:00:11. > :00:19.Despite falls in the cost of clothing, another big rise in
:00:20. > :00:21.house prices and in rail fares puts more strain on household budgets.
:00:22. > :00:23.We'll speak to our business editor about
:00:24. > :00:26.the wider economic implications. Also this lunchtime:
:00:27. > :00:30.Iraqi security forces launch a military operation to try to retake
:00:31. > :00:33.the city of Tikrit, currently in the hands of Islamic State militants.
:00:34. > :00:36.Not in crisis - the Justice Secretary tells the BBC
:00:37. > :00:42.that prisons in England and Wales are coping under stress.
:00:43. > :00:44.Shots are fired at police, as unrest continues in Missouri over
:00:45. > :00:50.the shooting dead by police of an unarmed black teenager.
:00:51. > :00:53.A species at tipping point - new warnings that the African
:00:54. > :00:59.elephant could become extinct within a century.
:01:00. > :01:03.And at the end of the bulletin I'll have a joke for you -
:01:04. > :01:04.it's up to you whether you think it deserves to be called
:01:05. > :01:16.the best one-liner of the year. On BBC London, a gang wearing
:01:17. > :01:38.burgers who staged a heist at Selfridge's are jailed.
:01:39. > :01:42.Good afternoon and welcome to the BBC News at One.
:01:43. > :01:44.Figures out today show how house prices
:01:45. > :01:47.and rail fares are still putting a strain on people's pockets.
:01:48. > :01:54.Despite a fall in the rate of inflation from 1.9 to 1.6%,
:01:55. > :01:56.UK house prices hit a record high in the 12 months to June.
:01:57. > :01:59.And on the trains, rail passengers in England face
:02:00. > :02:02.a rise in average ticket prices of 3.5% in the new year.
:02:03. > :02:06.Our transport correspondent Richard Westcott will have more on
:02:07. > :02:08.that shortly, and we'll also talk to our business editor, Kamal Ahmed.
:02:09. > :02:12.But first our personal finance correspondent
:02:13. > :02:15.Simon Gompertz has been to the Cotswolds to report on how it's
:02:16. > :02:22.not just London where properties are becoming unaffordable.
:02:23. > :02:31.Stow on the Wold, chocolate box town in the Cotswolds, not quite London
:02:32. > :02:36.prices but for the pay you get here homes or even harder to afford. A
:02:37. > :02:40.three-bedroom house can cost half ?1 million because so many want a
:02:41. > :02:52.country hideaway. That leaves workers like Becky, soon to get
:02:53. > :02:58.married, struggling to buy or rent. She has lost hope of finding a small
:02:59. > :03:02.home in her own town. It makes me feel bad because I don't want to
:03:03. > :03:08.live in my parents' pockets and I want to start on my own. It makes me
:03:09. > :03:13.feel awful because I want to afford stuff. Affordability has as much to
:03:14. > :03:18.do with pay as the cost of the home you are buying, here second home
:03:19. > :03:23.buyers and those retiring have pushed prices up way above what many
:03:24. > :03:26.people working in the Cotswolds can manage. Whilst the typical London
:03:27. > :03:32.home cost ten times the average annual wage, there are other areas
:03:33. > :03:35.in England which are even more unaffordable including
:03:36. > :03:44.Stratford-upon-Avon, and here in the Cotswolds warily standard home is 19
:03:45. > :03:54.times the average local wage. There are new homes nearby, but they are
:03:55. > :04:07.mostly expensive too. This is on the market 389,000 950, four bedrooms.
:04:08. > :04:14.The can -- local earnings are maybe ?19,000 per year, house prices start
:04:15. > :04:18.at 200,000 so it is one hell of a jump. Talk of London houses coming
:04:19. > :04:23.off the boil could have an impact here but it would take a big move to
:04:24. > :04:27.bring towns like this within the reach of local buyers.
:04:28. > :04:30.are becoming unaffordable. A significant part of many people's
:04:31. > :04:33.budgets is taken up with transport costs and today's inflation news
:04:34. > :04:36.will mean no let-up in the increasing cost of rail travel.
:04:37. > :04:37.Fares are linked to August's inflation figure
:04:38. > :04:39.and only intervention from the Chancellor will stop them going up
:04:40. > :04:50.in England by an average of 3.5%. It is the one thing you can rely on
:04:51. > :04:54.with the railways, the annual fare rise. Almost every year for a decade
:04:55. > :04:58.the Government has put up ticket prices by more than inflation and it
:04:59. > :05:02.is happening again next year with no end in sight. I would like to see
:05:03. > :05:08.the long-term aspiration of fares going up by no more than inflation
:05:09. > :05:13.every year but we are at a time of investing ?40 billion in the
:05:14. > :05:16.railway. The biggest investment since Victorian times. From January
:05:17. > :05:22.the rise for regulated fares including season tickets will be
:05:23. > :05:29.inflation plus 1%, an average of 3.5%, but some tickets could rise by
:05:30. > :05:37.as much as 5.5%, as long as the rail company cuts a single ticket price
:05:38. > :05:42.elsewhere. If it were to be any more expensive it would be quite
:05:43. > :05:47.crippling. I wouldn't be able to afford it myself if it wasn't for my
:05:48. > :05:53.company paying it for me. So, where does your money go? For every pound
:05:54. > :06:01.spent, around 26p goes on things like this, new stations. 25p goes on
:06:02. > :06:06.staff, 22p goes on maintaining the trains and track. Take out money for
:06:07. > :06:11.fuel and interest payments, it leaves 3p in the pound as the annual
:06:12. > :06:17.profit. Labour would also increase fares but they would like -- abolish
:06:18. > :06:22.the Flex system and bring in the legal right to the lowest fare. They
:06:23. > :06:28.would also look back at what they were paying in 2010 when David
:06:29. > :06:33.Cameron came to power, in Swindon ?6,500 for a season ticket, this
:06:34. > :06:42.year ?8,000, and they will be counting the cost of the Government.
:06:43. > :06:46.The level in Wales has not been set yet and there is no planned rise in
:06:47. > :06:50.Northern Ireland. There is one glimmer of hope, the Government has
:06:51. > :06:54.a track record of putting the rise at the last minute, and with an
:06:55. > :06:57.election looming that could happen again.
:06:58. > :06:59.in England by an average of 3.5%. Let's crunch some numbers now with
:07:00. > :07:09.our Business Editor Kamal Ahmed. What are the broader implications of
:07:10. > :07:15.this news? There are some glimmers of good news. There is a lot of
:07:16. > :07:19.upward pressure on rail prices, house prices are still increasing
:07:20. > :07:23.rapidly, but looking at some of the other staples that make up everyday
:07:24. > :07:29.life, clothing prices are coming down, food prices are coming down.
:07:30. > :07:34.The reason for a lot of this is because the UK economy is doing very
:07:35. > :07:38.well, our currency is powerful, that means imports coming into this
:07:39. > :07:42.country like clothing and food are cheaper, which is being fed through
:07:43. > :07:46.to consumers because there is a battle on the high street for the
:07:47. > :07:52.money we may have. The other important issue is wage inflation is
:07:53. > :07:57.also very depressed. The key issue for all these facts and figures is
:07:58. > :08:02.what does it mean for interest rates? I think that today's figures,
:08:03. > :08:07.saying that prices are coming down, means any interest rate rise has
:08:08. > :08:14.probably been pushed slightly further into the future. Next year
:08:15. > :08:18.or this year? The consensus is for next year and I see that being
:08:19. > :08:22.pushed out further, given the results today, which still show that
:08:23. > :08:27.despite growth coming back to the UK, we have not gone back to that
:08:28. > :08:32.disease of the 1970s which was rampant inflation. In a funny way,
:08:33. > :08:37.despite housing and rail, we are in a pretty benign environment.
:08:38. > :08:40.our Business Editor Kamal Ahmed. Iraqi forces have launched
:08:41. > :08:43.an attack to try and retake the city of Tikrit, currently in the
:08:44. > :08:46.hands of Islamic State militants. The city, 95 miles north of Baghdad,
:08:47. > :08:48.is the former hometown of Saddam Hussein.
:08:49. > :08:51.At the same time, the UN refugee agency has launched a major aid
:08:52. > :08:53.operation in northern Iraq to help the half a million people who've
:08:54. > :09:04.been displaced by the fighting. The fighters of what is now called
:09:05. > :09:09.Islamic State rushing headlong towards Tikrit in June, the Iraqi
:09:10. > :09:17.security forces had collapsed in the face of the militants' brutal
:09:18. > :09:21.advance. So they swept into Tikrit, the birthplace of the former
:09:22. > :09:25.dictator Saddam Hussein. The Iraqi military is now attempting to drive
:09:26. > :09:31.them out, they are already meeting stiff resistance. Buoyed by
:09:32. > :09:36.intensified US air strikes around the Mosul Dam in the last few days,
:09:37. > :09:40.Iraqi and Kurdish forces have retaken that vital installation.
:09:41. > :09:46.President Obama called it a major step. Iraqi and Kurdish forces
:09:47. > :09:48.performed with courage and determination so this operation
:09:49. > :09:57.demonstrates that they are capable of working together and taking the
:09:58. > :10:02.fight to ISIS. But for those forces, taking further towns will be more of
:10:03. > :10:07.a challenge. While the boots on the ground continue to be ruled out, how
:10:08. > :10:10.much more military support are the Americans and others prepared to
:10:11. > :10:20.give them? In January militants seized the sound -- the town of
:10:21. > :10:23.Fallujah, but then their advance to Tikrit took the Iraqi government and
:10:24. > :10:42.much of the outside world by surprise. A sudden threat to Irbil
:10:43. > :10:45.galvanised America into action. The humanitarian crisis and the threat
:10:46. > :10:49.from Sunni militants are far from over.
:10:50. > :10:52.been displaced by the fighting. The Justice Secretary Chris Grayling
:10:53. > :10:55.has admitted that prisons in England and Wales are facing problems with
:10:56. > :10:57.violence, suicide and staff shortages, although he denies that
:10:58. > :10:59.the system is in crisis. The latest statistics show serious
:11:00. > :11:02.assaults in prisons are at record levels and the number
:11:03. > :11:04.of suicides is up. The Prison Reform Trust says
:11:05. > :11:06.the Government is engaged in crisis management.
:11:07. > :11:18.Sima Kotecha reports. Former prisoners have told the BBC
:11:19. > :11:24.that jail is like a gladiator school, you have to fight to
:11:25. > :11:28.survive. The report today into this prison in London paint a similar
:11:29. > :11:35.picture of life for young inmates. There were more than 250 fights and
:11:36. > :11:40.assaults last year in the jail. In the previous six months, 120
:11:41. > :11:44.incidents had broken out. This comes after recent figures from the
:11:45. > :11:49.Ministry of Justice show an increase in assaults within the prison
:11:50. > :11:55.population from just over 14,000 last year to more than 15,000 this
:11:56. > :12:00.year. Many would argue the thousands of young people inside Britain's
:12:01. > :12:03.jails deserve to be there as part of their punishment, but if
:12:04. > :12:09.rehabilitation is also important, the fear is the current environment
:12:10. > :12:12.could lead to them becoming more dangerous criminals. Penal reform
:12:13. > :12:17.campaigners say ministers are airbrushing away the problem. It
:12:18. > :12:25.certainly feels very bad indeed. You have large prisons like Wandsworth,
:12:26. > :12:33.built to hold 963 men, currently holding one -- 1000 600 or more and
:12:34. > :12:37.it gives you an idea of the scale of overcrowding. The Government says
:12:38. > :12:42.overcrowding is at the lowest level in ten years. The Justice Secretary
:12:43. > :12:46.insists jails are not deteriorating. We have a prison state where
:12:47. > :12:50.violence today is at a lower level than it was five years ago. We have
:12:51. > :12:55.challenges from an increased population that was not expected, we
:12:56. > :13:03.are recruiting more stuff but I am clear there is not a crisis in our
:13:04. > :13:07.prisons. But critics argue that are bursting prison population and fewer
:13:08. > :13:11.staff means the challenge of rehabilitating young, vulnerable and
:13:12. > :13:16.often violent offenders is arguably tougher than ever.
:13:17. > :13:20.Sima Kotecha reports. In the US State of Missouri, police
:13:21. > :13:22.say they came under heavy gunfire and arrested more than 30 people
:13:23. > :13:26.after another night of violent protests in the town of Ferguson.
:13:27. > :13:28.The officer in charge says criminals have now infiltrated the protesters
:13:29. > :13:31.and are intent on violence. 10 days ago an unarmed teenager,
:13:32. > :13:33.18-year-old Michael Brown, was shot dead by a white police officer.
:13:34. > :13:42.From Ferguson, Rajini Vaidyanathan reports.
:13:43. > :13:56.Another night of drama on the streets of Ferguson. What began as a
:13:57. > :14:01.peaceful protest soon turned ugly. Officers fired tear gas and stun
:14:02. > :14:06.grenades to disperse the crowds. Demonstrators said they were moved
:14:07. > :14:15.on and denied the chance to protest. Police say they were attacked with
:14:16. > :14:21.rocks and bottles. Protesters don't clash with police, they don't throw
:14:22. > :14:29.Molotov cocktails. It is criminals who throw Molotov cocktails and fire
:14:30. > :14:33.shots which endangers lives and property. And officers say these
:14:34. > :14:39.violent protesters are not just from Missouri, with some travelling from
:14:40. > :14:44.as far as New York and California. The addition of America's reserve
:14:45. > :14:49.force, the National Guard, to help restore calm has failed to quell
:14:50. > :14:54.tensions. Many people in this small community say they will continue to
:14:55. > :14:59.protest until justice is served. They want justice for Michael
:15:00. > :15:06.Brown, the unarmed black teenager who was shot dead by a white police
:15:07. > :15:11.officer just over a week ago. A postmortem conducted by his family
:15:12. > :15:16.showed he had been shot six times, twice in the head. Just what
:15:17. > :15:20.happened is the subject of two separate investigations. FBI
:15:21. > :15:26.officers have been sent to speak to witnesses, many of whom don't trust
:15:27. > :15:30.the local police. Events in Ferguson have raised questions across America
:15:31. > :15:33.about the relationship many communities have with law
:15:34. > :15:39.enforcement. People say they want their voices to be heard, police say
:15:40. > :15:43.the best way for that is for protesters to gather during the day,
:15:44. > :15:51.avoiding what they describe as a dangerous dynamic in the night.
:15:52. > :15:57.Our top story this lunchtime: The annual rate of UK inflation fell
:15:58. > :15:59.more than expected in July with cheaper clothes, footwear,
:16:00. > :16:01.food and non-alcoholic drinks. And still to come:
:16:02. > :16:03.Iceland warns of a possible volcanic eruption, raising concern over
:16:04. > :16:05.a knock-on effect on Europe's aviation industry.
:16:06. > :16:21.Coming up on BBC London: Sego top of the league. And Arsenal
:16:22. > :16:22.begin their Champions League campaign -- Chelsea go top of the
:16:23. > :16:31.league. If I asked you what image comes to
:16:32. > :16:35.mind at the mention of the word Africa, chances are an
:16:36. > :16:38.elephant would be there somewhere. Well, now a new study suggests
:16:39. > :16:41.the number of Africa's elephants has declined to a critical point.
:16:42. > :16:46.It says around 35,000 elephants are killed for their ivory each year,
:16:47. > :16:52.and that if the rate of poaching doesn't slow down, the species could
:16:53. > :16:53.be wiped out in a century. Our science correspondent
:16:54. > :17:03.Rebecca Morelle reports. A giant that once thrived across
:17:04. > :17:07.Africa, but today elephants are in crisis. New research suggests they
:17:08. > :17:12.could vanish from the continent forever. The problem starts here. A
:17:13. > :17:17.trail of blood leading to a scene that has become all too common. The
:17:18. > :17:21.animal tasks have been hacked off and the bodies left to rot. Poaching
:17:22. > :17:27.has soared in recent years, fuelled by a rapid growing black market in
:17:28. > :17:32.Asia. The demand is so high that a kilogram of ivory is now worth
:17:33. > :17:35.thousands of pounds. The latest figures show that the illegal ivory
:17:36. > :17:42.trade is having on the devastating impact on Africa's elephants. -- a
:17:43. > :17:46.devastating impact. Since 2010, an average of 34,000 elephants have
:17:47. > :17:50.been killed annually, that means every year 7% of the entire elephant
:17:51. > :17:57.population of Africa is being wiped out, and more animals are now dying
:17:58. > :18:02.and being born. At Knowsley Safari Park, they say the situation in
:18:03. > :18:07.Africa is critical. The fear is that one day the only place left to see
:18:08. > :18:13.these animals could be in captivity. Elephants are a keystone species, so
:18:14. > :18:17.without these a lot of animals will be effected within the greater
:18:18. > :18:22.ecosystem. They provide for parts or small animals, they knock food down
:18:23. > :18:27.for small animals. So not only will elephants be affected, a lot of
:18:28. > :18:34.other animals in the same ecosystem will be affected as well.
:18:35. > :18:38.Conservationists say urgent action is needed. Some ivory stockpiles are
:18:39. > :18:43.being destroyed in an effort to curb the demand. But there are also calls
:18:44. > :18:47.for greater protection for the animals on the ground and tougher
:18:48. > :18:52.penalties for poachers. If nothing is done and the slaughter does not
:18:53. > :18:53.stop, scientists believe that African elephants could become exist
:18:54. > :18:58.-- extinct in 100 years. The trial of four people accused
:18:59. > :19:01.of taking part in a dating agency conspiracy and money
:19:02. > :19:03.laundering scam has begun today. They're accused
:19:04. > :19:06.of creating a false profile on the dating website match.com,
:19:07. > :19:08.and then asking women to hand over significant amounts
:19:09. > :19:11.of cash to men they met online. Two others have pleaded guilty.
:19:12. > :19:13.Duncan Kennedy is at Winchester Crown court for us now.
:19:14. > :19:26.Duncan. The prosecution described this as a
:19:27. > :19:31.cynical ploy by the gang to exploit the emotions and finances of these
:19:32. > :19:35.women who, as you say, were all members of the online dating agency
:19:36. > :19:39.match.com. What the prosecution say is that the gang created fake
:19:40. > :19:44.profiles and people to attract these women online and even gave them
:19:45. > :19:49.names like James Richards, who described himself online as being
:19:50. > :19:52.attractive. People like James Richards, who did not exist in
:19:53. > :19:58.reality, send messages to the women saying things like, seriously,
:19:59. > :20:03.honey, I love you. I feel a complete person with you. I love your eyes
:20:04. > :20:08.and lips and you make me feel loved. And the prosecution say the idea was
:20:09. > :20:15.to entice these women. Eventually these men started asking the women
:20:16. > :20:18.for money to pay legal fees in India to release ?100 million worth of
:20:19. > :20:22.inheritance they said they were owed. Many of these women, not all
:20:23. > :20:32.of them, started handing over money ranging from ?700 in one case to
:20:33. > :20:35.?174,000 in another case. In all, the prosecution say the total was a
:20:36. > :20:40.quarter of ?1 million handed over by the women to the gang. One woman
:20:41. > :20:45.became suspicious when she received the same loving e-mail twice, and
:20:46. > :20:51.she rode back to the person saying, I wonder how many hard to have
:20:52. > :20:57.broken -- wrote back. Four people are on trial, including one woman.
:20:58. > :21:01.Two others have pleaded guilty, and the four people on trial denied
:21:02. > :21:04.charges of conspiracy and money-laundering and the whole trial
:21:05. > :21:07.is expected to last between three and four weeks.
:21:08. > :21:11.A ceasefire between Israel and the Palestinians in Gaza has
:21:12. > :21:14.been extended for another 24 hours. The announcement was made less than
:21:15. > :21:16.an hour before the previous, five-day truce was due to expire.
:21:17. > :21:18.Egyptian mediators in Cairo said talks on a long-term
:21:19. > :21:25.arrangement would continue. Three doctors who contracted the
:21:26. > :21:28.Ebola virus while working in Liberia are said to be showing remarkable
:21:29. > :21:31.signs of improvement after being given the experimental drug ZMapp.
:21:32. > :21:34.The World Health Organisation says more than 1,200 people in
:21:35. > :21:40.West Africa have died from Ebola since the outbreak began.
:21:41. > :21:44.The risk of an eruption at Iceland's Bardarbunga volcano has
:21:45. > :21:48.increased, after a series of earthquakes in the region.
:21:49. > :21:53.The risk level to the aviation industry has been raised to orange,
:21:54. > :21:57.the second-highest level. The eruption of
:21:58. > :22:00.Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano in 2010 shut down much of Europe's
:22:01. > :22:01.airspace for six days, affecting more than 10 million people.
:22:02. > :22:12.Sophie Hutchinson has more. Scientists from the Icelandic Met
:22:13. > :22:18.Office at the Bardarbunga volcano. The volcano's risk of eruption has
:22:19. > :22:22.been raised to Orange, the second-highest level. Deep
:22:23. > :22:26.underground, the Earth is moving and over the past few days there has
:22:27. > :22:32.been a sharp increase in volcanic activity, described as an intense
:22:33. > :22:37.earthquake swarm. There is no clear evidence that it is moving upwards.
:22:38. > :22:42.It is at a depth of five or ten kilometres, however, in the course
:22:43. > :22:48.of these events we cannot exclude the fact that an eruption might take
:22:49. > :22:54.place in the near future. This is the reason for concern. Back in
:22:55. > :22:59.2010, the volcano Eyjafjallajokull exploded, producing a vast ash
:23:00. > :23:03.cloud. It shut down European airspace for six days, grounding
:23:04. > :23:06.flights and affecting an estimated 10 million travellers. It is thought
:23:07. > :23:10.it won't happen again, and the evidence from the current volcano is
:23:11. > :23:14.that the molten magma is moving underground in directions away from
:23:15. > :23:17.its centre. With the holiday season at its peak, so far, that is good
:23:18. > :23:26.news for travellers. Sophie Hutchinson, BBC News. Which country
:23:27. > :23:31.has the most theatre-goers in the world, and it is China, with a 380
:23:32. > :23:34.million audience, and with its new wealth, China has been building
:23:35. > :23:38.theatres across the mushrooming cities, but it's hard to producing
:23:39. > :23:42.enough great shows to fill them and China is looking abroad and its
:23:43. > :23:45.National Theatre has just begun a landmark collaboration with the
:23:46. > :23:50.British National Theatre to produce a Chinese version of Warhorse. We
:23:51. > :23:55.have been taking a look behind-the-scenes for the rehearsals
:23:56. > :24:01.on the show in Beijing. This is Joey, the hero of the famous
:24:02. > :24:07.National Theatre hit show, War Horse. He has been brought to light
:24:08. > :24:10.by three Chinese puppeteers. 15 have been recruited, and the show does
:24:11. > :24:15.not go into the theatres for another year as it has to be translated and
:24:16. > :24:20.the actors who play the humans have to be trained, but the puppetry is
:24:21. > :24:24.the big challenge here. China has shadow puppetry, but it has never
:24:25. > :24:30.had this kind of huge, complex puppet to work with, and it has got
:24:31. > :24:34.to be brought to life in both mind and body. Getting inside the head of
:24:35. > :24:39.a horse as well as the body of a horse is hugely challenging, so
:24:40. > :24:43.these puppeteers have just been recruited and have spent two weeks
:24:44. > :24:48.in a stables near Beijing feeding horses, grooming horses, washing
:24:49. > :24:52.horses and breathing every breath with the horses so they can
:24:53. > :24:59.understand how every move and every reaction to a scare or something
:25:00. > :25:02.that is fun. We have a team from the National Theatre from London here.
:25:03. > :25:08.Tommy is in charge of this, and Sean and Sam. They are here to work with
:25:09. > :25:15.the Chinese puppeteers. Because they have been here doing this job for
:25:16. > :25:20.seven years since it first premiered back in London in 2007. It will take
:25:21. > :25:24.a whole year of hard work for all of these Chinese puppeteers to get
:25:25. > :25:29.fully into their role, and to get the stage show ready for China. And
:25:30. > :25:35.those enormous audiences, the biggest theatre audiences in the
:25:36. > :25:37.world here in China. Here in this Beijing rehearsal room it is the
:25:38. > :25:43.year of the warhorse. The world's greatest comics have
:25:44. > :25:46.all specialised in the one liner. Here's just some of them.
:25:47. > :25:49."I never forget a face, but in your case I'd be glad to make
:25:50. > :25:52.an exception" from Groucho Marx. Or how about Tommy Cooper:
:25:53. > :25:56."I'm on a whisky diet, I've lost three days already".
:25:57. > :26:02.Or WC Fields, "Start every day with a smile and get it over with."
:26:03. > :26:09.They probably delivered them better than me, but one man who can deliver
:26:10. > :26:13.a one liner is the comedian Tim Vine who's just won the prize for the
:26:14. > :26:14.best joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival and I've been speaking to
:26:15. > :26:22.him about his award-winning gag. Before we do anything, we should
:26:23. > :26:26.hear the joke in full. From me? I have decided to sell my Hoover,
:26:27. > :26:34.well, it's just collecting dust. That's it. Were you surprised to win
:26:35. > :26:40.the award for that? How dare you? I spotted your tone. I am always
:26:41. > :26:43.surprised by most things, and it's unfortunate I'm doing short jokes
:26:44. > :26:49.appear, and this particular award is really for jokes that can be written
:26:50. > :26:53.down in a shortfall. As a result, there is only a small group of us
:26:54. > :27:01.doing these jokes, for obvious reasons -- short form. What makes a
:27:02. > :27:04.one-liner work? Well, it has to be one line and it has to be funny.
:27:05. > :27:12.That might be where I fell down with this one. If you are saying that
:27:13. > :27:17.one... I do like my stuff, but when you do a joke on one other person,
:27:18. > :27:22.it feels a bit odd. What were some of the other jokes that caught your
:27:23. > :27:26.eye? What made you laugh? Like most people I tend to laugh generally
:27:27. > :27:34.with friends when I am messing about. Just stupid stuff makes me
:27:35. > :27:39.laugh. No, I will skip that. Different stuff, really. You won the
:27:40. > :27:44.award in 2010. Remember the joke that joke that one that? Yes, I do.
:27:45. > :27:49.I have been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I tell you what, never
:27:50. > :27:54.again. It's the telling it to one person that is the problem.
:27:55. > :27:58.Thankfully I have slightly more than one person in my audience, but it is
:27:59. > :28:06.hard. Maybe you are one of those silent laugh is. I can't see you.
:28:07. > :28:10.That is exactly what I was doing. How do you get these jokes together?
:28:11. > :28:14.Do you have a moment of inspiration and make yourself laugh travelling
:28:15. > :28:18.on the train? Or do you work for hours at these things? A bit of
:28:19. > :28:22.both. Sometimes you make yourself laugh, and sometimes you have to sit
:28:23. > :28:27.at a table and try and come up with something. Another one of my jokes,
:28:28. > :28:32.I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg, and I said I bet I
:28:33. > :28:37.know what your favourite Christian festival is, and he said, you have
:28:38. > :28:46.do love Easter, baby. But the laughter track on Easter -- later,
:28:47. > :28:48.baby. Tell it to the other guy. That was the award-winning Tim Vine, and
:28:49. > :28:56.Darren has a one-liner for me. Who is the best person to add up in
:28:57. > :29:02.hot weather? A summer. Remember when we had one of those. When the sun
:29:03. > :29:07.comes out today, it feels OK. It is mid-August. We have the showers
:29:08. > :29:10.developing a little more widely and we have a cool breeze as well. This
:29:11. > :29:14.is the satellite picture from earlier. We had the satellite
:29:15. > :29:18.picture this morning with the sunshine, and now we have seen cloud
:29:19. > :29:22.and showers spilling into the Midlands, towards the south-east. A
:29:23. > :29:26.bit like we had yesterday. Later this afternoon across the South
:29:27. > :29:31.West, sunny spells and maybe a few showers dotted about. Not many
:29:32. > :29:36.showers hitting the south coast, but not as warm as yesterday. We get the
:29:37. > :29:41.showers later in the afternoon. A scattering of showers across the
:29:42. > :29:47.Midlands. We get the showers later in the north-east, perhaps. With the
:29:48. > :29:51.wind direction, it is north-westerly, and a lot of shelter
:29:52. > :29:55.from the high ground, but central belts have seen very few showers and
:29:56. > :29:59.more in the way of sunshine. Sunshine to come in Northern
:30:00. > :30:02.Ireland, just a few showers, and only 15 degrees, but it should feel
:30:03. > :30:07.better in Wales and the north-west of England where we will see more
:30:08. > :30:11.sunshine as the move away. Into the evening, a scattering of showers,
:30:12. > :30:14.heavier ones for eastern England, especially the north-east and
:30:15. > :30:19.south-east Scotland. Those are pushed away, then it should be dry
:30:20. > :30:26.and the winds will drop out, so temperatures will fall sharply. In
:30:27. > :30:29.rural areas, three or 4 degrees possibly. Even across parts of
:30:30. > :30:33.England and Wales, so cold and last night. But again, when the sun comes
:30:34. > :30:37.out tomorrow it won't feel too bad. The winds will be lighter tomorrow
:30:38. > :30:41.and we will see cloud bubbling up again and a few showers. Probably
:30:42. > :30:44.not as many as today but the temperatures are still
:30:45. > :30:48.disappointingly low for the time of year. 15 in Glasgow, 19 in London,
:30:49. > :30:53.and somewhat weather in the north-west, probably towards the end
:30:54. > :30:56.of the day. That comes courtesy of the area of low pressure spilling
:30:57. > :30:59.southwards, so tomorrow night the lowest temperatures will be across
:31:00. > :31:05.more southern parts of the UK, but not a bad day on Thursday. Sunny
:31:06. > :31:08.spells, one or two showers. Northern England, Scotland, Northern Ireland,
:31:09. > :31:13.a lot of cloud, a lot of showers and some will be heavy. Westerly winds
:31:14. > :31:17.on Thursday for a while, but we ended the week with more of a
:31:18. > :31:22.northerly wind dragging down the chilly air, bringing this a mixture
:31:23. > :31:25.of sunshine and showers but the beginning of the weekend looks
:31:26. > :31:28.rather more promising. Ending on an upbeat note.
:31:29. > :31:36.Now a reminder of our top story this lunchtime.
:31:37. > :31:39.The annual rate of UK inflation fell more than expected in July with
:31:40. > :31:40.cheaper clothes, footwear, food and non-alcoholic drinks.
:31:41. > :31:41.That's all from