Brexageddon?!

This programme contains some strong language

We will give the British people a referendum -

an in-out referendum.

The dawn is breaking on an independent United Kingdom.

We will feel like a divided nation.

Back to Project Fear.

I want them to stay in it.

-Take back control.

-Take back control.

-And take back control.

I kissed a crocodile in Australia.

We're out.

On 23rd June, the British public

were asked to vote on the EU referendum,

the outcome of which was a vote to Leave.

Our cameras were given unprecedented access

to two of the Leave campaign's biggest advocates.

James Twottington-Burbage is a Tory MP

who's been making a name for himself in the Conservative Party.

-Lovely to see you, mate.

-Good to see you.

-How's it going?

-Good.

Just wanted to give you this Bullingdon album.

-Thank you very much.

-Will you give me a sign of it?

-No, no.

And over the last five years, Ukip's Dennis Pound

has been campaigning for the UK to leave the EU.

There's a very good question -

how long will it take to get the migrants out?

You know, we're not in any hurry,

we don't want to push the situation, you know,

and cause any aggression or violence,

so we're thinking within two to three weeks.

It's 9am the day after the referendum.

James and Dennis are on College Green Westminster

greeting fellow politicians and the world's press.

-Oh, I'm from Ukip.

-Are you? Yeah.

That was a bit of a conversation killer, the Ukip thing, wasn't it?

Congratulations. Shall we hug it out?

-Just wanted to say hi.

-Yes, hi.

-How are you doing?

-Very well, thank you.

Chose the wrong side there, though, didn't you, mate?

-Let's go for a spritzer later.

-I can't, I'm afraid...

-Five o'clock?

-No, I've got to go home and get some sleep...

-Six?

-..and get back for Newsnight.

-Tomorrow then?

-No, I've got a conference...

-OK. Add me on Facebook, Dennis Pound.

-OK.

-OK, I'll tweet at you.

-Thanks, Dennis.

-OK. I love you.

I mean... Did I say that? Jesus Christ.

-Well, finally we can get back to a good old Britain, you know.

-Exactly.

Exactly. Eggs, ale, fish and chips, er,

and casual racism.

THEY LAUGH

-I didn't say that!

-Where you knew your neighbour,

never talked to him, but at least you knew he was white, you know what I mean?

-Anyway, good to see you.

-Take care, mate.

If you just say you're very, very sorry and you got it wrong,

I'm sure he'll let you back in.

What have I to be let in to?

Well, you know, the new dawn, you know, the new Britain.

I think if what you're saying at the moment is part of the new dawn then I'm not looking forward to it.

Only hours after the referendum result, the value of the pound

had begun dropping to levels not seen since 1985.

Meanwhile, Leave campaigners are looking to distance themselves

from their suggestion that £350 million a week

saved from contributions to the European Union

could be spent on the NHS instead.

Can you guarantee that's going to go to the NHS?

No, I can't.

Let's give our NHS the £350 million the EU takes every week.

That is a promise broken.

No, it's not a promise broken, I never said that.

James and Dennis are seeking guidance from leading Brexiteers

on what line they should be taking with the media.

What do you think our line should be?

It should be it will take time to disentangle,

but whatever the short-term turbulence,

it's worth it in the long-term for what we will bequeath to future generations.

Great, OK, Liam. I'll call your office later. We'll talk.

The economy's tanked to shit. What shall I say?

Well, it won't be tanked.

I'm just saying, sterling's gone right down the pan.

You must be very proud of everything you've done.

I mean, I've been wanting to do this for a while,

-so we've done it...

-Absolutely.

We've destabilised the market and we've actually put ourselves

in a position we can finally have Britain for Britons.

Alistair, we had trouble with all that breaking point racism stuff.

I was wondering if you could help us spin it a bit.

-Oh, are you being funny?

-No, if you can help us spin it...

-You're being funny.

-Just a dossier saying we're not that dodgy.

Oh, you're so funny, aren't you? Tosser.

I don't think that we'd be invaded within 45 minutes by migrants,

but maybe an hour and a half.

Can we create a dossier saying something like that?

-Right, what will happen?

-Go away!

Thanks, Alistair. Take care, mate.

Yeah?

Beg your pardon?

What did you say, sir?

Tosser. Apparently I'm a tosser. Classic Labour.

-Wanted to ask your advice.

-Sorry, I have...

I'm getting asked by journalists a lot what to say because obviously

it's divided the country,

we've sacrificed the economy - what would be your line to it?

No, we're going to take it slowly...

Because it's gone down to the levels of 1985, sterling and stuff,

I'm having to sort of make up a lie, like, "We knew this would happen."

-Wait until tomorrow.

-So we knew this would happen?

It's going to be all right, isn't it?

No, I don't think it is.

Everyone's going to be happy. I mean, we can have a great,

fantastic British future for Britain.

Well, I'd love that to happen.

Hard-working, er, white, er...

de...er, working, British people.

That's the most important thing.

-Well, it's not just for white people.

-Not just for white people.

Various hues, up until sort of beige, and beyond that...

OK.

OK, you can quote me on that. Thanks, Tim.

Welcome to Inside The Story!

I'm Dale Maily,

fearless hetero journalist who's not afraid to be unafraid.

I deliver fair, impartial news, as it happens,

wherever it happens,

telling you the right way to think.

Hello, I'm Dale Maily and welcome to Inside The Story.

The EU referendum heralded British Independence Day,

but now some lunatic left-wingers want a second EU referendum.

Boo-hoo!

So I'm here to tell them to grow up, shut up and get a job!

Just walking through here there's a definite smell of Caffe Nero,

of quinoa and of lesbianism.

You're taking the great out of Great Britain, isn't that right?

I believe that's completely incorrect, because I believe

that's populist rhetoric which actually means nothing.

-Populist rhetoric?

-Yes, I believe it is populist rhetoric.

What-what-what-what rhetoric have you got? Nothing.

We had "take our country back".

What did you have? Facts. We're all sick of facts.

I'm basically a Communist, and I want to draw...

-You're an open Communist?

-I am, I give money

to the Communist Party of Great Britain.

-And you're proud of that, are you?

-Yes.

-Do you hate this country?

OK, I believe the demonstration's moving now,

we may be going down to the Houses of Parliament.

The left wing mob literally marching on Parliament,

virtually demanding Boris Johnson's head!

And a bus driver! Bus driver! Revolt on the streets! Revolt!

The bus drivers are revolting!

Oh, my... People are putting European flags

on Winston Churchill! Shame on you, madam! Shame on you!

Just trying to get through the fun

to see what is actually going on here.

Liberal lefties everywhere,

sitting down in a strange sort of Occupy formation.

Get out the way, hippie! Get out the way!

People here, continuing to protest,

people literally getting on each other's backs refusing to do

the British thing and just go home and mutter to yourself in a corner.

'More from the front line of these soap dodgers coming up later!'

-I'm Seb.

-And I'm Milez.

And we're North London's most fabulous Guardianistas.

And we're literally devastated that everybody voted to leave the EU.

So we started a petition to have a second EU referendum.

We've got 4.1 million signatures, but we want more.

So we decided to go to Salford in Manchester,

-where, like, 57% of people voted to leave the EU.

-Eww.

Sign the petition to stay in the EU and admit you were a bit wrong.

Excuse me, could I speak to you for two seconds about signing

-a petition to stay in the EU?

-No, thank you.

Not signing nothing!

It's the best thing the UK did - leave.

-I think you must be a bit confused about that.

-No, I'm not confused.

Did you mean Remain and got it wrong?

-No. I'm an out. Out.

-Oh.

-And you can read and everything?

-I can read, and I can write.

Have you not heard, right, that a lot of banks like JP Morgan

are going to get rid of a lot of their staff?

Like, you won't be able to get a job at JP Morgan now.

-It's hard enough to get a job as it is.

-Right.

We had a fishing industry. The EU took it off us, our fishing.

-But they've given us so much more, like...

-What have they given us?

Well, you know, Beaujolais. Why risk that?!

They'll never stop selling us wine!

There's a small chance they might, and I'm terrified!

We don't think you're racist, we just think you're wrong.

I just want this country to get out of the fucking shithole it's in now.

'Well, Salford was a tad disappointing,

'so we're heading back home and going guerilla in East London.'

'OMG, gorilla emojis?!'

Hi, can you sign our petition to stay in the EU?

Stay in? Fuck yeah.

I've already done that online, but I'll do it again.

-(We're starting a middle-class militia.)

-That's crazy.

We will absolutely kill you

with memes, Snapchats, and good, organic kale.

And we're to have to take some extreme measures against the people who voted Leave.

-Let's do it.

-Cos they're all xenophobic racists.

Yeah, I know they are.

-Did you vote Remain?

-I voted out, actually.

-Did you, really?

-Yeah, I did.

-No way, man.

You totally look like... You've got all the right tattoos.

-I thought you would have definitely voted Remain.

-No.

-Were you doing it ironically?

-Yeah, did you vote ironically?

Oh, my God, it was a joke. Are you being amazing?

I reckon there's probably about five million people that were just

so dumb they didn't really know what it'd do.

Only five million of the 17 million people were dumb?

-Well, possibly 10, 15.

-I reckon probably a bit more.

Why did you vote Leave, man?

Because there's too many people in this country at the moment.

But why don't we just kick out some of those little Englanders

and have more Spanish people and Parisians?

Cos they're much cooler.

After the events of the past week,

I wanted to talk directly to Labour Party members.

I was very honoured to be elected leader of our party

with 60% of the votes. I have a huge responsibility.

I'm carrying out that responsibility,

and I'm carrying on with that responsibility.

Two thirds of our supporters voted to Remain in the European Union,

and we overtook the Tories in the local government elections.

I want to reach out to all our members, to all our supporters,

to all our trade union affiliates, and to my colleagues in Parliament.

We're now on the biggest membership we've been,

certainly in all of my lifetime.

That membership wants me, as leader, to achieve a better society,

better standards of living and real equality in the future.

-EXAGGERATED SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-We're Haddock and Bream from the SNP.

Scotland voted in, London voted in,

so we're creating the independent state of ScotLond.

-EXAGGERATED SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-The only real opposition

in Parliament right now is the SNP.

To be honest, I said it three weeks ago,

I said, "If this goes against us,

"I shan't want to live in England any more."

So, basically, what we want to do is get Scotland and London twinned.

This is for ScotLond.

-So it's going to be ScotLond.

-ScotLond.

-Do you want to sign up, then?

-Yeah.

-Great.

We believe in the redistribution of wealth.

If there was any wealth in Scotland, we'd probably redistribute that.

Scotland wants independence,

but we're going to take London with us, mate.

No, no, you had a vote and you voted against independence.

You cannae have our oil and you cannae have our freedom, all right?

-It's not your oil...

-Either. Freedom or oil.

-It's British oil.

Have you ever felt a man's balls underneath his kilt?

-No.

-Would you like to?

If you just sign "och, aye" or "och, no".

-Take care, all right?

-All right, big man. See you later.

Choose freedom, all right?

-Choose life. Choose a

-BLEEP

-big television.

-All right. Choose heroin.

-No, not heroin.

-Booze. Choose it all.

-Not heroin.

As well as Tory James and Ukip Dennis,

our cameras have been given access within the Labour Party.

-Hello.

-Good evening. Goodbye. Thank you very much for coming.

The result of Brexit has seen the Labour Party become gripped

by a political civil war,

with heartland voters opting for Leave,

a vote of no confidence was issued by 172 MPs

in the Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

More than 50% of the Shadow Cabinet has now resigned.

We've all had a torrid few days. Well, at least I have.

At the heart of the Party divide is Labour activist

and Corbyn supporter, Robin Buckwheat.

On the other side of the divide is special advisor to the

Labour Party and Blairite, Penny Plank.

We catch up with them both outside Parliament,

where a Keep Corbyn protest rally is taking place.

Robin is one of over 100,000 new Labour recruits,

and he wants Corbyn to stay.

-I heard that

-BLEEP

-Hilary Benn and Tom Watson and all them slugs

organised the EU referendum just to get rid of him anyway.

Revolution!

Meanwhile, Penny is sussing out how to dislodge Corbyn.

-Are you a big Jeremy supporter, then?

-Yeah. Are you?

Yeah, yeah. I respect the fact that he's completely unelectable as well.

-Yeah.

-I'm incredibly distinct from a Tory, you know.

The Tories believe in capitalism,

we believe in capitalism, a little bit less.

You know, the Tories believe in free markets.

We believe in free markets, a little bit less.

-You sound like a Tory just now.

-Tories believe in austerity.

We believe in austerity, a little bit less.

So...what's the plan? What's the plan now?

-Plan?

-Are we going to storm the building, or, like, what?

Already it's good enough being here.

But I'm just confused, because Jeremy said we were In for the EU.

We all wanted to be In.

But then he went on that show and he said he was seven-and-a-half In.

-I got confused.

-Seven-and-a-half is a good number.

But that's not really In, is it? Is that In or Out?

That's In.

It is great how he represents the working people.

Yes, of course he does.

Graphic designers and novelists and film makers and...

And he's a gentleman.

Perhaps if you guys went to Savile Row

and Jeremy stopped looking like a disgraced geography teacher,

he might be a bit more electable, perhaps, you know?

Oh, for God's sake! Does a suit make a man?

Well, it certainly helps.

I'm right behind him. I mean, he has to stay, hasn't he, really?

As long as you're not behind him with a knife, I don't mind.

No, not a knife. Not a knife. A fork, perhaps. Or a spoon. Maybe.

What affects you more - the plight of the African honey bee

or the imprisonment of my friend,

the innocent terrorist Mohammed al-Banzani?

Probably the second one.

Is he going to win the people in the middle?

Is he going to be able to bring people back from the Tory Party

after this debacle of the referendum?

That's the question we have to ask ourselves, really, isn't it?

-Can he win over the Tory voters?

-Yes.

-You think so?

-Yes.

With Jeremy Corbyn refusing to step down,

Penny takes matters into his own hands.

Armed with a dossier of dirt,

he approaches someone who he thinks may help.

I'm with the Labour Party and I've got some information

that I thought perhaps you might find of use.

It's just some photos of Jeremy.

You're being a bit bold, approaching me here in Westminster.

Well, perhaps you could use this on Channel 4 News.

Pictures of Jeremy in the shower.

Journalistic confidentiality, of course. You didn't see me, did you?

OK. Thanks very much.

Having been turned down by the media,

Penny goes to the master of New Labour, Lord Peter Mandelson.

Peter, Peter.

I've got some information on Corbyn

that I thought you might be interested in.

It's what you might call a dossier...

Not in the least bit interested. Thank you very much.

Obviously the party is in disarray.

We're never going to get elected like this, are we?

There's a picture of him naked in the shower.

He leans left when he's naked as well. Sorry.

No!

After failing to gain support for his illicit campaign

to dislodge Jeremy Corbyn, Penny decides to track him down

to persuade him to leave the country.

Yes. No, I've tried the stick, it's time to try the carrot.

Yes, no, me and Angela and all the gang,

we've got together and bought him a lovely retirement time-share

in socialist Venezuela. Perhaps that will get rid of him.

Oh, he's coming. I'd better go. OK.

Jeremy... We've all clubbed together, Angela and everyone,

we've got you this lovely cruise to Venezuela.

-INDISTINCT

-Lovely retirement home. It's a time-share...

We're thinking you might...

-REPORTER:

-..leadership contest, what do you make of that?

Well, he didn't seem to want it. Bit of a shame.

Such a nice cruise, first-class...

Actually, we got him economy because

we thought it was more his sort of thing.

I'm Jean-Claude.

-Jean-Paul.

-You leave EU, now we move the Jungle from Calais to Dover.

-Bon.

-Beouf.

The UK border is currently in France.

And so, we have the refugees coming to England living on our Calais land.

But now the UK leaves the EU, we've pushed them the border back

to England and the refugee jungle comes with it.

Even Alain Juppe agrees.

I think we have to...

review those agreements, because as they have been signed six

years ago, they are not acceptable any more.

We've come to Dover to break the news to you stupid English people.

How come you are surveying around here? What are you building?

We're going to move the migrant camp, you know,

the Calais camp ...

-Yeah?

-It is going to come here now, to Dover.

Fuck off.

All these people are going to come and live in this local area.

-Never going to happen.

-Well, it will. Because we are going to let them come.

Why, because your Boris Johnson tell you it will not happen?

You believe what he says? You believe Boris. Or Mr Farage.

-They've all pulled out, now, haven't they?

-Exactly.

So now you are leaving Europe...

But you realise that because you are no longer in the EU,

we have to let them through?

All the migrants going to be here.

-Well, what can we do?

-This is what I told you.

-I said.

-What did you say? You knew this was going to happen?

You are smart, unlike most English people.

I know.

United Nations...

Refugee treaty.

..and you haven't got no right to remove them, unfortunately.

Well, we're not going to move them ourselves,

we're just not going to stop them moving if they want to come here.

There will be sort of, quite a lot of mess and cockroaches around here.

But it's OK, the rats will eat the cockroaches.

-It'll be fine.

-It will be fine, yes.

Why do you let 'em move right across France before you stop them?

You should stop 'em...

Ooh, la la. Is not we did not want them to come in, I understand...

Yeah, so why didn't you stop them at the other end of France?

Well, they want to come to England.

-I don't give a fuck where they want to go.

-Where we get them from?

-You should have stopped them when they first got in.

-Now, it is not our problem any more.

Yeah, but you don't look after them, you let them live in camps. We look after them.

Well, you see how difficult it is, once you have 3,000 migrants

on the street here and in the churchyard, and you see how easy it is to look after...

-It is difficult, my friend.

-The reason they're in churchyards is cos we house the bastards.

Good work, Jean-Paul.

Now we can have our cafe.

With the break-up between the UK and EU on the horizon,

Tory James has been dispatched to the EU headquarters in Strasbourg

in an attempt to ensure a smooth and painless separation.

I'm sorry this is happening.

-We can still be friends.

-Me, too.

I hope, I hope we will be friends.

Just incredibly awkward friends.

So I just wanted to talk to you about the break-up.

-Uh-huh?

-It's not you, it's me.

-OK.

-Well, it's not really me,

it's just 17 million people who don't like you.

Yes, OK.

I think a little bit, I come later.

You can think about it, but it's happened already.

We've broken up with you.

-Yes.

-Don't be clingy.

-Yes.

-You know what I mean?

-Yes.

-Just know when enough's enough.

-Yes, I know.

So, what's the feeling in Berlin?

The feeling in Berlin is very clear.

You said unfortunately goodbye, so out is out,

there is no chance to have a correction...

Hang on, it doesn't have to be nasty, it can be a divorce,

but we can still visit each other at weekends. Have coffee...

We can have good relations,

but you are third country and nothing else, in the future.

You know, as an Englishman, I want to say sorry,

I don't think we really thought about the Irish...

No, but you know what?

As an English person,

and I'm sure not you particularly, not specifically, yous never have.

Right.

That man was completely hollow.

-What, Boris Johnson?

-Yes.

He is a bit hollow, but he has a lovely face.

It's a break-up, OK?

So you can keep your DVDs, OK, and we'll share the dog, right?

And then we can be part of the single market

and you can keep the migrants. OK?

I think you can control migration.

We can, we can control immigration.

But the price will be enormous.

Well, we'll have control of that.

We just want to make sure we're in the single market as well.

-Well, that's impossible.

-Well, come on, nothing is impossible.

-If you want...

-Right...

..the common market, you have to share the common problems.

So we have the common market

-and you take the common problem? Come on, it's a deal.

-No.

-Go.

-Why?

-This is the door.

Support for the British vote to Leave came strongest from

French far-right party leader Marine Le Pen of Le Front National.

..Liberte envoye au monde entier.

What should we do with the immigrants from Syria, Afghanistan,

should we just put them in boats and send them back,

brick up the Channel Tunnel and say, enough's enough, I'm sorry, the door is closed?

So egalite, fraternite, fromage frais?

Maybe... You're a wonderful woman,

I was wondering maybe you and me could go for a drink, or...

-Some food, pain au chocolat...

-SHE CHUCKLES

So, my number's under there. All right?

-OK.

-OK, bien. Thanks so much. Great.

What an absolute lynx.

Oh, for God's sake! What's it still doing here?

They've got to realise it's over.

It's over.

Meanwhile, Ukip Dennis has also travelled abroad.

He's landed in the Costa del Sol to help the British migrants

and holiday-makers find a safe and secure passage back to the UK.

If the whole economy is going to come crashing down around us,

it's better if it's sunshine and a bit of sea and a nice cerveza.

Yes. This is the way to see the end of the world, isn't it?

And I speak a bit of passing Spanish as well, so I can get by.

I just put "o" at the end of everything. Banco, zero...

-That's true.

-Yeah, true-o.

-So you voted...? You both voted Out?

-I voted Out.

You voted Out. You voted Out. It's going to get better now, is it?

-Eventually.

-OK.

How long until it gets better again and stops getting worse?

-Maybe five years.

-Right.

-Ten years, I'd say.

Ten years.

Cos no-one... No-one told me that.

-Are you English, mate?

-Belgium.

-Ah.

EU?

Still in the EU?

Still in the EU?

Typical, foreigners don't speak English.

-Don't worry about it, mate.

-I speak a little English, but...

-Well, not very good.

-You haven't tried very hard, have you?

-HE LAUGHS

-No problem.

-I speak Spanish.

Cheerio-o.

Cerveza.

All right! Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Pablo.

Cheers, Pablo. Do you speak English?

You just speak too quick, I don't understand.

Oh, Jesus!

If I speak louder, does that help you understand?

SPEAKS SPANISH

What?

Night-time has descended in the Costa del Sol and Dennis

has decided to do some extra research on behalf of Ukip.

DANCE MUSIC

HE RETCHES

Fuck it.

I'm awake.

-So, did you vote Leave, or Remain?

-No, I voted Leave.

-You voted Leave?

-Yeah.

-But you live here?

-Yeah.

I thought a lot of people that lived here would have voted Remain,

but good to hear that you're a patriot even though you live in someone else's country.

100%. But I'm not racist against anyone...

No, of course not.

But it's going to stop all the migrants coming in.

-What, into the UK?

-What's the ratio, 49%?

-I don't know.

-It's a hell of a lot.

-And all the Spanish...

-So how do you say, "I'm not racist, but..." in Spanish?

-You tell me.

You know when I was voting In or Out, I didn't know that the man in charge was going to go...

-"Oh..."

-See you later.

-Yeah.

-I'm off to the Costa del Sol.

Brussels is going to go, "Told you you shouldn't..."

-"Told you you shouldn't?"

-Told you you shouldn't have, you stupid idiots.

I don't want some German telling me what to do, unless it's the Queen.

Quite sad.

-Why are you sad?

-I'm going to go home.

I have just been to Buckingham Palace where Her Majesty the Queen

has asked me to form a new government.

And I accepted.

In David Cameron, I follow in the footsteps of a great,

modern prime minister.

David's true legacy is about social justice.

From the introduction of same-sex marriage

to taking people on low wages out of income tax altogether,

David Cameron has led a one-nation government

and it is in that spirit that I also plan to lead.

The full title of my party is

the Conservative and Unionist Party

and that word Unionist is very important to me.

I want to address you directly.

I know you're working around the clock.

Following the referendum, we face a time of great national change.

Together, we will build a better Britain.

For James Twottington-Burbage, Boris Johnson is a hero.

However, over the course of the Leave campaign,

Boris has been accused of lying.

-Boris?

-Boris is a liar!

-'He's also been accused of lying in the past.'

Making up quotes.

Lying to your party leader, wanting to be part of somebody being

physically assaulted, you're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?

James sees this as an opportunity to help Boris and has ghost-written a

new bestseller in an attempt to spin Boris's lies into smart politics.

Got a first edition of Boris Johnson's guide to politics -

Pathological Liar - Everyone Loves A Fool.

Boris, fantastic. I just wanted to give you your book.

Boris Johnson, Pathological Liar, everybody loves it ...

-Are you lying right now?

-Do you mind if I just...?

-Absolutely fantastic.

I can never tell if you're doing it or not.

You're like the Donald Trump of lying.

You know, you've got much better hair, though. Amazing work.

Like a pathological liar, I've never seen anything like it,

I really haven't. Boris, can we talk about it, just quickly?

He's one of my friends!

I was in the Buller with him! Boris!

Dennis Pound's idol is Ukip leader Nigel Farage.

You know, when I came here 17 years ago,

and I said that I wanted to lead a campaign to get Britain to

leave the European Union, you laughed at me.

Well, I have to say, you're not laughing now, are you?

With Farage ruffling feathers at the EU, there is concern that

Europeans living in the UK will have to leave, post-Brexit.

Dennis is quick to reassure the British future of one such EU migrant.

Over the moon that we're out of the EU and there's an added bonus,

we get to kick out all the migrants, which is nice.

But obviously, not the good ones, you know, like not Nigel's wife, who is lovely.

And also German.

So I got the visa for Nige's wife.

Night, I picked up Mrs Farage's visa.

I didn't want her to get caught short now that we are kicking all the migrants out.

Do you want me to leave it for you here or...?

Leave it in the office.

INDISTINCT

What about football, there's no Fabregas...

Unbelievable scenes here!

The liberal elite literally flooding the streets!

As Nigel Farage said, this is breaking point!

You've got a beard, you look like a wizard. Are you a wizard?

-I was a wizard once, funnily enough!

-Exclusive - this man is indeed a wizard.

-What are you saying, my friend?

-No goodbyes based on lies!

-What lies? What lies?

-All the lies.

-What were the lies?

Where's my NHS money?

17 million people can't be wrong,

-whereas 16 million people can definitely be wrong.

-Yeah.

Mr Duncan, what do you make of the situation that is taking

place outside Parliament today?

Well, I think it's good-natured...

Are you shocked by what you're seeing?

I don't know what they are saying beyond the fact that...

There's hippies, they're talking about quinoa and hummus and some of them have

got signs that say very offensive things about Members of Parliament.

If that's what they're saying, if they're being offensive,

it is utterly unacceptable.

So you condemn this demonstration?

I condemn extremism, vile language...

Absolutely.

The attack on people, the racism,

and everything we've seen since the referendum. I condemn that outright.

Why do you think so many people are so frustrated after such

a clear, coherent plan was given for Brexit?

Hang on! What clear, coherent plan was given for Brexit?

# We are marching, to stay together

# We want our peace in Europe now! #

Frankly, Dale Maily completely lost for words here.

Um...

Is your mother ashamed of you?

What're you doing here today? Because surely, the people have spoken.

-Some people have spoken.

-17 million of them.

Yeah, but it was split.

Yeah, but don't you want to live in a Britain where you don't

have to speak another language to get a pint of milk?

Well, there you have it. These Bremainers think In is Out, up is down, and black is good.

But if they want to Bremain so much, why don't they just piss off to Brussels?

This is Dale Maily, getting inside the story at the Houses of Parliament.

# So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodnight

# I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

# So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu

# Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you... #

HE HUMS

Right...