Sport Relief Part 3

:00:45. > :00:49.Ladies and gentlemen, please give a massive Sport Relief welcome to Greg

:00:50. > :00:55.James and Alesha Dixon. Sport Relief, welcome

:00:56. > :01:10.back to BBC1, baby! What a brilliant night

:01:11. > :01:16.it's been and it's just I can feel it.

:01:17. > :01:27.I'm ready. What a crowd and what a night it's

:01:28. > :01:33.been so far. Have you been enjoying get? CHEERING

:01:34. > :01:39.I'm so excited to be presenting this with you, because you look stunning.

:01:40. > :01:42.I only said yes to doing this because of your laugh,

:01:43. > :01:46.but we can't have it going on all night.

:01:47. > :02:19.That's not funny. I love a face swap. Maybe this one... Better. Not

:02:20. > :02:27.quite funny enough. You are not doing well here. It could get

:02:28. > :02:32.awkward. One more. LAUGHTER That one is brilliant. That's what

:02:33. > :02:40.our children would look like. Buy me a drink first. You are silly. This

:02:41. > :02:43.is going to go mad, I know. Now Greg, aside from taking

:02:44. > :02:45.on the gruelling Gregathlon like a total champ, completing five

:02:46. > :02:48.triathlons in five days CHEERING

:02:49. > :03:01.Thank you. Have you been

:03:02. > :03:03.doing anything else Let's see what we've got in store

:03:04. > :03:17.for you for the rest of the night. Still to come on tonight's Sport

:03:18. > :03:25.Relief, the return of Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. Get

:03:26. > :03:31.out! Sorry! Bloody kids! David Walliams and Peter Crouch star in

:03:32. > :03:40.Little Britain. You are pretty as a picture, now few pop. Try not to be

:03:41. > :03:44.so tall and lanky. And you will see Jack Whitehall, Gareth Bale, James

:03:45. > :03:48.Bay and Alan Partridge. And Clash of the Titans comes to a dramatic

:03:49. > :03:52.conclusion with a triathlon across the Olympic Park. All this and much

:03:53. > :03:55.more coming up tonight on Sport Relief.

:03:56. > :03:58.All that amazing stuff still to come.

:03:59. > :04:01.Over the years on Sport Relief we've introduced

:04:02. > :04:06.you to lots of wonderful people living incredibly tough lives -

:04:07. > :04:08.and through your generosity we managed to change

:04:09. > :04:11.The three young men you're about to meet can't thank

:04:12. > :04:19.You're brilliant. Thank you.

:04:20. > :04:34.This is Vijay. 11 years ago he lived on the railways, scraping together a

:04:35. > :04:39.living the best way he could. Subu was another of India's Railway

:04:40. > :04:43.children. He fell from a moving train and had horrific injuries,

:04:44. > :04:52.leaving him partially paralysed and clinging onto life. In Bangladesh,

:04:53. > :04:56.Ruble spent his lives on a rubbish dump, struggling to find things to

:04:57. > :05:00.sell for his family who were struggling to survive. Thanks to

:05:01. > :05:06.your donations we were able to give these boys the support they needed

:05:07. > :05:10.to turn their lives around. Vijay has left the railways behind him and

:05:11. > :05:27.runs a successful painting and decorating business.

:05:28. > :05:35.Subbu made a full recovery and is studying to be an electrical

:05:36. > :05:39.engineer. After the operation, they gave life to me. If you can go to

:05:40. > :05:44.school, you can get knowledge and wisdom.

:05:45. > :05:48.Ruble is now at school, getting the education he deserves, and he has a

:05:49. > :06:03.part-time job. Three boys, three lives changed,

:06:04. > :06:13.thanks to you. This stuff works. Please do it again tonight.

:06:14. > :06:21.All over the world there are children having to work instead

:06:22. > :06:25.Kids sleeping on the streets instead of safely in bed.

:06:26. > :06:28.But as you've seen, bit by bit, day by day, one by one,

:06:29. > :06:36.You can head over to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief

:06:37. > :06:42.Or text the word Yes to 70010 to give ?10.

:06:43. > :06:46.Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message

:06:47. > :06:49.charge and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.

:06:50. > :06:52.You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payer's permission.

:06:53. > :06:54.For full terms and conditions and more information go

:06:55. > :07:03.banks and building societies or any post office.

:07:04. > :07:06.You can also send us a cheque if the mood takes you.

:07:07. > :07:14.Here's my radio hero Alan Partridge with more details on that.

:07:15. > :07:26.Thanks, guys. You can donate by check. This is made out S relief,

:07:27. > :07:34.could be Simon relief, the amount is just an example. 66566, almost the

:07:35. > :07:42.Devil's number. The devil would hate Sport Relief. He hates good causes,

:07:43. > :07:46.or she, could be a woman. The devil takes many causes. That's not all

:07:47. > :07:49.the money I have in the world, I have loads of accounts all over the

:07:50. > :07:55.place, you've got to these days. It's made out to a benefactor, Alan

:07:56. > :08:08.benefactor? Could be Andrew, Algernon, could be Amir. Absolutely

:08:09. > :08:12.it could be, it is 2016 after all. Give generously, whatever your

:08:13. > :08:19.dinner nomination. -- whatever your do nomination.

:08:20. > :08:23.So, just to clear that up then - to donate by cheque,

:08:24. > :08:27.payable to Sport Relief and send it to Sport Relief 2016,

:08:28. > :08:28.EY, PO Box 51543, London SE1 2UG.

:08:29. > :08:51.The fantastic staff at RBS have jumped headfirst into raising more

:08:52. > :08:54.money for Sport Relief. 750 staff members are completing a daunting

:08:55. > :08:59.cycle challenge from London to Edinburgh. They are also encouraging

:09:00. > :09:09.their staff across the nation to take part in the Sport Relief Games.

:09:10. > :09:18.Thousands of others are taking part in special five K and ten K runs.

:09:19. > :09:24.They're fantastic customers are also donating money. To the good people

:09:25. > :09:26.of RBS and the amazing British public, we want to say one thing.

:09:27. > :09:39.Thank you. Nice to see sisters doing it for

:09:40. > :09:55.themselves. What have the staff and customers raised?

:09:56. > :10:01.An incredible amount of money and the generosity has been stunning so

:10:02. > :10:08.far. Now, Alesha, it's time for the first

:10:09. > :10:10.big sketch of our part of the show, and boy have

:10:11. > :10:13.we got a winner for you. I'm afraid you're

:10:14. > :10:16.going to have to put up with my laugh a bit longer Greg,

:10:17. > :10:18.because this is funny. Sit back and watch what happens

:10:19. > :10:20.when Jack Whitehall, takes it upon himself to try

:10:21. > :10:23.and get his beloved England Football In the end, the German

:10:24. > :10:34.bench get up and protest Gascoigne has had his second yellow

:10:35. > :10:38.card of the competition, and here is a moment that almost

:10:39. > :10:43.brings tears to his eyes. Question marks have been raised

:10:44. > :11:04.over his temperament The referee has gone to his pocket.

:11:05. > :11:32.It's red! It was in the goal.

:11:33. > :11:40.It surely crossed the line. It's on by Cavani,

:11:41. > :11:42.there is no flag here. So there you go, and Luis Suarez

:11:43. > :11:48.put the final nail in England's World Cup coffin in Brazil

:11:49. > :11:51.in 2014, but will they fare any In the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic

:11:52. > :12:02.Games, I came away with a silver medal, and I came

:12:03. > :12:04.home a national hero. Yo, barman, can we get

:12:05. > :12:14.some drinks please? SPEAKING WITH SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT:

:12:15. > :12:16.Coming right up, bru. Well, I got sacked from my

:12:17. > :12:20.last job, and it ain't No, I mean something that people

:12:21. > :12:31.actually care about. Look, mate, you want the England

:12:32. > :12:33.footie team to be as successful as the England cricket

:12:34. > :12:36.team - you've got to use foreigners. We use players from

:12:37. > :12:38.literally anywhere. Geraint Jones, born

:12:39. > :12:43.in Papua New Guinea. Shut up!

:12:44. > :12:48.You're as English as fish and chips. As soon as I touched

:12:49. > :12:52.down on English soil, it disappeared, just

:12:53. > :12:54.like that, gone. Come to think of it,

:12:55. > :13:00.Simon Jones, from Wales, That's how we're going

:13:01. > :13:07.to win Euro 2016, we will IN SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: KP,

:13:08. > :13:11.you are a genius, player. Sort Kriss Akabusi out

:13:12. > :13:14.with a massive Tia Maria. Economy, obviously,

:13:15. > :13:27.as this is Sport Relief. G-Bale, G-Bizzle,

:13:28. > :13:32.Baleo, the Old Bailey. To do that, I'm going to enlist

:13:33. > :13:41.the help of the best player So, can you introduce me

:13:42. > :13:44.to Cristiano Ronaldo? I'm joking.

:13:45. > :13:46.I want you to play for England. I'm sorry, but I've

:13:47. > :14:05.got to go training. What I'm trying to tell

:14:06. > :14:08.you is you can't waste all that talent playing for Wales

:14:09. > :14:10.like Ryan Giggs did. You're playing with part-timers,

:14:11. > :14:16.footballers who are working down Think how many more

:14:17. > :14:22.goals you would score if you were being set up

:14:23. > :14:25.by Sterling and the Roon-dog. Those puppies aren't

:14:26. > :14:32.going to look so bad, are they? If you come and play

:14:33. > :14:34.for England, you are It's the trademark of a 12-year-old

:14:35. > :14:39.girl at One Direction concert. You are also going to have

:14:40. > :14:42.to sort out that hair. Look mate, all I'm talking

:14:43. > :14:52.about is a little switcheroo Why don't you get one

:14:53. > :14:55.of Scotland's players, JACK SCOFFS.

:14:56. > :14:59.Don't be ridiculous. You're worried about this

:15:00. > :15:04.being illegal in some way, a tabloid finding out you don't

:15:05. > :15:07.have any English blood. Fear not, G-spot,

:15:08. > :15:08.I've got it covered. Meet your long, long,

:15:09. > :15:10.long lost English nan, Not according to these

:15:11. > :15:23.forged documents. Yes, she's an actress,

:15:24. > :15:26.but nobody needs to know that other than you, me,

:15:27. > :15:30.and Nanna Doris here. How many times have I got

:15:31. > :15:48.to tell you, I will never, When you left Spurs,

:15:49. > :15:54.you became a hero of mine. Look, there's a very easy way

:15:55. > :16:01.to get me to play for your team. I've never heard anything more

:16:02. > :16:16.preposterous in my life. Three lions on a shirt,

:16:17. > :16:20.mate, that's me! MUSIC: Holding Out For

:16:21. > :16:58.A Hero by Bonnie Tyler. # Isn't there a white

:16:59. > :17:17.knight upon a fiery steed? # I'm holding out for a hero til

:17:18. > :17:29.the end of the night # And he's got to be

:17:30. > :17:35.fresh from the fight Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndr

:17:36. > :17:43.obwllllantysiliogogogoch. Please, Jack!

:17:44. > :18:35.No. An inspired attempt

:18:36. > :18:51.by Jack Whitehall there. Thanks to Gareth Bale

:18:52. > :18:53.and all the stars who took part And I'm no Welshman,

:18:54. > :18:58.but what I think Jack was trying to say to Rob Brydon

:18:59. > :19:02.at the end of that was. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro-

:19:03. > :19:21.bwyllllantysiliogogogoch. I'm nearly there. I've been trying

:19:22. > :19:26.to learn it all day and I would really like a little singsong. Are

:19:27. > :19:31.you up for a quick singsong? If we all sing along together, I think we

:19:32. > :19:35.can get this. #

:19:36. > :19:42.Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro- bwyllllantysiliogogogoch.

:19:43. > :19:44.# Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro-

:19:45. > :19:47.bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch #

:19:48. > :19:49.Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro- bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch

:19:50. > :19:49.# Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro-

:19:50. > :19:54.bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch #

:19:55. > :20:01.Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro- bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch all right,

:20:02. > :20:07.shut up, that's enough. Thanks, Greg. It sounds a bit like

:20:08. > :20:15.you laughing. It sounded rubbish. It is a place! I didn't know that.

:20:16. > :20:26.Sorry. Did you guys know that? AUDIENCE SHOUT YES

:20:27. > :20:32.Sorry about that. Genuinely sorry. As the donations plummet.

:20:33. > :20:35.Time to meet a Sport Relief hero who really has gone the extra

:20:36. > :20:37.mile - comedian and all round ledgend Jo Brand.

:20:38. > :20:39.Jo walked the entire way across the country from Hull

:20:40. > :20:41.to Liverpool, and she's here in the studio.

:20:42. > :20:44.But whilst we let the stand-up have a slightly longer sit-down,

:20:45. > :20:55.I'm doing this on behalf of all the portly middle-aged women in the

:20:56. > :21:02.country who needs to get up and live a bit longer. I'm really fit in both

:21:03. > :21:08.senses of the word. The top of my leg is hurting. I am living with it.

:21:09. > :21:14.Hello, deputy mayor. She asked me to come and she was blaming me. She is

:21:15. > :21:24.in pain, she is tired and she has a long way to go. I can do another day

:21:25. > :21:30.without crying. Do you want this? I would love it. It isn't raining yet.

:21:31. > :21:37.What if it's all about?! I am absolutely exulted. It was so

:21:38. > :21:44.fantastic to walk across a massive swathes of the country.

:21:45. > :21:52.Congratulations, Jo. And to see how generous people are. What a woman.

:21:53. > :21:54.She's walked the walk, now she's here to talk the talk.

:21:55. > :22:12.Give it up for the truly heroic Jo Brand!

:22:13. > :22:21.Jo, what an incredible achievement, and the show last night on BBC One

:22:22. > :22:29.was so fun to watch. I mean, for me it was. Did you watch it again? No.

:22:30. > :22:34.My favourite bit was at the end with all the fireworks going off and the

:22:35. > :22:38.photographers and everything and you just went silent. That was it. That

:22:39. > :22:47.was the most excited and I have ever been. And he recovered? No. I have

:22:48. > :22:54.almost. I have physically recovered but mentally I'm not so sure. What

:22:55. > :22:58.was the hardest part? The hardest part was when I finished it not

:22:59. > :23:06.having fried breakfasts any more. Oh, they were lovely. Actually, I

:23:07. > :23:10.was having 6000 calories per day so I decided to save all of those and

:23:11. > :23:19.have a 42,000 calorie meal at the end of it. As you do! It was lovely.

:23:20. > :23:24.The support from the public was incredible. As you said in the film,

:23:25. > :23:29.you have inspired a lot of people to get out there. I hope I inspired

:23:30. > :23:37.people who wouldn't normally do something, like old, tired,

:23:38. > :23:43.knackered, set up old women, like me. -- fed up. And old men. Just to

:23:44. > :23:48.get out there and do a bit. I don't like to hear myself say this, but it

:23:49. > :23:51.is quite good fun, if there is a bakery on the way. So try it. We

:23:52. > :23:53.think you are amazing. Jo, it's time to reveal how

:23:54. > :23:55.much you have raised Jo Brand, your Hell of a Walk has

:23:56. > :24:01.raised a hell of a lot of money. Let's take a look at

:24:02. > :24:29.exactly how much... You have raised: amazing! Wow! You

:24:30. > :24:34.know how much good that money is going to do. I am gobsmacked. And

:24:35. > :24:35.due to everyone and all the fantastic people I met and sorry to

:24:36. > :24:39.all of the ones I was grumpy too. Right, it's time to say another big

:24:40. > :25:06.Sport Relief thank you. Since the beginning of Sport Relief,

:25:07. > :25:13.Ryman and Robert Dyas have been raising money. Both of them have

:25:14. > :25:18.been selling these fantastic pens and donating 70p from every ?1 spent

:25:19. > :25:22.on them so, every time you buy one, you are helping somebody less

:25:23. > :25:30.fortunate in the UK and around the world. Critical, a? Yes! Their

:25:31. > :25:33.amazing staff have taken it on themselves to raise money for Sport

:25:34. > :25:41.Relief, helping to raise huge amounts of cash. So, to all of the

:25:42. > :25:51.amazing staff and customers, we have one thing left to say.

:25:52. > :25:54.A huge thanks to everyone who bought one of these Sport Relief

:25:55. > :25:58.pens/football clackers/tiny bookmarks/chopsticks.

:25:59. > :26:09.Let's find out how much the Ryman and Robert Dyas staff

:26:10. > :26:27.Now, getting a good education and then moving into work

:26:28. > :26:30.and becoming self-sufficient is crucial for lifting children out

:26:31. > :26:33.of poverty and helping them fulfil their potential.

:26:34. > :26:40.And the great news is all of the money from tonight

:26:41. > :26:44.that we earmark for that kind of work will be matched by the UK

:26:45. > :26:46.Government up to ?10 million, which will help transform the lives

:26:47. > :26:49.of young people across some of the world's poorest communities.

:26:50. > :26:51.So, a really big thank you to the Department

:26:52. > :26:53.for International Development, and to all of you watching

:26:54. > :26:56.for helping change so many lives for the better.

:26:57. > :27:07.OK, I thought I knew a bit about refugees.

:27:08. > :27:13.I was fortunate enough to be sent to Jordan White Sport Relief to look at

:27:14. > :27:18.the refugee crisis. Sport Relief asked me to go two weeks ago before

:27:19. > :27:22.I did the triathlon. I was finding out some of the places the money was

:27:23. > :27:24.spent in some of the places they spent it on and it turns out I

:27:25. > :27:47.didn't know much at all about it. This is my first time in a refugee

:27:48. > :27:52.camp. The thing that has struck me the most, immediately, is how

:27:53. > :27:58.desolate the landscape is. This is a desert. It is really isolated. It is

:27:59. > :28:04.really cold here. And the rows and rows of these houses they are

:28:05. > :28:10.endless. It feels really oppressive. It looks very temporary. And yet

:28:11. > :28:24.people are here for years. It's just desert and hills and rocks. It is

:28:25. > :28:28.like Mars. This camp has been these peoples home for nearly a year there

:28:29. > :28:38.-- nearly a year now after they fled Syria.

:28:39. > :29:16.How did your life change when the crisis started?

:29:17. > :30:15.It is so... It's such a hard... I'm still trying to process that story,

:30:16. > :30:19.but it's so tragic. And unfair. There are so many stories here, of

:30:20. > :30:26.loved ones killed, homes destroyed, and lives devastated. Ordinary

:30:27. > :30:30.people going about their daily lives who have lost everything. We can't

:30:31. > :30:35.turn back the clock. What's happened has happened, and the journey is the

:30:36. > :30:39.families have been on up until this point, are done. We are where we are

:30:40. > :30:45.and they are where they are. What we can do is help them from this point

:30:46. > :30:52.onwards. And believe me, they need help. Sport Relief funds the only

:30:53. > :31:00.nursery in this refugee camp. It's a vital project that gives children a

:31:01. > :31:06.safe place to learn, to play, and to be kids again. Just because you

:31:07. > :31:09.might think this is too big, but that doesn't mean that what you

:31:10. > :31:14.donating right now will not make a difference, because it will. What

:31:15. > :31:23.the turn it is? It's too big, let's not bother? Absolutely not. Dig

:31:24. > :31:27.deep. Donate what you can. Anything you can give will change lives, and

:31:28. > :31:32.you give kids their childhood back. Thank you.

:31:33. > :31:34.So, in concrete terms what can we do to help?

:31:35. > :31:38.Well, as you've seen, that fantastic nursery lets those

:31:39. > :31:42.It costs ?40 for a child to go for a week.

:31:43. > :31:48.Anything you can do to put a smile on their faces would be amazing.

:31:49. > :31:54.Since going out there I've become very passionate about this cause,

:31:55. > :32:01.speaking to people all the time, and I'm proud of that story is that we

:32:02. > :32:05.told on Radio 1. There is a lot of stigma attached to the refugee

:32:06. > :32:10.crisis, but what we need to remember is that whatever you think of the

:32:11. > :32:15.political situation, the government, whatever, its people and humans

:32:16. > :32:19.caught up in the crisis. You have to remember that, do not dehumanise

:32:20. > :32:26.them. It's people like you and me, families like your family and my

:32:27. > :32:30.family. It's people like that, people who had jobs and hopes and

:32:31. > :32:36.dreams. They were at university, and then they woke up and it was all

:32:37. > :32:42.gone. They are people living lives. They are not dissimilar to our lives

:32:43. > :32:46.and our families. They like One Direction, and they have Facebook.

:32:47. > :32:50.It's not an alien part of the world. I have been there and seen it and

:32:51. > :32:54.it's happening right now. It's very important that we don't forget about

:32:55. > :32:58.these people and write them off, because they feel like they have

:32:59. > :33:03.been forgotten about. I think it's time we stepped in and gave them a

:33:04. > :33:05.leg up. Imagine waking up tomorrow morning and you have to leave your

:33:06. > :33:08.house. Grab whatever you can,

:33:09. > :33:10.and never come back. To donate ?10 just text

:33:11. > :33:25.the word YES to 70010. Texts will cost ?10 plus your

:33:26. > :33:34.standard network message charge. If you want to know more details

:33:35. > :33:37.about how Sport Relief makes its grants and manages your

:33:38. > :33:39.donations, all the information is available at

:33:40. > :33:45.bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. OK, now, last year, you may have

:33:46. > :33:48.seen some of the biggest names in football taking part

:33:49. > :33:50.in the Dizzy Penalties online craze in support of the

:33:51. > :33:52.Global Goals campaign. The challenge is to score a goal

:33:53. > :33:54.after spinning around You haven't seen this. I look like

:33:55. > :34:11.an idiot. Great. Never ones to shy away

:34:12. > :34:13.from a Sport Relief challenge, myself - a dedicated Arsenal fan -

:34:14. > :34:31.and John Bishop - a lifelong Hello there, and welcome to the

:34:32. > :34:37.Sport Relief easy -- dizzy penalty spectacular. One goal, one ball and

:34:38. > :34:41.plenty of falling over. Spin around the football 13 times, and then try

:34:42. > :34:46.to get it as close to the goal is you can. A healthy rivalry to play

:34:47. > :34:56.this out. Liverpool fan John Bishop, and Mr Arsenal, Greg James. John,

:34:57. > :34:59.you have attempted some amazing things for Sport Relief. This is the

:35:00. > :35:03.hardest thing I've ever done, without any shadow of a doubt.

:35:04. > :35:10.Because I've just eaten a burrito and there's a good chance of me

:35:11. > :35:16.being sick. Greg, you smashed the Greg Haslam. Any skills you picked

:35:17. > :35:19.up that could be handy? When it's done, I will always cry at the end

:35:20. > :35:26.of some exercise. That's what will happen at the end of tonight. --

:35:27. > :35:39.Gregathlon. Time to toss the coin. Heads! It's tails. First or second?

:35:40. > :35:42.I think John should go first. Ladies and gentlemen, John Bishop can take

:35:43. > :35:44.his position by the ball. It doesn't mean a thing if you ain't got that

:35:45. > :36:14.spin. Start on my whistle. One, two, three, four, five, six,

:36:15. > :36:26.seven, faster, come on, eight, nine, ten... He's losing it! 11, 12, last

:36:27. > :36:28.one. Ready when you are! LAUGHTER Come on, John, for your team. For

:36:29. > :36:43.your family. Yes! John, talk me through that, what was

:36:44. > :36:49.it like? Can you get up? It was everything I dreamt it would be. I

:36:50. > :36:56.can't wait for you to do that. Greg James, you've seen it. It was

:36:57. > :37:02.murder. You scored! I also fell over. Arsenal out of the FA Cup and

:37:03. > :37:08.Champions League, time to grab it back tonight. Thanks for bringing

:37:09. > :37:19.that up. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that spin. One, two,

:37:20. > :37:27.three, looked at the speed, four, five, six, slowing down a bit,

:37:28. > :37:42.seven, eight, nine, ten, three to go. 11, 12, 13. Ready!

:37:43. > :37:57.What a hideous mess. Greg, are you all right? What went wrong? I forgot

:37:58. > :38:05.where my feet were. Did I score? Sadly not. You did well. Your

:38:06. > :38:14.champion of dizzy penalties, John Bishop! CHEERING

:38:15. > :38:22.That's it. The burrito is safe. Goodbye.

:38:23. > :38:28.That was brilliant. What an idiot. I loved it.

:38:29. > :38:30.Please welcome back, my dizzy partner in crime,

:38:31. > :38:47.APPLAUSE I'm not surprised you hadn't seen

:38:48. > :38:55.it, I would be embarrassed. You did do the Arsenal kit proud. We've all

:38:56. > :38:59.had a brilliant evening tonight, but every journey begins with one step,

:39:00. > :39:03.and every big event starts with one idea. Tonight I want to introduce

:39:04. > :39:08.you to a man who has done more to change the world than you can

:39:09. > :39:14.possibly imagine. He's been with Comic Relief as an organisation for

:39:15. > :39:18.26 years. 14 years ago he came up with the idea of doing something in

:39:19. > :39:22.between the Comic Relief years, and Sport Relief was born. He had to

:39:23. > :39:26.convince people it would be a good idea, and tell people to get

:39:27. > :39:33.involved. They have done. In the time he was with Comic Relief, they

:39:34. > :39:43.have raised ?1 billion, ?300 million has been raised from Sport Relief.

:39:44. > :39:55.To put that in context, we talk about ?5 buying two mosquito nets.

:39:56. > :40:01.That's 120 million mosquito nets. And that ignores the fact that 50%

:40:02. > :40:06.of Sport Relief stays in the UK and is spent close to why you live --

:40:07. > :40:12.close to where you live. He started Sport Relief 14 years

:40:13. > :40:15.ago, but tonight he's retiring. Please welcome the true

:40:16. > :40:33.Sport Relief hero - Kevin, for the benefit people at

:40:34. > :40:38.home, and I know because I've asked you this, because you have talked

:40:39. > :40:45.all of us into crazy things, what made you come up with the idea of

:40:46. > :40:54.Sport Relief? I'm a big sports fan, I love football. Let's clarify, you

:40:55. > :41:00.support Man United. It's the only trophy Liverpool will win this year.

:41:01. > :41:05.There was the opportunity to use the power and passion of sport to try to

:41:06. > :41:09.change peoples lives and make a difference. We did Comic Relief

:41:10. > :41:16.every two years, so the opportunity existed the year to bring in sports

:41:17. > :41:20.men and women and comedians and entertainers, to continue to do the

:41:21. > :41:26.great work we do. The need is endless, but progress is there all

:41:27. > :41:31.the time. By getting sports men and women involved, we could get twice

:41:32. > :41:37.as much as just Comic Relief. The opportunity was there. So why not do

:41:38. > :41:42.it? Has it reached your ideals, gone beyond your dreams? The money raised

:41:43. > :41:46.is huge, but not only the money raised, but the involvement of

:41:47. > :41:52.people. People doing the mile on Sunday, getting off their couches.

:41:53. > :41:56.You have changed people's lives. People getting involved in sport who

:41:57. > :42:01.haven't done it before. Was that part of the plan? It was part of the

:42:02. > :42:08.plan, but it has gone beyond my dreams. You can often have ideas in

:42:09. > :42:13.life, and the idea is the start, but turning that idea into something is

:42:14. > :42:17.really difficult. I'm faintly embarrassed to be here tonight

:42:18. > :42:21.talking about my role in it, because you have to bring everyone else

:42:22. > :42:26.together. All the artists and entertainers who give your time to

:42:27. > :42:33.it, all the viewers in the studio and at home. All the people who have

:42:34. > :42:39.donated ?5, ?10. It's a great coming together of community in the

:42:40. > :42:41.interests of generosity. Billy Connolly said on Comic Relief that

:42:42. > :42:53.people talk about compassion fatigue. But he said there was no

:42:54. > :42:56.such thing. It's like saying there's too much love in the world. The

:42:57. > :42:58.brilliant thing is the British public demonstrate every year there

:42:59. > :43:00.in enormous capability for compassion and love. It has

:43:01. > :43:05.fulfilled my dreams and more. It's gone beyond what I could have

:43:06. > :43:09.imagined. There has been a great coming together of everybody who has

:43:10. > :43:13.taken part. We have a video that has somebody up Sport Relief.

:43:14. > :43:19.Sport has the power to change the world.

:43:20. > :43:26.It has the power to unite people in a way that little else does.

:43:27. > :43:39.Sport can create hope where once there was only despair.

:43:40. > :43:42.For the last 14 years, Sport Relief and you,

:43:43. > :43:45.the British public, have been working together to change lives

:43:46. > :43:53.Half of your donations fund projects here in the UK.

:43:54. > :43:58.The other half go to the poorest countries in the world.

:43:59. > :44:00.In Kenya, we are supporting a project that uses football

:44:01. > :44:02.to teach leadership skills and teamwork.

:44:03. > :44:06.And it inspires children to get an education.

:44:07. > :44:15.For young people with disabilities in the UK, sport can unlock a whole

:44:16. > :44:28.It makes me feel confident and I make new friends.

:44:29. > :44:32.Your money supports street children across the world,

:44:33. > :44:35.giving them a safe place to sleep, and, through sport, the chance

:44:36. > :44:45.In Bangladesh, drowning in floods is a major cause of death

:44:46. > :44:49.in children, so Sport Relief taught children to swim

:44:50. > :44:57.Here at home, a lot of older people can face loneliness and depression.

:44:58. > :45:00.Sport Relief supported this project, where sport makes them feel part

:45:01. > :45:08.Across the world, your donations are inspiring people to get active

:45:09. > :45:13.I want to be the best boxer in the world.

:45:14. > :45:15.That's not a bad reason to support something, is it?

:45:16. > :45:18.This is your chance to be part of something amazing.

:45:19. > :45:21.So please, help us to do even more and be as generous

:45:22. > :45:50.Kevin, that sums it up. Over the years, we have done our best for

:45:51. > :45:54.you. Tonight, your last night as the chief executive of Sport Relief,

:45:55. > :45:59.perhaps you can talk camera free and tell people your own message. I

:46:00. > :46:03.suppose the thing I would like to say, one thing is thank you

:46:04. > :46:07.enormously for the incredible work you have done over the years in

:46:08. > :46:12.donating to Sport Relief and making the changes possible that we have

:46:13. > :46:16.been able to help with but, more importantly, everyone gives up their

:46:17. > :46:21.time for this great cause to help change lives. We have seen Michael

:46:22. > :46:26.Crawford mention it, Greg was just talking about it, but repeating it

:46:27. > :46:32.makes it no less true. You can make changes. We have seen how ?5 will

:46:33. > :46:37.pay for two mosquito nets which children could sleep under tonight

:46:38. > :46:41.and it would help save their lives. ?70 could help educate a child in

:46:42. > :46:44.Sierra Leone to go to school for a whole year, and that year's

:46:45. > :46:49.schooling could make the difference between living in abject poverty or

:46:50. > :46:53.moving out of poverty and getting a job and living a fulfilled life. The

:46:54. > :46:56.thing I would like to say to everyone watching at home is, if you

:46:57. > :47:02.get the chance tonight, could you make one more donation? John talked

:47:03. > :47:07.about my dream when I started Sport Relief. My dream tonight is to have

:47:08. > :47:12.the biggest Sport Relief ever. I have had so many people say it over

:47:13. > :47:20.the years, but the number will be on your screens. Or you can text. And,

:47:21. > :47:25.please, give generously. I have seen the work and I know the changes it

:47:26. > :47:29.makes. It has been one of the privileges of my life to be able to

:47:30. > :47:34.go and meet people in the field and to know their common humanity and

:47:35. > :47:38.potential. This is all about helping people fulfil their potential. Lenny

:47:39. > :47:43.Henry famously said on one of these nights, forget geography, everyone

:47:44. > :47:47.is your neighbour and, if your neighbour was in trouble, you would

:47:48. > :47:50.help them out. Please tonight, make one more donation. Thank you.

:47:51. > :48:05.Ok, please give it up for John Bishop and Kevin Cahill.

:48:06. > :48:12.OK, as you know the Sport Relief weekend is a huge event up and down

:48:13. > :48:15.the country with so many fantastic people wanting to give their time

:48:16. > :48:18.to help raise huge amounts for those who need it most.

:48:19. > :48:20.Not only are you, the great British public, going

:48:21. > :48:23.above and beyond but we've had some of the biggest names in sport

:48:24. > :48:27.queuing up to be part of the night, not just in front of the camera

:48:28. > :48:28.but they're helping us out backstage too.

:48:29. > :48:31.For example Mo Farah offered to be a runner on the show

:48:32. > :48:41.Andy and Jamie Murray are serving behind the bar.

:48:42. > :48:45.Amir Khan has been working hard in the box office.

:48:46. > :48:52.And Team GB's curling team are keeping the place spotless.

:48:53. > :48:59.The ladies have asked me to tell you that they are available to hire

:49:00. > :49:07.for Private Functions, Corporate parties and Christenings.

:49:08. > :49:15.I'm not even joking, they asked me to tell you that. That is a true

:49:16. > :49:16.story. Thanks for the offer. Random but true!

:49:17. > :49:25.Ellie Simmonds is on wardrobe duty over at the Aquatic Centre.

:49:26. > :49:27.That one is mine. That would suit you.

:49:28. > :49:29.David Ginola is helping with hair and make-up.

:49:30. > :49:31.Chris Kamara is operating the autocue.

:49:32. > :49:39.Kriss Akabussi, who else, is keeping team spirits high.

:49:40. > :49:44.You are going to be record breakers! Come on! Move, move!

:49:45. > :49:46.And Formula 1 legend David Coulthard's taking care

:49:47. > :50:00.I've told you, I run, swim and cycle everywhere.

:50:01. > :50:06.Ok, please give it up for our Sports Star Crew.

:50:07. > :50:09.OK, time now to go trackside for the fifth and final Clash

:50:10. > :50:20.It's a triple whammy, it's the Triathlon.

:50:21. > :50:29.Welcome back to the Lee Valley VeloPark. Come on! It all comes down

:50:30. > :50:33.to this, the final event. Let's remind you of the scores in Clash of

:50:34. > :50:39.the Titans at the moment. Team Flintoff with eight points. Team

:50:40. > :50:43.Redgrave with seven. They have a 1-point lead going into the final

:50:44. > :50:48.event, which gives them a one second head start in the team triathlon.

:50:49. > :50:52.The winner of this one will be crowned champions of Clash of the

:50:53. > :50:57.Titans 2016. To explain how the event will work, there is the

:50:58. > :51:02.commentator, Simon Brotherton. The winner of Clash of the Titans, we

:51:03. > :51:06.will know it at the end of this race. It starts in the Velodrome and

:51:07. > :51:11.reaches a crescendo in the Aquatics Centre. One above each team will

:51:12. > :51:16.race each of the three disciplines. Let's have a quick look at the

:51:17. > :51:20.cause. -- one member of each team. As soon as each crosses the

:51:21. > :51:24.finishing line, to Invictus Games helpful is will run across claim

:51:25. > :51:29.Elizabeth Ebdon park, and then the swimmers will swim a 50 metres

:51:30. > :51:33.length of the pool. The first team to finish will be the winners. We

:51:34. > :51:37.will take you to the cycling. As soon as that is finished, we will

:51:38. > :51:41.hand over to Andy Jamieson for the running and swimming. Andy is

:51:42. > :51:48.waiting for us now. He is ready to go and so are we. Back to you now,

:51:49. > :51:52.Dan. We will see a full list of Ramos, riders and swimmers in a

:51:53. > :51:55.moment. -- runners, riders. Let's learn a bit more about the

:51:56. > :52:04.incredible men running the second leg of the triathlon. In 2008 I lost

:52:05. > :52:10.my left leg in Afghanistan in a roadside bomb. I took part in the

:52:11. > :52:13.2014 inaugural Invictus Games, where I picked up four gold medals and one

:52:14. > :52:24.silver medal in multiple swimming events. I am Paul Vice, an ex-royal

:52:25. > :52:27.Marines. I lost the use of my arm and in Afghanistan. Since then, I

:52:28. > :52:36.had my leg amputated and this is next challenge. Paul and Mike have

:52:37. > :52:47.been training hard with Olympic double gold medallist Dame Kelly

:52:48. > :52:50.Holmes. Go, go! Well done, guys. While they get their breath back, a

:52:51. > :53:04.special arrival from a familiar face. Halla we? -- how are we? Come

:53:05. > :53:08.to join us? The fact that Invictus athletes are taking part in Sport

:53:09. > :53:12.Relief is huge for us, whether it is running or cycling. They are

:53:13. > :53:18.inspiring a new generation. I'm thrilled that the Princes trust has

:53:19. > :53:24.a part to play. What is the trick, to pace yourself? People tend to go

:53:25. > :53:28.too fast on the first 100 metres. Paul has had his leg amputated since

:53:29. > :53:41.I last saw them. To see him running now is great. And Mike, to send him

:53:42. > :53:45.round the track, that is fantastic. Prince Harry really cares about us.

:53:46. > :53:51.It is nice to see him stirring song but he didn't bring his blades. I am

:53:52. > :53:54.going to reveal that... I am not going to reveal. All I am going to

:53:55. > :54:01.say is that it is pretty close and good luck on the night. But

:54:02. > :54:06.remember, don't go off too fast. Given their competitive edge, it

:54:07. > :54:09.will be a great race. I will give it everything I have got, even if I

:54:10. > :54:18.have to crawl over that finishing line. I can't let anybody down

:54:19. > :54:22.especially myself. That is when Harry Met Kelly, Paul and Mike. I

:54:23. > :54:25.think we are ready to get this started so let's hand over to the

:54:26. > :54:32.commentary team. I think we are ready for this, Rob?

:54:33. > :54:38.The two teams are limbering up for the race of their lives. It is a

:54:39. > :54:42.battle of the broadcasters as BBC newsreader Sophie Raworth takes on

:54:43. > :54:49.radio one's Clara Amfo O. Raring to go outside the cotton box, Invictus

:54:50. > :54:54.athletes with royal approval, Mike Goody and Paul Vice. For the final

:54:55. > :54:59.leg, for Team Redgrave, Dan Snow and, for Team Flintoff, ready

:55:00. > :55:05.Flintoff. One of these men will clinch victory. The difference in

:55:06. > :55:09.points will be converted to seconds for this final decider, and it

:55:10. > :55:14.couldn't be closer, a Team Flintoff were one point ahead, first to go on

:55:15. > :55:17.the track with a one second head start will be Sophie Raworth. And

:55:18. > :55:24.she is away, and the second beep is for Clara Amfo O, so BBC One news

:55:25. > :55:31.leader Sophie Raworth in the red. On the other side of the track, in the

:55:32. > :55:36.blue, Clara Amfo O, the mid-morning present on Radio 1. A much better,

:55:37. > :55:40.more solid start by Sophie. This event is so short you just don't

:55:41. > :55:45.hold back. It is about pure speed, get out and on the gear. What a

:55:46. > :55:51.welcome sound the bell will be for Sophie Raworth and Clara as well.

:55:52. > :55:55.They are almost halfway around the last lap. Sophie Raworth opening up

:55:56. > :56:01.a bit of a lead. It looks like she is enjoying it as well. It may only

:56:02. > :56:06.be two laps, but it is starting to hurt. There will be a gap, and an

:56:07. > :56:12.advantage for Team Flintoff. Let's go straight outside. Out to the

:56:13. > :56:18.breezy freedom of the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park. And we have

:56:19. > :56:24.our two heroes from Prince Harry's incredible Invictus Games. Here we

:56:25. > :56:29.go, this is Mike Goody. He is off. And now the commando who refused to

:56:30. > :56:33.die, the ex-Marine corporal, Paul Vice, in the blue. This is Mike

:56:34. > :56:38.Goody now. Dame Kelly Holmes said, don't go off too fast. It looks like

:56:39. > :56:43.they have gone off relatively well. This is Mike Goody. Just before we

:56:44. > :56:48.started, I was having a chat with Dave Henderson, the Invictus team

:56:49. > :56:52.captain, and he said this isn't just about Flintoff against Redgrave it

:56:53. > :56:56.is about the Royal Marines against the royal air Force. Mike Goody, the

:56:57. > :57:02.RAF, and Paul Vice, the Royal Marines. This looks very comfortable

:57:03. > :57:08.indeed. Maybe a 20 metre gap now. Paul Goodie leading -- Mike Goody

:57:09. > :57:12.leading for Team Flintoff with Paul Vice just behind him, but tracking

:57:13. > :57:19.him well. Also, Henson said, one key factor here may well be that Paul

:57:20. > :57:25.Vice only lost his leg 18 months ago whereas Goody lost his maybe four or

:57:26. > :57:32.five years ago. I can tell you, at the Aquatics Centre, we have Ore

:57:33. > :57:40.with Freddie and Dan Snow. They are ready to go. I have with me the guys

:57:41. > :57:43.who could yet make all the distance -- only difference. Freddie

:57:44. > :57:48.Flintoff, your man is in front just now, so are you in visualising

:57:49. > :57:53.winning? Mike is doing well but he is catching him. It is going to be

:57:54. > :58:00.tight. You might have deployed it time back, Dan. Do you have it in

:58:01. > :58:05.you? I am hoping... Oh, Paul is coming through. He is doing me a big

:58:06. > :58:11.favour! It is really tight. Back up to you.

:58:12. > :58:20.Was really tracking Mike Goody there. As he gone off to quick? It

:58:21. > :58:25.looks like Goody is really starting to go. As he timed it really well?

:58:26. > :58:28.They are both struggling a bit, a bit of an incline here, and then

:58:29. > :58:35.they go down and alongside the canal. Is Paul Vice starting to

:58:36. > :58:42.tire? Mike Goody starting to pull away again. Look at these two

:58:43. > :58:47.athletes. Here is Mike Goody. He must have about 200 metres to go at

:58:48. > :58:51.this stage. 200 metres to go, come on, Paul Vice at the back. He has

:58:52. > :58:56.run very well indeed. He isn't out of this at all yet, the Royal

:58:57. > :59:02.Marines. There is the cyclists. What a great race that was. 50 metres to

:59:03. > :59:07.go, just 50 metres and they are entering the building. Mike Goody is

:59:08. > :59:10.leaving for Team Flintoff. As soon as they pass the finishing line,

:59:11. > :59:16.these runners can go. Flintoff is off. Flintoff on the left-hand side

:59:17. > :59:21.and Dan Snow on the right. Dan Snow in the blue, Flintoff in the red,

:59:22. > :59:26.and Flintoff looks very good. These conditions should really suit him.

:59:27. > :59:32.It is overcast and it should be suiting a fast bowler. He has a fast

:59:33. > :59:37.bowler's struck. Look at the effort here. Fantastic effort from Freddie

:59:38. > :59:42.Flintoff. Coming back is Dan Snow, coming back very fast. Can he make

:59:43. > :59:46.it on the far side? Get his head down. Five metres to go and it looks

:59:47. > :59:52.like it may well be Freddie Flintoff who is going to win the 2016 games.

:59:53. > :59:57.What a fantastic race it was, and so close in the end. Utterly brilliant,

:59:58. > :00:03.brilliant it was. Freddie Flintoff was slowing down at the end. Dan was

:00:04. > :00:08.catching him. Down in the blue. What a brilliant swim that was. Well, the

:00:09. > :00:13.final five metres, and it really was very tight indeed, but Freddie

:00:14. > :00:21.Flintoff anchoring his team to triathlon gold and with it winning

:00:22. > :00:25.Clash of the Titans glory. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our

:00:26. > :00:33.Clash of the Titans champions, Team Flintoff! Don't go anywhere,

:00:34. > :00:41.Freddie, I want to grab a quick word with you. Could you feel him

:00:42. > :00:48.breathing down your neck? I didn't know where he was and then he was

:00:49. > :00:55.right next to me. He is like a fish. On the final leg, Dan Snow, you may

:00:56. > :01:00.it as tight as tiger. Two races against Freddie, two defeats the me.

:01:01. > :01:08.He is too good. Didn't he do well, ladies and gentlemen? Not quite good

:01:09. > :01:09.enough, though. Ladies and gentlemen, your champions, Team

:01:10. > :01:22.Flintoff! Let's chat to Paul, you had a

:01:23. > :01:28.catch-up to make, but you made good work of it. Yeah, I thought I might

:01:29. > :01:33.get closer, to be honest. There was a head start but I thought it was

:01:34. > :01:37.doable. I got him on the bridge and thought the tank was running pretty

:01:38. > :01:42.empty. I just got on his heels and try to give myself the best shot.

:01:43. > :01:50.Mike, he was bearing down on you. But you got a tank in you as well.

:01:51. > :01:56.How was that run? You must be pooped. I'm hanging out. I didn't

:01:57. > :02:01.know where he came from. Out of nowhere, I didn't hear him coming, I

:02:02. > :02:10.thought I had to dig out something. Well done to these two. Well done to

:02:11. > :02:14.the two team captains. It is Team Flintoff who take the Clash of the

:02:15. > :02:15.Titans title. We will be back very shortly for a very special victory

:02:16. > :02:25.ceremony. Don't miss it. Wow. They think it's all over,

:02:26. > :02:30.and, well, it nearly is, but not before an official trophy

:02:31. > :02:33.presentation hosted by Jo Brand and Martine Wright

:02:34. > :02:35.in true Olympic style. There's also a chance to see that

:02:36. > :02:39.brilliant Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em special starring

:02:40. > :02:40.Sir Bradley Wiggins, Sir Paul McCartney, Andy Murray

:02:41. > :02:43.and Boris Johnson to name but a few. Now, recently Danny Dyer

:02:44. > :02:46.went to Sierra Leone. And I have never seen

:02:47. > :03:12.anything like it in my life. At this very moment I'm embarrassed

:03:13. > :03:30.to be a human being. How it gets to this stage

:03:31. > :03:46.where children are running There's a kid over there,

:03:47. > :04:08.he's got flip-flops on. There's glass, there's fires

:04:09. > :04:16.and he's just got flip-flops on. And he works on this rubbish

:04:17. > :04:25.dump every single day. In fact, he's never known

:04:26. > :04:29.a life outside of it. Because Usman and his family

:04:30. > :04:38.actually live on the dump. The money, I buy food

:04:39. > :05:04.for them so we can survive. The money, the father buys food

:05:05. > :05:07.for them to survive. TRANSLATION: I want to

:05:08. > :05:18.leave this dump site. Hassan, do you think it

:05:19. > :05:27.will ever happen for you? TRANSLATION: He's not really

:05:28. > :05:30.thinking if that will ever happen The powers that be, whoever

:05:31. > :05:58.they are, forget about all that, we can actually come together

:05:59. > :06:01.as human beings and help Just from sitting where you are now,

:06:02. > :06:07.the difference you can make I know they seem

:06:08. > :06:12.a million miles away. You can make such a difference

:06:13. > :06:16.from such a little thing. So please, get these people out

:06:17. > :06:19.of this, this just ain't right. We've got to come together

:06:20. > :06:23.and make this happen. If you've never done it before,

:06:24. > :06:28.make this the first time you've It seems just too massive a problem

:06:29. > :06:44.to do anything doesn't it, We're working with a project

:06:45. > :06:50.who take little kids like Usman It's the only way

:06:51. > :06:53.off that awful dump. ?70 pays for a whole

:06:54. > :07:00.year of education. I'm not asking you to

:07:01. > :07:02.pay the whole ?70. 03457 910 910 or donate online

:07:03. > :07:26.at bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. And if you haven't done it yet

:07:27. > :07:30.tonight, do it now. If you have seen that, and haven't done it yet, pick

:07:31. > :07:35.up your phone, your mobile, scrolling through Twitter, whatever,

:07:36. > :07:42.just close it and put the word yes in the message box and send it.

:07:43. > :07:48.Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge

:07:49. > :07:50.and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.

:07:51. > :07:54.You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payer's permission.

:07:55. > :07:55.For full terms and conditions and more information

:07:56. > :08:01.Here to perform his wonderful song Let It Go

:08:02. > :08:32.# From walking home and talking loads

:08:33. > :08:41.# To seeing shows in evening clothes with you

:08:42. > :08:47.# From nervous touch and getting drunk

:08:48. > :08:56.# To staying up and waking up with you

:08:57. > :09:22.# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?

:09:23. > :09:33.# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?

:09:34. > :09:56.# From throwing clothes across the floor

:09:57. > :10:07.# To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you

:10:08. > :10:17.# Why are we doing it doing it, doing it any more?

:10:18. > :10:40.# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?

:10:41. > :10:54.# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?

:10:55. > :11:16.# Trying to fit your hand inside of mine

:11:17. > :11:25.# Could make it feel right, no

:11:26. > :11:31.# Trying to push this problem up the hill

:11:32. > :11:37.# Think now's the time to let it slide

:11:38. > :11:52.# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?

:11:53. > :12:18.# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?

:12:19. > :13:00.Right, it's time now to crown the rightful winners of Clash

:13:01. > :13:12.Let's head over to the Aquatics Centre to congratulate the winners.

:13:13. > :13:23.Thank you very much, welcome back to Clash of the Titans 2016. What a

:13:24. > :13:27.night we have had. The velodrome, I don't think I will ever recover from

:13:28. > :13:38.the intensity of the wrestling. You know what I'm talking about. Temp

:13:39. > :13:47.Tameka, I know she was on the losing side, but the double splits. It's

:13:48. > :13:54.been sensational, seemed Russell Kane and Will Young go head-to-head

:13:55. > :13:58.underwater was the stuff of dreams. Or nightmares, depending on how you

:13:59. > :14:03.look at it. It was quite incredible. We have seen quite a few things we

:14:04. > :14:09.will never forget. Some good reasons and bad reasons. One team sadly fell

:14:10. > :14:10.just short of the title. Go wild one final time, runners-up, Team

:14:11. > :14:44.Redgrave. Guys, didn't quite work out. Steve,

:14:45. > :14:49.nevertheless it must have been a proud moment to lead this motley

:14:50. > :14:53.crew. I have said before, they have trained for the last two years, and

:14:54. > :14:56.that isn't quite true. But maybe the last couple of days. I'm very proud

:14:57. > :15:01.of the team and they have done wonderfully well. What a finish as

:15:02. > :15:06.well, so close. You have to give it to Freddie's team, they did

:15:07. > :15:09.wonderfully well, just a fraction better. Dan Snow nearly did it.

:15:10. > :15:19.Paddy, can we talk about the wrestling? Let's. You got in trouble

:15:20. > :15:23.for the slapping. I got points docked for the slapping. He did an

:15:24. > :15:27.illegal move but didn't get his points opt, not that I'm

:15:28. > :15:29.complaining! I lifted him up, and it was like lifting up a piece of

:15:30. > :15:42.steel. He's ripped. Superb for him. Kane,s The real heroes tonight, Paul

:15:43. > :15:47.and Mike? The fantastic run he had, just amazing. I thought, this is

:15:48. > :15:52.going to be a fantastic finish. But Paul fantastic. It's lovely to hear

:15:53. > :15:58.from you. I'm afraid you are losers, the lot of you. Let's hear it for

:15:59. > :16:02.Team Redgrave everybody! CHEERING AND

:16:03. > :16:09.APPLAUSE Now, ladies and gentleman, time to welcome back our heroes for

:16:10. > :16:15.tonight, our Sport Relief 2016 Clash Of The Titans champions, Team

:16:16. > :16:15.Flintoff. CHEERING AND

:16:16. > :16:51.APPLAUSE Well, it was exemplary stuff from

:16:52. > :16:54.your team, but from yourself as well, kicking off with a win,

:16:55. > :16:59.finishing it off with a win. A great night. The team have performed so

:17:00. > :17:02.well. In that swim at the end, Mike gave me the one second I needed

:17:03. > :17:09.otherwise Dan might have called me. A fun night. He's still got it in

:17:10. > :17:13.him! CHEERING

:17:14. > :17:16.Harry, oh, my goodness me. That was pretty intense. You're a wrestling

:17:17. > :17:21.superstar. There are ladies and gentleman, who would love to see

:17:22. > :17:30.your victory ceremony revealed again. Do we have that? We've got

:17:31. > :17:36.time, if you wouldn't mind. Your Friday night starts here,

:17:37. > :17:41.follow that Dazza. I doubt it, mate. My love story was with Fred, I

:17:42. > :17:45.enjoyed it rhythmic gymnastics. Really enjoyed it. Great fun. Raised

:17:46. > :17:49.a lot of money. Fantastic evening. Incredible team effort. Ladies and

:17:50. > :17:55.gentleman, team Flintoff. CHEERING AND

:17:56. > :18:00.APPLAUSE To present the Clash Of The Titans trophy it's a delight to

:18:01. > :18:05.welcome two women out here to give the trophy away. She was the gun

:18:06. > :18:26.starter tonight, first up Jo Brand and one of the heroes of the

:18:27. > :18:39.Paralympics for 2012 Martin Wright. -- Martine.

:18:40. > :18:43.APPLAUSE You've been there, seen it, done it and won it. I wanted to ask

:18:44. > :18:46.you, Steve said lovely words about Paul and Mike, what did you think of

:18:47. > :18:52.their particular effort this evening? I think all of them have

:18:53. > :18:55.done absolutely fantastically well. It's such an honourable charity. The

:18:56. > :19:05.amount of people they're going to be helping is amazing. So well done

:19:06. > :19:10.guys! Congratulations. Thank you. Jo, we've seen plenty, rhythmic

:19:11. > :19:14.gymnastics, synchronised swimming, wrestling, which are we signing up

:19:15. > :19:18.for in 2018? The wrestling definitely. Freddie Flintoff is

:19:19. > :19:24.laughing, but he will be the first to go.

:19:25. > :19:29.Our organisers have got their hands - He's out. It's time for you to

:19:30. > :19:36.present our trophies and flowers to the winners. I'd love to. Pick up

:19:37. > :19:43.the cup, Jo. Ready to go wild everybody? The winners of Clash Of

:19:44. > :19:51.The Titans 2016, it's Team Flintoff! CHEERING AND

:19:52. > :20:10.APPLAUSE Go on Team Flintoff, you deserve a

:20:11. > :20:12.true victory lap. Off you go, go on! Soak it up, every single minute of

:20:13. > :20:22.it. # We are the champions, my friend

:20:23. > :20:26.# And we'll keep on fighting till the end... #

:20:27. > :20:31.As they enjoy their little lap of honour, thank you so much for

:20:32. > :20:37.watching Sport Relief Clash Of The Titans 2016. I hope you agrow with

:20:38. > :20:41.us, so many highlights, so many things we will remember for quite

:20:42. > :20:44.some time. That is for sure. So much to come on Sport Relief tonight and

:20:45. > :20:49.still loads of time for you to get donating. Make sure you do. So much

:20:50. > :21:00.more to come. From Dan and myself... Good night.

:21:01. > :21:02.What a night. Congratulations to Team Flintoff. I'm jealous of that

:21:03. > :21:13.good time. Now, I do want to remind

:21:14. > :21:16.you that 50% of the money you donate tonight is spent

:21:17. > :21:18.right here in the UK I'd like you to meet a fantastic

:21:19. > :21:22.little boy called Jason. He's been through a lot

:21:23. > :21:24.in his short life, but luckily he had some help -

:21:25. > :21:27.funded by you. This is a project called

:21:28. > :21:28.Sebastian's Action Trust. It is funded by Sport Relief

:21:29. > :21:31.for children who have life You can just make loads of noises

:21:32. > :21:40.and I kind of like it. I think you might know

:21:41. > :21:42.what this room is. This room is, unfortunately,

:21:43. > :21:48.the girls room. Now 12, Jason had

:21:49. > :22:04.a tough start in life. As a toddler, he was

:22:05. > :22:08.in hospital regularly. And at the age of four

:22:09. > :22:12.he was diagnosed with a very rare Jason fought the battle of his life,

:22:13. > :22:21.and with the support of Sebastian's Action Trust,

:22:22. > :22:27.he survived cancer. But unbelievably, the family

:22:28. > :22:31.were rocked again. In 2011, Jason went

:22:32. > :22:35.to bed and woke up the next morning, tried to get out

:22:36. > :22:39.of bed and get down the stairs. He just could not

:22:40. > :22:42.move his feet and his But even after a biopsy

:22:43. > :22:50.and multiple tests, doctors You just think, how much more can be

:22:51. > :22:58.thrown at my little boy? When a child has a life-limiting

:22:59. > :23:01.condition, families can be affected

:23:02. > :23:04.in a number of ways. As well as emotional stress,

:23:05. > :23:07.they can also face financial That is why, through your donations,

:23:08. > :23:14.this project is there to support children like Jason

:23:15. > :23:21.every step of the way. They focus on the whole family.

:23:22. > :23:29.They've awes been there to help. When Katie is there,

:23:30. > :23:35.from the trust, you know that Jason You know he is happy,

:23:36. > :23:39.which is a big deal. My job today is to

:23:40. > :23:45.support Mum in any way that she needs and simply to put

:23:46. > :23:48.a smile on Jason's face. Without a diagnosis,

:23:49. > :23:58.the future is uncertain. Please help us to support

:23:59. > :24:02.Jason and other children I expect it's past your bedtime,

:24:03. > :24:16.Jason, but we're sending you our love and we think

:24:17. > :24:20.you're brilliant. Now, you can see how much he loves

:24:21. > :24:23.going to Sebastian's Action Trust and what a huge difference

:24:24. > :24:26.it's made to his life. And no matter how you're donating,

:24:27. > :24:33.when you call tonight and our operator asks if we can

:24:34. > :24:37.claim Gift Aid on your donation, if you are a UK taxpayer,

:24:38. > :24:41.we'd love it if you could say yes! It means the taxman gives us

:24:42. > :24:44.an extra 25p for every pound It doesn't cost you a penny extra,

:24:45. > :24:50.so please make sure you say "Yes". And you can, of course,

:24:51. > :24:53.go online, or to donate ?10, Texts will cost ?10 plus your

:24:54. > :25:01.standard network message charge. OK Alesha, in the true spirit

:25:02. > :25:15.of tonight, I think it's time I'm left out of the sport tonight.

:25:16. > :25:18.You're sporty. I am. How about a little head-to-head challenge, Sport

:25:19. > :25:21.Relief style in here. I'm up for it. Are you up for it?

:25:22. > :25:25.CHEERING It's all very well at the Aquatic

:25:26. > :25:30.Centre they have the sport. We need sport in here. I will let you choose

:25:31. > :25:35.the first discipline. Darts. Great. Why darts? Why not? Are you any good

:25:36. > :25:40.at darts? Never played before in my life. I'm really good at darts. I

:25:41. > :25:44.accept the challenge. Brilliant. I'm very competitive, so you better

:25:45. > :25:51.watch out. Seriously. The reason I said darts is because of Gabby Logan

:25:52. > :25:59.and those who played for Sport Relief.

:26:00. > :26:10.180! Let's play darts for Sport Relief.

:26:11. > :26:56.To left the final at 7-7. For the title.

:26:57. > :27:01.Please welcome the 2016 Let's Play Darts for Sport Relief

:27:02. > :27:28.Lovely to see you both. How exciting. Hello everyone! I'm

:27:29. > :27:35.excited you're here because I love a pun so much. Do you, I'm not so keen

:27:36. > :27:43.myself. I like a pun, yes. You are darts royalty, but to be here

:27:44. > :27:49.tonight - you had to beat royalty, Tindall. Well he's married to

:27:50. > :27:56.royalty, isn't he? I met the Queen and she said, "God save our gracious

:27:57. > :28:02.queen. I said, you've changed your tune. My goodness. Will you

:28:03. > :28:06.officiate as we take on our first challenge. Of course, it would be my

:28:07. > :28:11.pleasure. You are not wearing the right costumes. If you'd like to go

:28:12. > :28:15.off and get dressed. I will stay here and do one minute of

:28:16. > :28:20.sport-related puns. Yes to the puns! Start the clock. So I was playing

:28:21. > :28:27.football on a plane, it was amazing, I was running up the wing... So I

:28:28. > :28:35.went to a - it's going to be a long minute. Saw a football match in

:28:36. > :28:46.Japan, they did marshal arts, he said there's two minutes of ninjery

:28:47. > :28:55.time. Tennis, I was playing tennis with a napkin. Don't serve yet. All

:28:56. > :29:01.male tennis players are watches. For example, Goran, even he's a witch. I

:29:02. > :29:06.have a cat called Minton, when he eats shuttle cox I say, badminton. I

:29:07. > :29:09.went to the swimming baths, I said is that the local swimming baths,

:29:10. > :29:33.where you are calling from. How That's it, the time's up. Please

:29:34. > :29:39.welcome back Greg the mole James and Alesha the lioness Dixon.

:29:40. > :29:50.This is it. It's over here. I have to unveil the tarts pendulum. Let's

:29:51. > :29:54.hear it, ladies and gentleman. All you have to do is burst as many

:29:55. > :30:02.Sport Relief balloons as possible in 30 seconds. Ladies first. We're

:30:03. > :30:07.going to make it tricky for you. Can the man in the brown coat come on,

:30:08. > :30:22.please. Where is he? He's going to make it harder. There we are.

:30:23. > :30:55.Away you go. One, two... Three! Four! You are good at darts! Six!

:30:56. > :31:07.Come on, you can get seven! Seven! That's it. Well... Very, very good.

:31:08. > :31:10.Never played it before in my life. I am hearing on the APs I am not

:31:11. > :31:18.wearing, actually, it was nine points. Excellent! -- on the ear

:31:19. > :31:25.piece. Can we have a look at one of those moments in slow motion?

:31:26. > :31:32.Fascinating! There we are, that was just balloons moving slowly. Wasn't

:31:33. > :31:44.that dramatic, viewers?! Now if you want to have a go, Greg? Can I ask

:31:45. > :31:52.you why they call you the mole? Yes, because moles are blind. So I will

:31:53. > :32:01.attempt this blindfolded. Literally, usually take a step back. Are you

:32:02. > :32:08.ready? Yes! When the music starts, you see what you can do! Round a

:32:09. > :32:26.bit... When the music starts, you are off. Nine to beat. Excuse me,

:32:27. > :32:38.his foot is in front of the line. Thank you, Greg. Careful, this way a

:32:39. > :32:41.bit, please. Actually far more dangerous than we were all

:32:42. > :32:52.expecting. Your foot is going over the line! Time is up! Can I just

:32:53. > :32:58.check? Are you all right, mate? He is OK down there. Can we have

:32:59. > :33:03.another look at the slow-mo of some of those fatalities? There we are,

:33:04. > :33:05.once again. That really isn't something else, isn't it? So, I've

:33:06. > :33:25.think the winner is Alesha! The wonderful Tim Vine, everybody!

:33:26. > :33:29.That was fun, wasn't it? I will let you off with the blindfold. I am so

:33:30. > :33:43.sorry, did I nearly hit someone down there? Would you like a balloon?

:33:44. > :33:45.Greg, in the spirit of all things competitive,

:33:46. > :33:48.you have three guesses as to where I was last week.

:33:49. > :33:49.OK. Erm, the North Pole?

:33:50. > :33:51.Nope. Ooh, I've got it...

:33:52. > :33:55.Er, yeah. How did you guess?

:33:56. > :33:58.I was in fact in none other than Buckingham Palace,

:33:59. > :34:00.home to the Queen, finding out all about the great work

:34:01. > :34:07.of Sport Relief and the Queen's Young Leaders' initiative.

:34:08. > :34:14.The young leaders programme was set up two years ago. The programme

:34:15. > :34:18.helps improve and transform the lives of amazing young people across

:34:19. > :34:22.the Commonwealth. This is Nicole. After growing up in care, she

:34:23. > :34:26.involved on a business course with a local project and now works for the

:34:27. > :34:32.same organisation, helping young people like herself. And this young

:34:33. > :34:36.lady signed up a journalism course and realised that she is passionate

:34:37. > :34:43.about writing and is now working for an online news site. Blair,

:34:44. > :34:49.despite... She is now a fully qualified youth worker. It is not

:34:50. > :34:53.just young people at home that this programme is helping. There is a

:34:54. > :34:57.fantastic project in Zambia as well. Young people are producing their own

:34:58. > :35:02.radio shoes which means they can get their voices heard and play a bigger

:35:03. > :35:06.part in their community. Over in the South Pacific, there is a brilliant

:35:07. > :35:11.in the ask Solomon Islands which is making sure young people have

:35:12. > :35:14.brilliant chance to find work. So, all across the Commonwealth, there

:35:15. > :35:21.is life-changing work taking place next to the dedication of these

:35:22. > :35:30.truly brilliant people. Queen'syoung Leaders, we salute you. You have got

:35:31. > :35:35.a Buckingham Palace voice. I think I became more posh because I was at

:35:36. > :35:40.the Palace. It is so not me! Anyway, it is your money doing incredible

:35:41. > :35:42.work, changing the lives of so many young people.

:35:43. > :35:44.And the fantastic news that the Queen Elizabeth Diamond

:35:45. > :35:47.Jubilee Trust will support us with ?1 million this Sport Relief

:35:48. > :35:51.to help more young people, like these, across the Commonwealth.

:35:52. > :35:56.Or if you do, go pour yourself a drink and come straight back.

:35:57. > :35:57.Still to come tonight, Little Britain

:35:58. > :36:02.The epic return of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, and Alesha and I go head

:36:03. > :36:11.Time for a quick thank you to all BBC Local and National

:36:12. > :36:14.radio stations for their support, and especially to 5 Live

:36:15. > :36:17.for their Battle of the Five-A-Sides, Radio 1

:36:18. > :36:23.for the Gregathlon, and Radio 2 and 4 for their great coverage.

:36:24. > :36:26.Greg, you really did excel yourself by doing something truly fantastic

:36:27. > :36:31.for Sport Relief this year - five triathlons in five days

:36:32. > :36:48.I don't know. Seriously! Five triathlons in five cities in five

:36:49. > :36:53.days. It is so not normal. I am panicking. Here I go, cycling, and

:36:54. > :37:01.the rain has started. Time to do the run now. This is dei too. We are

:37:02. > :37:17.currently driving to the location in Cardiff. The undercarriage is

:37:18. > :37:25.going... Day three, Glasgow. That was just... Sheffield, famous for

:37:26. > :37:31.being built on seven hills. Looking forward to those. Here I am, doing

:37:32. > :37:39.the swim and the run today. One more swim. Let's just hope it goes

:37:40. > :37:45.slightly better than Glasgow. I don't know how the legs are still

:37:46. > :37:46.going at they are. Ten miles and we are done. Five triathlons in five

:37:47. > :38:03.days in five cities. I watch it back and genuinely it

:38:04. > :38:09.does not feel like me. I am so impressed. I am sure everybody is

:38:10. > :38:18.wanting to know, did you read in your wet suit? And the rest! I don't

:38:19. > :38:24.know what I even mean by that! Yes, you do, as all triathletes will say.

:38:25. > :38:27.But it was open water swimming. To keep yourself warm, you have to

:38:28. > :38:34.urinate. It is just a fact. I am doing it now! On a serious note,

:38:35. > :38:38.what was the hardest day for you? The Wednesday, you saw it, getting

:38:39. > :38:41.out of the water in Glasgow and I just could not really get up. We

:38:42. > :38:46.were in a different city each day and travelling between them. The

:38:47. > :38:49.routing was not great so we did Belfast to Cardiff to Glasgow to

:38:50. > :38:57.Sheffield and then Sheffield to Norwich. Not a lot of sleep going

:38:58. > :39:01.on. By the Wednesday I was just a mess. And you had some great company

:39:02. > :39:07.along the way. We did. Amazing support. And the support from the

:39:08. > :39:14.cities was incredible. From the Radio 1 listeners as well. Thank you

:39:15. > :39:17.to all of you, personally from me, for going with the story and going

:39:18. > :39:26.with it and donating as well. It was a mad week and it really ran away

:39:27. > :39:34.with us. Now, I need you to explain a picture. What is going on here,

:39:35. > :39:46.seriously? OK, I feel like... That screen is so big in here! OK, that

:39:47. > :39:51.is a professor. Oh, yes, it is Greg. Did you not recognise him? I was not

:39:52. > :40:01.looking at his face! Oh, my goodness! I do feel that bit should

:40:02. > :40:04.be blurred. Craig Whyte is a man who has done all of these Sport Relief

:40:05. > :40:08.and Comic Relief challenges, and he really helps me with all of that

:40:09. > :40:11.kind of stuff and he is great for morale, as you can see!

:40:12. > :40:30.All right Greg, It's time to reveal how much you raised.

:40:31. > :40:46.It is a staggering amount of money, it is ?1 million that was not there

:40:47. > :40:51.before. If you have donated, then thank you, you have done so much

:40:52. > :40:55.good. Thanks to the whole Radio 1 team and everyone who supported it.

:40:56. > :41:00.It was just the most ridiculous week. But I would do it again. That

:41:01. > :41:03.sort of hardship is nothing compared to the hardship going on right now

:41:04. > :41:05.around the world, and that money will help those people. It is going

:41:06. > :41:12.to make such a Prince. Please keep supporting us

:41:13. > :41:15.all tonight by calling 03457 910 910 or go online or send

:41:16. > :41:19.us a quick text. Texts will cost ?10 plus your

:41:20. > :41:26.standard network message charge and 100% of your donation

:41:27. > :41:28.will go to Sport Relief. You must be 16 or over and please

:41:29. > :41:32.ask the bill payer's permission. For full terms and conditions

:41:33. > :41:41.and more information How about, if you give ?10 now, by

:41:42. > :41:46.text, I will never show that picture again! We will get it deleted!

:41:47. > :41:49.OK, here's a dreadful truth - there are more than 150 million

:41:50. > :41:51.children living on the streets in the world.

:41:52. > :41:53.Just stop and think about that for a moment.

:41:54. > :42:33.11-year-old Nelson ran away from home two months ago. My father died

:42:34. > :42:38.because he was sick. I came to look for my own food. And when you got

:42:39. > :42:50.here, were you scared, were you frightened? I was frightened because

:42:51. > :42:58.it is not safe. I could not sleep at the good place. What would you want

:42:59. > :43:05.your life to be like? I needed to go to school and learn more. I would

:43:06. > :43:08.like to be a doctor. But instead of getting an education, Nelson spends

:43:09. > :43:26.his days searching through rubbish for plastic bottles to sell.

:43:27. > :43:32.Despite having nothing of his own, Nelson is also taking care of

:43:33. > :43:36.younger boy who has just arrived on the streets, a ten-year-old. They do

:43:37. > :43:42.not want to live like this. They have got dreams. Nelson wants to be

:43:43. > :43:45.a doctor. Colin has told me he wants to be a pilot. Both of them have

:43:46. > :43:49.left their families because that was the only option they could see just

:43:50. > :43:59.they are good kids, really hard-working, honest kids. Just like

:44:00. > :44:06.your children. At around 8pm that evening, the boys decide it is

:44:07. > :44:16.bedtime. So where do you sleep? We sleep at this place. Here? Yes. What

:44:17. > :44:31.are you sleeping on? These sacks that we are using. Just this? Yes.

:44:32. > :44:45.As Nelson and Collins are settling down, some bigger boys turn up.

:44:46. > :44:49.The younger boys are pushed around the corner, forced to sleep by the

:44:50. > :45:05.busy road. Night night. I actually can't bear it. That is a

:45:06. > :45:15.ten-year-old and 11-year-old boy, erm, tucked up in a sack. On a

:45:16. > :45:22.concrete pavement. And I want to tell them it is going to be all

:45:23. > :45:31.right. There are thousands of children across Kenya like Collins

:45:32. > :45:34.and Nelson sleeping wrath on the streets every night. Sometimes you

:45:35. > :45:38.see these problems and you think, that is too big, we cannot solve it.

:45:39. > :45:43.But the amazing thing is that if a lot of us, and I mean a lot of us,

:45:44. > :45:48.do something small, we can make a huge difference. Sport Relief makes

:45:49. > :45:56.a difference. So pick up the phone, give what you can. And make sure

:45:57. > :46:00.their future is brighter than this. Thank you.

:46:01. > :46:06.This is happening now, to those children, on those streets.

:46:07. > :46:11.We're all a team. All of you watching now, if you've been

:46:12. > :46:16.watching since 7pm. You're part of that team. If we all think about one

:46:17. > :46:18.thing together, the power of that is incredible.

:46:19. > :46:21.It costs just ?5 to pay for a whole month's accommodation for a child.

:46:22. > :46:33.It will help children like that find a safe place to say.

:46:34. > :46:37.It's a great team to be part of. Call 03457 910 910 or go on line

:46:38. > :46:40.bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. We're going to make it even easier

:46:41. > :46:48.for you to give some cash tonight. All you need for this

:46:49. > :46:59.bit is a mobile phone. I've got one.

:47:00. > :47:03.That last film, my heart is breaking from watching that film. Tough to

:47:04. > :47:08.watch. It's so simple, the team power, it works. Please, do it. A

:47:09. > :47:13.simple text message will change the world. It will change lives. As

:47:14. > :47:19.Clare said, if we all did it, everyone watching right now, if you

:47:20. > :47:25.picked up your phone, mine is a flip phone, pick up your phone right now,

:47:26. > :47:28.you can do it. What is that? Doesn't matter, doesn't matter what phone

:47:29. > :47:35.you've got. Who loaned you that for this? This is not a loan. I wish it

:47:36. > :47:40.were a horrible joke. Oh, dear. This is it. We are all in this together

:47:41. > :47:46.this evening. If we can harness that power we can save lives. Let's do

:47:47. > :47:50.it. Have you got your phones on? Did they take them away from you?

:47:51. > :47:54.Correct. They asked you to turn your phones off. I was checking! Good. I

:47:55. > :47:58.was being sneaky. Get them on. Seriously, get them on. Lock the

:47:59. > :48:02.doors, no-one's leaving until they've texted. Let's all do it now.

:48:03. > :48:07.Phones out at home. If you've been watching and enjoyed any of it or

:48:08. > :48:11.touched by any of the appeal films that you've seen, Danny, or Marvin

:48:12. > :48:15.and Rochelle or Michael Crawford when he gave that incredible speech,

:48:16. > :48:17.if you've enjoyed any of tonight, please, do it now. Get your phones

:48:18. > :48:29.out and let's give it a go. Texts will cost ?10 plus your

:48:30. > :48:37.standard network message charge Now, it's time to say another thank

:48:38. > :48:57.you, with boxing hero James De Gale When fighting the common cause, you

:48:58. > :49:01.need people to come together. You need the support of your team around

:49:02. > :49:08.you. You need dedication, hard work and of course, courage. And no-one

:49:09. > :49:13.knows that more than the better staff and customers who have been

:49:14. > :49:20.running events all over the country, raising stacks of cash for preef.

:49:21. > :49:26.All customers have been swimming, running and climbing and it's made a

:49:27. > :49:33.monumental difference. The amazing staff have raised money by

:49:34. > :49:38.completing a 500-mile cycle, a ten-person swim-a-thon and a

:49:39. > :49:42.marathon walk through Bath. There's one thing left to say... Thank you!

:49:43. > :49:53.Let's find out what the staff and customers have raised.

:49:54. > :50:03.This night just can't get any better, can it,

:50:04. > :50:16.We have something huge on the horizon. Earlier you chose darts.

:50:17. > :50:25.You won. I can't argue with, that but I was blind folded. I'm choosing

:50:26. > :50:29.to challenge you Alesha Dixon by the classic medium of... Lip sync

:50:30. > :50:38.battle! Please welcome our Sport Relief

:50:39. > :51:12.Lip Sync Battle Host, APPLAUSE Congratulations on team

:51:13. > :51:15.Flintoff. Thank you, that was something else doing synchronised

:51:16. > :51:22.swimming, that was the first time a chiefed the lift. When I went down

:51:23. > :51:24.to the floor, I grazed the surface with my buttocks. That clinched the

:51:25. > :51:28.perfect ten. Thanks for having me, guys,

:51:29. > :51:38.great to be here and I'm honoured They're both potentially winners

:51:39. > :51:44.here. How are you feeling? I didn't think it through, because this is a

:51:45. > :51:49.pop star. Yeah. Yeah, but you're a nerdy music swat. I know all of

:51:50. > :51:54.them. I've got all the albums. That's on

:51:55. > :51:59.your side. That is true. What about you, can you take this? I don't

:52:00. > :52:04.know. I'm worried about what he has up his sleeve. I think it will be

:52:05. > :52:10.hillarious. Just an unnecessarily lanky arm. While they go off to get

:52:11. > :52:12.battle ready, here's the brilliant Little Britain,

:52:13. > :52:15.starring the beautiful Peter Crouch, TOM BAKER: Football is one of

:52:16. > :52:19.Britain's most popular pastimes. In his office, sports agent

:52:20. > :52:21.Mickey Perm is trying to strike a deal for

:52:22. > :52:23.one of his footballs. I don't play football myself,

:52:24. > :52:26.because sadly, I don't have a foot. Ah, Crouchy, my

:52:27. > :52:51.favourite new client. I'd get you back in

:52:52. > :52:58.the England team, didn't I? Well, your numero uno agent has

:52:59. > :53:03.only gone and done it. I can't wait to be

:53:04. > :53:11.back with the boys. I've got you a place

:53:12. > :53:25.with the Lionesses. I've got someone who can

:53:26. > :53:31.help you with that. My name is Emily Howard,

:53:32. > :53:36.and I am a lady. She is going to teach you how

:53:37. > :53:50.to behave like a lady. I must say, I was rather

:53:51. > :53:53.surprised when I heard In my mind, ladies should play

:53:54. > :53:58.ladies' games, like cribbage Crouchy, do you want to play

:53:59. > :54:10.for England again or not? TOM JONES: # Well, she's all

:54:11. > :54:33.you'd ever want # She's the kind I'd like to flaunt

:54:34. > :54:36.And take to dinner # Well, she always knows her place

:54:37. > :54:43.She's got style, she's got grace # Whoa-oh-oh

:54:44. > :54:54.She's a lady # But she's never in the way

:54:55. > :55:06.Always something nice to say # I can leave her on her own

:55:07. > :55:14.Knowing she's OK alone # Whoa-oh-oh

:55:15. > :55:28.She's a lady # She knows what I'm about

:55:29. > :55:40.She can take what I dish out # But she knows me through

:55:41. > :55:48.and through # And she knows just what to do

:55:49. > :55:53.and how to please me... # Are you sure that they'll believe

:55:54. > :55:55.that I'm a lady? What do you think

:55:56. > :57:36.you're playing at? I think you might have rather

:57:37. > :57:40.given the game away. You can give me

:57:41. > :57:50.the outfit back later. Thank you to David Walliams

:57:51. > :58:04.and the Lionesses Will you now please welcome back

:58:05. > :58:24.to the stage, CHEERING AND

:58:25. > :58:27.APPLAUSE You're going to be up first ah, leasha. Bad news, babe. --

:58:28. > :58:42.Alesha. Hills can be funky, it's all

:58:43. > :58:48.erosion. You're up first I'm afraid. OK. How are you feeling? No saliva

:58:49. > :58:52.in my mouth. I was saying to Greg, back stage, it's like trying to get

:58:53. > :58:57.into fifth gear really quickly. I'm worried about what this one's going

:58:58. > :59:04.to do. Me too, I'm having a panic attack at what's under that jacket.

:59:05. > :59:10.Me too. Will you hold my mic for me. Of course. Don't need it, it's lip

:59:11. > :59:28.sync right? Show some love for the one, the only, Alesha Dixon.

:59:29. > :59:42.# Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up

:59:43. > :59:48.# If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling

:59:49. > :59:50.# Mugs is a funkfest Someone's talking junk

:59:51. > :59:53.# And then I'll take the punks home

:59:54. > :59:59.# Than there's cops at a Dunkin' Donuts shop

:00:00. > :00:02.# Sure enough I got props from the Kids on the Hill

:00:03. > :00:07.# I came to get down I came to get down

:00:08. > :00:09.# So get out your seats and jump around

:00:10. > :00:55.If you die of dehydration, Greg might win by default. Are you ready?

:00:56. > :00:59.Ladies and gentlemen, he's a weapon of mass musical

:01:00. > :01:00.destruction, it's the drivetime demolition devil,

:01:01. > :01:19.# I was wondering if after all these years

:01:20. > :01:25.# You'd like to meet to go over everything

:01:26. > :01:30.# They say that time's supposed to heal ya

:01:31. > :02:25.Please give it up for Greg James, everyone!

:02:26. > :02:35.That was amazing. That has made my night, you are in -- you doing that!

:02:36. > :02:40.Not being funny, they would have worn something a bit better than

:02:41. > :02:50.that. Honestly, how did you get my nan's outfit out of the wardrobe?!

:02:51. > :02:58.Greg, did you just do that live on BBC One? Knock some points off for

:02:59. > :03:00.that. Definitely. We have to decide who the winner is. Cheer for whoever

:03:01. > :03:24.you think has one or the purveyor of horrible

:03:25. > :03:43.geriatric humour, Greg James! Alesha? Greg? Ladies and gentlemen,

:03:44. > :03:50.Greg James takes it! I am so sorry! Thank you having me on. Thank you

:03:51. > :03:57.the coming on! Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Kane! That has brightened up

:03:58. > :04:00.my evening. We hope you guys enjoyed that as much as we did. We have got

:04:01. > :04:06.loads more entertainment coming up. coming up for you tonight,

:04:07. > :04:09.but right now, we want to show you how we transformed the beautiful

:04:10. > :04:12.Peter Crouch into Petra Crouch - it's behind the scenes

:04:13. > :04:27.of Little Britain. Not sure what I am doing here, to be

:04:28. > :04:35.honest. Full of anticipation. Today we are filming a sketch for Sport

:04:36. > :04:40.Relief, involving me, and Todorov, with Peter Crouch. The idea is that

:04:41. > :04:50.Peter Crouch wants to get back in the England squad. Your agent has

:04:51. > :04:55.only gone and done it. Thank you so much, I cannot wait to be back with

:04:56. > :04:59.the boys. Not the boys, I have got your place with the Lionesses! I

:05:00. > :05:13.have got someone who can help you with that! Oh, no! So,

:05:14. > :05:20.what we are filming now is me in training to become a lady. David

:05:21. > :05:22.showing me what to do. The walk, and trying on wigs and dresses - believe

:05:23. > :05:36.it or not! We have just done a rough croquet

:05:37. > :05:42.sequence involving some close orderly work. And then the rest of

:05:43. > :05:52.the day is mainly close orderly work, I would say. Peter has been a

:05:53. > :05:56.revelation. When you write a part for somebody, you do not know if

:05:57. > :06:01.they are going to be able to act or not. Sometimes it just goes a bit

:06:02. > :06:14.wrong. He has been really game and really fun.

:06:15. > :06:30.Hello, nice to meet you! Hello, ladies! Who are you? I am Patra, and

:06:31. > :06:40.I am a lady. Most ladylike! Who is the new girl? She is gorgeous. It

:06:41. > :06:48.has been a great pleasure. Looking at the costumes, I got really

:06:49. > :06:52.lightly. Referee! In those plimsolls, I think he has had a

:06:53. > :06:58.better touch on a Saturday afternoon when I have seen him! Petra is

:06:59. > :07:06.better than Peter, to be quite honest! Fair play to him, I mean,

:07:07. > :07:11.quite awkward having your first conversation with Peter Crouch when

:07:12. > :07:15.he is dressed as he is today. But he has been great with the girls and

:07:16. > :07:22.the team. It has been a really fun day. I have had a fantastic day. I

:07:23. > :07:26.can safely say that you will not be seeing Petra again any time soon.

:07:27. > :07:28.But yes, very enjoyable and hopefully raised some money for

:07:29. > :07:42.Sport Relief. You can download that

:07:43. > :07:47.brilliant behind-the-scenes package as well as the full sketch,

:07:48. > :07:50.plus Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em and loads of other Sport Relief

:07:51. > :07:53.funnies by going to BBC Store And by buying them, you will be

:07:54. > :07:58.giving money to Sport Relief. And this time, it's one

:07:59. > :08:02.of our finest ever sprinters, Iwan Thomas, who has

:08:03. > :08:20.stepped up to the plate. This year, FitBit are really

:08:21. > :08:24.stepping up to the plate to raise money for Sport Relief. They are

:08:25. > :08:31.encouraging you, the great British public, to register each time you

:08:32. > :08:37.take a step towards the big Stepathon. And you guys did enough

:08:38. > :08:45.steps to reach the moon and back, five times! I had better get a shift

:08:46. > :08:49.on! The amazing staff have been taking part in a selection of

:08:50. > :08:53.back-to-back training sessions. General manager Gareth Jones has

:08:54. > :08:58.been leading from the front by doing the relay challenge to help raise

:08:59. > :09:02.even more for Sport Relief. To all the generous staff, and you, the

:09:03. > :09:03.amazing customers, from us at Sport Relief, an amazing thank you. Hang

:09:04. > :09:07.on! Time to reveal how much the FitBit

:09:08. > :09:37.staff and customers have raised. How do you look amazing again?

:09:38. > :09:38.Because you were not here for that link about five minutes ago.

:09:39. > :09:40.Anyway... In this next film,

:09:41. > :09:42.Marvin and Rochelle Humes went to Kenya,

:09:43. > :09:45.where they found out there's still so much more to be done

:09:46. > :10:46.in the fight against malaria. We knew malaria was still very much

:10:47. > :10:49.a problem here, but nothing could prepare us for the number of

:10:50. > :11:06.children who were struggling with this terrible disease.

:11:07. > :11:22.Yes. The symptoms of malaria?

:11:23. > :11:25.Sometimes they arrived, they don't...

:11:26. > :11:32.And they got readmitted. And she started vomiting.

:11:33. > :11:35.You do not want to cry in front of them, because it is their children,

:11:36. > :11:53.you know? I have never seen children look that

:11:54. > :11:57.sick before in my life. Malaria is not something you give a second

:11:58. > :12:01.thought at home. You know it exists, but it is very far away from you.

:12:02. > :12:12.The scale that it is on here, it is insane. Nine out of ten of those

:12:13. > :12:18.children had malaria, the symptoms, convulsing, fever, vomiting,

:12:19. > :12:27.diarrhoea. So sick. Just so lifeless, to see a child that looks

:12:28. > :12:49.so exhausted... In Africa, a child dies of malaria every two minutes.

:12:50. > :12:58.It is easy to feel powerless, but we are not.

:12:59. > :13:02.But a mosquito net only lasts five years, and a mosquito net

:13:03. > :13:05.with a hole in it, is NOT a mosquito net anymore.

:13:06. > :13:08.You've already done so much, but as you can see, we need

:13:09. > :13:11.Just one ?10 text. That's four nets.

:13:12. > :13:18.To donate ?10, just text the word YES to 70010.

:13:19. > :13:30.Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge.

:13:31. > :13:35.And 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.

:13:36. > :13:38.And Gregles, we have the small matter of our head-to-head

:13:39. > :13:43.challenge to deal with, isn't that right?

:13:44. > :13:52.Got any ideas what is coming? I am exhausted so I can only imagine. But

:13:53. > :13:54.I am apprehensive. But I think it will be a good one, right? Yes, it

:13:55. > :13:58.will be Willie good. But look, while we've been gassing

:13:59. > :14:03.away, people all over the country have been donating, and it's only

:14:04. > :14:06.fair that we find out how much their incredible

:14:07. > :14:08.generosity has raised. I'm so excited - this

:14:09. > :14:39.is our first totaliser! You are joking, aren't you? And we

:14:40. > :14:48.are not even done! That is unbelievable. I am actually

:14:49. > :14:52.gobsmacked. That is amazing. A huge thank you to every single one of

:14:53. > :14:57.you. What a night this has turned out to be. It is incredible.

:14:58. > :15:02.Unbelievable. Thank you so much if you did pick up the phone, if you

:15:03. > :15:06.did text and go online. You are the best and you are making such a

:15:07. > :15:11.difference. The team is working, so let's keep it going.

:15:12. > :15:13.And coming up soon, we have some comedy gold

:15:14. > :15:15.which is going to blow your socks off -

:15:16. > :15:18.But in the meantime, here's a little something

:15:19. > :15:41.It is all right, Betty! Watch out! I have had a bit of trouble, Betty!

:15:42. > :15:48.Sorry! Bloody kids! Hello, Mr Wiggins!

:15:49. > :15:58.Now, 50% of your donations go to fund projects here in the UK.

:15:59. > :16:00.And the good news is that the Government is adding

:16:01. > :16:02.?3 million to tonight's pot to specifically help projects

:16:03. > :16:14.which support vulnerable women and girls.

:16:15. > :16:17.This next film is from one of our nation's great institutions,

:16:18. > :16:20.All you fans out there will remember the deeply moving storyline

:16:21. > :16:22.about Stacey and her struggle with extreme postnatal depression.

:16:23. > :16:25.Here's Lacey Turner - the actress who plays Stacey -

:16:26. > :16:28.to explain that for many women, this condition is all too real.

:16:29. > :16:31.Giving birth to a child should be a truly wonderful time in a woman's

:16:32. > :16:33.life and one of life's most joyful experiences.

:16:34. > :16:37.But, sadly, as I have learnt in my role as Stacey,

:16:38. > :16:49.The truth is that every year, here in the UK, around 70,000 women

:16:50. > :16:54.won't find that becoming a mother is the fairy-tale they dreamed of.

:16:55. > :16:59.I can't keep Arthur safe every minute on my own.

:17:00. > :17:02.70,000 women won't find the sleepless nights and constant

:17:03. > :17:05.care a baby needs plain old exhausting.

:17:06. > :17:07.They'll find it much worse than that.

:17:08. > :17:10.They will become ill with postnatal depression.

:17:11. > :17:15.In more extreme cases like Stacey's, more than 1,400 women will suffer

:17:16. > :17:18.from the more severe version of the illness,

:17:19. > :17:30.This is truly frightening, for them and for their families.

:17:31. > :17:40.Arthur is not yours. He is God's.

:17:41. > :17:43.Stacey, why would they want to take Arthur?

:17:44. > :17:48.He's outside. He's waiting.

:17:49. > :17:51.Sadly, like with so many mental illnesses, women are scared

:17:52. > :17:59.They think they should feel a certain way.

:18:00. > :18:02.They're new mothers, after all - why does it seem that everyone else

:18:03. > :18:18.It's thought that the real number of sufferers is higher,

:18:19. > :18:21.but that women are too scared to come forward and talk about it.

:18:22. > :18:26.They're scared of what people will say and they're scared

:18:27. > :18:35.I believe it's absolutely real for you.

:18:36. > :18:38.And I think it must be tiring and extremely stressful.

:18:39. > :18:41.If you think you're suffering from postnatal depression,

:18:42. > :18:44.the best thing you can do is tell someone you're feeling overwhelmed.

:18:45. > :18:49.Talk to a doctor or health visitor or a friend.

:18:50. > :18:55.After Arthur was born, I heard HIS voice.

:18:56. > :19:02.He only talked to you after Arthur was born?

:19:03. > :19:04.Sport Relief is supporting the maternal mental health alliance

:19:05. > :19:08.to raise awareness of the importance of this issue, as well as projects

:19:09. > :19:11.which aim to support mums, dads and their families to recover

:19:12. > :19:15.from maternal mental health and move forwards.

:19:16. > :19:20.I think we're going to need a clean outfit.

:19:21. > :19:22.We want you to know you're not alone, you have nothing

:19:23. > :19:28.You can be treated and things can get better.

:19:29. > :19:31.Help us to continue to support women and families, who are suffering

:19:32. > :19:33.unnecessarily at what should be one of the happiest times

:19:34. > :19:38.To donate please call or go to the website.

:19:39. > :19:53.The stigma around illnesses like postnatal depression hasn't

:19:54. > :19:56.gone away yet, but things are slowly getting better.

:19:57. > :20:03.?30 could enable an isolated mum, who is experiencing postnatal

:20:04. > :20:07.depression, to attend a session to help start the road to recovery.

:20:08. > :20:11.Please help us to support those mums at the time they really need it

:20:12. > :20:14.by donating online at bbc.co.uk/SportRelief or you can

:20:15. > :20:25.Tonight, we've seen people take on tough challenges for Sport Relief.

:20:26. > :20:28.But the real stars of tonight have been you and all the many brilliant

:20:29. > :20:36.things you've done to raise millions of pounds for Sport Relief.

:20:37. > :20:43.# One way or another, I'm gonna find you

:20:44. > :20:48.# I'm gonna, get you, get you # One way or another, I'm going to

:20:49. > :20:57.win you # I'll beat you

:20:58. > :21:06.# And if the lights are all out # I'll follow your bus downtown

:21:07. > :21:31.# Thank you so much to

:21:32. > :22:02.all of you out there - And if you haven't done anything

:22:03. > :22:05.yet, here's a reminder of how you can give ?10 by text

:22:06. > :22:28.from England manager, If you want to give ?10 text YES TO

:22:29. > :22:29.70010. I THINK. Yeah. For more information go to bbc.co.uk/Sport

:22:30. > :22:35.Relief or ask Chris his permission. A big thank you to Roy Hodgson

:22:36. > :22:38.and the brilliant Alistair McGowan. It's time for our third

:22:39. > :22:43.and final challenge. And here we are at the Queen

:22:44. > :22:46.Elizabeth Olympic Park, famously the scene for records

:22:47. > :22:48.being broken and the history books re-written - I'm talking,

:22:49. > :22:51.Usain Bolt, Laura Trott, Sir Chris Hoy, and so,

:22:52. > :22:54.tonight Greggy, we are going to set It's a bit pants really, well,

:22:55. > :23:03.more like swimming trunks. We'll be setting the record

:23:04. > :23:06.for the most pairs of swimming And to help us, please

:23:07. > :23:14.welcome our official adjudicator from Guinness World

:23:15. > :23:32.Records - Mark McInlay. The rules are simple, you have to

:23:33. > :23:36.seconds to pull on as many pairs of swimming trunks over your trousers

:23:37. > :23:44.properly as possible. Take my shoes off? You can. Get comfy. They need

:23:45. > :23:49.to cover the buttocks and I need you to remove your jacket. Lovely. As

:23:50. > :23:58.you ask so politely I will. We're getting very serious now. Are

:23:59. > :24:07.you ready? 30 seconds? You've got 30 seconds.

:24:08. > :24:14.Good luck, Greg. You can do it. This is easy compared

:24:15. > :24:20.to what you've been doing. This is an official Guinness World Records

:24:21. > :24:24.attempt. CHEERING For the title, three...

:24:25. > :25:00.Two... One... Go! MUSIC: Condition final Countdown.

:25:01. > :25:06.-- Final Countdown. Three, two one - time! Is he allowed the last one?

:25:07. > :25:13.Come on, Mark, there's pain going on here. Bruised my undercarriage. How

:25:14. > :25:17.did he do. In order to achieve the record, you needed to pull on ten

:25:18. > :25:26.pairs of swimming trunks within 30 seconds. In the 30 seconds, you

:25:27. > :25:39.managed... Just nine. How does it feel to have just missed

:25:40. > :25:48.out? I mean... Thanks Mark. Yeah, Mark, it was all going so well. This

:25:49. > :25:52.is nothing, your ego has still got fine. I thought you did really well.

:25:53. > :26:00.Thanks though, Mark. Thank you very much, Mark.

:26:01. > :26:04.Well done, Greg. Keep those on for the rest of the

:26:05. > :26:10.night? They aren't coming off - actually do you want to take them

:26:11. > :26:12.off for me? Come on, let's go. Thank you, guys.

:26:13. > :26:18.What an image. Now, you're about to meet a very

:26:19. > :26:29.special boy, called Milan. The most powerful earthquake to hit

:26:30. > :26:35.Nepal in 80 years has killed... Along with large-scale loss of

:26:36. > :26:41.life... My heart is really moving now. Everyone's running through the

:26:42. > :26:45.streets. In April 2015, a powerful earthquake, along with 120

:26:46. > :26:55.aftershocks killed almost 9,000 people in Nepal, leaving devastation

:26:56. > :27:03.in its wake. Eight-year-old Milan's life was

:27:04. > :27:43.changed forever. This pile of dirt and rubble was once his home.

:27:44. > :28:04.Before the earthquake proinjects funded by Sport Relief were already

:28:05. > :28:13.providing education for vulnerable children in Kathmandu. Now more than

:28:14. > :28:16.ever, they need help. They will get the support to turn their lives

:28:17. > :28:25.around. Your money really will make all the difference. So please give

:28:26. > :28:30.what you can tonight. Please call: Or go online. Thank you.

:28:31. > :28:33.Milan is just one of over a million children whose lives have been

:28:34. > :28:37.Just ?10 could pay for a vulnerable child living

:28:38. > :28:40.on the streets of Nepal to access health care services for a year.

:28:41. > :28:48.Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge

:28:49. > :28:52.and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.

:28:53. > :28:54.Now it's the time for what everyone agrees

:28:55. > :28:57.is the biggest thing on Sport Relief.

:28:58. > :29:06.We've certainly left the best till last.

:29:07. > :29:17.It's time for, you need to hold this actually, it's time for, and go

:29:18. > :29:20.bananas for this... The Tech partners and mobile operators thank

:29:21. > :29:24.you. APPLAUSE

:29:25. > :29:27.These guys not only make it possible for you to pick up your phones

:29:28. > :29:30.and donate, but what's more they don't take a single penny

:29:31. > :29:45.Let's give them a massive cheer. APPLAUSE

:29:46. > :29:47.OK, I'm going to need a little help for this.

:29:48. > :29:52.Please welcome one of my oldest friends...

:29:53. > :30:04.Where is he? That man there? Is he coming to the stage? This man here?

:30:05. > :30:15.Yes, my oldest and dearest friend, Josh.

:30:16. > :30:28.OK, we'd like to thank, EE, O2, Three, Virgin Media,

:30:29. > :30:35.OK, we'd like to thank, EE, O2, Three, Virgin Media...

:30:36. > :30:46.Vodafone - you have all been extraordinary, thank you.

:30:47. > :31:41.Is that it? Is there one more? Is there not another one? Yes!

:31:42. > :31:52.Right, I think I need a lie down. Greg, can you take over please?

:31:53. > :32:01.It is 2016, this is degrading. Yes, he has got nice arms, but are you

:32:02. > :32:11.happy?! I'm not sure he is very happy. He has got that tattooed on

:32:12. > :32:18.his breasts! My oldest friend, thank you!

:32:19. > :32:26.Now please don't forget that Sport Relief doesn't end tonight,

:32:27. > :32:37.No, because on Sunday at 1.15pm, live on BBC One,

:32:38. > :32:40.the Sport Relief Games Show will be kicking off!

:32:41. > :32:44.That's right, tens of thousands of you across the country will be

:32:45. > :32:46.running, swimming, and cycling for Sport Relief, and we'll be

:32:47. > :32:51.Join us on Sunday as people all over the nation do themselves proud

:32:52. > :32:56.We're live from the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park as a whole

:32:57. > :32:58.host of famous people join us for the culmination

:32:59. > :33:02.We will test those famous faces with challenges.

:33:03. > :33:06.And we will bring you the action from across the country as thousands

:33:07. > :33:09.of you walk, run, swim or cycle yourselves proud

:33:10. > :33:12.to raise cash and change people's lives.

:33:13. > :33:40.I will be there on Sunday doing a mile around the Olympic Park, there

:33:41. > :33:44.is loads going on on Sunday. Anything you want to do, all

:33:45. > :33:45.abilities welcome. Go to the website.

:33:46. > :33:48.And there is still time to sign up so go online bbc.co.uk/sportrelief,

:33:49. > :33:50.if you've had a few beers and you've got that

:33:51. > :33:53.false confidence that makes you feel you can take on the world,

:33:54. > :33:55.then we're here to take advantage of you -

:33:56. > :33:59.It really will be a fantastic day out,

:34:00. > :34:01.bring the family, kids, grandparents, and literally

:34:02. > :34:16.So, we just heard the theme tune to Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. I think it

:34:17. > :34:34.is time, don't you? I think it is time!

:34:35. > :35:07.You were supposed to be here half an hour ago.

:35:08. > :35:09.You're going to miss our daughter's big race.

:35:10. > :35:19.I have just got to pop in and get Jessica some food luck flowers.

:35:20. > :35:24.You know how flustered I get lately, what with me

:35:25. > :35:28.Men don't go through the change, Frank.

:35:29. > :35:30.Well how else would you explain my recent

:35:31. > :36:29.You clearly have not been driving very

:36:30. > :36:32.long, or you would have more consideration for a man

:36:33. > :36:36.What are you doing on the roof of a car, on a bicycle?

:36:37. > :36:41.Well, if they had a proper cycle lane, I would not be up here!

:36:42. > :36:49.Do you know how much this car is worth?

:36:50. > :36:59.And might I suggest that you take your driving a bit

:37:00. > :37:04.I am guessing you do not know what I do

:37:05. > :37:08.You may have a new car and fancy yourself as king of the road,

:37:09. > :37:14.As my mother always said, mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

:37:15. > :37:23.If you can't drive without a fuss, then give up your car,

:37:24. > :37:44.My daughter is in one of those races.

:37:45. > :37:59.4.99. Thank you.

:38:00. > :38:41.But I'm sure he will get here one way or another.

:38:42. > :39:06.Would it be possible to borrow your helmet?

:39:07. > :39:08.In the interests of health and safety,

:39:09. > :39:26.Have you just arrived in our country?

:39:27. > :39:32.Oh, good. Then you've not got far to go.

:39:33. > :39:49.I am going through the change, though.

:39:50. > :39:52.It has been nice chatting, but I must dash.

:39:53. > :40:12.So, if you will just tell Ringo, I won't be able to get there.

:40:13. > :40:34.First, I, David Walliams, swam the channel.

:40:35. > :40:40.That is why it is a great honour for me to unveil this

:40:41. > :41:29.I don't know, I have had a bit of trouble,

:41:30. > :41:46.Frank - Jessica's race starts in one minute.

:41:47. > :42:31.They should have told me which way round to go.

:42:32. > :42:34.The important thing is, you realised.

:42:35. > :42:55.But I am sure he did his best to get here on time.

:42:56. > :43:04.We are nearing the end of this world record attempt from Sir Bradley

:43:05. > :43:10.And it is truly unbelievable from him.

:43:11. > :43:17.If he can keep this up, the record is on.

:43:18. > :43:20.Just three laps away from the record, Sir

:43:21. > :43:27.Bradley is going to break it yet again!

:43:28. > :43:40.Somehow, despite the unscheduled interruption, Sir Brad

:43:41. > :44:21.I will give you a bloody hot flush, get off!

:44:22. > :44:44.COMMENTATOR: What is happening here?!

:44:45. > :44:55.That is an absolute disaster for Bradley Wiggins...

:44:56. > :44:59.Coach David Brailsford has got to be fuming.

:45:00. > :45:02.I have never seen anything like this before.

:45:03. > :45:12.Jessica - I'm so sorry I missed your race.

:45:13. > :45:16.It's just a shame you didn't hear everyone

:45:17. > :45:22.Although I always think, if you haven't got anything nice

:45:23. > :45:25.to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.

:45:26. > :45:39.Because I really need to get to the hospital.

:45:40. > :46:05.All things considered, I think it's been a really lovely day.

:46:06. > :46:19.Even when I done a whoopsie on the carpet?

:46:20. > :46:28.Mind you, I'm going through the change.

:46:29. > :47:05.Running rings around us once more, we would like to say a massive thank

:47:06. > :47:08.you to the one and only Michael Crawford and the cast

:47:09. > :47:11.Michele Dotrice, Gemma Arterton, Jenson Button, Jessica Ennis-Hill,

:47:12. > :47:14.Boris Johnson, David Walliams, Roy Hodgson, Arsene Wenger,

:47:15. > :47:16.Sir Paul McCartney, Simon Brotherton, Clare Balding,

:47:17. > :47:19.Sir Chris Hoy, Sir Bradley Wiggins, Andy Murray, Jamie Murray and Dave

:47:20. > :47:35.We have shown you a lot of films tonight, but one in particular seems

:47:36. > :47:39.to have affected you profoundly. We're going to show it again one

:47:40. > :47:50.last time. Here's Danny Dyer in Sierra Leone.

:47:51. > :47:55.Malaria is not a problem we have to deal with at home. It doesn't enter

:47:56. > :48:03.our heads. Here it's a major problem. It's getting better

:48:04. > :48:10.slightly, but nowhere near enough. Nowhere near enough. In Africa, a

:48:11. > :48:17.child dies from malaria every two minutes. The simplest way to prevent

:48:18. > :48:22.this happening is for children to sleep under a treated mosquito net.

:48:23. > :48:24.Yet in Sierra Leone, less than half of children under five have access

:48:25. > :48:48.to one. It is not good to see babies coming

:48:49. > :48:51.here with these cases. Some, when they come

:48:52. > :48:54.they are very sick, really It is like, malaria,

:48:55. > :49:05.severe malaria, severe malaria, severe malaria,

:49:06. > :49:07.severe malaria. Day after day, week

:49:08. > :49:18.after week, month after month, this will keep going on,

:49:19. > :49:26.year after year after year. Seven-month-old Mariatu who has been

:49:27. > :49:30.brought in by her mum. For a baby this young,

:49:31. > :49:39.contracting this terrible Once malaria has

:49:40. > :49:48.taken hold, there are And she has developed painful ulcers

:49:49. > :50:05.in her mouth. It means she is unable

:50:06. > :50:08.to breast-feed and has become But the sores in her mouth

:50:09. > :50:15.make it hard for little Without food, she is

:50:16. > :50:21.becoming weaker and weaker. For so many of the mothers in this

:50:22. > :50:23.ward, the reason why they are here at all

:50:24. > :50:30.is simply down to poverty. With barely enough money for food,

:50:31. > :50:40.for Mariatu, it means there was no Malaria is still one of the biggest

:50:41. > :50:52.causes of death in children under And yet every day,

:50:53. > :51:01.these beds fill up with children for fighting

:51:02. > :51:07.for their lives. Many of them will never make it

:51:08. > :51:11.home. With every breath, this little girl

:51:12. > :51:17.is fighting for her life. And with every moment

:51:18. > :51:20.that passes, all her A fiver for two nets,

:51:21. > :52:02.that's all it is. Don't be the one that

:52:03. > :52:06.don't make the call. All you've got to do

:52:07. > :52:10.is pick up that blower. Please, honestly, it is

:52:11. > :52:33.the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do. It's to

:52:34. > :52:37.1, if you don't -- it's 2016, if you don't think that should be

:52:38. > :52:39.happening, if you agree with me that shouldn't be happening, please

:52:40. > :52:41.donate just ?10. To donate ?10, just text

:52:42. > :52:50.the word YES to 70010. It's not too late to be part of the

:52:51. > :52:54.team of Sport Relief. Texts will cost ?10 plus your

:52:55. > :52:58.standard network message charge. Tonight has been so incredible. It's

:52:59. > :53:04.been an emotional roller coaster. You've all stood together and made

:53:05. > :53:06.an enormous difference to millions Tonight, all of you out there,

:53:07. > :53:11.and everyone in here has pulled off possibly the biggest

:53:12. > :53:14.team effort I have ever known. We want to remind you now

:53:15. > :53:28.of some your best bits! Hello Sport Relief 2016! Welcome to

:53:29. > :53:34.the show. I will run 27 marathons in 27 days.

:53:35. > :53:39.I'm doing this on behalf of all the portly middle-aged women in the

:53:40. > :53:50.country. Danty step. Hello Mr Wiggins. Get off. You've never

:53:51. > :53:56.looked lovelier. Go! He's down. Major disaster. Freddie Flintoff is

:53:57. > :54:10.a two-time winner. Oh, what a gay day. Right, get out. Would someone

:54:11. > :54:14.please cook the chicken! I want to tell them it's going to be all

:54:15. > :54:26.right. We can help from this point onwards. You look brilliant. Sport

:54:27. > :54:36.can create hope. It's a ten! Harry Judd. Keep going! I don't know how

:54:37. > :54:46.the legs are still going, but they are. The total so far tonight...

:54:47. > :54:50.Cheers everyone. Thank you so much everyone who has donated. Life is

:54:51. > :55:00.too precious. I'm happy, thank you very much. The winners... Team

:55:01. > :55:08.Flintoff! What a night. Goodbye Doris. Thank you. Thank you! . Thank

:55:09. > :55:21.you. Smithy, is it all over? It is now. It is now.

:55:22. > :55:23.APPLAUSE Such a special evening. I hope you've enjoyed it. We've loved

:55:24. > :55:25.bringing it to you this evening. I feel like I've just been

:55:26. > :55:27.through a fundraising vortex. It really is, and all that very

:55:28. > :55:32.funny stuff there is available to buy on BBC Store and iTunes, in

:55:33. > :55:35.support of Sport Relief. Go online, buy it and download it,

:55:36. > :55:48.and watch it endlessly Thank you so much for being here

:55:49. > :55:54.this evening. Thank you for watching and for donating. Thank you guys.

:55:55. > :55:56.We've been raising money for nearly seven hours and there's still masses

:55:57. > :56:00.of fundraising money to come in, but we want to take this moment

:56:01. > :56:06.every swimmer, every fancy dress wearer,

:56:07. > :56:09.every texter, every walk to work-er,

:56:10. > :56:13.every triathalonerer - is that a word?

:56:14. > :56:15.to the face painters and three legged racers,

:56:16. > :56:24.the life changers - that's all of you.

:56:25. > :56:29.Thanks so much for watching and more importantly for donating.

:56:30. > :56:32.Let's have a look at our grand total for tonight.

:56:33. > :56:40.The least you deserve is a grand total for tonight. Are you ready?

:56:41. > :56:41.I'm so excited. The grand total for the night of Sport Relief now stands

:56:42. > :57:04.at... CHEERING AND

:57:05. > :57:12.APPLAUSE Amazing! That is a record-breaking total. Thank you,

:57:13. > :57:17.thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, everybody. And thank you

:57:18. > :57:21.at home. That you so, so much. That is a record. You are witnessing the

:57:22. > :57:27.biggest total we have ever had at the end of a Sport Relief show. We

:57:28. > :57:29.thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your generosity and

:57:30. > :57:33.compassion. We couldn't do it without you. It's an amazing team

:57:34. > :57:38.and are you part of that team. You have made history and you have

:57:39. > :57:40.changed so many people's lives. It's Sport Relief's job to change

:57:41. > :57:46.people's lives across the world and at home. That's why everyone does

:57:47. > :57:49.what they do. We're proud and grateful for your support. You are

:57:50. > :57:50.the best. Thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts. You are

:57:51. > :58:02.amazing. Good luck if you're taking part in

:58:03. > :58:10.the Sport Relief Games on Sunday. Tune in on BBC One at 1. 15pm Sunday

:58:11. > :58:14.afternoon. We love you, bye. Thank you.