0:00:01 > 0:00:05Caravans. A fibreglass palace or a bank holiday road menace?
0:00:05 > 0:00:09Love them, or hate them, in Wales we simply can't avoid them.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11We spend around 11 million nights
0:00:11 > 0:00:14and £300 million a year holidaying in them.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16But what is it about caravans
0:00:16 > 0:00:19that makes us a nation happiest on wheels?
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Back in the olden days,
0:00:27 > 0:00:29people used to hitch their caravans to the back of cars,
0:00:29 > 0:00:32with engines that were often too small
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and go off in search of a nice place to stay.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39But then in the 1970s, someone realised that
0:00:39 > 0:00:42instead of spending the majority of their holiday
0:00:42 > 0:00:44crawling along a motorway at seven miles an hour,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47they may as well just find a nice place to stay,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49and leave the caravan there.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52As a result, purpose-built sites with rows of static caravans
0:00:52 > 0:00:54sprung up all along the Welsh coast,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57with many becoming some of the biggest sites in Europe.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00For the mining communities of the South Wales Valleys,
0:01:00 > 0:01:03these static parks were an instant hit.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06All year round, whenever they could, thousands of families
0:01:06 > 0:01:10would come to relax in their very own little house by the sea.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oh, well, here we are, then, back at the hacienda.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Down to our fantasy island.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39John Mortimer has a farm just outside Port Talbot,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41but every weekend for the last 41 years,
0:01:41 > 0:01:46he and his wife Jean have come to Fontygary Caravan Park in Rhoose.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53It's their home from home. So come on, you two, what's your story?
0:01:53 > 0:01:57John said, "What would you like, would you like a new static van,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01"or go away to Tenerife for a fortnight?"
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I said, "No, we'll have the static van."
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Well, when we first arrived in 1970,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08they'd just built a new outdoor swimming pool.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13The club then had been built about five years and, you know, the club,
0:02:13 > 0:02:17there wasn't facilities in the club then that there is now.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20For a start, there was no heating there,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23and in the winter they'd have a few gas fires around
0:02:23 > 0:02:29and we'd all be in overcoats, but we made our fun and it was good.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34And the same people were there for year in, year out.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36It was like one big happy family.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Established over 40 years ago by Sir Hugo Boothby
0:02:42 > 0:02:45and nestled on a cliff top overlooking the Bristol Channel,
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Fontygary Caravan Park was one of the first of its kind in Wales.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Today, with nearly 500 static caravans,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56it's certainly one of the country's biggest.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00And here on any weekend, you can see up to 2,500 people
0:03:00 > 0:03:04leaving their cares at the foot of the three little steps of their seaside Shangri-la.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08But not everybody who wants to enjoy a holiday at Fontygary
0:03:08 > 0:03:10has to own a caravan.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13There are 12 caravans in the park that can be rented.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15And one of them this weekend
0:03:15 > 0:03:20will be taken by Grant and Maree Hicks from Llandysul.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24And it's a big moment, as, whilst they've always been keen touring caravanners,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28this is the first time that they've stayed in a static van for 30 years.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31How will they cope? How different is it going to be?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- Things are a bit different now, then?- Well, we hope!
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- We've got a toilet for a start! - Yeah!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42That operates the barrier. Just hold that by the barrier.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Pass picked up, the Hicks' are checked in, and it's time to start their holiday.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52That's assuming Grant can negotiate the barrier.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Oh, it's a dud. She's flogged us a dud.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Don't wind me up. It's a dud, isn't it?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Oh, they've turned it off or something.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07The brains! Let the brains have a go!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Argh!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13They're in!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Go on, then.- Right you are.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22And all they've got to do now is find their way to their caravan.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Amongst 500 others. Let's hope Maree is on the directions, eh!
0:04:29 > 0:04:34For the holiday-makers already settled in, it's time to kick back and relax in the sunshine.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40But for managing director of the site Tim Mcilveen,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42his mindset is one of work.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- So what's your job like, Tim? - It's like running a little village.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52500 holiday homes, which is the same as houses, but on a holiday park.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56There are no hedges, no walls between so everybody is very close together.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Every now and then you get little problems,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02as you do between neighbours in any small community.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06We've had floods, major storms, people obviously die,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09um...sicknesses,
0:05:09 > 0:05:14you get violent outbursts and you get crime,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18and literally everything that could possibly happen.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22And of course it becomes very, very public very, very quickly,
0:05:22 > 0:05:24and we have to deal with it.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Crime, death and acts of God aren't Tim's only problems.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30The local council's enforced new government legislation
0:05:30 > 0:05:35controlling the statutory distance required between each static caravan.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Instead of the old license agreement,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39which had 4.5 metres between caravans,
0:05:39 > 0:05:42we've now got to have five metres between caravans.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44But to make the changes,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47you've got to attempt to put everybody at their ease,
0:05:47 > 0:05:52that we're not going to start digging up the whole park and shifting everyone at the same time.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Also, it's vital for business
0:05:55 > 0:05:58that Fontygary maintains its four-star status,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01and an unmaintained garden can have an impact on the rating.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06But luckily, Tim's got a plan. Mm, sort of.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10One of the things we're doing is a sort of gardens competition,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13whereby we're trying really to get everybody on the park
0:06:13 > 0:06:16to participate, so that there's a minimum standard.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21So we're not necessarily looking for the ones that produce the absolute beautiful pitches,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24but there's a minimum standard that looks good enough for everybody.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Have you got the lead? - You leave it to me.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40The Hicks have found their caravan, but is Maree going to like it?
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Stay, stay.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44It's been 30 years since we last had a static caravan,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46and now we're looking forward to this.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48It's going back in time!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Now, then. Oh, I say!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Oh, I say!
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Yes!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Oh, look at the stove.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Oh, my word!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Unbelievable.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09My gosh, they have changed a lot since I was last...
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Even a dishwasher!
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Where do you want this suitcase?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Where's the fridge, then?- But wait!
0:07:14 > 0:07:17It seems Maree can't find the fridge!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Maybe here?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- No? No fridge? - Don't panic, Maree.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28What are these, then?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Oh, my word!
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Phew!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33And the freezer.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Absolutely fantastic.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38That's one empty car!
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I am now totally relaxed.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Now I've got all the stuff to sort out, I can chill out.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Another half an hour and I can sit down and enjoy and relax,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52and make a cup of tea.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57I don't know about that, Maree. You haven't found the kettle!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59The premise of a park like Fontygary
0:07:59 > 0:08:02is that nobody is allowed to live there permanently.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05This is the golden rule of static caravanning
0:08:05 > 0:08:09that makes the vans holiday homes rather than actual homes.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19There is, though, one exception -
0:08:19 > 0:08:22when it comes to on-site security.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24About two years ago, Dave was offered the job
0:08:24 > 0:08:27of being in charge of security,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and because he's got the job, we stay all through the year.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Us and the cat. It's brilliant.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36I said, "Would you fancy living down at Fontygary?"
0:08:36 > 0:08:40And she said, "Do you know what?" She said, "I really would."
0:08:40 > 0:08:44And we made our move over four years ago now, nearly five years.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I've never regretted a moment.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51When I look at that view, I think, "Thank you, God, this is wonderful."
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Yeah, it's brilliant.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58It's means the world to us down here, we love it here. There's the cat.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03As you can see, fast asleep, not interested at all.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07This is our kitchen. Well, my husband does all the cooking.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11I assist, drink all the wine, and he does all the cooking.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12That's the way I like it.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Friday night is dinner party night
0:09:16 > 0:09:20when Dave and Sue get together with their neighbours for an evening of gastronomy.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23However, whilst Dave assumes the Jamie Oliver role,
0:09:23 > 0:09:28the only help around is from granddaughter Neave.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Sue is nowhere to be seen.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33This usually happens of a Friday.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37She starts off with the best intention.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Er, but I end up seemingly having to do all the cooking.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47Well, she's probably just gone to get some party nibbles, innit?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Or, you know, garlic or tin foil!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Oh, no, wait, hang on!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I love to be pampered and spoiled. I was born for it!
0:09:56 > 0:10:01It is like permanently being on holiday. I just love it here.
0:10:03 > 0:10:09I could say to anybody, if you're thinking of buying a caravan, go for it. Brilliant life.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14She's got a knack of, by the time people have arrived, putting a pinny on.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17And I think to myself, well, didn't I do it?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19And she seems to get away with...
0:10:19 > 0:10:23"I've been at the sink and cooking all day long",
0:10:23 > 0:10:29and I just fade away into the background and think, well why not?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32So what's the most popular entertainment at Fontygary?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Well, most of the caravanners are Welsh,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37so you'd probably expect it to be bingo,
0:10:37 > 0:10:41but it is in fact... oh, no, wait, hang on, it is bingo.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44The caravan owners like to know what's going to be happening
0:10:44 > 0:10:47well in advance, so they like something steady,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50something regular, some kind of routine as well.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54They also, especially in this place, they love their bingo.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02I mean, you have the people who just come in, they'll sit down,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04it's like their own little routine,
0:11:04 > 0:11:07they sit down, get their drinks and then straight up to the front.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Around about 7:30, we start selling the bingo tickets,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13and if it's not there at 7:30, they want to know why.
0:11:13 > 0:11:19We have some people who play bingo, go home, that's them happy, you know, that's all they come up for.
0:11:19 > 0:11:25Tonight, though, there is a big change at the upstairs cabaret lounge. Bingo has been cancelled!
0:11:25 > 0:11:29We do get nights like tonight where there's no bingo on.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Where you do get some people not so much put back,
0:11:33 > 0:11:37but a little bit upset that they're not getting their regular routine.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39It will make a big difference to them.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42I mean, we've had some people who are quite vocal about the fact
0:11:42 > 0:11:45that they weren't too happy that bingo wasn't on.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50So there have been one or two, "Is it gonna be as busy as it normally is?"
0:11:50 > 0:11:53AJ has been the compere at Fontygary for eight years,
0:11:53 > 0:11:57so he knows the risk he's taking by dropping the bingo
0:11:57 > 0:12:00and replacing it with cabaret.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01One, two...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05# I got a feeling
0:12:07 > 0:12:11# That tonight's gonna be a good night
0:12:11 > 0:12:14# That tonight's gonna be a good night... #
0:12:14 > 0:12:18And tonight, AJ is the cabaret.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22So, what sort of numbers can we expect, AJ?
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Oh, I'm hoping, kind of minimum, about 150-175, with a bit of luck.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30In an ideal world, it would be absolutely full.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33AJ is putting his reputation on the line.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Will the draw of his singing beat his bingo calling?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39# Let's live it up
0:12:39 > 0:12:42# I got my money, let's spend it up
0:12:42 > 0:12:45# Go out and smash it, like, oh, my God
0:12:45 > 0:12:50# Jump off that sofa, let's kick it up... #
0:12:50 > 0:12:52That's cool.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54That's everything checked.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57All that's left to do now is hope that we get
0:12:57 > 0:13:01the crowd that we're really hoping for, even though there's no bingo.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Manager Tim has been back in his office, fleshing out his vision
0:13:10 > 0:13:13on how to improve the plots on the site.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16And after entering his measurements into a database
0:13:16 > 0:13:18and analysing the results, he is ready
0:13:18 > 0:13:20to implement his action plan via...
0:13:20 > 0:13:22a leaflet.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26It's called The 2011 Pitch Perfect Presentation Awards.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29And it explains how they're going to find their winner.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31We want everybody to produce a reasonable standard,
0:13:31 > 0:13:37so instead of just going for the top ten or 15, we want the top 500...
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- Again, sort of. - If we can get that to everybody...
0:13:40 > 0:13:45Tim's idea is to make sure that all the pitches meet the new statutory standard.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Every single plot on the site will be judged according to
0:13:48 > 0:13:51a list of criteria, of which gardening is only one.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57If it was just for gardening, or maybe bird gnomes,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Alan Earwaker would have a head start.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I'm always fond of birds, you see, I love my birds.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07I got a few birds over there, I got a few birds by here.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16He's been a caravan owner at Fontygary for the past 12 years.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18When they used to come down here
0:14:18 > 0:14:22for the weekends, once you come under that bridge...
0:14:22 > 0:14:26you're in a different world and I love it.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Most of my time down here,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32to be perfectly honest with you, is the garden.
0:14:32 > 0:14:38I can always find something to do. I'm always busy.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40If I'm not busy doing plants
0:14:40 > 0:14:46and making different things up like bird tables, window boxes.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51This is a man with seriously green fingers.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55They used to have a garden competition down here.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I had, well, I think it was three years on the trot,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I had certificates for Highly Commended.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02But I never actually won it.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It's a sunny day at Fontygary.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09But for Alan, whatever the weather, gardening is his passion.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13All my woodwork, it all needs repainting this year now.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17You know, there's always something needing to be done.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Right, that's all my planting done.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25I just hope now in a few weeks' time, we'll have all the colour out.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I'll be looking forward to seeing it.
0:15:31 > 0:15:37At their caravan, John and Jean are looking forward to their night out.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42Oh, we're going down The Bay, the club. We always go down there.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44We have a really good time down there.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48The only thing I got to watch is John, he drinks too much.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53We got more friends down here than we got back home, like. Yeah.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57So, we're looking forward to a fair night out.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01We know them all down there and as soon as new people come in,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04they always seem to get friendly with us all.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07You know, it's really nice
0:16:07 > 0:16:09and that's the reason we like it down there.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I better get the tickets out, while I think about it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17My friend, now, Lil,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19she's got a caravan up the top there, she doesn't like it
0:16:19 > 0:16:23because they're not having bingo and she wasn't going to come down.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27But apparently, AJ is going to do something for us tonight.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- You can have the biggest. - Oh, thank you very much.- Cheers!
0:16:31 > 0:16:35We don't usually drink as much as this, but it's very welcome. All the best.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- All the best.- Here's to a few more.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41This is our holiday, to come down here.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Because if we don't, we don't go nowhere.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51And all this time, AJ is getting ready for his big gamble.
0:16:51 > 0:16:56An entire evening of cabaret, by himself, instead of bingo.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00We are a little bit kind of nervous and apprehensive.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05I've heard that there's a bit of a boycott going on for tonight.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08So I think there's a few people going up the road,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11to a pub up the road, because of the no bingo.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I'm the sort of person where it makes no difference
0:17:13 > 0:17:17if there's going to be five people or if there's going to be 200,
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I try and play to the people that are here.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21This has always been the thing I wanted to do
0:17:21 > 0:17:25and when I left school, the first full time job that I had was
0:17:25 > 0:17:30working on a holiday park and there's always been an ongoing kind of
0:17:30 > 0:17:34comment with the people that I know - my very first job after achieving
0:17:34 > 0:17:38all A's and B's at my GCSEs was dressing as a giant chicken.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43But Brad Pitt started off dressing as a giant chicken, and so did I, so there we go!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Obviously, much better looking.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49# I'm sitting on top of the world... #
0:17:49 > 0:17:54As caravanners go, we're relatively new to the whole thing. Just getting into it now.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58But we've met fantastic friends here. So it's sort of a new life, really, in a way.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01New caravanners Mark and Ban have arrived
0:18:01 > 0:18:04for their weekly supper club at Dave and Sue's.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06It's Dave's turn tonight, thank God!
0:18:06 > 0:18:09He's a fantastic cook, so we're looking forward to that.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12It's Italian night, the sparkling wine's on ice
0:18:12 > 0:18:15and the antipasto is flying off the plate.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Yeah, just have a couple of glasses of wine now
0:18:18 > 0:18:22and enjoy people enjoying the food, really. We'll have a nice evening.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Nothing's burnt, so I couldn't have done too badly.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Yeah, very good, he's outdone me this week.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Definitely, stars, nine out of ten for that one, yeah.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35We got the main course coming up now.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40Um, lasagne. So I'm sure that will be fantastic. One of my favourites.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43There's usually a bit of bragging rights there.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48- Yeah.- Mark will say, "Oh, my meal will be better than your meal, because I'm cooking..."
0:18:48 > 0:18:52What? "Oh, you'll have to wait and see."
0:18:52 > 0:18:56I wouldn't rather be anywhere else in the world, and I've been round the world.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Back at the upstairs cabaret lounge
0:18:59 > 0:19:02and AJ is preparing for the performance of his life.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06I'm making sure I'm looking good, looking sweet.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08This is it.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Suited and booted, he heads off to the stage.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Has his gamble paid off?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20No. It's early days, but the crowd isn't as big as it would be on a bingo night.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23OK, good evening, folks.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Welcome to Fontygary's cabaret lounge for this evening.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30We've got a fantastic double cabaret show planned for you tonight
0:19:30 > 0:19:34and as a result, unfortunately, that means that there is no bingo.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Although we're going to try and keep you as busy as you can
0:19:37 > 0:19:40so that hopefully, you won't even notice that it's missing.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45We've got loads on the way, we're going to be kicking off the show from about eight o'clock.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Back at the supper party, the vino's flowing...
0:19:49 > 0:19:51and flowing, and flowing.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Well, I don't know, we're on the third now,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55so I don't know what's going to happen here tonight,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59it could be a bit of a disaster... financially!
0:20:00 > 0:20:05'This is what it's all about. Sometimes getting one or two glasses too many and it's usually my fault.'
0:20:05 > 0:20:09"You opened that last bottle, I told you not to bother!"
0:20:09 > 0:20:11But, well, it's what it's all about, I think.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Anyway, chin-chin.
0:20:20 > 0:20:26- Let's have a quick toast.- To friends. - Thanks for inviting us again.- Yay!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30It's been a lovely day for Marie and Grant
0:20:30 > 0:20:32and now they can really let their hair down.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36And where better than at AJ's one-man cabaret show?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Good evening, thank you.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42The first day in the caravan has been fantastic.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44The caravan is absolutely gorgeous,
0:20:44 > 0:20:49really, really nice and we're really chuffed.
0:20:49 > 0:20:55- We've even got a dishwasher. - Good God, I didn't know that!- Yeah!
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Despite the extra two seats filled,
0:20:57 > 0:21:00there is far less audience than could be expected
0:21:00 > 0:21:03if the Friday night entertainment had been bingo.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06But for AJ, it's time to grasp the hand of Dr Footlights
0:21:06 > 0:21:08and turn on the magic.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10# I put on my blue suede shoes
0:21:10 > 0:21:14# And I boarded a plane
0:21:14 > 0:21:17# Touched down in the land of the delta blues
0:21:17 > 0:21:21# In the middle of the pouring rain
0:21:21 > 0:21:25# WC Handy... #
0:21:25 > 0:21:28I never new anything else I wanted to do apart from entertain,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30which was a bit of a nightmare.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34I was in a private school and it was very academic
0:21:34 > 0:21:39and it wasn't heard of to go into the entertaining arts.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43# I was walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale... #
0:21:43 > 0:21:47I think they expected everyone to leave there
0:21:47 > 0:21:50and walk into a bank and just have a career, set off
0:21:50 > 0:21:51and that's not what I wanted to do.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54# Wa-a-a-alking in Memphis... #
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Well done, AJ, you're storming it!
0:21:57 > 0:22:01# I was walking in Memphis... #
0:22:01 > 0:22:04It's a fantastic night of cabaret. There may not be bingo,
0:22:04 > 0:22:08but we're going to keep you busy throughout the night.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12In fact, I'm willing to bet you might not even notice that bingo's not there.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14How about that? Is that all right?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Freshly reminded of what they're missing,
0:22:16 > 0:22:21will a caravan classic from an on-form AJ win over bingo lovers Jean and John?
0:22:21 > 0:22:24# ..I watched and went out of my mind
0:22:26 > 0:22:32# My, my, my, Delilah... #
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Come on! Sing to me!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36# Why, why, why, Delilah... #
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Yes!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44# I could see
0:22:44 > 0:22:49# That girl was no good for me... #
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Everyone together, just you.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55# Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any... #
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Dodging that top note like a true pro!
0:22:58 > 0:23:02But has AJ done enough to win over all the crowd?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Thank you very much, guys!
0:23:04 > 0:23:08We've had a great cabaret show.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12We've had a great night tonight. AJ has been first class.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15He's had the audience joining in, which is what everybody wants,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and it's been a great night for everyone.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Thankfully, the bingo doesn't look
0:23:20 > 0:23:23like it's made too much of a difference.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26We've had a lot of people who we wouldn't normally get in here
0:23:26 > 0:23:29and also a few people who normally would play the bingo.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32We thought, we'll give it a go, see how it goes
0:23:32 > 0:23:34and yeah, it's looking quite busy out there now.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh, marvellous, marvellous.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37The time has gone so quick
0:23:37 > 0:23:40although we haven't played bingo, I've enjoyed it!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43The caravanners head home, happy in the knowledge
0:23:43 > 0:23:46that tomorrow night, bingo will be back on the bill,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48eyes down at 8pm.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Assuming AJ doesn't have a rush of blood and put on a dog show.
0:24:00 > 0:24:06It's judging day for the 2011 Pitch Perfect Presentation Awards.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09And it's raining. A lot.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11But the show must go on,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and who better qualified to judge a pitch perfect competition
0:24:14 > 0:24:17than the Tom Jones of Fontygary, AJ.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20This one happens, although this is a bin area,
0:24:20 > 0:24:24you'd expect that to be a downgrade.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25But actually, they've used it
0:24:25 > 0:24:28as a really nice way of enhancing the garden.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33Tim's keen that AJ understands the stringent rules of the competition.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37In the old competition, this one often used to win.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41According to the new rules, there can be no cladding under decking.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Because cladding means that the wind, in a really bad storm,
0:24:45 > 0:24:49can't go underneath the van, which means it's hitting a wall,
0:24:49 > 0:24:51which means the whole thing could roll.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55So it seems having no cladding is a key criteria.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02First thing I noticed, on that one, a little bit of clutter underneath at the front,
0:25:02 > 0:25:06but apart from that, if you were looking from here, you'd probably...
0:25:06 > 0:25:09You know, you can tell it's a work in progress...
0:25:09 > 0:25:11No cladding and no clutter,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14and nothing should be planted into the ground itself.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Significant planting in the ground.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20There's actually a tree there.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Actually, I'm quite glad I don't know whose caravans are whose,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26because then I can't get told off by people later on,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28when I'm working, for not picking their caravan.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31People looking out the window.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33They've got weeds under there.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35They've got the old antenna under there.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39But then the rain stops
0:25:39 > 0:25:40and the sun comes out,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43just in time for the judging of Alan Earwaker's pitch.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47- ..if it's being used properly. Now, this is nice.- Yeah.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50They're all much older vans, got the cladding,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52that's the only other thing.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56And metal decking, which is getting a bit rusty.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58The garden itself looks really nice.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Some of this stuff is absolutely immaculate.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05I do like this one, but there's a couple of vans around the park,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08where because of the cladding and the way the decking looks,
0:26:08 > 0:26:11that we've walked past and not really worried about them,
0:26:11 > 0:26:14but the garden itself is really nice.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18But because we've disqualified a couple because of the cladding,
0:26:18 > 0:26:22we probably have to do the same with this one as well.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Alan Earwaker, the man who has dedicated his life
0:26:25 > 0:26:28to his garden, is disqualified.
0:26:30 > 0:26:35So it's back to HQ for some tense deliberation,
0:26:35 > 0:26:38and after several hours, a decision is made
0:26:38 > 0:26:42and senior site manager Jen and AJ go and deliver the good news.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46To Alan's next-door neighbour.
0:26:46 > 0:26:52- Really, really, really, really love it.- Thank you very much.- So there.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54We'd like to present you with the overall,
0:26:54 > 0:26:57the park's best pitch competition.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00But luckily, AJ's got a surprise for Alan, too.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02There has been an extra decision made,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05away from the main part of the competition,
0:27:05 > 0:27:07because it was a garden that did stand out
0:27:07 > 0:27:11and it was just the cladding that let it down.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I think we mentioned it while we were looking at it as well.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17The garden itself looked amazing, it looked really well kept
0:27:17 > 0:27:20and there was a lot of effort that had obviously gone into it.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23So what we've decided to do is award
0:27:23 > 0:27:28a special prize for the best garden we'd seen while we were out and about.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Er, we bought you a bottle of red
0:27:30 > 0:27:35because I've been told you like a nice little tipple of the old red.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- All right, so, congratulations! - Beautiful, as normal.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43I like to spend time in the garden,
0:27:43 > 0:27:47and I don't really go in for competitions.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49I'm not doing it for that particular reason.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52But it's nice, it's nice to receive something at least.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56At lot of people passing here, they do realise that a bit of effort
0:27:56 > 0:28:00has gone into it, and I've spent a lot of time in it, you know,
0:28:00 > 0:28:02and people appreciate it as well, you see.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03Oh, I love it down here.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05I mean, look at the view we got here,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08it's beautiful, you see, really nice, it is.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13As the curtains fall on the Pitch Perfect Presentation Awards,
0:28:13 > 0:28:15the week comes to an end at Fontygary.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22And although many of the owners will have to return home,
0:28:22 > 0:28:24they'll be comforted by the thought
0:28:24 > 0:28:27that the static caravan will always be there.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33John is 79 now and I'm 77.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37I dread when we won't be able to come down here. I dread it.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39We'd have to stop coming down here.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Might have to come down here on my own, as well!
0:28:50 > 0:28:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:54 > 0:28:57E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk