A Child's Christmases in Wales


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A Child's Christmases in Wales

One-off period comedy, peeping into the lives of a South Wales family's Christmases across the 1980s, written by comedian Mark Watson and inspired by a Dylan Thomas short story.


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# Silent Night

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# Holy Night

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# All is calm

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# All is bright... #

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# Silent Night

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# Holy Night... #

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'Christmas 1983 was much the same as every other year round our way,

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'with the oh so sweet voices of the Cadwallader boys and the imminent arrival of my father's family.

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'You could never be sure my uncles would be on time. In fact, they rarely were.

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'Uncle Huw was usually detained because he had had an argument with another driver,

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'and Uncle Gorwel, well, he didn't have a car, or a bike.

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'In fact, we were never absolutely confident he'd still have the use of both his legs.

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'They were due at our house by 3.30, but my mother began getting the place ready well before that,

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'and by "well before that", I mean September.'

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Alphabetical order.

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Cream, then lilac.

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'These days, they call this kind of thing obsessive compulsive disorder.'

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Who's been using the sink?

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'At that time, it was known as housekeeping.

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What's it going to look like when they all turn up and the sink's wet?

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Do you want them to think our family's washing its hands all the time? What are we? Robbers?

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Might as well be talking to myself here.

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She is talking to herself.

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One day, it will be me sitting around with my feet up.

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-I'm not sitting around, I'm watching a film.

-What are you watching?

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-Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.

-What's with that?

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Aliens come down, cause a bit of bother, go home again.

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-Any good?

-I didn't think much of it to be honest.

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Unrealistic.

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# Hallelujah

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# Hallelujah... #

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Not the most exciting verse, this one.

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Wasn't too bad when it was just the two brothers.

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Didn't I tell you we'd regret the day when Shirley Cadwallader had quads?

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'Mum had been through eleven Hoovers in the past five years.

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'When she went into Rumbelows, she just asked for "the usual".

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CLOCK CHIMES

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-Your brothers are late.

-They'll be here. Probably the traffic. Gets busy Christmas Eve.

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# ..Hallelujah! #

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Carol singers! Settle up! Got a lot to get round.

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If your uncles were the Three Wise Men, the baby Jesus would still be waiting for them now!

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Ah!

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Merry Christmas, Hywel, Boys. How are your parents?

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Merry Christmas. That's £5.20, please.

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£5? You're joking!

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You heard Hark the Herald Angels, that £3.80, and Silent Night is £1.40.

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I thought the spirit of Christmas was you give whatever you can.

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Yes, we obviously agree with that, but we do have to balance it with turning a profit.

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Er, that's £5.20, please.

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Merry Christmas.

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Same to you.

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We'll be back Christmas Eve next year, around 3.15pm.

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-Right, boys, let's go, let's go, let's go.

-I blame the Tories.

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'Dad was always annoyed having to pay for things.

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'At church, he only put money in the collection plate if the vicar did a good joke in the sermon.'

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-£5 that cost me.

-Oh.

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Unbelievable.

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Still, I suppose it's Christmas, eh?

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-Come here.

-Oh, get out, stop your nonsense, we haven't time for that,

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your brother will be here in a minute. Put the kettle on.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Oh!

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'Uncle Huw was dad's older brother.'

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-Merry Christmas!

-'He ran one of the biggest carpet firms in Wales

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'and was now involved in one of the country's most bitter divorces.'

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Bren!

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'One of his favourite phrases was "All's fair in love and war".'

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'Another was "I hate my wife".'

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Merry Christmas one and all.

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Apart from one. One exception, in a blouse and high heels, eh, boy?

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Hey, Maurice has been looking forward to seeing Owain all week.

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'Maurice had hardly ever spoken in the six Christmases I could recall.

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'He didn't have to. Uncle Huw talked plenty.'

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So I successfully sued him for £7,500. Damages.

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That's the last time anyone will steal anything from my doorstep, eh?

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Now, on to me.

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Started with a bang.

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-Got a conservatory built. £3,500.

-What is a conservatory exactly?

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It's like a garden, but indoors.

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They reckon by 1990 most people will be living in conservatories rather than houses.

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Sounds lovely. Carpets are selling well then, Huw?

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Yes, like hot cakes. Did you hear the ad on the radio?

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If you want a carpet, buy one from us.

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Oh, good, that is.

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Why haven't you got an ad on the radio, Geraint?

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Traffic wardens don't normally advertise on the radio, Brenda.

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Yes, we're sitting pretty financially.

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Despite his mother's best efforts.

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She spends like water, doesn't she? She pours it all down the drain, doesn't she?

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I said your mother's a waste of space, isn't she?

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Geraint, why don't you go down the phone box and call Gorwel? He's nearly half an hour late.

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-Haven't you got a telephone fitted yet?

-No. No need.

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Perfectly good public telephone only minutes away.

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'Dad always enjoyed a good walk, even in the coldest weather.

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'Most mornings we walked two miles to school.

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'It was only a mile away, but he went a long way round on purpose.

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'Even putting the number in took quite a while.

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'To dial an international number, you'd have to put most of the day aside.'

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Hello, is Gorwel there?

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Right-o.

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-All that walking and he wasn't there.

-Well, never mind.

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Had a nice chat with his flatmate.

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-Why can't people have their own phones?

-Sorry?

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Why can't people just have a tiny little phone?

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So you could fit it in your pocket and take it everywhere you go?

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-HE CHORTLES

-Ah, kids!

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-You should make him put a phone in, Bren.

-Oh, you know Geraint.

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Anything new, he's suspicious.

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Phones, ovens, inside toilet. Outside toilet, even.

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-How do you manage?

-The neighbours have put a party line. I go in there and use that sometimes.

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There's no privacy with party lines, though. You hear all sorts of gossip.

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Keep ourselves to ourselves round here. We're not gossips.

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All I know is that Mrs Evans is having an affair with the man who came round to do the grouting.

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They talk Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and he calls her "Sexy Nick".

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Yes, well, you should definitely make him put a phone in.

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You've got to embrace new technology.

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Do you know what I got this year?

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-A toaster that can do four slices at once.

-Oh!

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But then mum moved out, and I lost my appetite.

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I can eat four.

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Ah, here's Gorwel.

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'Uncle Gorwel was dad's younger brother.

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'He'd had a chequered past. He was now having a chequered present.'

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HE COUGHS

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-Oh!

-Here he is.

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Compliments of the season.

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-'Uncle Gorwel was a bit like Father Christmas, in that we only saw him once a year.'

-Huw.

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Gorwel?

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Who's having a whisky then?

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You are, I should imagine.

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'But he was unlike Father Christmas in that he drank whisky for breakfast

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'and had once been detained overnight for streaking at the Royal Welsh Show.'

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I managed to hitch a lift here in the end, back of someone's van, like.

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Who was it?

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I'm not sure.

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They didn't know I was there.

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-How are you keeping then, Gorwel?

-Oh, not bad! Not bad at all.

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No run-ins with the law recently. No more fights with lollipop ladies.

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HE CHORTLES

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-It's been a fairly quiet year.

-So, where you living?

-I've got a nice little place down by the coast.

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-You bought it?

-Not bought it bought it, more like a rental.

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What do you mean "like a rental"?

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Well, I'm living in someone else's place, but it differs from a rental

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because the owners don't technically know that I'm there, like.

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-You're squatting?

-If you want to call it that.

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Still, I expect it's a nice house, though, is it?

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It's not a house house exactly.

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-Flat?

-Aquarium.

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So, you're squatting in an aquarium?

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That's about the size of it. But it's a good aquarium, mind.

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Got a shark.

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Anyway, enough here.

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Gorwel's ship's about to come in.

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I've got a nice little trick up my sleeve.

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Licence to print money. 10-1 on a white Christmas. 10 quid on.

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If it snows tomorrow, hello! I'm up 100 quid.

0:11:110:11:15

Have you considered this might be why you're struggling?

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All these harebrained schemes.

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-You call starting a car showroom a harebrained scheme, do you, Huw?

-I didn't know you did that.

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Mm-hm. Me and a couple of boys getting it started.

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-Where are the cars going to come from?

-That's the only obstacle at the minute,

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but we're well on the way to getting a room.

0:11:320:11:35

You need more of a business plan, Gorwel. Under this Government...

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Don't mention them in this house.

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Under this government, people with business sense are being rewarded.

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Good business is making money at last.

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That's the Tories.

0:11:480:11:49

Good business is making money and everyone else can go to hell.

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Not for long, mind. We are going to get those flaming Tories out.

0:11:530:11:56

Just you wait till the election.

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I'll be down there, voting them out.

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I'll be down there, standing up for the working man.

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We'll show them that Joe Public is not to be trifled with!

0:12:040:12:07

We'll all stand together!

0:12:070:12:10

But, Gorwel, the election's already happened.

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-Has it?

-Yes, it was in June.

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The Conservatives won by a landslide.

0:12:220:12:24

Oh. Hmm.

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I was unconscious for a couple of days around then, Bren.

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Must have passed me by, like.

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Right! Well, you two better get yourselves up to bed.

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Make sure you get a good night's sleep.

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-Father Christmas only comes when you're sleeping.

-Why?

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I didn't make the rules, Owain.

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I just abide by them. Good night.

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Boys.

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-Good night, boys.

-Good night, boys.

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'After we went to bed, Christmas Eve really got going.'

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Time for a bit of Max, I think.

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'We'd hear drinking and high spirits.

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'And then the sound of Max Boyce.

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'I could never really understand who Max Boyce was or why he shouted so much.

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'I assumed he was a PE teacher.'

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THEY SING IN WELSH

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Madhouse!

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'I never knew quite what to say to Maurice. And he never knew quite what to say to me.

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'So we would mostly just look at each other.

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'After four or five hours of this, it started to drag a bit.'

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ALL: Oi! Oi! Oi!

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Seems pretty quiet up there.

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-Maybe they're getting a good night's sleep.

-No-o, like!

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Thick as thieves, those two.

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If I know Maurice, he will be up to some mischief.

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Do you think if you're blind, you still need to have your eyes shut for Father Christmas to come?

0:14:070:14:14

SNORING

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Bummer.

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'Because of Uncle Gorwel's faith that one day we'd have a white Christmas,

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'he gave us sledges every year. I had a cupboard full.'

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It would've been a better present, if it had snowed, like.

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Thank you anyway, Uncle Gorwel.

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Hm. I feel like I should give you something else really.

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Oh, don't be silly!

0:15:060:15:07

If either of you want my shirt.

0:15:070:15:10

Oh, Gorwel, they will be fine with the sledges.

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-I've got a ball here.

-They'll be fine with the sledges.

-Right you are.

0:15:140:15:18

And for the lovely Brenda...

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'Years ago, Gorwel had made cheese on toast for my parents,

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'and, to be polite, my mother pretended she loved cheese, even though she hated it.

0:15:250:15:30

'She was still paying for this mistake.'

0:15:300:15:34

-Cheeses of Asia.

-Getting closer to the full set.

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Fantastic!

0:15:380:15:39

Thanks, Dad!

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Yes, and while we wait ten years for that to be set up, welcome to the future.

0:15:410:15:46

What on earth is that when it's at home?

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This is the Sinclair Spectrum ZX.

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-This is the greatest computer of all time.

-What do you do with it?

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You play games with it, that's what! This is the big thing now. Look!

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He's been wanting one of these all year.

0:16:020:16:04

He's beside himself.

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I've got a load of games to go with it.

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There's Sublime Soccer.

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Mind-blowing Golf Challenge 3,

0:16:120:16:15

Space Invaders, More Space Invaders,

0:16:150:16:18

Space Invaders Are Back, Space Invaders Return Once More...

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Persistent, aren't they, the old Space Invaders?

0:16:210:16:24

Planning Permission.

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"You get to play a civil servant.

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You'll have to read applications, process paperwork and make decisions to shape the future of your town."

0:16:280:16:34

Let's get this up, shall we?

0:16:340:16:37

Hey, I was watching that!

0:16:410:16:43

-Sorry, what was it?

-Brookside on Channel 4.

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Ah, I heard that most people who watch Channel 4 are Marxist and homosexual.

0:16:450:16:49

What is it about this Brookside?

0:16:490:16:51

It's about a group of people living in Liverpool having all these problems.

0:16:510:16:55

You can see that any time. Let's get the old Spectrum set up then, eh?

0:16:550:17:00

Get ready to see the future.

0:17:000:17:02

HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING

0:17:040:17:07

Does it always take this long?

0:17:270:17:29

No. There must be wrong with the speed of your television.

0:17:290:17:33

'Ere are! It's doing something now.

0:17:410:17:43

-HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING

-Good! Come on!

0:17:430:17:47

Right!

0:17:480:17:50

OK, it's obviously a faulty tape.

0:17:500:17:52

Let's try Ultimate Fishing.

0:17:520:17:55

HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING

0:17:560:17:59

Right then, while we're waiting, shall we crack on with the game?

0:18:080:18:12

-Have we got two players?

-Stay where you are, Morris.

0:18:120:18:15

Can't we just have a quick game, and then...

0:18:170:18:20

then we'll go straight back to the computer.

0:18:200:18:23

I will sue them for every penny.

0:18:230:18:27

They'll rue the day...

0:18:270:18:29

God help them if they ever come to me for a carpet!

0:18:290:18:32

Right, then, Subbuteo. How it's played is this,

0:18:320:18:35

you get eleven players each...

0:18:350:18:38

Mum!

0:18:380:18:40

You've got your five players each.

0:18:400:18:41

-Oh, Brenda!

-Well, who put those down there?

0:18:410:18:45

Little men on the floor.

0:18:450:18:47

What are with the South Wales Toys and Collectibles Museum? Madhouse!

0:18:470:18:52

Psst!

0:18:550:18:57

I've still got that ball.

0:18:570:19:00

Hm! Nice to hear them having fun, isn't it?

0:19:250:19:28

Sometimes it's the simple things, eh?

0:19:300:19:33

MUSICAL BLEEPING

0:19:370:19:39

Oh, my God! The computers working!

0:19:400:19:43

Morris!

0:19:430:19:45

Morris!

0:19:450:19:46

Morris, come in here and play Planning Permission.

0:19:460:19:49

-I think they're happy with the ball, Huw.

-All right, I'll play.

0:19:490:19:53

I'll play the flippin' thing! "Press X to be a local council official, or Y to start off as the secretary."

0:19:530:20:00

X.

0:20:010:20:03

# God rest you merry gentlemen

0:20:200:20:22

# Let nothing you dismay

0:20:220:20:24

# Remember Christ our saviour... #

0:20:240:20:26

Christmas 1986, and quite a lot had changed in our neighbourhood in the past few years.

0:20:260:20:32

The miners had gone on strike and stopped producing coal, the nation was thrown into chaos.

0:20:320:20:37

Dad had gone on strike too for a few days to show solidarity,

0:20:370:20:40

but as he was a traffic warden people were mostly pretty pleased.

0:20:400:20:44

Right, just turn it by 18 or 19 degrees.

0:20:440:20:49

-I said 18 or 19. That's nearly 30.

-I don't understand why we waited till Christmas Eve to get the thing.

0:20:490:20:56

Yeah? It's not you that has to Hoover up its needles for 24 days.

0:20:560:20:59

Why not wait them till after Christmas?

0:20:590:21:02

You want people to think we like walking around up to our ankles in forest? What are we, bears?

0:21:020:21:07

Might as well be talking to myself, here.

0:21:070:21:11

Right, I've put bleach in the toilet so try and hold it in, please.

0:21:110:21:16

And no going in the fridge.

0:21:160:21:18

What, no peeing in the fridge?

0:21:180:21:20

What were you watching?

0:21:240:21:26

The Snowman.

0:21:260:21:28

What happened?

0:21:280:21:29

Kid builds a snowman, they fly about, it melts.

0:21:290:21:32

Any good?

0:21:320:21:34

Didn't think much of it, to be honest. Far-fetched.

0:21:340:21:38

Here come the Cadwallader boys.

0:21:420:21:44

Looks like they've been recruiting.

0:21:480:21:50

# God rest you merry gentlemen

0:21:500:21:54

# Let nothing you dismay... #

0:21:540:21:55

If they upset your Nativity, Owen, I'll castrate them.

0:21:550:21:58

I'll go out and make sure they only sing the one song this year.

0:22:000:22:03

We're not made of money.

0:22:030:22:05

-Plus 45p VAT.

-VAT?

0:22:070:22:11

-We're trading as a limited company these days. It's more tax-efficient.

-Don't I pay enough rates as it is?

0:22:110:22:16

Merry Christmas! See you next year. We'll confirm in November.

0:22:160:22:20

We're widening our catchment area so it could be any time from the 23rd onwards.

0:22:200:22:24

Merry Christmas.

0:22:240:22:25

Right, boys, Gregory Street. Once In Royal David's City. Let's go! Let's go!

0:22:250:22:29

'As always, Uncle Huw and Maurice had brought the next big thing with them.

0:22:290:22:33

'The year before they'd given me a truck that turned into a robot.

0:22:330:22:37

'Didn't think much of it. Impractical.'

0:22:370:22:39

I did try to get hold of you to see if you wanted anything, but obviously you still don't have a telephone.

0:22:390:22:44

Geraint still doesn't see the point.

0:22:440:22:47

Phone box up the hill still works perfectly well, thank you very much.

0:22:470:22:51

What about that time those lads jammed an Opal Fruit in the coin slot?

0:22:510:22:54

We couldn't call anyone for a month!

0:22:540:22:57

-No-one died.

-My Auntie Rita did! We missed the funeral!

0:22:570:23:00

All right, one person died.

0:23:000:23:02

You really should get one fitted, Geraint.

0:23:020:23:05

Huw, you call someone, they charge you for it.

0:23:050:23:08

You call someone else and they charge you for that. Never ends.

0:23:080:23:11

You're behind the times, Geraint. We live in a capitalist society now.

0:23:110:23:15

You wait till Kinnock gets in.

0:23:150:23:17

Conservatives'll be back.

0:23:170:23:19

Over my dead body.

0:23:190:23:21

I don't know one person in this town who votes Tory.

0:23:210:23:24

They reckon under the Tories we've all got a lot more income than before.

0:23:240:23:27

-We can afford more luxury goods.

-Oh, I love a luxury good.

0:23:270:23:31

Nonsense, "luxury goods".

0:23:310:23:33

Machine that washes dishes, computers, phone line in every house. What is this, Dallas?

0:23:330:23:38

I don't care who it is, Labour or the flaming Tories! They're all the bloody same, these politicians!

0:23:380:23:43

Whether it's Thatcher or the ginge, I'll still be sleeping in a beach hut, living off Coco Pops!

0:23:430:23:48

No-one cares for the working man!

0:23:480:23:51

Yes, but you're not a working man, though, are you, Gorwel. You haven't got a job.

0:23:510:23:55

No, I suppose not.

0:23:550:23:58

No. Who's having a whisky, then?

0:23:580:24:02

You are, I imagine.

0:24:020:24:06

Anyway, another good year.

0:24:060:24:09

The highlight, of course, was thoroughly shafting his mother in the courtrooms.

0:24:090:24:13

Normally it's the mum that gets the upper hand in court, but not this time. Bang!

0:24:130:24:19

I get custody!

0:24:190:24:21

Bang! She's gets rented accommodation, eh, kiddo? Eh?

0:24:210:24:24

She hasn't got her own bathroom any more, has she, eh? Eh?

0:24:240:24:28

You're a bit quiet, there, Maurice.

0:24:280:24:30

All right, son?

0:24:300:24:33

Course he's all right.

0:24:350:24:37

-He's doing excellently at school.

-So's Owen.

0:24:370:24:40

Maurice captained the Meccano team.

0:24:400:24:43

Owen got to the quarter-finals of Plasticine '86, didn't you, pal?

0:24:430:24:48

Maurice's teacher says that he's not showing any ill-effects at all from being in a one-parent family.

0:24:480:24:53

Didn't she, Maurice? Maurice!

0:24:530:24:57

'Maurice was as quiet as usual.

0:25:000:25:03

'But he'd started to seem a bit more threatening.

0:25:030:25:06

'I decided it might be an idea to stay on his good side.'

0:25:060:25:09

Going through one of those phases. You know,

0:25:090:25:11

that's what they're like. They er... First of all they idolise you, then they react against you.

0:25:110:25:16

When exactly did he idolise you, Huw?

0:25:160:25:19

Until he started listening to that...

0:25:190:25:22

homosexual music.

0:25:220:25:24

He loves his art and his woodwork, that boy.

0:25:240:25:27

-That Nativity scene's his pride and joy. Obsessed with it, isn't he?

-Yes.

0:25:270:25:32

Why'd you make that?

0:25:320:25:33

Got me out of playing rugby.

0:25:330:25:36

-Still believe in Father Christmas?

-Dunno. Do you?

0:25:410:25:44

I dunno.

0:25:440:25:46

My father said he doesn't come round our house.

0:25:460:25:48

He said, "I'm not letting some git with a white beard get all the credit.

0:25:480:25:53

"I sold a lot of rugs to get you that train set".

0:25:530:25:56

Trouble with art, though -

0:25:580:25:59

-there's no money in it.

-Oh, there's money in it if you steal it.

0:25:590:26:03

Me and some of the boys looked into nicking the Mona Lisa.

0:26:030:26:06

Down Paris, like. Swines have got it behind a screen now.

0:26:060:26:10

Spoil sports.

0:26:100:26:13

Anyway... I bet you're wondering what's in that box.

0:26:130:26:17

Well, this year, I decided to get you a little Christmas Eve present.

0:26:170:26:21

This is an artificial tree.

0:26:250:26:28

-What's the point of that?

-No more pine needles on the floor, Ben, messing it up, the carpets.

0:26:280:26:32

Oh, d'you know, I've been on at Geraint to do something about the pine needle problem for years.

0:26:320:26:37

-Well, eventually, they reckon these will replace real trees in forests.

-Oh, really?!

0:26:370:26:42

And no smell.

0:26:460:26:48

Beautiful.

0:26:480:26:50

Right. Just turn it 30 to 35 degrees anti-clockwise. No, anti-clockwise.

0:26:550:27:01

I don't understand why we can't just have both trees.

0:27:010:27:04

You want people to think that we're so greedy we have two trees? What are we, an arboretum?

0:27:040:27:09

This is going to be my year, this. I can feel it.

0:27:140:27:17

100 quid on a white Christmas.

0:27:170:27:19

One flake of snow falls tomorrow, they'll owe. A grand, like.

0:27:190:27:26

-Where did you get £100?

-I got one of those business loans off the social.

0:27:260:27:30

I told them I wanted a hundred quid to start a DIY company.

0:27:300:27:33

So, you defrauded the social services.

0:27:330:27:36

Well, it was half-true, like.

0:27:360:27:39

I did want a hundred quid.

0:27:390:27:41

Anyway, snow comes down overnight, I've got the equipment to deal with it.

0:27:440:27:48

Who's having a whisky?

0:27:520:27:54

-You are, I imagine.

-What's castrate mean?

0:27:540:27:57

Sorry, Owen?

0:27:570:27:58

You said you'd castrate whoever knocked over my Nativity.

0:27:580:28:03

-What's castrate mean?

-Well, it's erm...

0:28:030:28:05

Well, it's erm...

0:28:050:28:07

It's er...

0:28:070:28:10

-Like a haircut.

-Yeah, it's er...your hair...

0:28:100:28:14

Except with your knackers.

0:28:140:28:17

THEY SING IN WELSH

0:28:230:28:25

-Oi! Oi!

-Hey, we've not heard a peep out of them all night.

0:28:520:28:56

I bet you they're up there plotting something now.

0:28:560:28:59

# Hang the DJ

0:29:060:29:09

# Hang the DJ

0:29:090:29:11

# Hang the DJ... #

0:29:110:29:14

It's stupid, Christmas. We're all just going to die in the end anyway.

0:29:200:29:24

'Maurice had started talking quite a bit about death.

0:29:240:29:28

'On a whole, I think I preferred it when he didn't say anything.'

0:29:280:29:31

THEY SNORE

0:29:350:29:36

Bum.

0:30:000:30:02

THEY ALL CHATTER

0:30:080:30:10

Ready? One, two, three!

0:30:150:30:17

Oh, yes! That's four times in five years.

0:30:180:30:22

Could have made a few quid out of that stuff.

0:30:220:30:24

Never mind. Roll on next year, I will have you.

0:30:240:30:28

Well, who wants some more potatoes?

0:30:280:30:31

Aw, no, thanks.

0:30:310:30:33

-I've got 67 left.

-Ah, Brenda, please.

0:30:330:30:36

I'll take a doggy bag off you.

0:30:360:30:38

Last time it saw me through till February.

0:30:380:30:41

We'll keep the Christmas pudding until after the Queen's Speech.

0:30:410:30:45

-Good idea.

-Have you got a colour TV yet?

0:30:450:30:48

No, Geraint still isn't convinced.

0:30:480:30:51

Ours has got 2 million colours.

0:30:510:30:54

-Which ones?

-Red, yellow, all the greats.

0:30:540:30:57

-Two is enough for me.

-Brings things to life.

0:30:570:31:00

Did you know Lenny Henry is a black fella?

0:31:000:31:03

-I tell you what programme I like, the EastEnders.

-What's that about?

0:31:030:31:06

People living in London having all these problems.

0:31:060:31:09

-Oh, I'll look out for that.

-You haven't got a television.

0:31:090:31:13

I've got a trick up my sleeve.

0:31:130:31:15

What I do, I go down the TV shop and watch it through the window.

0:31:150:31:20

-You get to see it 20 times that way!

-But you can't hear what they say.

0:31:200:31:24

Oh, I get the gist of it.

0:31:240:31:26

I saw most of the World Cup and Last Night Of The Proms.

0:31:260:31:30

You can hardly watch The Proms without hearing the sound.

0:31:300:31:33

Actually, I never enjoyed it so much!

0:31:330:31:36

Listen up, this is simple.

0:31:410:31:44

If you get more than half the balls, you've won.

0:31:440:31:47

Our side of the family is all about winning.

0:31:470:31:50

This year, I carpeted Shirley Bassey's bathroom whilst your mother is now a dinner lady.

0:31:500:31:54

We're winners.

0:31:540:31:57

Right, fingers on hippos.

0:31:570:31:59

Ready? Go!

0:31:590:32:01

Keep hitting the lever. Keep hitting the lever. Keep hitting the lever. Keep hitting the lever.

0:32:010:32:07

Mad house, this is.

0:32:070:32:10

Keep hitting the lever!

0:32:100:32:13

-Stop! Stop!

-Let's count 'em up.

0:32:130:32:19

Let's hope there was enough.

0:32:190:32:21

-It was good.

-Owen's hippo has 10 balls.

0:32:210:32:24

Rhys's hippo has nine balls.

0:32:260:32:28

Well done, Owen.

0:32:280:32:30

Well, it's not about winning, is it?

0:32:300:32:31

-There's meant to be 20 balls.

-Cracking game that, lads.

0:32:310:32:35

Who wants to play find my socks?

0:32:350:32:37

There's mean to be 20 balls. There's obviously one ball missing.

0:32:370:32:40

Now, who wants a bit of Christmas pudding?

0:32:400:32:43

Never mind Christmas pudding!

0:32:430:32:45

-Where's the 20th ball? It invalidates the result of the game.

-Never mind.

0:32:450:32:50

-Where is the other ball?

-Leave it!

0:32:500:32:52

There's meant to be 20 balls.

0:32:520:32:54

If there's only 19 it turns Hungry Hippos into a complete farce!

0:32:540:32:57

-We can call it a draw.

-We could, could we?

0:32:570:33:00

A safe little draw. A nice safe little draw and put our petticoats...

0:33:000:33:06

-I'll give him petticoats.

-No, sorry, we're going to have a rematch.

0:33:060:33:11

-I don't think we should.

-I bet you don't.

0:33:110:33:13

You would rather say it was a safe draw and play with My Little Ponies.

0:33:130:33:17

Actually, Huw,

0:33:170:33:20

Owen won.

0:33:200:33:21

He is offering you a draw out of charity.

0:33:210:33:27

Charity?

0:33:270:33:30

Well, I tell you what,

0:33:300:33:32

at least I don't get my clothes from a charity shop.

0:33:320:33:35

Oh, do something, Geraint.

0:33:350:33:36

-It's just a bit of fun.

-I might not have a lot of money, right,

0:33:360:33:40

but what I do do have I didn't get by screwing up my

0:33:400:33:44

marriage and then screwing over my wife in court. No offence, Maurice!

0:33:440:33:49

At least I earn my money by providing carpets,

0:33:490:33:54

rather than getting sacked from a meat processing plant for stealing sheep and selling them second hand.

0:33:540:33:59

One! I stole one sheep.

0:33:590:34:02

At least I've got a nice big house, big enough for a television and a toilet.

0:34:020:34:06

At least I learned how to use a toilet rather than wetting the bed until I was 15!

0:34:060:34:11

13!

0:34:110:34:13

-I was 13.

-Oh, yes, this is just a bit of fun.

0:34:130:34:17

Right! You and I are going to settle this once and for all.

0:34:170:34:21

Let's have it!

0:34:210:34:23

-Take a hippo.

-I don't think...

-Shut it!

0:34:270:34:29

I said...

0:34:320:34:34

take a hippo.

0:34:340:34:36

On three.

0:34:450:34:47

-One, two...

-Ha, ha, ha!

0:34:560:34:59

The pudding!

0:35:040:35:06

Fire! That's a fire!

0:35:060:35:09

-Don't just stand there!

-Wrap yourselves in a carpet.

0:35:090:35:12

I set a mate of mine on fire once and they wrapped him in a carpet.

0:35:120:35:16

-We're not on fire.

-We will be in a minute.

0:35:160:35:18

Stand back!

0:35:180:35:19

A glass of water is no good, Geraint! Stay where you are!

0:35:220:35:29

-Call 999!

-Has anyone got 10p for the phone?

0:35:290:35:32

-The bloody tree! We're done for! We're going to die!

-Can anyone change a pound note?

-We're all dead men!

0:35:320:35:37

-I need change.

-We are dead!

0:35:370:35:39

-Where's Mum gone?

-I love you, Maurice, my dead son!

-Stand back!

0:35:390:35:45

-Bren, you saved our life.

-Good work, Bren.

0:35:580:36:00

Aargh!

0:36:000:36:02

The fire was already out, Gorwel.

0:36:140:36:17

Better safe than sorry, Bren.

0:36:180:36:21

Not now, Geraint.

0:36:250:36:27

Trivial Pursuit?

0:36:300:36:33

Easy, careful you don't knock it.

0:36:330:36:35

OK.

0:36:350:36:37

Just six degrees more.

0:36:400:36:42

Six, mind. Don't go mad.

0:36:420:36:44

# Hark, the herald angels sing

0:36:480:36:52

# Glory to... #

0:36:520:36:55

'Christmas 1989, the '80s were coming to an end, a terrible recession was around the corner.

0:36:550:37:01

'It was a time of revolution, the Berlin Wall had just come down -

0:37:010:37:04

'it inspired many people to dream of change.

0:37:040:37:08

'It inspired Dad to take down the fence in the garden.

0:37:080:37:10

'We had got a video player and even a telephone.'

0:37:100:37:14

At the third stroke it will be 3.13 precisely.

0:37:140:37:19

'But we were only allowed to use it for emergencies.

0:37:210:37:24

'And we had to make sure all emergencies happened after 6pm.'

0:37:240:37:28

Who's been using this phone?

0:37:280:37:31

Essential calls only, please.

0:37:310:37:34

I might as well be talking to myself, here.

0:37:340:37:38

'Mum was still cleaning like a maniac or, she called it, maintaining standards.

0:37:510:37:55

'It's funny what you think is normal when you are young.

0:37:550:37:58

'It wasn't till my first week at university that I realised

0:37:580:38:01

'I was the only person who brought his own tea-towels.'

0:38:010:38:03

-What you watching?

-Ben Hur.

0:38:360:38:40

-What happened?

-Ben Hur was a Jewish prince, sold into slavery, endured many hardships

0:38:400:38:47

and great suffering before returning to take revenge in one of the most expensive closing scenes ever made.

0:38:470:38:54

All in Technicolor.

0:38:540:38:57

-Any good?

-Didn't think much of it, to be honest.

0:38:570:38:59

No, we didn't think much of it.

0:38:590:39:02

Long.

0:39:020:39:03

One day it'll be me sitting around with my feet up watching people being sold into slavery.

0:39:030:39:08

DOORBELL RINGS

0:39:080:39:10

Well, I never.

0:39:120:39:15

The cheek of it.

0:39:150:39:17

Your brothers are five minutes early.

0:39:170:39:20

What do they think we are, a drive-in cinema? Come on, you two. Chop-chop. Look lively.

0:39:200:39:26

What was really moving about spending time with Tom Jones,

0:39:300:39:33

a man who's had the hits he's had and the underwear thrown at him, is that underneath it all, he is just a man.

0:39:330:39:40

A man with a pair of trousers on. Like you or me.

0:39:400:39:43

Does something smell funny in here?

0:39:430:39:46

At one point we were on the veranda and he turned to me, Tom Jones, and you know what he said?

0:39:460:39:50

"Pass us those biscuits."

0:39:500:39:53

That's right. Eats biscuits.

0:39:530:39:54

Just like you or I eat biscuits.

0:39:540:39:56

Can someone smell something sort of...?

0:39:560:39:58

And that's what you notice about really great men.

0:39:580:40:01

Humility. At one point we were in his swimming pool,

0:40:010:40:04

I was on his lilo - shaped like a crocodile -

0:40:040:40:06

just like a normal person's lilo. He turned to me, Tom Jones...

0:40:060:40:10

I'm sorry to interrupt you but I think something smells funny under this tree.

0:40:100:40:14

-SHE SNIFFS

-Oh!

0:40:140:40:17

-That's my gift to you, that is, Bren.

-Oh!

0:40:170:40:21

It might be edible.

0:40:210:40:23

I look forward to tomorrow.

0:40:240:40:26

It might be the biggest Stilton in Wales, like.

0:40:260:40:29

Gosh!

0:40:300:40:32

Anyway, I suppose the point I'm trying to make about Tom Jones,

0:40:320:40:36

if I am trying to make a point at all, is above all...

0:40:360:40:39

I won a competition back in the 70s to spend a day with Jimmy Saville.

0:40:390:40:44

He hardly compares to Tom Jones, does he?

0:40:440:40:46

-No.

-Good. Right, well...

0:40:460:40:49

He was running a marathon the week after so we didn't get up to much.

0:40:490:40:53

A bit of circuit training, press-ups.

0:40:530:40:56

I don't think that was worth interrupting me for, do you?

0:40:560:41:00

Oh gosh, Maurice, you are getting tall.

0:41:020:41:04

Yes, he's had a terrific year of growing. Very impressive year.

0:41:040:41:08

Obviously eating all his greens.

0:41:080:41:10

No, not just greens - all sorts. I've had a lady in to cook.

0:41:100:41:15

Housekeeper?

0:41:150:41:16

Girlfriend.

0:41:190:41:20

Maurice, put the tape on.

0:41:230:41:24

Come on, you big lump.

0:41:270:41:29

Where did you meet her?

0:41:310:41:32

Ah, put one or two...

0:41:320:41:36

You know, one or two personal ads in the...

0:41:360:41:38

Been advertising in the lonely hearts, have you, Huw?

0:41:380:41:41

-They're called personal ads these days.

-Oh, aye.

0:41:410:41:45

What did you put about yourself, Huw?

0:41:450:41:47

Very rich, highly sexual man, as heard on radio advert.

0:41:470:41:50

Has a large workforce, hires and fires at the drop of a hat.

0:41:500:41:54

Knows Tom James and has been on Jones's lilo.

0:41:540:41:56

Would like to meet a woman with a high sense of hygiene.

0:41:560:41:58

Shush! It's starting.

0:41:580:42:02

I'll tell you later on.

0:42:020:42:04

Oggy, Oggy, Oggy!

0:42:070:42:09

Oy, Oy, Oy!

0:42:090:42:10

Oy, Oy, Oy!

0:42:100:42:11

Shush, Maurice.

0:42:110:42:14

He's going through one of those phases, you know.

0:42:170:42:21

Listening to all this American music and having thoughts.

0:42:210:42:24

THEY SING ALONG

0:42:270:42:33

It didn't work out too well.

0:42:540:42:57

Sorry.

0:42:590:43:01

'Looking back, I wonder if I'm exaggerating

0:43:140:43:17

'some of the things mum did around the house.

0:43:170:43:19

'Either that, or by this time she was starting to get a bit...

0:43:190:43:22

'well...

0:43:220:43:24

'odd.'

0:43:240:43:25

Number 30, the Preeces.

0:43:500:43:52

OK, We Wish You A Merry Christmas.

0:43:530:43:56

Remember to smile.

0:43:560:43:57

One, two, three, four...

0:43:570:43:59

# We Wish You A Merry Christmas

0:43:590:44:02

# We Wish You A Merry Christmas

0:44:020:44:03

# We Wish You a Merry Christmas... #

0:44:030:44:06

Blimey, they're here. Where's the cheque book?

0:44:060:44:11

I tidied it.

0:44:110:44:13

Where is the blasted thing?

0:44:150:44:17

I tidied it away.

0:44:170:44:19

I'm sure things in this house just

0:44:190:44:23

sprout legs and walk away.

0:44:230:44:26

I might as well be talking to myself here.

0:44:260:44:29

And I wish you'd stop wishing us a merry Christmas. Oh!

0:44:290:44:33

Ah, got it!

0:44:350:44:36

What's that flaming racket?

0:44:360:44:38

They come every year. You're normally too late to see them.

0:44:380:44:42

Get rid of them, will you? We're missing Max, here.

0:44:420:44:45

-You can pause it.

-It wears the tape out.

0:44:450:44:48

Just stop it and start again.

0:44:480:44:50

It wears the tape out.

0:44:500:44:52

-Well, can we just watch it another...

-For God's sake, man, think of the tape.

0:44:520:44:56

# We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. #

0:45:020:45:08

Very nice. Merry Christmas.

0:45:080:45:10

Now, we're going to do some new stuff. This is Mull of Kintyre.

0:45:100:45:14

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

0:45:140:45:16

That's not a Christmas song.

0:45:160:45:18

We found the whole Christmas thing a bit limiting.

0:45:180:45:20

We see ourselves more as a group who outgrew the Christmas market.

0:45:200:45:24

This is our debut compact disc. It's not out till next year,

0:45:240:45:28

but if you buy it off us now it's 50p cheaper.

0:45:280:45:31

We're trying to watch a video in there. Can I just...?

0:45:310:45:33

Well, if you're not interested in the new stuff,

0:45:330:45:35

will leave you with one of our classics - The Holly And The Ivy.

0:45:350:45:39

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!

0:45:390:45:40

# The holly and the ivy

0:45:400:45:43

# When they are both full grown

0:45:430:45:45

# Of all the trees that are in the wood

0:45:450:45:48

# The holly bears the crown... #

0:45:480:45:50

What's he doing out there? We're missing Max here.

0:45:500:45:53

I'm going to shut them up myself in a minute!

0:45:560:45:59

-Yeah, yeah, you're all talk, you are.

-What's that, Huw?

0:45:590:46:02

You, you're all talk. You're not going to do anything.

0:46:020:46:05

Here we go,

0:46:050:46:08

the traditional conversation, right.

0:46:080:46:10

Gorwel never achieves anything.

0:46:100:46:14

Gorwel had to sell some of his clothes this year.

0:46:140:46:16

Leave him alone. Never mind.

0:46:160:46:18

You're right, Huw. I am all talk.

0:46:180:46:21

I'm just an idiot who spends all his money buying novelty cheeses for his sister-in-law.

0:46:210:46:27

I never do anything useful.

0:46:270:46:30

I never do anything.

0:46:320:46:33

Anything except this.

0:46:390:46:40

Gorwel!

0:46:420:46:43

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:46:450:46:47

That's enough, thank you.

0:46:470:46:49

-Bye-bye.

-Hey, what are you doing?

0:46:490:46:51

Someone's got to stop 'em. Why can't it be Gorwel?

0:46:510:46:54

Where did you get that whistle from?

0:46:540:46:56

I carry it for situations like this.

0:46:560:46:59

Do you realise that disturbing the peace is a crime?

0:47:000:47:04

Do you realise that singing badly is a crime, too?

0:47:040:47:07

-Do you know who you're talking to?

-Yes.

0:47:070:47:11

I'm talking to you,

0:47:110:47:13

and quite frankly I've had just about enough of your racket.

0:47:130:47:17

I'm trying to watch Max Boyce!

0:47:170:47:19

Who the hell wants to watch Max Boyce?

0:47:190:47:21

I'll give you one chance to take that back, boy.

0:47:230:47:26

Is he even still alive?

0:47:260:47:28

You don't say that about Max.

0:47:280:47:31

You don't do that.

0:47:310:47:33

SHOUTING AND SCUFFLING

0:47:350:47:37

Watch the nativity!

0:47:370:47:39

SHOUTING

0:47:390:47:41

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

-Hold me back! Hold me back!

0:47:430:47:47

Oh, my giddy aunt!

0:47:550:47:58

Can I go out?

0:47:580:48:00

No. Watch Max Boyce, please.

0:48:000:48:01

I don't understand the jokes.

0:48:010:48:03

I have never understood the jokes,

0:48:030:48:05

but you don't hear me complaining, do you?

0:48:050:48:07

It's all about the old days.

0:48:070:48:10

The 1970s is not the old days, is it, Huw?

0:48:100:48:13

No.

0:48:130:48:14

Wales has gone soft. It's gone soft, I tell you.

0:48:200:48:23

You can't punch anyone. You can't kick a man's tambourine.

0:48:230:48:27

How much did you have to pay?

0:48:270:48:28

Because it was Christmas they let me off with 50 quid bail, like.

0:48:280:48:33

Plus another 50 for four taxis to the hospital.

0:48:330:48:36

And 20 quid to the tambourine bloke...

0:48:380:48:40

..for his tambourine.

0:48:410:48:42

And where are you going to find that sort of money?

0:48:420:48:45

I got a little trick up my sleeve.

0:48:450:48:48

A little trick called not paying it.

0:48:480:48:51

-They'll catch up with you.

-I'll be all right.

0:48:510:48:55

The boys down the aquarium will have me back, I'm sure of it.

0:48:550:48:59

I can lend you the money, Gorwel.

0:49:000:49:02

I can't take your money, Huw.

0:49:070:49:08

Oh.

0:49:080:49:11

OK.

0:49:110:49:12

Well, thinking about it, I, er... I might be able to take it.

0:49:150:49:19

Right, well...

0:49:190:49:21

Offer's there.

0:49:220:49:24

The more I consider it, the more I feel I could definitely take the money.

0:49:240:49:28

Good.

0:49:300:49:32

Right.

0:49:520:49:53

Who's having a whisky?

0:49:550:49:57

I don't think you should have any more, Gorwel.

0:49:570:50:01

I don't think so either, but here we go.

0:50:010:50:05

'I couldn't work out how Maurice had got so big that he hardly fitted in the room.

0:50:070:50:12

'Or how his hair had got like that.

0:50:120:50:14

'I wondered if a similar thing might happen to me.

0:50:140:50:17

'Still, we got along as well as usual.'

0:50:170:50:21

SNORING

0:50:260:50:29

Snow!

0:50:480:50:51

Snow!

0:50:510:50:53

GORWELL YELLS

0:50:530:50:57

Snow! HE LAUGHS

0:50:590:51:02

THEY LAUGH

0:51:030:51:05

# Gorwel Rhys has

0:51:050:51:07

# Gorwel Rhys has

0:51:070:51:09

# Gorwel Rhys has won a grand!

0:51:090:51:11

-# Gorwel Rhys has won a grand... #

-A mad house, this is.

0:51:110:51:17

-I've won a grand!

-Get down, Gorwel!

-I've won a grand!

-Gorwel!

0:51:170:51:20

When we finish with the presents, let's get sledging like.

0:51:210:51:24

But the snow has melted.

0:51:240:51:26

Oh, don't worry about that. We'll grease 'em up, and off we go.

0:51:260:51:29

-I really don't think this is a good idea.

-Trust me, Bren.

0:51:290:51:32

I waited 15 years for it to snow, like.

0:51:320:51:36

Every dog has its day.

0:51:360:51:38

You're not an animal, Gorwel.

0:51:380:51:41

I'm the closest thing we've got.

0:51:410:51:43

-Come on, boys.

-Geraint, we can't go tobogganing.

0:51:460:51:50

Talk some sense into him, will you?

0:51:500:51:53

Geraint!

0:51:530:51:55

Er...Gorwel...

0:52:000:52:01

Well, this is a stupid idea. I really don't think...

0:52:030:52:06

Oh, you worry too much, Bren.

0:52:060:52:08

Yes, well your problem is you don't worry enough, Gorwel.

0:52:080:52:11

I can't be doing with that pessimism stuff.

0:52:110:52:14

Who was it that said I'd never climbed Mount Everest,

0:52:140:52:17

-or take over Blankety Blank?

-But you haven't.

0:52:170:52:20

Yet.

0:52:200:52:22

-Oh!

-Come on then, boys.

0:52:220:52:24

Let's have it!

0:52:240:52:26

Now the key to winning a sledge race is all about coming down that hill as fast as you can.

0:52:260:52:31

You are going to go down the hill, down the hill.

0:52:310:52:34

What you mustn't do is think about going up the hill.

0:52:340:52:37

I'm not getting on the flaming sledge.

0:52:370:52:39

Don't be ridiculous, boy. How else are you going to win a sledge race?

0:52:390:52:42

You can't tell me what to do.

0:52:420:52:44

Are you disobeying me, boy?

0:52:440:52:46

I'm not a boy! I'm 16 in two weeks.

0:52:460:52:49

I will decide when you're 16, thank you very much.

0:52:490:52:52

Right now you're going to listen to me.

0:52:520:52:54

Everybody here is waiting for you to get on that sledge.

0:52:540:52:57

Do you want to be remembered as the one who spoilt everybody's fun?

0:52:570:53:00

No-one else thinks we should sledge.

0:53:000:53:02

Everyone except you and Gorwel wants to go home.

0:53:020:53:06

What, so you know that, do you? You know what everybody wants, do you?

0:53:060:53:09

Why don't you ask them? Go on. Let's have a vote.

0:53:090:53:12

Who thinks that we should sledge down this hill?

0:53:120:53:15

Well, I don't think much of the idea, to be honest.

0:53:150:53:18

It's treacherous, but, well, if Owen wants to.

0:53:180:53:21

I'm just worried that someone's going to get hurt,

0:53:210:53:24

but if Owen's got his heart set on it then...

0:53:240:53:27

I don't really fancy it.

0:53:290:53:30

There you go. You see?

0:53:320:53:33

No-one but you and Gorwel thinks that we should do it

0:53:330:53:36

-and Gorwel's not right in the head.

-How dare you say that towards your Uncle Gorwel!

0:53:360:53:40

You said it yourself.

0:53:400:53:41

You said if there was any sense,

0:53:410:53:43

they'd lock him up in the aquarium and throw away the key.

0:53:430:53:45

He's distorting. I didn't...

0:53:450:53:48

-I'll tell you another thing, my boy...

-I'm not your boy!

0:53:480:53:50

Yes, you flaming well are! Those tests were inconclusive.

0:53:500:53:54

I'm not anyone's boy.

0:53:540:53:56

I don't need you.

0:53:560:53:57

All you ever done for me is boss me around, talk down to me.

0:53:570:54:01

"Shut up, Maurice. Go over there, Maurice.

0:54:010:54:03

"Maurice, this is my girlfriend.

0:54:030:54:05

"She's a dog walker, but also does erotic dancing."

0:54:050:54:08

Nothing wrong with having a dual income.

0:54:080:54:10

Well, not this time.

0:54:100:54:11

This time you're going to do what I want,

0:54:110:54:14

and we're not sledging down that hill.

0:54:140:54:17

No-one is sledging down that hill.

0:54:170:54:19

Watch out! Watch out, Bren!

0:54:190:54:23

CRASH!

0:54:230:54:24

I told you one day it'd be me sitting around with my feet up.

0:54:310:54:35

You know what you did was very impressive.

0:54:380:54:40

Anybody can look at their father and say hero,

0:54:410:54:44

but you realised I'm just a man,

0:54:440:54:46

like Tom Jones,

0:54:460:54:48

and like Tom, I make mistakes.

0:54:480:54:51

In the New Year, I thought perhaps we could spend some more...

0:54:540:54:59

father and son time together.

0:54:590:55:01

Quality time.

0:55:010:55:03

Do you want to go to Alton Towers?

0:55:050:55:08

Yeah? Good lad, yeah, I know a couple of people there.

0:55:080:55:11

-Like Tom Jones, I'll get it shut down for the day so we can have it to ourselves.

-Huw, come back.

0:55:110:55:17

Better go and help finish off.

0:55:170:55:19

What are you watching?

0:55:220:55:24

It's A Wonderful Life.

0:55:240:55:27

What happened?

0:55:280:55:30

This chap was depressed, and then it turns out that life is, er, wonderful.

0:55:300:55:37

Any good?

0:55:380:55:41

I quite liked it.

0:55:410:55:44

Everybody, please take you places at the table. The dinner is prepared.

0:55:490:55:53

-Come on, Bren.

-Come on.

0:55:530:55:56

Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay.

0:56:000:56:02

-The Rhys brothers proudly present the turkey.

-Sandwiches.

0:56:020:56:09

Oh!

0:56:090:56:11

Do you know, I love a turkey sandwich.

0:56:110:56:14

Oh, hold on a minute, Bren. I made you a special sandwich, like.

0:56:140:56:17

-Oh!

-There we are.

-Thank you.

0:56:170:56:21

There we are.

0:56:210:56:23

Stilton.

0:56:250:56:26

Gorwel...

0:56:320:56:34

I don't actually like cheese.

0:56:350:56:37

What?! Gone off it, have you?

0:56:370:56:40

I've never liked it, I just didn't know how to tell you.

0:56:400:56:45

In that case, Bren, I apologise for having got you over ten years' worth of cheese and related paraphernalia.

0:56:510:56:58

It's the thought that counts.

0:56:590:57:02

I must admit, I'm a little relieved.

0:57:040:57:06

I was having a helluva time tracking down cheeses of Antarctic.

0:57:060:57:10

Merry Christmas, everyone.

0:57:130:57:15

ALL: Merry Christmas!

0:57:150:57:17

'So although every Christmas was the same - in a way, this one was a bit different.

0:57:170:57:23

'Huw had learned to value his son.

0:57:230:57:26

'My parents, to value each other.

0:57:260:57:29

'Gorwel had learned not to hurtle towards people on a toboggan.

0:57:320:57:35

'A lesson he sadly forgot only days later.

0:57:350:57:39

'And me, not sure what I learned really.

0:57:400:57:44

'But for what it's worth, I've passed it on.

0:57:440:57:48

'Merry Christmas.'

0:57:480:57:50

"WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" PLAYS

0:57:520:57:55

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:230:58:26

One-off period comedy, peeping into the lives of a south Wales family's Christmases across the 1980s, written by comedian Mark Watson and inspired by a Dylan Thomas short story. Christmas in this household may be a less than poetic affair, but it is just as eventful. So much changes across a decade in any family, and yet so much manages to remain the same.