Food - Part 1 The Grumpy Guide To


Food - Part 1

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Remember when your hot meal was a soggy school dinner,

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an overcooked roast at the local carvery

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or a charred treat in the all new burger bar?

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Well, they tell us that British cuisine has improved,

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so why do we now suffer from food fury and gastronomic grumpiness?

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A timbale of rice.

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In a mung bean reduction with a wallaby jus.

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What a load of pretentious bollocks.

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Everyone seems obsessed with what they put down their gullet.

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Worrying about the airmiles it's travelled,

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or trying to grow it themselves in some green-fingered Good Life fantasy world.

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It's insane. You know, why are we eating any of this at all?

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Meanwhile, our telly diet is marinaded in celebrity chefs,

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and the local greengrocer has been expertly stuffed by a huge supermarket.

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If you get something like a chicken Kiev,

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it should just say "salt, with some chicken Kiev."

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We've gone from powdered egg to bloody goji berries, whatever they are.

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How come stuff that's supposed to be good for you is horrible?

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It's time for us Grumpies to lift the lid and let off steam.

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Do I have an educated palate?

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Yes, it's been educated to chips and fish fingers and fried eggs.

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Love a bit of food, me.

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I'm lucky, because I can eat and eat and not put a pound on.

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I put it down to a high metabolism.

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I've eaten some odd things in my time.

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I've eaten a goat's testicle,

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I've eaten a rat curry, I've eaten a dried fish on a stick.

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Fussiness was not an option. It was, food down,

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if you don't want to eat it, don't.

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It'll go in the bin. Go hungry. See you tomorrow, end of.

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My wife has educated me quite a great deal

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in the ways of the gourmand

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but I'm pretty simple. I don't really like veg.

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That'll be the first thing I say, I'm not a vegetarian.

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-Here we are.

-Mmmm, wonderful.

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I think I have an educated palate.

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That's not to say I'm easily fooled by fancy-schmancy,

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"Oh, look, there's a tiny bit of food on this big plate"

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"and it's sky high and you're meant to think it's delicious." I know what's delicious.

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When did strolling the supermarket aisle

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become more like walking a fashion catwalk?

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Everything that we digest these days seems to be dictated to us

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by groups of food fashionistas and culinary snobs.

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When things become fashionable and people tell you,

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"you don't want that, you want this."

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I go, "No, I want that."

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"But it's what everyone's having." I think, "so what?"

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With clothes, OK, but not food.

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What I like is what I like. It still tastes good.

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Food and fashion statements.

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It's an ongoing thing, isn't it, you know?

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Nouvelle cuisine, gastro pubs, fancy beans,

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I remember when someone said to me once, "do you eat mung beans?"

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and I thought they'd insulted me.

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There's trendy vegetables, chic sushi, hip and happening tomatoes.

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It's enough to make our blood boil.

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What is the difference between sun-dried and sun-blushed?

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Bugger all, as far as I can see.

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Dried tomatoes, blushed tomatoes, embarrassed tomatoes,

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various kinds of tomatoes are out there.

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A tomato is a tomato, sun-dried or sun-blushed or plum or...

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it's a tomato.

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And the flowery poncey lingo they use

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to supposedly tease our taste buds

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means we need a translator on hand just to order the simplest of meals.

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Scallops on a bed of horseradish mash, know what I mean?

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Medallions of sca... Why do you need to call a scallop a medallion?

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A melange of beef.

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Is that a burger?

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-It's a scallop, it doesn't need embellishment.

-A timbale of rice.

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A timbale? Why not have, you know, a conga of peas?

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And a bass drum of baked potatoes, while you're at it.

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In a mung bean reduction with a wallaby jus.

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A ceviche of salmon with a panache of seasonal vegetables

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on a nest of salsify.

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I thought "What is that? A ceviche?"

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What's a ceviche of salmon? A panache of vegetables?

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Why don't they just get Vic Reeves to write the menus for them?

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It would be like, "An eranu of beef that's been hoisted on a winch,

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"served on a nest of cat hair parsnips and an uvavu of red wine.

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-"Uuuvaavuu."

-RUBS THIGHS

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-Now, you see what Jerry's done here.

-Yes?

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He's fried your eggs on both sides.

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-Are you sure I can't drizzle some balsamic vinegar on that?

-Please don't.

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Only in restaurants is the word "drizzle" considered classy.

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I think that's a curious thing. Drizzle is a negative thing.

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I don't know why, when we apply it to food,

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it's, "Oh, the oil has been drizzled on, that's nice.

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"I'd hate to think of it being poured or dropped, but drizzled, mmm."

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What a load of pretentious bollocks.

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They say less is more,

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and in restaurant terms they could just be right.

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It seems the more you pay out, the less you actually get.

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I like a nice medium-sized dish but no, these tiny little...

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No. There's no point in that, I know it looks lovely

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and it does taste lovely but I want to taste it more than once.

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I want to go, "mmm taste, mmm taste, mmm taste, mmm taste,

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"maybe taste again". Then I'm done. I don't just want, "mmm taste."

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I had this posh meal, it sounded amazing, it came out, it was

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a piece of salmon with a bit of sauce on it, one asparagus!

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One asparagus!

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The one modern food I cannot entertain is sushi.

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There's nothing there, people go nuts for it.

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They go "Oh, got to have some sushi, shall we have sushi for lunch, do you like sushi?"

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No, I don't, cos there's nothing there.

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It's a little bit of uncooked fish and a little bit of rice.

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And the rest of it is plastic. You throw away more than you eat.

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-This is a stack with smoked salmon, cream cheese...

-Is that free?

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..prawn in a shell. No, it's only £12.50.

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-£12.50 for that!

-In a restaurant it would be £25.

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There's nothing that winds me up more than asking for a portion of chips.

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Easy request, really, isn't it? Portion of chips.

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And getting on a plate, six big, thick bits of potato, like that.

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That's me, that's the night over.

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I might as well just get my coat. That's it, I've had enough.

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For a long time, I used to go to restaurants

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and there was a lot of something called polenta.

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Now polenta is clearly a building material

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that somewhere in the EU, they suddenly found.

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It must have been a residue. It must have been something

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that was left over after they'd made something else.

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When does a potato become a chip? There has to be size regulations.

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For me a chip has a definite size.

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It's crunchy, you pick it up in your fingers.

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That's huge, you need a knife and fork. Not a chip.

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It's funny how tastes change in different regions.

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In the Midlands, they seem to want chips with everything.

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A lot of people have lasagne and chips,

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or they'll have moussaka and chips.

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You'd think pasta, that's the carbs. You don't need...

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I was in Wolverhampton on tour last year.

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I went into a place and ordered a baked potato,

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and honest to God, this girl asked, "Do you want chips with that?".

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It was on every menu for a while. You couldn't move for polenta.

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I think we used it up. It seems to have gone.

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We've had our fill of small portions of culinary snobbery.

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But the quick and easy ready meal isn't a palette pleaser either.

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Packed with preservatives, e-numbers and fake flavouring,

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over-packaged, clingfilmed,

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and presented with a glossy appetising picture

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that bears no resemblance to the gloop on your plate.

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Ready meals are a very odd thing, really.

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If you do get something like a chicken Kiev,

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it should just say, "salt with some chicken Kiev."

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It's been proven over and over again,

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TV chefs and non-TV chefs alike will show you how to make that meal,

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probably as quickly as 40 minutes in the oven.

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Why not make it yourself and know what's in it?

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12 o'clock at night after a few lagers,

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chuck it in the microwave for two minutes.

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We can all fall foul of chicken.

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They drag all the goodness out of it, try to make it look pretty by processing it

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and then put it all back in with non natural vitamins and minerals etc.

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I'm constantly disappointed with the picture on the front of the ready meal

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and actually what is in the plastic tray.

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Immediately you feel like you're in prison, you take the thing off

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and basically, you've got a prison tray in front of you, haven't you?

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My rule of thumb is,

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if the ready meal comes in a cardboard box, then it's fine.

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If it's packaged with a nice cardboard box

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with a nice picture on it

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and if the cardboard box is not dyed,

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if it's natural cardboard, then it's fine.

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You poke your fork through, you put it in the microwave,

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take it out a few minutes later

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and there's a smell of wet dog in the kitchen.

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What is that smell? What is that smell of wet dog?

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And there, it's your beef casserole.

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I do like dirty food though, I mean, I'm a keen cook,

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but there are certain, there's filthy food that I love,

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but it loses its magic when you get older, like the Campbell's meatball,

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I remember loving them as a child, dare I say it, on a bed of rice.

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There are good ready meals, there are bad ready meals.

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But you can go to someone's house

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who's spent all day putting it together -

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could still be horrible, can't it?

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You know, the dinner parties you've been to, where someone says

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"for the starter I've got some slices of organic beetroot

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"with some snail porridge on and a little tuft of lemon grass."

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That sounds horrible.

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Do you have any Fray Bentos pies?

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You know, it is amazing, what you can come up with with just flour and water.

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Yeah, glue.

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And, sometimes, to wait the seconds it takes to microwave convenience food

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is itself too much of an inconvenience.

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I love eating fish and chips and stuff like that.

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I don't like all the Burger King things. I do sort of think...

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But it's very hard to keep kids off that.

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They know what they're doing.

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"Come to McDonalds, we've got lettuce in our burgers now,

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"so if you want to be an athlete then eat McDonalds."

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I happen to think KFC is the food of the gods.

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To me it is the nectar that keeps me going.

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If I know that there's a motorway service station where the first one

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is, like, not KFC and the next one is,

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I will drive, literally, that extra mile, for the Colonel.

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Richard Dawkins has said there's no such thing as God,

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but he hasn't tried KFC gravy. That's the work of the gods.

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Not meaning to be cruel to the people of Wolverhampton,

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but eating out in Wolverhampton is really crap.

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And I got laughed in the face in the street

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when I asked someone if there is a Wagamamas in Wolverhampton,

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and they just went, "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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"No, mate, no, you've got to go to Birmingham for that".

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Having been brought up in Scotland,

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I do feel a slight sense of injustice

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that after centuries of

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extraordinary medical prowess from the Scots,

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extraordinary engineering innovation from the Scots -

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inventing penicillin, the telephone, television,

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suddenly the reputation has been reduced to that of,

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that's where you get deep-fried Mars Bars from.

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Only in Scotland can they make focaccia sound like a swear word.

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Seriously. "foc-accia".

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And after a few jars the calling for animal fat becomes

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impossible to ignore.

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Why is it that a kebab tastes so much better at 3am?

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I was in Scotland recently, doing some gigs up there

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and I went into a kebab shop.

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Now, the Scottish are perhaps known not for their best diet,

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hence the deep-fried black pudding and deep-fried Mars Bar,

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but me with a London accent said, "I'll have a kebab, please".

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-Hi, sir.

-Hello, can I have a large kebab, please?

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Would you like salad with that?

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He went, "Salad?" and I went "No, just meat."

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I thought he was going to kiss me.

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I'd suddenly become an honorary Scotsman

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because I pooh-pooh'd the salad.

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We go to Abdul's down Oxford Road in Manchester

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and get a chicken kebab, chicken tikka,

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I mean, that other one,

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like an elephant's leg that's had the skin ripped off it,

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Urgh! No! But the chicken one, loads of salad, chillies,

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yogurty sauce thing, great.

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I am one of the few people who will eat a kebab in the day, if it's a decent one.

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I discovered, whilst living in Glasgow,

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the joy of the kebab with veggie pakora.

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£5.50.

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That works very well.

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And you can make that last a couple of days

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and the time it spends in the fridge and the microwave merely improve it.

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But don't look too far down your nose at the lowly kebab.

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It wasn't so long ago the Wimpy Bar was the popular palate pleaser.

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It seems even today, we can't shake off

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our yearning for the food of yesteryear.

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Prawn cocktails, I love. There's nothing wrong with Marie Rose sauce

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and I'm not talking about putting ketchup in your mayonnaise.

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Marie Rose sauce is a specific condiment, it's a superb thing.

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I could eat, I could feast on prawn cocktail and duck a l'orange.

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I like the retro dishes, chicken Kiev, I love it,

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It's quite difficult to make. You ever made it? It's hard work.

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I've got very poor taste in food

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so the 70's for me was a wonderful decade, Black Forest gateau

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fake squirty cream, all that kind of thing, that was bang up my street.

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There is your gateau.

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Black Forest gateaux, steak and chips, nothing wrong with it,

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moules-frites, mmm superb.

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I like all those retro, simple dishes - steak and kidney pie. Ah!

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My first ever order when I had a job as a waiter in a restaurant

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was a prawn cocktail.

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And, you know, I was new to the job

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and I was hearing food terms I'd not come across before

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and I heard the word cocktail

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and so automatically just went to the bar,

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thinking that a prawn cocktail

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must therefore be some kind of fish-based drink.

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The thing is now, they're going back to good pies.

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They sell it like it's a good thing.

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I saw a poster for a major supermarket on my way here today

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that said "100% pure beef", you know,

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and I thought, "well, yes! That's what goes in a beef pie.

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"What was it before? What was going in there?"

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We used to call them... They even say "100% ground beef", those burger outlets,

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-but you know it's toes, lips and

-BLEEP

-anus-holes and all that, don't you?

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You just know it's going to be rubbish in there.

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Then you want the chopped parsley, it's no good without it.

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Where did I see the chopped parsley? I reckon I... It's all right.

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It's in here. Let's have a look.

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Here it is, yeah. It's all wet in here.

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I'll kill that bloody cat.

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What doesn't go to waste, goes to the waistline.

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Whether it's cool or hot, raw or burnt, we'll eat it.

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And the result is, everywhere you look are expanding grumpy guts.

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After all, you are what you eat.

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I have been on every single diet that's known to man,

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even diets I haven't tried, I've known about them.

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It's a load of codswash, dieting. All that misery, for what?

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You could fall under a bus tomorrow.

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I could.

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You wouldn't fit under a bus. It would have to be jacked up.

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I don't really diet, I know people would find that hard to believe

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cos I'm quite lithe, I'm quite svelte.

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Although my doctor did recently say that I should diet,

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I should watch what I'm eating.

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But I just like to eat what I'm eating.

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Just sitting there looking at it, that's no good.

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I start salivating. And when I salivate, stand back.

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There's a lot of diets at the moment

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that are telling us to eat like French women,

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ie evidently French women, the reason they look slim all the time

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is they just have a tiny little bit of chocolate

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and then they put the whole bar back,

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so they're very thin. They're obviously mentally ill though.

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When we aren't being bombarded by commercials for burgers and biscuits

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we're being seduced by the skinny, smiley people

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of the devilish diet industry, a multi-billion pound business

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that promises to reduce our waistline

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but actually just slims down our wallet.

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If you're going to do a fad diet,

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what you read in the magazine will never be what happens.

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It's never going to be what happens.

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What you read in the magazine probably worked on one person,

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once, in 1975 and it's never worked again.

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The Atkins, the cabbage soup, the zone diet, the inzone diet,

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all zone or is that a travelcard?

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So what's the diet?

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What it is you do is, you eat a hard boiled egg before every meal

0:19:090:19:14

and that hard boiled egg actually eats some of the meal for you

0:19:140:19:17

so you lose weight.

0:19:170:19:20

I did once try that cabbage soup diet,

0:19:200:19:24

and that tipped me to the edge of mental illness really.

0:19:240:19:31

I mean, you found yourself fixating on the jacket potato

0:19:310:19:34

you are allowed on day 13 or something.

0:19:340:19:37

I went on the Atkins diet. I didn't eat carbs for a week.

0:19:370:19:40

I nearly fainted when I saw a bowl of crisps

0:19:400:19:43

and I attacked it like a savage animal.

0:19:430:19:46

I found these over by the stairs. What are they?

0:19:460:19:49

Love handles. Lots of people lose them taking the stairs instead of the escalator.

0:19:500:19:54

You meet men and they've suddenly just dropped two-and-a-half stone

0:19:540:19:59

or they go on a diet and they immediately lose three stone,

0:19:590:20:04

and you go, "How did you do that?

0:20:040:20:06

"How did you lose all that weight so quickly?" And they go,

0:20:060:20:09

"Oh, I just stopped drinking coffee twice a week,

0:20:090:20:13

"I still drink it the other three days

0:20:130:20:15

"but twice a week I stopped and the weight just dropped off."

0:20:150:20:18

Ronni Ancona, I mean, I don't know if you know her,

0:20:180:20:21

but she will always pretend she's not going to eat something.

0:20:210:20:25

When we went out together she'd say, "Oh, no, I don't want chips,

0:20:250:20:28

"I won't have any chips. You have chips, if you want to.

0:20:280:20:31

"No, you have them, you have the chips."

0:20:310:20:33

Of course, I have chips and what happens? She goes,

0:20:330:20:36

"Can I just have one of your chips?

0:20:360:20:37

"Can I just have another of your...? Can I have another chip?"

0:20:370:20:41

And she'd eat all the chips.

0:20:410:20:44

People who go on these faddy diets are often vilified

0:20:440:20:47

you know, I mean, I prefer to vilify greedy people

0:20:470:20:51

who keep stuffing their faces and sitting next to me

0:20:510:20:54

on planes and things and taking up at least a half of my seat.

0:20:540:20:57

I'm only allowed 10 kilos in my bag

0:20:570:21:00

and so's the fat bastard in front of me, you know what I mean?

0:21:000:21:04

He's carrying 20 kilos under his jumper, you know?

0:21:040:21:07

And I go on, Mr Slim and I've got 12.2,

0:21:070:21:12

No, I've got to take a couple of books out me bag. Have I? Yeah.

0:21:120:21:15

What if I stuff them up his jumper?

0:21:150:21:17

This is Captain Patterson speaking, on behalf of Bucketflot airlines

0:21:170:21:21

I would just like to welcome you aboard flight 587 to Greece.

0:21:210:21:25

We should be flying at a altitude of 35,000 feet, but as my co-pilot

0:21:250:21:30

today is Fat Bloke, we probably won't manage more than 15,000 feet.

0:21:300:21:35

So don't have a go at people who are trying to do something about it,

0:21:350:21:39

tackle these great lard arses who just think it's fine

0:21:390:21:42

to eat kebab and chips 14 times a day.

0:21:420:21:46

I remember, as a teenager, kind of, circling Slim Fast in Boots...

0:21:470:21:52

-JAWS THEME

-..as if it had magical properties...

0:21:520:21:55

..and I even bought a tub of it and I kept it under my bed.

0:21:570:22:01

And I would just take it out and look at it

0:22:020:22:05

like it was the ring from Lord Of The Rings.

0:22:050:22:08

This was the solution to all my problems, but if I ever opened it,

0:22:100:22:14

you know, like it was a Pandora's box and all the sorrows

0:22:140:22:18

and woes of the world would come out of this tub of banana Slim Fast.

0:22:180:22:24

It all starts off in your head. You need to look after your head first,

0:22:240:22:28

and everything else will connect.

0:22:280:22:31

I'm going to hug a tree now.

0:22:310:22:33

How very hippy, trippy green of you.

0:22:350:22:38

Those veggie, vegan, right on, limp-wristed, lettuce lovers

0:22:380:22:43

seem to be everywhere these days.

0:22:430:22:46

People who just eat fish. Pescatorians.

0:22:460:22:50

They can pescator off in my opinion.

0:22:500:22:53

There may be vegetarians in the room

0:22:530:22:55

when you're even doing something like this, they'll say something.

0:22:550:22:59

Normally they'll answer through their food pipe, "You mustn't mock me. We're people too."

0:22:590:23:04

Or if they've got the energy, they'll actually get up!

0:23:040:23:07

I've got mates of mine who are vegetarians

0:23:090:23:12

and I always make a special effort when they come round.

0:23:120:23:16

I do, for example, a vegetarian curry, I do some nice pilau rice

0:23:160:23:20

and I'll maybe do a sag aloo, which is spinach and potato

0:23:200:23:24

and to that I'll add a bit of ginger,

0:23:240:23:26

a bit of turmeric, a bit of coriander, some ground cumin, some garam masala

0:23:260:23:31

and then I cook it in lard.

0:23:310:23:34

There is a vegetarian supermarket here in Chorlton

0:23:340:23:38

and I made the mistake of asking one of the staff, who was in fact a...

0:23:380:23:41

They do themselves no favours a dreadlocked granny,

0:23:410:23:45

must be 75, grey dreadlock...

0:23:450:23:49

JAMAICAN ACCENT Dread man, dreaded up there, now. Me say...

0:23:490:23:54

Grey dreadlock, all the way down the back, long one, you know,

0:23:540:23:59

pierced nose, crocs, and rolled up dungarees.

0:23:590:24:03

I mean, honestly, you couldn't make it up,

0:24:030:24:06

and I said "Excuse me, I can't seem to find your eggs," and she went,

0:24:060:24:11

"We don't sell eggs," and I thought, "My God!

0:24:110:24:14

"It's vegan, it's a vegan shop," so I said,

0:24:140:24:16

"Well, you can keep your garlic cashews then, I'm off," and I walked.

0:24:160:24:21

They don't stock honey, do they? Cos it's stealing from the bees!

0:24:210:24:25

Ah. Stealing from the bees. They're all going to come back in a swarm

0:24:250:24:30

and sting us to death, aren't they?

0:24:300:24:32

Oh, my God! Vegetarians, good luck to you. Vegans, what on Earth?!

0:24:320:24:39

I went through the stage of being a vegan

0:24:390:24:41

but purely because I fancied someone who was a vegan.

0:24:410:24:43

I wanted him to think I was cool so I became... I nearly died.

0:24:430:24:47

I had beans on toast for two years,

0:24:470:24:49

I was about six stone by the end of that relationship.

0:24:490:24:52

Vegetarians, what they fail to realise

0:24:520:24:55

is that meat is only a by-product of making shoes and belts.

0:24:550:25:01

What we going to do when we've all made our suede jackets and things?

0:25:010:25:05

You can't just leave, like, I mean, that animal ceases to exist,

0:25:050:25:09

it won't hold itself together cos we've had the skin off it.

0:25:090:25:12

So, you might as well eat that, that's really environmental,

0:25:120:25:16

that's got to be environmentally sound,

0:25:160:25:18

otherwise it will just go ppffff.

0:25:180:25:21

The scotch egg.

0:25:210:25:22

The scotch egg, for me, especially if you're a vegan,

0:25:220:25:26

is there anything more philosophically corrupt for the vegan than the scotch egg,

0:25:260:25:31

which has death on the outside and the potential for life within?

0:25:310:25:36

It seems like every month, some scientist is telling us

0:25:380:25:41

that certain foods are bad for us and certain foods are good.

0:25:410:25:45

Well, now they've gone the whole roast hog

0:25:450:25:48

and decided that some foods have superpowers,

0:25:480:25:52

and like lemmings we're all blindly jumping on the superfood bandwagon.

0:25:520:25:57

It's funny, the whole superfood thing,

0:25:590:26:02

they're just great foods to eat.

0:26:020:26:04

Fantastic! Avocados, magical. Rub it on your face,

0:26:040:26:07

don't even eat it, rub it on your face. It's wicked for your skin.

0:26:070:26:11

What makes me laugh about superfoods is,

0:26:110:26:13

being Iranian, I've grown up with pomegranates,

0:26:130:26:15

pomegranate is like, the national fruit of Iran,

0:26:150:26:18

and all of a sudden, in this country

0:26:180:26:20

we've discovered the pomegranate and it's sold at exorbitant prices.

0:26:200:26:26

It's just a fruit, all fruit and veg is good for you, eat it and shut up.

0:26:280:26:33

Gillian McKeith says it's meant to make you look all shiny and healthy.

0:26:330:26:37

Have a look, love.

0:26:370:26:38

The latest thing with superfoods is that you're made to feel bad,

0:26:380:26:42

almost ostracised, if you don't know about...

0:26:420:26:46

"You don't have goji berries and quinoa?

0:26:460:26:50

"Well, you know...

0:26:500:26:52

"die now."

0:26:520:26:54

I want to be committed on the superfood thing but surely

0:26:540:26:57

with superfoods, is it like a super hero?

0:26:570:26:59

Is it like, you can have a small amount of contact with a superfood

0:26:590:27:04

and that will do for the year?

0:27:040:27:05

Of course it doesn't work, you know,

0:27:050:27:07

avocados are going to make you run at 60 miles per hour

0:27:070:27:11

and like, if you have some mung beans or something,

0:27:110:27:14

it's going to help you work out the internal angles of a parallelogram?

0:27:140:27:19

Just nonsense.

0:27:190:27:20

Finding out that beetroot is really good for you

0:27:220:27:25

can't be any surprise because it's really good for you

0:27:250:27:28

apart from the fact that it's horrible.

0:27:280:27:30

You know, so if you're going to eat something that's horrible,

0:27:300:27:33

it would have to have something going for it, wouldn't it?

0:27:330:27:36

But now we've got all these foods open to us,

0:27:370:27:40

we should be forgetting beetroot, really.

0:27:400:27:42

But it is primarily a female thing, the beetroot.

0:27:420:27:46

Men who like beetroot are not to be trusted.

0:27:460:27:49

I'm absolutely off it on acai berry at the moment,

0:27:490:27:54

I'm on acerola cherries.

0:27:540:27:56

You getting anything off that acerola cherry?

0:27:560:27:59

Mate, that is absolutely great. Do you know what?

0:27:590:28:02

before I came in here I did two of those acai berries

0:28:020:28:05

and they were like, "Just do one, mate" and I was like, "No, I'm going to do two,"

0:28:050:28:09

took them in an innocent smoothie, downed the lot.

0:28:090:28:11

I'm having an absolute blinder.

0:28:110:28:13

I love blueberries but I wouldn't go nuts, just, well,

0:28:130:28:16

I like nuts, but I wouldn't go blueberries for them. Oh.

0:28:160:28:19

This is a horrible conundrum, we've got into.

0:28:190:28:21

SINGS COUNTDOWN CONUNDRUM MUSIC

0:28:210:28:22

And if you're still hungry after all that,

0:28:240:28:27

get stuffed.

0:28:270:28:29

# Burnt, underdone, crude

0:28:290:28:32

# Don't care what it cooks like

0:28:320:28:34

# Just thinking of growing fat

0:28:340:28:37

# Our senses go reeling

0:28:370:28:40

# One moment of knowing that

0:28:400:28:43

# Full up feeling

0:28:430:28:46

# Food, magical food

0:28:460:28:49

# Wonderful food, marvellous food

0:28:490:28:51

# Fabulous food, beautiful food

0:28:510:28:56

# Glorious food! #

0:28:560:29:01

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0:29:010:29:03

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