The Lavender Hill Mob


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The Lavender Hill Mob

One of the most famous of the 1950s Ealing comedies. An unassuming bank clerk, in charge of gold bullion deliveries for almost 20 years, hatches a plot to steal a consignment.


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Transcript


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LATIN AMERICAN MUSIC

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-Quem?

-Oh, Senor Ingles.

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Aahhh!

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-Senor...

-Obrigado.

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Muito obrigado, senor.

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-Your first visit to South America?

-Yes. I wish I could stay longer.

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It's a pleasant place.

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-Senor, congratulations, a wonderful work.

-Thank you, senora.

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The President himself told my husband

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it was the occasion of the year.

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Oh, Senora. I have something for your subscription list...

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"The Victims of the Revolution."

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Perhaps I can give it to you now?

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Thank you, senor. Always SO generous.

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The wife of Martin Gallardo, the frozen meat king.

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Very decent couple. Excuse me...

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Manuel...

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Pity you can't stay till Sunday.

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I've got a horse in the Jockey Club Stakes.

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You...rode...a very good race.

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MANUEL REPLIES IN PORTUGUESE

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A very good race.

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The racing's not quite straight out here.

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Still, I've tried to raise the standards.

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Ah, Chiquita, Chiquita!

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I hoped I'd see you.

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You run along and get yourself that little birthday present.

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Oh, how sweet of you. Thank you.

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You seem to have accomplished quite a lot in one year.

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One superb year.

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Just when I was beginning to believe I'd never achieve it.

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I've dreamed of a life like this for 20 years,

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and for 19 of those years, fate denied me the one necessary contact.

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Still, I never quite lost sight of the goal,

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inaccessible though it often seemed to me,

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when I was merely...

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merely...a nonentity,

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among all those thousands who flock every morning into the city.

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Most men who long to be rich know inwardly they never will be.

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But I was in the unique position of having a fortune

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literally within my grasp.

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I supervised the delivery of gold bullion

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from the refinery to the bank.

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-Lucky I saw that.

-Yes. Very lucky.

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Mr Richards, with gold at 240 shillings per pound,

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that particle, estimating its value at 0.025,

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would entail a loss of approximately six shillings.

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Well, check this - 100 gold bars,

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weighed to the value of £495,987.

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Well, Mr Richards, your deposit will be returned

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as usual when the gold enters the bank. You are both armed?

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'I was well aware they all ridiculed me for the way I fussed and worried.

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'That was precisely what I had striven for years to achieve.'

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BUZZ

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Here we go again.

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-There's a car been following us.

-That one, sir?

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Of course not! A black Chrysler. THX 375.

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-It's gone on ahead.

-No sign of it now, sir.

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It's probably waiting for us. Go and have a look.

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And leave me your gun meanwhile.

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'Nobody can say my precautions were not justified.

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'Many a rascal would have risked his all for half a million,

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'not realising that gold in the form of bullion is useless

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'without a method of smuggling it abroad.

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'To find that method was my last remaining problem.

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'Meanwhile, I gave the banks their gold.'

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-Thanks, Holland. Everything in order?

-Yes, sir.

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Silly question. Nothing's gone wrong in 20 years.

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That'll do, Holland.

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Surely after all this time,

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you could give that poor old devil a chance.

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Oh, I'm afraid it wouldn't work, sir,

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his one and only virtue is honesty.

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No imagination...no initiative.

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'I was a potential millionaire,

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'yet I had to be satisfied

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'with eight pounds, 15 shillings, less deductions.

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'A weekly reminder that the years were passing

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'and my problem still unsolved.

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'Until my ship came home,

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'I was obliged to live at the Balmoral Private Hotel,

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'Lavender Hill.'

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Oh, Holland...

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The man of millions. Got any spare ingots for an old pal?

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-CHUCKLING: You'll be the death of me, Holland.

-I sincerely trust so.

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Ah, Mr Holland...

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-Always punctual.

-I smell oxtail soup again.

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Let's see, where did we get?

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Duke Milligan was about to take a gander

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at Nicky the Greek's hideout.

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Oh, yes. Here we are.

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"I handed my fedora to a hat-check girl

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"with all that Venus de Milo had got and then more,

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"and I was admiring the more when I glimpsed something

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-"in the back of this frail that made my flesh creep..."

-Ohhh.

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I know that feeling well.

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"A guy had soft-shoed out of the gaming room, quiet as a snake,

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"and I didn't need my case history of smiling Ed Montana to know

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"that sunny boy was his number one trigger man, Ricci the Filipino."

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I thought it was Little Boy Schultz who carried the rod for Mr Montana.

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It was, but remember, Montana found Schultz taking liberties

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-with that redhead.

-Yes! They took him for a ride.

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Only last night, wasn't it? I must be getting old.

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Read on, Mr Holland.

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"If ever I felt like putting up a new high

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"for the Mile of the Century,

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"this was the time.

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"And then I thought again of those 10,000 smackeroos."

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Yes...?

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Mr Holland, you're not concentrating.

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So sorry.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Evesham must be upstairs.

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REPEATED KNOCKING ON DOOR

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RINGING CONTINUES

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Good evening.

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Good evening.

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Tricky business, this moving, isn't it?

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-Can I give you a hand?

-Very civil of you. My name's Pendlebury.

-Holland.

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If you wouldn't mind taking "Motherhood"?

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Good evening, Mr Pendlebury,

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welcome to Balmoral.

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How VERY nice to see you.

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Oh... Mr Pendlebury!

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I knew you were an artistic gentleman, but really...!

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I thought... Thank you.

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I thought I made myself quite plain when I phoned, Miss Evesham.

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I'd no idea it would mean...

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There's no place to put it all.

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-What about the stable?

-I suppose so.

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Mind your toes, Miss Evesham.

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I'll be back shortly, Mrs Chalk.

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Oh, this is capital! A ready-made studio.

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A thing I've wanted all my life. It's even got a north light.

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Mr Pendlebury, just one moment...

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-My lease forbids it...

-Steady!

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-Sorry.

-It's all right. I had to cast her in gilding metal.

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-It's a little delicate.

-Mr Pendlebury...

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-I did it in my factory. You must come and see it...

-Mr Pendlebury!

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Oh, these walls... An admirable background for my canvasses.

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Mr Pendlebury!

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Let me inform you here and now that no business occupation

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may be performed on these premises.

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Dear lady, this is not my business occupation. No.

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These are my wings, my escape when the cares of the day are over.

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My business occupation is unspeakably hideous.

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I'm in the "presents from" trade.

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You know, present from Brighton, souvenir of Tunbridge Wells...

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Tourists could save themselves a lot of luggage space

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by applying to us direct for their holiday memories.

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And the irony of it is, Holland, I must design them all myself.

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I propagate British cultural depravity. Look at this!

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Anne Hathaway's cottage for keeping string in!

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Wouldn't you infinitely prefer the comparative beauty

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of an old biscuit tin?

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Southend Pier!

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I've thought for years to cut loose from it all,

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but never had the courage.

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"Of all sad words of tongue or pen,

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"the saddest of these, 'it might have been'."

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Forgive me. Come and see the casting room.

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We're busy on one of our export lines...

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Paperweights... We ship 1,000 a week to France.

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Here's a little speciality...

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MUSIC BOX PLAYS THE CAN-CAN

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Quite a simple process really.

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When the molten lead is cooled,

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it's sprayed with gold paint, then shipped to France.

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"Slave, I have set my life upon a cast."

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HE CHUCKLES

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Richard III.

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I believe it's turning into a self-portrait.

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I shall call him "The Slave".

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My dear Mr Holland, the heat has affected you...?

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No, it wasn't the heat, I'm used to that in my job.

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-Oh, really?

-Your place is very similar to the refinery.

-Really?

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We turn gold into bars, you turn lead into Eiffel Towers.

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That's the only difference.

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Ahh. If I had gold to deal with...

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-Yes...?

-Ah, an idle dream.

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-Must be a big responsibility.

-No, not really.

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If anyone DID rob our van,

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it's virtually impossible to dispose of stolen bullion...

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-in this country, at any rate.

-Yes.

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-I imagine so.

-Of course, if it could be smuggled abroad...

-What a hope!

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I wouldn't say it's out of the question.

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Say one had the means of melting the stuff down...

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In the kitchen stove? What a job.

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Of course not! It would mean taking on a partner...

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Ah. Risky, bringing other people in.

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It would be essential.

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No ONE person could rob our van unaided.

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-You mean he'd need accomplices?

-Precisely!

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A gang.

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-A gang! Not too easy to come by.

-Oh, I don't know...

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With gold selling on the black market at two-and-a-half times

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its standard price?

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Quite a few people would be willing to chance an arm for half a million.

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Yes... But how would you get your gold to the Continent?

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Well... Supposing one had the right sort of partner...

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..in the form of...shall we say...

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..Eiffel Tower paperweights.

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HE CHUCKLES

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By Jove, Holland, it's a good job we're both honest men.

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It is indeed, Pendlebury.

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Come in.

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Ah, Holland, come in and sit down.

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Well, Holland, you've been quite the subject of discussion lately.

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Don't look so worried, man.

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-I've persuaded the chief cashier to give you a leg-up.

-A leg-up, sir?

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Promotion - to Foreign Exchange.

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-No more uncomfortable journeys in that dreary van.

-But, sir!

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Ah, nonsense, don't bother to thank me. You can start next Monday.

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-But I can't, sir.

-Why not?

-Because...

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Because...

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-I'm too old to change my views now, sir.

-One's never too old!

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Think what you can do with an extra 15 shillings a week...

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But sir, I LIKE the bullion office. It holds all I ever wished for.

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Holland, frankly, you haven't enough ambition.

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When a good opportunity comes along, grab it with both hands.

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It may not occur again.

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Very good, sir.

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I'll follow your advice.

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-So it's now or never.

-This week.

-Friday's delivery.

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-Three days to go.

-And two desperadoes to find.

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-Bait.

-Bait?

0:17:180:17:21

I said bait.

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Trap 'em.

0:17:230:17:25

Mr Pendlebury.

0:17:310:17:33

Hello, Mr Pendlebury.

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Hello! What a bit of luck. Just the man I wanted to see.

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-What's the trouble?

-That safe in my office.

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Something's wrong with the lock.

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I'll send a man round tomorrow.

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I wish you would. It worries me leaving the staff wages overnight.

0:17:490:17:54

You know the address... Gewgaws Limited.

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GEWGAWS LIMITED! You know the place.

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Fancy leaving all that money there. Anybody could break in tonight...

0:18:030:18:07

Come on, number five!

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Stay there, my beauty, stay there.

0:18:090:18:12

One never knows...

0:18:340:18:35

Somebody may have been listening. We'll give them till midnight.

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-Where are those guns?

-Guns?

0:18:390:18:42

Yes. It's essential we're armed.

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-Here's yours.

-Is it loaded?

0:18:460:18:48

Yes. It's a present from Margate. It fires a stick of rock.

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The safe's in the office over there.

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You go behind that bench and surprise anyone making for the safe.

0:19:040:19:09

I'll go over here, to prevent any escape.

0:19:090:19:12

Ready?

0:19:250:19:27

CLUNKING

0:19:580:20:00

-What's that?

-Cramp!

0:20:010:20:04

-What?

-Pins and needles!

0:20:040:20:07

MUSIC BOX PLAYS

0:20:260:20:28

MUSIC STOPS

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QUICK SNIPPET OF MUSIC

0:20:370:20:39

Reach for it!

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DOG BARKS OUTSIDE

0:21:110:21:13

Don't shoot, guv. Please don't be hard on me.

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I've got a wife and six kids.

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I never done nothing like this before...

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Is that true?

0:21:240:21:26

Yes, guv. I'm on the level. I've been honest all me life.

0:21:260:21:30

It was just a temptation.

0:21:300:21:31

-This is your first crime?

-Yes, guv. I swear it.

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I'll never go wrong no more.

0:21:340:21:36

-Suppose we offered you a job?

-I'll do it! Earn an honest penny.

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Supposing it wasn't exactly an honest penny?

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Careful, now. We don't want anyone who's going straight.

0:21:430:21:46

-Anyway, we need someone far bigger.

-Such as me?

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-BOTH:

-Who are you?

-Take those things away.

0:21:530:21:54

I'm not hungry. Name of Lackery Wood.

0:21:540:21:57

Otherwise known as Sawdust Steve, The Wandsworth Boy.

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Two convictions for housebreaking, one for larceny of the person,

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total 18 months only in ten years' work.

0:22:030:22:04

Some cuttings, if you'd like to see 'em.

0:22:040:22:06

How long have you been here?

0:22:060:22:08

Just long enough to hide when I heard you come in. What's the job?

0:22:080:22:12

-Useful. Are you alone?

-Always work single-handed.

0:22:120:22:16

Sensible. Very sensible. Just the same meself.

0:22:160:22:19

Kept on me Jack Jones ever since Nobby Curtis

0:22:190:22:21

got me done for that job at Bellamy's.

0:22:210:22:23

-Bellamy's in Bromley?

-That's right. Last June.

0:22:230:22:26

I was casing that joint the night you got pinched!

0:22:260:22:29

-Whadya know! I'm Shorty Fisher.

-Nice to meet you.

-Excuse me...

0:22:290:22:32

I may be slow, but do I understand you're BOTH professional criminals?

0:22:320:22:37

-What else do you take us for?

-What's the set-up?

0:22:370:22:40

We require a team, Pendlebury,

0:22:400:22:42

and if these gentlemen insist on working alone...

0:22:420:22:45

Now wait a minute.

0:22:450:22:47

You make it worth our while, cock, we'll work with anybody.

0:22:470:22:50

Well, in that case, if you'll join us in the office,

0:22:500:22:53

my friend will outline what we have in mind.

0:22:530:22:56

I must apologise, gentlemen, for the informal introduction.

0:22:590:23:03

But my colleague and I have a certain proposition...

0:23:030:23:09

I might almost call it a gilt-edged proposition.

0:23:090:23:12

Although, paradoxically, it does entail a measure of risk.

0:23:120:23:16

However, when I quote the anticipated dividend,

0:23:160:23:20

I'm sure you'll both agree...

0:23:200:23:23

-CLUNK

-Not another one, surely!

0:23:230:23:26

Tell him we're suited.

0:23:280:23:30

Everything all right here, sir?

0:23:300:23:31

Yes, thank you, officer. My partner and I are stock-taking.

0:23:310:23:35

Only I saw the window open.

0:23:350:23:37

-I'll close it. Thank you very much. Goodnight, Officer.

-Goodnight, sir.

0:23:370:23:41

And here's the order for tomorrow's consignment.

0:23:570:24:00

Somewhat larger than I expected - 212 bars.

0:24:000:24:02

That won't worry me, sir.

0:24:020:24:04

-Dependable till the last. I'll miss you, Holland.

-You're kind, sir.

0:24:040:24:07

I'll always have happy memories of the dear old bullion office.

0:24:070:24:10

Has Mr Abercrombie spoken to you about your holiday?

0:24:100:24:13

-Yes, sir, I'm going to Paris.

-You're stepping out, Holland.

0:24:130:24:16

Wonderful what a little extra money can do.

0:24:160:24:17

Yes. It's going to make a big difference to me.

0:24:170:24:20

Have a go on your own now.

0:24:350:24:37

That's it.

0:24:370:24:39

How are you getting on?

0:24:390:24:41

You must show some sense of proportion.

0:24:450:24:48

The seagull is bigger than the funnel!

0:24:480:24:50

Can't I do summat else, guv? Sell matches or bootlaces?

0:24:500:24:55

No. Mr Holland specified a pavement artist,

0:24:550:24:58

a pavement artist it's got to be.

0:24:580:25:00

-Try again. It's coming slowly.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

0:25:000:25:03

You're teaching the wrong man.

0:25:170:25:19

I had to change them over. Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

0:25:190:25:22

CRASH

0:25:220:25:24

-He can't, either.

-We're learning him.

0:25:270:25:30

-Why couldn't you learn Shorty?

-Because Wood is colour-blind.

0:25:300:25:34

What's that got to do with it?

0:25:340:25:36

My dear Holland, do use your intelligence.

0:25:360:25:38

If a policeman were to come along and see

0:25:380:25:40

-a green sunset over a purple sea...

-All right, all right.

0:25:400:25:42

-Is everything else fixed?

-Yes. Come along, boys.

0:25:420:25:46

Mr Fisher will be sitting here.

0:25:530:25:55

The van will stop here at 4.30.

0:25:550:25:57

You, Pendlebury, will detain the guard for at least 30 seconds.

0:25:570:26:01

-Ask him for a light...anything, but keep him there.

-Edgar.

0:26:010:26:06

I beg your pardon?

0:26:060:26:08

Isn't one supposed to say that when one's being briefed?

0:26:080:26:11

-On my rare visits to the cinema...

-The word is "Roger".

0:26:110:26:14

-Ohhh, Roger.

-To continue...

0:26:140:26:16

As soon as we've captured the van,

0:26:160:26:18

-you two will proceed to the warehouse.

-A bit risky, that,

0:26:180:26:22

-after the guards seeing him?

-It's a risk we must take.

0:26:220:26:26

We need everyone. We've more than 200 bars to move,

0:26:260:26:29

and I must have my alibi.

0:26:290:26:31

You'll gag me, bind me, tear my clothes...

0:26:310:26:34

-We can't waste one second.

-OK, you're the boss.

-Yes.

0:26:340:26:39

Yes, that's right. I am.

0:26:420:26:45

211...212.

0:26:480:26:52

Mr Richards, your deposit will be returned in the usual way,

0:26:530:26:57

as soon as the gold enters the bank.

0:26:570:27:01

You're both...

0:27:010:27:03

Oi!

0:28:340:28:35

Oi!

0:28:370:28:38

-No, you don't!

-Don't what?

-I saw you pinch it.

0:28:380:28:43

Good gracious! Whatever must you think of me?

0:28:430:28:45

I think you pinched my Monarch of the Glen last week, that's what I think.

0:28:450:28:48

-No, no. Pinch a Landseer, me?

-You'd better come quiet.

0:28:480:28:52

-No, no, I can explain.

-Charlie, get on the blower. Nine, nine, nine.

0:28:520:28:56

-No, no, no.

-Come along with me.

0:28:560:28:59

He's picked a wrong 'un, this time.

0:29:190:29:21

No, no, no! It's all a ghastly mistake, officer.

0:29:210:29:24

I'm completely innocent.

0:29:240:29:26

-Did you see that car?

-Yes, sir. A police car.

0:29:300:29:33

Nothing to be afraid of.

0:29:330:29:35

I'm sure it's the same car that followed us the other day.

0:29:350:29:38

-You want me to look around the corner?

-Yes.

0:29:380:29:41

CROWD CHATTERS

0:30:020:30:03

You're mistaken.

0:30:030:30:05

You've got a flat tyre there, mate.

0:30:120:30:14

Help! Help!

0:30:260:30:28

GUNSHOT

0:30:280:30:30

Help! Police!

0:30:330:30:35

-The van! They've pinched the van!

-What's this?

0:30:350:30:39

Hey! Stop, thief!

0:30:420:30:45

Stop, thief.

0:30:460:30:48

Hello, M2TW from 14.

0:30:530:30:55

Urgent me... Urgent message begins.

0:30:550:30:58

Maroon-coloured van, LKL238

0:30:580:31:01

containing bullion value £1,000,000.

0:31:010:31:05

Believed stolen in the vicinity of Queen Victoria Street.

0:31:050:31:08

Hello, all cars from M2GW. Message number 48 begins.

0:31:130:31:17

Maroon-coloured van, LKL638,

0:31:170:31:20

containing bullion, value £1,000,000.

0:31:200:31:23

Stolen from the vicinity of Queen Victoria Street.

0:31:230:31:26

-Gawd, what a weight.

-The others will be here soon.

0:31:460:31:49

TYRES SCREECH

0:31:510:31:52

Oi! Shorty! They've got Mr Pendlebury.

0:31:590:32:04

-Who has?

-The cops, of course.

0:32:040:32:06

-I saw a crowd. There's two cops holding him.

-Will he grass?

0:32:060:32:10

Will he squeal? Will he split?

0:32:100:32:14

-No.

-Then it don't matter. We can deliver the stuff as arranged.

0:32:140:32:17

Right. We don't need him. Come on.

0:32:170:32:19

Sgt Wilson, you search the east end of the street.

0:32:310:32:35

Sgt Cripps, you take the west end.

0:32:350:32:38

Rose, you'd better come with me, I think

0:32:380:32:40

we'll have a look at those warehouses.

0:32:400:32:43

That's all right. Leave the rest.

0:32:430:32:46

-Blimey, guvnor, why?!

-My alibi.

0:32:460:32:48

-There's 75,000 quid in there.

-I said leave it.

0:32:480:32:52

A ruddy waste!

0:32:550:32:57

There's many a starving bloke be glad of that lot.

0:32:570:33:00

-Come on, now. Fix me up.

-No... Behind you.

0:33:000:33:04

-Left-hand pocket.

-Stand still.

0:33:060:33:09

SNAP

0:33:090:33:10

What's that?

0:33:100:33:12

You turn. It's easier.

0:33:200:33:22

All right... OK.

0:33:240:33:25

Hey! Look!

0:33:340:33:36

Hey...

0:33:390:33:40

Come on... Scram!

0:33:420:33:44

Wait, wait! Mess me up.

0:33:440:33:46

Mr Fisher... Mr Wood... Mess me up! It's essential!

0:33:460:33:52

Hey...? Wait! Wait! You can't leave me like this.

0:33:540:34:00

Wait! Wait!

0:34:030:34:05

Help!

0:35:030:35:04

Help!

0:35:100:35:11

Can you see from down there?

0:35:190:35:21

Help!

0:35:250:35:26

Inspector Talbot! Sir!

0:35:280:35:30

MUFFLED GROANS

0:35:300:35:31

Fight going on over there!

0:35:310:35:33

It was purely an oversight, officer. I had something on my mind.

0:35:510:35:54

Three pictures in a week stolen!

0:35:540:35:56

You can't accuse him of taking those others too.

0:35:560:35:59

I should think not! I'm no thief.

0:35:590:36:01

My character's an open book.

0:36:010:36:04

Well?

0:36:250:36:27

Well, you might as well know I was lying. I AM a thief.

0:36:310:36:36

It was madness to attempt it.

0:36:370:36:39

We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.

0:36:390:36:41

-We?

-My partner and I.

0:36:410:36:44

-Partner...? Working with a fence...

-Shhh. Carry on.

0:36:440:36:49

I make no excuses.

0:36:490:36:50

All my life I've wanted to surround myself with beautiful things.

0:36:500:36:55

Suddenly faced with this golden opportunity...

0:36:550:36:57

'Ere, you call my picture rare and beautiful?

0:36:570:37:01

Since you will keep on interrupting me,

0:37:020:37:05

you ought to know it's a charming example of an early Rochet,

0:37:050:37:08

while he was influenced by Corot.

0:37:080:37:11

-How much is it worth?

-Ten pounds, to those who can afford it.

0:37:110:37:16

Blimey...! I've got it marked up for five bob.

0:37:160:37:21

-What about this charge?

-Let him go.

0:37:210:37:23

I've got to get back before they sell that picture.

0:37:230:37:26

Your lucky day, it seems.

0:37:260:37:28

All right, case dismissed.

0:37:280:37:31

Off you go.

0:37:310:37:33

Yes... About five minutes ago. Yes, sir. We've got him all right.

0:37:370:37:41

He's giving us a statement. Yes, he's told us a lot already.

0:37:410:37:46

Go on. Hop it.

0:37:460:37:48

Yes. You can depend on that, sir.

0:37:590:38:03

We'll get all we can out of him.

0:38:030:38:06

I see... Yes, he stood it pretty well.

0:38:060:38:10

We'll look after him. We're fixing him up with dry clothes now.

0:38:100:38:15

I agree, sir. We're up against some very tough customers.

0:38:150:38:20

'Ere, what are you doing?

0:38:270:38:28

-They'll have to put a new floor in.

-He'll be able to afford it.

0:38:280:38:32

-Save your breath, get on with the job.

-You make me sick.

0:38:320:38:34

-What's happening?

-Here, I thought you was pinched.

0:38:380:38:42

No, it's Holland they've got.

0:38:420:38:43

-Holland?

-He's in the police station, under arrest.

-You sure of that?

0:38:430:38:48

Of course I'm sure!

0:38:480:38:50

He was dripping wet, there were two policemen holding him.

0:38:500:38:52

They must have seen everything. We gotta blow!

0:38:520:38:54

Wait a minute! Can they connect you with him?

0:38:540:38:57

-I don't know. We live in the same house but...

-What?

0:38:570:39:00

The map showing the warehouse! Holland took it home with him.

0:39:000:39:04

-Now we ARE done for.

-No, we're not. You finish the job.

0:39:040:39:07

-Come on.

-Where to?

0:39:070:39:09

Your place...if they ain't searched his room yet.

0:39:090:39:12

Too late. Helmet's in the hall.

0:39:260:39:28

-You go in. Might be someone I know.

-But they're there already.

0:39:280:39:31

They maybe haven't found it yet. Go on. Get weaving.

0:39:310:39:36

You must have some suspicion.

0:39:390:39:42

Who works the heist rackets in this territory?

0:39:420:39:46

-Pardon, lady?

-I can't be much plainer.

0:39:460:39:48

Which hoodlums around here specialise in toby jobs?

0:39:480:39:51

-Holland!

-Pendlebury!

0:40:080:40:11

Determination, pluck and fortitude worthy of the highest praise.

0:40:430:40:47

Come along now. We mustn't keep them waiting.

0:40:470:40:50

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:41:390:41:42

Star, News or Standard!

0:41:440:41:46

Now!

0:42:140:42:16

-Pretty, isn't it, eh?

-I could watch it all night.

0:42:240:42:27

It's thruppence an ounce up again today.

0:42:270:42:30

"Gold is the sovereign of all sovereigns." Proverb.

0:42:300:42:33

Holland... Holland...

0:42:350:42:38

These crates are filled with the lead towers.

0:42:410:42:43

Mustn't be touched.

0:42:430:42:45

This "R" stands for reserve stock.

0:42:470:42:50

These crates will remain in our Paris warehouse.

0:42:500:42:53

I've sent instructions to the lady there - she's never to

0:42:530:42:56

use anything from a crate marked "R".

0:42:560:42:59

-So these are the ones I work on.

-Exactly.

0:42:590:43:01

-Get rid of the contents and refill with...

-How long will it take?

0:43:010:43:06

-Oh, about two weeks here...

-A week in Paris to find our market,

0:43:060:43:09

then three months back here,

0:43:090:43:11

that will take us to the end of the year.

0:43:110:43:14

An excellent time for me to retire.

0:43:140:43:16

-You're not going back to the bank?!

-Certainly, I am.

0:43:160:43:20

It would look suspicious if I gave up my job immediately.

0:43:200:43:24

"Patience is a virtue..." Shakespeare.

0:43:240:43:27

Our first-born.

0:43:370:43:39

Oh, yes, that's the man you describe in your statement

0:43:450:43:49

as having a snake tattooed on his wrist.

0:43:490:43:51

Yes, and I should mention that one had a distinct foreign accent.

0:43:510:43:56

Come on, China. Get weaving!

0:43:560:43:58

RADIO ANNOUNCER: 'Helping Scotland Yard in the hunt for the criminals

0:44:090:44:13

'is the bank clerk hero, plucky little Holland.

0:44:130:44:16

'There is no doubt this robbery is the work of a mastermind.'

0:44:160:44:19

'The police are leaving no stone unturned in their nationwide search.

0:44:260:44:31

'Every clue is being investigated,

0:44:310:44:33

'however small and unimportant it may appear on the surface.

0:44:330:44:36

'The Yard are confident of ultimate success,

0:44:360:44:39

'because anyone who traffics in stolen gold

0:44:390:44:41

'will find it's too hot to handle.

0:44:410:44:43

'Scientific research reinforces the man on the beat.

0:44:510:44:53

'All the big guns are on the side of the law.

0:44:530:44:56

'Link by link, a chain of cast-iron evidence is forged.

0:44:560:44:59

'Men who might be able to help the police with their enquiries

0:45:070:45:09

'are being sought in all likely hideouts.

0:45:090:45:12

'It is expected a charge will be made within 24 hours.

0:45:120:45:15

'Meanwhile, the Yard chiefs continue

0:45:150:45:17

'to work in calm and imperturbable harmony.

0:45:170:45:20

'A spirit of complete confidence prevails.'

0:45:200:45:24

The gold has NOT left the country.

0:45:240:45:26

I hope you're right. If it has,

0:45:260:45:28

we'll never see one grain of it again.

0:45:280:45:30

The ports are being watched thoroughly,

0:45:300:45:32

we're counting the matchsticks.

0:45:320:45:35

-Souvenir models - Eiffel Tower in lead.

-OK. As usual.

0:45:350:45:40

In view of rising public anxiety,

0:45:400:45:42

can he assure the House that this gold is not lost to the nation?

0:45:420:45:47

Yes, sir, I think I may give that assurance.

0:45:470:45:50

Measures have been taken which render it impossible

0:45:500:45:53

for any substantial quantity of gold to be removed from this country.

0:45:530:45:57

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

0:45:570:45:59

-Ca va?

-C'est bon.

0:46:000:46:03

# This time tomorrow, where shall I be?

0:46:060:46:10

# Not in this old found-er-y. #

0:46:100:46:13

Now it's all over, I may dare say it's been a most remarkable coup.

0:46:160:46:20

Biggest job of its kind since One-Eyed Dobson

0:46:200:46:22

got away with the GIs' pay packets. Got away with 2 million.

0:46:220:46:25

That was before devaluation.

0:46:250:46:27

This is one million POUNDS.

0:46:270:46:29

Right! Blimey! We got the record.

0:46:290:46:33

Is that you, Lackery?

0:46:360:46:38

-What's the matter?

-Trouble.

0:46:450:46:48

Nothing serious, I hope.

0:46:480:46:49

-I can't go.

-Why not?

-The missus won't let me.

0:46:490:46:53

Can't you say it's in connection with an important business deal?

0:46:560:46:59

She won't wear it.

0:46:590:47:00

Birmingham, Glasgow or Manchester, Bob's your bloomin' uncle.

0:47:000:47:03

-Paris is out!

-You know we can't pay you till we get to Paris.

0:47:030:47:07

I'll settle for six of these. I know a safe fence.

0:47:070:47:10

-Out of the question!

-Are you mad?

-Leaving vital evidence here?!

0:47:100:47:14

If anything went wrong, the police would be onto us in no time.

0:47:140:47:16

No, you can't ask a thing like that, mate.

0:47:160:47:19

-I'm sorry, guv. I wasn't thinking. I'm a little upset.

-Here!

0:47:210:47:25

Tell you what. I didn't like to say,

0:47:250:47:28

-but I don't really fancy going to Paris meself.

-Why?

0:47:280:47:32

A friend of mine's got a couple of tickets for the test match.

0:47:320:47:35

I'd like to see that.

0:47:350:47:37

You're both coming back here once you've flogged the stuff, ain't ya?

0:47:370:47:40

OK. Just smuggle our money over inside your socks.

0:47:400:47:43

-I'll lend you a false bottom bag.

-You mean you both trust us?

0:47:430:47:48

Oh, come off it, guv. You're as straight a pair of gentlemen

0:47:480:47:50

-as I ever worked for.

-Hear, hear.

0:47:500:47:54

-Well, that seems an excellent solution.

-Thank you, boys.

0:47:540:47:57

Just let me nail this down... I've got a little surprise for you.

0:48:000:48:04

# For auld lang syne, my dear, For auld lang syne...

0:48:120:48:19

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

0:48:190:48:23

# For the sake of auld lang syne. #

0:48:230:48:27

LAUGHTER

0:48:270:48:28

THEY GIGGLE

0:48:320:48:34

Work it up to me.

0:48:340:48:36

Shhh.

0:48:380:48:39

You naughty men. Waking us all up at this hour.

0:48:430:48:47

A thousand pardons.

0:48:470:48:50

Wipe your feet.

0:48:500:48:52

-A little celebration.

-Already?

0:48:550:48:58

Your holidays don't start till tomorrow.

0:48:580:49:01

Today IS tomorrow.

0:49:010:49:02

"Oh, polished perturbation!

0:49:020:49:04

-Shh!

-"Golden care! That keep'st the ports of slumber open wide".

0:49:040:49:08

Henry IV, Part II.

0:49:080:49:11

Goodnight, you naughty men. Don't forget to switch off.

0:49:110:49:16

Goodnight, Miss Evesham.

0:49:160:49:17

-Pendlebury?

-Yes?

0:49:240:49:26

THEY GIGGLE

0:49:280:49:30

-Pendlebury.

-What?

0:49:320:49:35

May I call you Alfred?

0:49:350:49:36

Alfred?

0:49:360:49:38

Call me Al. And I'll call you...

0:49:380:49:41

Henry, isn't it?

0:49:410:49:43

-A name I never cared for.

-No?

0:49:430:49:46

-Call me Dutch.

-Dutch!

0:49:490:49:52

Yes.

0:49:520:49:53

Goodnight, Dutch.

0:49:550:49:58

Night-night, Al.

0:49:580:50:00

Ah! Gay, sprightly land of mirth and social ease.

0:50:150:50:19

Holland, the world is ours.

0:51:020:51:05

SCHOOLGIRLS CHATTER

0:51:060:51:08

Un souvenir de Paris avant de partir, no?

0:51:170:51:20

-Ah, madame...

-Bonjour, Mr Pendlebury.

0:51:200:51:25

-My friend, Mr Holland.

-Monsieur.

-How do you do?

-Enchante.

0:51:250:51:29

How did that get here?

0:51:330:51:36

I told you never to use a crate marked "R".

0:51:360:51:40

But that is not an "aah".

0:51:400:51:42

It is an "air".

0:51:420:51:43

-It's an R in English!

-How many have you sold from that case?

0:51:430:51:46

Six - to the little English girls.

0:51:460:51:49

Don't sell any more! I'll be back.

0:51:490:51:52

Stop! Stop! Wait!

0:51:550:51:59

Come on.

0:51:590:52:02

Wait! Wait!

0:52:210:52:25

Wait, Dutch, wait! What do we care? We've still got all the others.

0:52:250:52:30

We mustn't let them get back to England. We'll be traced.

0:52:300:52:32

Who will know they're gold?

0:52:320:52:34

We can't take any chances.

0:52:340:52:35

SCHOOLGIRLS LAUGH

0:52:350:52:37

Dutch! Wait!

0:52:390:52:40

Dutch! Wait for me.

0:52:450:52:47

There's nothing to laugh at.

0:53:230:53:26

HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER

0:53:310:53:34

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

0:53:450:53:47

SCHOOLGIRLS GIGGLE

0:53:510:53:54

Stop! Wait!

0:53:570:53:59

-Taxi!

-Hey!

0:54:020:54:03

Suivez, suivez!

0:54:050:54:07

Billets, s'il vous plait, messieurs. C'est defendu de passer par ici.

0:54:210:54:24

-Calais.

-Vous etes trop tard. C'est deja parti.

0:54:240:54:27

It's no good. Get the rest out of the warehouse and disappear

0:54:270:54:31

-with them.

-Disappear? With the police looking for us? To Calais.

0:54:310:54:35

-The warehouse.

-Calais!

0:54:350:54:36

Face the facts, man. You'll have to change your plan.

0:54:360:54:40

Rubbish! It's a perfect plan.

0:54:400:54:41

What's the French for "faster"?

0:54:410:54:44

-I'm not telling you.

-Do you want to be a hunted man all your life?

0:54:440:54:48

Good time in France? You all enjoy yourselves?

0:55:040:55:08

There they are!

0:55:080:55:10

-Vos billets, messieurs.

-No, no. Pas voyageurs!

0:55:140:55:17

Vous ne pouvez pas monter sans billets, messieurs.

0:55:170:55:20

-See some friends.

-Achetez vos billets, messieurs.

0:55:200:55:22

No, no. No point. Huh, tickets!

0:55:220:55:25

-Les billets...

-Alors, c'est par la, monsieur.

-Non... La. Les billets.

0:55:280:55:33

-Je vous en prie. C'est par la qu'il faut vous aller.

-Ohh...

0:55:330:55:36

-We'll never do it.

-We must! In here!

0:55:380:55:41

-Dover.

-Deux, deux. Oui.

0:55:410:55:44

Vite, s'il vous plait.

0:55:440:55:46

SHIP HORN TOOTS

0:55:460:55:48

MAN SHOUTS IN FRENCH

0:55:500:55:52

-Passeports, monsieur.

-The tickets.

-No... Passport. Argh!

0:55:520:55:57

-Passports!

-What?

-Passports!

0:55:570:56:01

Thank you.

0:56:090:56:11

-Al...

-I thought I had it.

0:56:150:56:16

Got it!

0:56:240:56:26

Vite, vite! S'il vous plait.

0:56:340:56:37

Depechez. Je vous en prie!

0:56:370:56:39

-Voila.

-Merci.

-Got it?

0:56:490:56:53

-Oh, Pendlebury...!

-I'm sorry I couldn't find it.

0:56:530:56:56

La douane, s'il vous plait.

0:56:560:56:58

-Hey!

-We've bought nothing. Absolutely nothing.

0:56:580:57:04

-Des cigarettes?

-No, no.

-Tissues?

-No.

-Eh, bijoux?

-No, no.

0:57:040:57:10

-Cognac?

-No, no.

-No!

0:57:100:57:12

Ouvrez.

0:57:120:57:15

-No!

-Here, open...

0:57:150:57:17

-It's pyjamas.

-SHIP'S HORN

0:57:200:57:22

-Oh-oh...

-Hey!

0:57:240:57:27

-L'argent.

-Oh, sadist torturers!

0:57:350:57:38

-No foreign currency? How much?

-There! Count it!

0:57:380:57:43

Goodbye! Goodbye!

0:57:480:57:51

DOORBELL RINGS

0:58:210:58:23

-Yes?

-I'd like to see Mr Holland.

-Mr Holland's in Paris.

0:58:300:58:33

-Paris?

-He's on holiday.

-Have you his address?

-No, I'm sorry.

0:58:330:58:40

He didn't know where he'd be staying.

0:58:400:58:42

-I see. All right. Thank you.

-Pleased to be of help.

0:58:420:58:44

Why, Mr Holland! What IS the meaning of this?

0:58:510:58:55

Transport strike in Paris. Made things too difficult.

0:58:550:58:59

And Mr Pendlebury?

0:58:590:59:00

He's flying back tomorrow. He had some business to see to.

0:59:000:59:02

-You have dined, I hope?

-Afraid not.

0:59:020:59:05

Good evening.

0:59:070:59:08

-Good evening, Inspector.

-Bad luck about your holiday.

-Yes.

0:59:100:59:14

You should have told us you were going abroad, you know.

0:59:140:59:17

You're our most important witness.

0:59:170:59:18

I'm so sorry. Anything I can do?

0:59:180:59:20

Four vans were seen near the warehouse

0:59:200:59:22

at the time of the robbery.

0:59:220:59:23

It's just possible you may have glimpsed one.

0:59:230:59:27

A blue van with "Loveday and Bone" on the side?

0:59:270:59:31

It all happened so quickly. It never gave me a chance.

0:59:310:59:33

Something might register.

0:59:330:59:35

-A white van, the Blackheath Spotless Laundry?

-No, sorry.

0:59:350:59:38

Another blue one. The Springsong Mattress Company?

0:59:380:59:41

No, as I told you...

0:59:410:59:42

Or a green van, "Gewgaws Limited"? Does that ring a bell?

0:59:420:59:47

It was definitely none of them.

0:59:490:59:51

You can't be sure if you didn't see it, can you?

0:59:510:59:53

-Silly of me.

-All right, Mr Holland.

0:59:530:59:55

-You'll be available if we want you again? Goodnight.

-Goodnight.

0:59:550:59:59

John, how lovely to see you.

1:00:161:00:19

Dutch! Nice of you to come and meet me.

1:00:231:00:26

-I took the crates to the warehouse and...

-You're looking well.

1:00:261:00:29

(Say nothing. Just smile.)

1:00:291:00:30

-What?

-Nothing like a change, I say.

1:00:301:00:32

-(Smile now. The police may be watching.)

-The police?

1:00:321:00:36

They suspect your van was involved.

1:00:361:00:39

Ooh, I told you it was madness to come back!

1:00:391:00:41

Good thing we did. This makes it

1:00:411:00:43

all the more important we get hold of those towers.

1:00:431:00:45

I was a fool to let you persuade me.

1:00:451:00:47

You're acting like a fool now. Suspicions aren't evidence,

1:00:471:00:49

and once we get those out of their reach...

1:00:491:00:51

We've got to get ourselves out of their reach!

1:00:511:00:54

-I'm going after those towers.

-I'm going back to Paris.

-Very well.

1:00:541:00:58

But remember, if I fail, you're for it too.

1:00:581:01:01

Did you trace those girls?

1:01:071:01:09

Yes. St Christopher's School, Hendon. Come on.

1:01:091:01:13

# Harrow may be more clever

1:01:131:01:15

# Rugby may make more row

1:01:151:01:18

# But we will row, row for ever,

1:01:181:01:21

# Steady from stroke to bow...

1:01:211:01:24

# And nothing in life shall sever

1:01:241:01:28

The chain that is round us now

1:01:281:01:31

# And nothing in life shall sever

1:01:311:01:35

# The chain that is round us now

1:01:351:01:38

# 20 years hence this weather

1:01:381:01:40

# Will tempt us from office stools

1:01:401:01:44

# We may be slow on the feather... #

1:01:441:01:47

Sit down, girls.

1:01:471:01:50

These gentlemen are from the firm that makes the Eiffel Tower models

1:01:501:01:54

that some of you bought in Paris.

1:01:541:01:56

It appears that you were sold by mistake a new experimental type,

1:01:561:02:02

which they are anxious to have back.

1:02:021:02:04

They will exchange them for others equally good. Also -

1:02:041:02:07

and I consider this most generous -

1:02:071:02:09

they will give ten shillings to each girl who helps them.

1:02:091:02:14

EXCITED MURMURS

1:02:141:02:16

There we are. One for you. And there's yours.

1:02:301:02:35

Thank you. Very good.

1:02:351:02:37

One, two, three, four, five...

1:02:371:02:39

Only five. Who bought the sixth one?

1:02:391:02:43

Who bought the sixth?

1:02:451:02:47

June Edwards bought one.

1:02:481:02:50

You have one too, do you, dear? Where is it, June? In here?

1:02:501:02:54

Ah, here it is. June, dear,

1:02:541:02:56

wouldn't you like to have ten shillings

1:02:561:02:59

and another one just as nice?

1:02:591:03:01

Come, think of the sweets you could buy with this.

1:03:011:03:04

There we are. Just as pretty, eh?

1:03:041:03:08

June, look at them together and you'll see.

1:03:081:03:11

There's no difference, is there?

1:03:131:03:15

Tell us, what's the difference?

1:03:151:03:18

That one's mine.

1:03:181:03:20

Well, I'm sorry. I can't force the child. Does it really matter?

1:03:221:03:25

-Indeed! Were it to fall into the hands of...

-A business rival.

1:03:251:03:29

-Yes.

-But that won't happen.

1:03:291:03:31

Well, we've kept you too long as it is. Thank you very much.

1:03:311:03:34

But, but...

1:03:341:03:36

It's interesting.

1:03:451:03:46

I bought a pyramid in Cairo during the war. Was that made here?

1:03:461:03:51

-Expect so. We send stuff all over.

-Just finished, sir.

1:03:511:03:54

You don't keep a record of where the van goes?

1:03:541:03:56

No. Anyone takes the bloomin' thing when they feel like it.

1:03:561:03:59

Away for a week just recently, it was.

1:03:591:04:01

You've no recollection of that particular afternoon?

1:04:011:04:04

Well, I've an idea it was the boss, Mr Pendlebury.

1:04:041:04:08

-Mr Pendlebury.

-I'm not sure. I can't ask him. He's away - in Paris.

1:04:081:04:13

In Paris? Oh, well. Thanks. All right.

1:04:131:04:16

-But, Dutch! Robbing a child!

-It'll simply be a swap.

1:04:221:04:27

If only you had let me talk to that woman.

1:04:271:04:30

She was getting suspicious as it was.

1:04:301:04:32

Look.

1:04:321:04:34

Isn't George here today?

1:04:571:04:59

I'm taking his place today. Your boyfriend's on duty in there.

1:04:591:05:03

Exhibition straight ahead, sir.

1:05:311:05:33

Straight ahead for the exhibition, sir.

1:05:501:05:53

OVER PA SYSTEM: 'On the steering wheel of a car stolen last night in Piccadilly

1:06:021:06:06

' and abandoned two hours later near Croydon.

1:06:061:06:08

'In the West Gallery,

1:06:101:06:11

'you will find a display from the Criminal Records Office

1:06:111:06:15

'containing the dossier,

1:06:151:06:16

'for example, of a man now serving a sentence for housebreaking.

1:06:161:06:20

'It contains all his known aliases and nicknames,

1:06:201:06:24

'and those of his relatives and friends.'

1:06:241:06:28

'Next door, a finger-print expert is ready to take the prints...'

1:06:281:06:31

-Hello.

-Hello.

1:06:311:06:33

Where have you been?

1:06:331:06:35

I've been to Paris, and I brought this back for you.

1:06:351:06:38

I say, that is nice. What a beautiful present.

1:06:381:06:41

It's a paperweight. Put it on those papers.

1:06:411:06:44

-Thank you very much indeed. Cheerio.

-Goodbye.

1:06:441:06:46

-Now what do we do?

-Tell him the same story.

1:06:461:06:50

-Excuse me.

-One moment, sir.

1:06:501:06:53

OVER PA SYSTEM: 'The next item is a demonstration of

1:06:531:06:55

'police scientists working on the recent big gold robbery.

1:06:551:06:59

'The ID officers have taken samples of dust from four different vans...'

1:06:591:07:04

Take your fingerprints, sir?

1:07:041:07:05

OVER PA SYSTEM: 'We are testing those samples for gold content.'

1:07:051:07:09

-You had the van repaired?

-Yes. Completely new floor.

1:07:091:07:12

OVER PA SYSTEM: 'The dust is being placed in nitric acid,

1:07:121:07:16

'which will dissolve any metal, except gold.'

1:07:161:07:19

That's funny. I've just been at the factory where they make these.

1:07:191:07:22

Pretty, isn't it? My little girlfriend brought it from Paris.

1:07:221:07:25

Paris.

1:07:251:07:26

Try this!

1:07:281:07:29

-Let's get out of here.

-No! The evidence!

1:07:291:07:33

-Run!

-Stop those men!

1:07:421:07:44

POLICE WHISTLES PEEP

1:07:441:07:46

Stop those men!

1:07:581:07:59

Stop that woman!

1:07:591:08:02

-There they are!

-Stop that woman!

1:08:021:08:06

Stop 'em, Charlie!

1:08:061:08:07

Stop him, Charlie!

1:08:111:08:12

WHISTLES CONTINUE

1:08:121:08:14

-Stop them!

-Stop the men!

1:08:161:08:19

Which way did they go?

1:08:191:08:20

OVER PA SYSTEM: 'Attention, everyone, please.

1:08:201:08:23

'Two dangerous men are at large in this building.

1:08:281:08:31

'Please keep the gangways clear. Keep calm and avoid crowding.

1:08:331:08:40

'Don't panic.

1:08:401:08:42

'Attention, everyone.

1:08:501:08:51

'The men are now believed to be in the East Gallery.'

1:08:511:08:54

Cut them off that way!

1:08:541:08:56

'Help the police by leaving the gangways clear. Keep calm.

1:09:001:09:04

'Avoid crowding. Don't panic.

1:09:041:09:06

'The public can assist the police

1:09:101:09:12

'by keeping the gangways clear.

1:09:121:09:13

'Now keep calm, do not panic.

1:09:131:09:17

'Keep calm. Avoid crowding.

1:09:281:09:31

'Don't panic. Don't panic!'

1:09:311:09:33

HUBBUB INSIDE

1:09:391:09:41

I-I can't drive.

1:09:461:09:48

Hello. M2GW from HPC. Urgent message begins.

1:10:001:10:04

'Vicinity - police college. Two men wanted for questionning'

1:10:041:10:08

in connection with theft of bullion.

1:10:081:10:11

Hello, all cars, from M2GW.

1:10:251:10:27

'Two men wanted in connection with bullion theft.'

1:10:271:10:29

'Last seen escaping from police college on foot,

1:10:351:10:37

'but may have stolen car.'

1:10:371:10:38

Let's put them on a false scent. What's our number? It must be U3.

1:10:401:10:43

TYRES SCREECH

1:10:431:10:45

-Put them onto that one.

-Hello... MG2W from U3.

1:10:451:10:49

Men answering your description

1:10:491:10:51

reported to have stolen grey Vauxhall DLH436. Over.

1:10:511:10:54

Hello U3. Message received. Over.

1:10:571:11:01

'Hello, all cars, from M2GW...'

1:11:011:11:03

-Must be somewhere ahead.

-Why isn't U3 chasing them?

1:11:081:11:11

There they are!

1:11:111:11:13

Yes, it was a police car all right.

1:11:161:11:19

But the driver was wearing a top hat.

1:11:191:11:21

No, it was a top hat.

1:11:361:11:39

Peculiar individual wearing top hat seen driving car JYN888, sir.

1:11:391:11:45

That's U4's number.

1:11:471:11:49

They must have stolen that.

1:11:491:11:51

'Hello, M2GW, from U4.

1:11:511:11:54

'Have apprehended two men in clerical attire.'

1:11:541:11:56

Switch it off. That proves it. They're giving us false description.

1:11:561:11:59

-Call to all cars. U4's been stolen.

-Hello, all cars, from M2GW.

1:11:591:12:03

'Men wanted in connection of theft of stolen police car U4.

1:12:031:12:07

'The number of this car is JYN 888. Over.'

1:12:071:12:11

You said this car was U3.

1:12:111:12:13

-That's right. They've gotten mixed up.

-They're on to us!

-Where?

1:12:131:12:18

Step on it.

1:12:211:12:22

TMG 928. That's not the one, then.

1:12:271:12:30

They've turned off. Hello, M2GW from U3...

1:12:341:12:38

Am in pursuit of stolen police car, west along Portobello Road. Over.

1:12:381:12:42

Let them sort that one out.

1:12:441:12:47

Hello, U3, from M2GW. Message received. Over.

1:12:471:12:51

Tell U5 and U6 to cut them off at Junction Road.

1:12:511:12:55

Hello, U5...

1:12:551:12:56

'Stolen police car proceeding west along Portobello Road.

1:12:561:12:59

'Intercept at Junction Road. Over.'

1:12:591:13:01

'Hello, U6. Stolen police car on Portobello Road.

1:13:031:13:08

'Intercept at Junction Road. Over.'

1:13:081:13:10

Am proceeding east to Junction Road.

1:13:141:13:17

Am proceeding west to Junction Road.

1:13:171:13:20

Bring in everything we've got.

1:13:201:13:22

Proceeding north to Junction Road.

1:13:251:13:28

Proceeding south to Junction Road.

1:13:281:13:30

CAR RADIO: # Old Macdonald had a farm, ee-ey-ee-ey-oh...

1:13:391:13:43

# With a quack-quack here, a quack-quack there...

1:13:511:13:53

SONG CONTINUES OVER POLICE FREQUENCY

1:13:531:13:56

# Old Macdonald had a farm, ee-ey-ee-ey-oh

1:13:561:13:58

# And on this farm he had some sheep, ee-ey-ee-ey-oh

1:13:581:14:03

# With a baa-baa here, a baa-baa there...

1:14:031:14:05

# Old Macdonald had a farm, ee-ey-ee-ey-oh. #

1:14:071:14:11

Would you mind giving me a lift to the police box, sir?

1:14:141:14:17

-They're flashing for me.

-Of course.

1:14:171:14:18

HE JOINS IN: # Old Macdonald had a farm, ee-ey-ee-ey-oh

1:14:201:14:23

# And on that farm he had some pigs... #

1:14:231:14:25

Nice to have a bit of music when you're driving, sir, isn't it?

1:14:251:14:28

HE MIMICS PIG SNORTING

1:14:281:14:29

# With a honk-honk here, a honk-honk there...

1:14:291:14:31

# Old Macdonald had a farm, ee-ey-ee-ey-oh... #

1:14:311:14:34

We sing that in our choir, down at the station. Thank you, sir.

1:14:341:14:39

'All cars from M2GW...'

1:14:391:14:40

-'Stolen police car...'

-Drive on!

1:14:421:14:44

Quick, Al - out!

1:14:481:14:49

Dutch, Dutch!

1:14:511:14:53

Run, Dutch, run!

1:14:531:14:55

POLICE WHISTLE

1:14:551:14:58

Stop! Stop him!

1:14:581:15:01

Instead of changing as usual at Charing Cross,

1:15:291:15:31

I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro.

1:15:311:15:34

"Gay, sprightly land of mirth and social ease." Pendlebury.

1:15:341:15:37

Plus six Eiffel Towers. How much did they fetch?

1:15:371:15:41

£25,000. Enough to keep me for a year in the style

1:15:411:15:46

to which I was, uh, unaccustomed.

1:15:461:15:48

Hello there. By Jove, that was a party you gave the other evening.

1:15:481:15:51

Wish we'd give a few like it at the Embassy, what?

1:15:511:15:53

Your Excellency is very kind.

1:15:531:15:54

Done a lot for our prestige here. Worth a battleship. Jolly good show.

1:15:541:15:59

-Ready?

-Ready.

1:16:051:16:08

One of the most famous of the 1950s Ealing comedies. An unassuming bank clerk, in charge of gold bullion deliveries for almost 20 years, hatches a plot to steal a consignment.

His plan comes to fruition when a lodger who owns a small foundry making Eiffel Tower paperweights arrives at his digs.