Kinky Boots

This film contains some strong language.

SEAGULLS SQUAWK

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

MUSIC: The Prettiest Star by David Bowie

# You've got everything but cold fire

# You will be my rest and peace, child

# I moved up to take a place... near you

# So tired

# It's the sky that makes you feel tried

# It's a trick to make you see wide

# It can all but break your heart

# In pieces

# Staying back in your memory

# Are the movies in the dark

# How you moved is all it takes

# To sing a song of when I loved

# The prettiest star... #

GUITAR SOLO

MUSIC STOPS

HE GASPS

Come on.

Come on, you stupid boy!

OK, now, Charlie.

I'm going to show you the most beautiful thing in the world.

-Do you know what it is?

-A shoe?

A lot of people would say it would be an oak tree in spring.

-It's a shoe.

-A lot of people would say a field of woodland flowers.

-Do you know what I think it is, Charlie?

-A shoe.

I think it's a shoe.

HE CHUCKLES

THEY LAUGH

Every machine.

You learn how to work every machine, Charlie.

By the time you're old enough and married and taken over the factory,

believe me, first thing you'll notice about a person

is their shoes.

Come on.

Whoo-hoo!

You know, it's funny. It's always struck me that in terms of love,

strength and attention to detail,

marriage is pretty much like...

ALL: A pair of shoes!

THEY LAUGH

And today again, I'm not wrong.

HE STAMPS HIS FEET

They take you places perhaps you weren't expecting.

My son, off to London.

His fiancee being transferred to an even bigger estate agents.

And Charlie, what have you decided to try your hand at down there?

Marketing.

Marketing.

To my future daughter-in-law.

And to my wonderful son.

Charlie!

ALL: Charlie!

TRAIN HORN BLARES

PHONE RINGS

Ah, Mr Price. Do let me show you around.

This is the new layout, designed with the young couple in mind.

As you can see, one good-size bedroom with en-suite shower room.

And through here, fully furnished lounge.

Oh, and best of all, Mr Price, best of all...

DRILLING NOISE AND SIRENS WAIL

..the view.

-It's not Northampton!

-It's not Northampton.

-No!

# Not Northampton, not Northampton!

# We're not in Northampton any more. #

MOBILE RINGS

Oh!

# We're going where the sun shines brightly... #

-Hello?

-# We're going where the sky is blue

# The best thing about London is... #

Sorry, yeah.

# No more bloody shoes! #

Yeah, this is his son.

MUSIC: Wild Is The Wind by Nina Simone

# Love me, love me, love me

# Say you do

# Let me fly away

# With you

# For my love

# Is like the wind

# And wild is the wind

# Give me more

# Than one caress

# Satisfy

# This hungriness

# Let the wind blow through your heart

# Daddy, you're spring to me

# All things...

# To me. #

DOOR BANGS OPEN

-Mr Price! He'd have been proud of you coming back, Mr Price.

-Charlie.

Price Factory has to have a Mr Price, Mr Price.

George...

HE SIGHS

(Bugger!)

Erm,...

Dad always used to say that...

INAUDIBLE

MUTED LAUGHTER

And, in a sense...

INAUDIBLE

He hasn't pressed the button.

THEY CHUCKLE

-..my heart is...

-Press the red button.

MICROPHONE FEEDBACK

THEY GROAN

'That was a good start(!)'

LAUGHTER

HE SIGHS

Right.

HE COUGHS

HE STAMPS HIS FEET

I'm not my dad, OK? You shouldn't expect that.

But I have spent my life with each one of you at some point,

training on these machines.

-I was bloody useless!

-Too right.

THEY LAUGH

Thanks, Don.

Listen, Dad believed there would always be a place for craftsmanship.

Whether you realise it or not, that is what you all are...

craftsmen.

So let's make shoes!

THEY MUTTER

"Let's make shoes?!"

BUZZING

-Oh!

-Oh!

Don't worry, love. Don't get it on your jacket. I'll get some roll.

Pat, what order is the company working on at the moment?

It's a big one, love.

Chambers Wholesale. Why?

What the hell was he playing at?!

I mean, why didn't he...?

Why did he carry on making them?

This happened before.

1992. Customer went into receivership

and your dad got stuck with 600 Oxfords.

-And?

-Bill Sampson in London took 'em at cost.

HE SIGHS

Right, Pat, I'm going to London.

See, Harry, I just happened to find myself 1,200 pairs of brogues.

I know a few years back your dad took some at cost off my dad and I...

Yeah, but that was a few years back, Charlie. Things have changed a bit.

Look, I'll tell you what, I'll take 200 pairs off your hands

for old times' sake. Hey, and this hurts,

being a Forest fan, giving charity to a Northampton...

I mean, when I say "charity", I'm not, er,... you know...

Imported from Slovakia. Do you want to know how much?

Harry! A Price's shoe will last a man a lifetime.

-The poor sod who buys these will be buy new ones in ten months.

-I know.

And isn't that great?

HE SIGHS

Spare some change, guv?

Here.

This is a Price's shoe.

It'll last a man a lifetime.

Got it in a size ten?

BOTTLE SMASHES

Slow yourself down a bit, will ya?

LAUGHTER

Come here!

-Come on, Princess!

-Where's the fire, love?

HE LAUGHS

-Whoa!

-Where do you think you're going, you silly cow?!

-We're not going to hurt you.

-All right, lads?

Oof!

HE LAUGHS

Hey, easy, love, easy!

-We should just leave her alone now, don't you think?

-Come on, then!

-Don't you?

-What are you going to do?

HE LAUGHS

Whoa!

HE GROANS

-MAN'S VOICE:

-Very sweet, you riding to my rescue.

Very...Prince Charming.

Pass me my boobs, will ya?

You didn't look like you needed much rescuing.

Well, a girl has to know how to look after herself these days.

-There are some very funny people out there.

-Yeah.

-How's that wound? Let's have a look.

-Get off!

HE LAUGHS

Don't flatter yourself.

Vodka. Helps you forget pain.

Well, it does me.

HE COUGHS

-Oh!

-God! Clean off again!

Like most things in life, it cannot stand the weight of a man.

Here we go. Oh, God!

Er, hold on.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh!

Thank you again, Mr... Sorry to be presumptive. Are you a Mr?

I'm a Charlie, from Northampton.

Well, I rather thought you might be.

Hmm...

DISTANT CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

LAUGHTER

Hmm...

# Prim and proper

# A girl who's never been kissed

# I'm tired of being pure

# And not chased

# Like something that seeks its level

# I wanna go to the devil

# I wanna be evil!

# I wanna spit tacks

# I wanna be evil

# And cheat at jacks

# I wanna be wicked

# I wanna tell lies

# I wanna be mean

# And throw my pies

# I want to wake up in the morning

# With that dark brown taste

# I wanna see some dissipation in my face

# I wanna be evil

# I wanna be mad

# But more than that

# I wanna be bad

# I wanna be evil and trump an ace... #

AUDIENCE WHOOPS

# Just to see

# My partner's face

# I wanna be nasty

# I wanna be cruel

# I wanna be daring

# I wanna shoot pool

# And in the theatre

# I want to change my seat

# Just so I can step on everybody's feet. #

MACHINERY WHIRS

-Oh, no!

-Trish, the thing is...

Please, please!

They just started school. They just started school this month, Charlie.

This is the uniforms, love. This is the dinners.

We lost the contract with Chambers, Trish.

-The thing is, we lost the contract with Chambers...

-Actually, don't.

This is like apologies for your late train. It doesn't mean anything.

-It's not like that.

-I'd rather not hear it.

I do mean it!

Bernard Caley, come up here, please.

This is not what I want, Bernie.

I don't want to be sitting here doing this,

but, you know, nine out of ten shoe factories are shut down.

What can I do?

I am sorry it's come to this, Anthony.

Daphne. Janice.

-Derek?

-Eric.

-Eric.

-What can I do? ..do? ..do? ..do?

-Change the product.

-Sorry?

-Like Liptons.

Start making equestrian boots. Browns, they're making...

Oh, whatever! Climbing boots. All them other sods,

they went looking for their niche markets.

They just didn't sit back in their offices going, "What can I do?!"

I'm sorry.

I was just really, really looking forward to a Chinese tonight.

Now I'm not sure if I can afford it.

In a sense, it was lucky they hadn't got round to advertising your job.

Yeah, lucky.

-Listen, Nic...

-Oh, wow!

That's the kind of shoe, isn't it? Don't you think?!

-What?

-For the wedding, at the altar.

-Is that the kind of thing you were thinking of?

-Yeah.

On my foot. It needs to be a Jimmy Choo, doesn't it? To work...

-Or a Manolo.

-We might have to think about the wedding, Nic.

-Hmm?

-Not the "wedding" wedding,

but it doesn't have to be all live band and shoes at the altar.

Does it? At the end of the day, it's about the two of us, isn't it?

I've made 15 people redundant today, Nic.

GLASS BREAKS AND LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

-Lauren.

-Oh...

Lauren, you haven't heard what I was going to say!

Does it involve the words "job back"?

Potentially.

TRAIN HORN BLARES

CHEERING

OK, brace yourself.

Ladies, gentlemen,

and those who are yet to make up your mind.

MUSIC STARTS

# Whatever Lola wants

# Lola gets

# And, little man, little Lola wants you

-# Make up your mind to have

-# Mind to have

-# No regrets

-# No regrets

# Recline yourself, resign yourself, you're through

# I always get

# What I aim for

# And your heart and soul

# Is what I came for

-# Whatever Lola wants

-# Lola wants

-# Lola gets

-# Lola gets

# Take off your coat

-# Don't you know you can't win?

-# Can't win, you'll never, never win

# You're no exception to the rule

# I'm irresistible, you fool

# Give in. #

Lola!

SHE LAUGHS

All me, sweetheart. I design everything in that club.

It's my costumes, my lighting,

my dancers, my show, love.

HE LAUGHS

I mean, it's me. Bit of a dark horse, your boyfriend.

Oh, he's my boss.

Well, he was my boss. I got laid off.

But now he seems to think I'm his business analyst or...

Excuse Charlie. We don't have many transvestites in Northampton.

I'm not merely a transvestite, sweetheart.

I'm also a drag queen. It's a simple equation.

A drag queen puts on a frock - looks like Kylie.

A transvestite puts on a frock -

looks like Boris Yeltsin in lipstick.

Ta.

Whatever. You're never more than ten feet away from a transvestite.

You made her redundant, you miserable sod!

-Things aren't very good in men's shoes.

-No.

-I'm not, certainly!

-Yes, precisely.

How much do you weigh?

-The right amount. How much do you drink?

-Oh.

I mean, erm, they're women's boots, aren't they, that you buy?

You have to buy women's boots because you...

You see, the distribution of pressure in the conventional female heel

cannot be expected to support a man's weight

and if trans...

you know, whatevers, drag queens are everywhere,

like you said, then...

Not in a, oooh, living-dead kind of way, but...

Then do you think there is a niche market

for proper, good, decent, built-to-last boots

for women...

that are men?

All this way for my advice. I feel like Oprah.

I'd like to measure your foot, go home, make a pair.

HE SIGHS

Who gets to keep the boots? A little warning...

..the answer is, "You do, Lola."

You do, Lola.

Where do I can to pick it up? Price's of Northampton, is it?

Yeah, but I'll come to you.

Oh, no. As they say, a good pair of boots is worth walking for.

No, you see, I come here all the time and, er...

-I'll come to you.

-Right.

HE COUGHS

Erm, look behind you.

What? What is it?

It's your niche market, Charlie.

Big niche.

Ladies, gentlemen,

and those of you who are yet to make up your mind,

our very own Lola!

MUSIC STARTS

CHEERING

# He walked into my life

# And now he's taking over

# And it's beautiful

# Mmm!

# Yes, it's beautiful

# I've gone with better-looking guys

# He's gone with prettier-looking girls

# But now we're beautiful

# I think we're beautiful

# I don't need love affairs

-# Any more

-# Love affairs no more

# I don't need love affairs

# Any more

# Can't you see it's the chemistry? You really must agree

-# Together we are beautiful

-# Beautiful

# We are beautiful. #

ZIPPER CLOSES

Well?

I was thinking, er, you should,...

if you haven't got anything else on, that maybe you could come back to...

To your house?

The factory.

I'm going to need someone on the Web to research markets

and...if Pat got on some of those websites, she'd have a heart attack!

Yeah.

Besides, you started it, being in that strop.

Oh, well, I mean, I just had the strop, Charlie.

You saw the idea.

And that is why some of us end up with our names above the factories

and others just on the clocking-in cards.

Right.

Well, as someone with their name on a factory,

can I invite you to have your name on one of my clocking-in cards?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

They say... Calm down.

Whatever life throws at you, whatever emotions you could feel,

somebody has written a song about it.

Now I hope that's true,

but until somebody writes a song called, No-one Stays Young Forever

And One Day I Hope You Get Dumped For A Younger Model,

-I'll just sing you Memories!

-Show us your tits!

CHEERING

Certainly. Ladies and gentlemen, there they are!

Give them a round of applause.

THEY CHEER

Are they as wrinkly as your arms, love?!

THEY LAUGH

'Yeah, good one!'

I have to... I have to tell you, sweetheart,

my breasts are as smooth and beautiful as the day I bought them.

CHEERING

'Get yourself a refund!'

SHOUTING AND CHEERING

HE SIGHS

That was so bitchy, wasn't it?

Bastard!

Oh!

DISTANT CHATTER

MUSIC: In These Shoes by Kirsty MacColl

Aye!

-Forget it, Don, out of your league.

-Na.

You seem to forget, women get turned on by the sight of the working man.

-Morning, Charlie!

-Lola.

Come in.

Er, sorry it's a bit messy. We, erm...

I thought we agreed I'd come to London.

I have to warn you, Charlie,

I have a habit of doing exactly the opposite of what people want.

In fact, some might say that attempts to make a man out of me,

is exactly the reason that I now wear a frock.

-If, therefore, I get the feeling somebody didn't want me here...

-No.

I can tell from years of experience when I'm being smuggled in.

-That's the rough-stuff room.

-Is it?!

-It's where we dump off-cuts

-and misshapes.

-I wondered why I was being drawn to it.

-Pardon?

-Nothing.

I'll raise that.

Hmm?

SIREN WAILS

Oh!

HE LAUGHS

George.

Listen, Mel,

-when it comes to attracting women, some men don't have to speak.

-Ha!

This is cosy.

Here we are.

Well?

What do you think?

Burgundy...

Please, God, tell me I have not inspired something burgundy!

Red.

Red.

Red!

Red, Charlie boy!

PA WHINES

Rule one - red is the colour of sex!

Burgundy is the colour of hot-water bottles! Red is sex and fear

and danger and signs that say, "Do-not-enter"!

'All of my favourite things in life.'

-Who's that?!

-He's got your new girlfriend in there.

-They're comfy.

-Comfy?!

Sex shouldn't be comfy!

Thank God, I thought it was just me.

THEY LAUGH

I don't know what you're used to making, but now you're making sex!

2½ feet of irresistible, tubular sex!

-The heel! For God's sake!

-It won't break. That's what you wanted.

-Not if I'm looking like a Ukrainian peasant!

-It's better than...

You want to show your niche market a little more respect, Charlie boy.

-I mean, let's ask your girls.

-No!

-Girls, would you wear this to go out?

-GIRLS: No!

-I bet you'd look all right in them, sweetheart!

-Ooh!

You've pulled.

Oh, yeah...

Ladies.

Oh...

-Ooh!

-Well, I'm very flattered,

but frankly, if you can't get women to wear 'em...

-DEEP VOICE:

-..you'll never get blokes like me to wear 'em.

SNIGGERING

Oh!

'Oh!'

-'Oh!'

-Do we still have a workforce?

Don'll come around, once he's stopped, er...

DISTANT SHOUTING

..walking up and down, swearing.

-That's his problem.

-No, it's our problem, Lola. This is Northampton.

You have no idea what it's like. It's not Soho!

Amen.

Look to the heel, young man.

The sex is in the heel.

What's that supposed to mean?

"Sex is in the heel."

Stilettos require constant balance from the upper leg,

causing the muscles of the backside to tense and appear pert

and ready for mating.

It's physically impossible. I mean, am I missing something?

To make a stiletto, something that thin,

-bear the weight of a man is just...

-Steel shank.

What?

A steel shank cut thinly,

then moulded in a continuous section

from toe to heel, without pinning.

Not even Don would crush that.

Lola!

Lola, we might be able to do it. Steel shanks without underpinning.

We might be able to make those boots,

-if you were willing to...

-Don would have something to say about that.

I gave up the provinces and I've just been reminded why.

Lola doesn't do North.

-Northampton's the Midlands.

-No, Tottenham Court Road is.

If you'll excuse me, I have a show tonight.

I'm stood here trying to save a factory of four generations -

-my father, his father's father -

-Tell me when it applies to me.

Now it applies to you! I'm about to take an almighty fucking gamble

and in one afternoon, one drawing, you've said more about boots than...

I just... Five weeks, Lola. That's it.

If I don't have a new collection for the Milan shoe fair in five weeks,

I'm going to have to sell the place.

HE SIGHS

All right, I'll tell you what, don't hang around.

It's never going to apply to you.

What you don't realise, Lola,

is this is not my world either.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Where are you going, darling?

By the sound of it,...

..Milan.

THEY CHATTER

..A packet of satsumas.

I see this as a very positive step

for a company who spent last century making a range of shoes for men,

to start the next century making shoes for...

..a range of men.

Any questions?

DISTANT BUZZING

BUZZING GROWS LOUDER

Oh, sorry, love. Sorry.

-I thought you said you were going into work at nine.

-No, I did. I was.

I am.

Sorry.

Don!

Have you got any toilets down here?

I'm afraid we've only got men's and women's.

Charlie, she's locked herself in the loo.

-What?

-Come on!

-Right, go in there, tell her...

-No, the gents' loo.

Right.

What's up, Mum? Hmm?

Lola, it's Charlie.

Are you OK?

-Are you ill?

-Yeah, I'm sick.

Ask your boys.

Oh, is this Don?

HE SIGHS

Oh, has he nicked your dress?!

I came like this.

God!

Put on a frock and I can sing Stand By Your Man in front of 500 people.

Put on a pair of jeans and I can't even sodding well say hello.

I have to say,

I was going to suggest dressing down.

Well, thank you for your concern.

THEY MUTTER

-Sh.

-'Come on, tell me.'

-Boxer.

-Get out of here!

-I'm serious.

Yeah, he had me doing training, weights...

I could bench-press 93 kilos.

I owe all my spectacular muscle definition to my father.

And he never... The wearing frocks...

He wasn't stupid.

He knew there'd be very few

cross-dressing heavyweight champions of the world.

No, he disowned me.

Wouldn't see me.

Even when he got lung cancer, he wouldn't.

It's ironic, really.

Fags got him in the end.

HE LAUGHS

IMITATES DRUM ROLL

THEY MUTTER

I mean, that's what it was all about - fitting in,

melding in, not standing out.

As far as he was concerned, if you're big, black and a boxer,

then you are sorted.

If you're big and you're black and you're in a...

you know, strapless cocktail dress, that's not so good.

That's what my dad wanted an' all.

-A strapless cocktail dress?

-No.

THEY LAUGH

For me to fit in to this place.

You know, it should be me that's hiding in here, not you.

I'm the one who doesn't know what he's doing.

It would kill him to hear me say that, too.

Although, he probably knew and that's probably what did.

Well...

..perhaps we just have to pretend we do know what we're doing.

Charlie from Northampton,

Simon from Clacton.

Come on, let's make boots.

All right then, everybody.

THEY MUTTER

MUSIC: Mr Big Stuff by Lyn Collins

# Oh, yeah!

# Mr Big Stuff, who do you think you are?

# Mr Big Stuff

# You're never gonna get my love

# Not because you wear all those fancy clothes

# And drive a big, fine car, oh, yes, you do now

# Do you think I can afford to give you my love?

# You think you're higher than every star above

# Mr Big Stuff, tell me, tell me, who do you think you are?

# Mr Big Stuff, you're never gonna get my love

# Oh, yeah!

-# Mr Big Stuff... #

-Cover me, girls. I'm going in.

# Mr Big Stuff, tell me, tell me, who do you think you are?

# Mr Big Stuff

# You're never gonna get my love

# Hey!

# Whoa, yeah! Whoo! #

Oh! For fu...

INAUDIBLE

# While tearing off a game of golf

# I might make a play for the caddie

# But when I do, I don't follow through

# Cos my heart belongs to Daddy

# If I invite

# A boy some night

# To dine on my fine finnan haddie

# Though I just adore

# His asking for more

# But my heart belongs

# To Daddy. #

It's where you applaud, Charlie.

Didn't you, er, have a show tonight?

Sore throat.

# But my heart... #

HE COUGHS

You know, you don't have to work in the rough-stuff room.

Oh, but I feel at home here.

They're my friends.

One never knows what joy one might find amongst the unwanted...

..and abandoned.

Charlie boy.

-Oh.

-Aw!

Morning, stranger.

-Thank you.

-Nic, er, look... About last night.

-Hmm?

-Things got a little crazy at work. It won't always be like that,

-I promise. No, really, it won't be.

-OK.

And, erm...

See, I think I've found a solution for the factory.

Well, that makes two of us. Come on.

KNOCK ON DOOR

One second, Mrs Cobb.

God... Come in!

-There we go.

-Thank you.

-And the room's all right for you, love, is it?

-It's absolutely lovely.

Yes, lots of, erm,... lots of trinkets.

Ah, now the little pottery shoes, they're good luck, you see?

You know, like Whitby has lucky glass ducks.

Northampton has lucky pottery shoes.

Can I just ask, are you a man?

-I am, love, yes.

-Ah, that's fine.

Just so that I know how to leave the toilet seat. I'll get some biscuits.

BUZZING

Mr Price.

-Charlie, this is Richard Bailey.

-Sorry to hear about your dad.

Shall we?

The beauty is the building.

For us developers, it's more a case of what we don't do.

-Isn't it?

-And if you look in here, you will see...

the bedroom.

So, what do you think?

Er...

I mean, one day, Nic, if this is what you want, but...

Isn't it slightly out of our price range?

Not all buildings deserve a second life, Mr Price.

Factories like this, like yours,

they're special.

Sorry?

Are you under the illusion that Price's is for sale?

Look, I know you're trying to help, but I'll make you this promise...

-Is this a promise like the Jimmy-Choo-shoes promise?

-Hang on.

-You're talking about the history of my family.

-This is the future here.

I don't know, Nicola, is it?

-If I can't get you to summon up some faith and...

-OK, give me it, Charlie.

Come on. What have I got to have faith in?

I've suggested selling the factory to a brilliant developer

who's done all that, made all that happen.

-What's your plan?

-Charlie boy!

I've found Soho!

HE LAUGHS

A little corner of Soho in Northampton, that brasserie.

I'm Lola. I'm the one designing his range of transvestite boots.

HE CLEARS THROAT

There's... There's a slight chill in the air.

Isn't there?

HE LAUGHS

-That is the...

-Plan.

-Yeah.

Listen, Nic, I have not gone into this lightly. There is a market f...

Can I say, before you make a fool of yourself trying to save the factory

because, "It's the history of my family," Richard came to see me

because your dad had approached him about selling up.

You see, you owe your father nothing, Charlie.

You are free

to walk.

Right, that's it! We've terminated production on all Derbys,

brogues and Oxfords. From now on, the factory is 100% on the new range

or we will not hit Milan. So, we need at least 15 new designs

and at least six samples of each. Remember, you're not making footwear.

You are not making boots. You are making 2½ feet

of irresistible, tubular sex!

None of the major firms take a stand.

All of the big boys hire the main runway, so we will need that.

We need Milan to go, like, pow! Like the two of us did at the Angel.

We need to take the Angel club to Milan.

We will take the Angel club to Milan.

You wouldn't put a frock on.

If you don't want to get off with blokes, why put a frock on?

The thing is, ask any woman what she likes most in a man -

compassion, tenderness, sensitivity.

Traditionally, the female virtues. Perhaps what women secretly desire

is a man who is fundamentally a woman.

Huh?

Er...

Hmm...

THEY LAUGH

-He's coming.

-Right.

HE LAUGHS

-Hello, Don.

-What do you think I could do to make me more of a man?

I've got paper. Write down what you think would make me more of a man

and I'll write down what I think would make you more of a man.

If I do what's on yours, you do what's on mine, right?

Piss off.

Fine.

So, is our Don a man, do you think?

Well, he dresses like one.

THEY LAUGH

-Good answer.

-I was pleased with it.

THEY LAUGH

Come on, Don, be a man!

-You don't have to do this.

-I do. You know why?

Cos what Don's written for me is easy compared to what I've written.

-We've 24 hours. I could do without unrest.

-Calm down. It's not boxing.

BELL RINGS

BELL GETS MUFFLED

Sorry.

'Whoo-hoo!'

THEY CHEER

HIS NECK CRACKS

'Wahey!'

HE SNIFFS

Play.

BELL RINGS

Go on, Don!

THEY SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT

Do it! Do it!

Come on, Lola! Come on, Lola! Push, love! Push!

You can do it! You can do it!

Don't let him win!

Push!

-Do it!

-Come on, Don!

-Lola, push it!

-Come on, Don!

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

Come on!

Come on, Lola! That's it! That's it!

You're going to win!

Come on! Whoo-hoo!

Come on, Lola!

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

That's it! That's it! Yes!

FRENZIED SHOUTING

You're going to win! You're going to win!

That's it, Lola! Come on! Push!

VOICES FADE

CROWD CHEER

Yes! Come on! Come on!

Well done, Don!

Come on! Come on!

What are you looking at?!

Go on, Don! Come on!

HE SNIFFS AND CLEARS THROAT

So, the, er...

Yeah, well...

Why did you stop?

I wouldn't want you to walk into the factory

and feel that people didn't respect you, Don.

I wouldn't want anyone else to know what that feels like.

Change your mind about someone.

-Nice one, chap. Get the beers in.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Christ!

How much does that buy us?

The main runway from between 4.30 to five,

after Closerie and before Trickers.

Hi, erm, listen, I'm sorry, we can't afford it.

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

Just, just...

How much for the dancers?

Oh... This is Lola's estimate for the Blue Angel Boys and expenses.

-Could you get the whole thing for under 20,000?

-Why 20?

-Could you?

-Tell me, why 20?

-I can get that against my house.

What?

Take it.

At least one Mr Price didn't sit around saying, "What can I do?"

Take it.

Come on, Mel! Tea break finished five minutes ago!

Come on, you know where that goes.

-How are you getting on, George?

-Fine.

It's surprisingly easy if I just imagine Pat wearing them.

Is it?

George, there's an indentation in the leather. Bin it. Do it again.

I don't care. Redo it!

-What if they're not assembled?

-They'll be assembled!

-It's four o'clock.

-I know! If they have to work over, they will!

You don't get marks for effort.

Hmm, caffeine.

Give us a hand, would ya?

-I needed a break from Mr Shouty back there.

-He's just tense.

HE LAUGHS

-What?

-Are you aware that you do that?

That you instinctively defend him? Wow!

Look at those puppies!

You know, Charlie's dad used to have this theory

that you could tell everything about a person from their shoes.

-Right, come on then.

-Oh, no.

-Oh.

Cheap, but happy.

HE LAUGHS

HE SNIGGERS

Oh, very eager to please.

All right, those, those.

Shiny, but dull.

Oh, my God!

HE LAUGHS

-Hello, Lauren.

-Hello, Nicola. Oh, I love those shoes!

-Mmm.

-Charlie's treat?

-Yeah, once upon a time.

-What?

-A girl can live with so many once upon a times

before she finally has to get the Visa out and buy them.

-It's not like that with the factory.

-Sorry?

-Charlie.

He said he was going to save it. Most guys would've said,

"What can I do?"

-Yeah, I know.

-Never mind remortgaging their house.

You should see him in that factory. It's made him twice as determined.

I'm sorry, remortgage their...what?

No, no, no.

For God's sake, Melly, this is Milan! These seams aren't straight.

-You're rushing it.

-Pardon?

-You're going to have to unpick all this and start again.

-Sod that, mate.

-It's a Saturday!

-What?

-You've got enough completed.

-No, I haven't.

-Some of us have got a life outside this factory.

You're going to have a bloody lot more of it in a bit!

Mel, you don't understand, this is Milan.

It's Mi... How do you know what Milan is?

You don't know. You're guessing.

Perhaps you'd have it finished now

if you hadn't made us undo every single bloody stitch!

-Mel, they weren't good enough.

-They were good enough for your dad.

-I am not my dad!

-Hey, I'll tell you what, Charlie Price,

-never a bloody truer word!

-Mel.

SIREN WAILS

We have to leave at six in the morning. Please!

-Hello, Charlie!

-Sorry. Actually, I'm in a bit of a...

-crisis here.

-Oh, I think so.

It's bad enough you're making this kind of crap

thinking you'll save the factory, but you've remortgaged the house!

-What?! I...

-Charlie, Lauren didn't realise!

Our house! No-one will ever say I didn't stand by my man, Charlie.

I've done it.

I'll stand by you now, just... Reason.

-Nicola.

-Give me a reason!

-Down there.

I'm looking at you, Charlie! Give me a reason! Making porn wear for...

hermaphrodites!

-Actually, love, hermaphrodites have both reproductive organs.

-GET OUT!

SHE SOBS

Where was it for London, all this money?

Don't. Flat's the size of a postage stamp

-because "We have to be careful, Nic."

-London was for you.

London was for us. You wouldn't spend another five grand on us,

but you'll remortgage the house to keep strangers in a job!

I know them. It's you that doesn't know them because you never come in.

I've already had to fire 15 and they were the 15 worst times of my life!

-So sell it!

-Nicola!

-I don't get...

'Do they know your dad was going to sell up?'

You know, even your dad... Have you told them that?

I don't care what he was going to do! I don't care he was going to sell it!

I, Charlie Price, doesn't actually enjoy making people redundant!

'If you can't hear a reason yet, maybe you won't ever get it!'

Maybe you won't ever get me.

Maybe Nicola Marsden will never, ever quite get Charlie Price!

Maybe I won't.

HE SIGHS

Sod it!

It's probably my fault, putting Dad up, making some hero out of him.

You shouldn't do that.

I suppose I just didn't want to be the last photo in the line, you know?

The Price who left nothing.

Maybe you shouldn't judge it in bricks, Charlie.

Maybe you judge what you leave by what you inspire in other people.

MACHINERY RUMBLES

Charlie?

MACHINERY RUMBLES LOUDER

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

-Coming through!

-Hurry up, Mum!

-Beep! Beep!

Coffee? Cup of tea?

-Lola.

-Charlie.

Did you get them to do this?

Brother rose to the challenge of changing his mind about someone.

-You?

-No, Charlie.

You.

Here we go!

My God.

Hey, everyone, the man from Milan, he say yes!

THEY CHEER

MUSIC: It's A Man's Man's Man's World by James Brown

Cheers!

# This is a man's world

# This is a man's world

# But it wouldn't be nothing

# Without a woman or a girl... #

-Wahey!

-# This is a man's world

# This is a man's world... #

THEY CHEER

HE LAUGHS

# But it wouldn't be nothing

# Without a woman or a girl

-Come on, Lauren.

-Oh, no. No.

# Man made the car... #

ALL: Ooh!

# To take us over the road

# Man made the train

# To carry the heavy load

# Man made the electric light

# To take us out of the dark

# Man made a boat for the water

# Like Noah made the Ark

# This is a man's world

# But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl...

He's had quite an impact on us girls, hasn't he?

Charlie Price.

# Man makes them happy

# Cos man makes them toys

# And after man make everything he can

# Man makes money

# To buy from other men

# This is a man's world

# But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl

# Oh!

# How man needs a woman... #

I saw a documentary once.

Potholers. They'd have a celebration the night before

in case they never came out.

Of course, now Northampton is the perfect venue.

-Oh, I...

-Oh, a little warning.

The answer is, "I'd love to, Lola."

CHATTER

WOMAN LAUGHS

Stop it!

-Table for one?

-Er, for two.

-Two? Right here.

-I'll use the toilet.

Toilets, yes. Just down the stairs on the left.

Richard.

-Oh, Christ!

-It's Charlie Price.

I know, absolutely. From Price's, yeah.

Wow. Erm... I didn't expect to see you at La Conceria.

Not one of your normal haunts, is it?

-I'm here having a meeting. A business thing.

-Business?

It never lets up, does it?

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

Hey, they're running away.

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN AND LAUGHS

HE GRUNTS

Charlie boy!

HE LAUGHS

Sorry I'm late. You know how it is. I was sitting with all my dresses

and I'm thinking, "Is it hot in Milan? Does it get cold at night?"

Oh! Thank you.

Ooh! You couldn't get me a Bloody Mary, could you, sweetheart?

-Bloody Mary for the lady.

-The potholing, I didn't mean it.

I don't think it will go tits up. The show, the routine!

Wait till you see what I've got planned for the catwalk.

-Lola, can you talk a bit...?

-The whole metrosexual crowd...

-Stop.

-What?

-People are staring. Come on, what do you want?

-I don't think anybody's staring.

-You're a man in a frock.

Even if they're not looking, they're staring.

I'm a... I'm a Northampton shoe designer, Charlie.

You're also a man in a dress.

You make it sound as if I put this on...

because of a lack of a pair of trousers.

Does a part of you believe that?

I don't know why you wear dresses and I don't think you do either!

-I didn't realise I was causing you trouble!

-Forget it.

You are a very good designer.

You'd like me to design and then disappear when I'm me.

You is the designer. This is you in a dress looking daft.

You don't have to do it. I don't know what you think.

Is it part of dodging what sex you get off on?!

If you think you're being mystical, being the best of either sex,

I have to tell you, Simon...

Simon.

Stood there in a frock right now,

you look like the worst bits of both.

Stop hiding. Be brave.

Decide one way or the other.

For my sake, tomorrow,

turn up looking like the picture on your passport.

I can't change what I want, Charlie.

I cannot...change what I want.

I cannot do that.

George.

Hey. No Lola?

-Hmm? George.

-Mr Price.

-Are we all set?

-Did she say she was going to be late?

No, actually, she said she was going to fly out with the girls.

-What, from London?

-Hey, Lola!

SEAGULLS SQUAWK

MUSIC: The Prettiest Star by David Bowie

# Cold fire

# You've got everything but cold fire

# You will be my rest and peace, child

# I moved up to take a place

# Near you. #

HE GASPS

SEAGULLS SQUAWK

MUSIC: Largo Al Factotum from The Barber Of Seville by Rossini

CHATTER AND MUSIC PLAYS

Funny, isn't it? They look quite dead like this.

Don't worry, George. It'll be a different story tomorrow.

CHEERING

HE GASPS

Look! That's us.

Milan main catwalk.

The Angel girls wearing our boys, eh, Charlie?

Hey.

You know, as Lola would say, "There's a slight chill in the air."

-And I'm getting worried because...

-I had an argument with her.

-What?

-Lola.

Last night in the restaurant.

You see... You see, she turned up in a dress

and I just...

I just... Oh.

She didn't go to London, did she? She didn't get on a plane at all.

Lauren, it was a bloke that wanted to buy the factory, Richard Bailey.

He was there with Nicola and I...

Your love life does not apply to me. There is nobody to wear our boots

that we have worked our arses off to get here, Charlie.

OK, yes, I am sorry. It's just I felt somehow useless as a man!

ROOM FALLS SILENT

Sitting there in the restaurant, I felt...

..somehow useless as a man.

So here we are again, eh?

Charlie Price standing in front of me

saying, "It's not my fault. What can I do?"

MOBILE BEEPS

MOBILE RINGS

-"Hello, this is Lola."

-Lola.

"I'm not here now. Well, I am here. You know what to do."

BEEPING

Lola, when you pick this up, this is a Charlie from Northampton.

CHURCH BELL TOLLS

CAMERAS CLICK

CHATTERING IN ITALIAN

Lorenzo! Lorenzo!

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

OK, we have the exhibitors, please, for Price's.

That's me.

-And the dressers?

-That's me.

And the models?

That's you, as well, isn't it?

George.

OK, he's all set. He looks fantastic!

ITALIAN ANNOUNCEMENT

-..Price's."

-Go!

-Go!

-"Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats for the Price's collection."

Does he look sexy?

He does to me, George.

"Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats for the Price's collection."

HE MUMBLES IN ITALIAN

OK?

OK.

This is it. It's you, Mr Price.

AUDIENCE FALLS SILENT

(Shit!)

ALL MURMUR

Bellissimo!

LAUGHTER

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

AUDIENCE GASPS

AUDIENCE GASPS AND DOG BARKS

LAUGHTER

AUDIENCE GASPS

CAMERAS CLICK RAPIDLY

AUDIENCE GASPS LOUDLY

DOG WHINES

# You keep lying when you oughtta be truthing

# And you keep losing when you oughtta not bet... #

AUDIENCE GASPS

# You keep saming when you oughtta be changing

# Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet

# These boots are made for walking

# And that's just what they'll do

# One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you... #

WHISTLING

# I once met a man with a sense of adventure

# He was dressed to thrill wherever he went

# He said, "Let's make love on a mountain top"

# "Under the stars on a big hard rock"

# I said, "In these shoes?! I don't think so"

# Here I am looking for crime, I'm looking for some action

# What I have a million times will give you satisfaction

# Don't you mess around with me, you won't know what to do

# Cos I'll put on my cha-cha heels and walk all over you

# Gimme, gimme cha-cha heels

# All I want is cha-cha heels

# Gimme, gimme cha-cha heels

# If I don't get my cha-cha heels

# I'll walk all over you. #

WHOOPING

# Zipping up my boots

# Going back to my roots, yeah

# To the place of my birth

# Back down to earth

# I'm homeward bound, got my head turned around

# Zipping up my boots

# Going back to my roots. #

WILD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Whoo-hoo!

MAN SHOUTS IN ITALIAN

WOMAN SHOUTS IN ITALIAN

Come on, Lauren!

Stand by your man, Lauren.

Thank you.

'Bellissimo!'

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS LOUDER

'Aw, that's sweet!'

'Lola, this is a Charlie from Northampton.

'I'm looking at a shoe-fair programme with a big gap where you should be.

'I have to say, unlike most people, whenever you leave, you leave a gap.

'You will in Northampton, you have in Milan.'

'Listen, if people ever tell you you look half a man, that's fine."

'I don't know what half a man is."

'I don't know what the hell a man is,

'but I know that if it involves being brave,

'you are more of a man than I will ever be. Goodbye, Lola.'

Don't think that's why I came.

I came for the adulation.

-Why am I leaving you?

-AUDIENCE: Aw!

I'm afraid in life, Lola has always been drawn to the most exciting,

the most daring,

the most...

sexy.

AUDIENCE WHOOP

There is tell of a mystical place far north of here

-called Northampton.

-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Exciting because is contains a shoe factory

struggling to survive against all the odds.

Daring because it's run by a man brave enough to recognise

that a factory is its people, not its bricks.

And sexy, well,

because now I work there.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Craftsmen of fantasy for ladies, gentlemen

-and those of you who are yet...

-AUDIENCE: To make up your mind!

Tonight, I give you the Kinky Boot Factory!

AUDIENCE CHEERS

# Yes, sir, I can boogie

# If you stay, you can't go wrong

# I can boogie

# Boogie-woogie

# All night long

# No, sir

# I don't feel very much like talking

# Nor neither walking

# You want to know if I can dance

# Yes, sir

# Already told you in the first verse

# And in the chorus

# But I will give you one more chance

# Oh, yes, sir

# I can boogie

# But I need a certain song

# I can boogie

# Boogie-woogie

# All night long

# Yes, sir, I can boogie

# If you stay, you can't go wrong

# I can boogie

# Boogie-woogie

# All night long

# Yes, sir, I can boogie

# But I need a certain song

# I can boogie

# Boogie-woogie

# All night long. #

MUSIC: In These Shoes by Kirsty MacColl

# I once met a man with a sense of adventure

# He was dressed to thrill wherever he went

# He said, "Let's make love on a mountain top"

# "Under the stars on a big hard rock"

# I said, "In these shoes?"

# "I don't think so"

# I said, "Honey, let's do it here"... #