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Reece Shearsmith in The Case of the High Foot Original Comedy Shorts

Reece Shearsmith in The Case of the High Foot

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Transcript

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BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:00:040:00:07

KNOCK AT DOOR Ja, come in.

0:00:090:00:11

Mein God!

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Greetings, Herr Doktor.

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My name is Hilda Stolf.

0:00:270:00:29

Velcome, Hilda. Good times, easy living, let's go and do it.

0:00:290:00:33

What seems to be the problem?

0:00:330:00:35

I think I am suffering from high foot.

0:00:350:00:38

Mein God! Let me see.

0:00:380:00:40

Mein God, this office!

0:00:420:00:45

GLASS SMASHES

0:00:460:00:47

Schweinhund.

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I have arrived now, Hilda.

0:00:580:01:01

Ja, your right foot,

0:01:010:01:02

this one, Hilda,

0:01:020:01:04

does seem to be considerably higher than your left foot,

0:01:040:01:07

which is this other one here, Hilda.

0:01:070:01:10

Oh, my God.

0:01:110:01:13

A third foot?

0:01:130:01:15

I am very happy with it.

0:01:150:01:16

And so you should be, it is magnificent.

0:01:160:01:19

But back to the first of the three feet in consideration, Hilda.

0:01:190:01:26

How long has it been so raised, Hilda?

0:01:260:01:29

31 years, Doktor.

0:01:290:01:31

Yet you only just noticed?!

0:01:330:01:35

I have been complacent in monitoring my feet height,

0:01:350:01:38

but in my defence, Doktor,

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the raising has been very...

0:01:400:01:43

fucking...

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gradual.

0:01:450:01:46

Apple?

0:01:460:01:47

Ja. DOG BARKS

0:01:470:01:49

- Banana? - Ja.

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SHEEP BAAS Parsnip?

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No.

0:01:540:01:55

GLASS SMASHES Schweinhund!

0:01:550:01:56

As I thought, your mind is in perfect working order.

0:01:560:02:01

HE CHUCKLES

0:02:010:02:02

Oh, wow, look at that rare sight.

0:02:020:02:04

BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:040:02:07

MUSIC STOPS

0:02:110:02:13

I thought a shock might lower it.

0:02:130:02:15

BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:160:02:21

MUSIC STOPS Grrrr!

0:02:230:02:25

Oh, maybe you have the leg gremlin.

0:02:260:02:29

Ah, that would make sense,

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- my father was a gremlinologist. - Hmm, really?

0:02:310:02:34

A gremlinologist, you say. What was his name?

0:02:340:02:37

Arthur C Stolf.

0:02:370:02:38

Oh, ja, what's the "C" for?

0:02:380:02:41

- Sailing ships in. - Boom-bang-a-bang.

0:02:410:02:43

I bought my mother-in-law a new chair for Christmas,

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but she would not plug it in!

0:02:450:02:46

Shang-a-lang-a-bing-bang. My mother-in-law is so fat

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she needs planning permission just to enter Innsbruck.

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Let the good times roll.

0:02:520:02:54

She is very fat but she is an angel.

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An angel, you say. You're so lucky, mine is still alive.

0:02:560:03:00

Ha-ha-ha.

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But my high foot, Doktor,

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what is to be done?

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What is to be done?! I'll tell you what.

0:03:050:03:07

HE WHEEZES Do you want to know

0:03:100:03:12

what I'm going to do?

0:03:120:03:13

Nothing.

0:03:160:03:18

Thank you, Herr Doktor,

0:03:190:03:21

I was so worried you were going to make me take off my hat.

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Oh, no, no, no! We do not do that any more, Hilda.

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No, no, no, this is not the Dark Ages.

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HE CHUCKLES

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So, I am free to go?

0:03:320:03:34

Ja, you're free, get out of here.

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Go easy, ride the breeze.

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You bet I will!

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Schweinhund!

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SHE CHUCKLES

0:03:430:03:45

BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:03:450:03:48

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