0:00:02 > 0:00:04We've set off from Dublin to cross Ireland with the aim
0:00:04 > 0:00:08of getting to Limerick for the country's largest poetry festival.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12There was a young man called Wyat, Whose voice was incredibly quiet.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Rory and I have been ordered not to embarrass Dara on his home turf,
0:00:17 > 0:00:21but we just can't help ourselves. Top of the morning to you!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26'So far, we've been on the slowest barge in Ireland
0:00:26 > 0:00:30'that we've had to abandon because Griff couldn't start it.'
0:00:32 > 0:00:34We've gone high-tech with a car that was a boat.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37We don't make aspirational telly here, do we?
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Had to resort to antique, self-propelled, railway transportation.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45This is how we grew up in Ireland, doing all this kind of stuff.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'Now we've borrowed brave Reggie's boat, Amaryllis, which is his pride and joy.'
0:00:49 > 0:00:52He's a very nervous man, isn't he?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55He might have every reason to be worried if he saw the last programme.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Ahead, we have to descend into Europe's deepest lock.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03This is like descending into hell. As far as I can remember it.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04It was a bit like this.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07'And continue our journey on as many traditional boats
0:01:07 > 0:01:11- 'as people are stupid enough to lend us.'- Mind the pole!
0:01:13 > 0:01:17And Dara's desperate bid to defend the honour of the Irish nation
0:01:17 > 0:01:20wilts under a barrage of bad accents.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- Do a little bit of the Irish accent. - Good man. 'Terrible jokes.'
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- Nothing like a large Paddy. - Oh! Just stop now.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29'Worse hairdos.'
0:01:31 > 0:01:33'And Griff stops at nothing to try
0:01:33 > 0:01:37'and win the first Limerick limerick competition.'
0:01:47 > 0:01:51The Shannon. Or so we're told.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Leaving Athlone in the yacht Amaryllis,
0:01:54 > 0:01:58thick fog stops us just 100 metres down the river.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I can't tell whether it's getting better or not.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11As is the way with fog, I suppose. Gets better for a few seconds,
0:02:11 > 0:02:13then what you can see suddenly disappears again
0:02:13 > 0:02:14and comes back again.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18There's the Marie Celeste coming towards you.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Then it disappears again.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25I've been told it's great down there. Further down is absolutely stunning.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I've been hearing about it all my life, to be honest with you.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30How beautiful the Shannon is.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Then we go on to it and we have to stop 30 seconds into the trip.
0:02:33 > 0:02:38Whilst we wait, time for loading more supplies and making coffee.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- Did you ask for Ribena?- No.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Well, it'll keep the scurvy away.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Ribena? Who drinks Ribena?
0:02:55 > 0:03:01At this sort of age? Ribena is what deprived chav children
0:03:01 > 0:03:04of about, sort of, four, drink.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Just because I don't drink tea,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09I'm treated like a bloody child on this shoot.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17It's not long, though, before the sun comes out and the fog burns off.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Now we disappear really from towns and on to the river.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27This is where it gets exciting.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29And Three Men In A Boat-y.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37We were approaching one of the main stops on the Shannon.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Shannon Bridge.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44"Do not kill pike". It says underneath the bridge. Big sign.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Don't kill Pike?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49He was my favourite character in Dad's Army.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52CHUCKLING
0:03:52 > 0:03:55The boat's owner, Reggie, had recommended that we stop
0:03:55 > 0:03:59in a Killeens, a typical Irish rural shop/pub that sells, well,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01practically everything.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Griff and I will look after the provisions. You look after the...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I'll go to the bar.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Do you want anything?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11The usual. Biccies. Drink. Ketchup.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Ribena?- No, I'm up to here with that.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Good afternoon.- How are you?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Fine. You brought the nice weather with you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I'm Rory. This is my husband.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Pay no attention to him.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33This is a fantastic shop.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I was about to say, "What shop are you?" But you're every shop.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Well, there's some bits of everything, all right.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It goes back to the time when there was little transport.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46People needed to be able to get everything in their own village.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48We kept it on from that.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50You've got a pub joined to it,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53which I think is an excellent use of shop space, having a pub in it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Is there anything you don't sell here?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Em... Coffins.- Coffins?
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Damn. Cos we need three coffins.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Well, definitely two.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Do you need any beer and stuff like that, Rory?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13There's none on board.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Could we have a half bottle of Paddy and I'll make a present to Dara?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- Right.- That'll go down well.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27As you can see from the disappearing light, we're almost at the end
0:05:27 > 0:05:31of the first day in which the Three Men finally stop messing about
0:05:31 > 0:05:34with railway things, cars and boats and it became what we should do,
0:05:34 > 0:05:38which is get onto a beautiful stretch of water in a beautiful boat
0:05:38 > 0:05:40and see the gorgeous countryside.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Beautiful day. One thing you're probably not seeing
0:05:43 > 0:05:46is just how COLD IT IS here on the lake.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48In October.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54Dara's up on the bow, mooning on about his homeland, but...
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Griff! Griff!
0:05:56 > 0:06:00..back in the stern, we just got to get something out of our system
0:06:00 > 0:06:02that's been building up inside us.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03IN IRISH ACCENTS
0:06:03 > 0:06:06"What do you think of the River Shannon, mate?"
0:06:06 > 0:06:08"To be sure, it's a wonderful river.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13"You're a grand lad for all that and everything you are indeed.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16"Just a broth of a boy, you are."
0:06:16 > 0:06:21"I think it adds to the fillum. I think it adds to the fillum."
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Have you noticed there's no boats on the river?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Have you noticed that? That's cos Irish people aren't
0:06:26 > 0:06:29stupid enough to take boating holidays in mid-October.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31It's only the BBC, only the English,
0:06:31 > 0:06:33who would be stupid enough to do that.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35IN IRISH ACCENT
0:06:35 > 0:06:37"You got your man up there. The big fella.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40"Up there on the top of the cabin.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42"He's turned now and looking at us,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45"for to be sure that he is, to be sure."
0:06:45 > 0:06:47What's he doing? Just yap, yap, yap?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"He's getting all upset with us."
0:06:49 > 0:06:51What? What now?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55I'll give you 20 euros, Griff, if you shout top of the morning to him.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I'm not going to do it. He didn't like it the last time I did it.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01It's going to be the loneliest boat trip.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08All right. OK?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12'Just the other side of the bridge is our overnight mooring.'
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Wonderfully done, gentlemen. Thank you very much.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Griff, would you say that Rory and Dara are getting better at crewing?
0:07:20 > 0:07:24They certainly are. They know their ropes now.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Only if you call them ropes.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I still can't remember which one is a sheath.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31A sheath is attached to a sail and a warp is not attached to a sail.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Oh, God. A line?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37A line is what we could do with now.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40I mean, in the comedy.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Yeah, exactly. In the dialogue. We've forgotten our script.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Tonight, we were visiting an old friend of mine,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55who lives, believe it or not, here.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Leap Castle is famed as the most haunted place in Ireland
0:08:01 > 0:08:04and its owner, Sean Ryan, is equally famed
0:08:04 > 0:08:07as one of the best tin whistle players in the country.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11KNOCKING
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- Hello.- How are you, Sean?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Very well indeed. My goodness.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19THEY SPEAK IN GAELIC
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Sean, I'm Rory.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Sean, I'm Griff. I'm going to speak some English to you.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28And just say hello and thank you for having us.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31What a fantastic place.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35And this is Sean's house. This is not a set or a contrivance or something.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37This is the house you've been renovating?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40The house we've been restoring, yes.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- How long have you been renovating the castle?- Since 1994. Early in 1994.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48It's supposed to be famously haunted, this castle,
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- Sean, is that true?- Well, I suppose we don't see it as haunted.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Lots of spirits in the house.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Have you seen them?
0:08:57 > 0:09:01We do. We do all the time. We see quite a lot of them.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06We hear them. We even have a lady in the solar that touches people
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- and brushes off people.- Really? I could get lucky at last.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13It's been a quiet week in Ireland for you, has it?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16It's like somebody just passing you by and brushing off you.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Yeah, that's normally what happens!
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Any chance of a uisce?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- A little drink?- Yeah. A little drink would be nice.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25What would you like?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Whatever you've got. - Let's find something.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30OK, let's go for it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Boo!
0:09:37 > 0:09:41During the renovations, Sean found several skeletons in a chamber
0:09:41 > 0:09:44called an oubliette or forget me, where they had been left to die.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47The castle was also the scene of a clan massacre.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49But the mood will be happier tonight
0:09:49 > 0:09:52because Sean has invited some of his friends to play for us.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Sean's daughter is an Irish dance champion.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25She's very good, isn't she?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Magic. Absolutely magical.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Back at the boat, Rory finds himself touched by another spirit.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Well, you know what, there's nothing like a large Paddy.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Oh, just stop now.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45That joke is getting tired.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47It hasn't been on yet.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- That's my phone. Sorry about that. - Well, answer it.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54No, it's my agent from London.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57"I can get you off that river, Dara".
0:10:57 > 0:10:59IN COCKNEY ACCENT
0:10:59 > 0:11:02"All right, yeah? Lovely. How are things going in Ireland? Lovely."
0:11:02 > 0:11:06See, that's as bad as your Irish accent is.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08No, I don't believe that.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Next morning, Loch Derg beckons,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21giving us a chance to get some sail up.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24The boat has a folding mast to get under bridges.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33The wind picks up and we rattle on to Loch Derg Yacht Club,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35where we were entered in a race.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38It's a proper old school yacht club.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40In fact, one of the oldest in the world.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43So I'm not sure how they'll take to us.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49I can see a load of people on the bridge of the Yacht Club.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53- Oh, no.- I can see a lot of people. - Is there a banner?
0:11:53 > 0:11:58No, but there's a marquee area and lots of people standing outside.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Oh, no.- They're just out looking at us and making sure
0:12:02 > 0:12:06we're not making an arse of it, really.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11They race a unique sailing dinghy here, called the Shannon One Design.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Or SOD.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16And in the right conditions, they can go like the clappers.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Without wind, of course, they revert to type.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21They're complete sods.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I must point out that the race hasn't started.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Technically, in a sailing race, this wouldn't be within the laws.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Outside the five-minute gun, anything is in the rules.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Outside the five-minute gun, anything is in the rules, so...!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Have you got an outboard motor on-board?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43In a good blow, these are very fast.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46They're good, long, quite simple boats.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53The opposition are looking very nervous.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Shall I sit in a position that indicates velocity?
0:12:55 > 0:13:00How's this? I'm clinging furiously onto it with the wind in my hair.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03'Eventually, we make it to the starting positions.'
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Three, two, one.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07What does that mean?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10There we go. The race is on!
0:13:15 > 0:13:20Are you on the edge of your seat?
0:13:20 > 0:13:23I'm not even on the edge of my seat and it's a very slippery seat.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Literally, we are static.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29It's so exciting!
0:13:31 > 0:13:35We are locked in a battle with them at one mile an hour.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39They've stolen our wind. What little wind there is, they have stolen it.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Don't be looking smug at me. There's nothing that rowing
0:13:43 > 0:13:46can't make up the difference quickly enough.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50'Dara resorts to cheating.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53'It's a tactic that, although entertaining,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55'isn't gaining him any ground.'
0:13:55 > 0:13:58OK, we can get this in the bag a little bit.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- Shall we do that?- Griff is in second at the moment.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05I will warn you, Mr Director and boat people,
0:14:05 > 0:14:10do not make us hit you and don't take our wind. Go away.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- Dara is definitely last.- At the moment, Dara is definitely last.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18What a gratifying sight that is.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Way back there, the tall, bald Irish figure of Dara O'Brien.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27"Would you stop that? Would you stop that?"
0:14:27 > 0:14:30'Despite the lack of speed, the boats are actually moving
0:14:30 > 0:14:33'and, if anything, more skill is required to win this race.
0:14:33 > 0:14:39'I'm in second place, but at the buoy I'm too polite and I go wide.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43'Two boats take me on the inside. They're polite enough in the
0:14:43 > 0:14:46'clubhouse, but on the water, they chew you up and spit you out.'
0:14:48 > 0:14:51'Griff can't make up the ground and comes in fourth.'
0:14:51 > 0:14:53HORN BLOWS
0:14:53 > 0:14:56'At the last minute, we lost everything.'
0:14:56 > 0:14:58'And Rory's just a few behind.'
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Just going to cross the line now and wait for that horn.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03HORN BLOWS
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- How appalling.- Griff, can I just ask, what position did you come?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Fourth.- And at one point you were second
0:15:09 > 0:15:14until you went round the maker. What went wrong? It was the worst
0:15:14 > 0:15:17going round a marker, apparently, anyone's ever seen.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- No, I don't think so.- I think it was.- Well, we'll ask a few people.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25'After we've had a cup of tea and a biscuit, we remember something.'
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Dara!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Rory, shut up. Just shut up!
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I haven't said anything yet.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36You're all, "I did this" and, "I deserved it because I did that".
0:15:36 > 0:15:38No, you were great, Dara.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41He didn't even at any point take the helm of his boat.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42I took the helm all the time.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46No you didn't, Rory. We know. We saw. Well done, mate.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Rory, you were a ballast.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59We're forced to abandon the scheduled three-minute gloat
0:15:59 > 0:16:01because we need to push on through Lock Derg.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Still no wind, but plenty of sun.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11At the bottom of the lake is Killaloe, which was the seat of power
0:16:11 > 0:16:15of the last High King of Ireland, Brian Boru, who famously chased
0:16:15 > 0:16:18the Vikings out of Ireland and from whom I get the name O'Briain.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23At Parteen Weir the river splits, with the majority of the water
0:16:23 > 0:16:26diverted into a canal called the Headrace.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Dramatic, isn't it?
0:16:28 > 0:16:33- Fantastic.- Well navigated, Rory. - Thank you, Griff.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39This man-made section is designed to feed water
0:16:39 > 0:16:44into Ireland's largest hydro-electric power station, Ardnacrusha.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46If we'd been in a rented boat,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48we'd have had to turn round at this point.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51The power station lock is considered too dangerous
0:16:51 > 0:16:54for most people to tackle.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Quite why we're being allowed through, though, is a mystery.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Kind of surreal to be bringing Rory and Griff along
0:17:00 > 0:17:04to Ardnacrusha Hydro-Electric Power Station because I haven't written
0:17:04 > 0:17:09or said those words since I was in school because it's the kind
0:17:09 > 0:17:11of the thing you do an essay on.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14You know, "Ireland's power infrastructure"
0:17:14 > 0:17:16by Dara O'Brien, aged 12.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22And just to show my education wasn't wasted,
0:17:22 > 0:17:24here's some facts and figures.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28When Ardnacrusha was finished in 1929 by the German company Siemens,
0:17:28 > 0:17:32it was regarded as one of the world's greatest technical achievements
0:17:32 > 0:17:36and formed the template for all large-scale hydro-electric schemes.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42It was the new state of Ireland's first big project
0:17:42 > 0:17:43and was controversial.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48They may press the magic button.
0:17:48 > 0:17:515,000 worked on the construction and it cost a fifth
0:17:51 > 0:17:53of Ireland's entire budget.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00I'm disappointed, actually, with the architecture.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Did you want more horns and lights and "wah, wah, wah"?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07No, I wanted more sort of rococo decoration on it, maybe.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Rococo decoration on the Ardnacrusha...?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11KLAXON
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- There we go. - There's your horns and lights.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16It supplied the electricity for 95% of the entire country,
0:18:16 > 0:18:19although today that figure is more like 5%.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22And at 100 foot, it is Europe's deepest lock.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27This is like descending into hell. At least, as far as I can remember
0:18:27 > 0:18:31it was a bit like this. It's going back a few years.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Are we all getting the stench?
0:18:33 > 0:18:38Are we all getting the all-enveloping smell of stagnant water?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42I think what is alarming is what is behind you now, Dara.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44I'm glad we didn't sit on that.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46No, I was talking about your career.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49This is quite spooky, isn't it?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- It is spooky, isn't it? - Very unnatural.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54It's like being in a concrete grave, isn't it?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57A concrete grave? Gees, what a horrendous notion.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Apparently, they do have a tradition of asking women to get off the boat
0:19:03 > 0:19:05because they get so freaked out by it.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Is that sexist in this day and age?
0:19:08 > 0:19:09A little bit, but you know.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13'The lock has two chambers.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15'The first is 60 foot.'
0:19:15 > 0:19:19It'll be nice to be back in sunlight for a couple of minutes at least.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21'And then that's followed by another of 40 foot.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26'Essentially, it's like a big watery, mossy lift.'
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Interesting plant life.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- HE MIMICS DAVID ATTENBOROUGH - "Even here, 40 feet down,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35"in what is essentially a cave,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38"forms of fern find a way of living".
0:19:39 > 0:19:45'After nearly an hour in the dank, dripping gloom, we finally rejoin the original River Shannon.'
0:19:45 > 0:19:49That's it. There it goes. Look at that. Fantastic.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58On this side of Ardnacrusha, the river has a stunning natural beauty.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01It's like being up the Amazon.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Kingfishers, herons. What is this?
0:20:07 > 0:20:12Because we came on that long approach which is, let's face it, quite dull.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15And then we come down 100 feet and this is astonishing.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16That looks like an eagle.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Is that an eagle?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21It's a heron.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26They are virtually indistinguishable to the untrained ornithologist.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31Another heron. Look. Two herons. Three herons!
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Are you getting the herons?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35This is amazing.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40'This is my first trip down the Shannon, and while it's been beautiful,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43'it hasn't been an easy journey at times
0:20:43 > 0:20:47'because I've felt like I'm representing the entire country.'
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Every time Rory and Griff ask me a question about Ireland,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54I feel hot breath of four million people on the back of by neck saying,
0:20:54 > 0:20:58"Get this right. We educated you. Get this right".
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Our arrival into Limerick is marked by the famous Thomond Park, home of the Munster rugby team.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12'Limerick also marks the end of the Shannon River.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16'From here to the Atlantic, it's the Shannon Estuary.'
0:21:16 > 0:21:19'Here we say goodbye to the Amaryllis, since its owner Reggie
0:21:19 > 0:21:24'doesn't want us to take it onto open water. Inland water has been risky enough.'
0:21:26 > 0:21:30'When we arrived, Limerick was looking very pretty in the October sunshine.
0:21:30 > 0:21:35'The city is divided, paradoxically I suppose, into three quarters.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39'There's the ancient quarter dating back to Viking times with a castle.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41'There's a modern Irish quarter...
0:21:41 > 0:21:44'and there's a Victorian English quarter.'
0:21:44 > 0:21:51'This evening, we've all been invited to the Limerick International Poetry Festival.'
0:21:51 > 0:21:56'But I discovered that the limerick wouldn't feature in the festival.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59'A Limerick poetry festival without limericks? Ridiculous.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01'Something needed to be done.
0:22:01 > 0:22:07'And so I have a plan, and it starts with a trip to a village just outside the city.'
0:22:07 > 0:22:13This is Bunratty, County Clare, and what an amazing place it is.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16It's a sort of folk theme park.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19It's a living, working museum, if you like.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23And it shows what Ireland was like about half an hour ago.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27'The reason that I'm here is that I've been told of a great printer
0:22:27 > 0:22:30'who could help me with a bit of publicity for what I had in mind.'
0:22:30 > 0:22:35# Oh, Danny Boy, I love you so But come... #
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Angus, how are you? Good to see you. Rory.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43This is beautiful. This is printing like she was meant to be.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Now, how long are we going back, now, in years?
0:22:46 > 0:22:53- We're going back to 1850, 1860. - Hey. You look well on it. You look younger.- Thank you(!)
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Is it Oil of Olay you've been doing, yeah? Now, erm, the reason I'm here
0:22:57 > 0:23:02is, I've come all the way from a place in the east of Ireland called Dublin.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- I know it well.- Yeah. Are you a Dubliner yourself?
0:23:04 > 0:23:09- I was born there.- Baile Atha Cliath? - Baile Atha Cliath, yeah. Very good.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14the reason I'm coming to Limerick... As an Englishman, there's a poetry festival on in Limerick,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17and, to me, Limerick can only mean one thing...
0:23:17 > 0:23:20# Da, diddly-diddly, di, di Da, dee-dee, da, dee-dee, da, dee. #
0:23:20 > 0:23:26- The limerick.- The limerick. So, I want to promote a, sort of, independent poetry festival
0:23:26 > 0:23:29in which we get members of the public to bring their limericks,
0:23:29 > 0:23:34and I thought, "What a great place." We can print flyers. I can hand them round in pubs and in the street.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- Printed authentically by you. - With an Irish twist to it?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- With an Irish twist. - Very good.- I want to see this. - I'm just thinking of
0:23:41 > 0:23:46something very simple, but very...
0:23:46 > 0:23:49absolutely Irish in its being.
0:23:49 > 0:23:54Not over the top, but I'll do a variation of a border surround...
0:23:54 > 0:23:57This is what you see in an Irish opticians, isn't it?
0:23:57 > 0:24:02- ANGUS LAUGHS - It could be. That's why so many people wear glasses. You're right.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- How many copies, basically, do you want?- Well, we'll need...
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- I want to flood Limerick with it. - Right.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- I want people to get along to this do, so about three?- Very good.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Meanwhile, back in Limerick, the poetry festival wasn't until the evening.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27We were boatless now and although there's plenty in Limerick with several rowing clubs and what not,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29it all looked a little tame.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32With time to kill, we thought we'd try something nice and dangerous.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35With every power boat, all you do is think,
0:24:35 > 0:24:37"I wonder which is going to give way first.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- "The boat or my shoulders?" - Or my joints.
0:24:40 > 0:24:47While somebody throws salty water in your eyes every 10 seconds.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49The swans weren't impressed.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52They'd seen it all before.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54But we hadn't and we needed a bit of instruction.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57It's all quite nice and easy until we go round a turn.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Then I'll go, "One, two, three, left" and you will go,
0:25:01 > 0:25:05"Waaah!" Like this. And come back in again.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- Only left?- Left. Yes. Just left.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10What happens if we don't stretch out on the left?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13The boat can kind of slide across and maybe flip over
0:25:13 > 0:25:15and we'll be in the drink.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Maybe flip over. How casual is that?
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- Dara, look at this, what we've got. - Oh!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23It's the Swat team!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26What we were racing were zapcats.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Basically, an ultra-lightweight inflatable
0:25:28 > 0:25:31with a massively over-powered engine.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Three, two, one, go!
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Dara's blue and I'm yellow.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Though, I try to overcome that.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Griff takes an early lead, but not for the first time in this trip,
0:25:49 > 0:25:53his turn around the buoy is less than perfect.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I take the outside line and we surge ahead.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Even above the roar of the engines, I hear my driver saying something
0:26:03 > 0:26:06about how all this extra ballast is helping the turns.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10It's a simple enough circuit.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14From the bridge, round the buoy three times.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Griff gains ground and I have to turn well to keep up.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24There's the buoy. It's neck and neck.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31But I'm getting better at the turns and so take the tight inside line at the bridge,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34sending Griff wide, and this gives me a winning lead.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I finally win a race on Three Men In A Boat. That's it!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57PANTS HEAVILY
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I've not seen Griff's face in defeat in five series.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03So this is a time to enjoy this.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Take him again. Take him again!
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Not only in a state of defeat, but in a state of nervous collapse.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Yes, it is petrifying.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Meanwhile, my leaflets are printed
0:27:18 > 0:27:22and I'm mustering support for the Limerick limerick competition.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Hello there. How are you? Bye-bye.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Hello! Don't go. Girls!
0:27:37 > 0:27:41'But the good people of Limerick
0:27:41 > 0:27:44'clearly didn't think my festival was as good an idea as I did.'
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- Will you come to our limerick competition tonight?- No.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51They don't want some grinning, red-faced, smarmy Englishman
0:27:51 > 0:27:55coming up saying, "Hello! Are you coming to my limerick competition?"
0:27:55 > 0:27:58On the other hand, I think it's a splendid idea
0:27:58 > 0:28:01and I'd like to air a few of my own compositions.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05But with Rory in the chair, there's no way I'd get a fair hearing,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08so it'll have to be foul means.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11We've got to get ourselves to a state where he won't notice
0:28:11 > 0:28:14when somebody turns up looking a bit odd.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Luckily, Limerick boasts several theatres
0:28:17 > 0:28:21and a proper make-up artist to go with them - Miriam.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25- IRISH ACCENT: - "Hello there, Rory!"
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Do you think he'd smell a rat?
0:28:29 > 0:28:34'Miriam even arrives with her own fat suit.'
0:28:34 > 0:28:39I think we might need to just stitch this up or pin it up.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41What's Limerick famous for?
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- Rugby.- Rugby. OK. What else is Limerick famous for?
0:28:44 > 0:28:49- Having good nights out and having fun.- OK, I'll give you one more try.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53As a third attempt, what is Limerick famous for?
0:28:53 > 0:28:55For limericks. Oh! Very good.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56Do you know any limericks?
0:28:56 > 0:28:59No, I don't actually, no. Not a poet at all.
0:28:59 > 0:29:04- I bet you are.- Not at all. Got to go.- Tonight, 6:30pm.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06- I'll see you there.- Thank you!
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Come as you are.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11- IRISH ACCENT:- There once was a fellow called McGrath
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Who wanted a pint and a laugh
0:29:14 > 0:29:15In a fit of the giggles
0:29:15 > 0:29:17He split down the middles
0:29:17 > 0:29:19And had to make do with a half.
0:29:19 > 0:29:20Boom-boom!
0:29:20 > 0:29:24I can hear that in another room. You doing your cod Irish accent.
0:29:24 > 0:29:29- The beard! What?- Yes. I like that.
0:29:29 > 0:29:33- It's just so obviously you. - But wait a minute.- Look at you.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37It looks nothing like not you. It looks like you in a tache.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41I leave Griff to his ridiculous disguise and head for a taste
0:29:41 > 0:29:43of the official poetry festival at the White House.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46I'm Martin Mullingat from Mullingar.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48From Mullingar in the middle of Ireland.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Desireland. Inspireland.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54I can confirm there was nothing as tawdry as a limerick.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56The little dog laughed to see such fun
0:29:56 > 0:29:58as the dish ran away with the hot spoon...
0:29:58 > 0:30:01Still, I'm treated to a proper evening of literary talent.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04Ignore me at your peril.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Entertain me at the risk of losing your life.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12Ooooh...the harlequin was dancing
0:30:12 > 0:30:16when they picked the Ace of Spades against the King of Hearts...
0:30:16 > 0:30:19But you don't want to see this, do you? No. You want to see this.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Around the corner at the Tom Collins pub,
0:30:25 > 0:30:28Rory's renegade Limerick limerick competition
0:30:28 > 0:30:30had also pulled a huge crowd.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35Welcome to the Tom Collins pub - the best pub in Ireland!
0:30:35 > 0:30:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:38 > 0:30:41My Guinness is assured now. Thank you.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43Is that it? Lovely. Thank you very much indeed.
0:30:43 > 0:30:48This is the special event. It's the first ever
0:30:48 > 0:30:52Three Men In A Boat independent Limerick limerick competition.
0:30:52 > 0:30:58It's also the last ever Three Men In A Boat independent Limerick limerick competition.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01Yes, I've got a false beard and a dirty limerick
0:31:01 > 0:31:04and I arrive just as the competition starts.
0:31:04 > 0:31:06Will I fool Rory?
0:31:06 > 0:31:09So, good luck everybody and can we have limerick number one?
0:31:09 > 0:31:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:14 > 0:31:16In Limerick where once they did stay
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Three men shared a boat for the day
0:31:18 > 0:31:20This sun it did shine
0:31:20 > 0:31:21The River Shannon sublime
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Irish sunburn's the price they did pay.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25There you go. Yes!
0:31:25 > 0:31:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:29 > 0:31:31There was an old man from Dingle
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Who spent many a long year single
0:31:33 > 0:31:34He looked near and far in many a bar
0:31:34 > 0:31:37And now...he's an alcoholic.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39Good. That's great.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:43 > 0:31:47One of my favourite limericks which deliberately deviates from the form,
0:31:47 > 0:31:49which is quite a nice one, is:
0:31:49 > 0:31:51There was a young bard from Japan
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
0:31:53 > 0:31:56I can manage the lines and the number of rhymes
0:31:56 > 0:31:59It's just I try and cram as many words in the last line as I possibly can.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:32:02 > 0:32:04There was a young man called Wyat
0:32:04 > 0:32:06Whose voice was incredibly quiet
0:32:06 > 0:32:07And then one day it faded away
0:32:07 > 0:32:08And that was...
0:32:08 > 0:32:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:32:13 > 0:32:16Come on. Number 11. Where are you?
0:32:16 > 0:32:19There was a lass a few miles from Kilkeel
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Who chatted up every man she could see
0:32:21 > 0:32:24But when it came to a test she was reckoned the best
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Cos practice makes perfect, you'll see.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:32:31 > 0:32:35That's wonderful. Nice to have an autobiographical limerick!
0:32:35 > 0:32:37LAUGHTER
0:32:37 > 0:32:39Number 14!
0:32:39 > 0:32:43Even in a pub full of fat hairy men, I look utterly improbable.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46But luckily, not as improbable as Rory.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49A TV producer of note
0:32:49 > 0:32:53Was convinced he could get crap to float
0:32:54 > 0:32:59Jones, McGrath and O'Briain polluted the stream
0:32:59 > 0:33:01And they called it Three Men In A Boat.
0:33:01 > 0:33:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:05 > 0:33:09We have a winner!
0:33:09 > 0:33:10Oh, he's in!
0:33:10 > 0:33:15I'd like to know who that was with that strange Jamaican accent.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18'The accent gave Griff away
0:33:18 > 0:33:21'and he was immediately disqualified.'
0:33:21 > 0:33:26- IRISH ACCENT: - 'Well, I certainly fooled some of the people,
0:33:26 > 0:33:28'if not all of the time.'
0:33:31 > 0:33:34I said to Billy, "Is that that guy that drives the bus around Limerick?
0:33:34 > 0:33:37"With the grey hair and the sideburns?"
0:33:37 > 0:33:39And he said, "I don't know, I think it might be!"
0:33:39 > 0:33:41I thought he drove a boat,
0:33:41 > 0:33:43but instead he drives a bus.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46So I definitely thought it was him.
0:33:46 > 0:33:51He looks remarkably convincing as an Irishman with his beard.
0:33:51 > 0:33:55I knew Griff when he actually was that shape, but I thought he looked very good.
0:33:55 > 0:33:56Very Irish indeed.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58He looked like the Lord Mayor of Limerick.
0:33:58 > 0:34:03Hopeless. It was hopeless. Even as I stood there.
0:34:03 > 0:34:04Ha-ha! It's brilliant.
0:34:06 > 0:34:11The guy said, "I recognise you from somewhere. Are you the, eh...
0:34:11 > 0:34:13"Oh! Last Of the Summer Wine!"
0:34:19 > 0:34:21The following morning,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23it was time to face the final leg of our journey.
0:34:23 > 0:34:28It would be wrong to come this far west and not to take that final leap
0:34:28 > 0:34:31out into the Atlantic to the Aran Islands.
0:34:31 > 0:34:36The islands have preserved their culture partly due to their remoteness
0:34:36 > 0:34:39and the only problem we have is how to get there.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43For generations, the journey was made rowing in a Currach.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47'Currachs are traditional fishing boats
0:34:47 > 0:34:49'made from canvas stretched over a frame.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52'This makes them really lightweight
0:34:52 > 0:34:54'so you can carry them to and from the beach.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56'But puncture the skin by stepping in the wrong place
0:34:56 > 0:34:59'and you'll sink like a stone.'
0:34:59 > 0:35:00Any tips on getting in?
0:35:00 > 0:35:03Yes. Don't stand at the side.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Stand in the middle.
0:35:05 > 0:35:06And be light-footed.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10And stay low.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Pretend you're a feather.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14And what's my impression of a feather?
0:35:14 > 0:35:15'To get some instruction,
0:35:15 > 0:35:19'we've arranged to meet up with local rowers Anne, Elise and Leah,
0:35:19 > 0:35:22'who are actually the women's champions of Ireland.'
0:35:22 > 0:35:25Basic growing skills would be
0:35:25 > 0:35:30when the oars are out of the water, you lean forwards...
0:35:30 > 0:35:32'We are, by now, used to people thinking we're clueless
0:35:32 > 0:35:35'and teaching us the absolute basics.'
0:35:35 > 0:35:39..bringing the oars into the water, pull back,
0:35:39 > 0:35:44pushing off the foot-step and then forward again,
0:35:44 > 0:35:47oars out of the water, and then pull back.
0:35:47 > 0:35:52Doesn't she realise that these Three Men have rowed the Thames together?
0:35:57 > 0:36:011, 2, 3, go! Look, look! Pull!
0:36:03 > 0:36:05- Dip in and pull.- Yeah.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14Lean forward. Lean forward! And pull.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17You'd think you were born in Connemara or something!
0:36:17 > 0:36:23- That's it!- Your total Currach racing experience is as much as ours.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25I've rowed more than you two
0:36:25 > 0:36:28and it shows every time we get on the water.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Now, pick up the pace. Right a bit. Right!
0:36:31 > 0:36:36The other problem with this design is there's no keel or rudder.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39Meaning the steering is all down to skilful oarsmanship.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43Perhaps we should have listened to Anne in the first place.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45When you say left, do you mean turn left
0:36:45 > 0:36:46or use more with your left rudder?
0:36:46 > 0:36:49- Use your left oar more.- OK.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Can we just fly by them?
0:36:52 > 0:36:56Can we just crash into them and take them out?
0:36:56 > 0:37:01Left. Use your left oar. Come on!
0:37:01 > 0:37:04Can we work out some system here?
0:37:04 > 0:37:08Cos you're screaming left, you're screaming right!
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Want to swap around? Will we mix up?
0:37:11 > 0:37:13No. This works better like this!
0:37:16 > 0:37:18In the calm water of the inlet,
0:37:18 > 0:37:21we managed to do lots of going round in circles.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Bullseye!
0:37:26 > 0:37:28You didn't do that, did you, you see!
0:37:28 > 0:37:30You can't teach that!
0:37:31 > 0:37:35I suggest we should go back to the quay and we get out.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37Don't start organising a coup d'etat
0:37:37 > 0:37:40just when we're beginning to get some rhythm going.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42Mind the pole!
0:37:42 > 0:37:45'We soon realise that our only skill in Currachs
0:37:45 > 0:37:47'is hitting the channel markers.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50- Two out of two!- Wow!
0:37:50 > 0:37:53We're the best slalom rowers in the country!
0:37:53 > 0:37:56This is great. This is like crazy golf.
0:37:58 > 0:38:03Can I just say that this is probably the happiest I've ever been,
0:38:03 > 0:38:06to have the two of you here, bitching at each other,
0:38:06 > 0:38:11snapping, giving it about the technical aspects of rowing.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14I just...I feel at home.
0:38:14 > 0:38:15More than I've ever felt at home.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19Think we should row to the Aran Islands or take another form of transport?
0:38:19 > 0:38:22I think we'll find some other way to get the islands.
0:38:29 > 0:38:34It's become apparent that we will not be rowing to the Aran Islands.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36And we will need another boat.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38Preferably without oars.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41The gloriously named Galway Hooker
0:38:41 > 0:38:43is the sailing boat of choice in these parts.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47Traditionally it was used to transport turf as fuel to the islands
0:38:47 > 0:38:52because there were no trees, because there's no soil, because the islands are basically rock.
0:38:52 > 0:38:57You couldn't live here without becoming resilient and self-sufficient,
0:38:57 > 0:38:59and this, combined with their remoteness
0:38:59 > 0:39:03means that the islands have preserved a traditional Irish culture.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07For example, for most islanders, their first language is Irish.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10We've not had a drop of wind in a week and a half.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12We've had a drifting sailing race
0:39:12 > 0:39:17and now are drifting across to the Aran Islands.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20I'd like to join in, boys, but at this speed at the helm
0:39:20 > 0:39:23I've just got to concentrate fully on the heading.
0:39:34 > 0:39:35Despite the lack of wind,
0:39:35 > 0:39:38we eventually get to the largest island, Inishmore.
0:39:38 > 0:39:42For me, this place is culturally very significant,
0:39:42 > 0:39:45but much of that old way of life has gone and they rely now,
0:39:45 > 0:39:48to a large extent, on tourists, for their income.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51With Aran sweaters, for example, being a big seller.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54I'm going to have a chat in the cafe. What are you doing?
0:39:54 > 0:39:56I'm going to do a bit of shopping.
0:39:56 > 0:40:00Good for you. That's what we want you to do. We want you to shop.
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- Is it safe to leave them unlocked here?- Yes. It's pretty safe.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07Why don't you tourists go off and buy stuff? That's your job here.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09Buy things.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Buy things. Go on.
0:40:13 > 0:40:17While they go and shop, I meet up with Cathy, one of the islanders.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20IN IRISH:
0:40:35 > 0:40:36Oh, this is lovely.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Don't tell Dara we're in here.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44- We're just in here...- I've just seen the very thing, Griff.
0:40:44 > 0:40:45Oh!
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Actually, I have strict instructions
0:40:51 > 0:40:56to return with an Aran Island sweater.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00Because that's what you get here.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02The problem is, the truth is,
0:41:02 > 0:41:05you can get a better Aran sweater on Bond Street, I'm sure.
0:41:05 > 0:41:06Oh dear!
0:41:06 > 0:41:09It is strange to bring the two lads
0:41:09 > 0:41:13because they're no respecters, in some ways, of cultural values.
0:41:13 > 0:41:14- We'll change that!- Yeah!
0:41:14 > 0:41:17- We'll work on them! - I've been showing them things
0:41:17 > 0:41:21that normally I take the mickey out of, and my guard is up here.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25I don't care about setting them loose in the Lough Derg Yacht Club
0:41:25 > 0:41:28because that lot can handle it.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30But this is a bit more precious.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32This is a bit more Irish.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35Has an element of, you know...
0:41:35 > 0:41:37- Now, every one is different, apparently.- Yeah.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40There are no two Aran sweaters which are the same.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44The individual signature of the way they were knitted and the patterns
0:41:44 > 0:41:50would have told the Aran islanders which fisherman it was
0:41:50 > 0:41:55who unfortunately had fallen off his Currach and been drowned
0:41:55 > 0:41:58and had his eyes pecked out by the old seagulls.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00That's rather bleak, isn't it?
0:42:00 > 0:42:03It would worry me if I were a fisherman on the Aran Islands.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06I wouldn't ever have an Aran sweater. "Put this on."
0:42:06 > 0:42:10- "No! I'm going to drown." - I think it suits you, actually.
0:42:10 > 0:42:11It's a bit of a cardie.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15It is. What about this? Does that look suitably Irish?
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Griff, you look like...
0:42:17 > 0:42:19LAUGHS
0:42:19 > 0:42:24When you see Rory and Griff walk out of a shop dressed head to toe
0:42:24 > 0:42:28in thick knitted wool, will a part of you and the inside go,
0:42:28 > 0:42:33this is not the image we want to create?
0:42:33 > 0:42:37- Eh, no, I mean...- Because let's face it, neither of us are wearing Aran.
0:42:37 > 0:42:42See, we don't have to wear it. We have it. It flows out of us.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45We don't need to wear a bonnie sweater or a cap.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48We've got it, Dara, so we don't need to wear it.
0:42:48 > 0:42:52That's the Irish culture superiority in a nutshell. Sure, we have it.
0:42:52 > 0:42:56- Let the English struggle with it. - We've got it!- Just naturally!
0:43:03 > 0:43:06The Aran Islands are about much more than just sweaters, though.
0:43:06 > 0:43:08Here on Inishmore,
0:43:08 > 0:43:12on a cliff side facing out into the Atlantic, is Dun Aengus.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14A magnificent megalithic fort.
0:43:14 > 0:43:18No-one's quite sure why it's here or what it was ever guarding.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20But, with the boys away,
0:43:20 > 0:43:23it offers me a moment of communion with my culture,
0:43:23 > 0:43:25here, on the islands that are its heartland.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28DARA READS IN GAELIC
0:43:57 > 0:43:59I really can't bring you two anywhere.
0:44:02 > 0:44:06- Moving. That was, I thought. - I think we upset the Paddy.
0:44:07 > 0:44:13Yeah, you've ruined that now. Did you have to get flags as well?
0:44:29 > 0:44:34You know, next time let's go to Wales and take the mickey out of your culture, Griff. How's that?
0:44:34 > 0:44:37Go to Wales, put on taff hats and silly voices. Do you want that?
0:44:37 > 0:44:40WELSH ACCENT: Oh look at you now, boy, from the valleys.
0:44:40 > 0:44:43No. Not Wales. That would be embarrassing.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46- We've got to go somewhere no-one knows us.- What? You mean London?
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