

:00:32. > :00:49.

:00:49. > :00:51.Hello, and welcome back to BBC1. This is it, it's going to be huge.

:00:51. > :00:56.I will tell you why, because I am presenting this part of the show

:00:56. > :01:01.with someone who in the last 48 hours has become a national hero.

:01:01. > :01:05.He endured a week of hell for Sport Relief. He pushed his body to

:01:05. > :01:10.breaking points, cycling, rowing and running from par toys Londonen

:01:10. > :01:16.-- from par toys London. -- from Paris to London. 295 miles under

:01:16. > :01:24.his own steam. Let's look at how he got on.

:01:24. > :01:32.That's it. Get the miles done. I have massively underestimated this.

:01:32. > :01:42.Massively. The one I am worried about is John. One hour's sleep and

:01:42. > :01:48.

:01:48. > :01:53.he is now in the boat. something's in my way and the end

:01:53. > :01:59.result is worth having, then I am not prepared to stop. Ow!

:01:59. > :02:05.I am so proud of him. So proud. is raising a lot of money, putting

:02:05. > :02:11.himself through hell. He is still my dad, but he is like a national

:02:11. > :02:16.hero now. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.

:02:16. > :02:26.Whatever you are here in the studio or on the sofa at home, please be

:02:26. > :02:29.

:02:29. > :02:39.upstanding for the legend that is John Bishop!

:02:39. > :03:05.

:03:05. > :03:14.# You'll never walk alone John Bishop everybody! Thank you.

:03:14. > :03:22.Now... I have to be honest, has everyone seen... Thank you, thank

:03:22. > :03:27.you. It's a lovely moment, but there's a lot of people in here

:03:27. > :03:31.sharing with baubles on their head. I feel I have walked into the

:03:31. > :03:35.biggest hen-do ever. It's a little like that. I am sure I am not the

:03:35. > :03:42.only person who watched last night and by the end I was in tears. It

:03:42. > :03:46.was the most incredible thing to have seen and the most incredible

:03:46. > :03:52.thing to have done. What was it that made you do it and take on

:03:52. > :03:56.such a huge task? Well, basically it's because you get the

:03:56. > :04:00.opportunity to do it. I mean, we had a conversation about stuff with

:04:00. > :04:03.Sport Relief and one thing led to another and they presented this and

:04:03. > :04:07.it's not about the show or anything like that. It's about the fact that

:04:07. > :04:11.people in the UK are unique. They will give to a charity. If someone

:04:11. > :04:15.comes up to you and says all we need to do is lend your body and

:04:15. > :04:18.your face for a bit, make you do something you don't want to do but

:04:18. > :04:24.at the end someone you have never met before will have a better life,

:04:24. > :04:31.it's hard to say no, isn't it? APPLAUSE. You certainly lent your

:04:31. > :04:38.body. What was the hardest part? What was the hardest part of the

:04:38. > :04:42.week, the bit you remember as the toughest? The hardest part was, I

:04:42. > :04:47.missed penalties in the Carling Cup final, but they had to go to France.

:04:47. > :04:52.I believe we won, yeah. And then I had to have 24 hours in France,

:04:52. > :04:55.which is full of French people, I don't know if anyone has ever been

:04:55. > :05:01.there, that was tough. Next year Sport Relief needs to devote some

:05:01. > :05:06.money towards making the French people cheer up. When you fell on

:05:06. > :05:09.your bike and he called you an idiot. He said something in French,

:05:09. > :05:13.I fell off because I was trying to do that bit where you balance on a

:05:13. > :05:16.bike and I have clips in and I could feel myself falling and

:05:16. > :05:20.there's a camera crew there. The one moment in your life in showbiz

:05:20. > :05:28.and you think I don't want a camera pointing at me! I fell on the floor

:05:28. > :05:32.and there was a bus stop of old women went mm! What's the reaction

:05:32. > :05:37.been like since you have come back? We had a drink in a pub a couple of

:05:37. > :05:40.weeks ago and every four minutes people were coming up going,

:05:40. > :05:46.amazing thing you did. That was before it aired last night. What's

:05:46. > :05:50.it opinion like today? They were coming up going love Gavin and

:05:50. > :05:54.Stacey. It's been brilliant. What happened is when I did it, the

:05:54. > :05:59.first bit was in France. Then we did the row, which by far was the

:05:59. > :06:03.hardest bit and if it hadn't been for Freddie, Denise and Davina and

:06:03. > :06:06.Mike I would never have got through that. I started in England, the run

:06:06. > :06:08.in England, I didn't even know anyone knew anything about it

:06:08. > :06:12.because we were living in a bubble and people are beeping horns,

:06:12. > :06:15.giving us money in the streets. It was amazing and the goodwill that's

:06:15. > :06:18.been generated since has been staggering. You say the money that

:06:18. > :06:24.we have generated has been staggering, you don't know the

:06:24. > :06:29.figure, do you? I don't. I never even watched the documentary.

:06:29. > :06:34.true, he did a gig at the comedy store. He said I don't want to sit

:06:34. > :06:37.on my own in a hotel room crying. It's too emotional, some of the

:06:37. > :06:40.lads are here, and the doctor who got us through, it's probably

:06:41. > :06:46.something I am not ready to see. Hopefully you are ready to see this.

:06:46. > :06:56.Let's look and find out exactly how much you raised for Sport Relief. I

:06:56. > :07:06.

:07:06. > :07:16.can now reveal that the total for John Bishop's Week of Hell is an

:07:16. > :07:30.

:07:30. > :07:37.incredible �3.412,261. APPLAUSE AND I genuinely, to everyone in the

:07:37. > :07:39.room I don't know what to say. To people at home I have to say thank

:07:39. > :07:43.you. When we did this and I went over to Sierra Leone we were

:07:43. > :07:48.talking about trying to raise money for a vaccine, it's �5 for a

:07:48. > :07:55.vaccine. If you relate that, �1 million is 2 hundred,000 kids,

:07:55. > :08:00.that's two Wembleys, six Wembleys full and a couple at love fuss road

:08:00. > :08:03.-- Loftus Road. You know what I mean. It's... I am speechless. It's

:08:03. > :08:07.took everything away that I have got. Honestly, can I just say thank

:08:07. > :08:10.you for those people who donated and continue to donate. That is

:08:10. > :08:15.just beyond anything I could have possibly dreamed of. It's an

:08:15. > :08:19.incredible thing. Over �1 million of that was raised by Radio One

:08:19. > :08:23.listeners. So, thank you guys. It was absolutely incredible. Now,

:08:23. > :08:27.John, I am right in thinking that this is your first ever go at TV

:08:27. > :08:35.presenting. Yeah. That's true. Don't worry, there is a lot of

:08:35. > :08:43.simple rules that you have to go through. Like don't kick Adele off.

:08:43. > :08:49.AUDIENCE: Oh! The whole nation saw it. I am never

:08:49. > :08:54.going to live it down. I know what it's like. I could have... Well

:08:54. > :08:57.done, you won some Brits. Here is the news, get off! It's an

:08:57. > :09:01.opportunity but for me I got to be honest, I have done my charity bit,

:09:01. > :09:06.now I am looking at my career. This is my chance with me and you to be

:09:06. > :09:10.the new Ant and Dec. We could be the future. We could be the new

:09:10. > :09:14.Krankies. John, I have told you before, I am never going to wear

:09:14. > :09:18.that school uniform again. Here is what's coming up in our part of the

:09:18. > :09:24.show. Coming up on Sport Relief:

:09:24. > :09:33.Absolutely Fabulous. Do you mind not smoking? Just for you, Linford.

:09:33. > :09:43.QI. I loved your impersonation of the back stroke, Stephen. Record-

:09:43. > :09:48.breaker Freddie Flintoff is here. Emily Sande.

:09:48. > :09:58.8 Out of 10 Cats. 4% of male badminton players have suffered a

:09:58. > :10:01.groin injury. The medical term is shuttlecock. And so much more.

:10:01. > :10:05.don't want to miss any of that, do you? The following film takes place

:10:05. > :10:15.in one hour in the only children's hospital in Sierra Leone, I have to

:10:15. > :10:23.

:10:23. > :10:33.warn you, this is a tough watch. Alfa is desperately ill, all his

:10:33. > :10:50.

:10:50. > :11:00.In the next bed there's another baby, critically ill with pneumonia

:11:00. > :11:13.

:11:13. > :11:17.His name is Amadu. Alfa's mum continues her bedside vigil.

:11:17. > :11:27.Suddenly little Amadu's condition becomes critical and the doctors do

:11:27. > :11:39.

:11:39. > :11:49.In the bed opposite Alfa takes a turn for the worse.

:11:49. > :11:57.

:11:57. > :12:03.Both of their boys are on the edge. Alfa's heart fails and he dies.

:12:03. > :12:08.Four minutes later Amadu sadly loses his fight for life.

:12:08. > :12:15.So both mothers lost their sons today.

:12:15. > :12:20.We have to vaccinate and protect more children. We have to stop

:12:20. > :12:26.children dying like this. Please help us. Together we can

:12:26. > :12:33.change things. Call 03457 910 910.

:12:34. > :12:38.Or donate online. Thank you.

:12:38. > :12:42.There's a �5 vaccination which might have saved those little boys'

:12:42. > :12:47.lives. Help us to help other mums stop going through that nightmare.

:12:47. > :12:50.It's just �5. Please. All it takes, five quid. If you are sat at home

:12:50. > :12:55.and thinking you will phone newspaper a minute or tomorrow or I

:12:55. > :12:58.will see what's coming on next, don't wait. Pick up the phone. We

:12:58. > :13:03.are lucky we live in a country where that wouldn't happen but it's

:13:03. > :13:05.a small world. They're people on the other side of the road. If

:13:05. > :13:09.someone said to you on the other side of the road someone's going to

:13:09. > :13:13.die if you don't give �5 you would give it and those mothers, they

:13:13. > :13:18.don't love their kids any less than we love our kids. Or you love your

:13:18. > :13:26.kids. So please pick up the phone and make a donation. Call 03457 910

:13:26. > :13:34.910. Thank you. OK, James, what's up

:13:34. > :13:40.next? What happens if you get Kate Mosse, Stella McCartney, David Haye

:13:40. > :13:46.and Colin Jackson with Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley? I don't

:13:46. > :13:56.know but it sounds Absolutely Fabulous. Yes, it's Absolutely

:13:56. > :14:03.

:14:03. > :14:05.Well, here, Bemma Bunton. a little Sporty Reliefy charity

:14:05. > :14:07.I'm just going to settle her into that.

:14:07. > :14:09.And then I'll come here for the meeting. For the meeting?

:14:09. > :14:12.For the meeting, darling. I told you about the meeting.

:14:12. > :14:14.The meeting with Stella McCartney, darling,

:14:14. > :14:15.and Kate Moss and David Gandy.

:14:15. > :14:18.Meeting? Yeah, meeting, darling.

:14:18. > :14:21.For the feature for the magazine. I sent you that idea. All right?

:14:21. > :14:23.You know, like sport is the new rock'n'roll.

:14:24. > :14:27.Stella's clothes with Kate and David. And a meeting?

:14:27. > :14:29.And a meeting. Yes, darling.

:14:29. > :14:31.Well, they won't come if they think- it's me, will they?

:14:32. > :14:34.But I can just appear. I'll come by and, like, "Hey, hey.

:14:35. > :14:37."I've just been doing this Sporty Relief for charity thing."

:14:37. > :14:41.Stella will think, "Ooh, she's kind- of cool and give me free clothes."

:14:41. > :14:42.Yeah, at the meeting.

:14:42. > :14:46.What?

:14:46. > :14:48.B-B-Bemma? You're unbelievable.

:14:48. > :14:51.Even when it's for charity, you're on the make.

:14:51. > :14:53.Anyway. Come on. Have you got your track suit?

:14:53. > :14:55.Yeah, I've got a track suit.

:14:55. > :14:57.I'll see you in a minute. At the meeting. Let me know when they come.

:14:57. > :14:58.At the meeting? Yeah.

:14:58. > :15:00.At the meeting with...Stella.

:15:00. > :15:03.St... A meeting with Stella.

:15:03. > :15:06.With Stella and... Eddy, who are the others?

:15:07. > :15:09.OK. Let's get the both of you going.

:15:09. > :15:11.Both?

:15:11. > :15:13.Yes, both.

:15:13. > :15:15.Yeah but I can't get sweaty - I've got a meeting.

:15:15. > :15:17.Emma, I know you're fit but how about your friend here?

:15:17. > :15:20.Oh, no. She's not my friend.

:15:20. > :15:21.How fit are you?

:15:21. > :15:22.Who the hell are you?

:15:22. > :15:24.Erm...I'm Colin Jackson.

:15:24. > :15:26.THE Colin Jackson.

:15:26. > :15:29.Yeah, well, THE Colin Jackson. I'm very fit and I don't need your help.

:15:29. > :15:33.Turn on the telly here.

:15:33. > :15:37.I'm going to get MTV.

:15:37. > :15:40.Fit enough for you? You haven't even turned the machine on yet.

:15:40. > :15:49.Ah! Ah! Ahhh!

:15:49. > :15:52.Do you want to do some jogging? I AM jogging. No, you're not.

:15:52. > :15:54.SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

:15:54. > :15:57.I will keep going.

:15:57. > :15:59.Just remember, it's to encourage people.

:15:59. > :16:02.Now, come on. I know you can last five minutes.

:16:02. > :16:04.You can do it for five minutes?

:16:04. > :16:07.Yeah, I can... I'll do it. I can do it.

:16:07. > :16:09.I'll keep going. I can do it.

:16:09. > :16:11.Look at you!

:16:11. > :16:15.Fat, fat, fat, lazy, lazy woman.

:16:15. > :16:22.Need a machine to move our fat, fat, lazy, lazy legs?

:16:22. > :16:27.You have to pay someone to shout at her, "Feel the burn!"

:16:27. > :16:30.Why don't you pick up the hoover now and then?

:16:30. > :16:34.Do something useful with that fat body of yours.

:16:34. > :16:38.Fat, fat, lazy woman.

:16:38. > :16:42.SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

:16:42. > :16:45.Lazy woman.

:16:45. > :16:47.Oh, my head is swimming. Are you all right?

:16:47. > :16:49.I didn't think it was biologically possible to be that unfit!

:16:49. > :16:53.# Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, like Jagger

:16:53. > :16:56.# I don't need to try to control you

:16:56. > :16:58.# Yeah... #

:16:58. > :17:07.Sweetie.

:17:07. > :17:09.# I've got the moves like Jagger

:17:09. > :17:15.# I've got the mo-o-o-o-oves like Jagger. #

:17:15. > :17:23.SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

:17:23. > :17:28.Oh, not another one! What now? What?

:17:28. > :17:30.Linford, give her a good workout!

:17:30. > :17:32.I'm going to go and stretch.

:17:32. > :17:34.Well, you need to.

:17:34. > :17:36.How's your muscle tone? It's good. It's good.

:17:36. > :17:39.It's in there, it's in there. Feel it!

:17:39. > :17:41.I think we'll have to start you gently. Yeah, start gently.

:17:42. > :17:45.Darling, what are you doing here? They won't be here for a while yet.

:17:45. > :17:51.Hello! Do you mind not smoking? Oh, just for you, Linford.

:17:52. > :17:55.Lovely shoulder. It's pretty nice, isn't it, sweetheart?

:17:55. > :18:02.Have a sip of something, darling.

:18:03. > :18:04.I've got a sore shoulder. You need to concentrate.

:18:04. > :18:08.Positive mental attitude. No. I don't see the point, you see.

:18:08. > :18:11.You're not concentrating.

:18:11. > :18:19.Here, Linford, Linford. I'm concentrating. I'm concentrating.

:18:19. > :18:22.Darling, you should be upstairs waiting in case they arrive.

:18:23. > :18:26.Oh, must I? Darling, I'm not doing this for charity, am I?

:18:27. > :18:31.Get some champagne and nibbles in.

:18:31. > :18:37.Darling, remember, Stella doesn't eat fur.

:18:37. > :18:41.Have we met before? Yeah, I'm Patsy Stone. Patsy. Pats. Pats.

:18:41. > :18:45.Pat. Pa. Pa. P.

:18:45. > :18:49.This is Kate. Kate. Hi. Just Kate.

:18:49. > :18:51.Who in the world doesn't know who you are, Kate?

:18:51. > :18:54.The amount of time you've been around. What?

:18:54. > :18:57.Well, you're just like me, Kate. Us 39ers must stick together.

:18:57. > :19:00.39ers?!

:19:00. > :19:04.This is David. Hi, David. Hi. Hey, Pats.

:19:04. > :19:06.I think we've met before, no?

:19:06. > :19:11.I don't know but I've carried your pants in my last two issues.

:19:11. > :19:14.Hey, we really loved the idea about- the feature.

:19:14. > :19:16.Feature?

:19:16. > :19:21.It's a great idea. Amazing. Brilliant.

:19:21. > :19:25.The Olympians and Kate? It's a great idea. So good.

:19:25. > :19:29.Well, cheers. Thanks a lot.

:19:29. > :19:32.Just don't bring that friend of yours, Eddy.

:19:32. > :19:35.Eddy? She really twist my melons.

:19:35. > :19:37.But she's...

:19:37. > :19:41.Oh, no!

:19:41. > :19:49.MUSIC: "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor

:19:49. > :19:51.Oh, God!

:19:51. > :19:53.Darling! Pats, are they here? Don't- come, Eddy. Eddy, don't come.

:19:53. > :19:57.What?

:19:57. > :19:59.You're actually a really good boxer, Emma. I'm a big fan.

:19:59. > :20:01.Oh, thanks!

:20:01. > :20:03.I love boxing!

:20:03. > :20:05.Just pretend boxing, though. Just pretend.

:20:05. > :20:11.I can't imagine myself in the ring with you! Oh, I can!

:20:11. > :20:14.Look at you and your powder puff boxing.

:20:14. > :20:18.Go on, hit it!

:20:18. > :20:23.Steady, ladies! Steady!

:20:23. > :20:26.I can't go to hospital, I've got a meeting.

:20:26. > :20:29.I've got a meeting.

:20:29. > :20:31.Stella! Stella! Stella!

:20:32. > :20:36.Who is that? Isn't that your friend?- I never saw her before in my life.

:20:36. > :20:38.Another round, please.

:20:38. > :20:42.Pat! Pat!

:20:42. > :20:52.MUSIC: "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor

:20:52. > :20:58.

:20:58. > :20:58.That's

:20:58. > :20:58.That's weird,

:20:58. > :21:03.That's weird, last

:21:03. > :21:08.That's weird, last time I went to the gym I got knocked out bay Spice

:21:08. > :21:12.Girl as well. You can download the making of that sketch right now. If

:21:12. > :21:16.you think that's the only comedy tonight, we also have Jimmy and the

:21:17. > :21:23.boys together for 8 Out of 10 Cats. An exclusive question of sport and

:21:23. > :21:27.there is a dream come true for me and men of a certain age, there is

:21:27. > :21:32.two Sue Barkers. And Stephen Friday will be here with a special episode

:21:32. > :21:39.of QI. Before all that, let me remind you of the phone number.

:21:39. > :21:42.It's 03457 910 910. I have to be honest, if you are - I

:21:42. > :21:46.feel grubby doing that, the only people that remind people of phone

:21:46. > :21:51.numbers at this time of night are normally on babestation, this could

:21:51. > :21:55.be a version of babestation, we could do blokestation. Blokes in

:21:55. > :22:05.sheds going, come on, give us a ring. I will tell you how to fix

:22:05. > :22:06.

:22:06. > :22:10.your engine. 03457 910 910! I am not wearing safety goggles. If you

:22:11. > :22:15.can prise the computer away from your kids you can also donate on

:22:15. > :22:20.the web. Failing that, you can also take money to any bank, building

:22:20. > :22:29.society or your local post office. You can even write a cheque made

:22:29. > :22:34.payable to Sport Relief and send it Earlier this year I went to Sierra

:22:34. > :22:44.Leone to see why your money is so desperately needed. It is a tough

:22:44. > :22:58.

:22:58. > :23:02.This one has one of the worst child mortality rates in the world for

:23:02. > :23:05.preventable illnesses like diarrhoea and new pneumonia and

:23:05. > :23:09.this hospital is on the frontline of a very unfair fight.

:23:09. > :23:17.This is the first point of call for the parents with some of the

:23:17. > :23:26.sickest children, as you can see. There's some desperate cases.

:23:26. > :23:31.You can hardly imagine what it feels like do sit and to know that

:23:31. > :23:41.some of the children in here are possibly not going to make it.

:23:41. > :23:47.

:23:47. > :23:57.It's 9am, and already What you're looking at

:23:57. > :24:02.

:24:02. > :24:10.that came in last night They arrived at the hospital

:24:10. > :24:13.It's impossible for any parent to not be here

:24:13. > :24:15.and have your heart ripped out,

:24:15. > :24:19.because there's no parent who can imagine

:24:19. > :24:24.what it's like to lose a child,

:24:24. > :24:29.but to lose it for something that could be prevented.

:24:29. > :24:33.Nadia is here with her daughter.

:24:33. > :24:36.She has severe pneumonia.

:24:36. > :24:40.She has spent every minute of the last 72 hours praying

:24:40. > :24:44.that her child won't end up the same way.

:24:44. > :24:50.This is a scary place to be for any parent.

:24:50. > :24:55.I've got three boys in England, big boys.

:24:55. > :25:05.I've never been scared that they won't survive.

:25:05. > :25:13.

:25:13. > :25:15.And sometimes hope is all there is.

:25:15. > :25:20.One in five children in Sierra Leone don't make it to the age of five.

:25:20. > :25:30.Across the way, another child has become a terrible statistic.

:25:30. > :25:37.

:25:37. > :25:47.This may happen here every day, but the grief is always unbearable.

:25:47. > :25:53.

:25:53. > :25:57.I can't imagine what it must feel like to come...

:25:57. > :26:07.to come and have to take your child home to bury them

:26:07. > :26:09.

:26:09. > :26:15.less than 24 hours after you brought them here.

:26:15. > :26:18.That's how severe this is.

:26:18. > :26:22.That's how close we are to death.

:26:22. > :26:28.And every single child has died from a preventable disease.

:26:28. > :26:38.So please give what you can.

:26:38. > :26:44.

:26:44. > :26:45.Prevention

:26:45. > :26:45.Prevention is

:26:45. > :26:48.Prevention is better

:26:48. > :26:56.Prevention is better than cure. Watching that film there was a

:26:56. > :26:59.moment before the end which I didn't think was included in the

:26:59. > :27:05.film and it was certainly played down, where a mother had been told

:27:05. > :27:12.a child had died and the noise left her that I have never heard in my

:27:13. > :27:17.life and it was the noise of a parent having the soul ripped out.

:27:17. > :27:20.For the sake of a couple of pennies, and if anyone who is present would

:27:20. > :27:29.have done anything to have prevented that we could have done,

:27:29. > :27:39.but it was too late. Right now you can help us prevent this. Please

:27:39. > :27:39.

:27:39. > :32:17.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:32:17. > :32:21.give what you can, while Snow Thank you Snow Patrol. Remember

:32:21. > :32:25.prevention is better than cure. Sport Relief is so committed to

:32:25. > :32:30.this that they're going to spend �5 million of the money raised tonight

:32:30. > :32:35.on vaccines, through the GAVI alliance, global organisation

:32:35. > :32:41.delivering vaccines to children who need it. This could buy a million

:32:41. > :32:46.vaccines. That will save kids' lives and that is because of you.

:32:46. > :32:50.So on behalf of them, thank you. Now, sporting legend Freddie

:32:50. > :32:58.Flintoff holds a couple of unofficial world records, for

:32:58. > :33:03.instance the record for the drunkest anyone has been on the top

:33:03. > :33:09.of an open topped bus. And the record for the shortest pedalo ride

:33:09. > :33:13.ever. He took up the challenge of setting 12 world records in 12

:33:13. > :33:21.hours. I am going to try to break 12 world

:33:21. > :33:26.records in 12 hours. A lot of people have done amazing things,

:33:26. > :33:32.John Bishop, David Walliams, what a man. Over 120 miles in the Thames.

:33:33. > :33:36.What I am going to do, ping myself up in the air, eat muffins. I am

:33:36. > :33:44.putting myself on the line for Sport Relief. The previous record

:33:44. > :33:54.was 70 metres, held by David Hasselhoff. The height now is 90.

:33:54. > :34:10.

:34:10. > :34:20.We don't just want to beat The Hoff, Two seconds short, Fred.

:34:20. > :34:29.

:34:29. > :34:38.What is this one? Fastest toilet. Bit gutted so far. I thought I

:34:38. > :34:47.would have a World Record in the bag by now. I always wanted to be a

:34:47. > :34:57.hot chocolate world record holder. Easy! You needed to do it inside 30

:34:57. > :34:59.

:34:59. > :35:04.seconds. Yeah!

:35:04. > :35:08.Get that! I can't believe it, I am going to be in the big book. This

:35:08. > :35:15.Christmas when my mum buy it is for me I am in the big book. This is

:35:15. > :35:25.the record for the fastest time to eat a a -- muffin. It includes

:35:25. > :35:27.

:35:27. > :35:35.every last crumb. Go! You are doing good. 35 seconds left. Don't forget

:35:35. > :35:44.the crumbs. Oh, no! Where was that muffin from? It was

:35:44. > :35:48.like a brick. The muffin wasn't the right muffin.

:35:48. > :35:54.We have the Sport Relief Facebook page and we are trying to get

:35:54. > :35:59.30,000 lights in an hour. That will help, do it now. OK, we are going

:35:59. > :36:09.to help you with one today. We are going to help you?! I am going to

:36:09. > :36:09.

:36:09. > :36:15.watch it. I am more committed. Three, two, one, go! Oh, Freddie!

:36:16. > :36:19.It's not a good start. Maybe one long piece. Is he allowed to use

:36:19. > :36:29.that? That's unfair. Freddie, use this.

:36:29. > :36:30.

:36:30. > :36:37.That's right it, time is up. What a shame!

:36:37. > :36:43.30,000 lights in an hour. We are up to 27,500 in about 45 minutes. Less

:36:43. > :36:53.than that. 25 minutes. So, hopefully we will double our record

:36:53. > :37:08.

:37:08. > :37:13.tally any minute now. 38. Yes!

:37:13. > :37:22.Hyde Park and he is going to help us out, trying to break 100 metre

:37:22. > :37:32.pedalo dash. I have never been on one of these sober.

:37:32. > :37:32.

:37:32. > :37:38.Five, four, three, two, one! 1.58.6. Yes!

:37:38. > :37:47.Get in there! Thank you. This is the one I wanted, the pedalo was

:37:47. > :37:57.the record I wanted. Trying to break the battery record, it's held

:37:57. > :37:59.

:37:59. > :38:09.The hour is now over, for most lights on a Facebook page. The

:38:09. > :38:11.

:38:11. > :38:17.total in the end was 5 2000. Smashed it!

:38:17. > :38:23.That kiwi fella can have that record, stupid. Please welcome

:38:23. > :38:28.Freddie Flintoff. I am trying to put 44 batteries in my hand in 30

:38:28. > :38:38.seconds, I couldn't do it. Someone's at home in their bedroom

:38:38. > :38:40.

:38:40. > :38:45.putting batteries in their hand. What are you doing with us today?

:38:45. > :38:55.My record. Denise's record, kissing as many people as I can in 30

:38:55. > :39:17.

:39:17. > :39:27.Denise's record was 29. Fred managed 40. It's a new World Record.

:39:27. > :39:27.

:39:27. > :39:31.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Half the people he kissed then were

:39:31. > :39:36.blokes. Part two of the challenge is coming newspaper a moment.

:39:36. > :39:41.Stay tuned to see Gary Lineker and Harry Judd bowling. Alex Jones

:39:41. > :39:48.getting taped to a wall and Fred in his natural habitat, the pub.

:39:48. > :39:51.for another thank you now. Can I help you? I want a pen.

:39:51. > :39:55.have lots of different pens, take your pick. Right. This could be a

:39:55. > :40:01.little bit complicated because I want a pen and this is a pen and

:40:01. > :40:06.this is also a pen. This is a pen and um... You are finding it hard

:40:06. > :40:11.to make your mind up, how about a limited edition Sport Relief. It's

:40:11. > :40:15.only �1, it goes to Sport Relief and all the Ryman staff have been

:40:15. > :40:25.helping to raise money. Staff have been helping add to the amazing

:40:25. > :40:25.

:40:25. > :40:34.total raised. They've been doing a host of activities and. Amazing.

:40:34. > :40:38.How much has it made? O. Around �300. That's an expensive --

:40:38. > :40:43.�300,000. It's a normal pen for everybody. I will take one and

:40:43. > :40:48.thank you for selling them and thank everyone for buying them.

:40:48. > :40:57.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Thankfully you lot at home have

:40:57. > :41:03.taken time off from stealing pens and post-its out of the cupboard at

:41:03. > :41:13.work and headed to Rymans and the staff and customers there have

:41:13. > :41:14.

:41:14. > :41:19.raised an amazing �377,451! APPLAUSE.

:41:19. > :41:24.Superb. Let's see how Fred got on with the second instalment of

:41:24. > :41:29.Flintoff's Record Breakers. Some of the challenges I have been

:41:29. > :41:39.nervous with, but this is the one I fear the most. I used to be a

:41:39. > :41:44.

:41:44. > :41:48.cricketer, so I got to get this one I think the record is ten first in

:41:48. > :41:58.a minute. But they got to be legal deliveries, and looking at some of

:41:58. > :42:00.

:42:00. > :42:10.the lads I am not sure it's going How did we do? A couple of no-balls

:42:10. > :42:25.

:42:25. > :42:29.that didn't count. 19. It's a Go on, Fred!

:42:29. > :42:35.I cannot believe he managed to catch one. That was quite something.

:42:35. > :42:45.How much, 36? In a minute. And we just had a go and it's next to

:42:45. > :42:58.

:42:58. > :43:05.impossible. A great effort. 14.0. It's a new World Record.

:43:05. > :43:11.pleaseded. Thank you very much. the last attempt. I am not feeling

:43:11. > :43:21.confident in this one. Usually I am a positive person and the glass is

:43:21. > :43:25.

:43:25. > :43:33.half full. Go on, Freddie!

:43:33. > :43:40.26.5. Number ten. I am never going in one of these ever again. I am

:43:40. > :43:46.knackered! Thanks, guys. Brilliant. It's got me to double figures. Just

:43:46. > :43:52.shows I am not very good in the mornings.

:43:52. > :44:02.Sorry mate! Amazing when you break a record you are happy, on the

:44:02. > :44:02.

:44:02. > :44:08.flipside when you fail one, it's worse to losing to Australia. QVC,

:44:08. > :44:13.never did I think I would be on here. Anything with food in Andrew

:44:13. > :44:23.will make it. He is now in a perfect job, filling hotdogs with

:44:23. > :44:23.

:44:23. > :44:29.ketchup and mustard. Stop. That one is split through the

:44:29. > :44:39.bottom. The current record was nine to beat. You have equalled the

:44:39. > :44:40.

:44:40. > :44:47.World Record. Get in there! Thank you, Rob. It's got to go on the

:44:47. > :44:57.top? Yeah, after you have rolled it. Come on!

:44:57. > :45:01.

:45:01. > :45:09.It's lively, that sugar. That's five. Oh, Fred! No record for this

:45:09. > :45:14.one, I am afraid, Fred. But well done. 11, one to go.

:45:14. > :45:18.We moved on to the darts challenge. The furtherest away from the board.

:45:18. > :45:28.Would you not believe how much I would love to have a darts board

:45:28. > :45:35.

:45:35. > :45:44.record. I love darts. Getting the elbow a touch higher.

:45:44. > :45:53.Yes! You can have your three point turns,

:45:53. > :45:59.bungees, that's a real sport. Phil The Power Taylor, are you watching

:45:59. > :46:03.son? Just about to go on The One Show and try and break one more

:46:03. > :46:10.record, taping Alex to a wall. I am not that confident about it, but

:46:10. > :46:20.doesn't matter. I am just going to enjoy it. It is the fastest time to

:46:20. > :46:22.

:46:22. > :46:28.duct tape a person to the wall. Hands out. It Hasn't worked. I was

:46:28. > :46:32.trying to get the last piece on this side. I didn't, it fell down.

:46:32. > :46:38.I have come in here, because I am hoping I am going to see Freddie

:46:38. > :46:41.break a World Record, I am I am beginning to think I am an unlucky

:46:41. > :46:51.charm. Every time I have been present it's gone horribly wrong.

:46:51. > :47:05.

:47:05. > :47:15.Hopefully I can break that spell. The record was 51: You managed 52.

:47:15. > :47:30.

:47:30. > :47:35.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. It's time meet the man himself.

:47:35. > :47:45.Ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses for Mr Freddie Flintoff!

:47:45. > :48:09.

:48:10. > :48:13.Freddie Flintoff everybody! Or should I say 14-time World Record

:48:13. > :48:16.holder Freddie Flintoff. I haven't seen Freddie since we got out of a

:48:16. > :48:20.boat in Dover and when we got out of the boat everyone was in bits.

:48:20. > :48:23.Freddie looked like he had just got in it. A natural athlete. But when

:48:24. > :48:30.I saw those things that you were taking on, you were even taking on

:48:30. > :48:34.a World Record held by The Hoff. The sad thing about that was that

:48:34. > :48:38.is a one I wanted, for the reverse bungee and there was a weight limit.

:48:38. > :48:43.We turned up and they put me on the scales and all shaking their heads

:48:43. > :48:47.saying who is going to tell him? He is too heavy. A situation I am all

:48:47. > :48:53.too familiar with. That's the problem with that. Which of the

:48:53. > :48:58.records that you broke was the toughest one? Um... The peas with

:48:58. > :49:03.the cocktail stick was tricky. looked you have to. -- tough. I

:49:03. > :49:06.wanted the pedalo, for obvious reasons, I have a bit of history.

:49:06. > :49:10.To be fair that's cheating because you have had years of training for

:49:10. > :49:14.that. It's the first time I have been on one and can remember. And

:49:14. > :49:19.then the other one I wanted the darts, I love darts. I wanted to be

:49:19. > :49:24.a darts player but I prbt fit -- weren't fit enough. When you got

:49:24. > :49:30.the darts record you said you can take the other sports, the reverse

:49:30. > :49:35.bungee, the cricket, which is essentially what you are amazing at.

:49:36. > :49:40.How did you come up with these World Records and whose idea was it

:49:40. > :49:48.to put the thing together? It was a team effort. It was embarrassing,

:49:48. > :49:53.you have John a comedian, he has done marathons, rowed the Channel,

:49:53. > :49:59.I eat peas. You helped me row the Channel, I would have helped you

:49:59. > :50:03.with those peas. I would have been there for you. I got to ask, your

:50:03. > :50:08.mate with the curly wig. He was there all day, he was running

:50:08. > :50:12.things that's how bad it got. bloke you picked up. I have to tell

:50:12. > :50:15.thu, you don't realise the impact this had on the nation, because I

:50:15. > :50:18.didn't realise that it was that day that you were doing it and it was

:50:18. > :50:21.about half ten in the morning and I got a text and I am sure a lot of

:50:21. > :50:28.people in this country were touched by what you were doing, because I

:50:28. > :50:32.got a text saying Freddie's just broke the World Record for drinking

:50:32. > :50:37.hot chocolate. That's what makes you proud to be British. Freddie,

:50:37. > :50:42.you already hold 14 World Records, we are going to try to make that 15

:50:42. > :50:49.tonight. So, come with me and we are going to give you the chance to

:50:49. > :50:54.hold the World Record for the most balloons popped using your bottom

:50:54. > :51:01.in 30 seconds. I know, this is exciting stuff! So,

:51:01. > :51:07.how many do you think you will do? What's the record? He needs to do

:51:07. > :51:12.at least 20 to be a new record. Well, we have Rob here, who is

:51:12. > :51:16.taking on the Norris role, the official adjudicator. We saw you

:51:16. > :51:21.there with Freddie getting cream on your head, you are not the first

:51:22. > :51:31.bloke to suffer that fate. Sorry, that came out completely wrong.

:51:32. > :51:32.

:51:32. > :51:42.What time is it? We are OK. Rob, I apologise for that, but - I have

:51:42. > :51:47.just been told to do that. Rob, can you - Ant and Dec are safe. Can you

:51:47. > :51:50.briefly explain the rules. Sure, the guidelines for this record,

:51:50. > :51:55.they're straightforward, Freddie has two assistants who can place

:51:55. > :52:00.the balloons on the chair and they koepbl be placed one -- only be

:52:00. > :52:05.placed one at a time. He can use the top of his legs or bum to break

:52:05. > :52:11.the balloons. Freddie f you come around here. We have to turn around

:52:11. > :52:21.and check that you haven't got any sharp items on you at the moment.

:52:21. > :52:25.So, just check the whole... There we go. Hey! We are absolutely fine.

:52:25. > :52:30.Certainly a couple of items in there, I tell you what. After that

:52:30. > :52:36.cream line, we are finished now. It's all over. OK, all right, so,

:52:36. > :52:43.Freddie, are you ready? Yeah. you ready? I am ready. Rob? I am

:52:43. > :52:52.ready. We could make history here live on television OK. APPLAUSE AND

:52:52. > :53:02.CHEERING. You can start with one on. OK, Rob, take it from here. Three,

:53:02. > :53:35.

:53:35. > :53:45.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. We have got to have done that! Hang on. We had

:53:45. > :53:46.

:53:46. > :53:56.to beat 20. Rob, how did we do? It's a new World Record. APPLAUSE

:53:56. > :53:56.

:53:56. > :54:02.AND CHEERING. There it is. 15-times World Record holder. Unbelievable

:54:02. > :54:08.stuff. All right. Now, Freddie, let's find

:54:08. > :54:18.out how much money you raised for Sport Relief. I can now reveal that

:54:18. > :54:32.

:54:32. > :54:42.the record-breakers raised an Ladies and gentlemen, give it up

:54:42. > :54:45.

:54:45. > :54:49.for 15-time World Record holder, Freddie Flintoff!

:54:49. > :54:54.That's the most exercise Freddie's done even when he had a career.

:54:54. > :54:57.Coming up in a moment we have a special round of A Question Of

:54:57. > :55:02.Sport featuring Sue Barker in a way you have never seen her before.

:55:02. > :55:06.mean we are going to see Barker's Barker?

:55:06. > :55:12.I don't even know what that means but probably not. But maybe. I

:55:12. > :55:17.don't know to be fair. All right, now tonight your mobile phone can

:55:17. > :55:27.be a life saver. We have been talking about how important

:55:27. > :55:30.

:55:30. > :55:33.vaccines are and if you donate �10 now by texting "yes" to 70010.

:55:34. > :55:38.Sheer the phone and here is the vaccine. It's now over to you.

:55:38. > :55:42.Please text now. Here is Sir Tom Jones with those important terms

:55:42. > :55:49.and conditions. Texts cost �10 plus a standard network message charge.

:55:49. > :55:59.The whole �10 goes to Sport Relief. For more information and terms and

:55:59. > :55:59.

:55:59. > :56:03.conditions go to bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief. Cheers.

:56:03. > :56:07.Thanks, Sir Tom. It's really that simple T will take you seconds to

:56:07. > :56:11.text. You have been thinking about doing it tonight. Do it now.

:56:11. > :56:15.Because it will change lives. Tonight we have seen a lot of

:56:15. > :56:25.children who are living difficult lives all over the world. They need

:56:25. > :56:28.

:56:28. > :56:30.This hundred-acre rubbish dump is a mess of human, animal

:56:30. > :56:33.And unbelievably, it's also a place of work for hundreds of families.

:56:33. > :56:40.It's overwhelming.

:56:40. > :56:44.The stench for a start, this putrefying smell.

:56:44. > :56:47.it's just inhumane that people are grovelling around in this,

:56:47. > :56:50.trying to find scraps and bits of plastic or whatever,

:56:50. > :56:54.just to exist, basically.

:56:54. > :57:04.The most appalling thing I think I've ever seen.

:57:04. > :57:06.

:57:06. > :57:09.Welcome to Hell.

:57:09. > :57:12.Yet for hundreds of desperately poor children,

:57:12. > :57:20.scavenging other people's unwanted rubbish to sell is the only way they can survive.

:57:20. > :57:24.You can imagine some of the stuff that's in here - medical waste,

:57:24. > :57:29.needles - it's just so dangerous. So dangerous.

:57:29. > :57:35.No human being should go through this, let alone small children.

:57:35. > :57:40.Children like eight-year-old Mahabu. He's worked here his whole life.

:57:40. > :57:50.He doesn't go to school. And he's in constant danger.

:57:50. > :57:59.

:57:59. > :58:09.For Mahabu, working here is a life sentence.

:58:09. > :58:19.

:58:19. > :58:20.They're like four and five, these kids.

:58:20. > :58:25.They should be starting school now.

:58:25. > :58:27.And they're here, just sifting through filth.

:58:27. > :58:34.They're even picking it up andeating it, because they're starving.

:58:34. > :58:44.Just think every kid's entitled to a childhood.

:58:44. > :58:45.

:58:45. > :58:46.Sport Relief wants to reach out to kids like Mahabu,

:58:46. > :58:48.to get them into schools, and educated,

:58:48. > :58:54.so they never have to work in a place like this.

:58:54. > :58:56.It's just harrowing, it's horrific. And it's got to stop.

:58:56. > :59:03.It costs just �10 to send one ofthese children to school for a month.

:59:03. > :59:06.They get education, books, and a uniform.

:59:06. > :59:11.A tenner, for a future.

:59:11. > :59:14.What's he, three years old, this little one?

:59:14. > :59:16.Off to work. Off to work, yeah.

:59:16. > :59:20.But we can't change this without your money.

:59:20. > :59:25.So to all the mums, to all the parents, please think of these kids

:59:25. > :59:29.when you're feeding your own child tonight or tucking them into bed.

:59:29. > :59:32.Please help us make a change.

:59:32. > :59:37.Please pick up your phones - and do it now, while you can see this.

:59:37. > :59:40.We can make a real difference. We can change it.

:59:40. > :59:50.Please be the shoulder these kids can lean on.

:59:50. > :59:55.

:59:55. > :59:56.It

:59:56. > :59:57.It is

:59:57. > :00:02.It is simple

:00:02. > :00:05.It is simple - your money can help get these kids access to the

:00:05. > :00:12.education they so desperately need because that education will give

:00:12. > :00:21.them a chance of a better life. Please send us a text to donate �10,

:00:21. > :00:31.text "yes" to 70010. That will give us a tenner, but it will help

:00:31. > :00:42.

:00:42. > :00:52.change lives. Here with her song # I hope that the world

:00:52. > :00:54.

:00:54. > :01:04.# Stops turning its back # I hope that we can fix

:01:04. > :01:32.

:01:32. > :01:42.# I'm hoping that change # Instead of what we can gain

:01:42. > :02:20.

:02:20. > :02:30.# That a child # How can things be

:02:30. > :02:54.

:02:54. > :03:04.# But it seems like dreams # A night when you turn

:03:04. > :03:04.

:03:04. > :04:04.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:04:04. > :04:12.# I just hope I'm not Thank you. That is what it is all

:04:13. > :04:18.about, hope. Back in the days when Sport Relief was a nervous

:04:18. > :04:21.bystander, there was a veteran on hand to show it the ropes. I am

:04:21. > :04:27.talking about A Question of Sport. They have provided us with more

:04:27. > :04:32.highlights than a footballer's haircut. We have had Chico facing a

:04:32. > :04:39.penalty from Ally McCoist, Bill Beaumont got felt up and Sir Geoff

:04:39. > :04:46.Hurst once stripped off and it has Sue Barker presenting it! She's a

:04:46. > :04:55.filth bag! He's just made that up. There is one thing... Ant and Dec

:04:55. > :04:59.don't do that! There is one thing better than a filthy Sue Barker

:04:59. > :05:06.presenting A Question of Sport... We did so well at the start! We

:05:06. > :05:16.were flying. That's having two Sue Barkers presenting A Question of

:05:16. > :05:21.

:05:21. > :05:31.Hello and welcome who is this getting a special

:05:31. > :05:35.

:05:35. > :05:40.# I fell in love once # But sometimes these feelings

:05:40. > :05:45.# I said, "I must be fine cos my heart's still beating

:05:45. > :05:46.# "Come and kiss me by the riverside"

:05:46. > :05:54.# Yeah, "Bobby says it's fine He don't consider it cheating"

:05:54. > :05:55.# Red hair with a curl

:05:55. > :05:56.# Mellow roll for the flavour And the eyes for peeping

:05:56. > :05:56.# Can't keep away from the girl

:05:56. > :05:57.# These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting. #

:05:57. > :05:59.LAUGHTER

:05:59. > :06:01.Looks like a tough one to me, but I tell you what,

:06:01. > :06:05.I'm lucky tonight, because I have my stunt double with me!

:06:05. > :06:10.And, captains, you will take it in turns to ask questions.

:06:10. > :06:12.Can't answer them.

:06:12. > :06:19.Remember, there could be all sorts of body stuff done and everything.

:06:19. > :06:20.You've got to try...

:06:20. > :06:21.LAUGHTER

:06:21. > :06:24.You've got to try and decide who Barker is.

:06:24. > :06:26.So, Daws, we're going to start with you -

:06:26. > :06:30.have you got a question for our guest, who can nod, yes or no?

:06:31. > :06:36.Yea or nay. Are you a woman?

:06:36. > :06:43.LAUGHTER

:06:43. > :06:46.Oh!

:06:46. > :06:53.Over to you, Tuffers. Are you, erm...British?

:06:53. > :06:55.Yes, British.

:06:55. > :07:00.That don't help much. Why are you writing that down? British!

:07:00. > :07:03.LAUGHTER

:07:03. > :07:07.Do you fancy Sue Barker?

:07:07. > :07:10.LAUGHTER

:07:11. > :07:12.You'd better say yes.

:07:12. > :07:14.I can't begin to tell you,

:07:14. > :07:18.my wildest dreams of seeingtwo Sue Barkers have just come true.

:07:18. > :07:23.Your nightmares, you mean. OK, over to you, Tuffers.

:07:23. > :07:25.Are you older than Matthew Dawson?

:07:25. > :07:28.What if he doesn't know the answer.

:07:28. > :07:31.I'm late 30s, ish!

:07:31. > :07:32.So am I!

:07:32. > :07:37.LAUGHTER

:07:37. > :07:45.So you're older than that? You're older than late 30s? No!

:07:45. > :07:48.Younger. He's younger. It's that mask that don't do you any favours!

:07:48. > :07:52.LAUGHTER

:07:52. > :07:55.You'll keep.

:07:55. > :08:01.Go for that. Are you still a sportsman?

:08:02. > :08:08.No. Retired. Retired? And younger than you, Daws.

:08:08. > :08:11.Retired younger than me? Did you play with balls?

:08:11. > :08:14.LAUGHTER

:08:14. > :08:20.A ball sport? No. Oooh.

:08:20. > :08:22.Have you been a world champion?

:08:22. > :08:26.Ooh-ooh!

:08:26. > :08:28.World champion.

:08:28. > :08:30.World champ, British, under 30-odd, retired.

:08:30. > :08:31.World champ?

:08:31. > :08:33.Not ball sports. Got to be boxing, hasn't it?

:08:33. > :08:43.Did you compete as an individual in your sport? Individual.

:08:43. > :08:45.Do you like Guinness?

:08:45. > :08:49.LAUGHTER

:08:49. > :08:54.LAUGHTER

:08:54. > :08:55.He couldn't resist it!

:08:55. > :09:04.All of a sudden, started moving. "Guinness, get me some Guinness!"

:09:04. > :09:06.Do you both know who it is? Yes.

:09:06. > :09:10.I think we've got a fair idea. Ricky Hatton. Ricky Hatton.

:09:10. > :09:13.Is it Ricky Hatton? Will you reveal who you are?

:09:13. > :09:21.Come on, the Hattster!

:09:21. > :09:24.APPLAUSE

:09:24. > :09:30.You've got eye make-up on, be careful. It was hot in there!

:09:30. > :09:36.I think I'm about a featherweight, now. Nice silk blouse. Yeah!

:09:36. > :09:37.I must admit, is the first time I've looked in the mirror

:09:38. > :09:39.and literally fancied myself.

:09:39. > :09:42.LAUGHTER

:09:42. > :09:45.A big thank you to Ricky and well done to both teams.

:09:45. > :09:47.If you are watching at home and you haven't already donated,

:09:47. > :09:49.there is still time.

:09:49. > :09:52.Remember that 50% of the money raised for Sport Relief

:09:52. > :09:56.will be spent in the UK, so do give generously.

:09:56. > :09:59.Thank you to Ricky and our teams, from us, here, bye-bye.

:09:59. > :10:09.APPLAUSE

:10:09. > :10:12.

:10:12. > :10:12.There

:10:12. > :10:12.There you

:10:12. > :10:18.There you go,

:10:18. > :10:22.There you go, Ricky Hatton looking more scary than Sue Barker! I'm not

:10:22. > :10:27.going to take the mickey out of Ricky Hatton dressed in a girl's

:10:27. > :10:33.blouse because he is still hard! So, moving on from one big girl's

:10:33. > :10:39.blouse to another, Jimmy Carr will be bringing us 8 Out of 10 Cats

:10:39. > :10:45.shortly. Now, when I was 11, my dad went to be a stretcher-bearer in

:10:45. > :10:50.the Gulf War. We were lucky. Thousands of war veterans aren't

:10:50. > :10:53.quite so lucky. I'm not talking about physical injury, post-

:10:53. > :11:03.traumatic stress disorder can strike at any time. It can take

:11:03. > :11:05.

:11:05. > :11:10.years to diagnose and it can tear Not flashbacks

:11:10. > :11:12.And he told me that he sees black cats or something

:11:12. > :11:16.following him.

:11:16. > :11:19.Everybody thinks PTSD, the adrenaline going out there,

:11:19. > :11:21.you're fighting and sorting this out

:11:21. > :11:25.and flying around in helicopters. It's not.

:11:25. > :11:29.We were moving through villages and we had to dig holes

:11:29. > :11:31.to put the dead women and children in.

:11:31. > :11:34.We went to a flat and found a young woman,

:11:34. > :11:38.and she tried to kill herself and she shot herself through here,

:11:38. > :11:43.and the bullet came out there, but she was still living.

:11:43. > :11:46.And it was something like that, which gave me nightmares for months.

:11:46. > :11:48.One night, I came downstairs checking on him.

:11:48. > :11:51.And he was just sat in the middle of the floor,

:11:51. > :11:53.nothing on, no telly on or nothing.

:11:53. > :11:55.And he was just rocking.

:11:55. > :11:57.And I sat beside him, and he was rocking and crying

:11:57. > :12:00.and he didn't know who I was, didn't know where he was.

:12:00. > :12:02.He was scared.

:12:02. > :12:12.That was... Excuse me.

:12:12. > :12:13.

:12:13. > :12:18.I remember certain smells and Istarting really hearing a high echo.

:12:18. > :12:20.Your head starts banging.

:12:20. > :12:23.The tremors overtake the whole body.

:12:23. > :12:23.Smells would set me off.

:12:23. > :12:28.Diesel fuel.

:12:28. > :12:29.High female screaming.

:12:29. > :12:34.You think, I'm losing my mind.

:12:35. > :12:38.It's like looking at a ghost of somebody that used to be there.

:12:38. > :12:42.When he was away working, it was actually better

:12:42. > :12:46.than when he was here, because he might as well have not been here.

:12:46. > :12:48.People didn't want to be around me.

:12:48. > :12:50.That's the only way to put it.

:12:50. > :12:53.I suppose walking around the house as aggressive as I was

:12:53. > :12:56.coming across at the time, I think Jamie might

:12:56. > :12:58.have been scared of me.

:12:58. > :12:59.I was a bit frightened sometimes,

:12:59. > :13:03.because he'd be really angry and snappy and vicious.

:13:03. > :13:04.It all just went.

:13:04. > :13:14.And it was just basically like having a shadow here.

:13:14. > :13:15.

:13:15. > :13:16.Your money pays for projects

:13:16. > :13:19.that offer war veterans like Peter a safe haven

:13:19. > :13:23.and somewhere to start rebuilding their lives.

:13:23. > :13:27.I believe Combat Stress put me on a platform to get back on my feet.

:13:27. > :13:31.And basically gave me a bit of pride back.

:13:31. > :13:33.Something for me to work on.

:13:33. > :13:36.At the end of the day, if he starts getting ill again,

:13:36. > :13:37.we know where to go now.

:13:37. > :13:41.It's one phone call and he's sorted.

:13:41. > :13:43.Peter isn't alone.

:13:43. > :13:46.Two in ten veterans who fought Iraq and Afghanistan

:13:46. > :13:56.now suffer from mental health problems.

:13:56. > :13:57.

:13:57. > :14:00.To help support people like Peter and his family, please call...

:14:00. > :14:02.Or go online and give what you can.

:14:03. > :14:12.Thank you.

:14:12. > :14:12.That

:14:12. > :14:12.That support

:14:12. > :14:16.That support is

:14:16. > :14:21.That support is a life-saver. Half of the money that you donate will

:14:21. > :14:25.be spent here in the UK. �100 trains a welfare officer who can

:14:25. > :14:29.work with veterans and help them overcome their traumatic

:14:29. > :14:36.experiences. I'm not asking you to pay the whole �100, but if you are

:14:36. > :14:41.you could all text in now. We would be so grateful. Time to say another

:14:41. > :14:48.thank you. There's been some stunning Sport Relief stuff on TV

:14:48. > :14:55.Sport Relief Does Glee Club to Let's Dance For Sport Relief. Let's

:14:55. > :15:05.take a look at some of Let's Dance's highlights. You were

:15:05. > :15:12.

:15:12. > :15:22.amazing! It was physical poetry. Great! West End hit! You have made

:15:22. > :15:22.

:15:22. > :15:27.my Saturday night a fever! Wow! looked like Ronald McDonald! Hot!

:15:27. > :15:33.One of the best dances I have ever seen on this show. You have still

:15:33. > :15:43.dripping off you! The winner of Let's Dance For Sport Relief is

:15:43. > :15:47.

:15:47. > :15:57.APPLAUSE Last Saturday Rowland Rivron was

:15:57. > :15:58.

:15:58. > :16:08.crowned Let's Dance champion. Let's Dance For Sport Relief has raised a

:16:08. > :16:14.staggering �1,094,940. APPLAUSE An incredible effort. Now, what do you

:16:14. > :16:20.get if you have one Jimmy Carr, add Sean Lock, Jon Richardson, two

:16:20. > :16:23.comedians, a popstar and multiply it by that sexy girl from

:16:23. > :16:33.Countdown? It's an 8 Out of 10 Cats Sport Relief Special. Well done,

:16:33. > :16:43.you win a mug and a chance to come Tonight, on 8 Out Of 10 Cats

:16:43. > :16:48.

:16:49. > :16:58.And facing them tonight. And their team captain -

:16:59. > :17:04.

:17:04. > :17:07.Hello, and welcome to surveys and statistics,

:17:07. > :17:11.Did you know, for example, 14% of people say fishing is a cruel sport,

:17:11. > :17:13.Because although they only have a rudimentary nervous system,

:17:13. > :17:16.fishermen can still feel the cold.

:17:16. > :17:19.LAUGHTER

:17:19. > :17:21.4% of male badminton players have suffered a groin injury.

:17:21. > :17:25.The medical term is shuttlecock.

:17:25. > :17:26.LAUGHTER

:17:26. > :17:30.And Wayne Rooney has a six-year contract with Manchester United -

:17:30. > :17:34.after which it's hoped that he can be released back into the wild.

:17:34. > :17:35.Right, let's get started!

:17:35. > :17:41.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:17:41. > :17:43.And The Winner Is is the name of this round.

:17:43. > :17:47.Here is your first one. Most boring sport.

:17:47. > :17:48.BUZZER

:17:48. > :17:50.All of them. They're fundamentally boring.

:17:50. > :17:53.The only thing that makes sport interesting is the commentators.

:17:53. > :17:56.If you actually watch a sport, it's like...

:17:56. > :17:58.YAWNS

:17:58. > :18:04.IMITATES HIGH-SPEED COMMENTATOR

:18:04. > :18:09.You think, "this is actually exciting. I didn't realise, until you got excited about it."

:18:09. > :18:11.You don't even need to do the rushing around.

:18:11. > :18:13.Cricket is the most boring sport.

:18:13. > :18:15.Rachel, I thought you'd like cricket, because they've basically

:18:15. > :18:18.taken a sport and gone, "How can we get more maths in this?"

:18:18. > :18:21.It's so boring. It can go on for five days and then it's a draw.

:18:21. > :18:23.So you're saying cricket's really boring.

:18:23. > :18:26.Cricket... You realise you're on Countdown. I'm on Countdown, yes.

:18:26. > :18:28.LAUGHTER

:18:28. > :18:31.Just saying. People in glass houses.

:18:31. > :18:32.You can tell cricket's boring, cos even the commentators...

:18:33. > :18:35.Like in football, the most exciting thing that can happen is a goal,

:18:35. > :18:37.and when someone scores a goal, they go "Aaah!"

:18:37. > :18:39.But in cricket, the best thing that can happen is a six, and they go,

:18:39. > :18:41."..that was a six."

:18:41. > :18:43.LAUGHTER

:18:43. > :18:47.My fiance plays cricket, and hehates it. He hates fielding, anyway.

:18:48. > :18:49.Really? Does he wake up and think, "What am I doing today?

:18:49. > :18:52."Ohh, playing cricket." After a year, you'd think, "Maybe I shouldn't be a cricketer."

:18:52. > :18:55.Well, he likes batting. There's batting and there's fielding.

:18:55. > :18:58.But fielding is pretty much just standing.

:18:58. > :19:00.He likes batting, he likes that bit, but he doesn't like the fielding bit?

:19:00. > :19:02.Has he considered tennis? Cos it's basically all batting.

:19:02. > :19:04.LAUGHTER

:19:04. > :19:07.Example. Elliot. I'll call you Elliot for this evening, that's your real name.

:19:07. > :19:09.Most boring sport, what do you think?

:19:09. > :19:13.I'm still upset Rachel's got a fiance. But...

:19:13. > :19:15.I'm not watching Countdown any more.

:19:15. > :19:17.JIMMY LAUGHS

:19:17. > :19:19.Not like that, anyway.

:19:19. > :19:24.LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

:19:24. > :19:26.Curling is boring. Come on, that's sweeping up.

:19:26. > :19:30.It's people with OCD going, "It's not clean. It'll never be clean.

:19:30. > :19:36."Filth! There's filth on everything! In men's eyes, there's filth!"

:19:36. > :19:38.Fishing has got to be up there.

:19:38. > :19:42.Any sport that you can do while you're asleep can't be classified as a sport.

:19:42. > :19:47.Any sport that you listen to on the radio. But the worst of all is golf.

:19:47. > :19:50.The only thing you hear with golf on the radio is...

:19:50. > :19:53.WHOOSH

:19:53. > :19:57.You don't even hear it land! You've got the commentators,

:19:57. > :19:59.and they're whispering, going "He's about to take the shot.

:19:59. > :20:01."It's very important. They need the seven iron."

:20:01. > :20:03.And you're thinking, "You don't need to whisper!

:20:03. > :20:07."They wouldn't let you anywhere near the players. You're the golf commentators."

:20:07. > :20:12.They're probably four miles away in a Travelodge watching it on Sky!

:20:12. > :20:16.The reason they're whispering is they were supposed to check out at 12.

:20:16. > :20:21.LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

:20:21. > :20:27.Golf on the radio is just... OK, so most boring sport. Bowls!

:20:27. > :20:33.Bowls is the right answer.

:20:33. > :20:34.APPLAUSE

:20:34. > :20:37.Obviously, we're not talking about ten-pin bowling.

:20:37. > :20:39.We're talking about the most boring sport being Crown Green Bowls.

:20:39. > :20:42.The most exciting thing that's ever happened in a game of bowls

:20:42. > :20:44.is when someone tested positive for Sanatogen.

:20:45. > :20:47.LAUGHTER

:20:47. > :20:49.It's a great game, bowls.

:20:49. > :20:51.You have to throw the bowl and get it as close to the jack as you can,

:20:51. > :20:55.and then whoever's still alive at the end wins.

:20:55. > :20:59.OK, next question - top sportsperson you'd want to swap lives with.

:20:59. > :21:00.BUZZER

:21:00. > :21:03.Er, any jockey, cos there's no VAT on kids' clothes.

:21:03. > :21:12.LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

:21:12. > :21:15.I think it'd be good to be Tiger Woods for a bit.

:21:15. > :21:19.Yeah. Playa!

:21:19. > :21:22.Yeah, because he's a fantastic golfer, he's rich,

:21:22. > :21:24.and his wife's left him!

:21:24. > :21:30.Doo doo doo! Honk! Honk!

:21:31. > :21:32.No, I think the great thing about Tiger Woods is that he had affairs...

:21:33. > :21:39.Doo doo doo, get on the fun train! Whoo! Whoo!

:21:39. > :21:42.The great thing about Tiger Woods is, he had affairs,

:21:42. > :21:45.he had a few of them with models and porn stars, fair enough,

:21:45. > :21:47.but he also had a lot of affairs with waitresses, so I imagine

:21:47. > :21:50.wherever he goes, he gets brilliant service. Yeah.

:21:50. > :21:53.You want a clue? Usain, could Usain be up there?

:21:53. > :21:56.Usain Bolt? He's a great person to be as well.

:21:56. > :21:59.Everyone loves him.

:21:59. > :22:02.A lot of them, the training and the race and the competitive and the game,

:22:02. > :22:04.it takes over your whole life. You're there for the whole day.

:22:04. > :22:10.He's in and out. Couple of chicken nuggets, 10 seconds, "I'm off."

:22:10. > :22:11.Be exhausting being Usain Bolt.

:22:11. > :22:14.If you had that thing, "Which of us is going to go down the shops?",

:22:14. > :22:18."it's probably you, innit?"

:22:18. > :22:20.Lewis Hamilton? Well, Lewis Hamilton's number seven.

:22:20. > :22:22.Jenson Button's number four.

:22:22. > :22:27.If you're Lewis Hamilton on a race day, I don't imagine that's going to be much fun.

:22:27. > :22:30.People would rumble me if I... "Lewis Hamilton seems to be going round in second."

:22:30. > :22:39.Aaaah! "Indicate, pull out." "That's dangerous, by the way!"

:22:39. > :22:42.I'm going to give you a clue to this. Incredibly posh.

:22:42. > :22:44.Andy Murray.

:22:44. > :22:47.LAUGHTER

:22:47. > :22:50.You can't be posh and Scottish, it's impossible!

:22:51. > :22:51.Zara Phillips?

:22:51. > :22:54.Zara Phillips is the right answer.

:22:54. > :22:58.APPLAUSE

:22:58. > :23:02.Yeah, it's the top sportsperson you'd like to swap lives with, Zara Phillips.

:23:02. > :23:04.Zara Phillips is 13th in line to the throne.

:23:05. > :23:07.She'll be waiting ages - she should just use the one upstairs.

:23:07. > :23:11.BEEPING

:23:11. > :23:13.Well, that sound tells me it's the end of the round and the end of the show,

:23:13. > :23:16.which means the final scores are Sean, Russell and Rachel are tonight's winners with two points!

:23:16. > :23:20.APPLAUSE

:23:20. > :23:26.And finally, how about this for a statistic?

:23:26. > :23:29.Every 20 seconds, a child dies from a disease that could have been prevented with a simple vaccine.

:23:29. > :23:36.You can help change that right now. Call 03457 910 910 or go online to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief

:23:36. > :23:40.and please, give what you can. That's it from us. Good night.

:23:40. > :23:49.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:23:49. > :23:49.This

:23:49. > :23:49.This has

:23:50. > :23:59.This has been

:24:00. > :24:05.

:24:05. > :24:13.This has been the biggest and best Sport Relief. Now, you can own some

:24:13. > :24:21.of it forever! Sport Relief, 2012. Presents... Water heaven, darling.

:24:21. > :24:26.Behind-the-scenes. Miranda... a showbusiness exclusive. I have

:24:26. > :24:36.never been put in that situation before. Absolutely Fabulous. Take

:24:36. > :24:38.

:24:38. > :24:45.one. Oh. Patsy I have known for a while. Strictly Underwater. Oh my

:24:45. > :24:55.God! I can't do it. My underwater dancing is questionable. Bring it

:24:55. > :25:01.

:25:01. > :25:09.on, darling! Plus the best of the rest. Download now.

:25:09. > :25:14.APPLAUSE All of that great stuff is available to buy right now.

:25:14. > :25:18.will get some top notch entertainment by doing that. Can we

:25:18. > :25:22.say a huge thank you to everyone who has helped us raise money this

:25:22. > :25:32.way. We really hope you are enjoying tonight, but here is a

:25:32. > :25:34.

:25:34. > :25:41.film to remind you why we are all Just like any mum, she's trying

:25:41. > :25:44.TRANSLATION: You've got to face not be a coward or run away

:25:44. > :25:48.You've got to be brave and fight for your children,

:25:48. > :25:50.even as a single mother.

:25:50. > :25:55.But her fight is tougher than most.- Her family are really poor,

:25:55. > :25:59.and that means her ten-year-old son- Benjamin spends much of his days

:25:59. > :26:02.collecting other people's waste to make money

:26:02. > :26:10.to support his younger sisters.

:26:10. > :26:14.Oh, look at this!

:26:14. > :26:19.That's horrendous. It's so, so dangerous.

:26:19. > :26:24.All of these big rocks and pieces of masonry could fall on them.

:26:24. > :26:32.Knowing her son has to work like this is heartbreaking for Wana.

:26:32. > :26:36.TRANSLATION: He's only ten, and I worry,

:26:36. > :26:40.because he says to me, "Don't worry, Mum. I'll go and work."

:26:40. > :26:45.He should be studying. I pray for help.

:26:45. > :26:52.It's really hard. You just want him to go to school.

:26:52. > :26:56.Benjamin often misses school to work at the landfill.

:26:56. > :27:00.He's supporting his family because he has no other option.

:27:00. > :27:10.His mum's looking after Benjamin and his sisters alone.

:27:10. > :27:22.

:27:22. > :27:28.No parent would want this for their- child, but there's little choice.

:27:28. > :27:30.Benjamin's taken on the responsibility

:27:30. > :27:35.because there's no-one else to do it.

:27:35. > :27:41.You are having to be like the man of the family? Si.

:27:41. > :27:43.That must be very hard.

:27:43. > :27:44.Si.

:27:44. > :27:54.Aww. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

:27:54. > :27:55.

:27:55. > :27:59.You're a very strong and brave boy,

:27:59. > :28:04.to be looking after your family like that.

:28:04. > :28:10.But he shouldn't have to. And there is an answer to this.

:28:10. > :28:12.Sport Relief support a project here in Lima

:28:12. > :28:14.that helps working kids get off the streets,

:28:14. > :28:18.into education and away from such degrading work.

:28:19. > :28:22.It gives parents financial support and training,

:28:22. > :28:25.so they have better job prospects.

:28:25. > :28:29.This means the whole family has the chance to get out of poverty

:28:29. > :28:31.and make a decent living.

:28:31. > :28:35.Do you know what? Benjamin is a fantastic kid,

:28:35. > :28:39.and the responsibility he's got, as a ten-year-old,

:28:39. > :28:41.it's just...it's just not right,

:28:41. > :28:46.and you can really, really help Benjamin and other kids like him.

:28:46. > :28:49.You can help lift the burden for children like Benjamin

:28:49. > :28:52.and hard-working mums like Wana.

:28:52. > :28:58.Please call and give what you can.

:28:58. > :29:08.They really need your help. Thank you.

:29:08. > :29:32.

:29:32. > :29:38.PIANO PLAYS

:29:38. > :29:41.# She calls out to the man on the street

:29:41. > :29:43.We

:29:43. > :29:48.# "Sir, can you help me?

:29:48. > :29:55.# "It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep

:29:55. > :29:59.# "Is there somewhere you can tell me?"

:30:00. > :30:04.# He walks on, doesn't look back

:30:04. > :30:09.# He pretends he can't hear her. #

:30:09. > :30:10.BABY CRIES

:30:10. > :30:14.# Starts to whistle as he crosses the street

:30:14. > :30:19.# Seems embarrassed to be there

:30:20. > :30:24.# Oh, think twice

:30:24. > :30:30.# Cos it's another day for you and me in paradise

:30:30. > :30:35.# Oh, think twice

:30:35. > :30:38.# Cos it's another day for you

:30:39. > :30:46.# You and me in paradise

:30:46. > :30:56.# Just think about it. #

:30:56. > :31:01.

:31:01. > :31:01.You

:31:01. > :31:02.You can

:31:02. > :31:05.You can do

:31:05. > :31:14.You can do something to help those children and make yourself feel

:31:14. > :31:18.good in if process. To donate �10, text "yes" to 70010. For more

:31:18. > :31:26.information, go to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief.

:31:26. > :31:29.stereotype of your average football fan is a fat, lager-swilling, pie-

:31:29. > :31:39.eating replica shirt-wearing Neanderthal so we sent Gok Wan to

:31:39. > :31:39.

:31:39. > :31:42.I'm here today to meet a bunch of They've been doing a load of

:31:42. > :31:52.for Sport Relief, but your Auntie take to streets

:31:52. > :31:55.

:31:55. > :32:05.OK, girlfriends, tell me where staff and supporters

:32:05. > :32:06.

:32:06. > :32:16.City fans will take part in raffles these outfits are just

:32:16. > :32:16.

:32:16. > :32:21.Ladies, do you feel like you've been These trousers, Ladies' Day,

:32:21. > :32:27.This look is going to be in Paris, Milan and Manchester

:32:27. > :32:37.All that's left to say to all the staff, fans and players

:32:37. > :32:37.

:32:37. > :33:35.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:33:35. > :33:45...the body of a child that came in He arrived at the hospital at 3:00am-

:33:45. > :33:53.

:33:53. > :34:03.It's impossible for any parent 'The awful sound of heartbreak

:34:03. > :34:06.

:34:06. > :34:10.I can't imagine what it must to come and have to take

:34:10. > :34:14.less than 24 hours after you've brought them here.

:34:15. > :34:18.That's how close we are to death,

:34:18. > :34:22.and every single child has died from a preventable disease.

:34:22. > :34:32.So please give what you can.

:34:32. > :34:32.

:34:32. > :36:12.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:36:12. > :36:15.Hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome.

:36:15. > :36:20.Welcome to a special limited-overs edition of QI for Sport Relief.

:36:20. > :36:24.And there's an excited buzz in the stands tonight, so let's tee off.

:36:24. > :36:27.For Jimmy Carr goes...POLITE APPLAUSE

:36:27. > :36:30.Sandi Toksvig goes...THWAP

:36:30. > :36:32.Lee Mack goes...ROAR OF CROWD

:36:32. > :36:36.And Alan Davies goes...PING PONG BALL BOUNCES

:36:36. > :36:41.They're under starters orders, and they're off.

:36:41. > :36:43.In which sport has Britain been the reigning Olympic champion

:36:43. > :36:47.for the past 92 years? JIMMY: Is this something that

:36:47. > :36:50.they've stopped doing? They have now stopped. Is it still tug-of-war?

:36:50. > :36:53.It's tug-of-war, well done, Sandi! Absolutely right.

:36:53. > :36:55.You're winning!

:36:55. > :36:58.She said, "I don't want to do this,- I don't know anything about sport."

:36:59. > :37:01.APPLAUSE

:37:01. > :37:05.What's that question about there's only three sports where you have to go backwards?

:37:05. > :37:08.Tug-of-war, rowing, and I can'tremember the other one. JIMMY: Darts.

:37:08. > :37:11.It's not darts, is it?! You don't do that, do you?!

:37:11. > :37:13.No, cos you've gotta go back...

:37:13. > :37:16.You don't get to the board and then moonwalk back, do you?!

:37:16. > :37:17."I'll have them, thank you."

:37:18. > :37:20.Fencing is a good one, you're bound to go backwards.

:37:20. > :37:22.It has to be that you ONLYgo backwards.

:37:22. > :37:25.JIMMY: Why are you asking us a question you don't know the answer to?!

:37:25. > :37:28.It's very good. I say "how are you?" Does anyone in the audience know?

:37:28. > :37:32.Backstroke! Swimming. Backstroke. Backstroke. Backstroke.

:37:32. > :37:37.High jump is another one. High jump is the answer, I've remembered it now. Hey!

:37:37. > :37:40.It's not remembering when someone else says it!

:37:40. > :37:41.With swimming, you can go...

:37:41. > :37:44.Well, backstroke is... But you're not going backwards -

:37:44. > :37:47.you're going forwards, but you're backwards. That's different.

:37:47. > :37:49.Wow. We're in an ontological world of...

:37:49. > :37:53.But then again you're going forward when you're going backwards in high jump. And rowing.

:37:53. > :37:57.No you're not, you're going backwards. You are. The way on's that way.

:37:57. > :38:00.The cox face the front. Oh, not this one again.

:38:00. > :38:04.Stop it! Stop it, stop it. JIMMY: Only if you tuck it in.

:38:04. > :38:08.Obviously in the coxless pairs, they are both going backwards.

:38:08. > :38:12.That IS a ladies sport.LAUGHTER

:38:12. > :38:15.Can I just say, I loved your impersonation of backstroke,

:38:15. > :38:18.though, Stephen. That was very, very good. What...?

:38:18. > :38:20.SEAN: You're not getting your hands wet!

:38:20. > :38:24."It's all right, I've got a rubber ring."

:38:24. > :38:26.There's that one, the butterfly, as well.

:38:26. > :38:30.Stephen's always the first to be rescued. Exactly.

:38:30. > :38:34.I'd rather be rescued by the man in the chair. Stephen Fry drowned.

:38:34. > :38:37.Anyway. What's the most dangerous sport for American women?

:38:37. > :38:41.Oh, I know this! It's fishing. No. It's cheerleading. Yes!

:38:41. > :38:44.You're right, Sandi, it is cheerleading! Brilliant!

:38:44. > :38:47.Honestly!APPLAUSE

:38:47. > :38:51.Sandi - I have to tell you - Sandi was so nervous about it, she said,

:38:51. > :38:55."Do I have to do the Sport Relief one? Get someone else, I know absolutely nothing about sport."

:38:55. > :38:58.She's winning by miles.

:38:58. > :39:00.It is indeed cheerleading.

:39:00. > :39:03.And when we say injuries, we mean catastrophic injuries - death.

:39:03. > :39:05.That's quite a bad injury. Indeed. Being paralysed for life.

:39:05. > :39:10.They don't usually do it like that though, do they? Oh, they do!

:39:10. > :39:13.The most famous one, wasn'tGeorge W Bush on the team? Very good.

:39:13. > :39:17.And it's here on my card, so it's got to be worth points. He was head cheerleader

:39:17. > :39:20.for his all-boys high school - there he is on the left.

:39:20. > :39:22.LAUGHTER

:39:22. > :39:26.If only there'd been a catastrophic accident. Yes!

:39:26. > :39:28.How many lives would have been saved.

:39:28. > :39:30.APPLAUSE

:39:30. > :39:33.Er, yes. According to the latest figures we could find, in 2002,

:39:33. > :39:37.22,900 children aged 5 to 18 in America

:39:37. > :39:40.were admitted to hospitals for cheerleading injuries.

:39:40. > :39:42.65% of all catastrophic injuries

:39:42. > :39:46.among American sportswomen at schools

:39:46. > :39:48.are created in the act of cheerleading.

:39:48. > :39:52.Is it classed as a sport? Gosh, yes.- Absolutely. They're incredibly fit.

:39:52. > :39:56.Very, very serious about it. They throw themselves around and do all kinds of stuff.

:39:56. > :39:59.It's not just going rah-rah-rah. I throw myself around in the but it's not a sport.bedroom,

:40:00. > :40:03.I'm sure sex is a sport somewhere. Someone trying to make that into a competitive thing.

:40:03. > :40:06.- An Olympic sport? - Cos I'm pretty fast.

:40:06. > :40:09.LAUGHTER By any standards.

:40:09. > :40:12.I think I've got a shot here.

:40:12. > :40:17.So, what was the most popular sport- in Britain until 1835?

:40:17. > :40:20.Is it fishing? No, it wasn't fishing. Fishing is,

:40:20. > :40:25.I believe, still the most popularsport in Britain. Is this spectator sport, or...?

:40:25. > :40:28.Yes, but people could be expert in it, in as much as you can.

:40:28. > :40:32.Chariot racing. Not chariot racing.- Croquet. It involved betting.

:40:32. > :40:35.Horse racing.KLAXON

:40:35. > :40:40.Oh, dear. Like horse racing... I hear that noise in my sleep, now.

:40:40. > :40:43.Because my dreams are wrong.

:40:43. > :40:45.LAUGHTER

:40:45. > :40:49.APPLAUSE

:40:49. > :40:51.That's so sweet. You know what?

:40:51. > :40:55.I've had a few of those, Alan, it's nothing to worry about.

:40:55. > :41:00.Pigeon racing. Not pigeon racing, but you've finally got the right species of animal.

:41:00. > :41:04.Falconry. Is it seagull racing? No!

:41:04. > :41:10.Homing pigeons, what are they...? Not homing pigeons, no. This was banned in 1835. Shooting.

:41:10. > :41:14.Nothing's been banned in the shooting of birds. JIMMY: Oh, cock-fighting!

:41:14. > :41:16.Cock-fighting is the right answer, yeah, that's right.

:41:16. > :41:21.Downing Street had a cockpit, the Palace of Westminster had a cockpit.

:41:21. > :41:25.When you travel round Britain, every pub... Every village, every town. All the pubS...

:41:25. > :41:28.That's right. Cock Inn and so on.

:41:28. > :41:30.LAUGHTER

:41:30. > :41:33.Downing Street? There was one in Downing Street and the Palace of Westminster.

:41:33. > :41:36.It was just a national obsession, cock-fighting.

:41:36. > :41:39.And in fact on Shrove Tuesday, for a fee of what was called one cockpenny,

:41:39. > :41:43.boys could bring their game cocks to school and fight them for the day. And apparently,

:41:43. > :41:45.and I'm reading this with a straight face,

:41:45. > :41:49."a good cocker would think nothing of cleaning his cock's wounded head

:41:49. > :41:51."by sticking it in his mouth and sucking it clean."

:41:51. > :41:54.LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

:41:54. > :41:58.Can we just have a round of applause- for keeping a straight face?

:41:58. > :42:00.APPLAUSE Well done, Stephen.

:42:00. > :42:02.Thank you.

:42:02. > :42:05.So the fact is, cock-fighting was the national sport of Britain

:42:05. > :42:08.up until they banned it. And lastly, my final question,

:42:08. > :42:11.if you want to give a sporting chance to people having a hard time in the UK

:42:11. > :42:14.and across the world, what's the very best thing you can do?

:42:14. > :42:16.Well, the very best thing you can do right now

:42:16. > :42:20.is to call 03457 910 910 and make a donation,

:42:20. > :42:23.or visit bbc.co.uk/sportrelief

:42:23. > :42:27.Go on, be a sport. And tonight, of course, everyone's a winner.

:42:27. > :42:30.So it's goodnight from Sandi, Jimmy, Lee, Alan and me.

:42:30. > :42:32.And I leave you with this thought from Matthew Hansen.

:42:32. > :42:35."It's not the winning that counts, nor the taking part.

:42:35. > :42:45."It's making fun of the little fat kid who always comes in last." Good night.

:42:45. > :42:51.

:42:51. > :42:54.APPLAUSE

:42:54. > :42:55.APPLAUSE Stay

:42:55. > :42:56.Stay tuned

:42:56. > :42:56.Stay tuned because

:42:56. > :43:00.Stay tuned because we

:43:00. > :43:05.Stay tuned because we have a proper filthy Celebrity Juice special

:43:06. > :43:09.coming up, so, mum, go to bed! are nearing the end of our bit.

:43:09. > :43:15.Coming up soon are Paddy Kielty and Fearne Cotton with tonnes more for

:43:15. > :43:20.you to enjoy. Like the Sport Relief Big Hitters, 19 rugby players

:43:20. > :43:24.playing with JLS. I reckon the rugby players will win that one.

:43:24. > :43:28.The Misery Bear challenges Mo Farah to a race but makes time for a

:43:28. > :43:34.drink with Lionel Richie. If that is not enough, we have a Mock The

:43:34. > :43:44.Week Special. Now before we go, it is time to reveal the Sport Relief

:43:44. > :43:51.

:43:51. > :44:01.total. The Sport Relief total so CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:44:01. > :44:06.

:44:06. > :44:13.MUSIC: Firework By Katy Perry.

:44:13. > :44:17.Oh! Thank you, everyone. That is staggering. It will be absolutely

:44:17. > :44:26.brilliant if we could push that up to �50 million. It would be...

:44:26. > :44:36.we get it to 50, we can buy Fernando Torres back! You might

:44:36. > :44:42.

:44:42. > :44:46.only need the �903,000 now! doesn't do that! We are finished! I

:44:46. > :44:51.would love to stay, but I fancy watching the rest of this with a

:44:51. > :44:56.bottle of wine in my pyjamas. Paddy and Fearne are ready to ride

:44:56. > :45:01.this Sport Relief rocket into the early hours. Can I come? No. Sorry.

:45:01. > :45:10.I have told you before, this is a professional relationship!

:45:10. > :45:15.AUDIENCE: Ah! Even if I bring that Krankie school uniform? OK, son.

:45:15. > :45:23.Goodbye, Sport Relief. This is what is coming up later! Coming up:

:45:23. > :45:29.Rugby's big hitters sing with JLS. # Everybody's in love. #

:45:29. > :45:35.Mock The Week: Everything we raise today will go to charity. A

:45:35. > :45:42.lapdancer whose 19 and I'm particularly fond of. A downright

:45:42. > :45:50.dirty Celebrity Juice. Kiss each other for Sport Relief! Argh!

:45:50. > :45:55.Misery Bear meets Mo Farah. That's all coming your way on Sport Relief.

:45:55. > :45:59.It is time for the final splash of the night so please welcome your

:45:59. > :46:08.hosts, they have never felt this way before, and they owe it all to

:46:09. > :46:12.you. # Now I've had the time of my life

:46:12. > :46:16.# No I have never felt like this before

:46:16. > :46:23.# Yes I swear # It's the truth

:46:23. > :46:31.# And I owe it all to you # 'Cos I

:46:31. > :46:41.# Had the time of my life # Had the time of my life

:46:41. > :46:43.

:46:43. > :46:46.# And I owe it all to you # I've been waiting for so long

:46:46. > :46:56.# And I've finally found someone # To Stand By Me

:46:56. > :46:58.

:46:58. > :47:04.# Saw the writing on the wall # And with passion in our eyes

:47:04. > :47:09.# There's no way we could disguise how we feel

:47:09. > :47:13.# So we take each other's hands # You seem to understand the

:47:13. > :47:22.urgency # Just remember!

:47:22. > :47:31.# You're the one thing # I can't get enough of

:47:31. > :47:36.# So I tell you something # This could be love

:47:36. > :47:41.# I've had # The time of my life

:47:41. > :47:44.# And I've never felt this way before

:47:44. > :47:50.# I swear # It's the truth

:47:50. > :48:00.# And I owe it all to you # 'Cos I

:48:00. > :48:08.

:48:08. > :48:15.# Have had the time of my life # And I owe it all to you. #

:48:15. > :48:25.Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Russell Grant! APPLAUSE And

:48:25. > :48:30.

:48:30. > :48:35.Aquabatix. APPLAUSE There they are. And Russell Grant. Russell! You

:48:35. > :48:39.wearing that then? I thought we had agreed we were both going to wear

:48:39. > :48:47.the costumes. I thought you were joking. Thanks(!) Good evening,

:48:47. > :48:50.folks. Thanks for staying up. Oh - there is no point. Thanks for

:48:50. > :48:55.staying up. Don't go anywhere, we have lots of great stuff to come.

:48:55. > :49:04.don't know where to look. We have Mock The Week, Misery Bear with Mo

:49:04. > :49:07.Farah and Lionel Richie. We've got a stand-out performance from Stand

:49:07. > :49:11.Up For Sport Relief. We have a special Sport Relief Celebrity

:49:12. > :49:17.Juice. As you would expect, it is disgusting! That is fantastic. How

:49:17. > :49:23.disgusting is it? It is really disgusting. If you look down at

:49:23. > :49:28.yourself... LAUGHTER It is that disgusting. OK. I thought you meant

:49:28. > :49:37.it was squeaky clean but not much of it! LAUGHTER Remember, we are

:49:37. > :49:47.trying to smash records tonight, so please give what you can. �45

:49:47. > :49:47.

:49:47. > :49:53.million,903,156 is fantastic. It really is. APPLAUSE It is. But we

:49:53. > :50:00.really need more so what we would like you to do is donate �10 to

:50:00. > :50:07.Sport Relief, to change someone's life. So text "yes" to 70010.

:50:07. > :50:10.cost �10 plus your standard network message charge. The full terms and

:50:10. > :50:16.conditions are on bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. That is

:50:16. > :50:22."yes" to save someone's life. Please just text "yes". Fearne,

:50:22. > :50:27.what do you get - I have caught myself on monitor - that is...

:50:27. > :50:33.LAUGHTER What do you get if you take 19 rugby players and put them

:50:33. > :50:37.together with JLS? I have no idea, Paddy, but count me in! Fearne, you

:50:37. > :50:42.are filth! You are the one in a lady's swimming costume on telly.

:50:42. > :50:47.That is a fair point! What you get, though, is the sound of sweet music

:50:47. > :50:51.because this year JLS decided to challenge a group of top rugby

:50:51. > :51:01.players to perform their official Sport Relief song Proud. LAUGHTER

:51:01. > :51:02.

:51:02. > :51:07.Here is how they got on. It is the Pop royalty JLS are challenging

:51:07. > :51:13.# You believe that all that I do is to make you proud. #

:51:13. > :51:15.They've proved they can play.

:51:15. > :51:17.COMMENTATOR: Colin Charvis!

:51:17. > :51:18.Good scoring.

:51:18. > :51:19.Kelly Brown is through.

:51:19. > :51:21.Mike Catt!

:51:21. > :51:23.But can they sing?

:51:23. > :51:26.At a south London rehearsal space, the sportsmen are about to find out,

:51:26. > :51:32.as they arrive to see what JLS have in store.

:51:32. > :51:33.Welcome to our rehearsal space.

:51:34. > :51:35.This is where we rehearse for our tour.

:51:36. > :51:37.We want to set you guys a challenge

:51:37. > :51:39.to see if you can go the extra mile for Sport Relief

:51:39. > :51:43.and see if you can sing our song live on Sport Relief.

:51:43. > :51:45.Obviously, we'll give you a little warm-up at Twickenham,

:51:45. > :51:47.at the Rugby Six Nations.

:51:48. > :51:50.We just want you guys to go on the pitch and sing it before the match.

:51:50. > :51:52.That's not too bad, is it?

:51:52. > :51:54.No.

:51:55. > :51:57.You have to walk out on to Twickenham

:51:57. > :52:00.in front of 82,000 people and sing.

:52:00. > :52:02.Absolutely petrified.

:52:02. > :52:03.You won't be unprepared,

:52:03. > :52:05.because we are going to show you how to do it first.

:52:05. > :52:09.# Made me stronger so I'd rise up

:52:09. > :52:11.# Made my mind up

:52:12. > :52:17.# All that I do is to make you proud. #

:52:17. > :52:19.I think it's a fair assumption

:52:19. > :52:22.that we will never ever get it to JLS's standards.

:52:22. > :52:25.Don't worry, because we've got an incredible vocal coach

:52:25. > :52:26.to help you out.

:52:26. > :52:27.Please give it up for Zoe.

:52:27. > :52:28.Come on, Zoe.

:52:28. > :52:32.I'm going to turn you guys into the best singers you can possibly be.

:52:32. > :52:35.I'd like to hear a little bit of your own national anthem.

:52:36. > :52:40.# God save our gracious Queen

:52:40. > :52:47.# Mae hen wlad fyn hadau yn annwyl i mi. #

:52:47. > :52:49.When you're ready, my love.

:52:49. > :52:52.# Everybody's in love Gonna put your hands up

:52:52. > :52:56.# Put your hands up. #

:52:56. > :52:58.They said to me they were looking for a fifth member.

:52:58. > :53:02.# Oh, Flower of Scotland

:53:02. > :53:07.# When will we see...? #

:53:07. > :53:10.Some are hit-and-miss.

:53:10. > :53:12.But, Kelly, for instance, he wanted to sing.

:53:12. > :53:15.He was like, "Yeah, I'll have a little go.

:53:15. > :53:21."Do I have to? All right."

:53:21. > :53:22.The thing is as well,

:53:22. > :53:25.they're all used to singing their national anthems.

:53:25. > :53:27.Obviously they are singing one of our songs,

:53:27. > :53:28.which is a totally different story.

:53:28. > :53:31.It's going to be tough for them.

:53:31. > :53:33.We are going to leave them in the capable hands of Zoe.

:53:33. > :53:35.She has got her work cut out for her.

:53:35. > :53:42.So, as JLS leave for their tour, the vocal training begins.

:53:42. > :53:52.There's professionals, there's amateurs, and then there's us.

:53:52. > :53:54.

:53:54. > :53:55.Terrible.

:53:55. > :53:56.Yeah, terrible.

:53:56. > :53:58.I'm a little stressed.

:53:58. > :54:03.To say it wasn't quite there is an understatement.

:54:03. > :54:05.We could be making complete fools of ourselves

:54:05. > :54:09.in front of thousands of people.

:54:09. > :54:10.I thought, by and large, I was OK

:54:10. > :54:13.and I thought everyone else was absolutely dreadful.

:54:13. > :54:14.Quite frankly, if they sing it like that,

:54:14. > :54:22.I don't know what's going to happen!

:54:22. > :54:23.Twickenham stadium.

:54:23. > :54:26.England versus Ireland.

:54:26. > :54:29.And the first time that the Sport Relief Big Hitters perform Proud

:54:30. > :54:38.in front of 82,000 people.

:54:38. > :54:39.I'm feeling a bit nervous about singing,

:54:39. > :54:42.because normally when I used to go on the field I knew

:54:42. > :54:43.what I was doing.

:54:43. > :54:45.Mind you, there's no-one trying to kick you when you're singing.

:54:45. > :54:48.I think it's better not to think about it and just do it.

:54:49. > :54:51.Zoe gave a strict orders to not drink and have an early night in.

:54:51. > :54:57.I think some of the boys might have disappointed her.

:54:57. > :54:59.We've rehearsed for this moment coming up.

:54:59. > :55:01.Are we ready?

:55:01. > :55:04.Are we confident?

:55:04. > :55:06.Are we going to be fantastic?

:55:06. > :55:07.Have you been in the pub?

:55:07. > :55:10.Yes!

:55:10. > :55:16.Can you get your t-shirts on?

:55:16. > :55:19.I'm probably more nervous than I would be to play a game of rugby.

:55:19. > :55:24.Gotta go.

:55:24. > :55:26.The biggest part of today is going down that tunnel.

:55:26. > :55:29.It brings about so many memories.

:55:29. > :55:31.You see the England team running back in,

:55:31. > :55:33.and think, "I would love to be there."

:55:33. > :55:39.You get that buzz back again that you so badly missed.

:55:39. > :55:45.It reminds me of things past, and you know you can't have them again.

:55:45. > :55:47.We owe it to all the people who supported us.

:55:47. > :55:54.We owe it to Zoe and JLS to put a good performance in.

:55:54. > :55:59.# Now I'm hoping if you hear this

:55:59. > :56:05.# You believe that all that I do is to make you proud

:56:05. > :56:07.# Make me stronger

:56:07. > :56:17.# Make my mind up, all that I'd do is to make you proud, #

:56:17. > :56:27.

:56:27. > :56:30.That felt amazing, but it was only 82,000 people.

:56:30. > :56:33.Next time, Sport Relief night, millions of people will be watching.

:56:33. > :56:37.One down, one very big one to go,

:56:37. > :56:40.and it has to be even more precise and even more together for Friday.

:56:40. > :56:50.That is proper wet yourself time.

:56:50. > :56:50.

:56:50. > :56:54.APPLAUSE

:56:54. > :56:54.APPLAUSE OK,

:56:54. > :56:55.OK, so

:56:55. > :56:55.OK, so would

:56:55. > :56:59.OK, so would anyone

:56:59. > :57:05.OK, so would anyone here like to see JLS and the rugby stars in the

:57:05. > :57:11.flesh? Yes! Yes, Paddy. The answer is yes, thank God you are clothed,

:57:11. > :57:16.get them out here. Thank God you are still not! That's good - behave

:57:16. > :57:21.yourself. That is good because Gary, Robbie, Mark and Ronan from JLS

:57:21. > :57:24.will be here with the Sport Relief Big Hitters to perform for you

:57:24. > :57:28.later on. That's not right. We will talk about that later. There is a

:57:29. > :57:33.phrase we have been saying a lot tonight - prevention is better than

:57:33. > :57:37.cure. It is true. If kids don't get sick, they don't go to hospital. If

:57:37. > :57:41.they do have to go to hospital, the true heroes are the doctors and

:57:41. > :57:45.nurses who are working in unimaginable conditions. The

:57:45. > :57:55.following film was shot after a very bad night at the Children's

:57:55. > :58:19.

:58:19. > :58:29.It was really rough, because Especially the big child,

:58:29. > :58:42.

:58:42. > :58:52.you would not know a child can tell the person that

:58:52. > :58:52.

:58:52. > :01:42.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:01:42. > :01:46.Those wonderful doctors and nurses face that day after day. Help to us

:01:46. > :01:51.help them. It's just not fair, but we can level the playing field a

:01:51. > :02:00.bit by making sure kids don't get that sick in the first place..

:02:00. > :02:04.Please text "yes" to 70010. They cost �10 plus your standard network

:02:04. > :02:09.charge. Earlier you saw the rugby stars entertaining the crowd at

:02:09. > :02:14.Twickenham. The crowd loved it. game was on St Patrick's Day, so

:02:14. > :02:21.most of the crowd were drunk. The real challenge will be performing

:02:21. > :02:26.in front of a sober, sophisticated and intelligent audience and once

:02:26. > :02:29.we get rid of these people... are the sophisticated, intelligent

:02:29. > :02:39.audience, right? CHEERING

:02:39. > :02:49.Who wants to see some real men on this stage? Oh, yeah, please give a

:02:49. > :02:56.

:02:56. > :03:05.big welcome to the Sport Relief big # When my strength was gone

:03:05. > :03:10.# And you told me that I should live my life to the limit

:03:10. > :03:17.# When you fall down Get back up and fight

:03:17. > :03:21.# Well, the shape of my heart don't lie

:03:21. > :03:26.# I'm determined when you trust in me

:03:26. > :03:30.# It's all I need

:03:30. > :03:32.# Now I'm hoping

:03:32. > :03:36.# If you hear this

:03:36. > :03:41.# You believe that all that I do is to make you proud

:03:41. > :03:44.# Make me stronger

:03:44. > :03:47.# So I rise up

:03:47. > :03:50.# Make my mind up

:03:50. > :03:53.# All that I do is to make you proud

:03:53. > :04:03.# Proud, proud Make you

:04:03. > :04:04.

:04:04. > :04:06.# Said I deserve the best in life

:04:06. > :04:09.# I should be winning You got to spread your wings

:04:09. > :04:13.# And prepare to fly

:04:13. > :04:18.# Well, the shape of my heart don't lie

:04:18. > :04:23.# I'm determined with your faith in me

:04:23. > :04:28.# To make you see, yeah!

:04:28. > :04:32.# Now I'm hoping, if you hear this

:04:32. > :04:38.# You believe that all that I do is to make you proud

:04:38. > :04:40.# Make me stronger

:04:40. > :04:43.# So I rise up

:04:43. > :04:45.# Made my mind up

:04:45. > :04:52.# All that I do is to make you proud

:04:52. > :04:55.# Nobody can tell me

:04:55. > :04:57.# They were there for me

:04:57. > :05:01.# Before you came around

:05:01. > :05:03.# There was pain in every heartbeat

:05:03. > :05:07.# But eventually

:05:07. > :05:15.# You built my resolve to be strong

:05:15. > :05:16.# Now I'm hoping

:05:16. > :05:19.# If you hear this

:05:19. > :05:29.# You believe that all that I do is to make you proud

:05:29. > :05:30.

:05:30. > :05:31.# So I rise up So I rise up

:05:31. > :05:37.# All that I do is to make you proud

:05:37. > :05:39.# Proud, proud Make you

:05:39. > :05:40.# Proud, proud Make you

:05:41. > :05:43.# Proud, proud

:05:43. > :05:53.# All that I do is to make you proud

:05:53. > :06:03.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:06:03. > :06:06.

:06:06. > :06:06.Well

:06:06. > :06:06.Well done

:06:06. > :06:16.Well done lads.

:06:16. > :06:16.

:06:16. > :06:26.Well done lads. Hello JLS. Wow! What about that, folks? Wow, wow,

:06:26. > :06:28.

:06:28. > :06:32.wow, wow. CHEERING

:06:32. > :06:41.It's just, woo-hoo. That is perfect for late on a Friday night slipping

:06:41. > :06:45.into a Saturday, isn't it? Oh, yeah. That was good. That wasn't bad.

:06:45. > :06:49.Tell me JB, what about the lads, how good were they, genuinely,

:06:49. > :06:53.they've now done it, you can tell us the truth. You know, what the

:06:53. > :06:59.lads have done us proud. Well done, guys.

:06:59. > :07:05.APPLAUSE Obviously, Zoe, you've had your

:07:05. > :07:08.work cut out for you. How were they? They were fun. It was

:07:08. > :07:14.different. It was a challenge. Thank you boys. I love them. They

:07:14. > :07:18.did great. Austin hitting some high notes there. Yeah, well I had a

:07:18. > :07:23.little help from the lads beforehand. One of them gave me a

:07:23. > :07:29.kick in the love spuds, so... Whatever happened, it worked. Due

:07:29. > :07:34.enjoy it or was it just so nerve- racking it was excruciating? Erm...

:07:34. > :07:39.It was nervewracking. We must thank JLS for letting us butcher your

:07:39. > :07:49.brilliant song, by the way. It was brilliant. Thank you guys and Zoe

:07:49. > :07:53.as well. Thanks again to our sporty Big Hitters. Thanky to Zoe Tyler

:07:53. > :07:59.and JLS, who as always, are amazing for Sport Relief. Thank you very

:07:59. > :08:04.much indeed boys. There we go. I actually thought you

:08:04. > :08:07.did quite well there not to go all swoony and panty around those rugby

:08:07. > :08:14.players. That's because I'm a professional and I'm perfectly

:08:14. > :08:21.capable of handling a few sportsmen. That is true, because especially

:08:21. > :08:26.for tonight, I've been sent some video footage of you handling a few

:08:26. > :08:34.sportsmen. No, you haven't. And you wish as well. No, do the words "on

:08:34. > :08:39.your knees" ring any bells? Don't get any -- where do you get

:08:39. > :08:43.these sick ideas? They cave in a package from Mr Keith Lemon. Right.

:08:43. > :08:48.It seems that you were handling quite a few packages yourself.

:08:48. > :08:57.Nobody wants to see that Paddy! APPLAUSE

:08:57. > :09:07.You do not either! Shut it. What would like to see Fearne handling a

:09:07. > :09:08.

:09:08. > :09:16.Hello and welcome to Celebrity OK, let's meet our team captains.

:09:16. > :09:18.Holly, you look lovely. Who's on your team?

:09:18. > :09:20.Well, from McFly I have got Harry and Dougie!

:09:20. > :09:22.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:09:22. > :09:25.And the very gorgeous Freddie Flintoff.

:09:25. > :09:28.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:09:28. > :09:32.Let's meet our other less attractive team captain.

:09:32. > :09:34.She knows she's beautiful. It's Fearne Cotton!

:09:34. > :09:37.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:09:37. > :09:41.Fearne, who's on your team? I've got the lovely Rufus Hound.

:09:41. > :09:44.ALL: Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

:09:44. > :09:47.And Hoff-icially the coolest man ever - The Hoff!

:09:47. > :09:51.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:09:52. > :09:54.Boom! Whoop! Whoop!

:09:54. > :09:56.I love you, Fearne.

:09:56. > :09:59.MOUTHS OK,

:09:59. > :10:01.first up it's the Cover Story Round!

:10:01. > :10:03.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:10:03. > :10:06.Opposite, adjacent to me

:10:06. > :10:09.is a massive Strikerer-erer magazine with different categories on it.

:10:09. > :10:11.Our teams choose a category, I will ask them

:10:11. > :10:13.a question regarding that category.

:10:13. > :10:15.First up to choose a category is Holly's Team.

:10:15. > :10:20.Um, Freddie, do you want to choose? I will go for What Are You Packing?

:10:20. > :10:22.You've chosen What Are You Packing?

:10:22. > :10:25.What Are You Packing?

:10:25. > :10:26.It's Mark Foster!

:10:26. > :10:30.APPLAUSE

:10:30. > :10:32.Mark, you are a swimmer, yes? I am a swimmer, yes.

:10:32. > :10:34.HOLLY: I think we're kind of wasting- Mark having him

:10:34. > :10:37.hiding in the magazine, actually.

:10:37. > :10:38.Let's get him out! Come on, Mark! Come on!

:10:38. > :10:40.Mark Foster, everyone!

:10:40. > :10:42.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:10:42. > :10:44.Get him out!

:10:44. > :10:46.Holly, shall I make your dream come- true? Give him a hug.

:10:47. > :10:49.Yes. Come on!

:10:49. > :10:52.Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, you are massive and lovely. Oh, hello.

:10:52. > :10:55.Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

:10:55. > :10:56.APPLAUSE

:10:56. > :10:59.That's the first time I've ever felt like...

:10:59. > :11:03.A girl. Hey, Mark would you like to- join in the Celebrity Juice game. I'd love to join in. OK.

:11:03. > :11:12.Let's play What Are You Packing?

:11:12. > :11:16.OK, ladies, this is what's going to happen. As you can see,

:11:16. > :11:18.we've got Rufus for Fearne's team,

:11:18. > :11:20.we've got Freddie Flintstone for Holly's team,

:11:20. > :11:22.and at the end, Mark Foster from the swimming baths.

:11:22. > :11:24.They've got Lycra pants on

:11:24. > :11:26.filled with sporting equipment.

:11:26. > :11:29.You have to guess what that sporting equipment is only by using

:11:29. > :11:32.the power of feeling. Right.

:11:32. > :11:37.Are you ready? Yes. Can you put the- blindfolds on, please? OK. Fearne,

:11:38. > :11:40.you're up first. All turn round, boys.

:11:40. > :11:43.So you've got to feel Rufus - only feel him -

:11:43. > :11:46.and guess what the sporting equipment is that he is packing.

:11:46. > :11:48.Hence the title of the game -

:11:48. > :11:50.What Are You Packing?

:11:50. > :11:53.If I touch a bollock by mistake, I'm extremely sorry. Get down.

:11:53. > :11:56.Get down. Feel! All right!

:11:56. > :12:00.OK. There you go, Fearne. Feel it. Oh, for God's sake.

:12:00. > :12:04.What is Rufus packing? What is the sporting equipment? Oh, God!

:12:04. > :12:07.If I am touching...

:12:07. > :12:10.That's it. Get a good feel!

:12:10. > :12:13.Get a touch of his knobbly bits. Right now,

:12:13. > :12:18.you are probably thinking, "That is some stud!"

:12:18. > :12:19.Oh, my God.

:12:19. > :12:22.I don't know what it is, but you'vegot to go to the doctor's, seriously.

:12:22. > :12:25.It feels like a baby piano. A keyboard. A baby piano?!

:12:25. > :12:29.It's sporting equipment, you dingbat!

:12:29. > :12:31.Is it a football boot?

:12:31. > :12:38.APPLAUSE

:12:38. > :12:40.Help me up.

:12:40. > :12:44.Next up, it's Holly Willoughbooby.

:12:44. > :12:47.You've got to tell me what the sporting equipment is

:12:47. > :12:50.that Freddie Flintstone is packing.- OK. OK.

:12:50. > :12:51.Where are you?

:12:51. > :12:53.There. OK.

:12:53. > :12:58.OK. Too high there. Yeah. On purpose.

:12:58. > :13:01.Nice? Feel good, yeah?

:13:01. > :13:04.What is that? You owe me.

:13:04. > :13:09.OK.

:13:09. > :13:13.I'm not a horse. Hang on a second. Hopefully.

:13:13. > :13:14.I hope that I...

:13:14. > :13:18.Not me either.

:13:18. > :13:20.It's quite hard.

:13:20. > :13:22.LAUGHTER

:13:22. > :13:26.Do you want to feel it with your face? No. Is it, um...

:13:26. > :13:28.Is it... Can I? Sorry.

:13:28. > :13:33.I'm going to have to. I need to feel the other end.

:13:33. > :13:37.It feels like it goes like that. Like a ten-pin bowling pin.

:13:37. > :13:39.Is that what you say it is? Yes, a ten-pin bowling pin.

:13:39. > :13:41.Let's have a look. Is it? Correctamundo!

:13:41. > :13:44.APPLAUSE

:13:44. > :13:50.Well done, Holly. Well done. Well done. Thank you.

:13:50. > :13:54.You've been waiting for this, haven't you? Haven't I!

:13:54. > :13:57.OK. Come round here.

:13:57. > :13:59.Turn around.

:13:59. > :14:02.Just... Just...

:14:02. > :14:04.Just this way.

:14:04. > :14:06.Come on, give her a kiss. For Sport Relief!

:14:06. > :14:10.Just kiss each other for Sport Relief! Just for Sport Relief.

:14:10. > :14:13.Just kiss each other.HE SCREAMS

:14:13. > :14:16.Behave yourself. Right, go on. Get on your knees and feel.

:14:16. > :14:18.Where are we facing?

:14:18. > :14:22.Here. Yes, that's it, Fearne. She's been here before.

:14:22. > :14:24.Right. Get in low, Fearne.

:14:24. > :14:26.Oh, it's very cold.

:14:26. > :14:30.It might get warmer in a minute. HOLLY: Hang on, I know what it is.

:14:30. > :14:31.That's a banana.

:14:32. > :14:35.I've found something. I've found something. It's a squash ball.

:14:35. > :14:38.A squash ball? It's very squidgy.

:14:38. > :14:40.Let's have a look.

:14:40. > :14:43.That's correct. It's a squash ball!- Well done, Holly.

:14:43. > :14:44.No, no, no, no.

:14:44. > :14:46.No, no, no, no, no.

:14:46. > :14:50.- Smell your fingers. - Don't.

:14:50. > :14:52.Smell your fingers.

:14:52. > :14:55.I am NOT smelling...

:14:55. > :14:56.You can either use touching or sniffing.

:14:57. > :14:59.Smell your fingers.

:14:59. > :15:03.Holly, don't!What is going on?

:15:03. > :15:06.Oh, Holly!Holly, I can't. What is it?

:15:06. > :15:08.Is the smell fishing?

:15:08. > :15:09.Oh! Is it a fish?

:15:09. > :15:11.Let's have a look.

:15:11. > :15:13.AUDIENCE GROANS

:15:14. > :15:19.SHE SCREAMS

:15:19. > :15:22.Well done, Holly and Fearne!

:15:22. > :15:27.The scores at the end of that round are:

:15:27. > :15:30.WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE

:15:30. > :15:33.That's all for this special Celebrity Juice Sport Relief Special.

:15:33. > :15:37.If I don't see you for a week, I'll see you through a window. Tara!

:15:37. > :15:47.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

:15:47. > :15:51.

:15:51. > :15:51.How

:15:51. > :15:53.How good

:15:53. > :16:02.How good was

:16:02. > :16:08.How good was that? David Walliams swims the Thames, Fearne rubs the

:16:08. > :16:12.smelly crotch of a swimmer. Let's hear it for Fearne. It was hard

:16:12. > :16:15.work. It was horrible. We hope you're having a lot of fun tonight,

:16:15. > :16:19.but if you could send us a text to support the work of Sport Relief,

:16:19. > :16:29.it would be really, really great. Here's a film to remind you of what

:16:29. > :16:41.

:16:41. > :16:49.tonight is all about. It's a tough families live in appalling

:16:49. > :16:56.making this a very dangerous place to be a child.

:16:56. > :16:58.Two-year-old Bernard has been brought to hospital

:16:58. > :17:07.by his distraught dad, Joseph.

:17:07. > :17:10.The doctors diagnose malaria and pneumonia

:17:10. > :17:19.and do everything they can to stabilise him.

:17:19. > :17:23.Joseph has spent all night at his son's bedside

:17:23. > :17:33.willing his beautiful boy to pull through.

:17:33. > :17:52.

:17:52. > :17:56.Bernard's breathing suddenly becomes dangerously shallow.

:17:56. > :18:03.So, he's rushed through to intensive care.

:18:03. > :18:13.The doctors are doing all they can.

:18:13. > :18:23.All Joseph can do is wait and hope.

:18:23. > :18:23.

:18:23. > :19:29.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:19:29. > :19:29.It's utterly

:19:29. > :19:29.It's utterly heart

:19:29. > :19:32.It's utterly heart breaking

:19:32. > :19:37.It's utterly heart breaking and it really shouldn't be happening, but

:19:37. > :19:42.that is as real as it gets. You can really help. Send a text and we can

:19:42. > :19:46.change things. We don't want to be showing you this. It's not an easy

:19:46. > :19:50.watch. People here, we don't want to see it, but the reason why we're

:19:50. > :19:59.doing it is because you can make a change and make a change simply.

:19:59. > :20:03.Please, please donate �10. Text "yes" to 70010. It's very, very

:20:03. > :20:07.easy. It's time to say thank you to our fantastic mobile network

:20:07. > :20:12.partners who have been amazingly generous in supporting Sport Relief

:20:12. > :20:16.texting this year by not taking a penny so we get the whole delicious

:20:16. > :20:19.lot. You rock, thank you. And a massive thanks to the BBC Radio

:20:19. > :20:22.network and all the fantastic stations across the country doing

:20:22. > :20:24.all sorts of stuff to raise tons of cash for Sport Relief. Let's hear

:20:25. > :20:34.it for the people on the wireless. Come on.

:20:35. > :20:40.

:20:40. > :20:50.Your week of hell for Sport Relief starts in five, four, three, two,

:20:50. > :20:51.

:20:51. > :21:01.starts in five, four, three, two, one... Thank you very much. It's

:21:01. > :21:30.

:21:30. > :21:35.Brilliant. Good work guys. Don't forget the Five Live 606 Sport

:21:35. > :21:40.Relief auction, which finishes over the weekend, look out for details

:21:40. > :21:45.at bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief, once our programme finishes. Please keep

:21:45. > :21:53.texting. If you haven't already, this is your chance. Do it. Feel

:21:53. > :21:57.good about yourself. Text "yes" to 70010. The whole �10 per text goes

:21:57. > :22:01.to Sport Relief. For more information and full terms and

:22:01. > :22:05.conditions go to the website. back stage in our star bar tonight,

:22:05. > :22:12.stars of the show have been replying to your messages. Let's

:22:12. > :22:19.see who is there. Mr John Bishop, hello. Hi Paddy how are you?

:22:19. > :22:27.all right? Yeah. I'm apparently doing a thing called Twitter, which

:22:27. > :22:31.apparently all the kids are up to, but I think I've bought a shed.

:22:31. > :22:36.From a fella in Accrington. It's a good priced shed to be fair. Do you

:22:36. > :22:41.fancy a jog tomorrow morning? I don't know Fearne. I don't mind

:22:41. > :22:46.chasing you, to be fair. We should have that conversation off air

:22:46. > :22:52.don't you think. I'm going to do the Sport Relief Mile on Sunday.

:22:52. > :23:01.Good for you, John. Although it won't be like when we did the mile

:23:01. > :23:04.at Radio 1 on a tread mill with a green screen behind us. Keep on

:23:04. > :23:08.tweeting. Whatever that means, I'm doing it.

:23:08. > :23:15.Give it up one more time for the legend that is John Bishop.

:23:15. > :23:21.APPLAUSE Good luck on Sunday.

:23:21. > :23:27.Now, as you know the film the Artist cleaned up at the Oscars

:23:27. > :23:34.this year. Do you know who the star of the show was? The little doggy.

:23:34. > :23:39.I love the dog. Don't tell me you managed to get the dog. That's

:23:39. > :23:49.right, I haven't managed to get the dog. But I got a stuffed teddybear

:23:49. > :23:49.

:23:49. > :25:49.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:25:49. > :25:56.instead. Think Pudsey before the # Whoa what a feeling

:25:56. > :26:01.# When you're dancing on the ceiling #

:26:01. > :26:11.# When a feeling # When we're dancing on the ceiling

:26:11. > :26:15.

:26:15. > :26:25.# Oh, what a feeling # When you're dancing on the

:26:25. > :26:25.

:26:25. > :27:36.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

:27:36. > :27:41.#... Round and round and turning That will be you tomorrow. That was

:27:41. > :27:45.amazing though. Seriously how amazing was that. Not only 5,000

:27:45. > :27:49.metre champion Mo Farah, but also Lionel Ritchie, actual legend

:27:49. > :27:54.Lionel Ritchie. Unbelievable. Minute I saw him on screen I

:27:54. > :28:02.thought to myself, "Hello... # Is It me you're looking for

:28:02. > :28:12.# I can see it in your eyes # I can see it in your smile

:28:12. > :28:14.

:28:14. > :28:23.# And I want to tell you so much, I love you #

:28:23. > :28:31.Erm... Say yes? No Paddy, I thought to myself, hello, what the hell is

:28:32. > :28:36.Lionel doing working in a pub. that. That's what I thought as well.

:28:36. > :28:42.Tragic. That's what I was... Should we get on with the... Are we doing

:28:42. > :28:45.a show. Did you say yes as well? Yeah, I love you. Good. 50% of the

:28:45. > :28:55.money we raise tonight will be spent here in the UK. Here's a film

:28:55. > :28:57.

:28:57. > :29:02.which shows you how your much needed help helps. When I need

:29:02. > :29:07.support I turn to my family. Sometimes when things are tough I

:29:07. > :29:11.turn to my wife. When I've had a bad day I find strength in my dad.

:29:11. > :29:15.There are thousands of people right here in the UK who feel they have

:29:15. > :29:25.no-one to turn to. Sport Relief is working hard to find people in

:29:25. > :29:29.

:29:29. > :29:39.trouble and give them a helping Any of the girls will say "Why

:29:39. > :29:54.

:29:54. > :29:59.can't he give me one more kiss. Why Over the years,

:29:59. > :30:02.Get them back on their feet, help them stand tall, with pride.

:30:02. > :30:04.And never give up.

:30:04. > :30:07.Children who bear the huge responsibility and challenge

:30:07. > :30:10.of looking after their own parent.

:30:10. > :30:18.My mum's got multiple sclerosis, which makes her really tired.

:30:18. > :30:21.I mainly help my mum with the cooking

:30:21. > :30:31.and I help with the injections and getting things ready for her.

:30:31. > :30:48.

:30:48. > :30:48.It's

:30:48. > :30:51.It's like

:30:51. > :30:54.It's like looking

:30:54. > :31:04.It's like looking at a ghost of somebody who used to be there. He

:31:04. > :31:15.

:31:15. > :31:20.But they do have someone who cares. They have you. Because 50% of Sport

:31:20. > :31:25.Relief money gets spent right here in the UK - in England, Northern

:31:26. > :31:34.Ireland, Scotland and Wales. Your money funds over 1300 projects

:31:34. > :31:42.nationwide. I've witnessed first hand how important these

:31:42. > :31:45.organisations are. It's your money that makes all this possible.

:31:45. > :31:49.a great idea bringing able-bodied and disabled young people together

:31:49. > :31:53.to break down barriers and build confidence. And what better way to

:31:54. > :32:01.do that than through the power of sport? It helps me to be more

:32:01. > :32:08.independent and come here. project is fantastic. I can't wish

:32:08. > :32:11.for a better support network. Tonight you could be the rock that

:32:11. > :32:17.supports the lifeline in someone else's life. Someone who really

:32:17. > :32:25.needs your help right now. Call 03457 910 910 and make a difference

:32:25. > :32:29.to someone's life. Or donate online at bbc.co.uk Sport Relief.

:32:29. > :32:35.A big, big, big thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

:32:35. > :32:42.you. Thank you. Sport Relief funds more than 1300

:32:42. > :32:49.projects in the UK. Help them to support more. To donate �10 text

:32:49. > :32:54."yes to 70010. It costs �10 plus your standard network message

:32:54. > :33:00.charge. We are breaking all records tonight. We want you to give more.

:33:00. > :33:06.Please keep on the text please. would be a delightful to see a big

:33:06. > :33:10.fat juicy one, total I mean. We have seen true lay maizing things

:33:10. > :33:16.tonight. We have seen Frank Skinner's length. Yes we have. Yes

:33:16. > :33:21.but the trunks were tight. Barker and Claire bald bald having

:33:21. > :33:28.a punch up. And John Bishop's week of hell. We have seen Fearne with

:33:29. > :33:32.her face in a fair of fishy pants. We have. And Paddy making Abbas

:33:32. > :33:37.salute -- an absolute tit of himself again and again and again.

:33:37. > :33:40.It's true. I know. The real stars of tonight have been you and all

:33:40. > :33:43.the many brilliant things that you've done to raise millions, yes

:33:43. > :33:53.millions of pounds for Sport Relief. Here's just some of the many ways

:33:53. > :34:09.

:34:09. > :34:16.you have been pulling out all the If we lose, there's going to be

:34:16. > :34:26.problems. This is a strong look.

:34:26. > :34:49.

:34:49. > :34:53.Nice! MUSIC

:34:53. > :35:03.You can't leave me hanging. Give me five.

:35:03. > :35:37.

:35:37. > :35:43.Thank you so, so much. You have been amazing tonight. It's still

:35:43. > :35:51.early. It absolutely is. Well done you lot. It's not too late to make

:35:51. > :35:55.a donation, just text "yes", we'll say it again and again. Text 70010.

:35:55. > :36:00.It costs �10 plus your standard network message charge. The whole

:36:00. > :36:05.�10 goes to Sport Relief. For full terms and conditions go to

:36:05. > :36:09.bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief. Slightly worried that I'm on a platform in

:36:09. > :36:15.this skirt with that lot behind me. I don't think anyone's really

:36:15. > :36:19.complaining about that. Let's get through this bit quickly. That's

:36:19. > :36:23.not helping. Time now for more laughs. It's getting late, it's now

:36:23. > :36:33.safe to reveal the things you're unlikely to hear on a charity show,

:36:33. > :36:34.

:36:34. > :36:38.Welcome to a special round of The category is: Unlikely Things

:36:38. > :36:40.LAUGHTER Coming up is a short

:36:40. > :36:43.and rather harrowing film about hunger in the Third World.

:36:43. > :36:44.So this is probably a good opportunity to nip out

:36:44. > :36:46.and make yourself a sandwich.

:36:46. > :36:50.BUZZ!

:36:50. > :36:53.We've been digging a well because it's essential

:36:53. > :36:57.that these people have somewhere to throw coins and make a wish.

:36:57. > :37:02.BUZZ!

:37:02. > :37:05.Of course chronic diarrhoea is one of the worst diseases

:37:05. > :37:07.that affects these children - children like Jenny.

:37:07. > :37:09.Oh, for God's sake, don't... It's on my shoes!

:37:09. > :37:13.BUZZ!

:37:13. > :37:15.I'm...I'm here.RETCHES

:37:15. > :37:18.I'm here with David Walliams.RETCHES

:37:18. > :37:20.Who just swam the River Ganges.

:37:20. > :37:23.RETCHES Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

:37:23. > :37:26.BUZZ!

:37:26. > :37:28.Please give generously,

:37:28. > :37:31.otherwise I'm going to poke Pudsey in his other eye.

:37:31. > :37:33.BUZZ!

:37:34. > :37:38.We desperately need your money to help starving people.

:37:38. > :37:40.And now, in a slightly insensitive segue way,

:37:40. > :37:42.let's have a look at some footage

:37:42. > :37:44.of people getting into baths of baked beans.

:37:44. > :37:47.BUZZ!

:37:47. > :37:50.Of course Britain is full of underprivileged children

:37:50. > :37:52.with no hope and nowhere to go.

:37:52. > :37:54.And the Government doesn't have enough money

:37:54. > :37:56.to send them all to war.

:37:56. > :38:01.BUZZ!

:38:01. > :38:04.We sent Chris Moyles to Africa.

:38:04. > :38:07.Unfortunately he escaped and came back again.

:38:07. > :38:10.BUZZ!

:38:10. > :38:14.Susan from Brentford rang up to donate �20.

:38:14. > :38:16.Mike from Manchester rang up to donate �30.

:38:16. > :38:18.And Barry from Glasgow

:38:18. > :38:21.rang up to order two Hawaiian pizzas with a Pepsi.

:38:21. > :38:24.BUZZ!

:38:24. > :38:26.Well...

:38:26. > :38:30.they ate everything we sent them last year. I know! All of it!

:38:30. > :38:33.So "someone's" going to have to start buying them food

:38:33. > :38:35.all over again.

:38:35. > :38:38.BUZZ!

:38:38. > :38:40.That was The Saturdays, up next,

:38:40. > :38:43.Dara O'Briain doing an impression of a doorbell.

:38:43. > :38:47.That should be good.BUZZ!

:38:48. > :38:52.Just �15 a week will pay for the drugs

:38:52. > :38:56.that'll help me stop thinking about poor people.

:38:56. > :39:01.BUZZ!

:39:01. > :39:04.A big round of applause for the people who've been working all night here.

:39:04. > :39:07.None of us are getting paid. NONE of us are getting paid?!

:39:07. > :39:09.I'm sorry, I'm out.

:39:09. > :39:11.BUZZ!

:39:12. > :39:15.This is a soup kitchen and the conditions are appalling.

:39:15. > :39:18.There's no gazpacho, no vichyssoise.

:39:18. > :39:24.And no-one's even heard of crab bisque, even as an amuse-bouche.

:39:24. > :39:26.BUZZ!

:39:26. > :39:32.Big thanks to Alex Ferguson for his- MASSIVE support for Red Nose Day.

:39:32. > :39:36.He...hasn't taken his off for 69 years!

:39:37. > :39:40.BUZZ!

:39:40. > :39:44.The money we're trying to raise here is to help people

:39:44. > :39:47.whose lives have been destroyed by Justin Lee Collins.

:39:47. > :39:50.BUZZ!

:39:50. > :39:53.When I was lying there in the bath of custard

:39:53. > :39:56.and I wasn't sure if I would be able to go on,

:39:56. > :40:01.but then I remembered I've got a lovely apple crumble in the oven.

:40:01. > :40:06.BUZZ!

:40:06. > :40:10.The tragedy is that this blindness is caused by ignorance.

:40:10. > :40:14.With your help, we can stop these people masturbating.

:40:14. > :40:17.BUZZ!

:40:17. > :40:20.Everything we raise today will go to Charity -

:40:20. > :40:24.a lap dancer who's 19, and I'm particularly fond of.

:40:24. > :40:27.BUZZ!

:40:27. > :40:32.Tonight we're raising money for Dara O'Briain.

:40:32. > :40:35.We work so he doesn't have to.

:40:35. > :40:39.APPLAUSE

:40:39. > :40:41.BUZZ!

:40:41. > :40:43.So from Unlikely Things to Hear on a TV Charity Show

:40:43. > :40:46.to the most important thing you'll hear tonight, how you can donate.

:40:46. > :40:49.Please call 03457 9 10 9 10.

:40:49. > :40:53.Or go online at bbc.co.uk/sportrelief

:40:53. > :40:55.Your money can make a difference.

:40:55. > :40:57.You've watched Mock The Week for Sport Relief.

:40:57. > :40:58.Thank you. Goodbye.

:40:58. > :41:08.APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:41:08. > :41:09.

:41:09. > :41:10.Thank

:41:10. > :41:11.Thank you

:41:11. > :41:15.Thank you Dara

:41:15. > :41:21.Thank you Dara and those naughty boys. It's often said that sports

:41:21. > :41:26.people aren't funny. That is right. Sports people aren't funny. Wayne

:41:26. > :41:31.Rooney's hair, Paula Radcliffe's toilet break, David Beckham's voice,

:41:31. > :41:35.Harry Redknapp's dog, Ashley Cole's picture messages. None of that is

:41:35. > :41:40.funny. Clearly not funny. Not funny. This year, we decided to change all

:41:40. > :41:46.of that by getting some of the country's best comedians and Paddy

:41:46. > :41:55.here, to educate some sports stars like Michael Vaughn, Ben Cohen and

:41:55. > :42:00.Gabby Kfpb logan -- Logan in the art of the stand-up. Guess whose

:42:00. > :42:05.pupil won? Thank you. She's here tonight. Here's Gabby loingan being

:42:05. > :42:09.funny for charity money. Gabby Logan's language in this bit...

:42:09. > :42:19.Fruity? I'd say filthy, because apparently she learned her act from

:42:19. > :42:37.

:42:37. > :42:43.I want you to do the walk-on. Thank you Claudia.. Show me how to

:42:43. > :42:50.handle it. Yeah, I own this. wrote some stuff yesterday.

:42:50. > :42:54.did? And she's typed it. She's got good notions and her own ideas,

:42:54. > :42:57.that's good. Some of the material he's interested in me using appears

:42:57. > :42:59.to be rude about people in the public eye. It could go badly wrong.

:42:59. > :43:09.public eye. It could go badly wrong. I might never work in this country

:43:09. > :43:25.

:43:25. > :43:29.Who'd have thought it hey, you spend' week trying to be a stand up

:43:29. > :43:35.with Paddy keeltkeelt and all you pick up are Irish dancing moves and

:43:35. > :43:44.crabs. I'm joking. I am joking, of course

:43:44. > :43:50.I could Irish dance! I have to tell you, I am so nervous. I am pooping

:43:50. > :43:57.my pants. My dressing room floor looks like the inside of David

:43:57. > :44:02.Walliams' wet suit. My stomach is as tight as Tom Daley's speedos. Is

:44:02. > :44:07.it wrong to fancy him? I nearly didn't make it out of the house

:44:07. > :44:12.tonight. My little girl did that thing, you know that six-year-old's

:44:12. > :44:16.do. Have you got kids of that age tonight? Yes. They can turn it on,

:44:16. > :44:21.can't they? They turn it on. She looked at me with her Big Blue eyes,

:44:21. > :44:25.the bottom lip started going, a little tear. "Mummy, where are you

:44:25. > :44:35.going tonight? You're always going out. You said you'd be with me

:44:35. > :44:36.

:44:36. > :44:46.tonight." I said, "Lois... Because that's her name... Tonight, mummy,

:44:46. > :44:46.

:44:46. > :44:51.she's a bit smaller than, that I said Lois, tonight mummy is going

:44:51. > :45:01.out to work to help the poor starving children of Africa.

:45:01. > :45:03.

:45:03. > :45:07.Without me they will die. Who feels guilty now? I do get the odd

:45:07. > :45:13.compliment. You get people in the street saying "Sue, Sue. I love you

:45:13. > :45:17.on question of sport. That's when you know you've made it.

:45:17. > :45:21.You do get recognised and sometimes it can be in embarrassing

:45:21. > :45:24.situations. I was in a hotel checking in for a football match in

:45:24. > :45:31.Cardiff. The lobby was full of fans going to the game. A few of them

:45:31. > :45:35.recognised me. This one guy stopped and he went "Gabby Logan."

:45:35. > :45:43.Everybody else turned around. He had a little boy with him. He said

:45:44. > :45:48."Son, this is Gabby Logan. I used to watch her on telly on Sky in the

:45:48. > :45:58.90s. She used to be locking gorgeous. "Thank you so much.

:45:58. > :46:03.

:46:03. > :46:08.I tell you what, I'll give it to you. She was brilliant. Well done

:46:08. > :46:13.Gabby. She was great. Come on. Good girl. Well done. We've seen a lot

:46:13. > :46:17.of sporting action, a lot of great comedy and some fantastic music and

:46:17. > :46:21.raised shed loads of money. But none of this would be possible

:46:21. > :46:24.without these people, our fantastic technical partners. In previous

:46:24. > :46:32.years some people have said that this part of the show isn't sexy

:46:32. > :46:42.enough. So this year, we would like to thank...

:46:42. > :46:46.

:46:46. > :46:56.# Oh, my love machine darling... # Carenza. Sisco. Oracle. HP.

:46:56. > :46:59.

:46:59. > :47:09.Fearne. PayPal. I'm loving your work Fearne. You're liking this

:47:09. > :47:11.

:47:11. > :47:15.Paddy. NCC Group. And Riverbed Fearne. Pads, that's pretty sexy

:47:15. > :47:22.right. Sexy guys. I sense some chemistry there as well. You're not

:47:22. > :47:26.wrong. That was such a tender touch you had there. I know. Paddy?

:47:26. > :47:31.That was sensual. That was great. Breathe deep, chill out OK. I have

:47:31. > :47:35.an announcement to make as well. This is exciting. Let him calm down.

:47:35. > :47:39.The Scottish Government through the Scottish Sport Relief home and away

:47:39. > :47:42.programmes are going to match �2.5 million that Sport Relief spend on

:47:43. > :47:47.projects in Scotland and in the poorest countries in the world.

:47:47. > :47:57.Guys, that is an extra �2.5 million to go in the pot.

:47:57. > :48:00.

:48:01. > :48:04.APPLAUSE Where did you learn the trick with

:48:04. > :48:12.your tongue... Just my thing. It's what I do. That was really good. We

:48:12. > :48:15.need you to do us a favour. Please get your mobile out and text "yes"

:48:15. > :48:25.to 70010 as you'll see from the next film tonight, honestly, your

:48:25. > :48:30.

:48:30. > :48:36.In Sierra Leone one in five children don't make it to their

:48:36. > :48:46.fifth birblg day -- birthday. Alpha is desperately ill with pneumonia.

:48:46. > :49:00.

:49:00. > :49:10.All his mum can do is watch and In the next bed there's another

:49:10. > :49:20.

:49:20. > :49:27.baby critically ill with pneumonia His name isan Amadu. Alfa's mum

:49:27. > :49:37.continues her bedside vigil. Suddenly little Amadu's condition

:49:37. > :49:45.

:49:45. > :49:55.becomes critical. The doctors do In the bed opposite, Alfa takes a

:49:55. > :49:59.

:49:59. > :50:09.turn for the worse. Both of their boys are on the edge. Then Alfa's

:50:09. > :50:11.

:50:11. > :50:17.heart fails and he dies. Four minutes later, Amadu sadly

:50:17. > :50:26.loses hi fight for life. So both mothers lost their sons

:50:26. > :50:32.today. We have to vaccinate and protect more children. We have to

:50:32. > :50:39.stop children dying like this. Please help us. Together we can

:50:39. > :50:49.change things. Call or donate online.

:50:49. > :50:53.

:50:53. > :50:57.It's just, so sad and I'm sure if you're a parent at home and you

:50:57. > :51:01.have kids, watching that is beyond unbearable. Those deaths were

:51:01. > :51:05.preventable. You really can help. If you're sat there and maybe you

:51:05. > :51:12.haven't donated yet, maybe your phone is within arm's reach. Pick

:51:12. > :51:16.it up and do this now. You just need to text "yes" to 70010. It is

:51:16. > :51:21.that easy. You will help so many people out there. That whole �10

:51:21. > :51:25.goes to Sport Relief. Texts cost �10 plus your standard network

:51:25. > :51:29.charge. For full terms and conditions go to bbc.co.uk/Sport

:51:29. > :51:34.Relief. We've been breaking records. You've been doing so, so well.

:51:34. > :51:40.Please, please keep it coming. It's been a great night so far. It's

:51:40. > :51:46.gone really well. Sure, though, just like Paddy's bikini line we

:51:46. > :51:53.have had a few rough patches and odd little cock-up.

:51:53. > :51:58.We all saw it. Yeah. I'll go with that. Have a look. Don't.

:51:58. > :52:03.That's quite tight. Can't see a thing. Yeah. We're having a meeting.

:52:03. > :52:13.You know with Stella McCartney and Kate Moss.

:52:13. > :52:15.

:52:15. > :52:25.Yeah. Sport Relief Mile on March... Something like that. OK so it's day

:52:25. > :52:25.

:52:25. > :52:30.one... Of Strictly Come Dancing. You'll persist... Bla, blah. Sport

:52:30. > :52:35.Relief Mile on March... Something like that. Trying to do it. Very,

:52:35. > :52:45.very confused. Me Bill doesn't know what's going on now. -- Phil

:52:45. > :52:50.

:52:50. > :52:57.Jupitus doesn't know what's going It's one thing from the back.

:52:57. > :53:07.as you can please. Something different, something

:53:07. > :53:09.

:53:09. > :53:16.that... So, she wants, I shouldn't say that. She's move ago way now.

:53:16. > :53:26.My testicles are just past my heart. My spleen fell out. That's an awful

:53:26. > :53:27.

:53:27. > :53:31.noise. It's a scary likeness. whole village has turned out today.

:53:31. > :53:41.Great for... Don't go on. However you decide to do it, go the extra

:53:41. > :53:47.

:53:47. > :53:52.mile more Sport Relief. This is APPLAUSE

:53:52. > :53:56.You know what, I will never forget the afternoon where Gary Lineker

:53:56. > :54:01.had his head basically on my buttocks for about two hours. It

:54:01. > :54:06.was a wonderful day. We have seen our own Sport Relief heroes do

:54:06. > :54:11.amazing things. Let's remind ourselves of the brilliant work of

:54:11. > :54:14.Freddie Flintoff, Helen skeleton, Frank Skinner, David Walliams and

:54:14. > :54:19.John Bishop. And some of the other fantastic challenges that have

:54:19. > :54:28.taken place this year for Sport Relief.

:54:28. > :54:32.I'm trying to break 12 world I thought it would have a chance of

:54:32. > :54:38.catching people's imaginations. Your body is not meant to do this

:54:38. > :54:44.much swimming day after day. When they asked me to did a mile for

:54:44. > :54:51.Sport Relief, they never said it would be straight down. Someone

:54:51. > :55:00.opens the door and you think, what am I doing? With the red devil's

:55:00. > :55:05.sign you feel pretty safe. I am peddling -- pedalling. Put your

:55:05. > :55:15.back into it. Dear oh, dear. No stamina young people. I'm hoping to

:55:15. > :55:17.

:55:17. > :55:21.reach the South Pole in just 20 days. My legs! Ouch! This is

:55:21. > :55:27.Broadgate Tower, at over 165 metres high it's the fourth tallest

:55:27. > :55:31.building in the city. Between us we have to go down to the building ten

:55:31. > :55:37.times to complete our mile, meaning some of us are going down twice.

:55:38. > :55:42.That is one mile. My whole life people said to me "What are you

:55:42. > :55:52.frightened of it." Some people have to think about it. I always say

:55:52. > :55:58.

:55:58. > :56:08.I have massively underestimated this, massively. One hour's sleep

:56:08. > :56:13.

:56:13. > :56:17.and he's in the boat. APPLAUSE

:56:17. > :56:23.I think they really do deserve another round of applause. Give it

:56:23. > :56:26.up. Come on. OK guys, that's why they've been putting themselves

:56:26. > :56:30.through it. We're about to show you another film. There will be a

:56:30. > :56:40.number in the top corner. Please as you're watching this, just think,

:56:40. > :56:57.

:56:57. > :57:07.that number text, call, change a This is the ward where

:57:07. > :57:19.

:57:19. > :57:29.Peace's baby, Florence, the more they're also susceptible

:57:29. > :57:31.

:57:31. > :57:40.Diarrhoea, dehydration, And all the three she has

:57:40. > :57:50.So if she'd had the vaccine she wouldn't have got pneumonia,

:57:50. > :58:01.

:58:01. > :58:11.And what's the prognosis TRANSLATION: Yesterday,

:58:11. > :58:15.

:58:15. > :58:20.I don't want them to fall sick I want them to be healthy,

:58:20. > :58:27.I just think it's so sad to see this 17-year-old on her own

:58:27. > :58:31.with two children who get regularly sick.

:58:31. > :58:34.And all she wants is for them to play.

:58:34. > :58:37.And that's something we take for granted.

:58:37. > :58:45.Her biggest hope is that her child is strong enough to run and laugh.

:58:45. > :58:53.# So for once in my life let me get what I want

:58:53. > :59:03.# Lord knows It would be the first time. #

:59:03. > :59:06.

:59:07. > :59:09.If Florence had been given a simple �5 vaccine,

:59:09. > :59:14.she might not be in hospital fighting for her life.

:59:15. > :59:16.What breaks my heart is that,

:59:16. > :59:18.though she's made it through the night,

:59:18. > :59:21.children have to be strong and well to be vaccinated.

:59:21. > :59:26.And at the moment, Florence is too unwell and too weak.

:59:26. > :59:28.I think the worst thing for me is that

:59:28. > :59:31.that little girl may never run around and play.

:59:31. > :59:41.Um... She's just too much to take on, really.

:59:41. > :00:13.

:00:13. > :00:15.to protect children like Florence.

:00:15. > :00:21.Please call...

:00:21. > :00:24.Or go online and give what you can.

:00:24. > :00:28.Thank you.

:00:28. > :00:29.It's

:00:29. > :00:29.It's not

:00:29. > :00:33.It's not too

:00:33. > :00:42.It's not too late. So please donate �10 to Sport Relief. Do it right

:00:42. > :00:45.now. Just text "yes" to 70010. Texts cost �10. Can you still get

:00:45. > :00:50.involved on Sunday by doing the Sport Relief Mile. Go to the

:00:50. > :00:56.website and find out more. You'll be helping to change lives. So,

:00:56. > :01:00.that's almost it. That is almost it for Sport Relief 2012. What a night

:01:00. > :01:06.it's been. An incredible evening. There's one way and one way only to

:01:06. > :01:16.end the show, that is with a Kick- Ass montage of the best bits of

:01:16. > :01:17.

:01:17. > :01:27.tonight set to a huge 1980s power ballad, yes. Boom. Are you ready?

:01:27. > :01:39.

:01:39. > :01:49.Good evening everyone and welcome Tonight you can change lives.

:01:49. > :01:51.

:01:51. > :01:58.You're getting a straight red for this one.

:01:58. > :02:08.Sleek and streamlined, truly a wonder down under. I am a little

:02:08. > :02:15.

:02:15. > :02:25.nervous, I think it's true to say. I'm going to go skipping. It's a

:02:25. > :02:33.

:02:33. > :02:43.spectacle you can't miss. Listen Cowell. Have you got

:02:43. > :02:45.

:02:45. > :02:55.anything a bit more exciting than That is just beyond anything I

:02:55. > :03:31.

:03:31. > :03:36.# We can build this dream together # Stand it strong forever

:03:36. > :03:46.# Nothing's going to stop us now # That is proper wet yourself time.

:03:46. > :03:50.

:03:50. > :03:57.The lads have done us proud. Well done guys. Thank you, bye. Now, you

:03:57. > :04:02.just caught a glimpse of yourself in the swimming costume. Yes.

:04:02. > :04:06.can download that right now. Thank you all so much for watching and

:04:06. > :04:10.more importantly for donating. That is the important bit. We have been

:04:10. > :04:15.raising money for over seven hours and there's still masses of

:04:15. > :04:21.fundraising money still to come in. But now we can have a look folks,

:04:21. > :04:31.at what we have got. Here comes the grand total for the evening.

:04:31. > :04:47.

:04:47. > :04:52.ready? Here we go. Five, four, Wow! Whoa. Unbelievable. You are

:04:52. > :04:57.record breakers. That is unbelievable. That is a stunning,

:04:57. > :05:00.stunning amount of money right there. What an amazing evening it

:05:00. > :05:05.has been. Thank you to all of you for your support. Thank you, thank

:05:05. > :05:11.you. And good luck if you are doing the mile on Sunday. That is such a

:05:11. > :05:17.gorgeous total right there. Also, look, don't forget to tune into the

:05:17. > :05:20.Mile show at 1pm Sunday afternoon. Watch David Walliams epic swim next

:05:20. > :05:29.if you missed it. I don't know about you, but I have had the time

:05:29. > :05:34.of my life. I've never felt this way before. Yes, it's true and we

:05:34. > :05:39.owe it all to you. Good night. Knight folks.