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APPLAUSE | 0:00:15 | 0:00:20 | |
Hello, you, and welcome to Insert Name Here, | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
the show where we unearth a ton of partially useful information | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
about a group of people united by just one common thread - | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
the same first name. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
My guests tonight have no such common thread, but please welcome | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
the diversely named Sara Pascoe, Paul Hollywood | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
and their team captain, Josh Widdicombe. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:42 | |
And over on the other side, | 0:00:42 | 0:00:44 | |
Kate Williams, Joe Lycett and their captain Richard Osman. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:00:46 | 0:00:51 | |
So, how do you feel, Josh? Paul next to you. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
I'm very excited. Obviously, Kate is dead to me. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
-LAUGHTER -Oh, no! | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
-So ruthless. -She, ironically, is history to me. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
You know she can bake as well? Bake and do history. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
-You can bake, right? -Brilliantly so. -Oh, my God, she's an amazing baker. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
If you want old cakes, here is your lady. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
I have to say, Paul is looking very, very smart tonight. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
-Have you made a special effort? -Are you...? | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
Listen! Are you even going down that worst dressed man? | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
-Oh, I know what this is. -Let's illuminate. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
I think he was voted the worst dressed man, | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
-is it Britain or the world? -Britain. -I think just Britain. -Just Britain. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:31 | |
But he's qualified for the European Champions League. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:35 | |
-But who did you just pip to the post, Paul? -Josh. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
-Aw. -I came second. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
The second worst dressed man in Britain. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
-Would you rather have won? -Mr Motivator is still around. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
Do you know any of the judges? | 0:01:48 | 0:01:49 | |
The list of judges genuinely included Giorgio Armani. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:53 | |
-What? -No. -No way. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
Yeah, who I didn't even know was a real person. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
I thought he was just a brand. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Can I just say, Paul is writing these down like it's a hit list. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
He's going to send them a poisoned bun. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Where's that shirt from, Josh? The one you're wearing now. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
Um, a little place I know called H&M. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
That's where you've gone wrong. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
Where's your shirt from, then, Joe? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
-A little place called H&M. -LAUGHTER | 0:02:19 | 0:02:23 | |
-I don't know, actually. -See you on the list next year, Lycett. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:27 | |
Let me just quote from GQ. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
They said about Josh, "You've developed a style | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
"that can only be described as an update on Bilbo Baggins." | 0:02:31 | 0:02:35 | |
-No! -APPLAUSE | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
We've got a picture of Paul here. He dresses very nicely. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
He's taken his pyjama bottoms off anyway. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
-Are you sat on a load of flour? -Yeah. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
Have a day off, Paul! | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Is that your sofa at home? | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
All your furniture is made out of different things that go into bread. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:03 | |
-That was ten years ago. -Was it? -Yeah. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
How come you look exactly the same? | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
-Bread. -Bread! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
So, I'm going to move now to the all-important question - | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
which name we'll be featuring tonight. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
Well, it's the name of the patron saint of travellers, | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
the first half of Christmas and nearly all of the word crisp. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
Tonight's name is Chris. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
And that, of course, includes Christophers, Christines | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
and Christinas, natch. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
So, who can we expect to see? Well, we'll have musicians, | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
millionaire makers and monocle wearers. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
We've got a victorious knight | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
and the nation's favourite dame. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
That was a technical challenge, wasn't it, Paul? | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
I love the fact that both of you are officially worse dressed | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
than Christopher Biggins. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Josh, any early thoughts as to who would be your champion Chris? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
I thought you could have two-for-one - | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
Kris Kristofferson. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
Oh, double the Chris. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Richard, any early thoughts on a Chris? | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
I've got two thoughts but I'm not sure if they're Chrises. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
-You might have to give us a judgement. -OK. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
-Because there's Jesus Christ. People call him Christ, right? -Yeah. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
I know they called him Chris. Jesus Chris. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
Jesus, Chris! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:15 | |
That's where he got his nickname. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Jesus Christ. And the other one - Father Christmas. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
-He's a Nicholas, really. -There's Kris Kringle. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
-Kris Kringle? -Yeah, it's Kris Kringle, see. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
-All right, Kris Kringle. -Thanks, Paul. -He bailed you out. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
All right, your early runners are Jesus Christ and Father Christmas. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
-Or Kriss Akabusi. One of those three. -Yes. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
The thing about Jesus Christ and Kriss Akabusi - | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
both overcame a lot of hurdles. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
-LAUGHTER -Very nice. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
So, let's get on with the show. Time to pick a Chris. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
Our teams have four categories to choose from | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
and behind each one lurks a famous Chris. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
So, Richard, your team gets | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
to choose a category, please. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
Screen Legend Chris? Start with a bit of show business? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
-Yeah, let's do it. -Work your glamour on this team. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
-Screen Legend Chris, I think, for us. -All right. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
You have opted for screen legend | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
and one-time bloodsucker, | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 | |
Christopher Lee. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
So, let's have a look at his stats. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
Lee's first experience as the famous Transylvanian vampire | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
was in the 1958 film Dracula. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Kate, can you give us a bit of context on Dracula? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
Well, the novel by Bram Stoker, but it's based on, we think, | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Vlad the Impaler, the 15th-century ruler of Romania. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
They got the name Dracul from dragon | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
cos they're meant to be the Order of the Dragon, protecting Christianity. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
And Vlad the Impaler thought the best way of doing this | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
would be to impale people | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
and then he'd use their blood for his bread. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
-There you go, Paul. -What? -That's a signature bake. -Yeah. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
I think, the first programme of Bake Off last year - | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
when they all come in - | 0:05:59 | 0:06:00 | |
they're all quite nervous, they all cut their fingers. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
There's probably more than one occasion I've had blood on bread. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
That's why he hasn't aged for ten years! | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
2010, Christopher Lee released a symphonic metal concept album | 0:06:12 | 0:06:16 | |
about the Roman emperor Charlemagne, from whom Lee is descended. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
-Here they are. -Wow. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:21 | |
That's what you would look like if you didn't drink blood. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
LAUGHTER It's true! | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
I was wearing a hat very similar to that last week. I was in Russia. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
I think we've got a picture of you actually here, | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
which is, I think, the day you won Russia's worst dressed man. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:35 | |
Is that a horse or a bit of a hat behind you? | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
LAUGHTER Just left the head on. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
The album from Christopher is entitled | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
Charlemagne - By The Sword And The Cross. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
Lee said... | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
-Well, shall we judge for ourselves? -Ooh, yeah. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
# An empire made great | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
# By deeds of great kings! | 0:07:01 | 0:07:06 | |
# I shed blood of Saxon men | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
# I shed the blood of the Saxon men | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
# I shed the blood of the Saxon men | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
# I shed the blood of the Saxon men | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
# I shed it at Verden | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
# I shed the blood of the Saxon men | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
# I shed the blood of 4,000 Saxon men. # | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
-Wonderful. -Good. -Very, very good. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
-I quite like that. -You'd Spotify that, would you? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
-Yeah. -I hope it's on Spotify. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
-It's not like Taylor Swift. -LAUGHTER | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
-Be really disappointing. -Yeah. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
He says it's killing live music, Spotify. He wouldn't have it. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
-"Boycott it." -He said, "I'll shed the blood of 4,000 Saxon men | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
"but I'm afraid I'm not going to kill the record industry." | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
In 1974, Christopher Lee played the tri-nippled Scaramanga | 0:07:45 | 0:07:49 | |
in the Bond classic The Man With The Golden Gun. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Now, Pauly, I know you've got a thing about Bond, | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
but if you had to play a Bond villain, who would you be? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
What would be your special skills? | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
-Er...sharpening baguettes, throwing them. -Ooh! | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
That's a hell of a sharp baguette to impale someone with. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
I've cut myself on the end of a baguette before. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
You haven't cut yourself on the end of a baguette, Paul! | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
-Richard, you remind me a little bit of a Bond villain. -Uh-oh. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
-LAUGHTER -Oh! -That's mean. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
I was thinking Ursula Andress. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Josh, you remind us of one too. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
-Who's that?! -That's Herve Villechaize. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
That looks like the photo you get trying to get you to donate £3. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:32 | |
Sorry, are you talking about the guy on the left or the guy on the right? | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
-Now it's time to play for the Chris. -Ooh, here we go. -Here it is. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:43 | |
What happened to Christopher Lee on his way to Los Angeles to promote | 0:08:43 | 0:08:47 | |
-The Man With The Golden Gun? -Was the gun in his luggage? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
Cos they don't let you take them through. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
-It WAS in his luggage. -Ah! -It was in his luggage. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
-APPLAUSE -Yeah! -Good work! | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
So, to complete the story. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
He was on his way to appear on The Johnny Carson Show, | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
carrying the gun in pieces in a box. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:07 | |
Customs asked him to put it together, which he did, | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
and they then just took it off him, never returned. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
He then took out a fountain pen, twisted it once anticlockwise | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
and wrote a very strongly-worded complaint. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
Well done, Sara. Well done, Josh's team. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
-Hey, great. -Congratulations. You win. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Have you ever been stopped at customs, Paul? | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Do they do that? Do they search your baggage? | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
-I haven't been stopped at customs. -Has Mary? -Mary! -Oh, Mary did. -No! | 0:09:29 | 0:09:34 | |
-Oh! What was she up for this time? -"Honestly, it's a bag of flour." | 0:09:34 | 0:09:38 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
When you're on a flight with Mary, | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
-when the air hostess comes round with the bread... -Yes. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
..is there, like, an awkward moment where you're sort of tasting...? | 0:09:49 | 0:09:53 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
Right, Josh, it's your turn and your choice. What's it going to be? | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
-Oh. -Shall we go for Holy or Globetrotting? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
-Oh, so, we've got rid of Diva? -I've got rid of Diva. -Is it out of place? | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
Now you've excluded it, that's all I want. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
-That's what I want. -Well, do you know what? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
You're going to learn an important lesson. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
I love you trying to be tough, | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
like you're not about to backtrack immediately. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
You're going to learn an important lesson about diva... No. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:30 | |
We're going to go Globetrotting Chris. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
-AUDIENCE GROANS -OK, all right. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
You're going to roll like that, are you? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
-Interesting. -You are like that little evil man. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
You have chosen explorer, seafarer | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
and eccentric hat enthusiast Christopher Columbus. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
Let's have a look at his stats. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:48 | |
Columbus's 1492 expedition | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
was intended to find a new route to Asia, | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
but by heading west rather than east. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
He hit land much quicker than expected, | 0:11:10 | 0:11:11 | |
was still convinced he'd got to Asia rather than America. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:15 | |
How did he explain the fact that he'd got round the world so quickly? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
Was he having fun? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:20 | |
-Was it pear shaped? -He thought the world was pear shaped, yes. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
So, basically, he thought that he was going round the top, | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
-the thin bit. -Oh! -And he got there so much quicker. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
He believed the Earth was pear shaped right up until the point | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
his career went the same way. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
During his third voyage to the Americas, | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Columbus landed in modern-day Venezuela | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
and saw the mouth of the Orinoco. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
How did he land in modern-day Venezuela? That's unbelievable. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
-What did he think he'd discovered? -The entrance to hell or something. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
-The opposite. -The entrance to heaven. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
-Not heaven, but... -The exit to heaven. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
If there's a fire in heaven, that's what they use, right? | 0:11:58 | 0:12:01 | |
There's no fire exit in hell. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
No, they've got non-fire exits. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
If the fire should go out, please make your way to the exit. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
-Paradise on earth. -Garden of Eden. -The Garden of Eden. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:13 | |
Columbus believed that paradise was to be found near the equator. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
And when he saw such a large body of water, | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
just assumed it was the river that flowed out of Eden. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:21 | |
When he found out he was wrong, he was so furious, | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
he gave it a stinking review on TripAdvisor. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
But was Eden a thing? I mean, was that a destination? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
-Were people always trying to find the Garden of Eden? -They were. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:32 | |
They had different ways of getting to it. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
So, there was this 19th-century Russian society | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
that actually got to number 100,000 people | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
that tried to get back to the state of the Garden of Eden | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
by cutting off their genitals. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
-That was their cunning plan. -HE WHISTLES | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
You'd be annoyed if you didn't find it after all that, wouldn't you? | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
-Yes. -How did they grow in numbers? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
People are also going, "Yeah, it's amazing. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
"It's absolutely amazing. I haven't found it yet, | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
"but cut my knob off and it's..." | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
People could've just abstained. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
Does cutting off your genitals mean that you don't have the urge? | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
You don't get any testosterone if you're a man | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
once your testicles are cut off. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:06 | |
-We must have testosterone elsewhere, surely. Paul has, look. -Oh, Paul. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:10 | |
Paul, I don't know how big your balls are, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
but there's too much testosterone. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
But there's no way he can answer that question. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
Either he says, "No, actually, they're quite small," | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
or he looks really arrogant being, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
-"Yeah, they're massive..." -Can you move on from my balls? | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
You know, I was thinking, like, ten years ago, | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
women used to complain about the industry and the media. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
And all we've done today is told two men they're badly dressed | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
and then talk about their sexual organs. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
Have we gone too far the other way? | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
One of Columbus's party, | 0:13:44 | 0:13:45 | |
Rodrigo de Jerez, is credited with a particular honour. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
What is it? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
-Oh, did he...? -Steal the gold? -Not gold. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
-Did he invent cigarettes? -Yes. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
-Invented cigarettes? -He didn't invent them, but I'll give you that. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
-Because he was the first European smoker that we know of. -Oh. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:02 | |
There he is. Even then they had to huddle outside. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
What happened when he brought back smoking? | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
The guy who invented the lighter said, "Finally!" | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
Actually, the smoke billowing from his mouth and nose | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
so frightened his neighbours, he was arrested | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
and then imprisoned by the holy inquisitors for five years. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
-On what grounds? -Being a dragon. -Being a dragon, essentially. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
I'd give someone more than five years for being a dragon. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
-Aw. -That's cos you're a hobbit. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
They're your natural enemy. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
Here is the question for the Chris. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
On his fourth and final voyage, | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
Columbus was stranded in Jamaica and fell out with the locals. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:48 | |
-How did he get them back on side? -Did he invent reggae? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
I think this is the lunar eclipse story. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
The Jamaicans were angry, they wouldn't give them any food, | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
so he said, "I am so powerful that I control the moon | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
"and I can take the moon away from you if you don't feed me" | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
because he knew there was going to be a lunar eclipse. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
So, they said, "Ha-ha-ha, that's not true," | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
and then there was a lunar eclipse. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:09 | |
The moon went and they said... It was kind of like the Ewoks | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
in Star Wars after C-3PO did that popping up. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
-They said, "OK, we'll give you all the food you want." -Wow. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
That was actually Luke Skywalker with the Jedi | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
and he used the force to raise C-3PO. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
-KATE: -He did. That's right. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:22 | |
It wasn't C-3PO doing anything. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
-No, I know. -LAUGHTER | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
There's two things that rile Paul Hollywood - | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
someone slagging off bread and | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
somebody getting something about Star Wars wrong. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
But you're absolutely right, Kate, so, well done. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
-Richard's team, you win the Chris. -Well done. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
This next one is for both teams to play. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
-Richard, which one would you like? -We'll have Diva Chris, please. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
You've chosen singer, actress | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
and all-round Dirrty girl | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
Christina Aguilera. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Let's look at her stats. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:55 | |
She's released over 30 singles, sold over 50 million albums | 0:16:08 | 0:16:12 | |
and is one of the world's biggest stars. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
I have no idea what the secret of her success was, | 0:16:14 | 0:16:17 | |
but here she is at the start of her career. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
And here she is promoting Dirrty. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:20 | |
What would you say if you saw your daughter | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
-going out like that, Richard? -Well... | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
That's taken me by surprise, that question. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
Here she is now! | 0:16:30 | 0:16:31 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
I think I would say, "If you've won eight Grammys | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
"and you've made £30 million, dress how you want. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
"If you haven't, then go upstairs and change | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
"and dress like Kate Humble." | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
Wasn't it famously that she used to walk round naked at home? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
I think that's something that people who want you to fancy them | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
-say in interviews. -Oh. -Right, Paul? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
Paul cannot walk round naked just cos of ornaments. Just the... | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
In 2004, she earned £200,000 in one afternoon. How? | 0:17:03 | 0:17:08 | |
Sponsored silence. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:09 | |
-Singing at someone's birthday. -She opened the Harrods sale. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
She opened the Harrods summer sale. That's exactly what she did, yeah. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
-200 grand? -200 grand. -But cos it was a sale, she only got 125. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
Apparently, when they asked Mariah Carey to turn on the lights | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
at Westfield, she demanded that 20 white kittens | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
and 20 white doves were released at the same time. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
Kittens famously like ripping doves to pieces. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
But famously, birds can fly. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
She earns her place. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
For that factual update, I'm giving you a bonus Krispy Kreme. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:46 | |
Christina is not just a singer, but a businesswoman, | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
has brought out many different perfumes. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
Here's a little bonus game. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:51 | |
Can you identify the real Aguilera scents, perfumes, | 0:17:51 | 0:17:55 | |
from the made-up ones? | 0:17:55 | 0:17:56 | |
I think that they're all things | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
that Paul has said to Mary. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
That's one half of Paul and Mary's text conversation. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
I think Royal Desire is real. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
And Secret Potion | 0:18:18 | 0:18:19 | |
and Touch of Seduction. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:20 | |
We're going to go Royal Desire, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:21 | |
Potion and Stunning. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
Let's see which ones | 0:18:23 | 0:18:24 | |
are the real ones. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
Well done. Unbelievably, Kate, you got them right, | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
-which means we're a little bit creeped out. -What?! No! | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
Are you her target demographic? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Who's the biggest diva in history, Kate? | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
I think one of the biggest is Maria Callas. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
Great 20th-century Greek opera singer. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
Never quite got over being dumped by Onassis for Jackie Kennedy. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
Onassis, on his yacht, he covered the bar stools | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
with what he said was the softest substance known to man. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
-And do you know what that was? -One of Paul's Victoria sponges. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
Is that what we're calling them now? | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
That was not too far, actually. The foreskin of a sperm whale | 0:19:02 | 0:19:07 | |
is apparently the softest substance known to man. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
Not too far off Paul's bollocks? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
I was saying, it's the same kind of area. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Time to play for the Chris and it's a diva-related question. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:18 | |
Christina was a judge on the American version of The Voice. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:21 | |
During the show, what was her assistant employed to do | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
every 30 minutes? | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
Is it tell her which way round she is? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
If you had an entourage, what would you have? | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
If you have an entourage? | 0:19:32 | 0:19:33 | |
-You'd have a personal... -Masseuse! | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
She does indeed get her feet massaged. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
Outrageous behaviour. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:40 | |
-She's like you, Sue. -Keep going. Keep going. It's true. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
-Is that Mel under there? -Yeah. LAUGHTER | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
It's true. On Bake Off, Paul does massage me. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
-What kind of massage do you give, Paul? -Shoulders. -Go on. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:53 | |
Oh, this is... This is almost too erotic. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
Don't. You're going to catch the worst dressed man. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
-That was wonderful. -I've got a little baguette of my own down here. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:20:02 | 0:20:05 | |
Well done, Josh's team. You win the Chris. Congratulations. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
Time now to dust down and crank up the Insert Name Here fruit machine. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:16 | |
Each spin reveals three of our favourites Chrises | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
and it's up to our teams to match the amazing fact | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
to the incredible Chris. Let's spin. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
So, we have hysterical former hurdler Kriss Akabusi, | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
12th-century Belgian holy woman Christina the Astonishing, | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
and Lady In Red crooner, Chris de Burgh. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
So, the question is, | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
which Chris has claimed to have miraculous healing powers? | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
Let's start with you, Richard. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
I think maybe Kriss Akabusi has healing powers. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
I feel healed just looking at that photograph of him. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
Do you think Chris de Burgh could heal you? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
I feel sick looking at that photograph. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
What's the name of the lady in the middle? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
-Christina the Astonishing. -She sounds amazing. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:59 | |
She was one of these type of saints who didn't eat and she flung herself | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
into frozen rivers to try and get closer to God | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
and she used to jump into fires. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:06 | |
See, it's beginning to sound like hard work now. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
Maybe a bit high-maintenance, but she was called the Astonishing | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
because she was in the coffin in her funeral at age 21 | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
and then she flew up into the sky. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
Tell you what, Kate, for an intelligent person, | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
you'll believe any old shit. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:20 | |
Never seen that up there. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
-Who are we going to go for, Captain? -I think Kriss Akabusi? -Yeah. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
I don't like to see Kriss Akabusi up there and not choose him. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
Yeah, let's do it. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:30 | |
We'll go Kriss Akabusi has healing powers. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
You know earlier, I was telling you I worked at the Millennium Dome? | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
-Yes. -Well, before the Millennium Dome opened, | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
all of the staff, in order to inspire us, | 0:21:37 | 0:21:40 | |
were taken into a hall. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
And Kriss Akabusi came in and spoke to us an hour | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
and it was the most inspiring thing | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
that's ever happened. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:47 | |
And he said, "Those without vision, perish." | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
And that's why the Millennium Dome was such a success. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
That's also a slogan of Specsavers. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
-There was a story in the press... -Yeah. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
..where a woman was in a coma | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
and her favourite song was Lady In Red. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
-And Chris de Burgh... -Which is how she fell into the coma | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
in the first place. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:15 | |
And Chris de Burgh went to visit her and she woke up and was healed. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:21 | |
Well, the correct answer is.... | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
-Chris de Burgh. Yeah, absolutely. -Yeah! Yeah! | 0:22:24 | 0:22:27 | |
Well done, everyone. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
Indeed. With an interview with Gloria Hunniford | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
on BBC One's Heaven And Earth Show, Chris said... | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
LAUGHTER Hunniford defended him saying... | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
Nothing fantastical there. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
Josh, you very much win the Chris. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
-Well done. -Sara, well done. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
Next up, we've got panto legend Christopher Biggins, | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
Tory wife Christine Hamilton, | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
and tree trunk-thighed cyclist Sir Chris Hoy. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
Which of these Chrises went on somebody else's honeymoon? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:12 | |
What do you think, Paul? | 0:23:12 | 0:23:13 | |
-I think Chris Hoy. -Hmm. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:14 | |
I don't know, I've just got a bit of hunch, I'm saying. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
That's probably it. It's circling | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
round and you've heard it somewhere. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:19 | |
Going on that flimsy | 0:23:19 | 0:23:20 | |
kind of thinking, | 0:23:20 | 0:23:21 | |
we're going to go with Chris Hoy. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
-Biggins - 100% the sort of thing he would do. -Yeah, it is, isn't it? | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
100% the sort of thing where he'd meet someone at the airport | 0:23:26 | 0:23:29 | |
and say, "Where are you going?" | 0:23:29 | 0:23:30 | |
They'd say, "We're going on a honeymoon." | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
And he'd go, "I'm going to come with you." | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
Chris Hoy, it's less likely, surely. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
Have you considered the fact that Paul has a hunch? | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
If my balls were that heavy, I'd have a hunch. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:41 | 0:23:44 | |
I think Biggins. Do you think, Kate? | 0:23:47 | 0:23:48 | |
-OK, let's go. -We'll go Biggins. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
And you're going to go with Paul's hunch of Chris Hoy. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:53 | |
Well, hunches may not be enough | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
because the answer is Christopher Biggins. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
So, Biggins and Jeremy Irons were at drama school together | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
and he was Irons's best man. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
But somehow, Biggins got invited on the honeymoon | 0:24:06 | 0:24:09 | |
and the three of them drove down to Spain. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
On the way, Biggins suffered heat stroke | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
and spent the first week confined to his room. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:16 | |
Still, it gave Jeremy a chance to spend more time with his wife | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
while she shouted at him, "Why the hell is Christopher Biggins here?!" | 0:24:19 | 0:24:23 | |
-Congratulations, Richard. You win the Chris. -Biggins. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:27 | |
APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
Right, everybody, let's play Finish The Fact. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
I'll start by reading out a Chris-based morsel. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
Buzz in when you think you know how it ends. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
First up, it's theatrical, tight-shorted footballer | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
Cristiano Ronaldo. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:42 | |
BELL Josh. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
Sun lamp for too long. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
BUZZER Joe. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
Me in my dreams. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
No. | 0:24:57 | 0:24:58 | |
-BUZZER -Replaced Debbie McGee. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:07 | |
-You know what? -BELL | 0:25:08 | 0:25:09 | |
-Oh, no. -Josh. -That was the year that | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
he missed in the Champions League final for Man U. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
He injured... BELL | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
Yeah, he was injured. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:17 | |
He injured his ankle... | 0:25:21 | 0:25:22 | |
Coincidence? | 0:25:26 | 0:25:27 | |
Yes. LAUGHTER | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Sadly, no-one gets the Chris there. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
But next up, ex-undercover operative Chris Ryan. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:35 | |
-BELL -Kids. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
No! | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
-BUZZER -Local productions of My Fair Lady. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
He's produced military thrillers. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
-BUZZER -Only as old as the fish he feels. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
I'd like to read that. Kate. BUZZER | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
I think this was under a pseudonym | 0:26:01 | 0:26:03 | |
and it was Molly Jackson or something like that. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
And I think it was The Fisherman's Daughter. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
It was indeed The Fisherman's Daughter. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:08 | |
Well done. APPLAUSE | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
Absolutely. Written under his nom de plume of Molly Jackson. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
I'll just read you a bit. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:15 | |
"The fishermen took her in his strong arms, | 0:26:15 | 0:26:18 | |
"kissed her tenderly on her perfect lips | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
"and unleashed his semiautomatic into the harbour master." | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
Well done, Richard. You win the Chris. Congratulations. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
Well done, Kate. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
Next, high-earning Twilight star Kristen Stewart. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:33 | |
-BELL -What to say when caught | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
cheating on a boyfriend. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:39 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Ooh! | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
-Ooh. -I didn't do it. She did. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
If you want to be famous, what might you practise? | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
-BUZZER -Autograph. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
Yes. Absolutely right, yeah. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
She loved - absolutely loved - taking packages for neighbours. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:57 | |
No, she adored it. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:01 | |
-"What's that?" -Her idea of hell is a red card on the mat. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
-"Wonder what it could be." -LAUGHTER | 0:27:03 | 0:27:07 | |
No. She loved pens. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
And weirdly, her career is now stationary. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Ooh! | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
So, we've come to the end of the show and I can tell you | 0:27:16 | 0:27:19 | |
that our winners, with the most Chrises, | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
-are Josh's team. -Yay! | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
-APPLAUSE -Well done. Well done. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:27 | |
But now we come to the big one, the big question. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
Who is the best Chris of all time? | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
There was only one Chris that got a cheer | 0:27:34 | 0:27:36 | |
when their photo was revealed. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
-Kriss Akabusi. -Yeah. -You heard it here first. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
It's with great joy, I declare, | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
-Kriss Akabusi is the best Chris of all time. -Yeah! | 0:27:43 | 0:27:48 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:48 | 0:27:52 | |
Time to award prizes. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
For our winners, it's a bottle of Christina Aguilera's perfume, | 0:27:54 | 0:27:58 | |
Touch of Seduction. There you go. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
Ooh! | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
And for our losers, | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
a big bottle of Touch of Seduction. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:11 | |
Ooh, that's got weight. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:12 | |
So sorry. So sorry. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
My thanks to all of my guests. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
Special thanks to all the Chrises here, there and everywhere. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
And thanks to you, you at home, for watching us. Good night. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:23 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:28:23 | 0:28:25 |