Reece Shearsmith in The Case of the High Foot Original Comedy Shorts


Reece Shearsmith in The Case of the High Foot

Comedy short set in the 1930s in which Hilda Stolf (Sally Phillips) visits her doctor (Reece Shearsmith) complaining of a rare case of 'high foot'.


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Transcript


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BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:00:040:00:07

KNOCK AT DOOR Ja, come in.

0:00:090:00:11

Mein God!

0:00:150:00:16

Greetings, Herr Doktor.

0:00:240:00:27

My name is Hilda Stolf.

0:00:270:00:29

Velcome, Hilda. Good times, easy living, let's go and do it.

0:00:290:00:33

What seems to be the problem?

0:00:330:00:35

I think I am suffering from high foot.

0:00:350:00:38

Mein God! Let me see.

0:00:380:00:40

Mein God, this office!

0:00:420:00:45

GLASS SMASHES

0:00:460:00:47

Schweinhund.

0:00:490:00:50

I have arrived now, Hilda.

0:00:580:01:01

Ja, your right foot,

0:01:010:01:02

this one, Hilda,

0:01:020:01:04

does seem to be considerably higher than your left foot,

0:01:040:01:07

which is this other one here, Hilda.

0:01:070:01:10

Oh, my God.

0:01:110:01:13

A third foot?

0:01:130:01:15

I am very happy with it.

0:01:150:01:16

And so you should be, it is magnificent.

0:01:160:01:19

But back to the first of the three feet in consideration, Hilda.

0:01:190:01:26

How long has it been so raised, Hilda?

0:01:260:01:29

31 years, Doktor.

0:01:290:01:31

Yet you only just noticed?!

0:01:330:01:35

I have been complacent in monitoring my feet height,

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but in my defence, Doktor,

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the raising has been very...

0:01:400:01:43

fucking...

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gradual.

0:01:450:01:46

Apple?

0:01:460:01:47

Ja. DOG BARKS

0:01:470:01:49

- Banana? - Ja.

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SHEEP BAAS Parsnip?

0:01:500:01:53

No.

0:01:540:01:55

GLASS SMASHES Schweinhund!

0:01:550:01:56

As I thought, your mind is in perfect working order.

0:01:560:02:01

HE CHUCKLES

0:02:010:02:02

Oh, wow, look at that rare sight.

0:02:020:02:04

BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:040:02:07

MUSIC STOPS

0:02:110:02:13

I thought a shock might lower it.

0:02:130:02:15

BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:160:02:21

MUSIC STOPS Grrrr!

0:02:230:02:25

Oh, maybe you have the leg gremlin.

0:02:260:02:29

Ah, that would make sense,

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- my father was a gremlinologist. - Hmm, really?

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A gremlinologist, you say. What was his name?

0:02:340:02:37

Arthur C Stolf.

0:02:370:02:38

Oh, ja, what's the "C" for?

0:02:380:02:41

- Sailing ships in. - Boom-bang-a-bang.

0:02:410:02:43

I bought my mother-in-law a new chair for Christmas,

0:02:430:02:45

but she would not plug it in!

0:02:450:02:46

Shang-a-lang-a-bing-bang. My mother-in-law is so fat

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she needs planning permission just to enter Innsbruck.

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Let the good times roll.

0:02:520:02:54

She is very fat but she is an angel.

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An angel, you say. You're so lucky, mine is still alive.

0:02:560:03:00

Ha-ha-ha.

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But my high foot, Doktor,

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what is to be done?

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What is to be done?! I'll tell you what.

0:03:050:03:07

HE WHEEZES Do you want to know

0:03:100:03:12

what I'm going to do?

0:03:120:03:13

Nothing.

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Thank you, Herr Doktor,

0:03:190:03:21

I was so worried you were going to make me take off my hat.

0:03:210:03:25

Oh, no, no, no! We do not do that any more, Hilda.

0:03:250:03:28

No, no, no, this is not the Dark Ages.

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HE CHUCKLES

0:03:310:03:32

So, I am free to go?

0:03:320:03:34

Ja, you're free, get out of here.

0:03:340:03:36

Go easy, ride the breeze.

0:03:360:03:38

You bet I will!

0:03:380:03:41

Schweinhund!

0:03:410:03:43

SHE CHUCKLES

0:03:430:03:45

BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:03:450:03:48

Comedy short set in the 1930s in which Hilda Stolf (Sally Phillips) visits her doctor (Reece Shearsmith) complaining of a rare case of 'high foot'.


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