0:00:02 > 0:00:05- 'Hello?'- Hey, Rob, it's Steve. - 'Oh, hiya. How are you?'- Good. Good.
0:00:05 > 0:00:09Listen, are you free next week to go away?
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- 'Where?'- It's kind of a tour, a restaurant tour, good restaurants.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15'Right. Why me?'
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Mischa can't come and I don't want to go alone.
0:00:17 > 0:00:23I've asked other people but they're all too busy.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26It's a job, I'm not asking you to go on holiday with me
0:00:26 > 0:00:27or anything weird.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31It's for the Observer Magazine. So, do you want to come?
0:00:31 > 0:00:34This programme contains some strong language
0:00:34 > 0:00:38CHURCH BELL TOLLS
0:00:39 > 0:00:43It's incredible, everybody wants to work with you.
0:00:43 > 0:00:49I get a call from Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Todd Haynes, Alexander Payne, all of them.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- They're all auteurs. - Yeah. And they're all geniuses who want to work with The Genius.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55I want to do mainstream movies.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Well, Farrelly brothers want to work with you, OK?
0:00:58 > 0:01:02The Scotts - Tony and Ridley, want to do a movie together.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05They want to do a thing with you where it's 500 years in the past
0:01:05 > 0:01:09and you're some guy who's like a warrior who came out of,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I don't even know what it's like but they want to do it with you. OK?
0:01:12 > 0:01:17Coens calling up. Wachowskis, both of them want to work with you.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20All the brothers, my man, all the brothers... It's like...
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Want a piece of Coogs.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23I can't believe it's happening.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Well, Steve, guess what?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Wake up. Smell the coffee.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29The dream is happening right now.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You're living the dream, Steve.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34It's all a dream.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Come back! Wait. Come back.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Can't, I've got a thing.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42I don't think I'll talk to you later, but at some point. OK?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Bye.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Bye.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08HE EXHALES DEEPLY
0:02:08 > 0:02:13I thought we'd go up to Dunsop Bridge, up to through the Trough
0:02:13 > 0:02:16of Bowland, through Abbeystead, get on the M6 at Junction 33
0:02:16 > 0:02:22and then off at Junction 36 a bit further up, and that will take us almost all the way to Cartmel.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30Did you ah, did you cement Anglo/Polish relations?
0:02:30 > 0:02:35There was a summit in my bedroom.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38I won't go into detail but there were more than talks about talks.
0:02:38 > 0:02:43In fact, I'd go as far to say there was an historic accord.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48"What joy it was to be alive, but to be young was very heaven."
0:02:48 > 0:02:51That's Wordsworth I think, going on about the French revolution.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55That was when he was younger, before he started going on about daffodils.
0:02:55 > 0:03:00< SHEEP BLEAT
0:03:00 > 0:03:04- This is a wild and windy moor. - It is. Misty moor, but you know.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Christy Moore.- Christy Moore.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Bobby Moore. Dudley Moore.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- Roger Moore.- Dudley and Peter. Peter and Dudley.- Oh, god.
0:03:14 > 0:03:19# Out on the wild and windy moor
0:03:19 > 0:03:22# We'd roll and fall in green
0:03:22 > 0:03:26# You had a temper like my jealousy
0:03:26 > 0:03:30# Too hard, too greedy. #
0:03:30 > 0:03:34PHONE RINGS
0:03:34 > 0:03:41- Hello.- 'Hi.'- Hi.- 'It's me. Where are you?'
0:03:41 > 0:03:46I'm, er... We're just in the Trough of Bowland, heading towards...
0:03:46 > 0:03:47- Cartmel.- Cartmel.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- To...- 'Can you talk to Joe?'
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- What?- 'It's just that he's getting a bit out of hand...'
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Is he?- 'He was drinking last night.'
0:03:56 > 0:04:01- For Chrissakes.- 'One of his friends' parents called me to complain about his behaviour
0:04:01 > 0:04:04'and he's been really ill this morning and won't go to school...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08So I need you to talk to him because he doesn't listen to me at the moment.'
0:04:08 > 0:04:11OK, I will do that today.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- 'Can you do that today?'- Yeah. Yes, I will do that today.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- How's Mi-mi?- 'Well, I've got to go.' - OK.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Right, bye.- 'Bye. Thanks.'
0:04:22 > 0:04:28Well, it's none of my business, but I thought she was very unreasonable.
0:04:28 > 0:04:35Catherine manages to put me on the back foot from "hello" with extraordinary skill.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37This is what they say about L'Enclume.
0:04:37 > 0:04:43- "Chef Simon Rogan has moved from his original pledged allegiance to Marc Veyrat."- Who's he?
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Don't know.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47"Delivering instead in rapid succession, dishes that have
0:04:47 > 0:04:52"left reporters mightily impressed, not only by the tastes, textures and often bizarre combinations,
0:04:52 > 0:04:57"but also by the extraordinary level of innovation and technical skill."
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- See technical skill because it's a taster menu.- Interesting.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- Do you like taster menus? - I'm not sure.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08I do. I think when they're good they're really good.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11And when it's not done well it's very frustrating.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26FRENCH ACCENT: There we have some little canapes to begin with.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28A little duet of tapioca based crackers,
0:05:28 > 0:05:32spiced popcorn and the lollipops are made out of duck fat with peanuts.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Thank you very much.- Check on two covers, lunch menu please.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- Oh, that's a big piece of popcorn, isn't it.- Very nice.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I like that as well. An enormous green quaver.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Duck fat lolly.- Well, why not?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53It's just like my comedy, it's familiar,
0:05:53 > 0:05:56we all know what a lolly is, but something very different about it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59And, like lollipops, something we enjoyed a long time ago.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Hmm.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05CLATTER OF KITCHEN UTENSILS
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Listen to this. It's about Warren Beatty, right.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16"Peter Biskind, Beatty's new biographer, estimates that the famously seductive star
0:06:16 > 0:06:23"of Bonnie and Clyde has notched up 12,775 sexual conquests.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27"He slept with an average of 246 women a year."
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Well, 365 days a year, that's what?
0:06:31 > 0:06:36120 days a year off, that's every weekend off
0:06:36 > 0:06:39if he does it every week day and gets his weekends off it's...
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- Yeah.- Achievable.- Well, Port Talbot has a population of 30,000.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48That means he slept with half the women in Port Talbot.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Well, half the population are men so...
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- So he slept with all the women in Port Talbot.- Mmm.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- Which I wouldn't wish on anybody. - No. No.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11There we are, gentlemen. To begin with we have a nice little appetiser.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16We've got liquor made out of mallow leaves, topped with a fizz which
0:07:16 > 0:07:19is made out of ginger beer, whiskey, as well as chilli.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23That's nice, that's, um...
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Tastes of a childhood garden.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Well, it's got a bit of alcohol in it so it tastes...
0:07:28 > 0:07:32was there a lot of alcohol in your garden as a child? I'm sorry, Rob.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I use my tweezers for this.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- Everything is all right?- Lovely.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Delicious.- Very, very different. Very interesting, yeah.- Yes?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- It's lovely, yeah.- Cheers.
0:07:46 > 0:07:53Mmm, it's got... It is a bit, I was going to ask you, the consistency is a bit
0:07:53 > 0:07:56like snot, but it tastes great.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Imagine Ray Winstone has coughed it up.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02THEY RETCH & HACK
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- AS WINSTONE:- Drink it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- FRIGHTENED:- I don't want to drink it, Ray. I don't want to.- Drink it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I don't want to drink it, please don't make me drink it.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I'm fed up with all your excuses.
0:08:14 > 0:08:21I want the money next Wednesday, but before that you're going to drink a goblet of my sputum.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24All right, I'll drink it, Ray.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26That's right, drink it down, nice and good.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28They say it was delicious.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30What can I say?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33I can't get the image of snot out of my head now.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Every time I look at... That was lovely! Really nice.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Thank you.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45It's a Cote du Rhone, Guigal winemaker, 2006.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Will be a blend of Viognier, Roussanne and Marsanne
0:08:49 > 0:08:51a fresh floral, rounded,
0:08:51 > 0:08:57and you will find nice crisp finish as well. Nice to follow.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Thank you.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Was he speaking French?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Because I didn't catch a lot of it.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Mmm, very nice.- Now that...
0:09:14 > 0:09:17is a glass of white wine.
0:09:17 > 0:09:24- There's a sort of a melony, do you get melon in that?- Melanie?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Don't. Don't. Don't lower yourself! - All right, I won't do the joke.
0:09:27 > 0:09:32There's melon, there's a suggestion of celery.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34You should be writing this down, this is gold.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41There we are gentlemen, at the bottom of those little sacks you've
0:09:41 > 0:09:51got some diced smoked kale as well as shredded radishes, covered with very smooth duck foie gras mousse.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- Enjoy.- Thank you very much.
0:09:53 > 0:09:59Very rare for me that I can enjoy bread in a restaurant because normally it's got yeast in it.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- What exactly...- I don't digest it.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03It ferments in my stomach
0:10:03 > 0:10:11and it produces toxins that manifest themselves as blemishes on my otherwise pristine skin.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Would you eat one just once so I can see what happens?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Be a good laugh, wouldn't it?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Amuse you. It's a medical thing. Do I laugh at your grey hair?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Let's not talk about hair because I'll win that one hands down.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30- What are you saying? - That you've had intervention. - Woah, woah, woah!
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Follicular intervention.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I don't care I've got grey hair.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- Not bothered at all.- Aren't you?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Still got the sun roof.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Yeah. Don't dip your hair in the frigging butter.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47You have a go. See if you can do it better!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Would you ever have anything done?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- To my hair? No, I don't need to. - Your hair is fine.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Your face though. You must be thinking about your chin.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57It does look a bit weird.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- Supposed to do that aren't you. - That's right.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04What do you when you're being photographed, with your chin, how do you compensate for it?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05I clench my jaw like this.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Wait.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- That's good. That's very nice. - And lean forward a bit.- Yeah.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17Or, another technique, models use this is just to...
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Just turn your head so it pulls that taut so it's like this.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23That's a good look for you.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27You can put a bit of a smile on but not too much.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31- And pull the neck... - Do them both together.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34That's good. That's very good, yeah.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38I mean I do that, just by nature does that to me. Look.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I know. I know.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- Your chin's like an ironing board. - Mmm.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45In a good way.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47What would you have done?
0:11:47 > 0:11:52If I did anything, and I would do it with a heavy heart,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I might just get a little tuck under here.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Do they cut away some of your throat?
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- They just tighten it... - Show me what it would be.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Just pull it back with your fingers.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13- Hi.- That actually does take years off you.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- See the lines on my face, see these ones here?- Yeah.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19They're still there. They're quite hard to shift.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23They used to do that.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28That's good. You look like Steven Segal,
0:12:28 > 0:12:32as he looks now. Now, smile at me.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35That's sinister!
0:12:35 > 0:12:38You could play villains. Try and be charming with that face.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Try and imagine I'm a young lady.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45Hello, do you come here very often?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Yes, but I won't be coming again.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57A bad photograph of me in the paper would be something like this.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02You could do the Stephen Hawking story.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05SPEAKS AS HAWKING: The Stephen Hawking story.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10Years ago the universe was a very big place
0:13:10 > 0:13:16and when there were some stars and big black holes.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21If you took all the material Rob Brydon has done
0:13:21 > 0:13:30on Radio 4 panel shows and laid them end to end they would still not be funny.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35AS MAN IN A BOX: They'd still not be funny but you asshole.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40HE PLAYS POPCORN BY HOT BUTTER
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I can do loads of things.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59I don't draw on my arsenal of weaponry.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I have things there but I don't use them.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10And there we are, gentlemen. Your next course is what we call the Humphries Pool.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14It's a shellfish broth made out of mussels, clams, cockles, which are
0:14:14 > 0:14:19- cooked in their own juices before to be garnished with shredded local seaweed.- Thank you very much.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- Thank you.- Enjoy that.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Never eaten a "selfish broth" before.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28He mentioned cooking in their own juices. Imagine that, eh?
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Lovely thought, isn't it?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Being cooked in your own juice.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35I'll be honest, I don't think I could muster more than a thimbleful.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50So what we have at the base of the dish, we've got a goat cheese mousse
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and a globe artichoke puree
0:14:52 > 0:14:58and that is garnished with deep-fried globe artichoke leaves as well as baby Jerusalem artichokes.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- Thank you very much.- Thank you.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I don't like artichoke. I should just say that.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Drinking the wine makes me feel quite sophisticated.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17A bit like James Bond ordering a martini.
0:15:17 > 0:15:22- AS SEAN CONNERY:- I'd like a... I'd like a martini, shaken
0:15:22 > 0:15:24not stirred.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26I want it now.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Don't make me wait.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31I'll have a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I'll have a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- I'll have a vodka... - I'll have a vodka...
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- You look very worried.- So do you. You should take a look at your face.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42I'd like a vodka martini, shaken but not stirred.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45You look like you're recovering from a stroke!
0:15:45 > 0:15:49I'd like a vodka martini, shaken but not stirred.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I can feel my legs, it's a miracle!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I'd like a vodka martini, shaken but not stirred.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59- AS ROGER MOORE:- I'd like a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.
0:15:59 > 0:16:05- AS SCARAMANGA:- "Come, come, Mr Bond, you derive just as much pleasure from killing as I do."
0:16:05 > 0:16:07"Come, Mr Bond, you get just as much pleasure..."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- I was saying that bit!- Well, don't caricature, try and do it real.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15- Come, come, Mr Bond...- Shut up! Don't tell me how to act. - I bloody should do.- Why?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Because sometimes you tend to crank it up a bit...
0:16:17 > 0:16:23Whereas you are widely regarded as the king of understatement(!)
0:16:23 > 0:16:27I'd do it like this. "Come, come, Mr Bond, you get just as..."
0:16:27 > 0:16:33- Try and get the lines right. As a rule it's more effective if you don't fluff the lines.- OK.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I'll deliver it with understatement.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Come, Mr Bond, you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- That was the worst of the lot. - All right, OK, this is it.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Come, Mr Bond, you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Come, come, Mr Bond, you get just as much pleasure from killing as I do.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52- Fucking yeah! - No, you went up at the end.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Like you watch Australian soaps. - But you see what I did on my face?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58..You get as much pleasure as I do?
0:16:58 > 0:17:03Come, come, Mr Bond, you derive just as much pleasure from killing as I do.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08When I kill, I kill for Queen and country, though I admit killing you...
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Come, come, Mr Bond, you derive just as much pleasure...
0:17:14 > 0:17:19Pierce Brosnan, he'd say, "The name's Bond, James Bond.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24"When I kill I kill for Queen and country, although I admit killing you would be a pleasure."
0:17:24 > 0:17:29- IRISH ACCENT:- I've never liked artichokes and there's nothing I...
0:17:29 > 0:17:32You could do Liam Neeson.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37If you let her go that'll be the end of it but if you don't I will hunt you down,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I will find you, and I'll kill you.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Liam Neeson.- I do this for a living.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46If you let her go now that'll be the end of it.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50One man, searching for his daughter.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53But if you don't, I'll hunt you down.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- I will find you...- What was his job?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- And I will kill you. - What's he do for a living?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- He worked for the CIA. - Supply teacher.- No!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I do this for a living, now get out your textbooks.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Who's your favourite actor?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Al Pacino.- Hmm.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Charles Grodin.- Ah... - Anthony Hopkins.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22It's a cold dish, this one. You've got some little baby queen scallops.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26They are resting on griddled baby gem and a parsnip coulis
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- as well as a light creamy horseradish sauce.- Thank you.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Rather optimistic to say they're resting.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Their days of resting have been and gone, they are dead.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Um, what were we talking about?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Scallops!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I learn a lot from actors.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Do you know what I learned from Anthony Hopkins?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Never be afraid to touch your face.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54He does a lot of that.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57He does...
0:18:57 > 0:19:02Does this, conjuring nightmares all the time, don't know why.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Touch your face.- Touch your face...
0:19:04 > 0:19:09- Pacino, I lean.- Yeah.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Look around. Do this, do this.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Who do you learn from? - I go for Jack Lemmon.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Because he manages to walk that line between comedy and tragedy. - Like you.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Pathos and truth and make people laugh and cry in the same instant.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31That's what I strive for, that's the benchmark for me.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34AS LEMMON: I have a stinking cold, could you please...
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Would you just please do the thing I want you to do. That's Jack Lemmon.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Richard Gere does a very interesting technique in his films.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49He'll listen and then smile enigmatically and then
0:19:49 > 0:19:53he'll smile away into the distance as if he's remembering something from the past,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56laugh about it, and then return to the dialogue...
0:19:56 > 0:20:00- Let me say something and you respond that way.- OK. Go on.- OK.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Malcolm... He'd never play a character called Malcolm.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Um...
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- Joshua.- Joshua. - It's a costume drama. Continue.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Joshua, folk in the village are saying you're never going to come back.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Pa, I...
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Woah, I'm not your bloody father. Hang on a minute!
0:20:23 > 0:20:25I'm about four months older than you.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You're not slipping that one under the fence!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- You're a character actor. - Yeah I know, I could play it.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33A little bit of make up. I'll do it again.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Joshua...
0:20:35 > 0:20:40I'm listening to you in an interesting way. Continue.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45Joshua. Oh, Joshua.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Oh, Joshua.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53There are folk round here thinking... Oh, son...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57..thinking you ain't never coming back.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I guess I'm not.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- Very good.- Cos I thought, "There's a little subtext there we didn't know about.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19"What's going on over there? Why did he look over there?"
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- I thought for a minute you'd forgotten your line, but you hadn't.- No.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24It was simply acting.
0:21:30 > 0:21:35- Thank you.- To follow with that, a red, which is from France.
0:21:35 > 0:21:42Loire Valley in the northwest of France. Cabernet from grape 100%.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Light, fruity, easy to follow.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Thank you very much. - Thank you very much.- Thank you.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50"Easy to follow." That's rather ironic.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Bit of a breach of the Trade Descriptions Act there.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- One no mushroom.- OK.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- Here is your next dish, gentlemen. - Thank you.- Which is a cut of skate,
0:22:03 > 0:22:06pan-seared, served with a little langoustine, which are resting on
0:22:06 > 0:22:10a base of cauliflower puree and some baby celery stems.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- There you are. Enjoy. - Thank you kindly.- Thank you.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- What do you think? - Mmm, it's nice, it's very, it's very, it's lovely actually.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23MOBILE PHONE RINGTONE
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Ah, it's Mischa.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I've got to go and call Mischa.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40RINGING
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- Hello.- 'Hi.'- Hey.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- 'Hey.'- It's me.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47'Hey, how's it going?'
0:22:47 > 0:22:50It's great, it's great. It's... Yeah, yeah.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51- 'Where are you now?' - I'm in L'Enclume.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56- No way.- 'Yeah. I'm at the fancy schmancy restaurant.'
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, I really wanted to go there.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02And what's happening with that editing thing, the job with the guy you know in the...
0:23:02 > 0:23:06It's going really well, I think. They gave me an assignment in Las Vegas.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Las Vegas? What, you're going... What are you going there for?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- 'For work, I just told you...' - To do what?
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- '..I'm going to go and write there.' - What are you going to write about?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18'I'm going to go do this really interesting piece on prostitutes in Vegas,
0:23:18 > 0:23:22'a kind of like "good girls gone bad Vegas-style" story.'
0:23:22 > 0:23:23What if you become a good girl gone bad?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25'Oh, Jesus, Steve.'
0:23:25 > 0:23:29'What, do you think, I'm going to go to Vegas and become a prostitute?'
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Thank you very much.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- I have a Ribston Pippin apple sorbet. - Yes.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Served with an apple cake, a butterscotch powder
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- and a roasted quince.- Thank you.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00God, I wish you were Mischa.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03God, I'm glad I'm not.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10All clear?
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- More little goodies for you. - Never ending story.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Thank you very much. - Kendal mint cake.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23CRACKING
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Very, very nice. Very nice actually.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27It's not too sickly sweet.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29No, which is what I thought it would be.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Oh, that's bloody lovely, that.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Oh, it's very, it's so sexy. Chocolate and raspberry.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Mmm! Gorgeous, isn't it?- Mmm.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- That's the ninth course.- That's wonderful.- I don't drink coffee,
0:24:41 > 0:24:44but I didn't want to rock the boat.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- Ah, thank you very much.- Thank you.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49How much?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52£180.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55It's quite a lot, isn't it?
0:24:55 > 0:24:59If we had that every day for breakfast, that would be excessive.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Hey, Joe, it's Dad.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11Just wanted to have a chat and see what's happening,
0:25:11 > 0:25:13so give me a call when you can, right?
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Love you. Bye.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Hello, it's Ken Bruce calling.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Popmeister Sally is on the line now and Sally calls us
0:25:36 > 0:25:39all the way from London. What sort of music do you like, Sally?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42'The phone was on vibrate, that gave me a shock.'
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- HE GIGGLES - Was it?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Vibrating phone. Are you all right?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- 'Yeah, fine.'- Yeah. All good, Chloe OK?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- Hello.- 'Hi, Steve.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57'I've got Matt on the line for you, do you want to talk to him?'
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Yeah, yeah, stick him on.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04- "It's Ste-e-e-eve Coogan, eh?" - Ha-ha. Hey, Matt, how are you doing?
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- 'I'm doing good, man. How are you?' - Good, good. Yeah, great.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Speaking of boiled eggs, I'm not wearing any pyjama bottoms.
0:26:10 > 0:26:15- 'Aww, you saucy boy.' - Don't say, "Aww".
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- You should say, "Oooh". - "Phwoar!"- Yeah, "Phwoar". Thank you.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- 'It's like I keep telling you...' - I just...
0:26:22 > 0:26:27- It's like the tortoise and the hare. - So I'm a tortoise. Great(!)
0:26:27 > 0:26:28I'm not saying that. I'm...
0:26:28 > 0:26:31'Right now I'm being passed by an awful lot of hares.'
0:26:31 > 0:26:32I feel like I'm being trampled by hares.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Would you be up for a bit of er... bit of phone sex?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- Would you be interested in that? - 'Yeah, I might be, mmm. Yes.'
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- AS HUGH GRANT: - Could I interest you in some rather salacious,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- if I sort of do this Hugh Grant, might that get you...- 'No.'
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- ..Get you, as it were, going? - 'He doesn't do it for me.'
0:26:49 > 0:26:51WOMAN GIGGLES
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Someone overheard Nick Stevens at an endeavour meeting or whatever,
0:26:54 > 0:26:59someone brought my name up and he said, "I wish I'd got hold of Steve Coogan when he was 35."
0:26:59 > 0:27:01I mean, I feel... I thought,
0:27:01 > 0:27:04"Crikey, is that it? Is it game over?"
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- I mean I'm 41, you know, and... - You're not 41.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I'm not, no, I'm 44. I've been 41 for three years.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I've been telling people I'm 41 for three years.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17You know how old Jack Lemmon was when he won the Oscar for Save The Tiger?
0:27:17 > 0:27:22- No.- He was 48.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Yeah, and he'd been a movie star for fucking 20 years, dude.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29You get yourself off to er, off to Noddington and I shall er,
0:27:29 > 0:27:35I shall bed down here with a rock as my pillow, the stars as my canopy
0:27:35 > 0:27:40and this...local barmaid as my duvet.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42WOMAN LAUGHS
0:27:42 > 0:27:45I like the way you laugh at that like it's not a possibility.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48- 'I know it's not going to happen.' - What do you mean it's not going to happen?
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- 'Well, I mean, it could.' - I pulled you.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53'It's a good time for you. It's a good time to be Steve Coogan.'
0:27:53 > 0:27:56OK, good, that all sounds great. Thank you. I hope so.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59'But I can't do anything when you're stuck over there.'
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- 'So get your ass back here.'- OK. We'll do that. Thanks for calling.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- 'Ciao.'- OK, bye.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:28 > 0:28:30E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk